Who Are These Podcasts? - Ep749 - Scatpodcast by Dirty Gary, Opie Radio, Jerry Banfield, Artie Fletcher

Episode Date: August 2, 2026

For everyone who’s been asking us to get back to old school episodes of WATP, careful what you wish for. We meet Dirty Gary, a gay man who is really into scat, aka poopy. Wait until you hear what hi...s guest has been up to. I didn’t realize I could be shocked by a podcast in 2026, but here we are. Tab Birt joins us in studio and Nice Doug is also on to share listener questions that will make you blush. Cringe of the Week is the Regz with Luis J Gomez getting Robert Kelly to tickle him. Chad Zumock lied about Nikki Glaser donating $500 and he is handling it the worst way possible. Artie Fletcher sets up premises that never pay off. It’s like he’s not listening to himself. Jerry Banfield tells us way too much about his personal life and I can’t get enough! He sent a 16 minute video to the woman he has a crush on and tells us every embarrassing thing he said in it. Oh, and he changes his business model again. Opie had a riveting FU Friday with Tony and Ron full of hot takes on Jewish food, Benjamin Franklin, and Yoko Ono’s butt. The best part was when they talked about burying their pets. What a fun show! We finish up with Internet News and your voicemails.  Doug’s show: https://www.youtube.com/@GoodTimesGreatMovies Tickets to see us live in Detroit: http://watplive.com/ WATP candy available now: https://www.leiselandfriendsgourmet.com/ Support us, get bonus episodes, and watch live every Saturday and Wednesday: ⁠⁠http://bit.ly/watp-patreon⁠⁠ ⁠⁠https://watp.supercast.tech/⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Transcript
Discussion (0)
Starting point is 00:00:00 I saw my friend on the other side of the street. I was heading to school with the kids. I let go of mom's hand to wave. I had already forgotten their lunches. I ran over to hug her. She came out of nowhere. And then... It stopped.
Starting point is 00:00:16 Sometimes the moments that never happen matter most. Volvo's automatic emergency braking helps ensure a safe ending for everyone. Learn more at VolvoCars.a.ca. I told them in the strongest of words to just do it. You see, this is a, we just do it kind of show. Formito Popon. That's gross. Episode number seven.
Starting point is 00:00:44 Are you a boner guy? Oh, I was a boner guy. You know what? I missed penis. What are you talking about? I'm the one who should apologize. Is it going to be absolutely riveting? Is it going to change your life by any stretch?
Starting point is 00:00:59 probably not, but it's going to be at least entertaining, okay? By the way, for those people that are in the back, remember to shut the fuck up. Mental illness can literally drive you crazy. I've been dying to say that. Maddie-Oh!
Starting point is 00:01:14 Cuzz-a-Roo! Cuzz-a-Roo! Slapparoonie. It's showtime. WATP, WATP, W-A-T-P, W-W-A-T-P, TV.
Starting point is 00:01:40 Hello, we're going to next episode of Who Are These Podcasts. The only show that has real actual friends. I'm your host, Carl, I'm with me this week. The host of the Best Star Trek fan podcast on YouTube. It's Tab Bert. Thanks for having me. Thanks for being here. In studio with us, Tab driving across the country to be here also with us.
Starting point is 00:01:57 The only guy I know who hosts a podcast about movies from The Good Times, great movies podcast. It's a nice Doug. What's up, Doug? Happy to be here. Despite my celebrity status, I still come on your show. I appreciate that. Producer Chris is here as well.
Starting point is 00:02:08 Hello. Go to Who Are These.com. Get our email address, a voicemail number, link to the subreddit, link to our Discord server, link to our merchandise, link to our YouTube channel, and that late to Patreon and Supercast featuring two. Two exclusive bonus episodes every single month. We just recorded one this past week that I've been talking about. I'm very proud of this episode because we dug back to John and Karen,
Starting point is 00:02:30 his girlfriend from the Channel 9 show, and Stuttering John had the sternly wed games where he just humiliated his poor girlfriend. and it's hysterical. It's always been a piece of shit. Yeah. Who knew? So Patreon.com slash who are these podcasts to get all the bonus shows and the RSS feed
Starting point is 00:02:48 and everything else? Like, for example, I did DamblePoint on Monday. That's in the RSS feed. You can listen to the episode. Lucy's even on it this time. I put it wrong in the first time. But I did this little piggy yesterday.
Starting point is 00:03:01 That's on the RSS feed. So this all goes on to the Patreon RSS feed if you want to listen to any of the stuff that we're doing. I put up the audio versions on there. Or can you always join the YouTube channel, get all the bonus stuff on a YouTube channel as well. Tickets are available, but are getting scarce. For live in Detroit, WTP Live.com is where you want to go to get your tickets. It's October 2nd.
Starting point is 00:03:23 We will be there. The live show, the Drew Lane Show, and Dave Landau and the whole crew will be down in Royal Oak for our fifth live show in Detroit. Wow. Fifth year in a row. Yeah. And we'll be a fifth sellout in a row, so we're excited about that. Also, we encourage our listeners, give us five stars on Apple Podcasts or wherever you review podcasts and the shit all over us in the comment section.
Starting point is 00:03:46 Today, we'll be reviewing SCAT podcast by Dirty Gary. This is a suggestion from General GK in the suggestions channel of our Discord. We've all listened. We have not discussed it. Let's get into it. It's a show hosted by Dirty Gary. Disgust is the word. Yeah, disgust.
Starting point is 00:04:02 This thing is wild. Whoever suggested this, fuck you, by the way. Yeah, General GK, this was crazy. And it's pretty new. Most of these episodes are from just a month or two ago. And I know that, Doug, you checked out the pilot episode. Which did, and I think I made the right decision. Okay.
Starting point is 00:04:20 Well, that's good. I'm glad to hear that because, yeah, this guy, dirty Gary, the host, he's been in the skat community for a long time. I think he's European. I thought he, well, he lives in Ireland, but I think he's Indian, which is the, you know, most racist stereotype that you could possibly. think of, of course. So the dirty is it by his mind.
Starting point is 00:04:38 It's just that he hasn't showered it a long time. That actually makes a lot of sense now. I did find one video they have. Oh, by the way, do not find this guy's X account. Did anyone find his X account? Oh, hell no. I didn't know you could put that kind of shit, literally. He talked about it a lot on the first episode.
Starting point is 00:04:59 Yeah. And the issues he's run into and he's had multiple accounts taken down, post taken down. But he's not sure why certain things are taken down. There are things I cannot unsee now. You went and looked at this? I didn't know it was going to be that. It's the first one.
Starting point is 00:05:15 What are you? He's so scarred. I didn't know that you can just shit on dicks on X. I don't know what told me this. I didn't want to picture it in my head. I'm not going to go pull it up and try to find the actual details. You walked out. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:05:30 Here's a YouTube shirt. I don't know experience for people with with Pussies because I don't. have one. So I wish I could describe it to you, but I can't. And then similarly for scat, like, pooping in a diaper for me is, like, the, it's the best orgasm I have ever had ever. So I poop in the diaper. It fills up the seat and then you kind of, like, sit down and squish it.
Starting point is 00:05:56 Oh, my God. And it just, like, gets all over your butt, all over your balls, all over your day. It feels so good. I'm sorry. What does the orgasm happen? you're just sitting at shit. It doesn't sound orgasmic at all. Sounds uncomfortable.
Starting point is 00:06:10 Like a really bad day. Yeah, this was, this was, this episode might be tough to listen to. Yes. I think I have, uh, I think I have that drop somewhere on the board. This episode could be hard to listen to. Yeah. So this guy, Dirty Gary, gets a lot of notes from people. He's very popular in the SCAT community.
Starting point is 00:06:31 Claims they have over 17,000 followers in somewhere. I don't know. They keep talking about all these platforms they're on. They keep getting taken down. They're like, yeah, I remember we used to hang out on this thing, and then we were on that thing. It's like, and I guess he's been getting a lot of questions lately from the audience. Lots of follow-up questions for regarding my diet.
Starting point is 00:06:47 This would be something that is difficult to answer in one text message, but don't worry, I'll definitely do an episode on the perfect scat diet one day. So stay tuned. I'm guessing Mexican street corn and peanuts. What's the perfect scat diet? You were able to tell. I didn't watch that many videos, but I got the gist. Fucking gross.
Starting point is 00:07:11 All right, let's meet our guests. He had a special guest on the show. Tell us a little bit about yourself. So this is, you know, an episode we didn't really promote too much because it's a little bit improvised. So just give us, you know, give our listeners a little introduction. Who you are? What do you do? So my name is Pope Atlas.
Starting point is 00:07:33 I'm a pup. I live in the southern part of the U.S. in Tennessee, so I'm kind of a dirty country pup. But I haven't really been in pup community for that long, maybe like a little over a year. But as far as Scat, I mean, that kind of goes back to me being a teenager and being into it and exploring. And it wasn't really until I got into being a pup
Starting point is 00:07:58 that I kind of started exploring with other people with Scat play. though. Yeah. He's like, yeah, I've been to SCAT since middle school. I didn't start experimenting with other people until recently. So wait, you just play with your shit? Yeah. Oh, okay.
Starting point is 00:08:14 Wow. The crazy thing to admit. Yeah, in one of the episodes. You're such a prude. One of the episodes I listen to, the main guy talks about like he shit himself when he was like eight years old walking home from school. And then it's like what should be an, and, completely mortifying moment. He was like, no, jokes on you.
Starting point is 00:08:35 I'm actually horny about this. You're right. So, like, instead of being embarrassed, like, something's miswired in these people's brains, it's truly revolting. So do you think that was a coping mechanism? And now, like, he just always gets a heart on when he shits himself? Yeah, well, so he went on to tell the story of, like,
Starting point is 00:08:53 being at home and stuffing socks into his underpants and not, like, in the front to make your bolt. Right. But he's not like, like, like, he had a turd. And then he'd like, and then. And then, you know, I do it in my bedroom a little bit. And then I go to the kitchen with the sock in my pants. And then I, you know, I like go to the grocery store.
Starting point is 00:09:09 And I'm just like, Ireland needs to have you deported back to wherever the fuck you came from. Well, we see he was just pretending to have a poopie butt, right? Yeah. No scenarios you're talking about? At first, yeah. Now he actually just shits himself. The poopie bat. Nant cram.
Starting point is 00:09:24 Why, Carl? Why? Do you hate us? Were you hungry when picking a topic? Feel free to pull out of this segment, I mean. Mancrim, if I had to put up with this, you had to put up with this. We're going to have a fun journey together. I did shit at the gas station down the street before I came here in case you were a little bit too frisky.
Starting point is 00:09:43 Or hungry. So you showed up empty hand. Is that what you're saying? That's what I'm saying. Oh, that's a sock? Some house guest you are. Oh, let's find out how, oh, you asked about a pup. So a pup is part of the gay community.
Starting point is 00:09:59 It's where you pretend that you're a dog, but it's not like a furry. you put out a costume, but you might get a leash or something like that, and they might, you know, make you pee outside on a tree or something. Okay. Great. Let's hear about the origin story for this guy. Oh, gosh. So probably maybe in middle school, I had a really good friend that would always, like, we was like my best friend and he would come and spend the night at my house all the time. And he was really big into wrestling.
Starting point is 00:10:27 And, you know, we would watch, right. And I didn't really care for wrestling. I was just doing it for him to be a good friend. But then we would always, like, wrestle and stuff, you know, after the, you know, show or whatever was over. And he would do the thing where he would pin me down and then he would fart in my face. It was almost like a joke. It was probably a cool joke, but I'd never had the emotional response. Real consequences.
Starting point is 00:10:47 And so from there, you know, it kind of grew up like, why do I feel like this way when he's doing this? And, you know, it kind of grew from that to, you know, and it also being in a house. I had sisters and parents, and so I spent a lot of times as a teenager in the bathroom. The response that we get to my best friend of middle school farted in my face when we were wrestling and it turned me on. Listen to this. But, yeah, like, thank goodness he did all of that, you know, like farting in your face. Like, you know, thank you. Hey, goodness, where would he be today?
Starting point is 00:11:24 Right. You know? If only. If I had to discover the Howard Stern show in 1995, it's a gateway. All right, Doug, you pulled a clip from the pilot episode. Where do you want to start? So the pilot episode, like I was amazed by this. Pilot episode, half of it is just him introducing himself and what the podcast is going to be.
Starting point is 00:11:46 And the second half is he already has questions. Like people have already called in. Right. And he's answering questions. So I was shocked that he had all this. He's on social media, like, in these like weird telegram. Yeah. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:12:01 Yeah. And then at the end of it, he was like, all right, guys, if you're going to send me questions, you got to record yourself sending me questions. Stop sending me with this fucking text bullshit. Yeah. I mean, the questions were honestly the best part of this. His answers aren't great, but the people he called in was fantastic. Just play 10 because I thought, oh, maybe I'm naive. I thought I knew what I was getting into. He gets in a diaper. He sits on it, whatever. Number 10 just blew me away. And then I was like, I do not know that I can make a little. all the way through this. Describe to us the tastiest turd you've ever eaten and described to us
Starting point is 00:12:39 how the situation went. Yeah, no, unfortunately, you know, like, I'm feeder, not eater, like, oh. Oh, there's like tops and bottoms of this? Wrong, shit, I ain't no idea. He talks a lot about the fact that he's a top
Starting point is 00:12:55 and a top only. Yeah. Yeah. I'm a feeder, not an eater. Well, la t-da. It was just stab. How would you guys like the tastiest turn you've ever had? I shouldn't have been surprised. Like, I shouldn't have been surprised.
Starting point is 00:13:11 I'd assume that's the end game. Like, if it starts with socks, stuff down there, like it eats. I didn't think eating was a, I didn't think eating was, and that's very unhealthy.
Starting point is 00:13:20 Yeah. Multiple questions. That just seems worried me about that many times. I don't know if the rumors are true, but Carl, you should probably stop eating all of your fecal bat. What I loved about the episode that did, Doug pulled clips from is that he spends the first half like talking about himself and
Starting point is 00:13:34 introducing everything and the entire time he's like it's scat it's scat it's scat he's like really churching it up and then the first question's like yeah man uh what do you think about taking a big steamy shit that's gross it's like when you're in a head shop you know before we're right yeah you gotta get out of here man you can't use that word around here a tobacco pipe yeah we don't say shit but i did like The episode did start with him introducing himself, and it was rather tame. If you play my number three, it's kind of hilarious because he's like, all right, this is what the show is about, it's about shit, whatever. And we're going to have guests on.
Starting point is 00:14:13 And he starts to describe the type of guest. And even he has to laugh at who he thinks may end up being on this show. There's not going to be any kingshaming as well. So it's completely safe space for you. Like, I'm a gay man. So expect that most of the people that you will hear on this podcast will be a gay man as well. but we'll see, you know, we don't know there might be some women joining us as well.
