Who Are These Podcasts? - Ep33 - JohnJay & Rich

Episode Date: October 16, 2016

This week we reviewed the JohnJay & Rich show which is a syndicated radio show in a bunch of markets.  Does that means its good, not really.  They talk about scary clowns and celebrity gossip, two topics that are almost interchangeable.  Kevin invites a "scary" clown onto the show to discuss the current state of affairs.  His name is Dorkles: The Outdoors Clown.  Dorkles enlightens us on what makes a clown tick.  The guys rip apart the "War of the Roses" "bit" that JohnJay & Rich hang their careers on (emphasis on hang).   Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hello and welcome to another episode of Who Are These Podcasts. I'm Kevin and I'm Carl. And we listen to podcasts that you don't have to. We want to tell our reminder listeners you can visit us on WhoAreThese.com and on our Facebook page. We're always looking for new podcast suggestions, so leave us a comment, a suggestion, or post a death threat. On today's show, we'll be reviewing a show called John J J and Rich. As always, we've listened to this episode separately.

We have not discussed it with each other beforehand, so without further ado, let's find out once and for all who all these podcasts! I'm gonna go back to the place where I was going to be and I'm gonna go back to the place where I was going to be and I'm gonna go back to the place where I was going to be and I'm gonna go back to the place where I was going to be and I'm gonna go back to the

place where I was going to be and I'm gonna go back to the place where I was going to be and I'm gonna go back to the place where I was going to be and I'm gonna go for it. W-A-T-P. W-A-T-P! W-A-T-P, everybody. Oh, that was so... Ooh, I just burped left.

Oh, there's the worst W-A-T-P ever heard. I guess we have to go back and work out of again. Yeah, well, you know, I was trying to match the excitement level of this, yes, that we reviewed. This was the most subdued morning zoo I've ever heard before. All right, so we listened to John Jay and Rich, and this is a show that I assume is syndicated into multiple markets. They had collars from Florida and stuff, but I don't know.

I don't know if they're just in Arizona. But I can't tell either, whether or not this was, this was not a morning zoo show. This was like a chick celebrity gossip show. Even though the two main hosts are men, this was a show for chicks. Yeah, I was very, very taken aback by this show. Like it wasn't, I guess I expected it to be like you

know toilet flush sounds and like people go you know like somewhere like our show yeah exactly I just I expected it to be more zhouish and this was more like no in fact they have this so the chick on the show the whole if you will her name is Kyle, which is odd. Kay. Hey, Kay. Kay, man. Manineet. She has the segment that is, oh shit, I'm drawing a blank on it.

It's GBG. Yeah, GBG, which is, what does it stand for? Do they say? They do. The good, the bad and the gossip oh okay it's all celebrity gossip stuff and and it's stupid too because the GBG is it makes zero sense the good the bad and the gossip but they play the good the bad and the ugly like music behind the guy going on behind her now that makes that makes sense. I just didn't hear that part of it. I did admittedly

do a lot of fast forwarding. So there's a lot of chimp munk version. I don't blame you. So I have a clip on here. It's the clip that sums up the show for me. It's it's track 22. I have a lot of clips this week, but track 22 because this is really what the show is all about. Now, I don't know if she's receiving any haters, but there is a little rumor that I find fascinating about Ellie Golding. Supposedly, she is rumored to be secretly dating Prince Harry. Well, that's good. The Prince Harry Who the fuck is Ellie Golding? Oh, I am thank you for saying that because I have no idea But that's what most of the show is they go in and out of this segment over and over again And it's all celebrity gossip and I realized that what these guys do is not your typical morning zoo show where it's all talk. They play top 40 as well. It's not on this podcast that we downloaded, but they,

you know, there's this one part where they're like, all right, here comes 21 pilots. Like, you can tell they're playing, they probably have to play a certain portion of songs to talk every hour. Because this was a four or five hour show that really when you dwindle it down it was an hour and a half of actual talk. So this is more like a morning petting zoo. Yeah, so that was my takeaway from it. And I don't know, Kevin, did you have a clip

that you wanted to play that sums up the show for you? No I mean mostly the clips I have are around the War of the Roses bit just like the setup and stuff around that but I just found it very I guess I didn't really see the the forest for the trees if you if that's the fucking saying I don't know but I didn't, I guess I just listened to it waiting for it to get crazy, because I just thought it was going to be a morning zoo kind of thing. And it was very, you know, like you said, more subdued and more, I don't know, like, I don't know, just wasn't what I expected it to be. So I was, I found myself trying to pay attention because they're just very kind of soft spoken with the whole thing like they weren't very like energetic. And well, well,

Kevin, it's a it's a show for girls and girls want you to talk like this and not get too excited and just talk about, hey, do you know Britney Spears and her 11 year old are having Problems and she just Instagrammed about it. I Did not know that Carl. That's very very interesting. Well, let me play you a clip from her Instagram video I think you're gonna like this and you can find it on our website. That was what the show was a lot of Very good impression. Yeah, it's terrible. It's like those two girls on SNL remember that old bit where they were Shwetti balls or whatever. Right, it was like that. Except where they were dudes and I don't even know if Rich is a dude. Rich in my opinion. So, um, besides the War of the Roses bit, which we teased last week and we'll totally get into,

the other big topic on the show was Clowns. And this whole thing that's going around right now, and this is going to come and go, so this will sound dated. But there's this whole thing happening in the US right now where people are dressing up as Clowns and just creeping people out. Yeah, no, I've heard about this a lot too. It's I guess it's like everywhere because it even down to sound too. There were and this was actually was in the news. There's a. I'm totally not making

this off like in the news. They were going to there was regular clowns that were going to march and like a parade downtown. To like yeah, exactly to like protest against like to show They were going to march and like a parade downtown Yeah, exactly to like protest against like to show people the clowns are cool and then they got so many threats Like that's totally legit So in other words clown lives do not matter. They do not man Actually, I think that's what it was called. I was called clown I swear I swear look it up At ease that but it's oh, I have a clip here just to set this whole thing up with all this clown nonsense

