Whiskey Ginger with Andrew Santino - Taylor Tomlinson

Episode Date: October 29, 2021

Santino sits down with Taylor Tomlinson and she has whiskey for the FIRST time on our show! We chat about starting standup in churches, how we would fair in squid game, New York being an alcoholics dreamland and finding a balance of mental health in entertainment. COME SEE ME ON TOUR!!! https://www.andrewsantino.com ORDER SOME MERCH!!! https://www.andrewsantinostore.com Join our Patreon : https://www.patreon.com/whiskeygingerpodcast SUPPORT OUR SPONSORS! BETMGM & AUDACY - Get the inside scoop with betting Listen Wednesdays, 6am to 9am EST on Audacy, Spotify or your favorite podcast app ROMAN - Get help put the boost back in your rocket 🚀 fix your ED now with Roman http://getroman.com/whiskey for $15 your first order BETTERHELP - You deserve to feel better Get the help you need today from wherever you are http://betterhelp.com/whiskey for 10% OFF your first month Promo code: Whiskey BUTCHER BOX Meat eaters FREE TURKEY FOR FIRST TIME CUSTOMERS Go to https://www.butcherbox.com/whiskey Follow Santino on Insta and Twitter: https://www.instagram.com/cheetosantino/ https://twitter.com/CheetoSantino Whiskey Ginger Insta and Twitter: https://www.instagram.com/whiskeygingerpodcast/ & https://twitter.com/whiskeyginger_ Whiskey Ginger Clips: http://www.youtube.com/c/WhiskeyGingerPodcastClips Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What up, Whiskey Ginger fans? Welcome back to the show. If it's your first time joining the show, like I always say, welcome to the show. Please like, subscribe, leave a comment if you're on YouTube for the Al Go Rhythm. I appreciate it. Uh, we got a new, uh, merch coming soon to ya. Merch coming soon to ya.

But in the meantime, I'm on tour. Yo, you keep asking, I'm coming to your city, we're adding dates as we go. AndrewSantino.com. AndrewSantino.com. Uh, I'm gonna be all over the map. I'm in San Francisco right now. If, uh, you didn't get tickets, you didn'tantino.com I'm going to be all over the map I'm in San Francisco right now If you didn't get tickets, you didn't get tickets But I'm in San Francisco right now all this weekend

Then I'm going to be going to Cancun with the bad friends A little bit that we're doing down there for JFL I'm going to be doing Columbus Grand Rapids, Atlanta, Chicago New York Albany, Washington D.C. florida fort lauderdale dania uh whatever pittsburgh uh we're all over the map arizona for the new year phoenix for the nye

portland and seattle and philly we added a show philly we added a show and seattle and portland we added shows we might add a third show in seattle let's go baby i'm working on canada too i know you're asking for it. AndrewSantino.com. Go get those tickets right now. Enough rambling from me. Oh, I didn't even say it. Taylor Tomlinson is my guest today.

Very, very, very funny. Very talented. Go check out her specials on Netflix, Sheetabist. Enough rambling from me. Let's go to the episode. In here, we pour whisk, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey. You're that creature in the ginger beard. Sturdy and ginger.

Like vampires, the ginger gene is a curse. Gingers are beautiful. You owe me $5 for the whiskey and $75 for the horse. Gingers are hell no. This whiskey is excellent. Ginger. I like gingers. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back to Whiskey Ginger. My guest today is one of my favorite people on earth.

I say that for all my guests, but I mean it once again today. It's Taylor Tomlinson. Hello. Hello. Hello. First timer. We barely know each other. Hardly at all.

Not almost. This is the second conversation we've ever had, I think. Yeah, this is too. Yeah, we don't. But the candidness is going to be good because i want to learn more about you i know you from a distance um and through mutual people that we know right um yeah it's weird how much you know about everyone like peripherally you know where it's like oh my god i've never met santino i don't think and like but you call him santino i'm like well doesn't everybody like i don't know like i'm like he has a kid right

like how'd you know he has a kid i'm like i fucking i don't i don't have a kid you don't have a kid we don't but we we don't know maybe i do i'm leaving a kind of a mystery at this point do you not have a kid i don't have a kid i thought you had a kid but people think i do because i think i started the rumor that i did you start a rumor that you had a kid yeah what for relatability? No, just so I could leave shows early. That's hysterical. Or if I'm like, I gotta go, and they're like, family?

I'm like, family at the house. Oh, maybe that's what it is. Family at the house. Maybe that's what it is. Did someone have a baby? Who am I mixing you up with? Who had a baby recently? Comic-wise?

Yeah. Did anyone have a baby? I mean, Brady Matthews, do you know him? He moved to Vegas, had a baby. Do you remember? Yeah, did anyone have a baby? I mean, Brady Matthews, you know him, he moved to Vegas, had a baby Do you remember him or do you know? No, I don't know Brady He was around here, he started here a while ago Who else just had a baby? You're married, right? Yes

Is that okay? That's like in the business Tell me if that's not okay Is that not alright? Because I'll change it Maybe I just assumed You had a kid Cause you were married And I've always

Kinda looked old People Like I'm 38 But people are like Are you 50 No really I think you look 38 Exactly

I have makeup on Do you Oh cause you were filming I was shooting Oh okay So this look I look a little bit younger With makeup on

Okay I have an old Catcher's mid face I truly have never You're a Midwest kid No I'm from California Are you?

People think I'm from the Midwest This is This is great This is a great opening By the way Where I'm like You have a kid And you're like

No You're from the Midwest You're from Michigan Nope Wait, where in California? I grew up in like Modesto, Stockton Until I was like 10

I know And then I was in Temecula from like 10 to 20. I know. But very different. Yeah. You know, like Stockton, Modesto is like we moved as the Lacey Peterson posters were going up. Wow. Like we moved, still didn't know where she was or who did it.

And then we found out when we were in a way better school district. That's why anybody moves. They're like, we need to get this kid in a place where murder might not be happening and schools are a little bit better. Right, exactly. Maybe.

People that don't know, Modesto, like farm kind of, right? Yeah, yeah. It's like farmy California. Agricultural area. Yeah, well, that's a smart guy way to say it. Where'd you go to college?

I went to Cal Poly in San Luis Obispo for a quarter. And then there was nowhere to do stand-up. So I transferred back home to a community college that I commuted to from Temecula. That was in San Marcos. It was in between Temecula and San Diego. And I started doing shows in in San Diego San Diego so did you do the store down there or no yeah but I would just have to wait outside because I wasn't 21 because I went to college I graduated high school when I was 17 and then I turned 18 like midway through the semester

quarter whatever um I didn't finish, obviously. Yeah, I could tell. And I like had never been to a comedy club show. And I think I like, I went to see one at the Ice House right when I turned 18. And I was like, oh, you're supposed to do it here. Because I started doing standup in high school, but I was doing it in like churches and schools

and coffee shops. Killing the churches though. Just crushing the church. Rucking the church market. Look, you've obviously done significantly well for yourself. I mean, you've built something that's incredible. Being, I mean, as young as you are, as successful as you are,

it's attributed to something. And obviously you must have started young. If you were that good that fast and didn't start young, you would be Dave Chappelle. Didn't Dave Chappelle start when he was like 16? Yeah, 16, 18, but he got famous like that. Oh, yeah. It was kind of like when he was 19, they were like,

this guy's famous. Wow, yeah. I feel like that was so fast for that guy. It was like, and we don't mention him, by the way. We shouldn't be talking about him right now. Right, right. Because this podcast is sponsored by netflix right no i'm not dave chapelle i'm not i'm not a genius no you're you're better than dave chapelle thank you i didn't want to say i'm glad you said it yeah because i can't say it well i've been told not to say it

and this is kind of a conflict of interest i'm the editor-in-chief of Stand Up Magazine, and we voted you better than Dave Chappelle this month. You did, but you couldn't run it. We don't? Well, no, we can't run it. Right, but the vote did. It counts. It counts. We can't run it because it's a magazine.

Nobody knows buying magazines. There's no ink. We can't run it. Yeah, China. There's an ink shortage. China. Ink, chips, and ink. They've got it all, really.

No, but genuinely, i've always been impressed by you from afar we are really though yeah for real or are you like who the fuck is that no honestly no no no i uh because i understand both i totally understand when people are like what like no no no no i'll tell you the truth i i don't we don't know we told we said it out front i don't know you we don't know each other said it out front. I don't know you. We don't know each other. We have friends in common. Pretty good, you know, good connections of people. And I just saw you kind of from, people don't understand stand-up.

We all kind of have these like different darting paths. And a lot of times you link and you keep growing together. Or sometimes you're just on your own little thing. And I've always kind of been on my own thing. I have had groups of people that have come and gone, but now at my age range, it's weird. It's a lot of people are extremely successful or they're in a different, totally different place. And my class kind of broke up or whatever you want to call that. And so like when I saw you starting to kind of enter my sight lines of knowing who you were, I thought you were very talented. I thought you were really good. And then I saw your, your kind of progression, which was, you know, fast

is not the right word, but I'm not smart enough to put out another one, but it was, it was, it was quick. Your, your, your growth ratio was quick. It was great. It was lucky. It was, it was fast. No, don't say that word. I don't believe in luck. I was great. It was lucky. It was fast. No, don't say that word. I don't believe in luck. You don't believe in luck? I don't. I talked to someone about that today.

The word luck, I think, is yucky. Really? Luck is a dollar on the sidewalk. Yeah. Or a 20. That's luck. Okay. What you did was not luck.

