Who Are These Podcasts? - Ep105 - Disgraceland

Episode Date: May 13, 2018

If you like true crime, Van Morrison, and good rock music, than this is not the show for you. It's surprising how much work goes into producing this cornball's podcast. There's a ton of stuff going on here, just nothing that anyone would find "interesting" or "entertaining." Chris joins the show to defend Van Morrison and play embarrassing audio of himself as a child.  If you find any of our opinions about Disgraceland, Van Morrison or the album Astral Weeks to be incorrect, keep it to yourself Crosier.  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

It's show time. That's the handful that don't suck That's where we come in My answer is like, I'll blow up the mandarin' Chris W-H-E-W-H-E-W-H-E-P Who are these partners? Double your way to be. Who likes these partners?

Not WWE TV. Who likes these partners? That one's beyond me. Who are these partners? WWE TV. W-A-T-P. Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!

Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!

Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!

Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! any fact checking. I'm your host, Kara, with me is always this Chris. Welcome Chris. Hey, thanks for having me back. Yes, definitely. I'd like to remind our listeners you can visit us at whoarethese.com. Our Facebook page or on Twitter at whoarethese.com are on these poth. Email the show at watpshow.com. We're always looking for podcast suggestions.

Also, if you find this show the slightest bit of retaining, don't forget to give us a positive five star review on iTunes. Today we'll be reviewing a podcast called Discrace Land. We listened to episode 105 Van Morrison. We have both listened to the show separately. We haven't discussed it too much with each other before. I'm not too.

So without further ado, let's get into it. Chris, this was a suggestion that came from you, this show Disc Rasteland hosted by Jake Brennan. And this is- But it really came from another co-host. That's true. Crozier actually likes this show. And turn you on, do it.

It is a, let's talk about the premise real quick. It's a true crime slash rock and roll history podcast. It's not only that it is a great concept on paper. Okay, all right. Yeah, I would go with that far. Well, I'm kind of over the whole true crime genre, but this guy comes up with these stories, legendary rock and roll stories and he goes through the whole thing. Yes.

And you're a big Van Morrison fan. Well, there's that. There's that. This is why it was recommended to me by Croach. Because you're a big Van Morrison fan. Well, there's that. There's that. This is why it was recommended to me by Croach because you're a big Van Morrison fan. Well, yeah, and everyone looks a good true crime rock and roll story. This show couldn't be less about Van Morrison. No shit. It has this specific episode. He's trying to find some type of true crime angle some type of true crime angle to Van Morrison's career. Yeah, he's stretching a little bit. Trying. So I'll just sum it up real quick so we can get into the clips

and people understand the context of it. Basically, Van Morrison moved to Boston. He was going to record his second solo album, Astro Weeks. He was trying to pull a band together. He got this one guitarist named Rick in the band. It didn't work out. Rick left the band. Van Morrison went on to record an album

and be famous for years to come. Yeah, barely had anything to do with the record. Rick had nothing to do with anything in Van Morrison's life, except for they hung out a few times together. He had a record for Rick did not get that far. They hung out a few times together. But the reason why this is important

is because Rick had a roommate who was gay and in love with them who eventually murdered him. Yes. And he gives this away very early on with what I call spoiler alert. He was playing in a band with a young, talented, Emerson College student who would wind up beating a death in a beacon street apartment in a matter of months

That was the very beginning of the show this guy that we're talking about is this Rick guy Rick Philip We'll be beaten to death in an apartment. Oh, okay. I guess I guess we're done here that right? That's a rap All right, move it on. What else should we listen to? Yeah, so there's absolutely no drama to come up this because he's already told you exactly What's going to happen That is the most action-packed part of the story The other thing that this guy Jake the the host does is He understands the exact conversations between people that couldn't possibly be documented and Goes as far as to understanding what internal thoughts are.

I pulled this clip, I call this, this is the clip that sums up the show for me. This guy, Rick's roommate, is everyone following me here? That's guy Rick is like a tireless man, what's his bad word? His roommate Harvey, this gay guy, is driving home from work. And our host Jake knows exactly what's going on in the internal

monologue. Driving home after work one night, Harvey couldn't get his head around the issue of Rick and Kathy. Fucking Kathy, always around. She moving a Boston to be with Rick or not. Couldn't she take a hint? She wasn't welcome. Harvey hated her and deep down, he knew Rick did too.

Rick was just too nice to bring himself to admit it. Rick, Rick was gorgeous and sweet and kind and talented. He loved Rick and he knew Rick loved him back, even if Rick didn't know it yet. This is what we're talking about. Yeah, this guy loves Rick. Rick. Yeah, this guy loves Rick. Rick. Yeah. This is not a show. Is nonstop. This guy read a book. Okay. Somebody wrote a

book about the making of this album. He read this book and now he's telling you the inner dialogue of this fucking guy. He's driving him from work one day. Well, I see this in the tradition of like cable true crime, where it's, you got the bare facts of a simple story, man kills woman in hotel room, and then the rest is conjecture. So it's like 98% conjecture. 98%? Yeah.

And I'm being polite there. Right. Because there are moments in this and we'll get to it where it's just between ricking his killer and it's like, here's the conversation, and here's what happened during that. Well, how would anyone possibly know of course? What did he write it down as it was happening? Oh, he gets crazy detailed about this. It gets crazy detailed, but yeah,

I actually have a note on here. If this guy doesn't write for those crime reenactment shows, he should. Because that's what this is. It's just a ridiculous crime reenactment show. Yes. Before we get into all that true crime nonsense, I do want to talk about the fact that

because he has sponsors and advertisers, he tries to keep on the up and up, he does not play any of the music that's associated with any of the artists that he's talking about. And he even goes as far as to say on every episode that I listen to this. That music you heard at the top of the show,

that wasn't great music. That was you heard at the top of the show, that wasn't great music. That was a preset loop for my Melotron, called Church Orgin Low, MK1. That's fascinating, please go on. Who gives a shit, who gives a fuck? Every episode, I listen to the most recent one about the Rolling Stone. I had to.

