Whiskey Ginger with Andrew Santino - Tom Arnold

Episode Date: February 15, 2019

Santino sits down with Tom Arnold (Roseanne, True Lies, The Hunt For The Trump Tapes) to talk about Arnold Schwarzenegger, his kids and his divorce. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In here, we pour whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey. You're that creature in the ginger beard. Sturdy and ginger. Like vampires, the ginger gene is a curse. Gingers are beautiful. You owe me $5 for the whiskey and $75 for the horse. Gingers are hell no. This whiskey is excellent.

Ginger. I like gingers. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back to Whiskey Ginger. My guest today is one of my favorite people on earth. I say it for all my guests, but I mean it, especially with this one, Mr. Tom Arnold. Oh, thank you, buddy. Thanks for coming, man. Who was on before me? A guy named Brian Callen.

Oh, I know Brian. There's some good people on here. I know Brian. Alexander Daddario came on. Ben Harper, the musician, came on. Oh, jeez. You have a full load. We got a full load. Yeah. We have a full load. We got a full load. Yeah.

We have a full load. That's what I like to say. Yeah, that's fantastic. Well, it's good to see you. Good to see you, bud. How are you? I'm good. You complained that the area was sketchy, which it is.

It is sketchy. Well, it's sketchy because you gave me the address like an hour ago. You called me last night. Yeah. And you're like, first of all, you called me when you got the show. You go, you got to get you on immediately. And then you disappeared for however many months. And then you called me last night. Yeah,, you gotta get you on immediately and then you disappeared for however many months and then you called me last night,

yeah, we gotta get you on immediately and I'm with the kids so I made you and I made you FaceTime you back because I know you're in the middle of something. I was at the gym. I know,

but I knew you couldn't talk so I FaceTimed you to FaceTime because I'm with my crazy kids and I wanted to put you on the spot. Your life with your kids now is maybe the funniest thing

in the world. Well, it's also, people think, oh my God, Tom Arnold's insane. He's doing drugs all day. He's a crazy person.

I do have an insane life, but it's with a five-year-old and a three-year-old, and it is crazy. Is it not crazy? It's probably crazier than drugs. It is way crazier. Yeah. It's way more dangerous. You got a little taste of it.

It is intense. I think my life, my old life prepared me for it. Like you never know who's going to come through the door and what's going to happen with the old, with the crazy, with the drugs, with these kids. It prepares you for these guys. They're coming at you. Yeah. You think when you were using it in partying

that that was like, that prepared you mentally to have crazy ass kids doing fun stuff? Oh yeah, yeah, for sure. I think you, you know, it's funny because i'm getting a divorce which has been a long time coming and the kids and i have been we've been in the house i've been we've been observing you know it's the day that my wife moved out the kids and i are watching the trucks and my son's like dad they're stealing your stuff and i'm like no it's son it's wonderful your mom's gonna have her and i'm like wait a minute maybe they are

so we were stealing your but you know it's my daughter has never seen she's three never seen her mother hug me so it's not like a it's and my son's always like hey something will happen it'll be like dad mom hates you i go no no dude she it hasn't always been that way so I have a big because I'm an asshole I have a giant picture of their mother hugging me on my 15th birthday like so in love with me and it's bigger than your whiskey ginger it's huge but it's so far and I had a bolted like there's been times when she's literally trying to rip it off the wall it's bolted I'm not kidding at all. No, I'm not. In the beginning of our master bedroom, it's the nicest picture. Because, you know, in 11 years, there was a lot of nice stuff.

And we have these kids. And then when somebody gets angry, you know, they want it. But because you have the kids, you tell the story of how they were, you know. First of all, you always love the mother of your kids because you love your kids. It's just. A part of them. It's just a part of them. It's physiologically impossible not to. Sure. And so I spent a lot of time saying, no, no, Jax, let me explain.

She was madly in love with you. You can't tell now, but, you know. And so I ended up telling the stories and the pictures of my kids, and I spent a lot of time. And last weekend, we watched my daughter's birth. didn't she said now i came out of bobby's belly i said let me so i started with her mom you know how we went to hospital i showed me taking her out of her belly oh wow you know and and uh and then going home and getting jacks and bringing him down to meet him when you have it on tape yes of course i course. No, no. This is weird. I have everything for the day they're all born. You do?

I have been like filming it all. Apparently I have. Yeah, it's all there. It is all there. Did you have a database? Did you sync up with your computer? Now we're getting it all

with Ben, my assistant. You saw the assistant I have here. Yeah, how old is he? Is he legal? He's very young. He lives with his parents. He's like a 15-year-old boy. I know, but let me explain.

But he lives with mom and dad? His mom, she was the head of child psychology at UCLA. You have to work with children if you're in my house. That's not a joke. You have to. You can be my assistant, but then you have to either work at the Heskramer Jewish Kids Camp. You have to have experience with kids because my kids are in my office, in my life. And because of what's going on at the house, you have to be a witness.

No, I'm kidding. So he's great with kids. He's a great young man. He's an actor. He's also my assistant, and he's also, he's wonderful with the kids. There's a lot going on. He's good with kids. He's great with kids.

He's got that look. He's got that like, it was almost like Beatles Bieber haircut. Here, Ben, come to the door so I can see what you look like again. Ben, dead committed. Look how nice of a guy he is. Yeah, he's a sweet guy.

He's got a bad name. But he could be a really nice guy or like a creepy Amish kid. Well, for sure, creepy Amish. Creepy. Oh, definitely. Where are you from? I'm from New York, from Los Angeles.

Oh, yeah. Okay, yeah. Hey, there was a, he'll be, they had a lesbian living in his house that got married last week. He kind of looks like a lesbian. He definitely does. He a little bit did you pop in real quick yeah yeah just so they can look at what you look like come stand in the middle of us and look at that very nice guy

just get down on your knees real quick oh my god you're used to i'm sure nice guy there you go a nice sweet little lesbian very nice guy we should rename it nice guy get the fuck out yeah he's such a nice young man he's a nice guy yeah so he's so he's at the house now full-time with you in the case yep yeah well i mean it's at the house during the day and he works and he's part of our adventures with you know we went but my son let me explain this i i've been cleaning out the house too for the last year because we're selling it so i throw it out all my old movies my son fishes him out of the garbage and puts him in his room and so he has all my old for his he has my old v a lot of them it's on vhs throw it the

garbage you want to get rid of it he takes him out and stacks him in his room which my ex-wife hated he's got the tom arnold library up there ben will back me up so we bought him a vhs player for his room and he has movie night with my movies the first way he put it bed back me up on this the first vhs he put in to watch and ben was with because he set it up was a uh psa about child abuse by me so the first thing that was the first thing he watched yes and and then so that was the first thing and then so i went up there and they're on the part where children that murder their parents so i didn't want to say anything but i'm watching my two kids and they're really interested and i'm like these guys are gonna kill

me but every night before bath, we watch a movie. My son has movie night. He calls them movies. But they're old appearances of me on shows that I forgot about. Oh, wow. Like Dennis Miller had a talk show. Like, I don't want to see this, but I'm watching it with my kids. I forgot.

And my kids are like, Daddy, were you a cowboy? Because of the way I dress. I'm like, no. And my daughter's like, oh, my gosh, why was your face white? Because they'd dress I'm like no but and my daughter's like oh my gosh why was your face white because they've never seen me without a beard my daughter and just how different I look right and I'm on they see you through the years change yeah

and I would have forgotten about it but also like back me up with this I had an autobiography there's 150 copies from of my autobiography and I said throw them in the trash and get who needs that? My son fished them all out. 150 books out of the trash.

