Who Are These Podcasts? - Ep163 - Why Won't You Date Me?

Episode Date: July 21, 2019

This week we listen to two women talk about how amazing they both are. Unfortunately, no one acknowledges the elephants in the room.  Dick Masterson joins the show to discuss many topics: Nicole Byer (who assaulted him once), planets, Maddox's last podcast, Crippled Jesus's show, Opie's porn preferences, and butthurt karaoke fans. Thanks to Crippled Jesus for coming on! Sorry Had. Check out dick.show! Buy merch: http://bit.ly/watp-merch Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Cous, Couseru, Couseru! Uh, Carl has, uh, one of my favorite podcasts ever. Who are these podcasts? It's called Run By, a guy called Carl. Who are these podcasts? It's a podcast review. I was on Who Are These Podcasts yesterday. That's a great show. Have you ever listened to it?

I have not. It's a quality show and they have good ideas. Yeah, I just mercilessly rip-son people. Some of this quite hilarious. These guys are making some fucking points here. I like what they say. How many of you like what they're saying? It's hilarious. The show is hilarious. It's show time.

W-A-T-P! Hello, bag slavers and cussers who have been to another episode of Who Are These Podcasts. The only show they can throw that speedball by ya? Make ya look like a fool boy. I'm your host, Kara, with me this week the host of the dick show. It's dick master Sim hey, what's up, buddy? What is going on? Thank you so much for joining us again. It's been a little while. We love having you back Hey, I love being here except I hate the part where you make me listen to some of the most Disg terrible and disgusting podcasts I've ever heard this week was a new low I still feel gross after having listened to it.

So thanks for that, buddy. Before we get into it, I want to tell people to go to who are these.com to get our email address, voicemail number, link to our subreddit, link to our discord server, link to our merchandise, link to our PayPal account. Also, we encourage our listeners to go to five star reviews on iTunes and then shit all over us in the comments section. We have a bunch of new ones and I just have not been able to get around to them.

So one of these days, we're gonna read all those shitty reviews. Today will be, oh, I should mention too, Dick, I'm up over 501 star reviews at this point. It's a milestone. Oh, wow. We reached a milestone this week. Incredible.

It incredible. We've got momentum. You've got real one star momentum. You get a couple of one stars. It's a fluke. Incredible. Incredible. You've got momentum. You've got real one-star momentum. You get a couple of one-stars. It's a fluke. Maybe you suck, but you get 500 one-star reviews. You're doing something right. I gotta think that if you're looking at just people

reviewing podcasts, a good 80 to 90% of all reviews have to be five stars. Because you're listening to the show right early, you want to let them know that you like the show. Here, show you don't like. You just just move on the fact that we have 500 one star reviews is really a feat. Yeah, you couldn't do that if you tried something to have people go, Oh, I know he's just joking, but I can't do it. I can't get he's just working so

hard. I can't you've got real heat man. You're like the iron chic and the circa wrestle mania three people just really fucking hate Carl. Today, today will be reviewing a podcast called Why Won't You Date Me? This was a suggestion that came in from Ross. Dick and I have both listened to the show separately. We have not discussed it with each other beforehand. Let's get into it.

This is a podcast hosted by a comedian named Nicole buyer. We listened to episode number 21 because What Ross told me they're up to 80 something now what Ross told me was you got to go back to the early Episodes because Nicole is having all the guest look at her tender profile and try to give her advice Because she can't get a boyfriend So we went back in this episode number 21 called Body Positivity with a international supermodel named Tess Holiday. Yeah.

So Tess, a galactic supermodel, that's the size of this bitch. So Tess Holiday wrote a book called The Not So Settle Art of being a fat girl, loving the skin you're in. She loves the skin she's in so much, she's produced three times as much as she should need.

She's got more skin than octomoms kids. There's a lot of skin to love. If she's loving her skin is like painting the golden gate bridge. When you're done with it, there's so much of it, when you're done with it, you've got to immediately start over loving the skin that you love first. All right.

She has tons of tattoos. Tess Holidays tattoos are like, you can track her weight progress because the first one, I don't know what it is, but it like grows over to, it swells over time like the expansion of the universe so it's all stretched out like a tree. I want to talk about the way these two met each other.

They were on the Steve Harvey show together. So you got Nicole Byer, who's a comedian, who's overweight, Tess Holliday, who's an overweight plus size model. I mean, plus, plus, plus size model. It's unbelievable. I mean, Dick, I just looked her up this morning. I listened to this whole show. And I'm like, I should see what she looks like. Holy shit!

I mean, it's kind of comical. It's comical. That's holiday-turned-modeling into a freak show. Yes. Like, we're no lot. You can't show up and see the bearded lady. You can't pay your quarter, but you can buy a magazine with her on the cover. She is the size of a planet. Her arms have their own arms. She looks like a van with makeup on it.

Like you think that someone painted a big mural on a van. I don't know how she considers herself a supermodel. Like, what? They have to Photoshop the moon that's orbiting around her. They have to photoshop that out to put her out the cover of People magazine. She has her own lens flare because the light cannot escape from her. And they have to re-bend it when they take her pictures. And that's not even a most annoying part about her.

No, okay, so let's get into this. They met at the Steve Harvey show and they were on this show about fat women, where the audience was also all fat women. They're explaining this. I can't even imagine. They met on a married with children episode. So this is, they're recounting the first time they ever met each other.

This is the first anecdote that they remember. Yeah, they got us luminonadi's pizza, which is Chicago style deep dish. Ooh, baby, if you're in Chicago, he can better taste it. So good. That's the first thing they're on TV. They're like, yeah, you know what they got us

at the green room, which was amazing. It was this deep dish pizza. Holy shit, pizza. Two fat broads bonding over a pizza. That's the star doctor. She should just get greasy. I want to talk about how big this woman actually is, how big test holiday is, because look it,

there's people who are overweight. I'm not at my ideal weight. So who am I to judge? But she talks about where she used to be as a teenager and where she is now and she throws out a number. So since she's throwing out the number, I might as well make everyone aware of this. When I was a teenager, I hated myself

and I was like, I wish that I could have been like 160 pounds ago and like, your life is good. 160 pounds ago, Deck. A go. That's an entire teenager. She was just, she just could go back to when she was, when she was less people. Back then, I was just one person. Not like I'd be able to have three people.

She's gained a hundred. I don't have to take two seats in an airplane instead of three. No, she's just buying rows at a time. She gained 160 pounds since high school. That's incredible. And she has the nerve to say this later out of the show. That sometimes I think people are so focused on like everything being perfect online

that they forget about. I'm actually working on themselves in real life. You know what? I heard you complain about body positivity a bunch of time about not being perfect, but I guarantee you that bitch will work on a Sunday for an hour and a half until it's absolutely until it's three feet tall and absolutely perfect. Like they have, I don't know if they have the audacity to go into their personal gripes with men.

Did you, did you clip that one for later? Because it is the ultimate irony of two 700 pound women talking about the minor problems they have with men is almost made my brain explode. Well, it's unbelievable that she says, you know, there's all these people here who are so worried about their online persona. They should take some time and work on themselves in real life. And I get it, Tess, I get it. You're trying to say that your body is just natural and that's what you're supposed to

be. It's not true though. That's not a true fact. She even has the balls and this is impressive. I didn't realize you could do this and not get called out by everybody, but she compares her weight problem with people who have other elements like can't see in this kind of- Oh, that's right, Stevie Wonder is saying.

Saying that I promote obesity is like saying that Stevie Wonder promotes blindness because it's like, it's who I am. So if you could tell Stevie Wonder that you could get your vision, if you just put down the pizza and hop on an elliptical, I'm guessing Stevie Wonder be buying a kindle in a week or two.

You got it. There's this very different that being blind. You're overweight because you eat too much. It's very different. I'm like my body positivity crusade is exactly like Martin Luther King, John Luther King, I'm not crusade. I mean, that's pretty much exactly the same.

Right Nicole, that you would agree with me, right? Oh, pretty much, I mean Palestinians, they want their land back. That's pretty much the same. I just want my respect back from people. Oh, and no one's gonna call her out on this bullshit. It has to be us. I mean, you put them in that size

if you call her out, you risk getting swallowed like Kirby. Yes. She talks about, so she's married to a sour day. She has a couple of kids, she has a two year old that she knows of. That's a millionfold, did you? I think a couple of them have been flushed.

What was that? Whoops. Gotta get the plunger out. I was surprised that she could have kids because she has a two-year-old. I think that there's probably health concerns when you're that overweight and you have. Oh yeah. Kids. Yeah.

She probably went to SeaWorld to deliver the new one and those big. I'm Shamu head kids. I remember that. That's true. I think that's a good for it. They can do it. They got a big salt water tank, loader in there.

Get some midgets to jump on her stomach until they scored out. So she mentions that she met this guy online. And the guy, he's not unattractive. He's pretty slim. He's a pretty normal looking dude. And he's a lumbersexual. Yeah.

You look to mop. He's got a big beard and like suspenders. Yeah. He's the ultimate hipster lumber sexual, a bisexual lumber sexual. Well, this is, she lets this slip. Well, maybe it's just not a slip, but they're talking about him forever.

And then she says this and the record scratched at my house. I'm like, wait, what? My husband's queer, which is a lot of fun because I can. Okay. I'm not so close. What does queer mean?

So queer is the basically he's attracted to anyone and everyone regardless of like, of their... So he's attracted to... He used to say that he was like, pansexual or bi. Okay. So they've changed it now. So queer is just kind of like a blanket. In a compassing of every time. Yeah. So he's attracted to basically everyone

regardless of how they were assigned at birth and all kinds of stuff. Oh, okay. What the hell are you talking about? So apparently her husband's queer, which means he's attracted to everyone. And I would say probably and everything to cows Elephants whatever's in front of them. He's gonna put his dick in it He's a planet sexual Not pansexual. He'll fuck anything the size of it. I love her list too. Oh, he's attracted to anything You know, whatever you identify with no just say he's attracted to a manatee.

He's attracted to a woman who's 700 pounds. He's attracted to anything animate, anything that resembles what may or may not have once been a human being, but it's now anything that looks like the Michelin man except his mate of flesh, he's attracted to that. What all these other fucking exas-

Oh, he's attracted to whatever you identify with you. He's attracted to you. Right, that's the craziest thing. I don't care if he's into like, transexuals, he actually married Tess Holliday on purpose. I think what they call that, it's not queer, it's not pansexual, it's desperate. That's the word.

LGBTD. That's bizarre. That's bizarre. It's bizarre. They're not their relationship is bizarre. This is the months long courting process where they didn't write. Didn't they each other for 10 months or something like that? Right.

He's from New Zealand or Australia. So for the first 10 months that they were dating, they just had Skype sex, which, I'm off far back. Do you have to place your computer in order to get yourself in the shot? She had to masturbate in the hallway. She'd never read more, she'd have been in a mirror

to get it wide enough to get her ass to get just her vagina in frame. She's got a special 21 by nine ratio camera on her computer. So, I don't know why Skype sex would be necessary. You could, he could see her from the satellite pictures on Google. Oh. The curvature of the earth isn't enough to not have her show up.

All you have to do is look out your window. There she is. So they date for 10 months and then they finally get together for five weeks. And then they are apart again for 10 months. This is an insane courtship. Nobody should get married after dating like this. These people are, they have problems, right? They have, they're weird and gross.

Okay. Everything about them is weird. I immediately, I was listening in my car, I immediately pulled off the road and went to church. And then I ran five miles home. I could know, they made me feel sick about the skin I was in. It was so gross. They sound fat.

That I was listening in the car with my girlfriend. She goes, they sound fat. Like it sounds like they are talking with a stick of butter in their throat. Well, there's a really good chance that there's at least some butter in their throat as they're talking as well as a deep dish pizza. There's a there's a there's a fun speaking of gross. There's a funny thing that Nicole says. At first when I was like, ooh, I'm just gonna fuck these dudes. I was like, is this gross? Yes! You have sex!

It's disgusting! The answer is yes! Especially you. Especially you talk. What do you mean is this gross? Yes! Everything on TV all day, every day is telling you that it's gross.

People privately are telling you that it's gross. You walk into, there is no one on earth will not tell you it's gross. Oh, including, you're familiar with e-harmony deck, you know what this is? Yeah. E-harmony is a dating site and their business model is such that they want members to come on and then they charge those members of fee in order to meet other single people. Guess what happened in the coal when she tried to sign up for e-harmony? Here's the clip. And then they rejected me. Oh, they said I was part of the 2% of unmatchable people.

A dating site literally said we don't want your money. It would be worse for our business to have the co buyers profile show up for someone than to take your money. Is that insane? We don't want word to get out. We don't want to send the accidentally screenshot you. We don't want a screenshot of you on fat people hate. It has our logo in it. They do have a test on e-harmony at the end.

You fill out the profile and then they say, okay, put your phone on the ground and stand on it. And if the phone breaks and you can no longer access the app, then fill out the profile and then they say, okay, put your phone on the ground and stand on it. And if the phone breaks and you can no longer access the app, then you're not allowed to use their system. Oh my God, I didn't know that existed. You know what's fucked up is it happened to me. Shut the fuck up. Yeah, way, exactly a long, long, long time ago, like before internet dating was a thing,

it was for weirdos. I did the same thing. I filled out the e-harmony thing and it said it gave me the same message that it gave Nicole. You are among the two percent of people that we cannot find matches for. And it's correct. So. I'm guessing it's because you said interested in women hate women. I've got to say, I hate them. Because that's why I was like, yeah, we can't help you with that, sir. You're going to have to figure this out on your own. Are you interested in a long term match? Hell no. Please, no, please, no. Hard pass. That's amazing. So this, you're not joking. You're, you're being honest, right? No, 100% serious. 100% serious.

I got the same message. Ha, ha, ha. The internet has been against you all your life. My problems are on my insides. That's the thing. That's the thing. Yeah. Oh, yeah. At least I have a nice exterior.

See, that's what I do for people. My insides are poisonous and rotten and unmatchable, but at least my outside, and my, at least my outsides don't make you want a puke. That's where I, that's what I do for you. Nicole, on the other hand, has a rotten inside and also takes up 10 seats on the bus. Yeah, you hear how many,

a side what you wrote down in your profile and was like, you know, my space is probably a better place for you. Just take some selfies that go on my space. Yeah. You're discussing it being, I wanna point out something they said that is, definitely a lie. There's no way this is true.

Even though it's been shown that men in America are more sexually attracted in favor of women, I think it's like 54%. Oh shit. There's a ton of serving stuff that have been done where men, and the porn searches the porn searches in America are all Like like it's like the higher favorite in plus size so bullshit artists So according to these women who are by the way obese

guys Preferably Real bees guys prefer Women who are overweight to women who are in shape. And I don't think this is true. First of all, those chicks are not plus size. No. They are planets.

