Whiskey Ginger with Andrew Santino - Todd Glass

Episode Date: March 8, 2019

Santino sits down with Todd Glass to chat about mashed potatoes, their new bar and making eating fast food in your car late at night Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

If my foot's up like that, is that going to be okay? That foot looks great. Okay. What kind of shoes are those? You know what? I don't know. No? I bought them at...

Do you have someone shop for you still? No, no, no, no. I bought them at a... I do everything like I cook. Like I cook. I can't cook, but I doctor. Tell the mic it. I can't cook, but I doctor.

Like I can come home from Vaughn's with a roasted chicken and go, hey, I bet if I put some, you know, know rosemary fresh rosemary on it put it back in the oven and maybe put a little garlic oil on it or something it would probably taste better yeah

so I do things like that I can doctor food well but these shoes I don't like shopping at all same I have zero I like having cool things you know

not too much but I like having a cool jacket but I hate I really just zero tolerance for buying shit yeah so once I find something if it's near what I like I'll make it what I like so I knew these shoes were what I like having a cool jacket, but I hate, I really, just zero tolerance for buying shit. Yeah.

So once I find something, if it's near what I like, I'll make it what I like. So I knew these shoes were what I liked, but I knew the soles were shitty. And I knew better soles make a shoe look good. Yeah. Because I know the first time someone made me spend a little money on shoes, and I noticed the soles were layers, like dark brown, light brown, different layers of leather that create the sole. So I just took this pair of shoes over to this place at the Grove, And I said, can you put these soles on this? The guy goes, yeah. I said, how much is it? He goes, $60. I'm like, great. And they're a little too high. Can

you cut like an inch off the top? I like boots, but I don't like boots that go up too high. He's like, yeah. Picked them up in three days. Great. I'm done. Some people make fun of me for it, but I go, no, I don't want to. I found that shoe's close enough. I can get it get it where i need i don't want to go to 10 other stores but i do think that's funny you could have just found the shoe that fits you better but you made the shoe fit you made it i knew this jacket i liked it i saw it at target but it had a lining and i sweat a lot a minute i saw it i go i'll take it over to the dry cleaner can you take the lining out of this he goes yeah and shorten it up at the bottom an inch and a half he goes yeah i picked it up in two days the lining out of this? He goes, yeah. And shorten it up at the bottom an inch and a half. He goes, yeah. Picked it up in two days. The lining was out.

It was short and shortened up a little bit at the bottom so it looked better on stage. Shortening it was $15. Taking the lining out was $25. You're a gourmet clothesman. And it was a Target, so it's a cheap jacket. It was like $35 at Target, you know? Wow. But then I'm like, wow, I got a nice jacket to wear on stage anyway.

How you doing, know? Wow. But then I'm like, wow, I got a nice jacket to wear on stage anyway. How you doing, Andrew? In here, we pour whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey. You're that creature in the ginger beard. Sturdy and ginger.

Like vampires, the ginger gene is a curse. Gingers are beautiful. You owe me $5 for the whiskey and $75 for the horse. Gingers are hell no. This whiskey is excellent. Ginger.

I like gingers. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back to Whiskey Ginger. My guest today is one of my favorite people on earth. I say that for all my guests, but I mean it for this one, Mr. Todd Glass. How are you, Todd? I'm doing good. Good. Give me a cheers.

Was that other stuff we just said? Are you leaving that? No, we're going to leave it in. Oh, okay. Because I didn't know. I was like, wait. You're going to have to cheers me now. Here we go. Cheers. We're going to leave it in. Dear God, this me a cheers. Was that other stuff we just said? Are you leaving that? No, we're going to leave it in. Oh, okay. We're going to leave it in. Because I didn't know. I was like, wait. You're going to have to cheers me now. Here we go.

Cheers. Cheers. We're going to leave it in. Dear God, this is a prayer I make a lot. Go ahead. Sorry, I don't want to fuck. He just spit his liquor. I'm Catholic.

I don't want to fuck up a prayer. This is a, I say this, I've said this before, but it's a good one. You don't offend anybody who maybe wants a religious prayer that believes in God. And you're people that want a more traditional down to you know a little more casual prayer it pleases both dear God please protect me from your followers protect me from your followers cheers all cheers to that there we go and we say salanche salanche

salanche you know what that means salanche let me guess to your health it does mean to your health really I thought you were gonna I thought you were gonna fuck that up shut the fuck up now I wanna I'm gonna I know I'm going to let you lead. No, you lead. You take this conversation wherever you want.

Okay. But can I show you one thing? Yeah, show me. Okay. So last night I thought about this. And in my mind, I always think, if I ever did another book, what would it be? Because I don't want follow through. It's too much work.

I don't want to work. I don't want to do really. I just love doing standup. But it could be a book, which I would actually enjoy. It could be one thing, three pages on one book, like of a concept.

Here's a good idea. Here's how to do this. Or here's what I suggest there. Always, you know, overtip breakfast waitresses. It could be one sentence. Yeah. But this is something I added last night.

Okay. Always have in your house. Now this, we just, we were smoking pot last night. We came up with this idea and I'm like, that is so cheap and such a cool thing to do. So I'm going to move my mic away. Okay. But in your house or show up somewhere to party, but have it always in your house. Even if you're broke and you're having people over and you want to do it, even if you have

no money at all, or if you have a lot of money, get a box of instant mashed potatoes. Okay. All you have to do is add water and butter. And you know what? You whip the fuck out of them with the right amount of butter. Yeah. And sour cream. No one knows you have it.

You can do this type of damage so quickly. So they're just in there. Now, you could show up to someone's house with this. It's a multipurpose thing. But let's look at it from the perspective of you. Yeah. You just have it in your pantry. Someone comes over one night.

All you need to do, you can keep butter in the freezer add a stick of butter whip the fuck out of it all of a sudden you come out of the kitchen you go hey anybody want some mashed potatoes and

I thought about it and by the way instant mashed potatoes they're pretty good they're pretty fucking good they're pretty fucking good yeah they're pretty good they're pretty fucking good

you know what they're made with 100% real Idaho potatoes 100% real mashed potatoes what else do you need in there besides fucking potatoes and the other thing is so you whoop you put them out and then this is too and by the way i because i got paranoid at first i thought there were you can go to the dollar store and get a box of instant mashed potatoes this was a dollar this i because i was coming here i thought maybe i should spend a little more and get a nicer little box but 250 no no big difference that's easy 250 and then i'm not done oh okay okay and

then in your cabinet two jars of brown gravy bam you put those in a jar you can dump them into a thing microwave them you don't even have to dirty a pot you next thing you know you come out around your kitchen you put them on where everyone's hanging out mashed potatoes and two things and brown gravy and you're the fucking king. Yeah, you are the king. Right? But is there anything to go along with

the mashed potatoes and gravy? No, mashed potatoes are great. They're filling. They do it. I think you're vegetarian. You like them. That's right. And if you're all drinking,

it puts a little grit in your stomach. Gives something heavy. Yeah. Yeah, right, right, right. So after you've been drinking all night, you can drive home after you have some of this.

Well, I don't know if I can condone that. And then once this is gone, then you can put liquor in here. Oh, yeah, then you're fine. Then you can put booze in here and take that on the road. Exactly. Yeah, then you can have alcohol to go. So you think like me. Mm-hmm. And by the way, this is beef gravy, so this can't be

with the vegetarians. Oh, you're right. You'll get in trouble for this. You know, I didn't think about that. Well, they could just have mashed potatoes with salt and pepper on it. Just the potatoes for those people. Yeah. Yeah. Or you could not invite over vegetarians to your house for dinner, because you never know. I have friends of all different vegetarians. I have a lot of friends. I have a lot of friends that have a lot of friends are vegetarians and you know what i don't put up with it anymore i make them eat outside when i have people over thank you yeah i eat my meal

inside you guys eat go outside um now there's one more thing okay yeah yeah this sort of came from the holidays and i thought you you should have this at your own home but it's great to show up with it okay and again it doesn't matter... I always look at the perspective of someone, you know, you don't have any money, but you want to do something cool. You're showing up to someone's house. You could have it at your own house and maybe you should just up in the cabinet somewhere.

But this especially. This more than this and this. This more than this. You're showing up at someone's house. I thought about the holidays, but it's probably appropriate anytime. It's so reasonable and it's so easy to do. You can show up with 12 cups of hot chocolate.

I got dark chocolate, Swiss Miss, 10 packets in here. And you just show up to someone's house. You go, anybody want hot chocolate? This costs nothing, hardly. And you show up with the cups, too. You got to have cups. Now, here's all I ask of you. Yeah.

If you do this, if you break this out, I picture this sitting in your pantry for a month and a half, two months, five months, I don't care. And one night you're hanging out with friends and you do it.

Just videotape me. Okay. And send it to you. Hey Todd, we eat your mashed potatoes. If you show up with the hot chocolate, I would show up with a few more cups and this, same thing.

How many cups is there? This is only eight. Eight cups, that's not enough. I know. Because if somebody spills or a cup gets crunched, or what if someone goes, whose was this? I drank out of the wrong one. And especially because there's 10 packets in here.

You've got to have kind of even. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. So do you want me to move all this so it's not ugly? It looks like it's sponsoring the show tonight. It does. We're brought to you tonight by Idaho and Mashed Potatoes. Right.

And Swiss Miss. We'll probably get sued by Swiss Miss because they're more popular. Yeah, they are. Yeah, they're famous. They'll appreciate it. They'll be like, we don't appreciate

what you're talking about. That's exactly right. I know I tweeted at Rita's Water Ice, which is a big place in Philadelphia, and I love Rita's Water Ice. I mean, if you heard...

What is Rita's Water? Rita's Water Ice... By the way, we could just loop you saying water a bunch because water... My favorite thing about Philly is water.

