Who Knew It with Matt Stewart - 169 - Alasdair Beckett-King, James Shakeshaft and Verity Babbs

Episode Date: December 8, 2025

Who Knew It with Matt Stewart is a comedy game show podcast hosted by Australian comedian Matt Stewart. Episode 169 features comedians Alasdair Beckett-King, James Shakeshaft and Verity Babbs!Check out Matt's new stand up special: https://youtu.be/ZgukEPerWZc?si=SW8PttGAB-ly_GF8And his last stand up special: https://youtu.be/cWStRpI-BhESupport the show via http://patreon.com/dogoonpod and you can submit questions for the show!See the podcast/Matt live: https://www.mattstewartcomedy.com/Check out Matt's podcast network: https://dogoonpod.com/Theme song by Evan Munro-Smith, logo by Murray Summerville and edited by Connor Schmidt! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Welcome to Who Knewit, Matt Stewart, the show where the guests write the wrong answers. I'm the titular Matt Stewart. Our first guest has just released a book titled The History of Art in one sentence. It's Verity Babs. Hello. What a name. Thanks. It's so good.

Is that your real name? That is my real name. It's too good to be real. It's just noises, isn't it? It's a friend of mine, her mum in school. she hadn't met me but she'd heard of me through this friend and when she came to pick us up from an after school thing and she was very surprised to hear when I said that I'm Verity

because she thought my name was charity bags which is a better name but no Verity Babs is my name. I don't know if it's a better name it's equally good I'd say and your book I mean at the time of recording is about to come out but I think at time of release it will be out people will be able to find it is it in all good bookshops I hope so

I hope so yeah on October per second, a at least mildly amusing introduction to art history is what I'm hoping it is received as. At least, I think, yeah, that's a good, good barter. Yes, and doing it only in a sentence at a time has sort of made me get away with not having to really write a book. So, you know, we've skirted around that. You've done very well.

Our second guest this week is one half of the Lawman podcast. It's James Shakeshaft. Hello. Hello, James. What a pratfall intro. All you said was hello and you've knocked your hat onto the ground. Oh, man. Oh, I'm sorry.

I'm just bracing myself. If you're, if you think Verity Babs is a funny name, I'm called James Shakeshast. So I'm just ready for it. Come on. Bring it. It's a, it's a fantastic name as well. Thank you very much, Matt Stewart. Jimmy, Jimmy, Shakes.

Little Jimmy Shakes. Little Jimmy Shakes. Little Jimmy Shakes. I'm really, I mean, what a great list of three names. I've got such a dull name as well. I'm very jealous of all three guests this week. You've got two first names. Don't be shy.

I've got three if you count in the middle one, which is James. Yes, good. Three James is in the room. I like it. Our third guest this week is the other half of the Lawman pod. It's Alster Beckett King. Middle name James. Bloody hell.

That's why which James shakeshaft knows. Spoilered there somewhat. That's why you said. How many of your names are James? I feel a fool. I didn't realize that was a prerequisite for this podcast. It's all Jameses all the time. I've got the deed pole in my bag for.

you to update. Just pop it in. Yeah, I'll do that. I'll do that. I don't know. Verity James Babs. No, that is good. That does work.

That does work really well. That's really good. That's suddenly quite like aristocracy, like medieval aristocracy to have like, it's a dead grandfather's name whose lands I now own. That's the vibe, I think. Yeah. Very Jimmy Babs. So the way the show works is ask a relatively obscure trivia question.

Our contestants have to write a convincing fake answer. their answer as well as everyone and I have to guess which one is correct. And the first question comes from listener, Hero from Tachikawa in Japan. And the question is, what is the meaning of the Japanese word kuchi-sabashi? What is the meaning of the Japanese word kuchi-sabashi? And I appreciate Hero sending in the phonetic spelling there as well. And while they're writing their answers, I'll explain out the scoring work. So you get one point if your fake answer is guessed by the other contestant and another point if you correctly guess the answer and by the way I'm also playing as the house and I've put in two of my own fake answers for each question with help with the

question writer and we get a point for each one of these that I guess choose so each of us conscript a three points per round which seems fair but the probability actually favours me the house and the house always wins so I to be honest coming to the end of the UK tour I'm not sure if I've had a single winner over here today might be the day to even things out anyway, the guests get triple points in the final round. Most of our questions, I should say, come from our great Patreon supporters. If you want to submit a question, sign up on any level via patreon.com slash do go on pod linked in the show notes.

I should also say that full video episodes are going up at the moment, not this one, we're in a tiny flat in London. I don't have the videoing capabilities, but if you sign up or subscribe to the do go on media, YouTube channel. You can see a bunch of these episodes in full on the video if you want to, no pressure. All right. So the answer of a question number one, what is the meaning of the Japanese word Kuchisabashi?

And I really wish I knew you knew Japanese before. I don't know that much, Jackie, to be honest. Yeah, this is your one free shot. Yes. I'll never do this again. Wait, can you tell me any other languages you know before you're on next time? No. Okay.

Here are your options. What is the meaning of the Japanese word, Kuchisabashi. A technique to create light and airy baked goods. A high-end design, a sunglasses brand exclusively for babies. An industrial-grade hair removal product. The urge to eat, even though you're not hungry. A sense of shame or disappointment experience when visiting a friend's home,

which is nicer than one's own. Or finally, the feeling of peace during. pending doom such as severe plane turbulence all right verity what do you think what was the one about that the food won about eating to eat even though you're not hungry

I feel like it's a culture in which overeating is frowned upon which I don't think is a race crime for me to say I believe that to be true can we can we check with the race crime police

to see if that was a race I'm no I think I think that's fine who which cultures

do approve of overeating Italian yeah maybe which what's sorry

which race are we craming I'm wearing a wire I think it's my nan to be honest

I was just like you have to finish this or you don't get put over yes I was thinking of my

Nana with Italian background when I said that you're Italian Nan would like to

do a quick impression Do you want me to a quick impression my Italian man? Well, she was born in Australia, so she was sort of a sound like me. It's a pizza just like Mama used to make.

Mamma mia. I'm like, I'm your grandmother. I'm your non-a. Listen to me. Is this a crime? We are crime now. Which country is offensive too?

That's the mystery. They can't get you. Australia. Italy, they don't know. Italy? I said it like that. If you get done for it, you get sent to Australia anyway, isn't that? Just continue doing the accent and just fit right in.

So is that the way you're leaning? I think that is now because I have now also forgotten all the other options. But my gut said that. And despite your gut saying that, you wanted to go for it anyway. It seemed like it was almost apt. Yeah. Your gut said it. You went for it anyway.

And my gut was like, I know, if I know a thing about overeating, It's this, so I think that's it. My first instinct was the same one. There was another foody one about baked goods. Yeah, it's a technique to create light and airy baked goods. What was the word again, say it again? Light and airy. No, the Japanese word.

Baked good. Kuchy Sabashi. I don't know if it's just, maybe it's because I mainly know Japanese culture through food, but it's got a foody vibe. So I think it's the one that you. have chosen but i'm going to go with a technique to create light and airy baked goods okay and if if i fail then so be it okay oh man i'm glad it ended that way i thought it was going to be something more dramatic and if i fail i'm jumping from this window i'm sorry

over to shake shaft son arigato um arragato Because your grandmother was a Japanese Australian, of course. Yes, exactly. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Bar-chin, we called her. Anyway. Is that the word for grandmother? Yeah, that is the actual word.

Bar-chan, this is the word for grandmother. I think, I am not, I don't know this word, but there is a technique for baked goods, which is, I think it's got a different name, though. um so i'm going to go for coochie sabushi well that's the word what are you going to oh yeah yeah i'm sorry i'm going to go for you're doing in reverse what that means and i think it's the you're correct it is that word though i think it's the urge to i can't believe james is getting points just for saying the word outrageous i think it's the one to overeat but i'm really scared now

because if i got it wrong i've really built it up yeah yeah you did say especially revering yourself as shakeshaft son that was outrageously arrogant yeah because you're not even supposed to do that. Oh, is that true? Yeah, you don't give yourself a suffix. Other people give you a suffix. It's just a fact. It's not even fun.

