Who Knew It with Matt Stewart - 12 - James Shakeshaft, Dave Warneke and Holly Leonard

Episode Date: November 28, 2022

Who Knew It with Matt Stewart is a comedy game show podcast hosted by Australian comedian Matt Stewart. This week's episode features James Shakeshaft (Loremen Podcast), Dave Warneke (Do Go On and Book Cheat podcasts) and Holly Leonard (Pointless Reinvention podcast) recorded live at the Comedy Box in Bristol, UK!Check out Matt's stand up special FREE on YouTube: https://youtu.be/cWStRpI-BhESupport the show via http://patreon.com/dogoonpod and you can submit questions for the show!See the show live, get tickets via: https://www.mattstewartcomedy.com/Check out Matt and Dave's podcast network: https://dogoonpod.com/Check out James' podcast: http://www.loremenpodcast.comCheck out Holly's podcast: https://pointlessreinvention.podbean.comTheme song by Evan Munro-Smith and Logo by @muzdoodles! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Oh my God, can you believe it? It's the year 2024. It's Melbourne Comedy Festival and we've just moved venues. We're at the Grace Darling now. We had a great run at the Chinese Museum, selling out shows by the end, but now we need you to come over to the Grace Darling and shows are at 7.15. It's going to be so much fun. Love to see you there. Let's have a beer. Use discount code DOGOON. The show's called Dry Dry at the Melbourne International Comedy Festival. Then we're going to Sydney and Brisbane. Tickets to all that stuff's on sale now. And you can find those tickets and details at mattstuartcomedy.com. Welcome to Who Knew with Matt Stewart, the show where the guests write the wrong answers. I'm the titular Matt Stewart and this week I'm being joined by scorekeeper and second banana, it's Holly Leonard from the Pointless Reinvention podcast. Welcome Holly. How's it going Holly? You ready to second banana? I am ready to second banana. I am ready to second banana.

I'm ready to pod. Yeah, you're ready to pod. Ready to pod. I've been on your podcast before. It's a fantastic show. What's it about again? So we... It's Pointless Reinvention where we fix what ain't broken and we basically improv random topics.

We've done cars. Matt was on the social media episode. Do you remember it? I do remember. Do you remember it well? I did it from Australia. from australia it was you know and you're in lockdown and we weren't okay geez that's a rough start for you i can see you never know what kind of relationship you'll have with your sidekick and tonight it's going to be a bit combative i can feel that our first contestant this week holly is host of the Lawman podcast. It's James Shakeshaft.

Hello. How's it going, James? Thanks so much for joining us. Thanks for having me. What a pleasure to have you here. Oh, thanks very much, actually. Is Bristol Fire to come for you? It's, yeah.

Most places are fire. I'd live in the countryside I mean that is not true You live in England Everything is nearby You could walk from one end to the other in half an hour And I complain about it Our second contestant is

Host of the Bore Men podcast It's Dave Waterkey. Yeah, hello. Do you spell Bore Men B-O-R-A or... Wait, no, you wouldn't do it that way. B-O-R-E or B-O-A-R? I spell it B-O-R-A, actually. Yeah, you were correct the first time. Bore Men podcast.

That's right, yeah, because we got a cease and desist letter From you and your co-host So I thought fine I'll be the Boraman First time listeners might be wondering What this show is all about And how does it work

Anyone not heard the show before in tonight? There was a bit of a pause there I'm like yeah that's right Everyone in the world has heard this And then slowly every single person Sheepishly admitted to have never Having heard it before So you haven't heard the show

This podcast has been featured in Who Magazine Yeah, that's right Do you know this? Whoa In Australia Yeah, okay Hey I was pretty stoked

Yeah How did it end up in there? I have no idea Yeah, the World Health Organization magazine. Wow. Front page. Yeah, avoid. Yeah, avoid this.

Bad for your health. Bad for your health. Anyway, for new listeners, which it sounds like there may be one or two in tonight, it's a pretty simple concept, really. I ask a relatively obscure trivia question, and our contestants have to write a convincing fake answer. I then read their answers as well as the real one

and I have to guess which one is correct. Are we ready to play? Yes, yes, I am. I am also ready. The first question comes from listener Heidi from Hastings. Is there a Hastings in England? And if there is, is Heidi here? It's a very combative place

there's a battle of Hastings is there? Yes that's good stuff yeah very very famous Matt. That's why that's why I knew it yeah. Fucking hell. The first question coming from Heidi is, what is the definition of the word quincunx? What is the definition of the word quincunx? Can spell for you if you need or are you happy with that? They seem happy. They're thinking.

I'd love a spelling. Let's be honest. Let's go quinc quinhunks holly do you want to spell it please it is q u i n c u and x fantastic that's what i would have said as well while they're writing their answers i'll explain how the scoring works holly you might need to know this as you are scoring it. It would help. Okay. So you get one point if your fake answer is guessed by the other contestant, and another point if you correctly guess the answer. By the way, I'm also playing as the house. Boo! Boo!

Oh, my God. So you're mispronouncing the word boo there. Yes, boo. Are you saying boo-ers? So I've put in two of my own fake answers for each question with the help of the question writer. And I also get a point for each one of those that our guests choose. So each of us can score up to two points per round.

It seems pretty fair, but the probability actually favours me. The house. Boo. It's rigged. It's rigged it's rigged well yes that's right the house always wins though if you've listened previously

you'll know that is not necessarily the case anyway our questions come from our great Patreon supporters any Patreon supporters in tonight

that was an efficient woo well done if you want to submit a question sign up on any level via patreon.com slash do go on pod That was an efficient woo. Well done. If you want to submit a question, sign up on any level via patreon.com. Linked in the show notes. So, it looks like the answers are in for question number one. Holly's giggling. One of them is very good.