This is, if guys are searching for like, chubby porn or plus size, whatever porn, even if that's being searched for, they're not looking for them. So that is my first problem. My second problem is this is obviously not true. Oh, it's obviously not true. All you can do is observe people's behavior at work or at a restaurant or a bar.

Who are people more excited to talk to the hot skinny blonde chick or the obese woman who's eating chicken wings? That's what I want to see a beer commercial with a big fat slob like test holiday waddling into the frame holding holding a two tall boys in each hand crushing them for you. The minute they start selling beer,

the minute test holiday starts something, start selling something that a man wants to buy, that's when I will start buying this body positivity bullshit. Do you know how I know that they're lying because they started throwing out specific statistics? Did you know that 54% of them are like, okay, right there, I know that you're fucking lying. This was not a study that was done. I want to know what the methodology was. I want to know how this was researched. There's no fucking way. They did a survey it and guys are like, oh yeah, yeah, I definitely prefer

a big fat woman who has no self control. That's that's for me. Oh, go a gym membership gross. Yeah, fuck that. I'm looking at the searches that define 2018 on Pornhub. It's stormy, Dane. Trans, romantic trans, outdoor tattoos, Tinder, Malzette, threesome, nowhere in there as job of the hut featured. Right. Everything, you go to these sites and it's all like stepmom and all this like fucking taboo shit. It's never like obese stepmom and son.

I've never seen that. It's one of the, anyway, they later out of the show say something that totally negates that entire theory that it's even possible that guys are into fat or women when they say this. I mean, because most of my sexual encounters had been one night stands because that's all that guys were giving a fat girl.

I'm in the same boat. Currently. I haven't... There's one person in my life that I've had sex with more than three times. Oh. So which is it? Guys like, fat girls, but just one time.

It'd be like, I just want to test drive that Porsche. I don't want to own a Porsche. It sounds like a terrible idea. That's because of the stigma. It's because of the stigma. That must be it. We just don't want to be seen like a terrible idea. That's because of the stigma. It's because of the stigma. That must be it. We just don't want to be seen with a fat girl. That's why.

We just need a bot. We just need more inclusivity. If everyone just gets on board with how ashamed until we can get over our shame, it's our problem. And that's exactly what they're trying to opine is that guys when they're surveyed and it's anonymous are saying, oh yeah, I prefer obese women, but then if they're seen on public, it's embarrassing.

However they just said, guys will come over and fuck them once and then never again. That you're not as fun of people at that point. You can keep fucking them if you prefer to fuck O.B. Swimming. You don't. That's a good point. I've dated plenty of girls. I didn't want people to see, but I cut them more than once. Right! Of course! Of course you did, because you can't stop them from pulling up your phone afterwards. It's gonna happen. I fired fucking it. This is another thing they said that totally makes zero sense. To me, fat's not an insult, but someone going,

ah, you're fatter than I thought is the same thing as like, oh, you're uglier than I thought or like. That's like Maddox logic right there. Fatso did so, but if you say that I'm fatter than you thought, that's very insulting. Well, that's because being fat isn't insult. That's why. That's why that is.

You're more of this negative thing. Yeah, that's right. You're more addicted to heroin than I thought you were. I mean, be a heroin addict. It's not a bad thing, but someone thinks I'm a really big heroin addict. Yeah. Oh, man, I wish alcoholics got this, got to talk about ourselves like this.

Oh, man, we just like to drink all day, everyday. No big deal. I saw a study that women prefer guys who get blackout drug and beat them. I mean, just 62% of women prefer to date guys who do that. I don't, I believe that study though. That one might be true. that. I believe that. I believe that, buddy, though. Ha ha, they bought it as well. What's next? What's next?

Speaking of them saying things that are obvious slice because they catch themselves in the Y, yeah, I mentioned earlier that test holidays a model, which I'm still still trying to figure this out. A Model T. So, so does explain that she's excited to go to Fashion Week. I'm actually going to Fashion Week for the first time. That's pretty good.

I'm not, I walked last year, I'm not walking this year. This year I'm going with Sebastian, the hair company. All right, Dick, did you pick up on the subtlety of that lie? That she's not walking because she's chosen to go with the hair company? Close. She says, I'm going to Fashion Week for the first time. Or are you doing the catwalk?

No, I did that last year. Okay, here's the problem with what you just said, Tuss. You didn't do that last year. You're going for the first fucking time. And you're a liar. Because nobody wants to see a 300 pound woman walk on the catwalk. Who the fuck, what designer is gonna say, yeah, put my scarf on.

Fuck that. You want that picture, getting out? Well, also. It's not up, I mean, I'm sure that stage is not up to code. That's what you have. You can't have a truck stop scaled before the catwalk. There's not enough room, and there's just no way they can build scaffolding like that to take her way

I mean logistics aside deck. I just don't understand I think that right Within range to keep her satisfied backstage is gonna gobble up some of the models Then you've no insurance company will probably shit. She gets back there and there's just lines of coke everywhere. So like, where the fuck's the deep dish pizza? You women don't, you can't, you women don't eat deep dish pizza. Throw it with everyone. I'm going to win. She started a lot of Buffalo sauce.

All right, I'm running. Let's do this. At one point Nicole talks about watching porn. And this is after they're saying, you know, my husband is queer, which means all these crazy things that no one's ever heard of. And I mean, it's just so silly. It's just so silly now at this point.

I don't know what any of this shit means, but so she says, my husband's queer. So then Nicole tries to relate and talks about watching porn. Because I was watching porn like two nights ago and it was like a circle jerk on this woman and I was like, what's gager than that?

Like kid, all your dicks out with your buddies and like jerking off to the same gr- Like, so dick, I have an answer for that. So what's gager than that would be homosexual intercourse. But it actually would be slightly gator that jerking off on a chick Just slightly gay. Yeah, that's slightly gay. I can't think of bow to her in your asshole would actually be gator than that She I mean, yes, she asked what what what's gator. I got a couple more clips on here than I want to play Nicole explains this small face clip.

You know what's so funny. I heard that. I got to pull that for Dick. And then I didn't because I'm like, is that, I don't know, but to inside you have that. I'm sorry. As soon as I heard it, I was like, God damn it. And by the way, that is actual body positivity.

Like the body positivity movement has been hijacked by fat broads. Yes. It should be like, oh yeah, your body hijacked by fat broads. Yeah. It should be like, oh yeah, your body is deformed. That sucks. Let's be, let's, but it's cool that you're making it work. You can play guitar with your feet. That's cool.

You got a weird indentation on your chest. That's cool. You got kind of like a fucking weird birthmark on half your face. That's cool. But then fat broads came lumbering in on their rascal scooters saying, yeah, we need to, we need it too. We need body positivity too. And while I don't, it's not the same.

You're not blind. That's a great point. So for anyone who is not familiar with the Dix show, Dix has a small face or at least it's been reported back to him as such. Yeah. It doesn't really fit the size of his head. I think it's been exaggerated in some illustrations that I've seen, but either way, and the woman says, you know, my face is actually really small.

And I think they talk about how they photograph really well, and they're very attractive. Oh, do you remember that? I was like, what? Okay. Not for nothing, but you can't get anyone to date you and you weren't allowed on e-harmony. I don't know how well you photograph. I mean, I'm just throwing it out there as like evidence.

Maybe that's not the case. But yeah, it was funny that you talked about it small face because you're right, there are people who have things that they cannot help. There's nothing they can do to fix those things about themselves. And now you have these women who are just like, I don't have any willpower. I love eating chicken wings and fuck off if you call me fat. Well, that's not really the same thing.

They can't even consistently stay positive. Like, then Tesco's on that rant about how she wishes she could go back in time and talk to herself when she was like a mere 230 pounds. And I'm thinking, wait, why? Which is it? Like you do not care that you're fat as a house? Like, what, fucking pick one.

Right. At one point Nicole, because she's got this body positivity thing going, she doesn't give a fuck right so she explains what outfit She's wearing I'm literally right now you can't see it because it's a podcast But I'm wearing a laced-sea through dress with titties out cuz I don't fucking care I don't know how that got into the recording. I didn't think I had my mic on when I was pulling that quit my apologies Who the fuck would I didn't think I had my mic on when I was pulling that quit my apologies. Who the fuck would hear about this? Why would that be made?

I mean, what kind of sick bastard would make a lace thing at that size with titties can be hanging out? It's a good point. Is she wearing drapes? I hope no human being made that. That is, they should be thrown into space. One of the thing about Nicole that just irritates this shit out of me. And she was in Rochester recently, my buddy Vinny interviewed her because she was doing stand-up

here. And I haven't seen her stand-up. I don't know if she's good or not. But she's terrible at ad reads. Oh, God. She reads them as if she were a child. She sounds like a little kid who receives way too much positive reinforcement from her parents. Everything she does is amazing, and that's all she's ever heard all of her life. Because what adult would read an ad like this?

It's filled with ingredients found in nature, such as coconut oil, shea butter, or tapioca starch. Also, it's made in the USA with ingredients thoroughly sourced from around the world. And there's no animal testing, and there's free shipping and returns. You guys, it works.

By the way, she's doing an ad read for a natural deodorant. Yes. This is a perfect storm of the very last thing I want on earth is a show about four and by fat rods selling deodorant that does not work. Right. And I want to point out something that's very important

in this whole conversation. If you want to go on and say, I am who I am, I'm happy about it, I'm doing everything my way and I'm right, you have a podcast called Why Won't You Date Me? She could not get someone to date her. She has only had sex, multiple ties with one person in her entire fucking life. You can't have it both ways, you can't say, I don't give a fuck, I do whatever I want, but I really am, I really wish I had a relationship

with someone who cared about me. Maybe you should change that. I don't know, throw it out there. If things aren't working the way you're doing things now, I would change them. Yeah, just a fun idea. Plus, fun idea. Plus dick, you used to do ad reads back when you were with that other guy.

And the thing that they tell you, if you ever go on these calls with the advertisers, is they want it to sound like the show. They want it to be seamless so that it's like content and people who are listening, don't even realize you're doing an ad. When Nicole goes that over the top reading style, it takes a lot of way from the message itself, because I'm not buying anything she's selling at that point. It's way too over the top. It's not natural in any way.

She sings everything. I don't know what like this is. I don't know why these women picked this up. The Haley did the same thing when you did Godzilla versus podcast zero. Maybe it's just these improv women comedians, but they sing so much that I can tune it out like a baby crying.

Like as soon as they start, as soon as it becomes a song, I'm like, oh, I'm out, I'm out. I can't, I cannot dedicate the brain power to decipher what you're saying I'm out. I'm Haley Mancini. This is the go-fire, acting like a child. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah. Woo. It's a bearer's egg. Serable. The other thing that she does on the show is she likes to pause her Tinder profile and get the guests' reaction to it. Because remember, she's trying to get help.

Like, I can't get guys to date me. What am I doing wrong? Maybe help me with my Tinder profile. So our friend Tess takes a look at her profile and decides to critique it a little bit with this. It's very good. I also like that you say I got a fat ass so if you're not into it, bye.

Mm-hmm. No, I love it. So according to Tuss, it's a great Tinder profile, except for it doesn't work. That's the only problem with it. And I like that she says, I love that you say, I got a fat ass. Here's the thing that these obese women don't understand. There are guys who are into fat asses. They're not into fat women.

There's a difference. There's a very big difference. When a fat ass is attached to a fat woman, it takes away all of the fat ass powers. It no longer has the super powers of a fat ass. You've not negated them all. So stunning. It's brought to that.

A relatively normal sized ass. It's not a fat. If it's the same size as the rest of you, it's a normal sized ass. Right. It's not a fat, if it's the same size as the rest of you, it's a normal sized ass. You got to put it on a smaller, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a relative thing. Yeah, relativity, you should understand that because you, at your size, it comes into play.

All right, I got to get crippled Jesus. Crippled Jesus wants to get in on this. He had, he actually listened to this show. I guess he didn't realize before the show that we were gonna have him on to review his show. So he went and listened to this podcast and I feel so bad. I feel bad that anyone listens to these shows.

Like our motto was be listening so you don't have to. Like, to please, don't put yourself through this. I'm not having fun. I spent a Saturday. I spent my Saturday listening to Fat Weave and talking about creating this to be fat. I don't recommend this lifestyle for anyone else. It's not good.

You know what, it made me more motivated than ever to lose weight listening to those fat. Test holiday talks in a way that I believe is designed to burn less calories. That's interesting. It's so lazy when she barely moving her lips, barely moving her tongue. I think that is a way to burn less calories. It's an innovation in fat studies. I'm not going to lie.

I don't talk about personal things very often. I was on the rowing machine, right after listening to this podcast, it motivated the hell out of me. I'm like, fuck, I gotta put some calories. This is not the lifestyle for me. Yeah. Oh, hey, Crouple Jesus.

It's so hard that I look like a different species. Right. Hey, good to see you guys here, me. We can. Yeah. Crouple Jesus, what's up, buddy? I'm sorry you listen to this whole whole show Do you want to you want to give us any of your takes on it? Oh? Well, I think if you wanted to make a case that you should repeal them the 19th amendment this podcast of it right here. Yeah First you like women vote and now they're

making podcasts. I think they're taking it too far, buddy. You're right. We've given them too much momentum. I did a lot of prep for your show. I can't believe I listen to a whole hour of OP. You listen to OP too. I listen to OP talk about the weather and

stingrays. Holy shit. I'm sorry to hear that buddy. I haven't even listened to that episode. He was out on the boat or something. Yeah, you know what actually because I listen to the buyers and OP back to back and listening to that fat smile with her sing songy voice it actually made me work forward to OPEE. cripple Jesus like I can't walk and this is what brought me to suicide was listening to OPEE go by her back to back. well my legs my legs were already crippled and listening to that show crippled my ears too, so thanks a lot, co.

Oh, hi, apologize buddy. You got a rough life. Cripple Jesus, can you rub it in their face that they're like 10 times your size and you literally can't walk? How do you stay skinny or thin these planets without being able to? Well, that's a good point. It's funny to hear fat brods complain about how hard it is to lose weight because I Would early lost 56 pounds and I can't move half my body Creeple Jesus is like our our shield right now like there's people who listen to the shows, these fucking assholes, they're the worst fucking people, and then we get crippled Jesus down, they're like,

all right, well now we can't. That's the end of that. All right, let's talk about your show, crippled Jesus. I listened to an entire episode of your podcast. So I'm one of the few people in the world who has done that. And yeah, we got, we got 30 listeners. Watch out Howard Stern, we're coming for you. Well, you actually might be catching up to Howard Stern

where he's that right now. So I listened to an entire episode. I had some clips that I want to play from it. And oh, man, I got to tell you, buddy. And you told me not to hold back. Your show is bad at every single level possible. The content is beyond boring. The sound is terrible.

