Who Are These Podcasts? - Ep745 - What's Our Podcast?, Opie Radio, Jerry Banfield, Cumia on BYB

Episode Date: July 19, 2026

This week we’re checking in on Kyle Mooney and Beck Bennett, two SNL alums who are maybe the most forgettable cast members ever. Kyle Mooney is especially terrible and he proves it on this podcast that relies on schtick and nonsense.  Trucker Andy joins us to discuss where on the doll Kyle touched him. Jerry Banfield has once again fallen in love. Oh no. I have a feeling this won’t end well. Jerry is once again falling in love immediately. If this woman watches this stream she is going to file a restraining order. Anthony Cumia went on Quadfather’s show, BYB Podcast. Even though Ava was on, Ant did a great job of explaining why Chad Zumock will definitely steal the money he was given for his GoFundMe. Opie had another F U Friday with Ron and Tony. Opie is getting more confident with these zilches. He’s trying out material. Somehow, he’s still the least funny guy. We finish with Internet News and your voicemails.  WATP candy available now: https://www.leiselandfriendsgourmet.com/ Trucker Andy’s channel: https://www.youtube.com/@StaySorry  Support us, get bonus episodes, and watch live every Saturday and Wednesday: ⁠⁠http://bit.ly/watp-patreon⁠⁠ ⁠⁠https://watp.supercast.tech/⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Find out more at Cadillac Canada.ca. Luxury sales claim based on S&P Global Mobility Canadian New Vehicle Total Registrations for calendar year 2025 for the the Cadillac definition of luxury. I told them in the strongest of words to just do it. You see, this is a, we just do it kind of show. Who are these podcasts? They've definitely directed some viewers over my way. Your podcast should be about my little pony.

They're both losers. Episode number seven. 45. Are you a boner guy? Oh, I was a boner guy. You know what? I missed penis. What are you talking about?

I'm the one who should apologize. Is it going to be? Absolutely riveting. Is it going to change your life by any stretch? Probably not, but it's going to be at least entertaining, okay? By the way, for those people that are in the back, remember to shut the fuck up. Maddieo! Cuzzaro!

Cuzzaro! Slapparoonie. It's showtime. WATP. Hello, wonderful to Cudderys. Welcome to another episode of Rwet's podcast. The show that is the third-place game of podcasts. I'm your host, Carl.

with me this week. If he walks like a goat and smells like a goat, it's a goat from the All Apologies podcast. Trucker Randy is here. Hey, let's be nice and have fun. Producer, get out. He fooled everyone, including yourself with that one.

Producer Chris is here as well. Hello. Whoarethys.com, all the links and all that kind of stuff. We're going to do a bonus show. If you want to support us and get bonus episodes, you can do that on Patreon.com. You're on our YouTube channel. We're going to do a bonus show tomorrow at 1 p.m.

living in the past. We're going to fly through it so we can all watch the finals. Spain, Argentina. Don't worry. We'll be done by then. What is that? Soccer? I guess.

Okay. Anyway, bonus show tomorrow, living in the past, episode 25 of living in the past. And I have some people have been sending me some really good old Howard Stern clips and stuff. That's really fantastic. One about John's diet because he's shitting up the play so much. They had to talk to people about what he's eating and stuff. It's very funny. So that's going to be fun.

Producer Chris, Jenny Jingles, myself, Patreon. Patreon.com slash Who Are These Podcasts? Also, we encourage our listeners. Give us five stars wherever you review podcasts and then shit all over us in the comment section. Today, we'll be reviewing What's Our Podcast? This was a suggestion from Eric Carlton. We've all listened separately. We have not discussed it.

With each other beforehand, let me read you the email that I received. He says, well, let's see the Doug Love's movies lately. There's been a Squarespace ad featuring Beck Bennett and Kyle Mooney. It's very annoying, cringe, and desperate. I had to check out there, what is this podcast to see if Kyle Mooney is always as hateable? And yes, he is. I'd love to hear you guys review it. And when I saw this note, I went, I remember talking to Andy about 10 years ago about how much he hates Kyle Mooney.

Fucking sucks. Dude, I remember you going like, has Kyle Mooney ever said anything funny? This guy fucking blows. Why is he on Saturday Night Live? And I agree. I don't find the appeal. I have to think that he is somebody's nephew. and that's an NBC executive or something.

There's no reason this guy should. Think it's a Nepo baby? Be on TV or have a show or a podcast. He sucks. So he and Beck are like good buddies. They used to be roommates before they were on SNL. So they kind of like grew up together and we're doing all this bullshit. This show blows.

Let me just play the intro and get a sense of what we're talking about here. What's our podcast? What's it got to be about? tell us. What's our podcast? What should we talk about? With Beck and Kyle. Full cut.

Beck is sipping his his beck juice. My brown beck juice to get me going in the morning. My brown beck juice to get me going. My brown beck juice to get me going in the morning. I got to get up. Got to get up.

Gotta drink my brown. Got to bring me. Got to get up. Got to get up. Got to get up. Got to drink my back brown juice. Got to get up. Gotta get up. Gotta get up.

Gotta do my day. Gotta get up. Gotta drink my back. Brown juice. They had guests on a little while back. Hollywood handbook. That's funny. That was one of the very first things I wrote with my clip one if you want to play that.

Only because you left out the one thing at the very top that I want to make sure that we include. Okay. You can go out and play mine, please. This is a head gun podcast. What's our podcast? What's a got to be? about tell us what's our podcast what should we talk about with beck and Kyle oh and we're rolling oh no oh no oh you caught me uh everybody um everybody down oh no stick up oh please please sir let do not

do not i want to stick up the place you want to take everybody's money yeah there's probably one of those blow-up things in it. It's going to blow purple dial over your face, and you're going to look like grimace. Did you ever think about that? You're going to look like a fool. You're talking about if I'd get into the safe, I'm going to go, oh, there's going to be, I'm going to turn

into someone that looks like a grimace. Jesus Christ. Spit it out. Spacks in the thing, and it's going to blow up. I've seen the movies. This stammering prick over here. Can't fucking figure out what he's talking about. Yeah, right into silly make-em-ups with 50-year-old children.

And I wanted to include the headgum thing because they're the ones that are guilty of perpetrating this improv horse shit that we covered doughboys. And it's Jake and Amir that old college humor. Those guys run this network. And all of their shit is like this. They're giving these improv people a platform. I hate it. I hate it all. It's a certain kind of improv that's like you have to be like doing schick all.

the time. Nothing's real. Everything's just silly and goofy. And it gets old so fast. Like I was immediately tapping out when he's going, oh, I'm drinking my brown juice and they start rapping and shit. And it gets worse. It is good. And sorry, let's just clarify real quick.

Yeah, definitely. For all the listeners out there, please. Yeah. The Beck brown juice is what? Oh, it's my diarrhea. And you put it in a mug to drink. No, just scoop it up with my hands out of the bowl, kind of like um like uh clown style

um sorry because clowns just kind of are like silly yeah well they're they're bottom of the barrel kind of degenerates like right just too whatever just you okay yeah the problem with the show first off clown style i'm eating my diarrhea clown style it's like i don't even he's just like i don't get it man i what do you mean by that that's silly is that what you mean well that's the thing it's all the lowest hanging fruit, of course, diarrhea, but in my clip, too, what's the other thing that's the most obvious joke, gay stuff?

I like bad boys. Really? I just let everybody go. Why don't you just absolutely ravage me in the safety deposit box room, and then we can call it a day. Now, what are you going to allow me to ravage you? Upside down, inside out, left, right, any outy, anything you can think of. I can't wait.

because I like you for who you are. You don't have to rob the bank. I'm not technically attracted to you. That's okay. And seen. Jesus. Okay. I'm so glad because Andy,

I watched an entire episode, there's never an eject button. And seen, thank fucking Christ they figure that out because this fucking poop bit's still going. It seems disgusting. Yes. It seems,

and I actually feel like that it will in some way hurt your body. Yes, I have extra doctors for it. Oh, extra doctors? Yes. What are their names? Ronnie. Ronnie J.

Ronnie and Ronnie J. Those are two different people. Yep. Okay. And they don't like to check it very much. And they make sure your levels are good after you drink your back brown juice. Yes. They check me out once a year or so.

And they're okay with how you're doing generally. You drink this every day. Yeah. Yeah. And as long as, yeah, as long as I'm getting. as long as I'm taking the medicine they prescribe me. It's kind of like in

it's kind of just like a it kind of helps counteract it kind of helps turn the do-do into nutritious vitamins so it helps my body break them down and turn them into energy. So you need to take the medicine otherwise you just so because to me it felt like oh it's just

he's just drinking straight diarrhea every day but what you're saying is you have this medicine to counteract it so that it is nutritious. Exactly. It's kind of like anti-histamine or something like that. I'm seen. I know. Do they think it's going to get funny? I can't even smile

talk. That's all this is. It's just we're going to pull the taffy until somebody decides that they're tired of how shitty it gets. And the sign behind them, too, the sign for their show, it's just poorly made, quick,

no effort, and that's Kyle Mooney for the last 20 years. I made it suck on purpose. So when somebody goes, this sucks, you go, I did that on purpose. You're not even trying to be funny. Well, yeah, okay, we're succeeding at that. By the way, they have 31,500 subscribers on YouTube.

We have more. And the videos get between 12,000 and 44,000 views per episode. They're excited about a potential guest they're going to get on the show. Now, I thank you for being so curious about my song. But remember what we were going to talk about is if we actually want Obama as a guest. Yes. On this podcast. Yes.

So here's the conversation. Yeah. We can be real. Yeah. We've been having a lot. It's been really fun doing what's our podcast. Dude, it's been really fun hanging out here and kind of just like building it as we go. It is built.

It is building. Well, Eric Nagel's in the chat and he was on with us yesterday when we were doing this little piggy. And I mentioned we were going to do the show. And his interactions with Kyle Mooney, he said he was a fucking prick because he was at Series X-Oven doing interviews. And the dude's a real asshole, which is interesting. You'd think it'd be like a nice guy because you're like, well, you're not talented or funny. Right. Nice to people.

Make up for it. Yeah, you would think so. Where the fuck do you get off? Apparently he's also, like, difficult to deal with on top of all of this. Of course. So they're going to get Barack Obama, and they're going to be real. Because they're going to get Barack Obama. I mean, hilarious.

Can we, all right, we just play the premise of the show so you understand what the fucking point of it is, I guess. My thought is, we're doing good. I always wonder, like, oh, by the way, this is what's our podcast with Beck Bennett and Kyle Mooney. The only show where you get to listen and watch. Uh, yes. And we have a guest come in and pitch an idea for what our fucking podcast. Yes, yeah. And today we have a great guest, and I have a feeling he's going to pitch.

Ratatouille. That's a little hint. But yeah, I imagine we'll be talking about our favorite moments from Ratatouille. Pat and Oswald's the guest on this episode, because I just wanted to be extra angry. And it's working. So the premise is, we don't know what their podcast is about. So they bring guests on, like, can you tell me what our podcast is about? that's not my job

it's like Jerry Bairfield when he's like Carol how should I make a living dad I don't fucking know man Yeah It's not my job Mine was Clip 3

It's the same thing But it reminded me of Joe Madderese You tell me how to do it in jail Welcome to what's our podcast Everybody With Beck Ben and Kyle Mooney And we don't know what our podcast is about So we're gonna sit here

And try to figure it out It's we're searching We should bring in a guest And the guest can be like Huh Your podcast should be about searching my little pony yes and that would be amazing and we would explore that because me and Kyle are searchers we're searching I like that well there's an old movie I don't know if you

ever heard of the searchers I haven't heard of it it's an old western what is it called the searchers I have heard of that one yeah oh Jesus Christ oh did somebody say something that triggered a memory for you ADD guy where you just have to derail the show and start talking about something whether it adds value or not to the conversation Yes, just stay tuned for somebody breaking into song Because somebody said a fucking lyric Wait for Ray DeVito to start singing a chorus of a song from 83 Coming up next

Great Well, since he brought up a movie he's familiar with This is about Citizen Kane He's a food critic And I'm and I imagine they were thinking of this old movie Citizen Kane, I don't know Oh, I don't know, yeah So, because I haven't seen Citizen Kane

Okay, it's a great black and white client I do not remember who made it But it is... Orson well No Orson What was the other name you gave us? Orson Well.

No, Sarah, what was the other name you said? I didn't say another name. I don't think you said another name earlier. You said two other names. Orson Well. Rem me the rat? I think he's the rat. He's not, no, no.

He's not like an autotus situation. He's not like, he's not autistic? He's not autistic. Who's watching this and laughing along or clapping their hands? Like, who's excited about this? What's going on here? Lonely people with no friends. It just happened to discover it.

Lonely people like this show. I'm not mad at lonely people. I'm just saying like, what the fuck is the entertainment value of this? Anyone can do this. Anyone can be like, hey, what's that movie? Can you ever heard of it? Who made that? Orson, well, I don't think so.

Well, that's the thing. When I, we started going back to this well of improv, I went to the UCB, upright citizens brigade. website. And it's the biggest grift of people that are desperate to become famous in Hollywood. They promise that they're going to teach you how to be funny. If you pay them enough money, improv 101, improv 101, improv 201, improv 301, and everything is 450 bucks. And if you take all the classes, then you can teach other losers that don't know how to be funny, how to be funny. And on and on we go. Thanks, Matt Besser.

Well, you can learn amazing skills like discussing the animated movie Ratatoui. Ratatoui is animation style. Okay, great. It's animation style. It's not live action. It's not live action. It's not live action. Oh, it's a 3D animation.

That's what it is. Okay. Okay. Okay. Yeah, the animation style is so amazing. I remember thinking, is this a real? Okay, one second. Sorry.

Sorry. Sorry. Sorry, sorry, when you say 3D style, say that again. Sorry, say it one more time. It's more of a 3D animation style. Oh, okay, what were you saying? Wait, sorry, I interrupted you. Go ahead, finish that thought.

It's not a 2D animation style. Okay, and what were you saying? I'd say it's not a 2D animation style either. Okay. Okay. Yeah. Okay, great. So now, so we've got all the Ratatooie stuff settled.

So we got that Ratatoui is 3D animation style. Not 2T style. Not 2T. 2T. Is it 2T or 2D? I thought you said 2D. Keep it going, Kyle. This is killing.

Never stop. Could you imagine being in a writer's room with these assholes? I can't imagine. I would imagine this is what it would be. I won't imagine. You know, they're like pitching a skit and you're like, that's not going to make it. I'm sorry. We don't have enough time.