She was in the last fifth of the life. Right, it is. He plays this garbage music and then goes, that's bad music because, you know, again, he goes out and tries to set the stage where in 1968 he says this. I pledge you that loop because I can't afford the license for Hey Jude by the Beatles.

And why would I play that specific slice of anthemic mac and cheese, could I afford it? Because that. Because that is way better than the garbage Astro Weeks album that this show is about. Whoa. He talks so much in my home, amazing this album is. I wanted to listen to the album, Chris.

This is what I did. I did the research. Could I play you with this Van Morrison album that he's pining over and just blowing load after the shortest episode ever because I'm leaving. He's blowing load after load over this fucking album. What's in this garbage? Beside you, Beside you, Beside you Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, in this album is 8 minutes long and it's just, musicians just vamping. It's only about us and else. Rick never got to play on the album.

It's gonna build a lot better. SONU! SON! SONU! You're pretty good. You wanna put together a band, Trimian? I like Van Morrison as much as the next guy, but Jesus Christ, some of this fucking dudes. There's no melody just

Alright we're in a second now blabla blabla blabla Okay, what the fuck that's not so grating And all he talks about is this album as show weeks He goes online about how amazing it is. I'll play a couple examples of that aka van the man would release Astro Weeks, his second solo album, an album that defined grace and beauty, but is underpinned by desperation and murder. Okay, does that check out as a Van Morrison fan?

Do you think it defines grace and beauty, but is underpinned by desperation and murder? I don't know what to think anymore. Actually. Again, this is him discussing how amazing this album is, and this guy can go out of that about how amazing an album is. He doesn't mind at all going on. No, no, this is the part that he loves.

The lyrics are poetic, mournful, melancholic, and in constant struggle with an unwelcome inertia. Astro Weeks is about coming and going, about being stuck, and with any luck, maybe being reborn. In every note from the sweeping strings to the chugging acoustic guitars and heavy-hearted flutes, you feel a sense of trying to get somewhere, a sense of movement.

What the hell are you talking about? The heavy-hearted flute? He takes forever to say nothing. Exactly. All right. Again, here's a track off of this amazing album of it. It's the greatest thing anyone's ever done. Tell me this acoustic guitar is even in tune, Gras.

Tell me this acoustic guitar is even in tune. Gras, tell me. That is not an in tune guitar right there. I'm no doctor, but uh... Spread your wings. Who wasn't that Polish? I'm no doctor, but uh Who wasn't that poetry spread your wings Well, I bet this guy Jake Brennan wrote better poetry in high school. No shit This problem is literally jazz musicians just making shit up as they go and for some reason Van Morrison feels the need to just sing random lyrics for 8 minutes at a time. They are a lot of drone pieces I'm hearing that you're not into the drone.

I like to compose music that has like, out of jails, a melody, and a jane. Sarah, no. The way this fucking guy talks about musicians. Yeah, it's so obnoxious. I wrote on that subject, I wrote high school journalism plus Gough Kid Poetry plus Cornball Projecture. I think that's the recipe for Jake here. Listen to this. And Chris and I are both musicians.

And I could tell just by looking at you, you despise this. Musicians are transient. They come and they go. We move through our daily lives, and every couple of months or so, one of our favorite musical artists blows through town for a show. We fork over our hard earned cash, and if we're lucky, the artist is worth it, and the show is transcendent, and we get swept away. Ugh, yuck. Is that how you describe going to see a band, do you like? I wouldn't describe anything the way this guy describes anything.

No, of course not. All right, just, I want to go on with one more thing where he's talking about musicians and as a musician, this rubs me the wrong way in every way. In musicians not only move from town to town, they move from gig to gig, from band to band, from opportunity to opportunity, in and out of people's lives,

from one lover to another, from party to party, drug to drug, in and then out of rehab, there, then gone again. I actually wanna try this. I wanna try this technique that this guy has, describing musicians, I'm gonna give this a go here. Better with me, everybody. They take two steps forward, then take two steps back. They go round and round because what comes around goes around.

They're coming to your town. They'll help you party down, motoring. You've got them in your site and driving through the night. Might as well jump. That must have been a Bond Joby song. What the fuck with the sky? It's so obnoxious. The way he explains or describes musicians, the way he describes this Van Morrison album that's full of nonsense, and I have clips at the end where he goes ahead and does both at the same time

For example this clip no small feet given that musicians are like sharks. They stop moving and they die Van Morrison knew this you can hear it in every note of astral weeks That's so fucking very Egyptian No, we're sharks. You didn't know they're like sharks. If they sat me when they die, and Van Morrison knew that, and you can hear in every fucking nonsense note, and detuned guitar at this album,

it's just fucking them vamping. I don't know how much rehearsal I wanted to make in this album, but I can't imagine there was a ton. I wrote this little quip. Yeah, to call him heavy handed is like calling calling you mean it doesn't quite paint the picture It doesn't provide the context that you really need to understand Yeah, the back and forth. I got the text when you crunch it and listen to this

Listening to disgrace land. It's kind of annoying. He's like, yeah, the presentation leaves much to be desired. I say, it's a great idea just irritating, like high school journalism. And he goes, I hear you, a little too much first person stuff. He sells a lot of commercials though. That was the good thing. Yeah, that was the upshot. We don't even talk about this guy's fucking voice and how he sounds so affected. Yeah, you know, this music really moved people. Van Morrison was an up-and-comer and just figuring out the way. You're getting close to Nicholas Cage and they're both on the show. Yeah, wow. I can't even chat.