Is it like when you can buy yourself some land to technically be a lord? Like, what can you do to make that happen for yourself? Can you print it out? Yeah, I guess so, maybe. You've got to put on another voice to do it. Like, that's of an Italian grandmother, an Italian-Australian grandmother, specifically.

All right, the answers. Refer to yourself in third person. okay so which one did you go for james i went for uh urge to eat even when you're full oh well okay which is i thought there was that one too but i out of respect for the game chose a different one i didn't realize we could choose the same one oh yeah you can't

do you want to change just change no no no i've made my choice i'll be a martyr this could be my elaborate fake hour and then i change it oh i'm so good at the game all right i'm going to stick with the clearly wrong one that is baked goods. Here's who wrote the answers. The feeling of peace during pending doom, that was the house. Nice work to house.

Industrial grade hair removal product. That was Hero, okay, the house. A sense of shame or disappointment experience when visiting a friend's home, which is nice than one's own. That was Alstair. I thought had a chance. That was good. Yeah.

I mean, that's got it. Does that have a Japanese word? I don't know. Don't know. Wouldn't know. A high-end designer sunglasses brand exclusive for babies. That was James. Oh, very good.

I was going for the Coochee. Oh, very. I mean, is there such a brand that's cute as? No, but imagine there's a hair gel for babies. I hate it when a baby looks scruffy. You can't stand it. Or dry. Alastair's going for a technique to create

Latinary baked goods. That was Verity. I thought so, honestly, because when I said it, you sort of did a yes. I did, yeah. With your body, you did, I can't believe he's gone for mine. And I didn't acknowledge it at the time because of the game, but I did see it.

And thank you for doing it anywhere. We'd appreciate it. And yes, that does mean the Verity and James, I correct, it is the urge to eat even though you're not hungry. So Verity. I think the listener knows that I did technically know that. So that's fine,

even if I'm not getting any points. Yes. And in fact, you got a double point. I also did manage to guess in the same category. Like, they would both think. So I think I should have a third point. Oh, okay. For brilliance.

You're making up some rules. I'm going to put in a brilliance column here. I think in Japan, If people ask for extra points in a podcast, they actually lose two points. It's very rude. And then whoever notices that, they get those points. Right. In Japanese culture, I'm just saying.

You're very good at the English art of moral victories. And telling other people what their culture is. Okay, so question number two comes from Martin Drabic Hampshire from Sandusky, Ohio. Man, the name sounds very English. I guess it's just a double barrel, really isn't that? Hampshire is a bit English. Hampshire, yeah. It's a whole county.

Martin's question is actually an Australian. I questioned. Have you also lived there for a bit? Oh, you have. Oh, Jesus. Yeah. I do speak Australian. Only a little bit, though, just to get by.

So the question is, which of these is the name of a real Australian bird species? So you've just got to come up with a Australian bird species. And while you're writing your answers, here's some more info about Kuchisabashi. Hero writes, it's often translated as lonely mouth, which is so good. Kubasabashi is the universal urge we have to eat out of boredom, even when we're not hungry. Yes, I do suffer from that. I think supermarkets really depend on it as you're, what's they put all the chocolate bars at the counter? All right, the answers are in for question number two.

Which of these are real name of a real Australian bird species? Didn't need to say real that much. You believed it. Why would it not be real? It'd be weird to bring it up. It's the name of a fake. Anyway, which of these are the name of real Australian bird species? Spectacular Dullard.

Willy wagtail. Cackling Sharon. Nipper, nipper. The crested knob-nob. Or waddling deceit. Okay. Can we have them one more time? Sure can.

Spectacular Dullard. Willie Wagtail. Cackling Sharon. Nipper, nipper. The Crested Nob-Nob or Waddling Deceit. Alistair, I think it's your turn first to you. As the loser, I get to start this round. I don't, well, that's not how I think of you.

Okay. In that case, let's re-record the introduction where you introduce me as the loser and just say, like, the other member of lawmen or something like that. Okay, we'll go back to that now. Just go back and do that. And I'll get Conner, the editor to top that in. Thanks, Conner. I really hope he's done that.

Otherwise, it will look silly now. Willie Wagtail sounds like is the name of one specific bird, like a pet. So I don't think it's a species of bird, Willie Wagtail. I'm going to go, the rest of them all seem to follow the same format of the blanky blank. So I'm going to go with nipper nipper. Nipper, okay. Because it does, because it's the one that doesn't seem to follow the pattern. Locked in.

right uh i didn't realize that was going to be locked in so quickly oh no no it's fine sorry i should say i've been watching uh reruns of who wants to be a millionaire over here i need you to say locked in uh let's lock it in matt uh i've really got to yeah like i always say got to be more like jeremy clarkson uh what was the knob knob nob nob uh the crested knob knob Speaking of Clarkson. Crested Nob-Nob. I like that. The screaming, Janet.

Cackling Sharon. Cackling Sharon. I'm sure it's going to scream at your eyes. Turns out a guy one. Spectacular dullard, waddling deceit, Crested Nob-Nob, nipper, nippy-wag-tail. I think Willie Wagtail is just a bit of fun, isn't it? You know?

Yeah. Just a bit of fun. fun. I reckon what was the adjective for the Delard? Spectacular. I reckon it might be that. I reckon that's the sort of bird that has a different name, but in anger has been renamed. Yeah, I reckon that, I think.

It's locked in. Is it locked in? Yeah, it is like it. That really shouldn't be up to me. I think I should be the one locking them in and I think it's locked in. I think it's wrapped in. All right, here's the right. The answers, a waddling deceit.

That was James. Very poetic. Yeah, beautiful. Do you want to talk a short? It suggests a sort of grievance against the bird, James. It was a duck that I didn't like. I was thinking of a particular duck I didn't like. The crested knob-nob.

That was Alistair. Oh, good one. Nearly went for it. Do birds in Australia quack with an Australian accent? Yeah. Quack. Quack. Quack.

Quack. Quack. I think they do, actually. Yeah, I reckon that... Because that was more like quack. Quack. You're in England. Quack.

But do in... May I? Quack. Is that gluten-free brand? That was what English jokes I like. But do any of the Australian animals say other... Say different things? Oh, yeah.

Because in Germany, frogs quack. Really? Straight up. You know, in Japan. Frogs are Cairo. That's the same. sound they make. That's the sound they make.

Kairu. Kairu. God, I hope this is correct. Otherwise frogs listening to this will be feelings. Yeah, you're going to get a lot of frog messages. Frogs quack?

That's spun me around. What else we got here? Cackling Sharon, that was the house. That was good. Okay, the screaming. Screaming Janet. Screaming. Better name.

Straight up. Real bird. All right. Verity. went for the spectacular dullard i'm afraid that was martin the question right okay the house nice one martin alice i went for nipper nipper that was verity oh you got me again i didn't even see it coming i had to really grind my teeth did not do a do a sort of cartoon-esque you'd be in the air so uh your your eyeballs did turn into dollar sign

as soon as he said of that tongue rolled out and roll back in uh that means James is correct. He only is the Willie Wagtail. No. It's a bit of fun. When I was in Japan, I studied on mythology. So. Well, I've been, that was suggested ages ago and I had to wait so I was out of the country

to be able to use it because there's quite a common bird in Australia. Is it? Willie wagtail. So everyone would have known in Australia. Yeah, yeah. But yeah, it is interesting. Like a lot of things, when you think it's common and you've heard it since forever, so it just sounds normal.

but it is a ridiculous name. It's a ridiculous name for a bird. That's it. And it's not just one bird that everyone in Australia knows. Yeah, yeah, it's the prime minister's bird. It's voted on by the public. So after two rounds, I'm afraid after one round, you were equal loser with the house elsewhere.

But you've taken that mantle all to yourself now. Yet to score. House on one point. James on two points, but out in front on three points. It's verity. I can't believe I'm losing that this game I'm terrible at But you're actually really good at

And the game's not really about the points It's about the entertainment value Which you are absolutely destroying it Feels like it's about the points But okay Question three was written by Marlon Collin From Bohrholm in Denmark

And Marlon I have a spot where I say If you can help me with your pronunciation Of your name Let me know and Marlon wrote, pronounces you like. It's hard to pronounce even in my own language. So I hope it looks like Marlon colon, but I'm guessing that's not right.