Water. It's the one thing that's a bunch. My favorite thing about Philly is water. Water. It's the one thing that's a dead giveaway for me. What about house? House. Home. Home? Yeah, home. No, I say home.

See, you say home. Why don't you say home? I know guys from Philly that say home. They swallow their O's the way my friend Tom Wilson told me. It's like, you know, it's like water O's. You know, hey, I swallowed an O. Yeah, I'm swallowing my O's. You know, what I do is I say no,

but I swallow my oats. No, you know who said that? Not Tom Wilson. Tom Wilson, you didn't say that. Tom Wilson, you didn't say that.

You didn't say that. Oh, I hate that I'm forgetting his name. He's from Philadelphia. Dom Herrera? No, he's probably about your age. Oh,

my age from Philly. My age from Philly would be. Joe. Joe. Not Matt Aries. Oh, I hate that I'm forgetting him. And I love this guy. I've learned, I've always known who he was.

Who's from Philly? But in the last two years, now I really love this guy. We got to know each other a lot better. Except for his last name. You know everything about him except for his last name. It's embarrassing. I love this Joe. Joe, he's got hair.

Well, you follow your ears. You follow your ears. So Rita's Water Ice. Make sure this is close. I don't want to pick up any, I don't want to lose any of this jazz. Rita's Water Ice. Okay, I think when people think of water ice,

the first thing they go to, it's a little crunchy. This is the most smooth water ice you can imagine. It's the best water ice on the planet. Water ice. On the planet Earth. It could be strawberry. They have all the different flavors, but it's really, if water ice could be creamy, it's

almost creamy, then they put it into a cup and then they add not just custard, but the thickest, most delicious custard. So you have this like creamy water ice. I shouldn't say creamy for the water ice, but it's like, it's not what you think it is when you think of water ice. What's the consistency? It's like, more like shaved ice. The flavor gets into the ice.

Not like a snow cone when you're growing up. I shouldn't even compare snow cones to water ice. It's embarrassing. Rita would be pissed. But I sent the nicest, on my podcast, I mentioned Rita's water ice. Really nice. Like, I raved about them. Not everything about them, the taste, it's deliciousness, it's happiness.

Families are getting together because a lot of times the places have picnic tables outside. It's just, it's everything you want it to be. Right. And it's this delicious water. You know what they did? I said, someone that listens to my podcast, send it to them. So they did. They isolated the two minutes where I was talking about them, and I did them great.

Even how clean they were. Look, go to any Reader's Water Ice and look through the window, and and it's immaculate in there that means that's what they put up with and nothing less not like a 7-eleven so anyway they favored my tweet but they didn't follow me oh that's rude that's I go come on I'm not giving up on how many followers did they have by the way they had a decent amount really they had a decent. Maybe it's because they can't condone some things I talk about on my podcast. I don't know. What do you talk about that's so offensive? What would you say that would not go along with water ice?

Wondering if there's the traditional God that most people believe in. I get it. You think other people that drink water ice think about that? I bet you most water icers think about that. Thank you. Yeah. Rita. I'm on your team.

Rita. Well, you know what? Let's do this again. Rita, please. We would really appreciate it if you would follow Todd. Follow me. Wawa followed me. Yeah. If Wawa's going to follow him, you're not. Are you better than Wawa? Wawa followed me. I was a big day in my life. That is a big day for Wawa. For people that don't know Wawa, that is a East Coast staple, more specifically a Philly staple, right? More than anything. Philadelphia, Virginia, New Jersey. Wawa is everything and you know some people go what about sheets and i say about sheets i really do sheets is a great great sheets is amazing but most people that say hey sheets is great never been to a wawa oh and by

the way to this day not one person that says hey what about sheets so if you've never been to a wawa yeah sheets is amazing but i've never asked anybody that said about sheets? So if you've never been to a Wawa, yeah, sheets is amazing. But I've never asked anybody that said, hey, sheets is great. Have you been to a Wawa? They never go, yeah, I've been to a Wawa. And Wawa is unbelievable, but I lean towards sheets.

Never. Never. Sheets is great if you've never been to a Wawa. You wouldn't trust them, right? At that point, you'd be like, I don't know if we can get along anymore. If you take sheets over Wawa and you've had both,

aren't you concerned? You know, seriously? Yes. Yeah. All right, now now i'm done let me drink this i feel good you know i don't drink that often yeah and um on the road i do yeah when you're in town you don't have a drink i don't that you like smoke pot at the house but no drinks with it i have i have a lot of beer in my refrigerator because i don't won't over drink it and i can make the refrigerator filled with something that i won't you like your fridge likes to be organized and full for guests my refrigerator yes exactly so i know if i put a lot of beer in there i won't drink at all but um but um so what was i talking about so anyway that's it yeah no no but you what you were talking about is you're not a big drinker in town you're a big drinker when you go out of town. When I'm out of town, I can – sometimes for the late shows, I just got to go to the bar and do three shots of Jägermeister.

Jäger's the thing you do when you go? I do like it. Do you? I know it's crazy. It's not crazy. It's just – it's not a – it's a very – I think a lot of people have it when they're young and they get burnt out of it real fast. I got burnt – like it just – you know what the thing that makes me throw up? The smell gets me sick.

Oh, hold on. Can I guess? Yeah, please. What, the smell of this liquor from, it was when I drank it when we were in high school. It's not Amazet or like a licorice schnapps? No, no, no. It's a tradition. It's one of the traditional liquors and it's a brand that.

Tell me. Just tell me. Captain Morgan. You just can't do it anymore. Spice Rum. If it's around me, I'll throw up. The smell of it gets me so sick in my stomach. Because you know why? The last time I did it, I walked all the way home from this guy's house

two and a half miles and I woke up at a bus stop bench with throw up all over myself. This is an ad for Captain Morgan. It was awful. The smell of it makes me nauseous. I can't do it. Whiskey is probably the only liquor that I like. I've had that with... Let me guess what yours is. Let me guess what yours makes you sick. Okay?

You ready? I think you might know because I, you were paying attention. Yeah, I know. Why can't I remember? It was in the special. Oh, no, no.

No, you didn't talk about it in the special? Oh, no. 20 seconds ago. I thought you talked about it in the special about getting sick off of a liquor at a party.

No, I don't think so. You should remember. What if I convince you of a bit that wasn't in there? Any, like, it was, there was one popular one, but it was like licorice schnapps. Yeah, well. There's so much sugar in it that I would wake up and I had to shake more than I was. Yeah, you need to go to the hospital when you drink too much sugar schnapps.

Schnapps or, there's a drink in Chicago people give to each other as like a mean prank called Fernette. Have you ever heard of that? No. Do you know what that is? It tastes like pine needles. Have you ever had Fernette?

You don't know what that is? Fernette, people know, in Chicago, it's kind of like a mean joke to run on people when someone says, I'll buy him a shot.

It's like if you're buying someone a shot that you don't really like, you give them Fernette. I've never heard of that, but now I'm going to find out about it. It's disgusting. Can I give a little love towards Chicago? Please. I think there's a rhyme, but now I'm going to find out about it. It's disgusting. Can I give it a little love towards Chicago? Please.

I think there's a rhyme and a reason for everything, and it leads back to these. This is a very Chicago thing to do, by the way. Well, it leads back to Chicago. It leads back to Chicago. Tell me. I love... I don't get there enough. I'm begging Helium to open up a club in Chicago, because let me tell you something. Do you do

Zanies? It will do well. No. Yeah. I can't. I don't do, I've never done it. I can't. It's too, you know, I hope,

do you want me to talk about Zanies? Yeah. You're from Chicago. Yes. Do you want me to, do you want me to lay into them? Go for it. But let me say this first.

I don't, I think there's a rhyme and a reason for everything. So I don't think, Chicago, I love Chicago. I think the people from Chicago, look, you can tour anywhere around the world and you meet really nice people.

Yes. Of course, I've been to other cities that I adore. But Chicago, I've met the nicest people in Chicago and I have a great affection for that city as a whole. Yeah. They like you. What? They like you.

Well, I hope they do. I promise they do. And I'm not just saying it you if you hear me another part i've talked about it like what the fuck is it with chicago my rides here um that's not that's not your ride that's an ambulance was that an ambulance i thought it was my way no no um but there's something about chicago that i just like this i i think can i tell you what i think it is what is it because here's why why do i love people from chicago so much here's why because and this is love people from Chicago so much? Here's why.

Because, and this is the same thing, being from Chicago, when I go to Philly, when I go to Boston, when I go to New York, there is a, no, that is your right. Oh, yeah. I told you, you fuck. When I meet people from those cities, we have similar things in common. Most of the time, there's a lot of blue-collar work ethic, obviously Irish, Catholic, drinking, all that, all these things, heavy eaters. There's a lot of addiction, a lot of blue- work ethic obviously irish catholic drinking all that all these things heavy eaters there's a lot of addiction a lot of blue collarisms so a lot of us have so much in common

already that when you meet each other we kind of already been through the similar pains so you're like i know this guy i almost grew up with that guy you could meet someone from another city like philly or boston and go i got a guy just like that's a different cities but sort of the same same kind of the same kind of people cut from the the same cloth. And I'll tell you what, like I have met like so many, like at just after shows. Yeah. Like it's still fun to meet people

after shows, you know? I like it, I like it 98%. 2%. Of course, of course. Of course the 2%. I know you mean, I've ended up back at someone's house

about two years ago, me and some comedian friends and we're like, we got to get out of here. Yeah, you can't go back to the house. But overwhelmingly, when it works, being at someone's house. We went to someone's house in Chicago. One of my, oh, dear friend of mine. I jump stories.

