Whiskey Ginger with Andrew Santino - Ryan Sickler 2.0

Episode Date: May 14, 2021

Santino sits down with Honey Dew's own, Ryan Sickler to talk about growing up without parents, putting big hunks of chaw in your jaw, taking his daughter to send his son off to prom, moms hitting mailboxes and leaving gifts in hotels for comics. ORDER SOME MERCH!!! https://www.andrewsantinostore.com Join our Patreon : https://www.patreon.com/whiskeygingerpodcast SUPPORT OUR SPONSORS! ROMAN - Go to Get Roman dot com slash Whiskey now, you’ll get $15 off your first month. It’s really time to take care of your ED. And remember, get started today and you’ll save $15 on your first order of ED treatment. MANSCAPED - Clean up your balls and your beard now with the best in mens grooming https://www.manscaped.com/ Get 20% off use promo code WHISKEY20 BETTERHELP - You deserve to feel better Get the help you need today from wherever you are http://betterhelp.com/whiskey for 10% OFF your first month Follow Santino on Insta and Twitter: https://www.instagram.com/cheetosantino/ https://twitter.com/CheetoSantino Whiskey Ginger Insta and Twitter: https://www.instagram.com/whiskeygingerpodcast/ & https://twitter.com/whiskeyginger_ Whiskey Ginger Clips: http://www.youtube.com/c/WhiskeyGingerPodcastClips EDITING AND PRODUCTION DESIGN BY Andres "Fancy B" Rosende Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What up, Whiskey Ginger fans? Welcome back to the show. Like I always say, please hit that subscribe button, hit that notification bell so you know when we post. But we post every single Friday as usual. I got a good one for you today. A returning Ryan Sickler comes on the pod. The Juco King. I love this dude, man. He's so funny. He has the most infectious laugh of anybody I've ever met in my life. And he's going back on the road. He plugs his dates and I'm going to plug mine.

Go to andrewsantino.com. I'm going to be in Atlantic City at the end of the month. And then I'm going to Houston, Madison, Boston, Nashville. And we're adding so many more dates. I don't even know what they are, but just go to andrewsantino.com to find all that stuff. If you want more of the solo, the one pods, the solo one Cheeto chats, go to patreon.com slash whiskey ginger podcast.

That's where that stuff lives. You're looking for merch is down in the merch bar down below or at andrewsantinostore.com. But come see me live, baby. We're getting back out there. I'm so excited to be doing standup again. andrewsantino.com is where you get them tickets. Enough rambling for me.

Let's go to the episode. In here, we pour whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey. You're that creature in the ginger beard. Sturdy and ginger. Like vampires, the ginger gene is a curse. Gingers are beautiful. You owe me $5 for the whiskey and $75 for the horse. Gingers are hell no.

This whiskey is excellent. Ginger. I whiskey is excellent. Ginger. I like gingers. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back to Whiskey Ginger. My guest today is one of my favorite people on earth. I say that for all my guests, but I mean it once again today. For real, for real, for real, it's Ryan Sickler, the sick dog. Hey, baby.

Welcome. You're the only guy I let call me the sick dog. The sick dog. Welcome. I'm going to crack you off some Woodford Reserve. Actually, you know what? You pour how you want. I'll just have a little here a little just a little something something for you click click click click click click click click click click click

have a little woodford reserve start with a little sipper yeah why not tell me what's going on you said you're going you're you took your daughter where because i want to hear all about it oh yeah i'll tell you cheers cheers brother cheers man see you see made eye contact like i was about to say eye when people don't do that doesn't that weird you out you're like what's what's what's going on I'll tell you, cheers. Cheers, brother. Cheers, man. Thank you for having me. You see, made eye contact. I was about to say eye contact. When people don't do that, doesn't that weird you out? You're like, what's going on inside? I don't even have parents who raised you, bro. So tell me, what's been going on?

First of all, we lost some soldiers in the comedy pandemic war. I'm glad that Segura and them left because we didn't want them here anyway. No. I said it. I said, I don't want them here. I don't even know why they're here. I remember when you called me, you were like, thank God they're gone. I said, skedaddle!

Take all those losers with you, dude. So then, but I was glad that you stayed. I heard that, you know, like there was rumors that you might be taken off. Who the fuck? No, I, what I said to Christina on a show one time was, since you all have the money, get down there. Let us know if it was yeah she perpetuated you all have the money yeah get

down there let us know if it's worth i don't have their money yeah you let me know if it's worth it this is like uh you're like you're like the queen when they send out those explorers and they're like go see if there's land i'm looking they all die they're like the marines you go over do the recon come back i'm the navy right i'll sail over when shit's good it'll take me a while to get there but you just get send us a pigeon and let me know yeah i dude i went down there i was down and um i did austin and then i did dallas i did shows in dallas but i stopped by austin to check it out but it was exactly what i thought it was i mean look it's a great city look at me hey nah it's whatever it's fine dude it's i've only been during South by Southwest.

Me too. Matter of fact, you did the craft feast with us there. I did. I did. Matter of fact. I did South by, and then I would do- You and Baron Davis. My boy.

And then I would do, what's the other one? Moon Towers. I did that twice. And then they got mad because I went back to South by. Oh, I didn't know you could do that. You can't do both. I didn't know that. Well, we did anyway but they

threw a big fit i was like it's still selling tickets what i don't what's the difference i'm supporting the city and the thing but i think they just got butter because i went to promote the first season of i'm dying up here there and moon tower was like we thought we could rely on you to just and i was like bro who can't nobody cares fans are happy that you're there they don't care when you're there what you're there for i think that's just a that's that's an internal problem that they've got but whatever well what i was getting at basically was me being there during that time i'm sure i'm seeing the best of the best yeah they're decking the whole city out everything's going on yeah i need to go

see a weekend like a fucking i need need to see a Monday to Wednesday. Yes, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday. That's what I need to see. Show me what's really going on. That's what I need to see. Because that's the truth about all this. It's like when you come to a city, when you do a weekend somewhere, and you're like, this is Thursday, Friday, Saturday.

It's popping. But if you hung out for a day or two after, it's a dead zone. And you know that's what's going on. Maybe the reason it's popping is because there ain't shit to do during the week. Right. And you're coming out. It's you. Yeah, it's you.

Yeah. But it was fine. I have a daughter. I'm not going anywhere. I'm here till she's 18. I'm not, no matter what happens. You said before the show that blue is your color. She told you blue is your color.

My daughter told me it. Well, because you get that olive skin. I'm Italian. I don't have the last name, but I got the blood. My home. I have the last name, but I don't have the blood. See, how do you have the last name without the blood? That would be your father. Yeah, no, my dad is Italian. We know't have the last name, but I got the blood. I have the last name, but I don't have the blood. See, how do you have the last name without the blood? That would be your father.

My dad is Italian, but this took over. Yeah, it did. It looked like Ireland, man. It's sad. It did. I swear to God, dude, when I play golf, they make fun of me because I spray four or five times when we golf. It's only three hours in the sun. I went fishing yesterday from 6.30

a.m. to 3 p.m and i sprayed once are you out of your mind that would kill me i'd be dead 6 30 to 3 p.m 6 30 a to 3 p and i sprayed one time yeah and i'm not look at me this was yesterday bro that's nine hours you were in the sun yeah nine hours if i'm in the sun for nine hours call the funeral i'll throw you over let him know i'm coming. He's burnt up. Yeah, dude, I have to spray up so much. One time and that's good for you?

Does your daughter have skin like you? Nah, she's got fair skin like her mom. She gets burnt up. Right, so you got to put like those, like, was she out there the whole time with you fishing? No, no, no. I went with my buddy yesterday. She's in school now. Fine, let's go.

Oh, that's right. They're in. They're doing the thing. You think I'm not going to, school's back? I'm'm going fucking fishing i've been fishing like four times since where did you go you said lake what castaic what is that it's just like five ten well it's about 10 minutes north of valencia now i gotta mountain oh i know exactly there's an overflow where you can fish 24 7 on the east side of the bank so you can go we used to go night fishing i've been here since the late 90s so i used to go night fishing down there all the time but then there's the main lake

where you can pull up rent the 14 foot aluminum boat for 65 bucks for the whole fucking day a little eight horsepower on the back wow and just tool out there and fish the fucking lake so i went and did it yesterday see i like i i went out to uh lake kachuma is where i go camping do you know where that is where is that by um solvang okay ohio you're a little bit more west of where you are but i gotta tell you dude you go to those spots you feel like you are out of la but not just you're literally out of la this is 30 minutes north of la and it's so redneck country i love it yeah me too i love it up there would you think about moving up there? I have thought about it, but the only way in and out is the five. And if there's an accident or anything like that, you're fucked.