Oh, okay. I look forward to finding out which one is right. That is so brutal, James. Oh, my God. Yikes. That is so brutal. It's the house. Yes. So here is the question. What is the definition of the word quincunx? A cufflink made from a badger's face. That's option one. When objects are placed in the same pattern as the dots on the five side of a dice,

a decorative silver cross used by a non-religious person to ward off bad spirits, medical condition where the subject has multiple nostrils, in this case, five. Okay. It's quite specific. Or a medieval insult roughly translated to guy who knows four-fifths of fuck all. Okay, okay. We have five good options there.

Either of you feeling like you want to have a crack here? James, is there anything jumping out to you there? The badger's face jumps out to me as a visual image. How big is a badger's face? It's bigger than a cuff link. Okay. That would be quite a statement piece. You look quite ridiculous.

It would be a shrunken head. Or just the nostril or one of the eyes. Yeah, part of a badger's face. Probably the nostril because they have a striped snout, of of course so that's how you'd know it was a badger and then you're getting value for money on your cufflinks your quincux sorry what was the second one again second one was uh objects placed in the same pattern as the dots on the five side of a dice that is funny on the five side of a dice?

That is funny. So you're ruling that out. You're ruling that one out. That's the joke answer. That's too funny. That was the one that was tickling Holly. You told me you collect D&D dice. I do collect D&D dice. So maybe dice humour is your thing.

Dice humour is my thing. Yeah, that was just for me. Okay. I submitted that one myself. Collecting dice, what is it? Do you just have lots of, I guess that's like anything. I was like, how do you do that? A collection.

You just have more than one of them. It's how you collect a thing. And then you keep it. That's it, that's it. That's the kicker. You've got to keep it. You've got to keep it. Do you feel like locking something in here Dave oh gosh and then there was the

non-religious cross non-religious cross the condition with the multi nostrils for the medieval insult forfeit this this five going with with the five this there's three going with five that's what I'm trying to say there. But I'm thinking that that is a trick. I'm going to go with the non-religious cross, a Quinn Hunks. That's good. Okay, locking in the silver cross for Dave. What are you thinking, James?

As funny as it is, I'm going to go for the dice-based one. Okay. Don't throw away your point for humour. Well, you know. i'm here for the lols yeah yeah that's right sometimes the answers are quite humorous as well james so um all right well let's go through who wrote these answers uh so we had a medical condition where the subject has multiple nostrils in this case five that was james oh a medieval insult roughly translated to guy who knows four fifths this case five that was James Oh a medieval insult roughly translated to guy who knows four-fifths of fuck all that was the house played the house that's very funny a cufflink made from a badgers face that

was Dave yes yes imagine it imagine in, I will be making it after the show. Did you realise the badger's face was that big? Yeah. Okay. It made me laugh to imagine a whole face. So this means that one of you is correct. We're in for a point here. And it's not Dave

because a decorative silver cross was written by the house. It is when objects are placed in the same pattern as the dots on the five side of a dice. Wow. Well done. Smashed it.

Thanks. So that means, Holly, we've got one point for James and one point for the house I love how divided this room is James did you do you know that or did you just had a bit of a just had a guess had a guess I saw the Quinn and I went for the Quinn yep thought the Quinn that's gonna be five yeah cooks no idea was it conks conks it was conks it was conks all right I'll explain the etymology that a little more in a second love to hear more about the

conks but in the meantime here's question number two this one comes from Adam not from Croydon in South London you internet Adam now do you have a You in tonight Adam? Now do you have a South London in England? The question Quite combative The question is On April the 6th 1984 In Waukesha, Wisconsin Professional wrestler Ken Pitera was arrested

But what had he done? Professional wrestler Ken Pitera was arrested, but what had he done? On April the 6th, 1984 in Wisconsin, professional wrestler Ken Pitera was arrested. What had he done to be arrested? While you're writing your answers, Holly, let me tell you a little bit more about the word quincunx. Okay. According to Miriam Webster, I mean, you can tell me this if you want. I normally say it, but I mean but you've got the info there too Sure

According to Miriam Webster In ancient Rome a quincux was a coin With a weight of equal to 5 twelfths of a libra A unit of weight similar to our pound Yeah Isn't that fascinating It's very fascinating I've thrown you under the bus here

I'm like this is a dope I'll let Holly tell this one The coin's name comes from the Latin roots Isn't that fascinating? It's very fascinating. I've thrown you under the bus here. I'm like, this is a dice. I'll let Holly tell this one. The coin's name comes from the Latin roots. Oh, boy. Quinque? Yeah. Meaning five and uncia, meaning 112.

I also realised that you skipped a word in your question, Matt, if you're going to throw me under the bus. Oh, wow. Oh, the weight, yeah. Where in Wisconsin was this wrestler? Why Keisha? Two can play at that game. I made a powerful enemy. Yeah.

I'll do the rest of this, because you might have to chuck in their answers. So the ancients used a pattern of five dots arranged like the pips on a die as a symbol for the coin. And English speakers applied the word to arrangements similar to that distinctive five dot mark. So it was really the name for a coin which just had that pattern and then that word crossed over. I don't know how often that it would come up. Like how many things are in that pattern apart from the five on a die? I'm trying to think of anything else.

I mean, you know. There was a suggestion out there? A badger's face. A badger's face. Yeah. Have you seen them? Yeah, five. How many eyes does a badger have?

Before or after Dave's been R'd. Okay. All right, looks like all the answers are in. So here is question number two. On the 6th of April, 1984, in Waukesha in Wisconsin, professional and professional wrestler Ken Pitera was arrested. But what had he done? Here are your five options.

He had a real-life beef with his opponent, broke kayfabe on a live telecast before pulling a gun on them in the ring. Bit of fun. Keeping it light. Kidnapped a novelty promotional peacock and took it on a road trip. A novelty promotional peacock. You heard what I said. Yeah.

