Whiskey Ginger with Andrew Santino - Steph Tolev

Episode Date: February 3, 2023

Santino sits down with one the funniest comedians in Los Angeles Steph Tolev to talk about her swingin' family vacation, her newfound love and much much more! #whiskeyginger #andrewsantino #stephtolev #podcast COME SEE ME ON TOUR!!! https://www.andrewsantino.com ORDER SOME MERCH!!! https://www.andrewsantinostore.com ============================================================ SUPPORT OUR SPONSORS! SQUARE SPACE Get that site up and running now! 10% off your order https://squarespace.com/whiskey ROCKET MONEY Get Rid Of Unwanted Subscriptions! https://rocketmoney.com/whiskey Follow Santino on Insta and Twitter: https://www.instagram.com/cheetosantino/ https://twitter.com/CheetoSantino Whiskey Ginger Insta and Twitter: https://www.instagram.com/whiskeygingerpodcast/ & https://twitter.com/whiskeyginger_ Whiskey Ginger Clips: http://www.youtube.com/c/WhiskeyGingerPodcastClips Produced and edited by Joe Faria IG: @itsjoefaria Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What up, Whiskey Ginger fans? Welcome back to the show. If it's your first time joining the show, welcome to the show. We got a good one for you today, ladies and gentlemen. It is Steph Tolev. Steph, so very funny, from Canada. She is hilarious. I got a Netflix special out right now. Go watch Cheeseburger, my friends. If you haven't seen it, please go watch it. Spread the word. Tell a friend. And hopefully, I'll be back on tour at some point very, very soon. And me and Bobby are going to be doing a Bad Friends tour, so check all that stuff out.

Enough rambling from me. Let's go to the episode. In here, we pour whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey. You're that creature in the ginger field. Sturdy and ginger. Like vampires, the ginger gene is a curse. Gingers are beautiful. You owe me $5 for the whiskey and $75 for the horse.

Gingers are hell no. This whiskey is excellent. Ginger. I like gingers. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back to Whiskey Ginger. My guest today is one of my favorite people on earth. I say that for all my guests, but I mean it once again today. It is the first time this Canuck has been on the show.

Hopefully not the last It's Steph Tolev! Hello! Canadian Canadian, you're correct, yes But it's a Canuck You can call all Canadians Canucks, right? I believe so, yeah

But you're not a Canuck fan, obviously Not really, no No, it's okay It's hard to be any Canadian fan Because they're so bad No, what do you mean? Oilers are... Edmonton Oilers had a good season.

Okay. I don't know. I don't know either. I'm a Toronto Gals and Leafs, and then it's just... After that, it doesn't matter. Yeah. Drake, sixth god? Is he really the sixth god?

I guess. I met Drake years ago. Do you remember me, Drake? Do you remember me, Drake? Drake, do you remember me? It was on Degrassi Junior High. Oh, that's right. Before he was in the wheelchair.

I played lacrosse in high school school and they needed extras for the opening sequence and I got carried away I was like I kept looking right at the camera and they were like we'll move the lacrosse stick just turn your head and walked in the hall and I was like very bad at being an extra so did you put him in the wheelchair? I put him in the wheelchair yeah with my lacrosse stick and he didn't say hi to me and I got pissed can you imagine I beat the shit out of Drake

before he was anybody I don't know the show I and I got pissed and I can imagine I beat the shit out of Drake before he was anybody fucking Aubrey just what is I don't know the show I mean I do know that he was on it I don't

I've never seen the show he was did he get paralyzed in the middle of the season of that show I honestly don't know I watched the first the original

Degrassi was good and then they had like some new generation stuff and they tried to like we already saw it all there was AIDS in the first one

there was Teen Pride AIDS in season one? in like the first yeah the first Degrassi had it all wow man jumping the shark teachers sleeping

with each other had gross stuff creepy so Euphoria just like copied that format that's what kind of Euphoria

I've never seen the show but I know people say it's like hot sexy hookup stuff and I was like but isn't it high school stuff

and they're like yeah it is it weirds me out I don't want to see that I have no interest in seeing that that's the weirdest what's the pitch

that you're gonna love what is the pitch it's hot high schoolers hooking up and what Hollywood agent was like yeah do you also remember

how gross hooking up in high school was every guy was pre-coming everywhere and I was repulsed and I didn't know what was going on they all had gross

holey underwears and I was disgusted tip peeking out of the hole you know what I'm talking about pee drips every guy had a pee drip in their didn't know what was going on. They all had gross, holey underwears, and I was disgusted. Tip peeking out of the little hole. You know what I'm talking about? Pee drips. Every guy had a pee drip in their underwear. You know what I'm talking about. The gray and the little pee drip.

I have some right now. Every guy has a pee drip. Yeah, because you guys don't leak like we leak. You leak as you get older, but we leak way more. Well, we have a pipe. Yeah, no, no. I got a big hole. You have a huge hole.

Think about this, though. Of course we're going to leak more than you guys do because I know there's women leakage. But male leakage, think about it. When you turn off a sink, right, there's still water in the pipe. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Right? And if you don't fully shake it, an extra little drip might come out the end. I don't know how the shaking works.

Do you use two hands like that? Well, this seems like it's a piece of paper. I don't know if I shake a little piece of paper like that. You have a very thin tip that you don't told anybody about. When we shake, we have different kinds of shakes. A lot of people slap it on their thighs. Slappy thighs. Sometimes.

Really? I grab it. I grab it. Wow, you're really making it. Well, I have a case on my cock, like an iPhone. I have a cock case. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't have cock hair, so I needed a cock case in case it breaks.

Yeah, we grab it, and you give it a couple of just a couple of wags and then you're good to go that's a big wag that seemed like an aggressive wag it's like when you're packing a dip cam just a couple of wags not like choking it out get out

putting it to sleep tap out so I met you. I met you. Let's talk about you. You're an incredible stand-up comedian. I met you moons ago. I think the first time we actually met was in Montreal.

If I'm wrong, you'd know. Was it on a show in Montreal? Were we on a show together? I'm almost positive we did a thing together in Montreal. Okay. Then I knew you were coming here, or I had heard through the grapevine you were moving to L.A. Then I obviously started seeing you a lot, but I'm almost positive the first time I met you was on your home turf.

I think it was a home game for you. Okay. I mean, you have a very good memory. Yeah. If it was Montreal, I was probably blackout drunk. Speaking of which, cheers. Cheers. Let's do a little cheers.

Cheers to you. A little sip-sap. Cheers to you. A little sip. And you were a bad girl, so this must taste different because you were just in Vegas. Yeah. I was just in Vegas. What were you drinking in Vegas?

Everything but that. You're not a whiskey girl. As it turns out, no. I thought I wasn't right now. I sound like I guzzle whiskey, like for mouthwash. You don't smoke either, do you? I vape. You do.

I'm disgusting. Bad do. I'm disgusting. Bad girl. I'm a bad girl. What's your vape flavor? That's so gross. It's like a guava, like a guava ice, guava goddess.

I actually, the guy who comes to me on the road, Chris O'Connor, great comic out of New York. Great guy, very funny, yes. So funny. He loves to puff clouds, dog. Sometimes I'll steal it once in a while

when we're in the dressing room because the old red used to smoke ciggies and I quit but I smoke now again I've been smoking again a little bit

it's nice it's the winter it's cold I like ripping a heater in the winter I like smoking every once in a while I quit for a long time

I'm not proud of it but I gotta be honest with you people out there that smoke that know it's great i'm not like it's fun great it's nice it feels so nice it calms your body your brain i'm not promoting it

i'm just saying we're not saying smoke but smoke but you just smell the bed well also i was just at the gas station and i noticed that there was they were cleared out of like dip jars and zins you know zin and all the pouches and all that. And I was like, what's the, what's going on? And are you guys, I was like,

are you guys clearing out this place? And he was like, no, no, no. Everyone's bought us out because come January, 2023, California,

you can't sell, uh, no menthol products. Like a bunch of different zins have been banned. Yeah. No more Camel Crush. No more Cam Crush. Oh,

baby's got to stock up for Christmas. Stock up baby. I know I sound like I do smoke, but I've always sounded like this. Yeah. Your whole life. Yeah. No more Camel Crush? No more Cam Crush. Oh, baby's got to stock up for Christmas. You got to stock up, baby! I know I sound like I do smoke, but I've always sounded like this. Yeah, your whole life. Yeah, baby. I came out. Mama, mama, give me another light. No, I think I started in high school.

I got more deep. Do your parents have deep voices? Yeah, I sound exactly like my mom and dad. Your mom. Uh-huh. What's your ethnic background? Bulgarian. Whoa! Uh-huh. What's your ethnic background? Bulgarian. Whoa.

No. Uh-oh. Dropping a bomber here. I thought we got rid of all you people. So did we. Your parents are both from Bulgaria? No. My dad is, but they're both born in Canada.

But my grandparents were in an arranged marriage. Love to hear that. Excuse me. Love it. Isn't that fun? I know. Isn't that nice? So they were arranged.

So organized R-A-P-E. Yep. And then that's really what it is. Yep. He came over. Just coordinated. Co they were arranged. So organized R-A-P-E. Yep. And then that's really what it is. Yeah. He came over. Just coordinated essay. And then your mom and dad were organically put together. That wasn't arranged or what?

No, no, no. My mom's Canadian and my dad's Bulgarian. They met in high school. And your mom's what kind of, what's a Canadian? Just I think some English. Just a good old fashioned white. Just an old white. Just a whitey. Just a good old-fashioned white. Just an old white. Just a whitey.

Just a whitey. Not as white as you, but... Well, I am OG whitey. I'm Irish and Italian. She's got something. She's got something in there. She's Quaker-y. Yeah, no, she's like dark hair, though.