That's like people that live in Malibu. I don't get it. You have one road in, one road out. I mean, you can take the canyons. Good luck. But then everyone's doing that if you're fucked. Right. Right. And then you, Caitlyn, or Bruce Jenner, and kill somebody.

Yep. That's so funny. I said it right by the proper name. But back then, she was Bruce. Was it? I thought it was Caitlyn. No, I thought it was kate no i thought no no no oh what because everyone had the joke about immediately you become a woman and you're a terrible driver i feel like there was that i thought i thought he killed somebody and then switched because that's a good way out man hold

on a second make the switch there yeah i fucking say i would do that if i bruce jenner killed that motherfucker let's see you know uh see. Bruce Jenner car accident. See, I'm telling you. I think it was Bruce Jenner that did it. Jenner 68 was involved in a four car pileup. Jenner's still Jenner's last name. Yeah. Oh, no.

Well, then it says she was not charged with the crime. Caitlyn Jenner forced to pay 800 grand. God. 800 grand for killing somebody? That's not that bad. That's not, no. Didn't you think it would be way more? Way more. Someone's life should be worth more than 800 grand. 800 grand. God. 800 grand for killing somebody? That's not that bad. That's not, no. Didn't you think it would be way more? Way more.

Someone's life should be worth more than 800 grand. 800 grand? Yeah. I just, for some reason, for sure, thought that would be in the millions when you clip somebody. I mean, I hit a human being once. A person?

Didn't kill him. You hit a person? I hit a human. Let's talk about it, because my mom hit a kid one time. We'll talk about it. Oh, I hit a man. Oh, you hit a kid.

Your mom hit a child? Listen, my mom and I have a checkered past and uh i will have to sit here and say that in her defense it really was not her fault i mean you're you're at fault because you're driving but it's her fault i'm gonna tell you why it wasn't okay go ahead of the story yeah so we i'm from maryland and there used to be these stores everybody would go to you know our lower middle class would go to hanover pennsylvania yeah and hanover had a bunch of stores right you know like clothing stores a little area to go shopping outlets i guess early outlets or whatever and we're driving we're driving uh west i'll never forget this my mom's in the front her

girlfriend's up here i'm in the back and i want to put my seat belt on but they tell me you're not allowed to wear your seat belt because four you have to sit back there so before my two brothers and then there's one more on the way back remember that by the way you could fit six got six kids on a in a state we were in a ford escort bro it's station wagons i used to take station wagons and they would have one long seat belt across all the kids remember that shit it was insane it was just one it was like one seven foot no it's so fun so we're in a beige ford escort hot fresh headed west yep and this little boy he's probably 10 or 11 we all see him he's here on the sidewalk and he's crossing the street. He looks the direction we're headed.

So he looks to his right. Right. Never bothers to swivel back to the left. He was British, bro. He looked to the right only. He's like, he's checking to the right to see if there's cars. He sounded like he was American when he was crying. I didn't hear an accent.

I didn't hear an accent when he was screaming for help. My leg is broken my legs are broken so wait he looks right so he looks right and doesn't bother to look in our direction and steps out into traffic and my mom slams on the brake i'm only laughing because the kid ended up being okay his head hits the fucking fender he He goes under the tires. Boom, boom, boom. No. You ran over him? Over his legs.

Oh, my God, bro. And then I pop up, and I'm looking out the back window of the escort. I just see him crawling like his legs are dead. And he's crawling back. I'm like, oh, my God. We just hit this kid. So we pull over, and the poor kid, his mother was at the – So what happened?

Where was she? She was inside the laundromat. They were at a laundromat. She asked him to go across the street and get something. Cigarettes. Or he wanted to go probably... Go get mom some cigarettes. Play my numbers.

Play my numbers. And he didn't look. And she saw it. She saw the whole thing. She comes out and starts beating him. After he got hit? His legs aren't even working, bro. She's working him.

We're all like, whoa, whoa, whoa. He's picking him up by whoa whoa picking him up by the car i saw everything he didn't look both ways so when the cop got there she said my son fucked up he didn't look both ways he's lucky to be alive so my mom's off the hook that sounds like my mom would do some shit like that right that's what you get type of shit so the cops like uh okay was there did everyone have their seatbelt on the car i was like i didn't he's like why didn't you have your seatbelt? I go, well, I wanted to wear my seatbelt, but I was told I wasn't allowed to put it on because there were going to be four of us in this backseat. Snitch.

Snitch, bro. Your mom should have beat you in front of the car. I go, it's lucky something didn't happen to us back here. There's a lot of danger for kids. When we ran over him, officer, my head hit the roof and it was a little uncomfortable. But forever there was a little, a nice chunk where his head bent that

fender up a little bit we would i'd always run up to it set my head there and look at my mom like hey remember this how old was the kid he's like 10 or 11 bro my mom hits stuff not people thank god but things she hits she my mom has run over our mailbox four times. Four fucking times. It's in the same place. It doesn't move. It's not like a video game. What's her problem? It doesn't shit.

Dude, because you know what? Our driveway, my parents' driveway is crazy steep at the beginning, right? It's like this. And then it's steep and kind of, it kind of goes up that way a little bit. It's straight, but the way she comes out, she has to cut really hard. If she doesn't cut hard, you're in the grass, right? Because it's narrow at that part. And in the mornings, she's going to work.

And every single time, it's like the same. It's like almost like if she's in a rush, you know it's going to happen. And she knocks that bitch clean over with the car every time. Does she just take off too? Yeah, what are you going to do? What can you do about it? It's over now, right? She's going to get out. My dad's going to come out, be angry. It's Yeah, what are you going to do? What can you do about it? It's over now, right? She's going to get out.

My dad's going to come out, be angry. It's like, what's it worth? Just hit the mailbox, keep rolling. We'll handle it later. There used to be these kids in our high school that were like, they were the dirty kids and they lived up on a hill and they just didn't have- Sounds like a Theo Vaughn bit.

Supposedly, they probably were the Theo Vaughn of our high school. The dirty kids on that hill, man. But they would get suspended for not showering. Things like coming into schools, like. I've never heard this before. Me either.

Like they were stanking that bad. For hygiene, yeah. Because they were poor, huh? Yes. Oh, that's sad as shit. It's sad. Yeah. But they were like,

you could shower here in the. Get a hose. But here in high school, we have showers. Oh yeah, in the athletic room. Go and shower. We'll make sure nobody, go shower, clean up. But he wouldn't. His older brother too. shower here in the get a hose and the but here it's high school oh yeah in the athletic room and shower we'll make sure no but go shower clean up but he wouldn't his older brother too so we used to go take m80s and blow their mailbox up back in the day when we would go back to you

know mailbox baseball when standby me came out the whole blowing up the poor people's mailbox they would go blow up the mailbox right you're blowing up the poor kid's stinky mailbox these motherfuckers have so much drama in their life and you're like guess what we're gonna fuck up their letters no parents we were shit kids too okay we were shit too we had our share done to us so we uh we blow this mailbox up and we would blow we blow it up like four times. And the next time we came back, these motherfuckers took a five-gallon bucket, a white one, you know, a standard white one, and just nailed it to a piece of wood and just shoved it in the fucking garage.

That's a mailbox. And it was legally a mailbox. Of course, bro. They had a flag on it. They were like, if you're going to keep blowing this up, y'all are going to go fuck yourself. And so we threw one in there just ceremoniously it went you know that it didn't do shit to that bucket those buckets are indestructible you throw those old those old aluminum ones where you put the little slanted number gold sticker oh you know what i'm talking about the red flag oh yeah those things you put an m80 in them the sides blow up and the back

shoots off. It's so great. It's so great. We did mailbox baseball. I remember those days too. And that was just so cruel. So fucked up to do, man.

