Whiskey Ginger with Andrew Santino - Solo Santino Hates Thanksgiving Food

Episode Date: November 29, 2019

Santino sits down with himself in this solo episode for the holiday and chats about how much he loathes thanksgiving food, sneaking away to do drugs when with family, his hate for Star Wars and fantasy movies and the impending doom of the worlds end all while chugging a few glasses of the good brown sauce. SEE ME LIVE, TICKETS AND OTHER FUN SHIT: https://www.andrewsantino.com FOLLOW CHEETO: https://www.instagram.com/cheetosantino/ FOLLOW CHEETO TWITTER: https://Twitter.com/cheetosantino TICKETS AT http://www.andrewsantino.com/ STAND UP DATES DEC 6-7 BREA, CALIFORNIA DEC 14 PASADENA, CA JAN 9-11 EDMONTON, AB, CANADA JAN 16-18 DENVER, COLORADO JAN 24 MINNEAPOLIS, MINNESOTA JAN 25 MADISON, WISCONSIN FEB 15-17 VANCOUVER, BC, CANADA FEB 22 BAKERSFIELD, CALIFORNIA FEB 28 DETROIT, MICHIGAN FEB 29 ATLANTA, GEORGIA MAR 6-7 PHILLADEPHIA, PENNSYLVANIA MAR 13 CHICAGO, ILLINOIS MAR 27 CINCINNATI, OHIO MAR 28 CLEVELAND, OHIO APR 10 PORTLAND, OREGO APR 11 SEATTLE, WASHINGTON APR 16-18 MIAMI, FLORIDA APR 19 WEST PALM, FLORIDA MAY 9 PHOENIX, ARIZONA JUN 5-7 SAN DIEGO, CA DRINK BUFFALO TRACE AND TAG OUR SHOW ON INSTA AND TWITTER Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What up, Whiskey Ginger fans? If you want to see the old Ginger himself, I've only got a few dates left before the end of the year. I'm going to take a little bit of a break, and then it's the Red Rocket Tour in 2020. What I've got left this rest of the year, December 6th and 7th, I'm at the Brea Improv in Brea, California.

If you're a Southern California cat, come see me. I'm doing two nights there, a couple of shows. And then at the 14th, I'm at the Ice House in Pasadena. And also, we're doing a main room show. If you're in Los Angeles, the Comedy Store, the Shadow Band Show, Tony Hinchcliffe set it up. It's me, Tony Hinchcliffe, Andrew Schultz, Tim Dillon. It should be awesome.

It's going to be great. And Tony, of course, as well in the main room, Monday the 9th, December 9th. So 6 and 7 Brea, 9 in the Comedy Store, then the 14th at the Ice House, two shows, the Ice House in Pasadena, wait, and then I'm done, man. I'm kicking it for a while until the 2020 tour kicks off for the Red Rocket, and that's it right there.

Look at how cool that looks. Oh, shit. If you're listening on audio, you obviously can't't see this but imagine an amazing image of the red rocket we're having merch that's going to go up on the website soon as well which i'm excited about like cool beanies and shirts and hoodies and all sorts of stuff that are designed by an incredible crew and team um that we've got that that do so much dope stuff and very appreciative of them for that um and very appreciative of you for listening, watching,

liking, subscribing, passing it on, click down there and subscribe, do all that good stuff. Keep moving this around the intro nets, the interwebs, um,

keep reposting and repushing. Cause it really does help us a lot. I do genuinely mean it from the bottom of my heart that it means a lot to me to be able to connect with the fans. Um, we're working on so many new things for 2020 to re-up the podcast, to make it more amplified, more connecting with fans. In almost all the cities, I'm trying to do Fridays with a fan where I connect and kick it with a fan in each city, even if it doesn't fall on a Friday. It's just usually a club date run,

which is Thursday through Sunday. Friday tends to be the day to hang out. But now that I'm doing the small theaters in 2020, I am going to still do Fridays with a fan in each city. Just going to be a different day. It'll just be another day. Okay. Anyway, that being said, thank you so much once again, and enjoy the episode. This episode of Whiskey Ginger is brought to you by Buffalo Trace. Buff Trace is the only bourbon with balls. You can see it right on the label. You look underneath the buffalo's legs, see them nuts. You can see the nuts on the bottle.

I think it's crazy they brag about that, but I really like it. You know I push this sauce all the time because I believe in it. Since 1773, they've been doing the God's work. They've been putting out the most delicious, brown, bubbly, delicious, phenomenal, juicy. Should I say delicious again? No. It is incredible. I am a big fan of Buffalo

Trace. You guys all know that. I love their Blantons. I love Eagle Rare. If I can sneak some Pappy, I like it. They are changing the ways that bourbon is made, and that's a fact. Harlan Wheatley is the master distiller and he really does things his own way. He's even got his own vodka, which, you know, I'm not a vodka guy because I'm not Russian, you know, I don't like vodka.

I don't really dig it, but they're trying, man, they're trying new stuff. Even a tequila, I think, is gonna come out in the next couple of years. But Buffalo Trace is independent. They're not part of this big corporation. They do their own thing. They do it their own way,

which is kind of what we try to do here. So I appreciate them, and I like their style, bro. I like what they do. It is made. It is housed. It is produced, created, right in the United States of America,

in Franklin County, Kentucky. And right there on site, man. They do everything, and they don't outsource anything. They do everything in the united states of american franklin county kentucky and right there on site man they do everything and they don't outsource anything they do everything in the house and i appreciate that i love that man that diy sensibility of liquor and buffalo trace is a delicious delicious sipping whiskey um it's also wonderful to uh throw on some ice if you're at a party um or it's great to give as a gift, man. Everybody likes booze as a gift, and whiskey, and bourbon. That is a wonderful, thoughtful gift. So do yourself a favor, grab a bottle of Buffalo Trace while you're listening to this. Hopefully you're not driving

to work. Then I would highly advise you to please not be drinking and watching or listening to the episode. But you know, I'm not your dad. I don't care what you do. You got to do your thing thing. but you know, I'm not your dad. I don't care what you do. You got to do your thing thing. So enjoy it. If you do, tag us. Put it up on the intro webs.

Let us know you're having some and let them know too. Show our supporters some support. Thank you. In here, we pour whisk, whisk, whisk, whisk, whisk. You're that creature in the ginger beard. Sturdy and ginger. Like vampires, the ginger gene is a curse. Gingers are beautiful.

You owe me $5 for the whiskey and $75 for the horse. Gingers are hell no. This whiskey is excellent. Ginger. I like gingers. Welcome back to Whiskey Ginger. My guest today is one of my favorite people on earth. I say that for all my guests, but I mean it once again today. It's Mr. Andrew Santino.

Hey, hi, it's me. It's a solo pod, okay? I hate saying that intro for myself because it's a solo pod. I don't like doing that. But it's a solo pod today. It's the holidays, okay? Wanted to chit-chat about the holidays with you kids and give you a piece of my history,

a piece of how I feel about Thanksgiving. Today's Black Friday, which you know what that means. You know people are rushing to a bunch of different department stores to beat the living shit out of each other, to denigrate their families on national television just to get a Vizio for $299. $40 off its regular price. I can't believe that this is the way that the culture works, but guess what?

