Whiskey Ginger with Andrew Santino - Tommy Brennan Joins The Show! | Whiskey Ginger
Episode Date: March 6, 2026Welcome to Whiskey Ginger a Wave series. Andrew Santino sits down with comedian and writer Tommy Brennan for a hilarious conversation about stand-up, writing for television, and the strange path that ...leads comics from late-night sets to the writers’ room. They talk about Tommy’s time writing at Saturday Night Live, learning how to craft jokes that actually land, and the difference between writing for yourself versus writing for someone else. It’s a great comic-to-comic breakdown of how the industry really works. In this episode: • Weird comedy fans that freak you out • How stand-up makes you a better comedy writer • Being a kids ref & insane parents • Behind-the-scenes comedy writing stories Drop a comment with your favorite Tommy Brennan bit. #WhiskeyGinger #AndrewSantino #TommyBrennan #ComedyPodcast #StandUpComedy #PodcastClips #Comedians ======================================================== This episode is sponsored by: SQUARESPACE USE PROMO CODE: WHISKEY GET 10% OFF YOUR ORDER https://squarespace.com/whiskey Andrew Santino IG: https://instagram.com/cheetosantino Tommy Brennan IG: https://instagram.com/somekidtommy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
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Welcome back to Whiskey Ginger, a Wave series. Well, Whiskinge fans, I am on the road.
Next weekend, Bobby Lee and I are going to be up in Lincoln, California, which is near Sacramento.
We're doing a bad friend show up there. The whole crew is going to be with us.
Then the following week, I'm going to be at the Win. Casino in Las Vegas.
Come out, Las Vegas, and see me at the win.
Then, end of the month, I'm going to be in Providence, Rhode Island at the Lil Roady Fest.
Come out and see me. That's a great festival filled with a lot of good comics.
Then to the Borgata and Atlantic City, April 3rd. That's a make-up date.
come out Borgata, let's go Atlantic City.
And then bad friends, probably the last show we're doing of the year together, May 8th, Los Angeles here.
YouTube theater for Netflix as a Joke Fest.
Go to Andrewsantino.com for those tickets, Andrewsantino.com.
In here, we pour whisk, whisk, whisk, whisk, whisk.
You were that creature in the ginger beard.
Sturdy and ginger.
Like vampires, the ginger gene is a curse.
Ginger's a pugil.
You want me $5 for the whiskey and $75 for the horse.
Ginger's, oh, hell no.
This whiskey is excellent.
Ginger, I like gingers.
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back to Whiskey, Jr.
My guest is one of my favorite people on Earth.
Say that for all my guests, but I mean once again today, it is Tommy Brennan.
Tommy Brennan here.
Cheers, Tommy Brennan.
Cheers, buddy.
Can I hit you with one right back?
Oh, yeah.
I've been practicing.
Okay.
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back to Whizsinger.
My guest today is one of my favorite people on Earth.
I say that for all my guess, but I mean it once again today, it is Andrew Sandinan.
Wow.
Wow, look me in the eyes.
Good.
All right, so today we're drinking a little bit of stag.
The boys never had stag, so I said we gotta get a sip of this.
Mmm.
That is harsher, but I like it.
That is good.
Good harsh.
Ooh, yeah.
Here's a good trick.
This is a whiskey trick.
Leave it in your mouth for a second.
Don't swallow right away.
Let the tongue do the work.
Ladies, stop it.
Will ya?
It never has before.
That's right.
Tommy Brennan.
Brennan, a wonderful comedian turning out to be an incredible sketch actor that people are finding out about, thankfully, to Saturday Night Live.
People have known for a long time that you're a talented young man. I heard to the grapevine how many people liked you.
And they said, you've got to meet this guy. He's great. Laura Peek, of course, our good friend, friend of the show, she said, the greatest.
You're going to love this guy when you meet him. I want you to meet my friend Tommy.
and I said, you know, I don't like guys
I don't like guys that do the Y in the end of their name.
I said, I'll call him Thomas or Tom, but I won't meet a Tommy.
Yeah.
I met you.
I stared into those eyes and that quaffed perfect hair and I thought,
love this guy.
So I met you and that changed me forever about you.
You were okay with Tommy then?
Well, then I saw your act and I was like, this guy's great.
That's huge.
It was a full circle moment.
Damn, I thought you were going to pull the rug out there.
That was just really genuine and nice.
No, no, but your breath smells.
So what I do think, no, you're,
You are a very talented, very funny dude, and a sweet guy.
When I met you, I was like, yeah, he's going to do fine in this business.
Thanks, dude.
Some guys you can tell.
Men a lot.
Met at the Fat Black.
Yeah, and Fat Black, that's right.
And for a reference.
That's a comedy club.
Yeah, we should probably...
Yeah.
I don't love the name.
No, it's tough.
Well, what's hard is, like, people will be like, hey, you're at the comedy seller.
That's so cool.
And I go, yeah, you can come hang anytime.
And they go, okay, where you at?
And I go, just type in fat black pussycat.
And they're like, and this is, what are we up to?
And it's like my mom.
I've had to tell my mom.
Yeah, come to the fat black.
Fat black pussy cat to see me.
Fat black pussy cat is a little bit less harsh than just because they nicknames all the comics
called it is fat black.
Yeah.
And you're like, I just don't love that.
Yeah, it's just tough for us to say.
I just don't love saying, where are you at?
Fat black tonight.
I don't like it.
But it's a great club.
We love the cellar.
We love all the rooms.
We love the cellar.
We love all the rooms.
It is the best.
But yes, we met there and continued a wonderful relationship.
And now you're in town doing some shows.
Looking handsome as ever because you're on a little break.
Having fun.
I'm doing L.A. stuff.
I'm taking meetings.
I did Irvine last night.
Can I tell you a weird thing that happened in Irvine?
Let me guess.
Okay.
You went down there.
Yeah.
And everybody booed.
Not that far up.
No.
That has happened pretty much every other time I've been to Irvine.
I get a text right before the show.
It says,
yo,
are you in the green room?
I was going to stop by and say hi,
but maybe I'll catch you afterwards.
Number I don't know.
We haven't texted before.
But it kind of had the cadence of like,
this feels like it's a big comment.
I'm a famous person.
Yes.
Yeah.
So I respond.
I said,
Hey,
my bad,
I deleted my Apple ID and I don't have a bunch of my contacts.
Lie.
Easy lie.
I mean, don't we all, we all know.
Yeah, it's just a game.
I don't know what it.
Yeah.
I don't know what it.
Kind of.
And I get a response that's like, it's all good when you're out on the road and you're hung over missing flights, which is like, I think a reference to an old bit of mine.
Oh.
And then it was like, it's Jeff.
I'll buy you a drink after the show.
And now I'm like, I don't know who that is.
And I get a selfie from Jeff.
And it's just a guy named.
Jeff. In the front row. Can I see this photo? This is amazing. Yeah. And we got to put it, we'll put it up for the audience to see as well. Yeah, he, uh... So Jeff got your number from the internet?
Yeah, so this is, this is Jeff. We'll make them put it up up. Oh, there's Jeff. Read my lie text, too.
Uh, let's, yeah, it's, yo! Exclamation point. Love the yo. Sorry, I deleted my Apple ID and accidentally lost half my contacts. Who is this? How would you only lose half, by the way?
That's so funny.
I lost half.
No worries.
That's life when you're on the road
a big hung over.
Like he said, is Jeff.
Let me know.
Treat you for a drink.
My treat.
Then I get a selfie.
Wow.
And then Jeff sent a selfie
and we'll put it up here
so people can see it clearly.
We'll send it to Joe
and Joe will put it up there clearly.
And then he texted you a few more times.
Didn't respond.
Did not respond to Jeff.
Once it was just a guy out there,
I was like, I don't love that.
How did he get your number?
And I peek out there.
He's sitting by himself,
which is always a good sign.
And, uh...
Just sharpening a knife?
Yeah.
Come on out, Tommy.
Come on, that skin looks comfy.
And I get out there, I go, my plan was like, do five jokes and then address it.
Sure.
And I get out there, and he's just smiling at me.
And I immediately just go, hey, man, are you Jeff?
And he was like, yeah.
And I go, do we know each other?
He's like, mm-mm.
And I was like, all right, to give everyone else some context, and I read the text,
I was like, so how do you have my number?
And he's like, he says a website.
I don't want to say what it is because I don't want people to find it.
Like a website to find people's contact info.
This is a thing that can happen these days.
And the whole crowd just goes, oh, what?
Boo!
Boo, Jeff.
Everyone's like, fuck that guy.
Like, they got angry.
Yeah.
And I was just like, oh, man, I had this theory.
I was like, I bet he knows one of my friends.
Yeah.
And they're fucking with me.
Right.
And then it was just like the creepiest answer.
Yeah.
He was like, I wanted to find it.
So I did.
Oh, no, Jeff.
And I was like, and you, like, you tried to make it seem like we knew each other so you could come in the green room.
Like, what did you think was going to happen in the green room?
You realized this is the beginning of a villain story.
You really created a villain.
Like, this man now wants to kill you.
Now his whole goal in life will be to kill you.
Yeah, no.
He's going to end up coming to SNL.
I thought about it a lot last night.
Yeah, should do.
A nice drive back.
Should do.
I mean, here's the thing.
And now we're talking about it on here, making it worse.
It's what he wanted.
He was doing a little attention-seeking behavior.
Uh-huh.
He took the job.
I've got jokes pretty well, I will say that.
I called him worse than Epstein.
Oh, wow.
Yeah.
Okay, when you told the jokes go, you're a weirdo, Jeff, say that to me and I'm Jeff.
Did he look like this? Go ahead.
I was like, Jeff, you're the scariest guy I've ever met.
Was it like that?
Yeah.
You're done.
Yeah.
That guy's gonna cook you, dude.
You will be on, he will be spit roasting you in his backyard.
This is, this was Tommy.
Tell me a joke now, Tom.
God.
Yeah.
I've had some strange.
I've had some strange.
I had a moment.
Oh, my God.
He remembers at the comedy store.
Someone said hi to me.
They acted extremely professional.
So my brain went into, have I met this person in the professional space?
Right.
It was insane.
Like I thought maybe we've worked together.
Maybe this person is someone that I, that's worked on a thing with me that I don't remember.
Yep.
And she was unbelievable, convincing that she was like, where have you been?
What's been going on?
She spoke like that.
