Whiskey Ginger with Andrew Santino - Rick Glassman

Episode Date: March 31, 2023

Andrew Santino sits down with his old pal and host of the Take Your Shoes Off Podcast Rick Glassman to talk about anything and everything! He's always a wild ride. Enjoy the show! #rickglassman #whiskeyginger #andrewsantino #podcast ========================================================== SUPPORT OUR SPONSORS SQUARESPACE Get that site up and running now! 10% off your order https://squarespace.com/whiskey BETTER HELP Get the help you need from a licensed professional 10% off your first month https://betterhelp.com/whiskey ======================== Follow Andrew Santino: https://www.instagram.com/cheetosantino/ https://twitter.com/CheetoSantino Follow Whiskey Ginger: https://www.instagram.com/whiskeyging... https://twitter.com/whiskeyginger_ Produced and edited by Joe Faria IG: @itsjoefaria Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What up, Whiskey Ginger fans? Welcome back to the show. If this is your first time joining the show, welcome to the show. We got a good one for you today. Like my man Steve Harvey done say, it's Rick Glassman. Rick Glassman of the Take Your Shoes Off podcast. Taiso, check him out. Check out his 200th episode with Papa and Teddy and maybe a special guest. Do more. Say sincere stuff about me too. He's a really sweet guy. No, but say, look at the camera, really look at the camera and like do like a minute of real compliments

and what makes me special. This guy is one of those Jews whose back always hurts and is very funny. And I really love him. He's tall and he's good at basketball. And he's one of my favorite people

to play with on Earth. On what? On Earth. Like when we're standing on Brett Ernst? No, on Brett Ernst. He's my favorite guy to play with on Earth. On what? On Earth. Like when we're standing on Brett Ernst? No, on Brett Ernst. He's my favorite guy to play. He's my favorite guy to play with. Why don't you do it again?

I shouldn't be doing this. I'm, I'm, use it. I'm really, really sorry. Keep it in at plays. I don't know. This is enough rambling. Let's go to the episode. In here, we pour whisk, whisk, whisk, whisk, whisk. rambling. Let's go to the episode. Ladies and gentlemen, This whiskey is excellent. Ginger.

I like gingers. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back to Whiskey Ginger. My guest today is one of my favorite people on Earth. I say that for all my guests, but I mean it once again. Today, he's still got it. Rick Glassman. Classy, glassy, baby. He's a little stony baloney on the show.

And today, Whiskey Pete, my boy, Whiskey Pete, Chris Hart, sent me the Parker's Heritage Collection, a little bit of double barrel blend, some of the best jazz on planet Earth. A little bit of a double barrel blend. Some of the best jazz. A little bit of a doo-doo. Whatever. Let's get into it. This is Heaven Hill's finest.

This is very expensive. It's very nice. And thank you so much, Chris Hart. Whiskey Pete. Cheers. Cheers for looking me in the eye. All right. Let's have a little sip.

Now, I'm not much of a drinker. Was this microwaved? Yeah. Because it's warm. Well, you put it on the stovetop if you don't have a microwave. Did you? But, you know, in Biden's new world, we're not going to have gas stoves anymore. There it is. Yeah, arms up. Yeah, I was going to do that, but then you did it.

Arms up. Classy, glassy Rick Glassman and I have known each other for a very long time. It's so good to see you again. It's been a very long time. These shoes are sexy, buddy. Lift them up so the cam can see. And the pink socks. And they're brand new.

I see by the bottoms of them. We do that kind of music. You know when Bugs Bunny is like, he has a nemesis, but then he realizes to get out of it, he leaves the room and he puts on female rabbit clothes. Yeah. But they're going to know it's really him, so instead he just puts a leg out and he shows the leg and the person's jaw drops. Do you remember that kind of music? Oh, yeah. You know how it goes?

Mm-hmm. Will you do it? Do the music? That is the music that is the music yeah yeah it's just like from the good old days from the good old days

why you know did they really know did they really know that it was Bugs Bunny when he put on a dress because I don't know yeah

and you know what I think is even more important than that I really don't want to split the audience here. Here it goes. Let him wear whatever he wants to wear. Boo. No cartoon of mine is going to wear a dress.

What were you about to say? No cartoon what? I don't even know. Oh, because you have a hard F. Yeah, hard F. No cartoon friend of mine. Yeah, good, good. They got, where's the world coming to?

They got cartoons in drag the the ability to have voices the way that some of our friends do you included you i always think you and amir tops my favorite aristotle also very good stottle is unbelievably but to be able to tap into that voice i watch it it's it's probably how i feel people who don't play like a sport watch other people play they're like watch other people play. They're like, I want to play. I get it. I get the sport.

But I can't. I love watching it. I just can't do it. Yeah. Yeah. What sport do you see that you wish you could play but you can't? I could do, honestly, and I'm wrong. I believe I'm wrong.

I really think I could do anything in the world. High lie's really tough. I don't know what high lie is. It's a big hook arm. You got a big hook arm. Just say Jewish. Sorry about that. You got a big hook arm. Just say Jewish. Sorry about that. You got a big Jewish arm. And they literally hurl a ball like 150 miles an hour.

No, I don't think I can do that. No, that's tough. I've always felt like I'd be a great football player, wrestler. I'm a great bowler already. I'm a phenomenal bowler. Is this a good time to plug my basketball show, I Am Phenomenal? Please. Please. Please.

I'll do it. Because I think Rick Glassman has this great photo of him playing against LeBron James in high school, which is just an insane thing. I heard he's really good. Rick's really good. Somebody told me that he was, I think, playing a pickup game with someone, like somebody in entertainment, and they were like, hey, man, you've got to dial it back a little bit. Hit that, Baldy.

Catch the fucking ball, dude. You're not aware of how other people perceive you. What are you talking about? Good take, you idiot. Whoops! Are you not entertained? Got it! Go left, go left.

Let's go, let's go! Are you fucking nuts? I am phenomenal. I got big balls. I got a cool guy haircut. I got... And we're back. You are phenomenal.

You know, I almost bowled a perfect game once. So did I. I bet you I got closer. Yeah, maybe because I bowled nine strikes in a row and in the 10th frame I bowled a perfect game once. So did I. I bet you I got closer. Yeah, maybe because I bowled nine strikes in a row, and in the 10th frame I bowled a seven, and then a two. So I couldn't close it. Burp after.

I couldn't close it. Nine in a row, and it was my birthday weekend. 277. 279. 279, I think it was, yeah. Not bad. Pretty good. Yeah. What'd you have? 10 strikes in a, I think it was. Yeah. Not bad. Pretty good. Yeah.

What'd you have? 10 strikes in a row? 11? 10. 10. 10. It was two away. Eight, and then I picked it up.

So 288. Yeah, 88. Yeah. That's pretty good. Yeah, the whole bowling. At five strikes, the whole bowling alley came over. This is exactly what happened to me. Yeah.

I'm not kidding. It was here in the valley. I'm bowling from, I hit a strike, nothing. Hit another strike. exactly what happened to me. I'm not kidding. It was here in the valley. I'm bowling from... I hit a strike. Nothing. Hit another strike. Show me. Could you show me like you hit the strike and then could you actually give me a moment after each strike that you hit? Okay, first strike.

Hey! Okay, second strike. Alright. Okay. Alright, now third. What is going on? Okay, go on. Fourth strike. Okay.

Am I being punked? Where is Nick Cannon? Yeah. Fifth strike. Jiminy Crickets. Yeah. Heavens to Betsy. Six strike.

I'm concerned. We're on seven now, I think. Are we on seven? I think. Whatever. Six and seven were probably the same emotion. Yeah. Heavens to Betsy. Six strike. I'm concerned. We're on seven now, I think. Are we on seven? I think. Whatever. Six and seven were probably the same emotion. Yeah. I was annoyed and nervous.

Why were you annoyed? Because people did start to come over. And you're trying to keep that routine. I don't want them near. Don't. You're never more superstitious than when you have a turkey and you're still going. Yeah. It's like.

That would be good merch. You're never more superstitious than when you're never too more you're never more superstitious than when you have a turkey and you're trying to get more it's a lot of words but i think we could put it on one shirt and then by eighth by the eighth one i got so anxious and then the ninth one was a uh uh what is it called? Brooklyn? Not Brooklyn. What's the strike when it's on the other side of the head pin? It's a Brooklyn.

Yeah, when you're on the left. Well, assuming that you're right-handed. If I'm right-handed, I was on the left-hand side of the head pin. And I hit that one, and it shouldn't have. The 10-pin fell on accident. Like, it was just tipped. So I got lucky, and then after that, I knew, no chance. When we got to the 10th frame, I locked up.

Resin bag? Were you doing this stuff? I got a couple of resinbacks. I flipped it on both sides of the hands. Because you grew up with the Chicago Cubs. Chicago Cubs, yeah. With Billy Bombardi, who used to do that all the time. Billy Bombardo with an O.