Yeah, yeah, no, I can see that. One of the, a really dear friend of mine, people ask how we met. Can you say the name or no? Is it someone we know or no? You you know I probably shouldn't because of this but yeah yeah it's fine bury him on the podcast so anyway we were at the Chicago Improv

this is how long ago it was there was an improv there no no this is years ago when there was an improv in the city like in the 98 you know and we were walking down the street now if I just thought this was an isolated story could city. Oh, in the city. Yeah, yeah. In the city, like in the 98. Yeah, there used to be an improv. And we were walking down the street. Now, if I just thought this was an isolated story, could this happen in Virginia or Florida? Of course it could.

Sure. But it happened in Chicago. That's right. It always happens. A lot of things like this. The staff of the club was great. We're walking down the street. Oh, this is how long ago it was.

The Chicago... Fire? It was during the fire? The Chicago fire? No, no. Who won the football? Who was during the fire? The Great Chicago Fire? No, no. Who won the football? Who's the Chicago... We're the Chicago Bears.

Chicago Bears. That was 1985. They won this championship. Super Bowl, yeah. It was 19... No, it couldn't have been 85. I still lived in Philadelphia and was just graduating high school.

I mean, that's when the Bears won. That was about last time we won the Super Bowl. The next time. Come on, 93. It had to be 92, 91, 94. We haven't won again since then, but we went to the Super Bowl.

No, they won. People don't flip cars because you're going to the Super Bowl. No one flipped any cars. The Blackhawks and the Bulls have won a lot of championships. Are there people going nuts watching because you're wrong or am I wrong? You're wrong. Okay. The Chicago Bears won in 1985.

That was the last time. 1985? No. 84, 85 Bears was the... I was still in... I didn't move to... I did not move to Los Angeles until 1990.

But in the 90s, that was the era of Michael Jordan, the greatest basketball player of all time. But what happened in 1990 or 1991, 1992? We won a championship, the Bulls.

Chicago Bulls. Well, you just said they didn't won since 85. I said the Bears. The Chicago Bears. You said football. Oh, well, who won? Bulls or basketball.

Okay. Basketball team won. I thought it was the Bears. We'll be right back with well, who won? Bulls or basketball. Okay. Basketball team won. I thought it was the Bears. We'll be right back with sports talk with Todd Glass right after these messages. Can I tell you, I'm not 100% sure. It's not the Bears. I'm a little bit sure. I promise you.

More than anything in the world. Look it up. Look it up. Look it up. Stop chewing your fingernails, Ari. Oh, he wants my picture to go on his phone. You know what? That's really crass.

Because I'll tell you what, that means he holds on, and I swear to God, I'm being honest, to a little bit of resentment from before. He does. He does. Because he's like, could I go on it? Yeah, you're talking to us. You're helping us. So, 1986, the Bears won.

See? But the Bulls did win in the 90s. We won six championships. Okay, so that's what it must have been. 90s. So, we're walking down the street. Me and some- we'll cut all that out by the way

no no me and some employees from the improv in Chicago and again if I didn't think this was representing Chicago

like this happens a thousand times with me in Chicago this is just one story but if we're walking down the street me and some improv

employees and we see a young man sitting in his living room. We could see him from the street. Right. So we knocked on his door. He answers. We go, are you just going to sit in here by yourself all night or are you going to go out with us?

I swear to God. He goes, I'm going to go out with you. Yeah. Got his jacket, walked out with us. We've been friends ever since. Oh, you're still friends with him? Yeah. Is that Mike?

We might not talk that's not Mike Sousa is it yeah that's Mike Sousa we might not talk for three years to tell you the truth

I'm forgetting his last name so I said Mike Sousa because that's a friend of mine that lives in Philly and if he hears this he's going to be like what the fuck is Todd talking about

his name is Mike we'll go five years without talking to each other and then I'll get a text or something or I'll get hey are you checking in but that's how

we originally met. That sounds like Chicago, by the way. Yeah, he's married now and he has kids, but he checks in once in a while. The point is that mashed potatoes. Mashed potatoes. So that night, we all went to this bar. Okay. It was a pretty cool bar.

I remember it because I like the atmosphere. Even back then, I liked the aesthetics. Keep it dark. Yeah, always dark. Dark. It was cool. What's your rule about stools at the bar? Great. See, I liked aesthetics. Keep it dark. Yeah, always dark. Dark. It was cool. What's your rule about stools at the bar? Great.

See, I have a rule. See, I want to take stools away after 8 p.m. That's my theory. Why? I don't think you should be sitting at the bar when so many people are trying to get drinks from the bar. You know what? Think about this.

During the day, all day, sit at the bar. But at nighttime, when it's crowded and packed, everyone needs to get there. People are frustrated because I'm spilling a drink that I pull over your shoulder. You're sitting at the bar. Can I tell you something already? If I owned a bar, and I fantasize about that sometimes, I'd probably never do it. I see. The reason I think everything I do is right is because I'm into learning new things.

Yes, you are. I never thought about that. Now, no bullshit. I'm being honest with you. If I owned a bar, the deal would be to the staff at 8 o'clock, whatever the time being, nix the stools at the bar. Nix the stools at the bar. I know a lot of bars are listening to this right now probably going,

no, you don't even know our bar. We could never do that. Okay, but I'm saying maybe because where people can get drinks is easier. Obviously, if you have 20 stools at the bar, but there's a huge gap at one end, a huge gap at the other end, we're not talking to you.

Right. But overwhelmingly, pull the stools from the bar. Pull the stools. Let's pull the stools. See? They've got to be gone.

Ari knows also, another rule that I'm going to have for our bar, we're opening up a bar, by the way. Are you honest? We're opening up a bar. Where?

It's going to be called Tandrew. You and I. Oh. Todd and Andrews. It's going to be called Tandrew. You and I. Oh. Todd and Andrews. It's going to be called Tandrew. I didn't even get it. I like it. Or Anrod. I think Tandrew works.

Tandrew's bar. Is that Todd? Where's Tan? Toddrew. Well, Andrew, A-N-D. Andrew. So it could be Toru. I'll go with the first way.

First way's fine. First way's better, right? Tandrew? First way's better. It sounds like Tandrew. I can picture it on a flyer alright so we're gonna open the bar hey if we make flyers

you're gonna be nice right oh Todd no stools after 8pm and another rule is fancy drinks I took Ari to a fancy drink place this past weekend

the drink was fine right but the guy you know they do all the shit and all the thing and this guy he's chopping ice

he's talking to girls he's showing off that guy was trying to girls. He's showing off. That guy was trying to fuck real bad. It was hot, though. I'm not going to lie. If I was a chick, I'd have been so impressed. They would have... Chick, what year is it? 2019? I say it in case there's someone listening to your show. Yeah, oh yeah, you're right. And then you might have someone that fucking loves

you because... That's right. Why didn't he stop with the chick? Just put it out there. Put it out there. Here, reverse it. Reverse it. I would have fucked this guy because he was chopping ice so well it turned me on thank you be honest

well I'm not gonna lie I told you I thought he was cute he grabbed a chunk of ice and he was smacking and chopping and talking to people such a show off

and then when no one's looking this is why I knew he was a show off when no one was looking he did the put the liquor in his mouth you know put the

you know the high proof liquor and he just turned everybody went and blew fire at the bar I mean this guy was a fucking mega babe I know so what are you saying put the liquor in his mouth, you know, put the, you know, the high proof of liquor and he just turned everybody and went, and blew fire at the bar. I mean, this guy was a fucking mega babe. I know.

So what are you saying that you wouldn't? I'm saying, I would have that guy, but he can't be main bartender. He's got to be doing the show. This guy was doing fucking everything. I felt terrible for him. He should be,

he should be, this guy doesn't have to restock the liquor. Fuck no, but he was the only guy, right? So it made me sad for him because I was like, this poor bastard, he's got to do all the shit

and he didn't have no help at all. So I think we need that guy. We have to have this guy. In fact, we're going to go hire him. He works in Boise. We're going to bring him

out here to Tandrew, pay him way more and we're also going to hire another adequate staff. My biggest problem with bars is waiting forever for drinks. Why? Just get more people.

You'll get more turnover. More people, more turnover. That's what Starbucks theory is. We'll beat out Starbucks. We'll be on. Starbucks theory is it. Tandrew will be on

every fucking corner in this country in the future. We'll be Starbucks. Mashed potatoes. And you can get mashed potatoes at the counter. Chicago.

Chicago. Mashed potatoes. So that night we went to this bar. I was hungry and they knew what I liked. I wish you knew the bar

by the way. What? I wish you knew the name. I don't. It was so many years ago. I don't remember. People in Chicago might know, but what if they're still doing it?

But give me the area. Can you give me the area? Nope. Yeah. Nope. Downtown, Wells. Well, Wells Street's great. That's Old Town.

That's really good. Yeah, downtown. It could have been 10 minutes from there, five minutes, but no more than 10 minutes. We get to this bar. I'm hungry. They go,

Todd, there's a bar. They put out mashed potatoes. Every night bar they put out mashed potatoes every night they put out mashed potatoes at the bar at the at the not right at the bar but there was an area where there was also a lot of tables and stuff but it was a bar it was like people were mingling but there was there was a bar they're definitely a huge bar and then it i have a feeling they made them real because they had a real kitchen in there if you have a real kitchen and you have a good professional mixer you know like literally you throw that and the skins were left on i didn't mind it i love the potatoes in there throw butter in there so sour cream whatever they want fucking fucking whip the fucking shit out of them next thing you know and i loved it a

guy came out with a white like a a chef coat? A chef coat. Wow. He looked, and it was clean, and he looked good. And he walked over there, and he had a big vat of mashed potatoes with a metal thing, and they had little paper, paper like, you know, dishes.