And I was like, I've been running around.
What are you been?
Where have you been?
I've seen you since, uh, yeah, what were we at?
Where were we at?
And then I started to get, I started to do the baiting her with, with, with, with, with context
that's already going, what do you, what are you up to?
What's been going on?
You know, playing that game.
Same thing is I lost half of my contacts.
Yeah.
And she was like, I'm just, I'm still working, still doing the same old stuff.
And I was like, God damn.
And then she goes, well, we should catch up.
And I was like, yeah, we definitely should catch up.
And I go, you've still, you've got my information.
that I'm trying to avoid it.
And she goes, no, no, no, no, no, give me, I need your number.
And I was like, you don't have my stuff?
You don't, I thought I, don't you have my information?
And I was like, you have my email.
You email, didn't we, you know?
I'm trying.
And she's like, no, no, give me your number.
You know, you know, you know.
So finally, like a dickhead, I give her the number.
And I'm panicking.
I'm like, what is this?
Who is this person?
Yeah.
Well, then I just start getting a barrage of texts.
And it starts to become very clear.
This is just a, this is a person who's like,
kind of in love with you, has a pair of social relationship, probably.
Yeah, it was a little weird.
It was very strange.
I was, like, really uncomfortable about it.
And then I at some point was like, hey, I don't know if this is kind of, I'm just being
honestly.
Like, I thought we had known each other.
I had no idea.
Like, because, and it was just like, when are you going to, when are you going to come
back to the comedy stars?
Like, that kind of thing.
And I got, I fucked up.
I've been there every night waiting for you.
Yeah.
Well, fuck me up.
It made me, like, spiral a little bit because I was like, ooh, now she's going to be
mad that I don't respond to any of these texts because they're like, invasive.
I've been spooked.
Oh, that's spooked.
Well, Jeff should be spooking you big.
Yeah, Jeff spooked me a little bit.
Yeah, well, he's on his way.
Jeff!
Jeff, come on in here, right.
We bring him in.
Yeah.
No, but you know, you just have to be careful, but she was very good.
She was shockingly good.
Yeah.
Remember that text I sent you the day that I got that started with McCone,
you don't know me, but I'm trying to break into the industry as a screenwriter.
So any way I can get this in front of Bobby and Santino.
Huge.
Where did he get the number?
I have no idea.
I Googled my name and the number, and there's a website with the wrong number list.
So he didn't get it from there.
Damn.
This kind of reality is going to happen more and more because of the internet now, by the way.
And then people Photoshop photos of you together, AI, you'd be like, we've hung out before.
Oh, God.
Oh, God.
Where was that?
I don't remember that.
We're going to be jogging our brains for the difference of reality.
I'm serious.
That's going to be the continual future.
So enjoy it for now.
It's going to be sick.
It's going to be sick, dude.
Let's talk about something happy and good.
I don't need to dig into the world of SNL, because I'm sure you've answered a lot about that stuff.
a lot about that stuff. I am curious about a little piece of your journey. Yeah. Um, but more so, uh,
before that. So, you know, we used to do the theme on this show was when we had a cocktail,
was telling me the first time you got hammered. Oh. And you're somebody I know as a Midwest kid,
you're a Minnesota boy. And I know you're a big drinker. Well, I know your people are. It's okay.
Well, I'm a big drinker and I know like our people are. Culturally we are. Yes. You come over to
my parents' house. My dad immediately offers you a drink. It's the first, it's a, it is a warming. Yeah,
We're like a cocktail family.
That's what we are, too.
We love cocktail.
My dad, we don't drink beer at my house because my dad doesn't like beer and we want to actually get fucked up.
Right.
Yeah.
Beer is like, oh, what do you?
What are you like hanging out at a sporting event?
Yeah, why are you trying to fill up?
Yeah, we're trying to get hammered, dude.
So what's the first time you got smashed?
First time I got like, I was a little late because our family went, I'm one of eight kids.
And our family went pretty much every other kid got in trouble.
Skip's a generation.
Yeah, because you go, I gotta not do what that is.
So it was like my brother would get in trouble, then my next sister didn't,
and then my sister under her got in trouble.
Actually, those two kind of flopped, but me and my sister who was older than me,
she got in trouble, and she was like partying in high school, and I was like Goody Two shoes.
Until senior year.
Then you were a bad boy.
Yeah, I was fine.
I never got in trouble.
I got away with everything.
Well, you were the cutest for sure.
I mean, obviously that's why you ended up on TV, the rest of them are.
Of course.
Hidious siblings.
Yeah, very ugly people.
The Brennan's.
Ah, the Brennan's.
Tough.
Yeah.
Eight Irish Catholic kids.
Yeah.
Did they make you to church?
Did you go to church?
We went to church every Sunday until my youngest sister left home, and then my parents, everyone stopped going.
And we were like, hey, mom and dad, we didn't want to go either.
And they were like, yeah, no, we were doing that just for the show.
Because, yeah.
Well, it's for the show.
It's for the neighborhood.
Yeah, it's for the neighborhood.
Yeah, it's for, yeah, that is really what it's for, what did you call your grandma?
We had grandma and nanny
Nanny
Nanny was on my mom's side
But they're East Coast
They're Jersey
So it was Nanny and Pop
Pop, I do love pop
Mine were Nana and Poppy
In Chicago
Yeah, Nana, Nana.
Italian
No, that's Nona
Nona.
No, Nana's Irish
Nana was the Nana and Poppy
were the Irish
And my Italian
grandparents
One was inmate
4, 687
And
And
Mipos Marinerer
No, that was literally grandma and grandpa.
They were very old school.
They didn't want nicknames.
Yeah.
I think that was very like nicknames are for, you know, like animals.
Like you nickname your dog.
My mom picked Gigi.
That's cute.
Yeah, she's Gigi.
To your.
To my nieces and nephews.
How many are there?
And all my kids.
I got seven nieces and nephews.
And you have two kids at your own?
Yeah, but we don't really.
We don't have to chat about it.
Nah, they're...
SNL doesn't want to hear about that.
I don't know where they are.
Lauren.
heard you have children on a podcast.
Do you really have kids?
I don't, I would like to meet them, please.
Let's see how they look on.
Do they want to see Chapel Rhone?
Come bring them.
We could get them in for Travis Scott.
That is, he's very contemplative
the way he speaks.
You got on, with them right, you guys get along.
Yeah, I worship the guy.
But he likes you.
I think so.
Well, no, it's a 50-50.
You know, of all the friends I've had on the show,
A lot of people say, like, I think he respects my talent, but I don't know if he likes me.
But some people know that he likes them.
We got a good new class, the five of us, that all like, he seems to like us.
He does.
We're doing well, yeah.
Like a Rudnitzki, we know John.
We both know John.
Love John.
One of my boy, one of my favorites.
John never thought Lauren liked him, but couldn't tell.
John thinks I don't like him.
We don't.
Yeah, which I do.
Yeah.
I just think you're funny, John.
It's different.
He's funny. He's very funny. He's one of my favorite people.
With John, I met him in Minnesota. We were playing that casino out there.
Mystic River? Mystic Lake.
Mystic Lake. You want to talk about an unfortunate. He's so cute. He brought his mother.
That's why I met his mom, who's one of the most beautiful people on Earth.
And he brought his mom to the gig. It was his first gig opening for me.
And summertime. And we're out there having a soda pop.
And I go into the bathroom. And I'm a little tipsy at this point. And I go to pee.
And the stalls, I'm sorry, the urinal, two of them were covered, and someone was that one.
So I go into the stall, and as I go to pee, I'm like, God, my legs are crazy, itchy.
Like, what's going on?
And I pull my pants down, and there are welts all over my legs, all over.
I'm having, like, a panic attack.
And I'm like, oh, my God, what's going on?
Am I dying?
And then I pull up, and I go out there, and I'm, like, telling the story to John's mom.
And one of the people that works there, like, a server comes up to me, is like, oh, yeah, I'm mosquito.
And I was like, mosquitoes, I'm from the Midwest.
She's like, oh, no, by the lake here, they'll get through your jeans.
They were biting through my pants.
But I was so drunk, I didn't even know.
So I'm sitting there just getting lit and bit and bit.
And I'm taking baseball welts.
And the guy was like, they'll bite right through denim.
I was like, I'm from Chicago.
I've never heard of through denim biters.
Those Minnesota, those small lakes, they are ponds.
They're ponds.
It's stagnant water.
Yeah, it's bad.
And it was casino runoff.
So it was, you know.
That area is still a little rough, a little methie.
I liked it.
Yeah.
I like the little meth.
town. Love some darkness. Now what part of Minnesota? Are you St. Paul? I'm from St. Paul.
Yeah, that's right. I remember that because he's from the, he's from the other side of the tracks.
Oh, yeah. Yeah. Wait, what town are you from, Fergus? No, he's from, he's from Otsego.
Otsego, where, uh, yeah, people that, uh, homemade bombs. That's where they kind of come from is Otsego.
Yeah, that's that area. You can feel it. We also just had dinner with his mom, so I should be nice,
because she might listen to this lovely woman. We had, we had ourselves some, uh, shake.
Shake shack it was. Yeah, shake is not good late at night.
That's where you took your mother to shake shack.
We also went to some nice places, but...
Hey, hey, I'll do the interview.
He'll get defensive.
He did jump in there.
You picked up the volume.
Yeah, well, he's got a...
He's got to get a little...
Watch it, Coney-Boney.
I'd say, yeah.
Yeah, we met a shake shop.
Notice that none of these are pointed at you?
That's exactly right.
And we thought about giving him a camera,
and you know what he said?
He goes, oh, would that be cool?
Wow.
Yeah.
You know, we should get you one.
But he's too cute.
Yeah, well, I don't know.
I don't like his Purf stash.
I'm not into it.
I know, I know this is a generational thing, but I'm, yeah, huh?
They're in the Purve Stash.
I know, but here's the difference.
They come in and they go in and out, right?
Yeah.
Beards are forever.
Mm-hmm.
Name all the great beards.
Name all the great beards of time.
Go ahead.
Orson Wells.
Thank you.
Go ahead.
Nancy Reagan.
Go ahead.
Whatever.
Abraham Lincoln.
Yeah.
What's her name?
Mary.
Mary.
Mary.
I was naming beards.
I understood.
Yeah.
I got the bit.
Okay.
Well.
My wife.
The greatest beard of all.
Is Santino gay?
Maybe.
