Whiskey Ginger with Andrew Santino - Nikki Glaser & Andrew Collin

Episode Date: May 28, 2021

Santino sits down with Nikki Glaser and Andrew Collin to chat about Nikki never lying EVER again, working out when you feel like it, Nikki hating Andrew’s good news, red flags on dating apps and their upcoming singing career COME SEE ME ON TOUR!!! https://www.andrewsantino.com ORDER SOME MERCH!!! https://www.andrewsantinostore.com Join our Patreon : https://www.patreon.com/whiskeygingerpodcast SUPPORT OUR SPONSORS! HEADSPACE - Guided meditation can help you get into a mentally healthy place for meditation made simple. https://www.headspace.com/whiskey ONE MONTH FREE!! BETTERHELP - You deserve to feel better Get the help you need today from wherever you are http://betterhelp.com/whiskey for 10% OFF your first month CUTS CLOTHING - Premium quality with minimal nonsense Built for performance and to wear for all occasions http://cutsclothing.com/whiskey for 15% OFF your first order Follow Santino on Insta and Twitter: https://www.instagram.com/cheetosantino/ https://twitter.com/CheetoSantino Whiskey Ginger Insta and Twitter: https://www.instagram.com/whiskeygingerpodcast/ & https://twitter.com/whiskeyginger_ Whiskey Ginger Clips: http://www.youtube.com/c/WhiskeyGingerPodcastClips EDITING AND PRODUCTION DESIGN BY Andres "Fancy B" Rosende Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What up, Whiskey Ginger fans? Welcome back to the show. We got a good one for you today, a combination episode with Dinky Glazer and Andrew Collin. Love these dudes. Very funny. Great people. Great comedians. I'm on the road. Come see me live, baby. AndrewSantino.com is where you're going to get them tickets. I'm going to be in Atlantic City. Then I'm going to be in Houston. And then Madison. And then Madison.

And then Boston. And Nashville. And all over the map. We're adding dates as we go. Please come check me out at andrewsantino.com. If you're looking for more outside of these episodes, it's on the Patreon. Patreon.com slash Whiskey Ginger Podcast. That's where I do the solo episodes as well as the Cheeto chats and the one-on-one zooms

for the top tier. And you're looking for the merchants in the merch bar down below or andrewsantinostore.com. But again, come see me live at andrewsantino.com. Enough rambling. Let's go to the episode. In here, we pour whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey. You're that creature in the ginger beer sturdy and ginger like vampires the ginger gene is a curse gingers are beautiful you owe me five dollars for the

whiskey and 75 dollars for the whore gingers are hell no this whiskey is excellent ginger i like gingers ladies and gentlemen welcome backkey Ginger. My guests today are some of my favorite people on earth. I say that for all my guests, but I mean it. Once again today, for the first time in Whiskey Ginger history in this studio, it's Nikki Glaser and Andrew Collin. Yay! Yay!

Hi, guys. Why are we here together? Because... Because why, Nikki? He is my roommate and best friend, and we have a podcast together called the Nikki Glaser Podcast, and yeah, I like doing things with him. You're friends with him on your own. I am. And I was like, let's do it together. He's a sweetheart.

You guys are so, you love each other. I get jealous sometimes when you talk. The only problem I have with him is that he's Jewish. Outside of that, I have no issues with him. I'll convert for you. Please. What do you want me to convert to? Anything you want.

Muslim. Pick it out. Muslim. Anything else. Why not? You said anything. Fine. I don't think you could do it too much too much you have to do you think it's too big of a deal for you no it's on the way the sun is setting and oh yeah yeah yeah yeah pray five times a day that's tough for him directionally he's i couldn't do five times a day i could give you three we'll start there yeah don't they have wouldn't they have levels of prayer why do they make you

do five couldn't you do a couple less? No, I don't think, that's the thing about, I think that's the discussion right now is there like a way to be kind of like the Christian that goes to church on Easter and Christmas but doesn't do all the other stuff

for, you know, in Islam, there's not really that option to like half-ass it. Good way to start the show. Guys, we'll be right back after this plug from CNN. You guys are in town.ki nikki just did the um mtv video and mtv movie and tv awards unscripted sorry it's a new one they made up

they added a third happy to do it i thought it was the i thought it was the mtv movie awards at first so i was really happy and then I saw there was like on our reality shows and I go, okay, I know what this is. But thank God for that. It was so much low, it was so low pressure

I got to be way more funnier than I probably would have felt being in front of Jessica Alba or whoever. It's like, when you're performing in front of the situation and the most famous person there

is Heidi Klum and she's in the back wings, can't even see my monologue because she's coming out to present and then she's leaving right afterwards. The crowd, like I'm not, I get nervous in front of famous people.

No, you don't. A little bit. Who's famous that really makes you nervous if they've seen you live? You know, like if I found out if like Jennifer Aniston or like, you know, Taylor Swift were in the crowd or someone that I like, these like mega celebrities, I would be like nervous a little bit to perform. Of what? They're not going to like you anyway.

So what's the difference? That's not true. Those people don't like us. They don't like us? That's not true. Those people don't like us. They don't like us. That's not true. They float on these different kinds of clouds. What do you mean? Like, big celebrities don't like comedians?

Yeah, they think they like comedy. They love us. They want to be us. They want to be as funny as us and free, but they can't be. Like, actors have to be so fucking fake. That's like, they play characters because they hate who they are,

and they're really boring in real life, and then they go on these talk shows, and they're so boring, and then they host award shows. They have no they and they're really boring in real life and then they go on these talk shows and they're so boring and then they host award shows they have no charisma because they're actors and they can fake it but we want they're jealous of us that we can be authentic and they should be it's really a superpower that we've been able to harness and make money from when everyone else has to put on a suit and pretend to be everyone goes to work and has to pretend except us we pretend to did you not do any pretending at the MTV Awards? No, honestly, I didn't.

No pretending? I mean, I'm kind of living like authentically now. And I know that seems weird, but Andrew is annoyed with me talking about it. But I don't lie anymore. Don't talk about it. There's things that annoy me. Well, she doesn't lie anymore, so then I can't tell her anything. You can't tell me secrets.

Because then if someone asks her anything, she has to tell the truth. I literally told you a secret right before we started this. If Andrew asked me later on. And I said, will you tell me? You're fucked. But here's the difference. I literally told you a secret right before we started this. But if Andrew asked me later on. And I said, will you tell me? You're fucked. But here's the difference. Andrew was telling me a secret. You're fucked, bro.

No, no, no. Because if Andrew goes, hey, wait, I know Santino told you how much he got paid for that thing. Will you tell me? I go, no, I don't feel comfortable saying that. That's not a lie. That's a truth. But if someone asked me about the secret he was telling me, if someone had asked me point blank about it and I go, I'd rather not say, that's a yes.

So I could say I'd rather not say, but that's going gonna tell them what they were asking yeah I won't say no I won't lie so I told him that but then the whole friend the reason why you have a friend is to lie to you you could tell maybe I'm cheating or maybe I'm doing something horrible but I can rely on you to tell you you shouldn't be doing that yeah but I'm just saying like but I'll but what but you're saying without judgment your friendship is severed now because you feel like you're being judged. I'm just saying like, there's no judgment when you lie. I mean, I would like that my friends don't lie. When I catch my friends going like, I'm just going to tell this person I'm sick so I don't have to go to this podcast.

I go, just tell them you are at a really engaging lunch. You weren't, you were not in the mood for it. You thought you were. Just be honest. People can handle that you can't make it. They can handle the honest truth but isn't it sometimes nice to say i'm sick no it's not it's a lie because when you lie in front of me and say you're sick when you we were having a great lunch and you go i'm gonna get out

of this because i'm just gonna say my dog is fucking sick and i see that i go oh that's good i don't even know subconsciously i don't trust you anymore and i honestly i don't know if i do trust you because i feel like everyone does this everyone lies i've never been like my dog is sick i gotta get out of this no no but i don't but like just the littlest thing of like oh like just even being fake of like oh my gosh so good to see you and then being like oh god i fucking hate her like so what are you supposed to do when you see somebody you hate just go um see you later man don't go i love seeing like don't add to it with the lie like you can you don't have to be cruel but you don't have to be fake. And I struggle with that, though, a lot.

I don't know. Because I want to give people what they want. I don't buy it. You don't buy this either. I am. Okay, you hate me. You hate me. No, I don't.

No, no, no. I'm saying in this scenario. You do hate him. Okay. I'm walking in the room. I want to see how you really do this. Okay, I'm going to treat, do you know who I'm going to treat you like? Hmm.

Okay? Okay. All right, here we go. Because the other day, I didn't do a good job at this. I hugged him when I was like, he didn't even want it. And I'm like, I did that because I hate him so much that I don't want him to sense how much I hate him because I'm uncomfortable with it. That I hugged him and it was disgusting. So you lied.

That's a lie hug. Ooh. It's a hug lie. It was a lie. Doc a point. It was a lie. And that's why I'm saying like, it's moments like that that I go, oh no, I'm still my old self of people-pleasing, and I need to be better about being authentic. I don't have to be mean, so this is what I would like to have done.

Okay, I walked in the room, and I go, all right, man, I'll talk to you guys later. Nikki! Hey! Hey! What's up? How's it going? It's good. How are you?

I'm good. You know, how you been? Awesome. Yeah, things are so good right now. We just bought the house in the Poconos. We just bought that second house. I think I told you about that last time that I wanted to buy that house for the kids. I don't remember that.

You don't? No. But you remember my kids? No. Charlie, the blind one? We just bought. I honestly don't remember that. I'm sorry.

I don't think you either didn't tell me that or I was like, I don't think you told me because I would remember if you had a blind kid. Hey. Charlie. Charlie, this is Nikki. She's to your right. Hello. She's to your right.