I can't even chat. I can't even chat. Plus Bill or Ted from XO Entertainment. Okay, I'll give you that. This is more this overly dramatic nonsense about this album that I think sucks. And I don't understand why he has to paint this picture in order to make it interesting for people that this guitarist knew this guy. If you don't have to talk about this fucking album,

as if it's the greatest thing to ever happen. I move men. If you don't have to talk about this fucking album as if it's the greatest thing to ever happen. I mean, movement equals life, which is why Astral Week sounds so vibrant. There's transients in grace and every note, the album is alive. Rick Philp is dead. What a story, Mark. I mean, just trying to be so dramatic with it. This guy who had nothing to do with this album is no longer alive, but the album came out. What a story, Mark. I mean, just trying to be so dramatic with it. This guy, I mean, nothing to do with this album

is no longer a lie, but the album came out. Right, we get it. I mean, I get my points for trying to stay on the dramatic track, but there's no story here. No, there's no story. One more clip about this nonsense with Astral Weeks being amazing and musicians being sharks. It is a masterpiece.

Sure, it doesn't have the hits of some of Van's other works, but ask any musician about it. And they'll like you tell you that it's his best album. That is, if you can get one of them to stop moving long enough to talk to you. Ah, yeah. All right, well that was also one of my clips. What is that bizarre music that it turns out? I think is his original stuff. Oh, yeah, that leads me to my next clip. Oh great. Okay. So he's talking about how these Musicians are crazy, they're sharks. They live very different lives than we do. We can only hope to understand

What a musician goes to and how they did their life and then at the very end of the show. He reveals guess what? This episode of Discretsland, it's musical score theme song were written by me, Jake Brennan. Oh Jake, you're a musician? Oh shit sure! I could have gots that! You're so fucking up there asses! Oh by the way, these people that I'm talking about, they're so amazing. I want of them!

Are you? Yeah. No shit. Buy the buy. Yeah, I had to look the suit up a little. He looked exactly like I thought he would. Oh yeah. But, you know, I think I would like this guy.

I think he's hearts in the right place. He's not putting this out maliciously, but it's really about him. Oh, this is all about him. Yeah, we can agree on that. It did hark me back to being a kid with a tape recorder and telling ghost stories into it. But it was for my own pleasure.

I would just listen back to it. And I think that's what Jake should do. It's just not put this out. And listen to his voice, which is, I think what he wants to do. What's interesting to note on that front, I'm glad you brought that up because we were talking about this.

When you were a six year oldold you had your own radio show Yes, but this is live before the internet. Yeah, recorded into a tape track. I think you set me a clip Here is here is our co-host Chris Some I don't know 20 years ago Talking into any tape recorder. I went to another door. I opened it and there I saw a giant spider. there's a lot of things about this show that are top notch and high quality. I agree. He has a lot of listeners, he has a lot of five star reviews. He actually has a contest around people giving him a five star review, so he definitely encourages that. That's a good idea. Yeah, I guess so. This is the first breath at one star review idea we had. This is the end of the show.

I'm gonna stress that one star review idea we had. This is the, at the end of the show, he talks about his contest that he does to get five star reviews. Okay, the moment you've all been waiting, winners of the review contest are, Emiline Murtorino Bennett. Thanks for the review, you're getting a free poster. Email me so I can coordinate getting this out to you.

And once again, Emiline Murtor murderino ben you got a free poster coming away So email you didn't have to repeat it. It's a podcast. You can just go back 30 seconds. Let's do it again But this is the thing that he's doing you can win a fucking poster. Well some shit head wins a poster Yay neat if you give him a positive five star review on iTunes If you give him a positive five star review on iTunes, should we be giving out shitty posters? Is this a thing that people do? I've never heard of such a thing, but apparently this is what they're up to over there.

Yeah. Chris, what do you want to talk about? Well, man, we covered the Cornball stuff pretty well. We talked about how the show is about a true crime thing that has nothing to do with Van Morrison. Yes. And then we listened to the Rolling Stones episode. I think he's running out of material because the Rolling Stones episode was Keith Richards getting busted for heroin. Yeah.

It's a true crime. I know this episode was our homework, but I did listen to that. And he kept referring to the stones being busted for this and that. It was all my Keith, you know, I was saying the stones this and that, but anyways, I digress. Yeah, I was actually gonna clip that show

and I ran out of time because there were some things where he's explaining Mick Jagger's vocal style as if no one knows about this. But he can't play Mick Jagger because he's got this fucking thing with copyright infringement that I don't have. And so he plays this nonsense sound effect instead. It's supposed to give you the idea of Mick Jagger.

I don't know. It was such a garbage. It's like that Jimmy Hendrix biography that they put out. Where it's not a Jimmy Hendrix music because his family didn't sign off on this. So it's like the life of Jimmy Hendrix. You're just listening like backwards sounding Jimmy Hendrix music because his family didn't that side off on this. So it's like the life of Jimmy Hendrix You're just like backwards sounding Jimmy Hendrix music. Oh, yeah, this is so silly. What are we doing? He never lets up on his Cornball delivery which Drove me to distraction. Yes, and I know that's not what he wants He wants us to listen to the story and continue listening to his voice and his crappy music behind it

But I had to listen to this in about eight separate fucking sections, right? So annoying and It reminded me of watching like a Jim Kerry Comedy you never he never Don't forget right never let you forget that he's on screen. Yeah, not for a second I I have a pervert example of that. In this new gig, Rick had with the angry little Irish guy with that song about the girl with the brown eyes. Shalady Da, Shalady Dam, this gig had real potential.

This dude is fucking corny. Ha ha ha. This shit where he's, I mean, the writing is terrible. It is, and I actually don't even think they say Shaladi in the show. No, we're just shaladi. Yeah, okay, God, I've got as a fan of ours, I thought the same thing.

Shaladi, Da, Shaladi, damn. He wrote that down and then read it dramatically as this character he's playing in the show. Yeah, we'll get to the violations of podcasts in general later, but that has gotta be won. But that also should be a future drop. You should consider that. Shalani Da Shalani Damn.

Shalani Da Shalani Damn. Maybe. So I do wanna go back to the backstory on this guitarist, Rick Philp. He talks about how he was chewed up and spit out by the music industry because his previous band did not work out. That's this clip right here. But in the grand scheme of things, Rick Philp's band, middle class, was a bust. I mean, they were good for sure, but you know the drill. When your parents are up your butt about how the whole quote unquote music thing is going.

