Whiskey Ginger with Andrew Santino - Tim Dillon 2.0

Episode Date: April 26, 2020

Santino sits down with the incomparable Tim Dillon to chat about how much Tim hates potheads, how full of predators Hollywood is and how we're convinced money is real. SUPPORT OUR SPONSORS! RAYCON - Get the best wireless headphones at half the price of the competitors Go to https://rayconglobal.com Use promo code WHISKEY for 15% OFF SCREWBALL WHISKEY- Drink the original and most awarded peanut butter whiskey. Enjoy it responsibly. Don't be a dummy. Check out TIM: http://www.timdilloncomedy.com For all things CHEETO: http://www.andrewsantino.com/ ALL STANDUP DATES ARE CHANGING AS WE SPEAK AND GET THROUGH THIS THING. Join our Patreon : https://www.patreon.com/whiskeygingerpodcast Buy Merch: https://shop-andrew-santino.myshopify.com Follow Santino on Insta and Twitter: https://www.instagram.com/cheetosantino/ & https://Twitter.com/cheetosantino Whiskey Ginger Insta and Twitter: https://www.instagram.com/whiskeygingerpodcast/ & https://twitter.com/whiskeyginger_ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What up, Whiskey Ginger fans? Welcome back to the show. If this is your first time joining us, as I say, please subscribe. Hit that notification bell if you're on YouTube, and if you're listening, please subscribe on any other listening platform that you have. We can keep updating you every time we come out with a new episode. It's funny when people are like, when do the episodes come out? It's every Friday. It's always been every Friday. It's never changed. Whiskey Ginger Friday, baby, is when it comes out very early in the morning on both YouTube and on audio everywhere. AndrewSantino.com has all the information on all the shows that have been rescheduled. If you're trying to see me on the Red Rocket Tour, I know they all got canceled and are rescheduled. I'm sorry. It's volatile. It's vulnerable. I don't know what to say. It's not my fault. I understand

if this is a bummer time for you, if I was supposed to be in your city in the next couple of months. We're trying to do it for the end of the year and keep pushing them until the government lets us get back together. You can also go on the site though in the meantime and go to our Patreon where you get one-on-one Cheeto chats

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but if you're looking to grab a piece of merch in the meantime as a gift or something, go there and snag it at andrewsantino.com. This week's guest is honestly one of my favorite people. It's Tim Dillon. I love Tim Dillon. He is the man. We got into all sorts of wormholes about the virus. A lot of it is us playing around, joking, dude, or just joking around. Tim is so much fun to play with because he weaves in and out of honesty, reality, and hyperbolized reality. And you don't really know what's real or what's coming next. That's my favorite part about the dude. Enough of me blabbering on. Let's get to the episode.

In here, we pour whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey. You're that creature in the ginger beard. Sturdy and ginger. Like vampires, the ginger gene is a curse. Gingers are beautiful. You owe me $5 for the whiskey and $75 for the whore. Gingers are hell no. This whiskey is excellent.

Ginger. I like gingers. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back to Whiskey Ginger. My guest today is one of my favorite people on earth. I say that for all my guests, but I mean it once again today. It's Mr. Tim Dillon. Tim, hey, baby. Quarantine.

Quarantine. Quarantine. All right, we were talking about California has 28,000 cases and it's a 40 million human state. And you said why you think New York is,

why do you think New York is so much worse? Public transportation. The subway is very, it's like, you know, it's a disease, it spreads disease like fucking,

I mean, forget it. Also, all the people that work, you got to realize there's only two and a half million people, 1.8 million people that live in Manhattan, but that population swells every day with, with about 2 million people that commute in and bridge and tunnel. And a lot of it is tunnel. A lot of it is train. I mean, not, not, I'm obviously tunnel. They, they usually mean people driving in, but like Metro North people from coming from Westchester County, New Jersey transit, Long Island railroad, all of those people come and they sit in a train for an hour next to a stranger yeah it's for an hour before they get to their job so they're fucked what do you be let's be real here yeah i said vomit i said coordinate off yeah you think

so just bomb it get rid of it. I said it. It's time to make tough choices. All right. I love New York. We're up there. Best city in the world. Bomb it. Bomb it.

Sink it. Or gas it. Don't hurt the architecture, but get rid of the people. I was going to say, keep the buildings. They're beautiful. Yeah, the buildings are beautiful. So pretty. Get rid of the people.

Wait, that's kind of like, okay, so Florida to me is this place. Italy's going to collapse. You think so? Yeah. It's coming near collapse. The EU's going to have to bail them out. They're in very big trouble. Um,

Italy before this wasn't doing great, but they have, um, yeah, the oldest population in Europe. This was a massacre. Um, they've been in lockdown now for several months.

There are food shortages. One thing about America, you could say what you want about corporate blah, blah, blah. And I do a lot of the times I go, it's fucking annoying. It sucks. We have these massive corporations that keep food

on the shelves italy doesn't have that yeah he has mom and pop groceries where they're both dead now right and what are you gonna do who's gonna take over that who's taking over yeah that just sits there right right see that well what do you think like florida wants to be so independent away from all the shit that they it's surprising texas is the one that always says that like you can't move to texas but we're our own fucking place. Yeah. But they're not as, No,

they're going to reopen next week. They're reopening retail. Yeah, but not like, dude, Florida's way faster. And listen, run the experiment there.

Yeah, fine. Run it there. We need, here's the thing, we need a state to run an experiment now. Yeah,

they're the ones. We need, they're the ones. Well, wasn't it Tennessee before? Tennessee didn't close shit, right? Yeah,

it's in Scandinavia, it's Sweden that's running an experiment. And the death toll is very high because they didn't lock down at all. Yeah, they said fuck it. And the death toll is pretty fucking high. But listen, we need an experiment. We need a few states to run the experiment. Run it. Yeah.

Run it. Yeah, so Florida's the one? Florida's a good one because it's hot, it's humid. So here's the deal. It's a good preparation for summer. Because if it's a bloodbath in Florida, we know that summer doesn't mean shit. Yeah, this was the whole thing about them saying that it was about the heat levels are going to... Humidity makes your nasal tract and your throat...

I'm a virologist. Yeah, you are. Humidity, and this is the thing people don't know, I have a doctorate in biochemical engineering. You have two doctorates, right? Two doctorates. I have biochemical engineering. I have virology. I'm an epidemi epidemiologist and i know a lot of things and oddly enough and oddly enough i do stand up stand up but i am a doc i am a doctor everybody knows that i yeah the why is it a cough a cold season why is there allergy season why is

there all this stuff uh the reality is when it is humid, this is true, your nasal tract, your throat is less hospitable to the types of germs that usually cause viruses, coughs and colds. And layman's term for people that don't understand doctor talk, which I do, is that it means basically- It means in the summer, in July- It clears out.

It clears out. It's not as hospitable. Nowhere to live. Yeah, there's nowhere to live. There's nowhere to live. Somebody came and said to me the other day, they said, hey, on the Diamond Princess cruise, they tested the counters

and they said that the virus lived for 17 days. 17 and a half days, yeah. Here's the reality. That's not the infectious material. That's the RNA of the virus. It's an RNA virus. So you're an ignorant piece of shit. That's what I thought.

But here's the deal. Yeah. Because no one knows anything about this, if you're not making people feel stupid, you're missing out. Right. Right now is the time to make people feel stupid and call people every day

and tell them something that you just heard that they don't know and make them feel like an idiot for not knowing it. Do you find that, you know, it's a, you got tested, by the way. You got tested at the facility, didn't you? It's all fake. I mean, Rogan had his guy test me, but i don't believe any of that's real you don't

no i think there's a lot of people going around having like here's there let me pick your well dude let me prick your finger and yeah you're all good by the way isn't it odd that everyone that goes to rogan studios negative yeah no every person's negative well also do you do antibody tests or no well that's the only test we took i didn't do the swab in the head we did antibody i thought i had but i thought finger prints can do both right and then what they say there's a there's a link that somebody gave me they come to your house this doctor yeah you know what they want right now what 500 per test per person because they're it's fake here's the deal they're running around and fucking killing it and they're killing it because they're

taking a bit rich people the only you know rich people are kind of gullible they think they could buy everything yeah they think everything's for sale so the reality is the there's two types of antibodies there's a type of antibodies that mean you're currently fighting off the virus and then there's a type of antibodies that mean you're done with it you've completely it's over it's in the past yeah and that guy so the guy that tested me didn't distinguish he didn't tell me he wasn't like okay what do you look like was he handsome yeah he was just some good looking dude running around with him but yeah you know you know he used to run one of those like he probably is the guy that runs a cryogenic lab

you know what I mean yeah he's a guy that's just like oh what kind of junk science can I get involved in this month oh I'm testing people for antibodies good for that dude

good for that I see those masks medicine in LA is an entrepreneurial activity right it's a business you know I mean it's a business it's a hustle these people just go out

and whoever has money they're like oh yeah we'll test you for this you want a ventilator I got one in the car. There's a guy online now that's selling these masks, these homemade military masks. You can have whatever you want stitched on it.

Oh, great. I imagine this guy is just absolutely, I mean, killing it. He's killing it. He's killing it because a lot of new businesses are going to emerge, which is, I guess, good because none of the old ones are coming. Like they say, you know, 50% of Los Angeles right now is unemployed. 50%.

Can you imagine that? What's the normal unemployment here? 40? No. This city feels always unemployed. No.

You've been out, you've been here often. 50% is a monster number. I don't know, man. This city feels like it's never working. It's never 50%. That's the first thing

my father said when he came here. Yeah. He's like, why the fuck does everyone get to just go outside? No one has jobs. Those are rich people yeah poor people work poor people work we don't go to those neighborhoods right well now they're our neighbor now west

hollywood's getting is going to be homeless towns and everything it's coming well dude you know what's so funny is i feel the hostility now when i yeah it's you know when you walk past someone you okay i run every day i don't wear a mask because I don't run anywhere fucking near anybody. Okay, I'm literally near nobody. I'm closer to you now than I am when I'm outside. And I don't wear a mask. I don't get near anybody. The looks I get from people are, yeah, it's deadly.

They hate you. It's like you fucking piece of shit. It's like, dude, I'm nowhere near, I'm 50 feet away. And if I do see someone coming, I purposely run another way across the street. Masks make a lot of sense when you're inside or when you're near people. The idea that like when you're alone in a park wearing a mask, I mean, these are like, you know what they are?