It's a 90-minute show. It's just not going to make it out of the show, guys. Shut up. Stop it. Well, Kyle, this slow tard doesn't understand anything. So everything is an. Excuse to have an annoying speculation about the origin of any given subject my clip four is an example of that I'm gonna Pick your brain a bit here so to speak by the way I'm always I've always wondered where that phrase came from

Pick your brain. Yeah, it doesn't sound very comfortable no yeah I imagine somebody with chopsticks you know I'm I always imagined somebody with long fingernails like kind of going through files You know kind of I like that too that would be that now you're making me think of surreal art Salvador Salvador Salvador art Salvador style art Salvador style art Jesus Christ

Well said Just when you thought it couldn't get any fucking dumber All right They were talking about getting Obama on as a guest So they come back to that And they decide to figure out What kind of questions are going to ask Our former president

What it was like Because I would be I would have to ask him What was it like being president I was going to say I was going to say I would have to ask him, what was your favorite snack to? Oh, because they probably have, they have butlers, right? Yeah.

So I imagine butlers are kind of constantly coming up to you at the White House being like, what type of snack would you like? Yes, I would love to know what type of snack he likes. Yeah, they have butlers for everything, I think, at the White House. Snat of the things? Yeah, what are things? The remote butlers, these are butlers who only bring in like TV remotes and stuff? Yeah, because you know, you ever, you lose the remote and you're like,

it in the bed? Is it in the dress? Yes. Is this like a running gag that, like Matt Damon on Jimmy Kimmel? They're going to get, or Tim Dillon on this show, they're eventually going to be on this show someday. Maybe. No, that was kind of funny.

Jimmy, yeah, Jimmy Kimmel would just, like, say it one time and move on. It didn't turn into a long fucking, what kind of snack is. Anyway, I want to, if anyone's doubting that Kyle Mooney is an untalented retard, watch this. Yeah. We could ask Mark. Okay. I have a surprise for everybody.

Okay. There is somebody, speaking of guests, I don't know if this is a guest exactly, but somebody who has played a decent part in the evolution of what's our podcast, who has decided, as far as I can tell, to stop by today. Really? Yes. Hmm.

And I'll show you right now. Oh, my gosh. How's everybody doing? It's Pouchy. I'm back. Hey Pouchy, hey Pouchy, I think you have a little bit of hair in your mouth. That's not hair, my friend. That's a pussy.

Wow, so you have some pussy in your mouth. Okay, so if you're listening to this, Kyle just took the shirt pocket that he has and turned it into a puppet, like a sock puppet kind of thing. And he's no toky. You can see his mouth moving. It's not impressive. It's not impressive. but he's got hilarious bits like he eats pussy and they go with that. That's good.

You eat pussy or? Breakfast, lunch, dinner. Yep. Okay. Wow, that's amazing. That's a- Jesus Christ. I mean, at least be good at talking if it's just going to make up nonsense and say

ridiculous shit over and over again. So what the fuck of you asshole's been up to? It's been a while, Kyle. you're uh you smell oh come on pouchy that's not nice yeah pouchy that's not very nice you're also closer to him than everybody else you're in back oh boy ah i can't fucking take you i know i'm sorry this show fucking sucks out of ice and he saved this segment what do you got for us well somebody's gonna turn everything around well that's the thing that only no pressure they question everything But now we have to sit there and wait for the hardest working producer and podcasting to fact check everything for them in clip five.

All right. Do you remember iTunes? iTunes on the old iTunes. Yes, I do. And it's still around. I still pop into it every now and then. Well, now it's Apple Music, I think, actually. Is it Apple Music or is it iTunes?

I don't know. Apple Music might be like a different. It is music. It just says that's music. Okay. So this time I was right. So this time I was right. What happened to iTunes?

What, yeah, can you look up? What happened? Are they just regular tunes on Apple Music? Or are they iTunes on Apple Music? It was a rebrand. It's a fucking, get me in the studio. I want to shut all this shit down. Beck, it was a rebrand.

Let's just see what she says. This continued in 2019. Wow. And now that was before the pandemic. Right before the pandemic. That's suspicious. Interesting. Yeah.

Yeah. No. Fascinating. It's not. I'll be dead soon. And when I'm on borrowed time, I will be cursing Kyle Mooney for the seconds and minutes that he is stolen from me for wasting everybody's valuable time with this shit. Imagine that mad at me. I was thinking you'd be cursing me.

When you're under death, mad at Kyle Mooney? All right, cool. I'll take it. Carl made me watch Kyle Mooney. Curse you? How did I get over this? What else you got out here, Andy? Well, now let's fact-check the most guessable answer of why the I is at the beginning of iTunes in Clip 6.

Now, what is the I? Is it Internet? Is it I like me, Kyle? Because it's iPod, iPhone, iTunes. I don't know where it comes from. I don't know what my podcast is about. What do you think it stands for? I think.

Because that was Steve Jobs, I believe. Yeah. Can you look up? I actually have never wondered this. question to myself. Do you're not. It was introduced by Steve Jobs and does stand for internet.

Wow. Would you look at that? Holy shit. I mean, even backcant's all that is like, wow. Yeah, it's fucking boring. Yeah. Can you believe this is our show?

So this show is just like fact checking? Right. Fact checking. How boring is that? Yeah. You look it up. Somebody's smarter than me, with a computer. Look up everything that I

speculate about. I'd rather listen to Joey C. Talk to his AI. Can we do that? Can Frenchihana produce a show? Suck him the way she did. Send Joey C the link. Let's get him out here with Uncle Bob. Figure this out. All right, you guys ready for

Patton Oswald to join the show? Of course you are. Everyone's excited about Patton Oswald. Hilarious comic who isn't self-absorbed at all and doesn't smell his own farts. Hell fucking day log. and great question. We really need to know about what's going on with Instagram.

Never stop moving. We need, we need really good Instagram clips. Never stop moving. That's what it's all about these days. It's all about the, yeah. How do you, have you, has that made its way into your work in terms of like the stand? Are you putting up standup clips? Is this a real show now?

What just happened? Kyle Mooney just tried to ask you a real question? Wait, so you're posting clips of your standup on Instagram? you're trying to promote yourself through social media? Oh, I'm sorry. I thought we were just doing schick. I forgot. Fuck.

And it's that your real question. So then Patton has to, this is what it starts off this interview. Like, wow, hard-hitting stuff. And so he has to answer that question. The thing I don't like is that a lot of times with stand-up clips now, they don't want you moving back and forth a lot. They need it more vertical. Yeah. So like, can you kind of stand still at the mic?

I'm like, well, I kind of like to move right. So I've got to figure out what's the solution to that is right now. But that's wild. man, who's giving you this now? Well, I, I, I, I now work with a, everyone seems to work with a media company, a clip company, except that. Amazing. Amazing stuff. He goes, yeah, I try to stand still because, you know, it's a vertical format for Instagram and TikTok.

That's wild. I think you answered your own question. Is it? How do I deal with not moving around so much? Stand still? Yeah. Yeah. And Patton is such a pretentious douchebag.

Like, he's constantly proving his all the can knowledge in the world. And he's talking about this guy. Carl Frund, who was a cinematographer in the 30s, was born in 1890, and he wants to tell us all about this guy. Speaking of all these forms. Speaking of Carl Freund, folks. Listen, we got to get Gen Alpha listening,

and they love a good Carl Freund reference. Yes, we all love Carl Freund. So did he invent a multicam, or is that kind? Yeah, okay, listen. Here we go. History. Say goodbye to your pre-60-year-old listeners. This guy, Carl Freund, he should.

shot like the mummy for Universal, this great expressionistic German cinematographer, some of the darkest stuff. In 1932, what are we talking about? He can't help but be boring. He can't stop himself. Was gay diarrhea involved? Can we make this interesting somehow? And scene.

He right scene, right? He literally says, this is going to turn off everyone who's watching this, but I can't stop myself. I'm going to talk about it anyway. So then, Kyle, thank God, brings it back to the funny. nonsense. And the stories in Star Trek, those are made up, right? That's not as far as...

I don't be careful what you say. I don't want to be embarrassed. I don't want to say something. And then people go, actually on Rylon 7, that was the thing. Yeah. I forgot. This is a ridiculous show.

We talk about nonsense. Let's get back to that. Pick a lane. Are we talking about a cinematographer who was born in the 17th century? Or are we talking about Star Trek being based on true events? What are we doing? And yes, I pronounce the K and Knallen. Shut up, Adam.

Adam Horowitz taught me that. Andy, what do you got next? Well, Kyle's definitely in love with Beck, and Beck seems like he would let a guy blow him if he was on Molly, but he's just not into Kyle. So it's not into, he's not into Kyle in a gayway, and it drives Kyle crazy in Clip 7. I've always wondered what it would be like to go inside of your brain

I always wondered what it would I be like to go inside your brain too yeah well and uh you know we all have uh problems we all have different we all have different strengths and weaknesses that's true and I'm it's it's wonderful that you can recite so many facts and you can interact with people normally mm-hmm I'm sorry what are Kyle's strengths nobody knows did he just say he knows facts He was just asking their producer to look shit up on the internet during the show. That's his strength is knowing stuff.

Yeah. Okay. It gets worse, though, because now they're going to talk about Rochelle, the producer's Magic, the Gathering deck. And, uh... Andy, please tell me you're lying. Please tell me you just made that up. I was the one that had to watch this shit. This can't be really what's happening on here.

It's so bad. She has a demon down. Well, I heard about that. Yeah. And it's a very mean demon, from what I understand. Well, the demon deck is a very mean demon deck. Well, this is my question to her, because she sort of presented it that way, but the demon deck, I believe, has several demons in it. Is that right, Rochelle?

It sounds about right. There are about 10 demons in it. Now, let's hear those demon names. Oh, okay. Buckle up, everybody. Okay, my main guy, the commander is named Valgavath. Valgamoth. Okay.

Well, that's interesting. Or error of souls. Who? Fucking cares. Harro-Hara. Harrow. Harro. I'm a herer of shows.

I'm a herber shows. Ooh, that's scary. Oh, the herrower is coming. Shut the fuck up. Who else you got? Who gives a shit? Who gives a fuck? I have Ractos, Lord of Riots.

Ractos, Lord of riots. Wow. Okay. Boring. Boring? Exactly. Good timing on that. Carl, you didn't even know all the demons in your demon deck, do you?

I don't know any of the demons in my demon deck. I know. Jesus Christ. We finished up a Wednesday show a few weeks back, and I went to one of my normal watering holes. Yes. To unwind. Yeah. Walked into board game night.

Oh, boy. And that's what that sounded like, and that was before the fucking magic gathering clip. I'm like, this is exactly what I walked into. Is that why that place burned down? I guess which place I got mad Turns out Borgians are very flammable Chris was mad it was game night

It was too much magic the gathering talk But let's save this bit with some fantastic Character work from Kyle Mooney Clip-Nus Mokus Mokis is Mayhem Devil I please forgive me

Yeah I accidentally I lost the Borey wand So, by the way, do you have any more Pugoo porridge? Yeah, so is Mogo the Kyle Devil? That's basically you. That was a really good impression of you. Fucking thing sucks!

You can see the look on Beck's face. He was making a mental note to take this podcast off his resume. And Kyle starts talking about, like, trying to entertain children, and he does that voice again. That's, like, his only, the only tool in his toolbox when it comes to doing voices apparently. This is kid talk, which is, I think, can be alienating. I've said it before. Yes.

I often think about that comment you said when we talk about our children, but, you know, it's okay. It's our lives. What did I say? Said something about, like, you read somewhere that the most boring thing is for other people to talk about their children. Yeah, to hear people. Talk about their good.

Or to watch this podcast. And then they go on to talk about their kids and they know it sucks. And they are just actively doing this to me personally. They can't help it. themselves. Well, let's get back to Pat and Oswald, who's a giant blowhard, as you'll see. I loved, I think Parks and Rec was one of the best, like, TV shows ever done. It was this sneak, way darker, way deeper show than it pretended to be. But it was like this beautiful, 22-minute short film for free every week on NBC. That's how good that. It was like a Tom McCarthy

film every week. And guess who was on it? Pat Nossel. It was the greatest show ever. Parks had Rock, everyone always says. It was dark. Fucking masterful piece of art can never be duplicated. I'm sure it's great. I've never seen it. Andy, let's finish this up. We got to move on to Jerry Bandville.

Yeah, yeah, I got two more. Okay. The clip 11, they are introducing their guest. This is Vic McAllis, who is like seventh build on everything. She's not really famous, but it's all they could get for this episode. But Beck doesn't know anything about this person, and Kyle is. just going to run to what he always runs to. I've never met Vic, but they seem to be just an incredible performer and personality.

Yeah. I like their work a lot. Hope you're going to ask them about improv. No! Don't ask them about improv. Fuck. Don't do that. Ask them about improv.

But let's see in my last clip here what improv master Kyle Mooney has to say when their guest finally shows up. Interesting. because the downtown east side is like it's it's such a densely because Vancouver's a port city so a lot of drugs come through Vancouver and like like fentanyl hit Vancouver before it really like hit anywhere else so like watching that disseminate and it's also such an expensive city so like you drive in one part like Yaletown is right next door and it's like you know these like multi-million dollar apartments to get like a one bedroom and then you drive like a couple of blocks away and it's just like dense populations of unhoused people on the street.

Slow Zoot was a nice touch. He got nothing for that, Kyle? You got to jump in and make this not depressing? Yeah, it's like, good stuff. Yeah, you know, there's a lot of drug addicts and people ODing and stuff. That's wild. Good stuff. I don't know what to do with the fentanyl.

Thank you for your call. Waka, waka. Yeah, what the fuck are we doing? Waka, waka, okay. So anyway, that's a show. I can't believe that's a show. It made me violently angry last night. Anyone can fucking do that.

And it's not good. It's not interesting. Carissa, remember for nine months, Chad is never going to do the special. He stole all your money. Didn't steal my money. He just stole my heart. No, Ron stole our money.

Those blue eyes. Yeah, Ron stole my money. Preacher Bill, this podcast is my favorite waste of time and money's scope. It's not a waste of time and money. I'll give you one of those. All right. We got to talk about, there's a wild. video that just dropped from my good friend Jerry Banfield.

I love to eat peanut butter. I love to eat honey. And I also love to eat beans. Beans. I look great. I feel great. Beans. I look great.

I feel great. All right. All right. Jerry dropped a video on his dating. You know, he's got six different YouTube channels. On his dating. called I cried walking home from our date. That's the title of this video.

And I went, I want to see what he's talking about. So let's go through it. Here's my July 17th, 2006 vlog in my studio here. But this is like what it looks like when I'm facing it. Wow. I had just the most incredible date last night. And it's amazing how.

so much has shifted in my life and just, man, it's been, what is it, Friday since Monday. Okay. This guy is out of fucking control. He's so manic. If you remember, he was done with dating. He gave up on it. He's like, I'm not dating anymore. It's not for me.

It makes me super depressed. I can't handle it. He tapped out. And now his life is completely changed between Monday and Friday. He's never been more euphoric. He's a loving life right now. He had a date. that changed everything.

