Who Are These Podcasts? - Ep523 - Live At Hackamania in Vegas

Episode Date: June 4, 2024

We were live in Las Vegas for Hackamania and, I can’t believe it, but the audio came out great! Well, I should believe it, I had nothing to do with it. We start with Stuttering John getting duped by a meme and refusing to admit that he’s dumb. Then Doctor Steve teaches us about putting things in our pee holes which segues into Don’t Feed The Models, a Vegas-based podcast hosted by Drew Belcher who is a nerd with too many social media followers for his own good. After that we check in on Steel Toe including his interview with Ethan Ralph and Godwinson and some recent episodes with Keanu and Geno. And we finish up with Lisa and Helga from That Reality Show and a very special edition of To Catch An Alien.  Joining me on this episode was Vinnie Paulino, Jen from the Jingles Department, Lucy Tightbox, Dick Masterson, Christian Bladt, Vito Gesualdi, Bryan Johnson, Maribeth Rosie, Dr. Steve, and Andrew Dice Ray (aka Ray DeVito puppet). DabbleCon 2 tickets available, individual events or weekend passes - https://www.carlsoncomedy.com/  Support us, get bonus episodes, and watch live every Saturday and Wednesday: http://bit.ly/watp-patreon https://watp.supercast.tech/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Visit BetterHelp.com to see what it can do for you. That's betterHELP.com. So he made a decision to not party all weekend in Vegas, and I understand that. But he still put together an intro for us. ["Bone or Guy?" by The Bunch plays.] Episode... Five hundred and twenty-three! ["Bone or Guy?" by The Bunch plays.] Are you a boner guy? Oh, I was a boner guy.

You know what? I miss penis. What are you talking about? I'm the one who should apologize. Is it going to be absolutely riveting? Is it going to change your life by any stretch? Probably not. But it's going to be at least entertaining, OK? By the way, for those people that are in the back,

remember to shut the fuck up. Yeah! Two, two, two, two, two keyboard order. I've been dying to say that. T-W-O. C've been dying to say that. Cuz. Cuz-a-ro. Cuz-a-ro.

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W-A-T-P! Hello, Rubinites and Cousin Reads! Welcome to another episode of Who Are These? Podcasts brought to you by Banana Bag! Do you guys see that out there? We got Banana Bag as a sponsor. Is anyone talking about this? There's free samples of banana bag. And I've heard from people, use it.

Use it tonight before you go to bed. It will change your tomorrow. But welcome to WTP. I'm your host, Carl, with me today. The only person who hasn't been overexposed yet, Jenny Jiggles is with us. Also, Brian Johnson, Dick Masterson, and Vinny Paulino. Thanks, guys.

We're going to rotate different people up here, but Vinny is my producer, Chris, tonight. So Vinny's going to hang. Vinny's going to hang next to me. Please go to whoarethese.com, get our email address, voicemail number, link to the subreddit, link to our Discord server, link to our merchandise, link to our YouTube channel, and the link to Patreon and Supercast, featuring two exclusive bonus episodes every single month and of course you can watch the unedited show live or whenever you want to afterwards when you sign up on YouTube as a member or on Patreon or Supercast tickets are

on sale for Devilcon 2! What? August 16th and 17th at the Comedy at Carlson in beautiful Rochester New York Carlson in beautiful Rochester, New York. CarlsonComedy.com is where you want to go to get those tickets. They are moving and it will sell out. We are talking Stuttering John for a whole weekend. You'll want to be there for that. Also, we encourage our listeners,

give us a five-star review on Apple Podcasts and shiddle over us in the comments section. Today, we'll be reviewing the Stuttering John Melendez podcast. We'll be talking about this guy and God bless Christian Blatt for finding Drew Belcher's Don't Feed the Models. Steel Toe is going to make it into the segments today. That reality show is coming back today. And a very special to Catch an Alien. Let's get into it, guys. We have to start with my favorite, Lowel Cow. This fucking asshole has been talking about getting into shape to come to Hackamadia and

beat up Melton and beat up Rocco and beat up Tukey and beat up the Ray Puppet, and beat me up, and hang out with Vinny. I think Tukey is the least one that he could beat up. The rest of you, I do think Stuttering John could beat. Probably, if I'm like third or fourth on the list, I'd have a shot. I gotta think, right? Diggstown style, yeah.

Some of his hit points are down, maybe I could roll a 20. I don't know. He was talking today, today, about how he's gifted with what's called muscle memory. Oh my god. So at my hotel room today, I was yelling at Jen about this. And I'm like, this fucking asshole still

doesn't know what muscle memory means. So I play guitar, so does John, supposedly. So I know what muscle memory means. It means you have to think, and your fingers, your body moves the way you want it to move, because you've done it so many times. That's muscle memory. John lifts one dumbbell and goes, I'm in shape again,

because I have muscle memory. This dumbbell lifts one dumbbell and thinks he's going to beat everyone up. I was so annoyed with today's show. It's the beater. that's the muscle memory. He'll just go uppercut, uppercut, go, uppercut, Vinny, uppercut. Well, actually, I'm glad you said that,

because we're gonna break down the game tape on how John's gonna beat everyone up at Hackamania, starting with how he eats breakfast. This is part of his workout routine, guys. This is John showing Quadfather what his morning routine is. Breakfast with the Duke. He's a champ. He's repulsive. Was that a live egg?

Like the fertilized egg. It was a baby chicken. Straight at Joe's. I want to see a little foot come out. I've never seen someone eat a hard-boiled egg and think that they're getting into shape, unless it's like oldie timey times, right? Or they just think like, hey, look at me.

I'm getting into shape. It looks like he's going to throw up. He knows it's gross. Yes. But guys, it's not just about hard boiled eggs, which definitely is how you get into shape. But the other way is by microwaving bacon. It's pretty warm.

I like that. That's correctly done bacon, 100%. Oh, do I hear a crunch? OJ. Oh, do I hear a crunch? OJ. Oh, yeah, cover your mouth. Speaking of OJ, we should get that guy. Don't be gross. He's the arbiter of truth.

Unlike that potato guy, do we have any news on that front? Out of the fucking solo cup? Sorry. Yeah, yeah. Come on, man. All right. That's orange juice, by the way. We're doing ASMR. We're doing mukbang.

We're doing it. It's happening. What's ASMR? Where you eat on stream or you do stuff and it's all audio. People like to listen to people eating certain things or I don't know. It's weird. I don't really watch any of it but I know people that are into it, ASMR. So anyway.

Fucking grandpa is always asking questions to Quadfather, what's ASMR, and then he doesn't care about the answer. It's like, well don't ask me what G.I. Joe is, if you don't want to hear about the lore of G.I. Joe, grandpa. I'm not gonna educate you. It should be hard to find a solo cup in your house. You should get a normal cup before you have to go to the garage and go to your camping or party

supplies to get a solo cup. You don't think you came straight from a frat party with that? No. You should go to the pantry. Oh, here's a cup. Yeah. You're like, ha ha ha.

Yeah, but also, to your point, he also doesn't seem to own a salt shaker. He's using the box of Morton salt Oh check this out. Yeah, that's actually that's a perfect setup for my next step because in order to pour salt on this Hard-boiled egg. He's pouring it out of the giant container of salt and like I said, he's I don't trust him Why the fuck would I? How are you still alive? What the fuck? No. Absolutely not. I don't trust him.

On the outside? I know what you're thinking, Dick. I saw that, but I want to see it in slow-mo. I got that for you, buddy. Don't worry. I got that. That's more salt than I eat in a year. It's like a white Shrek.

Look at him. Oh my god, I'm so glad he's getting into shape. So let me just reiterate what Melton said. Roll up! Roll up! We're not afraid of you, Hatsall. I promise you that. But this is him talking about hunchbackamania, and he's getting ready to fight Patrick Melton.

Breakfast. Of the champ. Also, I'm sorry. Breakfast of the champ. Yeah, I bet you're getting in shape. You're looking fit. You're looking spelt. You're getting all ready to knock that hunchback on the other shoulder, right?

Hunchbackamania? Hunchbackamania. Hunchbackamania. Yes, sir. Yes, sir. Ah. Hear it? It's crispy, sir.

Who is this guy who's the metal? It's crunchy, sir. We can hear it. So this guy is Derek from BYB. He's known as the grandfather. It looks like he got kicked out of the Klan. Right. I don't know if you're friends with him.

He's like, no, no. We're looking for a little bit more white supremacy. He's like, not you. You don't really sell our values, buddy. I like that you bought the t-shirt, but come back next year. All right, so here's the kicker coming up. Loud and clear.

Yet these losers want to say that microwave and bacon is stupid. They're the stupid ones, sir. They have no idea about cooking. Ugh. All right. Disgusting. Can you believe that some people think that microwaving bacon isn't the right way to cook it? They have no idea about cooking. Ugh, all right. Disgusting. Can you believe that some people think

that microwaving bacon isn't the right way to cook it? I know. And I know it was really quick, but that paper towel he used to swab his mouth off with, I think it's what he cooked the bacon out of. Yeah. Did you see how gross that was? Just rubbing grease on his face.

That would explain the upper left. Oh, maybe it was from his face. He's always missing spots shaving. And then after this, he says he went to the grocery store and got tons of lean cuisines. Watch out, Melted! He's eating lean cuisines. Those are like kids' meals from the 90s?

From the 90s, yes. He's microwaving dinner and acting like he's healthy. It's insane what he's doing. All right, enough about John intimidating us, because I'm actually starting to shake a little bit. Let's get into John doxing his DMs, which he loves to do. This is one of my favorite things that John does. He doesn't know how to do a screen share without showing personal private shit he should not

be showing. The grass is always greener on the other side, sir. All right, so he pulls up his Twitter and it's on his messenger. Hi, Tonya. Yes. Hi, Tonya. Oh, by the way, that's a porn star right there. Oh, yeah. So when Suttery John says,

that Donald Trump guy, lock him away, it's like you're the same guy without the successor money, you idiot. My favorite, though, is that Felicia Galefsi, which is, of course, our friend Pat's ex on here. And he's flirting with her, but he's so bad at it. You've been so likable on Brennan.

Congrats. You're not getting any panties wet with that kind of talk. I've been enjoying you on the MLC program I enjoy. She says the jury's still out. Glad you think so, and thanks. He says data point, what's with the colored bike? OK, I don't even want to explain this to you because it's so fucking boring.

But the fact that he's calling out that she has like an LED microphone that lights up different colors, like I just need to explain this to you because it's so fucking boring. But the fact that he's calling out that she has like an LED microphone that lights up different colors, like I just need to keep this conversation going. So I'll bring up a thing that I saw and I observed, and let's keep it going. And then she says, someone else picked it out for me. I can't turn off the colors because it

isn't compatible with my MacBook. Got to use this one until I get a different one. Hopefully it isn't too distracting. And then she started jerking off. Because she was so hot with this. Those are not Nick Ricciato lines. No, definitely not. Nick Ricciato puts his lines right on the table.

That's how you do it. These lines aren't going to do themselves. That's how you do it right there. You know, John just looked in the mirror after that and went, she's it to me. Oh, yeah, for sure. Oh, she responded to me. That's how I know she likes me.

Also, he's been talking a lot about Dan Folato lately, because Cardiff came out and said he had the missing R.D. Lang episode, where John makes fun of his trans kid a little bit too much, and it's very disrespectful. And so Cardiff put out a different episode of John making fun of his trans kid, and John goes, victory lap, that wasn't the one.

OK, that's a weird brag. But so he's been messaging Dan Falato going, what the fuck? Why did you leak this tape? Because he thought it was real. And so that's on Twitter DMs. I just want to point out, when I message Dan Falato, we do it using text. Because we know each other.

That's how that works. All right. How did this come up, I wonder? Oh, Felicia. Ooh, she's getting in your DMs. She wants to slide into the dukes' DMs. How did that fucking come up? I am so bad at this.

So he's mesmerized by this. He's like, wait, I was just showing my screen and everyone could see my DMs. Yes, John. After that, he goes, I don't know why people my screen, everyone can see my DMs. Yes, John. After that, he goes, I don't know why people send me stuff if I can't show it. Because people email him, and then he has to go to the email and click the attachment, and then he shows the person's email address and everything else, and then people docs him and they're like, oh, this guy's working with John.