Alright, so he talks about how he was spitt up and chewed out because the band didn't work out. Chris, you ever been in the band that didn't work out? I mean, what now? I've been in a bunch. And I don't understand this whole thing where oh yeah when he when he met van Morrison They had both been through the rigors like no van Morrison had hit songs in Brunner girl in Gloria and this guy was just in a band That no one knew about oh it's very

Dio Oh fucking hey, I hate that shit So this was This was each he said at the end of that, you know the drill, your parents are like, what's going on with that music thing? Holy shit, now he recreates the conversation you have with your parents about what's going on

with your band, and this is just so ridiculous. This is the most ridiculous made up conversation I've ever heard. How many times could Rick answer with something like, pretty good, you know, we just had a great gig at Summit High School last month. This crazy band called Velvet Underground opened up for us. I know they're really going places.

And you know, Carwell is going to get this new distribution deal for the label. And even though her and Jerry are on the outside, I feel like there's some strong material coming away, blah, blah, blah, blah blah blah blah blah blah blah. What your parents heard was my son is on a fast track to nowhere with this music thing. So the band broke up. Wait, so the band broke up?

So the band broke up because the way the guitarist's parents interpreted his update on their progress was negative, because that's what he just said. Oh my god. But your parents just hear you're not going anywhere. So the band broke up. Do you have a co-worker commander saying what is going on? I need some help. I think I have.

I need to know. Exactly. Good point, Robert commander. Yeah, I mean, that's filler. That's nonsense. Yeah, that's filler. That's nonsense. Yeah, that's nonsense. That's Carl Pilkington nonsense. All right, you notice that he's likes to say,

you explain this and this and this, but what they hear is blah, blah, blah. He does this a lot. He's a psychologist. Right, but this is like the thing that he likes to do. It doesn't move the narrative along. I'm not sure why he does it. There's later in the show,

he talks about the confrontation between Rick and his ex-Rumate Harvey, who will eventually be his murderer. And they're having this back and forth. He does this thing where he explains what Rick said and then how Harvey interpreted it. Meanwhile, he doesn't know any of this. He doesn't know where he explains what Rick said and then how Harvey interpreted it. Meanwhile, he doesn't know any of this. He doesn't know that any of this conversation happened or how this all went down. He's making it all up. But he also uses this cheesy fucking

sound effect. Oh, it's over and over again. Listen to this. L.A. maybe, probably, maybe New York. All Harvey heard was, I'm leaving Boston. He politely let Harvey down, gently. But all Harvey heard was, I'm leaving Boston. He protested. All Harvey heard was, I'm leaving Boston. He did that three times, he did it his own. He did it his own, he did it his own.

He did it his own, he did it his own. He did it his own, he did it his own. He did it his own. He did it his own. He did it his own. He did it his own. He did it his own. He did it his own.

He did it his own. He did it his own. He did it his own. He did it his own. He did it his own. Your podcast sucks. That is the dumbest fucking sound effect in that whole thing where, and then he explained this and this, but all he heard was, you're a douche. Yeah, I see the close-up of Harvey and every... Right. Well, you're on the same track as me, would you just play my number one if I'm not interrupting your flow there? Of course. So Van attempted to negotiate a release from the draconian contract that bound him.

He wound up having his guitar smashed over his head by a Genevieve's family thug. New York City was dead to him. What, why and how? I mean, that is an action-packed little moment there. Yeah. Why that sound, but he uses that one a lot. And he put some bizarre, there's a ton of post-production

Sounding music going on has nothing to do with the story. Yeah, I know I know what you mean, but I have to tell you that I think our show would do better if we had like these music fans going out of the background You know, we're just talking about stuff there. The music comes up. I agree You know, we're just talking about stuff there. And music comes up. I agree. But it has to be garbage music that's made by a Casio or a Yamaha from the 80s. I know that you're like to make fun of this,

but honestly, this is the new way to podcast. I think you're right, yeah. You know, it's time to get on board. It's time to get on board because we're talking about this show that we think sucks Yeah, the crows think it's amazing And this is the way that we do it Okay, moving on I have a lot more made up conversations. Oh, okay, did I want to talk about yes? Yeah

Rick has a girlfriend Kathy fucking Kathy. Okay. I feel like an asshole. I know this podcast so well. Oh, I couldn't. I said it was so annoying that I had to listen to an eight sections, but those, a couple of times I had to pull the car over because laughing so fucking hard, they get ridiculous. This is not supposed to be funny. Come on. I know, I know. So this is exactly what you're talking about. Harvey decides he's got to get Kathy out of the picture because he wants to bone this guy, Rick. Who doesn't want to be bone? Who doesn't want to be bone?

But apparently he's very handsome, according to James. He sure is, yeah. Okay, so his idea is, the Harvey's idea, and again, this is just all made up nonsense. Is that he's going to come home from work and explain this story that happened at work where this person had an accident, but really the premise is he wants to scare off Kathy. Okay? So what's amazing about this is that this character talks like exactly like this asshole. The host of the show.

Barged into Rick and Kathy's bedroom and told them what he just witnessed. Kathy, you won't believe what I just saw. This deli boy at work, such a shit really, always up in everybody's business. It's no wonder this happened. I mean karma, right? Anyway, he was slicing meat on the meat cutter, you know the kind, right? The kind with the big sharp rotating blade, he slipped while using it because he wasn't careful probably minding someone else's business or something. Anyway, yeah, it goes on and on and

on. This is exactly the conversation he had with his roommate and his roommate's girlfriend in order to intimidate them. And then at the end of all this shit, he decides he understands how they internalize the conversation that never happened that he just made up. Rick and Kathy were in shock. Kathy especially. They both knew Harvey was bullshitting them, and they both knew the story was meant to intimidate Kathy.