But anyway, the question is, oh, and I picked one folklore question for later and won't. So I thought, I've got to pick one art question. So here's the art question. Oh, no. What made the Danish Chilean artist Marco Everest, Everestis, Everiste's art piece, Hell enough from 2000 so controversial. What made the Danish Chilean artist Marco Avaristi's art piece hell enough from the year 2000 so controversial.

While you're writing your answers, I'll let the audience know a bit more about the Willy Wagtail. According to Martin, the Willy Wagtail is a passerine bird native to Australia, New Guinea, the Solomon Islands, the Bismarck Archipelago and Eastern Indonesia. It is a common and familiar bird throughout much of its range. living in most habitats apart from thick forest. The Willy Wagtail is almost always on the move and rarely still for more than a few moments during daylight hours.

Even while perching, it will flick its tail from side to side, twisting about looking for prey. The Willy Wagtail is highly territorial and can be quite fearless in defence of its territory. It will harass not only small birds, but also much larger species, such as the Australian magpie, raven, laughing kookaburra and the wedge-tailed eagle. I found an article on the University of Melbourne's web website titled, Willie Wagtales, the werewolves of the bird world. What do they turn into? Yeah, I was like, what the hell?

But, yeah, it's just apparently they'll howl at the moon, which is weird. Well, so they're just wolves? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, that's right. I'm writing in. And that's like one of our most prestigious universities. So I think you really should probably

I'm actually them in an email for sure. All right. The answer is for question number three. What made the Danish Chilean artist Marco Averistis art piece Helena from 2000 controversial theory options? It was intended to be a serious modern retelling of Helen of Troy but the artist misunderstood the name. Option two.

The art piece consisted of a hundred open lid containers of the artist's owned bodily fluids and was closed down due to health hazards. option three it featured living goldfish in blenders letting the viewer decide whether to turn the blender on or not option four the exhibit was meant to be a live stream of a woman trapped in a sound free cell as she lost her grip on reality but due to an error a live paper view of a big boxing match was shown instead while proving popular with the attendees it led to a lawsuit from the world boxing association it was a sculptural bust filled with human blood or finally named after

the Helen of Troy. Helena was painted guerrilla style into the hulls of a thousand ships. All right, James. You'll go first here. It would help if I knew what the story of Helena Troy was, wouldn't it?

It could do, yeah. But I'm from the thousand ships reference at the end. Did it include a boxing match? The only thing you know about Troy is the horse and that is no help at the moment unless the art installation where the woman was in a soundproof room unless that was in a horse

in a big horse and they sort of basically yeah they snuck in the boxing match and then got in trouble for it but I don't think that would be intended I think it's going to be a bodily fluid and I think it's going to be a bus full of blood

bus full of blood all right locking in bus full of blood for James what do you think Verity the problem is

I know that one of these definitely is a work of art yeah maybe two of them are the other I only recently learn more about

the story of Helen of Troy and the big Trojan horse and that was where for years I thought the saying don't look a gift horse in the mouth came from that would make some sense

right because I thought it might be a Greek literally because don't look a Greek horse like don't look a gift horse in the mouth because it might be full of the Greeks but it turns out it's for like actually buying horses and really if that was like it would be do look a gift horse in the mess in case there's a Greek in there.

They would have loved to know in advance that there have been Greeks in that horse. That was the one thing they would have liked to know. I think an oversight put in a hatch in the mouth though. Put in a window. There's no need to make it with a hinged mouth out of revealing the Greeks within.

All right, that must be a common misconception, though, I would think. Yeah, I think I just learned that it wasn't to do with that. And I'd only ever heard, as well, like literally last Christmas, found out that it's common era from after the year zero, not common error, because I'd only ever heard Americans say it. And I was saying, well, it's the common error. And my friend was like, well, what do you think the common error was that we all did? And I was like, it's probably killing Jesus.

That's probably the common error. So it's a common era, it turns out. So I think, but the problem is because I think I know. So should I go because then Alistair will hear me? I've already aged it up too much. I mean, Verity who knows the answer should definitely go before me. Well, I think you have to go now. Yeah, okay.

But if it happens again, just you can play it like you don't. don't know and you have any guess and then lady you can reveal but I think also you're so far ahead you could choose the wrong one deliberately to throw me especially if you chose your own then I chose it oh you would still get the points this I can't believe the mind games you're playing with me so I now need to weigh up the options of whether I lose a point but also get one from you okay in which case the blenders with fish okay locking that in and I'm having to look away so it's not to do

massive pantomime overacting Steve's coming out of her ears this is everything to play for or at least a point to play for right I was going to say a bus full of blood

although actually that would be hardly controversial like there was the Piss Christ full of piss and that was Jesus and that's ages ago so it's hard to see how blood would upset anyone

it was at the common error it was that long ago they do not piss on him guys he hates that um so oh no so i i was going to go with the blood because i was sure you were going to say that one and now i think i i veryty is turning away from me so i can't read anything the left foot's going like thump her out of bambay can we recap the options for me sure it all hinges on i'm waving a series of flags uh the artist misunderstood the uh retelling of helen of troy uh the bodily fluids and a open-lid containers, goldfish in blenders, which Verity went for, the accidental boxing

live stream, the bust filled with human blood, or the guerrilla-style painting of a thousand ships. The boxing style one had so much information that I respect it, but I don't think it's true. It had a lot of information. It had like a subplot involving boxing. It's a classic lie where you're building on it. And then... And then they did the boxing

And then they got in trouble And then they're boxing And then now they can't watch box I don't think it needed a second act But I would have gone for it If it turns out to be true Respect All right

Well I think clearly the most exciting Option will be for me To make the same choice as Verity And then get screwed over By her deceptive playing What I like about this the most Is that I'll say You put all of this sort of jeopardy into it

You were the one who said You brought up the idea of the double bluff on that. Yeah, but now you're good in your own head about it. I think he wrote the box in one. It was, you know, it's got themes, it's got characters we cared about. Whoever wrote it is a genius. That's what I'm saying. Commission anything that that guy writes is what I would say.

Yeah. That's good call. Okay, I'm going to go for the, the most controversial of those is probably fishing blenders. So I'm going to go with fishing blenders, because it might. might hurt the fish. Okay. So people would be upset. All right, locking that in.

Here's who wrote the answers. Named after Helen of Troy, Helena was painted guerrilla style in the hulls of thousand ships. That was Alastair. Yeah, I didn't write the boxing one. That was acting when I pretended to have written what happened was.

You knew who she. I know all about Helen of Troy. The other one about Helen of Troy was James, which I think that's fantastic. I also thought James was pretending not to know about Helen of Troy. um when you pretended not to know about it i just know the words helen troy but it's fun that you too you know with such a strong working relationship went to a similar idea there then we had the

open lead containers of bodily fluids that was uh marlin the question writer maelan as it might be just had thought i'd try a different option there uh the uh the one with way too much uh information including boxing um was written by someone who was drinking a coffee just around the corner at the time i think that really that was the house um and i think as i was reading out i'm like this is going on forever it does it's you know it's only like four lines but it felt like it's a real journey um the bust filled with human blood james went for that was verity meaning that verity and alice are correct it is the splendid goldfish.

I thought I can afford to give a point away because I've got one from James, so it had to be done. Yes, I'm so glad. But a point at last. And of course, I mean, you didn't give a point away because you also got a point for getting it right. So again, two points for you that round.

One tells this. So at the halfway mark, the scores are now, Alistair in the house on one point a piece, James on two, but way in front of five points, it's verity. So I've equalised. You've equaled. You've equaled. Not to take anything away from the winners, but I've equalized with you.