It's how we like to function. It's the same reason when somebody goes, I can't believe that happened. It's like, I can believe literally anything. People see each other beating the shit out of each other on the news. It means nothing to them. They go, I think I want to do that next year. I want to go to Walmart and kick someone's teeth in because I need a bread maker. What am I going to do without a bread maker?

What on earth am I going to do if I can't make my own fucking bread? So I think it's one of the saddest times of the year because, you know, I'm not a huge fan of Black Friday, as I just told you. I think it's one of the saddest times of the year because I'm not a huge fan of Black Friday, as I just told you. I think it's bullshit. And also, I don't like Thanksgiving. We don't like Thanksgiving in my family. How about that? I said it.

Am I the worst person on planet Earth? I don't care. I don't care. I don't like it. I'm going to have a sip of my Buffalo Trace real quick. Wet my whistle, if you will. Mm-hmm. I don't like it. Drinking is the only thing I like about the holidays. Drinking with family, I should say. But I got to tell you, Thanksgiving, no thanks. No thanks. I've talked about this before. I hate it. The food is trash. The food is trash. Turkey's a trash bird. It's just a trash, fat, non-flyable bird.

And we pump it up with all sorts of water and salt. It's gross. It's gross. The only saving grace about Thanksgiving to me is when somebody has a ham. Holiday ham is always the best. Everybody loves a holiday ham. You're un-American if you don't like a holiday ham. I love me a holiday ham with some honey demi-glaze on it.

Oh, baby. Cut me off a piece of that ham, baby. Ham off the bone is phenomenal. I don't know if you've ever had country ham. My dad's from the South. Country ham is where it's like dried and salted and dried and salted over and over again until you just are licking salt. It's like a salt block with a little bit of pig behind it. It's so good. It's so good. I like all that Southern shit my dad likes.

Pork rinds, sign me up. Cracklin', oh my God. You're telling me you're going to fry the skin of an animal that I already enjoy? I love skin. Give me some skin, baby. Give me some of that cracklin', them pork rinds. I love it. But I love a holiday ham. I just can't do the turkey. We don't like it. Our whole family has agreed. We finally come to grips with the fact that we don't like turkey. Turkey sucks. And whether or not tryptophan is a real thing, you know, it's not like putting you to sleep thing, whether or not it's real, I don't care. I don't like it. I don't like turkey. I think it makes you tired because you're bummed about all the garbage that you ate. All the other things that surround Thanksgiving are

no good either. Cranberry sauce. When else do you eat cranberries? Why is it so special now? Why? I don't like it. And I got to tell you, I used to think, I used to think, well, but Thanksgiving is also like dinner rolls. You learn when you get older, you can buy those Hawaiian rolls and eat them anytime. You can eat them anytime. I just buy Hawaiian rolls to have around the house sometimes if I want to make me a sandwich. At lunch, I put it on a Hawaiian roll. Am I a genius? Am I a dolla ball? No, I'm not a diabolical genius. I'm just a normal guy who likes me some sweet Hawaiian rolls, and I don't need to just buy them at Thanksgiving. Why is that the standard?

All year round, baby. All year round. No, I don't like Thanksgiving food. You shouldn't either. You shouldn't either. Shame on you. Green bean casserole? What are we talking about?

Slop. Slop. It looks like slop. Just give me regular green beans saut sauteed in garlic and olive oil. Put a little salt and pepper on there. Dig it. I don't need it in mushroom slop. I'm okay. Yeah, what is that in the can, by the way? Mushroom slop. That's what they push out of it. It's like something from The Princess Bride, that kind of movie, where you're like, what are they eating? What kind of goulash are they eating? What kind of foreign dish that I've never heard of

in my entire life are they eating? So I don't like it. I don't, F-U-X with it, okay? I don't like any of that stuff. The only thing that's good about it is having a few drinks. And all the other side dishes to me are just, you know, it's just a waste. Thanksgiving is like a, it's a garbage food holiday. So what did we do this year? We had steak. Yeah, that's right. We had steak. Because I'm also not celebrating a holiday where we pretend to be cool with the Indians. That wasn't the gig. We disgraced an entire race of people, gave them smallpox, took their land, killed everybody, and we pretend like we had turkey with them? What do we?

No. Nope. We need to stop lying. That's such a crock of shit. We need to stop lying about all that stuff. That's not what happened at all. So I'm sorry. I'm not celebrating a whack holiday

with whack food that I don't even like or appreciate. Buy, pass. It's a hard pass for me. It's a pass, but I hate it. How about that? I think it's garbage. It's cool to get together with family. Always a good excuse, but we need to just accept the fact that the food is trash and we can just change it. So steak is the way to go. Steak and lobster. Why is that not Thanksgiving? Why not? I'm giving thanks. Lobster had a hard course, had a hard run to get to where it is now. I don't know if you know this. You should look this up. Many moons ago, lobster wasn't a delicacy.

In New England, they were giving it to prisoners. It was trash. It was ocean trash. It was like a tire. It's like finding a tire to them in the Hudson. You know what I mean? It's just, who cares? They threw it back.

So they used to give lobster to prisoners in New England. They complained. They were like So who cares? They threw it back. So they used to give lobster to prisoners in New England. They complained. They were like, we're too much. We're having too much lobster. It's gross. We can't stand it.

Cut to 50 years later, 60 years later. Now it's a delicacy for some reason. We're idiots. We're idiots. But steak and lobster is the way to go.

Give me some cow. Give me some... Give me some delicious piece of meat. Speaking of which, we fed my dog steak the other day. Human grade food for the first time. The pup, the cubster got human grade food. I think that's weird.

It's weird to watch her do it. Really good steak, by the way. Like really good steak. It's a little embarrassing. My dog gets better food than, you know, people that can't afford to even have a nice meal out. That's really sad. That's sad, but that's the perks of living with me.

Old Papa Santino provides. But we don't mess with Thanksgiving food. Football is chill. Football is cool to watch. I just don't need the crap food. But Thanksgiving is fun with family because you really get to see, as you get older

and you keep hanging out with family, you really get to see the wonderful things that your family does out of habit that you never really realized when you were young, you know? Like if my uncles were going to go outside to smoke a joint,

they would always say they're going to go check the tires of the car. That's a Midwest thing. Yeah, we're going to go check the tires because it's cold out. You want to make sure the tires didn't deflate too much. If it's freezing temperatures outside, you want to make sure the car is okay. Go warm up the car. Those were code words for going to smoke pot.

Little did I know, I would have loved to get an invite back in the day. I thought they were really going outside to check the tires. Meanwhile, these guys, they're not. They're smoking the devil's lettuce. They're puffing on the mean green bean outside across the street from my grandma's house. Little did we know that they were up to no good. And you know when you're a kid

that older people are doing bad stuff. They just hide it good. And then you get older and then you see, oh, right, we all do that. Because I like to smoke a little bit of pot. I like to have a few thousand glasses of whiskey. So I get it, you know. I got in trouble one time. We used to go.