Rick wondered why Kathy didn't. She'd picked up on Harvey's fascination with Rick before and tried warning Rick off, but Rick, to this point point anyway was in denial. This is a show called Van Morrison. Can I remind you of that? He's gone gone from the story by the way. It's Van Morrison. He's describing some of the heaven between nobody's

that can't possibly be documented. We can't, I mean, we probably know more about dinosaurs than we could possibly know about these shithead to have this fucking lover's coral going on in apartment in Boston. Carl holy shit. I had to listen to that section just to understand what the fuck where he's going and I realized it was nowhere. He went nowhere. That was a fool. So this is a clip I call total made up relationship. It's just more made up shit.

And this is trying to connect so hard, he's trying to connect Rick with Van Morrison. And he and Van hit it off personally. Van seemed to like him, which was saying something because the guy didn't really like anyone, or at least he seemed to not dislike him. They bonded the night, Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. was shot, watching the follow and disbelief from Van's Cambridge Port apartment, glued to the television, Van knew it then, Rick could

hang and play. Rick could hang. What? How do you know this? No, there's no way that someone's running in their diary. Tonight I watched Mark and the gig, man. Yeah, it's fucking nonsense. Anyone who's listening to this, you're listening to a made-up story.

It's cute, it's neat. But what's the, I don't understand what the point of this is. It's not a true crime show. Yeah. It's just a made-up story. So then he goes on to talk about how Rick's apartment caught fire. For a time, it was all good. Then, in a flash, it wasn't.

Rick's apartment mysteriously caught fire. Twice. Rick was fine. And so was his roomy. And possibly just as important, Rick's guitars were not damaged. All that was lost were some of Rick's clothes and books. I love it as apartment cut, fire twice. Rick was fine, but his letter was fucking pissed!

His favorite cardigan sweater. Get you mad! Get you mad to the landlord and these guys like, oh, dad! Are you fucking kidding me? What are you guys doing? You're passing out with a cigarette in your mouth? Stop it! I specifically said one fire per month It's in the lease check the fucking the lease Boy, this is just a clip. I'll just play real quick. It's more made up conversations

Rick goes to Harvey's after they are no longer roommates He goes to Harvey's to get his guitar, and he goes exactly how this went down. Even though there's only two people involved, and one of them has been dead ever since. Harvey dodged, he was making small talk, acting as if nothing had changed between them since Rick moved out. How are things going?

What's new with your music? How's school? That sort of thing. Rick kept to the point. Where are my guitars, Harvey? Harvey lit a joint, clearly stalling. Oh my god, he used that fucking stupid sound effect again. I do. I just noticed that.

I just noticed that, listening through this fan. No, there's a lot of nonsense going on in the background. But there's a lot of silence, too. He's not always playing stuff. And when he does, it's so wrong headed. Yeah. It's just odd to say the least. I don't know if you picked up on this, Chris.

I feel like this is the kind of thing that you love. Probably. He talks about how they were involved in this music festival. And he talks about the different bands that were in the music festival. As part of a festival called Spring Sing with a bunch of other bands whose names sounded like they were invented inside a hippie-dippy mad libs

cliche machine. Third world raspberry, the tangerine zoo, you get the picture. The list goes out. That's actually like from the Simpson tolly shit. That's amazing. He's I love that he's the wrote down hippie-dippy madlibs cliche machine.

Yeah. That's what this guy is. Yeah, I know. That's what he's really concerned. But he explains that. And then he comes up with two bad names. Third-world raspberry, the Tangerine Zoo. You get it.

You get it. You get what I'm talking about, right? I got it. That's a great foot airplane. Come on. That you get it. That's all you got? Yeah, you get things. Oh my god. This dude is fucking corny. No, Michael, I couldn't agree more. You not carers Matt.

You're not. Actually, I would like this guy Jake to do a show with Michael. Yes. That would be awesome. Yeah, that would be awesome because I'm pretty sure that Michael would go in there and your wife had vagina stitches in her. Blow up in the spot. Punches down the head. Now I wanna get into the most dramatic part

of any true crime show. This is the murder porn section that all of these true crime people that listen to this shit, I don't give a crap about it, doesn't do anything for me, but people just beat off, they can't stop beating off over. Here we go. This is the big moment. Harvey was blind with rage outside of himself,

off on some other trip entirely, fear, shame, loneliness, and sexual excitement. All banged violently together inside Harvey's head while Harvey violently brought the banister spindle banging down under Rick's head with brute force. When it was over, Harvey came too. That is the dramatic part that Everyone gets excited about, right? Sure. Remember that the whole point of this episode is this.

Downside of the song. With the child like visions, what do you think it is? I mean, Chris, I know you're a fan of Van Morrison, but as the week sounds like the velvet underground had musicians in their band. Okay. It's garbage.

All right. I understand there's good musicians out there, but it's just not sounds. Maybe it's not my favorite album. Oh, well, you're a musician. And according to this guy, you know what I'm gonna say? I'm a gypsy. I think this is gonna say that's their favorite album.

Maybe they'll have to have hits on it. All right. All right. All right. What is funny is how Van disappeared from the story and I just wrote this. Van? All right. I'm going to wear the fuck the D-Gal.

You should just title the podcast what it should be, a random story that happened outside of anything that's interesting. By sexy, slightly stone-devoiced. So again, the very beginning of the show, he says, the guitarist that Van Morrison met once was murdered, he was beaten to death, and then he tries to get dramatic a little while later, and he says this. The move was about getting his career moving again, not just ducking the mob. And one of the people who would help him find his way, a young, gifted, handsome guitar player

would mysteriously disappear from Van's life, just as quickly as he'd arrived. But it wasn't career opportunities or drugs or alcohol that would move the musician out of Van's world with shockingly quick transients. It was a violent beating. Am I the only one even listening to this horse shit? You already said that. He goes, no, just so you know, the reason why Rick's no longer in Van's life is not because of drugs, it's not because he moved away. He was beaten to death. He was said that in the first minute of the show.