And he goes, well, it's their fault for emailing me. Everyone's trying to explain to John, and I can't believe he's worked in a business setting. He worked for Jay Leno, not that long ago. Someone emails you an attachment, you download it, you save it in a file. I mean, put it on your desktop. I don't care, it's something. And then you open it when you're ready to show it to people.

He's an idiot. He might be stupid. He doesn't want to do that. He's a fucking idiot. He might be a fucking idiot. Go figure. OK. So now we get into threesome talk.

Because everyone's obviously talking about. Guys, I don't know if you've heard about this. Is he an expert in threesomes? Oh, of course he is. Pleasuring women? Of course he is. I don't know if you guys heard about this, but there's this news around this guy, Nick Ricada.. They like the other, you know, they love it.

I don't want to hear it. Yeah. Yeah, there's this Nick Riketa guy, and I guess he's got a side piece. I don't know anything about it. No one else does. But John's excited about it, so we're going to start talking about some threesome stuff.

I remember once I brought a girl to a party, a miss. And she's pretty hot. And it was like a couple super bowls ago. And then we went into an after party. Did you measure time in super bowls? And the black guy came up to me and was, hey, you want to do a... How many super bowls ago was that?

What these super bowls ago? When I was a little boy. What the fuck are you talking about? Dude, that chick's kind of old. No, I fucked her when the Giants were in the Super Bowl. Oh, OK. Well, that's cool. That's fine.

Remember when the Bills had those bad Super Bowl runs? That's the last time I had a good day. All right. Fucking hype, Mr. R. So this is a cr- by the way, listen to this story. This is the craziest threesome story you've ever heard. And then we went into an after party. And I'll just say it was partying involved.

And this black guy came up to me and goes, hey, you want to do a skyscraper with your girl or a pyramid or something? And I was like, yeah. I was like, what the fuck is that? She wanted to do a skyscraper with your girl? A black guy, he brings a girl to a party. A black guy goes, do you want to do a skyscraper with your girl? Is black guy, he brings a girl to a party. A black guy goes, do you want to do a skyscraper

with your girl? Is this Porky's that he's talking about? It's a fucking animal house. This black guy came up and said, hey, man, you want to do a apple towel? And I said, no way. And me and my fat friend, we hightailed it back to the fraternity.

Can we dance with your dates? Yeah, exactly. All right, so Kwon has to explain to him that there's no such thing as a skyscraper with your dates. Yeah, exactly. All right, so Quad has to explain to him that there's no such thing as a skyscraper with a girl. So let's get into that. You're saying Eiffel Tower, right? Yeah, that's what he's trying to say. Yeah.

He's like, what the fuck is that? A skyscraper is just you by yourself. Yeah, right. Hey, pal, you want to do a skyscraper? Yeah, I'm doing it right over here. You know, both of us have sex with her at the same time. I'm like, no. Fucking no.

But I think she was into it. So I should have said yes just to get laid, because I didn't end up getting laid. That he did. Yeah, I'm right. That was the story right there. He's like, I should have said yes to this guy who asked me if he could fuck my date in front of me, because I didn't end up getting laid that night.

That was the first story he came to when they're talking about a threesome. You don't see the reason in that? I mean, I do. It's like, well, if it was going to happen, that might as well have been there for it. All right. This is my favorite story, the gym story. I want to break this down because John has claimed for months, if not years, he goes to the gym every day.

Everyone who remembers to say that, I go to the gym every day, even though he never has an anecdote, never has a story. John has a story if he walks outside of his house and the mailman's there at the same time, but for some reason when he went to Jamaica, he had no stories, and when he goes to the gym, he has no stories. when he goes to the gym he has no stories But today he's got a gym story. I went to the gym and I can I can tell the name of it now zoo culture on the South Avenue So I walk in I'm all ready to work out got my you know I got my gym bag with my underwear and t-shirt and pants and underwear

underwear, t-shirt, pants, and underwear? What the fuck? Yeah I'm going to the gym like a guy who goes to the gym goes to the gym. I got my underwear. Yeah, underwear, my pants, sock. I always have brought my underwear everywhere I've ever been. So I'm already like you know what a gym is? But alright let's see. You know if there's ever been a guy who knows he needs a pair of spare underwear, it's probably him. That's true. Sorry, what's a subpoena? No, I do.

I've never said that. And then they say, sorry, this gym's only if you have a trainer. We don't do any memberships. OK, he goes, but there's another one in Encino. So I'm determined. So I drive all the way to Encino, which was about a 15 minute drive.

Get there, I walk in, guess how much for the daily rate? Just one day. 15. 60 bucks. Why are you kidding me? That's ridiculous. I walked in, so I was 60, walked out, and went to the supermarket.

I didn't go to the gym. So I bought a hard-boiled egg instead. So I'm good. Same thing. And he's so like, I'm determined to go work out. Not that determined. Well, he's also poor. If you're going to work out, and you brought your underwear

and everything, it's just you're going to be like, fine. I'm going to plan a fitness for 10 bucks a month. Like, whatever. What are you going to do? If you're gonna work out and you brought your underwear and everything, it's just like fine. Like, what happened? What are you gonna do, you know? But if he works out every day, doesn't he have a regular gym? Yes! He should have a regular gym. He obviously does not. He went to a gym and they're like, sir, we don't actually serve your kind here. It's like the droids in Star Wars. Like, you gotta wait outside, asshole. Wait till you get a trainer, then he can come in here.

That is true. He's like the anti-Ray, like all Ray has are gym stories. Yeah, right. Ray actually has a gym he can't go to. John's never had a gym that he can go to, but can't afford. Also, that shit show chat there, it's been up there forever. And I love that one, because he's threatening to come here. Yeah, so John's been talking about driving cross-country.

So he's moving out of his 500 square foot apartment in Kenoga Park. Getting evicted? I don't think he can afford it anymore. I mean, Kenoga Park's a nice area. Is it? You know that area. You it? You know that area. You're from LA.

No. How many thousands of feet higher is your house than his house? Van. Yeah. I would need a telescope to see his house, I think. So John's been talking about how he's going to travel cross-country from LA to New York.

Now he's going to make a stop in Vegas to beat up Melton. He's gonna make a stop in Illinois to have lunch with Dan Filato, even though I was talking to Dan and he's gonna be in New Orleans, but whatever. And then he's gonna go to New York and he's bringing two cats with them the whole way. Now I don't know if you know anything about traveling with cats, but once you get to hour three or four it gets dicey. I don't know if you know anything about traveling with cats, but once you get to hour three or four, it gets dicey. I don't know about a five day trip.

It's either not going to put them in a little box so they can just run around going, ow, the whole time. He is going to put them in a box, but eventually they do shit. That's the thing about I've owned a cat, so I know this for a fact. They pee and poop at some point. And so does he.

Well, so he's just like, I shit in the car, they shit in the car. What's the difference? I feel terrible for those cats. I feel terrible for the cats, too. Could you imagine this from their perspective? They've been locked in a fucking tiny shit box with this fucking guy, and then all of a sudden

they're in the backseat of a fucking tinier shit box with this fucking guy. It's like, what fresh hell is this? They're like, I've seen the movie Saw. It's not as bad. I'd rather be in Saw than deal with this asshole. I'm sure that he just dumps a thing of cat litter just in the wheel well or the.

Yeah, right. Yeah. Like, go right there. Don't figure it out. Don't bury it. All right. So that Jim story is one I would have just kept to myself. And I'm not saying you shouldn't be open and honest.

Like Aaron Imholz is always open and honest about everything that he's doing, what he eventually has to be. But those are stories that you just don't tell people on your show, because it's embarrassing. But that leads up to John is going to beat up Melton. Patrick, I don't know if you saw this clip. Watch out, buddy. This is pretty scary right here.

But yeah, because I normally just work out at home. But at this point, since I'm training to whoop some ass or hunchback-a-mania, I got to get in shape. I got to do treadmill and everything, get my heart going so I could. You got to have that stamina. But I don't think you'll need it because I think one punch, you'll be on the ground and it'll be over. So I don't even think you have to work out that hard.

But it's good for you to get in good health, sir. The hunchback would be two. It would be a jab, his arms come down, and then boom! Boom! Never give away your strategy. You know what I mean? You never see it the way of the guy's like, all right, here's my approach to this one.

That's a dumb idea. He couldn't reach Patrick's chin. He'd be like, scrappy dude jumping up. Hold on. First, I put down the milk crate. This is a child. We're dealing with a child. There's an Instagram thing that I saw, surprise.

This little British kid is talking about he's going to beat up Santa, because he's on the naughty list. That is what it sounds like right there. I'll knock his beard off. Uppercut him right here. I'm not on the naughty list. Stop saying this.

Oh, it's so great. You should look it up. All right. So then later that episode, Patrick ran off scared. Oh, he's still there, guys. He's still there. Good. Later that episode, John explains

that we all fell for this thing. He was never coming to Hackamania. I said I'm going to Vegas the day after my son's graduation. And I am still doing that. So I was never planning on going to Hunchbackamania, ever. Ever. I said I was going to Vegas. I didn't specify what date.

But no, I'm not going this weekend. I don't want to be any part of that fucking hack he's like what are all those people looking at me what is this this is weird I'm on a stage there's people here watching I'm not familiar with this but he's patting himself on the back is like the king of the mind fuck yeah right I was never going yeah he acts like he was being subtle about it you weren't you just said you're to be the Patrick Melton. How are you going to beat him up? He's not lying, though.

He is going to Vegas. But for legitimate family reasons. To leave his cats in the car while he goes and gambles for an hour. Notice he didn't mention, if we're going to go by his logic, he didn't say he was going to his son's graduation. Yes, that's another good point.

After my son's graduation, technically he will be graduating and then I'll be leaving LA, so that's true. All right, John doesn't know fucking anything about anything. I know what to do. DJ Q, late again, soy boy. What does soy boy mean, Kwan? Lip wrist, like a Carla type guy, you know, Lady Carla. Speaking of Lady Kay.

Hahaha. Dude, by the way, quad father, bring it on motherfucker. You're gonna call me a soy boy? I'm gonna fight the hill, I'm gonna push him down that hill so fucking fast. It'll be, whoa! It'll be like Indiana Jones where he's going down that fucking mine. He doesn't know where he's going.

The track is broken. Watch out, Quad! Not my parachute, Kyle! Not my parachute! This guy's calling me a soy boy. Fucking unreal. You're going to pick on the guy whose feet are worse off than yours?

Thank you! You're lucky you can't use your feet, so that's embarrassing than what I have going on. So then after that, and I don't have the clip because it's too ridiculous. John goes, because this is the first time I got brought up, Soyboy is like a Lady K. He goes, speaking of Lady K, and then he goes, can you believe

that he likes Shuley and Patrick Melted and Anthony Kubia? Like, whoa, we're already moving on past Lady K that quickly. We're already making fun of these other guys. He's like, Carl's OK with Patrick Melton going after Kate Meany and her mom. I am. I'm fine with it. I don't give a fuck about Kate Meany or her mom.

I don't give a shit. Patrick Melton wants to goof on those two retards. I'm here for it. Yes. Fine. Yeah. Fuck women. If Patrick Bell wants to goof on those two retards, I'm here for it. Yes! Fine. Yeah! Fuck women! Yeah!

Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! All right.

So then let's get into Cardiff, because John's mad at Cardiff Electric. Now, Cardiff is a talking potato. John's very upset with this talking potato. He's jealous. Because Cardiff was playing clips of John making jokes about John's trans kid, which John's not upset with himself. He's mad at Cardiff for playing those clips, of course.

You floating fucking potato. And he's been trying to be all fucking nice to me now. He's always like, oh, you know, he's trying to get on my good side. It ain't gonna work, Carter, if you're a fucking asshole. How's your buddy Moonhead Paulino doing? No one thinks he has a good side. Yeah, potatoes aren't good for you, sir.

Definitely not. I think they're high in what, sodium, and just not good for you. Holy shit, every time Quadfather opens his mouth he proves how dumb he is. Well they're high in sodium if you dump as much salt on them as you put on the egg. Yeah.

Eggs are very high in sodium. Potatoes have zero sodium, just so you guys know. He's like they're bad for you, they're high in sodium? That sounds like a thing people would say about a food product, right? That's probably bad. Fucking, what does John put a salt ring on them? Of course.