We went up as a family during the holidays to go to the lake up in Wisconsin. A little tiny lake called Lake Dullivan. If anybody in Wisconsin knows, they know Lake Dullivan. Not a fancy lake. There's fancy lakes up there. This is not a fancy rich person lake. My grandmother's family had a house on the lake

that was probably a 265 square foot nun bathroom house. One bath maybe. I think it was half bath, one bed. We all slept wherever. It was awesome. I love those days. You slept on top of the couch, a table. You slept wherever you ended up. And we were kids and we snuck out one night. My uncles were playing basketball and they asked me to go steal some liquor from my dad. And you know what? I did it. I did it at the risk of getting the shit kicked out of me because I wanted to be cool with my uncles. You always want to be cool. You want to be cool with the unks. So they're throwing

basketballs at night playing down by the lake, and I went and I stole my dad's flask, a plastic traveling flask. That's what my dad had. Traveling flask. Shout out to any dads that have traveling flasks from the 80s, baby. Those were cool, man. That's when you could bring stuff into a football game and they wouldn't put you in prison, you know? They were like, ah, this guy, he's a goof. They would find your flask and go, ah, you goof. Let you go. Now you get, you know, locked up. Is this a bomb? Is this bomb liquid in here? Yeah, but I snuck away a flask to get my uncles liquored up. Yeah, paid for it dearly. My old man was none too satisfied with my decision, but I compromised. I compromised all that because I wanted to be cool with the unks.

Wanted to be in with the unks, baby. And was I ever. But how funny now to know checking the tires meant going to smoke pot. I wonder what I'm going to say to my kids when I go to smoke a little bit of pot. I think about that all the time because I like smoking pot once in a while whenever I feel like it. And I think, God, how am I going to hide that from my kids? What am I going to say? Pots become so normalized here. It's what's so beautiful about California. But then when I travel, places are still big no-no. They had drug sniffing dogs all over the Nashville airport. And I mean all over. Sniffing everyone. I even saw one do a training exercise where they plant drugs on a cop and they walk her through the airport and the dog has to go

find her in a certain amount of time before she could get to the gate. That's crazy. That's an insane exercise. And these dogs, these drug sniffing dogs, man, they are phenomenally intelligent animals. And they always have those thing on that says, don't do not pet. But God, do I want to pet? Don't you want to pet? When you see it, you're like, I want to, can I pet? Is that going to fuck up the drug sniffing that I pet it? I mean, I might have some weed residue on my fingers,

but still, I just want to pet your dog. But I think about that every time I travel through an airport. I'm leaving LAX, you know, whenever I leave LAX, I'm leaving LAX with a little bit of weed to go wherever I'm going because they're not sniffing you on the way in they're sniffing you

on the way out unless you got a bunch of a bunch of a bunch of shit in your you know checked bag then they're gonna find it

but if you have a little couple of joints in your pocket who gives a shit you know one or two joints just something to take with you on the go

just a little to go a little to go, a little doggy bag of weed. But yeah, I, I, I, I find it amazing that I travel places now and it's still big. No, no, still heavily illegal. You can't do it anymore, but you know, I'm, I'm still gonna, but I do think it's, uh, it's odd that that's become a very, very big norm. The large norm is to, uh, is to carry weed with you out of Los Angeles now because it's legal. So when you get to where you're going, you got to figure it out when you get there, you know? I don't know. Just don't stuff it in your butt. I knew a guy that stuffed a bag of weed in his butt one time and, uh, he thought he had wrapped it so tight. I got to tell you, swass can get through anything. It can penetrate brick. Swass

is unbelievably potent. I don't know what it is. That's why you got to throw away underwear every couple of months. You got to just toss your underwear. When I meet people that have had underwear for over a year, I'm appalled. I'm appalled and I'm annoyed and I'm angry. Throw it away. Your swast has penetrated that cotton. It has saturated that cotton to a degree that you cannot even explain to a scientist. They wouldn't even know how. How the bacteria has just laid itself deep

within the woven seams of cotton, holding on forever. We're never letting go. The stink will never let go. It's unbelievable. So six to eight months toss them every year you should have a new collection of socks and underwear i don't care how rich or poor you are you can do it i promise underwear is extremely affordable extreme extreme and if you're balling on a budget go to walmart get yourself a 20 pack

for a dollar a pair 20 bucks they sell They sell them there. I seen it. I'm not wearing that, but somebody who needs to, dope. I don't even wear underwear if I'm being real a lot of the time. I like to swing free. Sweet chariot, let them ride. Let them swing free. I like my nuts to be a little bit loose, you know? Depends on the temperature. But I do, for the most part, let it, I like to let it loose. I've gotten so used to it because I sleep naked when I throw on some shorts

to go walk the dog in the morning. It's just such like a second nature to throw on the shorts. And I'm in those shorts free-balling all day. You see me in your neighborhood going to buy something from a store near you, I probably, I'm probably free-balling. I probably got my nuts swinging

and I like it. I like it because my nuts are high and tight. My nuts are, my nuts are high and tight usually, you know, but if it gets nice and loose and relaxed, then they get to swing a little bit. I don't want them low. I don't want my nuts to be, you know, I don't want to be that guy in his sixties who's nuts, like hit his knee. You've seen those guys on the on the internet it was like a it was a video of an old guy whose ball fell out of his short and it like could have rolled it had so much space it could have like rolled in his sack off the chair almost you should look it up i don't want to put it right here i would put it on the video but i don't want to i don't want youtube to come after me for throwing up porn, you know? But you can find it.

You can find it on there. You can find it everywhere. I don't want YouTube to come after me more than they already do. YouTube, man, they're cracking down. You got to tell people if this stuff is okay for minors to watch. I don't know. I don't know what your parents allow you to watch. That's a weird thing.

As a creator, you must tell people how appropriate this is, what age level. How do I know? I don't know what your parents are cool with. I don't know. You could be 12. Your parents are into you watching BDSM. They might be chill about it, you know? And also, to what degree?

People got to watch Fifty Shades of Grey. That's like a creepy, gross BDSM erotica film. And I'm sure plenty of underage kids saw that film. Mom and dads have different levels of what they're cool with their kids doing. My buddy, Vin, his cousins, you know, like little four, five-year-olds. I don't even know how old they were. I don't know how old kids are. I don't know. Dude, I can't be the only person. I do not know how old your kids are. I promise. When someone's like, meet my kid, the kid comes up, I'm like, well, what's up? What grade are you in? What are you in? Fourth, fifth grade? And they're like, I'm in high school. It's like, shit, fuck my B. I have no idea anymore. I don't know how old the kids are. I don't know. My buddy Vin's

nephews or whatever, his mom was making him say, fuck you. It was hilarious. They're like four or five years old. I'm like, everyone has different rules. My babysitter, when I was a kid in Chicago, she was older, Mexican girl. Her family watched The Exorcist and they let me watch it when I was a kid in Chicago. She was older, Mexican girl. Her family watched The Exorcist and they let me watch it when I was like six or I don't know, however old I was. I was below 10 because we were still living in the city. So I don't know how old I was, six, seven, maybe. And they let me watch The Exorcist and I'll never forget that because it ruined my childhood. That was one of the scariest, grossest movies I've ever seen in my life. Repulsive. Now you watch it, it looks phony because of all the shit that we've got now. But back then, it's like how watching Joker is now. I can't imagine what the future

of cinema is going to be. And as far as Scorsese is concerned, cinema sucks. There is no beautiful film anymore. Everything is Marvel in a franchise. I agree with him when he said that to a small degree. I don't like fantasy film. I've told you guys, I've never seen one Harry Potter. I never watched Lord of the Rings. I don't have any interest in fantasy goofball film. I fell asleep to the Star Wars that came out when I was in high school. Fell asleep in the theater. Yeah. I fell asleep because I just don't care about fake world aliens. Cool. No, I just don't care.