So I, yesterday went to work. I made this amazing Ethereum presentation. Wait, what? I'm sure it was amazing. Work. Work. Jerry, come on.

It's very insulting. I tricked 12 suckers into coming to a seminar about crypto. That's work. I met up with a woman I met at yoga that I talked about yesterday. And I talked about all the details behind that on my Jerry Banfield dating. channel. I met up with her last night. She lives walking distance from my house. And we just had the most incredible date and conversation. I was so, like, excited and nervous on the way there. And after talking with her for two hours, like, I just, about halfway back to

my house from her house, I just, like, sat on a bench and cried with gratitude. I'm like, what a fucking post as one does. Jesus Christ, Jerry. You're a gross. You're a gross. own man. First off, it's embarrassing that happens. But then he goes on the internet and talks about it. Like, this woman's going to see this video. This guy's a pathetic fucking loser. This guy

is a problem at yoga. He's a sex pest. He's just predatorily looking for the woman with the tightest yoga pants. Thank you. Like, this is just, this match with her is so incredible. Like, we just are both, seem to

be, like, perfectly created for each other at this time in our lives. And it's been, it's been kind of scary, like to be this excited about someone I've just met four days ago. But at the same time, I'm not new to this planet or dating. Like, I've met enough women. I've had enough, you know, time in relationships. When I see her and see how I feel and hear what she has to say, I told her on, I'm like, we are extremely compatible with each other. Like it's, it's nuts. Like everything you're looking for I have to offer, except though the one area there was a little

bit of lack of alignment is she's like, well, my faith is really important to me. And I had made some kind of jokes that, you know, kind of went against that when I first met her. And I'm like, look, I am not that my faith is very flexible. Like, I'm very, you know, God-conscious, connected. Is it all faith works? I'll disavow my guy. I didn't if it'll get me laid. Yeah, right.

I mean, I could be Mormon. I could be Catholic. Me too. Yeah, right. Yeah, whatever you want. Which version of Jesus are you into? Because that's my thought. I want to know what jokes he told.

Yeah. Yeah, right? I converted to Judaism for the pussy. Who are you, my dad? Yeah. But I can express that through any particular. particular religion and I can focus in on it. So I started, I got the, pulled the Bible up online and started reading some of that because

that's important to her. Oh, Jerry, holy shitty, so bad at dating. She's like, well, you know, I'm pretty devout Christian. He's like, I'll read the Bible to you. He's like, yeah, not necessary. I got this. I'll be going to church on Sunday. It's fine.

I'll change everything about myself if you'll suck my dick. You're going to learn that Jerry does not want to blow job. Jerry's out into sex That's not this thing And I'm like that That's an area where I'm flexible I can happily Match you in your faith

Because I already live that way I already live like a faith-based life And if you'd like to express it together Through Christianity That's how I was raised She's like actually I'm a Satanus He's like yeah fuck let's go That's what I've been saying all long

And And uh Murdering cats right now Sacrifice a baby A second date let's go I'm very comfortable doing that and I'll put the effort in to make sure I'm ready to join you. And, you know, I'm happy to go to church.

And I told her, I'm like, I just want to spend, I want to spend as much time with you as possible. This is the first date. What a fucking simp this guy is. I just want to spend as much time as you as possible. I'll follow you to church. I'll follow you to the laundromat. I'll follow you. I'll wipe your ass.

I'll be in the back seat when you start your car off. Spent as much time with you as possible. Like, fuck. Women love that, right? when you're extra clingy and needy right off the bat. Run to the hills, lady. What are you waiting for? And I also, so I was nervous before the date because I knew I'm like, okay, I had a talkify matchmaking

date scheduled two hours from now as I'm recording this. And I figured, okay, if I'm her, what would she most want to know about right now at this point meeting me. When are you leaving? I'm like, I know I need to talk to her about that I have these other, this date plan that I have other women that I've been on multiple dates with that. Whoa, whoa, whoa. He's acting like you already cheated on her.

Yeah, it's getting real braggadocious over here. No one told me there was going to be boasting. Just so you know about multiple dating sites. And I give $10,000 to a woman who tries to be up with. specific dates with women. I'm sorry, our time is up. Right. You know, working on planning other dates with them.

But at the same time, I'm like, okay, we literally just met this woman three days ago. Can't be bringing that up at the very beginning of what could be the first or the second date. So I was messing with her. I'm like, is this the first or the second date? Because I call the first time we met an instant date. We talked for almost an hour. Exchange numbers, planned another date. How would you charge her for that?

right. He's racing to the third date. You know what this means, right? Yep. Zip. And I don't think Jerry's as horny as you are. I could be wrong about that. We'll get more into it. Like then in dating terms like that's an instant date where you, you just had a date, a first date, basically right there on the spot. So this felt very much like a second date. And I set my intention walking up before I met her. I'm like, I'm going to listen. to her. I'm going to connect with her. I'm going to please, God, let me put aside everything I think I know about

women. All right, now I'm learning stuff. Listen to her? Huh. It's interesting. Insta date? Yeah, I don't know. So any interaction with anyone. This is our second date, right? She's like, yeah, okay, I guess. So we talked. I don't think he knows

what a date is. No. He does not. And, you know, you have it there if needed, but give this woman a fresh chance, open my heart up all the way to her. And, wow. Like, it just felt so good. Like, being with her, you know, walking around with her, talking her after about an hour.

Following her. Yeah. I followed you home from yoga. Does that count as a date? This is why this guy gets heartbroken so easily. He just fucking falls in love instantly. He's seen this girl twice, maybe once. And he's like, this is my future.

I'm putting all my chips out of this. I got her name tattooed. Yeah, right. I listened very carefully to her. I realized, okay, this is the time to bring up, like, look. I'm broke. All right. I want two kids.

How many do you want to have with me? Jesus Christ. What's he going to say to her? I'm talking to other women. Oh. And I'm willing to stop talking to them if you would like to go forward. we're just focusing on each other. So I was so nervous bringing that up.

But I could just tell, like, it was the right point in the conversation that was going to escalate our date to the next level. Because, you know, she seemed very interested in me. I'm very interested in her. It's like, okay, are we going to make a thing of this? And, you know, take this seriously, not too seriously or, like, put a label or anything. But, like, look, like, I'm, we're very interested in each other. Let's not get distracted.

Yeah. I don't want to use the word fiazzi. Just, yeah, we'll wait just like a date for that term to get thrown around. You want to go back to my car? Because that's where I live. You see that park fetch over there? It's all mine. That's where I cry.

So I brought it up and she was so sweet like the way she put it. Like she didn't want to like tell me what to do, which I really respect. She'll let the cops do that. She goes, Sherry, I don't give a fuck. Yeah. What are he talking about? You can take all your options off the table, but I'm not going to do that. You should do what you want to do.

Do whatever you want. I don't care. But I also like the way she said it, it sounded like she would really appreciate me, not having dates scheduled with other women and just make it clear that I'm choosing her and I'm very interested in her. And she wasn't dating anybody else, which made it easy for her. So, and it's surprising to me. I'm like this, she's so beautiful.

Like she could easily have all kinds of dudes that she could be going. out with from dating apps, but... Prove it. I need to pick up this pathetic loser that she's taking out with. I need proof, Jerry. It's, that doesn't work very well because, you know, you spend all this time messaging on a dating app and then there's no chemistry in person. It's a big letdown.

So I, we came to, I told her I'll cancel my date tomorrow. and, you know, any of the other women that, you know, message me, I'll let them know, like, look, I'm seeing someone now, you know, thank you. I'm not available for another date. And that felt really good. And do you permission to jerk off or what else did you clear by her? Sorry, ladies. I've met my future wife.

Yes. Future ex-wife. And it was nice. We had a conversation about how to progress from here. And I obviously am trying to balance like a very personal vlog. without trying to, you know, tell all of her story as well. And just tell us the breast size. It's all we need to know, Jerry.

Just what's the cup size? Come on, man. You don't get to know that part of the story, Carl. That damn it. I guess one important thing to share is, though, like, how we progress. I said, you know, I'm happy just, like, holding hands and, you know, I'm happy taking things as slow as you want to take them, and I encourage you. Holding hands, whoa, whoa.

He thinks that's what a hand job is. Yeah, yeah. She's like, what do you think I have a slut? He's going to hold your hand? The movie The 40-year-old virgin is not a playbook, Jerry. I'm happy to take it slow. This is crazy. I'm happy to hold your hand unless, you know, that's too much.

Yeah, I'm moving too fast. Yeah, moving too fast. What base would that be? Home plate? Well, is that what she told him that she won't, because she's so religious. She won't have sex before marriage. And he has to be like, oh, I'm cool with that. Let's just hold hands until you're ready for me to prove.

opposed to you. Let me just smell it through the jeans. You know, you can lead the way in advancing past, you know, like holding hands. So we held hands and walked around. It was so beautiful and sweet. It felt like a high school date. And one, one. I would imagine.

Did he pronounce middle school wrong just now or elementary school? Right. Holding hands with a girl? That's what you do in high school? Yeah. I pushed her on the swing. What's he talking about? Then we shared a milkshake?

Transition point where we started talking about all this stuff is she asked What my last dating video is about? I felt so vulnerable because my last dating video on Jerry Banfield dating was titled I have a date tonight and I feel 17 again. So I explained to her the basic idea in that video saying You're a pedophile. So the reason why I made that video is because I noted in my pants. And then I threw up.

How many dates till we can... Which date is the date that we could soak on? That I was so grateful that I went on this journey from having, like, dating as a teenager and just kind of like being open-hearted and excited. You know, and then going through the process of dating so much, you get bitter, closed-hearted, stuck in your head. And I felt with hers, it's just amazing thing it happened where, I got out of my head and I opened my heart and I just felt like I was a kid dating again.

Can I predict what we're doing on the next episode of WATP? He is going to be so upset and distraught when this woman blows him off and ghosts him. He is going to be so heartbroken. Dating sucks. Fuck women. I don't need that.

I started drinking again. So nice. And I'm so proud of her. Like she's had a similar experience with me. So I walked her back to her house. We planned our night. next date to go play tennis, which I'm so excited about. I'm so, there's a good chance she might be able to beat me.

I'm a 3-5 tennis player. He's got to be taller than that. What does that mean a 3-5 tennis player? I have no idea. This is a handicap or something? She's going to read me a poem entitled Restraining Order. And she, she seems pretty good. She is so strong, too.

I love it. And her penis is bigger than my. Where are we going with this, Jerry? And it just feels so nice to be on the same page To be wanted and chosen by someone else And, you know, that mutual attraction. And I, I am Is he going to break in a song?

He's quick on his feet. I'll tell you that. AI line Just so emotional and open now I'm so grateful Like this is what being fully authentically me Really feels like And I got

So after I walked home from the I'm not a dating coach By any stretch of the imagination But I would tell to do everything differently Remember that Seinfeld Where George just did the opposite of everything He thought he should do And it worked out well for him Jerry

Just start doing the opposite everything you're doing right now was wrong completely wrong eight I sat down like halfway through the park and just cried I filled my whole hanky up I was just like thank you this girl can't wait to go on a second date with you

I filled my whole hanky up what's the last time you traveled somewhere with a hanky what the fuck all right we get it it's raining out it's a state of emergency here Jesus Christ with this fucking notifications. My phone made a noise I've never heard before.

And I'm like, I'm home. I don't give a fuck. What if I was napping right now? Which is something I don't do. That's gay. That was the alarm that inside for your mandolin lesson. What if I was eating poop? Chris said that. Phones upstairs, guys.

Going off now too. What the fuck? Thank you to the universe, to God, to, you know, to her, to everybody else that's helped me on this journey. Like, thank you. This is so amazing. all these dates I went on all these women I met and wow

like this one is tearing up now this guy's bawling his eyes out because he held a girl's hand and they made him arrangements for a second date this is not going to go wow this is not going to end well for him he might be I don't know unstable

and wow like this one just feels so perfect then I just had the desire to see my mom after this. Go figure I got on an amazing date. I'm like, I got... It's such a huge boner. I have to go see my mom. Mom, what's this? It can't get worse.

This guy, holy shit, he's undaidatable. What the fuck? I filled my headkey with tears. And I visited my mommy. What the fuck? We held hands and I filled my boxer shorts up. There's never been a drier pussy if this woman does have a

vagina. There's never been a drier twat in the history of twats. Fuck. Got to see my mom. mom. I think that's pretty healthy, right? No. So I went over to see my mom. My mom is excited, but my mom was also encouraging some skepticism.

I'm like, yes. Your mom's seen this before. It's like, Jerry, you fucking went on one date with this woman. Please, we're picking out engagement rings. That's what we're doing today? No, we're not doing that, Jerry. I just picture Norman Bates, mother. Yeah. You're going to blow it, you fucking loser.

You think he's doing the voice of him and the mother? And even then the mom's like, yeah, you're moving too fast. Yeah, yeah. He's wearing a wig and a dress, looking in the mirror. How's your crypto? I understand, mom, but remember, and I cried a little bit with my mom. I'm like, remember how good it felt to get a... What? Jerry!

Get a hold of yourself, man. I feel like the fucking godfather. You can act like a man. What's the fucking mind with this guy? Second chance yourself, mom. after my mom got divorced from abusive bad first marriage. Her parents really liked the guy, and she realized it was a bad situation,

but a few days before the wedding, but she kind of felt stuck. And, you know, it was a rough divorce for her. Her parents were really pissed off, even though it was an awful marriage. And then I'm like, remember how grateful you were, mom to have that love again with dad, that, like, that was huge.

You know, that's what I'm, I'm feeling here that after getting divorced last year, like I have that opportunity again and I'm going to, I'm not going to be scared of getting hurt. I'm going to go in as if everything's going to work as if and if I get crushed one way or another, I'll accept that. Like what's what I told her on the date too is, you know, especially. What I told her the day is don't Google me. Whatever you do, don't let my name into YouTube. They'll be very embarrassing. Some, the who's, who are these podcasts made some video and some of their viewers

been talking about, you know, talking junk on my dating channel about how I shouldn't be telling anyone about dating and. Don't tell anybody about dating, but you probably shouldn't go play by play with these specific dates and that what you did afterwards crying into a hanky and then going and visit your mommy and crying some more. Like, it's not going to be a turn-on for this woman who's going to watch this video. And also, yeah, you shouldn't Google his name because we do show up pretty high at the rankings. We do Google Jerry Banfield.

Just call me Jerry B. No, Jay Banfield. How about that? So I love that who are these podcasts, it gets brought up a lot with this guy these days. He's getting a lot of viewers from us. And go support our friend, Jerry. We like Jerry. All these hater comments.

And, you know, I'd rather have haters than nobody know about my videos. Good news. You're in luck. And they've definitely directed some viewers over my way, so I appreciate it. No problem. We're here for you. And I told the, you know, the woman on a date, I'm like, there are these guys who make fun of me on the internet.