Yeah. And he would just come over, and he'd give you a... And they didn't give you a little bit. They were like, we know what people want. Let's fucking cut the shit. Cut the shit.

If we give everybody a fucking big dose, it's going to cost us $20 more. Cut the shit. Cut the shit. If we give everybody a fucking big dose, it's going to cost us $20 more. Cut the shit. Cut the shit, please. And I was like, oh, I love this person. And then there was a little thing next to it

of brown gravy. That's what I brought you. And I was like, wow, I'm not hungry anymore. Yeah, you didn't need that late night bad snack. You had some nice filling potatoes.

It was so good. So Chicago holds a good place in your heart. Yeah, even didn't need that late night bad snack. You had some nice filling potatoes. It was so good. So Chicago holds a good place in your heart. Yeah, that's even if that mashed potato story didn't exist and meeting that person, Mike, that didn't exist. They're just two stories. Even if they didn't exist, I still fucking love Chicago. Did you have Chicago pizza? The

infamous Chicago pizza that everyone talks about? Have you had that? Have you had deep dish? Deep dish? And you know what? I have this theory about when people go, I hate deep dish pizza. It's not my go-to, but if you go to a place in Chicago, because no one's bringing you to the place that's bad, they're going to bring you to the place in Chicago

that has the best deep dish pizza possible. That's where they brought me. Fuck, shut the fuck up. It doesn't have to be your go-to pizza. You can go go i like a thinner slice of pizza it's still fucking amazing it's still delicious it's delicious well see uh chicagoans know traditional chicago pizza real chicago pizza a chicagoman will tell you it's actually called pub pizza they're square cut you've ever you've had square cut pizza right and they're super big

and super thin so real chicagoans like my parents' generation, Chicago pizza was always that. But deep dish kind of became the symbol because New York owns thin. So New York was like, we're thin. And Chicago was like, we're thick. We're fat. We're fatter than you. So we had to get fat pizza to show our fucking shit off. But preference for me, pub pizza.

I love thin crust. That's my favorite. But do I fucking say no to deep dish? Never. Never. We're right on the same page. Yeah. thin crust. That's my favorite. But do I fucking say no to deep dish? Never. Never. We're right on the same page. Yeah. We're right on the same page.

I would never say no. I don't know why people try to combat these things like they're coming. I don't know what it is. I'm a very opinionated person, so why can't I respect other people? I'm opinionated for social issues, but not for pizza. We can all have different favorite slices of pizza. I'm going to isolate that clip. We can all have different.

Yeah, it's all alright. You like that. But my point is, I'm not saying you shouldn't go, hey, if you could wave a magic wand and you go, I wouldn't get Chicago pizza. I get that. Fine. Yeah, fine. But don't act like if you're in Chicago, you're going to the best place. Oh, I can't even get it down. It's so... Shut up.

Shut up. Shut up! If you're on a deserted island and you only have one food forever... I'm sorry. I know you're on a deserted island and you only have one food forever. I'm sorry. I know I'm on this deserted island. Where is it? And you're offering me a slice of deep dish Chicago pizza and I haven't eaten for three days. Yeah.

I can't eat it without vomiting. Okay. I'll take my boat. Okay. I wish I could eat it because I'm starving. What food would you want? If you had to eat one food every day for the rest of your life what would it be

you had to be stuck this is it you have to have it every day not health reasons doesn't fucking matter you're gonna die out there anyway you're alone right I can only answer this question by what I've eaten for the longest so I have to give you two things one it's called drunken pasta drunken Thai dish

drunken pasta. Oh, drunken. A Thai dish. Yeah, drunken. A noodle, drunken. Drunken noodles. Drunken noodles. Yep. Medium spicy. You can't have too spicy. I can't get enough of it. I ate it for 10 years.

When I moved to California for 10 years, and still, when I go to get Thai food, I get drunken pasta, I think it's called. Drunken noodles, yeah. Drunken noodles. And what's the other one? The other one is, I haven't had this thing in so long. It's odd. Hot roast beef sandwich.

At a diner. Ooh. With mashed potatoes next to it. I like hot roast beef. Shut the fuck up. Yeah, I like it. Bread on the bottom. Typical hot roast beef.

More roast beef. Or, yeah, more hot roast beef. And then more bread on the top. And then more roast beef. And then more beef. Anything. Just more beef. More beef. More beef. Give me the beef.. And then more beef. Anything. Just more beef. More beef.

More beef. Give me the beef. That could be an egg. Nah, it couldn't. And I know. I'm in the business. My family was in the advertising business. They were.

So I know. The glass advertisers? Where's the beef? No, no, no. Could never be anything. Who's the beef? Who's the beef? That's it.

Who's the beef? That's it. Who's the beef? We're going to sell it. Who's the beef? Wow. Hey, are you a Philly cheesesteak guy or no? Why do I have to have an opinion on everything?

I am a Philadelphia cheesesteak guy, but it echoes the sentiment of- Is it Geno's or is it fucking whatever that is? Here's my theory. That whole battle. Two things. And I've talked about this in my act, so I don't want you to think I'm going to my act. You can. If it's appropriate.

You can. A lot of times when I'm in Philadelphia, I want to bring the other comedian to a cheesesteak place. A lot of it's atmosphere. So yes, I do bring them down to Gino's and Pat's. Gino's and Pat's, yeah. I don't defy that Jim's or some other place is delicious. Of course, if you lived in Philly for 20 years, you know an off-the-beaten-path place that's good.

I'm not defying it. But a lot of times it's the energy of down at pats and genos uh sometimes on the road this will be quick i travel i have like two-piece band that will accompany me sometimes i get them from philadelphia sometimes they're coming from another city because it's so close one of the guys that played drums for me came from pittsburgh and he was in philly i drove drove him down. We took an Uber down from Helium Comedy Club in Philly down to Pat's and Gino's. Because you know you're at row home, row home, row home.

And then it opens up. Because there's like a baseball field down in that area. And he goes, this guy Ross from Pittsburgh goes, oh my God, this is like Vegas but for cheesesteaks. That's why you got to bring him there. Yeah, it is. It's beautiful. And the same thing. If I have a choice,

I lean towards Geno's. Yeah. But. Why is that? I like the way the pieces of meat. The way they cut the meat is right. The way they cut the meat. That's it. Do you do with? With? It's like it's not shredded. It's pieces. Do you do with cheese? With? Oh, I do. I don't do

cheese whiz, but whatever anybody wants, they should get. I do Prevalone. Yeah. With, you know, Prevalone. Is Prevalone a cousin to Provalone? Provalone. I do. Is it Prevalone?

You're right. It's a cousin. Did you say is it a cousin? Yeah. Prevalone's cousin is Provalone. But if I went down there and for some reason Geno's was closed, this shows I'm being so fair and justifiably fair. Gino's is closed.

What do I do? What happened? If I go to Pat's, it's still amazing. Still good. It's amazing. Still good. Oh, the roll, the steak, the atmosphere. This is great.

It's delicious. It's delicious. So that's my answer. Do you remember your first time getting liquored up? I ask all my guests, do they remember their first time? Is it vivid to you or no? It's very vivid vivid give it to me um i didn't drink in high school not at all no all my friends did they smoked pot i'm jealous to this day that i didn't get to go to burger king high with them all my friends smoked pot dave olsen john biederman the cat's

out of the bag you fucks all my friends and i drove you. And I didn't start drinking till everybody went off to college. I'm in high school. I'm doing comedy. You started in high school? I started in 11th grade during the summer. Wow, that's brave. It is.

I think most people start older because they're scared of doing it when you're young. I'll take it so it shows I'm not being bullshit naive. Bullshit, what do you call it when you're like bullshit? When you're like faking naivete? When you're faking. When you're like. I'll take it like you're giving me a, I'll take it as you're right.

I'll give you an example of what I mean. About five years ago I said, I've never done anything. This leads back to what you just said. I'll give you an example of what I mean. About five years ago, I said, I've never done anything. This leads back to what you just said. I don't run a marathon. I don't, what is it? I'm not complaining, but I don't do anything. They go, you moved to California to do stand-up comedy when you were 23.

I went, I'll take it. Meaning, thank you. Like, I guess, okay, I did something. I did something. So with that said, I moved to California. What were we talking about? I was asking you the first time you got fucked up.

Okay. But you said in high school, you called out these guys that didn't drink. No, they drank. No, they drank and smoked pot, and shame on them, by the way. We should really, those guys, that's bad shit. I know, they have kids now.

Yeah. Oh boy. But I drove, and I was a designated driver, but when I, one night, there was a place in Philadelphia called Smokey Joe's. There was one at Penn Campus. It's still there, isn't it?

Penn Campus is still there. Yeah, because its name is very familiar. It's been there since the grandparents, the grandfather opened it up. It's been there forever. Penn is still there. But in Villanova, there was a place also called Smokey Joe's that was there from like 80 to 95. I am somewhere in there. And so all my friends went off to college. I didn't drink really up to that point.

I think twice I drank. Once my friend tells me a story. My friend Dale says I drank when I was 19 and did the whole Jerry Lewis telethon drunk at my house late at night. My parents were out of town. I don't remember. I sort of remember it. That was it.

And one other time I drank, that was it. Yeah. But when all my friends went off to college, I went to Smokey Joe's. And when I walked in there, I walked in there with some friends. And they were all home for the summer. Right. Because they had gone off to their first year of college. Right.

So we went in there together. And the owner's son, Jimmy Ryan, had been to the Comedy Works once. I hadn't even ever been on television. But the owner of the place, the son's name was Jimmy Ryan, he had been to the Comedy Works, and he knew I was a stand-up. And he's obviously seen you and knows you. People know you. He's like, hey.