That's the sound. That's what I think about whenever I start with. It's just so, even the sound is lame. It's just a nerdy. Hey, what's up? Are you going to see a new Star Wars? That'll be out of your eye. Are you kidding me?

I wouldn't miss it. I wouldn't miss it ever. No, thanks. I'm sorry. I talked to Griff about it. I just don't care about that stuff. I like real world shit. But anyway, what Scorsese said about everything becoming a franchise and Marvel

and superhero, I get it. I get why he's frustrated because he likes storytelling from a cinematic, realistic point of view, which is ironically what I like. But however, I think he's wrong in the fact that some of those things are telling great stories. Some of those Marvel franchises are telling wonderful, amazing, cool, captivating stories. Some, not all. i'm not saying ant-man was the thing to go see i'm just saying some of that shit has powerful messages beneath it you know i mean fucking black panther was a revolution how many young black kids grew up with superheroes you know this generation gets like a really like legit superhero that that looks like other superheroes that they grew up with. You know?

Not just like Shaft. Shaft was badass as fuck. But wouldn't it be cool to see your skin color of a superhero when you see all these other ones all the time? Especially when there came a point in these superhero movies when they were putting bitches on film. Who was the Spider-Man? Tobey Maguire. What is that his name that was trash what what what and i get it they're like he's a nerd in real life he's a perfect i i don't care i want

my superheroes to be tough as shit i want them to be badass i want the muscles to look fake i want them afflecked afflecked i want Ben Afflect muscles. That's what I want. I want them to look phony. I want them all to have six packs. It's so homoerotic, all those superheroes. But I loved it. It was cool. You want them to look badass.

That's what you thought your dad should have been. You know? Muscles on muscles on muscles. That's what I want my superhero to be. I don't want some dork, some nerd Peter Parker who became, you got bit by a spider.

It's like there's such a dork storyline. He shoots jizz out of his wrists and he becomes this like building hopper in New York. Whatever. Get me back to like guns, cars, and beating up and killing people. Fast cars, big guns, missiles, planes. The Batplane was maybe the coolest thing in the world. When it went up in

the moon and then it dipped down, that's one of the coolest scenes I've ever seen in my life. I remember that so vividly as a kid. Watching the Batplane go up in the moon and then float down. Whoa, shit. Shit. Something about that moved me. That was the Keaton, man. Keaton and Jack. What a good Joker. And they knew Joker's good. You know, it was cool. It was interesting. It's hard to watch somebody kill somebody without music. Think about that. It's hard to see a movie and watch someone kill somebody without music in the background. It's creepy. It's ominous. It's deep. It's cutting. It stays with you for a long time. Yeah, it's weird without music for some reason. And the music choices was a trip in that movie, you know? Really showing Todd Phillips' range as a comedically deranged, uh, action director.

It was very wild. It spoke a lot to the social psychology of humans. But anyway, I, it, it was, it was, it was a good, it was a good flick and I'm excited to see the Irishman. I can't wait to see it. I'm going to have some time down finally in December And I'm excited to see the Irishman. I can't wait to see it. I'm going to have some time down finally in December and I'm going to watch the Irishman. I've only got a couple of shows left in the year before I start my tour. And I can't, I just can't, I just, I want some, a little bit of downtime. I haven't had any me time. You know, I went and got my new bindings for my snowboard. I'm going to go snowboarding, which is incredible. I'm going to be out at Park City. I cannot wait to go ride there. I got my step-on bindings. Burton makes these new step-on bindings. They had them years ago. They

sucked. They reinvented them. They're good again. Some dude was talking shit when I talked about it on Griffin's podcast a couple of weeks ago. They were, he's like, oh yeah, for you being a rich guy, you can buy them. They suck. Thanks, man. Does everybody want to piss in your Cheerios? thanks man does everybody want to piss in your cheerios it's like every time i do rogan my favorite thing is people commenting on my page they'll like go to my instagram and and or on one of my youtube videos and be like this is just a yes man you just agree with rogan do you would you rather see me fight with my friend is that what it is do you want to see me just sit and argue with one of my good friends for for hours straight? Seems a little tiring. Seems a little laborious, don't you think? We happen to agree on a lot of stuff. Probably one of the reasons we're friends in real

life. It's not just because he's interviewing me because I'm just a comic. We're friends. We like to sit down and talk shit. But I just think it's so funny. People get so angry. You guys agree on way too much. You're just saying yes to what he said. I'm saying yes if I agree to it. If I didn't, I'd voice it up. You know, we've had some head-knocking moments where we've disagreed with shit.

But I like to go on there to, you know, talk about my life and exercise the muscle that is Rogan to try to keep up with him mentally. It's like, oh, it's working out. That's running to me. It's working try to keep up with him mentally. It's working out. That's running to me. It's working out, keeping up with him. I'm trying to do that in all facets.

I'm trying to read again. I just started reading a book called At Swim Two Birds. At Swim Two Birds. And I'm never going to be able to finish it. Like I said on Tiger Bell with Bobby, I'll never be able to finish it. Like I said on Tiger Bell with Bobby, I'll never be able to finish it. There's no way.

It's like if reading a book is eating soup, most novels are like tomato basil. This is gumbo. It's got too much shit in it. It's like shrimp, chicken, sausage, flakes of crab. I mean, it's just too much shit in it. It's like shrimp, chicken, sausage, flakes of crab. I mean, it's just, it's too much, but I'm trying. I'm not going to lie. I am trying. It's just like every sentence is, is like doing 10 pushups. You're like, wow, my God, I got to do this. What is he saying? But I'm trying to read to help the old noggin. And I've talked to a lot of you guys and a lot

of people have reached out to me about anxiety and depression and working through that stuff. And I've named a lot of the techniques that I use. I think working out and running is big for me. It doesn't mean it's going to work for you. I think golfing is big for me. It doesn't mean it's going to work for you. Taking walks, taking long drives doesn't mean it's going to work for you. I like all these things. They help me out. You know, one of those things, you know, one of those things tends to be connecting with people and having real down to earth conversations. Go meet up with a friend you haven't talked to in a long time. Have a nice breakfast. Ran into a friend recently, Barry Rothbart, hysterical comedian. Hadn't seen him in a long

time. Sat. We just talked. It was nice. We ran into him on accident having breakfast. It was just nice to like reconnect with someone, have a long conversation about life and what's going on and where they are. Keep continuing to connect with people that you could grow together, you know? It's always fun. It's always like a fun window into your past and your future to find out what people are up to now. But I always say that for people that are struggling with anxiety or depression, which I've dealt with my whole life, you know, I don't even, I don't sleep at night. It sucks. I get probably three or four hours of sleep a night.