Hi. You're so cute. So you're nice to my blind kid.. Charlie, this is Nikki. She's to your right. Hello. She's to your right. Hi. You're so cute. So you're nice to my blind kid. But I like the blind kid. Why do I have anything against the blind kid even though he has your blood in him and I know that he's going to be miserable because you're a bad person and probably a bad father. But you played that fine. You played that fine.

I don't have to be nice. That's what I'm saying. It's not even interesting. You have to be cordial. Cordial is- Cordial is not fake. Right. Because I'm not like-

If this person really hurt me, this is just a guy that I think is like- Annoying. Annoying. Yeah, you don't like him. And I'm not like if I have a if this person really hurt me this is just a guy that I think is like annoying annoying and I don't like him and I don't like his energy I don't think he's good for comedy

and I just don't want him around and I can't help but be nice to him when he's around and I don't know why because he's not like in a position of power it's not like a power grab

it's like I'm so uncomfortable with my hatred for him which stems from the fact that I clearly he represents something I don't like about myself

but I don't know what that is. I could guess. What? I'm not going to say it live on the air. It'll probably give away some clues over who it is.

Oh, because I'm black? Yeah. Yeah. Well, deep down, maybe that's something I'm struggling with.

Is your blackness? No. As a woman in comedy? Mm-hmm. So never a white lie is good. I'm trying to think when it would be good. No,

as a friend, but here's the deal. I think you need to lie to, here's the problem. I think it's okay to do white lies good. I'm trying to think when it would be good. No, but here's the deal. I think you need to lie to... Here's the problem. I think it's okay to do white lies to your good friends because sometimes it's harder to tell your real friends the truth because you know it'll hurt their feelings. What's an example?

You know, there's friends... Andrew was my... So I get off stage and I go... Because I really like you as a comic and a human being. I know. You get off stage and I go and I do a because I really like you as a comic and a human being I know you get off stage and you eat some shit

and you did some stuff I didn't like yeah and I go but first of all I would never ask for your opinion because I know when I'm suck I've never once thought

I was good let's just say that you you feel me and you feel me and I'm the only person there and you kind of want to say something to me yeah and I go

well I wouldn't want you to lie to me you would go I'd go Andrew that was so fucking rough oh Yeah, and I go, well, I wouldn't want you to lie to me. You would go, you'd go, oh, that was bad, huh? I'd go, Andrew, that was so fucking rough. Oh my God.

And I go, no, it's not. No, it wasn't. Then I would be like, Andrew, just don't lie to me. It's okay that I'm bad. Watch. Andrew, don't lie to me.

You're being nuts. No. It wasn't that, what are you talking about? Why are you gaslighting me with my own set? It was a terrible set, so I don't trust you anymore.

It wasn't good, but it wasn't the worst set I've ever seen you do. I've seen you do some really bad sets. Okay, well, that just don't trust you anymore. It wasn't good, but it wasn't the worst set I've ever seen you do. I've seen you do some really bad sets. Okay, well that just seems cruel out of nowhere. Yeah, and then I just turn the wheel into something else. I hit you into your own emotional wall. No, I don't hate that. Then you go home and you

go, what else did I do that was bad? No, I've been terrible around you. Like, I've been so unfunny. No, you've never been bad about me. I've never seen you bomb in front of me. I've seen Andrew bomb in front of me. Never once. Bomb. Never. You've never even seen me do stand-up, you son of a bitch. never seen you bomb in front of me i've seen andrew bomb in front of me never once bomb never you've never even seen me do stand-up no that's not a bitch how could i why i can't i can't i can't be there at 2 30 in the morning when they let you go out hey look you get that crowd you

could do the 1 30 hell yeah dude yeah no honestly no i you i think it's okay to tell your good friends something to break their to let them down my friends if i look fat i don't ask my friends like when i complain about something that i'm like i you know i don't ask for them to uh i'm not one of these girls i would ever ask my boyfriend do i look fat ever because i i would want him to tell me the truth and i don't want to know the truth when you say your boyfriend how do i look and he has to say something positive okay he doesn't have to let me do okay so let's say your wife is looking she's uh she like, I kind of look like shit. Is it okay to go to the barbecue in this?

No. And you go, just go, no, I put on something else. That's not saying that she looks bad. If you actually think she looks like shit, just be like, you look so much better. You know what you would look great in? That top that I love. Just make it positive. But it's not a lie.

Listen, I've been down this road. How about this? And she does this thing. What most women do, they go, is this stupid? Is this a bad look? And then inside I go, well, yeah, that thing doesn't go with that. The other things. But instead you just go, no, it's not bad. Do you not like it?

That doesn't help anyone. And then I go like this. I say, do you not like it? Is that why you're asking me? And they usually go, yeah, I don't think. I'm like, well, then there you go. That's an honest response to ask that. I know, but it's skirting around it.

But what about this? What about if me and Andrew wanted to get dinner, right? And I go, hey, I'm going to go eat alone. And then you find out after the fact that we ate together. Honestly, I would question our whole friendship

if that happened. Because it's just like, why would you lie about that? Because, I don't know, because maybe you would have felt bad that I'm not getting invited. Because maybe we felt invited. I would rather you go,

hey, I just want to have a, I'm going gonna go to dinner with Andrew but we kind of want it to be uh just a one-on-one I'd be like oh really I'd be annoyed but I wouldn't see I would prefer that see we want to avoid that yeah why why avoid uncomfortability like I have to sit in that uncomfortability of not being invited and honestly I can get upset but I have nothing to be mad at people are allowed to one only have one person so my upsetness is not it shouldn't make you feel any way that's my shit to deal with you have every right to go to yeah but if it affects our friend like the next day relationship it does it does okay honestly

it will build up i will tell you that six dinners later going to dinner with andrew and i caught you would affect our relationship much more okay let's say we went to dinner without you and we didn't tell you did you really it was just three no you know we didn't we didn't i mean i would really did you feel that i would be pissed i don't like liars i'm sorry i don't like people lying at me of course that's my own no it's not a lie if we didn't tell you we just didn't tell you we just we started around the idea of inviting you were telling you well i i live with him and and we live together here when we're visiting so i ask him what he does at night. Like when we both check, we're like, hey, what'd you do last night?

Where'd you end up going? If he like left that out, I'd be like, what? That's so weird. Because he, you know, maybe he feels like he doesn't want the. To be checked in on. To be checked in on. Oh, maybe that. I understand him not talking to me about certain things now because he knows that I will disapprove of some actions maybe,

and he'll feel the judgment as someone that, like, he knows what to not tell me, and I told him when we had the first conversation about, I want to tell you this thing, and I go, Andrew, don't tell me anything, that if someone asks me pointedly about that thing, I will have to lie for you, because I won't. That's hard, though, right?

That's so hard. I'm not going to go, hey, guess what Andrew told me, but if someone goes, hey, in regards to this one thing, do you know if Andrew did this blah, blah, blah thing? Who's just a lawyer talking to you? Yeah, honestly. It was legal. It was legally detrimental. So you did something stupid.

No. Nothing that bad. No. But just something that could just be between us. I just don't lie. I know some really dark shit about my best friends. You know what I mean? Like dark shit.

But if someone called you up and said, pointedly, did Rusty blow a guy at summer camp in sixth grade, you would not, you would go, yeah, I mean, like, you may be laughing, but no one's gonna call you and ask, but no one's gonna call you and ask that. No, but if they do, if his wife, if Rusty's wife calls and goes, this weird joke got put

out by one of your other buddies, did he do some fucked up shit? You're gonna say no for your buddy's sake. First of all, the kid didn't come. Yes, he did. No, the six, he did not come. Rusty sucked his dick, but the kid did not come. I just want to keep that on record. That's fine. See, if you have that information

to share, that would make her feel better, actually. If you were honest about it and go, okay, yes, but he didn't come or whatever. I think that, yeah, I just don't. When did this happen? I started getting honest with myself about my like addictions and my behaviors and if you are honest with yourself about what you're doing and your motivations for things you realize like lying just gets i read a book called lying by sam harris who's my favorite person and my ex-boyfriend gave

it to me many years ago because he was catching me in little lies because I just didn't want him to ever be mad at me so he'd be like you know um you liked that joke that I just gave you right and I'd hate the joke and I'd go yeah it was really funny or like whatever and and I'd be like he'd go but then you didn't use it so you lied I'm like because I just I just don't want you to be mad at me and he'd be like well you just read this book about why it's never good to lie and Sam Harris talked me out of lying there's never a reason to lie. It only makes you have to remember stuff. And being honest, people can handle the truth.

Did he give you a joke? I'm not a bad person. I'm not like. Did he give you a joke after that and you go, no, this sucks? No, because I'm still scared of him. I'm honestly still, I don't like, I don't really like to be friends with him now because I can't, I'm still so scared of him being mad at me and scared of his anger based on our relationship that I still find myself being a little bit like, yeah, yeah, yeah, it's fine.

It's like uncomfortable for me. Because you're both in the comedy world too, you know? It's so interesting because I see you in such a powerful role. No, Russell Peters, right? Isn't your ex Russell Peters? Yeah, Peters Russell. Hit her with it. I see you as so strong and like such a badass that like this one person has that kind of control

it's just it's kind of interesting it's just a traumatic thing I went like you know what it reminds me of you know casino you come from such a solid home

it seems so weird that you've got that I don't really though I mean what do you mean your dad's a bald musician your mom is I don't know

I'm almost nothing about her because you don't post about her yeah well no I post a lot about her but I definitely the dad gets all the attention I know well he's the star

he's the hot one he is obviously no my mom is hilarious my mom's fun No, the dad gets all the attention. I know. Well, he's the star. He's a hot one. He is obviously the one with the cameras are focused on. No, my mom is hilarious. My mom's funnier than my dad, unfortunately. But my dad's funny. Slender. Yeah, my dad's a tall, slender, sexy. So much muscle.