It's a signifier that you understand that it's a real thing. And it's just you showing someone that it's real. And Whitney explained that to me. She's like, well, it's just a way to show that you're like on board. It's like, that's stupid. But that's what it is. No, and that's, look, if I'm going to go to a fucking store i'm gonna wear a mask i get the i get all that stuff right but when people throw me that look it's so strange to me i'm curious to know genuinely

because uh i was talking about this the other day i was saying i run past these homeless camps that are up here sometimes and obviously not a one of them people they don't have fucking masks none of the homeless have masks and i was like i wonder what the population of homeless people that get the disease is and i would i would guess maybe wrong it's extremely low they tell well here's the thing they tested a bunch of homeless people in massachusetts a third of them had antibodies i mean they hadn't got over it wow about 36 of them hadn't got imagine the strength of their immune system too oh you fucking live outside they live outside see that was fascinating i was thinking about as i was running by this guy he was like making his bed for the night yeah and i was

running on the other side of the street and i looked across the street and i was like i wonder how susceptible he would even be to catching the virus if somebody had it it's like part of the problem is that we take antibiotics we take you, we run and get cough and cold medicine all the time. Anytime anyone in our society feels the mildest tinge of discomfort, they're throwing a pill

down their throat. Yeah, go to the doctor. Let me get Sudafed. Oh, I'm a little drowsy today. I got Sudafed. It's like everybody's

just throwing, you know, something down their throat and it hurts your immune system. Do you take shit at night? No, but a lot of people do. I don't like sleeping pills.

I get very nervous about sleeping pills uh i i'm a pussy with drugs i don't i'm not i didn't used to be when i was when you were doing drugs i wasn't a but i was still a pussy here's why i would never do two drugs together like i would never like if i was having a coke night i had a coke night i would never be like you would never drink and smoke i would never do like I would smoke weed and drink but I would never be like hey what's a what's a vikadin do on coke yeah because that's how people drop dead I'm the same kind of pussy what's a hey what's a percus that feel like when I'm on you know I wouldn't do that uh a lot of people would do it like coming down they would just start stuffing their face I might do it the

next morning but I wouldn't do so I I mean that's probably why i'm still alive is that i was kind of a one one trick pony yeah i'm the same pussy when i was doing when i tried drugs i never ever want i was actually even more so like when i first tried mushrooms and did all that shit yeah didn't want to have a sip of beer or anything yeah i was in my head always thinking like i don't want to be the jag off who gets too drunk you know falls asleep and then chokes on his throw up i was like i don't want to be the Jagoff who gets too drunk, falls asleep, and then chokes on his throw-up. I was like, I don't want to do that shit. Of course. The big issue, I think, is over-the-counter drugs.

They're so... People take them all the time. Yeah, well, yeah, you think they're fine. They think they're fine. They think they're going to work. They don't really work. They barely work. Yeah, well, they don't have enough strength to work

if they're over-the-counter. Correct. But what they do is they fuck your immune system up. strength to work if they're over the counter correct and then but what they do is they fuck your immune system up they you know they they they they delay the amount of time that your your body's natural responses takes your your cold takes a longer time right it's not as painful it's longer right you know i'm an immunologist i've worked with the immune system for many years for 13 years 13 years i've been doing immunology and a lot of people come to me and and i becoming being a medical professional yes and a scientist yeah has helped me so much right now now when you

open your lab here in southern california to test your own your own immunology experiments have you found that uh you you might have a better keen sense of how to fix this thing i have an idea of i listen my practice is western medicine but i understand holistic health i understand you do dabble in eastern medicine that's the difference between me and a lot of people is that i know traditional medicine but i understand the body and that's what that's what i bring to the table like a lot of people don't that's why i i treat my body like a temple i uh and i and I have come out and said some controversial things that people don't want to hear.

A lot of it. A lot, like exercise will kill you. You also say double vax. There's anti-vaxxers and you're a double vaxxer, which means get it twice. I've said there should be a heroin vaccination. Right. Where everyone should take a full needle.

Intravenous too. Of heroin. But you've been caught, but the controversy came out. Some people just keep throwing up, and they're like, fuck it. And some people are like, whoo, I'm in. But the article that came out of Newsweek that you got a lot of heat for was because you said that we should all share the one needle for. There should be only three needles.

I said that. I said everyone should, you know, there should be a needle for the wealthy that they should share. Right. Middle class and then poor. And then the poor. Right. But you also know the controversy in Newsweek

said that the poor needle would be shared by exponentially more people, and your response to that was? Fuck it. Fuck it, yeah. And what's interesting about that is that death has to be embraced as a part of science.

Yeah, right. I believe in death. That'd be funny. How great would it be if a guy just came on CNN and goes, I believe in death. That'd be funny. How great would it be if a guy just came on CNN and goes, I believe in death. Here's the thing,

we are pussyfooting around. People don't understand. America's a fuck the government country and it's a fuck our health. So the idea that everyone's like, but everyone's gonna die. It's like, that's not a good enough reason.

No one cares about their lives here. Yeah, nobody cares. People are drinking a fucking Slurpee. No one cares. There's a 2,000 calorie pancake prep because the Denny's are eating. No one cares about their life.

So yeah, they're going to the beach. They're going to go out. They're going to say fuck the government. It is what it is. It is funny to watch a guy with a mask

move a mask up to smoke a cigarette outside. Yes, that's perfectly what we're doing. That makes me laugh so fucking hard. I love when I see a guy lift it up, he's smoking, and then he puts it back down as if the bug that the guy might have

50 feet from you is worse than a cigarette. So that's why we've got to run an experiment. If it really is a bloodbath and people really start falling down and the hospital system can't handle it, people are going to, I'm staying in. I'm not really going. No, see, me and you were doing that thing. You know what we do?

We do that. What do they say when somebody finds God on their deathbed? Isn't that what it is? You find God on your deathbed is what they say. Right. Because people, there's a lot of times atheists are like fuck you know fuck religion and then you know they're getting cancer and they're an hour away and they're like yeah god please save right yeah we i follow the same line of like look do i believe this is

a real thing yeah of course i feel it i see it but i'm gonna do what i can to stay like i have been staying home i don't really see anybody and at at the same time, I do think what the media is doing every morning to me in my fucking inbox is terror, terror, terror, terror, terror. That's how they're making money. They're like, a guy got his leg cut off

and a New York Broadway actor had to cut off his leg. It's, I get why they do some of these things, but the sensationalism is why people are losing. It's terror. And part of what

the problem is right now is that there's the uncertainty. We don't know what it is. We don't know if this is natural. We don't know if it's a bioweapon. We don't know if it leaked out of the lab. Do you think it's a bioweapon for real? It's potential. Of course it's potential.

I'm saying, do you think it might be? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I do. Yeah, it could have been an experiment. It's a lot of coincidences. But do you think it was a biochemical experiment that didn't have targets? I think it's something that we could have, us and China could have worked on.

I mean, we're all working on the same shit. You? Not me personally, but other people are working on bio-warfare. Yeah, the US? The US. Yeah, but do you think that this had a target? Or do you think it was just a global attack? It's hard to say that it's a target because-

Because Italy wouldn't have been picked. Chinese economy shrinking. Yeah. I mean, they're going to be in trouble i mean diplomatic relations are going to sour with that country dramatically with every other country on the planet yeah i can't put anything past anybody but it's it's an interesting play it really it decimates society in a very interesting way because yeah the percentage chance you're gonna die is low but it's enough that you're like fuck i don't want to go out it's enough that it's enough to keep you out of a restaurant when's the next time somebody's gonna go to the original room in the comedy store sit next to a stranger for an hour it's i can't imagine that well i don't know man

i just can't imagine that i i just think well i don't i personally can't see people taking that chance. If they have a vaccination, then yeah, people will do it. That's a different move. That's what I mean. That's a breaking point. That's years away. I know, but I'm saying that's the time when people will be ultimately comfortable. That's how crazy it is now.

Right. Where it's like people are like, we're going to be on stage in May. It's like, how? Why? What would change? I know. What would change between now and September? What if they do that gap seating?

You know that gap seating that they're talking about? It doesn't matter. gap seating that doesn't matter i know but that could give them more a sense of listen man it all depends listen if it disappears yeah people are going to get back into things but if it if there's outbreaks once you start knowing people that once you say to yourself like you know fucking tara's husband that guy was 36 he just dropped dead then you're gonna go yeah well we're not going out right we're not going out yeah new york everyone's got that la no one has it new york everyone's like you know johnny's cousin's dad his grandfather's dad like jesus the people in their 60s 50s 40s i mean listen how many people under 40 are in the comedy store not a ton no not a ton. No. Not a ton, right?

A lot of it, you know, it's 30s, 40s. So yeah, man, we're in trouble. Live performance is in deep trouble at the moment. Music. WME, all these agencies, there's a chance to go out of business. Well, they own a lot of other properties, especially people like WME. No, they don't. They primarily make money off live.

UFC is still live. Yeah. The reality is like they're losing all their packaging fees when they sell a show. They're not getting 10% or whatever their fee was. So I don't know, man. If we're dark for a year, two years, can they sit around at their current size? I mean, they might stay in business,

but they might have to shrink. Well, yeah, of course. Dramatically. Yeah, they're going to fire a lot of people. They're going to fire a lot of people. And a lot of clients. The client list will dwindle significantlyatically. Yeah, they're going to fire a lot of people. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're going to fire a lot of people. Yeah. And a lot of clients. The client list will dwindle significantly. And then the government's going to use this to grab a lot of power and a lot of rights.

Right. From people. You think Trump had it? I don't know. I mean, that's impossible to say. I don't know. I think he did. You think he did?

Yeah, I think he did. I think Biden might have had it. Biden's got it. You think Biden has it now? Yeah. Is that what they said? I think that's a rumor that's going around. He hasn't been around. Yeah, why is he disappearing so fast? He's got it. Do you think Biden has it now? Yeah. Is that what they said? I think that's a rumor that's going around. He hasn't been around.

Yeah, why is he disappearing so fast? He's got the bug. He got it. He's got it. He's got it. I mean, it's going to be a different world. What happened to Weinstein? Remember he had it and they didn't talk about it anymore?

Yeah. Don't you find that interesting? There was a big article. They pushed this whole big thing. He wanted to move from one prison cell to the other because he had it. Yeah. And now- Probably get over it

or he was faking it that's what I'm saying I think no but no no they tested him yeah false positives who knows

so they gave him a false positive and move him out same thing with the Tiger King guy they could have brought in their own private doctor

like this fool that's running around LA oh yeah he's got it's like okay sure nobody knows

today even though this episode is going to come out at the end of the week to move to something more light because otherwise we can go for hours and hours.

Two hours. 420 means what to you? Nothing. Losers. Same. I mean, listen, man. I hate that it's a day. My most controversial opinion

that I've ever said and I've said a lot of stuff where people have been upset. I'm pro eating dog. I've said that. I've said eating a dog is much more natural than putting it in a stroller and pushing it down a street and pretending it's your child. It's much more natural to eat it than to pretend it's your baby. But you don't want to do it personally.

You're just okay with it. No, I would taste dog. I'd be like, mmm. What breed do you think? Oh, it would have to be something fatty, a little bulldog. Yeah, that's true. A little buffalo bulldog.