Dark features, and she looks European, so... It's funny that, like, American whites get a lot of shit for being, like, the bad people, but Canadian whites are just managing to just sneak by. They're like, don't look up here. Because they're so white. But nobody wags a finger at them. No. Because of what?

Because of socializing medicine? Yeah. No one really cares about Canadians. You're just like, oh, yeah, they're there. I've always said I love Canada. I have such a big place in my heart for Canada. Because when I started touring, I would get shots up there. place in my heart for canada because when i started touring i got i would get shots up there like like you know uh bronson and them would would uh at the uh at the comic strip or was that what

it's called no edmonton is house of comedy sorry um he has the comic strip as well though isn't he i he's never booked me so i don't whoa i don't get booked in canada canada hates me as a canadian it's very bizarre canada fucking hates me i don't't know what I did. I don't like this. I don't like it either. Well, how about this? Don't do Canada. Don't ever tour Canada. If I do, I'm going to do it on my own terms.

I'm not doing any of the clubs. God damn right. Yeah, suck my ass, Canada. It's very upsetting. That's the reason that you don't get booked in Canada. Can't get booked. Because you might be the funniest person I've known coming out of Canada for quite a long time. Well, that, I'm going to use that as a quote.

What's the competition? I mean, who else is coming out that you think is good? That I think is good from Canada? Who's coming out lately? I'm very ignorant. I don't know. I don't know anyone

who's coming out lately, but I have friends in New York that are hilarious. I don't know if you, Alex Pavone, you know him. He's fucking incredible.

I don't know that person. He's been there for a bit. Graham K. I know Graham. I know Graham. But Graham's been around. Yeah, these people have been around.

I haven't seen people come out recently, not really anybody. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, good. Keep them there. Well, my finger's not on the pulse. you know like it's hard as you get older too it's like how long you've been doing stand-up 20 years yeah but it's just like as you keep how long you've been in la now it's eight yeah january yeah the more you go through the game here um the less touch you can have like the less you're in touch with stuff it's

just so hard but when you're young yeah you know everything and everybody and all the things and then you get older and you're like i'm i'm trying to just do my own shit yeah and it's also like we're tired and we're at the store or the improv i'm sleepy i'm a sleepy baby i get tired little girl this weekend big weekend parents and what did you sniff what did you take what did you eat sniffy who did you fuck would you suck would you sniff no sniffs no. No sniffies. Any smokies? I did some edibles and I had some vapey vapies.

Edible vapey. And some joints. And some joints. And pokey pokey. Did you get pokey this weekend? I got pokey. Here's the thing. So my parents

met my boyfriend. I've been single for 10 years. God bless. Just have a first time having It's okay. My eyes are bawling.

My eyes out. First time having a boyfriend in a long time and they met him in Vegas this weekend because they were there for a friend's 50th birthday. They rented this like porn house. Time out.

Real fast. Real fast. Yeah. Your parents are there for someone's 50th? Yes. I'm 50 soon. Yes. How do your parents know?

No, they were older. It made no sense why they were there. I'm like, holy fuck, 50? No, no, no. They were there for a friend's thing. They were the oldest ones there. Okay, okay, good. So they rented a porn house.

Yeah. The doors were all numbered. Or it was like a swinger house. Oh, yeah. This is awesome. It was, yeah. So I the oldest ones there. Okay, good. So they rented a porn house. Yeah, the doors were all numbered. Or it was like a swinger house. Oh, yeah. This is awesome. I was in room six. My parents were in room seven. And we get there, just meeting my boyfriend, Zach, and they're like, oh, our rooms are joined. I'm like, sorry?

Our rooms are conjoined? Oh, you're swinging with your mom and dad. So Zach, mom, and dad, we're swapping. I call dad first. It's so disgusting. And we just share a bathroom. I'm I called dad first it's so disgusting and we share a bathroom I'm like okay here's my family

now you're meeting my fucking mom and dad and then yeah we fucked and guess what I do something that's loud sometimes yeah I've read on

I've read on yeah I read online it starts with an S everybody talks about it yeah and it was so much that it was like like it was so

fucked up and I don't think I've ever scored that much in my life but it was so much that it was like, it was so fucked up. I don't think I've ever squirted that much in my life, but it was so fucking- Turn off the shower. Turn off the shower. No, he was snoring, so I was trying to make noise while the snore came out. It's so disgusting. This is so fucking gross. No, it's hot.

No, no, it was very gross. This man that you're seeing now, not a comedian. Not a comedian. Ex-Mormon. God bless for real. Ex-Mormon. God bless. God bless for real. Mormon. Oh, yeah. I know.

A lot going on there. Part of the cult where he would go knock on the doors and spread the word and all that jazz? I think that was more Jehovah, wasn't it? To me, those people are one and the same. I have no idea. Again, very ignorant guy. No idea. But they're doing some wild shit.

You've heard about soaking. Oh, yeah. I know. Yeah. Put it in and don't let it move. And then people get under the bed and they push the bottom of the bed. Yeah, you know all this. Yeah, yeah. soaking. Oh yeah, I know. Put it in and don't let it move. And then people get under the bed and they push the bottom of the bed. Which is called the rumble pack. I know all about it.

That's what some of the kids call it. Rumble pack. Okay. I like that term. But yeah, his family's very some of the family's very Mormon still. Oh wow. They don't like you. I think they do. I'm definitely an outsider. Some do. The one I don't think who's, I don't think is i don't know

i don't think they'll like me but like this one let's call them out his sister's very mormon and she doesn't like i think i mean i think she's trying to like me but you're also a pleasant human being in person but then you see my stand-up and you're like oh she just talks about her big fat labia pee hole the whole time but that's your job is to entertain people that's that's still the thing i don't like is and you know what i found recently i'm not going to mention someone's name but i met someone recently who i had a perception of who i thought they were which happens often in this business right people think they know who you are based on your act or what they see you in television or film or whatever yeah that's not who the person is at all i mean it may be a piece of

them but like i met someone who i was pleasantly surprised but oddly enough i knew that they were going to be cool but the perception of them sometimes is the opposite and i was like i bet you this is all an act it's an entertainment thing sure enough i was right i sat with this person and i was like you're fooling everybody it's a game and and it's working because they're very successful and i was like yeah this is just kind of part of being in the entertainment industry is you're putting on a show so yeah you might hyperbolize

you might fabricate you might inflate like that's not who you really are but it is funny when people judge you based on just that because they're like

well that's all I know it's like I know but take it at face value it's a I'm doing a bit yes I'm a caricature for your entertainment

yeah yeah yeah, yeah. So. Isn't it hard though when you meet those people who have been doing, sorry to interrupt. No, please. Where they act like somebody else for the industry and stuff. How do you keep up with that? You know, it's hard. It's hard.

It's hard. If I'm not myself, I feel like, and I know I've first tried this before, but I feel like I would be further in my career. Because if I don't like somebody or I'm annoyed by something, I'm very vocal, I feel like, and I know I've first heard this before, but I feel like I would be further in my career. Because if I don't like somebody or I'm annoyed by something, I'm very vocal about it. And I'm like, you know, I'm talking about shit about people all the time. I'm dropping people's names on podcasts. I probably shouldn't be dropping. It doesn't matter.

Not a good new in this one. But I'm just saying, I'm like, if I, but I'm like, I also just, I don't give a fuck. I can't be somebody else. But that's good. You shouldn't give a fuck. You shouldn't. But I'm like, I'm watching people who are like that. There's levels of Hollywood that's like corny and fake that people

say like everyone's air fake and i don't think that's true like i'm pretty i'm not good at hiding my emotions so i'm pretty straightforward with you if i'm enjoying myself it's obvious if i'm not i'm not good at hiding it and people have said that on set where it's like i'm not good sometimes at hiding that i'm like disappointed in the thing or i'm like this isn't good or it's not going well it's hard to do that i think the difference is there's like honesty and then there's politeness where i'll be honest to a point where sometimes i just need to be polite and do the right thing and move on and be like all good because otherwise i'm just starting a war that i don't want to have with somebody if i don't like somebody like if i work with someone i don't like

them i don't need to fucking be like i don't like you you suck yeah you could just be like i'm just gonna stay away be pleasant to be like hi and then fuck off yeah yeah that's kind of the difference of hollywood is like you have to learn to not be phony but be humanly pleasant because you have to work with these people all the time and see people and you're gonna see people non-stop that you don't want to work with him that you don't fucking like you're gonna people nonstop that you don't want to work with and that you don't fucking like. You're going to see more people that you don't like than do like. That's just the odds, right? Yeah.

So anyway, you're fucking your dad. Anyways, I fucked my father and my mom was like egging me out. She was actually underneath moving the bed. Go, go, go. She was helping us soak.

Right. It was fine. I don't think they heard. I hope they didn't hear. What hotel are we staying in in Vegas? This was the Airbnb. Oh, it's an Airbnb. Yes, yes, yes, yes. in Vegas this was the sex hotel Airbnb oh it's an Airbnb yes

I thought this was like a hotel alright cool I like this it was like 10 couples and it was very interesting so fun man bizarre

I think it was a swinger house I think that's what it is that's why the numbers are like okay come to 6 you go to 5 oh yeah yeah I get that

would you ever swing um I need to see paperwork on everyone's genitals. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't like this whole orgy thing. There's a test on the way in. Yeah, okay. I think that's what they do.

In fact, I talked to someone recently about sex parties in LA because there's a lot of big private ones that happen out here, big expensive ones. They all get to get tested and then people go nuts. Okay. But it's like, can you really, like everyone says they're vaccinated. Are they? Everyone has fake cards. It's the same thing i i want someone there swiping and boosted no you're right you need a live swipe you need a live swipe i need a live swipe i get that i'd be

weary of it too i think it's a little bit like uh also i don't i'm not into the idea of somebody fucking my partner like i don't know i don't want to watch someone fuck my partner. No, no, no. I don't like that. If your partner's going to fuck somebody or blow someone, it's like, well, I don't want to see it. I don't even want to think about it, to be honest. Yeah. Hide it from me if you're going to do that at the party.