St. Louis' finest. Yeah, I would say so. I mean, he's probably the best. He has probably the best body of any man his age that I know of. Wouldn't you agree? Unless a guy that's married to the gym. My dad just does a couple push-ups a day. Doesn't work out. Genetics. What the fuck? Yeah. That's so great. Yeah. Because you know if this guy that's like married to the gym my dad just like does a couple push-ups a day like doesn't work out genetics what the fuck yeah that's so great yeah because

you know if this guy didn't work out you know what happened yeah he would probably be happier no what do you mean he's happy that he works out it's good no i know you would be so porky if he didn't work out no i've been fat i've been fat i've seen him fat people think that if they stop working out they're gonna get fat but the truth is the reason you're fat is because you work out so much that you always then you overeat and then the next day

you go well I gotta work out again so that I can eat tonight and then you work out too much and then you starve yourself all day and then you overeat people stop

with the working out and just let your body fucking be hungry when it's hungry and not have to be like I have to burn a thousand calories in class so I can indulge later

and not live in this world of like I can only do this if i do this and and i have to work out because i ate like shit last night it will balance out and you can just like work out when you feel like it that's what i do yeah and i'm not like toned as fuck but i'm not like a fat ass and i literally eat when i feel like it and i work out when i feel like it and i don't i used to be someone who had to work out every single day and was in this torture. And so I think if you stop working out, honestly, you can be a lot happier and a lot skinnier. So you can stop.

What if working out makes you very happy? It can. I think that's why- Like I'm very happy when I leave the gym. That's why I do work out because I'm like, oh, I need a boost of like, I want to like get my heart rate up and feel good. But I don't do it anymore because I want to be skinny.

Yeah, but I think that's also a female thing. That's a female to male thing. I think many women have like a, if I don't do it anymore because I want to be skinny. Yeah, but I think that's also a female thing. That's a female to male thing. I think many women have like a, if I don't work out, guys do it because we want to feel good about ourselves more so than we do about other people. Look, this may be a sexist projection, but women go to the gym more because they want to look good for others more. We care about the way we look enough to go, I really want to feel good in my own skin. I get that.

I think women like to go a lot for other people. You can convince yourself it's not about other people, but I do understand that they're physical, but that you feel good yourself. Like women saying like, I wear makeup for me. I get that. And I know it's like a confusing thing. They do though. Kind of. Sometimes I look in the mirror when I have makeup on and I'm like, I feel more lovable to myself. I feel like more confident.

Like I just, you know, it's like when I shave my pubes, my dick looks bigger and I'm more confident. But Andrew definitely works out to attract women. And it feels like I got a pussy down there. But I shave my pubes but Andrew definitely more confident works out and it feels like I got a pussy down there but you do that yeah you work out for other people because you're kind of like a woman in that regard I think I'm somewhere in the middle yeah of that you can't tell me men don't work out to attract women give me a break everybody works out to attract other people but men I think I would say statistically more men work out because they want to physically feel better about their bodies than they do for other people.

I think more women statistically want to feel better about their bodies for the sake of other people. I think that men are convincing themselves that it's for them when really your self-worth comes from the fact that other people like you. So you think it's for you because it's like I feel good about me. But it's because other people are going to. When I look at a photo, I want to go, I don't look like a can. But that's because other people might judge you as a can. No, because I don't like it. No, because my old lady or my parents would go, I don't look like a can. But that's because other people might judge you as a can and you're worried about that. No, because my old

lady or my parents would go, oh, that looks great. And I'll go, I don't like the way I look. It's all for me. Anytime I go to a gym is for me. Anytime I do anything, it's just like... So if there was no one left in the world and everyone was blind and couldn't touch you either, do you think you would work out as much as you do? Well, I wrap my lips around a

gun. Nobody could touch me and everybody's blind. What think you would work out as much as you do? Well, I wrap my lips around a gun. Nobody could touch me and everybody's blind. What am I doing? Is he hanging out with your son? What am I going to do? Would you still work out if everyone was blind? Yeah, of course,

because I would still like to go on runs because I like listening to music and going on runs. I do too. I like to be able to do that. We get our anger out. Well, that's different then.

You punch a bag. Punch a bag. Punch a bag. I'm talking about these classes that men do get addicted to where they're going to spin classes. Well, I should say this. I don't go to class. I've never been to a class and I'm not against these classes that men do get addicted to where they're burning they're going to spin classes I don't go to class

I've never been to a class and I'm not against them I just think it's not what I like I don't like to be told what to do I don't either well comic star

anti-authority anyway we're all like no don't tell me what to do no I like it I like it because I don't want to think 45 minutes I'm in and out I didn't even know what I did

but I just go like a robot it's like one time in my life I stopped what he did do was fall off the treadmill and hurt himself well yeah I pulled my hammy one time what were life I stopped. What he did do was fall off the treadmill and hurt himself. Well, yeah, I pulled my hammy one time. What were you doing, like an orange theory or some shit?

I was doing these fucking classes every day, and he was going too hard. He was trying to show off the class. Going too hard, man. What are you trying to do? I ran 13.4 on the true runner. But you get nothing for it. I got something. I got a pulled hammy.

In front of his young lady that he was trying to compete with in this class or trying to show off for. Are you still with this girl? Yeah. Not anymore after she saw me on the ground crying like a bitch. You're still together, right? She's 25. I saw the photo. Yeah, she's... Very pretty. So hot and cool. And really nice. Remarkably

out of your league. It's crazy to watch. It's cool to see. It is cool to see a team who doesn't deserve to win the championship get a W. For sure, man. We see it all the time with male comics getting these. And he does deserve it because he's really a nice guy and he matured so much later deserve it because he's really a nice guy and like he he matured

so much later in life that he's kind of a 25 year old guy he was who knows 41 41 yeah

much younger in my mind I don't think so yeah I guess looks wise when I look at you but in my brain when I think about

you're like somebody's little brother yeah he has that demeanor you got like a little like take me somewhere well I started to stand up later than you

there's that whole thing probably yeah and i'm shorter and i'm better looking than you and i feel better and stuff sure sure sure yeah all those things yeah yeah how's everything going now with her no just in general in life life is great it's explain like i mean my career has never been better thanks to uh old you know your right Yeah, my right hand. Jerking off a lot. Signing deals. You gotta jerk yourself off. You gotta build yourself up. Hey, man, someone's gotta do it.

In here, we pour whiskey. Whiskey Ginger fans, is there something interfering with your happiness? Are you looking to get some therapeutic help by speaking to a professional? BetterHelp is the way to go. I've talked about it before on this show, on the other show. I've chatted a lot about BetterHelp. I am a big pusher of getting yourself some mental health help. No matter how you do it, I do think you do need it. And it's time that you take control of that. There's a broad range of expertise available. The service is available for clients all over the world. You can log into your account anytime from

anywhere, send a message to your counselor, and you'll get timely and thoughtful responses. And you can schedule weekly or video phone sessions so you don't have to sit in one of those uncomfortable waiting rooms with terrible lighting and magazines that you don't want to read that have been touched by a million human beings. Look, it's a lot cheaper than traditional offline counseling, which I like. It's very affordable, I should say. And they want you to start living a happier life today. You can visit their website and read all the testimonials. It's pretty incredible how many people have found help through BetterHelp. It's worth a try.

Visit betterhelp.com slash whiskey, betterhelp, H-E-L-P, dot com slash whiskey, and join the over 1 million people who have taken charge of their mental health with the help of an experienced professional. So many people also have been using the service. They are fishing right now. They're looking for additional counselors in all 50 states. The podcast is sponsored by BetterHelp. And Whiskey Ginger listeners get 10% off their first month at betterhelp.com slash whiskey.

10% off, you guys. Go do it at betterhelp.com slash whiskey. Headspace is your daily dose of mindfulness in the form of a guided meditation in an easy to use app. It's extremely simple. Uh, if you're having trouble during the day and you need to kind of check in with yourself and find out what's going on and just get a nice guided meditation to cool out, chill out, ease your mind a little bit. It's incredible. Uh, everyone's always thought, man, it'd be nice to have something to, to slow me down a little bit, help me get some better focus. And it is, it's in your pocket and you can do it within 10 minutes. Headspace is going to change your life. I love it. I use it at night when I'm trying to fall

asleep. I'm somebody who likes to try to get some meditation in my bloodstream to calm down, to slow the engines down, cool off the car, baby. Their approach to mindfulness can reduce stress, improve sleep, boost focus, increase your overall sense of well-being. I really do enjoy it. I think Headspace is a very easy to use app, which is big for me because I'm a stupid person. I like to open it up and be able to use it right away. Headspace makes it very simple. Whatever your situation is, they really can help you feel better. If you're overwhelmed, they've got this three-minute SOS meditation for you that I think you'll love. They're backed by 25 published studies on benefits, 600,000 five-star reviews, and over 60 million downloads.

So be 60 million and one. You should check it out. It's easy to use, and you can do it anytime, anywhere. You deserve to feel happier in Headspace Meditation Made Simple. Go to headspace.com slash whiskey. That's headspace.com slash whiskey for a free one-month trial with access to Headspace's full library of meditations for every single situation. This is the best deal offered right now.

Head to headspace.com slash whiskey today. Ginger. I like gingers. How much time do you do with each other? What do you mean? What do you mean? Hanging out? I do an hour 15 when I'm feeling it? What do you mean? On stage? Okay, sorry. I do an hour 15 when I'm feeling it. What for?

But at least an hour. Why? Because I just can't stop once I get up there. I'm like, oh, wait, I have more to tell you, and I just can't stop. She can do two hours, I think. And then he does like 15 to 20 because I like to go longer, but he could go. Do you ever do local hosts, too? No, I always bring them. So you do a two-person show, that's it?

No, a lot of times, yeah, but I always bring a third person just because it's fun to have more people. See, I like having a host. I like having a host too. I always like a local host. I mean, as a feature, it's always nice to have a host. Right, you want someone in front of you to take the gun.