One of my most controversial opinions is that weed's not for adults. Yeah. That's what I got a lot of flack for. You'll never have more fun, and I tell people this all the time. I smoked weed from when I was 15 to when I was 25. You'll never have more fun than when you're 16 years old, you're going through like a Taco Bell drive-thru

or you're sitting at the beach or you're doing something and you're smoking weed. You're not supposed to be, now obviously guys like Rogan that are super fucking like machines that can do everything and accomplish everything no matter what they do, great. Most people aren't like that.

Let's get real. It does affect your ambition. It does affect a lot of that shit. You're not supposed to be a pothead in your 30s. It's unattractive. Yeah, there's something about it that's odd. Okay. Yeah.

So here's my, do you know me to smoke pot or no? No. Isn't that interesting? Yeah. I use it extremely sparingly, but when I do use it. It's with shame. Yeah, I feel bad about it. There's a shame. Yeah. I use it extremely sparingly, but when I do use it- It's with shame. Yeah, I feel bad about it. There's a shame.

Yeah, I feel like a bad- You should smoke pot. My boss is smoke pot. My boss at mortgages. And I barely knew. He goes, yeah, he goes, I take a hit sitting on my toilet at 1130 at night and I go to sleep. Yeah.

Or he goes, maybe I get baked on a Saturday when my kids aren't around and I'm fucking around in my yard. See, I like to use it sparingly I like to use it at night like it's with a with a drink or something like that that is what I like to do but here's here's what I like to say

that's I'm not all the way in on your side of it but I understand what you mean I understand what you say well it's because I don't I don't think

you're cocking for big weed yeah I'm well I'm a big weed I'm a you know I'm part of big weeds I'm part of their profit you know I'm

I parade around as a big weed guy I will advertise for weed and weed products and i have yeah but i'm telling you personally to be a pothead to make your identity to have it be a big thing yeah it's never going to be as fun you it all of this stuff now is what this really is is i never went to camp when i was a kid i was regret like i i it's a regret. Oh, and I went to, well, yeah, because I'm like,

I never had that. I never had that. No, I always think about it like I never had that experience other kids had. I didn't go to college. I regret that.

There's now adult summer camps for sick people that want to recapture that experience they never had. There are, that's sick. If you're 35,

leave college, dummy. It's over. It's over. So to me, part of the weed thing is people being like, ooh, I'm 30 and I want to be not, or I want to do something that I should have done when I was a child. Yeah.

Well, here's what I think. Here's what I understand about what you're saying. I've been smoking pot since I'm 15 or 14 or 15 is when I first tried it. I'm 36 now. And I went through waves of college i did it because you did drugs and yeah but now that i smoke pot it's like a very occasional thing that i do to enjoy it for something very specific i don't just do it to do it right i never understood just doing it doing it to me that'd be like you know doing taking any drug during the day or doing

anything and i'm an addict so like people come at me and they're like well you can't handle your drugs that's why you don't like it i'm'm like, no, I'm pro other addictions. I'm pro being a drunk. Get a real addiction. Be addicted to Percocet. Fun. Get a real, because this is what, you could be a 40-year-old woman who's crying the mascara off her face and bashing a car on Percs. Right.

That's fine. But don't be a pothead at fucking 50 right like get a fucking get an addiction that's appropriate for your age yeah you got to grow out of weed you gotta grow out like drinking looks drinking publicly looks great until you're about 25 and then it starts looking great again at 50 yeah no well yes your latter half yes, your latter half is the sexiest time. The 30, 40 is weird. To be in a bar when you're in your mid-30, it's like... Alone. Even with other people, it's kind of like...

It's almost... Not every now and then, but it's not as... Listen, if I see a guy who's really bombed when he's in his 30s at a bar, like really going nuts, getting into it i'm like what is wrong with you what's going on what's going on yeah what's but if i see a guy salt and pepper hair 50 years old knocking back a fucking you know waiting for a seeking arrangements date to get there perfect just so he could plow out in a hotel and go on about his fucking business

meeting life great there's a time to do things and there's a time to not do them. So weed is a young drug. Young drug. High school, college, a little after that. Perfect. And then once you figure out your career,

put it away for a little bit. Put it away. Put it away. Let it go. That's when you pick up maybe little booze, little pills, a little cocaine every now and then. A judicious use of cocaine. But cocaine has to have a limited lifespan up. Yeah. Maybe a little booze, little pills, a little cocaine every now and then.

A judicious use of cocaine. But cocaine has to have a limited lifespan because if you get too far, you become... It has to be judicious. It has to be judicious. Judicious in your 27. A little cocaine. Yeah. When you crest 30, what about cocaine in your 30 crest? Rough. Be very careful. I think the cutoff is

about 32 because 33 is a magic number. That's when you start playing with that addy. Yeah, that's when you have some fun with the addy. You got to have a little Adderall, little uppity-duppers. But don't take it. You got to break, smash, and sniff. Smash it, sniff it.

Smash and sniff. You got to have different... And I truly believe, even though I'm kidding around, I use cocaine for a decade. I don't suggest it. But it makes more sense to me. Yeah.

Than other. Well, cocaine is such a more high functioning drug. Right? Pot, when I get in conversations with people that are too high. Adderall is a big like, let's figure it out drug. Like, I don't love Adderall people. I get accused of being an Adderall guy. I've never used it one time.

I don't like any drug people. Like, in the sense that like like I prefer now completely sober people. I prefer a boring life. See, I like functioning addicts. I don't mind them, but I don't want to know. Oh, I usually don't. I don't need to know. That's my favorite part.

Yeah, that's the thing. I don't need to know. I could be lit up on this right now and you wouldn't know the difference. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I want people to just be a part of my life that are boring. I crave boring people now. Yeah, yeah. yeah i mean i've had a lot i used to love crazies yeah for the majority of my life now i'm start like the mileage it's wearing thin on me right because you know listen when you were a young kid was there anything funner than sitting

at some dirtbag corner bar and having some guy next to you tell you you know that you know you're like this guy oh that's crazy that's crackhead phil yeah oh crackhead phil's hilarious then you grow up and you're like man crackhead phil had kids he didn't care for it's sad it's sad it's fun when you're young to look it's sad it's very fun and and then crazy people as you get older they get more annoying like i used to have tolerance for people calling me with their harebrained screen schemes yeah i thought it was great because i was outside smoking cigarettes you're like now i'm like dude shut up it's not gonna work like did you ever have somebody when you were in your 20s that hung out with you that was in their mid to late 30s and you didn't yes you didn't think much about it then he's got howie i used to do mortgages with we used to do coke at his apartment

and he would just tell me all these schemes and businesses you're gonna start like we hung out with a guy that was 42 when I was 20 and I thought he was the most fun guy on earth. There was, but all he was was a destruct, he was just destroyed. We had my friend's uncle,

we called him Drunkle. Yeah. Drunkle would just fucking come and hang out and go to high school parties and play beer pong and he was like 38. The king,

but he was the king back then. He was, but even then we're like, this is rough. Yeah. Even then we're like, this is rough. But I think, I think we've destroyed age,on alice made a good point the other day he said when he was growing up it was an adult culture and he wanted to be an adult because the

culture is for adults now we all want to be kids now everybody it's like an internal youth movement right it's very strange look at how i dress there's 40 year old yeah you just like a child i dress like there's 40 year old women listening to billy eilert it's like grow up no we don't want to grow up now you know why because the generation before us and their generation before them yeah they all grew up so fast correct that the fear was instilled into us that it's like don't do that well there's also part of my grandfather wore a suit when he was nine part of us knows that this is the best it'll get part of us instinctively knows that like this is the best it gets and probably up until about a month and a half ago it was we were flying as high as you could fly dude i said this the other day the same

thing i go you know why this happened to us yeah because it's been it's been uh 12 years since 2008 right yeah before that was since 2001. Things were so smooth. And I realized that one night on the road, I'm not kidding, two months ago, I was going to go to Denver or something. And I was on the way to the airport.

And I remember thinking, Joe had called me about tonight's gig. Yeah. We were going to do 420. Right. Tonight in Vancouver. And he had talked to me about that. He's like, oh, you got to get the plans

from the management. And we got to, and I was thinking about, wow, this is fucking great. I just played it. Like things were smooth and I should have thought, something's got to be coming.

It was almost running too smoothly. I remember it. The trains were all on time. I remember it. I had that thing. I was in the parking lot of a comedy store standing there with Ben

and the shows were all packed and I- Sold out. Sold out and I'm looking around at the parking lot Standing there with Ben And the shows were all packed And I Sold out Sold out And I'm looking around at the parking lot And there's Maseratis And this and that And this car and that car

And cars I don't even know what the fuck they are And I And there were a lot And as me and Ben left We walked past a line of people To get into the next show Yeah

And I was like We're at the height of this And I said to him I said that night We're smoking cigarettes I said I don't know how long it lasts Or how it ends Because I said to him, I said that night, we're smoking cigarettes, I said, I don't know how long it lasts,

or how it ends, because I didn't know, I don't know how long it lasts, or how it ends, but I know that we are at the height of something now, because it can't get better, couldn't get bigger either, it couldn't get bigger,

it couldn't get better, so I was like, we're at the top of it, and I was like, it's gonna, but I never thought like, oh it'll be a pandemic, I thought it might be a recession,

it might be whatever, but I never knew it was gonna be so because that's what fucked everybody up you a recession things taper off yeah this was shut down immediately for an on an indefinite period of time where it's like oh you were living a life and then that life was ended immediately overnight and and nobody knows like even, even if they said, hey, you're all back in business September 1st. As bad as that is, we'd go, we're doing a sentence. We're doing a bid. We get out September 1st. Nobody knows. Nobody knows if it's rolling shutdowns.

Nobody knows what it is. So like, that was the thing. So I think part of the eternal youth thing and part of the not growing up is I think we all were kind of in our heads being like, oh, we're going to have to grow up. But it's just, we're not going to choose when. Somebody has to tell us when to grow up. And now this is when you grow up. Damn.

This is when you grow up now. So what do you think? You think there's going to be a collapse of that part of culture that you're talking about? Like 40-year-old women listening to Billie Eilish? Is that stuff going to go by the wayside? I don't know. Because the articles online would tell you no.

No, of course. Culture's harder to predict. Because here's why. Yeah. No matter what, and this does make me smile in a weird, twisted way. Yeah. I'll predict. Because here's why. Yeah. No matter what, and this does make me smile in a weird, twisted way. Yeah. I'll read my fucking timeline of news in the morning.