I have documentation on this. My in-laws had moved in to support my wife. It was horrible. Yeah, fun. And God bless them, though. And so they were sitting in the living room just scowling, just lined up scowling it but just lined up scowling and my son took the unbeknownst to me and my daughter built a wall with those autobiographies facing them to my face this is though i took a metaphor it really is and and then you can see on my instagram what happened and he was in there he

found some coins with my face on it and we said my dad was the king and i came in and found those coins i go no no that's from a body girl I was I go guys I was king Bacchus king of the tits but yeah yes I was king of the tits and boy you you could do anything with king Bacchus if you ever get an opportunity it is the biggest honor in the world but Ben will back me up on this this is all true and and so one of these days and it's it's funny as could as could be funny but these kids you know you know, it's, so anyway, In His Room was stacked and there's 2,000 Gardens of the Night DVDs

I did sell for the Oscars and that's a child abuse movie which I hope they won't watch. That's good to have around. Well, it's a really dark one where I played a pedophile. Yeah,

they don't know that. You want to watch a movie before bedtime, bud? Yeah. And you know, the kid, Evan Ross,

who's the star of the kid and his daughter goes to school with my kids and it's Diana Ross' son, you know the kid, Evan Ross, who's the star of the kid, his daughter goes to school with my kids, and that's Diana Ross' son. Oh, yeah. And so we see each other, and there's a lot of people that I'm close to people that I'm in pedophile movies with, whether it be Kevin Zegers or Eddie Furlong. How many pedophile child movies have you been in? Well, I raped Eddie Furlong in Animal Factory. Fun. Which is Steve Buscemi directed. Really dark, really good movie.

I think, yeah, it was rape. And then Kevin Zegers, a brilliant, brilliant actor. He was my sidekick in Guardians of the Night. But when I was an adult, he was eight. So really, you can't really call it a sidekick in Guards of the Night but he really when I was an adult he was eight so really you can't really call him

a sidekick and then we grew up together he was old he stayed with me until he was an adult too which is good and that was a but that was a great movie

where John Malkovich was a good guy and I was the bad guy which you don't see he was the good guy yeah for like the first time in his whole career

yeah he's never the good guy in anything he does no he's always played this evil dark angry yeah but he's never the good guy in anything he does. He's always played this evil, dark, angry. Yes. Yeah, but he's so fucking good at it.

Yeah. Is it because he's actually a good guy in real life? He's a funny guy. Boy, the makeup room, he is so funny with, and he has every day with the makeup and hair people, he had running things and you're like, because you know as a comic, you want to be,

you want to just know you're the funniest. On set, whenever you're on set, you want to be the funniest guy. Yeah. Who's the funniest actor you've worked with that on camera or perception wise was not funny? Or that's not their thing, but off camera was hysterical? Is there somebody who was really, really good off camera that you were like, fuck, they're so funny, but that's not who they are on camera? Oh, jeez. Let me just think, boy.

I'm going to have to think the reason the reason i asked that is because like i like there's only been a handful of people i've worked with over the years that like that that surprised me with maybe they're super fucking funny yeah we get on camera yeah they couldn't there's no comedic timing whatsoever right you know what i mean like they're laughing it's not part of their world but you're like wow in real life you're actually really fucking like who like who you i don't want to call them out because now i'm going to shit the bed with them. Because I said they're not good on camera funny-wise. They were hilarious off camera, but they're supposed to be funny in comedy. Yeah, but that's why you have a podcast.

You should be honest. Yeah, you're right. I'm going to drown everybody. But still, wouldn't you rather be funny in real life than on camera? I mean, yes. Except if you're an actor. Yes, but as a comic, you want to be always hilarious. But for an actor, it's weird.

But do you think they give a shit what you think about how they are on camera? Okay, good. They call them out. Yeah. Right? Yeah, you're right. to be always hilarious but for an actor it's weird. But do you think they give a shit what you think about how they are on camera? Okay good they call them out. Yeah. Right? Yeah you're right. You know I've been in 130 movies

do you know that? I looked it up on IMDB not too long ago. They don't even have all. They don't even have all. I think there's more than that list. Well probably.

There's probably like 160. And four good ones. What are the four good ones that you think? Well I think there's more than four but you know I liked Animal Factory.

I liked the one with Maggie Gyllenhaal, what was it called? Happy Endings. The Dodd-Roos. True Lies. True Lies. Nine Months, which was with Robin Williams and Hugh Grant.

Both dead guys. Jodie Cusack. Yeah. I mean, jeez, you never get a chance to work with her that she's great julianne moore was in that too there's been uh you know people like the movies like carpool and uh those kind of movies that yeah and i'll tell you that there's a movie called the stupids that you either hate the stupids or the people that love it love it and it was a a movie but if you look at that movie when i look at that you know i not that i look at it but there's seven huge directors in it like robert wise

played by next door neighbor he won the oscar for the sound of music john landis directed it and he has all these friends that are directors that he wants to keep up their insurance and the acting it's sag so just put them in yes like hosta groves david cronenberg all these different guys adam and toyan all these different guys would show up and they'd be acting with me and because they're his friends and and uh and and because it's all so cool and norman jewison all these they're in that little that movie and it's based on children's books the stupids and it's actually people that love it love it. And people that went to the theater to pay money did not love it. But, you know, it's funny what people like.

Yeah, but the theater can be a bust for a great cult classic. That's usually what happens, right? Like, I remember hearing all those stories about how Caddyshack was a fucking torrential nightmare. Those guys hated that fucking movie. Right. The studio was so angry that they were going to have to put it out because they had spent so much money that everyone felt ashamed of their work in it. What?

Less than 10 years later, people were like, this is actually pretty funny. Then 20 years later, people were like, this is one of the funniest fucking movies that's ever been made. Right. I think that happens with cult class. Well, think about this, too. You're Tom Arnold, and you've grown up with Animal House and Trading Places and American Werewolf with London

and Coming to America and John Lennon said, they say, I want you to start a movie directed by John Lennon and you're like, you're fucking right, I'm gonna do that.

Yeah, would never say no. And let me tell you something, that guy loves making movies and he gets to the set and they're like, and I read the book and Brett Forster, I think, wrote the screenplay and I was like, yeah, this isn I read the book and Brett Forster, I think, wrote the screenplay.

And I was like, yeah, this isn't quite, we'll get it there. We can make it, you know. And so it didn't quite work for me because I don't get that. But you know what? I'll tell you what, I stayed in, I stayed in that character. Because of John Lannis, I'm like, I believe in you. I'm going to stay in this. And man, I stayed in it. You did. Yeah stay in this. And man, I stayed in it.

You did. Yeah. So I'm honored that I got to do it. Yeah. You know, it was fun. And, you know, it is what it holds up. There's no... I'm going to...

Stupids, I need to see it. The stupids. Yeah. Now, for context for people, the reason that we know each other is because we did a tv show together well tv show internet show internet box television show for yahoo that uh couldn't have been more dysfunctional and upside down backwards it was but you know what we bonded you and i and i love you for you and me yes you and i you know i and because of that you know there's a million stories i mean what a weird can Can I say one story real fast?

Yes, of course. I want to cut you off because it made me laugh the other day. I was dumping a fucking, it was called Sin City Saints. It was about a basketball team in Vegas, whatever. Tom was my, I was this co-owner of this basketball team. Tom was my best friend, liaison, fix-it man, everything. He was my, like the brains behind my blunders. He figured everything out.

And there was a scene, we were in a nightclub, and this tall actor, I can't remember his fucking name to save my life because I'm so out of it, but he had one line, one line to get through after this long exchange. And Tom is waiting in the back room to get it out, and the line was, do you know what it is? Remind me.

I'm Batman. Yes. I'm Batman now, that's all it was. It was talking about, it was this play on like, trading jersey numbers or some bullshit, and like, you're Batman to the Robin, and Robin's Batman, all he had to say was, I'm Batman now.

I have a clip that the editor sent me, because I laughed so fucking hard. The kid couldn't say it three fucking times, and we had a long scene before it's set up so you have to finish the scene tom yells so loud i'm gonna you know what i'm gonna fucking post it out of this because he goes the kid's like i um oh i'm so sorry and tom he goes i'm batman i'm fucking batman and the kid goes i'm so sorry he goes it's okay it's okay! It's okay! We were so frustrated because we had so many frustrating moments on that fucking show.