Starting point is 00:14:35 This is a prank, right? That's Kaya. Exactly. Like how he started his podcast, knowing someone would not recommend it to me. Missy B. reminding us of Dump Aroos. It's a stevie Dump Aroo. Missy B, if you want to be a guest on this show, they're looking for women. It's what mixed between Kaya and Husey, I assume.
Starting point is 00:14:54 Oh, that makes sense. Oh, man. Yeah, it was, uh, it was, it was kind of rough and he gives getting calls from people. It's amazing. I could not believe how many people were into this. You said 17,000 people follow him. Like, I shouldn't be shocked by this, I guess. Number 11, a buddy of his calls and he totally talks to this guy. So my question to you would be, what is your all-time favorite position to share in like? That feels the best for you. So I believe this was my friend, CJ.
Starting point is 00:15:31 I hope that he's okay with me, revealing him. Yeah, I hope he is. It just happened. His boss isn't listening. Yeah, no kidding. My favorite position to shit in is shitting while at a full run. I prefer standing in line at TSA. If you play number 12, he answers that question.
Starting point is 00:15:53 And then at the end describes himself in a way that I would not have expected. have a couple of positions that you know like there would be few few opportunities for me to kind of enjoy without the cameras you know like kind of day or night off and usually I'm quite boring so I would just kind of lay in the bed on my back and I would just go like that you know and sometimes wearing underwear sometimes without it that's what I kind of enjoy um yeah I know there's something like interesting for me to to do it in different places as well than the bathroom but look I am a really boring person. Yeah, he says that a bunch in that episode, where he's just like, yeah, I'm super boring and vanilla, but I shit in my own bed. Like, fuck, dude. Sometimes, like, does it get, like, extra spicy?
Starting point is 00:16:46 He's just like, I'm taking the underwear off and shit in this bad. It's like, who is that for? You're the one who's asleep in that thing? It's for him. Yeah, he likes that. Oh. Dunn, did you pull anything about the amount of storage that he has of his own video? videos?
Starting point is 00:17:00 I, boy, I don't know. I was pulling, I only sent you 16 clips, Carl. When I sat down, I had like 30. I had to call some of these. What do you say about storage? Well, so he says that he films himself every time he shits. So, like, he works from home, and every time he has to go take a dumparoo, he goes into the bathroom, I guess sets up his iPhone, films himself taking a stinky shit.
Starting point is 00:17:25 And then he's like, I have a hard drive. and the stuff that he's posted into these social networks is only like maybe 10% of everything that he's shocked. I'm like, what the fuck, dude? Memories. If you actually play my number five, he does talk about this. I'm like, don't use these words.
Starting point is 00:17:43 Like the, I'm not saying the authorities need to get involved, but you shouldn't be saying stuff like this. I have a hard drive full of content since 2016, sometimes even earlier than that. And there's thousands of thousands of videos and pictures. Jesus Christ. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:18:02 Take out of context. That sounds real. It's so doughy to me. Right. Yes, exactly. No, I want to know what else is on these. I mean,
Starting point is 00:18:08 I don't want to know, but someone needs to go investing in what else is on these hard drives because, like, yeah, sounds pretty fucked up. By the way, that's the damn quitting the police force. We need you to go through these hard drives and find out of it. No,
Starting point is 00:18:20 thanks. I'm out of your sergeant. He uses words that should not be used. Like, when you're talking about stuff, like this. By my number seven, because he should use the term grown man or adult, and he does not. Okay. Oh, yeah. A local boy. Let's call him a local boy. So he's going to be in my videos a bit more now. I have recorded, I think, already three or four videos. You might have seen one because I used it as a reward.
Starting point is 00:18:51 Let's put it that way. What's he talking about? I don't know. Yeah, this was. this was severely disturbing that quote that he said, I was like, oh, this guy needs to be investigated immediately. All right, let's get back to Pop Atlas, who seems like a sweetheart compared to this guy. Pop Atlas, when he was first
Starting point is 00:19:11 getting into SCAP, it was the early days of the internet, so a lot of dial up, very difficult to do video chatting, but once he was able to video chat, he had some fun with his friends on there. And a lot of stuff I did, it was always online, like video chatting. So, you know, a lot of, you know, fingering my hole and sniffing
Starting point is 00:19:27 my fingers and playing in that regard. Jesus. And you'd have a hard time finding the porn that he enjoys to watch. And yeah, I remember, like, I couldn't, it was a long time where I couldn't really find porn for the Scat stuff for a long time. It was just, I thought, maybe I was just, like, one of a few, I don't know, it was like a widespread kind of kink.
Starting point is 00:19:49 It's not. I assure you're saying widespread kink. There was, one of the episodes I listened to, they were talking about watching porn and the guy was like, oh, yeah, I'll jerk off to scat porn until I, like, am about to come, and then I would pull up, like, some regular vanilla porn to watch. In case someone walks in. Why? It was like to try and desensitize himself.
Starting point is 00:20:11 He had to lose his erection. It's like, oh, right. What is going on? Vagina. Well, speaking of vagina, this was an interesting memory that he had. When two girls, one cup came out, and that exploded all over, you know, the internet. I remember totally I was like, wait a minute
Starting point is 00:20:29 and I was trying to find online like a gay version of a new girl one cup and like a desperate effort like we're gonna find there because like of course my friends were all showing it to me and I would pretend to be discussed by it
Starting point is 00:20:39 and I was but I was really like oh he had to pretend to be disgusted by two girls one cop Ew, don't show me that three more times is it the erection that was probably mom he probably was slightly disgusted it's like oh
Starting point is 00:20:52 girls who boops right yuck they get into this big discussion about all these different platforms they're on, where these weirdos meet up and they get to meet other weirdos, and it's hard to maintain friendships. You know, I have the same, like, with so many people online.
Starting point is 00:21:07 You know, like people text me on Twitter, you know, like back then, you know, they would text me on Tumblr. And then, like, the next time you check, like, deleted account or the accounts, you know, not following you anymore, you know, it's your blogged or whatever. So I really appreciate it. Like, you stayed in my orbit and, yeah, it's so good to talk to. I think most of these guys realize Like what am I doing?
Starting point is 00:21:28 Why am I talking to people Who like to eat their own shit on the internet? Yeah, one of the episodes I listened to They were talking about how some of these guys Will like film a video and post it up on the Twitter or the telegram And then they'll come back to it and delete it later As they've like discovered shame Good
Starting point is 00:21:44 That's the correct thing to do And then this this main host guy is like reaching out I was like hey man I mean That's not cool like just take pride in your shitting And then let me continue jerking off it, please. Well, okay.
Starting point is 00:21:57 I'm glad you brought that up. The host, Dirty Gary, gets very excited about this dude's stories. But I don't think Dirty Gary gets a lot of play that isn't virtual. I don't know that he knows a lot of scat, gay scat guys in his area. So we have the pup talk about the first time he met someone of the gay bar who was also into Scat. And then he kind of offered to, like, you know, give me head while I was taking a shit.
Starting point is 00:22:23 And I was like, oh. I'd be totally down. And then we went back to his apartment and we did that and we kind of ate each other out. Oh, shit. I wasn't ready for that. Like, I've heard of pumpkins before. And if people actually did that, but I've heard of that at least. But he's like, yeah, yeah, so he's sucking me off while I'm shitting.
Starting point is 00:22:39 Then we ate each other out. Oh. What? Like, what the fuck? Yeah. This is so upset. Like, Carl, I've made jokes before in past episodes about how like, oh, I'm never coming back. This is going to be my last episode.
Starting point is 00:22:54 can you promise me this is not my last episode we can't end up us no don't worry so the host hears him tell the story about yeah I met this guy at the bar and then we're sucking each other we're sucking each other's assholes back in his place so this is his response it must be amazing to to meet someone in person like you know I can just imagine like the you know the the excitement and like you know the excitement building up you know like when you are you met someone and you think like oh there's a chance that
Starting point is 00:23:24 they like Scat and you might actually have fun with them and you know This guy must creeps so many people out He's probably banned from all the gay bars in this area Yeah Can you imagine like how It's got to feel great though right To like run into the one other dude in your area
Starting point is 00:23:38 That also wants to like eat your asshole And suck your dick while you're shitting Like it's hard enough It's hard to find someone in dating with similar interests to you To find out like that one matches Let's get married right now And you like Westerns? Holy crap.
Starting point is 00:23:56 I'm out. All right. So, Gary asks the question, and he's very excited about this. And finally, it was probably the darndiest I've ever done with someone, Scott Wise. What did you do? Calm down, Gary. Yeah. What did you do?
Starting point is 00:24:13 What was the dirtiest thing you've done scatwise? And, guys, I was like you. I was like, okay, Blumpkin, he's pooping next to the guy. I didn't like the eating each other out thing. Okay. but I was not ready. I was not prepared for this. It was a fun buildup, and when we finally got to meet up and play,
Starting point is 00:24:30 I was kind of surprised how quickly I got down there and put my mouth on his hole and watching it come out. And we kind of made out with it. It was a lot of experimental stuff. It was very fun. We kind of flipped up a little bit. What? I had no idea this was going on.
Starting point is 00:24:49 This is fucking crazy. You know what this reminded me up? What? A South Park clip? No. There is a pastor in Uganda. I don't know if you guys have seen this clip before. There's this pastor in Uganda and they were trying to ban homosexuality in their country.
Starting point is 00:25:11 I've taken time to do a little research to know what homosexuals do in their privacy of their bedroom. One of the thing they do is called anolee King, where a man's enableness. is leaked like this by the other person like ice cream and then what happens even the poo comes out the other than poohs out
Starting point is 00:25:33 and then they eat the poo-poo the other one they do is they have a sex practice called fisting I love this because there's all the people taking notes right yeah yeah what do they do? Okay yeah one guy's jerking off
Starting point is 00:25:46 where they insert their hand into the other man's hand and it goes into the Ennis all the way and it is so painful they have to take drugs but they enjoy it. Now
Starting point is 00:26:00 if we have any children, please step out. A little late, buddy. It's amazing. Now it's about to go bridge too far. Holy shit. I'm going to keep it playing because this is very funny. This is a parental guidance moment. That child can be moved out.
Starting point is 00:26:25 So I've done research. This is what they do. Number one, you can see a man here having sacked the other person's rectum and the other person is poo-y and this one is hitting the poo all over the place.
Starting point is 00:26:42 There's all these Jesus freaks from the way he's going to like, why is he showing us? People that look horrified and other people that are laughing hysterically. Tell me, when you have a law against homosexuality do you say except
Starting point is 00:26:56 eating poop I mean this guy is sure answer yes you can write that in there stagafalized we do not want this sickness
Starting point is 00:27:11 this is sick and it's therefore deviant we do not want it I'm moving to you God I'm with this guy we do not want that all right so you just heard the story these guys are on grinder messaging back and forth.
Starting point is 00:27:26 They meet up immediately the guy shooting in his mouth and they're making out with it. Guess what the problem with that is? And it was one of the experiences where like it was mind blowing. I loved it. But then the cleanup was a complete nightmare. And looking back, there were so many like setups I should have done
Starting point is 00:27:41 because we did it at my place. And I think I had to wash my sheets and comfort her like four times in a row. Just throw them out. Just burn the back, burn the house down. Why is he watching these over and over again? You're going to watch other things in there after that? And wouldn't you prepare?
Starting point is 00:27:58 Did you have a tarp or something? You would think so, yeah. God. Get some raincoats? Play down some newspapers. Remember? Yeah, for the pop shit later. I'm going to scat trade you.
Starting point is 00:28:11 Okay, so I'm sorry, everybody. That took a turn. I didn't realize it was going there either. It's pretty wild. Doug, what else did you bring for us? Play my last clip 16, because it. He says this is near the end of this episode. And I was just like, you don't have to say anything to anyone about this.
Starting point is 00:28:30 Now, I've got another idea for the next one or two episodes. I want to talk about how to actually, you know, how to maybe have the conversation with someone that you know that they are not into this stuff and how to maybe like talk to them, how to come out to them, how to have like this open conversation. Oh, don't do that. No. No.
Starting point is 00:28:50 Why would you do that? No. Never. I don't want to hear any of the gory, even just something as simple as sex. Like, I don't want to hear that from my friends. My friends don't sit around and talk about jerking off and having sex with their wives and girlfriends and specific positions. Like, as far as I know, my friends are all virgins.
Starting point is 00:29:10 I'm doing with that. Like, I'm fine with that. I don't need somebody coming out and tell me they like to eat shit. Oh, if someone told me that in my personal life, I would delete their number and never speak to them again. I'd be polite about it, but I definitely would never talk to that person again. Hey, Mike, your breath stinks. And if I do see them, fist bumps, not handshakes.
Starting point is 00:29:32 I don't know, no, you don't want that fist. I don't know about that. Fair, fair enough. Good point. Man. I'll play a real quick. Dirty Gary is so jealous of his guest, Pop Atlas. It sounds to me that you were actually quite lucky on Grindr and in general, you know, like meeting the right people,
Starting point is 00:29:51 because I don't know if it's just that in general, Americans are a little bit more, you know, open-minded when it comes to kings. But, yeah. I don't think we are. Not these Americans. Must be nice. Guys just come over and shoot your mouth.
Starting point is 00:30:07 First time you meet, must be nice. In Tennessee, too, no less. Yeah. I would imagine, like, New York City, you know, this den of sodomy in the state you live in. Yeah. But, like, Tennessee, come on. A lot of shit here in New York, but.
Starting point is 00:30:20 Tab there. They're everywhere. They're all around us. That's what I learned from this. Stop pointing. All right. What else you got for us, Doug? Played number eight, like I said, he takes questions, and he's not all that entertaining. You know, he's pretty boring, but the questions are hilarious. I love it, and I cannot believe that this is where my journey on WATP has taken me. Hi. So, I guess my question would be, what's the best, like died to have to have the the most satisfying kind of solid shit you want
Starting point is 00:30:58 for a good video okay yeah there were at least like three or four of those questions and it was just like what do I eat to get good shit man so what's the more solid is what they want more solid he loves solid shit you can feed it to people I guess and put it off chunks or whatever and just to save your listeners
Starting point is 00:31:17 from you know not having to download this and listen to it apparently it's a keto diet. A keto diet will back you up and it'll solid shit. Yeah. Interesting. Okay. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:31:27 Let's consult Dr. Steve's Bristol stool scale. That one says, yummy. Type four is like sausage. Okay. It sure is. I'm listening.