We know. Yeah. Also, another thing to know is that he the first minute of the show. We know. Yeah. Also, another thing to know is that he was already out of Van's life at that point. He wasn't in the band. Yeah. They nothing do with it. In fact, he even reads this quote from the bass player

that proves he didn't know this fucking guy was. Yeah. All I know is that his name was Rick. He had worked with the monkeys. And a few weeks after our first show, after Astro Weeks was released, he was Rick. He had worked with the monkeys. And a few weeks after our first show, after Astro Weeks was released, he was murdered. That's Van Morrison's Boston-based bass player at the time, Tom Kilbania, talking about Rick Filp. Yeah, that's what he said. All I know is his name is Rick. He had something to do with

the monkeys. Interesting to know there's no quote from Van about this guy connected with. Even the bass player didn't know who the fuck this guy was. He has no connection to Astral Weeks or Van Morrison or anything that's going on. This is very thin premise. Chris, you got to get more Chris. Anything else you want to play from this show? Oh man, we covered it, but just to tickle me, Panky number five, please. Oh man, we covered it, but just to tickle me pink, you have number five, please. Okay. He quickly hooked up with Van Morrison,

another young kind of sort of casualty of the music industry, but one who wasn't equipped for or interested in resigning himself to study groups in campus sit-ins. For Van Morrison, school was out. No more teachers, no more books than was searching Writing I this show is garbage. Yeah, it's so high school. It's like he has to fill a certain number of Pro sure yeah, man. You usually give us good podcast

This is not what I can't I want to go back to the plus side. It's a good idea. I want to hear, like, well, basically, someone reading a Wikipedia page about a true crime, rock and roll thing, you know? He write, and... Well, he read a book. He read a book, and he... On this?

He credits the book. At the end of the show, he also credits it in the description of the show. He says, buy this book about the making of Astro Weeks. Well, I guess I didn't make it quite that far. Yeah, that was the thing. He read a book and then he did a podcast where he made up a bunch of fucking horse shit that never happened and is just speculative and who gives a shit with this asshole made up in his mind about something that happened outside of anything

in Van Morrison's life. I would pay good money to hear Van's actual reaction to this if he would never. I know. I know. I would. For some reason he'll do a fucking eight-minute-a-long side that has no chorus. Okay. But he always says, I will. I make it fired for my job for this.

Yeah, I know. I know. I know there's a lot of Van Morrison fans over there. Well, we'll change your name and post. So anyway, Steve, the important thing to know about our show is there's the nose, fat, chicken. Yeah. In case anybody wants to call me out on any of these opinions.

So this guy, as, as Krozer noticed, you in, in your text experience, sells advertising space stamps.com, is a sponsor, he's got some other weird ones. This is a sock commercial. Oh, they came up at the end. I really enjoyed this. At the end of the man Morrison show. So in other words, two people heard it,

just Chris and myself. Bombas are made from premium cotton. They stay warm in the winter and cool in the summer. Every pair comes with a built in blister tab, I'm using technology, I don't know. I was on these socks actually. Stay up technologies, they're a ship, isn't it? It's detecting whether they're falling down. And then the arch support shit, is anybody buying socks for arch support? You may have to call tech support and fall.

Stay up technology. I think you might be overselling your fucking shitty socks. They're cotton that you put over your feet. Well, the last time I was on, other than the 100th episode, celebration, Mark Marren, and remember how bad he did his fucking ads. This guy at least gets into it, you know,

to wait for the party to do it. Yeah, it's not that fucking interesting. You're talking about socks. Sucks! And the show has reached a new low. Chris, I just have one more clip on the board for you. Do you want to play that? Yes, sure. Harvey was just too weird.

What? Why? Oh! This is the castle. Why that? The castle keyboard shit. Dude, are we traveling through Harvey's fucking Wisconsin? His new digs. Yeah, the year of transitions with the- The author.

Garbage music that he then takes credit for at the end of the show. Thanks Jake. He's like, oh, the music is done by me, Jake Brennan. And I have these amazing musicians who helped me with it. Really? They are amazing. Are you sure? They're robots.

Because yeah, it sounds like something you could probably do on a kids' best friends. It wouldn't be that tough. So Chris, you and I were talking prior to doing this show. And we said, it's about time that we laid out the rules of putting on a good podcast. I don't know what we want to call it. The 10 Commandments of a good podcast. Well, that was the original concept. I whittled it down to five violations. Five violations. Yes.

I like violations better. I did the same thing. I said, here are the things you can't do. If you do these things, you're show socks. And I have 10. Yes. So let's see. Let's go through ours back and forth. Let's. And let's see if we have similar violations.

Because we've talked about a lot of these on the show. Of course. Over the past couple of years, these shouldn't be too much of a surprise. But I'd be interested to see. Do you have them in order? I do. OK, great.

So let's start at the back end. Sure. And let's say, what is your number five? Well, this is... Okay, here we go. No zoo talk. If you're not a morning zoo, and I wouldn't listen to you if you were,

talking over each other. You know, and also that noise is better and somehow funny, the funny voices. All that shit. If that's not part of your concept, the exactly. Leave it out. It's a surprise. So what you're having to be part of our concept, like you know. It's still what you're saying is, it can't be morning zoos shit like... Like, lick my bow!

Wow! Ha ha ha! Yeah! Now you're just pandering to me, but... can't be more in the zoo shit like. Lake Lake, my booooo. Wow. Ha ha ha. Yeah. Now you're just pandering to me, bud. I, uh, I, I, I 100% agree. Some of these shows like we did the one just recently where they were reading the Yelp reviews. Yeah.

And Chris, you work at a restaurant. You're excited about this concept. Like, yeah, shut up. I was. I played that intro for everyone at the restaurant and then the rest of the podcast sucked. Oh, we were so excited about it Yeah, but this is actually a great kind of for a show We can just call out people who go on yelp and complain about

Food that they should not be complaining about on the internet and yet these fucking assholes turn into a morning Zero they pulled a Jake Brennan made it about themselves. They did they did funny voices. They were funny voices. That's exactly right All right, let me go into mine. I got a bunch here. Go, man. Verbal crutches. If you use the word like, if you use, there's so many so, that's the one I use all the time.