Please.
Is there a problem?
Title the episode.
Andrew, finally.
Gay.
Question mark.
I like I say, is there a problem?
I tie up my hair.
Is there a problem?
Mm-hmm.
You got a great beard.
You've kind of always had it.
This is going to, you're going to think I'm lying.
I've had facial hair since high school.
and once I learned that I could cover up my face, parts of it, because the rest of it is still, even the exposed stuff is awful, but I thought if I could cover up a majority of the face, 67 to 68%.
Yeah.
It'll help me throughout life.
That's good.
And never changed.
I've never.
I shaved it a few times, maybe for like a funeral when my mom is like, would you mind cleaning up?
You know how you know it is the right look?
You've been cast in like so many things and they've never made you shave.
That's actually, that's a very interesting, yeah.
Well, they've never, no one's even asked.
No, I did shave like once.
For what?
Wasn't it for now you see me?
We shaved into a goatee.
Yeah.
Okay.
But yeah, very rarely do I, yeah, I like it.
It's me.
They're like actually a little more.
Yeah.
Could you do more?
Could we actually double some hair up here to your eyeballs so you're just a beard?
Maybe arrested development also.
We did shave her rested.
That is right.
I did shave for arrested because they wanted me to be a car salesman.
Okay.
Or not proving my point.
Yeah, he's doing it wrong.
Sick.
But you're right. What you're on, you're on is correct.
That's like that reminds me of when Eddie Murphy went to SNL and he wanted to keep his mustache.
Yeah.
And Lauren said at SNL, we put on the mustaches.
Yep.
I thought that was a cool.
I got to shave. This is the most I've ever shaved in my life.
I'm shaving like every day now.
You got it, but you have a great little face.
Trying to.
Who do you think on SNL would look better with a beard?
Hmm.
I'm gonna say, I mean, me, I'm gonna throw myself in there.
Okay, that was safe. Don't be political. Have fun.
I mean, Cam wants a beard so bad.
Well, yeah, so that's a cultural thing. I don't know if you know this.
Black guys, they love...
Oh shit, Cam's black.
Yeah, he is, well, for right now.
Depends on what that show does to him.
But no, no, facial hair thing is a big deal.
I love the show, by the way.
Yeah, one of the best shows.
We love the show. It's one of the best shows.
It's got to be the best job.
ever had oh it is it is truly like the not to be cheesy it is a dream no what do
be cheesy yeah fucking amazing it was you're on a comedic institution you did it yeah
I mean it was very cool to the boy you might you might as you know I mean enjoy that
stuff I hate when people are like oh it's corny why because it's wonderful yeah it's a
great moment in life give me the shittiest job you ever had uh watched dishes in a Mexican
restaurant in northern Minnesota didn't have to say Mexican but he did well the only
reason I said restaurant
It's, here's the thing, in the parlance of our times.
There is not one Latino who ever set foot in there is the northern Minnesota.
It's a white restaurant.
It's a Tex-Mex place.
Oh.
The reason I said Mexican restaurant is washing dishes in that kind of place.
It's baked cheese.
That's right.
On to every ceramic plate.
Yeah, I thought about that.
And it's just scraping the whole day.
Watch dishes at Outback Steakhouse, buddy.
Yeah.
You won't believe a not-a-a-loat.
What a bloom-and-on-on-on-on-do to that.
Oh, yeah.
No, it's actually, it was extremely easy.
There was such a joke job. I would just get stoned and put in headphones.
Yeah.
And at one point, they were like, do you want to get promoted?
Um, do you want to do you want to like, uh, you know, do you want to like serve or whatever?
And I was like, could I get high and put in headphones while I serve?
And they were like, no, I was like, then absolutely not.
Nah.
I, they were like, it's more money.
I was like, I don't care.
I'm not making this.
This isn't enough money to do anything to me.
I just need a job.
Right.
Like the serving job isn't going to like level me up.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I wasn't going to get a better bike.
Do you know what I mean?
Yeah.
Yeah.
It was just a job to have in college, but I love that so much because they left me alone.
Washing dishes is kind of, yeah, I do say it's the worst job, but I did love it.
Yeah, but it's an arduous, repetitive, there's no payback.
It's not like, oh, I finally get to blank at that job.
It does feel good when blank.
It's just kind of like.
You just kind of go in there and get the shit kicked out of you every day.
Just do it and get it over with, yeah.
Actually, no, worst job is refereeing youth soccer.
God, you're still bringing up stuff that I think is awesome.
Yeah.
That sounds so fun.
You yell at kids.
But the parents yell at you.
And I went through puberty when I was like 18.
So I'm like 60, yes, 25.
25, you went through it.
So I'm like, I'm 16, refereeing like 12 year olds who are bigger than me.
And I'm like, hey, come on.
Hey, guys, knock it off.
You're off sides number four.
And the parents are like following me to my car yelling at me.
I'm like, it's all guys named Jeff with my phone number.
And they're like, I'll beat the shit out of you right now if you call another yellow card on my kid.
That was like, that, that was, I had like low self-esteem at that point.
Because of the job.
Yeah, because it hurts your feelings.
Yeah, and you're like, club soccer parents suck.
Oh, this wasn't like park district.
Club soccer's real.
This is club soccer.
Oh, that's a, now I have sympathy for you.
Like, these are parents who are like spending money.
And they think their kids are actually really talented and they're going, he's going to be, right, right.
He's going to be something and you're fucking.
I get that.
Yeah.
In here, we pour whiskey.
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Ginger.
I like gingers.
I got a job for a short period of time one summer as a coach, soccer coach, never played soccer once in my life.
Yeah.
For little, little tykes.
And it was Will Ferrell's kid was one of them at the time.
Okay.
And I had no balls to even introduce myself because I was 24 or 5.
You had started doing comedy.
Yeah.
But I had moved out here.
It was my second or third year in Los Angeles.
And I was so scared to even tell him.
that I was a comedian.
Well, I mean, he's also, like, what,
at the absolute peak of his career?
Yeah, it was amazing.
But I just, I like, so badly when I just go,
well, because he saw me.
I did, I mean, right,
he would see me there with the other coaches,
and I'm sure, like, it would have been cool
to have been like, hey, I'm a stand-up,
and he would have been like, that's awesome.
A hundred percent.
Because I was having fun,
they were little tikes.
Yeah.
It was really just, like, throw the ball
and make jokes, you know,
and make them laugh.
Yeah.
Or stop someone from laying down.
A lot, they lay down often.
Yeah.
I'll go, you got to get up.
They start crying.
The mom is like, what happened?
I'm like, you know.
She's five and she just is tired.
Yeah, this sucks.
I don't know.
How'd she sleep last night?
Yeah, bad.
Yeah, and it's your fault.
Yeah.
And now she's going to do sprints.
Go!
Go!
It was their kid and it was, um, God, why can't I think of his name?
Ryan Philippe?
Ryan Philippe.
Was that his name?
I think it was his kid too.
But the Will Ferrell thing, I was like, wow.
I mean, starting as a stand-up and having to coach
a guy who has like formed a lot of the humor of the last 30 years is like
creepy really intense well and I and I kind of stayed away from him from yeah because
his kid was older okay so I kind of stayed away from that side of the field I didn't want
any negative impression for him to be like it'd be so awesome was that the guy it's like that's like
curb your enthusiasm episode like years later being like wouldn't you got to coach my kid in
soccer and yeah you were a piece of shit benched him in the same you benched a six year old
piece of shit yeah I didn't want
any of that smoke that was so those are the two worst jobs yeah to some degree yeah and
then wait we never got into why when did you get hammer for the first time oh yeah uh it would
have been at my cabin my like what my my hey yeah old money kind when we had our cabin by the
lake yeah this is you get minnesota shit though this is my i know my yeah you're from chic
no no they have a cabin yeah they have a cabin it's like my my grandparents bought this old
fishing resort when my dad was a kid yeah and
For $100.
Literally, like, for nothing.
It was run down as a foreclosed property.
Now my dad's whole side of the family all co-owns it.
My dad's one of seven.
That's cool.
So we all co-own it, and that's where I would work and live.
And all of my cousins, I have 42 first cousins on that side.
And so all of us would just be there for the summer.
It was like summer camp every year.
And every, like, generation of cousins got the next generation booze.
That's like how it worked.
The first time I got real drunk was on coronas and summer shandies.
Yeah.
Linny's.
Lining Coogles, summer shandies.
For those that don't know Lining Coogles, buddy, buddy, you're missing out on Midwest's finest.
I've drank them two times in my life.
The first time I got drunk, and then about a week later, I had them again, and I got food poisoning.
Not from Lines.
Shout out Lines.
The food poisoning was something he ate.
It was from some fucking cookies my sister Maddie made.
and uh... shout out maddie yeah shout out mads you really ruined me in a few other cousins days
that day and uh... got food poisoning i never had a summer shandy again yeah couldn't do it
everyone has a one and done yeah captain morgan was my yeah captain morgan college uh high school
i traded a bottle of captain morgan i go you guys are different yeah we're pigs my chicago cousins
they we had there's one family who lived in chicago yeah insdale people yeah they drank at eight
well they're like that's not that bad yeah you guys are animals yeah i think it's a it's a cultural thing
in chicago because it's a bonding experience for us it's all over the midwest it's the same thing
in minnesota and iowa and nebraska and wisconsin and uh notice uh i'll leave out ohio even though
i like ohio just fine i don't really claim them in the midwest though they do sorry yeah
so do i they're big on it because i'm coming to cleveland in april cleveland
Cleveland, shout out Cleveland.
Ohio has actually been so wonderful to me over the years.
Columbus as well, great fun cities.
But it's a comfort thing for us.
It's like a way to spark conversation.
It's a way to get away from things at a party.
So you're like, if I can go make it, I'm going to go get another drink.
Yeah, I'm going to go, I'm going to make a little refresher.
It's just easy to kind of get out.
That's my favorite turn for a second cocktail.
I'm going to refresh this one.
Yeah.
It's kind of like this one.
Mark it up.
I'm still having this one.
It's just dump a bunch of them.
booze in it. Yeah, we had, my mom's one of ten, so we have, I have a ton of cousins as well,
big, big Irish Catholic family. And when the uncles would go smoke pot outside, the code was
go check the air in the tires. They'd go, we're going to go check the air in the tires.
And for a long time as a young kid, I was always like, God, they're so diligent about the tires.