There's no editing, there's echoing and computer sounds all over the place. The levels need to be adjusted. Compress it a little bit, do something on there. It's almost impossible to listen to Well, I don't want to shit on my audio editor, but I'm not really responsible for that Fair enough You're not responsible for it Audio engineer does that we have a Sean

Yeah, well, you're Sean is no Sean. I don't think it's real. Yeah, no shit. Now go on. No one. What's, let's pick it up right here. This is near the end of the show. For some reason, Dick, you and I both get brought up

during this shit fast. They're looking for a question that came in on Twitter because they've done no preparation. So the guy has to find it and you can hear his mouse scrolling as he's scrolling through Twitter. It's a little bit of a longer clip but give it a listen. Yeah, I'm that old beginning question. Oh fuck. Um, sorry, there's so much shit on my Twitter. I would never fill up my Twitter with crap. No, no diggy liked my tweets. Like that, you're a podcaster, but you have your windows sounds on I mean

Dick left his phone on during biggest problem Carl Carl that's the biggest problem now Carl from who are these podcasts this is the kind of shit you'll love to hear well it's in Windows computer sound I know you love it buddy. You are show. We love w a p over here. Luckily, unlike those other shows, I try to edit out all the things I'm dead at. You did it though. He popped it all with him. He literally said I'm going to edit all of this out. I think it's a running gag with him at this point. It's not a good gag. It's not a good gag. It's like, it's like ASMR for an accountant. There's not like working at Cubicle.

They just hear a mouse scrolling all day and various Bing Bongs from the operating system going on. Is there drifting off the sleeve? I don't want to get to your clips before you play them, Carl, but do you have a compilation of me interrupting guests? No, that's another thing I wanted to tell you. So, so, cripple Jesus sounds me and no, we would love for you to review the show. And I like it when hosts ask me to review their show.

I think that's awesome. But don't tell me what to make fun of asshole. I'll tell you what I'm going to make about them. I didn't pull any of you interrupting your fucking guests, all right? But don't tell me what to make fun of asshole. I'll tell you what I'm gonna make on them. I didn't put one of you interrupting your fucking guests. All right? That's not what was funny about your show. What's funny about your show is the actual content itself,

like this example where there's so much dead air. No one knows what the fuck they're doing there. And then when they do come back, when they do come back on, you say something that's completely false. I work hard on and I just get on the shitter and I think about what I'm that day. Sorry.

The upcoming arm wrestling match. the upcoming arm wrestling match. Are you like a professional arm wrestler? Like in the shitty Arnold Schwarzenegger movie? Hi, Arnold Schwarzenegger never made an arm wrestling movie, crippled Jesus. You're thinking of some master's still out. It was, yeah, it was a master's still out. Yeah.

That air is better than your legs, crippled Jesus. What do you guys do? Yeah, this should be, this is probably a good time to tell you guys this, but I don't actually listen to these when we put them out. Oh, well, why do you expect other people to do that? Oh, my wife, I have a thing with my voice. I hate hearing my voice. Well, maybe

the audio editor could listen to it and edit some of the audio. It's really easy to do to, especially with dead air. You listen to it. You can just look at the waveforms in the software and say, oh, I can pull all this out. Oh, we can take this. Tighten this up a little bit. There is a silence remover built into every audio application. Just click it, removes. All right, I want to talk about, I don't know who's on your show talking here,

but you're talking, you live in Detroit, crippled Jesus, or you live near Detroit? I do. Okay, this guy is talking to you and you mentioned Detroit, and then he asked you this question. Yeah, but I kind of don't wanna go to Detroit because I might get shot and like...

Even she knows. Yeah. That's a good question. Like, how is Detroit for you how is it Detroit for you because I know I know TV and other people tell me that Detroit is quite crime-bred and I know that like they have like bulletproof glass on some of their McDonald's so my question is like how is that effect you as a cripple person all right first off first off, first off, Detroit sucks for everyone.

How is Detroit for a person who can't walk? It's amazing! It's all the crime, or anything else. It's fine, it's great when you can't walk. What kind of fucking question is that? Secondly, he says- I mean, I don't, I think Detroit gets a bad rap, but that being said, there is a reason why there's bars on every window of the building.

It's a shithole. I mean, we all know it. I'll let you say a shithole, too. It's fine. Whatever. It's not a big deal. But he even calls his shot before he asks the question, he explains that he has a good question. That's a good question. Like, how is it for you? That is not a good question. That's a terrible question. I know it's not a good question, it's because you preface it with that's a good question. Right. You know what, I got a great question for you. You live in a shithole.

How does that work for you? Terrible. It sucks. It's the answer. If I had legs, I'd run away. It's the answer to that. What is a possible answer for that? Oh yeah, it sucks for me.

If I stopped for too long, they steal my wheels. And they put me on Cinderblocks and take my... What is a possible answer that anyone would have had for that? Holy shit, that is the answer. Unless you're talking about an MC Escher painting, what specific problem does this have for someone who can't walk i mean the bus is a pretty bad but i like i said i don't go down there a lot because i don't want to get shot

yeah that that's that's exactly right you don't want to get shot so you avoid the city doesn't matter doesn't matter what skin color you have what disabilities you have, if you dyed your hair that day, none of that matters. It's a shitty place. I want to talk about there's a guy on your show and I apologize. I don't know who any of these people are. He has no, it is probably had. He talks about on the the audio engineer. I know poor had is in our discord right now. I'm sure he's not having fun with this. At this point, they're talking to some guy

about him having a girlfriend. Listen to how low energy this is. I just want to remind Dick and the other listeners out there, they're trying to put out a show. But no mind you, so with regards to you, like how if your, how was your, your thing being going? Have you been able to pull on anyone recently?

Oh, recently I'm seeing someone. Oh, well, I mean, there's not much to tell. It's like a slow relation to this. Uh, It's like a slow relation to kids. Um. Grateful Jesus. What are you doing? What are you doing? Who are these people who ride your show? Why are they talking about nothing with no energy?

Well, you know, sometimes I realize that I interrupt the guests too much, but they're actually times in the show where I should probably do that. Maybe that isn't the problem. Maybe the problem that you're not doing it enough. So this guy is explaining, this is an Asian gentleman who's on your show. Who is this? An Asian, we had an Asian guy on the show. I know we had an Asian woman on this show. This is an Asian guy who explains that he has a girlfriend. And immediately the first question is like a real girlfriend and he goes, yeah, yeah, I can real life. I have a girlfriend. You don't remember this conversation. Oh, I thought that was an anime weeb that we interviewed.

I wasn't aware that that guy was Asian. Okay, because whoever's interviewing him, maybe it's had, says, I know your Asian is your girlfriend Asian, he says yes. Anyway, regardless of that, I just want to play this clip because I didn't realize this is where we're at when you're asking someone if they're dating a woman.

Okay, so is this, and I get I'm not trying to be a political incorrect here is it a is it a biological woman? Is it a woman? Is it a trap? Is it a what's the deal? 100% woman. Whoa. I didn't edit that. Anyway, he goes, no, no, it's actually just a woman the guy goes whoa is that a surprise these days that you'd be dating a woman who is born a female what why does why is the run-up not offensive and then he follows it up with a whoa hey that's the most hot-out-the-mast-a-vin in Was your reaction gonna be the answer was no Well, and the only explanation I have for that is in the age of be dating you don't know I mean look at Chris the Kiwi he gets catfished all the time. Chris the Kiwi is that a normal person

That's how we're judging society Chris the Kiwi was a lunatic. Oh, shit. Why can't you need so many disclaimers before asking if it was a woman? I don't want to be a PC. I mean, I know, you know, everybody knows that I donate yearly to the LGBTQT plus association. And of course course my sister is a lesbian my father is a homosexual and my mother is a turtle I just had to say is it a woman? What kind of woman are we talking about? What was a vagina? What with boobs? What are we talking about here?

What percentage would you say if you had to put a number on it? Can you be more specific? Can you look at this? A woman, that's the greener man. I could have sworn he met body pillow. All right. All right. This is the best because at one point, crippled Jesus is talking about how he prefers black women to white women because he finds white women boring. But then he also says this, I mean, to be fair, women are boring in general with their conversations and the kind of shit at it. The cripple Jesus, you have the balls to say

that the entire gender is boring. You, that's impressive. You're saying that other people are boring. I mean, we don't do the upspeak at least. Okay. Yeah, you got me there. You got me. Well, you and McAfee are in the same boat, I guess. You like black women, huh? What about Nicole Byard? Yeah. Yeah, Nicole Byard singled. You know that? Does she get your wheels spin? Oh, she's, she's too fat for my taste. Is your share rated at weights of that size? Could you could she possibly ride

your ride on your lap or is that too much would it give out? My um the back seat of my chair actually does have a weight limit on it. So I'm pretty sure she would Titanic the whole chair she got on. Dick you know what's really funny funny this whole show the promises why won't you date me and she explains Well, I have my own money guys don't like that. I'm traveling all the time She has all these reasons crippled Jesus just something up because oh no, she's too fat for me That's why guys won't date you Nicole. That's the reason It's that that she's just too fat. She's so fat she'll break my chair. Right.

I love when they go into why guys are intimidated by the last of us. And the la the caper on it is that I make too much money. Like that is all the of any reasons I've ever heard in my life. Why a guy would not date a girl, never not even once has she makes too much money come up. Survey says not ever human history has a man given the answer of which makes too much money. It just intimidated me.

I just an entire lifestyle of buying infinite video games and going out every night does not appeal to me Yeah, I mean if I dated her I could probably just quit my job and do whatever I wanted so that's out forget that It doesn't make any sense No, I gotta say I'm already crippled if I were to date her I don't need to date a cripple either that's not gonna improve my life No Poor Nicole mad she's having a tough go at it right now need to date a cripple either that's not gonna improve my life. No. Poor Nicole, man. She's having a tough go at it right now.

I got to say the guy. By the way, this doesn't have anything to do with the podcast. We're away, but fuck fat people. We're taking my hand to get spots. That's a good point. That's a good point to get their little scooters. We're told because you don't have self control. You fat pig. Stop taking much fun. Yeah, and you know what, after she gets diabetes and gets her legs cut off, maybe you guys

would have more in common, crippled Jesus. That's a good way to lose a hundred pounds. All right, so crippled Jesus, I want to play this clip. You have a great pickup line that you use on women. Usually the first thing I have to explain to a woman when I'm talking to her, is that my penis works? I mean, you're like the Tucker Maxx of crippled pickup artists. I just welcome to a chicken, I'm like, okay, guess what? My dick works.

I must, that must work really well. I love it. I have the best way to do that is to say, oh my doctor said I can have kids. Yeah. Oh, okay. Like if you go in there and say, oh my dick works, they're obvious we're gonna think,

well, who the fuck is this rapist? I don't wanna talk to him. Well, I don't wanna recognize rapists. I don't wanna shut out your point, they're a crippled Jesus. But single chicks in a bar also don't wanna talk about having kids. I know I recognize the right person. I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know cripple jesus gives investment advice and i know you've mentioned many times you have no money cripple jesus and oh i do that and it shows with this investment advice i have a feeling that i have been that dicks gonna love this we're gonna have a lot to uh to break down after this clip also madgie you had another question that we forgot to answer i don't think think we answered it on the show. But you asked me for investment and vice.

My advice would be to invest in tick coin and then start using the Robinhood app and just trade penny stocks. That way you can be a stock savvy. And what you lose isn't exactly, it's not a big loss. So it wouldn't be a big deal. Even if you are shitty at the stock market,

you'll probably just lose a couple of hours. LAUGHTER OK, can I take the first step with us one dick? And then you can jump in. So I think you're being fooled by the word penny stock. So in your mind you're thinking like, oh, I have to invest pennies at a time because it's a penny stock. It's not like you buy two shares of a stock that's worth 75 cents a share. You could still invest thousands and thousands of dollars into penny stocks. Cripple Jesus says, oh yeah, do penny stocks.

You only lose a couple bucks. It's fine. That's how that works. Cripple Jesus, did you think that you'd just invest a couple pennies? Yeah. I thought you do like, dollar amounts at a time.

It's not like what you got to pay like a hundred dollars for a stock. I took a pay-ball. I like what you got to pay like a hundred dollars for stock. I took a pay ball. If you're investing a hundred dollars, just go go find a job. You don't need to be worrying about investing a hundred dollars. Secondly, no, you pick how much penny stocks are the most, they're totally unregulated. They're mostly unregulated.

They're very, very risky. Very risky. You lose your money. They can be entirely fake companies. I get to boil a room shit. They're more risky than cryptocurrency. That was the worst investment advice possible. Everything that was the guy that took the page from I took the page from Ron Babcock and I thought I could men explain what sucks rating is. that's your that's your fault That's the problem right there is never trying to do what Ron Babcock does

Not a good person to emulate the only other thing I want to talk about you're very excited when you start off the show You say this today was a very big week for the cripple cast First off today was a very big week not correct but let's keep going. I don't know if you guys heard of where you widener of that where he show gave me a shout out this week. Hey, I think you have the quip. Yes I do. Here it comes. Okay I have to ask a question. So that where he show gave you a shout out. Do that guy just load up like a set tape

in order to play the clip? What was that noise? I mean, I couldn't tell you. I'm kind of a boomer when it comes to tech. Okay. And stocks. Yeah, and stock. Well, you see, if you play the penny slots dick, you can't lose any money

You can just gamble all day and all night you won't lose any money. Oh Shit so he plays the clip of Larry giving crippled Jesus a shout out and Then Larry says this by the way I'm supposed to do a guess shot on his show soon. Follow my show on Twitter at that Larry show. And I'll give you a heads up. Should be fun. There's no way that's going to be fun for anyone involved. I guess my final roasting for my own podcast is it's so bad that I don't even

listen to it. Well, that's a good point and I have to ask you, you have this music that plays, it's this guitar music. Is it someone you know who recorded that is it a friend? It's it's a guy from another podcast at the Okay, here's what I don't get podcast uncle buck made the music for me. Okay, all right I hope Uncle Buck isn't a fan of mine because I'm about to shit out on this is the worst guitar playing I've ever fucking heard this is this is terrible. Oh, wait for it. This part's amazing right here It's fucking terrible Maybe you try Maybe you was trying to play like a cripple

It's not good it's not a guitar. There's no drums. There's no bass. It's just some guy jerk it off and his fucking bedroom with electric guitar. It's that's a really bad music, but it does fit the show very well. So,. I should probably listen to my podcast before I release them for the public couldn't hurt Yeah, that's a good idea. Yeah, I couldn't hurt man Can I plug the show real quick? Yeah, but real quick though It's funny that you do a show that has so much dead air. No one knows what's going on It's funny that you do a show that has so much debt air. No one knows what's going on There's confusing conversations over the place and you don't spend the time to go and go you know I should give that a quick listen before I put it out the internet You don't think that that might be a good. All right. Yeah, go ahead give a plug

So We're on Google and iTunes We're on Google and iTunes. You search cripplecast. And we're also at SoundCloud at SoundCloud.com. So I wish cripplecast. If you hate yourself and you want to waste an hour or your time, go ahead and listen to the show. Yeah, that's the other thing too.