And they're cool. It's all good. I would rather get crushed by love 50 times over the next decade. It's going to be more than that. Is this chick fat? Crushed me with your love. baby. You can be on top if you want, Jerry.

Then play it safe and withdraw and look at the haters 10 years from now. And they're like, see, you know, you couldn't fall in love again. That's not. Jerry, we're rooting for you, buddy. It's called tough love. All right. Trying to explain to you're doing this all wrong. That's all.

I want you to win. I want you to succeed. I want you to find the woman of your dreams and make terrible decisions with her and have more children and get more to debt and make videos about it. Look at you. You don't know anything. I'm like, you know what?

I'll risk it. I'll risk getting hurt. Is Jerry a real person? I should probably ask that. I feel bad. This is the real guy that we're talking about? It's one of Kyle's puppets. Okay, good.

Few. Over and over and over again. Because it only takes one time for everything to work, for it all to be worth it. And, you know, is this the time it's worth it? I am going to open my whole heart and go all in and pray that it is.

And if not, at least I will have loved and tried. Okay. So I went to bed. I cried some more last night. I've been listening to all these kids. This is after a good date. Yeah. Imagine what's going to be like when she's like, I can't with you anymore.

Hmm? I want to see the. the cry stream that happens what she dumps this guy. I brought three hankies. Yeah. What did you do? Hit the goal on your GoFundee? Cried myself to sleep.

Whoa. The songs from her warrior album, too, like supernatural. And, oh, okay. I'll be back that out. I don't know if you guys heard what he was listening to when he was crying. This is fucking crazy. Okay. I've been making fun of Jerry.

This is the worst thing that he says in all of this video. not filling up his hanky not going to see his mom not crying himself to sleep this right here is the worst so i went to bed i cried some more last night i've been listening to all these keshah songs from her warrior album too like supernatural but listening to keshosongs jerry for some reason i was listening to lola yeah i can hear the pound yeah supernatural out alive i've been all over to these Kesha, this Kesha warrior album has just really been vibing with me. And what is that other song? All that matters is a beautiful life.

Dude, when I was walking home from this date, like my hair standing up saying this, when I was walking home from this date, it's like I could, that one Kesha song that I just looked up, what was that called Supernatural, you know, where it's talking about like, you know, I can hear the pounding of my heart. Baby, this love is supernatural. Can you feel it? it was like that song was on at full volume inside my body.

And I remember Seth's from Jane Roberts and Robert Butts this. Oh, okay. He's on mushrooms. Okay. Now this is all making sense. He's overly emotional. He's imagining he's out of date with a girl. His mom's not real.

He puts on a wig and finds him here. He's on mushrooms. Phew. Okay. Now it all makes sense. Thank God. Seth speaks. Seth talked about inner and outer sounds.

like how there sounds from the outside, but there's also not just an inner monologue, but there's like an inner music being played inside your body. Sometimes just my tummy growling. Time. And man, I... Is this a gesture or am I hungry? I can't tell the difference.

I could feel that. Just walking home from the date, like hearing that song supernatural, like full volume inside my body. Like, you know, not a song stuck in my head, but like the whole body is like playing that. And I'm just like, whoa. God, this is good. And it reminded me of the,

it reminded me of the second date with my ex-wife. And this time, though, like when I went on the second date with my ex-wife, I just, I'd been on a bunch of dates. I didn't really know if anything was going to work out. I was excited, but I didn't have much perspective. And I remember, like, her walking up and being so excited. And we're at Channel Side, 15 years ago

and she's like so beautiful and I'm just like I'm like yes and then you know as I'm walking to meet why is he so excited all the time should you really be that excited when you're your 40s talking to a girl that's it wow it's so exciting I'm talking to a girl

can't get old friend to come down being bipolar's a bitch yeah right I mean someone in the chat here internet person's like wasn't he super depressed a week ago this guy is so mad if he's so bipolar it's it's all the way up all the way down. That's these ones and zeros. It's crazy.

The woman I'm dating now, I'm like, holy shit, like this is, you know, this is like that again. Like it feels the same except this time, you know,

shit, I might tear up again. I'm like, this time I've got the perspective of like how amazing this is so much better. And I never thought I'd get to do this again. He looks like he's a

about to cry again. He is. He is crying. Oh, my God. Stop. This is so embarrassing. The soundtrack of my life is Kesha. I got to make my screen saver

an LBGTQ flag and tell everybody on the internet about it. Now Carl's crying. I'm just glad my soundtrack to my life is looking down the barrel of a gun. All right, well, I'm going to hear what he says again. Listen to us.

Up again. Like this time, I've got the perspective of like how amazing this is so much better. And I never thought I'd get to do this again. And I never want to do this again. One thing I said on a date, I was like, I've,

you know, I'm happy to take it slow with things like sex because I never, the next woman I have sex with, I want it to be the last. Thank you. Andy, this is the part that I was waiting forward. You're just like,

this guy's trying to get his dick wet. Look at this guy's like, no, no. This guy's a fucking loser. wants to have one more girl to have sex with the rest of his life? Who would do that? It sounds really dumb. I'm legit sad for him right now because he's got his hopes all the way up and it's barely

even worked out. It's not even started yet and he's already put all his eggs in this basket. Whoa, whoa, whoa, they held hands. Did you not hear that part of it, Andy? I mean, obviously it's pretty much a done deal at this point. I like that he goes, I want to take it slow when it comes to sex. Don't worry about that, Jerry. Yeah.

really have a choice. Yeah. Good news. Like, I don't, I don't ever want to get divorced again. I don't ever want to look for another relationship or date again. Like, I, I better appreciate where my mom's at after dad passed away 12 years, like not wanting to look for another relationship. Like, my mom would like somebody, but, you know, at this point, it's just, it's like too much. Yeah, good point, Fodgico. The fact that he immediately equates that to his mom, He is looking for a mother, not a wife. That's a really weird thing. Like, immediately after a date, go see your mom.

And then he goes, I'm hoping I just have one more woman in my life, the rest of my life. Like, my mom. Like, what the fuck? Like, why do your head go there? That's weird. And I'm like, I want to find somebody that can really spend my life with. And he is my life coach, by the way, to see it. Oh, guys.

This explains a lot. Get a lot of good advice from. Just. Oh, my God. It's so nice to feel open-hearted. And this is what I want to help people with. Like you, if you, if you can live more open-hearted like this, it just feels magical. And then magic just starts to happen.

I remember, like, he couldn't get out of bed a week ago. I know. He was so distraught and depressed. He didn't want to go to yoga because there was going to be a girl there that's attractive. He was snodding everywhere. He was snotting it. He was yoga mat. My hanky's already full.

And he cries when he said. Christ, and he's happy. And I was tearing up going, guys, this is why you live your life. This is fucking magic right now. I haven't been this happy since I murdered dad. Get that asshole out of the way. It's just called child's pose, Jerry.

You're not supposed to sob and fucking throw a tantrum. Six, five, three months, three or four months ago, I just felt like dating was so transactional. Now I'm just like, it's not. The level of compatibility this woman, I have, it's, it's like we're custom created for each other. Oh, boy. I mean, I've seemed to have way more compatibility with her than I did with my ex. Okay. Like, you know, having interest, like we both like to play tennis and do yoga. And she's also a content creator. I mean,

it's like, she's AI. Wait. She's a content creator. Ah, is there a link in the description? I have to find out what content this woman is created. Oh, when he was trying to do the that live thing from St. Pete's. Yeah. There was abroad there. Oh, do you think she was helping him create that content? No, that can't be the same woman. Kind of? He seemed to... He wasn't on Cloud Nita. He is now.

I don't know. All right. I don't know. I just want to keep this frozen right here. Held hands at that point, Carl. That's a good point. Yeah. He's like, please make this happen. My ex and I were just... We were just...

We had some compatibility, but, you know, she often said a lot. You know, we're not that compatible. And I... She offers it a lot. Jerry, leave you alone. Yeah. She often told me how much I suck. I realize that now, like, yeah, we, we weren't.

But this woman, I'm like, oh, my God, we are so compatible. And I, I hope to get... Compatible. Get her involved one day in doing some videos with me and to help her get her own YouTube channel started. And then maybe she could bring people that a journey. Bainfield family too. Holy shit.

She's already a business partner. They're going into business together. They've had one date. One and a half. And then she's going to start bringing in people for my business and we're doing shows together. He's giving her 51% of his business. So that one in tanks, she'll be the one. It's like when Butters was a pimp.

Yeah. He's doing this wrong. I think he goes, she's a content creator. I'm going to help her create her own YouTube channel. six of them. I mean, creating a YouTube channel is not difficult. She's a content creator.

I imagine she already has one, but she's on TikTok, nodding along to another TikTok. Maybe. Great content. You know, all we could work together. I bet some of y'all definitely pay to talk to her, wouldn't you? Like, if things worked out with her,

some of y'all pay to talk to her and ask her about me and get her perspective. Is Jerry really as big a loser as he comes off as? That would be my first question. This was a crazy transition. He went from, I'm in love, and there's heart emojis flying off of them to dollar sides. People are going to start giving me money to talk to her and she's going to be in the video. It's like, what the fuck just happened, Jared? How do I monetize this?

Yeah, they're indivisible. Wow. So then I woke up this morning. It was a lot of cried. A long thunderstorm last night kept me up for hours and she said she had a hard time sleeping, which is unusual for her too. So I woke up this morning and I'm like, all right, I got to contact my matchmaker this morning. And I got to tell my matchmaker that I'm canceling this date. I had a date lined up, but I just, I don't feel right going out or pretending or that I'm interested in any other woman right now.

I'm not. Yeah. I don't want options. I want one woman that were both each other's first option. I don't need any other options. You're exclusive now. So I sent this beautiful email to my matchmaker, which I used chat GPT. I told it like...

Does anyone write a fucking email anymore? I swear to God, I just type emails. I don't ask chat GPT to do it for me. I tell Grock to go screw. What is with these fucking people? Just organize this. Like, don't change the tone or anything. Just organize this.

And I basically shared this email with my matchmaker to explain to her how every single woman she matched me with help. me be perfectly prepared then when this woman comes along and it was so I cried and I'm writing that email like this is so beautiful

I just want my matchmaker to know he's emotionally unstable and I think he sees a therapist I think he talked about that once right yes he needs help he needs help with this he needs to calm the fuck down he wrote an email to his matchmaker

and bald his eyes out Chet GPT. Chet GPD. It's so beautiful Chet GPT. How unorganized was it? That Chetbtee. Girl, hand holding, love, crying.

Sincerely, Jerry. Even though, you know, I'm not dating someone that she matched me with, that every woman she matched me with was essential on my journey. And it was, her work was so meaningful for my dating life. I mean, how much estrogen is this guy? The word journey just came up. I can't think of a lamer thing,

aside from crying all day long every day, talking about his fucking dating journey. And I went through and explain, and maybe on a dating channel, I'll do a more detailed inventory. I'll put a video up of how each of my matches helped me get super clear. And then when I meet a woman in person,

I've got all that information. I've got all that practice. I'm ready to make a really amazing first impression. I'm ready to trust my intuition that had been out with, you know, that at some point. Did you say you met a woman in person? That sounds exciting. That's going to be exciting, right? I don't know.

Who'd that be like? Point. She asked, you know, like, well, how many women have you been out with this year? I'm like at least 10, maybe 15 women. that I've been on at least first dates with. And, you know, lots more women that I haven't been on dates with, but we've had kind of like first date-ish, instant date kind of experiences. And after all those, like every one of those,

I just didn't feel that depth of feeling. But the day after I met this woman, like, I woke up sobbing. I'm like, oh, my God. Like this how I feel here is a depth that is so rare for me to feel. and I want to just keep feeling that. So I texted blockchain pill. He's like, hey, how'd the date go? I'm like, so amazing.

He's like, I'm so excited to watch the video. We all are. Blockchain pill's one of us. That's his Vegas beer sales, Jerry. I was just thinking, I'm like, thank you to all these people. Every, like, in person and all of you online that have, you know, cared about my journey. And, you know, that this, this means. Don't stop believe it, Jerry.

Something to you that you're interested in like my dating life, that you're rooting for me. I just hope I can give that back. I feel it. And yeah, I'm so excited. I'm so grateful. So I emailed my matchmaker. I canceled. Again, I've used this before, but Batman villain.

When I see this kind of shit going on, where he's crying and laughing at the same time, like, oh, he's going to murder this. this woman. Oh, yeah. It's going to add this podcast Hitman type shit. The match. And I'm so excited to tell you, you know, how things have went tomorrow. Oh, and join the Jerry Banfield family.

Don't get your plug. Get your plug in. So that was yesterday. This morning he puts out a new video. It's called I met her five days ago. She's already the center of my world. I mean, he's trying to scare this woman off. this is the way to do it right here.

I'm Jerry Banfield. This is my raw unfiltered life July 18, 2026. Yesterday's video, I appreciate the big positive response, said the title was I cried after our first date. I'll respond to some of the comments for that and tell you everything that's happened since then. So one of the comments I just read was that I'm coming on too strong. Like I just met this woman five days ago.

Yeah. And, you know, I'm so in love. And yeah. I understand that is a valid point of view that I'm coming on too strong. At the same time, my woman is the center of my world. You don't get it. I'm madly in love with this woman I just met. She's mine.

What part of this you're not understanding? No, that's the part that we have a problem with, Jared. I think we're trying to help you with, you idiot. That's hilarious. When, like, the one I went out with that, you know, I'm dating now, she said she wants a guy that's a best friend. And that is a central. Yeah, friend zoned already.

Jesus Christ, Jerry. We can't hold hands. Could you imagine? Should they go on for dinner? She's like, you are gay, right? Speed of that. Look at the down the bottom left under the monitor. Isn't it that look like that sign right there?

Yeah. Is it gay sign? Yeah. It is, Jerry. of my world kind of woman, a woman that wants a lot of attention. And that's what I have to give. I'm not the kind of guy that's like very casual, you know, no big deal. No.

Like I'm a very like heavy, lots of attention. But needy. I don't know. Maybe too much would be a way to describe you. Desperate. Right. It's like, you know, I want a girl like needs me to like be on top of her all the time. The same time, I'm like a puppy.

Like you, I'll give you a whole bunch of love and play with you and give you so much joy. But if you leave me home by myself, I might chew the couch up and, you know, your shoes and a few other things. I'll definitely piss on the carpet. Or spend your entire 401K. Did you chew up all my cash? Yeah, I hate money. Like, all of us have our ups and downs. And I've realized if I'm not coming on strong, I'm not.

being inauthentic. Wow, way to justify it. I am being a total fucking headcase and a lunatic. That's just my authentic self. That's my brand. You just got to deal with that. My ups are way up and my downs. Doubt is the right word for this guy. Because I'm not the kind of guy that is going to just

be pretty casual. Like I know a guy. He said, he told me like his girlfriend hadn't texted him for two weeks. And she didn't seem to be. to appreciate him reaching out. Like, he was just there whenever... That's not a girlfriend. No. That's a fuck, buddy.