Every single morning, I sit and have coffee, and I read my timeline of news, and inevitably, in the middle of all this tragic, tragic chaos, chaos, it'll be Chris Pratt and his wife, Nicole Schwarzenegger, share fun beach stories. Like, it still is injected,

and I guarantee you, those are getting lots of clicks Of course People need escapism But that's not just escapism That's holding on to The next two months Are the most essential

For the American economy Maybe ever You think so? Yeah Yeah Oh I think I just read an article That kind of convinced me of that

Because I think the next two months Will determine what's going to happen. They're going to determine whether we can kind of inch back towards normalization. Sure. Or if we're looking at 50% of hotels closed in America. See, I think it already happened. 50% of restaurants closed. I think it already happened.

Yeah. I think they already decided. Yeah. I think they figured out really, really fast. I think the reason the stimulus check went into effect is because the government, the inside cats, figured out fast.

They were like, we already know what this is going to look like forecasted for six, seven, eight months. Yeah, but then why do you give people $1,200 if you think

it's $1,200? What is $1,200? It's nothing. That's my point. Because it placated, what do you mean? It's a little, here you go.

What do you think a tax return is? You know, that was a mental ploy to give to the American public to go hey gotta get some money back and they're like

oh shit it's a fake feeling I just wonder if we're heading towards Great Depression or if we're heading to prolonged very painful recession

because there are big differences I think recession for sure okay because depression is multi-year very long I don't think that can be

I think we have too much money in our economy right now for that to take place. How does it not happen? How do we avoid a depression when you have half of Los Angeles out of work? I think you're going to force big industry to just start giving money to things because they'll lose employees. So they're going to need to dole out, dole out, dole out, and pay and pay. We'll see what happens. But I think a lot of it's going to be the sentiment of people. Are people going out? Are people buying things? Are people terrified? If people are terrified and there's a

run on the bank, it's going to be hard to avoid the harder part. And this will usher in, listen, this is going to usher in the government going, here's the deal. We are going to figure your life out for you. You don't do it anymore you don't own a car anymore right you're not going to drive i know i heard you do this on the interview lead of self-driving cars they're sanitized it makes sense you're not getting in an uber with another person we have a fleet of self-driving cars we have safe cities where you're not going to buy a house you're going to buy into a city because we have all your needs met we have everything we have health care we have food delivery services retail's over you're not going to shop you're not going to

buy things anymore you're going to live in some kind of energy efficient sterilized pod and dude deutsch bank a guy that works at deutsch bank who sent me security credentials he's like yeah we have meetings like this where they talk about this he's like we have meetings openly where we discuss 23 we're going to be dead but 20 30 years down the road you know you're there will be no the you have no freedom and they're gonna look at your social media and go yeah you can't get into the city you go why what did i do yeah i posted six months ago yeah you said a lot of things you shouldn't have said fuck the gov you know you said a lot of things you shouldn't say so it's like outwardly we're all like china sucks internally in our government we go they're doing a

lot of things we like they're doing a lot of things we like that's the reality do you think we're going to become that kind of state this authoritarian avoidable yeah it's unavoidable yeah this is the end of the free like getting in a car and just going you ain't you know nobody's tracking me nobody knows where i am i'm just gonna drive into some town and hit the road start my life that's not gonna happen you're not gonna have those options you're not gonna have access to people that cross borders and stuff now i don't know what'll happen i think i i think that under the guise of public health yeah they're gonna clamp down but we're not gonna see a lot of it like you'll see the beginnings of it right but it's it's like everything else it's on it's the long game everybody's playing the long. The reason that they want to do a lot of this stuff

is because they want to master AI and they want to have a competitive edge with China in AI. So what they're saying is if China's implementing all these artificial intelligence systems and surveillance systems, they're going to export them to the rest of the world. They're going to sell everybody everything.

We want to do that. So if they're doing fleets of self-driving cars, we got to do that first. We got to discourage car ownership. We got to tell people, you know, it's much more energy efficient and safer for you

and the environment to not have your own car. What hill do you die on? Do you go down swinging or do you just quietly go along with the program? How many decades do we have left on the planet?

You know, I'm 35. You and me? Yeah. Probably four. Four? Right. Who cares? Are you going to chip?

What if they chip neck? Are you going to do a neck chip? They're not doing that for a while. No, but if they do, what if they implemented FANTS? I don't really want it. But they have the technology. I'm sure they do. They've had it for a long time. I don't want it. You don you going to chip? What if they chip neck? You're not doing that for a while. No, but if they do, what if they implement a fence? I don't really want to. But they have the technology. I'm sure they do.

They've had it for a long time. I don't want it. You don't want to chip? No. See, if they told me, let's chip your wrist. It's going to have your bank information, all that stuff. Everything's going to be one thing, condensed. Good.

Just get it over with. You want to chip in you? Hey, let's go. Throw me in the ocean. Dude, how do you know that they don't? What are they going to do? How do you know that chip in five years are they going to do how do you know that chip in five years

is not going to kill you might yeah yeah chip me I mean I don't go there I go let's not do the chip chip me

I don't need my bank account information in my wrist chip me chip me really chip me chip me you're kind of a fatalist

you don't I just don't what am I going to do it's over at some point it's over they're going to get me it's over right but I can still not want it.

This is it. They chipped you already. Yeah. Yeah, so they chipped you here. Yeah. Why not just let them chip you here? I just don't want them to shut you off. What if they give it to you to do yourself?

Is that going to feel better? No, because I don't want them shutting you off. I can still throw this in the river. Yeah. That's the difference. Yeah, but they'll know you threw it in the river, and they'll ask you why. Not yet. But soon. Tim, you lost your phone. Yeah. It fell in the river. they'll ask you why not yet but soon Tim you lost your phone

and fell in the river is there a reason for that we've been listening to you yeah I mean soon they will but it's like one of those things where it's like I agree with you there's only so much

you can resist but I'm not gonna walk like happily into getting a chip I will yeah you don't want it yeah

yeah fuck it well I mean no I don't in reality all jokes aside I don't I would never want anything like that because I hate big government, but also they're going to get you. They're going to sell it in a very interesting way, too.

They're going to be like, hey, if you collapse in a Walmart, we're going to know what you're taking, what's the problem. We also want to know your heart rate. Dude, you know who already- Yeah. The Apple Watch?

The Apple Watch? Yeah. Dude, the Apple Watch is the ultimate tracking device because you sacrifice all this information. Can we follow your health? If we all trusted the government, if we didn't find out

that a bunch of politicians were on an island fucking kids, if... How many islands, by the way? Tons. Isn't that crazy? But here's the thing.

If we trusted the government, which we never will, we're a fuck-the-government country, but then if we believed they were a benevolent, good presence, we would be like, okay, yeah yeah put all my medicaid you know right but because we don't trust them and we know that they lie and they manipulate and they do things that we would never allow them to do if we had any say in it then like yeah i don't want you being able to reach into my fucking dna it's fucking wild it's fucking crazy but it's's all coming. Yeah, it's happening. It's coming.

There's too many people. I mean, a city like Los Angeles, you go, it's unsustainable. No. There's barely any water. The grass is fake. Everything's fake. It's a desert. It's a desert. You look at a picture of this place from 1930. Yeah. It's a desert. We built an entire city that's fake.

So it's like, yeah, I mean, it's good. What are you going to do eventually? What about the people, all these people that have gone out and done all these protests, land of the free, give back? Half of these people are getting carded online as Trump supporters. Yeah. Just because I think that's easy to tag. Yeah.

But you're in bed with Q. You know all about the Qs, baby. Yeah, I know about them. You're in bed with the Qs. They're out taking the streets Saying that This is all a hoax And

Here's what motivates Q Here's what motivates all this shit Yeah People haven't admitted That it's over People haven't admitted That they're It's over

They're holding on They lost So the idea of like Trump being this avatar Of freedom And he's gonna do it He's gonna free all the kids He's going against his and he's going to do it. He's going to free all the kids.

He's going against his own. He's going against rich billionaires. It's like, you got to laugh. In history, when they look back, they're like, who's the guy that they thought was going after the billionaires? It's going to be like, oh, this guy who lived in a gold apartment at the top of the building that he owned,

who was a wrestling heel, who owned the Miss America pageant. They were like, that's the guy they thought was going at human traffickers? the guy who ran a modeling agency yeah like that's the guy like dude people want to believe in some positive hopeful thing and the reality is the only the only positive hopeful thing is like it's you this is what people don't get it's nothing it's it's nothing we're here for an indefinite period of time the only thing that you can depend on is get smarter get better at things make yourself into something everything else doesn't matter it's all fake politics is fake

right people get mad at me when i say that doesn't exist it exist. You watch it. You're like, oh, Nancy Pelosi. It's not real, dummy. Yeah, it's all made up. It doesn't exist. Have you ever seen Nancy Pelosi? Nancy Pelosi is Robin Wright Penn to you. Never seen her. It's nothing to do with your life.

If you went outside of one of Trump's resorts, any of these fat people from Ohio that think he cares about you, if you were anywhere near his resort, he'd have guys with guns move you off the property. They'd kill you right away. He doesn't care about you. Obama didn't care about you.

Grow the fuck up. I barely care about my cousin. I saw my cousin on a New York City subway. I went to the other car. I said, I don't want to talk to this guy. How you doing? Your mom's good. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

She had a thing with a foot. Is that better? No one gives a shit. You care about so few people. And this idea like politics is it's like a ridiculous, somewhat womanly pursuit. Like it's almost like and I don't mean womanly in a gendered negative way. I mean, womanly in the sense of like it's Star Magazine. It's like, what's Chris Pratt doing? It's the same shit right none of it truly matters the 90 lizards that own

this country don't give a fuck who wins the presidential elect right they barely care i mean it is what it is so go to the beach go swimming get your dick wet take whatever drug you think you can handle eat something good have fun it's you like the only hope is you is you realizing like i can't believe i'm even here yeah i can't believe i'm even here because when it's over it's over it's over it's over and you go i can't believe i'm even here everything's at night every time i get in a car and drive down the street i could get fucking killed yeah and it threw no fault on my own i could just somebody could rear on you how many times you drive late at night in la to an intersection you go is this the night all the

time because it's so quiet like late at night you go is this the t-bone night i've had i've had a couple of moments where i go through like i have you ever had that where you drive a long time and you doze off a little bit yeah wake up and you're like that could have been it that would have been it would have been it seconds dude so the only hope is not is internal it's like you you you gotta say to yourself fuck i want to learn a language or i want to lose weight or i want to be this or i want to master an instrument just figure out a way to spend your fucking time if you want to spend your time on reddit uh 4chan inventing ideas that that donald trump if you if that's the community that you need to be a part of,

I don't judge you. I'm not, the Q people are people that got red pilled. Like they figured out that the world was fucked overnight and it melted their minds. Yeah.

They're like, wait a minute, politicians are fucking kids and they're lying and they're stealing and they're killing. Yeah. Go read about Rome.