Yes. Of course he does. Potatoes are actually very good for you. And they make vodka. I don't see, I mean, potato chips, French fries, what the fuck are we talking about here? We're mad at potatoes? I'm not.

OK. So after Quadfather leaves, someone with a super chat has a very funny nickname for Quadfather. That's doo doo, baby. Thanks for the fiber. Oh my god, just realize your guest has a name. I've been calling him Stupid Hat Wearing Shit Dick, Humorless Goatee Guy.

His name is Derek. His name is Derek. Chad goes, all right, listen, I know you think his name is stupid hat wearing shit dick, Schumer, let's go tea guy. His name's actually Derek. Let me just correct the record real quick. This show is insane.

All right, let's get back into the fact that I'm gay. All right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Let's do that. I think that's the important thing that we need to tackle today. For these podcasts, just do it. Thanks for the $5.

I recommend you two geniuses give up the fake super chat theory at TSN. Just like my closet at homosexuality, the truth will never come out. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. That's actually him, isn't it? That must be the real Carla.

It's got to be it's got to be. I mean I mean who else has that hold that's got to be Carl. I got OK. It's not wrong being gay. You know it's 2024 man just just just do it come out of the closet just do it. Just come out of the closet just do it Just come out of the closet just do it All right, I agree. There's nothing wrong with being gay John two of your kids are gay I don't know why you're using that as an insult to me

I'm not even sure what your point is also John goes of course. That's the real Carl There's the logo and the name who else could possibly create a YouTube? Look at the S in super Chad Yeah, it's obviously me goes, of course that's the real Carl. There's the logo and the name. Who else could possibly create a YouTube account? Look at the S in Super Chat. You can see it's Dr. Carl. Yeah, it's obviously me. Who else could have 499 but Carl? What a fucking idiot.

Just so you guys know, mine has a question mark after podcast. And when you create a fake, who are these podcasts? I can't remember the question mark. But John is so dumb that he just goes, well, yeah, of course it's Carl. It's making fun of himself. And that's what he likes to do is talk about why he's a closeted homosexual all the time.

John, your daughter is a homosexual, the one who doesn't talk to you, the one who doesn't return your texts or phone calls. She's gay, John. She's gay. So leave it alone. This is my favorite part. How long could they go just talking about how they're not

gay, right, these two guys? Yeah. You know who not gay I am? I went to the gym with my underpants. Probably two or three Super Bowls they could go through. Oh, yeah, you know how I'm not gay. Oh, yeah, I agree. I'm not gay also for these reasons.

Would a gay guy stuff eggs in his mouth like this? I'm not gay also for these reasons. Would a gay guy stuff eggs in his mouth like this? Could a gay guy deep throw bacon like this? I doubt it. Would a gay guy be driving down to Hunchbackamania to fight everyone there? I don't think so. Here's the thing about gay guys that I know.

They have very good hygiene, they're very clean, and they're in good shape. John is not gay. I'm going to say it right now, there's no fucking way John is a gay man. All right. So this is the thing that I wanted to get to. This is going to sum up our Centering John segment today. John finds a meme that's posted on Shulie's Anonymous. Well, he doesn't find it.

A super chair tells him to go look for it. And of course, that's always fun. Check out the meme in Shulie's Anonymous. Summarize the difference between the Duke and the hack. Look now so Shulie sees when he reviews your show. OK, I'll do that. Here we go. Dick, we're going to be hanging. We're going to hang.

We will be hanging. We'll be hanging. We're at 5X speed now. He just told him it's pinned. The suburb he goes to all the time and he's taking this long to find it. Jesus. What? Uh, let's see, where is it?

It's pinned, it's at the top. It's the first thing. Okay. Okay, here it is going. We got it. We got it. We talking about Dicke. Julie the Angry Hack.

I'm all about it. Duke Melendez. Okay. What's great about this meme is that the people on this subreddit don't like Shuley, but nobody likes Stuttering John. So it's goofing on both of them. And John's delusion about himself, that he's the Duke of the Dabbleverse,

and he's the most successful guy with all the credits, he plays right into this. He looks at this meme right here and eats it right up. He goes, oh my gosh, you're right, Ditka89. I am fucking amazing. So this is him analyzing this meme that talks about how he has full color hair. Yeah, that's awesome.

You've got to have all the colors. I mean, no offense. All right. This is him analyzing this meme right here. Shooley in the hack pack. There he is with his bag of weed and me, the stud that I am. He's bald and egghead, borderline midget, high school dropout, stoner falcon,

fakes YouTube success, magical crystal lady, leeches off the dabble verse. Duke Melendez, full color hair, average height. Average height, yeah. College grad. You're Spanish, cog. Job is mama's boy, monetize the haters, unlimited strange, breast feeds the dabble verse.

Very, very, very good. This one should be given and shown by all. Love it. Love it. Thank you, Ditka. Could you imagine looking at that and not understanding the joke? Do you think that when he looks at that picture of himself on there, that's what he actually thinks he looks like? Of course. He's been describing it. He works out every day. I think so too. You're right. He's working out.

I think he emailed that to Susanna. Yeah, right. He fucking is so proud of himself right now. So I like that breastfeeding the devil verse is a good thing to him. I do breastfeed the devil verse. What the fuck? With my big tits.

Underneath that meme on the subreddit, someone wrote, which is very funny, I came here to drink Coors and embarrass myself, and I'm all out of Coors. John doesn't even scroll through to see that they're goofing on him, too. They goofed on his arch nemesis. But OK.

So then a superchatter has to explain to him, hey, John, you're an idiot. That's a joke on you, you fucking moron, and John can't believe it. Silence do good. The chart was mocking you, Jinx. It didn't seem like that to me. That's do do, baby.

Okay, so that was the first attempt by silence do good to explain to him. The chart. That's what it was. The chart. You know that chart you were just reading? You know that chart you were looking at? That was mocking you, idiot. So remember it said that he's John's average height for a U.S. Hispanic person.

All right, so that, Silence Dugan again explains it. Mike, John, you're a very short man. Silence Dugan, thanks for the fiber. Average height in USA is 5'8". Notice he put Hispanic. You fake that you're Hispanic, short man. Silence do good. Thanks for the fiber. Average height in USA is 5'8". Notice he put Hispanic. Your fake color hair, we proved you don't have an NYU degree. I forgot the rest.

Good job, man. So nothing gets by you. This is what truly these allegations have caused me. I graduated from NYU. Dick, you're a college graduate. They give you a ring or a diploma when you graduate. You can buy either one. I did not. He's like, I'm also a Wonder Twin.

If you graduated from college, you don't have to punch a camera. I graduated from college. Just stop right there to punch a camera. I graduated from college. So stop right there. You're going to go, all right, look at it right in your fucking face. He's the shittiest Green Lantern. No, that's when he takes the ring off.

Look at my fencing decredits. OK. So this is ridiculous, because you I'm missing the credits. Okay. So this is ridiculous because you would think that John would just accept like, okay, yeah, you're right, that was double beta, deleted to that, and just move on. But nope, now John is going to Google the average height of Hispanic men in the US to prove that he is average height and that that chart.

That's cool. That fucking chart doesn't, that chart doesn't know shit. Totally legit. I'll share that chart. Let's look at the average height of Hispanic American. Bro, what is he doing? He's like. He's one finger. He's like, Will Wheaton driving the Enterprise. Ready? Sounds too good. Are you ready to be wrong?

Here we go. Captain Picard. Let's prove you wrong yet again. There you go. Average Hispanic male height. Five feet, 6.7 inches. Okay? You dumb fuck.

Average non-Hispanic white male, five foot nine. So am I going gonna get an apology? Does that say Asian guys are taller than John? Yes, yes. I didn't want to point it out, I thought they'd be embarrassing for John. I don't want to embarrass the guy. He's giving us so much joy.

He's five five, right? We kind of know that. He's five five, yeah. I'm five four and a half. Yeah, you tower over John. I don't know how that happens, but maybe you have heels on. What does he claim? He claims five, seven and a half?

Not claims, he went to the doctor and the doctor confirmed it. And his good health. Does he have a ring for that? The doctor says I'm right here, right here. I'm not a manly. If I go to the doctor, then why do I have this lollipop? If you look at this guy.

I'm running out of fingers for these rings that I got. a manly. If I go to the doctor, then why do I have this lollipop? If you look at this guy. I'm running out of fingers for these rings that I got. I graduated college. I'm very famous. So do you guys notice at the end there, he demands an apology? What he means by that is super chat me and get another $10 to tell me that I was right and you were wrong. That's what he's looking for right there.

So then they bring up the fact that John's only half Hispanic. So he's looking up right there. So then they bring up the fact that John's only half Hispanic. So he's looking up this thing for the average Hispanic man, and John still doesn't get it. Silence do good. You're not full Hispanic. My father is Hispanic. My name is Melendez.

My great grandparents were from Spain. My grandparents were from Puerto Rico. So shut the fuck up, Marc Gavitista. I mean, literally just explain what being half Hispanic is. Hey, my father, his parents. Yeah, no, I know that's what half Hispanic means. That's the most Hispanic shit I've ever seen. My father was parents. Yeah, no, I know that's what half Hispanic means the most Hispanic shit I've ever seen So that is explained to John that his mom is Danish I wish I didn't know this but I do it's fucking ridiculous

So let's see how John handles this one. I haven't tried of Danish males 511 Yeah, well, I guess I got I guess I got the Hispanic side. I look more like my father than I do my mother. Dang lizard, you're a half Hispanic in your average height anyway. Less than. Less than. Less than.

You idiot. So fucking stupid. Unbelievable. So this is how he gets trolled on a daily basis by his own super chats. It started with DickK89, who he thinks is his friend, like, hey, check out this chart. You're going to love it.

And then John's like, well, that's a victory left for me. And then it's like, no. You're a fucking idiot. This is Christian Blass on the Simi today. This is from today's show that he did. He's not in Vegas. He's not going to roll today. This is from today's show that he did he's not in Vegas He's not gonna roll up Roll up he's not rolling up. He's not in Vegas

So I guess I guess Christian is instead of like playing crafts or something cool. He was super chat excited I had cast What would you say to everyone at Hackamania now? You're all hacks. Whoa! Whoa! Yeah, way to get it. Way to get the joke returned. I love when people were asking Patrick Mellon about the show.

They're like, you know, you should get these other comics who are really big. They're in Vegas, or they can travel to Vegas easily. They perform there all the time. And Melton goes, it's called Hackamania. What part of this are you not understanding, guys? I'm not gonna get Bill Burr here. Anyway, I wanna thank you all for being up on stage.

We're gonna see you all again before the show is over. We're gonna move on to our next segment, but I feel like we need something in between that to help us cleanse ourselves of stuttering John Melendez. Should I take all my beers or is that? Dick, you're still up here, buddy. You're not going anywhere. Hey, it's your old pal Dr. Steve, and this week Rob asks,

can you please explain yourrethral sounding? I was watching a YouTuber talking about people who did it with sticks, worms, wasps, and one guy even broke a toothbrush all up in there. What the heck is going on? Well, Rob, the FBI had a field day with my search history on this one. Urethral sounding is a practice where objects are introduced into the urethra, aka the piss

tube, for medical purposes or sexual pleasure. The term sounding is a nautical term where poles or knotted ropes were used to determine water depth from the deck of a boat. In medical practice, sounding rods can be used to measure the depth from the deck of a boat. In medical practice, sounding rods can be used to measure the depth of the bladder, or treat strictures, or remove blockages. The appeal of sounding in sexual practice is multifaceted. Sensory stimulation of the genitals,

prostate stimulation, enhanced erections, improved orgasms, and a sense of community between practitioners. Now, cramming tubes and rods into ones you're a genital tract carries a certain amount of risk, however, including infections, tissue damage, perforation, and even blockage when the object is lost inside the body. These things get slippery. If you think I'm making this stuff up, here's a patient who stuffed a cell phone charger cable into his bladder and had to have it removed surgically.