See, I like having a host, but I like local hosts. Seriously, I tell the club, get a local person out here, guy or girl, don't give a fuck who it is. I actually like the, I like it in case they might be bad. It's something really fun. It's something fun. I hate having my audience

have to sit through a comfortable five minutes of a bomb. Who gives a fuck? And then he comes up and then you go. That's how I feel. Let them have that moment. They don't deserve it. I'd rather give it to my friend Emil who is in New York working hard and would take those seven sets at the Orlando

Funny Bone and actually make something with them. Then this local guy's been doing the same fucking five minutes for a year. Make Camille do the feature spot. But then he doesn't have a feature spot. So what? He's fine. He's with you enough. Make him sit one out. I want three people in my entourage. How dare you? I can't be everything for him. He can't be everything for me. I've been drinking three years.

Don't do it. Put it away. Don't do it. Put it away. Put it down. Put it down. I don't give a fuck if you relapse. It means nothing to me. It wouldn't even be real. The reverse I got. Now I kind of want to drink.

I know. No, I just think it's, I think I like the local host because I like to see someone. I like to have somebody kind of bomb a little bit. Yeah. But also, I've had good luck. Well, that's why I have Andrew. Ooh. This is, this starts to feel like a gang.

No, every time, every time I've had've had someone by the way they've always done fine they've always some of them have done great listen I used to have locals all the time but some of them are we had the fire down one remember to graph like it's just like too much off the top it's just uncomfortable for the audience even five minutes I don't want to see some guy that's like they're often really like all their jokes are like about saying you want a girl in so much yeah I guess but sometimes the women are fucking terrible too and like have a Often really, like all their jokes are like about hating women so much. I guess, but sometimes the women are fucking terrible too and like have a bad point of view or just, and lousy to be around backstage.

Let's talk about that. I don't even watch their goddamn act, if I'm being honest. I was just going to say, you don't know what I do. They're just a bad hang backstage and I want to have good people around. Well, don't let them come in the green room. Then you're the girl that didn't let the local act in the green room. I can't be that. No.

And, you know, I've met a lot of nice i think if they bomb it's even better but most of the people i bring on the road is because of local bears i'm tired of it now i have the people i like and it's a great show from top to bottom yeah if i suck they saw two guys that were great right and maybe a woman but why don't you why don't you take a woman a woman with i would but i just haven't found a woman that i want to spend all day with like it's more it's not about their act and i and i do allow female guest sets whenever the fuck they ask me when girls ask me i literally give away i just think culturally taking a white straight male with you is just a little problematic from a personal perspective i know it is but um all i'm doing is trying to edge him out as hard as i can he has has a speech impediment. Yeah, I know. I know. I see it when he talks.

It's the tongue roll thing. Yeah. Yeah, I see it. Yeah, I was born without a tongue. Now he has a limp. What do you want from me? Because of the treadmill accident? Yeah.

And so I feel like I'm helping out someone that- The relationship you guys have is a little remarkable. It's kind of like, it's so not sexual. There is no sexual jokes there. It's none of that stuff. But it's also not sexual. There is no like sexual jokes there. It's none of that stuff. But it's also like not brother-sister. It's almost like colleague, like a work colleague thing. Yeah, with a work wife or whatever they call them.

Yeah, but you're forced to go on like road trips. How Tommy Boy, how like they were set up together and they had to go to work together. Yes. That's what this is like. That's so good. It's very Tommy. And no one asked David Spade and Chris Farley if they were banging and why aren't they together? No, you're Spade and you're very obviously Farley. Yes. I'll take that. Yeah, of course.

Not for the talent-wise, of course, but of course just like the looks, blonde-blonde. Yeah. Porky-porky. Know how to own a room, fall through a table, live in a van. Gonna die soon, we can only hope. Yeah. But not at the... Didn't he die at the... Oh, he died in the Hancock building in Chicago. Oh. we're going to die soon, we can only hope. Yeah. But not at the, didn't he die at the, oh, he died in the Hancock building in Chicago.

That's too nice for you, I guess. But you could always die at a courtyard. Do you put him up at a nice hotel like you do? I do now, but I did in the past and I got all the shit for it, but I would always pick like, I wouldn't pick a dump,

but I wouldn't, if I'm spending $500 on a hotel room for me because I'm finally treating myself. You never once complained. I don't really complain. You gave me a little bit of shit for it. No, I joke that you put me in with heroin needles and there was one cute girl by the pool, but I think finally treating myself. You never once complained. I don't really complain. You gave me a little bit of shit for it. No, I joke that you put me in with heroin needles and there was one cute girl by the pool,

but I think she was dead, but it was great. I never would put him in a place that I wouldn't have stayed when I was a feature. I'll tell you that. I stayed in some real- That's nice. And I- No, she's very good to me.

Yeah. She's very good to me. No, okay, we're good. I can be really mean though. That is a problem that I'm trying to work on. I do want to work it out a little bit. What is the meanest thing she's done to you in this situation? Oh, I mean, what are you doing?

She said don't lie. She said don't lie. This whole thing is a not lie thing, right? Answer. I'm in a place where, you know when I'm in a good place where I can take it? I'm in that. I don't know, man. Yes, you do, though.

That's what's annoying. Just tell me what one of the meanest things she's done to you when you guys were together. It's little things that add up. What is it? Give me some little ones. I can answer it. I know it. Yeah, go ahead.

It's little things that add up. What is it? Give me some little ones. I can answer it. I know it. Yeah, go ahead. It's when he gets excited about something and I'll go, like, I'll just undercut it with, like, it's not that big of a deal.

Or it's like, why are you excited? Like, I'll just not be as enthusiastic about it as when- You knock down his excitement? Yeah, because it annoys me. That's ice cold. Like, it's new comic excitement. It just, and it's just like- So mean. It's just like, you know-

It's a piece of good news, you're excited about this thing. I don't talk about, like, I'm on the Tonight Show tonight, and I don't tell anyone about it. Yes, you do, though. No, I don't. I don't. The thing is, if you. That's the thing. You do.

You talk about it all the time. The MTV Awards, you talk about it all the time. I'm saying on the scope of things, like, I do not, like, brag and, like, need people to know about my, but that's just me. That's like me that's like are you not happy for his success? I am but I hate how excited he gets about things that aren't worth getting excited about and that's my fucking problem

and worth it from your perspective? because it's worth it from his perspective right? even from his I'm like when I was got that when I was him I wasn't even that excited and it bugs me that like just anyone being excited when I'm not really irritates me and it's my it's my own problem it's really selfish because if you don't benefit from it then it's kind of like I don't really care it's not that I don't care it's like I have discovered what it was is that if Andrew gets successful on his own his own way

he'll stop being friends with me and stop hanging out with me and then I won't do you believe that no but that's the fear that is the fear is being abandoned. Like of, I don't have a boyfriend. I don't have, all my friends are married. They all like have their own careers. Like he is my partner through this stuff. And if I, I might lose a roommate, I might lose, he could, like, I just won't have someone like, I just get scared of abandonment. I'm like this with all my friends.

But why do you have abandonment issues? Because, I don't know. Your parents didn't abandon, you never had any of that stuff. Well, emotionally, you don't know what they did. Yeah, but that's every parent is emotionally. I know? I don't know. Your parents didn't abandon you? You never had any of that stuff? Well, emotionally, you don't know what they did. Yeah, but that's every parent is emotionally injured. I don't know how to describe. I really have abandonment issues. I really don't want people to leave me.

I get really sad when I have to say goodbye. What happens when he does get successful? What are you going to do? I'll find someone else. I really will. But it's true. I'll replace him. She used to let me know that a lot.

I'll find someone else. I will. She used to go, you're replaceable. You're replaceable. Yeah. But she does that to save herself the emotional spilling of all that shit. And you were at the time because we weren't as close of friends. Now you're not replaceable. I mean, I could

I think I could find someone. Yes, you could. I think if I get married, I would tell my husband you're replaceable because the thing is, not one person is not, like, I will find another. I don't have one soulmate out there. There's probably thousands and thousands of guys that I would feel like, I can't believe I met you.

There's one person for me. There's probably thousands of guys out there that I could feel that way for. So that's what I mean. There's probably other Andras out there, but it's a rare find, and I really do treasure it. That's good. So that's all that matters. But it is irreplaceable.

Yeah. No, no, no. But yeah. By the way, you're the only millionaire I know with a roommate. That's incredible. You're the only millionaire I know that has roommate that's incredible you're the only millionaire I know that has a roommate I don't know that I'm a millionaire

but Nikki hey shut the fuck up you think they don't know you think these people don't know the thing is I don't know

when they see you on TV they go millionaire well they could be wrong I don't know I really I think maybe I am

at this point dude you did the MTV whatever that is MTV movie and TV Awards unscripted. Yes, everybody knows Viacom pays the most. I'm still living off of my half hour from Comedy Central money. They gave me so much, dude. I know.

I bought that boat. It was insane. You bought that sick boat. I bought two boats. I bought a boat and a dinghy to go along with it. That was pretty dope. And then that jacket you never wore that they gave you, you sold that. I sold that for, well, for rent money for one year.

I sold that. And it has Santino written on the back in cursive. But, hey, man, someone's got it out there. No one reads cursive anymore, though. I do have a roommate, and I have a roommate because you have a fucking roommate. Listen, like, getting married is having a roommate. Yeah, but at least I fuck my roommate. I know that.

Well, guess what? I have a roommate, and he lets me fuck anyone I want. Do you bring home dudes? No, because I don't, like, have anyone I want to fuck. I would. I would. If I found a guy that I liked, I would. Would you ask him to leave, then?

No. No, I have my own room. She could fuck him on top of my head. I don't care. Yeah, he'd be happy for me. I want whoever I bring home... No, it's cool. You have a big head.

I always want to bring him on dates. Because I want whatever boyfriend I have to easily fit in with my group of friends. That is a reality show. You bringing him to be on the date. We did a reality show pilot. For E!

It's really fucking good. What is it? It's still being decided if they want to pick it up. They're so stupid if they don't because it's fucking great. And I am an open book. And I'm more comfortable on camera than I am not. I can go on dates.