They're so responsible. It's awesome, because now they can get home safely.
It's just like, I'm excited to be a man and take care of a car.
That's after I saw them all drink like 45 Miller genuine drafts, and I'm just like,
Man, it's so good. They're going to get home safe.
Thanks to the air and the tires.
Because they check the tires before they leave.
Sure, 100%.
Yeah, it doesn't matter.
He fell up the stairs.
I watched an uncle fall upstairs one Christmas.
Like, whoa, that's cool.
Gravity's down.
I've never seen that.
But God bless.
But yeah, that was a very customary thing to gather together in the basement and drink.
And it does something culturally.
Basements are so good.
I miss them like crazy.
Yeah.
We don't have them here.
A basement fridge.
Oh, brother.
We opened Grandma's fridge and there's like a full case in there.
You're like, what?
What is going on?
Let me give you another one, too.
A garage fridge.
Garage fridge is...
We don't do that here either.
No.
You know who does that here?
People with money will have a garage fridge, but it's not for fun.
It's not like a piece of shit garage fridge.
Exactly.
Yeah.
It's like a sex.
It's like it's their sub-zero, you know, this is...
But no, it's got to be like a white one that's got like gross.
Pause.
Tommy Brennan.
It's got to be a white one.
It's got to be white.
I don't like it if it's not a white fridge.
And it's gotta be an old white fridge.
It's gotta be an old white fridge that like was in someone's living room at some point in mid-century.
And then, and it's got like the coils are so exposed.
They're there.
And the frost is all over it.
And the freezer, yeah, has never been defrosted.
Never been to frosted.
There's three inches thick.
And the hum is amazing.
You close it and stills...
Or it loud.
Or it was white, but now it's tinted yellow.
Yeah, it's a...
I got that smoke yellow.
Smoke, yeah.
All that cigarette smoke yellow.
And a real light bulb.
when you open it, you know, it's just like a real light bulb in there?
It's a big one, too.
It's like meant for a lamp.
Definitely not a fridge.
No, they screwed that one.
And you were like, Dad, is that?
And he's like, it fits.
Shut up, it fits.
Bring me an MGD.
I can't believe you dropped MGDs.
I haven't seen an MGD in a while.
Well, that's what they said.
A couple used to drink MGDs.
There was a lot of Miller High Lives going around.
Yeah.
Again, we were big Miller people.
We were never into Bud, Bud, Bud, Bud, Bud,
it was always Millers, because.
of Wisconsin.
Yeah.
You know, Miller Lights right there.
And when we bless up, we don't bless down.
Because Budweiser is...
It's Missouri.
St. Louis, right?
Yeah, we don't...
We're not really friends with St. Louis.
I mean...
Did they claim Midwest?
Missouri definitely does.
Yeah, they are.
But they're just the Cubs archedemesis
is the, you know, forever.
So I don't...
But I do love St. Louis.
They're very nice to me.
So thank you, San Luis.
Yeah, it's a great town.
It's a great little town.
Yeah.
But, yeah, we go up.
So we liked Miller
because it was our neighbors of the north.
That's where we escape to.
Chicagoans go to Wisconsin.
Like Lake Geneva area.
Well.
That's money.
If you're rich.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Never actually been, but.
Oh, it's great.
That's what, yeah.
Yeah, it's beautiful up there.
I mean, honestly, like, Wisconsin is underrated.
Spent years of my life touring breweries throughout Wisconsin.
Amazing.
Putting on stand-up shows.
That's amazing.
Just bombing my dick off in Shoboigan and Manet.
Kenosha.
What is the?
Well, Kenosha for sure.
Kenosha's got a comedy club. Manitua? Manitua. That's what I'm thinking.
That's, dude, you're talking. This is Wisconsin's finest. Oh, yeah. I love it up there.
It's so fun. Because it's people that remind you of people you know, but more Wisconsin than you ever imagined.
Yeah. Well, I've never had so many shows where I've like bombed and then people are like, let's fucking hang out after this.
You know, like, the audience is like, come on. Dude, you're the man.
Well, that was a rough show. Let's go hang out, you know.
Yeah, because they don't care.
Yeah, no, it's, they're rooting for you.
Yeah.
There's some cities that root against you.
Not their fault.
That was pretty bad at the time.
No, I mean, they knew it was coming.
Yeah.
Those tickets were free.
You know what I mean?
Right, exactly.
Yeah, they were like, we're going to, we're taking a gamble.
It said, it said your credit was just from Chicago.
That's it.
On the flyer, it's like Chicago's finest.
Like, why do you think I'm here?
Can't get booked in Chicago.
Yeah.
Where did you start?
Chicago.
Where?
Like, what was your, the laugh factory was like, my father.
Is home?
Yeah.
No Zanis.
I went to show there for four years.
No, Zanis is like, I'm doing it this weekend.
It's my like, it feels like a homecoming.
Zanis was the mountain when I was there.
Zanis, Old Town.
Old Town, yeah.
Yeah.
No offense.
I lived two blocks from there.
I'm doing Rosemont, too.
Where'd you live in Old Town?
I lived on North Mohawk and North.
Or Mohawk and North.
Mm-hmm.
Those are they, North Abbey.
Yeah.
What a neighborhood.
You lived right.
You grew up near there, right?
11-11, Dearborn.
Yeah, you were right there.
2310 LaSalle?
Yeah, we moved around a lot in a bunch of different apartments.
Is that like Gold Coast technically?
Technically, yeah, yeah, yeah.
The Viagra Triangle.
What a crazy spot to grow up.
Yeah, I was kind of, well, I mean, you know, I was too young to understand that.
That it was like, if I had been there in my 20s, would have been amazing,
because my parents would go out and, you know, like I would see them go out.
Yeah.
Just down into the neighborhood there to go rage.
and Hopsmith right there.
How would have great, well, what was also there?
Not Hugo's Frog.
Yeah, Hugo's Frogwire used to be there.
And, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, oh, God, why can't I think of that place across you from Big Bowl?
And Big Bowl's not there anymore either.
Mm-mm.
But there's all those old steakhouses and stuff where like a- Well, yeah.
A 70-year-old will be there with a 22-year-old.
Well, that's where they go to meet him.
Yeah.
Yeah.
That's literally where the files began.
Mm-hmm.
That is, that's what they call the Viagra Triangle for those that don't know.
There's a little triangle area right where we're talking about.
and it's bars and restaurants with a little park or whatever in between.
And it is literally where elderly men with money would go to meet a fresh out of college girl
because they've just gotten a divorce and she needs to pay off college.
And it's like a legitimate operation.
Yeah, this is the thing that is, yeah.
I think the city is funding it.
I really do.
It has to be.
Yeah, I think Mayor Daley at the time was like making this happen.
That and tolls.
Did you have tolls in Minnesota?
No. No toll roads. When you're on the highway, you don't pay a toll?
No, no, that was only when, yeah, we would drive like to Indiana and the Chicago fucking toll road.
They got us so bad. Stop you every 10 feet. Oh, yeah. More money. You throw money in the basket. And at some point, you know, you would do the fake throw money in.
Yeah.
My dad, he said, oh, yeah, we put the money in that thing.
It just didn't count it or whatever. Back then, the camera technology wasn't that good. You know what I mean? Half the time the gates were broken.
Or they would leave the gates up because it was just a pain
It would break
Cruising. Yeah, you'd find and then somebody like
You know, Gate 4 is open.
Well, um, is, speaking of bad jobs,
can you think of a worse one?
A worse one?
Than being out there.
Than being at a toll?
Yeah.
Uh, I would say...
I feel really bad for those people sometimes.
I would say people that do cleaning crews for adult film sets
is probably pretty bad.
All right.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, you did.
I think that's worse than tolls.
What have you had a finish?
Like, you know?
I don't think anyone's getting horny ever in the to-act-you-know-know-that, take that back.
You never seen that?
People are cranking it in a toll-book.
You're by yourself.
That job would rock, actually.
Toll-But, Tommy.
Every job you said I actually found in my mind a way to make it amazing.
Yeah.
Especially in this day and age.
You've got a TV you can put in there, internet, for sure, provided by the city.
Yeah.
A little heater in there.
Hot-box it.
Yeah, you get stone, you have a little cocktail.
You don't have to drive.
You're not going anywhere.
Listen to tunes.
Call of Your Friend.
It's a mostly automated job.
You do have to, the people who can't figure out the thing, though, it's fun because it's like an easy job and then every 30 minutes you have to deal with the dumbest person you've ever met in your life.
Where does the coin go?
You look in the basket, it's right there.
It's not taking my credit card.
It's a holiday and express room keys.
That's what that's going to be going on.
But that is good. Hold on to that. That is going to be worth it.
I think there is no job that I've had that I would say was awful, but they were just,
rough gigs. McDonald's was my first job, but McDonald's was the best. Shout out the MacD's.
Guy got fed me and my friends and we stole from them, blatantly stole. That's good. It's a huge
corporation. Yeah, I've said this before on this show. Please steal from corporations. Please don't
stop. There's no need to stop stealing from them. They deserve it. I read today when I was getting
my hair cut in the chair that American Airlines is all butt hurt and sad. The CEO said because
they're going to have to fire a bunch of people, which people are mad now because there's a strike for
flight attendants because they said they're not making any money. How could that be?
These, the air, I'm like airlines, how did you lose all the money? Yeah. What'd you do?
Didn't we give you everything to get on that stupid thing? Yes. And by the way, what did you do
with it? Delta last year, this is going to blow your mind. American Airlines netted like
maybe shot, maybe a half a billion or something. Delta netted five or six billion last year.
Not gross. So what is American doing? I know. Someone's stealing money.
at a corporate level.
It's me. It's me what I did at McDonald's at American.
Yeah.
But Delta, five or six billion last year.
Oh, it's a better experience.
I'm a loyal Delta man.
You're a Delta girlie?
Yeah. Delta? What is it?
61.6 billion.
No, no, no. Netted last year. I think it was $6 billion last year.
Oh, well, they're operating revenue.
They're operating revenue. Yeah, right. Net's a lot.
Right. They netted $6 billion, I think, last year.
Look at what they... Yeah, 3.46 billion.
Right.
Getting ready for a game means being ready for anything.
Like packing a spare stick.
I like to be.
prepared. That's why I remember
988, Canada's suicide crisis
helpline. It's good to know, just
in case. Anyone can call or
text for free confidential support from a
train responder anytime.