Okay, this is right from the very beginning of the show and it sets up two different things the fact that rich is a pussy And they're talking about clowns. I call this rich is a pussy and P.S. This is not true. They were even in my neighborhood. There were sightings in my neighborhood of scary clowns, luring children into the orange orchards with knives. That's just not true. This whole thing was like,

these stories are just getting overblown. Yeah, you hear that guy. He's like, they're in my neighborhood. They have knives and they're luring children. No, that's not happening. It's just like a Facebook meme gone awry. And it's not that big of a fucking deal. Well, you know what, I do actually,

there is a clown in my neighborhood that I've seen a few times. Yeah, here. And, you know what, I'm gonna grab him There is a clown in my neighborhood that I've seen a few times. Yeah here and You know what I'm gonna I'm gonna grab him because he's I can actually see him from my window. So no shit. All right Yeah, let me let me grab him. Hold on Okay, so this is Dork dorkles a clown is that right? Yeah, that's me of dorkles the clown I'm an outdoor clown I already hate this guy. Hey, well, uh, it's your prerogative to hate but I gotta tell you that I love being outside

That's my favorite place for dorkles the cloud to be And uh, let me say me say I like to you know talk to kids and touch them a little bit and just kind of make sure that make sure that's the touch that you'll turn. Oh why not I'll be about side. The kids love me, alright they love being around dorkles, that's what they say on the tab. I mean, dorkles sounds like hairy, hairy. Well that's your prerogative, if you want to say that I sound like a great broadcaster, that's fine too. But I really, I love to be outside, I'm an outdoor clown, and you know sometimes I just like to watch kids,

they're playing on the playgrounds, and maybe sometimes I pull my penis out. I don't know, it's just whatever the mood strikes. You know, as I was interested in outdoor, because I think you're getting a bad wrap for no reason. Well, I think so too, we're all over the media, and I'm trying to make sure that people understand that clown lives matter and that, you know,

just because I'm an outdoor clown, I don't like to be inside, even though this is a beautiful closet that I'm inside right now, recording this, what is this, a podcast? I gotta tell you, it's really, really, really beautiful inside this closet, I've been inside the closet many, many times, I guess I've never really quite have come out. But let me just tell you, sometimes, you know, people give a bad rap to the

clown and I like to just say that, you know, sometimes a clown just likes to stay outside and, you know, and hide behind trees and sit by river beds and wait for people to come by and just surprise them with cheer, you know, and people get out of my case a lot, for example, I like to, you know, I like to eat an apple every once in a while, but I only will eat an apple if I could cut it with my knife. I like to cut into it really, really good, but my steak knife, and I carry that knife all the time, and people think, think you know it's some type of bad thing that I'm carrying an app but I like to you know I like to eat an apple every once in a while. It sounds like you're just misunderstood there dorkles. I'm totally misunderstood let me tell you know sometimes you need to go down by the creek and wash out your clown shoes because they get a little funky right and I'm outside a lot so I step in a lot of dung and but there's kids and grown-ups and stuff of hikers, and I'd love to just

just, you know, just to play and have fun with those people and, you know, sound my horn and do all those types of different things. I gotta think with those clown shoes, it's hard to miss the Dung, right? You probably stuff in a lot of that Dung. Well, it is Arizona, There's lots of dung out here, lots of coyote dung, and different types of dung. And you know what I love dung actually, too. It's one of the rarest things to find out in nature because you can grow things in it.

And I like to grow, for example, mushrooms. I like to, to end Bob in some mushrooms when I'm out here in the forest and my outdoor setting and sometimes I see kids and they they look like horrific monsters to me because of all the the mushrooms that I've consumed but luckily I happened to have with me you know and I can always eat an apple just to kind of take the edge off. Darkles is fascinating. I'm really excited about all of your misadventures. I like you. We're trying to do a fucking show here.

I'm having an I.I.R. So could you hand the microphone back over? We have a lot of clips to play. Well, you know what? I got to get back to it anyway because there's a dumpster down the road that I really want to explore. I think that there might be some all kinds of maybe day old donuts in there and I love day old donuts. So back to us there, Darkles. If you had to hear what you find there. All right, well I'll come back maybe if you guys will have me back on the show, maybe I Darkles will come back and brighten

your lives. But right now I got some kids I gotta look at so I'll take care alright bye bye woo woo wow what a weirdo huh what a weirdo dude get him out of there why did I let him into my apartment that's fucking bizarre

oh he just left. Oh man. There's fucking shit clown footprints everywhere now over my carpet. A coyote poop clown footprints. Yeah, it's so specific That's gonna be a problem. It's a real problem. I would pull out your lease if I were you and just see if that's covered or not. Yeah, I don't know if there's a clown clause It could be. Hello. All right, so let's talk about this fucking clown shit that's going on during the show. I have a couple tracks that I want to play for you. The first one is I call it color with no story once in on the clown

action. This is one of the calls they took very early on. And this person has nothing to say, but can't wait to say a play track for. Yeah, this whole clown thing is completely real in the area that I live in. We've had a lady attack

and my son came home from school yesterday. He's five years old and my daughter's a they were asking me about it. Oh, oh, oh, oh, somebody please think of the children. So in other words, the story is this is totally real. My kid asked me about it. Yeah, exactly.

Which is fucking retarded. And then she goes out into talk about how the school is getting threats, um, play track five. But actually, you're saying you're getting phone calls at school, uh, about, I, I from clouds making threats. Yeah. The circles are picking and making calls to the school. Well, it's fun. You asked that, Kevin, because I actually track down one of these phone calls

that were the clowns are making thrust to the school, and I have nobody else, this is exclusive to WATP. I actually have exclusive audio from a phone call where the clown is calling in and making a serious threat. Play Track 6. where the clown is calling in and making a serious threat. Play Track 6. Hello? Haha! It sprinkles the clown! Hehehe! If you don't go to school today, I'm gonna spray water out of you for my little pill! Hehehe! Well, that's a good threat to the water lapel thing.