Another man reported in the Journal of Medicine Baltimore stuffed 67 magnetic balls into his urethra and had to have them removed surgically. A 10-year-old boy broke that record with 83 magnetic beads, which had to be removed surgically. Are you sensing a pattern here? If you lose something in your bladder, it's going to have to be surgically retrieved, usually with a cystoscope, which is a tube they shove into your urethra to remove things that got stuck when you shoved them into your urethra. Now, lots of people enjoy this practice

and prevention is worth a ton of ER visits where a lot of explaining has to be done. Learn safe practices before you try. Get devices made for this purpose with a ring or a ball on the end that prevents the whole thing from being lost. Use sterile technique, nothing breakable, and if you do get into trouble,

seek help. Tell them exactly what happened. Let the professionals take care of you. There will be no judgment, but you can't fix it on your own. Right Carl? Whoa! What just happened there? Thank you, Dr. Steve. Now, I want to introduce the folks who have just joined us up on the stage. Christian Bland is here with us, everybody. WA TV!

From Who Are These Broadcasters, of course. And Lucy Tightbox is on stage. Well, hello. You brought some fans. Once Over With Kaylee is her YouTube channel. Now, Patrick, before I move on, do we have anything we should get caught up on? We got a couple of super tips here.

People are streaming this and enjoying it. Oh, shit, you know what I just remembered? I just remembered that. I believe KB was stream sniping this last night and if he is stream sniping this right now and slam the door. I don't care. How fast is that monster reaching for his mouse right now? Oh, fuck Disney!

Fuck at Disney! Kyle's going to take down my channel. anonymous5buck says, Raid will be declared illegal. Riketa goes free. Aaron will be arrested for his involvement and all the stories he's been telling. End of the tow. Yes, free Nick.

Free Nick. Free Nick. If you are not doing Coke, you're a bad parent. Yes. I believe that. Anonymous Five Bucks says, I'm very sorry to tell everybody, but those cats are definitely long dead already.

They're probably decomposing beneath his couch or in the kitchen. They're around here somewhere. Yeah, no, I think I saw one last week. I'm pretty sure. I think they're just under the bed. That's a horrible thing to say. I hope that's not true.

How many balls do they have in their earring for us? Yeah, that's a very good question. All right, if you want to- I lost 83 magnetic balls. I can't find them. If you want to set up my screen share again, Patrick. So Christian Blatt decided, hey, man, you're going to be in Vegas.

I'm going to drive up from LA. We appreciate you being here, buddy. Thank you. Of course, happy to do it. And you sent me a few suggestions of podcasts that were Vegas-based that we could check out. And this guy I'd never heard of before. He goes by Unlocked.

Yeah, so Unlocked was an app. The reason you've never heard of it, because it was a terrible idea. But his name is Drew Belcher. And he's a food reviewer. There's a lot of them in Vegas. He has 835,000 followers on Instagram and 1.6 million on TikTok.

So he's very well known here. He's a Vegas celebrity. He did a show with some other guys at the Mandalay Bay. That had a lot of downloads. But he's also a huge douche. And I believe he came up when I did a Google search of Vegas douche. And Carl, you were immediately drawn to him, weren't you?

Oh yeah, for sure. And I think you sent me a couple of his Instagram reels so we can get to know him a little bit and see how he's an influencer in these restaurants. Yeah, so he goes to these restaurants, and he just does really big expressions and can't believe how amazing the food is. He's, of course, paid for all of these.

I believe you have a couple that just quickly show how great he is at the art of Instagram food reviews. Inspired by Maiden Island's specialty dish, my personal favorite and what seems to be the most popular so far has to be the Mighty Meats pirate platter. This is inspired by Luffy's meat-loving spirit and has everything from the famous meat on the bone, a chicken lollipop, skewer, and sausage.

Holy shit, in my life, I never thought I would say this, but that man eats in a less dignified way than Jack-o'-Lantern does. Holy shit. Really eats with his feet and toes. And he's like, that's ridiculous, sir. You're embarrassing yourself. It's like a Gay Pride Month food review.

Look at that. Well, Vinny, wait till you see how he eats lobster. That's the other clip from his Instagram. One of my favorite parts at Seafood Boil Spots is when you get to dump out the trash bag of all the seafood all over the table. And trust me when I say this spot does not skimp on the quality of the seafood.

If you love seafood and a lot of it, you have to check out Cajun Kraken. Seafood boils have been all the rage. This one is a must go. I think that restaurant's currently going out of business. There's no one else in that restaurant. He's cleared it out. That's why they spent their entire budget

on getting Drew Belcher. So a few years ago, he had a very short-lived video podcast called Don't Feed the Models. He would review restaurants with models who, after they were done recording, would be even less likely to fuck him. And the first episode was with a model named Macy J. Lee. We all know her.

So this first clip, she describes her ideal first date. OK, so what is your ideal first date? Ooh, my ideal first date. Hmm. We're going to get a little hot, guys. We're going to get a little hot and wild. It's getting hot in here. My ideal first date actually isn't hot and wild.

Can I just point out, because the first time I saw this, it was jarring. Sometimes I pull in these quick clips and things to enhance Hot and Wild. Can I just point out, because the first time I saw this, it was jarring. Sometimes I pull in these quick clips and things to enhance video and audio. I did not do any of this. This is what his show was. All of these stupid drops and things that he has in here, I have nothing.

I'm not taking any responsibility for those. None of them are Rick and Morty themed at all. It's just bullshit. Homer Simpson doesn't have a catchphrase in it. It's not for me. Thank you He also cuts out every ring when the model talks anytime she breathes It's just everything that they say it's so jumpy and there's also I think there's two drops in this clip That's we're gonna get a little hot guys. We need a little hot wild My my ideal first date actually isn't hot and wild. No, no, we're going to go to Hot and Wild with the questions.

Oh, okay. Not her answers because I'm sure they're not in Hot and Wild at all. My ideal date would be going to like Laser Tag or Paintball. Zap, zap, zap. What the? Oh, what? Are you just laughing? Are you good at Laser Tag or Paintball? No, but that's what makes it fun. It's what's not good at it.

Yeah, that's what makes it fun. I'm not good at it. Why don't you take me? That's my favorite content is what a hot girl wants to do on a date I could never take her on. Listen, the only answer guys want to hear is like, I just like to get sloppy drunk and then see what happens.

You know what I mean? I'm all like, I'm going to fuck the coke. Maybe I'll fuck you and regret it. Oh, yeah? Do you see where the guy reacted the way that he did? He's like, I don't know. Maybe we could play laser tag. He's just like, oh.

So there's no drinking or drugs and all it. Sounds all right. I'll just talk to someone else then, I guess. You're going to have that turtleneck on the entire time? All right. I guess look for another model. So one of the other annoying things about Drew is his slang. And right of the other annoying things about Drew is his slang and

He right at the top of this clip. He shows how cool he is and how down he is with the street lingo in a clip nine Whole grilled onions you said raw onions, which I still fuck with I like the But I like it I get worried just because fast we places usually when they do either don't consider it out faster nigga with my name come on respect It's not it's not but it is same time you eat your food fast. Yeah, but it's not that okay. Oh, but with you No Never mind. Okay. Do you like the fries? Are you didn't know fried hater? I'm not gonna fries and Jen. Who are you? I'm not gonna fries and Jen. Who are you?

I just I don't I like McDonald's fries. Oh a McDonald's fries are bomb, but I'm still a sucker for in and out They're too hard that's what she said Okay We had four drops in there That's the hackest one and then I think there was one that has a word that, well, Drew, I don't think can use that drop that he had of the one with the in and out face on it. Yeah. None of us can say that.

No, definitely not. Drew shouldn't use a drop of it either. This would be a really good show for a thing called hackamania. It would be very appropriate there. So the next clip, Macy talks about it. She doesn't like tacos. This is a 19 second clip with two video drops.

I believe they're each about seven seconds. Well, I'm allergic to avocados. I don't like avocados. Allergic to avocado, guys. There you go. Do not take her to a taquillera on her first date, because she's allergic to avocado. And I also don't like tacos.

If you don't like tacos, I'm nacho type. So definitely not. Jesus. You don't like tacos at all? No. Not even like Taco Bell? Yo quiero Taco Bell. So who is the audience for being awkward around attractive

girls? Who wants to watch a show where a guy's awkward around attractive girls? I don't get it. I mean, maybe if he won her over, then he'd be like, oh, I could win over a hot girl by being a hot girl. OK. All right, so does he fuck her at the end then, Christian?

Is that what we're going to see in a second? I hate to give out spoilers, but no. There's absolutely no chance. Yeah, I had a feeling based on how she was reacting to those questions. But he can't even use a good clip of her being hot, which you see her. It's slowed down.

She's eating, I don't know, some dessert she's eating. And he ruins it by putting himself in the clip. Wanted to show you guys the Nutella bite. All right. Dick's finally interested. Yeah, it's come. How does it taste? It's good.

It looks great. It's kind of on your... Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yep, yeah, no, you killed it. Yep, there you go. Did her publicist approve this? I feel like she needs new management or something. I don't believe she fired her publicist before this was even posted. I hope so. What are you tasting? I feel like she needs new management or something. At least she fired her publicist before this was even posted.

Napkin? What are you tasting? What does it taste like? Nicawa. It tastes like Nutella, no shit guys. Um, super bomb. Alright, we're gonna go in. You guys can see it.

Cause you wanna see Drew bite it after that, right? I have a very small mouth. Now everyone's gay. What's that mouth, Hulu? Hey, I just ate a bite from where you ate a bite. It's like we had sex, right? It's like we just made out, am I right, lady? It's kind of like making out.

Are you pregnant now, Macy? Totally pregnant, right? Are we dating? Are we going steady now after that? Dork. I don't know. Kayleigh, how do you feel about the word moist? A lot of women hate that word.

I'm OK with it. All right, well, that's, well, so is Macy, but Drew gets a lot of mileage out of the word moist on our next episode. The bottom half of it is so moist. It's so good. Moist. Moist.

Moist. Moist. Moist. Yes. Off topic, let's get on the moist topic. That's one of my favorite words in the entire English dictionary, moist. I know a lot of people hate it, I love moist.

The muffin was moist. I hate that word, but that's the only way to describe the muffin. The muffin was moist. Has your muffin ever been moist? Moist. Moist. I hate you.

Ha! Ha! Got it! Ha! You teed it up for that one. You centered on the tee. I stood in the batter's box and I yacked it over left field fence for a home run. Oh, Jesus. You did not. You did not.

And it's going to burn you. Jose Bautista bat flip. So, let me explain what I just saw. The guy brought up the word moist 20 times. And she goes, oh, he's hitting on me. I hate that word. And he goes, victory lap. Did it again.

He threw the bat instead. This girl wants nothing to do with that. It's so fucking obvious. It's so embarrassing. But the best thing to do was to She's not seeing these clips getting put in in post, so maybe she's He's not gay?

Allegedly. Oh, OK. I thought he was gay. You guys are talking about it. I didn't consider that, because he's got no game. I mean, I'm getting more homophobic just watching him, so I'm pretty sure he's gay. No offense.

No, I'm sure she is now. But the best thing to do when you're flirting with a woman is correct her on something that really isn't important that actually is true though Long time I'm gonna leave it to dick It's a different fuel than Cinnabon. No, Cinnabon. Cinnabon. Cinnabon. Cinnabon.

Cinnabon. Nigga, with my name, come on, respect it. And there's the same problematic drop from a few minutes ago. So he's used it twice now. This time it says Cinnabon, not In-N-Out. Well, the Breakfast Club could play it, but I don't know that Don't Feed the Models should be able to. Macy here talks about how she's vegan once a week.

And I'm sure. Just like how Jai goes to the gym. She goes to the vegan restaurant once a week in her underwear with her gym bag. I'm sure that Drew's going to have something really funny to say about that. I try doing it as many days as possible, but I'm not like, I don't consider myself vegan. Because I still, I'll have steak, I'll still have that or whatever, but I will have it as much as a normal person that consumes it would.

Wow, I would love to crack a joke, but I feel like she's super serious right now, and speaking from the heart, and caring about being vegan once a week, so guys. Yeah guys, but you know, I actually don't have any other meat any time of the week. Wait a minute. What was the joke you were gonna crack? I wasn't gonna say that, but she said it. I wasn't gonna say anything about that. He wasn't gonna say anything about her having meat no other days of the week.