So, I'm always going in and going, oh, fuck, I just use that word way too much. Just take it out. Right. It's not good. You're doing a show. It's annoying. Another one I have is you mentioned earlier, reading wiki PDF pages.

I don't need anyone to read to me what's on the internet. I could easily look that up. I own multiple internet connected devices. They can get to any web page, dark web, white web, whatever. I can get there. And I can learn about this shit if I so choose. What do you got? What's number four on your list over there? Oh, right. You are not a radio broadcast. What does what does that mean? You don't need to say what's coming up. Okay. You don't need to take breaks. Yes. Okay, ads may be part of your thing. Of course.

But this whole thing should be part of our thing. Just like this ass hole did where he just puts in this music bed out of nowhere and you said to sit through 17 seconds of weird music. Why? What are we doing? Yeah? You're not filling time. That's not why I tuned in. Yeah. Yeah. We've downloaded the entire MP3. I'm gonna listen to it if it's good Right. I don't need you to fill time. I don't need you to tell me what's gonna happen next. Yeah To Jake, I just want to say this was my homework I never would have made it through that fucking episode. Oh if it wasn't oh god No, if Carl wasn't gonna be me Badest shirt whatever the fuck yeah, don't don't Doug the show and not listen to it

All right, the next one I have on my list is bad acting. There are so many pre scripted Podcasts out there and these fucking people Believe it or not have not been hired by Hollywood surprise surprise. There's a reason why they're not working on Broadway They are not good actors right and most of these scripted podcasts and I totally understand it's hard It is it is very hard. I don't do this It is very hard these people who are character actors you do voice talent who are on cartoons It's not easy and the way they do it is they read every line multiple ways These people who are character actors, you do voice talent, who are on cartoons, it's not easy.

And the way they do it is they read every line multiple ways so that the director can go in and figure out what's gonna work. These podcasts do not have that kind of time. And these actors are not. It's clear that they don't have that kind of time. They're not very good. It's, it's, it's, well,

that's now we're starting to get into my number two. So, but what's, it's, uh, it's, Well, that's now we're starting to get into my number two. Okay. But, uh, what's, So we have some overlap. Well, I was gonna say the thing that goes with that is excessive fully work. This idea that, Overdoing,

Oh my God, that's all, that's all this is. Are you okay? So I'm gonna, you know, you're doing this dramatic read and you have to open the door and then footsteps walking into the office In my real life, I never hear footsteps But for some reason I podcast is just like hey come over here. I would not be able to picture what walking is Like we get it the person walked over towards the other person And then they had a conversation. I got it. Anyway.

So, bad acting, excessive fully work. What did you have? For my number three, working backwards. Inside jokes. Oh, inside jokes. No, inside jokes. Don't tell me about Jimmy who I don't know. There were no laughs.

What do you mean, I'm not? Especially when they're cracking each other. Oh, the worst. Over these things we could possibly not understand or know about. Right. I don't want to be in on this inside joke. I don't give a shit. At the sound of your voice, laughing with your body

is not enough for me. I'm afraid. Time to quit talking. I have. What's that one from, by the way? Oh, that is from one of these scripted podcasts that we reviewed. I forget the name of it, but it was garbage. Time to quit talking. It's always time. I have rambling and or boring conversations.

This goes on all the time on podcasts because two or three guys will get together or women and they'll think that they're hilarious and they're interesting. Yes. You're not, and they'll think that they're hilarious and they're interesting. Yes. You're not, you're not interesting. You're not hilarious and your conversations go nowhere. I was actually trying to think of people whose voice, like where I don't care what the content is, I just want you to hear their voice,

and I thought of Gilbert Godfrey. Mm-hmm. And that dude. Yeah. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I. Oh! Yeah. Yeah, I can listen to Gilbert.

I can listen to Gilbert with the dictionary. All right. And that dude that you reviewed, um, out's Jones. Oh, yeah. Yeah, that's Jones. Those are the only two I could think of. Yes. There's gotta be more out there.

Well, there's also. I'm substantiated fantasy. Lies! Lies! Lies! Lies! Anything, Corporal Commander says, I am all in. Do we know who that voice actor was?

No, he's a fucking hacker. Oh, he's crazy. Oh, he's crazy. So over the goddamn top. I know, I just want to see funnets of him doing it. All right, so the next one I have is zero post-production, zero editing. It's very obvious.

When I go to a new show and I think, oh, that's embarrassing Why wouldn't you have taken that out? I go ahead and take out things that are embarrassing That I say because I don't have people to hear that I'm the internet. Yeah, by the way, I'm gonna change the show so it's just me There will be no co-hosts on this episode. I'll actually put in Crosor's voice Just him going, uh-huh? Yep.

Cool, cool, cool. Alright, another rule that I have for podcasts is video game music. Don't include it in your podcast. Don't talk about it. Don't play it on purpose. Video game music sucks. It's why these composers are making music for video games because they're not good enough to make music that people would listen to in an area

where there's enough force to be there by playing the video game. You have a captive audience that can't help but hear your shitty music. Sweet, I could do that. Anyone could do that. Right. Anyone could do it. Alright, what else you got? Well, so this is my number two moving backwards and that is what you covered a lot of at it. Yeah, holy shit. Just why not? Why wouldn't you? You want listeners? You want them to enjoy themselves? You're not a live morning show. You're not going out in a certain time. And I've said this before, if you can't go back and listen to your show, why would anybody else? If you're not going to spend the time to go back and by the way if your show was two three hours

Which is I probably should add to my list here, and you know I go back and listen to it Then don't do two or three hours of your fucking show for cast. That's too fucking much. Yes We get it. What a great segue to my number one number one. This is an umbrella that covers all of the others. All right Let's hear it. It's called a little a little word called content If you have none don't do a podcast interesting. Why don't you wait to build up some content my number two is the lack of a format Which I think is parallel to what you're talking about. Have a reason to exist.

Hey, we're back at our show. Two guys talking about stuff. Oh, okay. I talk about stuff with people all day. Why have I listened to your fucking show? I don't give a shit. What's the content? What's the reason?