988 suicide crisis
helpline is funded by the government in Canada.
And then American Islands made like
400 million or something, and Southwest
made like 140 million? I will say I bought
one first class ticket in my whole life.
Never? It was tonight. It's
tonight. I'm getting on it tonight.
And it was, it's American, and it was about
$48. What? So if something is going on with American Airlines. First class?
To New York. I was looking at flights to Chicago. Oh. And Delta, the times were all weird. And I was
like, well, let me check American. And it was like, first class was like $180. They need your help.
Yeah. Yeah, that's what's going on. Something bad is happening. Well, there's no flight
attendants because they're all on strike right now. So you'll be serving yourself. That's fine.
Well, you say that now. Have you been able to pour a drink on a plane?
There's no way that's hard. We've poured drinks and cars before. Okay, dude. This guy, he's going after
dishwasher's flight attendants line it up SNL here's who you hired no it is you know what it's it's uh
makes me mad because i looked at flights for my anniversary to uh take my lady to paris cool uh
and then i saw how much money they wanted and i said i need to show you this because you're
going to lose your mind yeah and for a first class flight from boston logan to paris was 12 000
for one way for one way yeah so I said my love that is how much money I made in
2004 I said babe I love you we're we're gonna be somewhere else we'll be close
yeah we're gonna stay on the East Coast yeah yeah or we just maybe we break up we might
just boat to Paris yeah yeah because there is a boat that you could buy a small
boat for that kind of price and I could buy a small boat yeah yeah yeah or I get on one of these
comedy cruises that everybody's doing.
I made fun of Bobby.
Bobby's doing the...
Yeah, Bobby's doing the...
Sinks at the pier.
Workaholics.
Workaholics.
Workaholics, cruise. Yeah.
Okay.
Workaholics crews, and I made fun of them
pretty incessantly.
Only because I think cruises are insane.
Yeah, I've never been on one.
I've never...
You know what sucks is last year?
I told, I told, like, my reps.
I was like, I want to do one week on a comedy,
on a cruise ship.
I just want to, so that I can know what it is.
Feel the pain?
And, like, I kind of talk a lot of shit about it, and I'm like, I should walk the walk for a second.
I appreciate that.
And see what it's like.
And now I can't do it because it would, people would be like, God, Tommy got S&L and he's doing cruise ships.
Yeah, you can't do that.
No, you know?
No, but be careful.
Stay humble because you might have to.
Right.
Yeah.
Absolutely.
Warren, I would love to stay for as long as you'll have me.
You know, I was laughing about something yesterday or when we saw each other on Monday.
You hit me with a great line at the cellar.
We hadn't seen each other since I got the job
And, you know
We ran into each other and you go
Oh man, it was so nice
You were like, it's so good to see like good people get stuff
Like you look great
You put on some weight
Like it's just it's awesome to see you
Like doing well
And I was like what?
You're like yeah
It's awesome you put on a little weight
You're doing great
I was like
What the fuck man
Obviously doing a bit
And I was annoyed because it got me
Like, you delivered it well enough that I was kind of like, I mean, it's like five pounds.
Like, I don't, it's not visible.
I like to sneak that in.
It's just a fun little slip.
It's compliment sandwich.
Right, and you said the weight like it was a positive thing.
Yeah, you gained a little weight.
It's good.
No, it's so good.
It's great.
It's good to see it.
Because before you look like you were struggling mentally because you were working to get that job.
Now you're happy.
You're much, it looks a lot healthy.
I'll say that.
That's what a Midwest mom says.
You look healthier.
Look healthy.
Yeah.
I got fat.
Oh, baby, baby, baby.
When I got fat, my dad told me, he goes, he goes, you're like a man now.
I know exactly what you mean, and I'm working on it.
To a Midwest dad, you're not a man until you're a little fat.
Yeah.
A little fat means man.
Yeah.
Because you're still a boy body.
You're still skinny.
I can't put muscle on.
No, you can do.
We're teaching him.
He's learning.
Look at his arms.
Flex for us for a little bit.
Let's see.
Yeah, he's trying.
Oh, he doesn't know how to flex it.
Yeah. He does not do much.
He flexed like a little kid.
You know when a little kid is like this?
Yeah.
My muscles.
Show me your muscles.
My muscles.
That was adorable.
It's like when your nephew, you're like, how strong you?
He's like, I'm pretty strong.
I'm this strong.
Yeah.
Whoa.
Good for you, buddy.
That was awesome.
That's him in every situation.
The fact that women are interested in blows my mind.
Dude, I brought him to an S&L after party.
Yeah, he got it.
And we were standing in the bathroom.
line. Like, it's the bathroom line. It's the least sexy place in the whole area.
And I'm washing, he's like, two behind me. I'm washing my hands. And, uh, and he, and this girl
just walks up to him after she's like, she just shit.
Walks straight up to him and is like, hey, what are you up to? And he's like, I'm in the
bathroom line. And I just make, I got it. I was like, what the fuck? Yeah. Well, they see something
so simple in him. Yeah. And the simple thing is that it's his brain. They see something that is not,
they don't see a lot. There's not a lot. There's not a lot. There's not a lot.
of buttons right right you know like if you walk into a cockpit of an airplane you go
good god how do you do this you don't I mean this guy is Nintendo the original it's
just a and B there's not much it's just a simple little easy money yeah because they
know he's not gonna be mean he doesn't look like an asshole he's tall enough dimples I
think really suck him in blue eyes and the dimples give it away I mean if they really
only knew how unkempt he is as a human being right I got into his car the other night
live it I was living why did you do that again I make these mistakes where with
friends where I said I was going to
down to meet Greg Fitzsimmons at a Laker game and I said I'm gonna head down downtown
but I'm gonna Uber because I'm gonna have a soda and I don't wanna drive.
And he goes, I'm headed downtown anyway.
I'll just give you a ride.
And we had just potted and I said, I'll just get a car and Carlos is like, he wants
to be in a black car.
And I said, no, I don't give a shit, I'm just going downtown.
Yeah.
But also yeah.
But yeah, I do.
That is what I meant.
But I also don't care.
I don't give a shit.
But I said, oh, if you're going downtown, I'll jump with you.
And what he really means is.
He wants the time.
Right.
He likes to be with me.
He's like, strap in, tie yourself in.
He's my little boy.
He wants me around.
It's very cute.
It's adorable.
So I said, okay, let's go.
I get in the car.
And immediately, I was reminded why I don't do that.
Because it's, it's, it, if a hoarder, a hoarder would be embarrassed.
A hoarder would go, this is a little much.
No.
Oh, come on.
There's a lot of bags of clothes.
Brother, we're going to walk outside.
I'm going to show you.
Why so many bags of clothes?
My mom was just in town and we went through a bunch of stuff that I'm going to donate.
And I just haven't.
Oh, the donation's six-month period.
That's six to eight.
It lives in your car for that.
Also, he's been getting stuff from us.
So we get stuff at the studio for free that, like, people send us stuff, and we give it to them, and we always like, give it to your friends.
And so you always talk about donating to the needy.
It's just this point.
It's one guy.
Yeah, yeah.
Well, then I say to him, give it to your friends, because if you see some of the people he hangs out with, they need stuff.
Yeah.
So I say, give it to the kids, and then he'll not give it to anybody or no one will want it, and it'll wait in his car instead of donating it.
And then he's got cloth seats, and they've been spilled.
on for the past 25 years.
There's a lot of popcorn always spilled.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
Claw seed stains.
There was, it's coffee and juice and soda.
It's, it's, I can tell those are, whoa,
hit a bum, and it's a stain now.
I know what that is.
Yeah.
And I know, and I've seen it, and I kind of sit a little,
I don't want to sit all the way down.
Yeah.
I don't know if it'll soak.
Brother.
They just, they soak in history.
Years.
Years.
Years of pain in there.
Yeah.
So I took the ride, but I was happy to get out.
Even if it wasn't, I needed to get out at a different exit, and I said, right here is good.
I'll just pop out here and walk.
Yeah.
And I walked about a mile and a half.
As far as I could go.
You're doing a late night, you're doing the show and then going right on a plane?
Yeah.
You're sick.
Yeah, but it's flying west to east.
I mean, that's why it's touring out of here, I can't imagine.
Yeah, it's the worst.
It's just every week you have to take a...
I lived here for like a year and a half as a road feature.
Yeah.
And I was taking a spirit red eye almost every single Thursday night.
and
tough
that'll harden you
it's hard to fly out of the West Coast
but then we wake up
and it's 72
right
that's the hard part
is
but I'm gonna wake up in Chicago
at 7 a.m. on the flight
and then I'll go to my friend's house
and I'll sleep for a few hours
you'll be tired
you're gonna be groggy
yeah it's gonna be cold
probably you have
I would say the red eye
will result in two riffs
on the shows tomorrow night
that are mean
just mean
yeah like some guy in the front row
is just gonna
I'm just gonna be like
your shirt fuck. What's your name? Jeff?
Are you a Jeff too?
I'll call back to Irvine Jeff.
No one has any context.
Let me guess. You looked at my fucking number, you creep.
What the fuck out of here?
Some guys like, I have a huge crush on you, but I don't know why you're doing this to me.
How many guys come because you're a cute guy?
It's picked up.
You get some boys that are like, I'm a fan.
And I love it. I talk about gay stuff a lot.
Yes, you do.
I got a bunch of gay sisters.
You do, you oddly talk about gay stuff a lot for a guy who isn't gay.
which makes me think is he gay baiting or is he experimenting or is he um i think i'm just kind of open
and down to talk about whatever and um he wants to be free accepting guy accepting guy yeah and like um
yeah if you want to buy a ticket sure even you gays that's what he says even you the gays yeah i get a
good amount of gay people at my show because and i know that yeah why do i know that because we
test them when they walk in right we do yeah we have what is the test it well so when you walk in
there's a metal detector just for safety.
That's for safety purposes.
Right as you get through the metal detector in the hallway,
there is a penis on the wall,
and we capture their reaction on camera.
And then you psychoanalyze it.
Well, if it's pretty obvious,
if they walk, you know, it's a penis sticking out of the wall,
and if they go, oh, God, you know, it's a straight guy.
And if it's a guy that goes, thank God, right.
Or if a guy that goes, whoa, yeah,
or if a guy that goes, whoa.
And then you're not making any,
you still let everyone in,
but you just like to know.
I want to know, just the numbers.
And then you change your set around.