If producer Chris was here, I believe this is what he would do. This dude is fucking corny. Yeah, he sucks. He sucks. He sucks so bad. So he does fuck her, though, right? Like, she's totally into him. The verdict's out on that, but I think it's unlikely.

I think we're judging him unfairly from these clips. So we have a few more clips with a different model. Oh, good. Her name was Ria Santos. And they went to a Mexican restaurant. And look at how excited Drew gets when she reveals Oh, good. Her name was Ria Santos. And they went to a Mexican restaurant. And look at how excited Drew gets when she reveals that maybe she has a presence online

he didn't know about. Do you want to tag your OnlyFans account? I shut that down. Just kidding. Wait, you had one? No. OK, OK. That was a joke.

Anyway, which I don't look out upon. I think every girl should do it, honestly. Really? If I was an attractive. There's two I was in a track you guys in the world Yeah, so if I was a girl attractive girl in Vegas not even in Vegas just period with social media nowadays I would build a huge following any way. I wanted to or could get on there. I would do it only fans I would charge $10 a month for exclusive content whether it's unfortunately showing nudity or not or whatever It's fucking crazy. I know some girls some IG thotties who are great humans and great people

Who have only fans accounts charging like 10 bucks a month making like a hundred racks a month And I can't hate them on that honestly yeah a hundred racks a month. I actually don't I don't speak white guy slang I'm actually not sure what that means what's a hundred racks a month. I actually don't speak white guy slang. I'm actually not sure what that means. What's a hundred racks a month? How bad is this guy's sentences? That there's a jump cut every third word that he's saying. What is this guy saying? I'd love to see the unedited version of this guy. Ah, homina, homina, ah, you're pretty, ah, er, ah. It's like Eric July. He's appropriating that.

What it is is what it is. If I was a young woman, well back in the day, believe you me, I would be on the internet, especially if I had social media. And then if I had social media, I'd have some sort of fans. Maybe it would be only fans, but you know, it could be any sort of the fans. Oh my heavens. And then I would put some sort of a direct contribution of what it is.

If you don't know who Eric July is and you think that Dick's just being racist, it's okay, he's conservative. So it's okay. You can do an impression of conservative black matter, that's fine. No. It's OK. He's conservative. So it's OK. You can do an impression of conservative black men, and it's fine. No one will be upset. Thank you.

All right. I just wanted to make sure you were covered on that one. So this whole thing where guys think they're like, wait, you could just jerk off on the internet and make money? I would do that. Well, yeah. Of course. Of course a guy would.

You're doing it anyway. Yeah, just turn on the webcam, it's one extra step. That look she's giving him is exactly that take. Oh yeah, really? Yeah, I bet you would show your dog online. I have audio of her in her monologue when he hits on her. You get nothing. You lose.

Good day, sir. Well, he completely misinterprets that look from her because he's gonna run with this idea in our next clip. Or maybe I'll start an OnlyFans for guys. Guys have OnlyFans. Yeah? Yeah, I'll get on there and start stroking it. I'd watch it. Swipe up.

Five dollars. Swipe up. Deal. All right, so yes, there are guys that OnlyFans, and their audience is gay men. There's not women going, I can't wait to watch this guy beat off on OnlyFans. I mean, I'm pretty sure I saw Kaylee just subscribe to his OnlyFans while we're doing this. It's true.

I actually subscribed to hers. It's fine. I'm so old I remember Playgirl. There were no girls who were interested in that at all. It didn't make any sense. It was for gay men. If it was an OnlyFans for women, it would be yelling at them. I paid five bucks a month for Carl to yell at me to clean my house.

I paid five bucks a month to watch somebody clean, a dude clean. Do my laundry. You paid how much for a new garage door? You're gonna take advantage of it again? dumb bitch we need new drugs what the fuck well our our last actual clip here is going to be drew just dropping his supreme game this is probably how we sealed the deal with Ria which number is this that's 17. Alright. Alright, how's it taste? That's amazing. It's amazing?

You can talk shit if you want. It sucks. It sucks. No, I really like it. Is it good? It's just so big. Yeah, right. Yeah, it's big.

Yeah, I know. Yeah, I know. Looks like she's got done jerking off a can of mayo. Usually after like the second bite and they had a mayo drop. Yeah. What the? You know, like mails already there in cans. Yeah. Well, mails already the thing. I don't know. I mean, you can just like monetize sexually harassing women. That's awesome. I didn't know you could do that. I just saw your eyes turn to the dollar sign. I'm like, what?

Oh man, I've been doing it for free. Fuck, I can do that. You look good for it, dick. Get those tits out. Yeah, get those tits out. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's cool, that's cool. People are gonna love that.

Oh man, I'm gay, so it's cool. Yeah. Well, also this show just proves that every podcast here at Hacker Mania should do more drops from the office, a show that hasn't been on in a decade. But all their fans are super cool guys, though. We gotta agree with that. That's a great point. It's just like my life.

The final thing we have, it's just a still photo, and I do need to give Drew a little credit because this is the end credits from one of the episodes. They list all the names. And right there on the screen, right there, choreography, Epstein didn't kill himself. So you know what? I'm going to give you that. He's won me over.

He might not want to think or tell. Just ignore everything else. Epstein didn't kill himself. Very good. Well, thank you very much, Christian, for introducing us. Oh, and I'm going to be keeping my eyes on Unlocked. Drew Belcher, AKA Unlocked. Follow him.

Guys, give it up for Dick Masterson for being here this week on The Dick Show. Give it up for Carl! Give it up good, like it's your last give it up, you lazy fucks! Jesus Christ! Don't give me the pre-give it up good, like it's your last give it up, you lazy fucks. Jesus Christ, don't give me the pre-give it up. Give it up good. There'll be time for that later, Mr. Masterson. Thanks for joining us, the Dick Show.

And of course, biggest problem in the universe is where you can find Dick Masterson. And the rest of you guys, I think, are coming back up later. So I'll just say that we are going to talk a little steel toe morning show. And I might even have a, do I have a drop for this? I should, right? Maybe I don't.

Do I have a steel toe drop? Do you have a steel toe drop, Mini? No. Son of a bitch. Producer Chris, where were you? Drop the ball. All right, let's bring up Vito Giswoldi. He's going to help us out with this segment.

Vito, get up here, buddy. Vito! Vito! Vito! Vito! Vito! He takes a while. It's all right.

Oh! Oh! Vito! Vito! Yeah, now Vito can do that. Super killer win! I want to start off so Aaron Imhol was on Kill Stream with Ethan Ralph this week on Wednesday night.

I know it seems like forever going the Sealtow timeline but there's some very interesting things that happened. Did you check this out Melton? Did you see Aaron Imhol on? Okay. I think this is new news. I think there's some new news coming in right here. So Ethan Rope is asking all the questions.

And Godwinson is also on the show asking some questions. Props to Principle Uncertainty for turning me onto this program. So there's some questions about Nick Reketa. I don't have to explain this thing, right? I've explained it a few times on this show now. I feel like every time I breathe this out, I'm like, all right, so here's what's going on.

There's this guy here. Nick Reketa is fucking Aaron Imholz's wife, April. Wait, what? I know, it's crazy. And then Aaron is fucking Nick Reketa's wife, Kayla. OK? So the question comes in, which is a good question. Were you ever concerned about April getting pregnant?

Because you know we got Nick Rekader raw dog, and he's already got five kids. We already got five stinky kids Which is a lot of a problem. There's a precedent that's been said here. Yeah, so. Can't afford coke for all of them. You can't hide coke from too many kids You know he's already hiding it from five of them. Right, so let's see what the answer is here Was Racket shooting his breast load? I mean, he's got five kids. Was he going into your wife or? I don't know. And I didn't care to know. Um, I was having my, what if he had gotten your wife pregnant?

It would have been a fucking disaster and I might've been arrested for homicide. Was she on birth control or like, is that going too deep with it or like, Was she on birth control? Was that going too deep with it? Was she on birth control? No. OK. Whoa.

Whoa. Whoa. Oh, fucking hell. All right, I know it's a little bit chaotic. So let me just explain what just happened. The question is, did Nick ever finish in your wife? He goes, I don't know. I didn't ask her that question, which, good on him.

That's not a great question to ask. Not a good conversation starter. But then he says, but April's on birth control, right? He goes, no. And then this is probably the most irresponsible thing. Out of all the things they're doing, Coke and Molly and ketamine with children around and not feeding them or anything, the most irresponsible thing out

of all of this is this asshole, Eric, goes, well, you know, if Nick had knocked up April, I probably would have killed him. How about April gets on birth control? Why not have her take a pill before you start murdering people who you're letting fuck? You're letting him fuck your wife, and you're just like, well, make sure you come on her tits,

though. What? But Carl, the best birth control is a bullet. Yeah, apparently. Yeah, I mean, control is a bullet. Yeah, apparently. Yeah, I mean, damage is done at that point. Hey, guess what? My wife's pregnant, and I murdered the father. Great.

It's going to work out really fucking well. Oh, he has a plan. All right, so this is what really annoys me about Aaron Imhol. And I've been annoyed with him ever since he came out and he said, hey, guys, I brought April on because I'm a narcissist and I've been annoyed with him ever since he came out and he said, hey guys, I brought April on because I'm a narcissist and I need help. And I realize I'm a narcissist and that's what narcissists do

and so I gotta get help for it. And then a week later he goes, I went to a therapist, they let me out of the room. I'm not a narcissist at all, I'm perfect. So I don't need any help at all, it turns out awesome. Isn't that weird, how that worked out? I'm the best non-narcissist that ever existed. Yeah, it's crazy.

They looked at me and they were just like, you? Get the fuck out of here. You come back again, we're going to kick your ass, you dumb rascal. All right, so this is Aaron explaining why he's been talking so much about this story with Nick Rekeda and April and everyone. This is going to end.

The coverage of this is all gonna be done. I gotta get back to doing my fucking show at some point. The only thing is, my show is talking about my life and talking about the news, and like I said, my life is the news, the news is my life at the moment. The only reason why any of this is news, and we know about it, is because Aaron told us. And then he told a detective who got a search warrant

who got them arrested. And now in Aaron's mind he goes, what else am I gonna talk about? This is the fucking news that's going on. He created the news and then complains he has to report on it because that is what the news is. It's fucking insane.

There hasn't been any big news in the last week or so, so he should really just stick to this. Oh, I'm glad you said that because he literally says after this, he goes, well, now that the Trump verdict came out, I'm off the front page. And I swear to God, I swear to God, he literally thinks the algorithm on his YouTube is the same for all of us. Like, I was logging to YouTube, and it's just everyone piling

on Eric Dibholz and talking about Nick Krakata. It's just like, no, no, no, dummy. The vet, all right, 99.99% of people who go to YouTube don't see Eric Dibolt or Nick Cricata showing up on the front page. No, hold on. I picked up the New York Times and it said, podcaster's wife gets cream pie'd.

Was that? No one reads the New York Times. Oh, you're right. Never mind. Sorry. I just went to the front page of the New York Times and the USA Today. But those are as a dying media right now.

What a fucking arrogant asshole. He's just like, guys, I've got to talk about it. I'm on the front page. What can I do? I mean, come on. He's just like, guys, I gotta talk about it. I'm on the front page. I'm on the front page. What can I do? I mean, come on. Trump gets arrested. My wife gets brutally fucked.

And I send her to jail for some reason. I believe George Will wrote an opinion piece about how Aaron was on Cleanup Beauty when Reketa finished in his wife. I know. It's very confusing. I had it in my head and I couldn't get it out. There's a lot going on. Make sure to talk into the microphone.

Okay. Unidirectional. I do. All right. So he literally said, I've been kicked off the front page because of this Trump stuff. Those are the words out of Aaron Himmelt's mouth. He's a fucking idiot. So then he's going to start reading a text he just got from Kayla.

Reketa. And I'm like, oh, from Kayla, or Kada. And I'm like, oh, all right, this is fun. Let's get into that. And Ethan Ruff, what the fuck? I mean, this is a disaster. And I got a text from Kayla Monday where she said you were right.

Yeah, no, I don't wanna go into all the, just let's leave the text, let's leave the text out of that. Because they're not here to speak for themselves, I decided not to go down the road. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Fair journalist Ethan Ralph is there. I know.