I really created this show because I was living at home with my parents. And I was like, I don't know what I'm going to do to meet. I don't want to live with someone. I don't want to go through a pandemic again where I have to move back home with my parents. But I don't have a husband I have no I'm scared of dating I keep my life too busy to date so I was like maybe I could be the bachelorette or something like I would be more comfortable being the bachelorette than going

on dates with guys like I have a date tonight I'm fucking so like oh I want to get out of it I want to cancel tell them your dog is sick I wouldn't because well my dog is kind of sick but my parents are taking care of it. Where's the date at?

We don't know yet. He's picking me up from a show, and then we're just going to go find him. Text me and let me know. Really? It'll be so fun. Let me crash the date. I would love for you to. I always want my friends to show up. You know how much fun?

Yeah, but he'll know who you are. How? Because he knows about her. What do you mean? How can he not? That's a good point. What if I wear rubber nose? What if I wear rubber nose?

You're like a growth What would you feel if a girl at a first date wanted to bring her male best friend who she lives with? I mean obviously it's a massive red flag I mean it's a fucking huge red flag I want to bring this guy Then you're implying I don't want to really get intimate with you at all I don't, I'm scared Once I do, it's like beat it Andrew

I brought him along He always plays like I'm really scared with men alone before we actually start kissing like before the intimacy has started I am very very nervous I hate it but once it goes I'm like then you're good so like I'm fine I will do anything how'd you meet this guy um this guy I but I I saw him on Instagram during quarantine was like oh that guy's cute and then I investigated and I was like following him and then he got a girlfriend I was like unfollow I don't want to follow this shit anymore and quarantine was like, oh, that guy's cute. And then I investigated and I was like following him. And then he got a girlfriend. I was like, unfollow. I don't want to follow this shit anymore. And he was like

very clearly like into his girlfriend. I was like, ugh. And even though his stuff was funny, I was like, I'm stopping following. And then I saw him on Raya like, you know, a year later I think it was. And then I matched with him and I was like, yes. And then I was just waiting for him to message me and he did. And he said, you're in L.A. Let's go on a date. Yeah.

St. Louis on your thing. And I go, yeah, I live there now but for now, who knows? I do want to see where you guys go tonight. It dictates a lot of where a guy's going to take you. I told him I don't drink because he was like, we can go to a bar. I go, I'm fine in a bar but just to let you know, I don't drink. And he was like, oh, okay, we'll go somewhere quiet then. So he's going to pick a place in West Hollywood. I don't know.

We'll go somewhere quiet then. Yeah, so we can talk. I'm going to guess. I'm going to make some guesses right now. I want to take him back to my Airbnb because there's cool places to hang out in this huge courtyard that I have in my Airbnb. But all my friends were like, you can't bring him back to your place. I'm like, I'm not going to even kiss this guy. Is it that bad to bring? I don't want to go to a restaurant.

Just go back to your place. No, you can't. It's too personal. That's your place. That's where you're going to sleep at the end of the night. If you don't have any intention on doing anything with him at all, even saying like, I don't want to kiss him. Yeah.

Don't let him come back to your place. Really? Why? Because guys, guys are bad. Guys are who cares well i hope not nikki but like what's the worst that can happen i just go good night no it's just an uncomfortable weird like why did she want me at her place because it's easier than dealing with a waiter and being like so your dad left when you were um i'll just have a tea thank you so much and then like oh my gosh that's so interesting like and getting interrupted it's easier to be in but you're in neutral territory when you're out at a public place

because that way you can leave whenever the fuck you want this way he's at your place how are you going to get him out if you want him to let's say you want him gone okay you know what

I have to get up at 5 tomorrow that's not a lie oh really I'm getting picked up at 5 tomorrow so I'm going to call it a night but it was this was really fun Andrew and I are going to go

play basketball outside in the driveway then great oh my god Andrew come on down and take over. Oh. What's up, bro?

Hey, what's up, dude? Hey, man, I was figuring we could hoop a little bit. Yeah, dude. Maybe I could watch a movie or something. I bought a new Evolution ball, indoor, outdoor. Yeah, those are the best. Composite leather. Dude, I love those balls.

So then they go outside, they shoot. And then in the morning- Then when they get tired, they come inside for snacks. Uh-huh. I love when Andrew gets into a guy that I'm like- Like the other night, I had him sit next to a guy at this award show the award show I hosted I invited some guys I was kind of into

MTV Movie and TV Awards and I put him at a table you know what I mean by that I just I believe right now I want the editors to put up a huge sign about this as replaceable and just buzzes when you every time you talk girls

I love males I love guys I love talking about sports clip it clip it clip that I do I'll look right in the camera and I love a man I really do I'm around females all the time and they're talking about relationship stuff all I want to do is talk about UFC I want to talk about a guy knocking out another

guy I want to see his teeth on the ground and bleeding out his face that's all I want to talk about so when I see a guy who happens to be hot and muscular why are you friends with so many women because no I'm just saying I get that and then I want the opposite yeah that's all so that's why I get excited around dudes I just want to talk about yeah the other night I sat him next to a guy that I was into and afterwards he didn't even know I was into this guy and he goes those guys are a table they table, they were great. And I was like, oh, good. He was like, because sometimes Andrew will judge someone I like before. And then there's like this.

Well, you could have bad taste sometimes. Oh, all the time. Everybody has bad taste sometimes. So I was so excited when you liked this person. You think you have unflawed taste? Unflawed. I've never had bad taste. Really?

Yeah. Okay. You've never? Of course I've had bad taste. You know how many disgusting people I've fought? Well, name them. Go ahead and name them right in the middle of the camera. There? Yeah. Okay. You've never... Of course I've had bad taste. You know how many disgusting people I've fucked? Well, name them. Go ahead and name them right in the middle of the camera. There was Jessica, Lawanda, Letitia, Lawan, Lawanda again, Letitia, and then Lawanda.

Is that a... Big family. A lot of loops. Yeah, I kept going back. If anything, you're great on your feet, man. Yeah. You're really good on your feet. Hey, that's... So, wait a minute. The guy that you meet on... The guy that you meet on Raya, yeah, I know. We know that's not true. You've never dated a non-white girl.

On record? On God, bro. I've had sex with one African-American. Dude, sex with an African-American is so shitty. Just say black. White people, black people.

I was saying it funny, but yes, I've had sex with one black girl in college. It's not our place to get bothered by it, though. Yes, it is. Because whites do that. We can feel how we feel. Whites do that. Yeah. I have never had any black friend of mine called-

It sounds so racist when people say African American. It just feels like they're trying so hard to not say it. Have you ever had a black friend tell you, oh, this African-American guy? I've never heard that. Any black friend I have refers to black people as black people. They don't go, my African-American friend that I work with. No. No, I had to tell my parents, it's black.

You can say black now. And then they say blacks. Have you had sex with a black girl? And I go, no, blacks. You can't say blacks. Have you had sex with a black girl? I have. Okay, have you had sex with a black man?

No. Okay, so who's the racist? Nikki. Nikki. Nikki's the racist. I've tried. Why did it fail? And it's the only porn I i watch i feel like i'm giving back in that way um you know i shot my shot like in dms i think he was with someone just didn't work yeah oh recently yeah yeah oh would you know you

follow her raya account yeah we're pretty we're tied to the hip in here we pour whiskey fellas the sport of business means demanding excellence from your craft and your wardrobe. Your fits need to be versatile, man. You want to look good in the office and out with your friends and family. All right? Cuts clothing is what I'm pushing, and I got to tell you, I love it. I'm always skeptical of a new clothing brand. I'm always like, what is this?

What are they offering that's different? But Cuts shirts, polos, hoodies, and crew sweatshirts are made for the man who works hard and plays hard and never settles for less in the sport of business. They're built for performance in the boardroom or the bar, on the course, out with some buddies, rolling pins, having a good afternoon in the park. They are really great. The plain tee is great. I love the polos because I can wear them when I go play golf, like the white dork I am. But the polos are really nice.

The material is incredible. It's very soft. It's very versatile. You can wear it dressed up or dressed down if you must. In 2016, the Cuts founder, Steve Borelli, set out to create clothes ready for every occasion for the modern man, and he really did it. GQ magazine called it the only shirt worth wearing.

Okay, shout out to GQ. The perfect T-shirt, it's accomplished. And then he set out to create uniquely engineered clothing style for all the other vibes that you've got going on in your life. And they have this Hyperloop French ter Terry fabric, a textile that's temperature controlled and ageless. I got to tell you, wash it a million times, put it in the sun.

You're not going to sweat. It feels beautiful and nice. I try the wrinkle-free PYCA polo. It's designed to keep you fitted for the office, for the golf game, at home, at the gym, or your next date out. It's not just lifestyle. It's not just clothing. It's office leisure apparel for the sport of business.

Get 15% off your first order by going to cutsclothing.com slash whiskey. That's cutsclothing.com slash whiskey for 15% off the only shirt worth wearing. Ginger. I like gingers. Do you ever give him the account, and then I do this with friends, they let me swipe or pick or whatever? I've gone through it with him. It's really fun to see, and I used to do it with him, too,

to see what, why not that guy? Like, sometimes he'll be like, that guy's great. And I'm like, because he looked like you, and you want validation that, like, whatever you're putting out there is attractive or, like. Maybe. You know, and that's what I do to her. I'm like, that girl's so cool.

And he's like, no, she has a big forehead. I'm like oh fuck i know i have to fix my forehead boys don't like that like you we just project so much oh dude she's the bad like because like i'll break down a girl you know and she's like what are you doing bringing you don't deserve you can't break down a girl and then she'll look at guys and be like no his beard he's got a small chin oh big chin a weird eye and what's the big what's the first picture thing that turns you off on dating apps yeah what's the first thing you see photo wise when you're thumbing you go this is annoying and it happens all the time a guy who's like in love with his dog like in a way that's like oh barley or whatever and it's just like too many pictures of him in barley and it's like this guy

if he doesn't like you i'm not gonna like it's just like oh i'm gonna have to help you through the death of this thing and i'm gonna get offended at how much you're crying because I know you wouldn't cry if I died that way. Like there, it's usually guys, I understand loving your dog. I fucking love my dog. But this like, my dog is my girlfriend bullshit. And, or my mom is my girl. Any guy with a mom, too much mom. And any selfies.