And I picture every other guy looking like Danny DeVito. Most. Most. You know what I mean? Yeah, most. I don't picture going there and a bunch of hot men are walking around. It's a bunch of little ghouls with little tiny penises that are like fucking grilling them. That's the shit you got from this.

They're trying to get going. What if they have really big penises though? What if they're small men with huge cocks? It's still, it's. But also that's a big rumor or a big misnomer. A cock can be too big. There's this idea that like women love massive cocks. No, they don't.

It can be way too big. Also, sometimes massive cocks. No, they don't. It can be way too big. Also, sometimes when they are too big, they don't get fully hard. Because the blood doesn't go all the way down there and get it. Otherwise, they'll pass out. They don't have enough blood to fill it up. Some of those porns are sick. Also, where is it going? Where is it going?

I have organs. Right. I have stuff in there. It's going to hit you in the throat. It's sick. It's moving around stuff. We had a guy in high school that we used to call Elephant Trunk because this guy had had just a massive knee knocker and a lot of girls didn't want to go with him. It's too much.

Especially when you're losing your virginity. That's too much. Well, they were scared. Yeah. When we were in high school, we're all young and everyone knew he had a dong and everybody saw it and it was like, I think it was embarrassing. He was almost ashamed of how big his cock was because girls wanted nothing to do with him.

Yeah. So here's the lesson to all you small cock people out there. You got the advantage, okay? Women want you. You keep that small cock. Put it on a pedestal. Yeah. You keep it up.

Keep it up. Keep it up. If it's hard, it's fine. Yeah, if it's hard. Nobody cares what's the size. If it's hard. If it's hard, it's fine. Yeah.

If it's hard, it's fine. It's a good life lesson. That's it. If it's hard, it's fine. Did you If it's hard, it's fine. It's a good life lesson. That's it. If it's hard, it's fine. Did you lose money in Vegas? Not a lot. Like 100 bucks. Great.

You get out with 100 bucks out, you're down. No, I know. I didn't do too much. It was a lot. What do you play? I play a bit of roulette. I play the tappy poker thing when you sit down at the bar. I can never do the machine thing because I have no control.

And I don't know what I'm doing with those. I know how to play games. But when I sit down on a slot machine or a – I always think they're fucking you so bad because it's a game made to fuck you. Yeah. Have you ever been to the D on Fremont? No. They have these old vintage games. That's old Vegas, yeah.

Yeah. And they have this old horse racing game that is so stupid it's like quarters and you put the man there I play that because it's fun it's stupid

I was like who cares I'm gonna lose 50 cents on this bullshit game yeah you're losing yeah you're losing

it's stupid as hell watching these clankety horses not move around a fucking truck but I do like that that is a really cool that's old school Vegas

new school Vegas is nightclubs overpriced dinners and and then malls it's so many fucking malls

so many malls we had $800 dinner last night I didn't I did not know well well no no after I fucked my dad

he paid he had to you're not gonna tell anybody right you get a steak she wants a steak we went to Brazilian Steakhouse

$800 is a good bill it's a good tab big tab big tab was there booze involved too two bottles of wine that's gonna kill you right there that's the problem She wants a steak. We went to the Brazilian Steakhouse. $800 is a good bill. It's a good tab. Big tab. Big tab. Was there booze involved too? Two bottles of wine. That's going to kill you right there. That's the problem.

That's going to kill you. And mom and dad are drinkers? Yeah, but their friends split it. I brought the credit card out. Oh, you did? I slipped it across the table. God bless. Look at you.

You tried and then they were like, come on. But you're making money now. You're doing great. So maybe they should have taken some of your cash. I'm going to wait. Yeah. I want to wait till like, you know, I can get them something very nice. Oh.

What would you buy? Well, if you could, let's say you cash a big check in like a couple of months. Let's say a big gig comes by, gets you a big check. What do mom and dad get from you? I probably get them something for the cottage. They have like a cottage up in Ontario. I love Canadians. Cottage.

How sweet. I know. It's very nice. It's a cottage, eh? It is cottage up in Ontario. Love Canadians. Cottage. Cottage. I know it's very nice. It's a cottage, eh? It is a fucking... Here we call them lake houses. Up there, that's cottages. Same shit. So sweet though.

Where is it? It's an hour, two hours past Toronto, like northeast towards Montreal. What's the name of the lake? Do I know? No.

No. I don't want to say it and see sickos on here go find my parents. Let me tell you something. Especially after that swapping sibling story you told. All these people are going to go up there. No one's going to follow.

Heard you fucked Steph, eh? What was that about, Pop? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, so get him something nice for the cottage. I get it. Yeah, like a nice something. Something nice. Like a nice, we call them Muskoka chairs, but I think you call them Anorondack chairs.

Anorondack, yeah. Skokas? Muskoka. Muskoka. Muskoka chairs there. You put them on them Anorondack chairs. Anorondack, yeah. Skokas? Muskoka. Muskoka. Muskoka chairs there. You put them on the dock there. What does that mean? What's Muskoka?

There's a Muskoka area where it's a cottage country. Now, what is that, Anorondack? Do you know what that's representative of? No. Yeah, see, this is white shit that I don't know anything about. No, yeah. I didn't grow up with any of that, like, you know, like wealth stuff like that. That's like fancy shit, you know, or whatever. wealth uh wealth stuff like that that's like fancy shit

you know or whatever i never i never really knew much about it so like when i do meet kids whose families were very wealthy and you hear how they live or how they talk and like how they vacation and stuff it is interesting it shows you how far away i was from that stuff like people like our family went to so-and-so every summer or every winter. So we never fucking never vacationed. Really? Never. Florida. Oh, yeah, yeah.

Once in a while. That's like if I'm Chicago, that's like the Midwest haven for shitheads. We'd go to like North Carolina to see my grandparents. We went to Myrtle Beach one time, South Carolina. I never did like, like did your parents go on fancy vacations with you? No, the cottage is making me sound like my parents are well off. They're not. They're not.

My mom still works. My dad's still like, they're like hardworking. They have to work. They're 40 years old, your fucking parents. No, they're- Young bloods. They're 60. I used to competitively Highland dance growing up.

What's Highland dance? Scottish dancing with the kills and the bagpipes. You did that? Yeah, my whole life. So we would travel. It's very bizarre. We would travel for that like every weekend. What?

But it would be always competition. So I wouldn't be like vacationing. It'd be me like practicing in the hotel room, getting up at fucking 6 a.m., going to Highland Games, dancing all day and then driving back. This is amazing. It's a lot, yeah. My cousins all did Irish step dancing. Did they Irish?

Yeah. Irish jigging or whatever it's called. And they all would like do the shows and the thing and I was not involved. No, no, no, no. No. But I think it was neat to watch. Some male dancers are very good. Yeah.

Where are they? Also, you don't want me to teach you the Highland Fling right now. I'm kidding. Do I? No. Because it is impressive to see. It is. You can still rip it up, huh?

Yeah. You danced your whole life. Three years old to 18, I competitively Highland danced. Do you make any money doing that? Absolutely not. I was not very good. I have giant feet and my dad's body, so I don't know what to tell you.

At no point was I a dancer. Your feet look really regular. No, they're nine and a half man feet. I have fucking large feet. I'm not a dancer. This is not a dancer's body. Dancers are petite and thin

and like pointy and I'm like a fucking linebacker. Hey guys! She's like, hey, pass me the ball. Oh, it's the wrong sport. Yeah, no, it was a lot.

But my mom is the teacher. Was my teacher. She still teaches. She wanted you to get in real bad she wanted me to be good did you ever like it or is it more for your mom no it's always my mom i taught for her a little bit in high school i taught like some younger kids but it was it was all for her for her and i didn't you're a sweet girl i am a sweet girl you're a sweet person what a nice thing to do something for someone you know that's kind of like when the moms in the South make the girls do those beauty pageant competition things. Oh, that's a lot. But they sacrifice

for those fucking parents because at some point they know that they don't want to do it and they have to just stick it out. You know? We all do the thing that our parents really wanted us to do more than we wanted to do.

Oh, yeah. I mean, 18 years. And my like, I'd go and help out at the dancing competitions and like sometimes I'd take over the announcing. I got into that.

I'd be like, up next, beginner, under seven years old. And that's the big announcement. Oh, that's good. Yeah, yeah. That was your foray

into stand-up. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Did you ever tell jokes when you were introducing? No, but I, no, no. You're like, this is Susie Markelman.

Her heart is bigger than her brain. Here we go. No, it was, there's a lot of, there's a lot because the Highland Games are wild. You ever been to one? You gotta go. No, it was, there's a lot of, there's a lot because the Highland Games are wild.

You ever been to one? You gotta go. No. The caber toss, they're everywhere. Camera toss? Caber. Oh, caber, caber, caber.

They toss like a fucking thing over. I've seen the Highland Games. I know, yeah, I've seen what it is. It's, it's, it's archaic. It is. It's antiquated.

It really is, but it's really fun. Everyone's blackout. But it's a bunch of whites, right? Yeah. So here's the thing with me and sports. I just like the way that black people do sports.

I think it's more... One of my mom's best answers is a black girl right now. I know. It's getting more. It is very white, though. It started in Scotland. That's why. I know. And look at them. They're the kings of what sport? Suck. Nothing? I was like, I don kings of what sport? Suck.

Nothing? I was like, I don't know what they're good at. Nothing. Literally nothing. I have no idea. Caber toss. That's it. It's the same thing with Ireland. It's like, what are we good at?