It has nothing to do with luck. No, no, no. It's not entirely luck, but there's a degree of luck in all of this. No. Are you serious? Yeah, luck is blind accidents. Luck is like, luck has to be no output of your own influencing it.

I'm talking about a drop of luck. I mean, a little tincture. Where is it? A tincture of luck. Oh, there? Yeah. No, your hard work, your talent, your natural ability, and your drive are a culmination of where you are now, right? I'm not saying you haven't been blessed with timing and talent and ability.

What is the difference between blessed and luck? Because you're blessed with talent, but you can either do something with it or not right luck is guy plays lottery guy wins lottery there's zero influence to me it's like this um in blackjack you there is an ability there is a skill level you must have to play you have to know cards and count roulette is blind luck you have zero influence on anything you can guess numbers but some guy might say well dude the way you guess numbers is strategy it's like it's a ball and a wheel you're going four that's all you're doing right but that's pure luck it's it's like an accident there is a strategy i'm sure gambler people on here like this guy knows nothing about roulette

but i mean you have so much your skill set your ability your output it's a testament to where you are so i just don't think luck is real in what you've built i don't believe that okay i have to stick that out all right agree to disagree you're too good for luck sorry i think you can be lucky and really good i think you can be both things it's not trying to diminish my hard work and whatnot but you know i think that's that's one of the most important things to remember about this business is like there is always somebody who's worse than you and better than you there's always somebody who has the exact same amount of talent and work ethic and whatever the hell else you need to have that for

whatever reason didn't get what you got that put you where you are like why do you think it is why do i think what why do you think that someone who has equal talent and ability and work then why do you think it's you do you think that's your luck thing i think maybe there's some luck in there right i mean i don't know maybe i don't know everything about their life and really i'm just like oh well, well, I am secretly way better and more deserving and blessed by the Lord Almighty. Now it's going to your head. Now you know. Were you a religious kid when you were? Yeah.

You were. Yeah, yeah. And I know you, but. You don't start doing stand-up in churches just on a whim. You might not. But, I mean, you might just be using the opportunity. Right. Your parents could be like, we're.

But I'm saying, like, are you still religious? No. No, no, still religious no no right see that's what i'm saying you got rid of it you learned you scratched it off yeah i scratched it off like a scab you have to right squeezed it out like the puss it was that church is like a religion is a little thing you pick out until you get big enough where you can rip it right off your skin kind of is yeah religion kind of is like a scab that's actually if this was a bit and now i'm like dad gonna use that in the future when i talk to other religious kids take it you know what religion is it's kind of like a scab and they're gonna go what and i know i came up with that that was me and how did you get the scab uh your parents hit you that's right until you were bleeding and then

it scabbed over and they were like that's suffering and God gave you that and you're like oh okay this is the bit I said this I said this and people got mad but I I said people Pete Holmes and I were talking about this

that very very there's a lot of different kinds of my parents were religious I was raised around all that there's a lot of different kinds of religion

but I think really really poor and remarkably rich like shockingly rich have the same kind of religion where like people in the middle sometimes like i'm busy i can't be right yeah i have like like jobs i have soccer hockey i gotta pick her up from her thing i think it's funny because when you're really poor you want hope and if you're really rich you find religion because you need

answers that you're like what am i why am i where am i going what's my direction right and we can't all start a squid game oh shoot what would you would you have failed would i failed squid game yeah oh 100 i would have been like day one we're all gonna end the game right like we're all this is crazy i mean i wouldn't be in there in the first place because i don't gamble or anything but what if if? But what if? But if I had, you know, if I had an issue. Did you like Squid Game?

Spoiler alert. Yeah. And if you haven't seen it, you know, your fault. Yeah. I feel like at this point. You know,

die, I guess. Play Squid Game. Squid Game yourself. I think, I think I liked it. It was long. It was a long,

I was like a flying back and forth. Where was I going? I was in, I was going to Boston was long. It was a long. I was like a flying back and forth. Where was I going? I was in, I was going to Boston. Anyway, I was on flight. Yeah, I was going to Boston

and I watched a chunk of episodes and then when I thought I was done, I was like, this isn't done. I thought this was a done, you know what I mean? It was like, I was on six

and I was like, no, this has got to be done by now. It just drug on a little bit. There was a lot of ancillary character stories that I was like, what is that? What is that dude? Yeah. But just drug on a little bit. There was a lot of ancillary character stories that I was like, what is that? What is that, dude?

But it was really, I mean, it was unique. I really thought it was, I thought it was original. I just think that it's a really sad look at what people will do for money. Yeah.

And by the way, so many people would do that. If it was real, so many people would do that. Yeah. I would have died on the, I already know when I saw it, I already died on the picking the item out of a cookie, you know, out of the sugar.

Like carving, you have to carve the symbol out of the sugar. You think that would have gotten you? Yeah. Wow. My anxiety. When you saw the shapes and you didn't know what it was, what shape were you like, that would have been my shape? Umbrella.

You would have picked umbrella? Yeah, because I thought the shapes were representative of like an item you were going to get to use in a game interesting what did you pick i think i would have picked don't say square i wouldn't have picked square are you kidding me i would have picked i think i think i would have picked the the circle but only because that seemed to be the the beekeeper guys in charge had the circle on their face smart so see idiot the umbrella hardest one give me the one with a lot of points on it i just know i would have failed even if i had a circle even if i had the circle or the triangle yeah i know my anxiety would those are the things i would have failed on yeah i wouldn't have failed on like um red light green light i would have crushed oh crushed red light although if you

didn't know what was going on yeah i would have definitely been one of those people who flipped out and just ran for the door like when i saw those people piling up and everyone else was just standing there and at first you're like why would it just stood there because i listened to directions no you know you'd be running for your life i know me i would i would go down another And everyone else was just standing there. And at first you're like, well, I would have just stood there because I listened to directions. No, you wouldn't. No, you'd run. You'd be running for your life. I know me. I would go down to the ground and pretend to be dead for sure.

Oh, yeah. That's the move. Right away. Pretend to be dead. That's the move. I also, I got it. Like, I got soaked into the idea of like, I can't like these characters too much because I know they're all going to die.

I kept thinking that the whole time. Like, I knew they were going to. I was like, I know everyone's dead. I just, in my mind, I was like, this is really sad because I'm rooting for some of these things. But you're like, that guy's going to die. Yeah. For sure. I think there was an overwhelming number of women in there.

And I think women would be too smart to do that also. Yeah. It should have been all dudes they did a good job though of of you know with those two younger girls kind of illustrating why they were in there and like one of them was like i don't have any other yeah i have nothing to go back to and the other girl wanting to get her brother and her family back together like i thought that all made sense it was sweet yeah yeah there was a cool moment those that scene with those two was cool they could have that's what i mean they could have expanded on their story but they didn't and so i was like well why are we telling so many weird small stories and

then not paying attention to others it's like it went too long and still didn't cover the stuff you wanted them to cover like all the stuff with like the cop and his brother running the game i was like well this is gonna be great like this is what's gonna happen and nothing nothing we get nothing with that so annoyed so annoying on the hill together i'm like this has got to be a big apex to a new ending of a story and it's over so crazy to me i thought that what was gonna happen is because they they gave it to us where he's like oh the brother won five years ago and you're like oh shit yeah and so i thought it was gonna be a thing where like he won the game, but it fucked him up so bad that he like couldn't live back in normal society anymore.

So that's why he's living in that tiny little shoebox fucking cell, like closet cell that his brother went to find his stuff. And so he realizes the only place that still makes sense to him is the game. So he goes back to run the game and also it makes him feel less guilty about killing all the people he killed

because he's watching other people do the same thing and he's like we're all just the same at the fucking core and none of that happened instead it was just like yeah he killed his brother

and he still works at the game as far as we know would you tug a war how would you have fared with that I mean tug a war like tough the way they did it was so good with the strategy and what not because I Would you tug a war? How would you have fared with that? I mean, tug a war, like... Tough.

The way they did it was so good with the strategy and whatnot because I wouldn't have picked up on any of that. I'd just pull it. In fact, a piece of me thinks I would have immediately been the guy at the back because I was like, I just want to die last. You know what I mean? Like, I don't want, I just want to die last. Please just let me die last. Yeah. Because I know if it's over, it's over. I don't want to be the first splat. Yeah. I don't want to be that because I, there might be hope that you might grab something or

whatever and, you know, fast and furious your way down there and grab onto a pole and swing to another. You're dead. But still, it was, look, it was great to watch on a plane. Yes. Anything that kills time on a plane, great show. I know. Are you on tour right now? Yeah. It's fun, but it's also,

I mean, people don't understand that like the hour or two hours a night that you're like indulging on stage, you're like, it's the greatest time of my life. Yeah. And then all the other shit, you're like, that's what, you feel like you're like it's the greatest time of my life yeah and then all the other shit you're like i that's what you feel like you're like they're paying me to go lose a bag yep to wait for a car to go sit in traffic to go to the airport to go to a hotel that's really what it's all about yeah unfortunately and people don't understand that like it's the best you're like it can be can also be sitting in, you know, airport with delayed flights,

missing stuff and having to reschedule and move shit. My favorite moment with people who are not comedians in my life, I have a few. Why? Look, I keep them around in case I need to post a heartfelt post. I'm like, see, my friend's a doctor. But the friends that I have or family members or whoever that don't travel a lot, I love when they text me after they've been on a trip and go, I don't know how you do this

every week. Yeah. That's the best. I'm like, I don't know either. Yeah, but thank you for recognizing. Thank you. I am a hero. Yeah.