Whoa, whoa, this is hearsay. That would be a brief journalistic ethics. I can't possibly. We can't have salacious content on my channel, not on the Kill Stream. I won't stand for it. What the fuck? I will not divulge my sources.

No text messages, but who came inside your wife? Yeah, right. And it's so weird. I'm ready to read a text message. I'm like, all right, this is interesting. Ethan Ralph shuts it down. He might be Team Reketa. I don't know.

I'm just throwing it out there. I'm fucking out with Bolton at the same time. They're friends. But anyway, that's not the point. The point is, Aaron let something slip here that I think is very telling about his character as a person. It really shows what a piece of shit he is.

And maybe me, in my anger towards April when we would fight, maybe me flaunting my feeling, not flaunting, but having these clear feelings for another person in front of her may have caused her more pain than she thought. Again, she never said this to me. This is my total speculation, 100%. So he literally just said it.

Then he's like, oh, shit, I just said it. He was flaunting his feelings for Kayla in front of April. This is a vindictive piece of shit. Who would date this guy in the future when he's just like, you hurt my feelings, I'm going to hurt your feelings threefold. Let's see how that works. I'm like, oh, this is going to be a great marriage.

This is going to go really well for everybody. That's why this poly stuff doesn't work, because any time you get in an argument, you go, you know what, I like fucking the other one way better. Yeah, right. Yeah. I said you fucked my G-spot, you have no fucking clue where my G-spot is.

You're like, all right, that's very hurtful, ma'am, I thought we were doing a good job the other night, but. I like to think you just fuck with her, you just sit there with a flower, pick off petals, Kayla loves me, Kayla loves me, Kayla loves me, she loves me. I love that he said it, flaunting my feelings

in front of April, that tells you everything you need to know. This is a very damaged relationship. There's a reason why Aaron's doing victory laps all over the world, they all got arrested, and not, isn't like, oh shit, I fucked up another marriage. Probably shouldn't. He feels like he got away scott free. He's like, ah, this is great.

Everybody else goes to jail, and I have a podcast. Talking about being a cut gold, which I don't know why. That's a W for him, but OK. We got a fun reveal coming up based on that. Vinny, you have something to say? I have something to say. I think he likes the idea of him doing that hurting her. And he says he can't confirm it, but he's like,

I can't confirm that that's what is, but I think that's what it is. But I hope so. So fucking narcissistic. It's like, I took my love away from her and was giving it somewhere else, and it crushed her, and she didn't want to admit it because I'm so great. So the question is, because if you're not following

this story, which one of you? No, I'm just kidding. If you're not following this story, the question is, why is Aaron divulging so much personal information that should never have been put out there? I mean, you could have just talked about this kind of high level and said, yeah, we got into drugs, and we were wife swapping, and let it be that.

But no, he's talking about very specific things. So it seems like he's maybe clout chasing. So this question comes out. And I like to actually, all right, full disclosure, I'm not a fan of Ethan Ralph. I've made that very clear over the years. But this I enjoyed from Ralph. Get a handle on it

You can see why people are saying this though because the show numbers are up your money's up Everything's working right like and you're talking more you talk about the better It is really for you And so some people are like, you know Ryan called in earlier and he's like well this guy's doing this for cloud and he's getting Off on it. Oh, I'm attached to a huge fucking story. I can't help it. That's like saying, you know I'm attached to a huge fucking story. I can't help it. That's like saying, you know, OJ was doing his trial for Klaus. I mean, I'm part of a massive story,

and I can't detach myself from it. And if I do, I'm lying and I'm being dishonest. If I go, I have no idea. I don't know. I washed my hands of it along time. But you know what? OJ didn't do any interviews. Yeah, that's a good point.

That's a good point. Yeah. OJ, you know, he was in the news all that time. It was for Clouton. He wasn't famous before that. People stop talking about 2,000 yards and 73 for the Bills, which is impressive. It was 14 games, guys.

Back then, it was a 14-game season, 2,000 yards. No one else ever did it. No one has done it since. Yeah, he killed it. Thank you. They lost both games to the Dolphins that year. Are you happy, motherfucker? So Aaron goes, yeah, it's just like OJ Simpson.

They're like, no, no, no, no. OJ was actually trying to get out of the spotlight. Remember he was driving to Mexico? He literally wanted nothing to do with the media, the spotlight. He was trying to get the fuck away. He had at least waited for everything to die down before he was like, I should write a book about how

I killed that bitch. Hell yeah, if I did it. So that was a bad example. But again, this guy goes on Kino Casino, and they're asking him questions about anal and oral. It's the Howard Stern Show in 1993 on there, and he's answering every fucking question. At a certain point, you'd be like, actually,

I respect the other people involved in this, so I'm not going to divulge every fucking question. Like, at a certain point, you'd be like, actually, you know, I respect the other people involved in this, so I'm not gonna divulge every fucking detail. Also, I wanna have a relationship again someday, so I probably don't wanna explain everything that happened in the bedroom and with our drug use, because no one's ever gonna wanna fuck me again if I do that, but not Aaron. So, then they talk about the hot tub stream.

The hot tub stream, if you don't know, was with the Ricadas and the M-Holts. And there was a lot of speculation going on. Nobody likes onions, may or may not have been talking about this at the time. And so why the fuck would you guys all get into a hot tub together and do a stream when there's all these rumors going around?

Apparently this was Aaron's brilliant idea. You think that this hot tub stream was actually like a call for help almost, like you wanted people to know. And a lot of people take up on that as a call for help. People were like, what the fuck? And some people in your audience were like, what's going on, Phil? Let's, yeah. Yeah, we had a call for help.

No, that's really interesting. My attitude towards it was the swinging rumors were already starting at that point. And they'd been going for a while. These guys are all fucking each other. It's amazing. I've said before, there's so many things that you read online, like rumors and people's ideas, that you almost look around at each other and go,

are you guys leaking shit to people? Because it's like these people are in the fucking room sometimes. But the hot tub stream, my idea of it was all these people are saying this shit, guys, why don't we just go so over the top silly shit with it that people may be back off the rumor. Now, if you guys are going to laugh at that, you'll go, dude, that's the dumbest fucking idea. Well, obviously, because it didn't fucking work. You thought it was gonna be like a reverse ecology thing?

Like, look at what we're doing, it can't be real, because they're flaunting it in public? Yeah, hey, you know what? Yeah, it turns out we made another really dumb fucking decision. You can't be mad at me, I'm mad at myself. You can't say I'm an idiot, I'm saying I'm an idiot. No, I can't say you're an idiot.

Well, he didn't go with his real idea, where he's like, guys, guys, get it. Everyone's saying we're in a relationship. So how about I jerk off on your wife tits on camera, right? Yeah, right. As a goof. We'll upload it to Pornhub. Who will find it?

Yeah, right? Right. No one will even know. So what's crazy is that he just admitted people were speculating online about our personal lives that we were denying. And they were completely correct the entire time. So for the rest of Aaron Imholz's online life, people will speculate about his personal life. Whether they're right

or not, everyone will probably believe it. This guy needs to stop talking about his personal life on the internet. It's not for everyone. I'm just gonna throw it out there. It's kind of fun though, maybe just for a while longer. OK, yeah, let's do it. So the question is, why were you denying this for so long? Everyone had it right. Everyone was talking about it. I shouldn't say everyone. I should give Patrick more credit here.

Patrick had it right. So why were you denying? Yes. Let's give Patrick a round of applause. I was wrong. I'm the idiot. I'm the idiot on this one. Carl thought it was a work.

I thought it was a work. I thought it was a work. I thought this guy can't be this dumb. I literally had some. She's going to come downstairs and bring up cookies. It's going to be hilarious. I'm a fucking idiot. I'm an idiot. So the question is, why would you deny this

when it was happening? But then why deny it the whole way until like this week? Right, you clearly want people to know that's what's the most curious part of this whole thing. No, because look, once the arrest thing happened, I can't really hide that part anymore. April getting caught with that and then the whole internet blows up with it and you know Nick Stream and all of all they're fucking each other and this that and the other thing and it's just like and then you're carrying around that lie that you know you just keep lying and lying and lying. This is where I got annoyed with Ethan

Ralph and I got annoyed with the other guy on here Godwin son why didn't they call him out on that the reason why they got arrested he goes well yeah I had a fast up when they got arrested. No, no, you fessed up weeks before that, which is why they got arrested. You were denying it before that. No, she's upstairs making candied bacon. She's cooking dinner for the kids right now.

Such a good housekeeper. And he was lying about all this. Like, why were you denying it for so long? He's like, well, once they got arrested, I had to come and confess. No, it was weeks before that. You were confessing to go to Bali and all this crazy shit. So he's lying.

And here's another example of lying about the timeline. That's about the only thing I'd say is that going through this very publicly with, you know, and I do feel like I've had to discuss a lot of things that I wasn't discussing before because other things were happening. The Nick Drunkstream, the arrest, everything else. I mean.

OK. So now he's talking about the Nick Drunkstream, which he was talking about doing Coke and Molly and all this stuff long before that. And I was pretending that like, well he forced my hand down this one. No, you watched that stream and went, I can't do my tookie, em-hole, brush it, man.

God damn it, man! You gotta get out, I'm watching my friend die! I'm watching him die in front of me! I can't take it anymore! Don't do this to yourself. You have children. Think about the kids. The worst fucking acting

I've ever seen in my life. As a tribute to you, my friend. I tried my best. So then, he has the fucking balls to say that someone else has fucked up the timeline. So you're saying that, Ted? No, no.

I think, again, I think you're kind of fucking up the timeline and everything else. Oh, that's fucking rich. He's calling other people over, fucking up the timeline. That's all he's doing. This has all happened in the last three or four weeks. It's not a lot of timeline. He's not like, well, in 2019, Sutherick Johnson.

He's like, no, it's not going back that far. It's very fucking easy and obvious. So here's the big reveal from this episode. And I'll turn it over to Lucy Typebox, who checked out episodes of Steel Toe with Keanu and Gino this week. But so he does an hour and 50 minutes with Ethan Ralph. And Ethan has this reveal. He was waiting for it till the

very end Aaron does not look happy about this. By the way we hit the goal and I said I would make the reveal while you're here if we hit the goal and I've been promised the first solo interview with Nick Ricada when he comes back to streaming he's gonna do his own stream but I've been promised the first solo interview with Rakata. So that's why I said it's not going to end, most likely. Oh, that was full Rutt-Rell. He's like, oh, wait, do you other people get to say what happened?

So wait, whoa, whoa, whoa, you're telling me Nick Rakata gets to say his side of things? Oh, fuck. I didn't think about that. I wasn't even considering that they might have some things to say that I didn't say that might also be true. Oh, shit. This is gonna suck.

Can I just say, if you're gonna do a live show and you're a guy who looks like Aaron, don't wear a blue shirt, because this is like the secret life of Best Buy tech squad employees. I'm like, oh, what's the geek squad up to? Everyone's fucking my wife! He's a helpful Honda person.

Yeah. Come on a helpful Honda person. Yeah. Come on down to the Honda days. So I am very much looking forward to Nick Ricanus' return to, and maybe April will come out of the woodwork. Who knows? I'm looking forward to finding out what they have to say about all of these things

that he's been leaking. But Lucy Typebox, I give you a horrible assignment today. You gave me the worst assignment. I hate you so much right now. Lucy last night goes, Carl, what do you want me to pull for tomorrow? What do I want to do? And so this morning I said, hey, if you want to check out Steel Toe, it's like nine hours of horrible content.

And I scrubbed through that, find some good stuff. Yeah, it turns out there's nothing good also, by the way. She never stopped kicking me in the balls when she saw me today. But what did you find? Well, you know, this is everybody's favorite soap opera. So I was really excited to continue hearing Aaron beat a dead fucking horse about this. He has not stopped talking about it.

And yet, everybody who are his now co-hosts, so Gino and Keanu, they can't even pay attention to him. So check out clip four. OK. It's kind of like your parents when you run with a bad crowd in high school. They're like, if these people are putting you in these positions, these are not your friends.

They're not your friends. Right, exactly. It's exactly how I feel. I don't know. And I, her is my friend. There's some chemistry right there. Yeah. Oh, you want to talk about chemistry?