What are they doing over there? We'll have a Bulgaria. We're just over there churning goat cheese. But I mean, you guys had it tough. Your position between massive countries of power and reign and Bulgaria's like you're like someone's cousin a creepy cousin creepy cousin that no one likes but you're harmless you didn't do anything

oh you don't know that Bulgarians what's a Bulgarian accent it's just Eastern European yeah like the same kind of like it's very like Russian yeah kind of like... It's very like... It's like a Russian... Yeah, kind of, yeah.

What's the dish of Bulgarian... Did you grow up eating Bulgarian food? Yeah, a little bit. Bonitsa is like a classic thing. Bonitsa. Bonitsa. Calm down and get the bonitsa. What is in this?

It's like a pastry that has like cheese in it or like spinach in it. Like a... It's like a regular pastry with cheese. It's just, I don't know why. But that's it. There's nothing else that you ate it's like a regular pastry with cheese it's just i don't know why but that's it that's that there's nothing else that you ate that was like very bulgarian not really my bub would make some stuff but i don't really know what the fuck was called just eat it what's bub bub is a grandma i was a grandma yeah b-u-b b-a-b-b bub bub bub bub bub bub bub bub bub bub bub what's grandpa daddo daddo yeah bub bub bub bub bub bub bub bub bub bub bub bub bub bub bub bub bub bub bub bub bub bub bub bub bub bub bub bub bub bub bub bub bub bub bub bub bub bub bub bub bub bub bub bub bub bub bub bub bub bub bub bub bub bub bub bub bub bub bub bub bub bub bub bub bub bub bub bub bub bub bub bub bub bub bub bub bub bub bub bub bub bub bub bub bub bub bub bub bub bub bub bub bub bub bub bub bub bub bub bub bub bub bub bub bub bub bub bub bub bub bub bub bub bub bub bub bub bub bub bub bub bub bub bub bub bub bub bub bub bub bub bub bub bub bub bub bub bub bub bub bub bub bub bub bub bub bub bub bub bub bub bub bub bub bub bu Dado. Dado. Yeah. Baba Dado. I like that. You sound so cute when you say that.

But I really like the nicknames for, like my grandparents are, were, were, all gone. Nana and Poppy. I like Poppy. Poppy. Poppy's fun. Love Poppy. Yeah. And then the other ones were, that's it.

That's it. That was it. Yeah, they were just, Nanny, Nanny and Paw. Oh, that's a classic. Well, that's it that's it yeah they were Nanny Nanny and Paw oh they're very that's a classic well that's south my stepdad's from the south okay yeah yeah yeah

Nanny and Paw Paw and he was a paw oh yeah yeah big mitts on the mitts well he just he was just southern quad dude

and he would be he was a bee collector like he would harvest honey and like yeah he like oh shit yeah he'd

what's the name of this what do I say it's like when he like you know yeah he'd uh what's the name of this hot what do i say it's like when you not a beekeeper i don't know what the fuck it is a beekeeper but he like he breeds bees he's like trying to increase the bee population and make it so there yeah there's a there's a faction of these people out there that like my business managers like in love with bees and beekeeping because he wants a population to grow because i don't you as you may or may know when the bees die we die do you know this no i didn't know that einstein einstein einstein predicted when the bees die the bees are the the the they they pollinate the world essentially they're the reason that we live so when they die we die when the bees die we die and they're dying

you know they're dying at a rapid rate you ever seen bees on the ground just like dead on the ground yeah i've seen some bees on the ground see i feel like on the ground? Yeah, I've seen some bees on the ground. See, I feel like I see dead bees a lot now, but I didn't used to as much. Maybe now they said this. We're fucking them up. Have you seen that TikTok where the girl rescues bees with her bare hands? She goes to these things and she takes floorboards apart and she scoops the bees out. This is what my grandpa used to do. Really?

He would grab them with his hands, wouldn't think twice about it. And then she puts the queen in a little clip and they all go over the thing. He used to just put on the head protection because he didn't want to sting his face oh shit because sometimes your face is so much more vulnerable

you know you'll swell more around your eye or something so he didn't mind if he got stung anywhere else but he was fearless I fucking panicked

and they had cows that was my paw and they used to make country fed ham country ham country ham they just soak it in salt then they dry it out

then they salt it then they dry it again they do this like 10 times that's a lot of salt it's disgusting it's fucking I was like that's too much salt

it's horrific that or and then moonshine and you would have moonshine sometimes is moonshine good no it's fucking awful it's awful

but do you like fuck that fuck once up it literally will it can genuinely like erode your teeth it's how fucking toxic it is. Yeah, shit is terrible for you. But it does get you wrecked.

You mix it with some shit and you have like one glass of that, you're fucking annihilated. Also, it makes you like physically go blind. Oh, fuck. It's so bad for you. But it's pretty fun. It's like, let's get some. When you're in the woods, it's drinks. When you're in the woods, it's fun.

When you're in the woods and you're a teenager and you shouldn't be doing it, that's when it's the most fun. When did you start drinking? 15. Bad girl. I used to get,

we had, my parents would leave a lot to the cottage and they'd leave me at the house because I had this summer job and stuff and we had this thing called Dial-A-Bottle in Canada.

Dial-A-Bottle. Yeah, where you'd call this number and this guy would come. And the first time he ever came, I showed him my mom's passport, and I dressed up like my mom. I found all her clothes. And I was literally 15 years old, and I couldn't fit in her heels

because my feet were so fucking big. So I crammed on these fucking heels, and I walked. And I'm like, hi, I just couldn't go out tonight. I had to get some alcohol from you, sir. And I, like, stuffed my teeth. It was so stupid. And the guy was like, obviously you're 15. Like, all my friends were just standing there behind me.

Like, it was so dumb. And then we'd call them. They'd come every weekend. They knew. It'd be like, we'd pay so much for, the guy was like, obviously you're 15. Like all my friends were standing behind me. Like it was so dumb. And then we'd call them and they'd come every weekend. It'd be like, we'd pay so much for like a bottle of peach schnapps. We'd pay like 50 bucks. But we'd all save our money

and then we'd get fucking twisted. Love. Oh yeah. Those are the good old days. I know. We used to steal. We'd steal. We'd go,

I'd wear puffy jackets in the winter in Chicago and we'd go to this liquor store across the street from a gas station that my buddy worked at and we would get high in the gas station, smoke and chill out in the room

where they would do oil changes and stuff and then we'd get the bravery up to go over there and one guy would distract and be an annoying idiot and spill something and be a jerk off and I'd be sliding bottles of,

back then it was Bacardi O was one of the big Bacardi's so gross and we would slide it in my coat and I'd have two bottles in my arms and I'd be the king used to love stealing Bacardi O we stole a lot of Bacardi for some reason because the girls liked flavored shit

so we could get away with the flavored shit it's so funny I can still I don't remember the physical taste, but I remember the way the taste felt in my brain. Like it was, it was so bad. It's poison. It tasted so fake, like so fake where like they didn't even try. Like today the flavored shit, you know, they try,

like if you have like a flavored vodka, it's not that bad. I'm not a fan, but it's not that bad i'm not a fan but it's not the end of the world but back then it was like it was like they melted toys into it like it was like shitty flavored plastic like it was like is this a did this used to be a boat what is it it's so fucking bad it's so gross but barbie's heads we had to steal we had to steal because we had to steal well we couldn't afford it and no one would buy it for us. So it was like, you left me no option. In here, we pour whiskey. Hey, I've talked a lot on this show about Squarespace, about building a site.

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Rocketmoney.com slash whiskey. Ginger. I like gingers. We would really save up, or I would drink my parents, and then I'd do the old water. Fill it up. Yeah, we'd mark it down. It wouldn't work in my house. The old man would know.

Really? Couldn't do that. It wouldn't work in my house. The old man would know. Really? Couldn't do that. One time I stole a flask at, so we didn't have a cottage, but my family would like, my grandma's side would rent, this is hilarious. There's 10 brothers and sisters on my mom's side.

The cousins are like 20 something of us. The family's huge. And they would rent like a little lake house in this place called Lake Delavan, which is like a shitty little hole in the wall lake in Wisconsin. And Lake Geneva is like the fancy one. That's where the rich families go. And Delavan was like where the old trash, where the trash was. Where there's not even a lake.

There's just like a boat that's just washed up on shore. It's a couple of guys that spit every year into a puddle and then it becomes a lake. We just dip our feet in. Murky as all hell. Yeah, it is. And by the way, it is. They would never trim. They would never trim. They would never trim.

So all the seaweed would be coming through. Oh, God. I hate that. Good life, dude. Jumping off the slide into that. Oh, God. Drown. My dad, I stole my dad's flask from my uncles.

From my uncles. Not even from me because I wanted to be cool. And they drank it, got fucked up, and went skinny dip in. And then my dad. With the weeds yeah having those weeds wrap around the old cock

yeah we lost two uncles that year one of them felt so good he just couldn't get out give me another minute with the sea hold on my dad yelled at me

and it was all my fucking fault but I took the hit for the uncles hard I was always a good little liquor thief I loved to steal liquor. We used to garage hop.

Did you ever, is that a thing in Canada? No, what's that? When somebody leaves, in the Midwest, people leave their garages open back in the day. I don't think it's like this now, but you leave your garage open

and kids would come in out, you know, like they'll get their bikes out of the garage, stuff like that. Oh no. Back in the Midwest, people used to leave their doors open. No one thought much about that.

This is also fucking 20, some 25, 30 years ago. Yeah. But I mean, nobody said anything, but in a garage in the Midwest, everybody has a fridge. There's always a fridge in the garage.

You can do those. So that's where they would always keep something good. So we go jack fridges for booze and beer. It was usually beer. The dads kept beer in the garage. Yeah. So thank you to the Midwest dads who kept Budweiser on fucking...