You can't even find the show. You don't have a website. You're not even on those websites that just have all the podcasts on them, like PlayRF, I'm or something. I couldn't find your show anywhere. It was almost impossible. We tried to get, we tried to get on whips and, but I'm too poor to afford the feed. So, even Kai is now crushing you in the, in the discord. All right. crippled Jesus. Thanks for coming on, buddy. Get out of here. Thanks for having me. Yeah. It was Yeah, it's not a cripple Jesus good luck to you buddy. Keep doing the podcast. It's early man

I show suck the first dozen or two episodes so I Totally yeah, I still don't think we're as bad as OP you can debate me on that but Okay, well, that's the standard that you're going by, then yes. Your show is better than OP, who goes on a boat, it sets down a Zoom recorder that you listen to a fish. Yes, it's better than that, you got me. Alright, buddy, thanks, man. See ya.

He's got a really yell at his audio engineer. They're gonna have a little conversation, I think. Yeah, don't you fucking embarrass me like that again. You listen to it, you fix it. Your fucking your bits are not funny. You never do a bit. You never do a bad audio. Big new son of a bitch. That would be amazing. That's what the next show should be. Cripple Jesus. Just do a show of you berating the audio engineer. For now. Now we're good. Now we're good.

Now we're good. Now we're good. Now we're good. Now we're good. Now we're good. Now we're good. Now we're good. Now we're good.

Now we're good. Now we're good. Now we're good. Now we're good. Now we're good. Now we're good. Now we're good. Now we're good. Now we're good.

Now we're good. Now we're good. Now we're good. Now we're good. Now we're good that we like to do. Let's call it. Gringe of the week. Gringe of the week. This is the cringe of the week where somebody sends in a clip from a podcast that they think is terrible. And this week we had Larry, who sent in this clip through our email and also posted it in our sub. So here you go, Larry.

Yeah, so what they figured out is instead of having the penis, they'll have girls go to town with tentacles and stuff To replace the penis You have never seen tentacle porn even though they're not 10. No, I've never seen tentacle porn. I Will once you shut this thing off On your phone right now go to I'm sure it's even on Twitter Trust me. This is not you know where I go in my spare time I'd rather go to amateur sex now now put in tentacle porn and see what comes up

Tentacle porn all right Raltika Alright, what do we got so far? Oh, yeah, you've never seen this before? Oh fuck, I love it. Oh, it goes in all the holes. Yeah, it's like the octopus is very horny, so it uses its arms, some people say tentacles, and they put them in all the holes. That would be our friend Opie on Opie Radio

as they discover tentacle porn out of Japan together. That was Opie explaining about the holes and stuff or we'd be pretending not to know what tentacle porn was. No, that was Opie explaining it, but saying that he doesn't watch it. I don't, I watch it but you know, there's this thing that exists.

And that's... I cannot wait till we get rid of this boomer impulse to lie about not knowing what pornography is Oh, I saw I heard about this weird pornography. It's called Furry Yeah, everyone's heard of it everyone's seen it everyone everyone everyone watches big kitty and tie get over it We're not I'm fucking tired of pretending that we don't do this. Shut up. Sorry, do you pronounce that cuckold?

How do you pronounce? I don't know. I've never heard, I've never seen it. I don't know what it is. Why would anybody get off to this? Can you imagine? Yeah, yeah, I can easily can imagine. I easily can imagine.

Why are you, let me, let me show you your Google search. No, no, no, no, get away. Oh, okay. It's where the new browser's open on your machine. Let me let me show you your Google search is your no no no no way Okay It's where the you private browser's open on your machine. It's where the you would bring it up Oh you guys hear about this thing, but then he immediately have to say by the way This is not my thing. I'm just the one I'm just the one talking about it and bringing it up Talking about it like a child to it. They go in all the holes. What the fuck are you talking about? They go in all the holes.

It's not a bowling ball. And this is, by the way, this eroticism has been around since like the Edo Japan period and before that everybody understands like it's, you're making it something stupid, but it's high art. But throughout the ages, we understand this sexuality at a better level than a fucking child that it goes in all the holes. You guys gotta see this. You can see the pubic hair.

You can see the boobies. So last week we did a cringe of the week and I was surprised to hear there was a karaoke show. There's a podcast called, karaoke big E. And this guy was singing a Creed song. So this podcast exists where they sing karaoke songs. This is worse than the fat cast. That was that was called the fat cast.

It should be called the fat cast. It should be called the fat cast. So this show found out that we did their show as Crimson the Week. Now, keep in mind, Dick, Crimson the Week is a single clip. It takes about, I don't know, two and a half minutes for us to play it and talk about it and then we move on. And it's sandwiched by us shredding other shows

to pieces. Like if my show was on someone's cringy of the week, I'd go, oh, Katsn't eat. These people took so much offense to it. They were so upset. They dedicated their entire next episode to it. So I just want to play a couple clips. And this is a karaoke podcast. This is like the most embarrassing thing you can do they dedicated their entire next episode to it. So I just wanna play a couple clips from this.

And this is a karaoke podcast. This is like the most embarrassing thing you can do and they're humiliated by this. This is amazing. So this is them explaining that they're not just a karaoke podcast dick. If you would listen to it, if you're a little crony,

you wouldn't have sent you a clip of the show and you would have listened to the whole fucking show, you would figure out real quick, we do not take ourselves seriously. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, this is first and foremost a comedy podcast. Oh, yeah.

That's premised around karaoke. Okay. So I misunderstood. I thought there was a karaoke podcast because it's called karaoke biggy. And they sing songs karaoke style, but it's actually a comedy podcast. Oh, yeah. Then that does not take themselves seriously at all. Right.

So I'm quite thinking, yeah, so when I heard that, I'm thinking like, oh, go and they probably took our ribbing and stride and they're like, oh, that's all good, guys, that's funny. We're doing a funny show too. Let's all just have fun together. So this is an example of some of their jokes that they have on their show.

There's so many shitty podcasts out there. Of course you got content. Yeah, of course. Yeah, their whole thing is grass is green. Oh, there are shitty podcasts. We think they bad. Yeah. Oh, podcast bad.

Did you spare your dip? So what's on you when you first? Great improv skills, dummy. He's this crazy. That's fucking terrible. Don't declare yourself a comedy show and then have zero jokes. Well, it makes it difficult. You're the big fish in a small pond of your karaoke podcast.

You're going to be a comedy podcast. You're materially just got a lot shittier. Yes, that's a great point. Embrace the fact that you're karaoke podcast. You're number one. Yeah, you guys don't point. Embrace the fact that you're karaoke punk. Yes, you're number one. You're number one. You guys don't want to pull this thread. Just be karaoke.

Oh, they made a cute joke. How about that? A karaoke DJ has a very low bar. There's people are compelled to celebrate the karaoke bar. This is them telling us to fuck off. Usually I'm not like honest on these podcasts that much, and I'm kind of poking fun and being like these guys are fucking assholes

because they are, but like genuinely, there is no, they are doing nothing. They're literally doing nothing, and so fuck them. They're doing a podcast on a podcast. Yeah. Fuck. And if we want to be so hard, so fucking hard. So hard.

So this is their take on it. They're like, oh, fuck these guys. They didn't like our show. Fuck them. And the one guy has the balls to say this. This is unbelievable. Yeah. And and and go ahead, Blake, if you have a show about a podcast,

you have show a podcast about podcasts is you're unable to make your own Contacts yeah literally We're lying on everybody else's content now here's No, you're not you're really so dick. This is a karaoke show and they said that we don't have original content They said that we don't have original content. Is that fucking amazing? You're singing other people's songs as the content of your show and you're calling me out? Holy shit.

Your podcast is based on singing other people's songs to people who are just waiting for their turn to go up and make asses of yourself. Yes! Like your entire, the subject of your show is based on a waiting in line. Yeah, no. Because people can't just sing at the same time.

They have to force you. Your show is based on like a child's talent show where they have to stay there and wait for you to sing your dog shit song just so they can get up there and force you to listen to their dog shit rendition of someone else's song. That's a brilliant observation. karaoke by its very nature is that something you go to unless you want to also be on the

stage singing. Yeah, it would be like if I started a podcast it was called open mic. Hey, it's a bunch of guys you can't get a crowd to come see them perform comedy, so they have to all get a chance and take their turn. It's the open mic podcast. Who the fuck would want to listen to that? And by the way, your podcast is not relying on other people's content. If other people had content, your podcast wouldn't exist. That's true. It would be nothing to make fun of. It relies on people failing at what they're doing. That's a good point. You know a show that I've never reviewed is the Joe

Rogan experience because he has a very good podcast. If that was the only show out there, W-H-D-B would not exist. That's a great point. The guy, the one guy gets so pissed that he throws his phone. He, uh, he put me down to, and down to, and I threw my phone against the wall. I put a hole in my wall. They're very upset about this. What did you say? I just didn't like that they're singing. I didn't like the song they picked.

And I thought they sang on that thing. They were singing a Creed song. It's a karaoke podcast. Oh my God. Why don't they just take that? Are they jerking off while they're doing it? Yes. This is like a dick pic sent to the entire world. So recording yourself singing karaoke. This is again, them calling us out. Anybody that does podcasts just shitting on podcast or reviewing podcasts, they have no creative

and never whatsoever. They're just like, oh, here's a very easy thing. We can just pick random podcasts and just shit on them. Yes, I know. I'm well aware of that. This is an easy format. I just have to be the first one to pick it. So I apologize. Yeah, shitty on shitty podcast is easy. Those guys are about as tough as the gay couple and Seinfeld. So you're not scared of them coming after us. No. I'm not worried about this.

I'm not worried about having to go fuck myself from those guys. They were trying to figure out every reason to make fun of me. One of the reasons was, they read the description of the show. I said, Carl, and a rotating list of guest hosts, like he can't even get a regular guest host at his show. That's not the point.

So I'm gonna try to get a regular guest host at the show. Meanwhile, karaoke's like heroin. Like as long as you're willing to sit there and listen to it, some poor degenerate will always step up and sing to a MIDI track. This is true. Oh, and those MIDI tracks that they sing to our garbage. He does say this, which I have good news for him.

You're going to sing it so poorly. And I want to point this out, right, right, this cup, we're in their heads. There's this woman who's on the show who's going to sing Dali Parton. And she's already nervous that we're going to pull clips to make fun of her. You're going to sing it so poorly.

It's going to end up on that show. Yeah. We're gonna be like that bitch. Yeah. No, I, I, I might know with though, just the court. I hope they, I hope they bring us up every fucking weekend. And they have listeners. See, the thing is they're not gonna listen to us again

because all they're gonna do is listen to actual shady ones and good for you. Fuck, fuck off, guys. Oh, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the level Oh, that's awful. The level of butter is so weird. A hilarious comedy. I know, it's a great comedy show, guys. Oh, I hope they will do it every week.

Well, they won't. They won't. Anyway, that's all the clips I have, except for the one of the girls singing Dolly Parton. I don't know if you want to hear this or not. Dig, we can move on if you want. Well, I really, really want to hear it. Oh, okay.

Well, I'm okay. I know you can do to hear it. Oh, okay. Well, I'm okay. You can do to play it. I just need the I need a beautiful song to wash the day of fat body positivity and Soy boys insulting me. Good point. Okay. Well in that case, let me play Just this the singer who comes on a karaoke show podcast because she's a great singer and She wants to share her talents with the world Oh, man. Oh, oh, Jesus. Why would they do that? Good stuff. Good stuff. What's she singing into an SN57? Like, is she singing into a can of talk boy? Is she singing right onto the tape that was terrible

why would they mix her like that that poor woman I don't think the mix is the problem dick I don't think I'll they show the audio engineer gonna fix that all the mixing in the world oh someone was giving her the beat by by that game operator if they were she couldn't have been listening to that backing track. Good. She was nowhere close. Wow. OK.

All right. And there's a whole podcast with that. Were they singing all the time? Yes. Yes. Oh. If I'm ever going to kill kill myself I'll go find it That'll cure me carry Oak big EA pronounce it wrong last time, so now I know and

Every time you in between every song they had to make more comments about us. I think it was so festering for the object I fucked those fucking guys They don't get it. We're just putting out a fun show I'm like a fucking guy. They don't get it. We're just putting out a fun show. Oh boy. All right. We got to talk about Maddox. Oh yeah, sure.

Do you have time still, Dick? Can you hang out for a little bit? Yeah, absolutely. That's great. That's great. So if we're going to bash on Maddox, of course, I'll always like to coolate, man. If anybody has a bad feeling,

you just shove it. You just have Maddox in here. What's going on? I just want to go on. It's awesome. Yeah, it just jumped. You guys saw my bad ex in the air, what's going on? That just came on. That's awesome. So I went on Dick's show last weekend, and we can be four. And we pulled some clips from the very last episode ever

of the best debate in the universe. And Domé Pesos actually pulled some clips. I've now listened to that entire three hour plus long episode. Oh God. I know. Did you listen to the edited version or the live stream version? I listened to the edited version, whatever they put out.

I downloaded it. Okay. And I have to give Dime a huge props. The clips that he pulled were the clips to pull. That it was perfect. So when I pulled here are other things I didn't want to do any repeat stuff that we've already talked about, but I also want to let everybody know that Dami is here

with us. Hey! Not really. Oh, not really. I just have his laugh on my soundboard. I thought it would make this more fun. It makes me happy every time I hear it. Me too, it's the best.

So let's get into it. I have a few clips here to talk about it. This show, how much of it did you end up seeing or listening to? You know what, I only listened to Domé's clips. I had his stream on mute and I was just reading the chat the entire time. Okay.

So none of it. The debate is what's so great about Maddox or what's the best thing about Maddox or something like that. And so, what a hug box. I know, I know. So this is the ultimate cope episode. This is my last show. I need all my friends to come in and tell me how great I know. So this is the ultimate cope episode. This is my last show. I need all my friends to come in and tell me how great I am.