It's the same shit. Yeah. Yeah. They fuck whatever they want. They kill you if you talk. Right. Now, yeah,

stop it, but you're not stopped. Writing a Yeah, they fuck whatever they want. They kill you if you talk. Right. Now, yeah, stop it. But you're not stop... Writing a little thread isn't changing the world. If you want to change the world, do, I don't know, form a militia. In here,

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flavors and caramel color. 35% alcohol by volume. Sip it up. Back to the episode. Ginger. Iip it up. Back to the episode. Ginger. I like gingers. How meta is this? Sometimes they write those threads about the thing and it's so popular within the thing. Like remember the movie Spotlight?

Yeah. The movie Spotlight's about calling out the Catholic Church. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Fucking they loved it and they awarded it. They praised it, all this stuff. Didn't do anything.

Nothing. That doesn't matter. No one cares. Because it's inside the sick thing already. Right. You're making fun of the no one cares because it's inside the sick the sick thing already right you're making fun of the other sick thing you're in the sick you're in the thing yeah so to me i'm like not to be a total nihilist but treat people you like well are you not are you nihilistic i mean i don't genuinely i don't think i'm a nihilist but i i'm i don't believe

i believe most of what we experience is some type of simulation. You believe in sim theory? Not sim theory, but I do believe that when you wake up to when you go to bed, you're barely, only a few thoughts of your own. Right. As soon as you wake up, this is going, here's what to think. This is it. This is it. I mean, before that, it was TV.

Yeah. Before that, it was like, there's very few thoughts you actually have that are not being programmed. Technology has been. Yeah. It just programs you. So you've got to break the matrix a little bit. And there's very few people that are willing to do that.

And you know, so I always think that's why I'm a comedian. Cause I'm like, what job can I do where I feel as far or what? Like, I feel like I'm outside of things which I want to be I want to be outside and I want to be able to look at it all I'd be able to be like shit that's interesting

oh shit I have this person on my podcast that's an interesting thing was making people laugh the first intonation or was it because you just wanted to be no I'm making people laugh because I was good at it right so it's funny

yeah but outside of that once you get over the idea that you can make people laugh then it becomes that yeah then it becomes that you want to be separate from from i want to be outside i want to be outside i don't want to be in a corporation where it's like we're doing a 5k and it's like i love prudential yeah i love prudential security it's like what i want to be as independent as i can like these people that are like you know all these institutions that you got to go in and be like

remax real estate saved my life it's like what are you saying what what selling split levels in fresno saved your life well then kill yourself but that's what it is you get a brand but we need them we need them because most people are very simple and they need some life is about something to do right life's just about something to do everyone gets mad at everyone else people are bored and they need something to do people talk shit about me online none of it bothers me you need something to do i get it what do they say about you they say all these things that aren't true that i'm fat uh that i'm loud it's not true all of these lies nobody they can say whatever none of it all of it is like listen you need something to do i get it dude what's there

something to do when you don't have comedy? That's the problem. Do you feel that right now? Do you feel it? Yeah, I feel it a little bit. I still do the podcast. I still make these videos. But yeah, it's a tough adjustment.

My something to do now is starting to think about what the future of my life. I don't want to ever go back on the road the way I was on the road. Why? I don't want to be on a plane every Thursday. I don't want to ever go back on the road the way I was on the road. Why? I don't want to be on a plane every Thursday. I don't want to be doing that anymore. I feel like I don't want to do that. I was missing out on a lot of things.

I want to build my podcast until it's a lot bigger. I still want to go on the road, but I don't want to, I don't want it to be as hectic and as crazy as it was. I want to route my dates. Like when I go back,

I want to do one-nighters. I want to route them. I want to go away for like 10 days and do like tim dillon does the south and then come back to la and hang for two or three months so because and then do a weekend every now and then what's the purpose to do in the road then they're just financial well it's performing and you're going to perform here in town i'm going to perform a i want to perform man but listen i i don't this whole thing has made me think about like how much of me performing is benefiting my audience and myself or how much of it is benefiting a club if i go into a club and i

get a shit deal and they put up a host and a feature who suck and my fans have to sit through 45 minutes of garbage before i get up who's Yeah. Truly. These are archaic systems. Who's that benefiting? And then I sell 1200 tickets and they go, damn, if you sold 1250, you would have got the bonus. But I'm like, I grossed 30 grand for you. What are we doing? Right. It's an archaic system. It is. But don't you also think with time and because of the growth, you're going to eventually take over that where it's your own show that you do whatever you want. Yeah. But that can happen now. Life is now we're with all this bullshit like i sold 1200 tickets i'm there this whole idea that like but in time we're all sold on this in time and paying you did fake right it's not

real it's made up by the system we give the power to these people to tell us how we have to do it we actually don't have to do it that way i don't have to go to your club and do seven shows and morning radio and walk out with three grand, even though I made $30,000 in gross ticket. No, none of that's real. It's the power that we gave you. It doesn't exist. You're going out of business. I don't care. My fans don't care. I'm making money now without anyone, without my agent, without my manager, without talking and making money. It's fake. And I don't, I'm not big. I'm not going to participate again and like pretend world after this. I'm going to do what I want to do

and live the life I want to live and perform for the people that want to see me and I don't give a fuck about the game and well, it looks good and well, it's a good look to shut up. What look? Who's looking? He's an old friend.

Yeah, are you building equity? My favorite thing, my agents, are you building equity with these clubs? Fuck you. I could be dead. I could be building equity for My favorite thing, my agents are like, well, are you building equity with these clubs? Fuck you. Yeah. I could be dead. I could be building equity for what? For what?

Right. Stop. It's like, that's what this has made me see. Perspective. That our business is predators. Right. There's a very small percentage of talented people

in our fucking business and everybody else is a predator that sinks their teeth into those people and makes, makes those people believe that they are necessary. They are not. And nothing has showed that more than these four months. If you're homeless now, yeah, they were necessary.

But if you're doing okay and you're able to go out and online and monetize shit, they were never necessary. This is unmasking that to a degree that I think, I don't know how, it's going to be hard to come back from. Yeah. For a lot of us. A lot of us are going to look

at the business relationships we have and go yeah so that went dark for six months and I was still doing okay and I need to give you money now why? There's a certain percentage

of people that will get away with that for sure but then the other side of it is there's people that just literally are drowning without it yeah

and I feel bad for those people because I don't think this is ever going to come back in the way that it was I don't think it'll ever come back the way it was do you think do you think we're looking at 18 months before they go back to full scale production what do you think is that dead the death of television i don't know if it's the death of television but i mean it's like all the people that the industry loved they were on all the

right lists they were on all the traction they're on cameo right now wishing people happy birthday to eat lunch yeah so it's like hey guys when your entire Nick Molyneux is a great podcaster made a great point he goes all these woke comics

that are seeding all the podcast stuff to these people that they supposedly don't like or whatever you guys are actually you're all you're diverse

and woke and new everything's about being new but you're embracing the oldest most archaic model of business ever and you're relying on mega corporations so you're woke and diverse but you're actually you're most archaic model of business ever right and you're relying on mega corporations so you're woke and diverse but you're actually you're relying on

netflix and amazon and hulu and whoever and abc mbc cbs to be woke and diverse whereas you could actually go to the market directly and so what happens when the industry folds or they move on from woke go you know joker made a lot of money roseanne made money fuck the woke shit so it's like you allowed the industry to completely hold you in the palm of your hand and then discard you now what are you gonna do right so that's the whole thing so my whole thing now is like we've seen the truth you've gone behind the thing you've seen the wizard i'm not it's not like i'm firing my agent or whatever it's just like now i feel more powerful in the, you know, my agent's assistant called me the other day. He's like,

let's reschedule some of these funny bone dates. And I'm like, not right now, not right now. Let's see what happens. I'm not going to lie to my audience and tell them shows are happening in June. They're not happening. They go buy tickets and they call me like,

Hey, what's a refund policy? And I'm like, I have no fucking idea. So I'm like, I'm only, I'm, I'm just going directly to them now.

And when things are back up and running, I'll go back to some of those rooms. I'm not saying anything negative about Specific Club. It's that idea of I want to make sure that whatever I'm doing now, my fans get the most out of it and I get the most. I'm not going through the motions anymore. You know, it felt like he gave you a lot of perspective.

Yeah. No, it's truly though. Yeah. Most people have gained a little bit of perspective. You sound like you've completely re-engineered your idea of life. Oh yeah, I've re-engineered. I want to be in LA

doing my show. I want to probably take it to two or three days a week eventually. I want to have a studio. Right. I want to have Ben and me and Ben make shit

and then I want to go on the road. When I want to go on the road, I'm going to fucking go on the road and I'm going to do it how I want to do it. Right. Because that's the way it is. What about not doing clubs

at all anymore? That's going to happen. Just play rock venues. That's what's going to happen. Yeah. That's the easiest way to separate. There's certain clubs I love but it's like way i'm not doing clubs at all anymore that's gonna happen just play rock venue that's what's gonna happen yeah that's what's that's the easy clubs i love but it's like i'm not going an hour outside of a city anymore to entertain people that are you know it's like i'm one of the last generations of people to kind of come up through that system a lot of people aren't even doing that now a lot of people are like not even going they're just going in on a wednesday night and selling out two shows well that's like I have fans that's what I was going to say

when we talked about before that was what was happening right I don't know if that's going to continue after this thing is over well who knows that's my point I think that shift

yeah I think that shift will dominate it will dominate the system now so much to going hey man all we can do is pay a guy

that can sell out well yeah that's my thing because I don't think anymore that that's going to happen if If you think about this pandemic, whatever you want to call it, this is just an acceleration of everything that was happening before.

It just speeds everything up. It's like going through puberty in a day. Everything was going to happen. It's just happening a lot quicker. It's here now. And so I'm like looking at everything different. I'm looking at my life differently, my mortality, my time.

I'm 35. What are you doing differently in the morning? Like in the course of your day? I'm taking very long walks. I haven't taken very long. I'm taking four or five mile walks through Beverly Hills. I'm looking at all these wealthy people

and rich people and all these big fucking houses and shit. And I'm like, you know, they all got this shit because they saw that it was kind of like just they could have it. Right. They just walked around a place like this.

I can have this. And they had it. Like some of some of them got lucky whatever but like a lot of it is just you know like i'm saying like i'm not doing i'm saying i'm probably not going to go back to seven show club weekends because i'm like not always i'll do some of them but it's releasing myself from the fear because a lot of it's fear-based i realize that i'm like so much everything's fear-based well i can't get rid of this person. I can't get rid of that. The whole business is fear-based. All the talent's in me. Everything is fear.