Yes. And also, you've given me all of my points. So really, as a team, we're doing very well. If this were a team game, we would be trancing you guys. Those answers were really good. The options were really good there, because loads of them were basically all other artworks. Oh, interesting. Yeah, they included in that one about the live stream,

it accidentally went to the. Yeah, yeah. That's my favorite one. Question four. comes from Ayesha from Bunbury in Western Australia and the question is what is the name of the player who wears number 23 for the Sydney Swans in the AFLW what is the name of the player who wears number 23 for the Sydney Swans

in the AFLW? Are we allowed to know what sport that is? Yeah it's the it's the professional Aussie Rules League for women's Aussie Rules League Australian Football League women's AFLW so it's Aussie rules is I think so like soccer football no it's the it's the Australian game where it's played on cricket fields with an oval ball are you telling the truth he's not making he's this real yeah yeah what ovular cricket football yeah the field is the the only real cricket part of it right um so in answer to my question it's a sport I've never heard of

yes right okay should be easy to make up a guy's name well a woman's name in this case a woman's name crucial information So while you're writing those answers You know it's just like It's just basically come up With an interesting name for a woman Think of a woman's name

It should be something I can do Verity Babs I mean honestly I think one day I might have to use your name As a question is fantastic While you're writing your answers Here's a little more info about Helena According to Marlin

The Goldfish in a blender piece Was part of a larger exhibition At the Art Museum of Trappold in Denmark, but nobody remembers anything other than the news footage of a visitor turning on one of the blenders and thus killing a handful of live goldfish.

The museum was later sued over the incident because the Danish police had filed an injunction against the museum for bidding them to plug in the blenders, but somebody didn't listen. Full on. Reminds me of the... Remember or have you heard of the Faith No More?

That was a controversial thing the end of their film clip epic had a goldfish flapping around on the ground. It was very controversial. They said that they took it back up and it survived. But yeah, that was similarly controversial, probably 10 years earlier than this. Hey, while you're still running your answers, let's go for a quick break. All right, we're back at the answer. In for question number four. What is the name of number 23 for the Sydney Swans? in the AFLW. Hope Espenson,

Shelly Geloton, Cheryl Drillbit, Donna Runner, Zippy Fish, or Mrs. Moo-Moo-Chackland Sheepens. Back to you, Verity,

first up here. Hope Espensen, Shelly Geloton, Cheryl Drillbit, Donna Runner, Zippy Fish, or Mrs. Mo-M-M-M-Chaklin Sheepens.

Shelly Jelotin is such a good name. That's such a good name. I love it. So I, but I, I reckon drill bit's quite a, it's unusual enough to not be a funny enough answer to be a joke answer. So I think, I think I'm locking in drill bit. That could be damning. Yeah.

It's not funny enough, and anyone who submitted it is clearly very pleased with us. All right, Alastair, what do you think? Okay. I think Donner Runner is the, is, if it's a, a joke, it's the sweetest and subtlest joke. And if it's a real name, it's even funnier. So I'm going to go with what I want to be the truth. And I'm going to choose Donna Runner. Donner. Donner. Locked in. Because there was a football, there was a football club owner called Randy Lerner. So there are people whose names are silly. Yeah, silly names

do happen. I like Zippy Fish. Is that one of them? Is that wrong? Is that so wrong? That is one of them. I did like Zippy Fish. I think I want to go for the one I like the most. Yep. And I'd like the gelatin one and Zippy Fish. But Zippy Fish could be a real person. So I'm going to go Zippy Fish.

All right. Look, you're on Zippy fish. It's a nickname, obviously. Zippy fish, yeah. Is Australia one of those countries where you have to be on a name, your name has to be on a list of allowed names? There are some countries where, like, you can't just, like, call your kid anything. So, like, you're banned from calling your kid.

Like, you can't call your kid Amazon or, like, Lego. There are, there are some band names. So can you be called Zippy? As long as you can put an O at the end of it to make it into a nickname, it's valid in Australia. All right, so here's who wrote the answers. Mrs. Mumu-Chackland Sheepens, that was James.

Yeah, based on a real person. No further questions. To protect the innocent. Names have not been changed. Hope Espenson, that was Alast there. That's a beautiful nice. Is that a character from the book? No, I'm sure I was trying, I was, I'm losing.

So I wanted a name that evoked hope, but also sounded like a real person. So I thought, espoise, the French word for hope and hope. So I thought, double hope. I thought I had a chance. Oh, no, but it's like a double. And then all the other names were. Yeah, every other name was goddamn hilarious. And I didn't stand a chance.

Your Espinonsons were crushed. Yes. Shelly gelatin, that was the house. It was fun to say. So good. Internal rhymes off the hook. Was that from the coffee shop? That was also coffee shop, yeah.

It giveth and it taketh away. As a vegan, I would have preferred Shelley pectin, but. Cheryl Drilbert. Verity went for that. I'm afraid that was also the house. Burned. Now, Alice, they went for Donna Runner. That was Verity.

Oh, I'm there again. Oh, sorry. Dona Runner. Oh, I only just got it, Dona Runner. Oh my God, I didn't know. But it could be a real name. Yeah. Donor runner.

The Donner is short for. Because I thought it, in my head, I thought it was more of like a going down to get a kebab, you know, a Donna Cabab. I'm on a Donner Runner. I'm going to do a quick Donner Runner if anyone wants one. But it's Dunner Runner. Yeah, it's a glorious name. I mean, it's fantastic.

Thank you. I think the book number five has got a lesser great characters ready to go, including perhaps I mean I don't know this might be harder because it is a real name which James got it is Zippy Fish Zippy fish

Zippie short for Zipora So name's Zippoor fish But she's gone a zippy fish Another name I also have never heard of it But she's been Zippy Fish Apparently since she was a kid Zippy fish Did you know that James

No but I like that it was right I spent a season in Australian Winfrey's football You might have to get into this obviously made up sports. Yeah. Yeah. I was a trainer for it in Japan.

Yeah, it is. I mean, if you aren't aware of it, it's like, I'm sure it's been described about this before, but it's like the platypus of sports. Where if you don't know it, you're like, well, that's not real. It's got, well, it's, um, it's got a duck bill, right? But you know this? Platopuses are around way longer than ducks. So really, uh, ducks have platypus bills.

so there you go. Really? Yeah. So, yeah. I just, I'm going to stick up for the platypus. Beautiful animals. Are they venomous? They got venom.

I think the males have venomous sparks on their back legs. Are you telling me that the platypus reached its current state and then just said, no. Yeah. This doesn't need any improvement. We've done it. Nailed it. This is it. All right.

Question five. Penultimate question. Two people sent this in. Travis Alexander from Gulfport, Mississippi. Jacinto from Melbourne. And it is another Japanese question. Pretend you don't know it even if you do James this time. Yep, yep, yep, yep, yep.

In Japanese folklore, I thought, I mean, the fact that you're, I thought this was going to be your folklore question, but the fact that it's specific to Japan as well, anyway, in Japanese folklore, what is a Tornuki? What is a Tornuki? Can you just spell it? It is T-A-N-U-K. Oh, I.

Okay. And while you're writing your answers, here's some more info about Zippy Fish. According to Aisha, her actual name is Zipporfish, but it has been called Zippy since she was young. According to her player bio, 18-year-old Zippy Fish joined the club from East Fremantle and was taken with pick number five in the 2004 AFLW draft. The explosive midfielder has turned heads in a draft year known for a blistering pace after having only picked up the game just four years prior. Her story is a remarkable one,

having grown up in Newman, a town in the Pilbara, approximately 13 hours northeast of Perth. Oh, the score update going into the penultimate round, Alistair in one, House on two, James on three, but way out in front. Equaling all of us together on six points, it's verity.

That is unassailable, surely. Oh, no, it's safe. It's sailable. It's salable. Answers are in for. Question number five. In Japanese folklore, what is a tanuki? Here are your options.

A squid, but each of its tentacles is in the shape of a beautiful woman. A spirit in the shape of a young girl with an old woman's face on the back of her head. Sentient trees said to steal the faces of children who run away from home. A raccoon dog with a large magical scrotum that they can use. a tool, a drum, or even to fly or sail with, a spirit that resembles an unflushed toilet, when you reach for the handle, you are unable to let go of it and it tears off your arm, or a wind demon. All right, Verity, what are you thinking?

Is that winged demon or wind? Wind. Wind. Wind. Wind. Yes. Wind. Alistair, it's your turn.