Yeah, they didn't take her two weeks. I don't think you guys are dating. What do you mean? She felt like having him. And I asked him like, how's that going? He's like, yeah, I haven't heard from her in a couple weeks. Don't know what's going on with her. And like, that's, like, to me, I've broke up and left.

And you haven't talked to me in a week, but I'm also, you know, I'll reach out first, too. but I'm realizing like that's a conversation I need to have with the woman I'm dating. It's like I'm, I do well on attention. I hate the silent treatment. And of course, you know, my ex is the silent treatment was her whole family's method of operation. Rather than talk about feelings, just let's go around pretend everything's fine, but we're going to be like gritting our teeth and not talking about it, which is miserable. With all that in mind, the woman I'm dating was missing.

I missed her a little bit over the last 24 hours because she was working like all day yesterday. He already misses her. They've been on one date. Making good money. And at the same time, you know, not available. But she did reach out and send some messages. She sent like six messages in her is in a row once, which was back the fuck off. And I, she, she, he.

Like I thrive on attention. That's why I do well as a content creator. Some people are like six text messages in a realm. Who's counting? This guy is fucking wild, man. This is great. Oh, you know, I'd hate to have people watch my videos and not like them. Or I'm like, I don't care.

I'll take all the people who don't like my content. I read my crypto on the Jerry Banfield crypto reviews. I mean, there were at least 20 or 30 comments. You don't know what you're talking about. Can't any more snake oil you can recommend that's all? Because you're an idiot for being an ICP. You know, the price is down.

Everything else you say is like I would rather deal with 30 of those comments and then have the thousands of views. Like I'll take the negative attention if I can get all the rest of the attention. I got to give him credit of all the people we talk about on this show. We've talked about for the past 10 years. He just finally said the thing that no one else says. I like negative attention. I'll take attention

any way I can get it. It's like, yes. There's a lot of people like that. He admits it. That's good. You got it, Jared. One negative attention coming right up. He also called us my name.

Hardly anyone else does. That's true. Yeah, he's not afraid of that. He gets it right too. He doesn't try to do the one of these podcasts. He doesn't do the Tony Michaels thing. Take people making videos, you know, reacting to my content.

Like a lot of people, that would be a nightmare to them. I'll take all the negative attention as long as I get the positive attention too. Well, I can't guarantee the latter. But the former I'm all over for you, Jerry. Don't worry about it.

That's amazing, isn't it? He's actually excited about this. Good on him. So that makes me a great content creator. Because when I think... Fast forward to his new show, Carl's Cucks. When a lot of you are thinking about posting videos and uploading, you're thinking more about, ooh, I'd really hate to have the negative and I don't need that much attention.

When I'm uploading, I'm just hungry for attention. I'm like, let's just, ooh, they're going to like this. Ooh, they're going to like that. Yeah, this will get some views. Like, all I'm thinking about is feed me with attention. And at the same time, though, I'm sharing with the purpose of helping your life. One person commented and said, well, why would I pay to talk to you and get your advice on my life when you're figuring your own life out?

Good question. First off, if all of us are honest, all of us are always figuring our life out. Right. Now, I know a lot of people present themselves and act like they've, got everything figured out and they're an expert. But often, you know, those people will suddenly have a diagnosis or something, you know, will suddenly blow up in one area of their life. Wait, wait a second. Yeah, this guy, you know, he's making a lot of money. He's got a disease happy all the time, but now he's got cancer. It's a fuck. Yeah. What the fuck? Insanity. Yeah, what's he talking about?

Life. And it's like, oh, that's because they had this thing that wasn't figured out. And they're suppressing it and not being honest about it or keeping that secret. And all of a sudden, boom, this whole thing goes off. Not with me. Like I have, I'm very honestly presenting how I'm figuring out my life in real time. Yeah, it doesn't make you a life coach, Jerry. I guess that's the point the person was trying to make is that you should not be dishing out advice when you have not figured out how to live your life. Let me fast forward to a part of this video that I found fascinating. I'm trying to help Jerry out. I've seen him make mistakes in the past. I think he's going to make the same mistakes again in the present. I hope he doesn't. You know, reached out to me yesterday, which was nice, and I spent like an

hour talking to another alcoholic, and I called my sponsor yesterday. I did that this morning. Hey, Chris. But that was all good. I keep struggling to find what I'm going to do with my gaming videos. I almost did a live stream yesterday, but I want to do some gaming vlogs and advertise them. Sometimes I think we struggle, like our biggest opportunities are the areas where we're most full of resistance. So I intend to start cranking out some gaming videos. And then I want to advertise the gaming videos. And I just want to try, like, let's see what happens if I put a million views with YouTube ads on a gaming channel.

And I'm going to... No! Jerry, stop buying advertising! Here's the problem. The content sucks. It doesn't matter how many views you purchase from Google. You're going to lose money on it. Fuck.

Stop it. Spend that on your new girlfriend. Do videos that I can advertise gaming vlogs playing my own games at Jerry. Jerry Bainfield.net. Oh, he's, by the way, he's developing his own games. He's using AI to create new video games that he plays. And then you can get them if you go to his website. Jerry, you got to stop advertising.

All right. Stop spending money on advertising. It's a terrible idea. I had to play that part because this fucking guy can't get out of his own way. What is he is an AI game of him chasing around a handkerchief while he cries into it? That's almost exactly what I'm writing in my notes right now. Ready down? What is that game in South Park and Chase the Dragon?

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Spider-Man. This July, we're faced with a threat. That can be anyone. The world may have forgotten Peter Parker. I'm just a neighbor, friendly neighbor. But he hasn't forgotten them. Sometimes Spider-Man has to do the hard thing. That's my responsibility.

Talk to Banner? I didn't know you could get that big. Spider-Man, brand new day. In theaters, July 31st. Guys, we have candy. W. ATP Candy, who are these podcasts? Candy, it's freeze-dried Skittles. It's delicious.

Yeah, I was just eating it before this. I was eating it. I don't need glasses anymore. My hair grew back. My dick's hard. It's fucking great stuff. His dick is hard. I can attest to that.

If you go to Lisa and Friends Gourmet. com, the link is in the description. Buy some candy. People have already bought some candy. He's a guy who wanted to ship to Australia, which is wild. That's very cool. Wow.

So thank you guys for supporting my brother and sister-in-law. I appreciate it. We have some voice about our new sponsor being W-D-B freeze-dried candy. All right. Andy, you were checking out. Anthony Coo-B-Wy-B, Quadfather. Had Anthony on. That's a big get for him.

Yeah, that's what I thought. And, of course, the topic of the week is Chad's GoFund Me. And they were really just digging into what's good and bad about it. You know, the good things are what's bad about it, really. But this is clip one, Anthony showing up there. The problem I have with Chad or that Pat has with Chad or anyone has with Chad is the fact that he's a liar, a proven liar, and thief that is just raised over $10,000 to do a special that I can't see because he's not

that big of a person. It's not going to be a boom camera and the audience of an arena's clapping. This is going to be maybe one or two iPhones. It's going to be probably a $1,000 effort. And it's going to be his average set. He's not a bad comic. You don't see him like Stuttering John is a terrible comic. He's not a bad comic, but he's not a comic worthy of a special.

It's just a guy recording is set. He doesn't have any distribution. He's going to put it on YouTube or his Patreon or whatever. And good for him. I'm not even bashing him for that because that would be punching down. All I'm saying is they're making way, he's making way more of it than it is. do it, have a blast, but the fact that he raised

10 G's for this, it is funny. It's very funny. Yeah, and Ava's there, and, you know, Anthony and Ava don't necessarily get along that much, but this is like the enemy

of my enemy is my friend kind of conversation. Yeah, I haven't seen this yet, but in my text thread where I talked to this little piggy guys, they were all saying like, holy shit, Abba's actually intelligent in this stream and is making good points.

and so I'm interested to see what you clipped here. I didn't feature any of that. Okay, but no, but it sounds like this was a really good appearance, so happy for Quadfather to get a big get and have a good show. It sounds like people are talking about this and enjoying what Anthony had to say. And he's right. This thing that where Chad raised money for a special is fucking hilarious. Yeah. Chad's comedy is fine.

He's already come out and said he's not writing new material. He's just going to do his old fucking material that we've all heard. This isn't for the Dabbleverse, even though he collected all the money through the Dabbleverse because of the devil verse, but he's not going to make a special for the devil verse. It's for comedy fans, he says. I mean, it's going to have to live up to... Good luck, Chad. Good luck with that, Chad.

But in clip two, there's a certain term that when people that don't usually have money come into a lot of money, I called this clip two a C word, Rich. Okay. I'm not jealous of it. Pat isn't jealous of it. It's just that him, Chad, being the person, person he is, you have to. You have to think, eh, he's probably going to

buy a few TVs and sneakers with this. I think he already has. I know that's why it's said TV and sneakers. He had mentioned a piece of furniture as well. Yeah. Yeah. And now today, allegedly

his bicycle got stolen. There's another thing that he needs to buy. Yeah. So he bought some sneakers that he's going to wear on the special. He's going to ride his bike to the special and sit on a couch that he bought on stage. It's all for the special. Honestly, I don't give a fuck what he spends this money on. People who gave money to the chat are retarded.

So Brian landed and all these idiots and Dr. Steve, you fucking dumb-dums. He's going to buy extra monitors and sneakers. How do you not know that? I saw him sporting an upper lip. What? He can afford an upper lip? So, yeah, he was talking the other day. That would be awesome if he got lip injection.

Botox. He was talking the other day. where he's like, yeah, I got another monitor now. He's like all excited. He's got a third monitor on his thing. So it's like, don't brag about buying new shit after people just give me a bunch of money to record a special. He'll broadcast it. Right.

Like, even if he's not taking the money, he claims he's not taking any of the money out. He's not using it for that. Like, that's not the right time to brag about going to do stuff. No. Terrible idea. Clip three. Definition of a loser. Yeah, he's also never been in a position where he's had this kind of money to do that.

And everyone is kind of watching him, which is its own, like, you know, chat. All right, Ava. Good point. Let me finish. Let me finish. Now, he calls me a loser. You call me a loser or what have you. I don't think you're a loser. Don't think it's 51 years old.

He's never had 10 grand to pursue his dreams. And you don't call him a loser for that? You just said he's never had this kind of money. He's not 22. He's 51 and has never had $10,000 to pursue his dreams. I think that. Maybe a loser. Well said.

This guy worked on the Alan Cox program. He was employed by a radio station. You'd think he would have made some money doing that, potentially. Or saved some of it at least. Sure. Clip four, this has, apropos of nothing. This is quad getting cucked on his own show. There wasn't.

Alba hasn't been able to respond to any of it. Let Ava talk. So like, put me out. It's like, but there's this. phenomenon of him just going for this and it in itself is drawing attention to it. I'll see myself out. Quas, Anthony's show now, Kud. Yes.

Ava does have a different cadence about her. I think Stuccio drove her to drugs. Hmm. Ah, yeah. He'll do that. Yeah. Having to deal with, that was a very interesting thing when I talked to Ava after John left the dabble verse.

He's still in contact with him. And Ava was done. I took his phone calls a couple times, and then I'm just, I'm doing other things. I can't, I can't be bothered with it. Like, John is so fucking needy and annoying that, uh, I don't talk to John and I do drugs, so. Yeah. Yeah. Well, at Clip 5, I went to college for television production, and when I graduated, there's only four.

No one told me there was going to be boasting. Obviously, yeah. And then I got fired and I couldn't get another job. And years later, the social media was invented, and then everybody had a, television studio in their pocket. Right. And this is kind of that avenue of, well, if you

can just record yourself at any time, basically anybody has a fucking comedy special on the internet. He's not a bad comic. He can eke out a very low-level living. I've seen much worse than him. He could open up for people like

Florentine and the litany of other people that he opens up for. But truth be told, a special? It's like, what, what do you, you're putting yourself on the level of a special. These days, recording your set and putting it on social media, if everyone called that a special, everyone would have a special. And with everyone super, no one will be. This is where gatekeeping comes into play, right?

It's like, anybody can record their comedy set and put it on the internet. You have to separate the quality from the quantity, and Chad's special is just going to be more a quantity, I feel like. I mean, I'm rooting for him. Oh, I want to see it. I'm excited about it. Everybody wants to see it. I think it's hilarious that he just put the cart before the horse.

He's like, hey, guys, I want to film a special. I'm like, well, have you written one yet? No. Can you give me money? Sure. Here's a bunch of money. Oh, smart. Okay.

Didn't see that coming. Yeah, I mean, Cardiff's take on this is perfect. The worst thing that could have happened to Chad is that he, raised all this money now has to make a special. Because he wasn't planning on that. And I was like, fuck. Yeah. All the best comedy comes from being under the gun and having to crack it out real

quick, right? Right. Yes. Getting a bunch of money and promising things is where all the good comedy specials come from. Right. And a lot of people in clip six are wondering if Chad, what Chad's doing here is with intent. And I think the general consensus is that it's not.

His past performance. is indicative of his future results. Let me finish that because the first half of what I was saying sounded like Hallmark. But let's say he eeks out $5,000 and doesn't do the cell phone cam. I think concurrently he'll end up scamming $5,000 out and then spending on a bunch of things and getting caught and then like embarrassing himself while that's happening, which will be promotion for the set. And it could become this thing. All right. All right.

I, I, okay. That could happen. but do you honestly think someone like Chad would do that thought out and say, huh, if I steal half of it and then put that out, or he just steals half of it and that happens. Right. It will be a hot topic of conversation, but it won't be because he planned to do it that way.

It'll be because that's his nature. I got to give Chad credit, man. The people are talking. Chad has been the topic of conversation for weeks now. And similar to the Kumiya country thing, it's like he does ridiculous shit. Everyone's talking about him. I don't think in the way that he wants him to be talking about him because everyone was just going, this is going to be a disaster.

Oh, right. Yeah. But they're talking about him. So, yeah. Negative attention. Like we were talking about with Jared Balfield. Yeah, exactly. Negative attention is attention.

So good for him. Right. And clip seven, this is just more of the way he operates, his MO. This is who he is. that's my point. He's a thief and a liar and he will steal at least a large portion of that money.

At least five great. For this his mediocre set in a shit club and call it a special and say once again, from the fucking defeat, the pit of defeat, he'll reach up and go, look, I did it again. I won. Yeah, I do like that. He's like, well, he's obviously

going to steal a large portion of money. That was like, yeah. Yeah. It's very funny. Tell someone we don't know. Right. It's hilarious. Well, I'm going to film this special with my iPhone, so I need to pay my iPhone bill for the next year until I write it.