To the ones that are like, I gotta go out for a minute honey I gotta check the car just guzzling fucking buds you're just checking the air in your car tires what? Michael get in get in here

Michael we're going to bed now shut the fuck up Donna you fat bitch it was definitely what'd you say? I'll be right back nothing I love you going in to get eggs

how do they not smell the booze on people? They did. Some comics now, when they come to the store, you've been stinking. Just coming out of the pores. Yeah, but you know what? Like we were saying before the show, so many people I know

don't drink anymore. The old days of the comedy store used to be like party town. People would be drinking in the back and upstairs you'd find people like sneaking around drinking hanging out now it's like go up do spots everyone clears the fuck yeah there's no hang no hang la lost the hang i missed the hang i want the hang i'm a hanger i want to drink me too man but no one does it you know why because everybody feels like um they got to get out. Like they're somewhere better to be.

And they feel like they're losing time being there or something. I think the pandemic fucked everything up. Really? Thanks a lot, pandemic. Yeah. I guess also there's not, I didn't even know there was a back bar until recently. I've never been back there. Comics bar.

No one's there. That was my favorite, man. For years, that was like my favorite place to go hang. How long have you't pass there now uh i've i've i moved to la in 07 06 07 and i got passed there when tommy was still there and you don't even know that is yeah yeah yeah uh that had to been a fuck if i know 10 15 at least at 10 minimum maybe 12 years ago shit a long time it's been my little stomping ground i got passed at the improv 2010 i remember that i still have the email because i got it on my birthday oh that's nice yeah from eric abrams when he was still over there shout out

eric abrams i love him he passed but i got the email on my birthday i was in vegas visiting my childhood best friend who had moved there for a job and i was fucking i was so elated that i was like i get to do a real spot for the first time at the improv it was a lot harder back then because there were no development spots like now you can kind of get that didn't exist back then it was no you either got fucking booked or you didn't get booked yeah and i got booked and i was first up because back in the day it used to be order of importance was always the lineup. Nowadays, no one gives a shit. No,

it's a fucking free-for-all and I hate going last now because I'm like, they're tired too. Yeah, they don't want to do it. But 2AM, everyone's exhausted.

They're like, who's this schmuck? The schmucks at the end. Schmucky idiot. Now you want to go first. Oh yeah, first is the best. Well,

it's kind of like how in the Canadian system which I learned was the hosts got paid more than the features. They were valued more by the system. It's so so wild to me i think it makes way more sense and i i think that's why i started doing actually spots at the improv because i offered to host all time like you want to host oh i love hosting like i enjoy you get to do more and you get more time

more yes and and my like thought process like if i can go up and immediately murder a fucking dead room that's, I'm going to be better. Yeah. You're King. And because like getting, I, it's best,

I think for crowd work to like loosen the crowd up a bit. And a hundred percent. Yeah. When you're good at it too, your rhythm is really good. Like when I saw you first starting hosting, there is when I, when you first moved here is when I was,

I would see you do that. And you were always good at like, you know, getting them to get going yeah sometimes you have hosts that are just like hey yeah all right it's when it's i everyone out here not everyone but a lot of people go hey so a little bit about me i'm like no it's a live show you are the host do something do a little fucking something a light little rip punch a guy in the face yeah we need something kick some chick in the tits in the first row fucking wake him up

we just did I did a corporate party and boy oh boy are those fun to do they don't like comedy is it or no no they're miserable they don't like comedy

really corporate parties are always like they got duped into going there okay but they're all dressed up and they're all half in the bag yeah and they also

like half of them don't love comedy they're there because their boss was like what you gonna do to the comedy I love this guy yeah Santino you never heard of him you're gonna love him and there because their boss was like what you gonna do in a comedy show I love this guy yeah

Santino you never heard of him you're gonna love him and meanwhile these people are just like I wanna go home I wanna go home I wanna go home I wanna go home they don't wanna fucking be there

I don't know how long did you do an hour no we all split it up we all did like 25 or something I don't even know what it was but corporate events are so tough have you done corporates yeah I

well not a lot because I'm because you're a dirty girl a filthy pig yeah yeah they don't want me up there what's up you fucking douchebags who wants to suck my ass tonight huh Have you done corporates? Yeah, well, not a lot because I'm a filthy pig. Yeah, they don't want me up there talking about it. What's up, you fucking douchebags? Who wants to suck my ass tonight, huh? Fucking boss man, you're up first.

Get up here. And they're all like, we made a deal. The boss loves it though. He's like, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, piss on me. I did one in Chicago, but it was for, I don't know what it was. It was like a hot dog restaurant, so it wasn't.

Wiener Circle? Tell me it was Wiener Circle. You know that's a thing. No, I didn't know there was it wasn't Wiener Circle? tell me it was Wiener Circle because you know that's a that is a no I didn't know there was a thing called Wiener Circle

Wiener Circle is a part of pride in Chicago no oh you should look it up it was in Chicago though but wasn't Wiener Wiener Circle is like it's historic

in the sense of like people have done a lot of bits about it because the women there are these like very confident hilarious black women who who decimate you they shit on you the whole time i like that while you're eating the whole thing

yeah you just get roasted the second you walk in there yeah look at this piece well because it's in a neighborhood where it's a bunch of drunk fucking college kids okay so they you know i'm sure they had assholes in there every night yeah they got tired of it then it became part of the culture to be like you know that's hilarious's hilarious. What's up, mama's boy? You bitch ass motherfucker. Pay up and get the fuck out. They're so mean. It's amazing, dude. And they're so good at being mean.

I like that. Their mean is perfect. I like, you know what? People get angry at people being mean. I like a nice mean every now and then. If it has heart to it. Yeah. Not a hateful mean.

Right. A fun mean. If it's like, if you know that they are doing it because they enjoy you. Yes. That's the rhythm. Well, yeah, that is lost. But I mean,

why don't you do roasts then? You'd be great at roasts. I do want to do roasts. Get your ass over there and fucking get in a roast. I know. The roast battles. Why not?

I've done them before. Those are fine. But I mean, that's the way into all that bullshit. I wrote for the Winnie Cummings roast. The roast of her or the roast of someone she did the roast of her

the one that she just did at the company did you make fun of her a little bit not bad she needs more she needs fucking shit on her

not bad I know they did the Burt one I saw that yeah this one was before the Burt one yeah I couldn't

I'm not that's not my brand you don't like roasting I don't I don't know I don't that's not I don't really

I used to love going to watch roast battle when Moses was bringing that to the belly room and I'd love to go my brand you don't like roasting i don't i don't know i don't that's not my i don't really i used to love going to watch roast battle when moses was bringing that to the belly room and i'd love to go watch that at the beginning years of it yeah but now it became like i think a way for people to climb and i was like ah it's okay i don't want to see it i used to love it when it was so genuine and raw i like that it's also, yeah, it's easier to write as yourself writing because it was hard writing. My cadence, so when I say something, I'm like, in my head, I'm like, this is hilarious.

And I pitch the room, and they're all like, and I'm like, okay, in my head, I was saying it like, well, look at this guy, Tony Lapidus. I'm like, it's funnier that way. But everyone, every time I roast everyone, I need to get people who are like friends of mine because I just get the same like troll

big nose man I'm like yeah I you don't think I've done these like me you know Jeremiah Watkins

obviously we both have large schnozzes he posted a clip of me and him from his stand up on the spot show the other day and every comment is like these fucking big noses like we don't know

like we haven't been making fun of you think I'm a comedian and I've never once been like I've just acted like I'm walking around a little fucking

pipsqueaky like it's psychotic we know we know yeah we know every day I know I see it I don't tell you

I'm well aware half my first jokes were about my first joke I ever wrote I'd say sorry I took so long to get on stage

my nose was here 30 seconds before me. It was so stupid. It was so bad. You're like a Catskill comedian. You're like the old days. Like Shaggy Green. Over here.

I have a joke that you specifically said that you liked, and I refuse to get rid of it. It, for some some reason either murders or bombs. Which one? But you literally told me one time, it was at a long time no see at El Cid. And you're like, I love that fucking joke. I do love that. I love that show.

It's like a bowling bit that I had about how I went on a date with a guy who insists on going bowling, who told me he's 5'11 and we get to the bowling alley and he's 5'6. And then the whole bit is like why why would you pick the only date spot where you have to verbally say your shoe size out loud why would you do this like so that bit it's funny i'm like it's such a fun and like and every time it does bad in my head i'll say well santino likes him i almost like such a genius bit that's such a very funny observation of so something so simplistic that like it is a man

there is a an emasculating thing if you have to go to a thing and i have to verbally out loud say my stats like yes i'm giving you my fucking stats it's and you chose it yeah why would you and he was and they were not big feet like i was looking at them you didn't you do a thing about and the size of ball he used did you do that no i thought you did that at all maybe i should add that i was like okay workshopping well because the idea it's so funny bowling is such a weird testament to like i should say he used the thing like the gutters yeah the rails and also it shows you how fast you throw the ball up top oh does it on the machine it'll say like 14.6 miles an hour like it says it i didn't know that so you could beat him

at every angle your bigger shoes and him you throw a bigger ball you throw faster than him he's got to use the bumpers you fucking don't oh yeah you could out smash him in every but I love that bit because the way you said it that night that at El Cid was like it's just funny to listen to someone dissect a thing that

I've never thought about but experience so much as simple as this is but that's the beauty of a great joke where you're like fuck i've never even thought about that and i've lived it so many that's me with your turtle joke right now oh yeah every time you do that joke because there's a lot of turtle straw jokes out there but you you've mastered it that one's very fun it's very fun and it's very silly it's because it's goofball shitball shit I think the return to goofball shit is what I'm trying to do you do a lot of very

free will you're very playful which I like to a lot I was never super regimented in any of my comedy over the years like the Seinfeldian where it's like I never was good at that anyway

it was just never what I liked either I was always attracted to comics that were like super playful and whimsical is my favorite word if you have like a sense of whimsy like when you were a kid were you a little out there and weirdo creative or were you quiet were you introverted

I was quiet I danced that was the only thing so this was spinning a lot but nothing came out what was the thing that finally made you puncture that hole and was like

I need to fucking be me and be weird and funny and free grade 8 I came out of my shell and I like

I gave myself a nickname of Sven Fallopian Tubes Nipple and I thought it was so funny it was so Sven Fallopian Tubes Nipple yeah and I was like what is that I don't know then people started being like who is this fucking girl because I also started getting made funny. It was so, and I was like, Sven Fallopian tube. Yeah, and I was like, what is that? I'm like, I don't know.