He ate every chicken nugget at the local McDonald's and then went on a rampage through the kitchen searching for more. That's option three. Option four. After being refused service at a McDonald's, he threw a rock the size of a bowling ball through the window. Two McDonald's related ones there. Or finally, his wrestling tights split,

revealing his chop for all to see. Instead of covering himself up, he started doing puppetry of the penis. He's illegal in Wisconsin. I'm old. What is a kayfabe? Kayfabe? I don't think that's being an old thing.

That's just a wrestling term. It's all fictional. Sorry if anyone's... So they're publicly saying, you know, we're just mucking around. Right. That's breaking kayfabe. Does kayfabe stand... The opposite of breaking

the fourth wall. Ah. It's the opposite of that. It's building a fourth wall. Living the fourth wall. And then pulling a gun on someone. Look at that.

Now no one can see us behind this wall. That's interesting. What was the wrestler's name again remind us of his wrestlers name was Ken Pitera Ken Pitera okay did you were you're a wrestling fan aren't you don't yeah especially from the 1980s 84 was a baby oh yeah big year big year yeah a lot of shootings in the ring that year. No clues. Any thoughts, James? Anything sticking out or do you need to hear anything else again?

I'm leaning towards the golden arches, but I don't know which of the two arches I'm going to go through at the moment. I think it is the rock the size of a bowling ball through the window. Going to lock that in? Yeah. Awesome. All right, locking that in for James. Dave, what are you thinking?

We've all been there. For new listeners, Dave can pick the same or he can go for a different one. It's up to him. Right. Were you trying to steer me towards something there? I'm in your head, man. Yeah, you really are. I'm in your head. Am I bluffing?

Am I double bluffing? Am I triple bluffing? Oh, okay. Or am I not bluffing at all? Am I crazy, audience, in thinking that he could have pulled a gun in the ring? Is that crazy? I mean, it would have been crazy to pull a gun in the ring. Yeah, so crazy.

It just might work. Lock it in. Lock it in. All right, locking in. Pulling out a gun in the ring? He may be. And then, you know, that would have been great for ratings. Yeah. Vince would have been great for ratings yeah

vince would have loved that yeah yeah for sure if this was that company or company sure sure which one was wcw there was wwe which was f yeah it was f in the 80s makes you think All right, let's go through. Let's go through who wrote the answers. So, doing puppetry of the penis. That was the house. Eating every chicken nugget and then going on a rampage. That was Dave. Yeah.

Kidnapping a novelty promotional peacock. Taking it on a road trip, in inverted commas. That was James. Novelty promotional peacock is a great phrase. I love that. You sure? Yeah, it could have been NBC with the broadcaster. That's their mascot.

I mean, there's gorillas all around Bristol. It could just be similar to that. Have you not seen the gorillas? Statues? Yeah. Wow. I'll look out for them. He's climbing the bridge. Then we had a real-life beef with his opponent, pulling out a gun.

That was the house. No. Point for the house there. That's two in a row that you've fallen into the gun. That was the house. No. Point for the house there. That's two in a row that you've fallen into the trap. I know. Damn. Of the who's.

That means that James was again correct. It was after being refused service at a McDonald's he threw a rock the size of a bowling ball through a window.

Yeah, you're a dynamo. You're killing it. Thanks. Well done. You're welcome. Great. Jeez, English are polite, aren't they? He's beating you.

He's murdering you and just thanking you somehow. I love it. Yeah, me too. Me too. I'm yeah me too McDonald's all right question number three comes from Matt Rowe from Stanmore in New South Wales I went near old South Wales classic yeah the question is what was the stage name of Spanish adult entertainer and illusionist Vicki Leighton what was the stage name of Spanish adult entertainer and illusionist Vicki Leighton and while they the stage name of Spanish adult entertainer and illusionist Vicky Leighton? And while they're writing

their answers, Holly, do you want to give us a score update here? So at the moment, Dave is unfortunately on nothing. Okay. Any Dave fans in tonight? Yeah. You're letting them down.

Alright guys, I got to this one I'm coming up But James and the house are both tied on two Mixed emotions The crowd is really on your side Love an underdog Underdog equals Dave

Bit of a quincunx Here's a little bit more information Bit of a quincunx. Here's a little bit more information on the Ken Petira incident. According to ringthedambell.com, is that a website you're familiar with, Dave? I ring that bell every day. On April 6th, 1984, in Waukesha, Wisconsin, pro wrestlers Mesa Sato and Ken Petira went to a local McDonald's restaurant and tried to get something to eat.

After being refused service because it was after hours, Pitera allegedly threw a large rock at the glass of the restaurant, shattering it. Ken Pitera claimed a teenage disgruntled employee was responsible for throwing the rock. Either way, the incident did not end there as both Pitera and Sato got into a physical confrontation with the two police officers responding to the situation. So you blame that on the teenage kid as well? Yes, that wasn't me. Because Pitera and Sato were pro wrestlers and because pro wrestling was becoming a national phenomenon,

the incident made national headlines. Vince McMahon saw an opportunity in this publicity and signed Pitera to the WWF. And he came up with this whole story, like he had another wrestler be his manager and that manager didn't visit the family while he was in jail, so they had a fight and it was pretty big. Apparently the manager said something like...

It started off as a debate for some reason. They had the lecterns in the ring. But it came to blows. Which is disappointing. Use your words, guys. Well, it looks like the answers are in. I could have gone on. But the question is, what was the stage name of Spanish adult entertainer and illusionist Vicky Layton?

Here are your five options. Okay. The Conjuring Chameleon. That's good. The Magnificent Soup of the Day. Okay. The Smuggler's Bumbag. Sticky Vicky.

Or Barbara Cadabra. Five strong options here. Oh, wow. That's tough. Can we have them one more time? Yeah, okay. We should recap. So we've got the conjuring Chameleon,

The Magnificent Soup of the Day, The Smuggler's Bumbag, Sticky Vicky, or Barbara Cadabra. I really want it to be Barbara Cadabra. It's so good. Barbara Cadabra, though, is what I... But English is probably not her first language,

so she would not have nailed that pun. Oh. I mean, you're also banking that Matt's pronounced it correctly. Which is... That's a dangerous game. Barbara Cadabra? Yeah. No chance.