It was so mean to do. Well, we got in trouble. As someone that has a homeowner now, you're like, it's all coming back. Yeah, it is all coming back.

It's like egg and houses or, or, or you know what they did to, um, there's kids in the neighborhood that are teenagers. They're like 13, 14 or whatever. And every single Halloween, you know I pull in the pumpkins at night. I'm pulling the pumpkins at night like a dad because I know what they –

because every time across the street, this guy has a beautiful house. He's got like a really nice display. They got money. And he's got a pumpkin display. And I'm sitting there with my coffee at night like waiting. I'm like, here they come. They're smashing these these motherfuckers i mean they smash them in the street yeah right in front of your house oh yeah and i was drinking i'm just like i'm loving it because my pumpkins are safe next to me my two dollar pumpkins man yeah we used to do all that dumb

shit now i know what it feels like to be the guy that has to pay for the shit we had a neighbor one time to have one of those i don't know how they grew it. It just grew like ridiculous. You could sit on it and take pictures. Like one of those pumpkins, you know, that just grows freakishly. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Out of the yard. So they put it out front and they decorate it and shit.

And the next day we drive by and my dad sees it. It's just smashed. It's just crushed. In pieces, yeah. And my dad's like, man, that's a shame. That big ass pumpkin. And I'll never forget. I look over my shoulder. I see my brother and our friend in the neighborhood just dying. I was like, man, that's a shame. That big ass pumpkin. And I'll never forget. I look over my shoulder.

I see my brother and our friend in the neighborhood just die. And I was like, you motherfuckers. They did it. You motherfuckers. They did that. We did so much dumb, mean shit. I mean, like for no reason. But also, you're bored as a kid.

You're dumb, too. We did a lot of dumb, fun shit. And also because pre-internet, man. Like we grew up pre-internet, so there wasn't much to do. I mean, it was like go to a movie, meet at a fast food joint. You know what I mean? Go somewhere to get high. Go to someone's garage.

It was like you ran out of options. You wanted to go fuck something up. We were the place that you could come do that because we had from 16, from my freshman year through my senior, or excuse me, sophomore year through my senior year, we had no parents. So we were the house that you came to and spent the night on Monday. Because they were working. No, because my dad had died and my mom just left us. Oh, right, when your dad passed away.

And she left us alone. She didn't want us. We moved into her place, this little two-bedroom apartment. So she lived with her boyfriend. She with him like monday to sunday she'd come home on sunday grab some clothes do laundry and bounce damn and we would just take care of ourself but everyone how old were you at that time 16 who was the oldest my well my brother's a twin so we're both 16 and my younger brother my dad was buried on his 13th birthday. Happy birthday. So he was 13 when all this went down.

So two 16-year-olds and a 13-year-old trying to take care of themselves, making sure we get to school. And we did. Who made food? Never suspended no nothing. We just ate. We ordered pizza all the time. Yeah, you just ate whatever you could.

Fast food garbage. That's what it's born into me. It's garbage. Do you still eat garbage? Still sometimes, for sure. What's your sucker shit? I love a good double cheeseburger at McDonald's. No pickles. It's garbage. Do you still eat garbage? Still, sometimes, for sure. What's your sucker shit? I love a good double cheeseburger at McDonald's. Oh, bro.

No pickles and a small fry stacked on it. The amount of times that people, you know, they do that thing where they're like, I don't eat fast food or I don't eat. It's like, I'll never give up McDonald's. No, and Chick-fil-A. I love Chick-fil-A. My mom used to take me, you know, before my mom got remarried and it was just my mom and I living in the city, my mom would take me to McDonald's

and we'd get the single cheeseburgers, you know, just the singles and milkshakes and she'd rip it in half and we would dunk the cheeseburgers in the milkshakes. And I vividly remember doing that in the park. Do you still do it? I do. Oh, absolutely.

See, my father showed me the cheeseburger or the fries on the cheeseburger. And to this day, I still do that. Well, that's such a clutch move, by the way. But yeah, I still do it once in a while just because it reminds me of my mom. But Dunkin' Fries in the shake, by the way, it's a must. An absolute must. But when people are like, I never eat that shit.

I'm like, dude, I'm as healthy as I can be. I'm going to get fucking McDonald's sometimes. Yeah, I remember watching Shannon Sharp when the Ravens did, what was it called? Remember the series they did for a bunch of football? How come I can't think of it? Hard Knocks. Oh, Hard Knocks. The Ravens were the first team to do it back in like 2000.

I remember seeing Shannon Sharp, who's still to this day looks like a Greek god. I mean, he's j-j-j-j-j-j. He had a bag of McDonald's. And I was like, if this motherfucker can work out like that. And then Michael Phelps eating 8,000 calories a day in their Big're big max and well they eat a lot of shit but we don't do that because they need they need the fat differential right they need that nutritionist will tell you too if you're just eating look the difference is obvious tom brady oh doesn't eat nightshades and is a hardcore vegan and has had an insane insane diet for years tom brady arguably is just not a strong like the muscle definition isn't there he's very

he's a very in shape person yes but strength very average yeah but strength wise no chance you see these other dudes they need high levels of fat and then like low levels of fat and then super high levels of they need all this shit to fuck with your body they always tell you that you have to trick it the more athletes i hang out with the more i know that their diet habits are insane yeah like all over the map i was like sometimes they're like perfect for six months and then they'll fuck off and stuff like that or they're just like or they'll do like uh i can't i don't want to say his name because it's not for me to tell but like he's facetiming me the other day and was eating a a fucking salad bowl of pasta like a salad bowl you know what i mean for mixing greens bro filled with pasta i was like that's three boxes like that's three boxes of pasta in that bitch

and he was just going like i mean just going at it was meat sauce and all this shit and then he had garlic a huge thing of garlic bread and he's probably 250 260 he's a big guy you know he's a pro but like in my mind i'm like you eat isn't aren't you gonna gain seven pounds tonight doing that yeah but he'll lose it in the morning right so they need this crazy shit my mom would take us to mcdonald's 15 minutes before soccer practice oh yeah this is what you're eating yeah we would we wouldn't save it we would shove to i would my go-to back then was always the double cheeseburger meal two cheeseburgers so good fries and a drink so good coke and then you're going out and running wind sprints and shit with

all that in your fucking stomach we used to wrestle and cut weight and as soon as we tipped the scale as soon as we were done a match we would order a pizza right by ourselves just murder that oh yeah starving we had that in basketball we'd have pizza parties or whatever like that they would tell you to binge binge pizza the day before a game that happened at night because you'll you'll sleep with all these carbs in the next day we'd have workouts so then by the time game came you could use all this stored up carbohydrate energy whether that was true or not didn't do anything for my white ass, but you know. Yeah, pasta parties never happen.

Nothing for me. But I mean, it was just like, I'm like, this has got to be for the real athletes. In here, we pour whiskey. Hey, I've talked about mental health on this show a lot. I've been very open about it that I think everybody needs to talk to somebody. Whatever varying levels of therapy works for you. I do think it's very important to go talk to someone about something that's, you know, getting in the way of your happiness, of your success in life, and of you moving forward

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and it's about time you take care of your ED. Remember, get started today. You'll save $15 on your first order of ED treatment. Go to GetRoman.com slash whiskey. Ginger. I like gingers. Yeah, I guess over the years, I'm trying to be more conscious of what I put in my body,

but I'm telling you, man, it's too hard anymore to care. The pandemic, too, was tough that I was like, I'm just going to eat whatever the fuck I want. Yeah, and you're just ordering because you can't go anywhere. Yeah, they're telling you not to leave, so you're ordering.

I'm not going to get unhealthy shit. when i lost my taste and smell uh you did how many days did you have it gone days i still don't have it today bro i'm five months into no smell and taste is still fucked up i can't smell i i can't smell and i don't know when my armpits stink i don't know any and i didn't miss it i didn't miss it at first because if you you remember how bad it got out here yeah you would have told me hey for one year you don't you lose your smell but you don't have to step foot in the hospital you don't have to get on oxen you don't have to do anything i would have taken it yeah it's a good trade-off okay but this is about a month ago now i'm five

months in because i was in december we're five months in and i'm sleeping my daughter and i are sleeping and at like 3 30 in the morning the smoke detector goes off and i'm like fuck and immediately i woke up because it scared the fuck out of me but within a millisecond my first thought wasn't oh fuck there's a fire it was like oh can't smell smoke. Wow. And then the next day or two days later, there was some Amber Alert-type text that came on our phones talking about this neighborhood that was being evacuated because of a natural gas leak. And I was like, fuck, I can't.