Right. Billy Bombardo used to do that. One leg was longer than the other one. They said he had a bad leg, but he didn't. It's just because he came off the mound so much, it compressed his bone. His femur was shorter. You know, he's supposed to be be what do you call him now? Billy what? What? Billy Bombardo. Right.

But now they're trying to have this movement where they're calling Billy Bombard X. So in case however. Oh however he identifies. If he identifies as like a pitcher or a catcher. What are you? One, two, three. Rick Glassman. You're a pitcher. I'm a pitcher.

My brother's a good pitcher. Is he? Yeah. Threw 90 miles an hour once. I mean, maybe more than once, but it was clocked at the Orange Jubilee in high school. Shout out to the Orange Jubilee. Shout out to the Orange Jubilee. Great lemonade.

We'll be right back. This time I mean it. He is back, baby. Now, this is a really expensive bottle of vodka, you know, whiskey. Rude. You know better. I'll test you. What's the name of the distillery that made that?

Go. I failed. I'll fail eight out of ten times with any test. Even if I know it by the fact of you saying I'll test you, I'm going, ah, you know? Freak out. What'd you get on your ACTs? Didn't even take them. SATs.

I don't remember. Yeah, you do. I really don't. Rick. I really don't remember. As smart as you are, I know you know. I really don't remember. What's that?

What's that? I only applied to one college, Kent State, because that's the college my brother went to. I just knew, like, I'll do well enough to go to this school and go to this place. I really didn't care about grades until my freshman year first semester. I got an academic probation. And then after that, I did do very well. I don't need to brag about my Dean's List record.

Summa Cum Laude? Was that his name? Laud X, yeah. I graduated with honors, did you? Yeah. I graduated with a business achievement award, which is, I'm sorry. Yes, I did. Business achievement award?

I'll tell you about it. It's actually a funny story. It sounds like it's from a video game. Business achievement award. Unlocked. It's like if you post enough reels, you unlock business achievement award. You posted 19 Crown Wars videos in one day. This guy knows what I'm talking about.

After shows, when I take pictures with people, you line up and the people, they come and you try to do it for, like, you have your moment with them, but also in a playful way, let them know, all right, we got to do it. Yeah. I don't like doing arms around around each other it's not an germ thing i just when they put their arm around you if they need to depending on my mood okay okay i will never suggest it i prefer not but like even with friends like sometimes all right and then they and then just the it's just a weird pose and you just saying shoulder to shoulder yeah i just go i put my hands in my pocket just Just like, it's just easy to just like, I'm here, you do your thing. I get it, yeah.

But then sometimes when I'm doing that with people, when they go around you, they still put their arm around. So what I do now is I always have a water on me. And while people are doing it, I go like this, like I'm posing something. Like you're selling it. And I say, I tell them, so I'm'm trying like i'm trying to get a sponsor from evian so remember if you tag me tag evian so then i do that and then it becomes its own joke so you don't have to think of stuff all the time which also i'm so excited i think for meeting me i look like right now but like after like a little bit you know you get in the pocket the people already

know the joke because you go and remember if you tag me, have the line, tag Evian is the whole line. So then it becomes its own bit that I don't have to. Has Evian said anything about it? It's not always Evian. It's whoever the thing is. Well, you should stick to one. Well, I'm going to wait until the first person to reach out. Who's the lowest on a totem pole to reach out to?

Are we allowed to say totem pole anymore? Can you say that? I think you can. I think totem is okay. Pole is bad? Pole lock, I think you're not supposed to say. That one's bad. Yeah.

But I'm more considering like when you're on the highest or the lowest of the hemisphere and you want to lock the door. I like that. You call it the pole lock. Pole lock. That's what I meant. Grab your key. Yeah.

How many pole locks does it take to close up the earth? That's a really good question. It depends. You know, there's different colored doors. Have you ever played with the black locks? The black pole locks? Yeah, what's up with the black- The black pole locks.

The black pole locks. I'll tell you something. Remember when we did- For some reason, the black pole locks never work. I wouldn't say they don't work i think that i think that you know i think that they have a lot going against them we're having fun because considering it's so cold yeah and the black locks are normally made out of iron and they freeze up more so i just think systemically there's a lot going against the black pole lock the weather first base wait i want to ask you something i'll go give it to me have you ever noticed stop it okay because i know you're very particular because i know the way you

you rank things in your mind one through ten give me the shittiest water to the best water bottle bottled water i don't like to talk about other water i know you i really don't every all the water companies are trying i'll tell you what my are trying. I'll tell you what my favorite is, though. I'll tell you what my favorite is. It's Mountain Valley. MV. Yeah. I would love a sponsorship for Mountain Valley. Because it's bottles. It's glass bottles. Glass bottles.

That's the ocean! That's going to end up in the ocean! And the ocean of my microbiome, the plastic is also going to end up in. It is. Because you're going to end up in it is because you're going to eat plastic at some point you know the microplastics what movie is that microplastics yeah the microplastics it was a comedy it was a comedy where they were trying to like get like the microplastics wait and it was some it was like film or something do you remember microfiche

how many micros does it take to unlock a black polack? I don't know. Okay, so what's your least favorite water then? I know you have one. Doesn't matter. I can shout it out because you know what it is. Go for it. Dasani.

Trash. Don't ever give me a Dasani. Don't ever look at me in the face with a bottle of Dasani and tell me that you're drinking water. Listen, if my parents ever gave me one of those, I would ask them to disown me because I do not like a Dasani. That's not true. I was like, that's interesting. Shout out to the Glassmans, by the way. Some of the greatest people on earth.

I'm going to see your parents. I might see. We're going to be in Ohio. Oh, you're going to be there, maybe. Because it's very close to where I grew up. But are you just going to be home that time? Come home. So I normally go home for my birthday,

which is a month later, and I normally stay for four to six weeks. So I thought I might come a couple weeks earlier. I'd love it. Yeah. You bring your mom and dad? Of course. You bring your, would you bring your brother?

So my brother is about to be having a baby. Big deal. Bring the baby. And my parents might be here at that time if that's when he's having the baby. I don't like that. Yeah. Bring your uncle. That could be the name of the show.

Bring your uncle. Yeah. Why don't we promote it now? The Bring Your Uncle Show, live in Northfield, Ohio, June 26th. I think, no, no, you're way too late. But Bring Your Uncle Show, bad friends. I'm way too late? You're way too late.

I'm not way too late. You are. Okay. Bring Your Uncle Show is going to be in Northfield, Ohio, 24. Way too late. Two days later. Well, people showed up two days later. They'd be way, way too late.

Okay. If I said, Rick, you want to go to lunch? Yeah. When? Wednesday noon. And you showed up Friday. Exactly at noon. Way too late.

Way too late. Hey, I'm wrong. Bring your uncle. By the way, if you live in Ohio, please bring your uncle. If you do bring your uncle to the show, we will have a special surprise for you. You might be let on stage with your uncle. By the way, if you live in Ohio, please bring your uncle. If you do bring your uncle to the show, we will have a special surprise for you. You might be let on stage with your uncle. Who knows? You know what?

Bring your uncle. To make you guys more comfortable, and maybe you'd like to meet my uncle, here's an opportunity for you to meet Uncle Bob. I'll send you the assets. Send me all that stuff that goes in there. All right, let's get started. Let's get started. Here we go.

In here, we pour whiskey. Oh, while you're promoting your show, there's something I want to promote. Promote your show. Well, not my show. There's something I want to promote my Tyso trading cards. Oh, yeah.

Check this out. I posted it on Instagram. People freaked out about this. People that are Tyso fans should know about this. Rick spoke about it before, and we've talked about it before on Bad Friends, but these are Tyso fans should know about this. Rick spoke about it before, and we've talked about it before on Bad Friends, but these are Tyso trading cards. Yep.

We do. Shout out to Scott Hepburn, who's a Marvel illustrator. He's fucking phenomenal. Scott Hepburn? Scott Hepburn. Audrey Hepburn's son. I don't think so. Audrey Hepburn's son drew these cards.

Can you believe that? And here, you know, I have the last two are for you, but these are in order of release. You don't have to, I don't want to spend too much time making a real commercial for him, but these are in order of release. You don't have to... I don't want to spend too much time making a real commercial for them, but I definitely want you to at least show yours. But Rick and Goblin is incredible. Goblin is in every... You'll notice Goblin is in every card.

Goblin is in every single one. There's Blake Griffin. There's Colossus. With Mark Maron as Iron Man. Yep. Irony Stag. Eric Griffin as Mr. Potato Head. Yep.

And then we have the Vegas Dads Collection. That's just dads. Dragon Ball Z. That's so hot. Cousin Teddy. Uncle Bob. Mark. Uncle Bob. And here they Dads Collection. That's just dads. Dragon Ball Z. That's so hot. Cousin Teddy. Uncle Bob. Mark. Uncle Bob.