So that's where all the money is going to. Dude. I hope it gets the audio right. I'm concerned about that. Oh, my God. Hughesy turned me on to Levy's stepdaughter, the Ariana Grande impersonator show, turning the page. Yeah, yeah. Talk about shit quality.

The levels are everywhere. It's like one second. You can't hear what the fuck they're saying. I don't know why I'm going into this now. No, it's fucking insanely bad. Go watch it. Everyone's watching it. The subtitles are misspelled.

It's so fucking funny. Anyway. She's got a great personality though, right? Yeah, yeah. I want to spend every second with her. But clip eight, it's a, Chad's no mastermind. The end justifies the means. And if that's what you're saying, then fine.

I've seen that happen with so many people. They trip over their own dick and they fall into a honeypot. That's what I'm saying. But never mistake it for someone that planned to do it. Never, no, no, no. The 5D chess. He's a thief and a liar. Yes.

And he's vindictive. He's an angry, bitter person. And he just got a windfall of $10,000. And I don't see him using it all for this special. He can't psychologically. It's in spite of the person Chad is. not because of the person he is. Okay, then we completely agree.

And it's kind of a trajectory that I'm excited about, but in clip nine, there is this thing that happens with failing upward where people don't want to deal with you anymore, people that get promoted just so you can get out of your current manager's hair. The Dilber principle, yes. Yeah. So I think that's,

sort of what's happening with Chad. There's something about him where this could just accidentally have him stumble into something that's more successful. Has he ever stumbled into success? No. I would not be betting on this. I think he stumbled in a Swarton and Florentine and like I, he's. But again, I won't even say that.

Look, he's good enough to open for those guys. I'm not going to trash him for the sake of trashing Chad. He sucks. I don't know why they'll have him open. for him. He's fine. I've seen so many opening hacks that I sit there and go, all right, I'm here for Florentine, whatever. And that's who Chad is. He's good enough to do that. That isn't stumbling into success. That's kind of tripping into mediocrity. It's so true. I go to see these theater acts all the time. Most recently, Jerry Seinfeld came to Rochester. You were there.

His fucking opener, Holy shit. It was the hackiest hack mix. I was blushing on his behalf. Yeah, I was embarrassed for him. It's so bad. And same thing when I saw Tim Dillon recently. And like, these guys just bring out like these hack comedians to open.

And if you're a name, if you're Nick Swartson, and it doesn't matter if you have another name on the bill, you're going to sell how many things you're going to sell regardless, you could have Chad, be the opener. And it's a nice pop when you come. Come on and tell jokes. You know? Well, I have to say, I had to look this up because I don't know a lot about Pokemon.

But what we are watching, in my opinion right now, is the Stuttering John trajectory, where Chad has been at Charmander level right now. And this grown-ups thing that he's now in a film, this special that he potentially will have, is putting him into Charmeli. And I know you guys love Pokemon, too. It's an evolution I'm listening Yeah

This is a theory That he you have to level up He's leveling up And he's going to Because what we all love about John Is that he achieved this level of success Yes And then then you can watch the downfall

And that's why he's the greatest lull cow Internship Downfall So when Chad gets in like another movie role and this special is viewed by a lot of people somehow. Then he achieves his char-zard final form of ultimate lulcow. And that's why I want to see this work out. Do you think that Chris did I know anything about Pokemon?

I'm explaining it to you, right? You do now. Other people might. But my point is he's evolving into the ultimate lull cow that John was. I love that. I want him to film the special. I want it to be amazing. I hope he crushes it.

And I said, I didn't know anything about Pokemon, too. I looked it up because he'll do very well with this. If you were on the balls of your ass every day, you're not, you're in a shitty apartment, you're probably eating shitty food. You don't really have friends or family. That's the other thing. Chad was eating filet mignon or something like the other day.

Do you hear that? Because he's always afraid about eating salmon. And I think Kevin Rose was like, we have a salmon tonight. He's like, no, I'm having a friend. Wait, wait, is that a top hat? He's lighting cigars with a $100,000. You're probably eating shitty food.

You don't really have friends or family. This is not my speculation. This is what we have seen of Chad Zumak over the course of the years. If that's the case and you have $10,000 sitting in an account with no accountability, please come on and we're talking about Chad not Mother Teresa here there's going to be signs let's just say that when he starts spinning it there's going to be some signs exactly yeah and I can see chad justifying it too he's just like well I mean I'm going to make money from the special so that money and then I can reinvest and I'll pretend it was the money that people gave me well right it's like

when people show up on shark tank and they were saying oh I don't I don't my business doesn't make money now, that's why I needed an investor, but all their cost of living, they're not, like, not feeding themselves and paying their rent. Yeah. So to him, that's what this 10 grand is, as long as he's facilitating his current lifestyle, then that means it's going towards a special in his head. Well, why wouldn't he just, well, shit's dumb. If he was smart, he'd be like, hey, guys, give me a bunch of money and I'll make a special,

and who knows what I'll spend the money on, you know? He still would have made his much money because Dr. Steve and people like that are fucking retarded. So it was fine. But, you know, it could have been more open about it and not had the scrutiny that everyone's got on them now. I'm a fan of comedy.

No, you're not, Dr. Steve. You gave Chad Zumach money to make a special. I'm kidding. I love you, Steve. You're great. Of course. We should all give money to Chad Zumach. It's a great idea.

Was that 11? What did we leave out? That was 10. Oh, okay, yeah. So Anthony is going to say that Chad doesn't have any name recognition. He's not a household. name that is going to make this successful.

I don't see many other people outside the Dabbleverse watching it. I see a lot of people watching it to find things they could clip and put on their show and call them on funny or an asshole or something. And it's all in the context you present it. I get that much. But this is not something. Chad Zumach is not a household name. And I'm not saying I am.

I'm not saying anyone in the DV is a household name. But Chad is not a comic that when you say in the company of people like Shane or Florentine, even, Jim Norton, all that, he's not a guy that comes up and goes, oh, hey, what about Zumach? Well, maybe Chad Zumach isn't, but Z-Man? Who doesn't know the Z-man? A new copy shows from the Z-Man. And very much Netflix and chill tonight. Just like Jerry Banfield, that doesn't care what kind of attention that he gets. Chad is just glad that people are talking about him, really.

Oh, fuck yeah. Clip 12, he's doing this to himself. Chad is so easy to shit on because of what he does, not because of any inadequacies, anyone else has. And sometimes that is true. You do look at someone and go, oh, them, you know, they're doing so well. you're jealous, you're in the same industry, whatever it is. Chad doesn't need that.

He trips over his own shit enough where people can go, oh, this motherfucker. And it has nothing to do with your own feelings of inadequacy. Yeah, Chad, I don't think he realizes that he's so unlikable. That's the reason why he's a target on his back

because it'll just be like, well, why aren't you guys all making fun of Chrissy Mayer? Why aren't you guys all, you know, Carl sucks, right? He's like, sure. Chad. There's a reason why so many people make fun of you. Right. It's the, it's like a hot chick think, that's a bitch thinking that everybody that hates them is because they're just jealous that she's hot.

Do you have her number, by the way? It's a fixer. Yep. And clip 13, Chad famously cried when he hit his goal before he raised it. He didn't think that he was going to get 8,300 or 80. I hope he was making that crying. I was watching, go, please be this psychopath that would cry online to show people how thankful he is for this. Because the other option is, you are so gay for cry. You're a man crying on your podcast.

Oof. Never. One is crazy. But he's shameless in that way. But he's shameless in that way. Like, begging for me. And again, I don't think he's. I think he is like gay enough.

And I don't mean gay, gay. I mean, you're crying on your podcast. You don't cry in front of people unless they are your closest relative. As a man, you know, women can cry all they want. But as a man, you know, your mom died. You're with your brother and sister. You can tear up in that case. If you just hit 8,000.

on your special fund that you put up and you're crying. I can't even tell you how embarrassing that is. It means you're broken. Yeah. If you get teary-eyed because people gave you, I remember this happened to Vito Giswaldi, too. We made fun of him when he raised the money for his comic that still hasn't come out. I was going to say, how's that going?

That was three years ago. But he was like crying because he like raised all this money, $30,000 bucks, whatever it was. It's like, dude, you're broken as a person. You think so little of yourself. that raising eight grand is, reduces you to tears. Yeah, that is the issue. Chad does not think highly of himself.

Why would he? No, should he. Right. And that's what you're saying. And when he was crying in between his tears, he's like, things have been so hard for me. Yeah. I know. It's like, fuck you, dude.

I know. He went right into the woe was me. Yeah. And he goes, I'm not doing the what was me. He's like, no, no, you just did. Yeah. Too late. It was so hard because before I didn't have eight grand.

Not I do. It's hard. when I didn't have it. Fucking dick. Yeah, that's the success he stumbled into. Right. And then obviously, famously, recently, he raised it even more just because, you know, Hold on the GoFundMe suggested that I should.

There was a button on the GoFundMe and he clicked. I mean, what is he supposed to do? Yeah. He's just a man. But he just, we know why he kept it going. We know why he's making more money. Because every penny of that is a potential new. TV or pair of sneakers.

It's really funny that he said that out loud. He's like, well, yeah, go for me. Just kept letting people send me money. So then I was just like, well, why do I should I just? Chad is. He's a great policy sometimes. That's what they go. They sent him an email and it said, do you want, they pretty much told me I should

to hit the ultimate goal. So I'll just leave it on. He's just going to leave it on. Let it ride. And, yeah, this is another one-to-one comparison with Stuttering John. I know the Pokemon thing was over your head. So maybe this will be a little more comparable, more your speed. I appreciate it.

Don't down for me. Or Chad doesn't have any real friends. Anybody that is kind to him, casually in passing becomes a close friend of his. So Chad considers people his friends. It's the people that he sees in green rooms, club owners, people at the bar. Like these are people.

He's like, oh, yeah, my friend, I know a lot of people. I have a lot of friends. It's like they're not friends. They're placated. They're business associates. They're people you, you know, run into a gig, comics that you're on the same bill as

that wouldn't know you from a hole in the wall if you saw you at a grocery store out of context and that's the saddest part about the whole Chad thing it's a lot of lonely people in the dabblers but I would say the saddest part is making up that he had a girlfriend it's one thing you not had friends and act like you have friends because you bug Sam Tripoli

but it's a whole other thing to pretend you had a girlfriend who cooked a turkey the day before Thanksgiving and drove it two hours to Orlando. A completely obvious lie. Didn't make any sense. Well, Kevin Brennan believed it. So I guess we should do.

So clip 16, everybody, love them or hate him, mainly hate them. Everybody wants to see this happen. Of course, let's go. The best thing that could happen for him in this is that he does it. He spends every penny on this.

It looks it. He puts together a good set. Not this, Eddie Murphy delirious or raw set. It's just a great Chad Zumach set. Then everyone has to go, hey, look, he did it. It looks good. It sounds good.

He does a good set. It's new material. It's this. But there's no way in hell that's going to happen. Well, maybe he does his car impression. That would be a good opener, I think. Yeah, I know. I don't see that happening either, Anthony.

The pressure's on him. He raised this money. He asked for money. People gave it to him, and now he's got to provide. Right. To provide a product. And this last clip, most of this clip package has come from Stalin 19. I'm only mentioning it because I have some best practice advice for Clippers after this one.

Okay. But clip 17, this is the wrap up. It's a no-win situation for Chad. I will say this. I just love this story. It will be out of fear of what retaliation he will get from the entire restaurant. Applevers. And that might really affect whatever quality it would ever be. It's just, he just has to put this out now because he can't just steal all the $10,000.

It's got to be clear to know that you're going to get eyes on this thing. But the reason is because people can't stand you and they want to find what's wrong with it. That's a horrible fucking thing. That was actually passed. Well, that's why, that's why, yeah. And it, everything else is what I wanted to bring up. Stalin 19 was letting B.YB.B. that he curated that whole package from, featured their QR code.

So if you wanted to support B.YB, you kind of could. Pest goes on there and puts the Pest QR code over the BYB QR code. It's like, why, it's BYB's show and now you're trying to, whatever, get donations off of their contract. Shame, passes. How do you? Because that's what Chad would do. My question is like, just as far as like the Clippers is like, are you collabing with the clips, the shows that you're taking the clips from? and we all like the shortcut of watching the clips,

but I'm just wondering, can't you just put your QR code down below and then people can decide who they want? Instead of you covering up their shit and taking it. No one's using any of these QR codes. Right, but I don't know. It's just, I'm trying to figure out how the symbiotic relationship of the Clippers and the creators work.

And I just thought that Stalin giving B.YB a chance to have people support them and Pest not, I just had questions about it. I'm not saying one's better than the other. I actually... I actually have so thorough Joe Burrow actually collabs with me. Whenever he puts out a video that's I'm in or it's part from my channel,

he shares it with me and then I can share it so it goes on both of our channels. Right. That's the way to do it. That's what I'm saying. I think there's a way going forward that is a best practices thing. I just wanted to point it out. So it's the comedy festival going on this weekend. And as I mentioned, I'm going to see Ryan Long tonight in just a few hours. I'll be going to see him. I've never seen him perform stand-up.

Obviously, I've done shows with him before. And he was on recently with Be a Man. Opie's buddy. This is Ryan Long collabing with Be a Man on a YouTube shorts. If your wife doesn't make you dinner, bang her brother, be a man. No, bang the sister. We didn't agree on brother or sister. but come see me in Boston this weekend.

Very good. It's the great ride along hanging with the Be a Man guy, of course, Opie's buddy. And Opie did have an FU Friday yesterday. It calls who, it's called Who eats a lettuce to Taco Bell. People enjoy tacos. Anyway, so they're talking about the air pollution, the wildfires in Canada, and some hot takes coming in from Opie and his crew. I got to work today.

outside all fucking day. Well, that's not good, Ronnie, babes. That's not good. The air quality, the air quality index, the ACQI. The AQI is over 200 right now in New York City. Is that bad? Which is like dangerous. Like, it's equivalent of smoking a pack of cigarettes.

No, I hear it's the equivalent of one cigarette. I hear it's the equivalent of 10 cigarettes. Depends on the AQI. Okay. My wife said this to be here. I went for a bike ride. She's like, well, you know, it's like 10 cigarettes. If you go outside, I'm like, this is so stupid.

You ever met someone who smoked 10 cigarettes before? I have. They're fine. Kids are shit. What are we talking about? Dude, that's like smoking an entire pack of cigarettes. Yeah. Cool.

Think I'll be all right then. And you'll look cool. Yeah. Yeah, right. Shamed five minutes off the end of your life. Jesus. Those last years suck anyway. It's fine.