If there's a leak in my home, I can't smell that. Well, that's how you got those detectors in the house, though, right? That's when I missed my fucking smell for the first time. So five months now? Five months. I thought it came back for some reason. I've been looking at remedies online and tried all the voodoo. Nothing.

I asked my doctor, is this shit going forever? And he's like, no. But he said it like he's not 100% sure. He goes, I don't know. He's like, you'll tell me. Did you get vaccinated too? Did you do that? I did, yeah.

Me too. I got the antibody and the vaccine i got i got shit for it but i was like i'm definitely getting back i'm not catching that shit again fuck that no what do you mean i lost it first shot yeah same yeah you know yeah i lost it for four days taste and smell and and i got depressed because i was like man i wonder how long it's gonna last and look compared to you i'm lucky but four days i didn't know by the third day i'm like well what am i gonna eat you know i was doing that thing and i would have and this is weird for me i never liked chick-fil-a but i would get those little chicken filet nugget those little nuggets the grilled ones yeah i got them both yeah because

it was just like familiar that it tasted you know know what I mean? It was like the texture was familiar. Thank you. That's all I can tell. You can put a plate of cheese out in front of me and I can tell you, obviously I've been eating for 48 years, but if I wasn't, I could say that's cheese, but I could not tell you the difference between cheddar, Swiss, nothing. So the taste is a little there. There's a little bit there.

Like do you taste this? I can taste this a little bit. I know it's stronger than it is, but I can taste is a little there there's a little bit there like i know this i can taste this a little bit yeah i know it's stronger than it is but i can taste it a little bit i've been doing these little so stupid i know people don't hear about this rehabs like where they tell you to sniff coffee so i'm i'm banging coffee bags at night trying to train my smell to come back and shit dude it's is that what they say to do that's one of them they say to also like excuse me you got it again bro you coming alone i got it again oh my god but i can smell yeah um cologne things like that to try to train your memory because i've also read things that some people that things they love like like detergent for instance uh laundry detergent smells like rancid like uh dead flesh

does it smell bad to you stuff stuff? I can't smell anything. So nothing has a negative, yeah. Nope. I can't smell anything. It's so weird that it took that shit away from us. The olfactories are gone. So when you eat, is it not satisfying? It's not.

It's not that satisfying. And I've been getting depressed about it lately. A bunch of shit. I gained weight, but now I'm going back to eating way better again. again i'm already dropping lbs but i just uh i figured fuck it if i can't you know if i can't taste it i might as well just eat they're gonna find out they're gonna find out in a little bit that there's a trick that's a simple trick i saw this guy on yeah i'm gonna tell you a cigarette upside down they're like you got it there's some fucking chiropractor at arizona that

i'm convinced has paid these people to come in and say no it worked where he's just literally flicking the back of your head like right here and they swear they can smell smell like just a flick on the back of the head and oh my god my god and within like two days and there's all these people like i couldn't smell and then he did this thing and flicked me and i was like yeah you know what i do sometimes to make sure i still have my smell because it weird it mentally weirded me out i'll smell my hands really it's something simple like you can smell your skin i can't smell when i wash my i know i missed the way my daughter's hair smell oh that's sad as shit like that that breaks my soul it breaks my soul but at least you got your

eyeballs bro i got my eyeballs i'd rather lose my smell than my vision for sure. Listen, of all the senses, I will take smell. Yeah, it can be gone. It would have to be. Are you still smoking, by the way? Weed? Yeah. Oh God, yeah. But can you take, there's no flavor? No smell, no nothing.

Right. There's no smell or taste. Because weed is so potent on the tongue, right? Like when you smoke a joint. And in the note, like the shit out here is just like, woo. Yeah. And I like the cheese weeds. I like sativa.

You like stanky. I like stank cheese. I like sativa. You like stanky. I like stank cheese. I can smell what I like, and I can't smell right now. So I don't know. I have to go to my old tried and true brand. You'd be easy to trick for a dealer. Yeah. But this is bomb as shit.

You could spray it with whatever the fuck they want, and I wouldn't know. Vermeldehyde, all that shit. Have you losing it? See, I all but gave up weed, but I had a big joint a week ago. I got just ripped for no reason. I just was like, I'm gonna get high. Cause I hadn't gotten high in so long. Yeah, you left it for me in the hotel the last time.

Oh yeah, that's right. It was a while ago. And where were we? Where was it? Phoenix. Yeah, in Phoenix. House of Comedy. You left it in the condo and said, do not touch for sickler.

For sickler only, baby. Yeah, by the bedside. you stopped smoking why i think of a lot of things because i run and and and i was just like well so the the the pandemic thing was like the lungs so i was like if this affected my lungs and i can't run i definitely don't want to smoke anymore so an edible once in a while was always cool then just to take away the i just wanted to take away the lung stuff because i did get panicked. When I heard I had corona, my first thought was, well, if I can't run, I'm really going to break down emotionally. Because it was the one thing that really does get me out of my own head. I can just disappear into space for a few hours.

But, you know, thank God I had no lung stuff. And it just kind of put me in a weird mental space where I was like, I smoked for years. Oh, you were a cigarette smoker? Yeah, I used to love smoking cigarettes. Oh, I had no lung stuff. And it just kind of put me in a weird mental space where I was like, I smoked for years. Oh, you were a cigarette smoker? Yeah, I used to love smoking cigarettes. Oh, I loved it. Yeah, I hit it like crazy. I didn't, I just, well, I did it in college and I did it a lot afterwards and it would just come and go. But I knew I didn't like it because I would hide it all the time. I was embarrassed by it. I didn't want to be a smoker but i really enjoyed what i got from it the nicotine but nicotine is so good in your blood i know i you get it you're like oh it feels so relieving it's like a nice passive thing i i could never smoke i've tried smoking yeah a little puff would wreck me for

like three days a three foot bong hit no problem but right the fucking what is it carcinogens yeah cigarettes just wreck me my body my skin they're real bad for you i mean it's it's crazy to think day a three foot bong hit no problem but right the fucking what is it carcinogens yeah cigarettes just wreck me my body my skin they're real bad for you i mean it's it's crazy to think that like this is why i was talking to segura about this that like some people could smoke forever doesn't affect them yeah my my father my biological father smoked i don't know 30 some odd 40 years i have no idea he goes to the doctor and they're like, your lungs are good. And then someone smokes for five years and they're like, you got cancer. I have a cousin who's a paranoid schizophrenic

who smokes a carton of cigarettes in three days. Let's get him on the show. I should get him on. I don't know if he can keep it together. I'm worried about him. But paranoid schizophrenic, that's getting help or no? Yes and no. I think he is in a hospital now,

but there are times when they'll put him on meds and he'll halfway house. Yeah. There's hospitals. There's halfway houses. Right. There's all these things over the years. Thank you.

And he would sit, and what I'm telling you, he would smoke cigarettes. He smokes like this and he doesn't take that motherfucker any farther than this. Oh, it's just continuous. Nonstop.

Yeah. But he's been doing this for decades. His mom, my great aunt, dead. From smoking. She smoked forever, got breast cancer, died. This motherfucker, he shouldn't even have a throat left. The pull, just, you know, what is it? Was it 20 packs in a carton?

10? No, I think 20 cigarettes in a pack, 10 packs in a carton, maybe. So what are you in a pack 10 packs in a carton maybe so what are you talking about two 200 cigarettes in three days he's smoking it's insane it's might be less than that he rips them he's not smoking he's smoking like shit that says cigarettes you know that's like my uncle my uncle still alive he He used to smoke unfiltered Paul Malls. God. Army shit. Well, he was in the military. So it's like, for sure, he's smoking whatever they gave you.

Right, yeah. And they gave you self-rollies. You'd have to roll them up yourself. So I remember, too, watching him take tobacco out of his mouth. Spit it out. Yeah, because there was no filter. I never understood. I was like, how come some people don't do that?