So you got Squids Okay Squids Squid A young girl With a woman on the back of her head Sentient Trays

Trays Raccoon dog with big balls Big ball dog Unflushed toilet Spirit or a wind demon Let it be known That James is miming all of these I do have a mime for each of them

I don't think anyone in Japan Would ever leave a toilet Unfushed It couldn't happen So I don't Although maybe the demon in forces that um i am going to go with the um most amusing option which is testicle dog testicle dog locked in what do you think james i like a lot of these things i like that i want it to be

the tree that steals the kids faces yeah the run away from home yes it's sort of like a you know scaring kids straight. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just what happens if you're on away from home. Similar, similar vibe with the toilet. Yes. Scareing you straight to make sure you always flush your toilet. Yes.

You do get some odd ones. Someone with a face on the back of the head is good. I like big testicles and I cannot lie. Though, as the Mixelot once sang. you're going to go with the big ball dog I'm going to go with the big balled dog all right the big bald dog

the big ball ball L-L-E-D dog all right locked in that leaves you verity so we've got two big balled dogs that's right including James who you know lived in Japan maybe he

maybe he witnessed a big ball dog I'm going to go I'm going to go with the tree one because I think James explained it and that was potentially the lady protesting too much. Oh, okay. All right.

So going with sentient trees. All right. Yeah. Well, I also explained the toilet. I changed my hands. I believe it's been locked in. Here's who wrote the answers. A wind demon.

That was Verity. Poor show. Boom. I mean. Yeah. So it could just be a briefer way of talking about an unflushed toilet, I guess, which was James's. The squid with beautiful women tentacles. That was Travis, one of the question writers.

The spirit in the shape of a young girl with an old woman's face in the back of her head. That was Alistair. Sounds very Japanese to me. It does. Be really creepy. Yeah, we're wearing a hood normally and takes a hood down. Exactly. Sent trees.

now Verity went for that I was actually written by Jacinto one of the question writers they care of the house meaning Halcer and James are correct it is the big bald raccoon dog

if you'd like to watch Pompoco yeah Pompoco yeah see James speaks Japanese so he's pronouncing it correctly Pompoco as an English person would say

it's I think got too many testicle jokes in it couldn't get through it it's the only studio jibble film I haven't finished really I didn't know that it was traditional that the raccoon dogs have magic testicles

so I was just watching a kid's film and it's like after the eighth testicle-based joke I was like this is unacceptable put this off this is awful but it turns out it's Japanese culture and I respect it I'll never think about testicles in the same way

didn't they re-ed it for America and it's their tails they've got magic tail in the American release but in the Japanese release it's their testes is it the same you know in some Mario Super Mario there's a Yeah, like in the Tanuki.

Well, that is Tanukia. And it is the tail, isn't it, that helps them fly, not the balls. Not the testicles. Yeah. I think in the video game, they never did a testicle version. Right. But you can probably get it modded these days. No, you can go anything modded.

Things have gotten interesting with one round to go. The scores are now, Alastair on two, House on three, James on four, but still out in front of six points. It's fairity. Final round is. But things are getting interesting. Do you mean that things have stayed pretty much identity? No, I think... Slightly different numbers.

I think they're getting very interesting. Especially knowing that the final round is worth triple points. Oh, fuck. Yeah. So truly still anyone's game. And we always... Except me. No, including you.

Can I beat Verity? Triple points. And I can pick your answer. Yes. Oh, yeah. You could get... You could just absolutely dominate here. And it has happened where people have come from the clouds.

Come home with a wet sail, so to speak. A big testicle. shaped wet sail I've never heard any of these sayings come home with a wet sale is not a because I've said that back home and people have been confused by it I assumed it must have come from here

no I think you've made that one maybe it came from my household I'm not the way we're sailors come home with a wet sail like me you raised in a nautical househouse no like have gone go and see some

action and come back having been out in the I don't I just assumed a wet sale maybe goes faster on a boat, but I don't know why. Because it's slippier. Yeah. Your beard makes you look like a fisherman, but now I'm realizing you don't know. I don't know.

I really, no, I don't. I was really hoping you were all going to be like, yeah, classic. Classic saying that we all say, it's finally good to hear someone talk our language. But no, I've just found another place he doesn't talk like that. Maybe one day I'll find a place where you fit in. Yeah, but it's not here. It's not yet. I want to keep trying.

Keep sailing. Final question comes from Bracken Markens from Charlotte in North Carolina. So you need to write a movie synopsis for this one. And the movie synopsis you need to write is for the film, Ultra Christ. Ultra Christ. And while you're writing your answers, here's a little more info about Tornuki or Tanouki. According to Jacina, Tanuki, also known as Baka Danuki.

There are kind of tricks to animal spirit known in Japanese folklore as Yoki, the real life Tanuki or Japanese raccoon dog, are native to Japan and other parts of Asia, but are missing one key characteristic found on their mythical counterpart, giant balls.

Apparently also, even though they're called raccoon dogs, are not raccoons or dogs. Tanuki first began being depicted with big bollocks during the Edo period when woodblock painters began drawing these furry critters with a pair of plump scroat. The origin of the ample dangleberries is believed to come from the Tanuki skin

used by metal workers when making gold leaf. In Japanese, Kintama, gold balls, is slang for testicles. And so by association, Tanuki began being drawn with gargantuan goolies. Well, they're still writing. Maybe I'll go through some more banned Australian baby names. I'll just go through them all.

In alphabetical order. Admiral. Adolf Hitler. Anzac. Australia. It's weird. Why can't you call yourself Australia? Baron, Bishop, Brigadier, Bomb, Bonghead, brother, cadet, captain, chief.

Christ, Chow-Tow, Colonel, commander, commissioner, Commodore, constable, corporal, cyanide, Dalai Lama, Dame, devil, dickhead, doctor, Duke, Emperor, Facebook, father, G-bang, General God, goddess, Harry Potter, Honour, I should say, Ikea, IMac, Inspector, Jesus Christ, Judge, Justice, King, Lady, Lieutenant, Lord, Madam Mafia, Majesty Major, Marijuana, Marshal, Medicare, Minister, Mr. Monkey Nazi, Ned Kelly, Natella, Officer Osama bin Laden, Panties, passport, Pope, Premier, President, Prime Minister, Prince, Princess, Professor, Queen Ranga, Robocop, Saint, Satan, Scrotum, Seaman, Sergeant, Shithead, Sir, Sister Smelly, Snort, Soccerous, Thong or Virgin. I zoned out and thought that was more banned Australian names. Yeah, that is. That was, yeah, yeah.

You were correct. All right, the answer is in final question. All comes down to this. Triple points up for grabs. What is the plot for the film Ultra Christ? Small town Dr. James Chris has a secret. He's the second coming of Jesus. The problem is Dr. Chris lives in Ultra Connecticut,

a town founded by atheists. Laugh along as a son of God learns to live and love. people who believe he's just a myth. Option two. Ultra Christ, 2014, is a 3D independent movie in which Salt Lake City Realtor Jason Whitman becomes a Christian vigilante. Option three, solo spin-off from the Godzilla film, Godzilla versus Ultra Christ.

The gigantic robot Jesus protects the peaceful citizens of Nagasaki from the combined forces of massive Satan and Big Tim. Hmm, that sounds real. Option number four. Jesus returns to present day New York City to find what he can no longer, so find that he can no longer relate to modern kids. Working with a marketing guru,

he dons spandex and becomes the superhero ultra-Christ. Meanwhile, the Antichrist uses his position as New York City's Parks Commissioner to resurrect an army of infamous villains, including Adolf Hitler, Vlad the Impaler and Richard Nixon. Option 5. Christmas Eve, 1972, and the gasoline shortage has reached the North Pole. Desperate for ultra unleaded for his sleigh, Santa Claus must make a call he's been avoiding for centuries. Will Jesus forgive what happened with Mrs. Claus and returned to turn water into rocket fuel?

Or finally, what would happen if Jesus died and rose from the dead? a second time will humankind get things right the third time around only a rag-tag team of orphans can help him now oh i like that all right i want to see all of those films yes i would i would also watch that movie marathon what are you thinking um i got well there was the the salt lake city one yes where it becomes a superhero i mean this is obviously I mean, this is clearly Christian cinema. I think you merge in a few together there. The Salt Lake City one is where he becomes a vigilante.