So for the first two hours, he just has rotating people coming in and out, in and out, hey, tell me what's great about me and then they talk about that. It's terrible. It's not interesting. It's a bore fast. There's no jokes being told.

At least Ruck is trying to mix it up a little bit, but it's not interesting, it's a bore fast, there's no jokes being told, at least Rucka's trying to mix it up a little bit, but it's not good. In our number three, Maddox just wants to talk about, he has 17 pages, he matches this multiple times. He has 17 pages of topics that he was going to get to had the best debate continued on. Oh my God. Okay.

So I want to start off by playing, and this is all he wants to talk about. These are all the things that we would have done. I'm going to play a clip here of him just listing show topics. Should parents be responsible for their children's discipline problems? Should bullies be held responsible

if the results, if it results in a victim's death, is it better to date someone intelligent or attractive? I think we, uh, that was one year's Kelly. Yeah. Um, should all nations have the right to nuclear weapons? Should we reintroduce corporal punishment in schools? Should there be a fat tax? Do ghosts exist? Is it rude? Is it rude? Is it rude to ask people how much money they make? As he's going through all these things that they'll never talk about, I don't understand why he thought that would be good content to list all the things that he had at one point written down.

You mean instead of like talking about them with all of those people gathered around? Correct. Instead of making your friends tell you nice things about you because they're not really insult comedians and because you cry easily. And you can't mention the loss, like you can't mention your own giant biggest fuck ups. Instead of doing that, you mean actually go through and have these debates, which would be like what the show's premise is instead of just lifting off topics. So people think you're smart for questioning these things.

You make that you're wondering that. Right, so at one point, Raka just gets super fucking annoyed and there's something very telling in this clip. Okay, are you done, Raka? Anything else you wanna add? No, I'm sorry for disturbing your list of topics we're not debating to actually provide some personal insight on something. Okay, so on these final show of a debate

Top cast next week. We will yeah, you won't get a fucking chance again And I can't tell these topics these debate topics of these 17 pages of work that I did no one will ever know So this is oh my god. Yeah, so meltdown so, this is very telling, what's going on here is that Maddox has done some prep work. He's spent, I don't know how many months writing down different topics that they could bring on. And now he knows that he's never gonna get to them, but he needs credit.

He needs everyone to know that he did all of this work. No, guys, look at, I have 17 pages. I'm reading them right now. See, I came up with this idea and this idea, this idea, Maddox, let it fucking go, move on. You're not going to do them. Why are you explaining these to us? And Roca just got fed up, like, okay, are we gonna talk about shitter? Are you just gonna list everything we could possibly be talking about, but we're not.

Are you gonna list of, are you gonna read your list of terrible Reddit conversation starters? You brought me here to waste my time to do this emotional jerk off best because you need credit for failing. Right. Oh my God. What a fucking lunatic. Maddox and his, or George, excuse me, his, the Maddox is dead. George and his prep work, his obsession with getting credit

for prep work is insane. It's weird. He's a content creator. That's always should be doing all the time. And as someone who's played in bands for many, many years and now doing this podcast, creating content is not a noble thing to do. It's creating the good content.

And I hope that most of the stuff that I create, no one ever sees, it never sees the light of day because a lot of it's not that good. And I never would go on here and brag about all the songs that we never recorded that I wrote. That's your farewell to her. That's friends in Rose and farewell to her.

They just go to stadium after stadium and play riffs that they never developed in the song. Right. And then they angrily berate the audience for not treating that like it was a song. You're narcissistic. Fucking lunatic. It's unbelievable.

There's a little thing I wanted to turn into a but here's more, here's even less than that. At one point, now we have, and I don't know a lot about the best of Bay. I never listened to the show. I've listened to a couple episodes to review them, but apparently it was him and, and Rucca, and then Rucca left and then Ron Babcock and Taylor joined the show. So is that correct? Am I right about that? That's what I know.

I think I've only listened to it once for this show. Okay. So these guys are way up their own asses. They think that there are real show that people care about. So it's, this is Rucca, Ron and Taylor talking. All right, so I want to talk about. So let's guys, is Rucker Ron and Taylor talking. All right. So I want to talk about. So let's, let's, guys, this is surreal for some people watching. They've never actually seen the three of us in the same place. Yeah. This is surreal for the viewers. It's just that all three of us are here on the

show together. Can you believe it? They think they're on a real show. They never thought it would happen. Dozens of emails from people coming in. They just can't, they want us to get our comedy minds together to blow their asses off so we can sell more of George's hair cream or whatever the fuck he's shilling in this episode. What kind of pop is bullshit is that? There are people right now who are, their minds are blown. The three of us are all on this show right now.

So we should probably break down a little bit of the behind the scenes. We gotta let them know what's going on. It's like the lamest cop out metahumor that you could have. Like it's not a joke. It's like, it's like when people comedians do this, but I guess everybody does it.

You can easily see comedians do it when they say their fear, they pretend like they actualize their fears into content and to what they claim is content, but it's always self indulgent. Like that's not a funny joke because nobody's thinking it. People are thinking the opposite. Like there's nothing, nothing is preventing you losers from getting together and nobody wants it. You're just actualizing your failure and saying it out loud so you can cope with it.

But it's not content. So you're not a joke. So you think of that was set tongue in cheek. I don't think it was. I think it's different. I don't think it's tongue in cheek. I think it's guys saying what's happening but not preventing it from happening.

Like when crippled Jesus, well, I don't even listen to it. Nobody should listen to it. It's like, no, God damn it. You fucking put your ass, you put your ass into it and you put something out that you believe in. Don't give me that cop out yet. Okay.

The dumb egg raise. Later out of the show, Maddox also thinks that he's doing a real show when he says this you know like one of the So this the topic if you're just joining us guys. We got in the room therapist Kelly Christina We got Rucker and Taylor. He has to do a reset for everyone who's just joining us now Man, it's not this is not the tonight's show. There are people just like flipping through the channels and tuning in For all the people who just joined us Here's what's going on right now You can't randomly join a podcast in a minute

Nothing exists for you to randomly turn to hour two of a podcast such a moron That's such a radio thing to do. All right. If you're just joining us on the phone. We have so say Maddox no one's just joining you. We got the weather in traffic coming at Meg's for the entire Earth. Yeah. All right. If you're just joining us, I have Dick Masterson. We're talking about Maddox's last show ever. Oh boy. All right. I have a few more clips here that I want to get to. This is Maddox goes off on some poop stories, which is always fun. No, I didn't. I do sometimes take a photo. Oh, Giz, when I hear my grossest poop story. No, no, no.

And the show has reached a new low. This is this is what you missed out on by not listening to the show. Nope, nope, nope, and no. Yeah. Does it hold anyway? Or is it plain about? No, no, he tells it anyway. It's great. This is the clip that I don't know what's going on here. And I need your help explaining this. I thought it was the election happened. And then to a third of your audience. And this is right after we played the clip on your show where he's talking about all of the downloads they've had. He's going very specific into the numbers. And this is right after we played the clip on your show where he's talking about all the downloads they've had. He's going very specific into the numbers and then November of 2017,

they changed the counting method. And for that reason, you know, we got fewer downloads, but we still have this many downloads. So after that, this happens. The equivalent. I thought it was the election happened. And then two, a third of your audience committed suicide. Why? Because was that a debate? I don't know any of that. Did Rucka call Maddox a cuck? I think so. I haven't zoomed in right here, so listen again.

You're a cuck. How did he, well, they're not in show? I feel like Maddox doesn't like people calling him a cuck. Am I wrong about that? You're 100% right about that. So how did that get left in to this episode? I don't know.

It's also interesting that he went from two-thirds of your audience left you to one-third. Yeah, I know, it kept changing. And then he turned it into a joke which I don't think he meant right away. Right. And then the cuck thing has nothing, the cuck that,

him, Rucka calling Maddox a cuck, makes me think at first he intended to just say two thirds of your audience left you because you turned into an idiot. Johnson Brown in the Discord says, Josh from Kiwi Farms was DMing each of the people at the table asking them to call Maddox a Cuck and Rucka obliged. I got to think that's what's going on here. I think I think Rucker, like you said, he had the Taco Bell shirt on.

I think he came in there saying, fuck this guy. I'm going to let him know that he sucks. And he was the only entertaining part of the show. Yeah. Um, I've heard some people say that I don't, I'm not satisfied with that. If even if he was doing it, I'm still not people say that. I don't, I'm not satisfied with that. If even if he was doing it, I'm still not satisfied with that. That lawsuit cost me a lot of money.

I understand. I was right there the whole time. Yeah, I totally understand. But Rucka does get one good jab in that I do want to play for you. And so they asked me to come on the show and read an original piece. Oh, wait, before I do that, I got to set this up. So he's talking about Don and Mike.

Do you, are you familiar with the Don and Mike show? I am not. Okay, Don and Mike was out of Washington DC, but they were syndicated here in Rochester. I used to listen to them, and apparently they were in Utah too. So, Maddox talks about that. I love Don and Mike.

We have that in common. So Don and Mike is the show that kind of put me on the map. Oh really? Oh my gosh, I was such a huge fan. So Don and Mike back in the day, when I was like 16 years old, I was listening to the Don and Mike radio show, and that was like my favorite talk show of all time. It was syndicated in Utah, then it wasn't one day.

Then when I woke up one morning and I saw my inbox flooded with email, I had like over 100 emails in my inbox, and I'm like, oh my god, what's going on? Why are all these people emailing me? And it turns out that I was mentioned on the Don and Mike radio show. All of it! Kill the best you've ever eaten! Alright, so that's what I was explaining that he was on the Don and Mike show because they were talking about his website.

Oh, what? Wow, wow, which has no ads on it. Whoa! Did he tell you that? So, mention has no ads on it. Whoa. Did he tell you that? So, mention on a radio show. Oh my god, you're on the map. You're on the fucking map.

So then he's talking about how Don and Mike had him on their show. And this is where Rucker gets a pretty good jab. And so they asked me to come on the show and read an original piece that I wrote. And that's the piece I wrote is called, I Am Better Than Your Kids. That's the piece that kind of what were they reading from you before that. Just all my articles, they just went through. Like what? I hate Tony Danza, I know that's, I know like two of your things.

So that's funny because that's the only thing that Maddox does, like your kid suck and he goes, what else is there? They you are you telling me that Maddox wrote a visual gag for a radio show? That's a good point. That was his like that's what he read on their show. If somebody sent me that in for my show and say how the fuck am I supposed to read this on the air? You did shit. It's just it's a drawing with crans. What am I supposed to read this on the air? You did shit. What it, it's just, it's a drawing with crads. What am I supposed to do with that? It doesn't work. Oh, and it doesn't work if I describe it

and then re describe it satirically. Doesn't work. You fucking moron. Couple more clips that I want to play. Oh, good. Yeah. So they're asking, what's the best thing about Maddox? And Taylor comes up with something.

He says, and he's having a hard time. Taylor's struggling with this. He's like, oh, because I think everyone on the show wasn't sure if it was supposed to be a roast. To like, oh, the best thing about you is your feet stink, you know? Or if there's a, you're like, oh, you're so generous and funny.

No one knew how to play it. That's a roast that gets out of control real quick though when someone is a failure. Right. I've been roast people who are successful. You know, like what Maddox thinks is an intervention, not a roast. Tell me the best thing about me. The best thing about you was your career was as big as it ever would have been 15 years ago. Is that a good thing about you?

You've been on the decline for a decade. What are you over to say here? So Taylor really struggles with it. And he comes up with this fucking thing that he's like, well, you're a really good listener. And Matt is like, yeah, yeah, yeah, I am. And then Taylor says, well, and because of that, you have all these stories.

You can tell all these different stories. You know, you know, stories about every different thing that's ever happened. And instead of Maddox saying, yeah, that's true. He likes to embellish the compliment. Oh, yeah, here's the thing, okay. So I'm always saying things like, oh, a friend of mine of mine did this right went out with this girl who did this so oftentimes first of all I do I do have a lot of friends You know that's not even a humble brag that's a regular brag

So do so do women and so do girls in high school they have a lot of friends. What do you mean? It's a brag It's not impressive He goes out of show. He goes all right The pros of the show is to tell me how great I am someone goes well, you know, you're really crazy Yes, you're right. I am and I have a lot of friends. What kind of show is this? What the fuck? Man brags about how many fucking friends? Probably the same kind of man who brags about how many times he's been the best man in a wedding

And it's Maddox is also done. Yeah. I remember it was best friend, are ya? Did ya? It's fun. It's funny too because remember the episode before the final episode, you played a clip on your show where he talks about, you know, it's gonna be tough because these Saturdays, I have all my friends over, we go out for a drink afterwards. It's like, people only hang out with, I have all my friends over, we go out for a drink afterwards. It's like, people only hang out with you because you have this show. If you just called them up and said,

hey, do you want to get together? They're like, nah, not really. I'm gonna pass that answer. The bunch of LA assholes, LA asshole comedians who only are there to get a mention on your stupid show. Oh, I hate it. And I have a perfect example of that.

So there's this guy, hates. And I have a permanent example of that. So there's this guy, Zach. And Zach is a magician and a comedian. This is the worst introduction. If you're gonna have a guest on your show, Dick. And you've had some big names on your show. This is not the way to introduce somebody who's coming. God. Zach started pulling out these magic tricks

that were just mind blowing. And I know it sounds like one of those compliments I would give to somebody who's coming out. Zach started pulling out these magic tricks that were just mind blowing and I know I know it sounds like one of those complements I would give to somebody who's sitting in the room with me, but it's absolutely sincere. I'd say regardless because Zach I was thinking about those those tricks he did like the day after and they're so impressive Everybody who was watching these tricks were really their their jaws dropped. It was really good I you didn't have to be that good, Zach. Like that's the thing. With magic tricks, a little bit goes a long way.

Don't, wouldn't you say? Uh, yeah. So there's two things going on. What the fuck? Yeah. I know. There's two things going on here. First off, he says, um, this guy, I just saw his show

and it was really good. And normally, when I say that, I'm just blowing smoke up somebody's ass. But for you, I'm actually being truthful. and it was really good. And normally when I say that, I'm just blowing smoke up somebody's ass. But for you, I'm actually being truthful that your show was good. Oh, okay. I don't know how to take that. Yeah, I wanna track the whole thing.

Oh, usually when I say like, oh, to see how many layers of doubt Maddox has implanted in my mind before he instantly stumps the guy by changing the course of the conversation at the very last moment. Oh, right. So then he says, so he goes through all this shit. You were really good.