So I'm getting rid of that and walking around Beverly Hills every day. This is a fucking fucked up American materialist piece of shit way to have this realization. But I'm like looking at all these houses and all these rich fucks and I'm like,

none of these people, here's what you're going to realize. If you're not retarded, and I'm not retarded, but there's a lot of people out there that are dumb. But if you're not dumb, you look at that house

in Beverly Hills and you go that guy's not that much smarter than me and in fact that guy might even be less intelligent in many respects

but he just figured something out figured it out he figured it out that's it and I gotta figure it out and the problem is I've outsourced

too much of figuring it out to other people who have an interest in me figuring it out a certain way. Right. So it's a financial interest to go, this is the way it's been done because it's the way it's always been done. And this is the way, and I'm like, no, no, no, that's fucked. And I'm going to figure it out. Right.

So part of it is just taking those dumb long walks and being like, yeah, what is this idiot with a $20 million? He's not smarter than another person. Money is indicative of intelligence not real that's the only thing about money is like oh they just printed two trillion dollars oil is now zero but it's still 283 at the pump it's the real it's all it's all fake give into that yeah and you'll actually do better when you learn that you just have to figure out a thing here's what i've said this before when owning a house for the first time in my life was a crazy leap for me and i was always scared of like the unknowns and how do you deal with that shit and i don't know who to call yeah when you talk to some of these people that do the things that you notably can't do yeah right

you learn about how people figure out things yeah like the guy the contractor that's helping me with this this thing in my house yeah he knows a knows a lot, a lot about these things. He knows. But there's other things that I know way more than he fucking would ever know. Of course. So he just figured out his fucking thing. Just figured it out. And then if you can get other people to know that you've got the keys, then you can make

tons of money on them. That's really what all this is. Those people in those houses in Beverly Hills, it's not that they're fucking geniuses. It's that they go, oh, I get it. A lot of our friends live in canyons and shit and sometimes I'll talk to them and they're like, oh, Beverly Hills has neighbors.

Even Joe said that. He's like, Beverly Hills has neighbors. Beverly Hills what? He goes, Beverly Hills has neighbors and anyone can walk into the house. Here's the thing. Number one, we're a social species. Number two, people like neighbors.

Yeah. Number three, part of the reason some of those fuckers are rich is because they're a neighbor. Yeah. A guy comes over to them and goes, hey, I'm trying to figure out this.

Can you help me here? Can you help me there? So it's, do you build a community of people that are, are, are, are fucking figuring shit out

or do you build a community of people that are not figuring it out or have some perverse incentive and you're not figuring it out? Your neighbors mean a lot. Your neighbors mean a lot, man. Go talk to a guy that went to a community college.

We forget that. We forget that because we're kind of islands. Yeah. And even though our neighbors mean things lot. Your neighbors mean a lot, man. Go talk to a guy that went to community college. We forget that. We forget that because we're kind of islands. Yeah. And even though our neighbors mean things, our own island, it's more important that we keep, you know. All islands matter, though. Yeah.

All that shit. All that shit matters, though. So you got to have the circle around you as well as your own isolation. Yeah. Joe wouldn't be able to live in the middle of nowhere and not in neighbors of Beverly Hills, but he also has to associate with them to continue this thing growing. Yeah. I'm also old money and a lot of our friends are new money and that's a big difference

because I really do appreciate a good marble, a good dark wood. How old is your, I mean, how much is your trust? My family came to America in the 1600s. Really? Yes. Wow. They were witches and they sold elixirs and they sold little things it would light on fire and and we grew that into a business we started doing natural

resources minerals i have 1.2 billion in a trust right now and how much can you access on a monthly or i cannot access any of it until i go back on keto now this is something that is that a punishment yeah no the attorneys have wrote that in because my family has written, and this is illegal, that they don't want a fat slob running around LA with their money damaging their- That was written down? It's illegal. It's legal language. They say a fat, disgusting slob running around LA with their money.

They would rather somebody who is a little more svelte. So I have to go on keto for 12 months of keto and I have to piss in the strips and then I get the money. But will you get that as a whole or do you get it still stipend out? It will be stipend out, but it'll be $300 million every four weeks, which was fine. It's not great. I said fine.

That's why I use the word fine. What do you think is your first big purchase when you make a big chunk of money? The cast of Tiger King. I will buy all of them what are you gonna do with the with the actual look at the business oh the zoo yeah i don't know i'll probably put people in it i would love by the way there'd be nothing funnier to me than a zoo with people the thing with tiger king's like everyone had those people on it's kind of interesting on podcasts they did a bunch of podcasts yeah they went around everybody I couldn't believe that they how many people were

quick to get them on a podcast yeah man people people want everybody want that's the other thing I realized through this whole thing everybody wants to do what everyone else is doing this is and it's not a knock on people yeah it's just deep like the reason Rogan did he did a thing no one was doing we're all doing a thing everyone's doing we're reason rogan did he did a thing no one was doing we're all doing a thing everyone's doing we're doing it well but he did a thing that no one was doing you got to do the thing that no one's doing yeah someone right now is doing the thing that no one's doing that's going to do it really amazingly and make a lot of money sure so that's what i realized with that whole tiger king thing i'm like it's just so in our nature to just see someone doing

something and go yeah let's do that which makes sense but finding out what people aren't doing and having people call you crazy and go what are you doing that is such a different do people call you crazy no i mean they don't like but i'm saying like people that like you know there's somebody doing something now or people going dude what the fuck are you doing and in five years we're all gonna go oh like dude i remember when twitter first came out, people were like, dude, you're going to put your jokes out for free?

You're an idiot. You know? I still feel that way. I remember when Instagram came out, people were like, what are you, an idiot? Like, you're going to do an Instagram story?

What are you, nuts? And now look at what these things are. I mean, people are making a living by using these systems. Yeah, but I still think they're fucked up. Yeah,

but that's- I think giving away so much content for free has damaged our content. I agree with you, but we're living in the ruins. It's a free-for-all. Tucker Carlson did a segment the other day.

He goes, the entire intelligence community is on the same page. This is a Chinese bioweapon. Three months ago, Tucker Carlson was calling the intelligence community a bunch of scoundrels and idiots

because they were all saying that Trump and Russia were in bed. It's a free-for-all. That's what drives people crazy. Total death of authority it's a free for all but that's the most democratic any yeah it's exactly right yeah anyone right now everyone's just saying what they can grabbing the last little bit of money and trying to hoard it and go it's a free for all and that's what drives people that's when the q comes in and the religion comes in and everything comes in because they go no no no no no there's an overarching it's got to make sense right and you're good no

no no chaos it's pure chaos until it just ends you go what most people can't handle that they put a gun in the mouth they do something they just go get bombed they do whatever but it's like it's shitty i have a problem here we all have a problem handling it we all have our vices right yeah what is a vice a vice is just it's a way to maintain that it's something with chaos so this going in a glass or a weed and you know a cigarette in your mouth whatever it is it's just a way to go okay there's less chaos when i do this right so i know i'm gonna do this tomorrow right so that's what a vice is it's just a way to introduce some type of regularity well yeah and and we love routine whether we love it it's our favorite thing in the world but So the breaking of all this,

and the breaking of all this has made me kind of realize how fake, like I always knew things were fake, but now I'm like, oh God, everything's fake. Yeah. What's the most fake to you? What's been revealed as the most fake to you through all this shit?

Other than the business you're in, which you knew was fake, but now it's cemented as fake? Money. Money's the most fake. Maybe the most fake. Yeah, because of, look, that's funny

because I read that article this morning about Shake Shack giving back their PPP loan. It's all. But isn't that wonderful? Two trillion. All they're doing is saying,

hey, this is about as real as us getting it from you. You look at that price of a house and they're like, this house in Bel Air is $100 million. You're like, oh, it's fake. $100 million

means nothing. Absolutely nothing. It means nothing. It might as well be a gazillion gabubalit. It doesn't matter. A gabubalit? It doesn't make anything. Right. It doesn't mean anything. Are you afraid of a collapse of a banking system? Yeah.

As afraid as you should be. Not overly afraid. I mean, we're living in a time now where it's like to be afraid is almost insane and to be unafraid is insane it's like to to to be too to be too terrified or to be not terrified i mean they're the same thing it's like it's an even keel like like the way to approach this time is is thes. Got to go back to the 90s. The 90s, we all portray, every president was portrayed in every movie as an idiot. Yeah.

Okay, it was like a doofus. It was always so funny. It was hilarious. They barely knew anything. People in the 90s didn't give a shit about anything. They didn't care. Right. They were divorced from it all.

If you started a political conversation in the 90s, people would look at you like you're insane. They didn't care. Their thoughts, it's like none of it mattered it was his total release it was after the cold war ended it was the result of like not having to care right not being locked in his power struggle with this evil force or whatever i'm you know purportedly evil it was this idea that we were living in this post-cold war paradigm where like peep things were, money was coming in.

Of course, not for everybody. And then? And then 9-11 happened and then everyone's like, oh, we're back. Right. The way to deal with this

now is the 90s. Iraq, Iraq, Iraq. Iraq became this thing. No one cared. I know, isn't that funny? No one cared. It was fake. It was fake.

It was fake. Everyone was like, yeah, I work at a coffee house. I make no money. I'm strumming guitar. I'm working on myself. I'm working on myself. I'm getting into bullshit. None of it matters.

I don't care. Part of the way to deal with this world right now to not lose your mind is dot that 90s mentality. Shrug. Shrug a lot. Start shrugging. People start talking like this. Go, eh.

Yeah. Who cares? Is it a bioweapon? Who cares? Yeah. Eat a French toast stick. It doesn't matter. That's a bioweapon. Yeah. What is it, Matt it doesn't matter that's a bioweapon yeah what is

it matt like you're investing yourself and all this shit the people that are invested in it are just selling you ideas they're making money tucker caulson lives a beautiful home because he's ginning you up revving you up msnbc rachel maddow same thing they're all making you crazy for no reason turn it off it's not real turn it off i was like trump russia turn it off didn't happen is that amazing because it's over now yeah they don't even talk about it anymore it's in the past so if you didn't watch it for two years it would be like you didn't it would be like i didn't see the americans on fx is it good it didn't happen it didn't happen walter white doesn't exist if you don't watch breaking bad so it's all the people that say they hate

trump secretly love him because they need him. He's their life force. Yeah. So I'm like, just turn it off. Just turn it off. Watch another show. You go, oh, I don't like Trump Russia. I want to watch The Sopranos. This is my favorite thing to do. I saw this today.

Yeah. I go, all the people that say, all the people that I'm, you know, that you're friends with in comedy or whatever, the people that follow Trump online, this is the funny, the same people that do the endless, all day long, endlessly talk shit about him,

which is almost everybody we know. Everyone, yeah, a lot of them. That's the way it goes. But you look at all the followers and it's so funny. All the mutuals. Who follows him?

Everybody I know. Everybody I know. So the idea, it's like, oh, I don't like him, fuck him, I hate him. Why do you follow him so much? Nobody, it's not real. Because it's a fodder, right?