And then you get older. Oh, there's filters on bought cigarettes you would just buy them and roll them did you ever dip or do tobacco i did dip dude you look like a guy i used to love dipping well i started dipping because i i uh i was a valet in college and you couldn't smoke hold on dude give it to me papa you're the first motherfucker i've ever heard to dip because he was a valet everybody else i knew did it because they either played ball or they hunted. You're the first dipping valet. That should be your character.

I smoked. I smoked the dipping valet. So you could only, you could keep up your nicotine habit by dipping because you couldn't smoke. The guy that owned the company said that they were getting complaints that valets were smoking. You know, like if I would have someone sub the station, I could go behind the restaurant and have a cigarette and come back. But then people would smell it when you get in their car. But we left the windows down. I didn't believe that.

I just think somebody saw us smoking and they were snitching us. But so I put away the cigarettes and I would get annoyed. I'd be sitting there, you know, and you literally when I was a valet in college, I'd sit for three hours with nothing, you know, for the post-dinner rush or whatever. So you'd have to be there till midnight. I'd be bored out of my fucking mind, you know? And at some point I was like, well, if I can't smoke, I'm going to dip. So I, my, my roommate at the time dipped, he only dipped.

I mean, he smoked sometimes, but he dipped all day long. So I took a pack of, of, of Skoll from him. long. So I took a pack of Skoll from him. I mean, I took a can of Skoll from him. And I brought it, and I'll never forget, bro. I had no idea how much to put in. I had only known cigarettes. Right. So I'm thinking, well, this can't be as strong as cigarettes.

It's loose. So I grabbed like this. I grabbed, you know, like this much. I just grabbed. It's probably. It wasn't a pinch. It was like half a tin. Yeah.

I didn't know. I had no idea idea it was about a half a tin and and i had always seen i'd always seen instead of instead of front lip he he went back here well oh so i'm thinking there's a lot of room so i put a big ass half a tin back there and you know i'm just sitting there with a big horse eyes burning and shit dude i let it sit for about five minutes. Five minutes. And then finally I throw this thing out and the head rush was so heavy from all that nicotine that I threw up. I puked all... Right next to the valet stand.

I was at Buca di Beppo. I'll never forget. And right around the corner was where their trash bins were. And the moment I walked over there, I could smell the waft of the hot Phoenix trash and everywhere, bro. Don't get the meatballs. Is that from the fettuccine?

Dude, I threw, and after that though, I learned, you know, then I was like. So you continued. Well, because you know what I wanted? I was like, I do want to, I do want the nicotine, but I don't want to do this thing. And then I bought the, you know. Bandits. The packets. The skull bandits. Yeah, the packets. Because then I knew, oh I don't want to do this thing. And then I bought the, you know. Bandits.

The packets. The skull bandits. Yeah, the packets. Because then I knew, oh, I'll throw one in my mouth. And then I started with one and then I would, I got to two. I would put two in my mouth at the same time. Like here? Yeah, here and here.

Yeah, just down below. I wish my dad was alive because I'd really like to ask him. It worked, the method to his madness. But I'm telling you, I was in like, I'm not'm not kidding you elementary school and my dad let me try dip and i was like you know what is that and he's like oh it's dip and he would tell me don't ever chew tobacco he'd tell me about his uncle because i always thought tobacco looks so cool in those pouches you mean real tobacco like you beach nut and red man i always thought it looked so fucking a lot of kids probably have never seen that yeah it looks like a big league it's a big league shoe bag which is why we used

to love exactly and it's tobacco and you could get it with or without the plug remember there'd be a plug on it oh yeah and my dad said that one of his uncles used to chew it and he said that one time the dude fell asleep in like a recliner and he heard it go down and he said throwing up and just shitting himself for like a day and he's like i'm telling you don't fuck with that but this i go i don't know he's like trust me so i take a pinch of hawking oh and i put it in here and i put a skull bandit in here what yeah double up i'm like 10 okay my dad's giving us this shit like 10 fifth grade probably and i do it for maybe two or three times and then i just start fucking yakking and to this day this

when someone will pop like all my friends dipped and shit when they'd pop that can i would smell it i'd be so there's that that that winter green oh yeah oh i can't fuck with it at all that's like we have all those smells that like we talk hear tearing me though. We talk about the first time that you did whiskey, or I got drunk. I think we talked about that last time. And I remember- Wild turkey. Yeah, that wild tea.

The first time I got lit up off of Captain Morgan, I can't spice rum to this day. Any kind of rum. Rum to me is repulsive. I smell it somewhere and it makes me so nauseous it gets right you know you feel it right here right and i get the i get the sharp saliva oh yeah it drips down from your earlobes where is this coming from yeah no i couldn't do it anymore man i got i just the smell the smell of that but you know what's so funny is i made a shift recently from whiskey i'm drinking

a lot more tequila now i love tequila dude i just got into it because it's forever i never drank tequila and you know all those years of people you drink shitty tequila that's it so tequila in your mind is a shitty bar yep in in whatever town you're from and they're plastic cups you know they're like little shitty plastic cups and it's a hot quervo old ass dried out lime wedge sticking on it right it's hot it's hot it's hot quervo. Mold ass, dried out, lime wedge sticking on it. Right. And it's hot, hot quervo. It's hot quervo. So that was always my experience with it. So I just, I hated it. And then recently I got back into it because a friend was like, you got some good tequila. And I said, I don't like tequila, man. So you got to just try. He gave me 1942 and I sipped it and I was like,

oh wow, this is just a that's it's a different world I dated a girl that was uh she worked at tequila bars and same thing and I was like nah you know she's like Patron's trash and it is trash yeah um but she introduced me to I want to say it's called Siete Leguas which I think is seven horses maybe yes and they took that that recipe i believe i'm wrong a lot but i believe patrone is owned by dan akroyd and paul mitchell like the hair dude air well akroyd owns crystal skull vodka i know that you know the crystal skull he owns that and he owns damn there's one more i think it's patreon is it is it a patreon patreon go to sickofpatreon right now. Sign up for my Patreon, Honeydew With Y'all. It's only five bucks a month.

You get a year. If you sign up for a year, you get a month free, and you get the Honeydew now, audio and video a day early, ad free, and no additional cost. Plug it. I like that. Oh, you know who owns them now? Who? Bacardi.

Oh, there you go. Bacardi now owns them. They took basically the recipe and tweaked it enough and then threw mad money behind promotion and yeah uh patron is born right but i like like she gave me top shelf i mean literally i'm gonna borrow it and and when i drew i was like oh okay this is it this is what tequila is right we all get the fucking white white white tequila yes is what fucking and and i mean velvet just like smooth didn't make me wince none of that shit just went right down forever i didn't know tequila you know forever i didn't know anything about blanco

or reposado or añejo and now i've learned what i like too because at the beginning tequila tequila tequila to me it's like it's that yellow piss shit in the hot bottle that i don't drink a good shot of tequila and a joint man that's a fucking night now do you see i always drank when i smoked too i loved but my my trick was you know some people don't like to crossfade or whatever the fuck but that's such a 90s term but uh and that's so crossfade but i you crossfaded you see him crossf? You know, he started with tequila, now he's drinking beer. He's crossfading. It's over. In here, we pour whiskey.

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my whole thing was like, I like to have a drink and then smoke a joint. If I smoke a joint and then have the drink, it's somehow something about the chemical mix up in my brain. Make you sick? No, it doesn't make me sick. It's just like-

It does for a lot of people. It doesn't make me feel as good as I do when I have the drink first. I can't explain it. I don't even really drink much. This right here- This is it for you. This drink, I mean, this might be, I might have had one other drink during this entire pandemic,

maybe two. I smoke weed. You know what I mean? Like, I'm weed. But don't you, the combo to me is. Yeah. If I have a nice whiskey and a joint or, like I said, and I'll say this too, and, you know,

obviously The Rock's not paying me to say this, but his tequila is fucking good. Tremanya or whatever? Tremana. Is it Terramana or Tremana? Vote below. Rename The Rock's tequila. Well, Casamigos, too, was Clooney's.