Well, you got to close school. Yeah, you definitely do. You have to treat all of those things seriously. Because clown-wise matters, if we've just learned. This clown thing, we won't, I mean, we're not going to get away from it because for the entire hour and a half of the show It is wall-to-wall clown talk as if this this were actually an important thing It's nothing but celebrity gossip and clown talk. It's this whole fucking show

So how like happy do you think the directors of Killer clowns from outer space are that there's always shit going on They're like yeah our movies are moving now We're selling it that it's bubbling to the top of the clearance bin at Walmart Why don't you know about sales of the movie but sales of those masks has to be way up because that's what I love about that movie And the the clowns are so bizarre looking They have the biggest faces you've ever seen are so bizarre looking. They have the biggest faces you've ever seen. That movie is... If nobody knows what we're talking about, it's killer clowns from outer space and you

should definitely go check it out because it's one of the most retarded movies from the 80s that masquerades as a horror movie. I guess there is some like violent shit in it, if I remember correctly. Well, there's a scene, my favorite scene in the movie, where I don't know if it's a police officer or a security guard, but he's got his flashlight out and he sees all these clowns. And the clowns have pies in their hands. And the line is, what do you do with those pies boys?

And the clowns' pelletive did death with pies. Just fucking amazing feats for cinema. and the clowns pelletive did death with highs. Just fucking amazing feats for cinema. The 80s were just a great time for police. They really were. I love that. All right, do you want to keep going down this clown road that we're on?

Yeah, let's take our clown car and drive down the clown road together. Yeah, that's all get in. Let's all get into it. All right, so at the end of the show, an actual fucking clown call is in. Did you get to that part? I didn't quite get to that part, but I have a feeling we're going to get to it right now uh... so here's the uh... here's the setup here's uh... number twenty five

uh... it's called a fucking clown calls so what you take sweet patonia all this clown drama going on i hate it what's happening to my business right now is I'm having party cancellations. So when I got that cancellation, I emailed her back and I said, is this because of the scary clowns and she hasn't responded to me? So that's a yes. That's the worst story.

She goes, I'm getting all these party cancellations with an ass, a squirrel a plural and then she goes and then when I called back on that cancellation Right, I asked if it was because of this. I didn't hear back yet. So again, it's like just a non-story and What I love about this is that nobody hires clowns clowns are fucking terrible. We all know this so in her mind Her only gig that she got hired for, getting canceled is just ruining her fucking work. Oh, yeah, she's sitting there hitting the F5. She's sitting to refresh her email. I want to know why, why is this a problem? So they, they call up this, um, sweetie, patonia, they, they, they have this call with her and Clowns are Typically not interesting or funny, but I do have a track on here

This later on in the conversation. I call it evidence that clowns are always hilarious. This is part of the phone call with Petunia You know, I'm not sure they're doing it, but I've also heard that they're stabbing But, you know, I'm not sure they're doing it. But I've also heard that they're stabbing their... People that... Gerard comes out robbing people. Which people I've heard before, and you know, they're kind of a clown mask and they're robbing people,

but now they're gonna throw out this. I might have sweetened that a little bit. That's what I want, clouds of silence. I'm gonna call. I love that there was, like, an anvil dropping. Well, as you know, Kevin, I have an entire library of Winston-Stone sounds. That might have spoken. Never steered me wrong.

Oh, God. Yeah, so do you want to be labor the clown stuff more? We just get one more thing in here. It's from going back to the beginning of the show. And Kyle, who's the woman on the show, she has a segment that they have not. They haven't officially labeled it, but I'm going to do it for them.

I call it no shit Sherlock. Play track two. Well, I actually, I may have saw something that like the police are saying, look, you can't just assault a clown just for being scary, right? Like unless they are physically attacking you or going to

abduct you, you can't like shoot them or attack them. This breaking news, you can't shoot clowns for not doing anything. Thank you, Kyle. Thanks for that information. I want to know what the Mimes take is and all of the stuff. I mean, what are they?

What are they saying? You know what the Mimes said? Get me out of this box. The Mimes said nothing because you don't talk. The Mimes said, wow, it's really windy out. Let me climb this rope that they said. Let me climb this ladder and get away from all this afel dog. The mime is unscathed through all of us. Yeah, yeah, somehow they were able to to get through and now that would really be funny though if there was all of a

sudden like an evil mime thing in America here where people were seeing evil minds just kind of you know, miming the stabbing of your face and miming like a rope that they're going to hang you with or something. You know that would be, go ahead. No, I can kind of get on board with that because that's like you know it's cultural, you know, mimes are French so I think that'd be easier to swallow. I'm just picturing the law and order episode where they bring the mime in for interrogation. They're playing good cop, bad cop. I can't get anything out of this high. It's like he's in some sort of

invisible box. I can't penetrate. All right, what's going into war of the roses? because that was one of the things we wanted to talk about. Yes, yeah, that's... So, for people maybe you didn't listen last week, the War of the Roses, the setup is that... And supposedly this is real. On the show, they have a caller call in, it's usually a female. We'll call in and say that she thinks that her boyfriend's cheating or has some type of inkling that the person's cheating. And they make up this stupid story, meaning the hosts,

where they won't call this boyfriend and confront them on the phone but in the under the guys that they're giving away free flowers. So they call this person usually a worker or whatever and they talk to them and they say hey you've won free roses. Who do you want to make the card out to? And then of course the guy will say the girl that the girl thinks he's cheating on. It's a whole bizarre dumb thing. Which I pretty much just gave away exactly what this exact same bit was that they did for this week. So there was a girl who calls in same scenario.

She has a, which they spend a lot of time setting up this bit which tells you that it's not fucking real like they already have a ship pre-recorded it's a bit that they bought and uh... they just have this girl call in and they feature a bunch of bullshit uh... but i have like the long setup uh... for the war the roses here john dyn red to the middle of war the roses, you got Sabrina Curtis, they're dating. Sabrina thinks that Curtis might have a thing for you.