I was surprised. You know, you were greatly goes, he's talking to a magician and he says, you know, you were actually really good, but you don't need to be that good, right? Like what's, the guy's like, yeah, I guess, I guess not. Like why would you have so many tricks?

What do you have so many You're stand up was pretty funny, but I don't know why was it that funny? I mean that's me that funny You're putting way too much work in your You're putting too much work in your craft What do you mean a little bit goes a long way in magic? What the fuck are you talking about? I've seen a lot of magicians who just kind of half ass it and they're great too. Hey, what?

It's like, it's okay. Here's a great mat, Mattings is so narcissistic, he's incapable of giving a compliment. He says something nice, then betrays it by saying he always lies. You know, he's lying there. Then he says, then he makes,

then he exaggerates a statement and says that other people thought it too. So you think, okay, well, this isn't them saying it. So now I believe it even less. And then he goes on to discount his credit, his own opinion by saying that less would have been just fine as well. No, no, that makes it. This is how he introduced the guy. He got just walked into the studio.

And he has a catad with, like, how do you respond to that? I don't know. Wouldn't you agree with me that, let that, that, that, you don't need that much in magic? Wouldn't you agree with me that your life is alive? Ha ha ha ha ha.

So you're a magician. No. Magicians are bullshit, right? Wait, what? I thought we were friends. Explain to everyone why I think that. I don't know, you're an idiot. I don't know what to tell you.

So at one point, Maddox insults this guy, Zach, by saying, you do comedy too, right? And Zach says this. Zach, you've been doing a shit ton of comedy lately too. That's what I do for a living, that's what I'm doing. That's what I'm doing for a comedian. For a hand up magician.

For people in Los Angeles, working people come see you, do your live shows. So he says, you know, you've been doing comedy, he goes, I am a professional comedian. That's what comedians do, is they do comedy. And I'm gonna go ahead and call bullshit on Zach

because after Maddox gives him a chance to give a plug uh... zack says this he got a my website which is zack walled men dot com there's a public performance schedule there's nothing on there right now but i'll have some dates added soon and working people see you uh... just go to my website there There's a list of all the shows. There's no shows, but there's a link.

It's in an obligation. There's a link that has a list. Well, there would be a list of all the shows if I was booked anywhere, but I will get booked at some point. So just check, check, check. Ah, ah, ah, ah, what a fucking train wreck. It's showing terrible. It's like little kids playing pretend talk show.

Yes, terrible entertainer. Yes, forget to have nothing to plug. What are you doing, man? Why didn't you do this for so long? In the show, it was despite me, because then I feel like I want even more. Yes, because the show is not a show. It's these guys talking about nothing.

It's uncomfortable. It's random. At one point, Taylor even calls him out for how long it's these guys talking about nothing it's uncomfortable it's random at one point tailor even calls them out for how long it's going on i can't like that like for this last episode we're just going on and to like it's like the ultimate troll is like how long can this episode actually

be even tailors feeling like why are we can that was by the way there's still an hour to go after. He says that. That's even a guy who's on the show going, what are we doing guys who are just dragging this out forever? Is this, what's the reason for this? I like that Maddox instantly is there to shut down any criticism. Like, he has this thing of, like he's thinking,

he thinks he's marketing a big brand. Right. There are any negative commentary on it. We'll get in people's minds and like, sway them to, so as soon as he hears that it's boring, he's like, oh, he used to do that to me all the time. And the biggest problem. If I said anything was boring, you'd be like, hey, hey, hey, like, I mean, that's not cool.

Like we can't talk about things are boring. I don't know, man, it was a fucking boring game and dumb. Like, I don't know what you want me to say. I don't know man, it was a fucking boring game and dumb. I don't know what you want me to say. I'm trying to make some fun out of it here by ripping on it at least. He gives zero credit to the intelligence of the listeners. He says it as ingest, but he means it for real.

Because you're right, he doesn't want any negativity to get out, because he thinks that that will be what sticks in people's brain instead of them actually forming their own opinion. So what he used to do is he would say, wow, this is really funny, while we're having a lot of fun, this has been a great show,

this was a great debate. It's like let me judge whether or not this was fun or great. Don't tell me that. I've never once come on this show, I'm gonna be like, we're gonna have a great show today. Dick Masterson is here, he's really funny. Like, we'll just, either we'll be funnier now gonna have a great show today. Dick Masterson is here. He's really funny. Like, well, just, he either will be funny or not.

It will figure it out. People will be fucking, no. You can't convince them. He's a comedian. So make sure that you address yourself to understand that he's joking before he takes joke. People sit tight. We got LA based comedian Dick Masterson on the show today.

It's gonna be a hum digger. It's ridiculous. I hate that shit where you think that you tell, this is what OP does too, and I hate to keep, oh, sorry, I'm gonna help you, but it's this thing where if we just tell people this thing enough times, they'll have to believe it. It's like a politician.

So you know, no one's buying it. They see what you're actually doing. It's like a politician. So you know, no one's buying it. They see what you're actually doing. It's not fun or funny or interesting. All right. I love it when Matt is telling you how sex you should at the time. It's like a fan chick who can't get a date and has never had a guy sleep with her more than once,

getting out and saying, I guess guys don't like me because I'm just too funny. No, that's not. Guys, hey girls who are witty and make a lot of money. Why? I can't stand them. What? I'm just too successful for a guy to want to date me.

Holy shit. All right. If you say so. All right, this is, I love when Maddox has a notion about the world that's wildly inaccurate and everyone has to call him on his bullshit because he's so dumb. Yeah, that's what. I don't sleep in the same bed anymore. Yeah, yeah, real sad.

Or, or, or, or, that's how it started out in the 50s. Chris, I want to throw it to you. What do you think? It did start out in the 50s. Yeah, people sleeping in separate beds, that was a whole thing. On TV. I was like, that was a TV thing. I like, I in separate beds, that was a whole thing. On TV. I was like, that was a TV thing. I like it.

I don't know, TV. That was a TV thing. Uh oh, Re-Tar to Lert. Re-Tar to Lert class. This guy thought, I should have set that up better and explained, they're talking about married couples. He thought that in the 50s, married couples started sleeping in their own twin beds in the bedroom.

Because he saw it on Nick at night. Yes! In the historian. Back then, it was. Back then your whole room was black and white and your wife stopped in a separate bed that day. Well, no, that was what they did on television shows because it was like, rated G, it was for all audiences. He had no idea.

He thought that's what people lived. Such a fucking idiot. Oh thought that's how people lived. It's such a fucking idiot. Oh, really? Everybody instantly knowing. Oh, yeah, you remember, and then shortly after that, they started like swearing. People started hearing fireworks a little more. They would say like, ass and damn.

You remember in the 30s when they invented a damn, you could say that. Yeah. Yeah, and then it in... Oh, fucking dumb. In 1939, we decided that the world should be in color. So we started painting things instead of just having it with a great scale. It was amazing.

Holy shit. All right, this is... I just have this labeled as dumb story. And then I look at my notes for this track, and it just says, this woman is retarded. So I don't know exactly what this is. I didn't make good notes for myself, but let's find out. He does have some pretty dumb women on this episode.

So let's find out. They sell phones to China to there's a whole market. Oh, good, I remember. They're talking about this, if you get your phone stolen, this one guy had his iPhone stolen. And apparently, because what can you do with an iPhone when it's been stolen,

it's locked down and people can track it. Apparently, they get shipped off to this place in China where all the stolen phones go, and then people use the phones. This woman read an article once, that talked about something completely different, she didn't comprehend the article at all. And she has to tell this story.

They sell phones to China to there's a whole market. I read this article once about this guy who, what are his photos were like, I don't know, he was getting, he was like downloading photos from this guy in China and it was like their eye clouds had crossed or something. Oh really? Yeah and then he went to the city to like meet the guy because he was like following his whole life story. Oh wow. Yeah and the town treated him like a celebrity.

It was like this wild event. But it wasn't like a stolen phone. Is this the accounts for a crossed? Well it's like I want to say, oh I think that the accounts got crossed because, okay and that's what it's because the yes a phone was stolen like a year before, and the guy in China bought the phone, acquired it from the market in China, because they sell all of these phones

that it's known like the hub where stolen phones go is the specific city. Wow, that's fascinating. Is that my guy? No! Is that my guy? He says at all. God, cancel women.

That's, that is a terrible story. No, Maddox said that was interesting and fascinating about six times during that in completely enane, probably incorrect. Well, the size summary of an article she might have read. Well, the inaccurate summary of a story that she did not cap her head. And I do a child telling a dream, filling in the blanks.

And I did pull this as an ISO because I have a feeling I'll have a lot of use for this. Wow, that's fascinating. He couldn't be less sincere. It's just like, oh, there's a woman talking. Oh, wow. Yeah, that's you're hot. I mean, that's interesting. Fascinating. Fucking idiots. What is fascinating about that? I don't know. A guy. A guy got his account mixed with another guy's account and sees his pictures. Whoop, de fucking do. Yeah, the stupidest part about that is,

I look at other people's pictures every single day, it's called Instagram. I'm not like a celebrity in some fucking town in China, because I have someone following me at Instagram, it's a difference, cares. Wow, fascinating. It's fascinating, it's unbelievable. Roka is writing Maddox the whole episode

because Maddox doesn't put out any content. He doesn't make videos, he doesn't write books or blogs anymore. He's doing nothing. At one point, he's teasing him. Well, it's just the very beginning. Maddox says, well, what are you talking about? I just put out a video last night

about earthquake safety. Oh yeah. So then at the end of the show, he reiterates that he made this video. I'm gonna put together montage. I almost had that done in time for today, but we had an earthquake last night, which threw everything off.

Why would that throw everything off? Throw everything off? Yeah. I'm sorry. Zero effect on any of our lives. We're talking about. Yeah, it's all sorry, sorry, sorry. I happen to make a video that was very beneficial

for people's lives. That was earthquake safety. You did make a video. I did make a video. All right. All right, so Dick, I have this video pulled up right here. Can we talk about this? You know what, I hadn't watched it.

OK, let's talk about it. Let's talk about it. I'm going to start playing it. And I don't have clips. I'm just going to plant and we can talk. Hey guys, we just had a couple big earthquakes in California, so I'm making a video on how to put together an earthquake preparedness kit.

Here's what I put in mind. First, you start out with a plastic bag. I recommend just a plastic bag. By the way, this video has 2,000 views on YouTube. Two weeks later. Who is he helping with this? What percentage of those people? What a core. Yeah, right. What percentage of those people? What a core.

Yeah, right. What percentage of those people live in an area where there's an earthquake that's gonna happen. And you live in LA, that earthquake was like 150 miles away or something, right? Yeah, it was nowhere. It was nowhere. Nobody cares about it.

And like no one is interested in a satirical take on it. Either they're either tired of hearing about it or it's just nothing happened. All right, so I pride myself on being in on the joke. Tell me this is satirical because I don't get any of the jokes here then, invest in this. Not a travel bag because this, when you see it,

looks kind of shitty. It makes it less likely that people are gonna rob you. It's actually a good thing. Get a plastic bag, don't get anything fancy. Leave your Chanel bullshit in the closet. Next, I recommend having your phone charged. Do it now. Charge your phone.

Make sure it's fully charged so you can grab it and go in case an earthquake happens in the middle of the night. You don't wanna charge your phone first thing in the morning. I'm talking to everyone who uses Instagram like crazy. That shit sucks your battery. So charge your phone, keep it ready to go so that you can leave at a moment's notice. Next, how long do you have to explain that. So charge your phone, keep it ready to go so that you can leave at a moment's notice. Next.

How long do you have to explain that you should charge your phone? Dick, is that the... Are these jokes? I'm confused. No, and who has a Chanel... I don't know. I'm going back to that.

Yeah, I know. It doesn't make any sense. He says, grab a shitty plastic bag because you don't have people to know all your good stuff's in there. And then what you want to do is you want to have a full battery on your phone like who is this for? Who would be so stupid that they wouldn't know that their phone should be charged? Why would you need a phone after an earthquake? I don't know there's millions of people here everybody's in the exact same situation

I here everybody's in the exact same situation. I got a text on my luck going afterwards. Alright, I recommend getting some sunscreen. If you're stuck outside, you want to put on some sunscreen so you won't get skin cancer or a really bad burn. Put all these things in your bag here. Next, I got this little portable flashlight. You can charge it like this. You can charge it like this. You can turn this bad boy on on you can get this at the dollar store or target or came art if

They're still in business. I'm not sure I haven't been to a came art in a long time or shop goes that's still thing Well anyway, get one of those then get a portable power bank. This thing is basically if you have one Make sure it's charged these things are worthless if they're not charged people forget to charge their cell phones But do it now do it before the power goes out if the earthquake happens take this with your cell phone Make sure to grab the cables it needs to make sure to get oh my god I can't watch any more of this what the fuck is he talking about He hasn't even lived here for very long. He's never been through a big earthquake. What the fuck is he talking about? All right, so they're all real tips. So he genuinely made an earthquake preparedness tip video

that he posted to the entire earth. Correct. A very local problem. This is not a funny joke video. No, he's being legit in this video. Like you. He's giving dumb advice. Don't get a worse advice. The worst advice ever. Hey guys, just so you know, you want to bring some sunscreen or find a shaded area. I don't know. There's a lot of other ways around this. There's still trees. I don't know what he's talking about. He goes to houses, don't get knocked over. He goes, you're gonna wanna break some sunscreen because you don't wanna get skin cancer. I've never heard of people getting skin cancer

because of an earthquake. The problem with these earthquakes is everyone's getting skin cancer now. Holy shit. And he's such a fucking internet like loser that his second tip is make sure you have your cell phone charged. Yes. Like that is he couldn't live without it.

And that's the only thing he identifies with to put in his dumb video. This is a guy giving me advice on how to live through a crisis who's never had a real job, who lives with fucking three roommates because he can't afford a real fucking rent or mortgage. I don't want, I don't need this guy's advice on anything on how to live my life. No. His life is not affected by this crisis at all.

He's the last book, it's already in a crisis. Right. Uh, 2000 fucking YouTube views. Good job, buddy. Did you have more tips? Yeah, I can't. I can't watch it anymore. Okay.

It's another two minutes long if you want to check it out. He didn't get something done that he wanted to have done for his last episode of The Best Debate, which is this huge show that has to go on for over three hours because he was making that video. I don't know if he wrote a script if he did editing and post like that video doesn't need to... You don't need to take more than three minutes making that video, it's three minutes long, I don't understand. All right.

I don't understand any of it. I love that he doesn't even have water in there. Like what about food and water? Yeah. Can I eat my power bank that I got from? Like what the fuck are you talking about? You need a power bank. No he says power bank sunglasses, sunscreen, your phone charge.