He goes, I saw you do stand-up in Philadelphia. I was like, oh, cool. He goes, hey, listen. He goes, you should come in one night you know I said a lot of times I'm in the I do my shows in Philadelphia my parents live right up the street I was still living with them he goes yeah even when we're closed we're all

hanging out at the sidebar there's a fireplace there he goes come in one night he goes even if you think we're closed come in so I didn't even have a cell phone then so I did that one night I was heading home driving down Lancaster Pike. I went, Jimmy told me, I knocked on the front door. It was closed at that point

because it was like 2.30 in the morning. I walked in, I walked around the corner. They had a fire going in the fireplace and all the bartenders, all the staff was all hanging out. He was like, hey, everybody, this is Todd. Some people knew me, some people didn't. And that was the first night that i got i not to where i have a horrible story though i just drank you kept drinking i kept drinking well what do you know what you were drinking was it beer was

it liquor back then i drank uh vodka and cranberry you were healthy before you knew it and then shots and then lots of shots then And then lots of shots. Then it just, then you're gone. And then we went into, back then they didn't have, of course they didn't have Uber, but I knew that night I couldn't drive home. And then I, one of the bartenders, he goes, hey, if you want to crash at my girlfriend's house, that's fine. And I did. Harrison, who I'm still friends with shout out to harrison we love you harry and uh not harry we love you h dog yeah he had to deal

with that he told me how he deals with that isn't that funny and he might be watching he will be he preferred harrison of course he did yeah but he goes if you tell people too much you're harry so people would go hey harry oh he goes i always go by Harrison. Because growing up, my uncle was Harry. And then we had to call me Harrison. So it didn't look like, oh, it's because I don't like the name Harry. It was just like, I won't answer. And he goes, no one argued after that. So it was Harrison.

And stayed there, woke up. We all went to Manila's Diner for breakfast. And that was one of my memories of and a good side of drinking. Really special. I didn't go too far where I have a horrible story. That happened later. Yeah. But that night was just great. That sounds magical. It was magical.

It's almost like a John Hughes film. The first time a teenager gets drunk. You know what I mean? He walks into this restaurant. Hey Todd! The warm reception. It was great. And then I have bad stories in between when I drank too much. But overwhelmingly, drinking is, you know,

I've had a lot of fun. Yeah, you have. I've had a lot of fun drinking. I've had a lot of fun. This means a lot to me, by the way. I don't want to skip over this. I did really fast because we were talking, but it's really nice that you brought this for me.

This is a guest gift, right? A guest given to the host gift. I can keep this. You're not going to take this home. Of course. I can't wait to by the way. Because I want to do this. Can I do something to my fantasy? You're sort of doing it. Go, guys, let me be in the kitchen by myself for a little while. I have a surprise for everybody. Nothing major

until they're not watching you. You just show up with fluffy mashed potatoes. You take the brown gravy. You know why I didn't say put it on a pan on the stove? Maybe that's too hot. I think that's what you do. Put it into a bowl. Put it in a bowl. Microwave it.

Microwave it, yeah. Get it way too hot. Yeah, where it might burn your mouth. Well, microwave gravy 30 seconds later is probably the right temperature. Yeah. So get it hot and then put a spoon in it. Walk around the corner and go, who doesn't want mashed potatoes and gravy?

That's really nice. What if I don't say anything? What if I just put it in a big bowl, I slap it down and I sit down and keep talking like nothing ever happened? I don't know if you're going to get away with that. You don't think so? They're going to go, what the fuck? I'm kind of that guy though.

I do things like that. All I want, video. Okay. Just everybody. Thanks, Todd. But maybe not even thanks, Todd, just them enjoying it. Yeah. Thanks, Todd, wouldn't hurt, right? Thanks, Todd, wouldn't hurt. Maybe that's what I want. I think people could do that. Why am I lying? Yeah. Yeah. Thanks, Todd. But maybe not even thanks, Todd, just them enjoying it. Yeah. Thanks, Todd, wouldn't hurt, right?

Thanks, Todd, wouldn't hurt. Maybe that's what I want. I think people could do that. Why am I lying? Yeah. Yeah, thanks, Todd. So at our bar, we'll serve mashed potatoes at midnight. Yes.

At Tandrew's. Yes. No stools, fancy cool bartender, but adequate bar space, adequate tenders, and also- How about- You get taters. Bartenders wear black shirts and bow ties. You like that. Style is big to you.

It's free. Yeah, it to you. It's free. Yeah, it costs nothing. It's free. Yeah. Keep the lights low and a lot of blue lighting. When you walk into our bar, it'll be a sea of blue. Oh, I see it now. A sea of blue.

It's just every light is either gel blue. Gel, you know gel. Yeah, gel blue. Gel blue, but it's a sea of blue, cool music. What are we playing? One thing about our bar. Yeah. Sometimes I'll be at a club and the walk-in music they play as people are being seated back in the day before i brought my own i would go do you have anything what else can we play they

go you don't like this song i go actually i love that song but i heard it on the way here they thought i was gonna go i don't like it and i wasn't being facetious i really do that's the song i listen to in the car a lot like i like it i'll listen to it but i heard it on the way here they thought i was gonna go i don't like it and i wasn't being facetious i really do that's the song i listen to in the car a lot like i like it i'll listen to it but i heard it on the way here the minute you walk into our bar you hear music that you did maybe it's tallest man on earth maybe it's andy frasco maybe it's mac demarco maybe it's ezra firman but it's music you did not hear necessarily on the car, unless you're listening to an amazing radio station that plays some cool music. But the minute you walk into our bar, it's like, what the fuck?

What the fuck? This is not the real world. Yeah, I like that. I want to co-check, too. Yes! Why am I yelling? You want to co-check? I'm not in a hurry, but I'm curious because I like to pace myself.

How long have we been going? I'm going to say 40 minutes. Six minutes. 42. Probably something. 42, 43. Can't we go 10 minutes over? We can go as long as we want.

Oh, we can. Yeah, we can go as long as we want. Maybe I should wait. Have another one. But anyway, this is nice. You want more ice? No, I like it. You like it just like that?

You like ice cubes? I don't like ice cubes. I usually drink with no ice. But I always bring ice for the guests because a lot of guests don't like whiskey neat. They like a little bit colder, which is fine. To each their own and to own their ice. But it's not your ice. It's my ice.

I'm loaning it to you. Do your parents still live in Chicago? Yeah, they do. Yeah, they'll never leave. I talk about that all the time. Where do they live? Well, my dad lives in the city. My mom lives in the western suburbs about 20 minutes west.

Do they get along? No. No, no, no, no. But if you got married, could they both come to your wedding? I'm married. Oh, could they come to your wedding? Nobody came. I didn't invite anybody. Ari's the only one. He officiated. No, shut up. No, no, no. No, actually, no. No, no. Mom and stepdad.

Your mom came and your dad didn't come? No. Because he can't be in the room with your mom? Yeah, oh my God. I would never subject anybody to that. Them in the same room would be kind of tough. But you get along with your mom. I love them all.

You love them all. Good, good, good. I love them all. But you know what? Adults, you know what I mean? Does your mom listen to the show ever? No fucking chance. No way. Yeah, she's busy with like the real world.

This is just playtime for comedians. Isn't this really nice that we get to do this kind of stuff? This is sweet, right? You bet. You bet. I'm serious. No, it is. I never take it for granted.

No, it's awesome. I don't have to wait until, God forbid, God forbid, I find out my life is shortened because of whatever, whatever. My ride's here. That's an ambulance. Oh, it's an ambulance? Okay. I'm sorry. I don't mean to be rude. That's okay. I just know my ride's coming and I wanted to be ready for it. My ride's here. That's an ambulance. Oh, it's an ambulance? Okay. I'm sorry.

I don't mean to be rude. That's okay. I just know my ride's coming and I wanted to be ready. But that's not it. I promise. Doesn't Ari look like he regrets waiting?

My God, does he ever? I'm just kidding. I don't want to tease him because he's very sensitive. Let me ask you something. He's a good guy. Let me tell you something about Ari Maness.

I'm going to take a second. We're going to have to blank out his name because I don't want people to know who it is. I think he's a good, I love him. Yeah, I do too.

Because I think he reminds me of like a cousin that I would have. Uh-huh. That if people go, hey, what's the deal with Ari Maness? I go, hey, look, here's the way I would explain Ari. Look, I'm going to tell you this. He's basically my cousin. He is your cousin. He's my cousin.

I don't want to hear any story or whatever. He's basically my cousin. And I feel the same way about his brother who I only met once. I was hanging out at my house and someone goes, hey, I got a friend. It's Ari Maness' brother. Do you mind if he comes over? I'm like, nah, if it's Ari Maness' brother, he comes over. I go, I like you more than your brother.

Yeah, I could see that. He texted me one time. I never even met his brother and I like him so much. His text communication is just nice. He's smart. I tell you what else. I place high value on how stand-up comedy is presented and i did stand-up comedy ari i don't know if he's still doing it but it's probably a running thing at his house yeah and he set up a backdrop and he had a pa and he had his bedroom and i let me tell you something i respect someone his bathroom in his

in his bedroom very clean clean yeah very and by the way whenever you go to someone's house and you go whether it's for your they there's a lot of there's a lot of house shows now sure and you go or you're going over anybody's house i used to think differently and go they know people are coming over clean how could they not clean their bathroom it's's gross. I guess what? I have a theory now. What is it? They did.

That's how fucking dirty it is normally. They think cleaning is emptying the wastebasket. But Ari's bathroom was so fucking immaculate, and he takes pride in himself and pride in the bathroom. I don't think he does it because he's having a show. I think it's because who he is. Yeah. And then we reap the benefits.

You're coming over his house to do a show. His bedroom was immaculate. The bathroom was immaculate. He had the lights turned down. The bedroom was essentially the waiting room until you performed. Yeah. And it felt like a cool place you wanted to hang out at. So I liked him before that.