It's awful. But it's something I'm dealing with. I'm learning to manage. I'm trying to not let the machine crash. Because some of you might be like me. You let your anxiety get so high. And then at some point, the machine just is like, and shuts down.

It just turns off. I have like a full-blown just attack on my cells. I'm sleepy. I can't eat. And I just shut down and I sleep. I just pass out. Like I just, I just don't know how to function anymore alive and awake. And that's a, that's a dangerous place to get to. You don't want to get to that kind of place. You know, you want to go to a place when you're managing it day to day and moving fluidly through, you know, your emotions. Hard to do, especially when you're Irish Catholic. Shout out to all my Irish cats out there who drink away a lot of their issues, holding their tears.

One day it's going to pop. I've said that. It's going to pop. I'm going to be walking in a crosswalk. It's going to pop. It's going to be poop and tears that come out. Poop, tears, and four-leaf clovers. And a rainbow is going to shoot out of the ground.

And at the other side of the rainbow won't be a pot of gold. It'll be all my emotions written down on paper. Poorly because my handwriting is shit. I said that the other day to somebody. I cannot believe how bad my handwriting is. It's embarrassing. It's disgusting. I look at it and I'm sad.

I was doing Lights Out with David Spade, his Comedy Central show. And the writer was with me in the room. And I was like, look at how embarrassing this is. I couldn't fucking, I couldn't read this. I did it. It's like I built that house. I don't even know how to get inside. I didn't build a door. It's impossible for me because computers have killed it. I type all day. Computers have totally killed it, which by the way, I highly recommend throwing away your laptop and getting yourself an iPad with the keyboard. So much better. Let all the information live in the cloud. Forget clogging up a hard drive with unnecessary stuff. This thing is so much more durable, easy to travel with. And it's, yeah, and it's hard. It's hard as a rock. You know,

in the case, I throw that thing up against the wall. Laptop has just become so, laptop, sorry. For years I said lab. I said laptop. I'm a dummy. I'm not going to lie. That's like my first, one of my first roommates here in Los Angeles. He, uh, he thought it was, um, he thought the word was, uh, headache, not headache. He goes, man, I got a terrible headache. I was like, what? He's like, I have a headache. I think I need Advil. I said, are you saying headache? He's like, um, no, headache. Like I have a headache, my headache. And I was like, headache, your head aches. He goes, what, what?

And you know when you, you know when, you know when you know you're right, but you feel wrong? Like you're so right that you might be wrong. Even I was like, we got to Google this because I feel like you're freaking me out. And of course I showed it to him. I'm like, yeah, dude, headache. It was as if I told him

his parents weren't who his parents were. It was full on panic. His face was like, oh my God. That's it. Like the answers to all the world opened up. A vortex just opened up and he saw his like every ancestor. You know what I'm saying?

It's like me teaching him that headache was headache and not headache was basically him doing dmt without having to physically do dmt he just his mind was blown dude his mind was blown headache you know when you're so right but you're like i might be be wrong. That's what I felt like. He was like, headache. I was like, headache? What are you saying? I had such a bevy of weird roommates.

I was so happy that I didn't have to have roommates at some point. My last couple of roommates were fun. I lived on the top floor. I went in the basement flooded with poop twice. Two times we had poop floods. Two times. And my buddy Sean, he claimed, he claimed to the LA city that he had like thousands of dollars worth of equipment, worth of like stuff, you know, like electrical

equipment, like TVs and all this stuff. And they gave, they wrote him a check. Suckers. They wrote him a check. This guy had maybe $19 worth of stuff in his room. We were broke. Most of the stuff in our whole house came from the street. He found a TV stand and we put it underneath two skateboards and wheeled it back to the house. And then stumbled it down the stairs. Somehow, I don't know how it didn't shatter into a million pieces. But that was one of the most fun places. And it flooded though, twice.

But I lived upstairs. I was safe and free. Safe and clean, baby. But man, did I live with some weird, you live with some weird roommates in your 20s. Shout out to people in their 20s right now who have three or four roommates and are going through it.

You're struggling. You're just trying to like land, you know, land in the right spot of a career. I know how hard that is. That shit sucks, dude. I live in a partitioned off dining room. Trust me, I did it. I did. I lived that life. One bathroom, three bed, one bath, technically two bed. I lived, like I said, I lived in a dining

room, one bathroom, three men, one bathroom. It was insane. And always dirty. You could clean it the moment you used it. It would be dirty within 10 minutes. Had to be. People were on their way in. Oh, that When I graduated, finally not having a dirty tub. You know, there's some tubs that just are going to be dirty. You're never going to be able to clean like the years of scum out of them.

When I finally got to a level of my career when I could have a tub that didn't stay dirty, a non-stay dirty tub. Because most times you move in at 23 years old, 24, you move into that stay dirty. That's stay dirty life. The carpet.

My roommate hated the carpet so much he ripped it up. There's hardwood floors underneath. It was beautiful. But I was like, you can't do that, dude. They're going to charge you. And he didn't care. He took the hit. And he got the wooden floors finished.

It looked beautiful. He put more equity into this place that we didn't even, we didn't know. He was an interesting creature, man. Interesting creature. He used to work for Tom's Shoes. That Tom's Shoes guy, you know, he gives a pair of shoes to the, to a kid in Africa when you buy one. That guy lived on a boat in the marina. Marina Del Rey lived on a boat at the beginning of his career. I remember hearing about the Tom's Shoes thing. He was like, it was catching fire. It just started to grow. It was around the same

time as Pinkberry. Everybody shout out to Pinkberry. Are those all shut down? Did they all get trampled by all the other fro-yo places catching on? Pinkberry just didn't do it. Something was missing. It tasted weird.

And then I think something came out that they were like using something gross in it. And everybody was like, this shit is whack. People were like, this shit is whack. Couldn't have it anymore. But yeah, this kid was into some weird stuff. He used to stock vending machines in his old frat house. After college, he owned a vending machine, put it in his old frat house.