Well, you're flying planes now is what I've heard you're uh you're not sully you are i'm landing them on the water they're like land it on we can land on the landing strip i'm like that's not what heroes do that landing strip rookie shit watch this in here we pour whiskey hey i've spoken a lot on this show about mental health and mental health awareness. I myself suffer from anxiety and depression. I've talked about it openly, and I think a lot of people talk about it with their loved ones, but they don't really want to do anything about it, and I'm going to tell you, BetterHelp helps. BetterHelp is great. They assess your needs, and they match you with your own licensed professional therapist.

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traveling gets me sometimes and i'm like oh i got all this i'm just thinking about so many things it's hard for me like get on a plane and not think about all sorts of bullshit not the plane going down it's all the other stuff the travel the coordination what's next on the tour promoting the tour like all that stuff keeps coming to my mind and coordinating in this show and coming back and doing this and then whatever i'm shooting it just i don't know i can't turn my brain off but if i have a little bit of whiskey and go to bed it's like great i just get to wake up in tulsa or where wherever i'm wherever i'm ending up yeah but it is um but it's good to see honestly going back to what i said i don't i wasn't familiar with you until i

familiarized myself with you and um i saw your stuff on netflix and i liked none of it i said this is crap this is poop crap is what i said uh-huh but honestly like a man who should have a kid that's exactly this is crap kid but it's but it's great to it was great to see from afar going back to what i was talking about it was cool to see because i didn't know you but i was like oh she seems to work hard and she's funny so you're kind of like happy for people in that regard where you're like oh she's funny she works hard she's good that's nice people that you don't know because it's hard when people you don't know you're like i don't know i i don't i don't i have no connection to so many people

that if you're cool and you work hard, I don't really give a shit. Yeah. I'm like, great. That's great. You're, you're killing it. Yeah. And I think it's such a segmented community anyway.

Yeah. But not everybody feels that way. I feel the same way where I'm kind of like, man, it's so hard to get to all these different levels. And if you got there and you're nice and you're cool, like fine, that's fine. Yeah. But you never, like, did you think I was mean before you met me? No.

I didn't know anything about you. I thought you had a fucking kid. Yeah, you did. I thought you were a dad. Yeah. So now I actually, my opinion, I have a lesser opinion of you now that I know you don't have a kid. I have a kid. I have three.

I need to have kids to get validated. I have kids. No, I think you and I have, have like been on a lot of like laugh factory and improv lineups over the years and so you just like get used to seeing people's names but like never right after each other you're always like coming in going like oh yeah this that guy who crushes all right like yeah we both come and go yeah yeah i know you were on that show yeah that i i watched a few episodes of that was good the dying up here i really did i really did you didn't because the first episode he fucking steps

in front of a bus and everyone was like that's what it's like like that was a real angsty moment for everybody by the way the truth was he jumped off the roof which was even more annoying oh yeah did you ever hear this story the guy that jumped off the andaz it used to be called the the riot hyatt oh my god that building us to the comedy store a guy i'm blanking on his name the story was he didn't do the tonight show that was a totally different that was a made-up thing but there was a guy who killed himself and that was kind of an homage a little bit to the guy that killed himself at the comedy store he jumped off the and as roof and he had a, when it was the Hyatt and he had a note in his pocket and it just said, I used to work at the comedy store.

That a little daunting. That's like the most daunting. I mean, that was his credits though. Yeah, it was all no HBO, no tonight show. I used to work at the comedy store,

but he put it in his little jacket pocket and I think that was really creepy, but that was kind of what that was about. And the show was interesting. I don't know. It was hard because it was also like, I knew the criticism from stand-up was so extreme. And people in stand-up were going to be like, a show about stand-up?

I'll give my two cents. And so I just... Right. It was tough. It's a tough thing to do because you're like, I have fucking no control. I'm just a... I'm a puppet in a costume.

Right. But all I really heard about that is that like andrew santina is a really good actor like i feel like that was a lot of people's review of that show that's not i mean the critics are opposite oh really it's well i think it's also because i don't uh i'm not really good at that game like are you like acting or just no being an actor being in the just being in the game and being really present for press and stuff. It's no good. I'm not good at it. Yeah.

I just don't like it. Yeah. Because we do this and comedy and you're like, I don't know. I don't know. It's difficult. Do you like being on set? Do you like that? No.

Yeah. No. I like shooting. It's like stage. It's like I like shooting. And then when you're done, you're like, I want to go back to the green room. Yeah.

I don't want to. Like, do you want to be TV shit? No. Movie shit? I mean, here's the thing. I've had like TV stuff in development over the years, and none of it went, obviously. And every time I've done it, I've enjoyed the process of writing it, and then when it really came down to it, where we were like waiting to see if we were going to it i was like i don't know i want to actually do this like i when you really think

about like what your day-to-day would be like because like you know i did a show with uh fred savage that was barely acting for me honestly and uh it was very fun and everyone was very cool and i still was like very uncomfortable and there were really very fun and everyone was very cool and i still was like very uncomfortable and they were really long days and i was like i'm waiting in this room for like five hours like it's fun to go out there and shoot it but like and i was like this is the best case scenario where you like everyone you're working with you think the show idea is funny you know you have like a lot of creative control like you don't have to say anything that you don't want to say i'm like this could not get any better i have no complaints and it's still like not my

favorite it's still not better than stand-up or being on the road and so that made me appreciate being on the road after like going to set at 7 a.m for five days a week for a while i was like i don't think i like this and uh yeah now now if I'm like, I'm like, if I'm going to do TV or whatever, like I just, I want it to be a thing I made. Yeah. You know? I totally get that. It's hard.

It's hard to, it's hard too. Cause I, yeah, I want to do that as well. But it is like, sometimes you're doing other stuff and you're like, well, I do want to be a part of things with people that I like, but it is hard when you don't have control. Cause you're like, I don't know how they're going to put this together.

Yeah. That's, you know, but that's why I drink. That's it. Wait, you told me before the show you've never had whiskey. I've never had whiskey, no. I'm not going to make you do it now, obviously. I mean, I'll try it if you want me to. I have water here.

Wait, you really will? I'll try it. Sure. You've never in your life? No. Shit. I've tried alcohol. Yeah, but never whiskey life? No. Shit. I've tried alcohol. Yeah, but never whiskey.

Not whiskey. Bourbon. I don't think so. How about this? Should I text Sam and ask? Because maybe I have. I don't think I have. Yeah.

This is one. There's one that's going to. I'll give you one that's like a sweeter one. This is Screwball. It's peanut butter flavored. So it's not like. Oh. Unless you want like boss real stuff.

Do you want real stuff or would you like to try this i think you should try this i think i should try that see if you like it okay you pour what you want i don't even it's super sweet pour just a little bit just a little snifter and we'll see this is great we're breaking ground today we are here's the thing i know based on my family history and my personality that that I am for sure a dormant alcoholic. Yeah. Which is why I've never gotten drunk or anything. I could see it on you when you walked in.

I go, look at this blackout. Look at this blackout drunk, obviously. This potential blackout. Ignoring who she really is. Okay, hold on. Let me pour something before you do that, and I'll cheers you. I'm so excited for this. What a shitty influence.

It does smell like peanut butter. Well, it is. It's like peanut butter that went bad. Yeah, bad peanut butter. Yeah. That's what's good. No. What'd you do to this peanut butter?

All right, cheers. Cheers. Okay, and let's just a little sip. Let's see if you like it. I'm having some Eagle Rare. What's the verdict? That one's like, it's not harsh. It's pretty light.

That's actually, that's actually, I actually like that. Boom. Taylor gets addicted. This is not good. Dude, cut to like six months, you're a blackout. Your tour is just collapsing. You got a DUI. Where did it start?

But this tastes like a fucking, this is very sweet. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. It's not really- This tastes like a Nutter Butter drink. It does. It's not a traditional whiskey. This is like a very flavored specific... Yeah.

Yeah, it's not... You can't like go order this just by itself. I do this for people that don't really like whiskey. Oh, okay. By the way, you know who loved this? Who? Sam. Did he?

Yeah, loved it. Really? Loved it. I think he had like five of them. It's a little sweet. Did he really? Mm-hmm. It's a little sweet Did he really? Mm-hmm It's a little sweet for him I would think but

He's sweet He's a sweet boy Yeah Well no cause I I think he wasn't He's not a big whiskey guy And so I was like Do you wanna try

I think he He asked about it And I said try it It's a little It's a little flavor This Yeah that's fun Some of these are a little more harsh

Oh my god That's a fun one Wait till you This is This is so bad wait do you by the way do you drive yeah you do yeah yeah well we'll see what happens no so awful you're like that's actually super potent yeah like that you basically had four shots it's ever clear you're just drinking pure no but i mean it's it it is this is kind of like for people that aren't you're not a hardcore whiskey drinker but you want like a little bit of flavor

with flavoring which has taken over everything now like every vodka has a flavor now that's like I saw on the shelf the other day

it was like peppermint and whipped cream vodka oh this is obviously made for high school kids yeah this is

I mean this is like did you drink in high school this is the whiskey equivalent of a Frappuccino. It is. I feel like. That's a mocha latte. That's like a mixed drink at Starbucks. It absolutely is. But I can tell you like it.