Was it X-Wife or X-Girlfriend? X-Girlfriend. But baby mama. They have a kid together, but Curtis hates her. Hates is X so much that Sabrina thinks that maybe it's like reverse whatever. You know, like kind of like when you're a little kid and the little kids, like you're in elementary school,

they punch the girl and they punch. Yeah, and it turns out like, no, that means he likes you. So this is kind of a maybe a grown up version of that. Curtis hates his ex so much. It's a really things that maybe he's still in love with her. It's a little twisted, but it kind of makes sense. Yeah, and it's the kind of thing he protests about. Like not just like, why can't she do this?

He's talking about like, she's probably going out to meet guys, meet guys jerky guys like that's what he's mad at her for. So it kind of makes sense a little bit. So we get about the phone Sabrina find out who he says the flowers to. Yeah so that's the whole setup that they've completely crowbarred into their conversations about you know how this all makes sense because he has an ex-girlfriend or an ex-wife or baby mama or the fuck you call her that the current-to-girlfriend thinks that he's too negative about her so that must mean that he still loves her. So that's kind of the setup to it. And then they roll into calling the Curtis,

this guy here, but before they do that, they ask, I forget, was it Samantha? Was that what they said? Sabrina. Sabrina. So they asked Sabrina for permission, which this has got to be illegal. Do you have this clip?

Yeah, I do. Here, here. Yeah, I do here Here Do you give us permission to put Curtis's voice on the radio without telling him first? Oh, yeah, right here. We go stand by All right, so Kevin I Clip the same thing and I love that because you know what happened. People were saying like,

well, this can't be real. You can't just put someone on the radio. There's a law now. And if you can't put someone on the radio without them knowing about it. So this is their workaround. It's their insidious workaround. No, this one is real. We asked the Girlfriend's permission. And so we could do whatever we want. So stupid. Like any idiot would know that. I'm so stupid like any idiot would know that Like I mean that's actually they're not doing themselves a favor They're actually making it worse by admitting that you have to have permission to have your voice in the real They shouldn't even bring it up in the first place. I thought that was hilarious. Yeah, well Yeah, they feel like they oh just to case the lawyers get it get a hold of this

So we want to make sure that you've given permission for somebody who you're not even legally allowed to give permission for. So exactly. So here's the actual call to Curtis from Kyle from the girl. I assume it's her on the. It is is okay. It is Kyle. All right. Here we go Hello, hi there is Curtis available Yeah, Curtis perfect Curtis. My name is Kelly with Jay and our flowers We actually have some free flowers for you. I see I'm new with the company and We're doing a word of mouth campaign. That's been working really well for us Curtis we get to let you send our most romantic bouquet of red roses to whoever you want totally free. And all we're asking in return is that you share Jaina flowers on Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat, whatever social media you use, even Twitter would work as well.

So it's not going to cost you anything, Curtis, but you do get to surprise somebody special in your life with a pretty romantic bouquet of roses. Alright so I love that she uses J and R florists. I was like come on. Can she come up with something that doesn't sound like J and rich? You're like come up with like you know this is absolute bullshit florists. She wouldn't even figure that out that spot. So dumb so she goes on to convince this guy finally because he claims he's at work and he can't do this right now

And what's this for and pull the plot there's a bunch of back and back and forth and then finally have some of that hold on before you Alright, okay, I have a clip that I do want to play in here and I have most everything you played so far I clip too because I find this fascinating, right, but I have a clip here called terrible acting with no ability to improvise Track 19 and again for the the listeners This war of the roses bit is supposed to be a spontaneous bit where someone calls in and they say, I think my boyfriend's cheating. Can you calm up at work? And this is so fake. These are bad actors getting paid to do this. So keep that in mind.

If I see into this guy, go from there. So it's just like it's just nice gift you sons, right? Absolutely. I mean, it really makes the ladies swim. I'm sorry. I'm just busy. All right, so wait, you just need... Okay, all right. That's fucking terrible.

I love it. I think this guy's job was a researcher at a narcolepsy foundation. You're right. He's like, I'm just... All right, so wait, what about you? I'm just really busy. I'm just, all right, so wait, what are you doing? I'm just doing, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, Here's the big reveal if you will so of course the guy says the wrong girl's name says the former girlfriend's name and the other girl is still on the line so

Sabrina's on the line a holy shit so this is what every fucking car seat you know driving to work has gotten wet now because there everyone's anticipating oh he's gonna get shit out. So here's the the actual like reveal if you will. All right and then who is the lucky recipient of these? Well her name is Danielle F***. So it's Danielle like D-A. And I-E-L-O-E and last thing f*** G A

f*** G A okay oh my goodness I can't believe I fell for all day I'm such an idiot we who's Danielle? now if that is not the worst f***ing actin

that you've ever seen so a couple of things there I again I had the exact same clip so she comes in she's like oh my goodness Yeah, that's totally how you react when you find out your boyfriend's cheating idea. Oh my goodness. Yeah, gracious Well, because they probably beforehand they're like us you can't curse You have CC says you can't curse so she's like oh I can't say god I can't say god damn it Yeah, well this is the part of it that was so mind numbing to me Is it supposed to be spontaneous and happening live on the radio, but they're bleeping it in real time because they're need to believe out the woman's last name And he's spelling the last day like