It's fine. So Opie comes up with a great joke I don't know if you guys remember this But the beginning of Trump's second term He was really into tariffs He's like, you want to bring goods over here And sell it to us Americans You gotta pay a price for that

And so Opie's like connecting the dots here Because of their fucking hilarious zinger Well, this is what I want to know About the Canadian smoke that is just stifling all of us Are they paying their tariffs? is the smoke paying their tariff to come into our country? Are we at least making money off the Canadian smoke? Tony P is so stoned.

Don't be like, oh, why is supposed to laugh? And Ron's giving you nothing. Ron's like, oh, geez, I'll be. Is that my problem? Should I be high watching this? Yes.

Maybe I'll enjoy it more. Yeah. Ron's like, well, Tony's laugh and I don't have to. Right. Thank God Tony's laughing at this. So Tony decides he's going to piggyback on that, get his own hilarious joke in on this Canadian smoke. Call ice on the smoke. Tell him to fucking deport the smoke. Get it the hell out of you. There you go. But that's how we start. It's FU Friday on the Opie Radio podcast.

And that's Ronnie Babes. Ronnie, you got the middle spot today. Congratulations. And we got comedian Tony P. of course. And the big story, the Canadian wildfires are just out of control. Run's always in the middle spot And Opie puts him there What's he talking about? It's the Jim J. Bullock of the show. I love that Tony does the We should get ice to deport all this Canadian smoke And Obi goes, there you go.

Listen to know, we'll be so dismissive Tony P's terrible jokes. Call ice on the smoke. Tell him to fucking deport the smoke. Get it the hell out of you. There you go. If you don't have you motherfuckers ever said that to me, after I tried to make a joke

and listen, I fail all the time. If you guys said, there you go. Like, all right, it shows over. Seems like you're having fun there. So dismissive. So brutal. I don't blame them. I would do the same thing to Tony P.

But I'm not the one to ask him to be my co-host. So there's that. There is no chemistry between these guys. Opie's just like can't stop himself from singing and be obnoxious. The particles are so fine that it actually gets it. How fine are they? All right. It gets into your bloodstream

I hate facts spewing Ron He does this a lot He reads an article And then he's just like Can't wait to tell you All the facts that he's learned No it's actually like 14 cigarettes

Whatever Who gives a shit Particles you say uh It's not particularly interesting Opie is amazing When he says words silly It's very funny Alki Hall

That was for the board Cheers. I thought you to enjoy that. Alki Hall. All right. Tony is fired up because these guys are both like you shouldn't go outside. The air quality is not great. And Tony goes, I was at a concert last night outside.

I saw a fucking awesome band. And these guys are going to shit all over that, of course. I had Jones Beach Theater last night, man. For what? The 311 and the dirty heads. The dirty heads. Oh, they were. were great. The dirty heads were great.

3-11, man. I was very disappointed. Not that I was disappointed. I mean, his face. I didn't like his face. He was like, P.S. Brosnan, you didn't expect what was coming out of his mouth to come out of that face. And he was so good-looking and he was fucking ripped. And I was like, fuck this guy,

man. Why is Tony so obsessed with how guys look? It's non-stop with this guy. How was 3-Eleven? Do the lead singer's way too attractive? What? That was your takeaway from a 3-11 show? And I said, fuck this guy.

What? Hey, save some pussy for us over there, guy. It's very uncomfortable because my pants were so tight. Yeah. What the fuck's he talking about? Tony, why is that your takeaway? Also, do you know 311 still playing shows? I had no idea.

Andy and I used to cover 311 songs when we were in a band called Sluts. Or the anal-con songs? We did cover the anacon song called 311 sucks. That is true. But it's very funny because these guys immediately start ragging on Tony P for going to see 311. And I'll be honest, I was like, what does that look like, 311 in 2026? So I looked it up on YouTube. They're fine, whatever.

You know, they're still doing their rapy rock thing. Are they hot? The guy's fucking a smoke show. That was my takeaway. I'm like, I'll be bringing this iPad into the bathroom with me now. And there you go. And there you go. All right, so,

O'B's going to shit on the fact that Tony Piss on 311. Dude, I just looked up 311. They have one song. That song down was the big one. The big one. Amber. Amber, Amber is the color of the internet. Amber alert.

Amber is the color. To find the band. All right. There's two. There's two. Look, everyone say 311 sucks. All right. All right.

You win. Chris Watsy on Facebook. Doesn't like 3-11 either. He represents everyone. Jesus Christ. Did you hear Ron? Yeah. Amber Alert.

Amber Alert. Yeah. Good joke, Ron. Word Association. So punchable. The Robin Williams of Hack. Who also is Robin Williams. Yeah.

All right. All right. Ron is not a fan of another band's fans. Right now. Let me tell you right now. If someone told me, yo, dude, I just went to the limp biscuit concert,

I'm, what's it called, defriending you? I'm unfriending you, dude. Limbiscuits all right. Get the fuck out of here. I went to the limp biscuit concert. Get the fuck out of here.

It's all right. Stop it. What if Corey Feldman's band's opening? That is it okay to go to the Limpiscuit concert? You're going to have a good reason. That's what I want. Clowning Corey Feldman. Yeah.

I'm excuse. I mean, if Corey Phelb is the opener, you go to a little biscuit show, right? it's not super embarrassing. Like you wanted to leave, but your ride wasn't going yet. They wanted to hang out. So you watched the whole Limp Biscuit show. That's not crazy, isn't it?

Ron, use your head, man. You didn't think Opie was going to like Limp Biscuit. I know. Good point. Like, yeah, look at all these losers like Libbiscuit. What do you mean breaks stuff? Fucking those guys rule. Like, okay, well, and my bad.

So then Opie's going to call out 311 some more. At night. A clock goes and looks at a schedule of shows and goes, we got to go see 311. Through you, bro. It's my birthday tomorrow, and that was one of my fucking kids. Suck it. All right.

All right, Tony. Hold on. What are you? Tony, What are you the big? Hold on. I'm going to guess Tony's age. No one wants to,

no one wants to know our age. This is amazing right here. Opie's so insecure about how old he is. He doesn't want to talk about ages. Let's not bring it up. He gets so mad at Ron right here. I'm going to guess Tony's age. No one wants to,

no one wants to know our age. Hold on. What's your birthday at, Tony? Leave it alone. Tomorrow. He said it. tomorrow? Yeah.

So what's the sign of you? No, I meant the year. It'll be a lot easier for me to guess if I know the year. I'm a cancer. That's a bad one. I don't know why that's a sign cancer. Let me grab this. Let me grab this.

I think Tony is. You're turning. Who wants to know is before? I'm not asking. I don't want to know. Tony, you look. 504. Happy 45.

Thank you. Let's move on. Low. You get to age. No one wants to start talking. How old are you? People do that to be all time. Like, I don't know.

And they go. What do you mean? You don't know? I go, I truly, at this point, and trying. It's a sensitive subject, I get it. He's 63. He is 63. And Tony's going to be 58.

Dude, I didn't realize that Tony was less than, it was under less than. It was younger than 54. That was actually surprising to me. I round up because then everybody's like, oh, you look great for 60. Exactly. But do you see how old people like to try to get in front of that? Stop asking. Why are you asking?

Nobody cares. Let's not talk about age. Why are we bringing up age right now? He was upset about that. It's a perfectly fine thing to ask what someone's birthday. Tony's when it brought it up, tomorrow's my birthday. Like, cool, neat. Good for you.

All right, so apparently Tony P. thinks the earth is flat. He's a flat earther. I don't know if it's real or not, but O.B. thinks that Tony thinks that. And Tony goes along with it, so maybe he thinks that. And so,

Obie's got some questions. Listen to me. I want to thank Tony P. And it's up for your Friday. And it's his birthday. So I'm going to do this because it's your birthday tomorrow. Thanks for set me straight on the earth being flat. Because I thought about it.

I'm like, if the fucking Earth was round, all our stuff would have rolled all the way to Australia. So thank you, Tony. I'm with you. The earth is flat as a penguin. What are you? is it? Opie's doing

flat earth takes right now. When did we get past that? Like 2016? Yeah. Got to talk about something, I guess.

Hey, you guys hear about these flat earthers? Yeah, a decade ago. Right. What do we, what are we doing here?

And Opie's hot take is like, yeah, the earthers round and all go to Australia. What are we doing? Our research. That's what we're doing. All right.

Well, Opie actually decided to talk to his AI assistant, his producer of the show, and gets knowledge. See, I said it right that time. Get some knowledge so that he could argue with Tony P.

Who cares you go to Australia and you look at the night sky and they look at different stars than us? Who cares? Don't pay attention to that part of the puzzle. Because if the earth was flat, we all would be looking at the exact same stars. But if you go to Australia, oh, I came with ammunition today, you bitch.

If you go to Australia and you'll look at the night sky, where's the north star? We don't say, if we're, If the earth was flat, we would all be looking at the same fucking stars in the sky. Thank you. Opie feels the need to prove that the earth is round. Why? I think he feels the need to dress Tony P. down.

Yeah, I guess. What a fucking dumb thing. Did you guys know the Earth that actually is around? Yeah. Of course. How would you not know that? He's got to be an expert on something. I mean, there's fucking satellite dishes flying.

Tell me of GPS. Of course, it's round. What do you mean? What the fuck? I hope he's just like, no, no, no, I got the proof right here. I came with ammunition. Ammunition. That's not in the Bible, and I haven't seen it with my own eyes, so it's obvious bullshit.

Fair enough. I think it was, uh, Shaquille O'Neill said he drove from Miami to L.A. And didn't notice any curvature. Yeah. Seemed flat the whole way. And Trisha Paitis thinks that gravity is not necessary. That is true. So Ron doesn't understand music at all.

He should not. not be commenting on bands or anything. I have a quick question. Yes. What concert would be worse? 3-11, Google dolls, three doors down,

they're all the same. I would never spend money on... Hold on one second. Let's stop. Just stop there one second. That's the dumbest take ever. Listen, if you want to make fun of the Google dolls

and three doors down, I'm with you. Let's go. To say they sound just like 311? It's wildly different. What's he talking about? Anything that Ron doesn't like, it's just, might as well all be the same shit. I don't know where he's coming from with that.

To say I wouldn't spend money on it. Ron, you don't have money. Yeah, of course you're not going to spend money on it. Yeah, obviously. You did a whole shift at work. He made four bucks during a World Cup game. We know, we know. So Tony keeps saying, I wasn't there for 311.

I was there for the opening band. And they're awesome. They're like this reggae band. and Opie, he thinks of a joke and he thinks it of quick. Maybe you should introduce your children to the dirty heads. That's Southern Californian like reggae music. Southern Cal, SoCal reggae, like the genre of sublime. All right.

It's in the name. Rehege. Reggae. Reggae. Reggae. Run seems so. so dejected by this. He's like,

we're making reg gay jokes now, Opie. Is that what the show is turned into? That's what we're doing. It's no Amber alert, but nice try. I'm all gay. I'll go for it and say, I'm gay. All right, Adam.

We're not talking to you right now. So I just thought that that was possibly one of the dumbest things Opie's ever said. He's all proud of himself for saying that reggae is gay because the word gay is in it. No, reggae is gay because it's boring.

Let's talk about Bon Jovi, Opie's got a hot take on Bon Jovi. By the way, that's a concert I would fucking absolutely pay money to see. Bon Jovi's back on tour. You wouldn't see Bon Jovi? No, because I'd rather see Bon Jovi the way I remember Bon Jovi, the long hair. I don't want to see Bon Jovi my age coming out with fucking tight pants. I don't want to see it.

Bon Jovi looks like my aunt now. Bro, the same way. Bon Jovi, I'll go visit my aunt. It's the same person at this point. I'm sorry, can your aunt hit the notes on living out of prayer? What about what's he talking about? Neither kid John Bon Jovi, though. No, I know, but that's not the point.

Tony, Tony B. is like, John Bon Jovi's not even hot anymore. Have you seen that guy from 311? What are we talking about? What am I going to do jerk out about Jovey concert after seeing 311? Fuck that noise. Who wants me to take my top off?

Opie's sake is the fucking dumbest take possible. He's like, that guy looks like someone I know, so I don't need to see him. I'll go see someone I know. He's a musician. This is funny to listen to three people that have terrible taste in music argue about music. It's insane. These are lonely losers who are doing a Zoom meeting every morning. And for some reason put it on YouTube for our entertainment.

Thank you, Hopi. I appreciate it. There are points in this. They're all just yelling nonsense at each other. And sometimes when I listen to podcasts, full disclaimer, I'll speed it up a little bit. It's a lot of content to get through. So this is, you're going to see behind the curtains,

what I watch when I'm watching, Opie Radio. Jesus, right. My car is like the greatest old Christmas. Jesus. Jesus. Listen to the truth. No, for real, sorry.

Adele of, very overreate. What the fuck is going on? Shut up. Everyone shut up. Do you guys familiar with Carvel? Oh, yeah. The ice cream? Hell yeah. Fudgy the whale.

Oh, handy. You are so mistaken, my friend. Cookie piss? You are so mistaken. They're talking about Carvel and Ron he remembers what you're talking about, but it wasn't Fudgy the whale.

Everybody, that was the top of the line, was ice cream cake for your birthday. Give me that fucking give me pussy the whale. Give me fucking pussy to whale because I had chocolate in it because pussy was chocolate.

way. That sounds weird. Pussy the whale. It was like a lot of fudge and stuff. He really thinks it's called pussy the whale. I want a pussy the whale. Cookie puss and fudgy the whale. Nobody corrects him. It's so fucking funny.

So that Opie's like, that doesn't seem right. So that Opie decides to Google it and he comes up with us. Oh, they were fucking with us. They're calling it Pussy the Whale. Hold on a second. What is it called? All right, O'Brien.

Take it away, buddy. Sorry, Ron. It was even worse. The Carvel wasn't pussy the well. It was, uh, cookie puss. Oh, cookie push. Oh, my God.

It looks like Ron. That legitimately made me laugh. He pulls up cookie pussy. It looks like Ron. It kind of does. Especially because it's too close to the camera. Yes. It kind of does.

Now I don't want cookie. anymore. How funny is that? He's like, it's pussy the whale. He goes, oh, no, no, it's cookie pus. It's fudgey the whale. Fuck! None of these idiots. If I don't have a vagina-shaped ice cream cake for my 60th

birthday, I'm going to be disappointed. Get ready for disappointment. 60th birthday. Good luck, buddy. We're rooting for it. All right. I don't think Ron knows who the celebrity is based on what he calls this woman. My first half used to Ozempic.

That's Opie right there if he doesn't have sugar. What's the fuck, Charlene? Charlene Theron. What the fuck? Charlene Theron. Charlene Theron. What's he talking about? Her name is right there.