I can see you keep on eating it. I mean, look. I'm going to be late to class. Bad. You're bad. You're so bad. Did you drink in high school? No.

Not at all? I don't think I'd ever... I don't think I'd ever had a drink until the pandemic wow is that right i think that might be right honestly is it truly because you have alcoholism in your family yeah it really is who is it is it someone you want to say it's on both sides it's just it's it's not like, it's either grandparents or great-grandparents. Right. And then their kids, you know, are very like, we don't touch the stuff.

Mom and dad are no way. Yeah. Not even like wine. Like, no. No. Nothing. And that influenced you, obviously, to stay. Yeah.

Yeah. You an only kid? No, I have three younger siblings. And they're all alcohol no none of them are actually I was always too terrified to even well my dad's an addict

so not booze fun stuff oh he likes to go skiing oh I see but this stuff is so addicting it's really bad for you Yeah, he was in a... No, he was in a... He was in... Oh. He liked to go skiing. Oh, I see. Yeah. So this stuff... But this stuff is so addicting. It's really bad for you.

Yeah, it's disgusting. I mean, this... Mostly, I'm more concerned about the sugar in this, drinking that. I'm like, oh my God, that is... There's no sugar in this, but there definitely... Regular, there is in bourbon. Yeah. But there's sugar added in that because it's that flavor.

Let's see how many grams. That's some syrup. Let's see. It says... Okay, here you go. I want to put this on French toast. See, it is good. Like ice cream?

Yeah, this would be. It's so good. Yeah. So the average can of Coke is like 40-something grams of sugar. Yeah. Is that right? I think it's something like 39 to 40-something. Wow, that's high.

This in one two-ounce pour, which is a little bit less than you had. 114 grams of sugar. What? No, I'm kidding. That's insane. Oh, my God. That's insane. I was like, that cannot be real. That's insane.

No, there's no ingredients on this. I mean, look, I just believed you because I'm wasted. Yeah. I got you blacked out. It's so funny. People get mad at me. They're like, why would you do that? She never drank.

Why would you get her drunk? Are people going to be mad? I was very consensual. It was no this was very it was on your own it was on your own but i am surprised you've never ever had whiskey in all these years how old are you now am i allowed to say that yeah i'm 27 i'm gonna be i'm gonna be 28 in uh next week next week oh seriously yeah yeah what how long what no the fourth oh oh of november yeah okay god that's so incredible man when i was Next week. Oh, seriously? Yeah, yeah. What? How long? No. The 4th. Oh, of November. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay.

God, that's so incredible, man. When I was 28, it was all going downhill. Was it? Yeah. Well, I mean, it just was like stand-up was like in the guts of it all in LA, and it was just agonizing. When I was here, I moved here in 06, 07. And it was like everyone, all the older comics were bullies.

It was so mean. Yeah. Now everyone pretends they like you. Yeah. Which is lovely. Yeah, but it's kind of nice. That's why New York people, when New York comics are like, everyone in LA is fake. It's like, but it feels nice.

It feels pretty good. It's better than to your face. They're like, fuck you. Yeah. Your jokes suck. You're like, Jesus Christ. But by the way, New York comics are fake too. Yeah, they are. Of course they are. I was like, well, we tell you're like Jesus Christ but by the way New York comics are fake too yeah they are

of course they are I was like well we tell you how it is over here it's like no you tell each other how it is at the table while I'm on stage that's what you do

and when I get to the table you're like good stuff yeah that was good yeah that was great we like it yeah no no no it was very good

would you ever live in New York? I basically do right now but you're here too right? 70% of the time yeah yeah I have a place out here And I have a place in New York And

We're just seeing how it goes You're figuring it out Figuring it out Which one you like the most Yeah Yeah What do you do? The Cellar while you're there?

Yeah Cellar, Gotham I mean Here's the thing is like You're a whore for venues You'll go anywhere That's what they say You know Tomlinson She will go anywhere That's the name of my next special Ven a whore for venues you'll go anywhere that's what they say you know tomlinson she

will go anywhere it's the name of my next special venue whore uh yeah i i honestly like i have been less eager to go up every single night on weeknights because like especially like now that i'm doing theaters it's like i'm in a different city every day of the weekend as opposed to like oh you get to the comedy pub and you set up shop in your hotel and it's fine and like it's just really tiring and you just spend so much time on stage and on the road and then like you get home and you have two days out of the week that you're not traveling or anything and you're like okay maybe i'll do spots one of those days yeah and then i'll just try to be a person the other day and then the day you try to be a person you end up doing a bunch of podcasts and interviews yeah so it's you know thanks for doing

it by the way oh my gosh so happy to be here filling in for your first choice sam jay you were no you were my first choice sam jay bailed uh and i wanted back to back because i'm going out of town this is the other thing you have to log episodes because you're like, and I actually asked you a while ago to be on the show and we never- Well, I said I want to get you on the show when we first communicated. Oh, yeah, but people say that.

No, I did though. I think you said it in person. Yeah, I did. When people say things in person, I go like, that was nice they said that. It's like, it felt like- But I meant it.

I wanted you on the show, but I also thought, I was like, I'll get her on when I get her on, whenever. Right. Because it's always like, scheduling these things is a nightmare. Fans don't know.

It is. Fans are like, put it out. You're like, dude, coordinating is, what we did today, I was shooting. They told me I was going to be out this time. I had to move, da, da, da. And then I, it's funny to be, like, on a movie, on a Netflix movie with, like, big famous people. And I'm, you know, small role, small role but like all i'm thinking about is getting here to do this with you yeah that's how much i care about you how about that kevin hart means

nothing to me mark walberg it is funny though that you're like because this is like the thing that we put all the like the podcasting and stand-up world it's like what we've cultivated so you're like the other stuff i have almost no control over again i'm just a marionette in clothes and i they do whatever they want with me and they're like say this stupid and you do and they're like good get out of go home you know yeah but um but the scheduling is is but yeah sam day sam sam jay did you know what she said her excuse was for yesterday what is it too far too far too far from where i don't know wherever she was coming obviously i don't know if she was in San Diego. She was like, too far.

No, she was up here. She just... Santa Monica, maybe? She stunted on me hard. In here, we pour whiskey. Boy, oh boy, do I love me some good old-fashioned meat. Dude, I'm a meat eater. Carnivore, my friends.

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Ready to bet with an edge. Tune in to The Daily Tip presented by BetMGN. Listen weekdays 6 a.m. to 9 a.m. Eastern on Odyssey, Spotify, or your favorite podcast app. Ginger. I like gingers. This was eight minutes from my place, which is why I agreed to do it. I know, because I know where you live

Agreed to do it You know we live close You know that? Do we? We're not going to comment about it You live close to here? I live very close No I live close to you

Oh do you? Yeah really close How close? Like walking? No No No but I'm on the

I'm on the other side of all the stuff Oh okay You got a house Yeah What are you going to do? You going to Is that a No I'm just asking You going to make me feel bad? I'm just Look I was wrong about the kid I was like maybe he doesn't got a house yeah what are you gonna do you know is that a no i'm gonna make me feel bad i'm just look i was wrong about the kid i was like maybe he doesn't have a house it's a half bed half bath oh half bed half bath and it's a communal yard i live on google's campus i had a friend that

worked at google that told me about all the perks and all that stuff and i'm not gonna be mean but the apartment he was living in was like seven people. And it was like so, it was rough. I was like, so many people live here. But he's like, yeah, dude, but the perks at Google. And you see how they treat them. What they do is they put them on the Google bus and you get the Google meals and Google hangouts.

And there's so many cool things on their campus that they've convinced them that like, this is your life. That's how college is. But I mean, they've suckered them and everything's free and everything is like top end. Like you can take cars anywhere.

There's babysitting services. Whoa. Oh dude, it's like Google's like, and it's gourmet meals for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Yeah. And they want you to take a break whenever you want.

But the truth is, they're tricking you to be like, don't you just want to stay here at Google all the time? It's actually genius. That actually, I mean, listening to it, I was like, just want to stay here at Google all the time? It's actually genius. That actually, I mean, listening to it,

I was like, how do I get hired at Google with no experience? How long have you, are you from LA? No, I'm from Chicago. You're from Chicago. How long have you been in LA?

Oh, six, oh seven. Okay. It's a long time. Do you love it? Or is it just like, I'm here because I have to be.

I don't hate LA. Okay. High praise. Do you miss Chicago? Yeah don't hate LA. Okay. High praise. Do you miss Chicago? Yeah, like crazy. Really? So much. Don't you miss Hesperia or Temecula?

Miss Temecula? Just all the parking spaces. I mean, I'm two hours away from where I grew up and like not really. I just love California. So like. I love California too. I don't like everything it's become in LA which is like so unlivable and overpriced and it's just weird it just has become this place where it was this

dream state for me yeah when I was a kid and then I moved here and it was amazing in the more recent years I guess it just becomes sad because I'm like this is so expensive and and like in such a sad way where it kind of gives a lot of sad hope to people that they can have this lifestyle here so they fake this lifestyle here which is why people

make fun of it of LA not California but LA specifically where they're like everyone's a phony you're like yeah because you have to

you have to fake it here in some regard until you've made something because it's so unobtainable of a city it's just I don't know.

Isn't Chicago expensive? It is, but it gives you more in return. Like more snow? Just more like, there's a sense of community in Chicago, because shitty weather brings people together. Okay. In a weird way.