Then people started being like, who is this fucking girl? Because I also started getting made fun of. That was the first year, grade eight, people started making fun of my nose and I was like, what the fuck?

And then I immediately was like, Girls and guys? Yeah, I had two, I had a girl, Antoinette, and what's the guy's name? Let that sit for a second.

Antoinette. Antoinette Brown. Where the fuck are you at, bitch? You made fun of me for my nose. Where are you at, bitch? And this redhead,

Daniel, Daniel Carson. Wait, it's a redhead? One of my own? One of your own at you made fun of me by my nose where are you at bitch and this redhead Daniel Daniel Carson wait it's a redhead one of my own one of your own he made fun of me too yeah you know why he did that

because he's he was so insecure about being a fucking ginge that guy's probably he's probably so sad he had a hot girlfriend at the time now he's a divorced pig

but I don't he's dead he's no divorced he could be dead at least he was divorced divorced dead I was like oh he's dead

that's what he took from that good guy no no no and that guy made fun of you they both I remember them vividly in grade 8

making fun of my nose and I was like huh and then I was like oh I have to get funny now I have to I have to make fun

of these people and then did you have a moment where you unloaded on one of these people publicly and so that gave you some of the rise

no I think I was just really I think I just got really weird and I got really dirty. I was just like, I loved, I was just a pervert. Did you get in trouble

in school for being a little dirty and talking shit? No, not really. I was good in school. you kept it together. Yeah,

I kept it together. I was the opposite. I had my labia just sitting on the table at lunch. Don't mind my pussy. Oh, sorry,

I forgot my eraser today from using my labia again. I feel like that would erase though. Yeah, it would. I feel like it would leave like, you know, it leaves like little like the little rolly things. Oh, sorry, I forgot my eraser today from using my labia. I feel like that would erase, though. Yeah, it would. I feel like it would leave, like, you know, it leaves little, like, little rolly things. Sheddings? Yeah. Sheddings! I'm gonna go home and try this. I'm gonna go home and do a light HP shedding.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So that was the thing. You got hit with the nose. That was it. I got hit with the nose so early, and then I was like, what the fuck? Yeah, and then I got... Did you ever think about, like, were you ever physical? Did you ever want to punch her, Antoinette? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I did want to punch.

You never did? No. And then I had even worse bullies in high school. Grade nine, I had all these Greek guys that fucking hated me. And they, big nose, everything. Why did they hate you? Because I had the two hottest girlfriends

in high school and then they, I'd like make fun of them and I'd get laughs. They just, they fucking hated me. I was loud and annoying. Because you were confident and funny and yeah.

They were threatened by you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because you were chilling with the cool people and the hot chicks and they were dorks. And they could never get them and then.

And they hated you for it. Yeah. That's so cool. I love it now. Now, and I talk about them a lot because I fucking, I did a one woman show

and I was like, I talk about all this stuff and like, it gets kind of sad at one point and then I like, I'm a one-woman show and I was like, I talk about all this stuff and it gets kind of sad at one point and then I'm like, it's okay. I'm like, honestly, I'm over it now. And then I'm like, who am I kidding? And I bring up photos of them all now and they all look like dog shit. I just roast them for like five minutes. I'm like, oh really, Nico? I'm the ugly one?

And then I just go off in the sky. Oh, yeah, yeah. That's so funny. You still bring their pictures around to shows? Do you ever do that? No, I don't do it a lot. That was a one-woman show. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Did you film it? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You still bring their pictures around to shows? Do you ever do that? No, I don't do it a lot. That was a one-woman show. Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Did you film it? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I might have to bring it back. Put that shit up. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Put that shit up. Are you working out?

Like, now that you're... We were saying off-camera a little bit, you're touring with Burr a little bit sometimes outside of your own. When you go out and you do Burr's arenas, because you guys are doing big fuck-off venues. Fucking crazy. Yeah.

Fucking... It's impressive. I remember doing it with Rogan and doing do Burr's arenas, because you guys are doing big fuck-off venues. Fucking crazy. Yeah. It's impressive. I remember doing it with Rogan and doing some of those big arenas, and it's a little daunting at first. You get really used to it. You start to understand it. Yeah. But are you feeling like you're changing your rhythm or changing your pattern at all because of the size? Yes. And because I talk so fucking fast, and I'm trying to like—and it's funny because the one we just did in Salt Lake,

I guess the lighting guy hadn't seen somebody move around a lot. So he's like trying to chase me with the spotlight and I'm just like running back and forth like a lunatic. You're not a stable comedian. No, no, no. You're on the fucking move. I'm on the move. I don't even realize I do it until I watch myself back. I'm like, it's kind of annoying to watch. I think when you're there live, it feels okay. But like re-watching it back, I'm like, I'm moving too much. I thought about that. I moved a lot of my special and I was like,'re there live, it feels okay. But like re-watching it back, I'm like, I'm moving too much.

I thought about that. I moved a lot of my special. And I was like, when I was watching the tape, I thought, am I moving too much? It's like, yeah, but it's a natural action for me. I am not someone who will stand. I don't like to just stand. Like people that can plant with the mic, I always was jealous of that. I was like, man, how do you do that? I have so much just humming energy.

Like you're humming. When you're on stage, you're humming, right? The second you walk up, same thing, you get that surge. I don't think of what I'm doing. No. I'm not thinking of the moving.

I'm not thinking of doing like. It's instinct for some reason. Yes. Well, then do you have this problem where I'm somebody who hums so much on stage, like I buzz a lot that it's hard for me at the end of the night

to turn down, like going to bed after doing two or three spots. Oh, done. I'm so tired. Or like. Oh, you're out. Well, I'm not out.

Like if I do headlining two shows. Yeah. I can't sleep after that. My mind is still going and I'm still like, and my back hurts because like the act outs are just starting to hurt. I don't know what to tell you. Mom is bait. I need a masseuse.

Well, you're still doing that one where you put your legs above your head. Yeah. I'm still doing that one where I suck my own ass. I chug a whole pint glass out of my ass uh that bit is hard to do that's a funny man put it on the back burner funny bit um it hurts my neck but you're up all night in the hotel room i'm kind of up and like i just recently my mind has just been like non-stop i can't shut even if i smoke weed i can't like i just smoke weed for me is the opposite there's sometimes i'll smoke weed i'll be sitting up at the hotel

room it's like three four in the morning just like thinking about everything which isn't something i never want to do anymore i don't i can't i can't this bite is biting i keep thinking it's gonna get better than it i like it though but it's got a bite to it it's got it it's got it yeah what you want would you want an ice cube and i'm good they got buzzed off it too fuck it's good jazz it's really good stuff shit so tell me this touring touring with Bill

and being in that in that space now are you are you learning like what are you learning from it I'm interested in like what you're taking from it I'm

I'm taking that I really like doing arenas oh yeah I'm taking that it's like I really I'm so fucking it doesn't feel real like I'd still because I've only that as like, I really, I'm so fucking, it doesn't feel real. Like I'd still,

because I've only done the three and I still feel like it's out of body when you get up there. Yeah. Like you don't realize, I'm like, what am I fucking doing?

It's cool. Like in Toronto, it was 19,000, which is fucked. It was my hometown and I started doing crowd work. I'm like, look at this guy,

Costco shorts in the front row. I'm like, why am I doing crowd work at a fucking arena? Like no one knows what the fuck I'm doing. But it's like, it's trying, I'm trying, look at this guy, Costco shorts in the front row. I'm like, why am I doing crowd work at a fucking arena? Like, no one knows what the fuck I'm doing. But it's like, it's trying,

I'm trying to like really be in the moment when I'm up there, but I'm learning that like, you definitely have to slow down your pace. Yes. And I'm learning that my old jokes are doing well because I've been doing, I aged here at the store the last,

like I did three shows in a row. Stinky, stinky, poo poo butt. Why? I don't know what happened. The OR was so bad that someone DM'd me. Was it in your mind? Were you in your head a little bit? I think I might have, I don't know what happened. The OR was so bad that someone DM'd me. Was it in your mind?

Were you in your head a little bit? I think I might have. I don't know. I don't think so. What was the DM? Fuck you, you suck. No, it was like, that crowd hated you. I normally, I think you're funny, but that crowd did not.