It was, it was, sometimes it was fun and sometimes it was so fucking annoying it was hard to get through. Well, also, was that the character, I think it was Wang? Woo! Woo! First of all, you know, I come from the sports world and he's supposed to be this giant seven foot, and I'm like, dude, first of all, I come from the sports world, and he's supposed to be this giant seven foot.

And I'm like, dude, first of all, he's got a cast on his leg. He can already walk. Yeah, he broke his fucking leg while we were shooting. He's like 6'2", and we're supposed to pretend he's this amazing. He was supposed to emulate Yao Ming. That was the joke. Yes, Yao Ming. He was supposed to be Yao Ming.

Yeah. Yeah, he breaks his fucking leg, and then turns out that he lied. He couldn't play basketball. No. He could just kind of tell. That was also, I got to say, that factored into my,

and he couldn't play basketball, and also he couldn't say one line. One line, yeah. Real, real fucking easy. But there was a lot of frustrations for us on, like for stuff that was happening, but we bonded because we got along so well, and we joked so incessantly about what was going on.

And maybe my favorite story that I've told a lot of people that made me laugh was we would go down to the gym together. Yes. Because we were living. We lived in fucking Caesar's Palace, which is crazy. And we filmed in a casino. So we lived in a place and we worked in a place. And we would go to the gym. And oftentimes you'd get bothered.

Well, you get bothered a lot in the hotel. It'd be hard for us to walk around without you getting bothered. Well, I mean, yeah, people recognize. I mean, fans, yeah, yeah. Oh, sure, sure. It's nice, but it's also at some point I can even feel you going,

I just want to get to the fucking elevator. Right. But you would get bothered in the gym quite a lot. Yeah. And then you told me one night, I said, oh yeah, I'm going to think I'm going to go to the gym and you're and you're like you know i'm gonna call that front desk and have them bring a fucking yeah elliptical or whatever to my room because you just couldn't do it they set up a gym

upstairs and then i was like you know what i'm gonna have a set of a kitchen upstairs too and i started because i was like that's what i am not gonna go downstairs at all except to go to work yes and that's what i eventually was smart because going downstairs was not good. Yeah. Because first of all, you know, like you don't drink anymore. You don't do any of that shit anyway. Right. But like even for someone, I like to have a couple of drinks.

But to go downstairs means you're in a casino setting. Immediately, you're in this dirty world. It's like you can't just. You really are. You can't just go have a meal and hang out. Right. It's not, it just, it doesn't work that way. Like you're in this seedy, gross world,

especially because we were there every day. We stayed there for an extended period of time. It's not like we were there on the weekends. We're there on Tuesday when it's like the scrum of Vegas coming out. It's fucking gross. So you saying that, you're like staying in your room. I was like, that's the smartest thing he's ever done. And yet we were with a woman who is like,

we're all complaining and she's like, she's like, she's like crystal clear. Doesn't care. Got it together. But what's funny is you're such a nice guy, and everything was nice, and then at a certain point, you snapped. Because I snapped on day one. I was a harming an asshole, and you're nice,

and then there was a certain point I looked at you, and you're like, it was over. You're not taking it easy. and then you started agreeing with me do it i agree with tom and there's a certain point where you said that in front of the producers i'm like oh shit it's on because it was real because at some point the frustration was so high for me that i was taking it on the chin every fucking day it was like i was getting i was in a bukkake scene of fucking just taking it every day of like oh i guess i guess i guess i'll do it i'll do it until finally i got so fed up that when when you when you would you know you and i would talk and when you say stuff i'd go yeah man he's fucking right this is so annoying we can't do this anymore there were the ferris wheel they're trying

to shoot the the camera they had to get at a certain point there's this giant ferris wheel in vegas it's the biggest fucking fair you know what it is it's it's like behind the uh behind like whatever the fuck uh circus circus or something no no whatever the fuck it is it's the big ferris wheel we had to shoot on that fucking thing and it takes what does it take like 10 minutes to go around or something boy it was a big plan before we shot they're like man this could be so awesome yeah anytime you hear that from the producer or director you're like oh this could be is going to be so awesome. Yeah, that's who we got. Anytime you hear that from the producer or director, you're like, oh, this is going to be so fucked up. It's because they're going to fuck this up. They're going to have to wait.

Okay, anyway, go ahead. Yeah, so we're trying to get on this thing to get it going. Meanwhile, they have to load a crew onto these fucking pods. Yeah. And if they fuck up, we have to go all the way the fuck around until they come back. That is the problem. And so, of course, we're trying to do this the right way one time, but they literally can't stop it.

The hotel company was like, we won't, we cannot stop it because they go slow enough where they just have to keep it going. But we took so long to just get on these fucking things with a crew that by the time we went to shoot, we almost went over the time that we were supposed to be the whole yeah i remember that it was almost a whole call me i was supposed to come into work and they're like not quite like i can see the reflection of you guys in the hotel across the street i can see it was so slow it's going you know yeah yeah it might be we were filled with true lies and arnold and i arnold schwarzenegger and i we're we are solid buddies to this day you

know that's rare yes you and i are friends yes ar. Arnold Schwarzenegger and I are tight and we bonded immediately. We, we do each other before that movie, but we bonded immediately and he's such a quality guy. And I'm a, you know, I, it was my first,

I didn't know what the fuck I was doing. I thought, Oh, I could just, you know, and I, thank God I did because, but we,

I mean, there was a little bit of the movie went on and on and James, Jim Cameron is, is a great guy bit the movie went on and on and Jim Cameron is a great guy but it went on and on. You're saying the shoot went forever. Yeah, yeah. It was supposed to be

three months and it went seven months and it is so complicated. We were in a helicopter down in Florida and what was happening was these Harrier jets were supposed to fly

behind us and I couldn't see them because they were and I was supposed to go here they come but I couldn't see them fly. I was supposed to the timing was supposed to be just right where Jim shot at me over my shoulder and I missed it the first time and they had to go down the base and turn around and I missed it the second time because I don't like her talking and then Jim

Cameron here we go motherfucker if they fly by you again that's 50 motherfucking thousand dollars and I was like oh fuck and he did i nailed it the the third time just because but every there's a few of those jim cameron ones were like he just used to get so fucking another one where you pissed him off like that oh a bill i mean i enjoyed the shit out of him but he would get pissed and he had this the bullhorn and he would start screaming into it and then the the siren go off, and he broke a lot of bullhorns. But I love him. He blew up the seven-mile bridge. Arnold's like, do not show up late for work,

because then I'll be the day we, you know, because I was showing up. I was like, this motherfucker's never going to be on time. Why would I show up? He's like, that'll be the day they need you. And so they're blowing up this bridge, and then finally he's like, get in here, they're going to blow up the bridge. And we're waiting three days in our trailer to blow up the bridge. All of a sudden I hear boom, boom, boom, boom, boom.

And then I hear Cameron, God damn it. That was not right. Fuck that. And they had to rebuild the bridge and blow it up again. So that's the kind of shit because he knows what he's doing. They rebuilt the fucking bridge just to blow it up again? Yeah. Jesus Christ.

Yeah, but check this out. So Arnold Schwartz, don't record this. I'm kidding. Okay, we'll turn it off. No, no, here's the best. Bill Paxton. Let me tell you something about Bill Paxton. Bill Paxton was the funniest guy in the world.

Bill Paxton knew Jim Cameron from before. They go back, like Arnold and I are like this, and Bill Paxton and Jim Cameron go back to day one when they worked for Russ Meyer or whoever and the thing about Jim Cameron is he does know how to do your job better than you because he started off distressing tables and when he says something about that light he'll climb that fucking light thing and fix it because he knows how to do it so you it's you know when he gets intense it's because the movie's gone over and he's put all his money back in the movie and put everything on the fucking line.