You can so we're just like hitting the fucking button while he's spelling the last day, he's like, BEE-EE-EE-EE-EE-EE-EE-EE-EE-EE-EE-EE-EE-EE-EE-EE-EE-EE-EE-EE-EE-EE-EE-EE-EE-EE-EE-EE-EE-EE-EE-EE-EE-EE-EE-EE-EE-EE-EE-EE-EE-EE-EE-EE-EE-EE-EE-EE-EE-EE-EE-EE-EE-EE-EE-EE-EE-EE-EE-EE-EE-EE-EE-EE-EE-EE-EE-EE-EE-EE-EE-EE-EE-EE-EE-EE-EE-EE-EE-EE-EE-EE-EE-EE-EE-EE-EE-EE-EE-EE-EE-EE-EE-EE-EE-EE-EE-EE-EE-EE-EE-EE-EE-EE-EE-EE-EE-EE-EE-EE-EE-EE-EE-EE-EE-EE-EE-EE-EE-EE-EE-EE-EE-EE-EE-EE-EE-EE-EE-EE-EE-EE-EE-EE-EE-EE-EE-EE-EE-EE-EE-EE-EE-EE-EE-EE-EE-EE-EE-EE-EE-EE-EE-EE-EE-EE-EE-EE-EE-EE-EE-EE-EE-EE-EE-EE-EE-EE-EE-EE-EE-EE-EE-EE-EE-EE-EE-EE-EE-EE-EE-EE-EE-EE-EE-EE-EE-EE-EE-EE-EE-EE-EE-EE-EE-EE-EE-EE-EE-EE-EE-EE-EE-EE-EE-EE-EE-EE-EE-EE-EE-EE-EE-EE-EE fucking it's such an ounce it's obviously pre-recorded it's obviously all made up but yeah the acting there and then it gets to the point where the guy is just like well I don't know what you're even trying to do by and he's just like hags out like oh my god can't believe he just hung up on us and it's such an awkward ending to the bit because they all have to sound like somber about it they're like oh man i guess he doesn't really care all right we'll we we'll be back after these messages you know it's very bizarre how the whole thing ends we'll be back right after this Bruno Mars song yeah it's got come on of an upbeat number to a goddamn death dedication. God damn Bruno Mars dedication. God damn

poddorus. That's fucking bonkers. He was locked out of heaven everybody. I just uptown fuck good a give it to you. I don't do enough. So yeah, this is just, this is why I think you and I agree. We hate these types of radio shows because it's so, and they're people buy into it. People think that this is real and that this is really happening in their local area or whatever that some asshole is calling in to confront their boyfriend. Not number one, let's unpack this whole thing now.

Who's calling a radio station? A morning radio station because they think their boyfriend is cheating. Like what? No, that would be ridiculous. Could you imagine how humiliating that would be if that's how you find out? Right.

In front of all of your friends who are listening to the show Right like you're like oh boy. I just I can't get over this. This is really driving me nuts I'm gonna call John Jay and Rich and see what they think Right it's the premise alone is fucking dumb and so Okay, let's say you accept that premise. Okay, so she calls in and now they're going to, you know, talk to you and get this, we're gonna get them on the phone. We're gonna tell them to send them free flowers.

Who the fuck just randomly calls? Like, if you're at work and someone called you and said, this is JR Flores, we've got free flowers for you. All you gotta do is just, you know, that whole premise is just dumb. Like I would just hang up on whoever it was. I wouldn't even think about, you know, entertaining listening to that call. Well, when I was talking about it last week, my recollection was it was a better prize. I guess it makes sense to wear the roses, you know, you get to send roses to someone.

But if I was cheating on my girlfriend or my wife and I wanted to, you know, send roses, I would just do it. I was, I wouldn't wait for, you know, a call that I won fucking roses. Right. It's the dumbest premise I would hang up in a fucking half a second, especially this guy at the Narklofts, the Narklofty center. He's's so so fucking off. I'm really busy right now. Are you? Are you busy? It would be awesome if they said like, oh, you've won a year's supply of coffee. He would have looked. Yeah. Yeah. That's what I need. Is it D-CaF? I need D-CaF. Trying to get some sleep here at work.

Yeah, so it's just a really poor premise that somehow, I don't know, people, I just don't understand sometimes how I people think that this shit is real or why you would, it's almost like people drive it in a car and you're listening to the radio, you're kind of half paying attention and like you suspend your disbelief or something and it's just sort of like, oh oh that's entertaining but I mean you really think about it people next time you hear one of these shitty radio bits in the morning it that it's not a real thing it's completely contrived and used to what makes it even more if you're rating is that they hang their hat on War of the Roses. That's like, if you go to their website, it's like,

Jen J. and Rich, the home of War of the Roses. Yes. The home of War of the Roses. The dumbest fucking bit in the history of radio, because even if it were real, it's still not that interesting. Right. You think about like reality shows. You know, I don't watch reality shows.

I'm sure you don't either. But the whole premise behind these reality shows that are out there now is that at least you're following celebrities around. These are fucking nobodies and there are nobody lives talking about some fucking dumb thing. Even if this were a real bit, I wouldn't give two shits about it. Exactly. Yes, exactly. It doesn't make any sense to me. And that was one of the things that I thought was interesting about this show when we picked it and I thought it was going to be more of like a morning zoo type of show. I thought that it would be based on comedy. It is not. They're not even trying to be funny. And there are a couple of moments where they think they're being funny.

There's one this guy rich who I keep picking on because he's kind of like a fuzz. I don't know what his deal is. There's a a douche chill moment early out in the show. Play track three. But I keep hearing these clowns that are legit and they do this for a business are upset because these evil clowns are giving him a bad name. I know, a pleasure. You give clowns a bad name, bad name. So yesterday, I left in the part where John Jay is like, so yesterday, because he wasn't nothing to do with that. You know, like when you're out with your buddies, and there's that one guy who makes an ass of himself, and he's just like, okay, all right, move it off.

That's usually me I know I've been out with you before but this fucking guy is on the radio He's paid to be a radio personality and he's that guy. He's terrible. Right. Well, I guess every every radio show needs one Oh, you don't have to have someone to start singing by Jovey fucking Delirix. Uh, good. All right, so there's, I don't know how long these guys have been together, but it seems like a long time. I pulled a couple clips from the show that were just passive aggressive back and forth conversations. Here's one where Rich is being a little passive aggressive to the other two hosts.

Play track 21. No, I'm just saying that's one of those books that everybody was into, but you guys don't read books, you don't know about it. And so the movie comes out. Yes, thank you, our resident book expert Rich Barrow now. You guys don't read books, you don't know. I should say, yeah, right, you're the expert. Thanks.