Starting point is 00:31:39 If you also, I know we want to get off this, but you know what? I pulled these clubs. We're going to hear them. If you want to play my number 14, it's another, this is a question along with the answer. And I have to say, I did not see the same. are coming. Hi, are you guys high, Easter egg hunting brown chocolate Easter eggs
Starting point is 00:31:56 in each other's butts today. That's my question. Yeah, we actually, we took a video of that you know, so I'll send me the footage later. Let's go to the next question. I kind of can't break Kreeback up there right now, of course. What do you mean? He already
Starting point is 00:32:15 filmed it, already had a video ready to be put up. That's amazing. What a dumb question. Of course I was doing that. Yeah, these people are like sick in the head. There's something that's like completely miswired in their brain. Yeah. Because our natural biological instinct is to avoid shit at all costs.
Starting point is 00:32:34 These people are are not doing that. Shit is bad. It should not be near your mouth. Yeah. Oh, you know what? Let's just do one more. This is early in the podcast. And I knew what I was in store for us.
Starting point is 00:32:46 I was like, show about shit. I know this is going to be gross. And like I said, early, on. It's just him introducing himself as a normal human. So in my clip two, he starts talking about he's like, listen, there's going to be some touchy subjects here, but there's some stuff that we are not going to talk about. And I was like, oh, God, what's he going to say? This was hilarious. There's not going to be many rules, but just to set the agenda. Like, we can't talk about everything on this podcast. There must be, you know, few rules because I really want to keep this on Spotify.
Starting point is 00:33:20 and on all the major platforms. So we have to avoid few topics. I'm not going to talk about any politics. That's true. So anyway, I'm sucking out this Democrat. I loved it. It was just so endearing. Like the first few minutes of this,
Starting point is 00:33:41 and that's why I thought I chose the great episode. Because I was like, I know he's going to get into some real raunchy, crazy shit when he has guests on. But the way he starts, it's just like, I'm just an average dude who likes to shit myself. Yeah. Do you guys hear that shit eating podcast? Very polarizing poetry.
Starting point is 00:33:58 When I listen to my shit eating podcast, I want them to be about shit eating and not about like what's going on in politics. That's my escape. It's too divisor. Right. Yes. I want to get away from political talk. All right.
Starting point is 00:34:12 Anything else you want to play on here, Doug? Oh, God. No, no. I want you to play the scat party one that he's got up there. Scat party? Because this is fucked up. He talks about how hard it was to meet up with other scat eaters and whatnot. And then he talks about a party that he had with, I think, eight other guys.
Starting point is 00:34:31 And they're like, some of them are shitting and some of them are watching and some of them are eating. Yeah, you might be disappointed at the clip. I didn't really get that into it because he doesn't get into details. I was hoping that maybe in a later episode that one of you guys listened to, he does get into the gory details. but number 13, I believe. My question for you is, have you ever done a SCAT 3-sum? So not actually a threesome. I did a SCAT party.
Starting point is 00:35:00 I think there was around like eight people. And yeah, it was a lot of fun. Like, I hope that I'll get to talk about this a little bit more, you know, maybe in the future. But it's been right. I did only once in my life, but it was a really good experience. Holy shit. Can you imagine the Airbnb cleaning fee that you guys? charged.
Starting point is 00:35:19 Did he freakouts are tame compared to this? Yes. That's pretty wild. When he was talking about this when I was listening, I was picturing like a cabin in the woods with eight dudes just shitting in the living room and smearing it around on stuff. Yeah. Right. Guys, the rules are no politics. No ship where you want.
Starting point is 00:35:39 Wild. All right. I want to play this for you. You gets familiar with the book, Everyone Poops. Yeah. Yeah. Well, apparently, Dr. Ted Goldstein. in our Discord
Starting point is 00:35:50 put together a clip of me reading that book. And I don't even remember doing this. Everyone poops by Tarogomi and read by me, your old buddy, Carl. An elephant makes a big poop. A mouse makes a tiny poop. A one hump camel makes a one hump poop. And a two hump camel makes a two hump poop.
Starting point is 00:36:09 Fish poop. And so do birds. And bugs too. Different animals make different kinds of poop. Different shapes, different colors, even different smells. Which end is the snakes behind? What does whale poop look like?
Starting point is 00:36:21 Some stop to poop. Others do it on the move. Some poop here and there. Others do in a special place. Grownups, poop. Children poop too. While some children poop on the potty, others poop in their diapers. Some animals poop and pay no attention.
Starting point is 00:36:35 Others clean up after themselves. These poop by the water. These poop by the water. He wipes himself with paper and then flushes it down. All living things eat. So everyone poops. Everyone poops. Nice.
Starting point is 00:36:47 Now we know. There is a theme on the show today. I will tell you there's clips coming up. Oh, no. I'm sorry. I didn't think this was going to happen this way. It wasn't what I was planning. It's not what I wanted it to be.
Starting point is 00:36:58 It's your show. It can be anything you want to do. I didn't want to do this, guys. I had to. It just happens to me. Before we do that, I got to play our... Grinch of the week. Cridge of the week.
Starting point is 00:37:09 Cringe of the week comes in from our friend Jody B. today. Jody B is watching the regs. The Rags is a podcast that is recorded above the comedy seller. It features Robert Kelly, Dan Soder, Lewis J. Gomez, and Joe List. And apparently,
Starting point is 00:37:25 Louis J. Gomez is in a relationship with a woman. And they've been playing this game called Rock Paper Tickle. Oh, come on. So Lewis says, hey, you want to play a round of Rock Paper Tickle?
Starting point is 00:37:40 And for some reason, this actually happens on the show. And then if you lose, the other person gets to tickling you for five seconds uninterrupted. You are so in new love. It sucks. Let's see Rockburn Bermitticle.
Starting point is 00:37:55 Are you tickles? Yeah. You're answered that. All right, I'll see you Rockman Borg. Tiggle. It's the gayest thing I've ever done. A lot of gay shit. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:38:05 And he sucked your fake dick. Shoot. Fuck! Yeah. Get them. Get them, dude. This is Robert Kelly now tickling Lewis J-go-Buzz. hate it
Starting point is 00:38:19 right but you got a gun in the butt to watch everybody Joe was going to be a timer on oh pause reset I have
Starting point is 00:38:32 I hate it I mean I'm so tick on his you're gonna everybody knows he's weakness now if Lewis ever's gonna beat you up just kick a little no dude Jay's got a very similar thing
Starting point is 00:38:45 yeah Put that on them! Put down. Dan's not counting. I got the stopwatch going right here. We're at five seconds now. Yeah. One? Go.
Starting point is 00:38:56 Go. All right. You got one more second. Is it 15 seconds? No, it's five, but he kept stopping. One more full Mississippi. One Mississippi. Oh, that's great.
Starting point is 00:39:12 What the fuck is going on? I don't know. We listen to guys who suck shit. out of each other's asses. And this is weirder than that. Yeah, this is gayer. Yes. I'm going gay.
Starting point is 00:39:25 These guys are very well-respected comics, all of them. This is the segment they're doing is tickling each other on the podcast. Maybe podcasting has jumped the shark. Maybe that's a take away from this. All right. I have to address what's going on with our friend, Chad Zumach, real quick. It's time to mock. Zoom on.
Starting point is 00:39:49 I hope he's a black eye. Okay, so here's what happened with Chad since we last talked about him. Of course, Cardiff was able to get Nikki Glazer's phone number, texted her, got her to write back, and confirmed she did not give $500 to Chad for his GoFundMe for his comedy special.
Starting point is 00:40:07 That's so great. Cardiff is amazing. That's fantastic. Stellar work. Fantastic. So Cardiff gets the information from Nikki He's saying, no, I've not given money to Chad through Zell. And for whatever dumb reason, Kevin Brennan believes Chad and not Cardiff.
Starting point is 00:40:26 Kevin Brennan's like, what is this? One of these Cardiff works, you know, they're so well known for. So Kevin gets Cardiff's phone number, calls Cardiff live on MLC, and confirms because Kevin also has Nicky's number that that was Nicky's number that Cardiff used. He did have the correct number. and so it's verified that that was Nikki Glazer. Now, outside of that, there's other people who found the contacts for Nikki's PR firm or PR team. And I've seen emails going to the PR team asking, hey, Chad claims that Nikki gave him 500 bucks.
Starting point is 00:41:02 Is that true? And emails back from the PR professional saying, no, she did not give money to Chad. So Chad has been caught once again lying about this. he's been off the internet most of the week he's been doing stand-off shows he hasn't been i played a little bit shopping i showed yeah oh shit it's so crazy i showed his twitter a little bit where he was addressing this kind of so he finally comes back to do a stream and thanks to dirty jersey rat for pulling the clips here because um the real anthony kumia is one of the chatters in there who super chats him and
Starting point is 00:41:36 asks him the the tough questions Speaking of not real, the real comia. So, Nikki Glazer, she's awesome. Big fan. She's great. Love Nikki. I've known Nikki forever since 2004. I put her in the thumbnail.
Starting point is 00:41:57 She's fantastic. All right, that's chicken shit. Does he not have a mic stand? He's just holding this mic while he had a mic and a mic and a mic stand that he broke it? Well, it's good thing he got all that money. He can. Well, he already bought another new microphone, an expensive one, too. He doesn't know to hook it up, so now he's still holding on to that microphone.
Starting point is 00:42:15 It's hysterical. So this continues on during his program. People are asking him about Nikki Glazer. I have Nicky's number. Drop your name when I call. Sure. Go right ahead. Geez, Caves is having Cardiff on today.
Starting point is 00:42:33 Not good for you. Oh, no. Oh, no. This is crazy. What's going to happen? What are they going to do? What are they going to do? They're going to make you look like a fool.
Starting point is 00:42:47 Yeah, prove that you're a liar. Yeah. That's what they're dead, actually. I don't understand what the thought process was in this whole scheme. Like, I understand raising the money as a con. That I totally get. Sure. But then to pretend that you're getting money from celebrities, like, you know that everyone
Starting point is 00:43:04 hates you and is going to, like, try and verify this any way humanly possible. I think he wants to get caught. I've come to this conclusion that Chad lies about the dumbest shit all the time. Right. And I think he likes the attention. Because he's not thinking about that at the time either. Like he's just, he just wants to seem relevant in the comedy world. I mean, if you're going to do fake donations, do it with someone who can't be verified.
Starting point is 00:43:28 Like, yeah, Sally Buckingfutch gave me $500. Well, he's probably done that too. Yeah, that, that. But I think the reason why he used Dan O'Tosh and Nikki Glazer is literal clout chasing. You're talking about clout chasing a lot? This guy's looking for clout. He's like, look at it. I'm friends with Nicky Glaser and Daniel Tosh.
Starting point is 00:43:44 So much so. And Godfrey, who was the first fake donation. He put a hundred bucks from Godfrey that wasn't Godfrey. Shout out to Kevin Brennan for working really hard sweeping. Sweeping what? What he's sweeping? Dig your new broom? Good stuff, Joe.
Starting point is 00:44:05 That's going to be in the special. Yeah. Good stuff. You guys spend too much time online, man. You really do. You really need to go find something. I have a poll up right now. Who screams the most?
Starting point is 00:44:19 Because it's just too many, too many people are like, you got to go find something to do, man. So this is wild. So Chats is avoiding it, right? His strategy is, I'm just going to wait until this blows over. I'll never address it and people will forget about it and not talk about it anymore. Which is not true because we still talk about the credit card thefts of the country and all the other shit that's been happy.
Starting point is 00:44:38 But the other thing is that Chid was streaming every day for Super Chats until he came across $10,000. And now he's like, I don't have to stream anymore for Super Chats. Like, look at all these idiots. We're fucking streaming all the time for money. Oh, my God. Yeah, there's a lot more at stake this time because people gave him actual money for a product. And he's not going to produce that. And it's going to Lightning Rod negative attention to him.
Starting point is 00:45:02 You better produce something. Yeah. Oh, I can't wait to see the piece of shit that he puts out. I can't wait. I don't think he's putting out anything. I think he's fully taking the money and running. Yeah, I don't think we're ever going to see a minute of footage from him. I thought it would just be some slap dash piece of garbage just to say here.
Starting point is 00:45:20 The already Fudge is that we've been watching. Well, no, because he's done that. He did that dry bar special, what, five years ago that was so horrifically unfunny that, you know, the please clap. Like, he has a special out there if he wanted to try and gain relevance. He's, he, this was a con to just, he thought that maybe he would get like a thousand bucks from a few people and then they hit the goal and it was like oh shit he had to go fund me back in 2020 during the pandemic and the go fund me was like hey my friend chad fell on some hard times he can't work because he's a comedian and everything shut down and he just needs to be able to afford
Starting point is 00:45:54 groceries and whatever and it raised like 400 bucks or something and then go fund me took it down because like this is not what go fund me is for you can't pay your bills that's not what this is your failed comedian and he doesn't want to get a job that's not what go fund me is for so they took it down. So Chad's done this before and I think he thought, yeah, I'll get a few hundred bucks or a couple thousand bucks and oh, shucks. Can't do the special. But thanks guys. And now we have to do a special. He's in Michigan, not this weekend, next weekend. And I think there's going to be a lot of WTP fans who are going to that. So I'm very interested to hear him working out his special, the set that he has. Yeah, should be good. This is an interesting observation from
Starting point is 00:46:35 Chad. I'm not interested in hanging out with Patrick Milton. They don't have friends. They don't have any. These are their friends. They met Carl online. Now they're best friends at Rocco. They need this. They need this community. They need it. I don't. I'm not interested in hanging out with them. They're all fucking weirdos. They're all creeps. And that's where I stand. I have friends. I have friends. I have friends. I don't need them. Imagine 51 years old. I got friends. I got lots of friends. telling the internet that you have friends. No, no, I'm totally dating a girl.
Starting point is 00:47:11 She goes to a different school. I have so much sex. My dick is sore. It's too much, actually. I got to cut down a little bit. I hate it. But this is what they do. This is what John did.
Starting point is 00:47:21 Like, it's so bizarre these people. Carl, I mean, do you ever get worried? Do you ever get worried about this? Like, your livelihood is the internet. Sure. Same as these fucking losers. Like, do you ever wake up in a cold sweat? And you're like, oh, no.
Starting point is 00:47:36 What if this all goes wrong or something? Like, it seems scary. I wouldn't want this. It's volatile. I do have to commend you, Carl, because, like, you look at some of the most, like, degenerate, awful people, and it's affected your life in real ways. And you can honestly become a very bitter and resentful person, like Kevin Brennan or John, and you still kind of smile and joke and laugh and have a good time through it all.