What do you think, Dave? Is this your turn to lock something in here? Oh, well, you're making me go first. I'm the underdog. Oh, okay. All right. James, do you want Dave? Is this your turn to lock something in here? Oh, well you're making me go first I'm the underdog Oh, okay, alright James, do you want to have a Yeah, I'm the overwolf I think it's the first one

The conjuring chameleon Yeah, the conjuring chameleon Okay Yeah, The Conjuring Chameleon. Okay, I'll lock that in for James. Lock it. Dave, what are you thinking? I am tempted by the smuggler's bum bag. It's a very tempting dish. You're really honest, though, yeah.

Along with the soup of the day. That's a two-course meal, aren't we? Yeah, that's right. I can sit down and enjoy All afternoon long Or maybe a bit of sticky Vicky For dessert Don't mind if I do Sticky Vicky

Sticky Vicky Barbara Cadabra This is tricky Sticky Vicky I'm going to go Smuggler's bum bag Barbara Cadabra. This is tricky, sticky Vicky. I'm going to go Smuggler's Bum Bag. Sometimes you've got to go with your heart. You've got to go with your gut.

You've got to go with your brain. Go with your instinct. I love that. Smuggler's Bum Bag. Is there any chance of that? No. Let's go through who wrote the answers. Shit. The Magnificent Soup of the Day.

That was written by Dave. Now, talk us through your thoughts there. What was your process? Okay. I'm hungry. Yeah. Hungry for a little adult entertainment. Oh, yeah.

And delusions. Okay. Please. Barbara Kadabra. Andalusians. Okay. Please. Barbara Cadabra. That was the house. The Conjuring Chameleon. Also the house. I'm in with a shot here, people.

So one point of the house there. The Smuggler's Bomb Bag. That was James. Damn you! The correct answer was Sticky Vicky. Anyone seen Sticky Vicky's work? Apparently she's very famous. And you're not far from Spain.

Anyone seen Sticky Vicky in action? Someone was giving a... Your hand is up. Your mate knows Sticky Vicky. Your hand is up. No, no, no. You've got us, but our mate. Your mate knows Sicky Vicky. I'm going to give you action-fied ping-pong balls out of the way. Oh, that's... I was going to explain it in a slightly more tactful way.

I really hope the audience might pick that up. That... And I'm sure your mate enjoyed it. Holly, that is once again one point for the house, one point for James, no points for Dave. I got it. Yep. All right, here's question number four.

Sorry, no points for who? Dave had no points. Oh, sorry, Dave. The underdog remains under. I'm so here's question number four. Sorry, no points for who? Dave had no points. Oh, sorry, Dave. The underdog remains under. I'm so under. Such a dog. Thank you. Dave is a dog person.

He takes that as a compliment. Exactly. Incorrectly. People call me a fucking dog all the time. You're goddamn right I am. Here is question number four. Reaching the halfway mark here. It's a seven question game.

Okay. I've really got to pick up the pace here. Yes, you need to come home with a wet sail for sure. This one comes from Jim Bates from Sackets Harbour in New York. Which country novelty song was recorded by both Archie Campbell and Johnny Cash? Which country novelty song was recorded by both Archie Campbell and Johnny Cash. Which country novelty song was recorded by both Archie Campbell and Johnny Cash? Holly, do you want to give us an update on the scores?

I think people are probably able to do one times three, but we'll see how... So we've got Dave still on zero points. Thank you. But on three points, we've got James and the House tied. Okay, a few people are coming around to James and the House. Wow. The power couple.

That could be my spin-off sitcom. James and the House. Yeah. And it's just me and the House. It's really boring. That's a good pitch. All right, while you're writing your... It looks like you already have,

but I really want to tell people about Sicky Vicky. Even though there was a little spoiler earlier. There's a stat in there that's shocking. Yes, there is a shocking stat. Do you want to read this out, Holly? I've got admin to do, Matt. Okay. I'll start. When you've done your admin, to do, Matt. Okay. I'll start.

When you've done your admin, you can take over. Okay. Vicky Layton, now 78, would perform her 30-minute adult magic show six times every single night in Spain's party capital, Benidorm. According to Spanish newspaper El Pay, the unusual dance act was seen by more than 6 million tourists. How many times did you say it? Your mate.

Your friend. Before she retired at the age of 72. Hey, hang on. What kind of crowd do we have here in Bristol? Hey, I thought we'd be not so ageist. Six times a night? Disgusting. You, not her. According to Spain Made Simple,

a beautiful website, they wrote, we must point out that the Sticky Vicky Benidorm Act Is strictly for an open minded people only Sounds like not the people of Bristol Without ruining the surprise element of the show Sticky Vicky is a lady who performs a series of adult magic acts With razor blades

Ping pong balls We've all got a favourite series of adult magic acts with razor blades ping-pong balls beer bottles and fire amongst other props I read somewhere else machetes are involved as Did you do a lot of research? But it does finish by saying, where these items appear from will shock and horrify you. I'll say no more. But that guy's mate. I'll say no more. Oh, okay.

Yeah, what did you say? What did you call it? What's that? Where did it come from? A whanny. Whanny? Whanny. I've? A wanny. Wanny? Wanny. I've never heard wanny. I've never heard of wanny either. It's a live insane badge.

But I've heard fanny. Ah wanny's better. Wanny is good. So I don't know. Fun fact, wanny's Japanese for dog. Which also sounds a bit like Warnakee. Yeah people call me wanny all the time and I thank them. Arigato.

Thank you. Thank you. Silly. Okay. So it looks like the answers are in. Great. So the question is, which country novelty song was recorded by both Archie Campbell and Johnny Cash here are your five options

you shot me dead open bracket but I'm still loving you from heaven I've got no hands. Is that a full title? No, no. Open bracket. How do you think I feel? Or how do you think I feel? I don't know how to.