Any selfie, it means a guy that likes himself too much. And I don't want to be with a guy who's self-obsessed with his looks. Because I struggle with that. And I do not want to be getting a guy who's self-obsessed with his looks because I struggle with that. And I do not want to be getting older and feeling like I have to stay hot for my husband. I want to stay hot for him because he like, you know, because I want to stay up for myself. I don't want to do it because I have to like,

my husband won't be attracted to me. I want to be, I don't want to be with a guy who is a narcissist. So when I see selfies, it's done. You're like, you're out. So no selfies on the day. No. But like, what about this

like is this my dog is my background that's cute I have that too that's fine that's different okay that's fine but you don't like

when guys are in photos on dating apps and they have too much like hey man if you're not you know if you don't like cocker spaniels

you can keep on scrolling or whatever the fuck or just too much outdoor pictures like he like he's hiking a lot or like doing a lot of outdoor activities

I don't mind a guy having that but he has to be okay with me not liking that because I'm not going to pretend I like outdoor shit anymore. I'm not going to do that. You don't like it at all. I like the occasional hike. And especially if I love someone, I will totally like explore their hobbies and see it through

their eyes and be like, I can appreciate this more. But in the long run, I'm not going to be someone who's going to want to go hiking every weekend or camping. If that's something that's important to you, you can do it with your friends. But just know that that's like a separate thing. Like I'm into separate things If that's something that's important to you, you can do it with your friends, but just know that that's like a separate thing. Like I'm into separate things too. Well, what's your hobbies then?

You work too much. So what do you even do? No, I play guitar. I sing. I like kink stuff. None of these things are active really. Yes. I mean, I run, but I run and I run alone.

That's a run for you. So I'm saying what's a hobby that's like a- Involves other people. Yeah, that you could do with other human beings. Going to dinner with friends, long coffees with friends. I like hanging out with friends, but I don't want to be like hiking while I talk to friends. I want to talk to friends and look at them in the eye and talk about real things. Like I like real talks and like I don't want to have to be joking the whole time. I want to like be able to get into some real-

Shit. Yeah. I like really having like serious, not serious, but fun, like in-depth discussions that help us like understand each other more. And grow. Yeah. That's literally what we're doing on this podcast right yeah i mean really this is better than this is way better than hiking don't you think if someone i'm so over it don't you think if someone's holding a dog in a profile it's like peacock it's like a subtle peacock like you're using it because it's a part of your life and you care about it but no yeah

but i think from a male perspective it's a guy doing that saying, I'm sensitive. It's very much a... It's a way to start a conversation. It's a good move, but I'm just saying I see right through it. What's your fucking move then? Huh?

What's your move? I hold a dead dog. Yeah. Yeah. No one does that. Yeah. Dead dog. Bleeding.

Yeah. That's what I do. If you don't like dead dogs, keep scrolling. If you don't like dead dogs, that would get my attention. I'm like, what is this guy doing

with a dead dog? And then the next one is you burying the dog yeah yeah yeah and then holding a fish I like that a live fish though right

and then the next right what's the turn off then when you see a chick if hers is the dog shit what's that for you for chicks on dating apps there's two different ways

one a chick can be like I love to travel and she just looks way too I love when girls say traveling is my favorite thing to read on on any profile on Twitter

Instagram it's like travel bug it's like yeah everyone wants to fucking travel but I think if a girl is hot enough

pizza I like pizza no fucking shit whiskey and tacos people love tacos and pizza even whiskey I have to say

it's kind of care to be like oh I love whiskey it's just like oh is that a personality you white guy that has no identity? Because our white people have no culture, so you have to identify with things that we all –

who doesn't like whiskey? Well, you, because you're an addict. You can't have it. Yeah, but just because I love it too much. That's the problem. We rub it in your face. But guys are like, tacos and whiskey. It's just like, you have no interest.

You are so boring. So what would I put on my dating profile? I wouldn't put whiskey. This is, I do love to drink it, but I don't think I make it a culture because I don't know enough about it. Okay. I'm not a guy that's one of those guys that knows everything about it. I just really love drinking it with friends.

I like that. But I wouldn't put it on my dating profile. Okay. My dating profile would probably say stand up, very busy. Me too. I write busy very busy and also

what would your photos be? you would do something of high importance maybe looking good I'm one for sure you don't have one to look good

one playing golf or something no see that's what's weird I don't post a lot of golf photos that's like my little that's like my little secret so that's your thing that you want

you don't need to involve someone else in. That's for me. Yeah, you don't need to. The golf thing is for me. Yeah, that's nice. People are like, that's literally what I do.

If I'm not doing stand-up or podcasting, I'm golfing. And it's like my favorite thing on my logo. That's so nice to have something you like. Oh yeah, no one can touch it.

It's kind of this great little getaway outside and people leave you alone. You can afford it. And I turn my fucking phone off. That's awesome. Yeah. You don't play with anyone?

Huh? You don't go and play with someone? No, no, no, I do. But the best part is like, I don't care. That's nice. See, you can have good discussions on a golf course

because it's not- Oh, it's the best. You don't have to make eye contact so it's not as like- Well, you can also have a day where you're just kind of with people. You can choose to play with people that you know the talk

is going to be like light and so it's kind of like we're all alone together. Yeah. Very, it's like, oh, there's guys I know that we're going to be having a drink or chatting and talking shit and goofing around the whole time. It's like a nice, that's my little, that's my go have coffee thing. That's my your thing is what we were talking about.

It's usually the shittier the player, the more you're talking to them. That I find. That I don't play with shitty, I don't play with anybody that says shit. I play with people that know what they're doing. And so it's just kind of like, there's guys I know that I love that we don't say shit. Yeah. It's fucking great. Yeah, you can play 18 holes and say like four words.

Four words. It's pretty interesting. That is always the weirdest thing to me that you guys don't like share your feelings. But it makes sense. Like I understand men a lot more now and you just don't need that. It's not like you're depriving yourselves of something. You don't seriously need your feelings to be hurt. No, we don't.

Well, we can do it with a therapist. A lot of guys do therapy, but they don't tell anybody your feelings to be hurt no we don't well we can do it with a therapist a lot of guys do therapy but they don't tell anybody they do therapy and if you don't do that you can kind of just do it with like your one best friend yeah you're like one guy that you're like we say all sorts of fucked up shit to each other or we just talk about shit that's pissing us off and at the end of that you don't really need the outside like dude this is very sexist to say but also every time i hear two girls in a public space, whether it's at a restaurant, at the airport, whatever, they're always, without exception, talking about a guy or a past relationship or something that's going on with some other girlfriend's guy. Okay? It may be a sexist statement, but it's all the Bechdel test. You know, like those movies that can't pass the test of like two, very few movies pass

the Bechdel test, which is that have one scene with two women where they're not talking about a man and it literally no movies pass it. All they need is one scene with two women. That's all I see. And that's true. That's because that's all we do. But if it's more than two women, different conversations can be existing. But if it's just one-on-one women in public, whether I'm at an airport, as much as we travel,

restaurants, we're alone all the time. I hear people- We talk about other stuff like shoes and sales and- But that's so quick and that's gone and then it's like, you know who Marcus is. I'm kidding. I feel like guys are- No, you're not kidding. That also is a real thing.

No, I agree with you. I obsess over men and now when I do it, I go, by the way, I know this is someone who three months from now I'm going to laugh that I was ever this obsessed because they are such a loser and will never love me. And I know you guys know that. But please let me just have this because it feels so good to be this into something and like to have this much hope that maybe I can find someone that I can have sex with all the time and like love me. It's like so exciting.

I love talking about boys. This is how you talk about a new driver. Yeah. Yeah. I got a Taylor main. Wait till you see it oh god it's so hot dude i want to rub it when i get home yeah but honestly what if you find that tonight but you're too cynical maybe to even think that this guy might be worth it that's why you said open to it i'm actually like not going in with nothing i'm going in with no because i'm already i wanted to look at his instagram to remember like why i was liked him and then i go i don't want to see that i'm going in with no because I'm already I wanted to look at his Instagram to remember like why I liked him

and then I go I don't want to see that I'm going to find something wrong so I'm just going to go into it like I was just a person that made me laugh a couple times I was definitely into him and I hate the

I hate first dates because it's like the expectation of like are we going to sleep together I like to every guy I've ever been with so that's why you want to have it at the house yeah have it at the house in the bed

just put it in the bed no because it's more I can keep it every guy I've been with just put a condom on it'll just be just tap the bed. Just put it in the bed. No, because it's more – I can keep it – every guy I've been with – Just tap the bed. Come on up. Come on up. You can leave when you want.

Most of the guys I've been with have been guys that I, from afar, have spent time with either working or being just around them. And I go – and they don't think they have a chance with me because they probably don't because I don't even like – I'm just like, oh, this guy's kind of cute. And then on my own, I go, I like this guy. And then I start thinking about like being with him. And if I'm able to masturbate to like thinking about him and if he makes it into my like fantasy when I am watching a gangbang on Black Draw, but then I close my eyes when I'm coming and he's in it and I don't even make him. Then I'm like, now I'm ready to go.

And then I go, I'm ready to I'm ready to go on a date with this person. I'm ready to go. And then I go, I'm ready to go on a date with this person. But before then, until I'm ready for them to be inside me, I really don't want to be in a romantic setting ever because I don't know why I just get scared. You can enter your brain when you're watching porn? That's what happens to me. That's when I know I like someone is like,

I will be watching porn that has nothing to do with this guy. Are they naked? No, it's just like I think of the idea of them. That's what I'm saying. He's just there. It's just like their face. I don't fantasize about actual. I'm not good enough about fantasizing about actual things.