So he goes, you know, I can't deal with April anymore, because she's just bad news. He goes, I still like April. Oh, I'm talking to the wrong person about this. That was. But she also wasn't paying attention to a single word that he said mid-time. She has no idea that that's what he just said.

He does talk about their good chemistry in clip seven. Just because you have good chemistry with somebody does not mean that you're gonna have a good show. And I think you're gonna really, particularly appreciate this clip because it has to do with great banter. Oh, I love banter. Guys, from a broadcasting standpoint, let me tell you something.

When you haven't gotten to any one of your news topics or stories or whatever in two and a half hours because you're just joking around and having fun about shit, that is the walking definition of chemistry. That's right. They've been talking for 2 and 1 half hours, and they have not started talking about anything.

This reminds me, OK, I don't know how many people in the room will remember this, but I used to listen to Opie and Anthony. And I just wanted them to talk about the hoarders episode from last night. And hope we just be going on and on about fucking nonsense. Can we talk about intervention? Can we get into the fucking meat potatoes of this? Stop it with your banter.

Shut up. I never need two and a half hours of banter, especially from Aaron. No. No, never. He is also obviously, he loves to pander for money and talk about how professional his show is. So one of the things that I was most entertained with

is in clip two, where he acts like a true professional and folds his laundry during this four hour episode. And pitting it against your common fucking sense, or you're like, I don't trust my common sense, and I never finished this part. Natural immunity, this is how dumb it can be. And then I'll give it back to you. That's just classic broadcasting, people.

Well, if you got the COVID, because the vaccine didn't work, but if you got COVID, you have natural immunity, but you know what else? If you get vaccinated, they made up the word super immunity. They literally said you would have super immunity. Remember watching Howard Stern on E, and they just be, you know, folding shit? Well, I guess natural is good, but super is super. I hope this is a job interview. Are those camo pants?

Well who the fuck is gonna fold the laundry his wife is gone. I get that I get that. He's doing a lot of shows he's doing a of shows, that's a good point. So you're saying Johnny Crutches doesn't fold laundry? Ha ha ha ha. So we'll hop over, he's celebrating the small victories, like horribly folding his laundry. And in clip six, we will hear about another small victory. What? You know, if people are like, Aaron,

I think you're fucked up. Dude, I celebrated buying soup yesterday. Why has he got his hand like a retarded guy? I think we already know the answer to that question. That's not a good look. Why is he talking like my aunt, my unmarried aunt? I celebrated with some soup. It was so good.

There's a trend that I've seen with a lot of these guys who are just streamers every day. Guys like Sutterine John and Aaron Imholt, they're not living a life. Opie's one of these guys, too. They're not living a life. There's something interesting. So if they're like, I went to the grocery store,

they bring it up on their show. That's not part of a show, asshole. Dude, if a guy tells you that he made soup and tells a story about it, that is the saddest fucking guy on the face of the earth. That's really sad. I put the chicken stock in the pot. Yeah, go lose $10,000 in a poker tournament like an adult and talk about that. Anyway, you put it in for three minutes.

We're almost to our goal today, everybody. If you could. Not only that. See your way. He didn't actually make the soup, he just bought it. He bought a can of soup. And then he talked about that for two and a half hours. Wait, he heated up his own soup?

This guy's gonna make it. We're gonna make it after all. The parallels with Suddary John talking about making bacon. I mean, the further away we start of the show. I microwave my own bacon. I'm basically my own man. Microwaving bacon that we're microwaving soup and taking a victory lap?

Microwaving soup's easy. You open the can, you pour it in the pot. All right. Anything else? Why would any woman leave? We're running low on time. We gotta move. Clip five, we're just going to get

to hear about where he sees himself in five years. Oh, good. Ricky Bev with two bucks says, Aaron, where do you see yourself five years from now? God, would I love to be back on the air doing this show on the internet and as a syndicated radio program. It's five years you want to be on the radio? He's living in the past. Think about how many people will be bringing me soup if I'm on the radio again.

I won't have to buy my own soup anymore. He's going to be like one of those old Japanese war dudes who just walked through the jungle. He's going to be in a radio station by himself, like hiding behind shit. I hope to star in silent films. I got a new sponsor, Tom's Gaslamps. They're fantastic. I'm getting into the telegram business.

By the way, Banana Bag, there's free samples out there. BananaBag.org is where you go for all your hydration. Vito Diswality, thank you very much. Christian Blatt. WA! Thank you. WTP! And oh, no, Christian, you're still up here.

And thank you very much. Lucy Typebox, everybody. Woo! Give it up for Lucy. My shit, I'm leaving, Carl. I'm not going anywhere. Bye Lucy, we'll miss you. Oh, Lisa Boswell I'd kick your ass the hell about it.

Like Lisa Boswell Nobody better than me Lisa Boswell We're gonna have some retarded babies. Lisa Boswell Lisa Boswell Lisa Boswell Shit, that way if you don't get any pussy you can bite. I'm playing in a band and the other band's all setting up their drum set next to me and

shit, they're just glaring at me. I apologize. I got to play some of that reality show clips. The people demand it, Patrick Melted. Dr. Steve's ready to fight me. I got a place in that reality show clips the people demanded Patrick Melton Dr. Steve's ready to fight me. I ain't a hard-boiled egg today dr. Steve All right, thank you Jenny's back up with us Thank you very much Jenny. Hey Carl. Oh, so bright. Where's Brian Johnson? I want him back up here for this is here Hey Carl, you know what?

You were yelling me earlier because you thought the creep off was going to go long? Yeah, I know you're right. I go, it seems like it's going to go long. Everybody's like, no, no, we'll move things along. And we did. It was great. And my show, I could never fucking do it.

The last show that we played, I got word from people coming up on stage to be with us. They're like, by the way, the people who work here are complaining this is going on. I'm like, oh, shit. That's not good. Patrick Mellon says it's not going on. So I'm just going to fuck around right now,

because we got clips that came in of that reality show. I gave this assignment to both Christian Blatt and my buddy Vinnie Paulino. And I'm interested to see what you guys came up with as far as the highlights of that reality show. Christian, I'll start with you. All right. So my first clip, it's the start of a show.

Lisa was out sick one day last week. Yeah, Wednesday. Yeah. She was puking. She was puking. I was worried about her. I'm still worried about her, as you'll see from these clips, Carl.

I think the numbering's confusing, but it's a my clip six and she right away Lisa shot out of the cannon Robin. I'm Helga Mann, she's Lisa Boswell. Welcome to Trainwreck TV. Let me explain what we are. Then I'll explain what we're not? Oh? I can't finish my disclaimer. What? What? I had just a little bit much, you know, I had a little bit much to go and then you can, you know. Oh, I'm gonna go.

Okay, anyway, I'm Helga Mann, she's Lisa Boswell, welcome to the Trainwreck TV on with the show, God help you. There we go. Happy? Sorry, the most important thing is that Lisa has not put her teeth in. Right.

I've never seen Lisa without her teeth in before. She forgot to put her teeth in. I noticed that, too. Before this episode, it's like, you're on the internet for 20 minutes a day. Should there be a checklist or something, you would think? She forgot. She obviously forgot.

She had multiple packed bowls ready to smoke for the teeth weren't in. And it's very boring. While Helga talks, you see her put the, I don't know, the Pepsodent or whatever it is that you used to fasten it in your mouth. So you see her actually preparing it. And then eventually she has her teeth back,

I think, by clip 11, where you get a shout out, Carl. Yes. Yeah, I know that Carl keeps putting us in the videos. I enjoy it when Carl puts us in the videos. Have you ever had? Oh, no. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Oh, my god.

You need the bucket? Whoa, whoa. Oh my god. You need the bucket? As long as you don't get it on the carpeting. Pills, duns, pills, they have a head in your duns. Yeah, I've taken them. Yeah. Ah.

Ah. Oh, no. Oh, no. I love her so much. I'm so worried about Lisa because of this clip. I am, too. Oh, she's feeling better now. Should we call her?

Yeah. Should we call her? She's probably sleeping. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, no. She might be up now. She wakes up like 2 AM on Eastern time.

Do you have her number? Of course I have her number. Are you mad? Are you jealous? Of course. Are you mad I'm texting with Lisa Boswell? I want her number. So Helga did the show with a Chucky doll yesterday.

So Lisa was not back. No. But this topic of throwing up on the show comes up again in clip 14. So I do text with Lisa Boswell. You know what I write to her? You know what? Guess what?

You want to know something? And I never reveal it. And no way to moderate or hold on to the chat. It's just so fine, like, to somebody puking their guts out, you know? Yeah, well, you know, not many people puke on

a TV show. Puking on a podcast would be a first. I don't think anybody's ever puked on a TV show. Puking on a podcast would be a first. I don't think anybody's ever puked on a podcast. Can anybody out there provide any examples of it happening? I can't if you just give me time. All right. That's a teaser right there. Holy shit.

She's a go-getter. If you don't stop this fucking show, it's going to happen right now. The shit. She's a go-getter. If you don't stop this fucking show, it's going to happen right now. The team is excellent. So, uh, Helga hit my clip number three. Oh my god, if this show turns into that, I'd be so fascinated by it. So I will say, producer Joe has definitely

vomited on a podcast before. I saw him drink like a beer and a half and get really drunk. But there's gotta be like, everything that's happened has happened on a podcast, right? I think you should add a Discord channel, the WATP Discord of just clips of people throwing up on podcasts, I think you could do a nice montage. Yeah, we need more channels in our fucking Discord.

Do you know how many channels we have? Can it just be like in the main thread? People putting people puking on a podcast? I know know the only one I ever go to is the Who Are These Broadcasters channel. Yeah, it's pretty dead in there. It sure is. We've got one last clip for me. That's my clip 18. Helga shouts out everybody in this room. I'm excited. Hey there Hackamania. I'm excited. Hey there, Hackamania! Hey, Hackamania! You guys finally

tuned in on me? Is that her boyfriend? That is her boyfriend? That's the boyfriend? Get the fuck out of here! What is going on here? Oh my god. It's a grateful dad San Francisco Giants shirt. Helga Grateful Dad San Francisco giant shirt.

Helga shot a load all over his shirt. Ha ha ha ha. Holy shit. I thought that Lisa might have barfed onto him. Hey, you guys think this guy likes the Grateful Dad? Ha ha ha ha. I think he loves the Grateful Dad, if I had to guess. Minnie, what did you pick up on?

What did you check out? Guys, I'm sick and tired of watching the same old stuff with these two, so I tried to find something a little bit different for you. And I found an episode from earlier this year before they were discovered by WATP, where they were just out there in the wild doing their thing for nobody.

And they had a guest on. Would you like to see Helga and Lisa interview a guest? The shit I would. So my clip one, it is off to a really good start. You guys are gonna love this. She's Lisa Boswell and as our guest we have. Call me Shag Navelow. No, actually Webb.

Who's Webb? Going by Webb. Welcome to Trainwreck TV on with the show God help you. When did you start Go About Web? Long time ago. Where you been? Always. It's always.

It is my last name after all. It is your last name. OK, well good. At least it's sad. Is that Star Wars girl? That is another lovely woman who is very into trans issues. And she's there to talk to them about some really boring shit. But here's the thing.

I know we're pressed for time, so I'm not going to go through all this. This woman goes on for five minutes about her last name and how she changed her name. And then watch Lisa's reaction to that from my clip too. Very quick. It is my last. It was the last name I came into the world with.

Yeah. Yay. Yay. Sometimes you just got to feel dead air, I guess. Bless her. You know, I got to say, and I'm talking directly to Helga, because she does watch this. She talks directly to me.

It's so weird. Someone was texting me, Helga talking to me, like video clips of it. And I'm like, am I a schizophrenic or is the internet talking to me? Like, literally the internet is talking to me, I think. Or I could be a schizophrenic. I think it's a little bit of both.

Yeah, I might need medication. I don't know. But I'm talking to Helga right now. When it comes to wigs, quality over quantity. You know, like get one that looks good. You don't need 50 fucking wigs that are all garbage. It's not Halloween. Dude, I watched the one where she talked about how she went

to a trans meetup in Detroit that they do four times a year. Yeah, it's called Magic Bag. Yeah. W-A-T-P. The Magic Disappearing Bag. That was worth more than that. That was a good joke. So hold on a second.