Yep. Flushed from the bathroom of your heart. Ooh. Fell in a hole and bathroom of your heart. Ooh. Fell in a hole and I'm going to keep on digging. Or I broke my rear view mirror. Open bracket. Now my past is filled with bad luck. That is deep.

I know. Yeah, that makes you think. Yeah, it does. Yeah, it does. Which novelty songs famously do. So. All right. What are you thinking? Dave, you still... Which novelty songs famously do. All right. What are you thinking?

Dave, you still... I mean, your tactic of hiding until second hasn't helped you. Okay, maybe I'll go first. You're going to strike while the iron is hot. Jump in. What's the first one again? First one is you shot me dead, but I'm still loving you from heaven. Okay. Then you've got, I've got no hands.

How do you think I feel? Flushed from the bathroom of your heart fell in a hole and I'm gonna keep on digging or I broke my review mirror now my past is filled with bad luck okay okay this is tricky every time I feel like I'm on Who Wants to Be a Millionaire The most fucked answers Have just come up on the screen Okay I'm Chris Tarrant Living my dream up here Okay

Is he still alive? Yeah It's Jeremy Clarkson now though Is he still alive? Sadly Unfortunately yeah Oh Okay

Oh the UK's turned on their prince. Nah, good on him. And good on you. All right, Matt, I think I'm going to go with flush from the bathroom of my heart. All right, locking in flush from the bathroom of your heart for Dave. Yeah. What are you thinking, Jim?

I was going to call you Jim. Is that okay? You can call me Jim, yeah. What do you think of Jim? Do you go by Jim? Alright, yeah, Jim's alright. I'll go with that, yeah. Getting very comfortable around you, Jim. I reckon fell in a hole and I'm going to keep on digging.

Alright, locking that in for James. Sorry, Jim. Let's go through who wrote these answers. You shot me dead, but I'm still loving you from heaven. That was written by the house. That's a good name. With the help of Jim, the question writer, you're going to boo him as well?

You dogs. You whannies. No, no. That's the wrong word. I've mistranslated it. I can't let it go on. It's whannies are crab, no. That's the wrong word. I've mistranslated it. I can't let it go on. One, he's a crab, guys. And he's a dog.

Come on, everyone knows that. People are calling you crab. Yeah, great. Love that. Because of my claws. What is the claws? Pardon? What is the claws? Pardon? Why is the claws?

You're not nice to people. Yeah, I'm terrible. I'm a bad guy. Continue. I broke my review mirror. Now my past is filled with bad luck. That was also written by the house. That made us feel.

That was good. I wrote that one this morning, looking at a mirror. And I thought, this is actually pretty good. Yeah, it is. But I did sort of, like, ideally a joke answer would fit. Yeah, anyway. I've sort of, ideally it would have been written differently, but I think there's something there.

Look out for that being a tweet from me in future weeks. That's how much, that's how highly rated I think it is. Two weeks of nurturing the tweet. Yeah. You think it's good enough for a tweet? I'm going to workshop that until it's ready to tweet. Wow. We're all part of the process.

By the time you're ready, Twitter will not exist anymore. I don't know. I've been on there a bit lately. It is flourishing. My man's in charge now what are we doing I've got no hands how do you think I feel? That was James. Fantastic work. Did I hit that right? Did I read that out right? Yeah, yeah, absolutely.

I love that. It's a coverable song. You sing it in your own way. Yeah. We all clapped for that. It was very good. Yes. It's very good.

I mean, anyone affected by the issues there is... They're not going to be clapping, are they? No. That's actually quite cruel. Yeah. That is the cruelest way to respond. Yeah. Yeah, I wish I could clap, but I've got one ear.

It's a bloody crocodile, actually. I've misled you again. It's a crocodile. No. At some point, I'm going to get the right answer for that for my own quiz. I fell in a hole and I'm going to keep on digging, which James went for. That was Dave's.

Dave's on the board. Yes, I did it. I did it. That's right. In fact, Dave has double points because he also got to correct its flush from the bathroom of your heart. Feels so good. Feels so good. The dog is back.

You're now like a mid-level dog. Yeah. Actually, no, you're still the underdog. By one? Yeah, we'll check that score in a second with Holly. But before we get to that, here is question number five. This one comes from Siraj Piras from Melbourne. Are you in tonight, Siraj?

Maybe not. He's in. I know he's in. Siraj. Hi, Siraj. I know he's in. Saraj. I knew you were in. We know you're in. We came forth with you in a pub quiz last night. We've heard all about it.

Here is Saraj's question. Which of these is a real species of antelope? So you've just got to come up with a fake name for an antelope species. Holly, do you want to give us a score update first? Yeah. So there's only one point in it now we have Dave coming up in second place with two points I know that's right I'm risking being too good at this and James in the house is still

tied on three this is anyone's game. Jeez, they got a good one in Bristol tonight. Do you want to read out this info here, Holly? About Archie Campbell? Yeah. It's dull again, I'm just remembering. Oh. I'll start reading it.

You let me know when you want to take over. This is according to Wikipedia. Archie Campbell was an american comedian writer and star of hee haw a country a country flavored network television variety show he was also a recording artist with several hits for rca victor in the 1960s one of campbell's best known routines was known as that's bad that's good now i'm gonna i'm gonna explain it to you without any of his jokes Campbell would state a troublesome occurrence when the partner would sympathize by saying oh that's bad Campbell would quickly count it no

that's good and then state a good result from the previous occurrence when the partner would say oh that's good campbell would immediately counter with no that's bad and tell the new result and so on i listened to a routine of that earlier today and i went for three minutes it was it was great all right looks like the answers are in question number five which of these is a real species of antelope? The submissive bean. Okay. I can't get a straight face. That's ridiculous.