Yeah, I do, yeah.
You change your pants, too?
Change my shirt, not my pants, yeah.
My shirt gets tighter.
Okay, yeah.
The pants, you can't get any tighter.
Show up the arms.
You get some arms.
I have a little bit of armage.
He knows.
Kids've been doing some push-ups, dude.
I've seen, I've seen I'm dying up here.
You were bulky.
I was a thick little boy.
That was a guilty pleasure watch of mine.
You know what?
Really?
You're the only guy that watched it.
No, I'm a cone watched it, maybe.
Me and all of my Chicago comedy friends watched it.
You know, we got a little.
a lot of criticism, but it was a fun run. I will say
I watch anything to do with comedy. Yeah, it was fun. We got criticized
because people were like, you know, it's hard when someone's like, this is...
You can't make anything about a thing that people love.
Yeah. Without it. You're on SNL. Yeah. Yeah, you know.
Oh, it takes some heat. Well, here's what it is.
I mean, we all do. I've said it for years on this show, because my respect and love for that
show will never die. It's just, it's something about, if you have any awareness about
comedy and what it's like to make something over, you know, such a short period of time.
it's a miracle that it still operates it's kind of a you know yeah you're watching like
functioning magic kind of yeah and uh um it's it's it's it's oh it's beautiful that it's
that it's an institution that's found a way to survive and stay afloat and find find new talent that's
continually delivered us new wonderful talent for years and years and years and i you know the
amount of criticism that it receives is always it falls um
me into nothing because people always say, well, I liked it when.
Yeah, yeah.
When you were in eighth grade and it was the funniest thing you'd ever seen?
Yeah.
Yeah, guess what?
So does everybody.
Yeah.
That's my favorite time.
Yeah.
I was staying up late to watch it.
So when somebody says, do you like SNL right now?
My answer is always the same.
I go, yeah, I still watch it.
I like some of the stuff and then some of the stuff I just, but I'm never going to go,
but it's fay-it-it-you- It used to be good.
No, no, it's bullshit.
Some things are going to hit for you, some things are not.
And I think if they don't, if you don't realize that the show is not,
manufactured for a 42-year-old man, the idea that they think it's for them is very odd.
It used to be so good, man, whenever, whatever.
It's like, yeah, because that was a time period that you loved, and it meant something in your life.
You're old now.
I'm old.
And that's okay.
Maybe life was easier when you were a freshman in high school.
Yes, brother.
It was the best.
That might be it.
Well, and also social and cultural things were funnier because that moment your life is when you're sucked into that thing.
And then now is different.
But there's stuff now that gets me really good from the show.
There's still shit that kills me that I'm like, God, that's a absolute home run.
So fuck the people that talk shit about it.
You're allowed to not like it.
But I don't like that narrative of like, I used to like it when it was.
You know, I remember when Kristen Wigg was on and Sadecas and that crew, I remember then people going fucking way better with Ferrell and those guys before.
I remember vividly people saying that.
and then the very next chunk of people that came on,
people would be like,
Sudeikis was the man.
Christian Wigg was so fucking fun.
Like, I remember...
I got a comment recently that said,
drives me nuts.
The show hasn't been good since Chevy Chase was on it,
which is hilarious because that is one year.
Yeah, yeah, dude.
Or two years, whatever.
But it was like the first two years.
Yeah, it's crazy.
They said the N-word on TV.
I like that.
That's when I liked the show.
Bring that back, please.
Please, dude.
Camp, let him say it.
Yeah, right.
And they say it back to him.
No, it's, look, you're allowed to criticize.
People are allowed to not like the show.
I don't like this cop out, you know, of like,
it was better when.
I think the show still delivers wonderful stuff.
I think you're fucking great on the show.
Thank you, dude.
I think there's some new banger people on that show that are incredible cast members.
We're pitching weird stuff.
You've got to pitch some goofball weirdo shit.
Yeah.
That's the only time it's fun.
Sarah Sherman, she's, I mean, thank God for people that, like, think weird, offbeat shit.
I love Sarah.
That's what makes comedy fun.
Yeah.
Otherwise, you know, everything can't be gut-felt.
No, but if America had its head on right, it would be.
That's right, dude.
That's right.
And next time, Bad Bunny, more like the worst bunny I've ever seen.
I love to listen to Bad Bunny as soon as I get my coffee from a blue-haired barista.
Okay, people.
Yes, anyways.
We would love to come on the show, Greg.
We love to come on the show.
Huge fan.
We like to jazz.
It'd be fun to get on there
and kind of miss with them.
A lot of New York comics, I think, do go on there
because it is fun.
But here's my problem with comedy.
You can't make fun of them
because they're sensitive about it.
You're like, well, that's the whole point
is that we're mocking each other.
But they think we're a snowflake.
Yeah.
Well, I get so annoyed.
You are a snowflake.
I am a little snowflake, but so are you is my point.
We're all snowflakes.
Remember that?
Didn't they tell us when we were kids?
We're all individual and we're all unique,
little snowflakes.
Yeah, we're delicate as hell.
We really are.
Yeah.
No matter how famous,
no matter how rich and successful people get,
they're the same.
Yeah.
Sometimes I get a text from somebody
who's significantly more successful
or whatever than me
and we'll say something to the effect of
was that good tonight?
That's set?
And I'll go, wow, that's so cool
that it never leaves us.
Someone who plays like arenas.
Oh yeah?
And like, last line was weird though, right?
Well, they'll be like, that chunk sucked.
It hated me.
It's so funny.
Yeah.
It never goes away.
It's the beauty of it, though.
Yeah.
I saw, yeah.
I saw a very famous comedian rehearsing for the S&L monologue one time
at the cellar and it was bombing
and I just watched him in the middle of the monologue go
I'm gonna do my road closer now.
And just switched and I was like even the top dogs
can't just they want to kill too.
100%.
And that was Kiefer Sutherland by the way.
It was Kiefer Sutherland.
He had been working on this long vibrator bit
for a while, and he closed on it.
It was sick. It was killer.
You are on the road. I want to please plug some dates.
This will be out a little bit after.
Are we at an hour?
No.
Oh.
Like 50s.
No, no, we're not done.
I want you to plug your dates.
Oh, okay, sweet.
Because in case, what if they don't make it to the end?
Yeah, okay, okay, okay, okay.
Come see me.
I'm in Baltimore and Pittsburgh and Cleveland.
When do you go back on the show, by the way?
February 28th.
Okay, so let's just say, and one of these dates are now,
between now and then.
No, no, no, no, no.
These are starting in March.
Great.
I'm in...
This will be out in March.
Will it?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Okay.
Baltimore, the last weekend of March,
and then I will be back on the show.
And then Pittsburgh, Cleveland, Salt Lake City, wise guys.
Love.
One of the best.
One of the best clubs on Earth.
And then Providence, Rhode Island,
Denver Comedy Works, Fort Collins,
San Diego, Nashville,
and some other ones.
Everything's at somekidtommi.
Somekidtommi.com, the same thing.
Can I tell a road story?
Okay, so tell me this.
I think you'll appreciate this being from the Midwest.
I was on like the, I was on this like real aggressive, like trying to get on the road thing, but selling no tickets, whatever.
And I'm featuring at this club in Dubuque, Iowa.
Love Dubuque.
Shout out DB.
Shout out Dubuque.
It's, you know, I had a joke at the time that was like a point.
plug and play, make fun of the next town over type thing.
Sure.
You know, it's a road hack joke.
No, no, it's fun.
It warms them up.
Yeah, yeah.
And it's like a local reference that always hits.
If you can say, oh, well, you know, if you think this is bad, you should see Otsego or whatever.
And then, like, people just go, yeah.
Oh, my God.
He knows.
I hate Achego.
He knows about Otsego.
Fuck them.
It's the same town, just 80 miles over and whatever.
And so I'm in Dubuque, and I ask one of the...
the bartenders, I'm like, hey, what's like the town
you guys shit on? And she's like, Waterloo.
And I was like, all right, great. So I get
on stage and I go, you know,
I take four or five swings at Waterloo.
Yeah. Every time.
It's like pretty kind of like, what the hell?
Yeah, all right. I'm like kind of doing well, and then I'd say Waterloo,
and it would like tank again. I keep trying, because I don't have
the material at this point. I'm like three years into comedy.
I'm doing 25. I got to do every line that I have.
You're leaning on Waterloo.
Yeah. So I keep referencing it, and it
misses literally every time.
And I get off stage of my friend's
headlining Tim Smith, incredible comic,
comes up to me and he goes,
grabs my shoulders, he goes,
the staff just told me,
Waterloo is the only historically black town in Iowa.
So I'm just up there
looking like the most racist,
like unnecessarily racist piece of shit.
Because I'm saying shit like
if I wanted to overdose,
I'd just move to Waterloo.
Yeah?
Go back to Water.
We should blow Waterloo off the map.
Yeah.
That's what I say.
I say, go back to Waterloo, pal.
Go back where you belong.
Exactly.
And everyone's like, gee, I mean, we're, you know, we're white guys in Iowa.
Yeah.
And this is rough.
Yeah, you want to get your car stolen?
Head over to Waterloo.
It was exactly shit like that.
Watch your wallet and Waterloo.
Yeah, you're burying yourself.
They jump so high in Waterloo.
You know, it's stuff like that.
It was crazy.
I'm sure they got the best sports team out there, what a little.
It was nuts.
You didn't even catch it a little bit, though.
No, I was like, I don't know what this vibe is.
Because they weren't, like, pissed.
They were just kind of like, what the fuck?
Yeah.
I guess some guy in the back's like, I really do like this guy, Tommy Brown.
This Tony Brennan guy is great.
He really did his research.
Yeah.
He's got right on, brother.
Yeah.
And I get on stage, and I go to the fucking bartender.
I was like, hey, what was that about?
And she's like, well, I'm from Water.
She was a black bartender.
Uh-oh.
But she was like, I'm from Waterloo.
And I was like, yeah, but you see what I look like.
Right.
And I asked what town to make fun of.
Yeah, you're not allowed to.
So I feel like you could have put two into it.
And she was like, yeah, probably.
Yeah.
Check anyway.
Whiskey?
Yeah.
No, yeah, you've got the face of a man who you can't say that stuff ingest because it won't land.
Even if you have a heart in it, people will go,
what's this pretty good talking about?
What is there?
Yeah, you can't do that.
His comedy is how it sounds
coming out of your face, right?