But they locked that bullshit up. Yeah, Clooney and fucking... Sold it for a billion dollars. Yep. Give me that fucking money. I know someone that got a million of that. You can get it right on a shelf. shelf yeah and i think it tastes better than cosamigos which is good tequila yeah no it is good tequila well but that's funny i've never

had his tequila i've seen it i promise you you'll be pleasantly surprised and it's fucking cheaper rock the rock's keeping it affordable out there this guy he is the he's the most all-american motherfucker on planet when somebody's like what represents america truly like truly of all the race bullshit that's going on in this country and nonsense you're like here's a dude who who literally made it from zero zero zero zero as in like his dad was a i mean even more a professional wrestler anybody would have said you're fucking you're fucked yeah fucked. Yeah, you're fucked. It's never going to work. Broke, homeless, non-white dude

coming into this world of wrestling with all these white heroes that kind of dominated wrestling our whole lives. And this dude comes in who is an ex-football player. Not failed, because that's not the right way to say it, but it just didn't work out the way he wanted it to. He played it for the Hurricanes. I mean, how can you say that's a failure? Well, after that, though, he definitely wanted to continue on in a pro career and it just didn't work.

But like. But what a pivot. Well, because, dude, that collapses most people. Right. Once that's over, it's. He was like, well, then. And look, even if he would have been fucking reggie white right he's still higher on the totem pole for sure what he did with himself for sure then he never would and then capitalizing on that then and then becoming in film then

becoming more than that stuff it's weird to see people transcend the entertainment industry and go to a place of like now you're doing kids movies right now you're just now you're kind of a personality like the rock is a attitude less so you know what i mean it's like a symbol now and all that's that bull symbol right he's a brand now which is powerful as fuck when someone someone's like what is america or was a make america great you're like that's what it is well all this bullshit rhetoric that politicians try to push around and what's america that's it a dude that's able to make it and persevere through bullshit and be beloved by people for being strong-willed and good and also down to earth i see these videos of him pulling up next to school buses and while they're

on the road and they're all knowing him and shit like i love that shit it is funny because now because of social media being in the know or in the in the public eye you either have to make a choice you either have to be the man of the people have to make a choice you either have to be the man of the people or you have to disappear you either got to be daniel day lewis and be a fucking ghost or you have to be like well i'm i'm you i'm with you like when he did that video about having corona i thought that was i thought that was a great thing to do because a lot of times i know a lot of guys that are notable and they had corona and they didn't want to talk about it they were afraid of the backlash of being like we've been irresponsible or whatever the fuck people were pushing around

he was like my family got it i did one episode with the honest poppers and we got it's the most complained about episode why because people were tired of hearing about we're tired but but i hadn't talked about it right i'm sitting down to do an episode and i'll say it's a damn good episode because other than losing my smell we had it very easy you and i yeah and and the six people well there were six of us total five other people in my little circle a little super spreader circle their shit was he was in and out of the hospital like it was fucking crazy yeah so we were talking about how you know like he's in the back of an ambulance riding to the hospital we're literally driving around listening to christmas carols looking at lights and shit because we couldn't be with anybody but ourselves in a car we're just let's hear those sleigh bells jiggling and he's being

great that's like people hated it yeah but you know what whatever it was the thing that happened that's what it was the thing that happened and That's what happened. It was the thing that happened. And I did one episode. I didn't do every episode about COVID during the entire fucking pandemic. We're going to look back on all this shit. I'm glad I have it when I look back. It's a record of what happened during that. It was the thing that existed for sure. I want to see how all this shit bounces back because of it. I'm ready for LA to come back, dude.

I'm so ready for all this stuff to go away. And also, they're cleaning up a lot of stuff. They're making it try to get back to where it was because well my daughter's school's back now i just read the newsletter today it's only like 18 of all schools in california are back full-time and her school is and they're in santa monica thank god i was telling you about i want to talk to you oh yeah yeah can we talk about your prom yeah yeah all right so for me my my stepson just uh he's 17 he had a senior prom right and they didn't get a prom last year they didn't get a junior senior prom last year because of pandemic and this year they barely got this one in so i was really stoked that he had it and he

lives with his dad out in fucking upland by uh the ontario improv oh yeah rancho ontario up it's all in the same pocket and uh so he's like hey we're going to this little pond over at this park to take pictures and this is the pond where everyone fucking i know yeah so i'm telling my daughter she's like yeah i'm like we're gonna go see your brother we're gonna drive out there and we're gonna be family and you're gonna see your brother off to prom and take pictures and i go don't you know about prom and she goes no and i go stella prom's right up your fucking alley so i google prom pictures and dresses and she shits because so i throw her in the bath i do her hair

i braid her hair i put the clips in and everything i put her in this fucking amazing dress with this little white fur top and shit yeah and i'm like and she's like can i wear my sneakers i was like fuck you 100 out there rock this shit so i wear my night? I was like, fuck yeah. I'm going to go out there and rock this shit. So I wear my night pants. I put it on Instagram. And we get out there. And I'm like, listen, I'll give you $20 for prom tonight. But if you take the pictures I want to take, I'll give you $50 to take your date out. Because I know everybody else is giving him money.

You know what I mean? 100%. Yeah. And he's like, I don't want to do it. I'm like, we're doing it. So he's like, all right, I'll take the $50. So I put the night pants on. I made him. He's 6'4". And I made him stand behind me and put want to do it. I'm like, we're doing it. So he's like, all right, I'll take the 50. So I put the night pants on. I made him.

He's 6'4". And I made him stand behind me and put his arms around me like I'm his date. You know what? I'm just leaning into him like this, dude, in front of all his friends, in front of all those people out there. He's like, hurry up. I'm like, nah, we're taking a few of these. You want 50 bucks?

Keep clicking. And I PayPal him right there after we're done. And when my daughter saw those girls, she's just shit like, whoa. And I was like, I told was like i told you i told you so she felt all like because she's like a girly girl huh well but i mean i'm so happy because she's both like my daughter will run over to me and punch me in my fucking face right you know play in the dirt loves the fish but loves her makeup and dresses sure you know so i got the best of both worlds she's sick six and like i was dressing she's like derek's wearing blue his shoes are crazy glittery so i put this little blue fila jacket on that honestly he's not even flattering and she's like that is your color

dad and i was like who the fuck are you over here she's like that's your color that's so great though that she because now that six is about the age when she starts to like. That's when you start remembering shit. Well, and really develop your own opinions and personalities about them. Before that, you know, kids just say such annoying shit. And, you know, that's not like that. That kid said the darndest thing is like, yeah, they do because they're fucking annoying. They're like little weirdo machines. She's starting to recognize, you know, a lot of personality traits that she either um you know not mocks but like emulates

or like it takes in is like oh i like that about people or i don't like that about man she takes shit in too we saw one of his friends had a girl with him a date and she was super cute yeah they all look great and no one talked to her or mentioned or anything and that night in bed my daughter and i are talking i'm like whose dress was the your favorite and i'm asking her all these questions and she goes trevin's um date was really pretty and i was like you noticed that she's like i was like damn man you were over there taking it all like i wonder what through her eyes what you were taking in everyone's dress they have they kids i've always i mean we were the same way we were perceptive but like now even more so because i think i think social media and the internet

has made heightened awareness of everything. They're way more aware than we were. Fuck yeah. We don't- Over aware. Yeah, they're hyper aware. It partially is negative, but also like- It is negative.

We didn't think about much. I think they think about a lot of that stuff. They see it. They feel it. They know it. The thing they have to worry about that we never did is, hey, you're on camera all the- Your potential- Crazy. Camera all the time. You have to worry about that we never did is, hey, you're on camera all the time. You're a potential camera all the time. You have to grow up like that.

You know damn well no one. I'm not talking about comedians. I'm talking about if we had cameras like that back then, half this fucking workforce would not be working right now. You know what I'm saying? Half of this fucking workforce. Yeah, dude. In the country. Forget occupation. yeah dude in the country forget occupation dude the last the last uh when i first moved to la the

last uh day job that i had we we went out for a company party and got blacked out with the boss and she said some real foul shit and i was like back then we're laughing about it and getting fucked up and super inappropriate shit you know like wildest shit and it's just like today never dissolve the company never it'd be over over yeah she was wild as fuck but you're like that's just it was just a sign of the times of like now the stringency of all that stuff is just great i mean you know like i heard a friend who's working on a thing and he misgendered somebody he had worked with somebody on this thing and she was a guy when they started and now she's a female and you know this dude accidentally said he or i'm sorry said she or whatever i've done it all fucked up but you know what i mean

the opposite and the per and this person got so mad and had his ass fired. Fired? Yeah. And it wasn't because of like, the guy wasn't making a joke about it. He wasn't being diminutive. He genuinely was making kind of an absent-minded mistake. Like I knew you as something before, as someone before and now, and it might just be an old habit of.