And then here they are. And then, of course, Robert E. Lee. As Toad. As Toad. And myself. As Sabretooth. Come on, look at that. That's so cool.

By the way, that is so, so cool. Right? And the little gob in the background on the tree with me is having a good time. Aren't those cool? These are very, very rad. I'm a big collector, specifically in Magic the Gathering cards. I'm a big card guy. I found it an amazing process of getting these made. They're very, very rad. I'm a big collector specifically in Magic the Gathering cards. I'm a big card guy. I found an amazing process of getting these made. They're like legit. I sometimes, like I look at them sometimes, like I'm just holding them and like, they're very cool.

Can you tell me what this kind of thing costs? For you to buy one? Yeah. They're $17 a piece. $17 doesn't even seem like that much money. That's Tysocards, T-Y-S-O-cards.com. Tysocards.com, $17. We've still got some limited edition of some of those cards. Some. Some. Some. They might be gone. By the time you click, they might be all gone. But come on, dude. These are cool. I haven't seen you in how many months? Say it at the same time. Count of what? You tell me the count. One, two, three. Three. Probably three three three or four months it's been a long time

I saw you right before you left I went to your house yeah you did you came over before I left I don't really remember much before I left time was different who cares then great flight by the way watched you people on the flight I know

the BPLs a lot of black you people on the flight. Oh. I know. Yeah. Uh-huh. The BPLs? A lot of black pole locks on there. Yeah. Well, they have to to make sure

that no one opens the emergency exits. That's right. It was good. It was fun. And then I watched 19 other documentaries I got into.

My dad loves Ancient Aliens. He's obsessed. Like a show or the thing? No, he knows a few in the neighborhood. Holy shit. Yeah, well, they come around, those guys. Yeah. He loves the show so much, he knows a few in the neighborhood. Holy shit. Yeah, when they come around,

those guys. He loves the show so much he can't stop talking about the pyramids. He's obsessed. The whole vacation. Pyramids. We'd be in the middle of a meal. He'd be like, you know they're all placed over a spring. And we're like, what? He's like, every one of them is placed over some sort of spring.

Okay. Well, just saying. You know, that reminds me of the city of Venice, how it's built on tree logs. Did you know that? Ochre pine. That's why it's sinking. I'm not sure that, really, like in the water,

there's like all these trees. Think of them like, you know, you know what I'm doing. Bob Ross? Are you painting trees? No, I'm hammering the trees down. Oh, this is how they hammer down. Yeah, and then it's built on these

trees. Tree platform. Yeah, so everything, the foundation, it's all above water, but the trees are in the water. So if you lift the city, you'll just see a whole bunch of dots of trees at bird's eye view. Can I say dots? Eh, careful. Bird's eye view. It's a religious thing, I guess.

Have you been to Venice? What? Have you been to Venice? Uh What? Have you been to Venice? Mm-mm I went to Venice Italy? California But have you been to Venice, Italy?

I went to Venice, Italy I went to Venice, Italy And we were so broke All we had We smoked cigarettes And ate oranges To get us until our next meal Will you say that same exact sentence

Word for word But treat it like The What you said after so broke Is a punchline The word so broke Is the punchline or the punchline? I was so broke that- Yeah.

Let me tell you something about going to Venice, Italy. I was so broke that I had to smoke cigarettes and eat oranges for my last meal. Did that kill? I'm not ironically laughing. That was really funny. I went to Venice, Italy. I was so broke. Oh, sorry. No, no. I don't need this. I went to Venice, Italy. I was so broke. Oh, sorry. No, no, I don't need this.

I went to Venice, Italy, and I was so broke. How broke were you? I had to stay in a hostel, but it was a little hostile. Rick. Rick. Rick. Rick. Rick. Rick. Rick. Rick. Rick. Rick.

That's how it goes, baby. Dude, I got to tell you something. Good to be back. Good to be here. Good to be back. Can I tell people what you texted me the other day? As long as you tell them exactly like I said it. You said, is this a bad number of tickets to sell on this night?

You're worried about a ticket sales for a show? I didn't know you were texting me. And then I said, no, it's great. sales for a show. I didn't know you were talking about that. And then I said, no, it's great. There you have it. What's wrong with that? But when is that show? I did it.

You sold it? Did you sell it out? No, those were the numbers. It was over? No, I sold, it was like 300 some tickets. That's great. Yeah, I just wasn't sure because I know on a Thursday tickets don't sell as well, but I'm new to this.

I haven't headlined since pre-COVID. I haven't headlined since pre-COVID. That was before my podcast so I don't know what tickets would be like. It's a big venue so I wasn't sure is it bad if I don't sell it out? By bad, i just mean like

i'm using this as a test to see should like should i go on the road like would i sell enough tickets on the road so that's what i was like and the answer is yeah well there you have it you could go to my website i don't have any i don't have like a thing where i show shows or not but like it's okay i also don't have all the thumbnails updated on the podcast don't worry about it you know you could you could just check that Seems like you got to hire somebody at some point. You got too many people already working for you at Tysol. Tysol Productions, how many employees? Three?

Yeah. Good, good. That's good. You're humming along, kiddo. Dude, the only thing I'm missing right now is a suite. Say it. It's a suite, like a hotel suite where like when I go on the road, I do it in a suite. Oh, you always like to have suites?

Mm-hmm. Yeah. Preferred hotel? New York, I'm into right now. I'm a little bougie, but I'll tell you the truth. Peninsula. Love that one. Wow.

We're talking $1,100 a night? We're talking $1,100 a night. We're talking $1,275 on? We're talking $1,100 a night. We're talking $1,275 on a Friday, Saturday. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Yeah, but you get a suite because you could film the pod there. That's smart. And then, I mean, you write it off.

You also get the idea of being like, oh, well, it's paying for itself. It's like we're making money. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. self you know it's like we're making money yeah yeah i'll stay i'll stay in almost any brand as long as let me guess go ahead give me five hints it's about the room okay it's comfort it's a comfort thing okay so uh certain kind's a lot of hints certain kind of view certain kind of bed view not as much you need to be facing south and you need to have a small bed

bed's gotta be facing west always facing west because of Mecca and I need the shower to have I need to have a walk-in shower

yeah cannot do a lip up shower I love a bath I want a bath but only if it's a freestanding bath have to be separate they must be separate do you use a bath in a nice I love a bath. I want a bath, but only if it's a freestanding bath. Have to be separate. They must be separate. Do you use a bath in a nice hotel?

100%. Do you get in the bath after your shower? Or do you shower after the bath? I shower after the bath. So your bath is your playtime. That's exactly right. Yeah. That's when I have a little bit of fun.

Light a couple of candles, listen to some tunes. Bubbles? I like bubbles. I'm saying, can I get some bubbles? Yeah, let's get you some. I remember, I'm a little off track here, but can I tell you a story about bubbles? Come on. Yes?

That's come on is yes. Oh, I've been in Australia too long. So one of the first shows I ever did in Los Angeles was a show that I produced. I was taking improv. I was like paying for these improv classes in the Valley. And every week. Who taught him? I don't remember his name.

Damn. Go ahead. But it was every week there was it was there was a class one day and then at night there was a show so you had a show every weekend oh wow and i loved it and right next to it there was some venue and i'm like uh could i do a stand-up show here? Dude, excuse me. I'm telling this story and there's a bubbles part that I wanted to get to and I'm realizing

how much backstory there is to it. I just want to fucking knock. I don't want to have to set it all up. Can I try telling you this story without giving you enough details? Because I over-communicate. I bet you. But I like the story.

It's got great details. You see the room. You want to do stand-up. What happens? Yeah, I just feel like I can make this much more efficient because I bet you. But I like the story. It's got great details. You see the room. You want to do stand-up. What happens? Yeah, I just feel like I could make this much more efficient. Because I got bored. Okay. I'm like, so there I am.

And I'm talking about, we had shows every week. That's not the fucking point. Who gives a shit? You know? Get to bubbles. I remember this is who I met. And I've always looked at him as like, whoa, because he saved the day for me. Max Amini. Max. I haven't seen him in a while do you remember Max Amini of course I do yeah I know see you around a lot I feel like you try I'm not around a lot so I don't know I haven't seen a

while but I remember he'd like oh I had this guy and then I couldn't and then last minute Max Amini headliner comes in and saves the day and I was was like, because I was like, I can't headline this. So I had somebody come in to do it. So I'm doing the sound check and I'm looking with, I don't even know what to ask, but there's this thing here. And I'm like, what's this? He goes, it's a bubble machine. And I'm like, whoa, could you like do bubbles? Like if I say like bubble me, could you like do bubbles if I write jokes?

And they're like, no, we don't. I just, you know, I don't remember what they said, but just no, you know, I'm like, all right could you like do bubbles? If I write jokes and they're like, no, we don't, I just, you know, like, I don't remember what they said, but just no,

you know, I'm like, all right, all right, all right. And like, yeah, this sounds good.