It's like you all go through this traumatic thing together. There's no trouble here. That's true. There's no reason to band together. It's like, what do we... That's why I think there's not a strong... Like, if you go to a bar on a weekend in Chicago, and it's football season,

everyone is rooting for the Bears, and it's all together. If I go to a bar here on a Sunday, I don't know what I'm getting when I go there. Right. I don't go to sports bars on the weekend, but when I did, it was weird. I was like, do anybody root for the local teams

and nobody cares like everyone's like we won and you're like who? who's a fan here? I just think the sense of community in shitty weather places is strong it has to be do you like New York?

yeah but it's like an addict's paradise like it's it's to me it's like nothing but trouble it's like red flags oh interesting but why you don't need to be open 24 hours nothing i'm like my mom yeah you know your mom was nothing good happens after 2 a.m was she right yeah she's right she's right no she was anytime my mother said that she was so true when i moved here and i was like 2 a.m bars yeah my dad said that too but he's right he's right because it's it's you don't i don't need to black out need taco bell at 4 30 and fall asleep on a bus bench no like i've done before i don't need i just don't think you need access of new york is is too convenient i think it creates that's why anybody that gets like marginally successful not like like Uber, they leave the city.

They're like, I got to get out of here. Yeah. This place is crazy. The only people that stay are like unbearably rich people. Right. Who are like, I have a $14 million two bed,

two bath by the park. Right. That's sad. I guess. Yeah. It's just too, it's to me, it's like,

I, that's, it's, I love that city, but I think it collapses my balance of life because I go there and I want to eat and drink all day, all night. Mm-hmm. I have no control.

Right. And here you have some time. Well, I just go. You just got to drive there. You have to go home. Yeah. Yeah. At some point you're like, I have to go back to the house.

Yeah. I do miss my car a lot. I like driving. Yeah. So it's night, like, I just don't, I don't like being. You don't like the subway you don't like poop and pee and fights and guys doing backflips on the pole i like the subway like at night at a very specific time like at like 9 p.m the opposite of what i think you'd like it in the middle of the night when it's like the most threatening for some reason

no no 9 p.m is like early yeah early new, early New York. Early evening. Yeah, for New York. And like it's not as busy. I got on at like 4 one day. And I was like, this is, are we, where are we going? It's not good. Like it was, I was not a fan of that. But yeah, I just, and it's so loud down there. And you're just like.

Do you not headphones it like every New Yorker? I do, but I got to start doing like these. I i gotta start doing like the noise yeah for sure yeah in the earbuds is even noise canceling like the airpods or whatever doesn't work with new york new york is so loud what i'm saying is it's a city where i love but i'm scared i'm just scared of living there because i'm like this is too much access to bars and late nights and hanging out and it's just it's too convenient. Yeah if you're trying to regulate your moods like I am that city is not great for it because you're just kind of all over the place all the time and like one day you're like this is incredible and then like the next day like, I, I'm gonna jump off one of these buildings. Like it's, there's just no

in between. Right. And for a week, you're just like, yeah, that's where I'm at. That's why I love Chicago. Chicago's like a tiny,

cleaner, a little bit homier New York. Like it's more of a mom and pop shop. Okay. I'm in Chicago next week. Where are you going?

Where are you? The Vic. Love. I'm excited. Yeah. I'm playing theater in february and i couldn't be more scared really 3 600 people oh you'll do it so many people it's a lot of people we're going back on the 21st to do another couple shows at the vic yeah yeah who do you take uh my buddy dustin nickerson oh i know yeah but i don't know but you don't know not well but he's from san diego yeah very funny but i know who he is you know what i mean but we don't know i don't know him well yes but you don't know him personally yeah kind of like us before an hour ago yeah but now we're best buds but now it's totally different i got you liquored up now yeah i mean i'm so proud of me and you actually you know what's funny i was

like well i'm not gonna have her have a drink and then i thought maybe proud of me and you actually you know what's funny i was like well i'm not gonna have her have a drink and then i thought maybe she wants me to tell her to have a drink yeah i'd like to try things you know it's sam i had never i had never had a drink i think until the pandemic because once we were in the pandemic sam was like i'm gonna make a manhattan and i was like he's like you can try mine i'm like just make me one and he's like all right he's like do you really want to like he was like excited yeah and he's like, you can try mine. I'm like, just make me one. And he's like, all right. And he's like, do you really want to? Like, he was, like, excited. Yeah.

And he's like, all right, I'll make it, like, sweeter for you. And I was like, okay. That's nice. Yeah, you know. And then, like, the only other time I did, I had, like, margaritas with, like, a friend, like, a couple friends of mine because one of them was, like, going somewhere

and we were, like, celebrating something. And it was the closest I've ever come to like feeling any different and it was just like the edge of tipsy i think and for the next week i thought about doing it again by myself and i'm like this is not that's no yeah go for it yeah swim out there man looks nice Wait, but no drugs ever, right? No, just weed Yeah, no Oh, yeah So do you smoke weed regularly at all?

No, I used to take an edible every night to sleep And then I would vape Oh, so you smoked weed Yeah You were familiar That wasn't like a once in a while You were doing it regularly Yeah, I was doing it regularly for a little while

Because my anxiety was just like so bad and that helped for a little while and then uh like a year ago i did those i did some tabs some like edible tab the ones that dissolve in your mouth oh right right right um i'm like acid dab no no no no so funny you're like have an edible and then i took acid But I did like too many of them. And I guess, and I passed out. And it was like during COVID. And it was like the first time I've been on a plane. And I was like, oh, I have it.

I'm dead. And I woke up and Sam was calling an ambulance. So it was not great for anybody involved. So then after that, I was like, I should probably just like cool it on the weed for a bit. And I'm just like kind of worried about getting high, which sucks. Because like during the pandemic, there was probably a month where I got high every night starting at like 6 p.m. And would just fall asleep early. Oh my God, it was so nice.

Would you write it all? No. No? No, we were just watching It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia. Great show. Eating pasta and like getting high i just i that was the best part of the pandemic for me where i hit a wall a pain wall yeah and i had nothing to do and all day i would you know try to fucking think of instagram posts and ways to keep this train

going and what what can i write that would be funny on twitter? And then once like 6 p.m. hit, I was like, let's get high on edibles for the rest of the evening and feel different. And it was great. And you know what? Sometimes you need that. You do. No, honestly, you do.

I think you need some kind of substance in your blood sometimes to change the way you feel because that's why I said, did you write? When I used to smoke weed often, I loved writing while I was on it most of it was trash yeah but it would get me to write and nonetheless and you'd poke one

idea out that you're like oh that could be used when I so what I would do is I'd write a bunch of bullshit it was all terrible and then I would sober the next day look at it and be like oh I know what I wanted to say I could take a piece of this And put it into something else Yeah And it usually didn't work anyway But But still But you have to

But I wrote But I wrote But I did it Yeah cause during the pandemic I wasn't I mean nobody Everyone was Nobody was writing during the pandemic

That idea that people were Was really annoying So annoying You gotta write You're like When? Where? Yeah

Not stand up You can write other stuff Sure But I wasn't doing Did you do any Zoom shows? Kidding me? No I couldn't do it Couldn't do it what do you when where yeah not stand up you can write other stuff sure but i wasn't doing zoom did you do any zoom shows kidding me no i couldn't do it couldn't do it i don't want to be a dick about people that did to make a living because it's a way to survive but i was like i'm impressed

with people who did this so my soul hurt my soul was like i didn't do i i never even tried one because i did a zoom like a zoom meeting for something like a you know even that i was like this is a fucking the worst yeah the only zoom that i would do was sometimes for the patreon i would do like zooms with fans yeah and that was super fun because we would just talk shit and drink together on the show people would smoke on the show it was great it was just kind of this free form nonsense there wasn't like a i'm on stage it's like everyone was talking And that was so That became this like Really fun thing to do

But the Zoom corporates I um No I No I did a corporate recently Um And I don't really get You do corporates don't you

Not really anymore You seem Sometimes I do Yeah you seem like you could Kill a corporate Cause you're relatively clean Uh You know

Not corporate clean not even i mean the last corporate i did you're not legion of skanks no they're not getting asked to do a lot of corporates no probably not but i mean you're clean enough in the idea that you're not a you're not a filthy i wouldn't by no means call you a filthy comic i could do a corporate the last corporate i did i did with nate barget where, thank God, he went second because I was watching old Conan clips I did going like, is this clean enough? Let's try to remember some stuff because what I'm talking about right now,

even the stuff that's clean is a little dark. I don't think that's going to go over here in this ballroom of people who don't believe in COVID but still couldn't invite the amount of people they wanted to to have this event. And yeah, I just, I don't know. I just, every time they bring those offers to me, I'm like, I don't think I'm right for this.

It's tough. Dustin, who opens for me, Dustin is very clean and crushes everywhere and can do anything. And anytime they offer me corporates, my agents, I'm like, you know,'s like a guy very close to me that could do this way so easily and way better and like they'll be so much happier with what happened yeah instead of me like trying to act like i went because you know i was doing churches till i was like 22 and at a certain point i was like oh i can't i can't do this did you ever tell a filthy joke at a church where I was like, oh, I can't do this. Did you ever tell a filthy joke at a church where you were like, oh, come on. Never, it never slipped.