Starting point is 00:48:01 And I think that that speaks highly of, like, the purity of your character. to take a moment of not shitting on you for a second. That was weird. I don't actually compliment you. Can we stop talking about shit? There's so many, there's so many people that like, you know,
Starting point is 00:48:15 John, all this stuff went to his head. Chad. You get sucked into a vortex pretty easily. And it just destroys you. And it's actually commendable that you haven't become like that. Yes,
Starting point is 00:48:23 there's a lot of negativity out there. I don't know if you know this, if people think I eat poop. A lot of negativity out there on the internet about me. Just because you read a book. Just because. And that wasn't me that was AI,
Starting point is 00:48:33 I guess. People you felt for that. Wait, what? So this is more of Chad just avoiding the topic in the way that he does. Real Coomia. Announce Harrison Ford donated to your go fund me. Why not? He did?
Starting point is 00:48:49 Okay. So the joke is obviously like, just make up any fucking famous person. Like, why not? Listen to how Chad deals with us. I've never, you know what? I have kind of met Harrison Ford. There we go. I think I told the story before.
Starting point is 00:49:03 I mean, that's not the point, Chad. This isn't a jumping off point for like, tell me your Harrison Ford story. The point is you're a fucking liar and it's pathetic and embarrassing. You know, he could just ignore it. He's like, he chooses the exact worst reaction to all of it. And being like, what are you talking about? I don't understand. I don't understand.
Starting point is 00:49:21 But you could just be like not read those chats when they come in and ignore it completely. Or you could address it directly and be like, yeah, I'm totally full of shit. You guys fell for it again. But he like always chooses this middle that just makes him look like a giant dickhead. perpetuate it. Like, yeah. This is obviously bothering him.
Starting point is 00:49:38 Keep asking about Nikki Glazer. Every chance you got. Yeah. But this is his show. I mean, what else is he going to do? I know. Well,
Starting point is 00:49:44 yeah. Right. That is true. And I guess he will have to do this until he can't do it anymore. And then he has to admit it like the Kumiya country thing. Wait. At some point,
Starting point is 00:49:55 someone's going to talk to Nikki Glazer and ask her about this. And she's going to be on video saying, yeah, no, I don't get money to. I didn't give money to Jay too, Mike. I think maybe he's hoping that what ends up happening is just throws $500 his way to be like in the same way the other guy said oh yeah i gave him a hundred bucks right you got godfrey to find it just like i yeah i'll give you the hundred bucks
Starting point is 00:50:15 whatever um all right this is just this is funny because it starts with the chadder saying ah this nicky glazer stuff's old news don't worry about it chad we're moving on yeah uh the nicky jade he hold on he's choking out the name nicky glazer now i wonder why oh oh he's not well no he looks like shit the nicky blazer donation is old news what your take on dj electra fry taking over the dabalvers her recent joint drop is uh is kim nicholson rules i'm not i don't know who that is i have no clue dj electra fry is i i can't keep up
Starting point is 00:50:57 i'm telling you jd straight shot like when i disconnect i disconnect i really do i'm not interested i don't care is that i don't believe that. I'm not saying I'm better than, yeah, I am. I'm saying I'm better than these people. That's exactly what I'm saying. I'm better than these people. After much time reflecting, I don't know. Can you fill me in? I love what I was watching Patrick Melton break some of the stuff down the other day. And Chad is so perpetually online and so tuned in all the time, reading everything. When he goes to the airport, he has to live stream from the airport.
Starting point is 00:51:30 Because he thinks it's a big deal that he's in the airport. Look at me, guys. We've got an airplane. Wow. Wow, that's so cool, Chad. And I have friends. Yeah. Flying to see somebody. I never think to live stream
Starting point is 00:51:42 when I'm just, you know, traveling. I'm just getting somewhere. I mean, you told me about the quartering how great that was and it turned out to be a fucking snooze fest. And I like you, pal. I'm just giving you a hard time. Keep the super chance coming.
Starting point is 00:52:00 Your GoFundMe said you're going to be honest. Nikki donated. Yes. She did. Okay. So, Chad has said, this is the most honest thing I've ever done this GoFundMe. Everything is by the books. No shenanigans whatsoever.
Starting point is 00:52:14 On the up and up. It's on the up and up, he said. So who, what, why says, your girlfriend said you were going to be honest, but Nikki donated? Who, what, why? Your GoFundMe said you were going to be honest. Nikki donated. Yes, she did. She did.
Starting point is 00:52:29 Oh, Chad. Did you? Did you donate? Oh, it's a bizarre response. I agree. Chad, people being online too much is the problem. Your desire to lie a chance you get any chance. Your desire to lie, any chance you get, wouldn't matter if people weren't catching you. I don't know what you're talking about, Clyde.
Starting point is 00:52:53 You don't know what he's talking about. That's so fucking stupid. I mean, honestly, if I read it the way he did, I might not know what that's saying. That's true. but I mean, how do you have any credibility? How does anyone take Chad seriously for anything? The fact these cats to get a crew together to film this thing, would you work with Chad if you promised you're not?
Starting point is 00:53:14 No, hell no. You're not getting paid. No. It's so ridiculous. Why? I don't know what you're talking about. Oh, yeah, yeah, you'd be loading up the equipment and be like, all right, guys, yeah, I'll send you, I'll Venmo you in the morning and then,
Starting point is 00:53:26 Hey, where's that, that Venmo, Chad, like, a new phone, who this? Yeah, exactly. Who does? Here's a thing I have. Here's a little rule. I don't give a fuck if you're like if you're anonymous online, number one, you're a coward. And number two, I don't owe you a fucking thing. You do.
Starting point is 00:53:48 You owe everyone a fucking comedy special. You do. You do. You most certainly do all people a comedy special. I like that in Chad's mind, if your username on YouTube isn't your full name, phone number, at home address, you're a coward. That makes sense. This guy goes to people's houses when he knows their address.
Starting point is 00:54:08 Also, please send him your credit card number. Right. That's right with that. Understand that, right? I don't care what you think of me. Because I have no respect for you. I don't owe you any explanation about anybody or anything. Just know that.
Starting point is 00:54:30 You're anonymous. Thank you for. You're explaining that. I'm Z man. I'm Z man. I'm Z man. Everyone knows I'm Z man. This is like, this really reminds me of old Patrick Michael.
Starting point is 00:54:42 Like, I don't care. I don't care. But he's like reading every single comment and replying within saying like, I don't know, blocking people. Yeah. It's like, no, it seems like he care a little bit. I just realized something.
Starting point is 00:54:54 Chad, he does this a lot when he was doing the rally and he was playing the Choochoo train song. He's making fun of Aaron doing that. But then people are giving him money. so he just incorporated that into his show. This Z-Man thing, I think started as a joke. And now it's like real. Oh.
Starting point is 00:55:11 You know what I mean? Like, this is the lavest logo I've ever seen. In fact, someone would call themselves Z-Man. So we went in Tulsa, we had Z-104.5 was our like rock alternative station. And that was their logo. And I think every city had a Z station that was like edgy. And that was their logo. So Shulie stole his logo from.
Starting point is 00:55:32 Suzuki and Chad stole his logo from Oklahoma Rock Radio. You're lying about, oh, this is great. So Chad goes, because Clyde 5197 is not his birth name, instead of the birth certificate, he's lying. That's a lie? That's the lie. That's a lying. Just know that.
Starting point is 00:55:55 You're anonymous. You're lying about your identity. You're lying. and I don't know anybody a fucking explanation about anything just remember that I haven't done anything wrong well
Starting point is 00:56:11 what is going on what's it lying because it's not your name like he's an old man he looked at the internet that we did where there were chat rooms and you knew that chick wasn't a real chick you were talking to
Starting point is 00:56:25 what is he talking about this is insane everything's on the up and up What if this poor guy's last name is 5197? I'm keeping tabs on everything. Every offline donation is added to the list for tax purposes for the IRS. All right. I'm giving this word document to my tax professional. Do you think the IRS is going to look at your GoFundMe page?
Starting point is 00:56:52 This is not how that works. He's so stupid. These are IOUs. They're as good as cash. Right. All right. So anyway, I just want to be quick. give me an update on Chan Zemak, because I think it's fascinating that he got caught in another why.
Starting point is 00:57:06 And can't come up with a good reason for it or excuse. Like, he's got no strategy beyond that. Like, oh, everyone knows I'm lying. I didn't lie. What are you talking about? Yeah. So what's the polymarket on whenever he really, he goes like, oh, this is a, yeah, I was a lie and you guys all fell for it.
Starting point is 00:57:21 You're stupid. Yes. There will be something that he comes up with. Oh, yeah, yeah. Yeah. It always happens. I'm just surprised he doesn't come up with something better. I don't think there's a lot going on is.
Starting point is 00:57:31 life. He has a lot of time on his hands to sit and strategize and come up with excuses. This is his best. God, you know what? If I had time, hold on a second. Let me ask Grock. I got caught lying about Nikki Glazer donated to my GoFundMe by everyone on the internet. What should I do next? First, own it completely. No excuses, no spin. Just a straight apology acknowledging the lie. Then, delete the GoFundMe if it's still up and refund anyone who donated because of the false claim. After that, step back from social media for a while. Internet's memory is long,
Starting point is 00:58:05 and trying to explain or defend it now will likely make things worse. So we see that was, Chad! Also, Chad, get a job. Get garage! Why are people so against AI? That's amazing. Oh, whoops.
Starting point is 00:58:22 Oh, all right. Zipping grog. Classic internet deflection. Classing internet deflection. All right. Now Grock thinks I'm a scumb bag. God, damn. That wasn't me, Greg.
Starting point is 00:58:33 Yeah, well, all of our phones think we're listening to shit podcast. That's true. Suck it. Oh, by the way, Grock, you're live on the air. All right. Summer heats up in FX's The Shards. Set in 80s, Los Angeles, the Shards follows a group of beautiful privileged prep school students
Starting point is 00:58:56 who are preyed on by the trawler, a serial killer targeting teenagers across the city. This fever dream. of youth, beauty, sex, and mystery is a must see. FX's The Shards. Streaming August 5th on Hulu on Disney Plus. Sign up now at Disneyplus.com. Speaking of liars, I think we're more like Monty Python's flying circus.
Starting point is 00:59:18 We do bits and pieces, bits and pieces, bits and pieces, bits and pieces, bits and pieces, that's a good one. All right, Artie Fletcher, we've been following his stand-up special. and I thought we'd check out another five minutes or so of it to see what else he's going to do. Florida, congratulations. You were now 50th in education. Okay, your kids are fucking stupid. Big laugh for your kids are fucking stupid. Wow, that's a good one.
Starting point is 00:59:53 It's not even a burn. Joke. No, burn. He's burning them. Kids are fucking steep. Remember, this is on a DVD that he's selling worldwide. Hey, you guys This state that I'm in right now
Starting point is 01:00:05 Bad an education Worldwide I think like flea market wide It didn't sell a lot of copies You know I'm here last week watching the news You see the black They have to load this sword
Starting point is 01:00:20 They have to lower it lower Why do you just like Oh my God He just did the retard walk Yeah As part of his act After crouching, lowering so far down to talk directly to the people right in front of him. Yes.
Starting point is 01:00:39 So we're talking about Chad's comedy special. This is obviously someone filmed this with a camcorder at the back of the room. Yeah. And are just slowly tracking him the whole time. Don't get into what it looks like. Yeah. It sounds like shit, but it's been sweet. Oh, wow.
Starting point is 01:00:52 So this is the bar that you have to beat Chad. Yeah, the waiting is terrible on this, too. It's very frustrating. It's English. It's singing. Wait a second. What just happened there? I got to go back to where he's doing retard.
Starting point is 01:01:12 Oh my God. It's English. It's speaking. Do you say it's English? Do you speak it? Yeah. I think he's talking about the low English test scores. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:01:23 Okay. So there's like Cuban migrants. Is that? So are they stupid or do they grow up? It goes into a second language. I don't want to explain this, but I think it's reading comprehension. I believe it's what they're blasted. Oh, my God.
Starting point is 01:01:42 Oh, me this country. Well, we can't leave them back. Yeah, you can. Florida's a big state for homeschooling. Yeah. Okay. I've driven through like Ocala. Lakeland.
Starting point is 01:01:58 If you're going to homeschool your kids, you should in. Lisa graduated the eighth grade. Guys, have you ever been to Ocala? These fucking people, they're not even out of the eighth grade, they're homeschooling their kids. Do you guys are even jokes? They're not. This is just me listening to my neighbor complained.
Starting point is 01:02:16 Right. Yeah, there's no jokes here. Nope. It's just, it's like AI trying to, it's like an AI generated comedian, but it doesn't understand the actual physics of comedy. Yeah. You also don't graduate the eighth grade. That's a good point.
Starting point is 01:02:30 You do someplace. You pass. No, in my eighth grade, we had like a big graduation ceremony. Okay. I refused to go to because I was like, this is fucking stinking. It was the end of your schooling, though? That was like that was good because Tav's girlfriend was pregnant at the time. You could homeschool that kid.
Starting point is 01:02:48 And he started his career. Just saying. How fucking stupid are these kids? That's the same setup that he had earlier. These kids are stupid. How stupid are these kids? And people are still laughing at it. That's good.
Starting point is 01:03:07 He said, fuck him. That's good. Let me know when he gets into some sort of participation trophy bit after this, I assume. Yeah, probably. They've got to have video games. They've got to have everything now. Right? What do we have?
Starting point is 01:03:20 I was a kid. I got a bicycle one year. Every year after that, I got a part to that bicycle. Why is that? What? I don't even get it. I know, I'm not sure. Did he not?
Starting point is 01:03:34 Because it's like, with no parts? Is that a bike? I guess I was assuming they would like add accessories maybe. Oh. Like a rear room mirror or something. That's what's on my bike. That's what I think of. Some playing cards for your spikes.
Starting point is 01:03:47 Yeah, right. Yeah. Tassels out of the handlebars. Little bell. Yeah. A basket. But I love that he goes, these kids have video games. You know what I had?
Starting point is 01:03:56 bike parts. Kids had toys before kids have always got toys. What does this have to do with stupid kids? When you were a child, there were no video games. That didn't, there was nothing. Maybe Pong. Maybe. Yeah. Well, he'll tie it all together.
Starting point is 01:04:13 Well, fucking laugh. Last year I'm done. I get the bell on. There we go. I got a clap from someone. Did you imagine a bell on a pike? He said it. He said it. This is what a bad. Bad boy. He's been riding his bike for all these years without a bell on it.
Starting point is 01:04:33 We were kids. We were fucking, oh my God. The baseball car is folks. It was motorized for us. We were good with it. Now these kids. I'm 12. I want a Honda 650. Yeah, I want a bigger dick. And I wish your mother was weight. I thought they were stupid. Now what's going on. No, they're spoiled. They're spoiled.