Opie's pulling up the fucking article that shows that Charlie's thereon. He's just like, oh, look at this crazy person. And then he doesn't know other celebrities' names either. I don't know those stupid too. But I mean, dude, what the fuck her? Anniada Grande Anniada Grande is that a Taco Bell right now? Limited edition

Pussy the Grande Anya Adiata Grande What's he talking about? Sounds delicious Maybe that's Bob's stepdaughter Anthony went off on Opie Recently on his show And it's always fun when Eric Nagel

sends you a note It's like you should probably cover this on WATP Maybe it's close to home I don't know I've said this a thousand times there is not one person that I know of that we have worked with over the course of the Opie and Anthony show

that I have remained friends with Greg Opie Hughes. I don't know one. All right, before I get into that, Eric Degals in the chat. Hi, Eric. He was a terrible music picks. He loved the doors, Peace Frog. I like Peace Frog.

I'm sorry. I like the door. Shut up. I went to WAAF for their farewell broadcast. I went on the shows, Mistress Carrie, we went out,

we drank, we laughed, talked about good old times at WAAF. The only time Opie's name came up was when people were conveying a story

about what a fucking prick he was to them. What a backstabbing prick he was to them. BAB. I go to a party for my family. I find out that... You know what's interesting about that?

WAAaf, that was when Opie is before he became like Opie from Opie and Anthony. And obviously he brought Anthony onto the show and they made a name for themselves and were hired in New York because of it. But Opie claims that he's like, well, people don't like because I was the boss. You know, nobody likes the boss. I was always wanting to make decisions. And so people didn't like work with me. Even when he was just a fucking evening disc jockey. People fucking hated his guts.

No one liked working with him. One of the very popular jocks. I won't even say his name to get him into any problems or anything. But one of the very popular longtime jocks there knows one of my cousins. So he shows up with his on-air partner guy. And we're like, holy shit, hanging, drinking, laughing. And guess whose name comes up? And it's not because it was funny.

or what a guy, or he helped me out over this. It was what a fucking prick he was. This is all the shit that's being said by every single person he's ever worked with. And what's crazy is, and we've documented this, when Opie started this podcast, he actually recognized this for a split second. He said, he's working on himself. He's got the shaman who's giving him tobacco something or heroin. It was unclear when he was snorting.

But he was trying to, like, fix himself and get right and see a therapist. And he's completely gone from that now. Now, it's everyone's fault, but his, again. But it's my fault. I've somehow magically influenced all these people. Nobody. I've influenced all these people. I am a regular Svengali.

Opie still says to this day. He's like, oh, you guys are saying that because Anthony told you not to like me. Anthony told you that I'm an alcoholic, so that's why you guys are saying I've purple lips. Yeah. He still blames all the hate on Anthony telling people what to do. That's how being a grown-up works. Yeah, right, exactly. Oh, because he's charismatic.

You guys just do whatever he tells you to do? No, that's how life works at all. If you don't watch Seinfeld, don't say I pronounced it wrong. Yeah, I can just. mesmerize people and have them hate opi with my mind control it's it's bad shit thinking there's a reason if the um the majority of people you've ever known or worked with don't like you it's you yes there's no other fucking reason right it's you pretty cut and dry when you're a little kid, your mommy could tell you things like, they're just jealous.

They're just jealous of you. Once you get older, you're supposed to have enough self-awareness to realize, uh-oh, I'm the fucking asshole. I'm the one. This is why people don't like me. And Obi will be like, well, when I was in the big chair, everyone was kissing my ass, everyone would be my friend. Now that I'm not in the big chair anymore, now they're being assholes to me.

There's a lot of people who get along with a lot of people who aren't in the big chair. it's not just like you're unlikable you're hard to deal with you're hard to work with is what it comes out to i've gone around and fuck people over my entire career just to try to get that one more step up or to justify my position when other people are justifying theirs through talent i'll justify it through um threats All right, he goes out to talk about, we've talked about it before, where Opie would talk shit to management about a guy. And they'd be like, all right, we should let him go. And he'd be like, no, no, no, give me another chance.

And he'd go right to that guy. I'd be like, I just saved your job, man. Management was ready to get ready. He was such a douche the way he would do that. Someone came up with a great idea recently. You know, we did the one bonus episode we did Living in the Past with Opie. We did his first podcast. Yeah.

He was on the Joe Rogan podcast years ago. It might be interesting to go back and revisit Opie on Joe Rogan, considering all the things have happened since then, Opie obviously would never get booked on Joe Rogan now or a podcast, even 20th the size of Joe Rogan show. So who are you and what do you do? And all the shit he talks about Joe Rogan now and claim to know everything about his show. So I think that would be pretty interesting.

I think we should check in on that. We'll do that soon. All right. It'll be fun. Andy, thank you so much for being here. Thank you. Thanks for the BYB package. It's something I've never said before.

Probably will never say again. We saved up and got you a little something. Yes. It's no pussy the whale, but I'll take it. Liesel and Friends Gourmet.com. But don't worry about that website. Andy, where can people find your show? Yeah, I would love it.

If you haven't subscribed to The All Apologies Podcast channel on YouTube, just go hit the subscription. notification shit and check it out. Thank you. Yeah, go subscribe to Andy's channel. He's live on Sundays with Nellie. Yeah, she's back. Tomorrow at 1.

Excellent. So, hey, that's what I'm doing my show. All right. All is forgiven. I'll apologize podcast. Check that out, subscribe wherever you listen and enjoy podcast. And definitely on their YouTube channel. And Andy does the poker shows.

As well, he had the big winners show on Monday night, cause a lot of controversy. it did well yeah i mean you you grabbed uh tukey away from bt h oh yeah so people were very upset i lost so much sleep over it i feel are very upset about that um all right people were wondering if jenny jingles is dad no she actually recorded our internet news segment internet news with jenny jingles from facebook brett purdy reports carl's buddy matt loewinsky a k a k a podcast hitman gets a life sentence bret stephen cries out. What kind of world do we live in where you can't even murder your girlfriend and hide her

body in the basement for seven months anymore? From Spotify, Lance demands, I need a Carl and Jenny Jingle's Christmas album titled, Just Duets. Jay Santee 76 gripes, I hate skipping parts of the show, but Jerry Banfield is unbearable. Science offers, I skip Opie, so it evens out. Lance is back to clarify, you don't like Jerry? You must hate money and success. Slow dancer confesses, Producer Chris is the funniest digger I know. From Patreon, Chris Atril notes, Kathy Griffin used to be fun. She tells stories about insane egotomaniacal celebrities

and make fun of celebrity culture, while having the honesty to admit she was a fame for herself. It's a shame what a trumped arrangement syndrome riddled boar she's turned into. Blart Samson opines. When Aaron did the money copter, and you guys paused, that was a textbook Dork Bert look. Andy fan number one with a rare, Moody is too good for Carl.

Don't drag him into the humorless black hole that is opie. and from Reddit, latter adhesiveness comments on Zumach's Pat Dixon rant. Anywhere, any time, any level, not today. I can't do today. Worldly Web simply deems it, ramblings of a fat turd. Scraim comes in with, I'm sure Ron gets the $37. Obie says he makes. Yenze pleads for sanity.

Can we all just agree to stop giving money to losers on the internet? And from YouTube, really cute bird writes, To is so afraid of anyone talking to him about reality. Drizzly Jones proclaims, Jerry addressing WATP is the best thing ever. Clay Nader warns, Jerry Banfield has the energy of a guy who would stalk a woman after a casual conversation. He might not want to publicly admit to all of his wet ops. Brace if ponders, Jerry deserves to be studied in a lab.

How does a human survive this long with just a brain stem? Joe Ardenger also noticed. The laughing on Artie's special sounds suspiciously canned. Rusty Mertz observed this about Kathy Griffin. How far her eyes are above her mouth doesn't appear human. Baste Plague makes a strong point. Aaron watched the whole this little piggy with Keanu but has never seen a clip, and Justin Kew plays out with a little game.

To the hosts, who would you rather be Aaron Imhold or Jerry Banfield? That's an interesting one. That's a rough one. Would you rather be Jerry Banfield or Aaron Immolt? I've been thinking about for 48 hours now. What's your answer? I got to go with Jerry.

God, that seems like hell. Look at the alternative. That's why it's an interesting question. Andy, what do you think? Hmm, Jerry, let's come eating. That's true. He's just drinking his tears out of his pinky. Dame Taft, I will be on your show momentarily.

About a half hour. I'm scheduled to be on Dame Taft show. Nice. I don't know what we're talking about. I don't care about movies. But it's a movie show. So we'll talk about that, I guess. We have some voicemails coming in.

Of course, Gary and San Diego are almost. prolific voicemailer of all time. It's a bunch of crap. Swing in a mid. Rock and roll. The rock and roll voicemail segment starting with people criticizing our new sponsor. Carl, the end of your voicemail thing says, don't be corny. But, oh, whatever.

I'm sitting in my car eating Taco Bell because my wife annoys me. But anyways, you're selling Skittles. You're selling freeze, dried skittles on your show. Thank you, deep discount. You're killing it, bro. You're killing it. I appreciate it. I do appreciate that.

Link in the description. This one's for you, producer, Chris. Chris, I just saw Toto, and it was fucking awesome. And found out that they mentioned the drummer. He was in your favorite band. Steely Dan. I thought of you immediately, and I was like, I got a call when I get home. Toto was awesome though

I definitely see Toto Toto's great I'm about seeing through an entire concert of Toto but they got some hits Steely Dan's still coming up Chris You look angry, okay?

That'd be all right Okay, very good You know one of things we've been talking about on the show lately is cover songs that are better than the original And I am of the impression that no one does Beatles songs better than the Beatles

But people are disagreeing with me Hello, Carl. On the subject of cover songs, better than the originals, mentioned the Beatles. I've got to give it to you, too, with Helter Skelter from Rattling Hum. Food for thought, man,

take it in and reflect on it. Love you, babies. I don't know that I'm familiar with that. Guys, you two's Helter Skelter. Have you heard it? No, but I was thinking about this yesterday. Okay. Mali Cruz, Helter Skelter can go fuck itself.

It's terrible. Of course it is. What about smoking at the boys' room, though, by Molly crew? Garbage. Andy, are you familiar with you two's Haltorskelter? I'm not. Do you think YouTube is good?

No. Okay. Here's another person who disagrees with me. Carl, Joe Cocker does Beatles songs better than the goddamn Beatles. What the fuck are you talking about? You never heard a Beatles song? You never heard of Beatles cover? God damn it.

I knew this is going to happen. I knew some asshat would say Joe Cocker. the most over-singing fucking douchey performer of all time. Joe Cocker can sit on an egg and ingest it anally. You know who loves Joe Cocker? I do. Enough said. Enough set.

Dude, fucking his version of, uh, get by the little help of my friends. Fucking sucks. Go fuck yourself with that. Any comment thoughts? I mean, I don't have anything for joke. I'm not going to defend Joe Cocker. We all like to wonder years. It's fine.

Yeah. It's played out. Hey, you want to find out how gay Carl is? Find your own set of his asshole. If I had a chuckle for every time producer Chris made me laugh. Bees a piece of that. Talk into the microphone part of your phone next time. It's very helpful for us to understand what the fuck you're talking about.

Hey, Carl. shit. You eat little nuggets of shit. You eat every type of shit. Your game is fuck. Anyways, this is for who are these broadcasters? Oh, okay. Chris and Blatt is the best. Anyways, my birthday was a couple of days ago. So, play. The Wolf is Lose. Right now, go, go. Rest and peace. Always on the board. Always ready for a request for a little Mastodon. on happy birthday. Hello, Cousin.

This is on the Sheddon. I don't know when it was a week or so ago. You guys listened to Jerry Banfield, and you missed a big detail that I find hilarious that a man in Florida, who's $70,000 in credit card debt or whatever he's at now, pays to do hot yoga.

In Florida, he's paying money to go into a hot, humid room. What a fucking idiot. I love you. Call me back. That's where the girls in yoga pants are. He doesn't care about the hot yoga. Also, you can't tell he's crying.

I'm just sweating a lot out of my eyeballs. I filled my hanky with sweat. Hey, Carl, I've been thinking way too much about the toe lately and how he's saying that you need him. Well, yeah, of course you need him. You need to make fun of dogs. And he's a fucking dork. No shit, Sherlock.

Thank you very much for your call. This is exciting. We've had a lot of celebrities call into the voicemail line. And at first, I was like, a little awestruck by it. Kind of gotten used to it. But this is a big one.

Hello, WAT.P. This is President Donald J. Trump. I was listening to your last episode where Kathy Griffith was talking about her friend Rosie O'Donnell, who I like to call Rosie O'Donet, by the way. the greatest nicknames, quite frankly.

A lot of people would say I give the best nicknames. Anyway, Rosie O'Donaut is so fat that she jumps into the air and gets stuck. Okay? She's quite, she's so fat. She's greatly fat. One of the fattest people in the world, quite frankly. Thank you. I'll hang up to the next.

All right. Thank you very much, Donald. Call back anytime. Appreciate it. Good hot takes on Rosie O'Donnell. Oh, this is a request. Here's an idea for a podcast never before seen since now we're getting finally, finally the call for Croh to come back to WAPP. He should be on an episode where he talks about his hero, David Lee Roth.

Thank you. I mean, I couldn't get Crows to come back for episode 600. I don't think I'd get him to come back around. I was like, hey, let's talk about David Lee Roth's podcast. He hates David Lee Roth. He hates an entire decade of music. Everything David Lee Roth stands for. This is a long one.

I'll probably cut it at some point, but the guy makes some good points. Jeff, yeah. Hey, Chief Pete. Hey, I just wanted to give you guys a call to let you know, like, you guys do a lot of crazy work and, you know, the stuff that we love in contact creation, stuff like that. But I just wanted to let you guys know that there are people out here. me that love you guys and just want to say hi to you and uh to say you know to have a great day and uh i hope the best for you all and the reason why i want to say this is because you love us i'm still remembering the time that john melendez went after your dad and i hope carl hamburger

i hope papa hamburger i know he's in heaven right now but i also want to know uh mom and hamburger is doing well and everything she's great but you know what i'm so freaking sick and tired of the way they make fun of you guys and who we just have to literally have a conversation about how fucking evil these gabblers or gabble versus motherfuckers are who's making fun of us and uh i want lucy type box to know that i'm still going to make her her box loose all right we got to get off the rails out there but thank you very much of the compliments. I appreciate it. You're not to say that Jenny Jinkles is beautiful.

Thank you very much for the call. 45 seconds is all we ask for. But, wow, we got through it, didn't we, guys? It was a rough one. It was a rough one today. But here we are on the other side. Yay. I got to go. Bye.

I got to go. I got to go. I got to go. I got to go. Okay, bye. That was a good episode. That was a good episode. I enjoyed that. All right, everybody. You know, this was a great podcast.

It was very revealing. That was a great episode. That was really great. Okay, folks. Guess what? The episode's over. Are we done here? I think we are.

Okay, bye. You know, who are these? Podcasts. I don't know. I don't get it. Makes no sense. Remember that.