No. You never tried some shit? I got fired from opening for a big church comic because I tweeted something with innuendo in it. Can we know who did this? Who the comic was? I mean, the comic is, he didn't fire me. I think his team fired me,

and they were very nice about it John Crist it wasn't John no no no John was actually the only other person when I was coming up

in that world that was like a young person doing stand up in like churches same age kind of yeah

no he's a little bit older he's older than me but that was like when people were like well we want so if i couldn't do something and they were like we want somebody who's like younger like whatever i'm like the only other person is john chris so who fired you i want to know uh i was opening for tim hawkins

should i go fuck him up no look they have homeschooled fans taylor they have you drink on my show i'm gonna fight tim hawkins or whatever the fuck his name was. He's very funny. But they have like children in their audiences. And I got, I understood. But it still made me feel bad. Like, because I'm like a good kid, you know? You do seem like a really good kid. I'm a great fucking kid. And so to feel like, oh my God, I got fired.

Like I didn't do a good job. And again, they were very like, we think you're very funny. We just, it's just not like, we think you're very funny. We just, it's just not like- What did you tweet? On brand. It was a joke I did in my Conan set where I said- You're like, Jews are yuck. Jesus, Taylor.

No, I- 9-11 was gay. I was way, I don't, it wasn't like, it was innuendo. I was like, Jews rhyme with something. That is, fuck. what did you say no i did a joke on that ended up on conan i tweeted uh i'm a wild animal in bed way more afraid of you than you are of me and they like saw it i guess and they were just like we can't we can't have you that's out with us and i also think i also think they had been sent a video

of me at like flappers that i didn't give anybody permission to post where all i said was like you know when someone's like being a dick like and somebody somehow found that and like emailed it to them like months before that and was like is this the kind of comedy they use on porn and to their credit they did not they did not fire me then i think they were just like we just want you to be aware of it and i was like all right i'm aware of it that's a little much i mean look it's the everyone these this is language and i never understood that about like the idea just because you believe in the lord which many my grandmother is remarkably religious.

We're like, we living together before we got married, everyone, she would be like, she was grossed out by it. Was she relieved when you got married? No, yeah, because she thought I was gay. She was always, my little riff egg. No, but she is just, she was so religious and so inundated with it. But the idea that she was was in love with the church never really,

she didn't transfer it over into language. We come from blue-collar people. The way that my uncles and the way we talk over the holidays, it's not religious, but my grandmother's very religious. And so it was just like, that's what I grew up with was, well, you go to church, but you also say fuck a lot. It's like, that's,

that's like an Irish Catholic. Like nobody really, right. You're supposed to not say much in front of the, the, the, the, the moms and the grandmothers.

You shouldn't, but it is a part of the culture. They're like, say your fucking prayers. Yeah. Say your fuck, go to fucking bed. That's,

it just is like a thing that is, I never, and I, so a thing that is, I never, and I, so as I get older, I never said like, just because you love God and believe in the Lord or whatever you believe in,

what does that have to do with dirty language? I never got that. I mean, if there are kids in your audience and parents, I mean,

whatever. Fuck them. So bad. I totally, I totally understood, but it was, and it was a, it was a big moment for me

in terms of like, called my manager and was like, I cannot do any more churches because they want you to be that all the time. And I just, at a certain point, I'm like, I feel dishonest. Like, I don't know if I believe in this and. Yeah, because you're human. Yeah. And I, I don't want to trick anybody and like, I can do what they want me to do, but it's more than just, can you do this gig? Like a corporate's like, can you do this gig? Can you do the jokes that would be appropriate for this situation?

A church is like, are you us? Are you what we want? Are you, are you one of us? Are you us? And like, are you going to make us laugh in the way that we want to but also be the person that we

think you are off stage and it's very easy to disappoint that world and that's why i did not want to uh build my career there well such okay so look since you said you're such a good kid did you ever fuck up did you ever have not one time i don't think like did you ever have something you really were like holy fuck i can't believe i did that that was a bad i was that was like a really unsavory thing in my life you're as a young adult or are you just squeaky clean all the way through girlfriend to people probably that doesn't count that doesn't count no do you Do you ever steal? No. Never stole. Did you ever have such a bad lie that it really hurt people?

No. Fuck. What are you? I don't know. What are you? We need you to do something bad. No. I'm very suspicious of other people. I have a very...

Your sus meter? Yeah. I have real bad trust issues. sus meter? Yeah Yeah yeah yeah I have real I have real bad trust issues Why? I think Papa? I think like

A lot of different reasons But like you grow up I mean my mom died When I was a kid And like That part of I think that makes you go like Well I don't really trust

Anything now Cause bad shit happens And also like If you grow up in a world Where they're like We'll pray about it And it'll be fine And then it's not And you're like Well I prayed a world where they're like we'll pray about it and it'll be fine and then it's not you're like well i prayed about it and they're

like oh sorry we you know like it you like don't trust god and then you don't trust your feelings about religion and then you know if people lie to you and i got cheated on in my early 20s like there's a lot of different reasons i think but uh was that you're falling out with god when your mom died i i think maybe i mean i was eight so maybe it would have been but i just remember when when she died everybody was like well we're gonna see her in heaven it's gonna be okay we're gonna see her in heaven and i just didn't feel that way and i was like oh my god i must be a horrible christian because i just don't feel like that's gonna happen and i don't know i don't know why i don't feel that way and then i just

spent years trying to be like good Christian and believe stuff, and at a certain point, I just couldn't anymore. Once I was doing stand-up and I was really in this world and I met a lot of people who I was like, oh, you're just an atheist and you're also a good person? Okay, I didn't know we could do that. Right. A couple of Bill Maher's later and you were like, that's it.

Yeah, I didn't know. I'm not believing. I didn't know we could all just go like, I don't know what could do that. Right. You know? A couple of Bill Maher's later and you were like, that's it. Yeah, I didn't know. I'm not believing. I didn't know we could all just go like, I don't know what happens. Let's get dinner. Like, I didn't know we could do that. I thought we had to figure it out. Right.

So. It is interesting that phrase, you'll see someone, they do that a lot. They do. I hear that in my family, stuff like that. Grandmas and grandpas are like,

we're going to see him again. What if no? I know. Heaven could be big. Let's just say heaven's real. Mm-hmm. And you get up there and I was like, we're going to see him again. What if no? I know. Heaven could be big. Let's just say heaven's real and you get up there and you're like, fuck,

they were right and heaven's so big that you're like, I'm looking for my mom and they're like, no idea. I don't know how to find her. You have to go on this big hunt

to find your mom. How exhausting. I mean, I feel like you're pitching a movie right now. I am. This is pretty good. Are you Pixar?

Is this a Disney movie? This does feel like a Pixar movie. And it's just called Big Ass Heaven. Kenan Thompson. He's got to be like, he's got to be God. Welcome to Big Ass Heaven. I just think the idea that, you know, it's this perfect little world in the afterlife is so strange that you're like, what are you pitching me that I'm going to get everything i've wanted when it's over that was my whole argument with my dad for

for years was always like this is it this is it dude like if you're living to die and you're living for what the afterlife might offer you i promise you'll be let down even if it's exactly what you wanted it will let you down right because you just gave away all this other shit that i never understood. This is all the things. I promoted the book Some on here before. Some. You know that book?

S-U-M? I'm going to send it to you. Okay. I'm going to get your address. I'm going to send it to you. It's just, it's just, it's just very clever

different outlooks on what the afterlife might be like. It's a comedic take to a degree of like, you know, how, I'm sure it's not

what you want it to be. And this is probably it. I bet this is's not what you want it to be. And this is probably it. I bet this is closer to what you think it's going to be than what it will end up being. Yeah. My thing is like, we just don't know. Like, why are we trying so hard to figure it out? None of us are going to figure it out.

Yeah, it'll be too late. Like, believe whatever you want. Yeah. Believe whatever you want. I hate that I grew up terrified of hell because like you think that was what kept me. Was it like, um, was it that like you do this stuff and you're going to hell?

Was that always, it was like, you just don't believe and you'll go. Whoa. Shit. It was like, if you don't believe in God, if you don't believe in Jesus,

you're going to hell. And so I would like obsessively like OCD like ask Jesus into my heart every night as I went to bed every ever get into your heart I don't I don't know I never felt it but I was like I'm asking was that that relationship you talked about where you got cheated on with Jesus he was around and then he was like he was then I found him in someone else's heart I walked in on him in someone else's heart. I was like, oh, this is where you've been. This would crush in a church, by the way.

Fucking just lighting up the rafters. The organ player was like losing it. Oh, he's in someone else's heart. I just think I was always inundated with the idea. So it's just this idea of like, what's next? I was like, I don't fucking know. I want to know what, I'm trying to balance out

Tuesday and Wednesday. Yeah. That was always my thing. I could never get ahead. I didn't have foresight like that. Mm-hmm. Future shit was so scary. I was like,

what are you, a space person? I'm, this is the week I'm in right now. Yeah. We'll figure, I was in, I had an addict thought

when I was a kid where, you know, when the addicts are like, one day at a time, that's me as a kid. I was like, well, we'll see. We'll see, I had an addict thought when I was a kid where, you know, when the addicts are like one day at a time, that's me as a kid. I was like, well, we'll see.

We'll see about Sunday and Monday. I never had, I never had that kind of good foresight for some reason. That's just why I needed to, I needed to get away from all that stuff.

But I do think it adds value. I've talked about that. I do think people shit on, they poo-poo it too much and I'm like, hey man, people, some people need it.