Sure. Yeah. Yeah, sickler. He wants this thing. It's like saying that. Tell me about your prom, your senior prom. yeah i want to hear like what i'll tell you about ours like what did you guys do what was the whole well did you do limos and dinner and shit like that we did we went over to like we went over to um oh this reminds me this is so funny do you ever see the

show rock of love yeah you know with brett michaels so the girl that won was my date nah i don't think i've never seen who won or anything but i know the show she won the first season she was your prom date no no she was my she was my turnabout or whatever they called it you know spring oh yeah the girl last the guy we never had that the sadie hawkins sadie hawkins i couldn't think of the name that's who it is yeah yeah high school yeah spring yeah we didn't have any of that but i remember we had like a spring form one they didn't make the girls fucking step up but that but i remember it just it brought my it brought my brain there because the problem because i remember taking photos and going to like this

dude's house and we all went to this guy's house and the whole time everyone's like you know no you know the girls were being goody two-shoes and i was like we're getting fucking lit up like if they know that they smell booze on you they won't let you in i'm like i'm the wackadoo goofball at school they're they know i'm already they were gonna kick me out if they were gonna kick me out and we show up tanked out of our fucking heads where out of our head are you pre-gaming like at someone's house at the house at the house and then in the car and then do you go to dinner first no dinner's after dinner's after we're the opposite okay you did dinner first yeah see because then i figure you have no energy to go do anything if you ate before i'd want to go to sleep if i ate i don't want to go to the dance you know what i mean like i'd want

to do the thing and then go out afterwards because that was just another reason to go get fucked up afterwards too and to go party and sneak around where did you go to dinner by the way okay i was um i was invited to all four proms my freshman year a senior girl asked me to go my dad's like or my mom was like that shit's not happening i was like what are you talking about so i went i went to three proms and i went to four homecomings i was the homecoming you'll laugh at this or excuse me i was the prince of my senior prom now my girl and i she was hot what does that even mean bro my girl right yeah so apparently what they all i still laugh about this because apparently what it was was i did win but there was this couple that had been together since ninth grade and they gave them king and

queen oh right and then we got there was also a prince and a princess and right right right so we got i got prince honorary shit but i was popular because again we didn't have parents and everyone was at our fucking house so i had votes you know i'd be like y'all want to come over and i had some votes somebody needs i want to be i want to carry a scepter up in this bit and um so the next that was like a whatever was on a saturday so on monday my buddy is uh in the locker room with the guy that won king and uh he just we're changing they're in tighty whities and they start arguing over who really won he's like no ryan won that shit it was fixed they gavey whities and they start arguing over who really won he's like no ryan won that shit it was fixed they gave it to you and they start fist fighting over me over the underpants yeah fighting for the prince talk about that i'm like i knew you were real

when you fucking fist fought for me over the prince bullshit who won the fight your boy yeah yeah your boy clipped him good um we nominated by the way king and queen we are we all not just to be dicks we nominated twins brother and sister twins how fucked up is that is that not the most mean shit great and then by the way like that's great they didn't they didn't hate each other but they definitely were for very different circle friendship circle so they were pissed dude no they were so fucking mad that they had to be out there on the football field it was like such an insult but also adamant we're adamant about like don't fucking vote like that was a big deal they were like do not do this and

everybody was like we're doing it how could you not how could you not how could you fucking not so i had my senior prom i was with the girl i've been seeing for a while um like a girlfriend or just a girlfriend right she was like if you could pick someone for your senior prom to do what this fucking girl did for me that night and with to get like so we uh we rent a limo first with a few friends remember how dope that was by i think there was like six of us and you just felt limo you're like i'm bosses what is a million dollars oh my god there's drinks in here yeah it's pepsi dude pepsi in here god i'm trying to remember where we went to dinner i feel like like baltimore city was always a popular spot and little italy especially was always like a real big gotta have italics and you would see

the limos pull up and everyone you know know, we're talking 91, bro. Big hair, all that shit. Right. So we go to dinner and then we have to go to the dance and then we go to the dance and everybody's doing their thing. And then we she and I go get a hotel after. And I'm not kidding you. I'll never forget. She's like, just wait here.

And I'm laying on the bed. I am 18 years old. My dick's been hard since I was seven. Since I was seven. Not an hour before this. Forever. It stayed that way. It's just been tucked.

And she and I were very sexual. Her mom even talked to us about, look, just be smart. I know what's going on. And she was cool about it she wasn't a cool mom where you could do whatever but she's like i know you guys are having sex so please pull out be smart pull out come on my daughter's face um and i'll never forget she's the one that told me her mom one day casually said in the kitchen ryan a good man needs to know how to cook in the kitchen and the bedroom and i have never fucking forgot that i've never forgot mama whoa mom yeah um so we get a hotel

and i'm laying on the bed just waiting and it feels like she's in the bathroom like for five years you know what i mean and she comes out in a white fucking teddy and i had never damn she packed bought an outfit damn everything this is not my experience i had never seen a woman in lingerie before bra and panties never matching no you know what i mean this is never mad teddy the fucking garter i mean the oh and i was like are you, the best senior prom date. Ever. You could ever fucking have. And I remember when I won the prince.

I'm dancing with the princess. And I liked my girl so much. I was in the middle of the dance. I'm like, you just mind if I go fucking dance with my girl? Like, I kind of want to bounce. Damn. And I went and danced with my girl. Where's she at, I wonder now?

She just came to see me do stand up in Baltimore. Nuh-uh. She's got two kids. I think she literally just got a divorce seeing somebody else now but still good people but she was drop dead gorgeous and i was like man if i could have like checked a box a list for what i wanted for prom and then after that then sunday is everyone comes back to our place because we don't have parents and that's where

everyone's partying getting fucked up yeah getting your spot wasted i fucked my prom date by a lake that's nice outside i had like a motel six outside yeah you upgraded well we also went to party we also used to party a lot outside at the lake yeah on the lake on a blanket i had to put it in the trunk but we used i remember i remember going to a bunch of parties and i think we went there that night a girl her mom got a divorce and the dad took off but they moved into one of those extended stay hotels do you know what i'm talking about? Where it's like a residence almost. But her mom was kind of so absent because of all the stuff she would be out drinking

at the bar and partying. And this girl, the irony was she was like a goody two-shoes. This girl was like really tied up and prim and proper and very judgmental.

But because mom wasn't there, we would all go to this hotel to just lose our minds and party. Oh, okay. And she would, and she'd be kind of a part of it and let it happen but didn't like it up to a point yeah well i mean the cops came but like the cops made the cops made the point yeah that was the period the cops but we always but we would

go over there because we know we could because it was a hotel but it was they i know they live there but it was still a it was not a motel but you know what i'm talking about they're like extended livings they're all they say well i can't remember the name of but it's yeah but you know which one i'm talking about totally but we used to go there that's where we went to one of those extended stays to party all through the night after we had hooked up by the lake and i remember how disappointed she was that we didn't just get a hotel that we had to i thought it was gonna be romantic hooking up but i was like yeah i got a blanket not when the hill is like sideways you know what i mean there's rock yeah those rocks and shit underneath they just minored it yeah it's bad yeah they just see they're seating it while we're out there excuse me excuse me

the fucking aerating the lawn shit there's goose shit everywhere see i i just remember like again i was easy like i didn't have parents that wanted to take pictures. You know what I mean? I go to you. What's wrong? Well, see, I always went to somebody else's house, too. It was never my house. We'll take the pictures with your parents because I don't have parents, and we're getting the fuck out of there. Right.

And then I remember this, too. It was senior night. My brother and I were really good at soccer. Who was better? Me. You heard that. Yeah. Yeah, you heard that. In college, I was all Ju that. Yeah, you heard that.