It's fodder Right It's fodder It's People Magazine It's Your wife is real Your kids are real The water you drink is real Your community is real Right

Whether you can defend yourself Is real Whether you can provide For your family is real Whether you can do All these things are real Yeah The other noise

Is your friendships are real A few of them Your business associates Are real All the other shit Doesn't matter And there's a few of them your business associates are real all the other shit doesn't matter and and there's a lot of other shit where like it doesn't really matter you can have fun talking about it but it can't take over your life i love listening to things being like wow i wonder like the chick who was on my show whitney webb she said a lot of interesting things

like wow interesting but i wonder how much of it was bullshit too who knows yeah that's that's my i'm sure a lot of it was real, but it's as real as anything else. But that's what I mean in the sense of like, she would talk about stuff being like, oh, we have proof of this and proof of this and proof of that. And you're like, yeah, but what does that even mean anymore?

What can you even do with it? Nothing. Shrug. It's like, what are you going to do? Nothing. What are you going to do? Nothing.

That's what people don't get. Yeah. But that's the only freedom. It's like, oh, pedophile cults, are you fucking kidding?? Nothing. What are you going to do? Nothing. That's what people don't get. Yeah. But that's the only freedom. It's like pedophile cults. Are you fucking kidding? No. Well, then good. Let's start there.

Right. Are you funding a pedophile cult? No. Good. That I know of. Right, right. True. Good point.

That I know of. But that's the whole thing. It's like, hey, guys, know what's going on. Know how fucked the world is. Don't, when it takes over your brain and every day you're like now you're living in this reality

that you don't need to live in yeah just check out do you realize that you put something into existence that came true do you know that you did this you know you talk about I so much of

you talked about Disney Plus and all that stuff yes and you were talking about shutting down the parks and stuff yeah you know they say they might be permanently closed forever they're in trouble disney might not be able to financially hold up those parks anymore disney's in trouble not wild you did that disney's in trouble you vocally said that part of what i

mean when i see this is what we're going to grow up yeah we're going to grow up and part of this is deeply unhealthy to have 35 year olds Walking around a park Talking about Mickey Mouse Yeah Part of it's deeply unhealthy Yeah it's crazy

It's deeply unhealthy But to take your kids there is nice It's beautiful It's great But to go there as an adult It's sick Shame It's sick

Shame And you know what Now we're gonna have to start Raising our kids on like You should have to wear You should have to wear a vest Remember Grimm's fairy tales Yeah

How dark they were yeah kids getting put in ovens wolves eating people what's closer to the world what's closer to the world the wolf coming and getting you

the old lady that looks nice giving you the you know like putting you in the oven what's closer to the real world that or a dancing teapot

right yeah what's closer to what's gonna prepare kids more for the world reality those stories or goofball shit it's goofball shit i can do you do shut up aladdin you go to any of the countries that aladdin there's people are killing each other aladdin should have been, I can show you the camp. We bombed it last Tuesday. They have a different God.

And actually, it's the same God, but it's a little different understanding of how it works. I killed your mom. Like, that's what it should have been. But instead, it's this fairy tale. Horseshit. Who does this help? Who does this help? Who does this help? It doesn't help anybody.

Yeah. We're fucked. It's a brilliant clip. That's a great clip. I'm reposting that. Yeah, we're going to cut that. We'll cut that. That's how sick I am.

You know, I talked to one of my friends. I talked to Giannis Papas the other day. Giannis went on a tweeting rage this morning. He's always mentally ill. I love him. He's one of the craziest people I've ever met. Can I read his tweet real quick? He goes on tweets in the middle of the the night he just starts losing it well this

is the first thing in the morning chris di stefano put his partner in crime chris chris posted a uh a picture of him as a as a woman one of those face swap apps yeah and he was like hey baby something like that you know whatever and he goes meanwhile my boy is on one and yannis lit up he goes guys yeah he goes wait let's find the first one holy shit i mean he's he's out of his mind i can't wait for faceless genius scientists to invent vaccines and treatments and for us to call it a deep state ploy a plot to control and watch our dumb boring lives a way for bill gates to put african babies on a shish kebab for religious leaders to give glory to god when people are at their worst they act exactly like nature mankind is the only morally good force in the known universe yes just us and maybe ladybugs we don't have the fortitude and grit to survive this and adapt we

are fat meth addicted profoundly stupid body body politic entertained by the lowest common denominator bread and circus the world has ever known the advertiser driven sex looks and culture has acted as brain numbing sedative that has pushed forward an appetite for salacious entertainment on the one hand disingenuous pc self-righteousness and on the other george carlin has been replaced by hot and dumb pretentious disingenuous and self-righteous i'll take it i'll take america lots of death and then wait this is my favorite and then he goes a couple hours later he just goes guys disregard everything

I just tweeted all the fucking Stouffer's pizzas sold out everywhere and I'm just pissed he's a wild man I talk to him all the time he's lovely man

I talk to him he should have just recorded this he's like we should have recorded it so that's where we're all at now where it's like

we have a good conversation with a friend it's like we should have recorded it we should have put it out there how much do you want out there that's the other thing because I now where it's like we have a good conversation with a friend it's like should have recorded it should have put it out there how much do you want out there that's the other thing because I'm sure you have

a lot of conversations you don't want out there yeah but I don't want to do I don't want to go every day like a lot of people are like why don't you do every day I'm like I like doing one podcast

and then another yeah take your time how do you feel about this shit is take out food safe are drive-thru safe no of course not neither one of them are but you know what's hilarious

the government tells us they're safe because they don't care if poor people die like drive-thrus they're like yeah they're safe. Neither one of them are, but you know what's hilarious? The government tells us they're safe because they don't care if poor people die. Like drive-thrus, they're like, yeah, they're safe. Yeah, are you kidding me? You're not allowed to have fast food in the city limits of Beverly Hills.

But I've ordered takeout. You haven't ordered takeout? No. Yes, yes, yeah, yeah, yeah. I've ordered takeout. I wipe it down. I sanitize. I switch it to another plate.

I don't. Interesting. No one cares. Eat it in the thing. No one cares. Well, what could you do? I know. What could you do?

It's a great point. At some point, you couldn't kill the germs that would have existed on the food unless you sprayed your food with a bacteria. Right. The other thing is like if I get sushi, I'll eat it in the thing because I'm like, well, if it's on the sushi, it's over. It's cold. You're done already.

Right. Right. I mean, the only thing- You got to live with some level of risk. Well, we talked about this before. The reason that, the thing that blows my mind the most is like, don't go to the store, don't go to the store,

don't go to the store, don't go to the store, order in, get shipped, get shipped, get shipped. There are tens of thousands and thousands of people who are packing your vegetables, getting your vegetables, putting it on a truck,

taking it to a place, cutting your meat, da-da-da. Dude, dude, nothing changed on that front. So what do you think was the, what do you think was the cleaning process? If this was a foodborne illness, we'd be fucked. We'd be fucking dead. We'd be fucking dead.

We'd be all dead in a moment. I think this is going, when we study this years from now, we're going to say it was very transmittable in clusters where people spend a lot of time together. Sure. People, things like that. Trains, planes, stuff like that.

Trains, planes, things like that. Families. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, it's bad. It's very bad. But. People, things like that. Trains, planes, stuff like that. Trains, planes, things like that. Families. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, it's bad. It's very bad. But in LA, we're okay for now. I mean, we'll see. Everybody, we'll see.

We'll see after this whole thing is over, we'll see how wrong everybody was or how right people were. That's a good point. We'll see how wrong people were and how right people that we thought were wrong were. That will be fascinating to me. We'll also never know who's right or not because we'll see how wrong people were and how right people that we thought were wrong were that will be fascinating to me

we'll also never know who's right or not because we'll never know how much the shutdown worked well you can't well you can't because if it works then the people that are like

it was never a thing are going to be like it was never a thing and you'll have to be like oh yeah I guess it was but it's maybe it's the shutdown more so than it never was

well yeah like I like here's the thing what if they never said anything that's what I think and just let it happen if they never said anything but don't you I think. And just let it happen? If they'd never said anything. But don't you think that already happened?

No. Like you said before, they don't care about poor communities dying. Fast food's illegal in Beverly Hills. You're not allowed to open a fast food restaurant in Beverly Hills. That's hilarious. If you're even close to it, like Chipotle had to fight

to put Chipotle in Beverly Hills because Chipotle used to be owned by McDonald's. They were considered a- Fast food. Not fast food. It was another word for it. Fast casual. It's like fast casual.

That's right. So if they fit in that category, they're not technically fast food. They're allowed to operate in Beverly Hills. But Beverly Hills, it's illegal. Why would you think it'd be illegal? Well, they don't want poors.

They don't want people who eat fast food to be in their city. Well, there's a reason there's not a train from Compton to Malibu. No shit. Right.

No shit. Also, the train they're building underground, the Purple Line or whatever, that goes from downtown. Nobody's getting in that. It doesn't stop in Beverly Hills. I would never go near that. The Purple Line? I would never walk underground to get in a train in LA. God, no.

Really? I've taken one of the- Where does it go? Well, the Red Line goes from Hollywood to downtown. You can go downtown down to usc down to go watch a sporting event for the kids good for the kids yeah young but the purple line that's going west what's interesting is beverly hills fought and said you can't put a stop beverly hills does not want i mean they are they're a community of super rich people and they want to

stay that way good for them you know i list certain communities hancock, Beverly Hills, you know, nice, upstanding. They just, you go to Hancock Park, there's nothing like, there's no bus stops. There's no, there's just like, yeah, just suburban. Do you feel, when you walk Beverly Hills, do you feel like they look at you a certain way? No, because I have Prada glasses and I'm white. That's the reality. I could just be some fat, rich guy that's rich guy that's just pissed he can't golf. See, but only in this city. Yeah.

In another rich part of the United States, this doesn't work. Yeah. They'll know right away you're not rich. Of course. In LA, you're allowed to just be. But I have the Prada glasses and I don't look low born. Here's the thing. I don't look low.

I look like it's very possible I'm the unsuccessful child of a very wealthy family. You're like, oh yeah, that's Tommy. He never figured it out. Right, he's the youngest. He's the loser. Yeah.

He's a sweet kid. He had trouble years ago. Yeah, that's Larry. He had a little incident. Yeah. I mean, I could very well be that guy. Nobody looked at me and they're like,

well, he's lighting the world on fire. But I could be a comedian. They're like, maybe that guy's a comedian. Maybe he's a comedian maybe he's an actor a writer some kind of goon maybe he created a show if if if i saw you from a distance yeah walking around my neighborhood like that um i would say if i was the rich guy in the neighborhood i'd look at you and i go i bet you he uh uh operates uh a company a production company yeah he does something yeah he runs a thing yeah he does something that they don he does something. Yeah, he runs a thing. Yeah, he does something that they don't respect.