So he'd have a trunk filled with candy bars. In the California sun, it would just sit in his, he had a Volvo station wagon. And it would sit in the back of his Volvovo station wagon he'd have melted kit kats kit kats it wouldn't it wouldn't be kit kat it'd be kit kat it would no longer be two bars it wouldn't be kit kit and kat it'd be kit kat and the reese's peanut butter cubs would just be a peanut butter ball be reese's peanut butter balls it was so funny to see all that stuff. It just melted and mashed and smushed. But yeah, he used to stock a vending machine

in his fraternity house. Kid was a businessman. You gotta know. Put in the hustle. He's out there somewhere. Cheers. He knows who he is. He's out there,

so he's not listening to this. I don't know what he's doing. Stocking vending machines somewhere. Who knows? God bless him. Why do we say that? God bless him. God bless him. We say, these are the phrases we say as Americans. God bless him and good for them. Good for him. We don't mean it. I don't want to say it anymore. I was on the phone with my buddy Aristotle. I said that the other day. He goes, oh, good for him. I was like, you don't mean that. Don't say that. The guy he was saying that about,

he didn't even like. I was like, why are you saying good for him? You don't like him. Why are you pretending like you would like, you don't like that guy. Don't say good for him. Just be like, ah, fuck him. Why can't we just say fuck him sometimes? Fuck him. You don't have to like everybody. Fuck him. Fuck him. You shouldn't be mean just to be mean, but sometimes fuck fuck them. You know? Like, people give me shit. What am I supposed to do? Say, fuck them. People think I'm on Adderall. That's my favorite thing on earth. People think I'm an Adderall junkie. They're like, slow down with the Adderall, Santino. Never have I ever. Never taken it. I drink the sauce. The sauce gets me juiced up, baby. I like it. I'm going to break these vintage chairs. Yeah, no, I don't take that shit.

I've never once had it. I think maybe in college. Maybe I tried it one time, but it wasn't a thing of my generation to take all the time. Not like it is now. Not everybody takes it. If you wanted to stay up late

and write a paper in college, you got yourself some chewing tobacco. Get yourself some dip. I'd throw in a hoss. I'd be spitting on my computer all night. Me and my college roommate, we would do that all the time. Just huge chunks of hoss. Put them in your lip.

Just catch a nice little buzz stream and just focus and zone out on a shitty paper with triple spaced 32-inch font. Aerial. Lose it, you know? Turn it in and the teacher's like, this is not acceptable. And you're like, but I did it. Also, this is Arizona State. Can we just get this over with? Shout out to ASU, by the way. A great institution, no less. All of my friends, all of my friends graduated in under 10 years. Kudos. That's actually a lie. So many of my friends didn't graduate at all.

Even putting in five, six, seven years, which is tight, dude. Devil up, horn up, horn up. The shocker was always, the shocker was our school symbol with your hand. Look at that. Yeah, it's always been the shocker. Or whatever Dane Cook appropriated it as years ago. I don't remember. Sufi or whatever the fuck that was. I don't know. But ASU was a time in one's life. I'm going to be returning to Phoenix too. I'm excited to go back on this big tour in 2020. I'm nervous. I'm not going to lie. Look at

this. I, you know, this is the thing about becoming, you know, a comedian who gets to tour more is you, it's a lot of work, man. It's a lot of work and I appreciate the shit out of the fans, but it's a lot of work. You gotta, you gotta know, man, putting out the material, trying to get people there. It's so much more work, you know, it's way more work than people could ever imagine. And I'm happy to do it. It's just more than, you know, is coming, you know? It's kind of like the first time, if you've ever surfed, or you've ever snowboarded, anything where you're going up against nature a little bit, it's so uncontrollable.

You can push as hard as you can, but you've got to know, some things you're not going to be able to control. The wave is going to move how it's going to wave, how it's going to move. You do know what's coming to a degree, but you kind of don't. Same with snowboarding. I always felt like,

you know, what's going on, but there's ripples that you can't really see depending on the light on the mountain. It's hard to see certain grooves that get, you know, get, you can get caught in. Yeah. It's just when you're going up against nature and that's what standup is like going up against nature at this part of my career. You're like, you're just fighting against the nature of the elements of trying to get people to come out to shows and see your shit, which is what I want, man. I want more peeps, you know? It's been a fun run so far, and I can't wait to do this tour and see what this is gonna be like,

interact with more people, do more Fridays with a fan, and get out there and see more of the cities. That I'm super excited about. And I'm excited for all the things that are happening coming up in the new year. A premiere of a new television show on FX with me and little Dickie. My episode of Curb Your Enthusiasm

is gonna come out in, I think, January or February. I did this movie that's gonna come out that's supposed to come out around now that's just got, that's getting, I think it's getting into festivals and stuff i should keep up with that stuff but i just try to make good stuff and keep it moving you know i'm saying that's what my goal is just make good shit and keep it moving if i can or if it's trash you know keep acknowledge it keep it moving as well there's not much you can

do in life if i can give advice to anybody that's trying to work on whatever craft that they're tinkering with, keep it moving to the K-I-M. Tribe Called Quest said that. Keep it moving. Yeah, yeah, to the K-I-M. Keep it moving. There's nothing you can do, man. Let it go.

I learned to start letting things go, you know? What are you going to do? I didn't go to the gym, you know, so many times this week. Keep it moving. What are you going to do? Fuck it. You're you know so many times this week keep it moving what are you gonna do fuck it you're bummed out you got to keep living try try to be better the next time i mean you know we're all we're all uh we're all flawed so we're just trying to we're just trying to make it through you know and the older you get the more you learn how many people i can't tell you how many people hit me up that tell me they have anxiety or depression or they struggle with you know some sort some sort of mental disorder, whether,

you know, it's, you know, they struggle with either, you know, being bipolar or, you know, like people have a lot of attention deficit. People have a lot of issues and nobody wants to talk about them. It's our dirty, dirty little secret. The United States is dirty little secret, you know. We all have something going on and we don't want to talk about them. It's our dirty, dirty little secret. The United States is a dirty little secret, you know? We all have something going on and we don't want to talk about it. You know, but I talk about it. I don't care.

I have trouble with it. It sucks. I can't sleep at night. My heart gets jumping. I get worried. I get stressed out. I get emotionally angry. I take it out on people, especially loved ones.

I get snappy and rude. Big mood changes. Irrational thoughts. mood changes, irrational thoughts, you know, rational behavior. You know, it's like nothing negative. Like I'm going to kill somebody or I'm going to kill myself. Nothing, nothing that deep, but just, you just act out. You act mean, you lash out, you're quick to judge and very abrupt snap thinking, you know? And those things are hard because they're covering up all this anxiety and depression and all these other emotions that are happening. But just know that you're not alone on that. I promise. And you can hit me up. Tell me what's up. Tell me what you're dealing with and

how you deal with it. Because I love to voice other people that come to me and to say, yo, you know what helps me out a lot? You know, some guy was saying, oh, I like fixing my car. It just helps me calm my anxiety down. Just love tinkering on my car. Could be something super small, cleaning it even. You know, I think that's cool. I think finding little ways to like navigate this shit is the only way to live. Otherwise we're busted, dude. Otherwise time's up. You know, you're going to, you're going to collapse someday from all the anxiety and all the, the self-loathing, you know what I mean? Stop listening to bullshit. I'm not trying to be one of those guys. What's that dude's name guy gary gary who swears the the the cuss word uh king the he's a public speaker and all he does is he's like you gotta fucking get up and stop

being a fucking bitch dude and rock out and you're like all right dude he almost seems he feels like a youth minister who's like trying so hard to learn how to say the word jif you know he's like the gift the jif which one whatever it is man we're there we're jiffing through life we're like making memes out of life and you're like shut up you fucking phony whatever. I think here, you know what I think the best motivational speech is? That you giving to yourself that you're worth it. That's the best thing I think you can do. Besides all your bullshit, throw away all your shit, all your troubles, all your physical ailments, mental ailments,

all these things that track you down every day, throw it in the fucking garbage and go, fuck it. I'm just going to keep it moving. I'm going to K-I-M it this week. I got a tough ass. I just watched this video about this woman who had a six hour commute every day to work. Three hours in, three hours out. She keeps it moving, bro. It's not optimal. It's not her favorite thing. She finds love in other shit. Find love in whatever the fuck it is that you need to find love in

and keep it moving, baby doll. You know what I mean? Because otherwise you get trapped. You get turned upside down and you get trapped in this, you know, this constant idea that you're not doing it enough. Whatever the fuck it is.