Whether it be Titanic, whatever movie, the studio said, fuck you, Jim Cameron. And he said, I'll put my whole fucking career and everything I owed on this. And that's how he is. That's why it works the way it works. He gets a little crabby, you know what I mean? But he was always good to me. I mean, he was like, fuck it. Tell me about Bill Paxton.

So Bill Paxton. So we're in Washington, D.C., and we're filming on Constitution Avenue. That's big. That's the front of the Capitol there. And fucking Arnold Schwarzenegger. Bill Paxton,

I love to make him laugh. He's in the backseat. I'm in the front with this SUV. Arnold's driving. And Arnold fucking is an immigrant. So he fucking loves America, like overloves it. Like it fucking,

and so Bill Paxton's in the back, and he would laugh. I'd make fun of Arnold and fucking Bill Paxton in the back and i i he would laugh i i could i may find arnold and fucking bill paxton would die so anyway arnold's like this a light went out we're on the street they got the street block there's 500 people watching over here the light goes out arnold's like you know what that's gonna take 20 minutes i'm gonna take you guys on a tour of the monuments and so he takes us out and seeing the monuments we've seen in washington dc it's impressive you get a little tingle

but seeing them through the eyes of a fucking immigrant especially Arnold Schwarzenegger it's fucking annoying he's like oh guys there's a fucking Lincoln Memorial

look at that fantastic and he's taking us on there and I'm looking at Pax and I'm like god damn it and he goes around the corner and all of a sudden we come back to our spot and I see James Cameron

in the middle of the street like this what and he's standing right and James Cameron is not like a regular director. He's a six foot three fucking raw bone. He's a big dude. Yeah.

And he is fucking pissed. And I think Arnold, because Arnold never fucks up. And it didn't take two minutes or 20 minutes to change the light. It took two this time. Oh shit. So they've had the street block there.

And that's a huge deal. Out front of the fucking Capitol building. That's right. And so he pulls up and james caverns gets in front of the car and he comes around and whips my door open and fucking starts climbing over me to get to arnold i fucking slide out of there and he fucking gets around the top arnold's he's like motherfucker you fucking pull shit like that you're gonna have fucking paul verhoeven finish this motherfucking movie and then i fucking slink back into the car and

i sit next to ar'm like hey you gonna take that shit for that asshole and he's like you know I fucked up alright but Bill Baxter is just fucking dying I go look at

god damn it look at all these people that are watching Arnold they're taking pictures of that shit that's fucking sad and I just stayed on he was

because Arnold's words say you're never fucked up but he takes a lot of shit from you because you're so close to him like you can fuck with him but a lot of people don't fuck with him well he fucks with me too but here's the thing I fuck with himger never fucks up. But he takes a lot of shit from you because you're so close to him. Like you can fuck with him, but a lot of people don't fuck with him.

Well, he fucks with me too, but here's the thing. I fuck with him when he fucks with me because it's so stupid. Yeah. But he's the fucking most decent person. He genuinely, he gets up every day as if he's running for office.

He goes out, like when we give, we give out 10,000 gifts every Christmas and I think that's a huge deal down in South Central. And then he goes and does something. He'll go to a fire station or he'll call me here's the best

he doesn't know this this is a podcast story I'm doing this podcast it's called Two Girls and a Mic or something like this they review smart women they review porn

they reached out to me love it but they review it like seriously and they said we review who's Naylin Palin it's from 2008

it's a Sarah Palin movie oh right and so my assistant before bed, his buddy, they're all buddies. They come from the synagogue. I get the same group of guys.

I say to him, we got to get this point for Who's Dayland Palin and let's watch it. I was like, oh, I shouldn't watch it with my assistant in the office. That's a porn.

That would look bad. Yeah. You know, they're working with my kids. So I watch this thing because these women are very smart, but they're very attractive and they think I'm cool

because of politics. Right. And I'm like, I want to be cool with these women. I'm going to do the podcast. So we set it up. It's a Saturday and they were all on this,

we're doing it at my house and then Arnold, I see face, somebody FaceTimes me in my iPad and I don't know what to do and I open it. It's Arnold and he's like,

hey, motherfucker, let's go down and get some turkeys away at the goddamn Hollaback Center center on monday i go oh fuck i forgot it was thanksgiving he's like hey fucker what are you doing i go nothing i go okay i'll see you fucker all right bye he's a part of that podcast daily palin it's in there of arnold's words he's not hailing palin but he doesn't feel no idea it's so bad because it's's Sarah Palin who fucking hates me and it's part of it. But also, it's his fault

because he asked me the last minute to go give away a turkey. That's what he gets. If he called me before, so he's part of a porn podcast. It's so bad, but that's our friendship.

He'd be proud. I feel like he'd be proud. First of all, I said to them, imagine if he were actually a part of it, the fucking comments he would make about that.

Holy shit. Yeah. That would be like fucking really disgusting. I would love to hear him on that. Oh my God. I have heard. But you know, Nailah Palin holds up. It's good, huh?

I tell you what, the Russian guys, it's about the Russia story. Yeah. And the woman that plays, Lisa, a guy who started by Space Saturday, she's wonderful. We're friends now. She's fucking awesome she's good at that and her she's built

so she's athletic and she's amazing as Sarah Palin cause she's this is more of like a feature than as a porno oh it's a feature

they shot it three days man two and a half days really 2008 and look at the movie James Cameron did this with Nalen Palin

I'll tell you it's better the quality than what we shot the whole fuck and I'm not kidding you gotta watch it it's that good it really is I'm gonna with Nalen Palin, by the way. I'll tell you, it's better the quality than what we shot the whole fuck, and I'm not kidding, you gotta watch it. It's that good. It really is.

I'm gonna watch Nalen Palin. And the storyline is not so bad, and you know what? It holds up, there's a lot of lines in there, you go, that's today. Right. That's what's going on

in the world today. Watch it. Nalen Palin. Who's Nalen Palin? They spell it different. Yeah, because they don't want to get fucking sued. Yeah.

Can they get sued for that? Isn't it satire? Of course they don't. Is porno parody? Porno's parody. Well, because they don't want to get fucking sued. Yeah. Can they get sued for that? Isn't it satire? Of course they don't. Is porno parody? Porno's parody. Well, this one is. But you know, you change it a little bit. You definitely have to change it when she's running for office.

I guess. Yeah, because she looks a lot like her. It does. Yeah. Yeah, she does. How many hicks do you think think it was real? I don't know. But Sarah Payton had just tweeted at me because I'm fighting with that.

I always feud with the NRA. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, and I did. She tweeted at you recently? Yes, right that weekend. What did she say? Because I said, I'm feuding with the Dana Loesch for the NRA because my general thinking she's an idiot.

They're idiots. And I said a fact. It's a fact. 80% of gun owners shoot a member of their own family because I want them to go, how outrageous. Tom Arnold, because they'll just start attacking. she you know i do these facts like uh that because they're trying to say uh the what they how many black uh nra members are i go there are five black nra members prove me wrong and they can't but they try there's millions of people coming

at me well i know a guy though show me his picture. I had that whole thing going. There is literally five pictures. And then when I said 80% of them shoot themselves, well, by God, that would be like, they're really genuinely arguing

and it was on Fox News the whole thing. That's how fun. It's so fun. It's fun to troll. But they also threaten your life. But I don't care. Yeah, whatever.

I don't care. Come get me. Yeah, but they're ridiculous so that's why we got to get stopped. You got a lot of heat for the piss tapes? well i mean it's it's going for the show but it's still going but he's but it's worked i mean he's going to resign this summer but i mean did you did you get a lot of did you get a lot of death threats and shit from oh yeah yeah that's so it's endless what do you know we had the what do you do the secret service has been in my house

and the fbi but it also goes both ways so you know because i i have the kids i i can't go to interviews with the fbi say you have to come here and so my house is the safest place and when these people threaten me then we know who they are right so the day that the uh maga bomber was the day before he got caught the Secret Service was in my house because I said I wanted to fucking wrestle Donald Trump so I have a I said I filmed a full hour first of all I wanted that they had to give me the speech they give him about hey we when you you're inciting violence right and I wanted to get me that we walked around the house and we coordinated with the the FBI to make sure my house safe my house is a bunker and it's also filled.