That looks some shitty that's back and forth. And then this one is from John Jay to Rich, and this is fucking real. There is no joking around about this. Play track 23. I know, about eight or nine years ago, Rich hit a button and blew out my earphones and it damaged my ears,

and I can't hear things properly now sometimes. Jane, your love up moment. Paul. What? love up moment. What? Yeah, shit. Yeah, a couple of times when John Jay didn't hear the collar and finally he's just like, yeah, well, my hearing's fucked up because my co-host is a shithead.

Hey, Jane, you're on the radio. What's going on? Great. Oh God, that is fucking beautiful. I hope that you and I have this show long enough that we could just start fucking ridding each of us aggressively during the show. Yeah, well, for episode 86 where Kevin fucking dropped the ball. Ah, okay.

Yeah, I mean, we can only hope, I guess, that we can dredge up some bullshit, but that is such a like a specific thing. Like, oh, yeah, he hit my button and blew my earphones out. I can only hear on a one ear now. And you can tell that Rich has heard enough of that story. He's like, yeah, okay. He is one time he dropped a mixing board on my cock and it flattened it completely So now I fuck is a wife with my flat cock anyway, yeah, what was your love moment?

I got it the only way I could jerk off is with a spatula now. It's so flat. I jerk off with two spatula It's very specific Tons are too special Anyway, I'll back to the collar You're all the air So I don't do any other clips. Thank you. I Apologize in advance. I have a bunch more clips I do on the phone.

All right. Sorry, dude. That's all right. I'm gonna play all of them. Okay. But they're I definitely want to play and this one I thought was hilarious. So because this is a radio show they have to tease the next segment because you're going to go into a bed of commercials and you know you got to hang through the break because this is what's coming up next. So Kyle, who does her celebrity gossip thing, she teases this story, play track 11.

We now know what Daniel Radcliffe has done with his Harry Potter fortune. I can't wait to tell you about this one. And okay, so you got that. So Daniel Radcliffe, what is he done with his fortune from Harry Potter? She can't wait to tell you. Here's the pay off. So he made about $100 million, almost $100 million on his Harry

Potter movies. And I guess he hasn't really touched much of any of it. He said, I don't really do anything with the money. I'm you know, grateful for it. Having money means you don't have to worry about it. I guess he hasn't really touched much of any of it. He said, I don't really do anything with the money. I'm grateful for it. Having money means you don't have to worry about it, I guess. And the fact that if I don't spend it, then I'll still have it, then I won't have to worry about it.

So he's done nothing with it. You can't wait to tell you about what he's done with his money. He saved it. Wow, that's fucking amazing. I'm so glad I stuck through all those car commercials. Oh, God. To hear about that. So Kevin, you and I talk about how these shows work

and this show is a little different. It's not a morning zoo. It's definitely a, they're target audience as females. But we still have the woman on the show who's a total hole and I have the perfect total hole moment play track 13 perfect example monkey scrotum I love it I'm I'm in let's not repeat that ever again oh somebody please think of the children that is such a whole moment the guy's like monkey scrotus like oh well now you're getting outrageous guys. Let's comment.

Oh geez, you and your flat cock. Oh yeah, that story was dumb too. That was like Katie Curric or something like somebody said that she did rest at the show. No, I did. Yeah, like somebody told Katie or a Katie Curric said it, which is even funnier that she said, monkey scrotum, but she said something about like people were accusing her of tanning too much and that she looks like a monkey scrotum. I was like, oh, it's pretty funny.

I know Katie Curric can say it on broadcast television, but Kyle finds it offensive for her dumb radio show. They do this bit on here. There were a bunch of bits and one of them was called the group therapy session or something like that. This guy called up with a problem. Let me just play this set up for you. Play track 9. So basically I've been engaged in my fiance for a month, but I've bought her a fake ring. And I don't know if I should just keep going with it, or if I should just have an honest conversation with her

and let her know that listen, I'm sorry, I bought you a faker ring. Okay. Again, fake, fake, totally fake. Not buying it for a half a second, but it does, you know, hilarity does ensue. Here comes the comedy play track 10. I mean, basically like I want to save up, I want to save up and get the real diamond, which I believe it like $11,000 only moly Kanye West Jr I Kanye West Jr. That's a fucking terrible joke. Well, yeah, god. Oh, god. Yeah, it was me sir. Oh, a boo Oh, God, it was you. She's just me, sir. Uh, a boo.

Uh, a boo to you, sir. I would have been awesome with the dude on the phone. I was like, no, I'm not fucking Kanye West, junior. You're dumb boner. Hey, you fucking dumbass. So we're paying you $50 for this call. Oh, yeah, I'm sorry. I'm going to get back into character.

I need to put it away. I love that the premise of this fucking group therapy thing is that this guy bought what should be an 11,000 dollar rock He bought a you know a fake Diamond ring and should I tell by fias say The dumbest thing I've ever heard in my life. Oh, that would never happen. That would never really happen No, and you know what I think I remember this this bit too because I Think one of the guys says that he bought that he did the same thing or something that he bought

He said he bought a shitty diamond ring for his wife and then he wanted to buy her a nicer one When he had money after they were married for a while. Yeah, and she was like no No, this is the one he bought me and then I had to I had a switch a root in like you know And like what you don't switch a room. I think women know if you switch a root in like you know, like what you don't switch a root I think women know if you switch a root their ring. I think that they probably The funniest part about that bit is that maybe Rich wasn't in on it because he terraced out in the fourth wall Because Rich goes well, you know She's gonna get in a praise because she's probably gonna need an insurance policy on it Which is true if you have an $11,000 rock at your finger. Yeah, you do go get in the praise

You probably will get insurance or something. So it's fucking retarded. You're not gonna get away with that. Right. Anyway, but it was almost like Rich said that, and then they're just like, okay, move it out. Like it was just like dude. I don't know what it's like.