And there are a lot of shows that have figured this out, but most have not. Right, so let's break it down. We're talking about a podcast that's supposed to entertain you, not just like I listened to one that's simply called Italian Wine Podcast. And a plane might go by because they're in a vineyard or whatever, but I just want to hear the facts.

And that's why you tune into something like that. But if you're trying to make me laugh or entertain me in some way outside of just facts, that's where the content comes in. Like it's not, if you're not Gilbert Godfrey, you know. Well, that's the problem. That's the problem is these people listen to these shows where it's just these comedians riffing,

and even those shows suck from time to time. But if you listen to these shows where you have these guests on and their job is to be funny, people hear that and they go, oh, we can do that. That's what we do all the time at the bar. And so they think they can just get together with their friends, have a couple beers and put on a show. And it's more times than not, not the case. Not gonna work. I have my number one. I should have put a drum roll. Yeah.

Buh, buh, buh, buh. Yeah, I should have, I should have done something here. Number one, what's, how are we terming this? This is the things not to do. Five violations is what I came up with. The number one, the number one violation for podcasting, Australian accent. Oh, I got it. I mean, Jesus Christ, the Australian accent, it podcasting Australian accent. Oh my God.

I mean, Jesus Christ with the Australian accent. It just doesn't work. We're over at people. Not everything's a question. I know nobody likes the way you guys talk. It was a fun gimmick in the 80s. We're all over it. Let's just move on.

All right, that's all I got. Yeah, I had that, but I thought it was so obvious. We all had that. I want to read a recent review that came in on iTunes real quick. We got just a week or two ago, G-Face Color, said not for me one star. And this person wrote, decent concept for a podcast nowadays, but these dudes are just straight up nerds and jealous of other people's success.

Well, have we reviewed anyone who's successful? What is this person talking about? Michael Rappaport. Other people's success. And we loved Michael Rappaport. We do, yeah, yeah. Oh, shit. I would love to be called Courtney by him.

Dude, you're a corn ball. In his eyes. Close enough, thanks, Kyle. You wish. You're sweet. Oh my God. This dude is fucking corny. Yes.

Oh my God. You take me. That is staying on the soundboard. All right. Well, we talked about the violations. Yes. We reviewed Crowe's your favorite podcast in the whole wide world. We read one of the recent reviews that came in of somebody who doesn't like the show.

You know what that means. Is it time? It's time for... The teaser. The teaser. The teaser. The teaser. Do you know what the teaser is for you?

Is it part of the show? Oh, yeah. Yeah. Well, there's some teasing involved. There is teasing involved. The idea is, we're gonna do another show next weekend. Oh, really? We haven't done that show yet.

Huh. I don't know if it's gonna be good or bad. It's in the future, right? It's in the future. We have no idea. If you look at our track record, you'd think what's probably gonna be amazing. Mm-hmm. And so what I wanna do do is I want to tease people to think like,

oh, that amazing show that they're going to do, I want to hear that. Like a little bit of it. No, I want them to hear the whole thing. But in order to get them excited about it, maybe subscribe to the show, I'm going to play just a clip of the show that we'll be reviewing next week. All right. Because every week we review a different show. Do you know that about us? Oh yeah. Yeah. Good.

Okay, that's a free rock. We said to figure it out. So here is a tease. Here's a clip from the show that we'll be reviewing next week. Gary, what was that mother's day, Bid? Who pitched it? And it wasn't that that we were saying, Sal and Richard's moms would come in

and see if they can identify their penis. Oh, no. Well, Richard said, Richard was like, I would be naked in front of my parents. I don't care. I'm sure he has been. We talked about a different thing a couple of weeks ago, and we were in a right as me, and I said Richard you know would you get naked in front of

laws from italic as I don't care I go your mother-in-law she's seeing it I go about your mother no problem but now I guess when you're really pushing on it he changes mind about his mom he did he said no yeah he's he's he's backed off it's out on the other hand seems to be up for it. That's right. I can't believe it. Next week we're doing the Howard Stern show. Wow. Not a podcast.

Totally breaking the rules. Oh, uh, Crosier will be rejoining the show once again. Crosier, who helped us break down Adam Kroa, Alex Jones, and now Howard Stern. Oh, Jake Brennan, let's have a look at this. He is the heavy hitter, co-host. And I will tell you upfront that Krozer and I have been Howard Stern fans for decades. Yes, I can confirm this.

Back when Howard Stern was taking off the air in our hometown of Rochester, New York, because Ennercom or one of those clear channel, one of those shitty companies bow down to pressure and decided to take them off the air. Crozier was burning CD rounds of every episode and sharing them. My man. So then we could continue to listen to him, even when he was off the air back in the early 2000s.

And we followed him over to satellite. Crozier has since dropped off because the show's gotten so fucking ridiculous. I still listen every week. He doesn't put out a lot of episodes, but when he does, I do listen. So we'll be coming at this from a place of understanding. It's not like Chris and I, who listen to one fucking episode of some random podcast. I go, this guy's an asshole. Which is ridiculous.

Sure is fun though sure is fun This this next week. I'm actually nervous about the prep that has to go into this because to talk about Howard Stern There's decades and decades. Yes, oh shit. You could I mean this could go on forever. What do you talk about? Well, we do I hear about your problem you selected this. Oh, yeah, you brought this on yourself, dude Well, we do want to hear about your problem. You selected this. Oh, yeah, do you brought this on yourself, dude? Yeah, but now I'm starting to think it was a bad idea This teaser is not working out about teased at all. I'm just upset about it This is actually making me kind of anxious

Don't we have a show on Friday fuck I didn't think this through real well did I? You know where that show is? Arotico. It's an arotico. Alright, so that's an inside joke that's violation of two weeks. So please join us again next week because it might be the episode we find out once and for all. Who are these podcasts? Sleep well every pony. You're not cow's mat. Your wife had the giant stitches in her. This dude is fucking corny. Be more funny! I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I want to know what is their fn problem