I met him through Jake Adams. But now when I did comedy at his house. You like him more. And he presented it right. And the PA was right. And he had a little band opening up for him. If Ari reaches out to you to do stand up at his house, fucking do it. Do it.

Yeah. I'll never do it. Here we go. He is a sweet, sweet boy. The other side of his life that you don't know that's very dark and dangerous. I know about it. Yeah. I know about it.

Oh, you know. You've heard. Okay. Yeah. About the golden retriever he used to go out with. Fact. He used to go, oh, the only thing that turned her on was if I kissed her like this. That's weird.

It is weird. But I got to tell you, I'm not one to judge. You know, I'm not one to judge. You know, it was consensual. She was 18, wasn't she? Yes. Yeah. Golden retriever. You know, it was consensual. The golden, she was 18, wasn't she? Yes. Yeah. Golden retriever.

Full grown, full grown 18 year old. Do you have anything you want to ask me? Yeah, I do. I have a lot of stuff I want to ask you, but I've been letting you fly. I've been letting you fly. I know. I'm good to go. You're the kind of guy, I let you go.

I look at you, you're soaring through the sky. You're like one of those lanterns they set off at a nice wedding, you know, and they let it go forever and it pollutes the earth. I love those things. Those are my favorite. Those are fun to do until you find out. You're talking they let it go forever and it pollutes the earth i love those things those are my favorite those are fun to do to find out you're talking about when they light it and it goes into the air yeah we did that at a wedding once it's pretty until you know that that's just trash that you've just let go in the air let it go beautiful do it again once you find out yeah fuck it fuck it um here's what i do want to tell you i want to ask

you you kind of segued into it but you moved off of it but health is a big proponent in your life because you mentioned health twice. But you've been through some shit. So when you said the whole drinking thing, do you ever think when you drink or when you smoke that you're like, do I need to quit all this bullshit because of my health? Or does that not even cross your mind? I'll tell you why. That's why I quit smoking cigarettes. Yeah, that I know.

I know you quit. I quit smoking cigarettes because I thought I don't want to look like I'm just – I mean, are you talking about, I like how I whisper. Okay. My vanity doesn't always make me want to talk about that, but I really don't care. But as long as I, but it's sad that I, that I,

my vanity. I had a heart attack about seven years ago. And look, afterwards, my eating can be atrocious sometimes still, my eating can be atrocious sometimes still. My eating can be atrocious. What is that?

Unpack that. The most atrocious thing, no one eats more healthy than me at two in the morning, three in the morning. What is it? Tell me what it is. What could it really be?

On the way home, McDonald's. Stop at McDonald's, get a hamburger and I get an Egg McMuffin and I take the Egg McMuffin off the English muffin and put it in the hamburger or the other way around and I take the egg McMuffin off the English muffin and put it in the hamburger

or the other way around. I get the, whatever the biggest hamburger they have. If that, it changes over the years, but sometimes at McDonald's they'll have like, oh, if it's the double quarter pounders, the most meaty thing you can get, I'll get a double quarter pounder. But for a while I had that like three quarter pounder sirloin, i get that get the burger i go yes can i get the sirloin burger whatever it is and uh with with nothing no ketchup no cheese no nothing then i get an egg mcmuffin now that you can get them 24 hours a day take the burger yeah and put it on the english muffin now you have a real burger with a hey look they cracked that egg two minutes ago mcdonald's or not they cracked it

there they do they crack them there they crack them i put the burger on the because i want the english muffin as the bread ah so then i put the burger into the english muffin or i could do it the other way around if you like what the bread is you take the english muffin put it onto the burger right throw the throw the english muffins out basically right. Right, toss them. But then I stop at 7-Eleven to get jelly beans. For me to get food back to my house is so hard because then I stop at Vaughn's. Do you eat in your car? You eat all of it in your car.

Oh, yes, yes. But are you afraid of taking it back home because you feel worse about it when it's at your house? No, I'm hungry. Oh, is that it? I'm hungry. So for me to get food back home, I have to get enough of it, enough to eat.

Literally, I'm pulling out of the McDonald's parking lot. Literally, McDonald's from my house is three minutes. So all I need is one thing to eat in the car. Yeah. So my point is that I can eat very unhealthy. Yeah. But I didn't want to look like I was giving a second chance at life spitting on it. So when people ask me, first of all,

I'm on Lipitor now. Lipitor is just to help with your cholesterol. Yeah, it's for your cholesterol. I missed two days in the last eight, seven, seven, eight years. Now, I juice every single day.

That means even if I had a shitty day of eating, which is often, I put kale, I put celery, I put ginger, I put beet juice, I put carrots, something for my cells to go hey look

we wish you wouldn't eat that other garbage but thank you for giving us that yeah and i don't smoke i have not smoked one cigarette zero so i feel like if i smoke cigarettes people will go how's your diet i go once in a while it can be a little bad but i juice but i feel like saying hey cigarette people check up on how's your diet? I go, once in a while, it can be a little bad, but I juice. But I feel like saying, hey, cigarette, people check up, how's your, you smoke cigarettes? I go, no. When was the last cigarette you had? Five years ago. All right. Ari, we brought you a bunch of cigarettes. Ari, bring in the cigarettes here. You're going to have to smoke

them all on camera. This is the punishment. You know, I never understood when people said, I haven't smoked in five years. I go, do you miss it? Because I wanted to hear no, because that would give me faith in trying to quit. They go, you always miss it. I'm like, no, don't tell. But now I know what they mean. You miss it, but you don't give a shit.

Right. It doesn't matter. I'm okay with not smoking cigarettes now, but I do smoke pot. So for health reasons, you know, but at least I say I don't smoke cigarettes. I juice every day so since i had the heart attack i've done enough to say i'm not just spitting a second chance at life in the eye right you're doing no you're doing your part do you feel like one of these guys i feel like a lot of people that try to do healthy pot now they don't smoke they've only vaporized pot or do you do that or

if i had a magic wand and i was doing it perfectly yeah yes, I would go. Because it's the carcinogen... What's it when you light the paper? Carcinogenetics? The carcinogens. Yeah, you say it. It's the carcinogens. If I wasn't lazy, I would probably get a vape. But your preference is

joints. Joints are great. Yeah, that's my favorite. Joints are great. we smoked a nice fat joint together and it was just such a bonding it's just a bonding thing bongs to me is get high quicker yes yeah i had i had this speaking of musicians andy fresco and he's he's like a really cool musician who's like you know in that period of his life he's still torn around but but in five in two years everyone's gonna know who andy fucking fresco is they better yeah you if you're going to go look him up now, you're going to love him. But he did my podcast.

I saw him play. A friend of mine saw him play at the Denver Music Festival. He told me about Andy. I reached out to him on Twitter. He ended up coming to my studio and playing, and I made 25 joints the night before. 25? 25 joints.

I wanted them just everybody you want a joint boom boom boom boom boom all night long when they cut to the crowd watching and loving him play in my studio people are just lighting up joints nice right it's communal that's why i like joints exactly it's a nice sweet like look at us all hanging it's like mashed potatoes it's like mashed potatoes so that's the same thing with my. That was the answer to that. Right. I'm curious because you seem like a healthy guy. I try. I work out seven days a week. Yeah, yeah.

Seven days a week. What's your preferred workout? What do you do? Well, I'll tell you the truth. When I'm with not six days a week, I do the same thing. And I know everyone's going to tell me, you got to go from the treadmill, you got to go to the elliptical, you got to go to the bike. And they're right. Sure, whatever. got to go to the elliptical you got to go to the bike and they're right sure not fine yeah I get on the

same elliptical it's the this I get a pulley one yeah yeah because someone told me 20 years ago don't go on the treadmill your your knees will pay a price for it I listen 20 years ago I got off the treadmill went on the elliptical and I do that seven six days a week six days a week maybe i miss one five days a year that's that wow one day a week i have a trainer and mostly it's stretching mostly it's stretching the fuck when i when i asked him i said to tell you the truth what i need you to do most because i won't do it without someone leaning over me i need you to stretch me yeah do other stuff with me too but once a week stretching me and i'll tell you what you might think well stretching whether you have a trainer or not he might make you do it

but it doesn't make it easier you gotta stretch you gotta it does it does because well i'm laying on the back and he's lifting my leg up and he says breathe out and he's slowly pushing my leg up it's easier yeah yeah so once a week and then he'll do some weights with me and stuff. How much time on the elliptical? Oh, you don't even want to know. Yes, I do. Well, I'd rather go at a slow, medium pace than exert myself. So I do an hour and a half every day.

I'm looking at YouTube clips, anything I do to occupy my time. 1.5? Every day. What is that? 10 miles? 12 miles? I don't know. Can I tell you? I have no idea. You never look? You would think I would have an don't know. Can I tell you? I have no idea. You never look. You would think I would have an idea because for 10 years people going, you have no idea. And eventually I'd go, you know, let me look today and I could answer people.

I don't give a shit. I put my extra t-shirt I bring to the gym over the cover an hour and a half. Wow. Hour and a half. Even if I'm lazy one day, it's still an hour and a half. You just, you commit. I commit an hour and a half. Wow. Hour and a half. Even if I'm lazy one day, it's still an hour and a half. You just, you commit. I commit an hour and a half every day. I can answer emails if I want.

Because you're kind of going nice and easy. It's not that, I'm sweating the fuck. Yeah. But I can answer emails or I can look at YouTube clips. Sometimes I'm bored. Yesterday I put in, you know what pit maneuver is? Pit maneuver. Pit maneuver. Pit maneuver.