And it works and it keeps them away from whatever else I do think people shit on it. They poo-poo it too much. And I'm like, hey, man, some people need it. Yeah. And it works. And it keeps them away from whatever else they could end up doing. Yeah. You know? Yeah. And also, I think some people are, like, really cool Christians or whatever. Who, like, you almost don't even know. Like, some people are Christians, like, a shirt from Target is a shirt that doesn't look like it's from target

you ever like find a shirt at target and you're like this looks like it's not even from here that's like how dustin is we're like dustin's technically a christian him and his wife are christians but like you forget because he's just like a cool normal guy yeah just like reasonable not like you know i don't want to say anything negative about religious people, but just like somebody who has beliefs that I could see myself adopting if I was that type of person, or even like, who knows, later in life, I don't know, but just a very grounded human being who's like this is what i think happens you know like that that's what i think religion should be is just this is

what i think happens this is my personal feeling about it um i don't know if i'm right but that's what i think yeah and not putting it on someone else yeah so do you not have are you so you're clean of murder and kidnapping you've never done anything like that do you not have, are you, so you're clean of murder and kidnapping. You've never done anything like that. Do you not, what's, what's your vice? Like what's your shit? Um, I mean. What are you a sucker for? What are you, what are you embarrassed?

Like a serial monogamist? I don't know. Yeah. That's, is that anything? No. No. All right. That's all I have.

That's all I had. You're a penguin. I'm a penguin. No, I mean, I was like, I would like date people right after the other and like break up with everybody after like almost exactly a year. No. And I'm like, that seems like an issue. Maybe you just like patterns. Maybe that, yeah, maybe that's all.

You're so right. Maybe I just like patterns. Maybe I need to take a sewing class. I love a pattern. But you don't have a thing where you're like, I do this irresponsibly. Nothing. Spending, eating. You don't do anything.

It's pretty remarkable to not have any. The reason I'm saying that- I think I was like a binge eater in like high school. Were you a fat kid? Yeah, I think I was like a chubby kid.

Yeah. No, but not like a fat- You know what I mean by a fat kid. Like people in the group of like- Yeah, I mean I wasn't- She's our fat friend.

I wasn't like- My doctor wasn't like, you're technically obese. But like, yeah, I was like a chubby kid. What was it? What did you eat all the time? Oh, I would like not, what I would do is I would like not eat all day. So I would like wake up too late because I had insomnia and I'd been up all night. And I slept for like two hours and I'd wake up late and I'd go to school and I wouldn't eat all day. Because I was like, you know, when you don't like like your body you're embarrassed to eat in front of other people

then I would just get home and just like eat whatever I wanted and then you know lay on the floor until my parents got home and then we'd all eat dinner and then you're like oh you'd eat before you'd eat you'd eat dinner then you'd have well you come home and you're like alone after school and then like your parents get home and they're like we'll have dinner now and you're alone after school. And then your parents get home and they're like, we'll have dinner now. And you're like, totally, dinner. Of course. I'm ready for dinner.

I'm starving. Yeah, yeah. A lot of microwave popcorn bags. Remember those? It's crazy how many microwave popcorn bags I ate. But popcorn's not that bad. No, it's not when it's like, if it's in a bag and it was like air popped and there's like

olive oil on it like that's so different than like the crushed bags that expand in the microwave and have all kinds of toxins on them yeah that make it taste that make it taste like butter would taste if it was a cartoon if disney made butter that's what goes in the bag we made butter it's gonna kill you it is i mean i used to yeah i mean i used to have i was skinny as a fucking rail and big huge fucking ears like you know and orange it was just like all the things yeah you're like poor guy you know but and orange. It was just like all the things. Yeah. They were like, poor guy, you know? But I always had, my eating was never the, like I had friends that had, they would do shit like that. And I never had, because I never had a sweet tooth.

I never had any of that stuff. Really? Yeah, and you know what's funny? We had sweets all over my fucking house. That's so interesting. Kelsey and I. Kids would come over to my house. Kelsey and I have talked about that kelsey cook had when she was growing up had a candy drawer at her house and so she and her yeah they were just like we didn't really like feel the need to like gorge on candy or anything

because there was just a drawer and you could get it whenever she but friends would come over and flip out oh fuck we were the coolest yeah yeah people would just be give a candy drawer i'm like my mom my mom Because my mom Always has loved sweets And she just likes to have A couple of little things Here and there But we always had

Such an abundance Of bullshit around my house Like Swiss mint Little Debbie rolls You know Oh my god yeah She loved those Cow tails

My mom always loved Having cow tails You know those Bullseye Some people call them bullseye They're like caramel With the white stuff Oh yes yes yes

Yeah I mean just Just shit We always had shit we always had cookies like black and whites or sugar cookies my dad used to freeze snickers bars fuck yeah your dad knew what he was doing yeah so did your mom did your dad remarry when your mom passed away yeah 10 months later is she cool what really yeah my mom died in august their wedding was in june so this is why you are the way you are it's part of it certainly is she was she cool were you cool with her yeah she's a nice she's a nice lady she's like she's listening she was such a honestly she's like kind of a badass like i still kind of don't get it because she was like super hot and like rich

and like just a super successful like realtor is your dad a babe yeah i guess yeah my dad's like a handsome guy and but he had four kids i'm like i don't care how handsome you are you got four kids under 10 like maybe he played the sympathy card maybe he's like my wife is no i don't think he did i think I think he's just very like... Suave, this dude. My dad can sing. Oh, he's got game. He's got like a Broadway voice.

Oh, yeah. My dad's got fucking... Can he dance? Yeah. This guy, of course, he can land anybody. Yeah. Sing, dance, handsome. Yeah.

And four kids, and all of them are normal, quote unquote? I mean, at that point, I guess. Does anybody have a limb missing or something oh no no i mean they're all i don't know what you meant by normal you gotta say i just meant complete children you know yeah yeah no everybody had all their all their parts there's a family with one kid with missing part and they're like they're talking about us that's fucked up no i think the thing. My stepdad moved in with a, you know, with me with my mom. And I was like, my mom is beautiful.

And I, even still, no matter how hot my mom was, I still couldn't imagine a guy being like, I don't want this fucking little redheaded shitbag from somebody else's ball. Yeah. Fuck this kid. Now imagine four. I know. But at least some girls would be good. How many girls? I guess but yeah there was I mean there

were four of us under ten. I think my baby sister had like just gotten potty trained or like maybe my dad might have potty trained her before we moved in with my stepmom. Just to make sure that was. Can't shit on the carpet. That was covered. Yeah we can't shit on the carpet that was covered yeah we can't do that she's already got two dogs so she was balling she was oh she's balling she had a

boat she looked when my dad met my stepmom she's still very beautiful she looked like celine dion with bigger tits like truly i she came to school to pick me up once i think with my dad and my friend i was in fourth grade. My friend goes, why is Celine Dion here? She was like that. Celine Dion with huge tits. Yeah. That's what your friend said. Why is Celine big boobs?

I couldn't believe it either. Did you ever have a moment? I was like, Cara, what are you doing? She has her tits out. She's like, come on into the band. We go now. You're like, why are you talking like that? Did you ever have a

moment where you hated her oh yeah we didn't get along for like years we didn't get along yeah because we're just so different could not be more different than my biological mom like yeah still like such a bad but like not super uh not super traditionally maternal, if that makes sense. She was like, honestly, more of a role model than like a mom is like how I think of her where I'm like, man, like,

the work ethic I have now is absolutely in large part due to her, as is my workaholism. And That's your vice.

Yeah. And she got us like, like well she got us way healthier yeah honestly maybe but you can't i mean i you seem like you work a lot yeah i work a lot but i live with sam so i look like i'm on vacation all the time when i'm at home because he's because he's a psychopath i mean he's that's a workaholic that's right next level that's why everyone respects him so much myself included well he's got a lot of i mean he's jewish that's a workaholic. That's next level. That's why everyone respects him so much. Myself included. Well, he's got a lot of, I mean, he's Jewish.

That's another yucky point. You know, there's so many. That's why he has to work hard? Yeah, those people, you know how they are. Which, it's so funny. There's like how easily this can be ripped out of context. You hear what he said about Jewish people and limbless people? You think I'm not over here making the right face for them to screen grab? text yeah you hear what he said about jewish people oh this is limbless people i'm you think i'm not over here making the right face for them to screen grab i'm over here going like every time

you say something black people that i definitely don't agree with um there it is but yeah i uh yeah i think i do think i work a lot i think i've been better about being more balanced because i just don't think it's worth like the expense of being working at the expense of your mental health and I really like hit a wall with all that before the pandemic where it like got really bad and I had to like start canceling shit like last minute you have a mental breakdown yeah a little bit and uh did you really yeah yeah I was I just wasn't on, like, medication stuff. I didn't know what I was dealing with mental health-wise

and, like, had a few times that I was like, I have to cancel everything for, like, a month. Like, I have to cancel everything for the next three weeks. Like, I just physically can't. I have to, you know. And then there's always, you try to get on this antidepressant or that antidepressant, and then they don't work, and then you're like, fuck this. I don't want to start taking things that make me feel bad.