And so a joke that you can't tell,
I can tell, because of the way I look.
Yeah.
But you got to.
No, no, no, no.
I can.
Redheads are a different thing.
Tell them.
You can say it.
I can say it.
I think because of the way I physically look,
people, there's a little bit more
of a sardonic bite to it.
Yeah.
Where if you do that, people are like,
this ungrateful fuck,
he's tall and handsome.
Well, like everyone who's ever
met me is like, oh, this guy's like a rich asshole.
Right.
Yeah.
Dina look alike.
Yeah.
Yeah, you look like...
Don't you ever say that again.
Who's the other guy that's got rich asshole face?
Colin Jost.
Colin has rich asshole face.
Yeah.
And it came true.
We love you.
We love you.
We love that, Colin.
We love that, Colin.
I would love to, you know, open for you sometime, dude.
Yeah.
Yeah, what do you come on, Colin's right there.
Time to get hired by the guys on the show that I'm on?
Yeah, who else?
What's a New York comic that has the rich asshole face?
He jokes about it.
What's wrong with me?
Oh, Matthew Bissard?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
He's got a great line.
I think he says he looks like he plays lacrosse for Slytherin.
That's right, yeah.
Yeah.
He does.
He's got rich assholes.
Sometimes when we go after each other, it's a tough combo.
Yeah, you guys got to break that out.
Well, that's the bookers.
That's the booker's problem.
Yeah.
You got to break you guys up.
You got to put someone hideous in there.
Someone horrific.
You got to move to New York, man.
You couldn't follow me.
We'll just cut this.
You couldn't follow me, and that would be the problem.
I had a hard time following you at the cellar the last time you were there.
No, you did.
Yeah, I did.
You fucking ripped.
I riffed around up top.
Didn't go?
Because I was like, I'm just going to create some space between this L.A. guy.
You know, the hardest.
You got a real New York vibe, and you're out here in L.A.
Yeah, people say that.
Well, it's only because I have a smart-ass attitude.
Yeah, yeah, and you're quick.
Yes, that is a very...
But L.A. has a lot of these people.
it's just
they're not the most commercial out here
like New York kind of snagged
the branding on like quick
quick asshole yeah
well like I don't think there's anybody quicker than Rick Engram
I think he's the quickest comic I've ever seen in my entire life
and he's one of us
but I don't think there's anybody that can touch that guy
pound for pound
with true improv
snap quick
I'm sending our hero Dave Attell into the ring
no no you can yes
different though
Dave is a consummate writer
who is a quick
quick-witted genius and probably my favorite but i mean
ingram
works a room in a way that i've never seen before yeah and i'm not comparing the
two
but david is
he's the most prolific writer we've ever seen in stand-up history so period nobody
writes more doing it every night still it's incredible
i don't think anybody's the most he's the most prolific comic i've ever seen
but i just show and love behave around him is embarrassing i watch him and
like as often as i can and then burn your notebook and then i run away no yeah
run away. I'm scared he's going to see me.
Yeah. I'm like, I don't want you
to be ashamed of me or something.
No, dude, we all feel they were on Dave.
We all feel like everything we're going to say is going to be dumb and he's
going to be like, oh, that's good for you.
You know? Yeah. Trust me, he's the most intimidating.
He's the most prolific. But anyway,
as the West Coast guys, I think nobody is
as fast as Rick. I'd put him up against anybody
as far as brainwaves are
unbless, that guy. Open for Rock
for a long time. And when he
was open to for Rock, they brought a camera
along so they could get the audience
up on the iMag that's so they did that for him to do crowd work yeah because he would open for rock
and he would do enough crowdwork that they you know i guess chris he was doing like crowdwork specials
before they were filmed oh dude he brother he was doing i mean i've known rick for i don't know 15 years
he's been doing he's been doing the same killer crowd work not the same bits but i mean like he's
been killing like that for years but he would go on the road with rock and they it's a big arena
or whatever so they'd have to have a cameraman focus on who he's talking to that speaks to how good
Rock is, if I brought an opener and he only did crowd work, I would have a full-blown pan.
Yeah, I'd be having an aneurys.
I would tell the club to fire them if they were my best friend.
I would say, fire them.
Fire them.
Kill them.
Well, that's funny.
He said, Matt Rife opens for me, and I make him only do crowd work.
Yeah.
It's cool that you're, it's like, you know, it's the rare, like, you know, you're doing an arena because of the opener.
Correct.
And then, yeah, yeah.
So he'll open for me.
It'll be his tickets that sold, but I have to close.
Yeah.
It's part of the deal, and I make them only do crowdwork.
God, that would be...
It would be amazing.
The worst thing in the world.
One time I was opening for someone early on, and I only did crowdwork.
I didn't know what I was doing.
I didn't know that that was not allowed.
Yeah.
And, yeah, I was just panicking.
And the club owner goes, headliner's pissed.
And I was like, what are you talking about?
I mean, you didn't tell one joke.
And I sat back there the whole time, and this is like a road guy in the Midwest.
And then when he got offstage, I was like, hey, I'm really...
really sorry like I didn't know I didn't know that you're not allowed to do crowdwork and it just
the guy just looks at me and he goes yeah it sucked it ruined my show really and then I was like
all right God I want you to say this guy's name I'll see you tomorrow I mean I it would be an
unnecessary dunk he's a he's a Midwest headliner you know you know him probably I would love to
know who it was yeah and you know what it speaks volumes for his his lack of ability because a good
on our would have done it.
Oh yeah, it would have been fine.
Yeah, would have done it.
But, you know, we were at that old days in the middle of nowhere, whatever that was.
It's a hard, that's a hard thing.
Like when Matt Rife opens for me, I go back to the same bit.
He's incredible, that kid, by the way.
I've said for years and years how much I love that kid and watched him grind at the laugh factory when he was a kid, literally a kid.
And I couldn't have been more proud of a guy who, like, worked for it.
And then when people started to get mad at his success, which happens to literally almost everybody to get successful,
at that degree. Can you think of a person who doesn't get hate?
At that level of success? Yeah. I can't. No. No. I mean, everyone, someone's
going to not like you. Yeah. He's too big. Yeah. But he got a lot and I never understood it,
but I always would talk to him about that. I'm like, dude, you got, it worked whatever you did.
So keep doing it. You know what I mean? Yeah, I think he's, I think he's going to be fine.
Yeah. It's the hottest guy alive. You're up there, bud.
Shut. No, I need to work on that.
No, it's the front flex.
Sorry, the McCone Flex.
Macone Flex. God, that's so sad, dude.
I'm gonna get huge this year.
I cannot believe you get laid.
It blows my mind.
With those clothes and that body.
You gotta just, you spend two nights
on the east side of L.A., you'll believe it.
No, no, I know. I've gone out with him.
I've seen, I threw money at him one time
when he was on a date with someone because I saw the girl he was with.
I wanted him to be able to take her out somewhere nice.
I said, go out somewhere nice, you know?
Because you look like shit.
So go out somewhere nice.
Come on.
Are you single?
No.
I got a girlfriend.
Gay.
Yeah.
You do, you got a sweet girly girl.
I got a girlfriend who I love a lot.
That's awesome.
And she rocks.
The only problem is she's on, who works on Wall Street, right?
She's a, yeah.
Yeah, I mean, she is still, she took over Lehman Brothers.
She took over Lehman Brothers?
Yeah, they've just kind of been operating under wraps.
Yeah, so it's still pretty evil, and she's doing it.
Wow.
Awesome.
Yeah, but it's cool.
I mean, it's cool because we get to go to the houses where we're kicking the kids out of first.
That's good.
And we see it, and I go, yeah, let's tear this down.
build a four-story.
Yeah, you're like Eviction Friday.
That's a little fun break.
On lunch, do you want to come with me to an eviction?
Oh, baby, no, I'd love to, but I got a meeting with the devil.
Well, tell him, I said hi.
And I have lunch with him on Friday.
The devil!
Are we selling it in Chardonnay?
Come on.
Where have you been?
Where would the devil live if the devil took residence in the United States?
The devil would live, I think, in...
Waterloo.
Waterloo, Iowa.
There we go.
Come on, no, that is really racist because that was so fucked up.
Where would the devil live?
I think the devil would live.
I'm trying to think of the worst skates I've ever had.
And by the way, I know what I'm doing, do you?
Yeah.
I know I'm putting you, this is the lose-lose for you.
No, but.
So I'll take some of the heat.
Uh-uh.
Okay?
You're ready?
Yeah.
I'm kind of thinking regional.
We had some of the work.
We had, they, man, did we have some tough shows there?
Yeah.
And we found a fly in our chips.
Chili's and the town hated us I think they hated us too I don't think we did well at all I think
we bought you end up at Chili's was it downtown only thing that's open at that time of night
there's that in Louisville it's like Louisville you you're trying to be a big city
Louisville yeah oh Louisville Syracuse middle of the week is what I was gonna
middle the week man they hated us and I wanted to like you Louisville I've said this
for years but you man you guys hated us it did not like us the devil lives in the
dynasty mall in Syracuse that's my answer oh the dynasty mall that's pretty good
final answer. Let's see. No, that's not right. No. Sorry. Yeah, that's wrong. The devil lives. The devil lives.
No, we can't just talk shit about a comedy club. No, I can't. Well, yeah, yeah, sure you can.
I think it would still be Syracuse. Governor's Long Island. That's where the devil lives.
Oh, Governor's Long Island. Come on. I can't get booked there still. Oh, yeah. Well, I think you're okay.
It's fun, though. I think you're going to be okay. I still hold grudges about all the
that will book me.
That's when I had a tough time with them.
They boned me in a weird way.
The devil lives in the basement of Carolines.
The old Carolines Club, rest in peace.
Well, it's now a ping pong bar, so...
That's what I heard.
Somebody said that.
Yeah.
That sucks.
Yeah.
That was, like, a moment that I thought
was going to change my whole life.
I got to headline there one time.
Yeah.
And then, like, six months later,
they're like, it's going to be a ping pong bar.
And you can come back if you'd like.
Amazing.
Will you headline that?
You can headline...
You can be on the top table.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I'll tell you where the devil lives,
truly, I'm not kidding,
is somewhere here in the Valley in Los Angeles.
You go deep enough into the valley up north here.
Is that like porn area?
Isn't all porn shot here?
Porn is Northwest, yeah.
Porn is in Chatsworth, but if you go North Valley,
if you go...