I don't, whatever it is, we all have that thing. But whatever it is, don't get it out of your fucking head. And the fuck it is. Whatever it is, we all have that thing. But whatever it is, don't get it. Get it out of your fucking head. And the world is not burning. Stop with that shit. I've said this. If the world comes to a close while we're on it, dope. We should be so lucky. We burned this place to the ground. You know how cool that is? We did it. We did it. It's been around for billions of years and we fucked that shit up. That is incredible. Kudos to us. We shut down the earth. We came, we saw, we shut it down. You know how cool that is? We shut this place down. I'll take it. I'll take it. Leave some

remnants behind of this life. You know, they'll find it in a million years from now and wonder what the fucking iPhone is. It'll look so weird. They're like, did they put this up their butt? For some reason, they'll think everything got put up our butt.

Because somebody put, everything is put up, we're putting so much stuff in our butts, by the way. I saw another article today. A guy put a knife in his butt for pleasure. He wasn't high,

he wasn't like sneaking it into this, to jail. He put a knife in his tush. Maybe the ridges felt good. Maybe the bump, the flick bump to snap it back open into place felt good. I don't know, man. How many ridges do we need? It's like the first time I saw one of those fleshlights,

it was like alien mouth. You're like, Jesus Christ, fucking. Whatever happened to fucking a tortilla that you warmed up for five minutes you know the good old days we had so many sneaky gross things we had sex with

when we were figuring out how to put our penis in something socks was always weird to me people were always like oh yeah hard socks I never jerked off in socks. I wanted to wear those. I mean, they went on my feet. For some reason, I got pride over my feet. I never wanted a jizz in a sock. It was always a magazine, paper towel, toilet paper.

Socks were strange. And for some reason, like you had to have been a rich kid. I think you have to be a rich kid to jizz in your socks. That's, I'm going to push that theory out. Cause, cause, uh, cause your mom is doing, is obviously not doing your laundry. Then you have a maid doing your laundry. So you don't give a shit that Consuela found your jizz socks. Cause you would care if mom found it. Cause moms were, moms do most of the laundry from, from where I come from, you know? But if you're a rich kid, you got Consuela doing it. You got some maid, you know, some Lithuanian lady, you know, Marsala,

coming and doing it. You don't care that she finds it. She knows. But if a mom finds your jizz socks, what's the conversation? Is there no conversation? Because I'm sure my mom would bring it up. She'd go, what's up, man? You dumping out in those Hanes that I bought you? Huh?

You letting them fly in those three stripes calf socks that I bought you? Those are for basketball. Not for unloading your balls into. That would have been the embarrassing conversation I would have had. I had so many embarrassing conversations with my mom. Caught me getting a blowjob in high school. Worst day of my life. I didn't know what to say.

I said, get the fuck out. That's what I said to my mother. She walked in. Get the fuck out! Freaked out. My girlfriend had to walk home. She had to walk out the door in front of my parents. What do you...

Oh, this potpourri's nice, bye. You know, what do you say to the family whose son's dick you just had in your mouth? What do you say? I'm stuffed and then take off. What's the exit line, you know? Do I need a jacket? No, you need to go to church.

I don't know what the, what's the balance. What do you say to the family? Comment and let me know what you would say as an exit line if you just got caught blowing a guy whose parents you have to say goodbye to. What do you, what do you say? What do you say? How do you exit gracefully? What's a humble way to dip out? I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't even know what you, I never asked what she said, but I've had all those awkward conversations with him. I came home on mushrooms one time. My mom was no idea. Came home from a concert on mushrooms. I just, she was like, are you okay? You're acting weird.

I said, I can't hear. It was so loud. I can't hear. Like blew my eardrums. That was my coverup. What a stupid coverup. I can't hear. When you're high, your mind goes, that'll be perfect.

And then you think about it seconds after you say it and you're like, could have said anything else would have been better. My buddy Tyler, we were on mushrooms leaving his mom's house. She got home right as we started tripping. We were walking outside and all I could say was the trash smells.

What the fuck was that? That's all I said. She goes, hey, I go, hey, honey. She goes, how, what are you guys doing? I go, the trash smells. And I walked out in the garage. What? The trash smells? Anything would have worked. That was one of the first couple of times I did mushrooms. Went over to this kid Chauncey's house. His dad had framed hockey jerseys and we watched him breathe. I swear to God, I stood for hours watching like a Wayne Gretzky jersey breathe. I was like, there's a body inside

of that framed hockey jersey. I was losing and his carpet had like spike patterns on it. So for about 25 minutes, not a long time, but 25, 20 minutes or so, I was scared of getting off the couch. I was like, this carpet's gonna hurt. I bet you it's gonna hurt. And I thought, even though I knew I was high and I thought that isn't real, of course,

it's not going to hurt. It's carpet. My mind still went to, yeah, but it could, it could be uncomfortable carpet still. I had no socks on. I just thought that might be uncomfortable carpet, might be spiky carpet. That carpet might be showing its cards. So it might be saying, hey, this is the image of a spike, also uncomfortable carpet. But I did mushrooms a few times when I definitely shouldn't have. Haunted house mushrooms, bad idea. Don't do that. Don't go to a haunted house on mushrooms. We thought we can conquer anything. We've been on mushrooms before. These were homegrown too. My buddy grew them in a tub where it had been under his bed, inoculated the spores. That's how I learned how to do it. I learned science, more science outside of high school than inside of high school. I learned what a spore was, learned how to inoculate the spore to grow some

mushrooms. It was wild. And mushrooms grew all over the Midwest. You could find those so easily. People are like, how do you get mushrooms? We had, there were cow shits everywhere. There's farmlands not too far. You always had access to something. Somebody had access to something. Whether or not they were good is a whole different story. But just get you a peanut butter sandwich and call it a night. Drink some milk, coat the tum-tum and let it ride, baby. And if you feel like puking, don't resist. I feel like the opposite when I'm having a little couple of drinks. If you feel sick when you're having a couple of drinks, back up and have some ginger ale, some soda water, chill. If you're nauseous, when you're on mushrooms, if you're sick, let it out. Don't hold it in and do look in the mirror. Forget what they say. If you're on mushrooms,

look in a mirror and write red rum up in the mirror and then flicker on and off the lights and stare at yourself until you can't do it anymore. If it's under a minute, if you can't last more than a minute, use a bitch. I shouldn't be influencing people to do drugs. If you're going to do them, I should say. If you're already going to do drugs, have some fun. Be safe and have some fun. Walk, get an Uber.