You know, like what's the sound check. Hello. All right. I heard it. I still don't know what a sound check is. All right. I'm just seeing if this sounds good.

I like to have somebody else do it for me. Yeah. But you know, I'm happy to do it. I'm just, you know, I'm happy to do the work. So on stage

bobby okay i'm so nervous and i'm working i'm waiting tables and all the people like 30 of the audience there are people that worked at my restaurant that like we want to come see you and i'm like oh so i'm just bombing i do remember one of the guys that worked for me i said something i don't remember what it was and i met the guy right before he's a friend of the guy that worked for me i said something and the guy goes like i don't remember this fucking it wasn't he it wasn't like a a heckle where like he wasn't just disruptive where it's like yeah my birthday's in that time too it was like he did he was i just remember i think he was being mean he was just drunk probably not my fucking fault you know i handle your business you know you're here like my my guy that i work with he's like oh i'll come and support you

don't bother he brought this guy who goes like i'm like i'm probably just like i remember a joke i used to have when i first started was i would do this is my impression of a guy this is my impression of a guy when he hears that i say I've never had an Oreo before. And then like I turn around and dramatic and I'm wasting time and I go, you've never had an Oreo before? And then the guy's like, nobody fucking cares or something like that. And I just like, I got so nervous because I didn't know how to respond or if I even should. Right. And I have all these other got so nervous because I didn't know how to respond or if I even should. Right. And I have all these other people here and I'm bombing.

And then I just go, bubble me. And I don't know why I thought bubbles would come out or that people knew what bubble me meant. They don't even know there's a bubble machine. So I'm just bobbing. And I go, bubble me. And then that made me more nervous because it didn't work. But then who saved the fucking day? Maximini.

God bless Maximini. Free plug to Maximini. That's Maximini, M-A-X-A-M-A-N-I dot com. I don't know if you Google it. Yeah, you'll find it. I don't think there's too many Maximinis. I also don't think there's too many Heimlichs, which offers me to beg the question, just call it the Heimlich. Instead of maneuver? Nobody's going to think that just call it the Heimlich. Instead of maneuver?

Nobody's going to think that, well, which Heimlich? The Heimlich, the song? There is no Heimlich song. The boat? Not one. You don't know about the Heimlich boat that came over here? Andrew, I love your improv. Not a Heimlich boat.

From Germany, the Heimlich. That's where it comes from. Do you not know this? I'm looking it up. And if you're wrong, you have to suck my black Polack dick. In here, we pour whiskey. Hey guys, I've talked about

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to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Squarespace.com slash whiskey. Use the offer code whiskey when you 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Squarespace.com slash whiskey. Use the offer code whiskey when you're ready to launch, maybe 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. This episode of Whiskey Ginger is brought to you by BetterHelp. Hey, I've talked about therapy so frequently on this show, you're probably tired of hearing it, but listen up again. Therapy, I think, is very important to communicate to somebody else

how you're feeling and what's going on. You can't keep it bottled up. You can't just do what the Irish Catholics did for way too long. My whole family never told each other anything. And then finally we all went to therapy, and look at us now. Happy as a clam. Is a clam happy? I don't know.

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Discover your potential with BetterHelp. Visit BetterHelp.com slash whiskey. That's BetterHelp, BetterH-E-L-P.com slash whiskey today to get 10% off your first month. BetterHelp.com slash... Ginger. I like gingers. No, but we really have fun here. It's just the Heimlich.

And also, imagine the time you'd save. What if somebody, you got it out, if you got him a half a second earlier, his brain wouldn't, he would have been okay. But you did it too late because you were too busy getting out the word maneuver. Also, what, can you guys give me, what's it called? The Heimlich, um, people like the boat? No, no, no. He's trucking the Heimlich, uh, uh, the newspaper. Oh, it starts with an M.

Boo! Bubble me! I don't want bubbles to rain down on you right now. It's so bad. Dude, you have the fucking craziest voices and sound effects in your body. That's exactly what a bubble machine sounds like. No, that's what they sound like. Because they're not efficient.

You know what I mean? It's a shitty little family. Because they're not updating. They're never on Shark Tank. Like, we made a better mousetrap of a bubble machine. And Mr. Wonderful. What does this bubble machine offer that other bubble machines don't offer? What's stopping me from putting $800,000 in and having my own bubble machine that I'm working for me?

And crush you like the ants that you are. Cockroach. Cockroach, that's what he said. Come on, dude. That guy's great. Yeah. I saw Lori one time

at the airport in Chicago because I think she's from Chicago. Mm-hmm. And she tried to skip the security line and went through the, you know, where the employees go,

you know, just to the left there. I don't blame her. Let me tell you something. Shut down. Not in Chicago. Not in Chicago. She got shut down. The womanago not in chicago she got

shut down the woman the woman was literally i just all i was in the line and all i saw was a woman like this right didn't even just did she pull out her her her golden ticket which is just like this thin cheap bullshit you know what i shouldn't shouldn't do that be careful i just feel like it's a little manipulative when she i feel like when she pulls out the golden ticket for people that don't watch the show, she represents like it's a bigger deal. Oh, yeah, it's a big deal. But no, the woman at the airport looked her right in the eyes and went like this. Didn't even motion her lips to saying, no, you can't come.

She just went like this. And she was like, she couldn't believe it. She had to go all the way back around. Dude, there's a clip. Is it Lori? What's the other one? Barbara's the other one. No, it was Lori.

There's a clip from Shark Tank that I just sent to somebody, so I'm going to pull it up and just play the audio. That is so funny. Big Tank fan, by the way. We should go on the Tank. I don't want to talk about it here. Because I have so many ideas and thoughts, and I think about this all the time.

Well, do you want me to tell you something? Yes. I know someone that books the show. Well, I happen to be an NBC baby myself. Well, i mean sorry nbc baby now yeah great and let's talk about it in a little bit because i have when i was a kid i didn't know if i would be on tv or if i even necessarily wanted to i knew movies or something but what i would fantasize was two things one award shows winning an award who even knows what for and two was late night because i always thought about what were the bits you could do.

On Late Night. Shark Tank is built for it. I watched Shark Tank in pause. It's all bit-based. It's bit-based, the whole thing. I never thought about awards when I was a kid. That never got to me. Oh, yeah.

It wasn't awards. It was the speeches. But that was always a daunting thing. Whenever I saw award shows, I thought, what a daunting atmosphere. That makes me so nervous, all those people. I hate that. You probably have nothing to worry about. Here we go. And also for the algorithm. Yeah, that's right.

Hi, folks. How y'all doing today? My name is Mrs. Jenny Goldfarb, and I'm from the mean streets in New York City. David, I don't know if it was edited that way. I'm out. I don't remember. I'm from the mean... I'm out. Oh, I love that show. Wait, who said I'm out? it was edited that way. I'm out. I don't remember. I'm from the meat. I'm out. Oh, I love that show.

Wait, who said I'm out? Who was it? Oh, yeah, Damon. Yeah, the ball hog. I'm out. Damon, I'm out. So the no deal thing made me think of a story that if I think about it and you want to, I almost want to put the clip up.

You know I do stuff with my dad and Teddy all the time. Always, yeah. My 200th episode is about to come out. 200th episode of Tyso. Yeah. Wow. And I'm going to reveal who it is now. The first episode I ever-

This comes out in a few days. Yeah. So it'll be a week after. Okay, good. Next week is Big Jay Oakerson. Then it's 200th episode. 200th episode is the first episode i ever recorded it wasn't the first that i put up but the first i ever recorded take your shoes off was dad and teddy so here we

are four years almost to the day later dad teddy great great episode out of your head so stoned and teddy is the 40 of it is he is fascinated with hitler he knows everything there is to know about hitler i don't think he loves hit. In fact, I know he hates Hitler. My money's on him. He doesn't like him. Hates him. Yeah. But fascinated.

Yeah, the guy's fascinated. Talking so much, and he's talking so much about it. It's a lot of Hitler talk. But there was an episode. That would get demonetized. No, but it's not like, it's not gratuitous. No, it doesn't matter. But we do a game show where I read, I have a whole bunch of Hitler facts and I do facts where I talk about

like this real true or false basically. And I say Hitler facts and he knows, and then I also like multiple choice. He's getting a lot of the Hitler stuff. You get, hold on. I have to read you this. Cause I wrote on my phone the other day. Look at the first note, the first note in my phone. You think Hitler, you think Hitler ever sent a postcard? Like imagine Hitler is on a little vacation, sends someone a postcard. It's like, hey, visiting Switzerland for the first time. And you're a family friend of Hitler's and you get a postcard from him. And you put it up on the fridge because we had sent the nieces a postcard. And I thought.