Right. They're like, he does a thing that we don't respect. It's below, it's below. It's below us. Like when you really talk to rich people

and they mention entertainment, they go, oh, that's cute. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or I'm an agent. They're like, oh, he's a big agent. He's signed.

They're still like, that's pathetic. Yeah, of course. Yeah, there's no respect unless you work in an industry. Of course. Unless they're like, oh no respect unless you work in an industry of course unless they're like oh you don't work in plastics

yeah right so you have no money yes you're poor you take money from other people you're a poor person did you how many assassinations of presidents

have you tried to arrange none poor yeah we're gonna figure it out someday let's hope we're gonna figure it out someday I thank you Tim

for coming on thank you for having me I mean it's a great time i it's always a fun time i am a virologist it's a bummer that it's happening like this and not no more fun when so now what's your prediction i mean give me a prediction when are we when are we when are we bet when yeah when is the store nights back when is it when can i go get a poke bowl and sit out in beverly hills in ocean prime my favorite restaurant need a poke bowl and sit out in Beverly Hills in Ocean Prime, my favorite restaurant, and eat a poke bowl? That won't happen until the fall, and Star won't happen

until 2021. No. That's my... And then how does comedy emerge? It's going to be weird, right? No, honestly, I think it's going to be a windfall of relief,

and people will start to pack in as soon as they can. Well, sure, but we're going to have to, like, we're going to be... Us? It'll be weird, yeah. It'll be a lot of parking lot discussions for us. We'll be... pack in as soon as they can. Well, sure, but we're going to have to like, we're going to be, it'll be weird. Yeah. It'll be a lot of parking lot discussions for us.

I think the level of distance between comedian and fan will grow significantly larger. Good. You don't ever meet a motherfucker ever again. Phenomenal. That's what's going to happen for, I believe. I used to love meet and greets though. I got to be honest.

I didn't mind shaking hands. I did every single one I could. The last one I did in Philly, I shook everybody's hand. love meet and greets though. I got to be honest. I didn't mind shaking hands. I did every single one I could. The last one I did in Philly, I shook everybody's hand. But you know what? I think if I had COVID, which I didn't because I took the antibody test, but I thought I got it in, I still think I had it. I think I got it in. Where?

Vancouver. Due to meet and greet. Really? Yeah. But I also, because I had strep that I had a three week cough. Nobody had three week cough. I know. I remember that you were, yeahp that I had a three week cough. Nobody had three week cough. I know. I remember that you were,

yeah, you did have a weird, but that was all the way in February. early March. Oh, it was? Early March. But my friend who's a doctor is like,

yeah, that's every sickness. That's the problem. Everybody has every sickness all the time. So you think, well, could you be fighting? Who knows?

And I'm like, well, you don't have a cough with strep. He's like, yeah, usually, but who cares? What does that mean? He's like, yeah, you don't have a cough with strep. He's like, yeah, usually, but who cares? What does that mean?

He's like, yeah, you can get a cough with anything. Right. I can't, but it lasted for three weeks. He's like, yeah. It's a winter cough. You had a winter cough.

That's my favorite thing about a doctor is when you go, yeah, but the skin thing, like I had this bite on my hand from like a spider and it spread a little bit and then it went away and then it spread and went.

And I finally asked the dermatologist, I said, something's got to be wrong. Yeah. What do you mean I said it just like won't heal all the way he's like yeah no some things don't heal

all the way yeah interesting that's why they call it a practice doctors will go that's why we call it a practice yeah

we haven't perfected it yet they don't know this this is what's scary about this thing if we we don't care about the people that die from the flu

because we know what the flu is like oh yeah the flu this is a new thing that's killing us we're like oh that's panicking us everyone's like well do you know how many people die in automobile accidents like people we know what that is well it's also also one of those things is completely out of your control some of it is in your control so i mean that's the whole thing this you have a level of control it's much higher symptomatic thing that you can have it for two weeks and not have any

symptoms that's crazy that's crazy that's by a war for two weeks and not have any symptoms. That's crazy. That's crazy. That's by a war, like, not that it's by a warfare, but like, that's what makes you like, you're like, oh, what a brilliant bio weapon. So do you think it's way more airborne than they say?

No. You think it's less? It's interesting. Less airborne than they say. Only 17% of people on the Diamond Princess cruise got it. And they were living together like a petri dish.

You've been on a cruise before? Yeah, I've been on a cruise before yeah but one cruise the Impractical Jokers cruise oh you performed yeah I hate cruises I mean I talked about it on Rogan we laughed so hard

I mean they're disgusting I got offered a cruise yeah one time it's bad no I would never yeah they're horrific there wasn't enough money that Impractical Jokers

could have given me to do Sal Vulcano was like I love Sal he's like you know it's me Bert did it Ari did it I know

but it's the worst could have given me a Ferrari filled with gold now I would really only do it for 100k not. I know, but it's the worst. Could have given me a fucking Ferrari filled with gold. Now I would really only do it for 100K. Not even. I promise. Yeah, I would do it for 100, but that's it. I wouldn't.

I have a legitimate fear of those things. They are gross. Out on the water with people that I don't want to be around all the time. No, it's the worst. The food has freaked me out for years. That's why you're like, oh, there's going to be. It's interesting that you go. I think it's going to be a relief.

People keep going back. Comic-Con's like, I don't know. Yeah, they will, but they will when it's. It's interesting that you go, I think it's going to be a relief. People keep going back to comic clubs. I'm like, I don't know. Yeah, they will, but they will when it's... It's very interesting. Dude, you know, when the government says it's okay, they're going to feel like everything is solved. Or will people go, you know what? I've changed fundamentally, and now I don't want to be out like that.

People are... Okay. I don't know. People are so mad about being told to stay inside, they're fighting it. That's small groups of people are fighting it, and they're fighting it. I went to a party last night in South Central with a bunch of gang members.

It was wonderful, man. Did you hear about that? They busted 75 people in a room together. You might be right, but I don't think anyone knows how people are going to feel after this. This is what I don't think. I think nobody knows.

I don't think anyone knows how people are going to feel, and the people that think they know are wrong. Fran Lebowitz said it a great way. She's like and when you're wrong, usually the most wrong you can be She's like she went around the country for two years going Trump will never win and then Trump won She's like well, I was the worst wrong I could be right so the idea is like I think at the end of the day We're all expecting one thing. It might be the opposite It might be something new totally that we didn't think right i think it's going to be interesting i don't you know people just going to see comedy that's why the store is great because they know who we are people come out to see like but like people just

go into a random comedy club i don't know until there's a vaccine i don't know if people are going to go out to random comedy 50 50 here i think i agree with you on that point but on the other side of the coin i would say it's exactly what people need as relief for what they've not been getting. It is. I agree with you. But they just haven't been getting it. I do think this ushers in a digital world. Yeah.

I do think this ushers in a digital world. I do believe that. I do believe. Do you think Vegas will ever come back the way it is? No. Like Vegas is fucked. I think, not for a long time.

Not for a long time. I mean, in a decade, who knows? Because Vegas used to be this ultimate place to go to. Here's what the problem is. Everybody is figuring out ways to live in this new reality, and they're investing time and money in that.

So that when the old reality comes back, how much progress have we made on the new reality? Where that's gone. Correct. How much progress have we made? If I build my podcast to a huge podcast, do people want to see me do a live podcast instead of stand-up well then how about this do you think we're going to go backwards as far as like you said this whole uh this self uh cars that you're not going to drive a car and own

a car anymore don't you think people don't want to get in other people's cars anymore you'll be self-driving you're not getting in somebody so you're getting your own personal vehicle but you're not going to drive it well you're getting in a fleet of cars that are sterilized all the time i mean so it shows up in leaves and shows up in leaves. Yeah. And as you get out it sprays it in your. Whatever. Is that what you dream of? I mean I don't want it.

You don't? No. Because you want the independence and the freedom? I want the freedom of turning a key getting in a car or pushing a button

because I'm in the car. I can go wherever I want. I can drive to a new town and start a new life that's over that's over i'm doing it the idea of you getting in a car and driving to a new place i'm gone it's the most american thing in the world because that didn't happen anywhere else europe's so small it's like the next town's your town right the reality is like the the idea of an american thing to me america's always been symbolized by like, oh, things didn't work out here. I can leave, go somewhere else,

and start over again and make good. And I just think that's decreased. And it's starting to decrease because people's lives start to get planned out when they're seven now. By the time you're 21, you're like, I know exactly where I'm... America to me was like being 25 and being like,

that's when I started comedy. I was like, what? What am I going to do? Right. Well, that's why there's all this fight over free education but the idea of college to me is so flawed to begin with yeah that's i had a big i know what you say when you say you missed out on college but yeah and i loved it i had a great wonderful time but there's so many pieces of me that are like man that was such a forced hand oh yeah sure such a forced fucking hand that society

didn't even give a shit about anyway right the only reason that it was necessary is to take you out of your parents' hair post high school and is figuring out your lifetime to give them gap time so that it's like, hey man, you know how you've been gone? Don't come back.

Because many people that graduate high school, they just had to be at home and parents were like, get the fuck out of here. College may be down for the count now for a little while because I don't think they're coming back in the fall. It's bullshit.

Dude, honestly, it's bullshit. The problem is the schools were, you know know school is child care people like what school school is a lot of his child care yeah prior to high school it is correct right those schools are fucking people now that aren't open people are like what am i gonna do with my kids see that sucks daycare is closed everything i think post high school oh yeah i don't i just and it's adult care yeah it's adult care and I don't think we need it because we need to grow up

like we said 100% stop smoking weed and grow up and get out of adult care grow up Tim you're the best I love you

thank you Tim Dillon show Tim Dillon show wherever it is it's on YouTube it's on Apple and it comes out every single week

every single week what day of the week Sunday Saturday night I was just going to say you're a Saturday guy I thought it's a Sunday well Saturday at 9 in LA Every single week. Every single week. What day of the week? Sunday. Saturday night. I was just going to say, you're a Saturday guy, I thought. It's a Sunday. Well, Saturday at nine in LA,

but it's East Coast. It's 12, so it's Sunday. Whatever. We do East Coast times. Go to the Tim Dillon Show. Listen to it. Watch it. It's amazing.

Thank you for coming on the show. Thank you, sir. I end the episode. Yeah. You have to look in the camera. You have to say one word or one phrase when I get off camera here that encapsulates whatever you, sir. I end the episode. Yeah. You have to look in the camera. You have to say one word or one phrase when I get off camera here that encapsulates

whatever you want it to. Go ahead. Mass death. In here, we pour whiskey. Whiskey. Whiskey. Whiskey. Whiskey. You're that creature in the ginger beard. Sturdy and ginger. Like vampires, the ginger gene is a curse.

Gingers are beautiful. You owe me $5 for the whiskey and $75 for the horse. Gingers are hell no. This whiskey is excellent. Ginger. I like gingers.