There's a lot of, you know, because if people are watching me from the outside, we're, you know, it's a double-edged sword

and so, number one, I don't care what people say. I'm not afraid of their threats but we do pay attention but I'm also going

to live my fucking life. Yeah, but you have to pay a little bit of attention because you have kids. I pay more than I'm saying right here. Would you sacrifice

Ben, your assistant? Would he be the body that would take a bullet? Well, he is the body that takes a bullet. Ben, would you take a bullet? Ben thinks about it. Yeah, you don't have a choice.

Ben, come in here real quick. Ben, just my five-year-old son weighs 80 pounds. Will you do me a favor? Will you grab me some of that Buffalo Trace, please? Yeah. I feel like I need to put you

a little bit to work. Because you're here. He's standing around. Thank you. Thank you so much. Well, Ben has been, you know,

the Papadopoulos is, we filmed in the house. The, the, there's a bit of Russian spy in the house and, and, you've been privy to all this,

right? Yeah. Yeah. Ben's privy to a lot of things. He probably has no, you know, so he has no idea that he could get killed

at any moment. Right. Ben, and Ben's other, the guy, two, the assistant, two assistants goes, who's friends with Ben.

And they were killed. I just say show up to work with your camera. There'll be somebody there that smuggled the tape from the Trump Tower. So he's replaceable is what you're saying. What's that? He's replaceable. Well, you know, he's got a nice family. Right.

But Ben's what, he is replaceable. Yeah. Do you have any brothers? There's a series of guys that are friends with him. They just keep replacing each other. One gets a job at ICM and then they move up a notch. But they're wonderful boys. Yes, they all look nice.

They really are. They look sweet. They really are wonderful. Yeah, well, he's on your team. But just know, by the way, you can get killed. Yes. Yeah, and be happy. Yeah.

It's been a good run. How old are you? I'm 23. You lived enough life. 23 is long enough. I'm hard how old are you I'm 23 you lived enough life 23 is long enough I'm hardening him up I'm toughening him up just beat him

I give him the same way I am with my son I am with him right you know tough love well tough

but also fair right you know but you're sweet to your daughter you don't give any toughness to well she's tough she's

well she's right she beats your ass well do you think Quinn she is when she's you don't give any toughness to well she's tough i mean she's well she right she is she beats your ass well he she do you think quinn and she is she when she's i don't pay attention she'll actually say oh jeez she goes oh i'm sorry she'll punch you in the head will stab me i mean there's something she's vicious she's wonderful let me tell you something she is uh uh you know we we do this gig every day save me where she's potentially she's falling off the bed and has her hand and it is oh it's like she's hanging off a cliff yeah but but you saw her on the edge of the chair like it's getting crazy she looks like she's always about to get hurt right but she'll walk up but she's braver than her brother her brother's a brute right but she'll

tear him apart she'll say stuff and she'll she'll fuck with him i mean he's he's like we'll do this and she'll fly across the room but she could do say something or him and he'll weep and she gets on top of the monkey bars and i have to get under her like don't do on the top of yeah climb them yeah after i pick up a school that you know now they do this thing where we want to play in the big playground because they know they fucking got me right i'm the last all the moms have left as me these two kids that are trying to walk out. She'll get up there and walk. I'm like, honey, I love that you're brave.

I do. But you can't. Rule number one, nobody gets hurt. Rule number two, no choking. Those are my only two rules I got with the kids. But you see her. Those are the only two rules. She's just looking at me.

But she goes to. It's intense. It is intense. It is intense. It's intense. What's the age difference? Two years. Two years. Yeah,

but they're very close. They're best friends now. They're best friends, but I also sleep with, listen, they both want to sleep next to me, they both want to touch me, but they can't touch each other.

He's touching me. We're in a bed and it's, dad doesn't get much sleep and last night, all of a sudden I hear thud and it's like, where's Quid? Quid fell. I go, Jax, you got to get much sleep. And last night, all of a sudden I hear thud. And it's like, where's Quint?

Quint fell. I go, Jax, you got to get Quint. We had to Quint up. And so I asked Ben, what did I ask you to get today? One of those big pillows. You had to block the side of the bed. You know, we had one, but there's so many. Just get those rails.

Like old people have rails on the side of their bed. Well, that's what I say. We're keeping it for me. We're holding on to this. Listen, it's important. It's very close. For you. Let me tell you what I say. We're keeping it for me. We're holding on to this. Listen, it's important. It's very close. Let me tell you what else happened. She asked me last night, Dad, why do you pee so much at night? I said, well, you know, I said, you know, maybe I drink too much water because she noticed I was peeing twice.

And then I came back in the room. She had gone on PBS and had a video of the human body and was showing, like, she's that smart. She was getting an anatomy of why you piss so much yeah it's showing me why and i was like whoa is that really what she's three but she is what it is she's way smarter than her brother you know i might be she might be smarter than you oh she's smarter yeah yeah you know what she'll say to me in the morning i i picked her up at her mom's end and she's's like, did you rest last night? I go, what? Did you get rest last night? I go, yeah.

She goes, well, I know you're alone in the house. And her brother's like, hey, give me my iPad, Dad. But she's that, you know. She cares. She cares, and she's never heard anybody say that to me. It's not like she heard her mom say that. Right, she just is thinking that. Yeah. Wow, that's really intuitive and forward.

I'm going to say one sad thing. This girl has these Disney characters where there's a princess and a prince and Olaf and the Frozen. Love it. And she acts those out. She'll say, you're the prince, daddy. You're the this. And then she sometimes looks at families and she'll say, that's mom, that's you.

You know, it's. Right. And so, but the thing is, she has all these fantasies. But in her real life, her real life got let down because she's never seen her parents. And never even faked. Disney should make a movie about divorce then. Well, of course. But, and so I'm going to spend the rest of my, you know, I say, well, I'm spending the rest of my life making it up.

Because I'm just going to be a great dad. I'm going to be a good dad. But, you know, I say, well, I'm spending the rest of my life making it up. Because I'm just going to be a great dad. I'm going to be a good dad. But, you know, kids get fucked over no matter what. I can say, people are like, well, she'll never remember this. Well, fuck that. Her day one experience is, well, what is a family? You know, I can show her all the movies in the world, which I do, and say, you know, but she goes to school and looks at these other, you know, other yeah and sure i could get a hot chick in there by the way her mom tried to write this between us into the agreement then all of a sudden she's like i think tom you know he's

almost 60 she wrote this he's almost 60 he can have a heart attack so he needs a full-time daddy over there like to find the body and i was i was just about to go on stage at the comedy store this like the last week and i and i called my lawyer and I'm like, you know what? Usually the wife is like, I got to make sure this guy doesn't have full-time daddy. Because you start interviewing the hottest. You know what happens with nannies. Then you have a heart attack. You're like, I just died.

I had the hot daddy. So it's always reversed. But, you know, things are great. I love being a dad. It is the best. I just love it. It's what I always wanted to do. You know. But, you know, things are great. I love being a dad. It is the best. I just love it. It's what I always wanted to do. You know.

Yeah, I know. Well, I can feel the way that you were when I first met you. And now, I mean, you're the same. You're the same guy. You're the same lovable guy. But the one thing that I think is more obvious to me is you're happier about all this. No, I'm happier about everything. I'm healthier. That, like, lifts all your shit i mean it's it's everything uh you know this is

the best life i've ever had i love it you know there's you've lived a thousand lives i have but seriously have i have and i'm so grateful that i but it's all to get to here it's all the lessons and all the you know because these kids need me every moment. Oh, yeah. And they deserve it. And it's fun. Right. It's not like I have to teach them about life. It's like I'm learning who they are every day and it's changing. Right.

What a great thing to. And for you to raise kids at your age, you don't even feel like you're your age. No, I know. Like my grandmother used to say, well, this has been a story that many older people always say to me. It's always like you feel an age at some point and then you kind of stick with that forever. Yeah. Like you never really feel your age. Yeah.