Starting point is 01:04:57 Yeah. Yeah, they're spoiled. So, he goes, one of your son comes on telling you he's gay. Good. That's his choice. I don't give him a fuck. What the fuck? What's the fucking that?
Starting point is 01:05:12 Who's going on nowhere? I want a motorcycle. And now your kid's gay? That's stupid. Are there chapters on this DVD? I want to see what they're called. Gay idiots. I've seen comedians that don't have good segways and will kind of call it out.
Starting point is 01:05:30 But that's just like, all right, that one's done and into the next one. I love actually watching this because when I listen to your show, I assume that between every bit there is a hard cut. There's no cuts. There's no cuts. Wow. That doesn't bother me. James of the military.
Starting point is 01:05:47 All for it. I don't see my best friend get shot. A gay guy? Yeah. A gay guy. A gay guy. fucking it. He can sell no pain than anybody there is.
Starting point is 01:06:01 Okay. That doesn't make any sense. If my son says he's gay, I'm fine with that. Yeah. But I want how gay's killed in the military. We need volunteers for the front line to you torture. I'll do it. I mean, I'm not. This one of the ages I have to bring back.
Starting point is 01:06:21 You mentioned a gay guy getting captured. Listen, you're going to tell us what we want to know. We're going to hide a high. Oh. I know we're going to put a line with trichrose onto your nuts. We put a live green up your ass. Gay guy. I'm dead by and boy.
Starting point is 01:06:39 Let's get busy. Wow. Oh, no. Wow. Disaster. You've got to cut that part out. He couldn't even get it out. He was so excited about what he was about to say.
Starting point is 01:06:50 Not only is it like a hack, bad bit. It's like borderline offensive. And then he thinks it's so clever that he, He can't actually get it out of his mouth. Right. He's proud. But the crowd went wild for him. Even though you have no idea what he's saying. Oh, he's bending over.
Starting point is 01:07:07 No shit. He did the stab thing, like the sexy gay guys. Those gay guys like stuff in their butts, don't they? Yeah. Boy, they sure do. We don't think this shit true. He took a sip of water. Isn't that hilarious?
Starting point is 01:07:26 Did someone start cracking up over that? What the fuck just happened? He's just drinking. What is going out of? Think this shit through. Wow. Where did that laugh come from? That's coming from the other room, right?
Starting point is 01:07:45 They fucked up that one. I think Louis J. Goals is getting tickled at the back. I'm a funny motherfucker. I'm a funny motherfucker, he just said. saying that out loud. I wish I could be this proud of myself. I know. Well, you heard Vinnie talk about this.
Starting point is 01:08:11 He's seen this act before in comedy clubs this size, and he's literally bombing the whole time, and it doesn't phase him at all, which is not easy to do. And you know what's funny, the first time I did comedy, I needed to call. It's a long time ago.
Starting point is 01:08:28 And I said to her, because I used to manage fans, it was good, it was fun. Coke with I didn't do drugs Always with the resume It's so much good when you need to somebody Are you doing coke and you're like Hold on a second
Starting point is 01:08:43 How do we get back on Coke again Just have been every fucking chance he gets I used to manage bands And he's right into cocaine again That's for the band asshole Why isn't the bands we're doing all over blow Can we blame him please? What a prick
Starting point is 01:08:57 Yeah the band's writer is We need a gram for the the band and two grams for Artie. Yeah. We need the Scarlethampton package for Artie fludging. I see that she went to jail for 30 grams of cocaine two days ago. Wow. That's a lot.
Starting point is 01:09:15 Okay. Anyway, let's figure out how he did this transition because I did not understand it. And I said to her because I used to manage fans. It was good. It was fun. I didn't do drugs. I didn't do drugs.
Starting point is 01:09:28 Is that we just said? Yep. Okay. When you need somebody, go, are you doing cocaine? And you're like, sure, and you're like, we're out, right? So cocaine puts you in a catatonic state where you're unable to respond to somebody
Starting point is 01:09:48 when they talk to you? Yeah, he was in a K-hole from all that cocaine. Right, yes. What's you talking about? You just keep doing it. You just keep doing it. And you know, you've got a problem when you put in your nose and it falls out.
Starting point is 01:10:02 out. And you're like, I'm really all the time. I just watch a cop show. The cops got in their car. I flushed a ton of coke down the toilet. Fuck, you can get me. That started with I used to manage bands.
Starting point is 01:10:27 Yep. I'm going to point that out. I'm with Doug on, because I usually listen to the audio version of this, Seeing it filmed, it looks like someone's camcorder footage of like their kids dance recital. Yep. It does not look like something that I would pay money on a DVD for. The Zepruder film is amazing quality compared to this room.
Starting point is 01:10:51 Fuck you, cropping tubs. You want a list. Why is he laughing? Because he's seen Miami Vice? I mean, you're not laughing out loud at this right now? I guess you are. Yeah, that's true.
Starting point is 01:11:11 I did notice. I remember one time I was a club in Newark was after the first season that criminal intent, this girl goes, Hey, you want to do ecstasy? Oh, he had to throw it up to the first season
Starting point is 01:11:22 to the first season. I put in the whole season. So this girl goes, hey, do you want to do ecstasy? Let's hear this made up bullshit. If it's a new position, I'll try it. She didn't
Starting point is 01:11:36 It was a pelt And I'm looking at her She's like, Zuzum pedals And I'm gonna pass it out I'm fucked up enough Is he just bragging there? Yeah
Starting point is 01:11:49 What was that story? What was that story? Is he bragging that he turned down ecstasy? Yeah, that's how cool he is. He's getting offered ecstasy By girls who are high And saying, Ah, being high doesn't look fun.
Starting point is 01:12:02 Pants. I always did the same thing in me in college. I was like a hot girl offering me drugs. No, thank you, lady. This could turn into all sorts of wild adventures. What do you take me for? You're okay, I'm out. Would you do number two?
Starting point is 01:12:23 Did you fool me? I'm sorry about the scat through line on this episode. Are you? It's insane. What's the fucking four girls got to go? together. Oh, no.
Starting point is 01:12:38 And fire. That's what's good about getting old, right? You wear a diaper, you don't think, huh? You're in 40, fucking. We'd be in a club and they're going, oh, there's a line for the bathroom. I go, how do you feel now, mother? How is this possible?
Starting point is 01:13:03 How is it on the episode, redo the SCAT podcast? Artie Fletcher just jokes about shitting in a diaper. Yeah, what are the eyes? How is it possible? You're programming this show. I just took the next joke of the stand-up.
Starting point is 01:13:16 You didn't plan down bumps in advance or something? I don't know. I wish he would just wrap up that chunk with. So anyways, kids are stupid. All right. You guys ready to switch gears? There's been a gentleman I've been following very closely on the internet lately, and he never lets me down.
Starting point is 01:13:35 I love to eat peanut butter. I love to eat honey. And I also love to eat beans. Beans. I look great. I feel great. Beans. I look great. I feel great. How do you want that at regular speed, Tab? It's not as catchy.
Starting point is 01:14:01 Yeah, not the same. I love that stinger. It's me too. I love Jerry. Jerry Banfield, if you're watching this, I love you. You are amazing. Jerry, I'm sure you're not watching this, but I'm so happy you're back on the show. I love Jerry Banfield. It's never been better. I was actually watching pretty antisocial.
Starting point is 01:14:20 And Pat Dixon do a show together, I think on Thursday mornings or something. And they were going through and watching all these old Jerry Banfield clips. So putting together this wild compilation of him thinking that he was a black guy. Oh, right. Yeah, yeah. I saw that. It's amazing. Like, they were watching all this stuff.
Starting point is 01:14:36 And it's like, Jerry used to be so crazy and out there was interesting, but it was also kind of just like, eh, he just needs attention. This version of Jerry is my favorite. Yes. Yeah. Because he sucks at life. Yeah. And then he tells us about it. But he thinks he's killing it.
Starting point is 01:14:51 He's teaching us stuff that we didn't know. It's so sincere and upsetting, but I can't. I'm so happy. Me too. I love it. So I was not, took a road trip back home for Fourth of July, and I was with a friend of mine who's been having some trouble dating,
Starting point is 01:15:07 and I was like, you want to feel better? Check this shit out. I bet it works. Yeah, I bet it works. You made sure he wasn't taking notes, right? Yeah. No, I'm just like, like, this will really boost yourself with Steve. least you're not doing these.
Starting point is 01:15:21 Don't do what Jerry does. I love that last one where he's like, if a lady comes over to my house, she's getting fucked. That was so fucking funny. Before I was like, I don't know, maybe. This time, no. The 180 was great. We're going to start with some hot crying and then some hand holding.
Starting point is 01:15:42 Yes. All right. So this episode, this vlog, is called, I shouldn't have sent this message at 648. I should have waited until seven. This morning. I sent the woman I've been dating for a few weeks, a 16-minute unlisted YouTube video, saying,
Starting point is 01:16:03 look, I want to see this video. I think you're amazing. I'm sorry for not kissing you when you came over. That might have left you feeling subconsciously rejected. You've been pulling away from me ever since then. You've been saying you want space, but I don't think you want space. I think you want love and connection.
Starting point is 01:16:21 And that's what you really need in your life is love and connection. You've had space your whole life. And I laid out how, you know, she says she feels pressured and all these expectations. I'm like, look, you have all these pressures and expectations you've been putting on yourself. Like that you want to have a husband and kids, like, based on your age, your body's putting a pressure on you. It's time to get married on that. This is amazing. Listen, you old hag.
Starting point is 01:16:48 You're fat. Marily already, you dried up bitch. That's insane. I mean, what other options do you have at this point? Just suck my dick all right. Okay, what's great about this video is that he recorded a 16-minute-long video that he sent to his girlfriend. It's unlisted. We can't see it.
Starting point is 01:17:08 I'd love to see it. I would love to see this video. I'll join his school or whatever if I could get access to it. But what's great about it is that he decides to put out this vlog where he described everything it's in that video. Which is fucking awesome. So Jerry's going to win her back with
Starting point is 01:17:24 what he can do for her. And based on what you did with your career, you put pressure on yourself to make money and I can help you with both of those things. I can come into your life and I can relieve pressure for you. He thinks he can provide her with babies
Starting point is 01:17:41 and money. He has no money. He's in debt. That's not where I would be coming from if I was them. I can do the baby thing, I guess. Probably. Why would you want to? No.
Starting point is 01:17:52 When does he, when does a video pop up that is titled, I received a restraining order? Yeah. It's a great question. Yeah, or, you know, it's the next podcast hitman. Wow. Oh, God. Yeah. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:18:08 Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Well, no, no. Let's remember that this woman's religious. She's into Christ. and Jerry knows how to win her back.
Starting point is 01:18:19 So I quoted some from the Bible too. I got my new Living Translation Bible, the life study book, and it is awesome. And I prayed this morning, so I woke up at 4 a.m. this morning. And I was thinking about her for a couple hours and thinking about all the stuff I need to say, I'm thinking, supposed to pick her up from the airport tomorrow,
Starting point is 01:18:41 but I'm like, I think she's going to cancel. I think she's going to say she needs more space and she's going to be overwhelmed and that she'd rather take a ride home from a stranger than have me pick her up. Are you fucking the Uber driver? Is that what's going on? Just move on right away?
Starting point is 01:18:57 You go out of town for a couple of weeks and suddenly, who's this guy? I think, I also agree with Jerry. I think she's going to be like, please don't pick me up from the airport. I'll figure it out. It's fine. My flight got canceled. I'm not going to be in at the time that I told you.
Starting point is 01:19:12 And then like, oh, no, I got in late. So I took an Uber. And then he goes to her house and there's a for sale side. This is the woman that lives within walking distance of him, right? 15 minute walk. This is terrifying. Well, Jerry unfortunately gave her an out with this one. And I want to help her if she does want to cancel.
Starting point is 01:19:31 She'll really want to cancel after this video. Yeah. And I told her, I love you. You're amazing. And at the same time, if you want more and more space and if this isn't working, I want to date other women. and I felt really good about that. I was afraid to kind of say that. So I just made that in a video, a 16-minute,
Starting point is 01:19:52 unlisted video, and I sent it to her at 640 in the morning. So wasn't that sweet of them? Listen, I'll just fuck other braids if you're not into me. That's nice you to say, Jay. I love you, but if you're not going to put out, then I am someone's getting fucked in this situation. I'll wait for you, but I'll be getting some pussy. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:20:11 In the meantime. Oh, man. his video also looks like something you sent back from an astronaut who's in space right now how how deep into this relationship are we now we're at like what 20 days maybe yeah probably yeah that's fucking insane dude yeah uh well so we sent this is 648 a m and i told you the title of this video i think this might be why he regrets it it's been it's 3 p.m haven't heard back yet I mean, honestly, if someone sends me, if someone texts me a 16 minute long video,
Starting point is 01:20:45 I'm not watching that the day you send. Oh, dude, I don't have time. People will text me like YouTube videos or something they think I'm interested in. I never watch them. I have never watched a YouTube video anyone has sent me. I'll stop sending them. Check out this new GI Joe figure that's coming out of death.
Starting point is 01:21:04 Okay, buddy. Yeah, you'll get back. I will like, I'll click it and be like, oh, it's 25 minutes long, and then I'll kind of wait a little while and be like, oh, cool. Now, you guys know that Jerry has decided he's not taking things slow anymore. They need to escalate. That was the word to you. He was like, they had a bush picked up by that.
Starting point is 01:21:21 Like, this is a four police officer. We should always be escalating. Date number one, handholding. Date number two, kiss. Date number three. Fuck. Date number four, engage. Date number five, wedding.
Starting point is 01:21:31 When do they eat the poo poo? So he's not doing, he's not going slow anymore. I'm tired of taking it slow. There's no reason we need to take it slow. You don't want to take it slow. Your actions indicate that. She's at my house ready to kiss me within a week of meeting. You didn't want to take it slow.
Starting point is 01:21:49 And I shouldn't. I said, I regret that I didn't kiss you. What a wild woman. She was going to kiss him within a week of meeting. This guy has no ability to course correct on anything ever. No. As we've seen with everything that he's done in the past. And then like this lady comes over and he has this rule in his head.
Starting point is 01:22:06 head and like all of the signs are there. You're all tangled up on the sofa. Just fucking kiss her, dude. And he's like, well, no, we've decided on this thing beforehand. We have to now do what we decided beforehand. But I like that he's shaming her now, too. It's like, we had just met you were going to kiss me? Yeah, you slut.
Starting point is 01:22:24 Now marry me already. You owe me. Taking a slow can be okay. Taking a slow might be fine. If you've never loved before, if you don't know what you're doing if you're really scared. I'm really scared.