Yeah, it's not like it's run to the beach. You would think it'd be like you know granola has a lot of calories. Well what if my house crumbles and I have no money? Oh you might want to bring some money with you? Oh like cash, okay. It's the idea All right, I don't even know what else is in that video. I have a washer, but it's fucking dumb I don't know who the audience would be for that All right, so then he Maddox is asking at the beginning of the show

What's so great about him and he asks Ron and Our buddy Ron Babcock tells him this. The most perfect thing about Maddox is the fact that you just do not give a fuck. Thank you, Ron. That's a great compliment, thank you, Ron. All right, this is a guy who sued his friends and the companies they work for for $400 million because they were making fun of him.

And Ron says, what's great about you is you don't give a fuck. And Maddox responds with, ha ha, yep, that's me! Nailed it! Is this guy- I have never seen someone so eager to get a compliment. Is this guy completely unaware of what he does in life? He gives the most of a fuck. Anything he ever posts, he obsessively sits there

and deletes comments. That entire stream had about 99% of the comments deleted. He gives more of a, he gives more of a fuck of the opinions of random strangers, people that he will never meet, than anybody else on earth. He acts like he's a laid back dude is just chilling with his buddies just hanging out.

It's the exact opposite. Oh god. Yeah. He does admit that there are people who are funnier than him. And I tell these guys all the time, I think that they're so much funnier than me. I think most people are funnier than me Check out the big brain on bread You a smart motherfucker. That's right

I don't think he's being sincere there, but there's nothing There's nothing funny about Maddox as a podcaster and this is coming from a place where and I've said this before I was a big Maddox fam. I read all of his articles, I bought his book, I thought he was very funny, I liked his stick, I liked his angle that he had, it was different, it was interesting, he's gotten so far away from that, he's pretending to play this character that he's barely playing, he's like in and out of this character that's so great and so awesome and he's the best at everything, but I can't figure out who he thinks he is anymore. He's terrible podcasting.

Yeah, he really thinks he is smarter than everybody. Correct. He came out to Hollywood and failed immediately because he's writing his bicycle to meetings showing up like a slob and his like his he doesn't understand television and instead of pulling back and trying to figure out why he was failing, he just blames it on how stupid everybody else is. Yeah. Well, I mean eventually, yeah, eventually that's going to work out for you. If you just keep, you need to point your finger at everyone around you, they'll get it. They'll come around eventually. It'll all work out for you fucking idiots.

Holy shit. All right, well, that's all the clips that I have from Max's last episode. And I will tell you, man, this episode just went on and on and on. I'm not sure what he was hoping to accomplish. It was, it was as if, like I said, it was if it was like Johnny Carson on his final week. Like he had to bring back all of the different personalities and talk about how great he is.

And that's the other thing too. Johnny Carson on his final week didn't sit people down and be like, how great of a host am I? Let's talk about that for a minute. He went organically, people come in and just say, man, we're gonna miss you. This has been great. Man, this couldn't do that.

He had to like tell people to tell him how great he is and how much they're gonna miss the show. Yeah, because no one would have said it. No, of course not. There's just there to get their plugs in and move on. But his setting it up like a roast is also what a work except he can't take any jokes because there's just too much to roast them on. To wonder a wonderful, I couldn't have done a better funeral for him.

I can have asked for you to better. I will. It would have been in his best interest just to stop posting and not talk about it. But he chose to do something infinitely funnier. It's bizarre because he doesn't talk about anything. So you would think that he would have just let it die. He already went down to once every other week.

He was doing it every week, then it was once every other week. And you called it back when he did that. You're like, well, as soon as you get out of that every week, we got to do this thing. It stops being a priority and it's going to fall off. And it did. He could, it's gonna fall off and it did. He could have just let it fall off. He could still have people subscribing to his network and hoping a new episode will come out someday.

Yeah, he could have just done it. I mean, it's not like it makes any money or costs that much money. He could have just done it whatever he felt like it. All right, this is the part of the show, Dick. We've reached the part that is everyone's favorite part of the show. The teaser.

The teaser. The teaser. The teaser. The teaser. The teaser. The teaser. The teaser. The teaser.

This is the part of the show where we play a clip from the podcast that we'll be reviewing next week. In order for people excited about next week's episode of W ATP because they don't have you know this we do this every single week we put out a new episode. And an amazing one. It's amazing. It's hilarious episode for next week.

Do you want, can you say that again? I just want to make sure no one was talking. I'm just going to, that's going to end up at the beginning of the show now. This is a clip from the podcast that we'll be putting out next week. And I'm not going to lie, we've already recorded this episode. I am going to New York next week. If anybody wants to go to the Met's game on Sunday, I'll be there. We're not recording a podcast because it's my wife's birthday weekend.

But we've already recorded it and we're going to put it out. It was for another one of my podcast known as American crimes Now I don't know if I've mentioned American crimes on this show before but I do want to say one thing And I want to make sure that I reiterate it It is one of the best shows that I do Not because of what I do not because of the quality of content for some reason it just gets the best numbers Okay, I can post an episode today and I'll have a hundred or so downloads by tomorrow easily and it's crazy because I don't know why. Alright. What the hell. There's this

guy named Shamest McKillian that's his podcasting name. He also has some other names too that he goes by. He does stand-up comedy. He does music. And at W-H-T-P we're fascinated with this individual. His podcasts are terrible. His stand-up comedy is the worst. His music is atrocious. I can't figure out why this guy keeps... He's a stay-at-home dad who lives in a trailer park. I can't figure out what... I don't know how... He has more self-esteem than the rest of the trailer park, I can't figure out what the, I don't know how he has more self esteem than the rest of the world combined. I don't know why he continues to create and put this shit out there. And I'm fascinated. So this guy reached out to me and said, Hey, my name is Brandon. I actually did a couple of podcasts with Shamus. And I said,

well, wait, you know this guy? You've talked to this guy. You have to call it into my show. So we had him call it. Oh, you know. And we did like a 40 minute interview with Brandon to talk to him about his experience with this guy. And then we also broke down a podcast called Shame Cast, which is one of the shows that Shameless McKinley and does.

So we play some clips from that, Doug from Who's Rights on, Crow's is on, and play some clips from that, Doug from whose rights on, Kroja's on, and we talked to this guy brand and it was a lot of fun. So we'll be putting that out next week. I've already teased that we were going to do this, but next week we'll be putting that out. Shane, you know, your show, I just had this feeling that your show is a lot like the found footage festivals because all these, there's so many, you know, 700,000 podcasts, they're all basically lost. Like you're never,000 podcasts. They're all basically lost. Like you're never ever ever going to seek out any of this content and listen to it. So it is like

seeing this it is like hearing stuff that people did not want you to hear. Yeah. For some reason they uploaded it. It's funny when it's funny to say that because I was thinking about this It's funny to say that because I was thinking about this, whenever somebody dies, whether it's prints or Kurt Cobain or whoever it is, all of the sudden all of this material gets released. And I was thinking about this when I was hearing Maddox say, you know, I created these 17 pages of notes

and I now have to read all of them. Like usually that happens to someone after they've died. They didn't want that to get out. It wasn't their best work. They didn't want that to get out. It wasn't their best work No, they didn't want anyone to ever hear that you listen to anything that come out for Nirvana at your Kirkel Bayndi It's like he didn't want you to hear this. This is terrible. Yeah, this is not a good legacy Just go back and listen to never mind and call it a day But unfortunately somebody has to get their fucking dirty hands on it and put it out to the public. And that's what most of these podcasts are.

It's something that's embarrassing for people. A lot of the shows that we've done have been taken off the internet since. You can't even find them anymore. Oh, that's, yeah, that's even funnier then. There's a podcast called Pickup Wines that we reviewed years ago. It's the worst podcast I've ever heard. It's the room of podcasts and it's gone. I wish I would have like kept it on my computer.

I downloaded it at one point, but it's like these shows are an embarrassment for people. And yeah, I mean, we got to wear the time capsule. This could keep all of this going for everyone. That's funny. I have so many like script, half scripts and treatments that Maddox has written over the years that I haven't even tapped into yet like he did a he wrote an episode of a

Show that he pitched called garbage pale kids or something like that and they're all they're all just slightly off and wrong And I cannot wait to start reading them Dick that's amazing. I'm very excited about this. If there's ever a chance that I could come on to review those with, yeah, I would love to do that. Oh yeah, you're there. I'll send you one. I'll figure it out when I'm gonna do it.

All right, well, I definitely wanna thank you again for coming on. Dick, I'll tell you that you've been a huge influence on me and this show, one of the things that I've done differently because of you is trying to make myself more available, go on other people's podcasts. It's why when I'm a Dickhead's podcast, I was actually in contact with Alan from Not For Human Consumption before, unfortunately, he passed. We're looking to coordinate that to get on there.

And I just, I learned from you, I really appreciate the fact that you're very generous with your time to go on other people's shows. So, love that you come on from time to time, and it's always a blast to have it. Carl, I love it. Where else could I talk to such funny people? If I live my own life, I go out,

I gotta pretend to have other people's senses of humor to interact with them. It's a nightmare. Only by interacting with you and people around the show and people online, can I be myself and enjoy jokes with people who are similar to me. It's fantastic. Thank you for having me on.

It's a good point. So I just wanna plug the DicShow, theDicShow.com, Dic.Show, check out all the things that Dick and Sean are up to. I know there's a lot of people who have discovered you through our show. And it's one of those shows where there's a lot going on. There's a lot of backstory. Yeah. It's like a comic book now. Like you have to listen to multiple other shows to know why people are calling in at this point.

That's true. But once you get it on and there's still things I've listened every episode of a several of the biggest problems. There's still things I'm like, wait, who is this person? And I'm like, Sean, Sean does the same thing. He's like, yeah, so what did this guy do? Why do we care about this? Yeah, it's a lot. Sean's the only, Sean's the great sphinx. If he's not into something, then it's done. That's it. If he's interested, then it's good only Sean's the great sphinx. I've he's not into something that it's done. That's it. If he's interested, then it's good. He's like Mikey likes it. It's pervote. But yeah, definitely. Check out the Dixho. We love it. Always entertaining. Comes out every Tuesday. Anything. Anything else you want to plug or anything you want to talk about?

No, no, no. I'm good. I wanted to get into, I forgot to mention that Nicole Byer sexually assaulted me backstage at UCB. I thought that might come up when we were talking about that show, but it didn't. Yeah, oh yeah, 100%, 100% true. She was shit-faced after a, so listening to her show was very triggering to me. It gave me PTSD.

I'm after, after one of these shows, So listening to her show was very triggering to me. It gave me PTSD. After one of these shows, I think it was called the dirtiest sketch show or whatever. I did a sketch, I did a bit where the premise of the bit was, I was Gandalf and one of the hobbits stepped on my robe. And as I walked away, the robe came off of me so I was a naked old man. And I was still doing the scene while the hobbits

were kind of not like trying to, to try to alert me, you know, stupid sketch. You could imagine it, right? And I spray painted my pubes white. Like I had this hair spray color. So I spray painted my pubes right white, so it looked extra gross. And Nicole Byer was one of the panel members.

I think it was her. I 100% think it was her. I have to check on it I don't think I have any way to check It could have been old. Yeah, I mean whoever it was some black woman the size of Pluto Who did not be be I don't know there's any more anyways That was the beginning of the show and then after the show she was so shit face drunk that she was running around the back of the studio And she recognized or the back of the back of the theater and there's a ton there's 20 witnesses to this sexual assault She saw me and she goes, oh, there's a white there's the white boy with the there's the white boy with the dick

Lemme I need to suck on that dick and this people are trying to corral her and get her to go, get her to go home safely or whatever they were trying to do. So she kneels down in front of me and she starts pawing at my belt. To get, I presume to get my cock out. And I sat there, I sat there laughing. I thought it was a joke at the time, but now I realize that just our power differences within UCB is what compelled me to submit to this attack,

even though I didn't, even though I didn't want it to happen. Me too has taught me that. So some of the comedian friends came over and they're like, what are you doing? Stop her from, stop her from trying to suck your dick and I said, hey, if she gets the belt off, she can go for it. It's all her. She was so drunk.

She couldn't get, she couldn't get the belt off. She eventually failed to get the belt off and they they led her away And I I don't know they threw her in the back of her they threw her in the they threw her in the back of one of those You haul Very very funny to me to listen to a podcast which he's talking about she can't find a date I'm like I guess I'm on that list of guys who've turned her down. It took six Paul Bears, nor to the lift her up,

and I scored her out of the place. Get it out of the truck. And as I was telling the story, the 80s girls in the car, I was telling her the story, and I'm like, yeah, that's very much, I was 100% sexually assaulted. If a guy did that,

I know it wouldn't have been funny. Well, it's interesting because if you think about that compared to May I jerk off in front of you, I think that a copier thinks a little worse. She was basically trying to get your cock out of your pants. It's a lot worse than I could have taken her. She's a big girl. I don't know. It would have been like a Hulk Hogan versus Yoko Zuna. I don't know if I could have body slammed her up

So there you go wow how does that not come up and cover say I wouldn't let you know what a love with that I was gonna leave it. I'm like, I don't know. No, maybe this maybe this isn't apropos. Whatever. We're talking about oh my god I play myself. I don't I didn't give any room for you. I should've said, hey, Dick, you live in hell. I ain't known to cold by here at all. You were a cover crosser before. That's your cock that led you across this woman. I can't believe guys don't want to date this rapist.

I can't believe it. Don't make her. Don't make her. Yeah. So please, join us again next week. It might be the episode we fight out once and for all. Who are these podcasts? Sleep well, every pony.

Party in the mushrooms. The morning radio. Hey, how to show these clothes. You're right. Okay. Great show. Good job, everybody. Great job, everyone.

Fuckin' thing. Stop. everyone. You fucking know all about this shit! Who are these? Podcasts. I don't know. I don't get it. It makes no sense. So last week, people leave me voicemails and they say, call me back. Last week, we actually called somebody back, which we've never done before. And yeah, and so that person answered the phone and we talked to him. Kaya was out there. We talked to him. And that person then called us and left us a message for Vinny, who was also on the show. Oh. Hey, Carl. Hey, I just want to let the Italian man whose name I can't remember at this time know

that no, I did not think it was a Bill Collector. I been selling a truck at the end of my road and I figured you know Maybe someone had stopped and called me on it and I was gonna make some money. That's why I answered You know I pay my bills Vinnie We were surprised that he answered his phone because usually if you get a phone call from a number you don't know No one answers that right and I didn't even call him back from our hotline number I took his number and then I put it into Skype. So it was just like the most random thing ever.