Like you kind of just feel like a number and that's just a number that you are. But like, you know, I've been told that people are like, no, I feel like I'm 40 my whole life. Right. Like it just kind of something sticks with. So like I know you don't feel your age at all no i have a picture of my dad my dad was a single father my mom was crazy she left and he's 22 i'm four my sister's three my brother's one and i'm like holy shit how did that guy do and so there's a lot of things i took 22 year old yes that's crazy you know my mom They were 16 and whatever when they

got married and crazy and I said how did that guy but I remember so much is coming back about the moments that meant the most like when he got off work and he got on the floor with us. That meant a lot or when he paid attention to something I was doing like really paid attention.

Because they know. They know when you want to be with them. They know when you're bullshitting. They can feel it whether or not you're full of shit. They can feel it. It gives you a tingle in your spine. Where did your dad work again? What did he do? He worked at, well, he worked at a factory.

Because you worked at a factory when you were young too. Oh yeah, I worked at a whore mill at the meat packing plant. Yeah, at the meat packing plant. He worked there too. I worked on the kill floor for three years. You slaughtered animals for a long time. I did. I slaughtered 6,000 hogs.

I'm a Jew. I slaughtered 6,000 hogs. My grandpa worked there 50 years, Gas House Graham. Were you the only Jew in Iowa, by the way? No, there's four. There's not enough to hate. I'm telling you that's true.

It was so minimalistic on the scale that nobody recognized? Well, it's that. The black guys in our class were the kings of the problem. They were like people where I went to school, they're like, oh, you're black, you're Jewish, you're better than us. Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa, you're different. Oh, my God, you are the king of the, you're better than us.

Okay, we are, you know, so you're different. Did you actively tell people you were Jewish when you were a kid or no because it was bad? You just said, no, you did not actually. Let me tell you something. All the kids around you were probably just Catholics or something, right, in not actually. Let me tell you something. All the kids around you were probably just Catholics or something, right? In the Midwest. Let me tell you something. I'm acting like, oh, no, nobody cared.

People cared. You didn't tell. My grandpa was like, let's keep this down low. Don't tell anybody. Oh, no. You know, it was like a week in it. I'm acting like, hey, everybody was cool. No, no.

It was the opposite. No, no. it was the opposite no no no no people because they have that dumb

there's a lot of ignorant people and you know my uncle made the documentary The Secret Life of Adolf Hitler and he wrote the book you know

he's from New York and did a lot of wonderful things and very proud of by the way in some way I remember there's a couple friends a lot of wonderful things and and uh very proud of by the way it's up iowa it's like i remember there's a couple friends who just kind of looked and they had high holy days in the back of arty

singles western wear because he didn't have a temple i'd come down to arty singles the kind of tv hey you get your jeans here you get the red jeans you get the black jeans you get right which is the most stereotypical jew in the world. People are like, that guy seems Jewish. Yes, that's Artie Segal. But, so he's just kind of been capping on the, And that was the synagogue. In the back of Artie Segal's Western Way.

What a nice guy he was. Yeah. But there was just, just, you just, you just didn't, you just didn't, why,

why push it? God damn it. You had so many catholics and there was nothing but catholics yeah that's all it was in the midwest yeah yeah i mean i mean seriously so and because you're and and but in iowa it's it's all it's all farmers and all old christians and but but you know what as i lived like that and i had some terrible things happen when i was four. My mother, before she left, she set me up with this horrible male babysitter who was a pedophile. And bad things happened.

And then we lived with my dad until I was nine and a half. And he married the next-door neighbor. And she was not a fan of mine. And it was rough. It was rough. And I ended up moving to my grandparents. Got moved around. I was ostracized by my own family. And then I moved to my grandparents got moved around i was ostracized my own family and then i moved to my grandparents and they're wonderful my grandma's wonderful but first day i lived there i came home with a black eye from school and my grandma started weeping

because she saw a black eye like it's a black eye normal kids have from a fight and she was like oh my god i was like oh no i can't live here either because she but there was a you were gonna get many more black eyes right that wasn't going to be your only fucking black eye yes of course like a kid would but there was she lived by St. Mary's church or whatever you call it

the Catholic yeah it's a big beautiful place and so I'd walk by there to get to her house and every day there's a basketball court on the side

they had the new young I almost called him a rabbi but a priest yeah and he was in town and he was out. He saw me walk one day by myself and came out and shot some baskets with me.

And then every day, this young priest came out and shot baskets with me on the way to my grandma's. And it really made a difference in my life. And you almost switched to Catholicism. Yeah, I know, but he took the time. This guy who was in fucking, people hated me in school,

people hated me and my family. But this guy, now he was a Catholic, this guy who was in fucking, people hated me at school, people hated me and my family. But this guy, now I was a Catholic, everybody knows that, took the time to just sit there and shoot baskets with me. And on the way to my grandparents, my grandparents are old and creepy. No, no, they're old. So I did not have a place. Nobody liked me, and I stopped there.

And he was a cool dude. Do you remember his name? I have it at home father something yeah yeah but he was but he did it but okay like not to sound like this is a metaphor for for the world but that just goes to show you that it's not about fucking religion it's just no it's not at all not at all he was just a good guy he was a very good guy and he knew and that guy said this kid needs something and that's that's the best it's absolutely not about religion right and he was new in town right and you know he's new town but he not that he needed me but he probably it's always good but i'll tell you what man that's that stuck with me and i'll tell you

what you do something for a kid you like that you know something positive you know that sticks with him you rape him like that by that other guy i'll fucking hunt you down i hunted that guy down when i got sober. Oh, you did? Oh, you know I did. He was a big religious leader. You can Google this story. And I confronted him at work, and he's a big, rich guy,

and I walked into his workplace of work. We had a private eye. We found him. What was your plan? Well, I practiced so I didn't fucking beat. I was just going to say, because you murdered him, right? Well, first of all, I went back to my old neighborhood, and I asked around, and it turns out he I was just going to say, because you murdered him, right? Well, first of all, I went back to my old neighborhood. And I asked around.

And it turns out he'd done it to other people, including his brother. It wasn't a one-time deal. Right. So then I made a plan with my therapist. I practiced what I'd say. So I didn't get, you know, I'd already been in trouble with fighting and stuff. So my brother, who's a brother of some kind of a, you know, he tracked him down. He's like, okay, there's where the fucker is you know and so without it he's now he'd moved on and the and the worst part was

he adopted boys him and his wife he's a big one is he he was about to i was gonna wait a little bit and i practiced and then he's like he's about to adopt his fourth son right now i'm like i'm going so i and i'll tell you what i i'm tough and I'm not afraid of this guy but it was fucking a little scary and then I get to a place I walk into the reception area I go

hey and the woman's like oh my god it's Iowa so she's like oh my god it's I go I'm here to see Terry Williams and she's like oh my god I go

she goes I'll tell him I go no no no tell him please and I started walking down the hall and he came out of his office what a weird coincidence and so I start my speech I'm here to give you back the pain and shame he caused me as a kid and i hadn't seen him

since you know it was all rehearsed yeah yeah practice and he started he kept on coming up on me and my whole thing that i did this was because i didn't want to be back at walmart in tomahua and have that fucker behind me going see that famous famous guy? I fucked him. So I was like, I'm gonna own this fucker. I'm gonna find him. I'm gonna confront him. So as he comes up on me, he gets right up on me and sticks his finger in my chest and goes, your memories are false.