Starting point is 01:22:41 I do know what I'm doing despite what some people might say. It's hilarious. He got you back to nice, Doug. Yeah. He doesn't know what he's doing. Okay, so it's a little crazy that she turned down
Starting point is 01:22:58 this opportunity to be with Jerry when he really is obviously the ideal mate. I did say like how crazy is it that you, you know, that you'd rather say no to this love for me and face going on dating apps and praying to God for a man and maybe maybe a man will come along, maybe not. And, you know, you'd rather get a ride home from a stranger like, that's crazy. You know, but that's your choice if you want to.
Starting point is 01:23:21 Wait, do you want your stalker to pick you up or something else to care about you? This is the opposite of crazy. It's opposite of crazy. Look, this is a lockdown deal that you can have right now or you can take the box. I think I'm going to take the box. Dude, I wish Jerry would just post this video. Again, I will pay for it. I want to watch this.
Starting point is 01:23:43 This is crazy. Jerry compares himself to not a million dollars, not $50 million. What? $100 million. Think about like this. If I offered you $100 million, would you need space? Or would you jump on that? even if potentially the $100 million
Starting point is 01:24:06 would ruin your life, I think most people would jump on it. If you have something awesome in front of you, jump on it. Jump on my dick, please. My $100 million dick. So he's comparing himself to $100 million that will ruin your life.
Starting point is 01:24:23 Yeah. It's like the lottery winner winning curse. Like, yes, you will get $100 million, but I will pump two babies into you. Sally you with horrific debt and then you'll leave me again just like that bitch ex-wife of mine. Dude, what a crazy thing to say. So he's decided, look at, if this woman needs to take things slow, then he's got other ideas.
Starting point is 01:24:50 If you want to take it slow, go take it slow with somebody else. Or I'll date three to five women at once and I can take it slow with all of them. Like those are the basic two options with me. Either be one of a handful of women I'm dating or take it fast. The only option she has? I'll take the box, Carl. Well, my dick's in the box. There are several options.
Starting point is 01:25:17 This is a no-win situation. So I think that's really funny. Three to five women. Cheers to eight three to five women, but all slowly. Oh, all of them slow. I'm not getting a pussy from any of these broads. Sounds expensive. I'm sore from hand holding.
Starting point is 01:25:38 So yeah, apparently Jerry's getting desperate and desperate times called for desperate measures. So I also emailed the matchmaker yesterday morning to say, you know, I want to go ahead and turn on my matchmaking because at this point, I feel most probabilities are that she's gone. She's ran. This is finished with her. And I'm dating other women.
Starting point is 01:25:57 And I noticed I felt bad. Emailing the matchmaker and the matchmaker was very happy to hear from me. well yeah of course yeah she's gonna get more money I love to help you Jerry but your credit card was declined I got another four I know give me the new number will you take it out in trade I can use some AI to help us suppose sweeten your website
Starting point is 01:26:18 I will not take that that Jerry no all right so Jerry has learned some lessons in this which is smart really yeah yeah listen to this lesson he's learned I really like too that I'm delaying these a couple weeks that way nothing that's happening in the last day or a couple days you know if i'm dating somebody new they can't watch the vlogs i've done for two weeks and on that's i and by then we're married not been able to see my vlogs in the days after i first started dating her and we're gonna that
Starting point is 01:26:49 way you know i have at least two weeks to think about if i need to edit or censor something before i put it out too but sorry i was gonna say but they can watch all the old ones right so she was watching these as he was putting them out and she's like, oh, my God, this guy's psycho. And he realized, like, oh, I shouldn't put them out right away. Because the girl probably watch it because I talk about how I'm a content creator, nonstop on our dates. So they're probably checking out my YouTube channel.
Starting point is 01:27:14 And he says he's waiting two weeks, which I believe is 14 days in this country. Yeah, a fortnight. And so it's interesting that this came out July 31st. And when the episode starts, he says this. I'm Jerry Banfield. This is my vlog for Tuesday, July 28, 2016. So three days.
Starting point is 01:27:33 How hard? Actually, you're already two weeks. 2016. Look, this 2016,
Starting point is 01:27:38 he fucked that up. The spreadsheet said that he had to put out an episode today. And that's already in the
Starting point is 01:27:43 time. That's what he did do. All right? So you guys know that Jerry just went on vacation up to
Starting point is 01:27:48 Michigan to visit family and he brought us kids with them. It was the first time that he had the kids since the divorce.
Starting point is 01:27:54 And these poor fucking cats. It was a hard trip. There's a lot of emotions. And the kids were so good in supporting me.
Starting point is 01:28:03 Oh. They have to support their emotional. Come on. Yeah. When he put out that video in his car and it's like, go to the fucking lake with your kids. Yes. Hey, there's not going to be any vlogs this week. I'm on vacation.
Starting point is 01:28:16 Yeah. Like, that's great. And then when you get back on Monday, you'd be like, hey, we had such a great vacation. Like, no, kids, we can't go to the beach right away. Daddy's going to go sit in the car and talk about this to the internet. They're probably like, Dad, are you live streaming it? Why do you ask? No, no reason.
Starting point is 01:28:34 Don't stop. His kids are texting Carl. Carl, he's in the car. He's in a new episode. You've got to download it. Can you get me his private one? Log in. I do the out list of video kids.
Starting point is 01:28:49 So, yeah, he really learned a hard lesson with that. Chick coming over to his house. Two different occasions on the same day. Chick on the couch in the house. didn't kiss her and he's really regretting it. You know, if I had to say what I did wrong, I should have kissed her, and I'm not going to make that mistake again. Anytime I even think a woman might want to kiss me and I want to kiss her, I'm going for it.
Starting point is 01:29:10 I don't care if she said she wants to take it slow. I don't care. He's a mad, mad, mad. I just realized that his AI computer background is like overlaying his real background of a shitty window unit and that box light. Yep. That's very classy. What's crazy is, so he's in front of a green screen.
Starting point is 01:29:34 He took a photo of what he looks at and then put that behind him. It looks terrible. Why would you do that? It's depressing. It could have been anything else. Those blinds are depressing looking. That's, yeah. Yeah, that looks like, I mean, that looks like my college apartment, which I was paying like $400 a month for.
Starting point is 01:29:57 So this guy's a madman. he's going to just start kissing girls whenever he wants to and they want to he just doesn't give a shit and uh let's transition away from this woman that he wished he kissed and he didn't kiss let's talk about another important woman in his life and my mom was a little hurt last night i guess she was upset that i'm paying all this attention to this woman and wishing you know that this woman would notice me and then here i didn't call my mom holy well my mom always gets weird when i go to Michigan because she's from Michigan. She's got a lot of history up there.
Starting point is 01:30:29 And like almost every trip I go to Michigan, my mom gets weird. And, you know, maybe I should have been seeking some more connection from my mother instead of from this woman. No. Is his mom in the master bedroom kind of shouting stuff at him? Norman, you got to clean
Starting point is 01:30:45 out the hotel. That was possible. Just a skeleton. This family is high maintenance. Can everyone just be cool? Mom's mad at him now. Oh, you're calling your girl. girlfriend, you don't have time for mom? And this woman noticed you.
Starting point is 01:30:59 Trust me. Yeah. He's like, his mom's worried about that. It's so weird. There's bigger problems here. It's so weird. So, yeah, the mom was pretty upset with Jerry. And I, you know, my mom was, I was saying how I got all excited.
Starting point is 01:31:15 My mom was like, you always do this. I'm like, maybe I'm not going to get quite so excited next time. She's like, you've said that and you're never. I'm like, all right, mom, that's enough. Good night. Yeah, no, no, no. Shut up. blah blah.
Starting point is 01:31:27 Don't tell me to my wife. I sent her a 16 minute YouTube video. He probably said it was mom first. Hey, will you just watch this for let me know if it's cool or not? He probably ran it through chat, GBT, what do you think of this?
Starting point is 01:31:43 Like, oh, yeah, Jerry, this is great. You should send it to her. I don't really win her back. Yep. That's all AI does is just reinforce everything he's doing is right. All right, this is,
Starting point is 01:31:52 mom should not be mad at him. And I think I figured out, like, okay, my mom wants a little more attention. But, Mom, I saw you an hour before we left. I came to your house and sat there and talked to you an hour the night before we left. And I invited you over to my house. You spent a couple hours here the day after we got back. And that's in-person time. That's much higher quality than on the phone.
Starting point is 01:32:15 What's telling us this? Mom, take it slow. Come on. You're coming on too fast with me. why is he having this argument with his mom on his vlog this is crazy why why is any of this on the if if i if i experience any of these setbacks in my life you would not fucking know about them no jerry do not listen to tab stay the course man yeah no one you know so i was talking way out of turn that was foolish of me i apologize jerry
Starting point is 01:32:47 you're doing great he's trying to get us on his side oh we are on his side. Yeah, I'm on his side, definitely. All right, good. Yeah, no, we're with you on that one, Jerry. You give her enough of your time. Tell that bitch to be quiet. I mean, it's wild.
Starting point is 01:33:04 He's like having this argument with the boss. You think you're jealous of this one woman? Wait until I got five women around here. Can I have to know time for nothing, Mom. And I will be kissing any of them. And I didn't have a whole lot of good opportunities because my mom's a night owl. So I absolutely would have called my mom. mom at 11 in the morning on Sunday when I was suffering, but she's not available then.
Starting point is 01:33:28 Oh, so it's your mom's fault. Okay, good. Yeah. No, it's everybody's fault but yours. Are it, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's not, it's out of drunk. It's out of, it's not like she might have a drunk problem. Yeah. She's sitting up way late to get hammered and then sleeping in all day on Sunday.
Starting point is 01:33:42 11 a.m. on Sunday. That's, that is a, sounds nice. Yeah. It must be nice. Um, oh, this is just a funny, quick one lighter. If you feel like I'm a nuisance, don't date me. Okay. Put that your dating profile, Jerry.
Starting point is 01:34:02 This is wild. So we talked about before where Jerry was like, I was reading the Bible and like Jesus sacrificed himself on the cross, died for our sins. And I was thinking about how I need to sacrifice myself for this woman who needs space. And I was like, oh, Jerry, don't compare yourself to Jesus. That's a really bad idea for Christians. They don't like that. He doubles down on this one. It explains to you like, okay, what's the big theme in Corinthians?
Starting point is 01:34:25 The big theme is, you know, when Jesus comes along, you know, you got to leave your old life behind to follow him. And that's what I was telling her. I'm like, you've been single most of your life. This is an invitation with me to leave your old life behind and follow me and have an amazing life with me. You know, like the people did with Christ, I wish I'd made the example of in the Bible, some of the people Christ literally walks by and says follow me. and they drop their job. They drop everything they're doing
Starting point is 01:34:53 and follow him immediately. Look, I'm a lot like Jesus, right? Two loaves of bread from nothing somehow fed a bunch of people. I don't have any bread, all right? Get on it. This fan's a lunatican. I just needed a sacrifice for me
Starting point is 01:35:10 the way you would for, you know, the son of God. That's a hot. I don't think I'm asking too much here. I've already done it. Those kids don't see me anymore. Wow. He's like, I wish I would have said.
Starting point is 01:35:20 part had the video. That's probably better you did. And this is just insulting. You know, I, like, I look at this woman. It's like, it might be years before she has another opportunity like this.
Starting point is 01:35:33 Maybe not. Maybe some guy will pick her up next week. Or she'll get on dating apps and have five dates, you know, because she's mad with me and she'll just go out with anybody. Now she's dating five guys. And he's still a loser. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:35:47 Right. And I don't think she wants a. opportunity like this Jerry nobody does oh I'm gonna I'm gonna stick it to Banfield I'm just gonna take all the porkins I can't dude the Fenthe's like this woman's so beautiful I can't wait she's with me and I was like it could be years before
Starting point is 01:36:03 she even finds a boyfriend again I don't know why she's wasting so much time on this or maybe she'll want a guy stick it to her to stick it to me I think it to Kevin Brennan oh you can stick it to me on this fun hilarious this is awesome we're almost done with
Starting point is 01:36:20 this, but I was so excited to hear that Jerry is once again changing his business model. Yeah, he was too. All right. It's about time. I'm questioning my business system. I'm thinking I'm going to change back to doing school. I think I'm going to make school $9 a month at the minimum. And instead of 96 and then do 96 for like a call every month.
Starting point is 01:36:43 And then maybe there'll be a higher level membership. Why not? $5,000. Yeah, I'm going to work locally. And I think we're going to. go from making a bigger community that's more affordable. Wow. And now he starts crying.
Starting point is 01:36:58 He started that school thing, was so stoked about it. The guy signed up for the whole year. He was all excited about it. And then no one else signed up. So then he's just like, my school's out. Everything at my website is just call me. We'll set up a call. Nobody took advantage of that.
Starting point is 01:37:13 Then he's like, I'll write your memoirs for you. And now it's right back to, hey, join my school thing. I don't even know what it is. but it's only nine bucks a month. Oh, poor Jerry. Everything in his life, if he doesn't get instant results, he changes.
Starting point is 01:37:25 Yeah. Right. But he doesn't really change. No. Thank God at the end of this video. He remembers one more thing he told his girlfriend in this video. And I think he's bright. You'll be a celebrity here.
Starting point is 01:37:36 Yeah, it's important. One of the other things I said in the video, too, about depth. Like, you know, you go around trying to get, you know, help all these strangers and do all these videos for people.
Starting point is 01:37:47 But the relationships that are life and death, you know, that they keep people wanting to stay here and do anything to live. There's often only a handful of people we have like that in our lives. And I said, you know, loving me is something the depth is so much more than doing things for thousands of strangers. I would know as someone who's gotten over a billion impressions on things I've created online, creating stuff online for strangers doesn't matter that much. Doesn't get your dick, that's for sure.
Starting point is 01:38:14 I love that he conflates impressions with like, views because impressions are just like it popped up in my feed as I was scrolling through. He loves that metric. It's the biggest number. Yeah, it always is because it's a meaningless number. It's so meaningless. It's not even that. Impressions equates to having a meaningful
Starting point is 01:38:32 impact on people. He thinks so, right? He thinks so, yeah. Yeah. Which it doesn't. He's like, I'll buy impressions and then they'll want to pay for a phone call with me. Nope. That's how that works at all. Jerry, I love you though. Keep it up. He's the best. Yes, Jerry. You probably didn't get this fire into the video,
Starting point is 01:38:48 But if you did, we love you. You're doing all the right things. We think you're fascinating and a great content creator, which is the exact opposite of this prick. I got an email from Jim this morning. Norton? No, it's a different show. He says, hey, I've been a fan of Opie for about 20 years.
Starting point is 01:39:24 I don't watch them anymore, but I enjoy your coverage. I'm from the UK. And when I found out, he was sending out sign notes for 10. $10. I thought, why not? I got a signed poster from Jim Norton when he toured the UK last year, so I figured to be a nice addition to the collection. Then I'd only need Anthony's signature.