She goes to this thing. She talks about how she goes to this one store where they sell clothes for trans folks, because they sell shoes that are size 14 and shit, like nice pumps. That's what Helga said. She goes, and then I saw this wig at the register. It was $20.

Oh, it's an impulse buy. I said, yes, please. It's like how I buy gum. I'm like, I can use some gum. So this woman is on here to talk about specific trans issues. Helga decides to make all of this about herself through the entire interview. And I'm going to get through a lot of these clips.

I'm not going to play a lot of them, Carl. I'm going to help you out here. Thank you. But I'm going to go to my clip number nine, because she talks about this thing. And then Helga brings up her past Well J Edgar Hoover amassed a three-inch file on me Thank you Lisa well they went to the same parties

She goes J Edgar Hoover had a three-inch file on me, and I saw it. And that laughs like a sociopath. No, what I want to do now is she is going to tell you the story about how she saw the file. And I'm just wondering if you guys can help me figure out if we think any of this is true. So my clip number 9, Carl. 11.

Oh, I'm sorry, my clip number 11, yeah. How much of this do you guys believe? I saw the file. I had four feds show up at the place where I was working down in Nashville. They called me into the general manager's office and threw this big file on the desk in front of me. They showed up with a search warrant and a Geiger counter.

They threw this file on the desk in front of me and said, if I make any more trouble, they were going to make me disappear. Pause it. Wait a minute. Yeah, your interest is piqued too. Mine fucking was. I'm going, what the fuck do they need a Geiger counter

to talk to this lunatic for? So the FBI comes to, at the time, his job, drags him to the office and threatens to murder him if he causes any more trouble at his job. Sounds like the FBI to me. So they have a Geiger counter. Why is that? Let's find out.

Why a Geiger counter? They stumbled across my Manhattan Project. Pause it. What were you doing? Your what? Your Manhattan Project? your what your Manhattan project Helga what the fuck were you doing how old is Helga I don't think that you know I don't think that's how that works I was trying to beat that Oppenheimer okay what were you trying to do? I was writing a fucking book. I had no intention of building the goddamn thing.

I was just doing a feasibility study to see what was possible so that my work could look like that. Look how interestingly it says. Because sci-fi authors make a lot of mistakes in both their science and their actual details. I knew her when she was younger, believe it or not. I didn't know her, but I knew somebody that was just like her. I knew all kinds of people that were just like her. I mean, I am one of these first people that when I start writing, I have to get the details

right. No one told me there was gonna be boasting. What the fuck is this story? She was trying to write a book and build a bomb? Yes. That the FBI shows up, drags her, and shows her a three-inch file? Yeah.

Also, as a side note, this woman, Carly Webb, how did she wind up in this mess? She looks so uninterested for the most of this interview. Well, she's also very kind, but she's, how, how? Her background is fucking football players. She wants to talk about like a game plan or something, or like, should we run more next game? I mean, I think the linebackers are injured,

and they're talking about the Manhattan Project. She's so patient. I don't know if I would have that patience, although now I would. Well, I have a good way to end this, Carl. Yes. Because my last clip just shows you Lisa is annoyed and fed up with all of this.

My final clip, Carl. 13? Yeah, 13. I have a daughter-in-law dying in a hotel room from complications from COVID, because my son's employer will not document even the fact that he works there, much less his income. At least it's just cleaning her phone, not even paid attention.

And the system has to have documentation of income before they will do anything. No, you go. She can't get a visiting nurse in every day because can't document Tommy's income. No one cares. Nobody cares. Nobody cares. Nobody cares. She pretty much needs around the clock care, but she's not getting around the clock care because the system's broken, my son has to go out to work.

You guys, it's already like 20 after 8. So we're done for now. We let Carly go. But don't forget Sunday. Yeah, it's 20 after 8. We don't forget, Sunday. Yeah. Let's see what it's 20 after 8. We have enough of Helga ranting. Holy shit.

What year was this from? This year, this was from? Dying of COVID complications? Everyone's just like, all right, that's not a thing anymore. You're lying. It's not. Early April or March, this is from? By the way, Christian Blatt found this unfortunate still

for us to all enjoy. Oh. Well, we should be glad this unfortunate still for us to all enjoy. Well we should be glad our cameras as high as it is. Let it flow or forget it. Things could definitely be worse. I want to talk to the boyfriend. I'm the most interested in what that guy. Yeah, I want to know more about that guy too. Yup. All right. So that's that reality show. I want to thank everybody on stage for being here. Vinnie Paulino, Jenny Jingles, Christian Blatt, Brian Johnson, thank you all for being here. We do have to catch an alien real quick and so what I want to do is I want to bring up now is Joey C here? He's out? Alright I sent him an email telling

him he's part of the show but apparently that didn't matter. Is Mary Beth still here? It probably yeah. Is Mary Beth still here? Can I stay and do it? Probably, yeah. Is Mary Beth here? Mary Beth, you're on this. Also, I want to bring up Dr. Steve and the Ray Puppet are coming up here for this game as well. Yeah, baby!

We got the cat! See? Mary Beth Rosie, everybody. Yeah, baby! We got my dad! Ha ha ha ha! Mary Beth Rosie, everybody! Yeah! Woo! Aw! Aw! It's gonna be less than that. You got super tips.

Oh, I got super tips. Okay, let's do this first. All right, so as you guys know, Cardiff Electric puts together a game for us every episode. And he put together a special one for us this week since we're here live in Las Vegas. I don't know what this is. I don't watch them ahead of time.

I'm not a cheater. Not like Aaron Imholt. I'm not a cheater. So let's see what this is. You guys can play along in the crowd here. It's time for everyone's favorite new game show to catch. Eenie meenie miney moe catch a steel toe. Buy his steel toe. Are you ready to play? Eenie meenie miney moe. Fuck it. I actually have audio from April when she woke up this morning, if you guys would like to hear it. Let's, this is April waking up this morning. Sometimes I film you when you wake up.

You don't know this, but I record you. I didn't consent to this. This is you this morning. Mike, were you really sick this week? I call her Mike. What was the problem? I broke my back. What do you mean by that? My back is broken. What, a vertebrae or what portion?

Spinal. There you go. That is one of my favorite Mike Tyson moments ever. I broke my back. My back is broken. You mean like a vertebrae? It's spinal. You know what? I'm going to tell you, my back is broken. You make a vertebrae?

It's spinal. As if Mike Tyson is telling Jim Gray, you're too stupid to comprehend what the actual medical term is. So I'm not going to tell you, okay? Oh, boy. Don't be comparing, people are mad that I compared Kanye to Ethan. Guys, guys, give me a second. Careful. Give me some time to explain to you the Kanye Ethan Klein thing, okay?

I promise, I'll take you, I'll get you there, all right? You're treading in murky waters. Triple N is saying, I hear twerking is good for the back. I'll give it a try. Kurt, what the fuck are you doing to her now? I'm watching a horrible episode of Steel Towel. This fucking guy. for the back. I'll give it a try. You're in the curtain, what the fuck are you doing to her? I'm watching a horrible episode of Steel Towel. This fucking guy.

Rocco, you're his friend. Edit a clip, edit a clip. All right, see where this is going. I'm tuning out, but let's see where this is going. I wanna talk about Lisa's dentures. Oh, okay, we can talk about that. I forgot to put him in, Steve. Can you believe that?

That twist thing where your back just shatters when you do it. Do you want to know something? I tried doing that to help earlier and it made it like substantially worse. So. In the comments says, all jokes seriously, I might need to donate soon with the shit I talk on here. Well, don't donate because you talk shit. You know how many people in this show talk shit for free? Donate to the show because you enjoy the show and you're like, here, I want to help you guys knock out what you're doing. I appreciate it. And because you guys are so honest about the fact that you're filthy beggars who do your show

for listener support. That should be, you know what? I'm a bad businessman talking myself out of money. You're really bad. Contribute to the show for any reason you want to. Maybe you think I'm a giant piece of shit and you want to contribute money. What did Aaron say next? Here are your choices.

Number one, so April can run off with a better man. B, so I can find Jesus. Next, so I can pay the lawyers. Four. So April can divorce me. And lastly, so we can all go on a bender. Eenie meenie miney mo. Catch a steeltoe. Buy his steeltoe.

Okay, I always go first on these. I love number one. I want it to be true so April can run off with a better man. That's my pick. Jenny Jingles, what say you? I'm going to say next so I can pay the lawyers. All right, what do you think, Dr. Steve? First of all, I don't care. But I'm going to say B, so I can find Jesus. It just seems so random for him to say. Yeah, contribute money so I can find Jesus doesn't even make sense.

What do you think, Ray Puppet? Yes, I'm very glad that Carter picked up a pen and gave us all these wonderful choices. I'm going to also go with with B so he can find Jesus. Okay. Take up a pen. Mary Beth Rosie. All right. I'm gonna go with so April can run off with a better man. All right. So no one has, okay, let's, I know I was ready to say any producer Chris to write this shit down. I forget everything immediately. I know what I picked. Here we go. I'm a bad businessman talking myself out of money. You're really bad. Contribute to the show for any reason you want to.

Maybe you think I'm a giant piece of shit and you want to contribute money so April can divorce me. Who am I? Oh! Oh! Oh! Shit! Oh!

Amazing! You can't. Rain would love that. Rain would think that was great. Brown Nuts with 10 bucks. I'm not going to do that. I'm not going to do that. I'm not going to do that. I'm not going to do that. Oh! Shit! Oh! Amazing! You can't. Rain would love that. Rain would think that was great.

Brown Nuts with 10 bucks says, for hot single and fatherless moms. It's my fault. Very sweet of you, Brown Nuts. Before I play the rest of this ridiculous clip, how many people had that right? Hands up, how many people had that right? All right, wow, it was too obvious, right?

It was right in front of our face the whole fuckin' time, god damn it. Thanks. Very sweet. That's all for this time. And remember, if you didn't buy your Hackamania ticket with promo code Cardiff, you pay too much. Get your tickets now for DabbleCon 2.

Yeah. Promo code Cardiff. There's no. Every Monday, April's here at 745, 750. Every Monday, she's taking a shit, she's getting a divorce, she's meeting up with black men. Same thing, every Monday. And every Monday, it's the same deal.

Sit, Eugene, sit. Good dog. Woof! Ha ha ha! Let it go, let it go. Can't hold you back anymore. I forgot, I think it was typing this right now. I forgot.

Supposed to be doing this the whole time. Alright, Patrick, let's get caught up on some Super Tip stuff and then we'll get out of here because Tookie Soup is coming up next. We got Pat Dixon. We got Tukey, we got Dr. Steve. Hunter Duke Five Bucks says, first off, disappointed by the lack of Apple Talk, Patrick.

Quad should reenact Mack and me. Also congrats on the win, Vinny. Fuck off with that, congrats on the wind Vinnie. That fucking creep, you know what he says is this shit like this. Let's see that dick. Yeah, it's not cool. Anonymous Three Bucks says,

he didn't even compliment her shoes or offer coke. Right, those are the two acceptable pick up wines. Anonymous Three Bucks, of course Vito Giswoldi is talking about kids god damn you vetoed jizz well die anonymous three bucks Carl what's your opinion on chakuribet fridges I think they're cool I think it's a really cool gift for Valentine's Day who is this person? Admiral Orbani? Admiral Orbani, that's Diana.

No, I know what the avatar is, but that's how you spell Admiral, is it? No. Okay, thank you. Need a shower after seeing SJ's mutant kids in 40 years. That's it, thank you guys. Thanks for checking out the streams, we appreciate that. Thank you all of you for being here to hack a mania making this happen. Holy shit We did it Patrick Melton did it nobody likes on you said it

Again Vinny Paulino Jenny jingles Lucy type by Christian black dick Masterson be able to swanly Brian Johnson Joey. was supposed to be here, Mary Beth Rosie. Guys, thank you all for being here. Stick around for Tukey Soup. You don't want to miss it. It's a recap of the whole weekend. And then the party finally begins. Thanks, guys.

Appreciate you being here with us. Again, I'm chopped liver. Dr. Steve! Morning radio. Came down to show these old chopped liver. Dr. Steve! Morning radio. Okay, great show. Good job, everybody. Great job, everyone. Thank you.