And then the next. Kirk's dick dick. Kirk's dick dick. The long-faced Jeffrey. Kirk's Dick Dick The Long Faced Geoffrey Niall Wetmouth Or Anton Decalope These are the best answers

Sorry Do you know what antelope is in Japanese? I do not ask me I've covered myself in shame already Do you speak Japanese? Evidently not. You thought you just had a crack? Yeah, just guess.

It's definitely a crocodile or water monster. But it's definitely not an antelope. Yeah, definitely not an antelope. I've got an idea. No, it's not an antelope. Is it an antelope? Yeah. What?

I thought it was an anteater. It's what antelope no it's not an antelope is it an antelope? yeah what what I thought it was an antita it's an antelope might have given away my answer there you reckon one of those five is clearly an ant Adolf

yeah I'm going through my mind Which one is it? Do you need to hear them again Before you lock something in? No I'm going for the dick Going for the dick Kirk's dick dick

Yeah Locking that in for James Dave what are you thinking? Long face Jeffrey or Nile wet mouth? First Jeffrey, Nile wet mouth. I'm going to go with

long face Jeffrey. Long face Jeffrey, no worries. You two haven't gone for the same one all night. Oh, okay. Should I start doing that? I mean, James has got

most of them right, but you do you. All right, so here is who wrote the answers. The submissive bean, which they loved. That was Dave. Yeah. Thank you. I love that.

I get it. But just in case any listeners at home don't what's that about don't make me explain jokes like Wikipedia just explained you're reading out that guy's routine it sounded like someone reading out instructions for a board game and then he says and then the other guys I won't let you do that to my art okay that's fair enough but I loved it as much as I did. And I get it anyway. The Nile Wet Mouth.

That was written by Siraj slash The House. Well done. That really made me laugh. That made me laugh a lot, yeah. The Ant and Decalope. Also The House. Okay, we're on the money a bit here. The Long Face Jeffrey. That was James. Oh, we're on the money a bit here. The long-faced Jeffrey.

That was James. Oh, you betrayed me. You betrayed me. Anteater. Antelopes have long faces. Not as long as an anteater. All right, I didn't know it was a competition. Antelopes just have to reach the grass.

Anteaters need to reach the ants It's lower Science, science Sorry guys, it's science Yeah, you lost me That means that Kirk's dick dick is correct Meaning James gets two points Well done, well done

Maximum points. So we're down to the last two questions now. This one comes from Eva Redman from Tasmania. What strange occurrence happened in December 1457 in Savigny in France? Is that right? Savigny? Looks right. If you're correcting me, I'll... Yeah. Is that right? Savigny? Looks right. If no one's correcting me, I'll...

Yeah. Happy with that? Yeah. What strange occurrence happened in December 1457 in Savigny in France? And while you're writing those answers, here's some more info on the Dick Dicks. Dick Dicks are some of the world's smallest antelopes, with the largest, the Kirk's Dick Dick, standing between 14 and 18 inches tall and weighing no more than 7.2 kilos they're freaking adorable you really got to check them

out honestly they look like cartoons so what do we google dick yeah times two dick dick yeah that should come up yeah That should come up, yeah. They're so cute. Yeah. Do you want for the listeners at home? Holly's trying to show James and James is not looking. Do you want to explain to the listeners at home what you can see?

So it actually looks like a little... It's really cute. It's like a tiny little... Antelope? Antelope. It's got the leaves like a rabbit. It's really cute. Is it not really cute? It looks like it's smiling. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's cute.

It's really cute. According to question writer Siraj, they play chicken to resolve territorial conflicts. Males charge one another, stopping just short of physical contact before repeating the process by running from a longer distance. Furthermore, the encounter ends when one male surrenders, which results in both males scratching at the ground, urinating and defecating.

So one of them, like, they know that they're never going to hit, but one of them eventually goes, whoa, that was too much chicken for me. The dick dick's name is derived from the sound they make when they feel threatened. They lie low and hide from predators, but if they're caught, they run off in a zigzag-like pattern until they are safe. While they run, they make a trumpet-like zig-zig, dick-dick sort of sound. Very trumpet-like.

Could you do a trumpet-like dick-dick sound? No. I think, actually, if you can't, I reckon Holly can. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Holly was telling us earlier tonight, very musical person, grew up in choirs and that sort of stuff. So I think Holly could quite easily do a zig-zig, dick-dick sort of trumpet sound.

She's, for those listening at home, she's warming up the throat. She's taking her jacket off. Dick, dick. She's just doing her classic warm-up technique, which is laughing and saying dick, dick. Dick, dick. How do you do a trumpet sound? We ask the...

That sounded pretty good. That sounded good. Thank you. That's it. That is it. Jeez, it was almost like there was a little dick dick in trouble in this very room. Zigzagging away. What a great way to protect yourself.

It's what I do when I run away. Hey, come catch me. Like a great way to protect yourself. It's what I do when I run away. Hey, can you catch me? Like a line or whatever, just going, oh. Zigzag. Here's question number six. Second last question. What strange occurrence happened in December 1457 in Savigny in France? Here are your five options.

A new wine variety was accidentally discovered when two crops of bad grapes were disposed into a large wooden bin and forgotten about. Bean juice. A man was killed by lightning and at his funeral his coffin was struck again. The town decided to burn the body just to be safe.

Option three. Two Christmases. Okay. Option four, a sow and her piglets were arrested for murder. Or finally, half the population fell into a hole and couldn't get out. Were they listening to that song? Yeah. I'm going to keep on digging. So you've got the new wine variety accidentally discovered.

You've got the lightning man. You've got two Christmases. Fuck, that sounds good. You've got a sow and her six piglets arrested for murder or half of the population fell into a hole and couldn't get out. Who wants to go first? I'm ready to lock myself in.

What do you want to lock in? Those criminal, criminal pigs. Yeah. They would. They would. Particularly in December. That's when they're hungriest. It's when they're kicking off. They don't want, lock it in. Particularly in December. Well, that's when they're at their hungriest. It's when they're kicking off.