And he actually answered, he let me a couple of voicemails. The other one was, he was kicking himself because he goes, you know, 10 minutes later at all these funny things I could have said and I should have said this and I should have said that. It's like, I've been there, buddy, I know. I get it. So there's a sky who calls it and just yells band practice, which is one of the funniest things ever.

And I played him yelling band practice as the show opener last week. He was very excited about that. The band is here to burn his ass. Oh shit, I got to be the fucking opening intro on my half-chop right now. Alright, come with it. So we made band practice guys day. Oh, crippled Jesus called in.

If you haven't heard enough of crippled Jesus on the show yet, let's listen to that. Hey, Kyle, this is crippled Jesus. I'm just calling in the Sam, the big fam. is uh crippled Jesus I'm just calling in the same the big fan and um I also be the first result of your own show name. Make a compilation about all the times that I cut off my guess because that does seem to happen because I'm a research. But I was just calling in to say how much I love the show and call me back, guys. Yeah, that's what we were talking about before when he said,

hey, you know what, listen to my show. And you should make fun of the fact that I always have this witty banter and this amazing back and forth with the gasses. I don't tell me what's bad about your show, dude. There's so much. It's best not to ask people who make fun of people for living what you make fun of.

Right. That's the one thing I got. I got that. You're really giving me an insight about what you definitely don't want me to make fun of. You know, if you are really leaving some pregnant pauses, if crippled Jesus is parking as wheelchair in them, you're not shit. If you're getting interrupted by crippled Jesus, you're really leaving some dead air.

You're really leaving an opening. All right, I think you've made at least five jokes about his wheelchair on this episode, which is a new record. We played a couple of weeks ago. Our cringe of the week was the show called The Comedy Button. And Dick, this was amazing. The guy goes, he's asking his co-host, what's the funniest joke you've ever heard?

And he goes, well, I'll tell you, but, you know, it's a little offensive. He goes, oh, the dough, he goes, well, they don't even tell it to me. He goes, no, no, I'm gonna tell it to him. And he goes, no, this is the show called the comedy button. The guy goes, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, it's a farts of I don't wanna hear it.

And the guy proceeds to tell a Helen Keller joke, one that we've all heard back when we were kids. And then the other guy has to go on for five minutes to explain why that's not funny, and how people who can't see or hear would be deeply offended by this joke. And how people who can hear, how would they hear it? Right,. And people who can't hear. How will they hear it?

Right. It doesn't make any fucking sense. It's a howling coward joke. So anyway, we've had people call in with with their funniest joke. But then they make sure to explain why it's not offensive. Hey, Carl, do you want to hear my funny non-offensive joke? What's there between Jam and Jelly? I can't Jelly might dig up an autistic girl's asshole.

Bye. Alright, so we've all heard that joke a little bit of a twist to it, but then he calls back and deconstructs it for us. Sorry, I forgot to deconstruct that joke for you. See, it's not offensive to autistic people because you can separate it and change the person a kid your mom your brunt that bitch who runs the vannis podcast yes I can stick my dick in anybody's ass all right jam not stick right right the joke is jam I I guess he lost track of What he's asked? All right. Jam. Not stick. Right.

Right. The joke is jam. I guess he lost track of what the fuck for God's. You forgot why that's a funny joke in the first place. What's this for you, Jolly and Jim? I don't know. I'm going to shut my dick in that girl's ass all. Like, okay.

I'm fair enough. That's a good joke to us. You're not. That's a good joke, man. You don't like lots of jokes, huh? All right. Unlike Maddox, I don't pay people to call in with compliments. And here's just a random voice about the K-Van. All right, how much am I getting paid for this again?

All right. Hey Carl, it's Noah from Virginia. I'm just calling in to say you're killing it. Doug, you're killing it. Cross, you're killing it. Kevin, you're killing it. Tyra, you're killing it. Thanks. Give me a call back. All your mother fucker with my money. All right. You might want to be a little bit more on the DL when you're asking for the money that I pay out for people to call and say that our show is good.

I like this thing of everybody explaining their jokes. You like that? I like that guy to call in and explain that joke. But we should just see what whole show where it's just deconstructing jokes that everyone gets and aren't that funny to begin with? Yeah, I did want to do that. If we're, if I'm gonna follow Maddox's trend

of just telling people about ideas I had and never did, I did want to do a web series on like, it was this joke funny and just go through like some stupid family guy joke. I don't know why I think that's so funny, but it is. I've done this a couple times. We did it with Anna Getzby, is that her name? Where we listen to like a standup set

and really dig into the standup jokes. Oh yeah. And it pisses people off. I have friends who are standups and like, that's like a taboo. You can't do that. Oh, you can't even thought of people who are so bad. That would be so funny.

I know. I know. I enjoy it, but it's not something that you really, it's kind of frowned upon within the comedy community. The kind of would be even funnier to do live and go up after somebody. Yeah, I just go through that show. Just miss resize theater 3,000 them.

As they're doing their set Morton just go and play it back. Okay, let me tell you why that let's see if that joke was funny That's great All right, come more voice mills to get to here. We had a Stutterer on the last podcast that we reviewed I put together a stuttering compilation I put together a stuttering compilation that people were fans of and I'm guessing that's why we received this voicemail. I think that it's horrible that you would make fun of people with... I think that it's horrible that you would make fun of people with...

I think it's horrible that you would make fun of people with I think it's horrible that you would make fun of people with speech speech impediment horrible that you make fun of people with speech impediment and you can't speak. Tell me back. I mean I get it, not the best executed, but I get it. So I mentioned that we had this guy Brandon on and then we're going to do the show next week. We're going to play it and Brandon had done a couple episodes with Shamus. There's another guy who knows Shamus and is hoping that he can get on the show because of that.

Hey Carl, it's Daniel. Just want to let you know that I have done eight podcasts with Shamus McIllion, just like Brandon did. Not only did I do a podcast with him I also hung out with him last week. I reviewed his podcast. I watch movies with him constantly I know where he lives. I opened a restaurant with him. I bought him a zoom recorder and I live with him Frankly, I think I am more deserving to be on WATP than Brandon is call me back. All right, Daniel That's perfect, buddy. We'll definitely get you on. Wow.

Yeah, he's got it. Yeah. He plays with him. He babes with him. He's got to help figure that out. Picks out his clothes for tomorrow. He gave birth to me. I mean, no one knows the sky better than I do.

We have a caller named Boomer Guy, and the fans are not friendly towards Boomer Guy and the fans are not friendly towards Boomer Guy. Because of the rule, this is for Boomer Guy. Boomer Guy, buy a weight vest. 40 pounds, put it on. Get drunk. Climb to the top of the highest nearest bridge to you. Flies your wrist.

Jump off the bridge. That's an elaborate way to kill yourself. You're buying a weight vest, you're slitting your wrists, you're jumping off a tall thing, and then I'm pretty foolproof, I would say. Shoot yourself while you're in mid-air too. I thought it was gonna have the weight vest.

At first I thought it was to drown, but then when he started seeing climate, I thought, wait, does he think you fall fast? If you haven't weight enough. Yeah, maybe. I did not take physics in high school. There's the band practice guy. Oh, yeah, let me play the band practice guy real quick.

The band practice! I just want to say that the band practice guy, I'm a big fan of. We've had people actually try to imitate the band practice guy, they call in and do their own. I know the difference. Yeah, you're not gonna get that past me, my friend. So if you think that you could just call up and be the band-predest guy, not gonna happen.

It's easy to tell. It is easy to tell going through the voicemail if you've got a guy imitating another guy. I, um, well, especially because their numbers different. So... Just turned on the fourth wall real quick. it's not that difficult. This is last week we did a show with these video game nerds, and when I announced that we were going to do that show, I got a note from someone saying, hey, just so you know, this guy's bipolar and he's got issues, and if you make fun of him, it could be bad. And, oh, I know. I know. know so now I gotta go do a show I heard about this so I get out of them like hey you know

it's all fun and games so I got called out for trying to play it both ways and rightfully so on this week of WATP Carl plays a little game called hedging his bets where he makes him a depressed man and then consistently backpedal so that he doesn't kill himself. Oh yeah, we love you for Erga. Yeah, but you suck. Oh man, you guys kind of deserve this. You put this out on the internet. Carl, if he kills himself, I hope you kill yourself. Hahaha.

Hahaha. I didn't know what to, I mean, Dick, how would you, let me ask you this, because you're a professional podcast. Yeah. Yeah. If you have this topic of conversation that you're going to do, and you're like, oh, this is the thing we're going to do this week. And then someone sent you a note just as, by the way,

if you do that, it's going to cause a lot of damage to this person. Like, what do you do with that information? What am I supposed to do? Well, I have a shirt on my store. If I push anyone to kill themselves and they're before they do it, they have to go buy the shirt. It's $5,000. It's called the I'm Dundude shirt. Okay. So that way I'll, that way I will know for real, because credit card companies can't come after you debt when you've gone. Yeah, that's true. So I will have that money.

That's how I deal with it. It is make sure you make sure you can merchandise it. I guess this is what I'm saying. Monetize it. Well, that, I don't know. I don't know what to do with that. The problem is that, I like the premise of that. The problem is, if I caused someone suicide,

the last thing they want to do is give me $5,000 before they killed themselves. I don't think it logically makes sense, but I like that idea. Yeah, I don't know. I don't care. I'm trying to think of a funny way around it, but I just don't care.

Get the good points. Yeah, it makes sense. I've been trying to do that. Dematics for five years now. That hasn't hit me, but. Yeah, that's not working. So, Dick, whenever you say you're going to come on, you always do. You're a stand-up guy.

I've had a couple of other co-hosts like Dave Landau is one. He's the co-host on the Anthony Kumya show and a stand-up comedian, nationally touring comedian. He is bailed on me the day before twice now. So, this voice-meller has a message for you but wasn't sure that you'd actually be on the show. Okay, they're Carl Hey there, Carl. You're boy, Bradley. You already know who it is. And hi there, Dick. If Carl actually got the guess that he said he was going

to get on for once in a fucking line. Yep. I've got a new podcast that I think you might want to check out. It's called Cold Ones. Another one of them, YouTuber podcast. If you're not already set up with listening to all these bullshit YouTuber podcasts, like the official podcast or whatever. Ooh, shots fired. if you're not already set up with listening to all these bullshit youtuber podcasts like uh...

the official podcast or whatever shots fired i think you'd really like it and uh... check it out if you want to do a cool episode but uh... and if you don't check it out it'll piss me off because as you may may or may not have known i have depression so let it be on your shirt and check out may or may not have known I have depression.

Let it be on your shirt. Man, check it out. Get back to me. Give me a call back. Love you. Bye bye. All right. I already what was his podcast? You got to say at the beginning and the end.

It's so funny. You say that. I was just thinking the same thing. Like I already forgot what he told me I was supposed to review. And you know, like a hook, not just listen to it because you might like it. like I already forgot what he told me I was supposed to review. And you know, like a hook, not just listen to it because you might like it. I don't, something that it's about. By the way, thank you.

That's the opposite reason of why I would check it out. I get the people who write it and they're like, oh, you gotta do the show. I think you'd really like it. These guys are fun. I'm like, well then I'm not gonna listen to that. I wanna listen to something so much. Oh yeah.

I didn't wanna hear the discord know what show that guy was talking about. Did anyone remember? Cold ones. Yeah, sorry. That's right. Does anyone familiar with that show? Is that like a murder mystery show?

Like, people who got the cold case. Oh, see that would be it. That would be a twist. I was just thinking beers. It's about digging up bodies. Is it? Oh, it's about digging up bodies or is it about if it's not about anything with dead people, it should just be called bros drinking beers, podcast number 10, 10 million,

number seven hundred thousand and one. Yeah, not for human consumption. Three, right? I fucking hate that shit where that's the main thing. It's okay, because together we drink beers. Like, all right, well, I do too, but keep that show that's the hell. Like act like you're trying to put out a good show and podcast.

I also don't drink beers like that. Like when I go out with my friends and drink beers, I sit in silence and stare miserably at whatever television they have on. I'm not, I don't yuck around and tell stories to my, to my bros. Maybe I have the wrong kind of friends, but that's how I drink beers. So when guys, oh yes, just guys sitting around drinking beers. I'm like, well, I'm nearly catatonic when I'm sitting around drinking beers with my bros.

So I don't know, I don't know what this podcast is. I've literally never cared about tennis I spent an hour in a bar watching a tennis match the other day. I don't know it's hot TV I'm drinking beer fucking I don't want to talk to people. I'll watch a tennis match You get the shit All right, this is the last voicebound one to play and it's from Tim Sabian Over at Westwood 1. Kyle, no, yeah. Hey Kevin, this is Tim Sabian.

That's what I'm drunk, but not only that, we have a position open here at Westwood 1 and we want to tell you Kevin that we love the podcast. We hope that we can talk with you soon But what we want to tell you also is that we hate the ice and dopes So to Lusky and we hope to talk you through soon. This is Tim Savion calling with professional stuff Star over Hey Yeah, all right, wow very good. Yeah, that's really impressive.

That one came in about 3am, so I'm guessing that person was very, very drunk. I love tracking people's drunkenness as they call in and then call back and then call back like five hours later. Like, oh boy, this one's gonna be really dusty. Oh yeah, they'll call back five hours later and forget that they called already

and tell you the same thing, but worse. But sloppy. You're going to be like, yeah, yeah, yeah, you actually told me that already. Or the voicemails, well, they'll call in a second time and start the voicemail by apologizing for the previous voicemail. Motherfucker, if I played the better one, it is going to reference nothing. It's going to reference something that didn't get played. How do you not understand that? People don't understand how it actually gets executed in the end. It's like when you see it

Do you see a movie getting made do they go take two and then all the then the actors go? Hey, sorry about that that last I'm gonna try to be a little funnier in this one Throw that out to theaters who the fuck is he talking to? in this one. Throw that out to theaters. Who the fuxxing talking to? It's always good to write a script with a lot of inside jokes that only you know about. Remember we heard it so long we said this. Oh hey, sorry, I fucked up that last one. Well, nobody knows that. And I get them in reverse order. So not even I know that. That's a good point. You're like, what is this guy chuckling about the new gold on three more voice about the

all-okay right that's all i see uh... cal hi i'm i'm uh... i'm chris and i uh... i i feel really upset because i they had me on uh... they had me on in hot water and they I said that I really made a shit show and I tried to make myself sound better but then when I went on hot water I just made

myself sound like exactly what I sound like which is a shit unfunny person and um so sorry Carl uh yeah go on in hot water to find out how unfunny christian may is but you already know how unfunny she is I mean how unfunny I am sorry Sorry.