Who sent the nieces? Who sent the nieces? And then imagine if Hitler sends a postcard and then the war breaks out and everyone's like should we take that off the fridge right it's from he's he's he's like his girlfriend's on the beach and he sends a postcard he's like hope ever staying bronzed it's just fucking awful come on we have fun come on we have a lot of fun but give me a give me one hitler fact um or give me one that i don't know. Here's one that was so funny. I don't remember the details of it, but it was like true or false. It was something about Hitler's relationship with his father. And it turns out, and I was shocked, didn't have a great relationship with him.

What? I don't remember what it was, but it was talking about whatever Hitler's dad did or something. And Teddy's like, true. You know, no shit. Come on, Teddy. I don't remember, but I was too stoned. What did Hitler's dad do for a living? Do you remember that?

I think neglect his son. It paid well. It paid off. You know, it was interesting to think that everyone hates Hitler. Rightfully so. Oh, come on. There's got to be a couple. Look it.

I'm not saying everybody. There's some of the listeners. Oh, well. Everyone hates Hitler. No one's of the listeners. Oh, well. But, like, no one's blaming the dad. Well, yeah, it's not the dad's fault. Well, it's not his art teacher's fault either. The art teacher thing is bullshit. That's a new age way of, that's been infused in the new, like.

We're not talking about lemonade here. Yeah, we are. Infused. Well, that's infused in culture now, the zeitgeist of like oh, and you know he failed at art school. It's like, that has nothing to do with, you want to talk about it was methamphetamine. Okay. You just went from Strong Tank Santino

which I was about to be like, I can't deal with Strong Tank Santino right now. And you turn it into a little bit of a joke. Yeah. Methamphetamines. Methamphetamines. And I thought to myself. It was poppers! That guy liked poppers that guy liked poppers he was having fucking orgies on poppers and then was bummed that people caught him are those the things that you'd like you go like this too after you get a bubble wrap poppers is what

we call them in chicago poppers so i did an episode kitty corner catty corner say it again kitty corner or catty corner it depends on if we're golfing or not we're we haven't golfed ever then caddy corner that's right that's right um i did an episode it was teddy my mom my dad on this side and me and howie mandel on this side love it's five jews in a room howie of course i never met my family before but who's the most jewish that's a good question yeah we're all pretty i know and let me tell you how how what kind of jewish we all are the best kind let me tell you what i mean okay please tell me what you mean okay where the Askenazi kind. And I say that not that there's anything wrong with the other.

Don't be diminutive about it. But. Thank you. But like we're the we're not the tall statuesque hot ones. We're the my back hurts funny. That's a tradition one. Just say my back hurts funny ones. Yeah.

We're the my back hurts funny Jews. We're not. I don't have to say what the other ones ones. Yeah, we're the my back hurts funny Jews. I don't even have to say what the other ones are. What kind of Jewish are you? Are you Orthodox, Reformed? I'm the back hurts funny kind of Jew. That is such an obvious category. Are you the tall, olive skin, slender, beautiful model ones?

No, we're the my back hurts funny ones. We we're the My Back Hurts Funny ones. We're the My Back Hurts Funny Jews. And also some of us with a tremendous obstacle of obsessive compulsive disorder. Yeah. My Back Hurts is hand in hand with that, by the way. Phantom pains. There's a joke that I heard, and I asked this person if this was their joke, and they go, no, apparently it's a stock joke, but he did it on stage.

So for that reason, I'm not going to credit it because it's... It's everyone's joke. And maybe you've heard it. I never have, and it's so simple. But he goes, I'm Jewish. Or he goes, you know how people know I'm... He goes, you know how you know somebody's Jewish? Have you heard this before? They'll tell you.

So it's like, what a simple, clean, but it feels like- I've heard that thing, that setup for other- Yeah, Harvard is the joke. You know how someone went to Harvard? You know how you know someone? That's the 30 Rock joke. Yeah, they say it. But that's also true, by the way.

I have genuinely felt that. I always thought- About Harvard people? Yeah, but I was like, that's bullshit. What do you mean? And then this girl that we know in my old group of friends, they called her. I'm not going to say her name, but they called her Sarah from Harvard because that's all she would talk about constantly. Should we start telling people it's too late?

Huh? I said it's too late. What? We should start telling people we're from Harvard. They won't believe it. It's too late. But if we did it when we got here. I just still, even if we, when we got here, Harvard. They won't believe it. It's too late. But if we did it when we got here... I just still...

Even when we got here, you could have gotten away with it. What? Because I'm an intellectual? Jew. I almost got mad, but I remembered you were probably being silly. I just hate when somebody sneezes

and doesn't do the setup. Sorry. Go ahead. You know how they would have known you went that way? No, I mean, ah. Oh. What? Ah-choo.

Ah-choo. Yeah. So I want to tell you this thing. So we're doing this podcast. It's great. It's funny. Everyone is doing their thing. Teddy is so stoned.

Teddy is so stoned. Are we talking edibles or smoke? Oh, I've been around. Yeah. Okay. I've never met anybody in the world who smokes like Teddy as much as Teddy does. He smokes all day. It's not just all day.

He's the weed with the hash, with the wax, with the stuff and the thick. And he rolls it like- He's a chemist now. And he's the biggest and the biggest plumes. And he doesn't stop. And he gets to a point where he's just like, I don't even know why you like doing what you're doing. He's incoherent. It gets sometimes to the point.

He knows what he's doing and he likes it and he's on vacation, I guess. Leave him alone. So he now is getting to the point, right, where he's high and he's excited because he's so sweet because he's very successful. He's a musician. He does jingles. He's a great piano player. He's cool. He smokes. He does jazz. He's Long Island. He's this. He's very successful. He's a musician. He does jingles. He's a great piano player. He's cool. He smokes.

He does jazz. He's Long Island. He's this. He's that. But when he sees something he likes, Howie Mandel, this is, I mean, he's excited. This is cool. There is no faking the excitement of the celebrity. Right.

Does that make sense? Like it exists for him and he's excited about it. He's interested and he's engaged and he's listening and stuff. He's getting more and more high and, you know, he's just doing his own thing and how he says something i don't remember what it was teddy hadn't talked in five minutes and then how he asks for something maybe whatever and then teddy who's goes no deal it was like almost bullying howie for the rest of the episode dude this should be called the four neurotic jews that's what i think what should be called this podcast okay so what are you you're not too neurotic oh i'm neurotic yeah no you're just high

are you i'm over the tray howie i'm here oh you're over the plate he's over a plate he's over a plate no deal and we're all high uh how he doesn't do that so how he's just in a living room with these people i don't know out of their mind yeah and and he's just you know how he is charming and usually the center of the thing and he's and he still kind of is a lot of the time but there's a little bit of a battle that's kind of happening between just the Glassmans and Howie. Because he played along, I'm sure. Of course, it was great. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But just there was a moment

where Teddy is just excited that Howie Mandel's there, and then he goes, no deal, dude! You know? And we weren't even talking about deal or no deal anyway. But yet you were,

because in his mind, he heard... Yeah, of course. I had to say deal. How could I not? Yeah. He was maybe thinking of it for like five minutes he just he just got the balls and then he's just bullying him for a little bit did how we kind of turn a little bit or no how he how he goes harder back he does of course that's i actually i actually saw and i i as something i never seen him in that episode i saw the little like i saw oh, he was like the alpha male.

Howie. I saw Howie being the, because he's such a friendly, you know, at least now, like he's like this network friendly personality. But what you're saying, he wanted to kind of broaden his shoulders because you guys were, because it was almost felt like he was being ganged up on? No, not at all. It was, it was, I think at least the way I take that, I love that shit. Yeah.

It's like you're playing ball and you're pushing people around. I'm like, ooh, I want to push. No, he just leaned in even harder. He's just now, he's doing his jokes to like, why don't you quit drooling on yourself? Or whatever the things are, you know? And it was fun. It was great. Yeah.

But I'm just saying that like. Was he drooling on himself? No. There was no moment of that? I don't know, maybe. Howie, pulling stuff out of the air then, huh? When you see somebody. Well.

You know. Shout out to Howie Knows Best. No, damn! What's the name of this podcast? You've done it. Yeah. Howie. Howie.

Howie. Howie Don. Howie Don. Hey, Howie Don. No, but man. He did prank calls with me on the show. I never made it on the show because it was insane and it just didn't work. I saw an episode.

The pranks didn't make it on. He prank called a bunch of places. And I was, and then his producer was like, should we use those? I was like, no. Because they weren't funny or they were. Well, I didn't really, I was barely in it. He was like, can we do some prank calls? He did that with me and then he just did it.

And I was like, I don't really want, I don't know. No. Did you like prank calls as a kid? Yes. Loved when I was a kid. But because there was an air of mystery of like, you just doot, doot, doot, doot, doot, doot, doot. And yeah, I got it. And I always loved playing the long game.