They don't want to be put in a blanket. Yes. Because a pig's blanket is pig skin. It's more pig. So is the pig in the blanket. It's all pig. Yeah. I could see why that would be very triggering.

Yeah, it could be like that would be very triggering. Yeah, it could be like a friend's skin or something, right? Yeah. You just put a human face on that pig. You monster. What is it? Is that a food? Pigs in blankets.

It's a sausage wrapped in bacon. In England. Is that not a thing? In America, it's just a sausage roll, I think. What's it in Australia? Yeah, I've heard of it. A hot dog and a pancake? It's a bit much.

Not for us. A bit barbaric. That was a joke for the English crowd. Yeah, right, so bacon wrapped around a sausage oh it's great part of a Christmas dinner it's like quintessential

it's the best they're small sausages yeah little mini ones how big's the bacon massive it's like streaky streaky bacon okay

I really hope no pigs are in tonight because we're gonna get murdered So James has locked in the pig murder Dave what are you thinking? What was number two? Number two was a man was killed by lightning

And at his funeral Two Christmases Think of the pigs You think I should lock in pigs? No think of the pigs at two Christmases. Oh, yeah. Oh, my God. So many pigs died that year.

So it's either pigs are killing or being killed, I guess. Or number five? Number five. Half the population fell into a hole. I mean, they could have earthquakes or something over there. It would be a weird way to write that. Yeah. Okay.

All right. Uh-huh. I'm picking up what you're putting down there. I'm going to go for the wine. Going for the wine. That feels like a French thing.

Yeah, that's a French. Yeah. Wait. All right. Yeah, I speak French as well. Oh, my God. You're a master linguist. Does anyone know what's French for dog? Char. Oui. All right. Yeah, I speak French as well. Oh, my God. You're a master linguist. Does anyone know what's French for dog?

Chant. Chant. What sound does a dog make in France? Waf. Turns out I didn't know that either, right? They're a waf. That's fun. A waf.

A waf. That's fantastic. All right, let's go through who wrote the answers half the population fell into a hole that was the house to Christmas's that was James just riding my dreams James man killed by lightning and struck again that was Dave yeah I thought I could tempt you with that one i was very i really thought you didn't even mention it mate i didn't even come to your mind for a second damn it you're good a new wine variety accidentally discovered that was the house so poorly written cannot believe you i'm reading it back i'm like this sucks but um yeah right but it felt like the most dull one

yeah so it felt believable okay well double bluffed ya yeah I don't understand what that means

um uh meaning James was correct a sow and her six piglets were arrested for murder woo Troy didn't get it

so that is one point for James one point for the house. We're up to the final question. We'll get a score update when Dave and James are writing this final answer. The question is, or it comes from Brian Nichols from Melbourne. I'm not even going to ask. The question is, what is the synopsis of the 2006 film Joe's Apartment? What is the synopsis of the 2006 film Joe's Apartment?

Holly, do you want to give us a score update? So, we have Dave still on two points. Hey, on the board. Thank you. We have the house on four. And James steaming ahead on six. We have a non-house winner. Yeah, so when I say it's anyone's game here, that's not quite true.

But James and the house are still in it oh unless Dave wants to ask for triple points it could happen I'm gonna pull pull out the card and say triple boy triple points are on the table serious so that means James that means, James, that every... I mean, it's pretty self-explanatory. Every point's now worth three points. Wow. Does it triple the points I already got? No, just the points you can get from now.

So it's quite unfair for you, really. And if Dave does come from behind... LAUGHTER Here's my preference, if he does, it would be a victory with a real asterisk I think. So while they're writing their answers, here is some more information about the pigs who got arrested from HistoryToday.com. In December 1457, a sow and her six piglets Were arrested in Savigny for murder

Together with their owner G. Han Bailey They were dragged off to jail And one month later They were put on a trial Before the local judge According to the court records Three lawyers were present

Two for the prosecution And one perhaps for the pig's defence Which is already unfair Were they all human i think they were all human lawyers well you know as much as a lawyer could be snakes aren't they snakes nine witnesses were called by name in addition to several others whose identities have been lost based on their testimony the judge decided that while Bailey should have kept a much more

careful eye on his animals, responsibility for the murder lay squarely with the pigs. The sow had clearly been the ringleader. After consulting with experts in local customary law, the judge solemnly sentenced her to death, stipulating that she should be hanged from a tree by her hind legs. It's wild that the crowd that was just loving bacon wrapped in sausages is now saying this is barbaric. Yeah, remember when you said they're the best? This is how it happens.

Or maybe not precisely how it happens, but... Basically. The piglets were a different matter, though. Since there was no direct evidence that they had participated in the murder, the judge decided to let them off on the promise of good behaviour. Good pig behaviour. It's a full-on and surreal episode from history, but it was far from unique.

Animal trials were a remarkably common feature of medieval and modern justice, especially in France. Although exact numbers are hard to come by, more than 100 cases are known to have taken place between the 10th and 18th centuries, involving all manner of creatures and crimes. Can I say the last bit? Yeah, please.

Mules were charged with sodomy. Rats and locusts were the destruction of crops. Oh, gosh. I quit. You came in hot. I loved it. Oh, I'm so excited. You were so excited about mule sodomy in the crowd.

The crowd did not back you up. Dig, dig. In the ass. Cockerels with laying eggs in defiance of their nature. And dogs with theft. But pigs were by far the most common criminals. And in almost every case, they were accused of murder. Well, they're meant to be quite smart animals.

So killing humans, I don't know. Are they meant to be as smart as a four-year-old? That's really scary. Now that makes you think. Alright, here is the final question. What is the synopsis of the 2006 film Joe's Apartment? Remembering, there's triple points at stake here. If you both pick a house answer, house wins.

Oh, I didn't think about that. Sorry, James. House. The house. Dastardly house. Here are your five options. Joe's Apartment. Straight to DVD sequel of the guerrilla feature Mighty Joe Young.