And I was like, I know. I went up immediately and got called racist. Wow. In the OR. I know. I mean, wow. You're like, wow. Everyone knows that that confederate flag on your truck is she pulls into the store in this f-350 i sing where's my spot i'm like steps here

that is is that your impression yeah where's my spot oh Oh, yeah. Everyone shakes. They get so scared of you. Yes, yes, yes. And then I just start. Why did she call you racist? I was sitting in the back. You know, I was sitting in the back chairs. Yeah. And this girl was leaning on her boyfriend,

like sleeping on her boyfriend the whole show. I'm getting so annoyed. I already don't like this girl. Exactly. Yeah. So I walk up. I literally, immediately,

he starts talking to her so loud. And I look over and go, we got yappy and sleepy. What the fuck is this? And she's like sleepy because I'm Asian because my eyes are small I go

then I got so mad I went fuck you fuck you I'm like I can't even see your eyes you've been sleeping and she goes

because I'm Asian and then I kept going I was like god damn it I was like you're sleeping on your fucking boyfriend that's what sleepy is I didn't know

there was another term for sleepy that's sleepy you're sleeping and then they immediately got up and walked out and I was like okay and then i was like i'm a racist comedian and then everyone was like so not on my side and i was like all right let's try to dig myself out and i refused to give them old jokes i'm like fuck you now i'm pissed

i'm not gonna give you the hits right because you're not gonna give me laughs anyways because you all fucking hate me because i feel like throw it back at him fuck him oh no sometimes fuck him and this one wasn't fuck you but i was like i also don't want to do all the jokes there i'm embarrassed that people keep seeing me do the same shit so i try to do like i don't comics i they don't fuck the comics dude that whole thing about like the back of the room dude fuck the back of the room because the back room isn't going to buy tickets to your show the back room isn't paying your fucking rent they're not paying your car note they're not going to progress your career getting respect from other

comics is one thing but worried about other comics seeing you have done a joke too many times fuck off i never like that shit you're working things the way you want to work things it's your process and the the the idea that we should focus on what other comics think about the rhythm in which we introduce new shit that can kick fucking rocks yeah no i don't give a shit yeah yeah you get respect from comics because your ability and your output that's enough to me i always you know we have a few friends i'm not going to mention but there's a friend of mine who always plays for the room and he knows that we've had a conversation and he's more worried about that even though he does great than sometimes about holding on to a great joke and and and peeling it open yeah yeah it's like dude you have to fucking get to the gut of a thing and you have to do it so much and the audience doesn't

know they're new no that's the thing yeah no yeah no so fuck don't do that ever again i just i know but i just you man i also just i get bored of my own shit too and that's okay that happens yeah for sure but there are some people at the store that go a lot i'm seeing regulars and i'm like then i get embarrassed when i want them thinking it's all I do. But they know that's our gym. That's us working out. I mean, there's almost no better way to explain that.

You're like, look man, this is how I get prepared to do the bigger thing than when you go to the fucking arenas and you get a regimented great tight set.

You know what I mean? How much time are you doing? 15. It's great. It's a great nugget. It's nice. You get to shine out there, don't you?

It is nice. 15 is perfect, man. And I'm a good, me and Bill are a good mix. Yeah. Because I'm like, all I do is shit on men. You's great. It's a great nugget. It's nice. You get the shine out there, don't you? It is nice. 15 is perfect, man. And I'm a good, me and Bill are a good mix. Yeah. Because I'm like, all I do is shit on men. You're racist. All I do is make fun of men, and then he like. Makes fun of women.

Yeah, and it's a nice balance. It's a nice balance. It's good. You see that fucking broad just came out? Nosy. We call it nosy backstage. It's so funny. He is a good juxtaposition to your playfulness right like that was just happened to me the other night it was like eliza she's

doing a lot of like uh lately she's been doing like a lot of like you know like fuck men a little bit of fuck men shit in there not a lot but it's just like fun it's fun but then i'll go out and then do the opposite right after her. And I don't know who came on after me. Somebody came on and was like, that's quite the fucking juxtaposition. Just because she was doing that. I didn't do it because of that. It was just, that's my vibe.

You're just doing you. When he's doing his thing, you're doing you. You're not going to not do the same material just because. Yeah. And it's like, I don't hate men. I was going to be hate men i like men now now i have a boyfriend i like men a little bit no i still hate men a lot yeah i still i still this is a shit but the boyfriend's turning you around now you're he is are you in love i am in love i know i feel amazing stupid good for you i know it's wild also i feel embarrassed that it took me so long to be in love.

I'm like, this is how like, I'm always like, I can be single. Fuck this. I don't need to fuck a man. And the second I'm in love, I'm like, oh, this is the feeling that everybody has. Oh, it's nice. Yeah, it's nice. It's nice. I'm like, I'm happy.

Yeah. It feels weird to be happy. Is he a young man? 33. And I'm 37. Not that young. Dipping down. I'm not dipping like other people we know who dip.

You're dipping down. No, 33 is nice. Because he's mature. Two kids. Two kids. Yes. So he's Mormon. They pumped him out.

Oh, wow. So he's like a dad. Have you met these kids? I have. What do they call you? Steph. No, no. You got to get a nickname.

Well, Steph Mom is hilarious. Yeah. It just goes, but. Steph Mom. That's my Steph Mom. Yeah, but. What if you ended up locking up with this guy? Would that be cool?

Is that a cool life? Yeah. I think so. They're cool kids? They're cool. They're very cool kids. All right. I know.

I never thought. I was like, I also also like it's such a hilarious that I could ever be like look at me I look like I fucking play in Motley Crue like I just pull up pick up the kids

in this fucking rip it as it is get in get the fuck in get in the bed of the truck Connor get in now use the chains

and seatbelts I don't have any just holding on these loose chains you'd be a cool stepmom you'd be a cool stepmom I You'd be a cool stepmom. I think I would. Yeah, if you're cool to them now, I guess.

I mean, you'll know if they start hating you. You're not my mom. You'll hear that. Oh, I already heard that. Really? Oh, yeah, I heard that. I heard he was FaceTiming the youngest one. I was like, I'll never call her mom.

And I was like. Oh, that's so mean. I know. I was like, well, that hurts a bit. But I was like, yeah, obviously. Because I tried to picture it. I'm like, I never had stepparents. So I was like, well, that hurts a bit. But I was like, yeah, obviously. Because I tried to picture, I'm like, I never had step parents. So I was like, I would for sure hate them. If I showed up.

Circumstance. This? It depends. Like my stepdad, I call him dad. Yeah. Because he, you know, was there for me. But if I, picture it reverse and I show up. Never.

Never calling him mom. Little Santino. I would just call you dad two. Dad two. Oh, dad two's here. Scary auntie. And you roll up the sleeves. You put a pack of cigarettes in them.

Get inside, you little fucking shit. No, but I think you'd be a jovial, excitable person, but I think your heart is real warm. It is. It is warm. Also from the whiskey, but it's also, yeah, yeah, yeah. And I'm surprised you are having some. I'm happy you had some. Oh, I'm sucking back. I'm not a waster. What do you mean? A slo is warm. Also from the whiskey. That helps. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I'm surprised you are having some.

I'm happy you had some. Oh, I'm sucking it back. I'm not a waster. What do you mean? A slop. Give me whiskey. Nice whiskey. You want to slop it?

You're a good, you are a good one. Dump it on the fucking rug. You're one of the good ones. I'm nice. No, you're one of the good ones. Nice girl. Let's talk about this.

You did say the N-word recently on stage. No, I'm kidding. I did not. That was going to be the one fucking clip you used. I'm kidding.

I'm going to be canceled before I go anywhere god damn it relax framer relax i just think you handled it wrong no but by the way the ors the or moments like that that mold you into a really good comedian because you have to take those hits but it's kind of nice to take the hit at this point in your career i did take three in a row and then i had the bursch on Salt Lake, and that really brought me back. That's so nice. Because I did quite well, and I was very happy with that.

And Mormon country, too. Yeah, and I went out, and I went, you dirty Mormon fucking pigs. And they were like, yeah! They lost their minds. They were like, holy shit. What was it called? What was the place called in Salt Lake City? The Maverick Center.

So it wasn't the big... Center. When the center's in the name. Yeah, 12,000. Stupid. 12,000. it's so wild but sometimes at the store like the main room i feel like it's crazy when you walk in the back and you see it's like packed the brand was like 500 people packed there like what the fuck is what is this it is very cool because on a on a much smaller scale

that does feel very large i still every time i go to the store i feel cool every time i pull in the driveway i look at my name on the wall oh yeah it's a big deal she's a Canadian like me and Carolyn Ray were the first two comics Canadians passed women passed

in like 30-40 years at the store Canadian yes holy shit I know I guess there's not a lot of Canadian women

that are out there isn't but no but it's also like there's a lot that have tried to come out here and try to do it like there's

it's still and what happened to them I don't know losers you're killing it fuck them yeah it feels it does feel fucking

it's something that I didn't think was in the cards when I first moved out here I didn't think I'd ever get past well it definitely is it's definitely in the fucking cards or mom and dad is mom and dad proud of you

yeah they're happy yeah they're very proud like you did that with on Burr put out a Netflix that you guys should go watch he put out a Netflix special it is a special I don't even know what they're happy yeah they're very proud like you did that with on Burr put out a Netflix that you guys should go watch he put out a Netflix special

it is a special I don't even know what they're called but it's I guess it's special and it's called Comics Who Kill and Friends Who Kill

Friends Who Kill sorry how many are there I think there's 10 of us 10 and you killed the hardest don't you think go ahead and say it

go ahead and say it smartass I don't think so no I think Jessica killed and Ian Edwards also killed yeah I just think

no I was the only person no one knew the only unknown yes or the less known so to speak yeah so like people knew

Jessica Kirsten going in people knew Ian they knew Jimmy Carly they were all like Michelle Wolf

these people were all like known people sure and then I came out like a bat out of hell and immediately started airing on my pussy

and flashing my labia. And everyone's like, who the fuck is that psychopath? That's how I met my boyfriend. He saw me on Netflix. Really? And he was like, who's this fucking hot bitch?

DM'd you? He came to a show in Wiseguys in Salt Lake City. And then he DM'd me from there. But he saw me on, oh yeah. Whoa. Fan, I know. Fucking a fan.