She just puts his face on the black guy's face. But I'll just like, I don't even mean to. I just close my eyes. Yeah, yeah. You close your eyes and he disappears. And the girl's gaping asshole is his face. He's like, hey, Nikki, respond to my DM. Oh, my God.

I have to tell Matthew. And I'm like, oh, my God, I have to tell Matthew. And I'm like, oh my God, I love Rob. No, yeah, that's what happens is I go, oh my God,

that just happened without me thinking that person, I'm like, I'm ready to have that person. You can't fantasize, can you? When you're watching porn,

you're watching porn, you're watching porn. I can't, if I jerk off to my brain, I'll jerk off and about 10 seconds before, something, like my stepmom will show up or like.

In your brain? Or like, yeah, or I got to pay. Like something like. I have that too and you bat it away. Something that shouldn't. I can't bat it away. I can't do it. I can't jerk off to my imagination.

It's impossible. Well, I'm saying I don't even choose to. You can get it started. That's why I watch porn. Yeah, it's to get started, but it can't finish it. It can't finish it, yeah. Because I can't last long enough. I'll start thinking about bullshit like money or bills or a thing I have to do.

I fantasize if a guy's going down on me and I don't like I'm in a part of a relationship where I'm like or the person I'm not that into them or I'm like, oh, and sometimes just to like, I will imagine there's someone else if like there or I'll close my eyes during sex and imagine another man like a lot. I do that a lot. Embarrassingly so. But like

not even like an in-depth relationship. That's just like if I'm in into the person I'm having sex with, that would never happen. But sometimes I close close my eyes and i go just imagine like i think at one point i was really into zach efron i was like zach efron's going down on you and it was like so much fun to just like because it could have been because you know like but if you're like i remember one time i made out with a guy that had a smaller frame and i was not into it and i was smaller than you yeah yeah and i was, I'm not really into this. And I, for whatever reason, I was, I had just seen Black Swan or something.

I pretended he was Natalie Portman and I was kind of into it because he had the same like backbones that she had in that movie. I'm not going to tell you, but I'll tell you off air. But yeah, I was like, oh, Natalie Portman. Black Swan, Black Draw. I like this. Wait, what, that turned you on to thinking Natalie Portman? It was just to get me through it so that I didn't the whole time go like,

Nikki, why are you doing this? Why are you intimate with someone that you don't even like? It just is like, okay, let's just, I don't want to make this awkward by stopping it. Let's just find a way to make this work. Yeah. Well, I mean, you do have to do what you do, but also then you're never going to sleep with that person ever again. But that's why I don't have sex with someone or intimate with someone

until I'm very positive I'm into them because I don't want to be put in a position where during it I'm like, I don't really want this. or intimate with someone until I'm very positive I'm into them because I don't want to be put in a position where during it I'm like I don't really want this. So the first date never happens for you? No one's getting to hook up

with you on the first date? Never. Never? Ever in your life? You might get to hold my hand or maybe a kiss if I'm feeling like really horny and somehow I'm just like

or I know you previously from like a TV show so I've gotten to know you watching a video or something and not even because you're famous but because I've been able to consume enough of you that I've built up a crush

in my head along the way but a first date I'm never going to fall in love on a first date. You've slept on a first date. Yes. Yeah. Do you actually only sleep

on the first date? Otherwise you won't see him again? I have done that. In the past I used to do that because I just Weenie weenie. No no no no no no no no it was not

Did you sleep with her right away? Which one? The girl you're with right now second date oh she made you wait one date here's that's nice it's not the teeny weenie that doesn't help i didn't say you have a teeny weenie i thought you said teeny weenie no i didn't that's what he said teeny weenie i think that's what you hear you said something you definitely said teeny weenie you fucking no i didn No, I didn't. Okay, well, genie? What did you say? I said genie weenie.

Oh, genie weenie. You got a magic penis. No, I wouldn't have sex the second time because in my head, I don't know, I was really fucked up, but I thought maybe they had. I just pictured Robin Williams as the genie coming out of your penis after you rub it three times. Oh, hey, I'm here. Andrew, do it.

Don't do it. Yeah, the girl just wishes she fucked anyone else but yeah no I don't know whatever I was weird about like STDs and shit in my 20s

where I thought you were weird about it like you didn't want them like he was he's hypochondriac like thought he had them if the girl had a cough

afterwards he would be like I caught tuberculosis or whatever that's the Jewish thing there it is yeah look he's getting nervous just talking about it

I know he's getting itchy I'm not getting itchy you're itchy no see that's that's what he starts doing the you're the yeah yeah but yeah he's definitely i feel like i'm gonna yell that by my fucking parents no no we're not at all we're not yelling and i'm older than both of you i'm the old i'm the elder here so you probably i'm gonna start taking control yeah i take it back what do you take control actually you take control of the podcast go ahead you ever think of another woman when you fuck your wife yeah cool yeah but it's always women i meet in public like random like a woman from like uh like like trader joe's yeah i saw a trader joe's just random like a girl like but it's always

flashes a flash it's never someone I know. Someone you know is a lot harder. I'd feel like cheating. Well, no, you have to invest in the people you know too much to kind of like put them in your world.

No, I agree. It has to be a famous person or someone in the grocery store. Yeah, no, but not even, famous people really turn you off. What about a woman you fucked in the past? No, that's kind of,

or a character in a show that you're watching and you're like, that character's hot. No, for me, it's like weird strangers. Like a girl I just saw at the post office before, she was so weird and sexy and quirky.

And it was just like a flash of seeing her in my head. And then she'll probably stay in my head and come back into it for some weird reason. And you're not going to conjure her, but she'll just show up. Yeah, no. It'll just be out of nowhere. And then sometimes it's when they're really unattractive. Then I'm kind of into it. Interesting. A portly and kind of like, it's almost like it's when they're like really unattractive. Then I'm kind of into it. Interesting.

Portly and kind of like, it's almost like because it's shameful. Oh, yeah, that's a whole thing. Yeah. It's like, look at this fucking bag of trash. Yeah, there's some women who like want to hook up with a guy that's like, you don't deserve me. And really the guy's like, I'm just grateful to be with you. Like there's porn where it's like old guys and hot girls. Super hot chicks will go with really ugly guys just to give them a little nugget of like that's why like that's why i think like there was a brazilian girl who was like i mean absolutely stunning this morning at breakfast

and the guy she was with was mediocre at best yeah and obviously it's because where we were and he had a lot of money and you know i know the circumstances brazilian i get it all but also i'm like she seemed so happy but i'm like is she happy because she's here and just she's doing this thing in the states now and this guy's brought her over and paying for all this or is it like this guy's really nice to me he treats me great because i'm way out his fucking league like that's a kind of i kind of think a piece that is like she gets off on giving him the nugget of like you're lucky you can have this love that but also it's probably fun because he's probably sweet yeah but he was real media like at best and she turned and she

said how much older how much older she looked 27 but i don't know how much older he looked how old did he look you know you already know like 55 yeah 50 yeah he was probably 50 something whatever i do know now that you can be attracted to someone who you on an app would be like, what the fuck? Like I've been able to fall in love and be so sexually attracted to a person that I would never think I would be attracted to. And it wasn't because I got to know them real well. It was just like this energy. So like I now am open to like anything. And I used to think like I could never be with a guy that was like didn't take care of himself.

And that's true still to this day. That seems a little true. never be with a guy that was like didn't take care of himself or and and that's i that's true still to this day but like i could be with a guy that if someone showed me on an app i'd be like look so when andrew shows me guys like what about my friend i go i'm not trying to do him but literally i can't tell until i meet him i have to like smell him and be around him rather that is a lot of growth no guys aren't like that oh i've been the horniest of my life for the most the guy that i would be like never in a million years did I think I would be into that. And it's not because he bought me things. But he wasn't disgusting.

Do I know who this is? He was not disgusting at all. Or is it a random guy? Random. I don't know. Yeah. Do I know? He's not disgusting.

I was like, oh my God, you just think you have a type. And you go, what? Like, I could love a woman now. Like, I honestly think like the way i really honestly yes this is such a weird rhetoric or do you really think so or do you think that's just a it's a nice thing to say to be open no i'm not oh i'm a little bit weird about admitting it but i do think i i could be with a woman like i do feel like i was thinking about my relationship

sexual and relationship because the best sex i've had and i know this sounds weird i love a male penis in my body it feels amazing i would prefer it right you get it same but the best sex i've had was with a guy a guy whose penis i fucking love uh and he used toys on me and only toys and it was in the best orgasms the best entire sex experience did not require a human penis and that's not to say that i didn't love it inside me it felt great but I know that I could be very fulfilled

if a guy didn't have a penis and it was a woman I'm not really attracted to women because what kind of woman would you be with? Taylor Swift very femme I don't think she's that femme

she's girly girl what do you mean right? I in a relationship with her would want to be the more masculine one and have her but she's girly girl what do you mean right um i in a relationship with her would want to be the more masculine one one and have her but she's so badass that uh i think she would require that off stage like she's such a like badass bitch when she's on stage that in a relationship i'd be like i just want to make her feel good because she's so tired after i just want what i want really like i feel like i am like that like i'm on stage i'm badass and afterwards i just want to be like

cuddled but do you also think it's because you kind of look like her? No, thank you so much. Shut the fuck up. Yeah, I do like... You've seen deep fakes. You know you have these weird, similar things that she has. I really have never been told I look like her. I've been dying to do that.

No, you have these things. Am I wrong? You know what I mean? I mean, they have blonde hair, blue eyes. Yes, I mean, they did the deep fake. Yes, you have similar structure. You're probably the same body size. She's maybe the same height as you.

Probably the same body as you. Yeah, don't be shy. I'm trying to be her face. No, but you know it's true. Yeah, I think we do. You do have similar things. I think we do. And that's not, that's no, that's, she's just doing her thing.