Vigilante, the ultra-Christ. Yes. I like double Christ, where it comes back a second time with a rag-tag bunch. That's good. I like a rag-tag bunch. They're sort of like disciples in a way. Right. Yeah, I think that would almost definitely be 12 of them, wouldn't they?

Yeah, definitely. Yeah. Little Judas. To be clear, is it Little Judas? Is it Little Judas? Or is it Lil Judas? L-I-L-A-L-A-Postrophe Judas. It has to be Lil Judas.

He's adorable. S is a dollar sign. Like casher. That's ultimately what brings him down, isn't it? A bag of steam of that. So you're thinking, Ultra Cross, the vigilante? I think you had a Salt Lake City vigilante. All right, locked in.

What do you think in, Verity? I think it might be the first. one where he's a doctor. Yes. Oh, yeah. And the atheist. James Chris. Dr.

James Chris. Yeah. Living in Ultra Connecticut. Because that's the sort of like those are the sort of names they use in American like Hallmark Christmas movies where it's like my name is Mr. Tingle and he's called Chris. And it's like there's a. Yeah. They're a but full of like Christmas spirit.

So I think that's a pun name suitable. All right. Locked in. That leaves you else. I got to say they all sounded fake. Can I ask you for a recap? Yeah, sure. They all sounded completely not real to me.

So you've got the small town Dr. James Chris. That's Verity's choice. They've got the 3D independent Assault Lake City vigilante. Oh, I didn't know it's 3D. Oh. You've got Godzilla versus Ultra Christ spin-off. You've got the donning spandex and taking on Adolf Hitler, Vlad the Impaler, and Richard Nixon, who've come back from the dead.

You've got the Christmas one where Santa has to call Jesus. I like that. I like the backstory. I want to see the prequel. Yeah, based on, of course, the well-known rivalry. Based on infidelity between Jesus and Mrs. Claus. Yes. Yeah, so that's obviously a contender.

Or you've got finally the ragtag team of orphans who are trying to help us get it right the third time around. Apart from the orphans, the fourth one sounds like the most likely for a Christian film. And I'm going to think maybe a Christian would put orphans in it. So I'm going to go with the last one. Okay, locking in. Lil Judas. Little Judas. So good.

All right. Here's who wrote the answers. The spinoff of Godzilla versus Ultra Christ, including Massive Satan and Big Tim. That was James. I got stuck in a Japanese route. then we had the the Jesus and Mrs. Claw's affair. That was written by Bracken, the question writer,

okay, the housework. Nice work. Nice work. I think you should put that in an envelope and send it to yourself, Bracken. Yeah, yeah. You want to copyright that. Too sweet. Bracken also wrote the one about the small town Dr. James Chris.

I thought James Chris was a contender. Bracken. unstoppable It's the new Quentin Tarantino. What else do we have? We had, Alistair went for the one of the rag tag

team of orphans. That was Verity. You really have, you've really figured him out somehow. I knew those orphans made it slightly less plausible. I'm like,

what would Alistair like? James went for the 3D Christian vigilante Ultra Cross. was Alasd I thought 3D would make it more plausible I know

but I knew if I slipped Salt Lake City in there you might go for it I love a Salt Lake City I love a salty city but that means salty of the better sorry

oh no please I'm sorry that I slept on your salty riff there it's just getting a bit too but it means no one got the correct answer which was a superhero Jesus

fights Hitler Vlad the Empire and Richard Nixon. Honestly, it was between that and the other, because I think Nixon is such a specifically American thing that it made it believable that they were... Is he that much of a billion? He's up there with Vlain.

No, but it's like the way Americans think their writers are famous writers and they're always talking about people like Walt Whitman as if we read Walt Whitman in the UK. He's in Breaking Bad. Is he? No, isn't he the chocolatier? Yeah.

Take that, Americans. We don't know who anyone is. He invented Mr. Whippy Ice Cream. Wow. So things, I'll add up the scores. In the meantime, the movie, it's a very low-budget, small movie. Not enough critics on Rotten Tomatoes have given it a score. But audience into it, 75% approval rating. I'll give you one from each end. A five-star review reads, amazing film, absolutely hilarious, perfectly made. One of the greatest films of the millennium. Wow. The other end... It's quite early in the millennium to call it, really. Yes, because when did it come out?

I think it came out, yeah, very early in the millennium. Unless you think Christ is coming back so soon that there's not going to be that much of a millennium. It was 2003, it came out. At the other end of the spectrum, a 0.5 star review reads, I drank a bottle of vodka. and it still sucked. I am a fool.

So there's also a bit of self-loading in the end. It was so bad, it made them feel bad about themselves. Oh, gosh. But it did win, according to Bracken, it won the best comedy of the 2003 Philadelphia Video Festival. So there's that.

Is there a Christian, the Oscars? Oh, there's got to be, surely. Is it called the Jesus is? Yeah. The jeezies. The jeezes. We're up for a jeezie. So the final scores and things got very interesting in the end.

In equal third place on four points apiece, it's James in the house. Moving right up in the second place on five points, it's Alastair. Didn't lose. I didn't lose. No, you, I mean, you came in the top half. Wow. Not losing is in many ways better than winning, but carry on. Exactly.

but out in front on nine points it's verity oh nine points well played the sweet nines I mean as we say in the UK you really really let it from start to finish there as well just a dominant display thank you very verity for people who are looking for your book

where can they find it if they search the history of art in one sentence it'll come up but it's in waterstones if you follow me on Instagram there'll be more information about that kind of thing at Verity Babs art. So good. And yeah, you put on shows all the time as well. Comedy and art meeting in a beautiful meshing of worlds. Indeed. If you look up Art Laughs, we're at the National Gallery a couple of times a year.

We do improv gigs. Look us up. So good. Al Say, what about you? I'll be on tour next year. So if it takes you a while to edit this, it might be now. But if you edit it quickly, it'll be in the future. Yes. So in 2026, I'll be on tour of the UK. So there's no use for all of the people who live in Salt Lake City or Australia. And, yeah, but I think the books are out in Australia. They're definitely out in the States.

So the Montgomery Bond Bond Mysteries, if you have a child who is a precocious child. It's for, based on the names of the kids whose parents email me, it's for some, it really appeals to middle class kids. I'm getting some really posh names in the emails saying, you know, little Quentin loved it, you know, that sort of thing. Fantastic. And obviously, you're going to start. probably hearing from fully grown Australians saying so much of these.

And of course, Australian adults, yeah. Most of the emails are from Australian adults. Zippy loved it. And James? You can hear me on podcasts, Lawmen, with Alistair, and also another one called Rural Concerns, which is funnier than that sounds, yeah. I was on a lawman not too long ago, where you told me about Cambridge. facts. Yeah, lots of

Cambridge facts. I hope you used them when you were there on your tour. I told my folks were there as well and I told them about the lions that come at night or come alive at night. Yeah, there's some stone lions that come alive at night. So I told them to be wary at midnight

every night. Good. Because there are lions that come alive. And they managed to avoid them? Yeah, they are still alive. Then my work here is done. Fantastic. Thanks so much for joining us. I've been an absolute pleasure and cheers for tuning in to Who knew with Matt's show? Now that you know it,

I've been Matt's show it. Goodbye. Have you ever been to Japan, Alistair? I've never been to Japan. I would quite like to go. A big fan of Studio Ghibli, which I think is how you pronounce that. Yeah.

Time is nodding. You know. Yeah. What's the, I reckon I would really enjoy those movies and I've been told. You've never seen a studio? What? What would be the one, which one should I watch? Totero.

Totero. Alistair. You tell it. Well, I watch Princess Mononoke first, but it's a bit high fantasy, perhaps, if you, if you want to induction. I think spirited away is a great start, you know, because it's, they're right in the middle of Princess Monanochi and Totero. I got a long flight. coming up so I might download. Yeah, watch Spirited Away.

It's a cracker. Oh, they're all on Netflix over here, so yeah. Oh, great, perfect. I can offline them. Oh, big time. There's something about the animation style of them, though, that I find a bit unnerving. I find them a bit unsettling. They are unsettling.