I like like the long form. Like you're still doing something you've been doing since you were nine? All right. Well, you ready? Yes. Mark Kilpatrick of 1345 West Elm Road. Your daughter's not dead. We've got her. We had her. It's been 28 years, and I feel like the jig is up. We got to say it. Oh, I can't say it. I feel like the gig is up. Sorry. Sorry to all the jigs out there. Rick Rubin is going to sign us any minute now. I think I could do what he does, and I'm not even kidding.

100%. He said openly, you're like, what's your talent? He's like, people like... No, not because he's not talented, but because I am a great music producer. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Do that again. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no. But see, na-na-na-nas are more on rhythm than the ssss. So, who is really doing the producing? Whoa. We'll be right back. Dude, sometimes when I meet people Time out. Go ahead. They give a handshake, and I go We don't give handshakes in this house, brother!

And then I go like this blow it up yeah you gotta but how much I just try to match whatever they do let them I suggest an idea and then I let them

take control of it I like that give and take I do like prank calls when I was a kid I used to love it because it would I was the only one

who had the balls a couple of my friends would do it but they would let me I would always go you know ring call me i'm gonna be uh as a kid though what's the story i'm uh i'm toys r us i would never do that right you'd be ace hardware ace okay all right um give me a call but and since you do effects do you mind doing the ring ring ring hey i said ring not doing an impression of my mother-in-law hello ace hardware hey it does ace hardware yes it is ace hardware where you know if you need a

hammer we got it okay is everything hey yeah aisle seven brian the hammers are in aisle seven is everything inside of there hard? We have a lot of hardware. Is that what you're asking? Where is all the hardware? What are you looking for? What kind of stuff are you looking for? I'm looking for something hard that can wear an ace.

Okay. That'll be an ILA, dude. Peace. Helpful. Dude, if I, because I would, if that were, for real, if I was answering, and I would know if I was being pranked, if it was like that, you know, obviously. So I would want to do it like that. And fuck with them back a little bit.

But not let them know I know, yeah. But when you're young and you're 16 and you work at those jobs. Dude, I was like that. That's why I knew I could do what Rick Rubin does. When people call me, dude, and they solicit stuff, such and such, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. I go, absolutely. Give me one sec. What is this about?

And they'll say, well, we're looking at it. And I go, huh. And I'll do it. And I'll talk to them for minutes and minutes. I don't have the time. Ask, well, I do. I do. And also,. Ask, well, I do. I do. And also,

it fills me up, man. It fills me up because I'm not being mean, but I get to play the game I want to play. Right. I never say, well, that's what you get, asshole.

No. You know, I just do it. You just have some fun. Yeah. And then leaving it with, it is interesting and just asking genuine questions.

I don't understand, like really, because of course I don't understand what's going on because how is that a real thing that people are calling people to tell them about this stuff? So I'm really trying to better understand.

I get calls like this all the time. And I usually don't even listen. I never really understand. Could you explain it to me? And then I let them talk. And I just keep asking questions. Is it ever intriguing? Are you ever interested, genuinely?

I don't remember. Like, one time I had one of those Jesus Christ Latter-day Saints door-to-door guy. One time I heard him out. I said, okay, give it to me. Right. I think that's awesome, by the way. I said one time, because most other days I'm like, guys, I don't have any time to do this. I'm busy.

But I said, give it to me. And they were shocked. He was like, oh. And then he started this spiel and uh i answered all his questions honestly and at the end he's like do you want literature i said do i have to pay for it he said no i said no i would have rather had to pay for it i feel like free literature's bullshit right if it's a book i had to buy i'd be like i'll buy this book maybe it's worth it yeah if it was yeah free literature is bullshit.

That's bullshit. You know what free literature is? Sorry, I'm not even going to say it. I heard him out one time. I did hear him out one time. I don't answer the calls anymore about the random number thing because I just, it's infuriating. I'd rather be people, but when it's robots, it drives me nuts. People don't bother me. I just, it's infuriating. I'd rather be people, but when it's robots, it drives me nuts. I walked out.

People don't bother me. If it's a telemarketer. Say that again. If it's a. Keep doing that. It's if it's up. Keep the if it's up. If it's a, if it's a, if it's a, if it's a, if it's a, if it's a, if it's a, if it's a, if it's a, if it's a, if it's a, if it's a, if it's a, if it's a, if it's a, if it's a, if it's a, if it's a, if it's a, if it's a, if it's a, if it's a, if it's a, if it's a, if it's a, if it's a, if it's a, if it's a, if it's a, if it's a, if it's a, if it's a, if it's a, if it's a, if it's a, if it's a, if it's a, if it's a, if it's a, if it's a, if it's a, if it's a, if it's a, if it's a, if it's a, if it's a, if it's a, if it's a, if it's a, if it's a, if it's a, if it's a, if it's a, if it's a, if it's a, if it's a, if it's a, if it's a, if it's a, if it's a, if it's a, if it's a, if it's a, if it's a, if it's a, if it's a, if it's a, if it's a, if it's a, if it's a, if it's See, but who was the better musician?

Again, you're the producer, but you are leading me down this road. Let me, let me. I am what, Donny Road? You're leading me down. That's all I'm saying. Leading me down. Leading me, leading me, leading me. I'm going to lead you down the road so you can understand and realize that if I push you up on top of his hand, I can offer you some

instincts on your own feet. But if you don't, I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't.

I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't.

I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't.

I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't.

I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't.

I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't.

I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't.

I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't.

I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't like to talk about other water. Because he is a fluid personality. I got to tell you. He is bipolar. Locked.

Locked up. He's in trouble, Bubba. Dude. That was good, that little riff-a-diff we did. I love this, man. I'm loving what's happening right now. You're vibing? I'm loving this vibe. I'm loving this room. I'm loving what's happening right now I'm loving this vibe I'm loving this room I'm loving my family

and you know who I've been loving a lot recently and I've loved him before say it me I want to bring this up for real if you want to be honest about it you tweeted the other day that you

something to the effect of I'm paraphrasing that, you're not ashamed to say that you've reached a place where you're finding self-love in real life. That's more than a paraphrase. That's a little out of context, but it is close. Yeah, but it's close. It's definitely a good category. I would say it's more than two days away. Then give it to me. Imagine we're saying we're going to lunch.

It was more so that I was going through it a little bit, and I was having a hard time for a bit. And I tried something that I've heard before, which was just like, just choose to be happy. And like, I've heard that before, and I also get that message. I was never able to do it like when people say you know to do positive information and look in the mirror and say i am great i am strong i am a badass mother who don't take no crap from nobody once again junior i see pride i see power i see a badass mother who don't take no crap from nobody and one day i might be able to live in buckingham palace which i by the way have you seen london has fallen no see it all right so but the reason that doesn't work when you're like

i is good i is smart people what is it you know from the help what is that one i is good i is kind i is smart and by the way that's just the way they said it that's you could have done the stewart smalley one what is that with michael jordan in the mirror on snl oh i'm good enough and smart and doggone it people like me so the that doesn't work at least not for me you know why that doesn't work for me no mirrors i mean i guess if there's a mirror around what do you think what are you gonna live in a house of fucking mirrors you You think I live in a carnival? You know, it's funny that you say that

because in a way we do live in a world of them because every time we see something and somebody we don't like, we're really looking at a reflection of ourselves. Truth bullets.

You know what, dude? You would be a fun bit is if you had your shirt off or on. I guess it could be on. It's a shirt that had buttons, right? And you know how like hot women get sushi eaten off their pussy and tits by rich ugly guys you would be one of

those but you'd be laying out a thing and then people push a button but make a noise but yeah but you but it doesn't matter what button they push they don't have to pre-program because you're there listening that's the brilliance of it and so that like you're like oh yeah and then and then and sometimes they might push a button and it's like you don't even know so you make something up but you're just there but also just for the bit you're naked with oh, yeah. And then sometimes they might push a button and you don't even know, so you make something up. But you're just there. But also, just for the bit, you're naked with sushi on your balls and sushi on your fucking nips. Nipples. Sorry.

Sorry. Nipples, nipples, nipples. Gig. Free the nipples. Free the nipples. Free the nipples. Who would you rather free? Who's somebody who's locked up that people want to free right now?

Julian Assange. Julian Assange? Or the nipples? I'm going with julian assange yeah and you have free julian assange free julian assange and and then it says that but once they want to free the nipples they cut that out yes yes um so the reason that that self-talk doesn't work is because i'm saying what i'm supposed to say i I'm saying something. Um, I'm going to tell you something. It'll maybe take some minutes,

so I'll be serious, but we'll probably do jokes too. Yeah. Yeah. We'll mix it up. Like we always do. Yeah. We'll toss a joke in there.

May I? Yeah. That's me pushing a button. Dude, there it is. You know what? I want to do a solo podcast called pushing buttons with Glassman and the There it is. You know what? I want to do a solo podcast called Pushing Buttons with Glassman.