Man, I wish Uber and Lyft was around when we did drugs in high school. We always had to either like catch a ride from someone who was sober, you know, or find a way home. We couldn't just be stoned and get an Uber. You know how awesome that would have been? No, we had to wait until we sobered up a little bit after playing Ultimate Frisbee after school, smoking weed in somebody's garage and then freak out because there was only four hours till dinner and you're like i gotta come down with enough time to get a ride to my buddy's house to then get a ride home do what can i make

it that was a rube goldberg of its time being stoned at a guy's house learning how to get to the place where your car was or where somebody was going to pick you up from, and then getting from there with enough time, gap time, to be home at dinner time so mom and dad wouldn't be pissed and also be sober enough to have conversations with them where they're not like, what's been going on?

You know? There was a whole intricate detail of machines that needed to take place in its own fashion in order to get you to get the marble all the way through. Tough times. Now my, now my parents want to do drugs. The irony is staggering. Now my mom is like, I kind of want to do edibles. I'm like, really? I hid this for, I hid this from you for years. You can't just, you can't, we can't just rewind the clock and pretend like that didn't happen because we got to have a convo about it. You wave the old finger at me about the Potsky doodles.

Oh yeah, my mom wants to try edibles. I sent them to her. Chocolates, chocolates and gummies. It's great. I'm a highly promotional of it, better that than having too many drinks, too many drinks can mess up your liver, man, have drinks in moderation, then pop one of those THC one-in-one pills that I like so much, THC CBD one-to-one, go grab those 10 milligrams, they're phenomenal, smooth out your night, wake up without a hangover, get a nice night's sleep, not wake up with heartburn and have to poop out of your mouth and your butt, drinking too much, man, it's bad. Drink in moderation and have a little bit of weed skis in moderation.

Big proponent now of having small, small amounts. Not smoking weed for too long, you know. You get to a point when you're like, why do I need to get this high? People dabbing and stuff. What are these kids up to? Cut it out. You just smoke a little bit of weed? I had a spliff for the first time

in a long time last weekend. I don't know if I like them. I don't really like tobacco that much. So it's weird to smoke weed and tobacco at the same time. I'd rather just have one or the other. You know, if I was a cigarette, if I'm gonna have a cigarette,

I'll smoke weed if I'm gonna smoke weed. But these Europeans, they love that shit. They love combining, you know, weed and tobacco. Cool out the high, I guess. Or just take less hits.

You don't need to rip a whole joint solo, you know. Take a couple of hits. A couple of less hits. Smooth it out. So, yeah. Be doing drugs with my parents now. It'll come to a point when my mom is like, can you get me some of those Kiva chocolates?

And I'd also, I'd really love one of those dosist pens where it buzzes when you know you've had enough. There's a woman on Instagram called Dabbing Granny. I think that's her name. She smokes entirely too much marijuana. And we'll like, she'll chug beers and hold in, hold in her hit. Whatever happened to knitting? Remember when grandmas used to knit? Now, now, now she wants to be on Reddit and rip a, rip a four-foot dab concentrate. I don't get it.

I don't get it. Do it in moderation and K-I-M, keep it moving. That should be the title of this episode. That should be the title of the future of what you've got going on. And I want to tell people I do appreciate the fan engagement. I do appreciate people telling me that they have anxiety or they're going through depression or something's going on and this brings joy to them because I got to tell you, we're all doing this so we could all be together. The same reason that we podcast is the same reason that you listen is because we want to be, we want to feel more connected as people. We've gotten so far away from that on our cell phones. So this is a nice way.

that are like, yo, comedy is the thing that brings me joy. Podcasting is the thing that brings me joy because listen to you guys. I love the balance. I love, you know, I love getting that as a part of my day to deal with some of the other shit during my day. I've had some great stories come my way. Single parents hitting me up saying like, my day's tough. I'm working long ass hours. I'm trying to manage a kid and it's really hard, man. But the podcast helps. And that's all I want is have a laugh, talk some shit, hopefully help. Hopefully it gives you something to smile about, something to listen to,

something to keep you entertained. Not all of these are going to be the funniest thing you've ever heard. That's for when we're on the stage, all the stuff that we planned. But if some of this stuff touches you in a way that makes you feel good, a familiar voice around the house,

I love to hear that. This girl last weekend, she was like, you're in our house all the time. I just hear you in our house. That's around the house. I love to hear that. This girl last weekend, she was like, you're in our house all the time. I just hear you in our house. That's great, man. I love that. I'm here right now. I love that. I love to feel that we're having this connection, you know? So hit me up. Let me know, you know? Let me know your story. Let me know what you're going through and what's going on with you. Because I want to do a few more solos. And when I do solos, I think what I'm gonna start doing is calling people. I want to have like real conversations and call someone to have a

podcast with someone over the phone on the podcast. Is that a good idea or a bad idea? I don't know. It could be, it could be bad. It could be good, but I want to try it. I want to give it a whirl and see what the fans think. That's why the idea this Friday is with a fan meeting up with fans has been super fun. So I want to connect with some people, you know, I want to connect with some cool people who have cool stories to tell. And hopefully we can, you know, blossom this whiskey ginger relationship together.

I might be moving studios. We're working on a whole bunch of stuff right now. It's pretty crazy, but I am very happy, um, that there is such a love from the fans. Cause I do, I don't want to get it twisted.

I do appreciate it. You know, I really do. I'm working at my best to try to show people that I I do, I don't want to get it twisted. I do appreciate it. You know? I really do. I'm working at my best to try to show people that I respect the love because it helps us out. You know?

Just trying to be a real one out here telling you the truth. I love you guys. I hope this holiday was good for you. I hope coming up in December you're not too overwhelmed

trying to buy people gifts. Don't worry about getting somebody a fucking gift. How about that? Just say something nice to them. Write them a nice card. You don't need to buy shit for people to show them that you love them and appreciate them. Say something nice to them

means probably way more than buying them some bullshit that they're not even going to like or use or need. So do yourself a favor. Write something nice to somebody, you know? Write something nice and put a joke use or need. So do yourself a favor. Write something nice to somebody. You know? Write something nice and put a joke at the end. No matter how much you write

sappy, nice, sweet love stuff, at the very end just go, you know, also you owe me 30 bucks. I'll never forget that. You owe me 30 bucks and you never paid me. But I love you.

Merry Hanukkah, Christmas, Kwanzaa, whatever the fuck you, whatever you do. So have a good, uh, good, uh, December. I will see you again. I'm sure, uh, maybe with somebody else in the other chair. Um, but for now, this is the end of the fuck Thanksgiving episode, the anti-Turkey tirade. Um, appreciate you guys. Have a drink on me. Enjoy the rest of the weekend. Be safe, kids. Take it easy way.

And you know what to do. K-I-M. Keep it moving, baby. In here, we pour whisk, whisk, whisk, whisk, whisk. You are that creature in the ginger beard. Sturdy and ginger. Like vampires, the ginger gene is a curse. Gingers are beautiful.

You owe me $5 for the whiskey and $75 for the horse. Gingers are hell no. This whiskey is excellent. Ginger. I like gingers.