I'm like, his fucker's been confronted before. And for a second, it scared me because I was four suddenly. And I was like, I felt like that for a second. And then I was like, fuck that. I took his hand and I was like, and if you try to like that for a second and then i was like fuck that i took his head and like if you and if you try to do that to me now i'd break your fucking neck that was the last part of the and then i looked at his eye and now he was fucking scared and then i finished the rest of the speech and people had come out of their offices and they

heard that these all these employees and i left it there and i ran out of there and i fucking felt like a million dollars I was like called home and I told Roseanne I said if I could did it I called my brother and then I went straight across the street to the to the capital of Iowa there in Des Moines I went right into the governor's office uh Terry uh Brad's dad he's a the ambassador to China now for Trump but he was the governor I said hey listen man this motherfucker is about to adopt his fourth child you need to stop this right now he's like are you fucking kidding me that's a federal offense Tom you get the fuck out of here I'm gonna pretend you weren't here and we had a big and then I was

like screaming you know people walk into the now like I was ahead of the game and then uh and then I'm like well fuck you then you anyway so, but four days later, my brother called and goes, there was a paperwork staff who he did not adopt. So this guy who's a Republican, hardcore Trump guy, backed me up and made sure this guy could not adopt a child. That happened. So- Well, that's how real people take child molestation.

Yeah, yeah. Like, fuck you, no, fuck it. This is the right thing for a ton to the Capitol. Fuck you, no, fuck it. Anyway, so then I had my farmhands. I thought, done everything i can i thought wait a minute so i had my farmhands go six blocks around terry wayne's house uh kid high on every pole every side post and they did every other night for six weeks and put up a sign with his face his crimes and his address and his name and and did it six weeks in a row so everybody knew.

Then I went on TV, I went on Oprah, and they go, I'm not going to say the guy's name, but let's call him right into camera, Terry Williams. Just begging that fucker to sue me. And 30 more kids came forward and confronted him after that. Including his own brother. Is this guy

dead? I don't know. He's dead. He's dead. His life guy dead? I don't know. He's dead. He's dead. His life is dead. His life is dead. But he might be alive. I don't know.

Fuck him. But that part of his life's over. Wow. It's crazy because... But let me tell you something. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then when Jack's turned four a year and a half ago Dr. Drew said you know

when Jax turns four you're gonna have issues I said no I'm not I dealt with that I fucking went down and get this guy but when he turned four

sure enough I looked at him I go holy shit I was like that because when you when you're abused like that you think

oh it's the back of your mind you're like oh I was a bad kid though they couldn't be the adults because I was a bad kid I was looking at him like holy it's just shocking you blame yourself well it's shocking back of your mind. You're like, oh, I was a bad kid, though. They couldn't be the adults because I was a bad kid. I was looking at them like, holy, it's just shocking. You blame yourself.

Well, it's shocking that somebody would do that to a fucking child. Right. Like, if the child looks like that, you could pretend, well, I was some kind of monster. I'm weird. And then you see it in your face. Did your family believe you? Is that what it was, too? Did people not believe you?

Well, I didn't tell. I mean, you don't tell. First of all, he's going to murder my dad. He lived across the street and he had a rifle. He would just aim it when my dad would come home and say, I didn't tell. I mean, you don't tell. First of all, he's going to murder my dad. He lived across the street and he had a rifle. He'd just aim it when my dad would come home and say,

I'm going to fucking kill. Everybody has guns there. And he'd aim it straight down and say, yeah, I'm going to kill your dad, your sister, your brother, my little sister, brother. Fuck.

And so, you know, he was a, you know, he's a bad guy. Did you see this documentary Abducted in Plain Sight? Of course. And we were just talking about it. It's like,

but that's the kind of thing that to me, it's crazy that things go on forever and ever and people know. Okay, so like, if 30 people came forward, people fucking knew

that this guy was a weirdo and a perv and a fucking sicko. But somehow, some way, these great manipulators convinced people that either it's not a big deal

or it didn't really happen or it's not to be talked about. And that to me was the most, that documentary made me sick. I was watching it on a fucking airplane getting nauseous because I thought

this guy was able to, without giving anything away because it's so fucking good you should watch it abducted in plain sight. But it's also disturbing to think these parents of these children were so easily fucking manipulated.

Right, exactly. That this guy was like a friend, like a hero, like a buddy, a community leader. Like it grosses you out but also it makes you think it's kind of like how cancer is in our society when you're like oh god you hear about cancer but then you're like it's not gonna happen to me or my family and it's like no no that shit fucking happens all the time right that's so and i'll tell you something about trauma like that and people don't see people they see women coming forward 30 years later like how the fuck the fuck does she? Let me tell you something.

I for the last few years, I've been in trauma therapy since my son turned four. And you go in there and you could smell the laundry in the backyard the day you were raped. The moment I could see the I could see that the the curve of the the wood as i had my face slammed against the wall and literally that moment is burned in your mind and then you want to get the fuck out of that room my goal was i'm in that room and every time i get into a fight or somebody has harassed me i touch on that moment like that's why i act out like bam that's where i act from i want to not react from that place right now because that's sensitive. I know I got out of that room, by the way.

He put his room behind the closet in the front. I know I, because I got out of there, right? So here I am. So we slowly walked me out of there, at least to the front porch where he has a gun and threatening my family, at least, you know, to the sunlight so I could react from there because I got out of that room and I needed to get out of that room in my head that I didn't react from there. And that's what, you know, trauma therapy, there's a lot of ways to do it. But you can't be locked in that moment.

But you got to feel, it's shocking how your brain, you know, because brain's pretty powerful. Well, it's so funny. You could try to erase it with any kind of substance on the world. Oh, my God, of course. But it won't work. But I'll tell you what I did. Tra, it's so funny. You could try to erase it with any kind of substance on the world. Oh, my God, of course. But it won't work. But I'll tell you what I did. Trauma will stay there forever. Yeah, but also what I did was split.

I disassociated as a kid. You know, I also had that, you know, it's been a problem occasionally as an adult. Whereas as a kid, it saves your life. Right. Because you're in the middle of this horrible thing and all of a sudden you're in another place. Right. And then alcohol, when you first drink it, you're like, oh my god i could that takes me that place by just drinking this i could be in this other world and then you drugs oh this other world and then it gets weird and then it's like

it's confusing and you become an urinatic probably in the beginning like i was and then you you know you can see how you would abuse it that's how people that have abused, because they disassociate to get out of that horrible pain. And then all of a sudden, alcohol and drugs are like, oh, that's a freeway to that thing. That's a super trade. I'll just do that. And it's never dealing with the original problem. Never.

And also, that thing is going to be there, so you have to just keep working on it, because it's never going to go away. Especially for me as a parent, I have to have worked on that. Yeah. I have to be the best parent I as a parent i have to have worked on that yeah and be the best parent i could be and that but you have to be sober and i have to you know so i it doesn't look like it because i'm fat but this is this is the best i've ever been so you know i have a million other things i think you look fucking great every day every day you know whatever i

could learn i'm taking a seminar on how to say no to my children that's going to be yeah i feel like that makes me cry already thinking about it yeah no i know you you could say no to my children. That's going to be, that makes me cry already thinking about it. Yeah, no, I know you. You could say no to any fucking adult about anything. Well, for sure. Yeah, but for your kids? I get in their face, but the kid,

I'll tell you the last story. I had guys, my wife moved out. I had my group over to the house, a group of sober guys. We were upstairs having our little support group in the master suite area.

All of a sudden, my buddy's like, what's under the covers in the bed there? I go, sudden my buddy's like what's under the covers in the bed there I go oh that's Jax they go well is he gonna stay in here for the meeting I go hey Jax you gotta go downstairs you go and he wouldn't do it I go well I guess they go no no Tom he's yet you gotta make your son go downstairs I go no no well it's been kind of rough around here no they go they're all fathers they go Tom you have to make I go i don't know if i can they go he what that's that's that you're a father he will appreciate it i had it was so hard i had to go jacks i gotta make you

go it was brutal and they're looking at me like what the fuck is wrong with you but but but because you see it as a bonding experience that you're having with like well no i just see it was hard i thought he i just like he's always around. You love that he's there. Ben'll tell ya, they're in there, ripping, you know, it took a long time to go, hey, you guys can't destroy my stuff. You know, I get to have stuff. Yeah.