And the opening is I say one thing that week to push my buttons, and then for the rest of the hour, I'm just pushing buttons. You're doing sounds. You're doing sounds. But you're naked on the desk with sushi on your dick. Anyway. All right. Tell me why self-affirmation doesn't work. I do agree to stop you for a second.

Your podcast should be called I do agree to stop you for a second. Well, yeah, you're saying what somebody told you to say. Right. That's bullshit. So the problem is you don't believe it. It's not your words. Right. Not your thoughts.

So here's what I've been doing over the years. And this started with stand-up because i was always petrified to go on stage and not just when i started i'm eight years in and i'm crying sometimes because i i literally have no idea what i'm going to talk about because i always had to do new stuff i don't know if i'm supposed to be doing this i don't know how to do this i'm embarrassed right okay i was around for all that so um sometimes i would feel like i'm in the pocket i'm ready and sometimes i was scared and i couldn't control it and i had a moment i've talked about this part of my podcast not after this but where i was so nervous and i i recognized i had been so nervous so many times and then i really it wasn't just a trick i really said said something that I believed, which was, I think I'm supposed to be nervous. Not just it's okay to be nervous, but really

accepting like the way I'm wired, who I am, I'm supposed to be, I'm a nervous guy. I get nervous. I'm supposed to be nervous. And once I recognized I'm supposed to be nervous, I'm still nervous. I still have the cortisol in my veins, but there was no shame in it. And there was no need to me to wipe my palms or pretend I wasn't nervous. There was no need to mask. There was no need for me to not be present in myself because I'm supposed to. I'm a nervous person. That changed something for me because now I'm on stage and I'm nervous. Right.

And there is a trick where you acknowledge your feelings. And that is a trick. Yeah. But the deeper thing, the reason you acknowledge it is because once you get it out, you realize it's not that bad. The root, the sustainable version is accept who you are because then you've acknowledged it to yourself already. So now I go on stage. Whenever I'm scared or nervous or something like, Rick, you get like this all the time. It just makes it easier.

So that was the first time like me saying to myself, you're supposed to be nervous. You're supposed to be scared. You're supposed to be able to fail here. That works for me. So I had that. That's very logical. When something is logical enough where it makes sense, it makes the emotional part change as a perspective of it. Right?

I can still talk about this? Yeah. I like it. of it right um i can still talk about this yeah i like it so what i've noticed within myself is if my emotions are very strong and they they are with certain things and certain times even if i logically am able to like parent myself like if you're drunk for example and you're walking weird talking weird you could say to yourself buddy you're drunk you're not gonna not be drunk anymore but now you know this isn't who you are maybe sit down or whatever tools you've come up with yeah that's logical that's what you're able to talk yourself down and you're still be drunk but you're

better but when the emotions are so strong that doesn't work like i'm drunk yeah but i can't control it i'm gonna throw up i don't know if that makes sense but when the emotions are at a certain point the logical voice is, it's my mom saying it's time for bed. And I go, yeah, but I'm, I want to finish willow. You know, it's not going to happen, lady. You know, this is where I am. Good luck, bitch.

Yeah. Good luck. You fucking bitch. What did you just say to me? What did you say to me? Pause on Mad Mardigan. Listen, mom. I went to bed at 10 last night.

Why is it a problem now? Yeah. You fucking bitch. I'm sorry, Ricky. You're so special. That's right, you fucking bitch. Now make me some more. On.

Soup. Soup. Make me some more on soup. Yeah. Black people. uh i mean black guys uh black guys i i grew up i had uh i had a lot of black friends you could probably tell yeah people either think i'm from new york or i had a lot of black friends they um black people would always tell me these two things one brother no no i'm just kidding i don't know i'm just a little stoned they would they would talk about uh i i never yelled at my mom bitch i i mean obviously we're joking but i was a smart ass to my mom yeah what the what the

hell you know like like there's two kiwi strawberry snapples left and my friend asked me if i could have one and i go i don't have enough to give you and my mom's like you have two left i'm like i don't want to give him my last i'm gonna have one i'm giving him my last one what the hell you know like you know i did that and i got his stuff i wasn't really like what the hell i was just you know like come on this is the the my back hurts funny. Yeah. This is all the my back hurts funny. So when a black friend, let me tell you this. When a black friend hears their white friend say to their mom, what the hell?

That's my last Snapple, you fucking bitch. They're always very surprised. Because at least where I grew up in Northeast Ohio, black people did not talk back to their moms. If I could say one thing about the black guys, they do not talk back to their moms. If I could say one thing about the black guys, they do not talk back to their moms. Have you heard this? Yeah. Do we have any black friends we could get on the phone?

Chris Rock joked about this. I think he put it in one of his specials. That you can't talk back about... White people talk back to their mom. Shut up, mom! Yeah, well, I didn't say that. The black comic white impression is my favorite. It's always like, uh, yeah, whatever, Rick. We'll go to do some taxes.

You know what? It works. Yeah, it's right. Yeah, it does. It's like when Conan does his nerdy guy. It's just like, yeah. It's exactly right. Yeah.

Technically, my penis is only that way because I just got out of the water. Perfect. Every white guy at the beach. What were we talking about? Black people, babies. You really were talking in the initial version of this of falling in love with yourself. It's out of context, dude. If it's just that clip, it's really funny to show me just talking too much.

You're in love with yourself. Talking too much. And they're like, what were we talking about? You're like, you were telling me about how in love with yourself. Talking too much. And they're like, what were we talking about? You're like, you were telling me about how in love with yourself you are. It's true. Yeah, but in a very healthy way. No, no, it is good.

When I read it, I was happy for you. Should I keep going? I really don't need to at all. I would like it, actually. I think it's nice. So what I found was when I was like,

Rick, just be happy. I'm like, I have practice in talking to myself. I talk to myself out loud sometimes, uh, buddy, it's time for bed, that kind of stuff. Listen, I know you don't want to go to bed. Why don't you just go wash up now? I'll say out loud. I'll say in my head, I have the parent talk out loud. I think like, I think I don't want to. And he goes, I don't want, I say this out loud. Like I'm a crazy person. I go, it's like, I don't want to go to bed now. And you'll look, I don't, I don't really look up cause I'm thinking, you know, but like,

I'm happy. And then, but out loud, the parent and I go, how about this? Wash your face, brush your teeth. If you want to come back down, you can. And I go, I don't want to, I think I don't want to. And I go, I go, I don't want to either. Let's go. Like I do that for real.

And I go, if somebody is just watching me, I go, I don't want to. I don't. Okay. I go wash my face. You know, I go, I don't want to. I don't. Okay. And I go watch my face. I never really thought of it that way. Man, that tweet seems so innocent and heartfelt. Now I know you're having psychotic episodes. I'll do that.

I do that, but I do it with like a, the gym is the first one. Where I always- They say you just gotta show up. Where I literally will go, every time you are like this, every time you're doing this thing, where you're like,

you always go, remember the exact feeling the moment you leave the gym the moment i leave the gym it's the best feeling i've ever had i'm always like that was easy i'm glad i did it took up no time in my day cut to a clip that was easy it took like no time my day i'm glad i did it and we're back so it works yeah it works it does it really does work If you could tap into that thing and it makes enough sense. If the person who doesn't want to go could remember that thing well enough, then it works. And it's similar where if it's not just a feeling of something you've done, it's similar if it's if this person who doesn't feel good, isn't happy, is insecure, is ashamed, hasn't accepted himself, could remember what it's like to actually do it and what that feels like. But in order to do that, you have to have that.

Yeah. Right? I was thinking on my way over here something about – because I was feeling really mellow. And I'm like, I love – there's a confidence in the mellowness when you still feel silly. Do you know what that is where it's like, you know, you don't have to prove yourself? Yeah. Maybe you'll get big. Maybe you won't.

But you just – you know you're great. You're already there is what I used to say. Well, I'm already there. You're already there. Yeah. So the idea of like you don't. But you just, you know, you're great. You're already there. Right. That's what I used to say. Well, I'm already there. You're already there. Yeah. So the idea of like, you don't have to prove yourself. I thought that is a lovely sentiment and I could be wrong. I just thought of this today, but I don't think that's fair to say to anybody.

I think you don't have to prove yourself after you've proven yourself. Correct. Now it's different to say, I have to prove myself to these people that aren't relevant to my self-worth. But you have to at least do it to yourself. Yeah. And unless you're perfectly enlightened from jump, one of the ways you could be accepting of yourself

and feel like you've proved things to yourself is to get some external validation. It's the truth. Yeah. You think you're funny, You've been funny enough. If you lived in a hut and no comedy clubs, you wouldn't know that. Point is you have to prove it to yourself.