When the cops have to, they're chasing someone and they pull up next to them and they clip them with their bumper. I pull up pit maneuver for whatever reason. Right. You got a pit maneuver warm up. Three days ago I put in, I don't know why, maybe something came my way that was like this and I thought, let me see more of it. I put in people getting surprised with puppies.

That's one of the cutest things in the world. Most of them are at Christmas, but they're not always at Christmas. And it's a montage. Someone put together of, and the most endearing part of people getting surprised by puppies are when they're all adorable. Even if sometimes it's a 70-year- old guy who had his dog died and the, and the grandkids got him a dog and it breaks your heart. But the most thing that will crush your heart.

Yeah. 11 year old. I'm in the area. 11 year old boys. Yeah, sure. Look, when you're an 11 year old boy,

you're basically a 14 year old boy. You're getting ready. You're not, you don't want to show that you don't want to cry. So they're like, yeah, but keep in mind, i know what drives them to crying they might have been begging this i get it when you're 11 and you want a dog i fucking get it because dogs are great and you might have been begging for a dog since you're nine and then all of a sudden your parents get you a dog so at first you're like and then you then you break down so you see

these 11 year old boys like try to be tough and go oh and then they're like and then they're embarrassed that they're crying and they're like one kid is like dad thank you so much you're the best dad in the entire world thank you and then there's a golden retriever puppy licking his face and it's like those will crush you oh every time how do you finish the workout i gotta stop for a minute you know what i say sometimes watching sad things while you're and it's like those will crush you. Oh, every time. How do you finish the workout? I got to stop for a minute. You know what I say? Sometimes watching sad things while you're working out is the full cycle.

You're sweating out the bad, bringing in the net, bringing in the positive. Yeah. So I think sometimes that's good. Like the most heartwarming wedding speech you'll ever hear from a brother. And then all of a sudden you're like,

what? That's so sweet. That's why when people make fun of the internet and they make fun of Twitter, and I'm going to tell you this, I've said this and I've said it before, because whenever anybody says something a lot, you go, why are they saying that? I'll tell you,

because I want to put the good energy out there bad. Push it. For anybody that makes fun of Twitter or says, oh, it's negative, they go, of course there's some positive. Yet they all know there's positive. If you've asked anyone to go, oh, there's negative. They go, of course there's some positive. Yeah, they all know there's positive. If you've asked anyone,

they go, oh, there's so much negative on Twitter. Everybody can say whatever they want. Anybody has an opinion, whatever they want. But that's what they relish in.

But if you say there's good too, they go, oh, I know there's good. Oh, they all know there's good. But they don't fucking soak that good in. Right. Soaking the good.

Perception is your reality. Perception is everybody's reality. I'm telling you that there's a lot of good going out there a lot of good videos coming your way so whenever you all this is just through someone's twitter or any social media where some heartwarming videos

are right in front of you remember that the next time you think that it's all negative overwhelmingly I'm not saying there's not some positive but overwhelmingly no overwhelmingly what i noticed a lot of good shit it depends you know what i would say it depends on who you follow right if you're seeing too much negative shit get rid of all the negative fucking people you follow that right

follow some more positive shit because i get people through twitter and not just a little by the way if 95 of% of Twitter was negative, I thought, and 5% was good. I go, yeah, 5% is good, but that's not, it's not that. No, I'm, I'm just cause I want to be so fucking dead, right? At least 50% of all social media can be so positive and so overwhelming and so reaching out and sending love and kindness and goodness to so many people that even if it's 50%, it's 50% that's worth it to ignore the other 50% that might be negative fucks. I agree.

Ugh, you just touched me right now. Thank you. Like now I bought into it. Do you believe it? Some people say they believe it, but then when they get out of my eyesight, they go back to the other thing. Well, he'll do that. I know I know you people. I thing. I know I know you people.

I call them, I know I know you people. They'll say, oh, I know there's positive, but when I'm not around, if I was a fly on the wall, oh, they know there's positive. You said to them, you know there's positive on Twitter. And there's people reaching out, they know, they know, they know, and I believe they know. But that's not what they talk about when I'm

not around. They go, anybody can say anything. There's a lot of love being thrown around. There's a lot of love, whether it's literally who you think you are when you're growing up, what your sexuality is, that you can reach out and talk to other people, or whether it's someone sending you just a cool video of a baby hugging a golden retriever. You know, it's like there's a lot of fucking good shit that gets thrown my way on Twitter. That's good. You feel the positivity.

Yeah. Can I take my jacket off? Yes. Take it off. Wow. How you doing, Ari? Good. He's fine.

You know. I threw a lot of love your way. Thank you. I appreciate it. You did, really. Can I be honest with you? It was a little bit too much. I'm not going to lie.

I think there's probably some comedians that might watch and you should do his show. They should. Can I tell you one thing you should change? Yeah. Change your backdrop. What is it now? It's a pull-down screen, isn't it? Drop screen?

You need a little thing. I'll talk to you. Will you do me a favor? Will you send an email and let's get a chain going of things he needs to change at the house? That's the only thing. We'll do some other stuff. We'll do some other stuff. Okay, yeah, that's fine. Yeah, that's fine. that's fine that's fine that's fine yes i got you um back to the show uh

yes i know i got it right oh shut up that's so you're such an idiot no that's funny that's almost fun that's it's a joke that's a funny bit that's a good answer that question you did the next question i have for you is i love it i love question yeah you do i know you like questions don't you if you could uh i'll give you a would you rather because i know you love would you rather it's big into those would you rather be a refrigerator know, like your body is a refrigerator? Or have roller skates for feet? Roller skates for feet.

Go ahead, and you have to say why. Well, you could get everywhere pretty quick. Yeah. Did you ever ask anybody else this? No. Well, you could get a refrigerator. You could get everywhere quick. I mean, but what does that mean?

Your body's a refrigerator. Can you help me out? How would that help you? Come on over, guys. Look at what I have inside of me. I'd eat too much. You're not going to eat you. Your body's a refrigerator.

You could reach in and get a... You eat energy, Todd. You eat energy. Then I'm going to say your roller skates. No. That's a tough one. See, it's harder than you think. You dismissed it like it wasn't a good question.

I was like, oh, this one's no brainer. We'll be talking about something else in 30 seconds. I'm going to say... Think about this. You can never take them off. The roller skates are going to be attached to your feet for the rest of your life. So are your refrigerator. So?

You're slipping and sliding everywhere. Think about baths. Think about going to the beach. Okay, your refrigerator, is it heavy? Do you feel it when you walk down the street? It's about a 1986 Frigidaire. But do you say to people, guys, I'm sorry. I can't keep up with you.

I'm a refrigerator. Where are you. But do you say to people, guys, I'm sorry, I can't keep up with you. I'm a Frigerator. Where are you going? Are you running with your buddies? Well, you're walking down the street of Chicago to go anywhere. Frigerator, wait on you. You're bringing the reality

to the... We are. You're bringing the reality to the rollerblades. But I imagine the Frigerator could carry its own weight if you're walking around

with it, right? You might have to sit often. Well, how come you couldn't imagine with the rollerblades? With the roller skates? Yeah. I don't want to roll. It's a part of you.

You're going to roll everywhere. You can't stop rolling. So you're so good at it, it doesn't even hurt. You stop, it's easy, everything's second nature. Think about how many people make fun of you for having roller skate feet. Think about how many people are going to make fun of you for having a refrigerator as a body. You're a refrigerator. They go, look at how cool that is. That's amazing. What's inside of you? You go, come on in and look. You're always a host.

Roller skates, you're a nuisance. Can I think about it and get back to you? No. Well, then I'm going to go with the refrigerator. Okay, you're going to be in the refrigerator. I just made you flip. Well, it was a lot of fun.

I like to offer people fun. Here's a beer. Would you like some pepper cherries? I say that for you because I know you like to give. You're a giving man, see? You're not a selfish person. What am I going to... Well, you're very unselfish.

What's your biggest shortcoming, though? What's the one thing you're like, fuck, I wish I didn't do that, but I do it all the time? Steal hotel towels. Really, do you? Well, yeah. You pack them and go?

Wash cloths. One of them or how many? Wash cloths? Yeah. My ride. Is that my ride? I'm sorry. That's my ride. Oh, that I'm sorry. That's my ride.

Oh, that's your ride. That's my ride. Washcloths pretty much every time. Unless they're shitty. Like I'm at the point in my life where I don't need like, you know, a cheap washcloth. But if you're at a hotel, you're like, these are nice, thick, good washcloths. I'll take three or four of them. What is it?

I don't think it's right. I don't think it's right. Well, it's not whether it's right or wrong. But do you feel it's impulsive? Is that because you're, do you have like a... have like a i like oh no i like washcloths but i don't want to buy them but like sometimes i tell you what i do like sometimes when i have people over my house it started as a joke but now i do it seriously i will i have like a tea kettle because i drink i drink instant coffee i don't i don't i stop you don't like uh good coffee no no

i like good coffee but i don't mind instant stop. You don't like good coffee? No, no. I like good coffee, but I don't mind instant coffee. So I stopped buying coffee every day at Starbucks before I went to the gym. Right. I have basically one cup of coffee a day, maybe two, but 90% of the time, one cup of coffee. I've been doing it for 20 years. One cup, I use it before I work out. Instant coffee.