Starting point is 01:39:39 Anyway, one evening I thought, fuck it. I'll get an opi autograph. I found the link on his website and went to pay the $10. And as soon as I checked out, the cunt tried to charge me $40. What the fuck? I understand charging a few extra dollars to cover international postage, but $40 for something I can't imagine would even get delivered, or if it did would probably just be a cheap printout.
Starting point is 01:40:02 I've attached a message from my credit card company. He did give me the receipts from this. So I don't know how that works or why that works that way. That sucks. That's a shame. That's a shame. It is. I think it's funny that Opie's autograph is worth $10.
Starting point is 01:40:18 But 40, like, no, fuck that. Yeah, no. It's funny that kind of money on it. Opie had FU Friday yesterday. Thankfully, that fucking Marino guy, Eric Moran. Reno was not there. He sucks the life out of the show. It's just Tony P.
Starting point is 01:40:34 And, of course, Ron Berman. Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We got Tony P. and Ron. And Tony P., he makes a funny right out of the gate that cracks himself up. Fucking Benjamin Franklin. Go fly a cunt, bro. You do look like Benjamin Franklin.
Starting point is 01:40:51 Isn't that right? It's pretty good. Yeah. Pretty good stuff. Opie liked it. Tony's liking it now that Opie's liking it. They think that Ron was like Benjamin Franklin. So they have a whole discussion.
Starting point is 01:41:01 He looks like Mrs. Doubtfire. Okay. I could see that. So they have a whole discussion. Did look like Mrs. Doubtfire. They were saying that Benjamin Franklin was a ladies man. And so he got all the pussy. We lived in Paris and was banging all the girls over there and stuff.
Starting point is 01:41:18 So Tony P. has this hilarious hypothetical that he throws at Ron Berman. Well, Ronnie, what would you have done if Benny Franklin pulled up on you and said, hey, Ronnie, check my key. let me see your lock what would you say keep me away buy me a drink first you're fine right
Starting point is 01:41:36 these guys are good uh what is opi doing over there he's like taking a phone call what opi is doing is what I did earlier in this program except for he's trying to do it more discreetly he's asking AI a question about Benjamin Franklin but he's serious that's great
Starting point is 01:41:52 but meanwhile these two hilarious comics are just riffin what if he asked you to put his key in your keyhole. Good stuff. And then Ron tries to make a
Starting point is 01:42:05 Benjamin Franklin joke that fails miserably. I'm going to say one more time. Benjamin Franklin is infamous for her. He was a, he stalked the ladies. What do you think his pickup line was at the taverns? Having a brown, warm ale. Hey, baby, I invented lightning.
Starting point is 01:42:24 No, no, I'm sorry. Hey, baby. I invented electricity. You messed up your lot. I messed up my own fucking line. I know it happens. Okay, look. This guy stink. Oh, God.
Starting point is 01:42:34 He invented a lightning. It's actually a funnier line. It is. It's not far. And in a couple hundred years, this guy is going to use the lightning to post sad stories on the internet. Yep. All right.
Starting point is 01:42:49 It is FU Friday. Opie has brought his effus. And he's got a good one. He's going to pull it up on his phone so we can see what he's talking about. This is my. my first F you and we can discuss. It's just on my phone because of copyright shit, but F you to this jerk. The tree?
Starting point is 01:43:07 The tree guy? It's not a tree. That's a guy. He's in a tree costume to catch speeders. I know we're all used to Opie's cadence at this point in the way he talks, but just forget about the guy dressed up as a tree. Listen to how he's describing this. Listen to the way he's talking.
Starting point is 01:43:28 Not a tree. That's a guy. He's in a tree costume to catch speeders. It's like he's doing an opi impression. Yes. Man. F you to this guy. That's ridiculous. Look, I'm a big fan of, you know, them trying to stop speeders in residential neighborhoods.
Starting point is 01:43:50 Of course. What I'm talking about? Also, he's like, to avoid copyright, I'm just going to show you on my phone. But it's like, no, it's because you don't know how to share your screen into stream yard. Correct. That's what the problem is. What's the copyright? What are you talking about?
Starting point is 01:44:06 No idea. And then immediately shoots down his own point. Like, yeah, we got to stop speeders. Dress off like a tree all you want. Dude, I thought that was his whole, a few was like, this guy is actually flagging down speeders and telling the police about it. He's just like, which is actually a great thing. You know, these kids are trying to play. That's very dangerous.
Starting point is 01:44:24 What are you mad about that, man? He just wanted to show the guy dressed as a tree. Yeah. Opie tries to be human, which doesn't happen very often, and he's not very good at it. But our buddy Tony P just had to put his dog down. So Opie wants to bring this up and show how compassionate he is. And I'm trying to be nice to Tony because he put his dog down a couple days ago. I didn't forget, how you doing, Tony?
Starting point is 01:44:45 How are you? How was your wife? They came to the house and did it, right? They came to the house. Yes, it was actually a very beautiful ceremony. They came to the house. They made a... All right.
Starting point is 01:44:55 As Tony P. is explaining this, I want you to... look at how checked out Opie and Ron both are. Little poor print. They gave her the first injection. Eating and drinking. He was like, yeah, here's a good snack break. Ron's just shunning shit in his face.
Starting point is 01:45:13 Opie's like, I get some coffee now as you describe your dog being put down. Yeah, Opie knows how it feels because he killed his whole family. Well, he's like, just a dog? Who cares? Get a new one of those. All right.
Starting point is 01:45:27 So that was. we try to be a human. I put your dog down and then Tony Peter's telling the story and they all tune out. And then Opie tries to turn that into a joke because people came to the house and put the dog down in the house. Look, I hear they come to your house now to put the dogs down. But now you got a dog ghost in your house, bro. You got a dog ghost in your house now. You're going to think a dog's licking you in the middle of the night.
Starting point is 01:45:51 It's going to be a dog ghost. Bro. What are you doing? So you don't, did you do it in a part of your house that you don't really give a shit about? So when you walk by that part of the house, you're all right with it? I did it right where she slept, man, right? Oh, you've got a dog ghost in your house. I don't have a dog ghost in my house, bro.
Starting point is 01:46:09 Great rifting time. This could go on and on. I can't. You do. You got to get him on that Ron Bennington podcast because this kind of dark gala's humor is what's really, you know. That's right. It's smart. It's clever.
Starting point is 01:46:23 It's fun. It's for a high-minded audience. I mean, Opie's so boring. Did you do it in a part of the house you don't care about? Tony Peace house is that large. No. You know? It's like we use every square foot.
Starting point is 01:46:34 We care about every square inch. It was in the third extra bedroom. Yeah, right. We put the dog down on the salarium. We really go in there. Dog ghosts. You got a dog ghost. He's like, I don't have a dog ghost.
Starting point is 01:46:48 I don't. I don't. Stop saying that. This show is very professional, as you guys know. And Ron is, the most professional. And all that good stuff. Thank you guys.
Starting point is 01:46:59 You know, just out of curiosity, I don't know how they do it. Dude, like in New Hampshire, do I hit the echo now now? Fucking bothering. Well, you deal with that. You deal with it. It's your show. Put on your fucking headphones.
Starting point is 01:47:14 Any one of the three of you. Yes. Opie, it's called Opie Radio. It sounds like garbage. And it goes, you deal with that. I'm going to read that one in a super chat. I also love this super chat. Oopster, you got to tell Ron less extreme close-ups.
Starting point is 01:47:29 Yeah. Please. Put the camera in another room and you just kind of stand in the doorway, please, Ron. If he hasn't said it now, he's never going to say it. Yeah, you guys don't usually watch this. You just listen to it. Yeah. No.
Starting point is 01:47:41 Ron Berman is disturbing. Yeah. Well, the first clip you were showing, he's like getting his zit all in the camera. Yeah, yeah. He was like picking his zit on his cheek and stuff. Do you not have a mirror, dude? He loves it. All right.
Starting point is 01:47:53 So, Opie was talking about how his dad was burying. their dogs in the backyard when he was growing up. Because, you know, after the quick compassion for their buddy, Tony Pee, now it's all anecdotes about Petstein. It's just what you want to hear about if you put your dog down. Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh. Shut up for a second. Right, exactly.
Starting point is 01:48:12 So this is, this is O.B. Getting very annoyed with Ron. I pray they don't put a pool in the backyard. Let's just put it that way. Is it like, is it going to be like the sequel to Poultergeist? There's going to be. some yellow tape as they try to figure out if it's a human being or a black
Starting point is 01:48:30 black. I have a question for Tony. Yeah. How much of this procedure cost you? Like, they come to your house. They use them as your dog. A little under $1,000. Huh? About $1,000. All right. Well, thanks for steamrolling over that thing. That could have been a fun bit with the pool in the backyard with them digging
Starting point is 01:48:48 it up in the funny. What a sotty bitch. It didn't even let the thing breathe. Oh, wow. Let it breathe. Tony was at mid-left and you're like How much my Tony was He was?
Starting point is 01:48:59 He was on the holstergeist Oh What? These are my bits You're stepping on my bits I honestly don't scold you guys Enough in the middle of the show Wow
Starting point is 01:49:16 I was stumbling at a gold right there Rod if you ruined it Yeah Where else was he going to go with that? Yeah, I think Polter guys. Pool. Skeletons.
Starting point is 01:49:27 We get it, Opie. It's not good. All right. Let's get back to typical Opie content. Let's get back to what Opie likes to do on FU Friday. The Jewish food stinks. It stinks.
Starting point is 01:49:40 And they can even look sadder. Like, why do you guys say smear when you're getting a bagel? It's a bagel and cream cheese. When you like a little smear, I hate when they say smear. they opi always
Starting point is 01:49:57 oh oh oh oh no oh no oh he always to make his rants funny yeah
Starting point is 01:50:07 oh my god is this did opi take over the white power hour is that what's going on here well it's funny to say that because a little later out in the program
Starting point is 01:50:16 they're talking about kosher food and opi has a problem with how kosher food works and why it would be kosher and I don't know if you guys know this but a lot of times
Starting point is 01:50:23 if food is kosher out of there'll be a little K label on the packaging to let you know. It's fucking kosher. You see a you or a K? That means it's been two eyes. I see K's. I see K's. Oh, yeah.
Starting point is 01:50:37 I see the K's. Okay. Okay. Okay. From my favorite word, the letter K. What is? What just happened?
Starting point is 01:50:47 Toby, you want to get back on the radio, right? No cursing, but you're going to talk about K's? Hey, Kumi is back on the radio, so maybe Opie's like, maybe this race is fun to get. That's a good point. Those were kike jokes, right? Yes.
Starting point is 01:51:05 Just checking. I'm like, what the fuck is going on right now? It was either that or a Klan joke. Yeah, triple K. It was like there was some form of racist joke going on. Because Tony P couldn't stop. He got into a loop. He couldn't stop saying, okay.
Starting point is 01:51:18 Okay. And Opie's bounced back and forth. Yeah. He's like, oh, we got something. here. Crazy. I find that very offensive. I'm not an anti-Semite,
Starting point is 01:51:29 but I agree with Opie on this. The Canadians are dumb. Let's be honest. We could all be on the same page. Canada is dumb. Their song is dumb. We stand on guard for thee. What does that mean? That means you're waiting for us to save you.
Starting point is 01:51:45 And the only thing you give us is your stupid smoke. You know, I have a nice segue. I have a F-U. Food related. One, if you want to do a nice segue. Go, let's go. All great segue to start with.
Starting point is 01:52:01 Here comes the segue. But he was talking about Canada and the national anthem. He's like, I got something about food. What? How many FUs do they get? A lot. Tony came with notes. Tony had to written down ahead of time.
Starting point is 01:52:18 He's like, hold on. I'm pissed off about over here. Give you a second. let's find out what Ron's pissed off about F you to turkey bacon I've had it with fucking turkey bacon Ah
Starting point is 01:52:31 What I love about this Like Ron that's fucking boring What are we doing? Morning zoo shit This is hack What is my take on turkey bacon? Hold on a second Where can I find the most
Starting point is 01:52:46 Until now Yeah Where's the middle of the road Yeah Sometimes it's good in certain situations Cool. Not as good as regular bacon, better than no bacon. Right. Good stuff. All right. Opie does remind us of something that happened last year in the summertime. Of course. Don't forget, you're looking at a hero. It was only last summer, right around now that I say two kids in a riptide. So don't think I'm not the guy that actually just jumps into action.
Starting point is 01:53:20 I forgot about that. Yeah, well, Opie didn't. right. We wanted to remind us that he is a hero and saved two children, although he didn't really. He didn't. No, he held out of the daughter. The son got whitched away and the dad had to go out. And then when the dad was like, help me, he's like, I don't know about this. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:53:38 He was like, I'll probably just die too. And he waited for actual lifeguards to show up. But anyways, a hero, congratulations. We almost forgot about that. You know, his ex-friend met, it's probably really enjoying that bourbon that he got. the rip van winkle is that what it was something like that because it was a riptine r i p mattie oh yeah he called it r ip i forget about that but is that why they got it to him because they were at a riptide i never thought did i hmm no okay so always talking about it's japanese food or japanese people
Starting point is 01:54:15 i don't even know but somehow that gives him this thought in his hat that he has to bring up You said Japanese in there. And I have a few, but it's not really great because I can't show the picture because I get scared that the social media will have a problem with it. But there's an album with John and Yoko where they're like naked and they're looking over their shoulders. And the picture of their asses are horrendous. I'm obsessed with how bad of an ass yoko has. I'm obsessed with how bad John Lennon's ass is. Man, and I think they have the worst shitters and rock and roll history.
Starting point is 01:54:53 God, damn it, Carl. More shit, damn it. We never got out of this shit stuff yet, guys. We're still there. What is this? I'm afraid that social media will take it down if I show it. Right. Why didn't he just show it on his phone?
Starting point is 01:55:09 Point at the camera. Right. Yeah, because that works with the TV guy. It's a 50-year-old album cover. It's a 50-old album cover. Okay, guys, if you heard about this, uh, John Lano de Yoko, Odo stuff, it's wild. Like, what are you taught?
Starting point is 01:55:20 That's your, a few today? Why? Also saying you're obsessed with it is a bizarre way to talk about it. Yes. The worst shitter. That's how we describe John Levin's, but. Sorry, man. Songs are pretty good, though, right?