I already feel bad. Like, I'm just going to run and eat a lot of spinach, and I'll be fucking fine. And then you get like three weeks into that, and you're like, oh, there's not enough spinach in the goddamn world to fix you. Then you go back to therapy, and then that's not quite enough. And so then you try another uh medication or whatever else and uh you know i it's a work in progress it was a work in progress i had i was engaged when i got the netflix special and then while i was preparing for it uh like blew it up and so i was like dealing with that like as i was going into my netflix special

and that was like a shit storm of a summer but it's what like got me on like mood stabilizers and stuff because you just hit a wall where you're like you should be married uh-huh oh i yeah someone i know no um i don't know a comedic person uh comedy adjacent you might you might know who i i don't know it doesn't matter i know i'm saying in the you don't need to oh you i think i feel like you asked me about he books shows and i think you asked me about doing his shows actually jamie massato you were gonna get married to the laugh factor that's what it was that's what what it was. I'm going to marry Taylor Tomlinson. You know her, buddy? She's so great. No, but right.

So the engagement falling apart was part of the mental collapse. Yeah, but it was, I was not doing well before that too. Sure. And, you know, it was just like every six months

you'd like work yourself into the ground and lose your mind and have to cancel a bunch of stuff and not know what was going on and then go well that's never going to happen again and i don't need to get on any sort of pills i'm fine i just need to be better at i just need to have a morning routine well props to you for acknowledging and doing something about it

because honestly like all this chatter that's going on about athletes and mental health is finally getting acknowledgement it's really funny i mean people just are like you're a clown you travel and tell jokes how tough is your bullshit life yeah you sound like the voice in my head i know that's also my dad well i just said it to myself that's me literally saying out loud i'm validating how i feel no but i we've all been through that thing and i well i've talked candidly on this show about it but like uh yeah i have it in spades and um i think nobody cares and nobody cares enough to think that we're like them in that regard that you're like what do you suffer from dude you think you really have issues your life's great you sell a fucking theaters taylor fuck you that idea is so incorrect and it's so unfortunate it's the same way when somebody's like you're a millionaire athlete what's the deal uh fucking what's the olympia

the gymnastics i can't think of her name what the fuck is wrong with me simone boss yeah yeah people like what do you mean you can't perform it's's like, just that. Yeah. That you can't. Sometimes you're like, I don't want to fucking do this shit at all. Yeah. And you've worked so hard that it's not like you're bailing because you're weak. It's because you physically are like, I don't want to feel this way. Yeah. But then sometimes you push through it.

Oh, yeah. And you do well. And then everybody's like, wow, that was great. And you're like, I really pushed through it. It's like how you used to get credit for pushing through like a cold or a flu or like whatever, Jordan's flu game. And now people are like, don't do that. Take care of yourself. But like, yeah, there's plenty of times where I've had to just like nut up and go on stage.

Shut up and nut up. Yeah, exactly. Where you're like, I'm actively crying and they're introducing me and then you just go out and you do it and sometimes it even helps i know that's what's so unfortunate about it though sometimes when i deal with the demons it works even better like your beginnings of stand-up when you're super anxious sometimes you crush when you're anxious i know when i was nervous when i was young sometimes i have phenomenal sets and i'm like what am i i'm gonna fuck i'm like in the in the perfect little valley of jokes and everything was working and swirling and yeah it's you have a fight with your partner

you go on stage you don't know what you're coming back to and you're just in the flow of it just just finger gunning just lasers coming out of your hands it does you're like i don't know what's waiting for me on the other side of this 15 minutes but i am very present i'm inside of it right now i am deep inside i know it feels it feels like you're cheating the system a little bit because you're like i should pay more attention yeah but it is hard right but that's what i feel like all these athletes are getting steamrolled for the way that they feel talking about how they feel you know they're like shut up and play football or shut up and play basketball yeah it's funny it's it's nice that those years are over with, but for so long, you'd hear that, and you're like,

don't have an opinion. Don't tell me about how you feel. You get paid too much to XYZ was always the thing. But I said, these are fucking people, and the more athletes I've become friends with,

the more you learn how people they are. There's so much more people than you think. In fact, I think we're less people than they are. You know what I mean?

In what way? Because comics- You find out how people they are. Oh know what I mean? In what way? Because comics... You find out how people they are. Oh, they're people as fuck, dude. Some of these athletes are people, dude. Just because I think they're closer to reality

in a weird way because they're extremely talented at this game. Yeah. And they know they only can do it for a limited amount of time. Right. And they don't...

And it doesn't... Not to discredit, it's just like our little stupid world, like your life is kind of your thing and your thing is kind of your life. Where for them, it's like, I can play my fucking ass off in basketball and train. And then when it's done, I get some time to kind of be me and live my life. Your life is this thing. This is you, you are, this is it. So there's a weird no balance.

It's like boundaries are fucked here. So fucked. You know, like, did you like when you started dating Sam, you guys didn't want to tell anybody about it. I didn't want to tell anybody about it for a minute. But we didn't. It wasn't that long. No, it wasn't.

It wasn't. I'm just saying. No, it was a while. Yeah, I didn't want to. Because he told me you were dating and I had no idea you didn't know we were dating now no no a while ago oh a while ago i thought he just did the podcast for some reason no no i know but we had spoke a while ago and i didn't know that you were dating yeah no we're not i mean during the pandemic we were super public we were like yeah did a web series and all that shit.

Whatever happened to that? I mean, the vaccine came out. Weren't you going to do something with it, though? No. What were we going to do with it? I thought you guys were going to put it, like, go somewhere with it. Didn't I hear that you guys did something with it? I think we did a bit about it.

There were, like, a couple places that reached out to whoever's agent, where they were like, would you want to do? And we were like, no, that sounds horrible. It would have been fun. But then we did a sketch. We did a few sketches about like what that would look like if we did that on Instagram. Because we were like, that's so fucking stupid. Let's make this into a reality show.

How funny if it was a huge reality show and it became a fucking smash hit. I know. It's, God, the absolute worst. But, yeah, no, I mean, I don't think we, like, shut it down anybody's throat. During the pandemic, we did. Yeah, but, I mean, the reason I'm saying that is because there are no boundaries anymore. So when people are like, what's for yourself? And we don't give them everything.

It's like, well, that, bitch. I don't want to fucking give you all the shit all the time. Because it's hard. That's why you probably thought I had a kid. Right. Because it's like I try to keep my own little world as much as I can control. Or I like to make up scenarios. Like when we do me and Bobby show, oh, I make up so much stuff.

Do you really? Yeah, it's fun. Because it's like, what the fuck? They don't deserve all of it. Right. They already get a lot of it. So nobody knows anything about your wife? No. Interesting. Well, yeah, I mean, they don't deserve all of it. Right. They already get a lot of it. So nobody knows anything about your wife? No.

Interesting. Well, yeah, I mean, they do. Do they know what she does? 648 pounds. No, like for a living. Oh. Yeah, think of a lie. Make something up.

She's a taxidermist. Oh, that's fun for you. For her. So she can keep you forever right just in the living room yeah yeah that's my that's mark norman hey uh no just because it's like you need some preservation of privacy right you know if you to me if you if you live too much for them it's like then they're gonna fucking then they get all of you yeah didn't i give you enough it's like when you do after the show, when you do meet and greets, which are, it's great to meet fans sometimes,

but then fans want to really like dig in deep and you're like, I just gave you a show. Right. I can only say hi and what's up and thank you and I appreciate you. Yeah. Then after that, you're like, I don't want to do another show. I have to do another show show. Yeah.

I don't even know who said that to me. A comic said that to me. Like Jay Moore, somebody years ago was like, doing meet and greets after the show, just so you know, when you start getting real fans, it's another show after the show. Yeah. And I had no idea.

I was like, well, when I start selling tickets, I'll figure it out on my own. And then you do, and you're like, fuck, it's a show. Yeah. It's a grind. But we appreciate the fans. Thanks for digging in. You've got to go to Dynasty.

Yes. I appreciate having you. This was wonderful to learn more about you. It is kind of nice to get a shape and a feel of who you really are versus the person that I see do stand up. Right. Do you think this helped? I hate you.

Yeah, I was about to say. This feels like it went the wrong direction. Before I met you before i met you i liked you a lot yeah i mean likewise again now you're a real stinker to me now that i know there's no kid well you're drunk how about that i just well you're a fucking alcoholic um all right you're on tour uh uh this is out friday so this weekend are you anywhere yes i. I am in Chicago on the 5th, but those are sold out. But if you are in Chicago, I'm back doing two shows on the 21st

at the Vic. I'm in Atlanta on Saturday and Sunday. Saturday, those shows are sold out, I believe, but Sunday is not. At Center Stage, I believe, and then the week after that is like Columbus

and DC and you can get tickets at ttomcomedy.com ttomcomedy.com good site thank you you can't go to

taylortomlinson.com that's a that's a car company it like redirects you to like Tomlinson Motors if anyone knows who those people are we tried offering them money years ago,

and they were like, no. Yeah, it was years ago, so maybe I should try again now that I'm on Netflix. But ttom.com is pretty great. Is it okay? ttomcomedy.com? It's quick, and I remember ttomcomedy. It's got a nice like, t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-tom.

Yeah. By the way, Tomlinson Motors, come on, man. What's your fucking deal dude go to ttomcomedy.com see her on the road I appreciate you being here go do your show have fun look in that camera before you go

and it's one word or one phrase to end the episode make it count cause this is how we end the show and it's on you so when you're ready go ahead one word or one phrase I used to do one word and then people got annoyed and they wanted more some people do one word and you know they're high up in my books but one word or one phrase whatever you want andrew is childless in here we pour whisk you're that creature in the ginger beard sturdy and ginger vampires, the ginger gene is a curse Gingers are beautiful

You owe me $5 for the whiskey and $75 for the horse Gingers are hell no This whiskey is excellent Ginger, I like gingers