And I use instant coffee. I want to open up an instant coffee bar, but we can talk about that another day. And I'm serious. That'll be in the back of Tanger's. Maybe, maybe during the day we have an instant coffee bar. I like it. You think instant coffee, who's going to want to come there? Instant coffees from all over the place, from Ireland, from Israel, whatever instant coffee. If your parents had instant coffee, even if your parents never drank instant coffee, if you're 30 30 you remember the instant coffee you saw in the supermarket if you're 70 you remember the instant coffee that was available we have it all on shelves and you have to make it to do about it so you know that when they pour the hot water you know like in the in the we go up high go down we make a big deal yeah so but

anyway what was your question about I know it was something come on I want to let you find it okay for a million dollars could I remember what we were talking about two minutes

I'll give you three okay coffee my bar why would I have instant coffee people come over your house they like instant coffee do you want coffee

coffee okay hold on can I have a minute no no no you have to give it to me can i have a minute though to think no well that's not why'd you ask if you could have it if you wanted i wanted to give me a minute please yeah go ahead okay we were talking about something we're gonna go

coffee sidestep uh-huh the audience knows do you know okay do you know i do know yeah i do know okay give, I do know. Okay. Give me 30 seconds. Let me be quiet. Yeah. The instant coffee, work backwards, and then... Tell me. I said something you do that you wish you didn't do.

Oh, that I wish I didn't do. That's a big hindrance, right? Mm-hmm. And you started to say, you know what I do? Steal hotel That's a big hindrance, right? Mm-hmm. And you started to say, you know what I do? Steal hotel towels. Steal hotel towels, right? Yes. And then I said, do you have to steal hotel towels?

He said, I really like it. I don't like to buy hotel towels. I don't like to shop. Oh, I got it. Where is it? So I drink instant coffee, so I have a hot tea kettle that boils hot water. And every so often, I think here's why. How many hotel washcloths do I need?

And this answers the question. Like, why didn't I take the amount I need two years ago? Why am I still taking them? I'll tell you. Yeah. So I have a hot tea kettle. And sometimes when I have people over my house, it's, look, I probably am not going to ever do yoga, but I get it.

Yes. Just to clean your mind. I don't spit at it because I'm not going to, because I don't have the patience. But I can do a dose of it. And that's to stop. To me, that's what that means. Stop. Right.

So the laziest way I can do it, sometimes I do it when we're going to eat dinner at my house. Sometimes I'll just do it if maybe there's five, six friends hanging out. And we're like, we want to make it special. Right. Hot washcloth. It started as a joke. Oh, we're like at the fancy Chinese restaurant. But I'll take five hot washcloths, put them out on my kitchen counter, and then I take the tea kettle and I pour hot water over all of them.

You could put them in the microwave, but I do it with the tea kettle. And here's the rule I give everybody that hasn't been there before. Here's all I ask. And I get a little pissed when people don't follow the rules. I can tell. And it's weird because you're doing a spiritual thing, so you don't want to get pissed. But 99% of the time, everyone follows it.

I ask very nicely. I go, guys, here's the rules. We're going to do the hot washcloth. Maybe most people have been there. There could be one or two people that haven't. That's usually when I do it. If everyone's been there before, I don't need to say anything.

So if there's two new people, I go, when I give you the washcloth, there's a short life of this being hot. If I give it to you lukewarm by the time you get it to your face, so it's going to be too hot. I go, I tell everybody that every week whenever we do this.

But then when they get it, they go, oh, this is hot. It's hot. So all I ask is once i start handing them out we're quiet yeah sometimes now with now with a lexi or siri you don't even have to go in the other room and turn the music off but sometimes you're lazy think of the music so soft in the back turn it off turn it off so i go lexa pause quiet i go when i hand it to you it's gonna be too hot you're gonna might have to take the tip put it back on the counter for a second just hand it to you it's gonna be too hot you're gonna might have to

take the tip put it back on the counter for a second just get it to where you but don't say oh it is hot yeah right Todd was right

once we hand out them just so I I pour the hot water I give it to somebody they always follow the rules give it to the next person give it to the next person

they get it they get it when they realize I go do your hands first if you need to. But then eventually you'll put it on your face. And there's no talking. There's no music. For how long?

A minute? Two minutes? I go, let. If you have it on your face and no one even has to tell you to take a deep breath, you will take a deep breath. Because deep breaths are good. You don't even have to tell anyone to take it. Because the hot and the, you'll eventually go.

Right. If you pull it off your face and you see there's three other people that still have it on their face. I'll break the silence. Let me break the silence. And then everybody does it. We call this the Nick Thune. Because Nick Thune says, now it's not so hot to your hands.

It's not so hot to your face. But if you take it and put it on your neck when you think it's gone, your neck has not had any hot on it. It's hot again to your neck and it relaxes you a little. So let's wait till everybody's done. You might be done.

You might be ready. And then when they're all done i'll break the silence and usually that's when i take my hot washcloth and i hand it put it in front of everybody and they'll dump theirs on mine got it no one talks yet i go i'll they already know i'll break the silence and i'll go i usually say the same thing i'll go wow i go right even though we've all done this before. And sometimes I'll say this. Usually it's the spiritualness of it. Yeah.

But I feel like today it might have been the literal, I was at Vaughn's, I was touching things, I was everywhere today of the boiling hot, just cleaning your hands. And then we're going to sit down and eat dinner or just sit out and hang out and eat candy. And then it's like, whew. That's beautiful. And we turn the music back on.

So there's a reason for your thievery. So that's the reason. So sometimes with those hot washcloths, because I know they're free, I'll clean with them. During the day, I'll be like, ah, or the barbecue outside, and then I can just throw them out the day I'll be like and then I'll be or the barbecue outside and then I could just throw them out

because I know it's free that's wasteful that's wasteful that's very wasteful but I do like it do you choose which towel you give to someone based on how much you like them

like does somebody get a Marriott and somebody gets a Four Seasons no they're all at this point I always steal the best washcloths I can the thick the thick ones

they're good I rip the labels off of course you know because i'm gonna say marriott yeah you don't want to know that you rip it off but i'm not proud of that and i will tell you that am i bullshitting myself i know that that is stealing and it doesn't matter if it's a big corporation or not so i hope in a year from now you ask me and i go i don't do that anymore i hope so but i doubt it i think you'll still do it how dare you

Todd can you plug stuff will you tell them where you're going to be or website and all that jazz will you tell them what you're going to do and what's going on tell them my Netflix special act happy it's fucking fantastic I don't want to harp too much on it because I already kind of kissed you a little bit about it but I don't mind that I think it's wonderful I think the Virgil was a great choice

I think a lot of things about it were fantastic the audience dressed up very nice, which I imagine was a request on your behalf. I asked on my podcast, I go, do you guys mind if you... Here's what I said. I go, I want people to be comfortable. If you're comfortable wearing a suit, wear a suit.

But if you're not, just whatever you wear. Most people dressed up. Most people, even if they... You didn't notice, but there were a few people in the audience, they were just wearing whatever they wanted that was comfortable, but they had a better bow tie. audience, they were just wearing whatever they wanted that was comfortable, but they had a bow tie.

See, I saw a lot of people wearing dressed-up clothing. I thought that was nice. The band looked very nice. Yeah, the band dressed up nice. And they were good. But I don't want to be like someone that goes, remember back in the day, look, I want people to be comfortable. If you're comfortable and you're going out at night and you're a sweater

and you want to wear shorts, you can still wear shorts and look good. Sure. So I want people to be comfortable. They were. And everybody did exactly what I asked and the band, of course. I like the band to dress up.

They look really nice. They do what I ask them to do. So the Netflix special, Act Happy, is there. And then my podcast, The Todd Glass Show. The Todd Glass Show. On Starburns.

I love that. On all platforms available. Are you on the road a little bit or no? I am on the road. Matter of fact, just in case. Plug a date. Yeah, yeah. I can do it real good. I have it pretty clean. When does this drop? Friday.

This Friday? Oh, yeah. Okay. Right now, as you're watching this, I'm flying into the South by Southwest Comedy Festival. Oh, nice. And I'm performing at the Hideout Saturday and Sunday. And I have my band with me. I'm going big time. I got like a six-piece band.

I'm like, I'm just looking. I don't even want to make money on this job. I just want to do it right. Have fun. And then after that, like two weeks later,

I go to the Portland Helium, which is a favorite club. Oh, yeah. And I have people that are listening to my podcast. I have Joe McKenzie in the band who does a lot of music

for my podcast. And then after that, I go to the Helium in St. Louis. Boom, boom. There you go. Boom, boom, boom. That's all I got. Perfect. And ToddGlass.com has all the tickets.

Yeah. That's where they can go. Yeah, over to the club. So if you're there right now, if you're in the Austin area at South By, please go see Todd. If you're in the Jersey area, I'll be at the Stress Factory for my first time ever. I've never been there. I've never done it. New Brunswick. I just saw Vinnie Brand at Helium. Okay, good. Is he okay? Is it

all right? Super nice guy. How's the club? I haven't been to the club in 30 years, so I don't know. 25 years? Yeah. It's my first time. I've never done it. Never done it. I've done a million different clubs over there. This is my first time, so I'll be in Jersey. Go to andrewsantino.com for tickets. At the end of the month, I'll be in Phoenix. You can see all that stuff. Where are you going to Phoenix? House of Comedy. I'm going to House of Comedy, which is Bronson. The Bronson family, I met them in Canada. Like the sweetest, nicest people I've ever met in my entire life. And then I saw them

again up at Montreal. But I want to say thank you for keeping all that. No, no, no, no, no, no. I can't wait till you do this. I am going to do it. Do you have butter in your refrigerator? Of course. Freezer? Yeah, of course. So you always have butter in your freezer? Always, always.

So over butter. I'll over butter. Over butter. Over butter. And whip the fucking shit out of it. I'm going to whip it. Thank you for these gifts, man. And come in with some hot brown gravy and send me a video.

This was really nice. Thank you. Say I love you to me. I love you. Whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey. You're that creature in the ginger beer. Sturdy and ginger. Like vampires, the ginger gene is a curse.

Gingers are beautiful. You owe me $5 for the whiskey and $75 for the horse. Gingers are hell no. This whiskey is excellent. Ginger. I like gingers.