I know. It's nice. Good for you. Get that. Get get that get that it's nice to fuck a fan get that fan dick i fucked other fans before weird weird didn't work out the same no no no this did so when your parent did was was a part of the big validation for mom and dad that like that is that a big step and then my dad came and saw me open for bill in toronto and my sister and oh he cried but prior to that was? Yeah, I think the first time they thought something was when I did my first

Just for Laughs taping years ago. But the 2017, I think, was the first time I did it. And that was like, oh, okay. Were they always supportive

or no? Yeah, but it was like, I was waitressing for like 15 years and, you know, driving into fucking

butt fuck nowhere doing like a middle spot for no money. Tough. Boring their car, pissing them off, getting speeding tickets on the way there. It was a whole thing. And also, it is hard for your mom and dad

to watch you say you have a big fat pussy and it looks like a fucking sandwich all the time. You know what I mean? I know. I know. I know. If it was a verse, I'm like, I get it. Yeah.

It's gross. They come to all my album tapings and stuff. But they know it's a joke. Everyone's seen your pussy. It's not like a sandwich. It's a sub. It's more like an open face. It's a big fucking hoogie.

It's like a calzone. Foot long. It's sealed for some reason. But even still, they must have a good enough sense of humor where they just know that it's his wedding. They do, and they're obviously dirty. They're not clean.

I wouldn't be like this if my fucking parents were both squeaky clean individuals. Maybe, I don't know. Maybe. Because I meet some people whose parents are stiff as a board and they're like,

because of that, they're nuts. No, my parents swear nonstop. They were partying all weekend. What do they do? They're still working or not? My mom still teaches how to dance

and that's her full-time job. Oh shit, that is. Yeah. And the old man is retired? Yeah. He used to be like, What do they do? They're still working or not? My mom still teaches highland dancing. That's her full-time job. Oh, shit, that is. Yeah. And the old man is retired? Yeah. He used to be like, he works for like the Toronto Hydro,

like water and power in Toronto. Wow. Like good old-fashioned. Good old-fashioned, hardworking, like, yeah. So then you making it, that's got to be great. It is. Because my mom also made it on her dream of being a highland dance teacher and judge or whatever.

So it's kind of like I followed kind of the lessons. Would you ever go back and do like a, you know, like when you do like a commencement speech for? I did. I did a stand-up thing for this big Canadian highland dancing game. It was 800 people in this big fucking, I couldn't swear,

I did 25 minutes on highland dancing jokes. How'd it do? It did pretty well. But then at one point I said, damn it, because I messed up something. And then I just heard a gasp in the crowd and I went, okay, if damn it was bad, don't Google me.

And then I should have said that because all the kids Googled me. And I have this video where I'm like- It's the big pussy girl. It's worse. I'm this disgusting mermaid. So it starts like, oh, this looks cute. And then I'm like this mermaid smoking the big pussy girl. It's worse. Like I'm this disgusting mermaid. So it starts like, oh,

this looks cute. And then I'm like this mermaid smoking on a rock. And then I just say horrific shit. And they're like, and then all the mothers, they were like, well, they watched your mermaid bit and that's not for kids.

And I'm like, oh, it is. No, no, no. I never said it was. No,

please. I said, don't Google me. You didn't listen. Damn. It is not. Damn. It's not.

Damn. It's nothing. I thought damn was. God damn is maybe I could see some God damn it's nothing i thought damn it was god damn is maybe i could see some god damn someone going okay yeah i get that yeah yeah damn it is like it's not a thing no they say shit and fuck on tv yeah yeah i said hell in front of the the more one of the mormon girls and she took me aside and the public pool i went swimming in a public mormon pool and uh i'm i'm

a stepmom and um and she was like i'm gonna pray for you tonight because you keep saying a bad word and i was like hmm and i didn't even know i'm like hell is there is again i had no idea how was a bad word not Not to shit on that, but let's... No, but that's... You're off your rocker. No, no, it's a lie. How can you think that that's... She's also very young, but she's actually being told that.

They've been indoctrinated to feel. But I will say we have family that lives out in... Up in the mountains of Utah. And they're not. They're not? No, they're not. They moved there from somewhere else. Oh, okay.

They moved there for work. But the people in their neighborhood, I will say this about these Mormons, not taking a shot, the whole fucking neighborhood is watching out for the rest of the people in the neighborhood. Like, they all, like,

they babysit each other's kids. They make each other's dinners. Like, it's wild. They are nice. No, it's crazy how fucking nice. Like they, it's, wow. It's wild. They are nice. No, it's crazy how fucking nice. And they all say hello and they all want to talk

and they're all helping each other out. And it's like this little community. It's also very, um, Stepford-y, you know. Oh yeah, there's something.

Yeah, it's, yeah, yeah. Something's underlying there. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But it's also very, Salt Lake's so fucking clean. Spotless. It is. For a city. It is. But but also you do know it's one of the most heavily polluted air in the country. Is it?

Yeah, because it sits in a bowl. When you drive down from Park City and stuff like that, you can see the smog over Salt Lake. It's actually one of the dirtiest up in the air cities. Isn't that crazy? But yes, down on the street level, very clean. It's like Japan. It's clean down down below but up top

bad bad not so good that sounds like me up top that's why I sound like this I'm huffing the salt lake air oh we'll be right back we're not going anywhere

I was like I was also like we don't cut the commercial I was like you cut really late yeah I feel like we should cut the commercial at about an hour in

that's kind of my vibe you know so what's the deal for the new year are you touring? what's going on? yeah new year yes touring I'm trying to get a special

that's my goal you're gonna get one I'm trying really hard I taped something in New York like a theater in the round type thing I did four cameras it was like a it's called La Poisson Rouge

like a rock venue cool yeah and I did that and we're gonna it's called La Poisson Rouge it's like a rock venue cool yeah and I did that and we're gonna try to see if people would want to film that as a special people are gonna want it I hope so

my money's on you thank you you're a talented person I think you're I think you're I just want you know I feel like I think I'm a very polarizing comedian

I think you either really like me or you don't so what and I'm like no I'm like yeah great it's so funny now because when people get mad on my videos online they comment all the shit I'm me or you don't so what and I'm like I don't know I'm like yeah great it's so funny now because when people get mad

on my videos online they comment all the shit I'm like you guys know don't realize like all the comments are good it's putting me in the algorithm like you think you're like oh you're fucking stupid

and you're fat I'm like alright go ahead great keep it coming keep it coming what about my nose how small is my nose

and they're just like that should be a troll you should just take a picture of him and say go how small is it insert your best joke here tag 10 of your friends yeah fuck em

and then so hopefully do a special and then do you have dates lined up or what yeah I got some dates lined up what you got going on in the new year

what am I in the new year I'm in Milwaukee 13th, 14th, 15th what are we talking in Milwaukee improv yeah that's one of my

favorite cities man is it never been oh my god do I love Milwaukee. I'm pumped. As a Chicago kid, I love going up there. I mean, look, it's going to be tough in the dead middle of the winter, but also great

bars, great restaurants, great people, great culture. Honestly, a fun fucking city. Good drinking town. Just in Philly, good drinking town. It's just drinking town. It is. That's all it is. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Hit your wife and go drink. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. there's a place that O'Connor took me to in Philly it's like the players club or something it's like a private club where you can smoke inside still and it's like

this is Philadelphia oh yeah it's incredible cobblestone everywhere for these drunks what are you insane so old so old

so drunk and yet they make it home on streets that don't make sense none at all good for them. So go do Milwaukee Improv. That'll be great. I'm actually going to Canada. I'm doing Just for Laughs Vancouver.

I'll see you there. Are you? Me and Bobby Lee are going to be... I think we're February 22nd and 3rd, maybe, or something like that. I'm there the 24th. I'm there the Friday. We'll be gone. God damn it. We'll be in Seattle or something like that. I'm in Seattle the next day

25th Maybe I'll I might go early though I might go early and Well if we do link up at the right point come do the show with us come goof around on the show

Yeah I will I'll be up there Yeah Because I want to Vancouver's nice Love Vancouver Love Vancouver Yeah very nice place

It's like an expensive China It is Have you ever done the comedy mix up there when you used to be there Oh fuck It was a really good club Never

Fuck it's closed down now but it was awesome I only played up there I only done the comedy mix up there when you used to be there? Oh, fuck. It was a really good club. Never. Fuck, it's closed down now, but it was awesome. I only played up there. I only played Just for Laughs up there, theaters. Oh, shit. For them. Yeah, yeah.

Never on my own. But I want the audience to go see you live this next year. I am calling it now. Gonna get a special. Gonna be a big year. You're gonna explode. You're gonna turn into an asshole.

I cannot wait. You're gonna be a bully. You're gonna be mean. And I'm excited for you. I already am mean. Thank you. what's your website to plug so people can get tickets to see just instagram at stuff to love that stuff to love uh all the links will be up there go see her milwaukee shout out my midwest milwaukee peeps go see her talk about her pussy it's incredible it's great and uh you'll get to go home with a piece if she shaves her pubes prior to the show you'll get to go home with a pube VIP only I guess only gets a pube

or a labia shaving oh my god yeah what was it shavings you got excited what were they called in the shavings labia

was it shavings I thought it was shavings I think it is shavings yeah yeah yeah can I pop a pod yeah go on I got if you guys like

gross body things I have a podcast called Steph Infection that I want you on Steph Infection yes it's all about body shit and slobs

with Laura Bice Jessica Michelle Singleton two pods if you like two pod life yeah those pods go listen to them right now Steph Infection

slobs go to her Instagram go check her out her shows we end the show the same way you look into that camera right there

and you say one word or one phrase that's gonna end the episode it's gonna be cemented in history forever. One day, I believe at the Smithsonian, every one of these little clips will be put into there of all the guests I've ever had. Once I get up to 500 guests, I think I'm going to end the show, and I want all of these compiled into a super tape. So one word or one phrase into that camera whenever you're ready. Dick shake.

In here, we pour whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey. You are that creature in the ginger beard. Sturdy and ginger. Like vampires, the ginger gene is a curse. Gingers are beautiful. You owe me $5 for the whiskey and $75 for the horse. Gingers are hell no. This whiskey is excellent.

Ginger. I like gingers.