I find them quite unsettling. But I find Tim Burton animation is quite unsettling as well. It's a bit juddery for me. Oh, like the stop animation-y sort of things? Yeah. You need motion blur. Without motion blur. your animal brain's like something's wrong here.

Yeah. This is like a spider. Or I need to not hear the music. I could do visuals without the music. So then it's like a bit juddery, but not so frightening. Or I could just do the sound. So Danny Elthman is to blame for that and other things. Google it, listener.

Oh, no. Oh, really? Oh, yeah. Sorry. Not Danny. James, you lived in Japan? Yes. Just to change the subject from being disappointed by our heroes.

Yes. Yeah, my wife's half Japanese. I lived in Japan for a year. Oh, sick. You probably know the answer to this one. Yeah, I do know the answer. Oh, I do? Well, you might ask you last then.

Yeah, maybe I'll ask you last. Or not. Maybe I'll do an elaborate fake out. Oh, my God. Wow. He's so good at this game. He learned Japanese just to win. Yes.

And basically, yeah, one of them spies out of the, when they've been a spy for so long, they forgot that they're a spy. A sleeper agent. Sleepy agent. That's me Sleeping Ancient Have you been to Australia?

I've not I've hardly been anywhere I've been to some places Yeah Japan? No I'm out of I'm out of questions

Next round I'll be a new place But you're so close to us So many countries You must have been to a few European ones Been to a couple of European ones In my time

Been to Into some of the British Isles Oh yeah He'd be in Wales. He used to be vague about this. Yeah. Mm. In case there's a later round in which it becomes very useful for me to not have been

somewhere. And then it turns out that I am fluent in Japanese. For round two, it was a red herring. You never know. Well played. I think there actually is another Japanese question for some reason. So, damn it. Oh, no, there is actually.

Oh, no. I love stuff like that. when it's like we think it's completely normal then you have a friend come over from a different country is like a friend of mine came over from Denmark and she was absolutely appalled and disgusted that we call them Mr. Whippies she was like why is it

who is Mr. Whippy and why is it called that? That's horrible. We've got me yeah we've taken that from you like a lot of things we have taken straight up from you, Mr. Whippies and but do you do the different song or America does the different song we do the one that goes dun dan dan dan the dan

yeah but in America they do like the entertainer or something. Really? Oh. Well, I don't know if I have been lied to all through my childhood, but I was told that Green Sleeves was written by King Henry the Eighth. Yes, I heard that. And I was told that Mr. Whippy was invented by Margaret Thatcher.

Yeah, I did also. I think neither of those are probably true, but they're both nearly true enough that you can tell people that. Because he did, I think King Henry did write a few tunes, right? He dropped some bars. Yeah. Or at least he got someone to and he put his name on it. He got into some serious beefs in his time.

It was a roast Roast King. Yeah, the mixtape the Pope released around that time was in Australia what do you call the game where you knock on someone's door

and then go away? Nick knocking. That's brilliant because in the UK almost everyone calls it knock and run or knock down ginger but in the northeast

where I'm from it's called Nicky-knocky nine doors which is another weird one that doesn't but that's quite similar to Nick Knocking. So it must have been some people sent

from where I'm from I reckon, and it just sort of got chiselled down. Presumably in the early days of Australia there weren't that many doors. It was just like one, one member of the British Army was the only guy with a door. Yeah. I've only ever heard it heard it called ding dong ditch. Ding dong ditch? What?

Is this a new round? I had knock a door run, which is quite prosaic. That feels like you're really explaining it for the first time to people. That was invented by David Cameron. I heard of a fun one recently. You know the game Duck Duck Goose? We get kids in a circle and you go duck, duck. And as soon as you say someone's goose,

they have to chase you around before you get back. But apparently in one era of North America, they call it Duck, Duck, Grey Duck. What? Which is real fun. But you don't even have a bit about goose. Gooses hadn't come out there. I don't know, yeah.

A lot's gone wrong in that country, though, to be fair. and that's one that's what that's one bit of it uh is that true well all wolves how at the moon i don't know maybe maybe most do and you can't generalize that could be i've not met all wolves all werewolves how not all wolves but many of the wolves do howl at the moon i imagine okay i'll accept that um hopefully the university is listening this bit will probably get edited out which university was it i missed that university of melbourne oh yeah i've heard of melbourne yeah melbourne cambra can camberra sydney yeah these are just some of the places in australia i've heard of how many can how many can you list probably three okay

probably those ones brisbane it's the third biggest city yeah i haven't heard of that one yeah yeah i have now yeah yeah perth yeah we have we've got a perth we've got one of everything yeah well i think we got our perth from your Perth. You've got your New South Wales that's in the whole

area. You've got, yeah, that's Sydney's state, which is, South Wales classic.

Yeah, you've got, yeah. O.G. What's, where's Tasmania? Tasmania's the little island at the bottom

or the big island, I guess. The second biggest island of Australia, I suppose. Like as big as Britain.

Yeah. Is that where Deadlock was set? Yes. Yeah, that was very good. I only know it for the

the, the, the cartoon devil and that is where the plane was flying in neighbours that crashed that time when there was a big plane fresh in neighbours. Harold also swept up there. Was that where the rocks were? Well, he fell off in Melbourne and he washed up in Tasmania, yeah. And joined the...

Lost his memory, became Salvation Army tuba player. Nice. Wait, he didn't pay the tuber before he fell in. Oh, maybe he did. I don't know, the sound of the tuber followed him around. Right. Like, it was his sort of light motif, if you will. When I lived in York, the big news for about an entire year

was that he had volunteered at the people's dispensary for sick animals in York for a day, the DSA. Really? Yeah, he was visiting. Actual Ian Smith? Yeah, the Harold from Neighbors. Wow. Volunteered. Good luck.

Helping out the animals. Well, I mean, it's a charity shop, so selling second-hand products to help the animals. and also I believe he worked in adult films in his young days I opened with the charity shop story that's like three these are all rumours yeah these are all just things I've heard

Margaret Thatcher invented it I'm not familiar with neighbours would his adult films be popular because I don't know who he is right he's yeah he's not one of the guys who you bought calendars of he's not one of the hot guys from neighbours but would he be popular in a niche way

there's a market for everything big time I like how you write some of your answers in all caps verity as well nipper nipper and they to be shouted yeah I think in future if any of them

are capitalised you have to shout them so we know that it's one of Verity's answers The book, will it be available like in Australia or around the place, or is it mainly going to be sold physically here? UK, US and Germany at the moment, so I don't know whether Australians have to get their books from the UK or the US, but. Always being left out. Soz.

Cheers. I did a, had guests, do you know the Map Men? They were on at the live episode in London and they've also got a book coming out. It feels like it's a big time for comedians making books. How many books you got, Alistair? Four and the fifth coming next year. Yeah, don't ask me.

That's awesome. It's incredible. It's almost as if nothing is getting commissioned on telly. What's your new book about? I've written four and a half. who done it's for kids so they're middle grade and murder mysteries

Oh my God Impossible crimes and locked rooms And that sort of thing Is it the kind of thing That would be all right for me to read? For an Australian adult Yeah absolutely That's because I love a murder mystery

Oh yeah They're quite funny I try my best with them I try to make it till the parents Enjoy reading them to their kids So have you created a Is it like a Poirot type Central guy that's in all

of them? It's a 10-year-old girl who puts on a fake mustache and does a bad impression of Poirot, basically. That's fun. Montgomery Bonbon is a character, but she does a, she does, like, a very, very vague accent that meanders all around and includes French and German and Italian words at random. So fun. But nobody can tell that she's not, nobody can tell that she's a 10-year-old girl. Everyone treats her as the detective. Have you had, I mean, what a funny what you're, you're saying, that books have been made, because TV, shows aren't getting commissioned. Is this, how you had interest that A bitter lack of success on the pitching front. Sure, but this feels like it's ready to go.

I agree. If any people who make films and TV are listening, yeah, commission it, get in touch. Holy shit. Yeah, I'd love to watch that. But if not, I'll read it. You just have to read it. I'll have to read it. You can use your imagination to visualize what would happen.