Joe moves to the big city and works at the local Dunkin' Donuts. Joe wakes up in a dystopian future to find that his apartment is a tiny pod, barely big enough to fit in a bed. After realising it's the day of his wedding, he needs to figure out what's going on, how he got there, and how to cater for 300 guests in such a small apartment. Oh, Joe. When a man relocates to New York and is short on cash,

he moves into a run-down, low-rent apartment, which is infested with singing, dancing and partying cockroaches, who soon become Joe's best friends. Oh. who soon become Joe's best friends uptight Joe inherits his grandparents luxurious Manhattan apartment and things are going great until he finds out he has a housemate the ghost of his grandfather things get weird and wacky from there but in time Joe learns how to let loose and party, grandpa style. Oh, Joe's grandpa. Well, finally, a 68-year-old man hasn't left his apartment in 28 years.

He decides to leave and immediately falls into a hole. Oh, is this one of them French films? Yes, Captain Diggins. All right, Dave, do you want to have first dibs here? Oh is this one of them French films? Yes Captain Dickens Alright Dave Do you want to Do you want to have first dibs here? Okay quick recap Quick recap So you've got

The Mighty Joe Young Straight to DVD sequel You've got The Dystopian Future With the wedding In a small pod You've got A man who

Becomes friends with cockroaches You've got The uptight guy Who learns to party From his ghost grandpa Or you've got a man who becomes friends with cockroaches. You've got the uptight guy who learns to party from his ghost grandpa. Or you've got... One of these is real. Or you've got... Or you've got a 68-year-old man who fell into a hole. Okay. I'm tempted by the hole.

But I'm going to go with cockroaches. Cockroaches. Cockroaches. Cockroaches. And it's musical. Yeah, there is. Yeah, the cockroaches do sing. Okay.

Singing and dancing. Great. And partying. And partying. And partying. Grandpa style. Cockroach style. Yeah, cockroach style.

I think the cockroaches, yeah. Oh, both going in the cockroaches. Oh, okay. A the cockroaches, yeah. Oh, both going in the cockroaches. Oh, okay. A strategic move there, James. Yeah, but if this was written by the house... The house would get a lot of points. Six points. Yeah. The house would get six points.

Do you want to do this? Does it mean Dave doesn't win? Ah, yes. Yeah. I'm pretty sure it's impossible for me to win. Okay. With that move, you you bastard that feels right though you've done really well

thank you you never know that I've been on this show more than anyone in the world have you ever won? have you ever won? maybe once yeah you've won good job buddy yeah I won and I'm pretty sure they were taking pity on me again Have you ever won? Maybe once. Yeah, you've won. Yeah. Good job, buddy. Yeah, I won.

And I'm pretty sure they were taking pity on me again. All right, here's who wrote the answers. The straight-to-DVD sequel for Mighty Joe Young. That was written by James. Oh, it's good. It's good. I wanted to watch it. I'd watch it because of the gorilla and donuts.

That's just a lovely image. Lovely image. Beautiful cinematography. The dystopian future wedding. That was the house. 300 guests. The 68-year-old man who fell into a hole. That was Dave.

Guilty. Guilty. Yeah. The partying grandpa. that was also the house three points today three points to James while you're tallying up the scores, which I assume could take quite some time. Yeah, it takes ages. I'll just tell you briefly, Rotten Tomatoes gave Joe's apartment a critical consensus of 19%. Out of?

Out of the full 100. Oh, God. Damn. One of the brief review clips comes from Andy Seller writing for USA Today. He wrote a scathing review. And one of the sentences I like to pull out was, so much up-to-the-minute technology hasn't been used for such a disastrous product since the Hindenburg. I've actually seen it. Oh, have you?

Yeah. And is it that good? I would have rather fallen in a hole. Awful, awful, awful film. That's so good. All right, Holly, do you want to give us a final score check? So there is a twist. Ooh. In last place...

Don't tell me. ...on four points... What? ...is The House. Yeah! In your face, guys. Cop it. With five, we have Dave.

Thank you. Really cool. What an absolute whiny. And with a solid nine points we have James well done James thanks very much geez I was you you just seemed like you know things yeah you don't I think do you get everyone except one correct? Well done. Yeah, yeah. I think I did, actually. Yeah, I am great, actually. James, do you want to let people know where they can find you? In terms of on your podcast?

It's Lawmen, L-O-R-E-M-E-N podcast. And it is a podcast about obscure history and myths and legends and things like court cases for animals and cockroach based films and dave and i were on a recent episode yes yeah well i gave you a little whistle stop tour of the uk ahead of your whistle stop tour of the uk it was so good are we where was the place what What's Bristol? Is that the one with the fish? No, that was Glasgow. I was paying attention. The fish with the ring.

Is this the one with the pigs who settled the cathedral? I think that was Glasgow as well. It's mostly Glasgow based episode, if I'm honest. I remember nothing happened in Birmingham Oh is this the one with the hole Someone had a hole That was Manchester Yep

You're getting closer Alright well if people want to find out They can listen I guess We have done episodes on Bristol We did one about There's the pub From Treasure Island Which has got a store made of skin

Oh It's a very funny podcast pub from Treasure Island which has got a door made of skin. It's a very funny podcast. And Holly, your podcast? It's Pointless Reinvention. It's great. I'm on Twitter. I'm H-O-L-L-E-H-M-E. It's Hollomey on Twitter. I'm massively

into F1. If anyone wants to talk about F1 with me, that would be great. And Dave, where can people find you? They can find me on the i'm massively into f1 if anyone wants to talk about f1 with me that'd be great and dave where can people find you they can find me on the book cheat or do go on podcasts thank you thanks so much for listening everyone as we are a new show it'd be great if you could help get the word out there please give us a five star review and tell your friends if you think you know someone who might enjoy it thanks so much for joining joining us, you three. And see you all next week, you dick dicks. Woo! APPLAUSE