In college I was all Juco. Yeah, he better know. I know that Juco King. And I got hurt my senior year and I still made Central Maryland like the best of Central Maryland conference, the CMC. So there's county and then there's regional state. So I made like the best of regional state.

I don't even know that. We just have state. Yeah. Well, how big was your high school? Are you like a 5A or whatever the fuck? No, I think a four or whatever. Okay, so we were big as fuck but four yeah we were big so the competition for us was absurd but senior night our last home game um you know your parents walk you out oh right we don't have parents so and there's two of us because we're twins so they

gave they asked two cheerleaders on each arm to walk us out to the middle. So we got cheerleaders. That's why. But listen, you got a whole line of every player and their parents. And everybody had two. Right. And there's just us and them with four cheerleaders. They gave us two each. Two cheerleaders apiece.

Give them two. Give them each two. Make them feel loved. That photo has got to be great. There are two. I wish I had it. This has got to be out there somewhere. Yeah, you've got to have that photo. Somebody's got that, but cheerleaders walked us out on

parents night. But did you ever like you know, was that ever something that you kind of had to deal with or was it already kind of in the back of your mind that you the missing of the parents thing? Did it ever kind of keep fucking with you as you became a young adult? I mean, it still fucks with me now does it parent because you seem so stable with with your

kids i mean i'm stable with my kid but also that's come from you know a ton of therapy a ton of work a ton of everything and i'm still so fucked up yeah but are you though such yeah we all say i think we all are quick to say we're fucked up but i I just think we're all flawed. Well, no one's perfect. We're all flawed. Yeah, we all have our bullshit. But I have a lot of work to do. And I'll say this. For someone who uses words for a living, I often don't say the right thing the right way.

Who does? You know what I mean? Which is what the beauty of stand-up is. I get to go back out and work that until i get that sentence the way i want to right you don't get to do that in arguments you don't get to do that in you know conversation all the time you don't get to try again um i've worked at it but um it keeps coming up you know as soon as you have a kid then you're like man i'd love to talk to my dad about how in the fuck he had twins in 1973 right you know, but to answer your question going back,

I never looked at it like, oh, fuck, when we graduate, no one's going to be here. I don't remember ever having that anxiety. I just feel like you said it was probably this just like given that. It was a thing. Everything moving forward is going to be perilous. So that means tomorrow that means your wedding that means you know whatever the kids yeah kids and stuff yeah so you lose the the specialness of graduation of all these things like when i graduated college

i didn't even walk the stage no one was going to be there there's gonna be no one there to root for me because mom still gone at that point so you don't once you realize that tomorrow and every day after his parent list the the moments sort of just they happen and you don't really but does that mean to you you make your moments with your kids much more important that's why i drove out to make sure my daughter was with her brother on his senior prom i tried to explain her he didn't get one last year and this is it until you turn 17 or 18 and we're looking at over a decade for that so you think that's the that's like in the weirdest way you know good things come from shit you know i don't know that i'd be the the dad i am the person i am or any of that if none of this adversity right that's kind

of the unfortunate truth about a lot of those things and our and our reality is like if you never go through this heavy bullshit are you are you ever going to be able to compensate for the mistakes that other people make and i think that's why in society when we all make mistakes we should be more a little bit more soft about the mistakes you know about about shitting on people that make fucked up mistakes and do because like we're all figuring it out and it's we're trying to correct our mistakes as we go i just think we're in a new time where it's like you fucked up it's over you're burnt that's it yeah and i know leeway no why nothing like to me the story of a person is a life story it's not these five years

right it's not this moment it's not this job it's not defined by this education and i think that what people have gotten away from is you know an apology is just a bunch of words but your actions mean everything so why don't you let someone when they fuck up if they're sincere about apologizing then give them the freedom to show you that they've corrected it totally that's all it is you're you're not you know it's like you made a mistake you're done like wait i don't even know i made a mistake right that seems like that's the biggest thing i mean it's those where you're like i said something i've mispronounced someone's name and i can no longer work why it's crazy why how about allowing me to make a mistake educating me on my ignorance and

then allowing me to show you that i am a good person i can grow from it and fix it right that's what real um our apologies and change and acceptance are yeah is letting people fuck up that's how you grow look as us as comedians the only way for us to find out if something's truly funny is to go up and try it out in front of people and no it doesn't matter if you and i are sitting here pissing ourselves right you know that a crowd of a thousand people might just be like not at all it was okay it was all right yeah yeah and we're like man i have work to do i fail with that right i gotta figure out how to make that right and that's the work you have to do right our whole our whole career has been that way so it's kind of funny to think that like society should take a note from that to be like

well i guess you let them work out the work out the life joke like you have to let people be flawed we're all flawed right but you can't keep being flawed right you keep doing it that's the issue yeah right you can well or if you do it with a lot of you know with negative and vitriol and shit behind you it's got to be in you know your mistakes have to be honest they can't be like i don't give a fuck and that's how i really feel you know it's got to be something yeah right although eminem was a great artist it is funny about that shit like that that's that dude i mean he was so big on fuck you but that was also because the time of the culture was so hating on fucking music that was so pushing

those limits you know and then now you listen to that stuff and you're like whatever eminem said wasn't as uh oh my god as like wet ass pussy do you know what i mean like whatever he said still wasn't shocking and also you better watch it if you're coming for m&m oh bro he's gonna get you he will take language and just i want to scorn it corner corner forness i want to warn him man i don't want to be fucking ripped no but at some point he's got it you know he's got to say good night i'll be who has a problem with it just you can let him have a problem i'm not gonna say yeah so are you what's the deal are you touring baby what are you doing uh i'm starting to get backed out i have september dates right now but you got plug them and let these people come out and see your phoenix

wait september yeah not until what is it now may come on man i just got vax bro i gotta build some dates up all right so but i am working on a tour right now so we're working on dates but what i have on the books right now confirmed is phoenix and i know i'm going to be coming back to edmonton i know i'm going to be coming back to house of comedy house of comedy clubs uh what else you wait vancouver i'm going to be doing baltimore probably sometime in september as well um we'll figure it out go to where go to ryan sickler.com subscribe to my youtube uh this dude has a great show i'm going to go back and do his show. Please come back. We did the show. I did the show in every location it's existed in, by the way.

Yeah, you have. Yeah. And you go back to Crab Feast. Crab Feast. I think you even came back to my apartment. Fact. Yes. So I've been everywhere.

But now you're in the studio. I'm at Santa Monica Music Center now. And check that shit out. Check out the Honey Dizzoo. And then go to his Patreon and support this motherfucker. studio i'm at santa monica santa monica right now now yeah and and check that shit out check out the honey dizu and then go to his patreon and support this motherfucker because he's doing social medias ryan sickler ryan sickler.com the patreon's there it's the juco champ so all juco pay respects you know what i mean do the right thing thank you for having thank you man i'm glad you came through and we uh by the way i see these uh these boosts you're ready to play at all

times stay stay ready all right you got to go to dinner. Look in your camera, that one right there. And I'm going to walk off. You do one word or one phrase. I should have acknowledged, this is the first time we did three cameras. I didn't know that. It was only a one-camera show.

Who's editing for you? Somebody has to edit all this for you now, huh? You have to edit it? You doing it? I don't know. Oh, bro, I'm throwing this out to the wind. I'll be nodding yeah yeah it'll just be a you the whole time yeah and the audio will just be my voice and you're yeah what am i looking at look at the camera one word or one phrase i'm gonna walk off cameron you're gonna do it by yourself i said last time so i don't want to repeat it

doesn't matter it's actually it's actually kind of beautiful if it is a repeat of what you said before. Okay. This whiskey's got my tongue tied. All right, I'll say this. Go ahead. I'll say a phrase that I really, really like. I learned it from this dude. It was on his car.

He was a racer, and it was on his car. It was in Latin. And I'll say it in English because I can't say it in Latin. But the saying is, I come in peace, ready for war. In here, we pour whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey. You're that creature in the ginger beard. Sturdy and ginger. Like vampires, the ginger gene is a curse.

Gingers are pugilist. You owe me $5 for the whiskey and $75 for the horse. Gingers are hell no. This whiskey is excellent. Ginger for the horse gingers oh hell no this whiskey is excellent ginger i like gingers