Do you ever just, like, drive over there and like...
No.
Look?
No, we've never done that.
Nah.
Certainly not with a...
No.
Carries a camera everywhere.
No, we never been over there.
Uh-uh.
We never been over there.
No, Chatsworth was kind of the old joke,
but then the current joke is because porn
as kind of blended with pop culture.
Like, only fans is porn, but it's also like acceptable fun pop culture.
Like they used to hide in Chatsworth.
Now they're just in Hollywood.
Right.
Like it's like, they're not, they did that for like, oh, we have to like hide it away.
We don't want it to be seen, but now it's now it's embraced.
So now they're taking over.
Promote it. It's not embraced.
It's like a thing where you're like, you don't have an OF, loser.
You're like a dork if you're not involved in the industry.
So Cohn and I have started an OF of our own.
Yeah, that's huge.
It should be.
Is it mostly feet?
Huh?
Is it feet?
I know you got crazy feet.
I do have crazy feet.
No, we've actually decided to start a new branch of OF where it's the nape of a neck.
So it's literally just nape of nape-nape.
It's called necknaps.
And that website, did we buy that?
Necknapes.com?
Do we buy that?
We did.
Make sure you get it.
That's where that guy found my phone number.
On neck names?
Yeah, I didn't think I linked it to my neck.
That reminds me those old sex phone, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, you know,
You're probably, you guys are...
No, like the old...
Oh, you remember those commercials?
Dude, they're still on...
No!
When you're in a hotel in Middle America late at night and you...
I still...
I watch cable everywhere still because I love it.
It makes me feel so nostalgic.
Like a Midwest kid.
Such a Midwest kid to watch cable.
I mean, I'll watch half of seven movies instead of just picking one on a streaming service.
I like that, though.
Yeah, it's the best.
But if you're, if you stay up late enough, you hit that 1am, 2 a.m.
They're still on.
They're still hitting like, hey big boy.
Love hey big boy.
Yeah.
Are you lonely tonight?
Call us.
And they are.
And I think everyone's beautiful.
I believe in body positivity.
They did not find the cream of the crop for the shoot.
No, they did not.
It's crazy to me.
I'm like, this is the one that you pick.
That's the one.
That's why I love small town America.
You'll hear a radio commercial for a local business.
And it's a guy who has never spoken publicly before.
You got come on down.
It's going to be good.
Come on.
We're open on.
Most Mondays and Fridays.
This guy's scared.
Have you ever seen a little boy that works in the boot store that's like,
turn off the lights?
Have you seen this?
Oh my God,
he'd lose your fucking mind.
There's like a little boy to do like a boot store commercial.
He's like,
well, that's it.
We're going to be wrapping up for the night.
And now for the time to turn off the lights.
I swear to God,
it's like one of the funniest fucking things I've ever seen.
And I watch it like on repeat because it blew my mind.
They probably did it once as a bit.
And then it went viral.
And then they make him do it right though.
You see it now.
And they make him do it all the time.
Oh, now he's like advertising for the company.
Well, now they're in on it.
They know, now it's like, you know what I mean?
Like, now they drank into it.
So, right, there he is.
Hey, there's the boots.
Pout nose.
Oh, my God.
Tani Lama Boots.
Okay, that's enough.
I mean, they were just like this kid, I mean, they're just making fun of his speech impediment.
But he's selling boots, dog.
I guess.
Let me tell you something.
I'm buying boots off that guy now.
Is that in Texas?
Yeah.
It's so funny that like a big Texas.
guy is like, we gotta go get some of them.
Did you hear that little boy with the speech impediment?
He seemed like he knew, he knew boots.
I'll tell you, he knew boots.
We got to get down there before they'd turn off the lights.
If he knew something, he knew boots.
Uh-huh.
By the way, you reminded me of when you said, hey, big boy, I immediately thought of outcast.
You got, you lost every, you were like, oh my God.
Yeah, when you said, hey, big boy, I just thought of outcast.
And I thought, how funny, how funny, how wonderful.
If Big boy sued, if he sued that company.
That's mine.
Yeah, you can't just throw my name.
on willy-nilly like that.
I don't like the phrase willy-nilly.
I just said it and I realized as I said it, it sounds wrong.
Willie-nilly?
I guarantee you that comes from a bad place.
Can't see.
We did a whole episode on that.
Remember that?
We were finding out phrases that people say that were like,
holy shit, I can't believe that's offensive.
My grandpa called me a turkey all the time,
and I never wanted to look that up.
Turkey sounds fine.
Turkey's fine.
Turkey, I'm searching right now.
You see me on the hunt.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Willie-nilly does feel like...
I'm doing beautiful mind.
Who is Willie?
Yeah, and what's Nilly?
I think it's...
Unless it's a husband and wife...
I think it's like Dick to the wind.
Love it to the wind.
You mean pissing the wind.
Your willie is out.
Yeah, that's Willie Nilly.
Right.
Maybe.
Is that Willie Nilly?
Where's the etymology?
Willie Nilly.
Originated in the early 1600s.
It's a contraction of the phrase
Will I, Nill I.
Oh.
Or will ye, nil ye.
We found a safe one.
That is great.
Will I nill?
We found one with no racist tendencies?
Will I nillai.
Guys.
Yeah.
Also, just.
No racist tendencies at all.
Can we go back to talking like that, too?
Well, he's just going at Willie Nilly, aren't he?
Will I or Nilly?
I don't even think that's right.
It appears in Shakespeare's work such as Hamlet, Will He, Nilly, signifying forced action.
Willie Nilly.
But Willie Nilly is the phrasing of that means not will I nillie, it means loose and silly.
Yeah.
Like my dad was the coach of our Y basketball team, and boy, did he hate coaching me because I was such a little asshole.
and God bless my father, one of the greatest men alive
through him putting up with us
and he would say, you know, he'd yell at us
and be like, you get your ass down the court.
I don't care who's down there.
Whatever Tom Dick or Harry is down there.
And of course, I was like, Tom's dick is what?
And my dad was like, Andrew, I'll fucking galliow.
I always, it was like,
my dad loved to use old dumb phrases like that,
especially because he's from the South.
And he would say stuff, and it was like pure bait.
You were like, I'm gonna say something about it.
Right.
Whoa, I gotta fill this up a little bit.
You just can't say dick.
Yeah.
To a child.
I know you have to do a show, but just a little bit more.
Just a tiny bit more.
You don't need a lot.
All right.
Just a little for you.
Whoops.
That's good.
I'm gonna be rafing.
No, you'll be fine.
It'll be fine.
It starts in an hour.
What time is it?
It's 6.30.
Is it really?
Okay, we got 10 minutes.
I got to leave.
Okay, let's wrap it up.
Let me see what it's going to take to get there.
15.
It'll take you 17 minutes.
Did your father?
father ever bench you was my question.
I was one of the best on the team, man.
Couldn't bench the All-Star.
Oh, it must have been sick.
You got benched by your old man?
I got benched by my father when I was like 12.
In a way, I mean, it's like, you know, you can get subbed out.
This was in soccer.
But like I got cooked twice in a row by this guy.
And then I got subbed out and I didn't go back in.
And that's benched.
Midfielder?
Defense.
Center back.
I was playing against St. Croix, and I got benched for my best friend at the time, Alex Barth.
Shut up, Barth.
And it did, it got in between our relationship, for sure.
Where is Alex now?
He's like, he's in New York. He's doing great. He's working in finance.
You still talk to him?
Yeah, we play soccer together.
Say hi to him right now.
Isn't that cool? Alex Barth, what's up, dude?
I am, I'm now better than you at soccer.
Suck it, bitch.
The guy gets on that, Sinelli, he goes off.
All right, you've got a show to go to.
I don't keep you because I can keep you for a long time.
You don't have to finish that McCone will if you want to.
Don't worry about it.
He's an alcoholic and he's poor and he would love that.
He's not an alcoholic.
He's from Minnesota.
No, no, he actually is an alcoholic.
He has a big difference.
Yeah, it's admitted.
And we're staying out of the program, right?
Yes, sir.
I love you, dude.
You're a fantastic guy.
You're a great comic.
You're a great performer.
I can't wait to see what happens next in your career.
And I mean that.
I think you're going to have a wonderful career or or a wonderful crash.
It's going to be great to watch you fall.
I'll be good on the downfall, though.
100%, I'll be kind of lashing out.
It's people, finally.
I've been like a pretty nice guy.
Yeah, let it ride.
But I'm going to kind of let it rip,
and then, yeah, I'll open up a bar in probably Rogers, Minnesota.
I can't go to your town.
I'm going to go to town over,
and I'm going to say the same riff every night for the rest of my life.
What's up with Waterloo?
Hey, if I wanted to kill myself, I'd go to Otsego.
There it is.
Yeah.
We end the show the same way.
Go to SomeKidtommy.com.
Some Kid Tommy is also the Instagram,
and also the social handles,
I imagine it's all the bullshit
that people need to know.
Go watch them on Saturday Night Live.
Please continue to support the show
that supports great comics
as you watch them rise to the top.
We end the show the same way.
You look into that camera,
you say one word or one phrase.
One word or one phrase to end the episode.
Remember, as you think about it now,
because I'm giving you a beat,
I know you're a little stunted.
This will end up in history.
It'll be cemented in history forever.
It is going to be submitted
to the Smithsonian at some point.
This will be the greatest fucking line in history
Live from Austin, Texas.
It's Tommy fucking Brennan.
So whenever you're ready,
give us one word or one phrase.
Sorry to throw you off over.
That's just, we're just ham and egging over here.
It's pretty good.
It's really good.
We didn't even talk about your impressions.
I'm pissed about it.
No, no, no, no.
We will over another cocktail
when you come back to Los Angeles, California.
So one word or one phrase to end the episode.
And remember, this does mean something.
Your mother will watch
and your friends will watch
So be prepared
And be swift
Actually, I know I know
I'm gonna go utilitarian here
I'm actually I'm gonna make use of this
Okay
Delete my fucking number Jeff
In here
We pour whiskey
Whisisk
Whisisk
Whisisk
Whisisk
Whisk
You were that creature in the ginger
Beard
Sturdy
And ginger
Like vampires
The ginger gene is a curse
Ginges are fugitive
You want me $5 for the whiskey
And 75 dollars for the whole
Ginger's, oh hell no.
This whiskey is excellent.
Ginger, I like gingers.