Not aware of what we're doing here. Blow up my spot, like you blew up my air drums, you fucker. Yeah, exactly. All right, let me, I just have, I guess there's just one more clip that I really wanna play. They did this segment near the end of the show and they call it the love op segment.

It's one of the main navigations on their website, love op. And did you make it to this part of the show, Kev? I didn't, no, I thought you were gonna go into the other stripper or a clown name thing or whatever that they were doing, but no, I didn't get to the love up part. I got that. Okay. So this is how you know that it's a show for chicks. As they do this feel good moment where colors call in and talk about something they did nice for other people.

And it's these things were like this one woman's like, well, I was at Starbucks, and this woman came in with her two kids, and she asked how many points she has in her cards as you can get them a sandwich to split. So I just bought the sandwich for them, because I figured they were in need, and I had the money, and they're like, oh, good on you, yeah, you're good people,

and all this nonsense. So this one I thought was especially stupid. I call it dumb love up collar. She said, well, your savings has $30 and your checking has 50 and he said, OK, well, I'll take 50 out. And she was like all chipper. And oh, so what are you going to spend it on and all this and he goes well um just milk and bread and that kind of thing and I was just I was dumbfounded first

as a teller for saying that but um I ran out to my car and got as much money as I could get together and all I had was $20 and when he came out of the bank, I gave him $20 to buy more groceries. And he just cried and we just hugged and cried together. So this is what is so stupid about this. So the guy, you know, he's down in this lock, he's taking his last 50 bucks out to go grocery shopping. She runs out of a bank to go to her car to find twenty dollars. Time out, dummy. If you want to give this guy money that actually fucking matters, because way down, he does not. You're in a bank. I swear to God, they're in her car.

The thing I've ever heard of my life. She's like, uh, you're going to take out buddy, she said he's going to buy some, you know, Bill could bread and, uh, for some reason, a tobler-own bar and some magnam condoms. Because apparently he likes to fit it in, you know what I've said. Uh, you know, I, I always have a problem with, with these, I mean, obviously this shit isn't fucking real or whatever, but people who like, you know, do like these random acts of kindness or like Donate a charity. I love that they have I mean whatever that's it's cool if you do I mean I think everybody does but the thing that I always find funny is like if you donate

Online or something there's like a share it to Facebook. It's like, hey, why would I want to brag to other people that I donated to charity? That's kind of like the modern equivalent of like, you know, getting one of those like, going through the checkout line and they're like, they want to support juvenile diabetes and then they give you a fucking cartoon shoe that you have to like write your name on.

And shit, it's like, no, I don't want to I don't care I just I give me I want to be silent. I don't I don't need to be you know Recognized for doing what I'm doing is that the dumbest thing ever you walk you with Duncan Donuts And there's like all these cardboard shoes and everyone has to write their name on it because they give them a dollar Yeah, okay, it's it's from the the Swartz family you're like a whole fucking family, give a dollar, and you're taking credit for it. Really Swartz, count the fuck down.

It's from the, uh, uh, Dorkles the Cloud. Uh, Dorkles the Cloud. Yeah. You Dorkles. You don't have a dollar. I thought I wanted to dump through one time. Um, all right. So there's one more thing that I want to play from this show before we move on. And this guy Rich, did you key in this like I did?

I did not like this, this host rich. No, I didn't, I don't know, like I said, didn't really think he was anything more than just a shitty host, but Okay, so this guy Rich is a giant pussy And they're talking about these clown sightings and he cannot Explain enough how much he does not like clowns and he's scared of clowns. Oh, clown scare me So I put together a whole compilation of rich being a fucking pussy. And go ahead and play that.

Yeah, I think it's jarring for people who don't like clowns. And I'm well known for being afraid of clowns. But I see this freaky looking clown looking down the middle of the street. In my first reaction is to run. I can't help it. It's just the way I'm built.

It's in my DNA. I do not like clowns. Scary or other. I don't like them. They freak me out. If I see a scary ass clown when I'm just walking down a orange orchard path, I am going to scream my head off. There's no two ways about it. So don't do that. If you're a clown, don't scare people. The biggest nightmare in the world for me is to be looking out my window and see some random clown standing in my back yard. Freak me out.

Crazy that you guys were talking about clowns because I just thought one. What? A scary clown? I'm not a big fan of mascots either, you know, clowns, mascots. I don't know why. I just am not. Sales of clown costumes are up 300%. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Hopefully that helps you sleep at night. I don't like it. Sweet petunia, which is a, I would assume that's not a scary clown name. I assume it's one of the nice clowns. That is the fear I have of scary, and I'm not a scary clown name. I assume it's one of the nice clowns That is the fear I have of scary and I'm afraid of scary clowns totally sweet patunya, but you sound lovely That's an adult male everybody

Use the word scary clouds 80 times on this fucking show. I don't like scary clowns. Oh scary clowns. Well I don't know not liking clowns, so scary clowns. Well, I don't know, not liking clowns is now hack. You know what I mean? Like everyone says it. Everyone's like, oh yeah, the clowns freak me out. Like who's left that likes clowns? Is there anybody?