And they're like, oh, okay, you know. But you kinda don't, so what's the difference? Well, but they be going through so much with the stuff in the house, I gotta compensate, you know, in my mind. Right. But once I get it all ironed out

I'm gonna we're gonna have some if when he gets older if he wants to go to a meeting and stuff like that would you would you want him to go

well fuck yes he was yeah he could do whatever I wanted him to do with you I'm saying if you're like do you

oh my god of course that's a bit yeah like my dad they can still sleep in the same bed with me their whole life I mean then I'm gonna report

I always was like yeah my kid's gonna have his bedroom because they have their own bedrooms yeah and then because things started getting you know and i realized one day oh my god we are sleeping because we're all sleeping again in the bed yeah you know and then she goes and they both want to they both want to sleep with me we go through all this stuff it seems weird and then I end up on the side of my back or the side bottom of the bed and I'm looking at my kids I get up and I go

but this is the life look at those babies it's a good fucking life it's the best life yeah it's the best life it's all worth it it is

all that shit's all worth it of course you know it's what an honor aren't you but like are you because this is your first two kids yes aren't you happy that you waited because this is your first two kids yes

aren't you happy that you waited this long to have kids well I am happy that this is I'm grateful yeah I think there's

this proves there's a God in it this is your belief yeah but this is you know yeah yeah

I just think maybe it worked at the exact right time it did it did say when you were say when you were younger oh my god

when I was 18 my girlfriend me pregnant my 17 year old girlfriend said God. When I was 18, my girl, the meatpacking plant, my 17 year old girlfriend said she was pregnant. I was like, here we go. 50 years here. That's it.

And I was so crazy. Right. Because the meatpacking plant, like your life was this. In the plant, you get in a fight, you get in an argument. We'll settle it after work,

be at a unit hall. Hell yeah. Fist fight. Okay. Everybody has to go buy a shot every night like like it's a brutal fighting fight always oh let me tell you something it's if you think about like it's a brutal you know life and that's how it was fun and just drinking if you can't fight in the plant because your knives are so sharp it would be murder oh easily yeah you know outside you gotta you just

gotta smack it out and then when people are done, you just go drink it away. Yeah, and I'll tell you something about guns. If you had a gun and I had my sticker knife, you couldn't get your gun out. You would be dead. The sticker is the most high-paid person in a bee packing plant. One little stick right here, that's all they do. It's a finesse job.

They stick 6,000 times. That's 6,000 deaths. You would be bleeding out. I'd reach over as you reach for your gun. You wouldn't know what happened. It might be on your neck like that. And you'd be going, hey, Tom, oh. Were you a snigger?

I'm dying. I stuck at the end. I was just going to say, that's got to be the most important. It is. Do a lot of accidents happen? What's that? Do accidents happen? The only accidents are when you miss the jugular and that blood stays in the hog.

The only accidents are when it lives. That's bad. That would be an accident but i'll tell you what they're surgeons they're technicians i'm looking at your neck but it's like what they said that senior service came to my house and i'm so i tell them i'm super cool and they came because i said i would wrestle donald trump because he's first he's in the wwe hall of fame so i go guys come on it's not like's not like some guy. He's bragging about how he wants to body slam somebody. I know him.

He's been on my sports show. I've been to the Playboy Mansion with him. You know, I'll come to his event. If he body slams me first, then, you know. And then he said, the second thing you made a comment about, next time Kathy won't be holding a fake head. Was that about Kathy Griffin? I was like, well't i didn't tag it

to her tweet but i was you know somebody's giving me shit and i was like listen about the kathy griffin i said we're not good friends but i support her they said what do you think about that picture with the head yeah i worked in a b-pack land on the kill floor i don't like that that's not my kind of humor they said are you gonna show up at an event and what if you show up in iowa do you see him will you take will you swing on him i go how the fuck he's the president i have this all day i go he's the president one of the odds i would show up at an event and see him and swing on i go if he swings on me i'll swing on him they said another question read this off if you show up and you're like in the head shaking line will you try to cut his head off i go let me say you

something this is where they got yeah up until now, I go like this. They said, guys, I worked on the kill floor of Meatpacking. This is where I'm trying to prove I'm not crazy, okay?

I worked on the kill floor of Meatpacking. First of all, you know I'd have to have, to cut his head off, I'd have two knives and a bone saw. Also,

you don't just cut and fucking do his head off. You need another guy to turn him upside down by the angle and I talked it through and you can see there's two guys there's one great big white guy and one black guy the secret service guys like this and now by now i look psycho then you see if you can't i'll show

you this tape and now i really look like a fucking psycho that might cut the president's head off because now i've said exactly how i do it no i went you know this kind of guy's head off you have to take it it's not that that simple. There's a whole process. Yeah. I probably need another guy to turn him upside down. Did they know that you were fucking around?

Well, no. Then I started to talk. No, I was, well, first of all, I was serious.

Yeah, but I mean, did they know that you were mocking the question? Well, of course, they knew that in the beginning, but then I went too far

because I tend to talk too much. Yeah. Explaining why it would be so hard to cut somebody's head off because it takes a long time it takes a little bit you're just explaining

logistics but also I felt bad about that journalist for the Washington Post the guy who had 17 guys attack him

you know and I know how brutal that is because the truth is I have cut a lot of heads off not humans but it is a brutal thing they did

it's an inhumane thing they did. Even at a bee packing plant, I felt my humanity, eventually you become... Numb. Yeah. And I'll say this, there are people that work there

that are fucking sadistic. And you can tell the difference between your average guy that works there and he knows his job and he's justified in his head because we're farmers, this is what we do this we raise animals this this is and they're sadistic motherfuckers there and we always get rid of them

because they like it yeah they enjoy you could tell that shit's gross and we we get rid of them we i'll tell you that there's some fucking sadists there and i can remember as they came in they usually start in livestock and you can see something where they're fucking being cruel to the animals you know and people are like well you're see something where they're fucking being cruel to the animals you know and people are like well you're gonna kill them you're gonna shock them

you're gonna oh no no no humanely there's a thing to it and even as Jews we worship them because what they give to us I know it doesn't make any sense

if you you know now thinking back but I'll tell you what those sadistic fuckers we had a way of getting rid of them. It was probably sadistic. Did you take them out back? They were horrible things.

Now there's a lot of things that we did because they had the blackface controversy. I thought about the blue balling we did the night before a guy got married. This is where he's chasing down the groom. He'd take his pants off and and take it but just pull his dick up and you know that blue that that he put on on uh meat to take we put it on his balls and it's permanent and it's just a really brutal thing because you have to tackle the guy to be that's sometimes never comes off well i mean like maybe in a year or two but i mean it was any he's usually fighting us so it's like all over shit and then he had

to go to his wedding like that but the smart was to say just do it to me there's also a lot of those guys

let it go but now that I think about that was probably some kind of sexual crime probably plus we did it

in the yeah but if you were on Hormel Premises you were fine we definitely were on Hormel Premises

it was definitely a funny crowd. Oh, my God. You should see their face when they get there. They're looking around like, you guys are, no, we're not doing anything. Oh, my God. And then people start blocking off the exit. I feel like I'm never going to get a Hormel sponsor, by the way.

I don't know if there's a Hormel. No, I'm kidding. It doesn't fucking matter. Well, dude, Tom. Buddy, I love you. I love you, man. I don't know. It's just you, and it's wonderful. Well, I'm kidding. It doesn't fucking matter. Well, dude, Tom. Buddy, I love you. I love you, man. I don't know. It's just you, and it's wonderful.

Well, I love you. I love you, too. And I want to thank you for coming. We're going to get back, because it's Ben's bedtime. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, it's good. All right, let's get out of here. Thank you, buddy.

Bye. Thank you. Whisk, whisk, whisk, whisk. You're that creature in the ginger beard. Sturdy and ginger. Like vampires, the ginger gene is a curse. Gingers are beautiful. You owe me $5 for the whiskey and $75 for the horse.

Gingers are hell no. This whiskey is excellent. Ginger. I like gingers.