So how could you believe that you're good enough or that you're, you deserve to be here or whatever, unless you've proven it somehow, right? That's where the work comes in. That's where you got to do you got to find and here's where something that is like not necessarily objective but i believe you got to find something you're good at you got to find it doesn't have to be your career it doesn't even have to be something with your hands or something that was almost called a skill it could be

communicating with people it could be eating pussy really well at least as long as one of the two. Yeah. Cooking, knowing a lot about birds, whatever it is, have something like that you care about, that you, collecting cards, you know, fantasy sports, anything. Find something and become really good at it. And then you're like, I'm fucking good at this thing. And that feeling is like the cheat code into then feeling good about everything else because yeah because i don't have to think i'm the best chef if i know what it's like to feel proud of myself and good at something i've already i've proven it i'm already there yeah let me just fucking be not a great chef i love cooking man like if you could find that feeling

that feeling of leaving the gym doesn't have to be the gym it could be i don't want a podcast or i remember that feeling when you finish something it could be not leaving the gym but accomplish something or defeat something or grow in something whatever it is so find something that you could like tap into so when you look in the mirror and i say i'm great it's like i know i'm not i'm not i'm not great yet not yet and just like when you're working out if your body's not there if you do it for two weeks straight you you're gonna feel good so you might look in the mirror and not think i'm the strongest but you're like i look better like that's even enough yeah you don't have to master something is what i'm saying have something that you like see yourself

get better want to get better that feeling so Because the irony is there is no mastering. It doesn't exist. There is no mastering, but I don't even mean that spiritual. Some people just, you know, like they suck, but good for you. Yeah, but that's okay. You're getting better at yourself. But I mean, even the best isn't over. That's the thing.

Right. But I'm saying there's a difference of you with year two comedian and now. Sure. But like even year two when you know like I'm still maybe even doing bringer shows. But like I have a couple of jokes that are working. You're feeling it. Yeah.'m getting i'm getting good yeah so i'm on the couch i'm not feeling well i'm like just feel like be happy and i'm like how and i'm like i have like some tangible tools that i tap like this like think of a moment when you were like i think of

this stuff and i was like well and then i just felt some gratitude about some people in my life, some things that I've been doing and have accomplished the way I think of my standup now. Um, and I was just like, that just made me feel good. And like, even if it was for a second, cause of that thing I wrote, I wrote even just for a few moments and it lasted still, it's been days. still it's been days um that feeling and i realized like just be and the idea of like just like be okay and then i thought of stuff that made me feel okay and then i realized oh i could go back to the other thing but just by like sitting in it long enough i i didn't like cheat myself only think about what you're grateful for which i guess is also cool but like i just had a moment that was visceral and enough of me like being happy and content that i'm like oh i'm happy and content and it was like and i and i messaged it i posted it and i said something like in the comments i almost didn't post because admittingly i was like because it opened with like i've been

going through it a little bit and but like you don't need to check in on me. I'm okay. I didn't want it to seem like attention seeking. Like when people are posting stuff where, and meaningly I judge it on my own projections, but that's not how I, I don't mean to post that way. I'm trying to post like a cool thing.

Cause I thought like, I found like a cheat code. You found the game genie for your emotions. At least, you know, for an emotion where the thing that was bothering me is,ie for your emotions at least you know for an emotion where the thing that was bothering me is you know at a it's about something i'm not gonna get into but like yeah it's okay there's you know like it's okay sometimes you're passionate about a certain thing or you know so it was a little bit easier but uh and it's still with you right now yeah

it's still with me right now not just, it's still with me right now. Not just the feeling of like, the gratitude of the things I was thinking about then, but just the, like, I feel like a, a sense of

control of myself that makes like, I feel more confident. I feel like, like, how like, powerful the mind is and perspective is

and like, self-acceptance and cornily enough but like not really like self-love. And like I mean people will – the reason people don't like me online is for what I'm about to say because they think I probably like myself too much. But like I think I'm fucking awesome. And I didn't always. And I might be wrong, you know wrong, but I like this thing better. And with that, I just feel like I've been feeling so confident and happy and more interested in other people. I like it.

Despite the fact that I've been talking this entire podcast. No, but I really like it. I definitely feel it. That's why I think you've got to go to Tysocards.com and pick up these monster collections. Pick up these monster collections right here. This turns into an infomercial. $19.99, three payments. $17.

$17. We are taking your card and your calls right now. We're running short on the stock. I think that's important that you did that. That's good that you do that work. Do you want to make this a long episode? Because I don't want to end right now. What time is it now?

We've been doing it for about an hour, I think. Well, I'm running on fumes. We can do it some more, though. Sounds like, do you know the Jackson Browne song, Running on Empty? Running on empty. Is that Jackson Browne? Running on, running my.

Rick Rubin. Running on with the sun. I'm Rick Rubin. Running behind. All right, well, if we're going to be done soon, I want to stick around long enough where I could do this week's commercials here. But let's do this.

Let me take what you gave me. I'm glad that you feel that way. It's a tough place to get to. I think many people that are listening will agree that that's really hard to do. And you know when you're like, people on there is probably part of the reason people online hate me. That's not true. I think we're all desperately searching to find a little bit of peace in all the chaos.

I don't care how rich, how poor, where you're from. And I think as you get older, finding that is really, really hard. But once you start to lean towards that, I think the possibilities are endless. Not just for you to be comfortable and happy, but also to not let all of the shit keep pulling you back to where you go, wherever people go. So I think it's, honestly, all comedy on this show aside, it is important. Our whole job is to make people feel good. Oftentimes, we don't try to make ourselves feel good.

Cry me a river, woe is me, smallest violin, I get it. Hey, if you're not doing that, that's on, you know, you got some work to do. Just do, that's what, yeah. I think we were saying the same thing, but do that. Make yourself feel good about yourself. Yeah yeah because your whole job is making other people feel good i want to acknowledge one thing too though it said people not liking me i was making a joke but my point was like when there's a there's a uh you could you could uh spin self love into arrogance and i'm saying that's what i was just saying like no i know this guy blah blah

blah so i was like making a joke they're gonna take it the way they're gonna take it but it's the way we need to give it to them um but I want to say because you said it's hard to find that and I want to say what I already said but like it's really like a great I think this is great tangible advice find something and do it I mean it's almost as simple if you you might already have that a lot of people do yeah but like if you don't or like you do but you haven't I don't mean a passion and stuff you have to put 20 hours a week into. No, but it's something you really like. It's so simple.

Just find something you like and do it. Get better at it, quicker at it, or smarter at it. Yeah. Whatever it is, it's... The first week in Melbourne, I was a little uneasy because I was like, this is going to be two and a half... How long were you there? Two months?

Over two months. And I was like, this is going to be two and a half. How long were you there? Two months? Over two months. And I was like, this is going to be daunting. And then I was like, well, I want to go get bands, workout bands, because the gym was bad and I was waiting on a gym membership. And I said, I'll go get bands. So I go to this store and I go get bands. And I'm in there. I'm like a kid.

I was like, I could buy anything I want. Did they have any REO Speedwagons? Two of them. But one of them wasn't speedy. One of them was a REO regular wagon. And next to the register was a dartboard. And I was like, I always loved darts. I've always loved darts.

And I'm good at darts. But I was like, I had a dartboard years ago. Real dart metal points or plastic? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Metal plastics for fucking jokers. The Joker actually has plastic plastic if you see the new batman he plays darts the whole movie exactly what you were talking about why so serious dart

um and i put a dartboard up in the hotel which i'll probably be paying for right now on my credit card but i fucking put a toll and i played no way they're charging you for the dartboard they're gonna they're gonna thank you they did they wrote me a thank you email. And I played every day, and I measured. I went and got blue tape, paint tape, and I measured off. I did the accurate. What is it, 20 feet? Seven feet, nine inches.

I was way off. Yeah, not even close. And then it's six feet right off the floor. You know, those numbers are both like, no, only one of them. I was going to say they were both like a couple points off of me of being 7.9 and 6, but I'm 6'4". And I'm probably 7.9. 7.9 inches?

Yeah. Tall? Short man. Yeah. If by tall you mean, do me a favor because we don't have to do it in post. On my podcast we bleep and blur the mouth. Yeah.

But I don't want to make you do that, so I'm going to say some stuff and you just bleep it. Yeah. Ready? So my mouth is blurred. Can we make sure that we at least blur what I'm saying? Yeah. Yeah? Put your hand over your mouth. Okay. What was I talking about? Oh, yeah, you said tall. Yeah, tall.

Tall? Yeah. Yeah, tall. Tall? Yeah. Yeah, tall. If... And it's on my... When you went... Bent over the back of the... Not even considering how big her...

And the volume... Can't even. So, my dick. Richard, look in that camera right there. One word or one phrase at the end of the episode like we always do. Look in that camera and say something now. Find a passion and stick to it. Or my name ain't Bubblegum Shrimp.

In here, we pour whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey. You are that creature in the ginger beard. Sturdy and ginger. Like vampires, the ginger gene is a curse. Gingers are beautiful. You owe me $5 for the whiskey and $75 for the horse. Gingers are hell no. This whiskey is excellent.

Ginger. I like gingers.