Like clowns. Exactly. Nobody's afraid of seeing a fucking clown in their backyard. Like this fucking numb nuts. Can you imagine if you're like my biggest fear is I look at my back window and there's a clown in my yard. If I said like shoe Get out of here dorkles dorkles

Well, just see what type of garden you were doing back here your backyard Hey, yeah, it's not for you dorkles move along. I see that you got some really nice ripe Some eggplant back here. I Maybe I'll take that and you know, take a seat. Take a seat on the eggplant or something, maybe later if I'm not doing too much out of the woods. And that's it we call a callback. I'm sorry, did I break the fourth wall? Did everyone think that I let Doracles back in again? You know what in post you can put in sound effects of your door opening and closing No, no, that that was you. I'll just play it

Cut out this conversation we're having put in the door sound effect. You're probably gonna want to have his clown shoes walking over to the mic Just put that in and no one will be the wiser. Oh, God. I wonder if those are the conversations that Rovers having with his team. All right, now, now, dozy. What we're going to want to do is we're going to want to fool people into thinking that this was actually happening in studio. I just want to take like I want to see like if

Dorkel's like ask Dorkel some questions and be like, Dorkel's why? Why is it that like a clown like clowns just can't afford their own car? Why do they have to like share lease with like 75 other clowns like they don't? They don't have enough work where they have to really we gotta share. Well that's what we have to do. We have one car for every 75 clouds. That's how it works. They they're they're they're the first green movement. They're like we are fucking carpooling clouds. We have really horrible credit so that of us could get approved. So we all have to go side for each room. By the way, Kevin, the love up segment of the John Jay and Rich show, where you talk about how you're paying it forward or whatever the fuck love up is, there is a whole merchandise

section on their website. And I expect to see you with a love up t-shirt next time we hang out. So we have to now buy, we have to buy a shirt that tells other people that we like the bit that praises donating to other people. That's fucking hilarious man. That's like taking a couple of steps out of being charitable. Still taking credit do it. I'm not gonna be able to do it. I'm not gonna be able to do it. I'm not gonna be able to do it. I'm not gonna be able to do it. I'm not gonna be able to do it.

I'm not gonna be able to do it. I'm not gonna be able to do it. I'm not gonna be able to do it. I'm not gonna be able to do it. I'm not gonna be able to do it. I'm not gonna be able to do it. I'm not gonna be able to do it. I'm not makes me sound old but I'm sick of the problem. It is. It's very much a problem for me. Oh, that's great. All right. So, John Jan Rich was a stinger show sucked. It wasn't fun. It wasn't funny.

Has Billy Crystal would say it's not funny. It's not funny. It's not fun. It's not funny. It's not funny. It's not funny. It's not funny. It's not funny. It's not funny. No. And fortunately, Kevin, fortunately for not just you and I, but also our dozen and dozen of listeners, we will be doing this again next week.

And I grabbed a clip from the show that we'll be reviewing next week. We might even have a special guest co-host on this next week, which will be fun and entertaining. Ooh. Ooh. Talk about a teaser. Whoa. Who could this be?

We'll be Adam Sandler for us now. We'll be Adam Sandler. But next week, we will be doing another show. We'll be reviewing another podcast and we're not going to cheat. We're not going to do another radio show for a third week at a row. But because it is October and Halloween is coming up, I picked a specific show that will fit in with that mood and genre. play next week's teaser. Let's play Bloody Mary. Bloody Mary?

You haven't played before? No. What? What is it? It's a game. A really fun game. What you do, you go into a pitch black room, just like that bathroom over there, and you stand in front of a mirror. Then you chant three times. Bloody Mary, Bloody Mary, Bloody Mary.

I stared at my classmate, transfixed. And then the ghost of Bloody Mary shows up in the mirror and she's all bloody and stuff. She says, have you seen my baby? And if you say no, then she vanishes. But if you say yes. What? What happens? I was riveted.

Jesus. I wish he really was riveted. Well, the fucking rivet gun. Dude, the fucking acting of this is just sounds like Eric the actor. That you go to a dark room like that bathroom. Yeah, that was the worst like kid voice ever. Like, to put that room in any going thing. Like that bathroom. Yeah, that was the worst like kid voice ever like To black room and then you go and say Oh god the purpose of this game is't know. It's fucking pitch black. All right.

So this show is the no-sleep podcast. And the episode we're going to listen to, Kevin, is episode one of season eight. It came out on October 9th of 2016. So this is the eighth season of this award-winning podcast. We're going after the big guts. The big guys, everybody. Yeah, yeah, I've definitely heard of this award-winning podcast. We're going after the big guts. The big guys, everybody. Yeah, yeah, I've definitely heard of this show before.

I've actually recommended this many times. And I'm like, yeah, that's okay. I figured you had. So this no sleep podcast, the premise is, for every show, I think there's three different stories. And they're narrated and acted out as you could tell with like this music that and the fucking nonsense. Yeah, yeah, exactly. And this is what passes as one of the top podcasts. I mean, you heard that clip right there. That was garbage. It was fucking garbage. So this should be a fun one. And then you go in and you ask her,

you did that, make you a bloody Mary, but don't put any celery in the glass. We got to write our own scary story and never heard it. I want to put in the all the effects, all the sound effects and music bad. It'll just be like Friday, like, and then you go, oh, sorry about that. And then you go into the bathroom. It'll be called a dorkal juice. You have to go in and say dorkal's name three times in a year.

And he appears. I think we're out of something. Dorkal juice. And then you go go and while you're in the bathroom you make sure you make yellow into the urinal and then you flush it but just make sure that you go wash your hands and there might be one of those like circular towel things that like is like an infinite towel that you have to pull down and wipe your hands on. Oh shit. No, there was no such thing as this anymore, do that. No, there was. Someone who likes that fucking unsanitary. We're just pulling the same piece of cloth down and all

wiping our hands on it. Yeah, somewhere they wanted to make you think that somewhere and then metal housing was somehow there was there again, it was getting clean. It was somehow not returning the same. It was just in there while you know that it was drying. There was nothing cleaning anything. I thought the actual like fabric of it too was like like a underwear. I was like tidy white easy Remember like I can actually remember feeling like it felt like someone's like giant underwear

Was like strong machine It's like the elastic of tidy whiteies God Then when you walk out of the bathroom meat And then when you walk out of the beathroom, meet you. Okay. I'm sure Dorkles usually cleans his hands on Alastair from tidy whiteies, but the rest of us don't appreciate that. Well, sometimes you just need to wipe your hands on something. Sometimes it's their hair.

On the top of their head, just just kind of wipe your hands off on it. So people, please join us and that way, because it might be in the show where we find out once and for all who are these podcasts and please sleep well every party. is called Watt-Kill. You know who are these? Podcasts. I don't know. I don't get it. Makes no sense.