Starting point is 01:55:39 The fuck is that? I need my singers to have a dump truck of an ass or just keep it in hidden. Well, what's crazy is that these guys love talking about. about malnudity, especially Tony P, but, you know, Ron's always like, let's take our shirts off. I don't know if they think that's comedy or what they think that is. But Tony P. admits something, I
Starting point is 01:55:58 was very surprised by, because, you know, Tony P. loves himself. Oh. Well, I have a terrible ass. My ass is the worst thing on my body. I'm curious to see if somebody has a one thing. I mean, it's an album cover, but I don't, I don't, I don't trust the social media with half this shit. It's an anal bum cover.
Starting point is 01:56:14 Tony P. is self-conscious about his butt? Let's see. Interesting. Making news. Let's see that shitter. I'm a little surprised by that. So that sparks an idea for Rod on some content they could create. What if we all show?
Starting point is 01:56:28 I thought we were going to show our toes. Ew. What? What is wrong with these idiots? You know, I actually have a higher appreciation for feet guys now as like they're not, they're not that gross after what we listen to. But why are we going to get a Rod's toes? I don't want to.
Starting point is 01:56:47 You know, Tab, I was thinking the same thing. Because of this show, I didn't know I was into Stone Girls rolling their ours. And I was like, well, I don't need to tell people about that, but I can't stop now. There was a caller that called in that shares the same bizarre fetish as me. Dude, reach out. We could do a podcast or something. But, yeah, I don't need to talk about it. 17,000 followers of Stone Girls rolling their ours.
Starting point is 01:57:10 Yep. What's the Opie's reaction to what Ron just said? I thought we're going to show our toes. I thought we were going to show our toes. Oh, we'll show that. Oh, I just got an email. Don't you worry, Roddy, babe. That's great news.
Starting point is 01:57:28 Oh, I would not have expected that. You're doing a show and you're like, yeah, what's going on on my email? Oh, okay, I got an email. Discount code for chewy. I got an email from a guy who says you ripped him off, O.P. It seemed irrelevant to the conversation. So this continues, open decides this should be a topic of conversation that they have.
Starting point is 01:57:51 But then it got me to thinking who has the worst shitter in rock and roll history? Is it meatloaf? Who else has a shitty ass out there? Excuse me. What kind of question about that? I don't know what any of the male rock stars that I enjoy his asses look like. I don't know what they're supposed to look like. It's never even occurred to me to think about it.
Starting point is 01:58:13 Has he seen? Is there an album? them cover where meatloaf is pants crap out of hell wow so I'm going gay because we can't get away from scat
Starting point is 01:58:28 this turns into a whole conversation about shit do you know that the lettuce diarrhea parasitic explosion lettuce it's so bad in Michigan yeah it's it's
Starting point is 01:58:44 It's spreading. Right now, one and every thousand resident in Michigan has caught explosive diarrhea lettuce. That's a lot. Well, I have an update, Ron. All roads are back open in this household. All roads are back open. Take away the codes.
Starting point is 01:59:07 Traffic is moving smoothly now. All late closures are now open. Was it here? Did it like breach the water? Was it a massive? Jesus, Ron. We should have trucker andy on this show. Let's talk shit.
Starting point is 01:59:25 That's all we've been doing this entire episode. What is with these guys obsession over male nudity, male genitalia, bowel movement, shitting, shit. Can't stop shitting. Can't stop talking about shitting. It's fucking crazy. The LeBron James of Feet, member. for 24 months. The answer is all on the watchtower.
Starting point is 01:59:46 What are we even doing here? Yes. That is the answer. I don't know what that avatar is, but it looks like I'm in the middle of something. I have to look into that at some point. A scat party. Maybe.
Starting point is 01:59:58 All right. So that is what F.U. Friday is up to. And I can't even figure out. I know the Opie is consulting with AI. It's probably how we got the tree guy to show. And maybe the Jewish food. Like, we can make fun of Jewish food.
Starting point is 02:00:12 That's, you know, could be silly. I don't know. I don't know why he's bringing up these topics. Yeah. John Lennon and Yoko Ono being naked. Yeah, where the fuck did that come from? 1968. Well, what are we talking about?
Starting point is 02:00:27 You are technically correct. Why is that a discussion point on this podcast? I'll never figure it out. Obsessed with it. Yeah. Like he's pulling up every day. Just like, those are lame shit. Oh, yeah.
Starting point is 02:00:39 And Tony P's like, whoa, yeah. Okay. I, oh, it's, how long we to study this for her? So Tony P's just discovering this? Yes, Tony P had no idea. Wow, okay. All right.
Starting point is 02:00:50 And how would I know who John Lennon is? Is that a person I should know? Was the leader of Russia? Someone's name is Yoko? I'm sorry. I wait that transition to. You said something about Japanese. Yoko Odo has the worst assing.
Starting point is 02:01:07 Cool, man. Doug, I want to thank you so much for hopping on here with us. It can be tough when there's three guys in studio and one guy out, but fantastic job. Great clips today. Yeah, super fun. People should check out your show. Good Times, Great Movies. Yeah, good times, great movies.
Starting point is 02:01:23 It took us over 11 years to get to Fast Times at Ridgemont High. That's our most recent episode. And it's amazing. I mean, I'm not saying anything that people don't already know. And if I can promote one more thing, producer Chris reminded me, I have a shop on Tea Public, where I have a bunch of Tecmo Bowl shirts. Every team, alternate helmets, college. I did all this shit, even every sport.
Starting point is 02:01:52 Go check it out. I think it's called Tecmo Sports Design is the name of the shop. I get a whole $2 from every shirt that is sold. Those shirts are awesome. You sent us some. And definitely give me the URL. I'll put that in the show description. Oh, yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 02:02:05 I don't know if I told you this. I might have. I was in Texas. Earlier this year, last year, I don't know. and I was wearing my Bill's Tecmo shirt that you made and a guy complimented that
Starting point is 02:02:17 and I was like you know, you think of Texas and I was like, oh, why is that? He's just like, oh, it's fucking like retro like Techmo Ball is really cool. It's like yeah, that is really cool.
Starting point is 02:02:29 Thank you, thank you. Oh, thank you. That's awesome, man. Yeah, I love their shirts. So thank you. But it's always fun to come here. Again, make sure this is not my last episode. No worries, buddy.
Starting point is 02:02:38 No worries. And Tab, what do you have going on? I don't really have anything to promote. Nothing to promote. Check out the Trek Off. We just did all five episodes of punishing Vinny, listening to some bad Star Trek comedy. We'll watch some public access TV shows and made fun of them. Casey Day did a great job curating all of that, and it was a lot of fun.
Starting point is 02:03:01 And I know he was sad that the views diminished. And then there was that killer song that you played last week that is just still running through my head. Especially right now. Right now I'm really thinking, fuck Carl. I'm glad that you learned your name. That was cool. Yeah, that was really nice. The Trek Off is on the creep off YouTube channel, all five episodes.
Starting point is 02:03:19 And yeah, it did a great job. You guys, I've done a great job on that. Worth checking out. Speaking of which, I believe we'll play some Star Trek tonight. If you're in the Rochester area, come out and see the isotopes at Skylark. Tonight's at 9 o'clock. Tab will be there. I will be there.
Starting point is 02:03:33 Producer Chris, myself, the girls, all be there. Let's listen to some voicemails from the... the Gary in San Diego. Oh, wait, there's Internet News. I forgot. Let's find out what's going on on the Internet. You're wondering what this is for? Yeah.
Starting point is 02:03:48 From Patreon, Moratorium on Morrissey is shocked. From Patreon, Moratorium on Morrissey is shocked. Pack Dixon doesn't have a car. Did I hear that right? Blart Samson is well versed in his Cartman. On my my knees, please, and Jesus, feel his salvation all over my face. J.P. is well versed in his Simpson. I think you're so.
Starting point is 02:04:10 cool, Artie Fletcher. Sandra, that was name. Lance Becker demands, I need my Jerry hit. Nick B. comments on the sternly wed game bonus. Truly a banger. You guys were legitimately having fun and it showed. Loved it. Sleep near
Starting point is 02:04:26 may have been asleep. It took me almost 40 minutes to realize the strange long pauses were when Lucy was speaking but her audio was missing. Oops. Blazer Jet Fighter notes. Karen dating John makes more sense knowing she was living with her parents. From Spotify, Tafit opines.
Starting point is 02:04:42 For the most part, it's easy to hate the WATP lull cows like Stucjo, K.B., Opie, Zumach, etc. But Jerry Banfield gives me genuine anxiety. Birdjet has a theory. Maybe Jerry is introducing himself as Barry Janfield or something to throw these poor women off his scent. From Facebook, Frank Sweeney has the balls to say, um, does Carl think a Banfield segment every show is what we want? Whoa, boring shit, Carl. Anthony Lipke disagrees.
Starting point is 02:05:14 Oh, I love Jerry. It's refreshing over the other stuff he covers, in my opinion. Jamie Toggle offers, I find it fascinating yet utterly sad. He is truly a lost soul. And from YouTube, Dennis Dugan confesses, I can only handle R.D. Fletcher in bits and pieces. Scuma enjoyer gets generous.
Starting point is 02:05:33 I give Aaron a point on the Weezer joke. B-plus. DeKarsby suggests new creep-off consequences. for Carl. Assemble a grill. Stupid Earthling is making sense. So when Jerry gets a text saying, I need space, he reads it as he should end it. Jerry, that text means she's ending it. You have no decision to make here. Anders Middun notices, none of the opi examples on how to lose weight are what make you lose weight. Jordan Boykin gripes. Could you put more ads in? It's getting kind of boring just watching you guys. Really cool bird reports. Kevin Brennan's dentist gave him six
Starting point is 02:06:09 months to live. And J.J. Dillon plays us out with, I prefer run the waiter to Bill Burr. I guess I spent a little bit extra, but I bought a grill last year. It came with a grill cover. Oh, okay. Not to not to flex. It didn't come on any grill tools,
Starting point is 02:06:27 though. It's kind of bullshit. Yeah. Definitely. So how am I supposed to cook this stuff? You should get donations from you. Use your hands. Be a man. Wow. Review Girl, Megan, doing some voice. voices, doing some singing, some acting.
Starting point is 02:06:42 Found some new hidden talents. Theater kids. Theater kids, that's true. Yeah, fuck those people. She's great. I do it to say, my only regret is I will never be on a weekday show. I will never play the gay game. It's one of my big regrets.
Starting point is 02:06:58 I'm pretty sad about it. I play along. Is it because you're working or is it because Adam Bush is on? It's because Adam Bush is on. Well, Adam Bush is a busy guy. There's sometimes when he can't come on. I can give you a ring. I can't wait.
Starting point is 02:07:10 All right. I'm not begging. I didn't think you were begging. I thought you were throwing it out there. I'll text you. His address. You can just drive over here some Wednesday and barging. Yeah, that's fine.
Starting point is 02:07:19 I already got it from Chris earlier. It's a bunch of crap. Rock and roll. Rock and roll voicemails. Under the category of women who are not as hot or as cute as they used to be, this woman was in Juneau, Ellen Page. She's kind of, She's got to jump the shark at this point.
Starting point is 02:07:40 She kind of looks like a lesbian. Anyway, you're also. All right. Pretty good one, Deluxe. Thank you. Ronnie in Syracuse. Hey, Carl, Ronnie in Syracuse. Love you, love the show.
Starting point is 02:07:50 About this sternly wed game, whatever the hell it was. You want to talk about Karen's New York accent, and I agree that it's very pronounced. But you have no room to talk about accents with your western New York slant on things. saying things like bagel and vagus and that gym called Bailey
Starting point is 02:08:12 and your elementary and documentary get the hell out of here. You got no one to talk about accents. I'm just saying that western New York thing just grunge. Don't call me back. Fuck you, Rodney. I dare you, sir. Nate in Flint, Michigan.
Starting point is 02:08:30 Yeah, Nate from Flint, Michigan, man. I was wondering if we can get a warning next time Jerry Banfield is coming here. We need a chance to clean up the place and lock up all the God-fearing Christian pussy. He's not taking it slow next time. Look out. He will kiss a girl on the first day. Swear to God.
Starting point is 02:08:55 Calvertographer calling in. It's Cal photographer. Kindie, I've been carefully leaving very supportive comments to Jerry for the past a couple weeks and you've gone and ruined it or may you not read the comments now who's liking he was replying to me
Starting point is 02:09:13 Timi yeah I had a plan in mine so I hope you didn't fuck this up for me or else I'm going to find you and then what and I'm going to find you watch out for copy diver for Kendi yeah Kendi really pissed off Jerry doesn't read any of the YouTube comments now
Starting point is 02:09:31 if you want to communicate with him you got to go to school and pay nine bucks a month Yeah, it might be worth it. Might be. Hey, Ben from the Woods here. I'm listening to the Jerry Bantield segment, and all I can think is he heard the phrase, those who can't do teach and thought,
Starting point is 02:09:47 that's all I got to do now. Yep, that is true. He's failed with everything and wants to teach you how to do it. Not you, Doug. You're very accomplished graphic designer. You don't know anything about me. I was looking at your website today. I have a thing or two.
Starting point is 02:10:01 That's nice. Deluxe call back again. Cover. Better than the original. Deep pull. How deep is your love? John Fershante. Deluxe out.
Starting point is 02:10:12 I don't know that version. John Fashonte is great, though. He's possibly correct. I'll give him that. Next. Hey, Carl. I got a call about biggest problem in the universe. I've been a listener to the show since the very beginning with Mad Ox.
Starting point is 02:10:27 Great show. I loved a lot of the early stuff with Dick and Vito. but the prestige that Dick pulled off at the very end of the show was podcasting gold. We figured out who these podcasters were. It was great. Hope you cover the episode. I have not listened to the final episode of Biggest Problem. Have you, Tab?
Starting point is 02:10:49 I haven't listened to any of the episodes of the new Biggest Problem. Okay. I don't care for Vito. You're not a Vito fan. That's right. You're not a veto file. Yeah. Yeah.
Starting point is 02:10:59 So I think this was the final episode because Dick said that they were just going to do July and then he was done. So I'll have to check that out. And I'll report back to you, sir. Thank you for your call. We appreciate it. All right, we gotta wrap up. Thanks again to Doug.
Starting point is 02:11:12 Good time. Great movies. And Tab, Trek off. Let's get the fuck out of here. I got to go. Bye. I got to go. I got to go.
Starting point is 02:11:22 I got to go. Okay. Bye. Man, that was a good episode. That was a good episode. All right, ready to roll the credits? Yep. All right, guys.
Starting point is 02:11:35 Bye. Until next time. Bye. All right, everybody. You know, this was a great podcast. It was very revealing. This is it. It's over.
Starting point is 02:11:46 Okay? Goodbye. Goodbye. Hey, bye. Goodbye. Goodbye. Oh, okay. Bye.
Starting point is 02:11:59 She's going swimmingly. Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha.

There aren't comments yet for this episode. Click on any sentence in the transcript to leave a comment.