I'm probably so obsessed with her that I'm morphing in, like I make outfit choices like her. I hold myself on stage like her. I watch so much of her that I can't help but like absorb. You want to be Taylor Swift. Of course. Yes, of course of course that's would your dream to be a musician over a comedian if you could have had your way I would I'm trying it's crazy I'm like you just want to play guitar and songwriting the way I was when you sing comedy I can but it's a thing it's a it's a musical instrument that I if I get training I'll be fucking great but I I have to actually work at it, like the way we worked at stand-up.

Because I think I saw you sing on a video with your dad. Yeah. I'm not that great. You said that. I can sing a lot better. Well, interesting how you tone. No, it wasn't great. I wouldn't have signed you.

No, you shouldn't. I'm not good, but I have the capability. It's like an open mic-er. You go, oh, she has potential. That's what my voice is. You're an open mic-er with singing. go oh she has potential that's what my voice is you're an open mic-er with singing yeah but like

the same way I was with comedy I think of like oh she's got some jokes but her delivery sucks like there's tricks your voice is a musical instrument people just think it's a fluke

some people are just born with it I get that like Chappelle was just born funny walked on stage killed right away right there's anomalies but most of the time

everyone sucks in the beginning and you can do you can learn how to sing well i'll never be adele but i could you know we like bob dylan who sings like this i hate bob dylan well people do like bob dylan and uh lou reed and like uh leonard colin who sound like shit they don't sound like shit it was just well you also named guys that are like phenomenal poets so like they were better poets and they were good writer too and could be a very good poet and I think I could be an amazing songwriter.

I really do. Let's go up to your single. Go ahead and belt out some fucking shit. I would never do it. It's too vulnerable. Right now. That's my struggle now. Right now.

I'm literally going to- Well, we're crashing these walls of vulnerability and lies. You said if we're breaking down all these barriers- No, I'm not ready. I think what I'm going to do because I hate-

Do we have a title? I want to- First of all- You couldn't even say the title, could you? It'd be too vulnerable. No, it was- Oh, God. She can't say the title? I want to, first of all. You couldn't even say the title, could you? It'd be too vulnerable. No, it was called. Oh, God, you can't say the title.

I knew it. What's it called? Checkout. Checkout. Yeah. Because there was a guy at a checkout. No. What does checkout mean?

It was the theme I found with a relationship that I wanted to process that was like, like checking out of a hotel, checking out of a relationship, checking out emotionally. I was like, Oh, there's a lot of checking out going on. And I was like, Oh,

that would be a cool metaphor to weave through of like, like you checked out of the hotel. I was still left behind and like how I process that. And then ultimately you ended up checking out of the relationship. When I asked for a late check, I never checked out. I'm still there. I'm still,

you know, like there was something like poet poetry around that, that I kind of liked, but I never checked out I'm still there I'm still you know like there's something like poet poetry around that that I kind of liked but I will say that I'm too even this is making me feel so vulnerable I really want to write songs and release them and I think I could if I did training like be a sufficient guitar player or a pretty good singer sufficient guitar player and I would like to release an album but I'm not going to do it under my name I'm going to do it I just realized thank you I'm going to do it under a fake name if I do it. A pseudonym. Yeah, because I don't want people

to be like Nikki Glaser singing. I want to prove to people I could probably have a... What would your name be? Nikki Country. Oh, Nikki Country. No, no, no. I don't know.

Nikki Country. I'm buying that. I did want to do a country album that was just like... Really? And call it Nikki Country and just do a Taylor Swift country album. Pop country would probably be the it Nicky Country and just do like a Taylor Swift country album

pop country would probably be the best way to go yeah cause there's like comedy in it no pop music is the best way

to go for you cause pop is straight up but no one would take it what do you mean because she could be a pop

first of all she's obsessed with pop culture she is a pop thing that is what she is anyway and so it's like someone can really help you sing well in a pop culture space because the songs thing that is what she is anyway and so it's like someone can really help

you sing well in a pop culture space because the songs are you could auto-tune for sure even live you can have your vocals be backed up you'd be the next uh jojo siwa right well i think she's actually very talented i would just have to work i know nothing about her i just know she's like a pop a little pop star good but i'm actually that passionate about it. I've never been passionate about anything like this. More than comedy? Is this song written? No, but I'm writing it now

with Anya. I'm sure it'll be great. Thank you. With Enya? Yeah, with Enya. Who can say where the road goes when the day flows?

Only time. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. I don't know. See, that's good. And I'm in Interscope Records and I'd say, look, there's nothing there, but we're going to find it. There's nothing there. But you know what is there is I can bring to songs. I realize that it's not about just having a great voice.

It's about like the emotion behind them. And like Bob Dylan really, I've never been into him and I got into a couple songs recently. And I'm like, this guy can't sing for shit i know that's wildly known but to be one of the most revered recording artists ever yeah and to sound like this and make choices and to everyone go yeah we all agree he's the best what that's amazing it was a sign of the times though no it's not there's still people out there that sound like shit. Who? Who's famous that sounds like shit? Drake singing or Kanye singing. Kanye is a bad singer.

But these guys are rappers that did something else. Okay. Dylan was a singer. That was his thing, and he was bad. So that's their thing, and they're bad. The guy that I don't like, and people are going to disagree, the guy that sings The National. The band The National? It's great, but his voice is not good.

It's not like he's like, you couldn't compare him to Ariana Grande. He sings talks. You don't like singing talks. No, I do like it now, and I realize there's value in that. Yeah, he's actually good. I could just sing like this, and everyone would be okay with it. And if it was a little auto-tuned, it would be okay with it and if it was lit like a little auto-tuned it would be good and if i like try to sound like like i could i could sound like lady gaga if i do an impression of her but if i

sound like she's a good singer of course she is but i can actually sound like her if i'm doing a mimicry of her but myself i don't know how to sing like myself yet you have to find your well we need to find a producer i'm i'm willing to invest in this i'm willing to put up my money and get you set up i have contacts in the music industry let's do it do you want to do it yeah let's get you in a studio and do this i'm not also taking a cut yeah you can take a cut i just need your full support and i need you to be honest with me if it sucks yeah and lie to me if it's um do we need an opening act i am my own opening act sorry but, but I have a song. We do need a song. Oh, what is it?

I have to go. What's your what's your song? Yeah. What is your song? Which one do you want to know? Alligator. Alligator boy. I mean, all these also, they are not worth singing on this podcast.

No. Why? But he does write an alligator boy. I'm an alligator boy. I'm an alligator boy. I'm an alligator boy. I ain't no crocodile kid. I ain't no crocodile kid. I ain't no crocodile kid. I ain't no crocodile kid.

I ain't no crocodile kid. I ain't no crocodile kid. I'm an alligator boy. I'm an alligator boy. I'm an alligator boy. I'm an alligator boy. That's going to do it for this episode. I really do hope that both of you

have a great journey into life through your second career as singers and not comics thank you text me where you go to dinner

please well I'm going to Beauty and Ecstasy with Spade right now and he said that you wanna hang out on this podcast you wanna hang out

with me you wanna go no I don't wanna go he said coming to the podcast was what he said that me doing the podcast was him doing the podcast and i go i don't know what that he's saying because he doesn't want to he's not gonna he doesn't want to come on

yeah he keeps ducking to come on the show special chair that he can sit in comfortably and stand up every two seconds yeah i love spade i i love him he's phenomenal he's phenomenal he does love uh he does love you uh he does no i have no idea i've never talked to him about you but i but he i'm i imagine he does if you're going to beauty and essex with him i mean good god no he does love me i like he's he's like a really good friend and aren't you like so happy you're friends with david spain like that's literally the best thing that's ever happened in my career who's my favorite friend that's famous? Yeah, like who are you like, oh my God. The soup Nazi from Seinfeld. No way, you are?

No, I'm not that guy. No, I just know when I say Nazi, it gets him nervous. No, it's soup. Soup, soup sets you off? Soup, don't say that. No, I don't have, there is no famous friend that I go, I can't believe I'm, oh, that's not true. Come on, that's really jaded.

You can't go like, wow, the young me would be like, wow, I know this person and they're like someone I, and my phone, I mean, Spade for sure. But it's a jaded. You can't go, wow, the young me would be like, wow, I know this person, and they're like someone on my phone. I mean, Spade, for sure. But it's a pro athlete. Tell me. Travis Kelsey. Kelsey, for sure.

I mean, he's the fucking stud. Yeah, he's the best. Yeah, yeah. He's probably one that I'm like, wow, man, if I was young, I'd be like, oh, you're friends with the guy who won the Super Bowl? That's kind of wild. Who played for Cincinnati, who was drafted in the third round. That's right.

That's right. We'll go down as one of the best tight ends of all time. This is Spanish to Nikki. Nikki, I do want to know where the date is. We're going to send it off the way we always send it off. Actually, it's because we're two guests here,

which by the way, we almost never do on this show. I know. Thank you for having us both. Well, no, because I love, I love Andrew very much.

I know you do. And I, we need to get those all together. All right. So look, you look in your camera. Yours is that, that one to the right there.

And you say one word or one phrase to end the episode. And then Nikki's going to look in hers and do hers. So you go first. The one to the right there. And you say one word or one phrase to end the episode, and then Nikki's going to look in hers and do hers. So you go first, the one to the right. Go ahead. All right, Nikki, go ahead. Look right in this single right here, and you say one word or one phrase to take out the episode. Go ahead.

The Nikki Glaser Podcast. Check out. Check out the Nikki Glaser Podcast. And my new single Check Out Check out Nikki Yeah check out our podcast Your comedic timing is so bad Check them out

Nikki The creature in the ginger beard. Sturdy and ginger. Like vampires, the ginger gene is a curse. Gingers are beautiful. You owe me $5 for the whiskey and $75 for the horse. Gingers are hell no. This whiskey is excellent. Ginger. I like gingers.