Have you done the audio book version? Yeah, yeah. And I mispronounce Freiline all the way through. because I thought it was fraulein, which is our American say it. Oh. It's freiline. What?

Yeah. So I've been, it doesn't matter because she's a kid. I was going to say. That feels as part of the character. And there's a character called Dana, which it turns out the British pronunciation is Dana,

apparently. I don't say. Oh. The only Dana I know is Dana Scully. So I heard it pronounced the British way. Yeah. Well, that's the, yeah. Another American American version of it.

But it's the same name, isn't it? Yeah. So I pronounce several words wrong. Over the course of the series. I want to know what Montgomery what does Montgomery Bonbon's voice actually sound like Montgomery Bonbon sounds like my middling impression

of David Cichet but wobbling around a little bit nice nice that's really good I mean I felt a little offence that you had to ask that you had a fourth book coming out man I've read them to my kids and they are very enjoyable and a lot of fun

to read the voice in that way because fortunately the race police aren't listening when I'm doing it. That is too long a quote for me to put on the front of the book unfortunately. And it mentions race police which is very fun to read and fortunately the race police aren't listening can't hear you. James Shakeshaft.

Have you got an audio version? We did. We went in to do the audio book but the problem is because the books laid out in like questions and answers in a single sentence. You can't really ever get into the flow. so it was like we had to do lots of takes and the same thing. And one of the questions at the end was talking about the young British artist

Sarah Lucas who made lots of sort of female figures out of like stuff tights and melons and fried eggs and stuff like that. And at one point I used the phrase cabab vagina anyone. And for some reason it took us about, I'd say 20 takes of this like very, very nice, very tired audio guy buzzing in to be like, can we have kebab vagina one more time?

So that's my lasting memory of doing the audio book. Yeah, yeah. That's fantastic. I should look up what coming home with a wet cell. Firstly, does it exist as a saying? And secondly, if it does, where it's from. I've looked it up before. That's funny.

It was in my search history. Oh, it's an Australian idiom, that's why. But it's funny that even Australians are confused by back home. coming home with the wet sail is an Australian idiom meaning to return from an activity with unexpected ease, success or much better outcome than anticipated. It originates from the sailing technique of wetting down a sail to increase its speed and efficiency by reducing porosity and keeping it close to the wind, allowing a ship to progress faster than expected. So a wet sail does go faster? Yeah, I mean, if you believe the idiom, and I do. um yeah how funny makes them less porous i don't think i've heard the word porosity before i didn't

realize that it's just filling in the pores i guess i guess yeah because the the wind would go cut through it a little bit is that what it but that's like why swimmers have to you'd think that with swimmers they wouldn't need to shave their body hair because surely it doesn't make that much difference but apparently it right they're quite first and they are wet That's true That's a really good point Thanks Is anything hairy

Is anything hairy, dry and fast Gorillas Oh Cheetah Yeah Not the platypus They're kind of furry And they

And wet And fast I've seen one go, they outfussed someone in the zoo once. Oh, and do they do also on land? No, they're just through the water. Okay. If they do, they get up on land.

They can do it all. And they've been doing it since pre-duck days. Yeah. This is Johnny Come Lately's. That's what they call the ducks. Do they make a noise? The platypus? Let me find out.

I don't know, but I assume it'd be something like, I think it might be horrible. I think we haven't heard it because you wouldn't want to. Oh, it's like there's a deer that sounds like screaming. Muntjack deer is a pretty horrible, yeah. One walk down our road the other night. I'm sure it was a Munk Jack deer. Me and my wife were both half awakened

and we were both arguing in our half-asleep state about what it was. She was convinced it was one of the children coughing and I had to go and, or child. choking, maybe even, and I needed to go and check. And I was convinced I couldn't remember the word monkjack, but I could remember the word beast. So I just kept saying, it's a beast. In the road, there's a beast.

I found a video on the Australian Conservation Foundation's website that says, what does a platypus sound like? Take a listen. Oh, yeah. I've got it on mute. Because I thought for a second, I'm like, okay, very funny. Okay, it's on mute again. I've unmuted it and then I press play.

Okay. Can I just show you so I'm not looking insane? Yeah. Unmute. Yeah. Play. It's straight to mute. Yeah.

It's like it's trying to. What a prick. It's because we shouldn't hear it. It's so hot. We're being protected. That's a summoning spirit. That is so annoying. I was feeling insane for a second there.

I'm so glad. Is that, you know, when you'd normally do that, you'd show someone and it wouldn't happen again. And they're, yeah, no, you are. You've lost it, mate. Oh, here we go. Yeah, it's worth the way? Yeah. Whatever.

I don't know. It's like he's been asked. It's a teenager who's been asked. Someone's asked at what noise the platypus is. On the things not working and then showing them to someone that they work, my father-in-law has a rare technical fault with his car where when it rains, the windows open. So he'll often come outside and his car, all the windows will be open because it's rained

overnight and his car will be full of water. He takes it to the garage. He says it happens every time it rains. And they can absolutely not find anything wrong with it and any reason why this might be happening. So he has to keep on taking this car back and then hoping it won't rain, but it keeps on happening.

That's, uh, yeah, that's the worst possible trigger for the window so open. Yeah. You assume it's probably, it's got someone who thinks it's doing the windscreen wipers. Yeah. Or it raises the windows when it rains for your protection.

But no, and he looks like he's making it up, but he's not. I've seen it with my eyes. Spray it with a hose He needs to take a watering can to the garage because that will make him look sane

Yeah, I'm not sure it does it every time though I'd have to get the mechanic to move in for a bit And he'll see Is this far to come for you guys? Yeah, I live near Oxford But I work in London so it wasn't I was not far

Because yeah, I live south-east But London being what it is like traveling across London is weirdly hard. If I were driving, it wouldn't be far. Are we in the south? Yeah. I came up from Southampton, but it's like once you get into London, then it's like, now I have to get across London.

But actually the Southampton to London is very easy. We were just on a train. Yeah. Than like a bus and a jump and a... I just walked, oh, I caught a bus. I just had some time to kill yesterday. And I just jumped on the bus. And I ended up at a train station,

which was near the Bowie. mural that you're talking about and then just jumped on the first train and then I got off at a station and then was walking and then the street was called Buckingham Palace Street or something I'm like that can't be and it was I'm like oh

that's funny well this is a small town isn't it really I like the way you told that story is if you'd sort of never really been to a place before you just wandered around with delight but it felt like that because I I really, I went, I just went around the corner, went to the cafe, hung out there for a bit,

was going to wander around, but it was piercing down raining. And a bus pulled up, I'll like, oh, I'll just jump on that. And then it really was like, I was just like a, you know, Mr. Bean wandering around or something. Just inexplicably drawn to the king. Yeah, that's right. That's delightful. The taxi company next to the train station where I live have now got, They've put up a flag.

Not the St. George's flag, so that's slightly more relaxing. But it is the union flag with a picture of King Charles and the words God save the king on it. It's real tasteful. It's a real quality piece of work. A lot going on there. Because you might think a real patriot would just put the flag of the United Kingdom and that would be that. It's a third. A picture of the king on it and the words God save the king.

Yeah. It's turned out real nice. As if it weren't clear enough. It's like you're really over-explaining to be like, I like the flag and this guy, and I'm going to write it as well. Yeah, yeah. And also, God save him. Yeah.

I'd like to think that he went in and designed that himself. I mean, oh, I've got another idea. It really looks like it's been done in like Canva. Nobody with an Adobe subscription has worked on this. It's all online free software. And he's listening to this podcast now being like, someone noticed it, someone noticed my work. Plus, someone save him.

When the queen died, it was a, It was, yeah, Sos. Oh, no, our queen. Yeah. It was just before the travelling fair came to town and they had similar flags, union flags with the centrepiece with the queen in it and it was like may she rip or something

and underneath it, they'd obviously knock them out. I'd then that was on the haunted house ride. I like the way, because when the travelling fair came to town, it's not clear if you live in Oxfordshire or the 18th century. No, it's the one with the whirlets and the drawing. It's the steam fair. I don't know.