Who Knew It with Matt Stewart - 172 - Kel Balnaves, Fabien Clark and Amber Berkelaar

Episode Date: December 29, 2025

Who Knew It with Matt Stewart is a comedy game show podcast hosted by Australian comedian Matt Stewart. Episode 172 features comedians Kel Balnaves, Fabien Clark and Amber Berkelaar!This episode was recorded live at Rhino Room in Adelaide!Support the show via http://patreon.com/dogoonpod and you can submit questions for the show!Check out Matt's new stand up special: https://youtu.be/ZgukEPerWZc?si=SW8PttGAB-ly_GF8And his last stand up special: https://youtu.be/cWStRpI-BhESee the podcast/Matt live: https://www.mattstewartcomedy.com/Check out Matt's podcast network: https://dogoonpod.com/Theme song by Evan Munro-Smith, Logo by Murray Summerville and edited by Connor Schmidt! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Welcome to Who Knew with Matt Stewart, the show, where the guest write the wrong answers. I'm the titular Matt Stewart, and my co-host slash score tonight is Amber Berkler. Welcome, Amber. Amber, it's so good to have you here. questions in the past tonight. You're in the show.

How does that feel? I feel a bit like Fabian. Yes. In what way? The show just started. Fabian hasn't spoken yet. Confused. You feel like Fabian sort of very quiet.

Our first guest tonight, Amber. I mean, you've just alluded to him. his Instagram account calls him a comedian dash hippie dash bogan it's Adelaide's own Fabian Clark Yeah

How good is this This is probably the closest thing To an actual game show That I've ever could be in Because you don't need to know The correct answers Apparently So I've never known the correct answers

So this is perfect You're the ideal guest It's so annoying when they know The fucking correct answer I'll tell you I'm furious Yeah I'd never make it as Tony Barber.

I couldn't think of a more recent game show hosts than Tony Barber. Tony Barber was a good reference, I thought. Oh, thank you. Amma, could you give me a point there? Our second guest tonight, in his own words, is tearing around like a blue-assed fly in a V.S. Commodore, it's Kel Belnaves.

So good to have you here, Kel. For people who don't know you, I think Fabian can... You're great mates, and Fabian, just briefly, can you tell the story of when you were driving and up the... Oh, yeah, we... Basically, I was saying before, the amount that we drove from Adelaide to Darwin and back again,

and then pretty much you just made a habit of fixing every backpacker's car along the way, and that seemed to excite you more than the trip itself. was the motors you encountered along the way. Feels like a Netflix series coming right. Lost in Laramarmo, too. Yeah. We did do that.

We fixed, well, I fixed a backpacker's car. I did, I temporary fixed it. I said, that's not going to last long. You need to go to Catherine and get that sorted. And I think she was trying to have a crack at you. I think she was attracted to you, and all you could care about was her engine being fixed. And she's like, oh, yeah, and you're like, no, but you don't understand.

understand your car's a bit fucked and she's like but uh monsieur le blah you're like no your car's fucked i was trying to say that in french yeah your car is uh oh you'll say yeah fucked yeah i think at one point she did in fact think we were trying to abduct her as well no no you just you i'll have no part of that well because i because we had with the show we was doing we had a poster of the show on the back of the car so i was she was like talking to us and i was like yeah we doing a comedy show, you should check it out, thinking that, yeah, her not really speaking English was going to be beautiful for our very Australian tones. And she was like,

not understanding, so I thought, I know what I'll do. I'll show her the poster on the back of the car, right? So I'm leading her to the back of the car where the poster is, and she's looking more and more terrified the entire way to the car. And I'm like, no, no, we're in the show. Check it out. And she's like, and Kelj is trying to fix the engine at this point. And I'm like, oh, no, look, look at the back of it. And then she was like, when she saw the poster, I think she was even more distraught, if I'm honest, but it was, yeah, fuck. But we, we fixed, we fixed, I fixed their car, and then you showed them the poster. Yeah.

And then they came to one of the shows. They did. And they sat there and they looked like they wished they were still broken down. I don't even think they made it to your set, mate. They, they watched my set and went, this is fucked and just left. We've not understood a word of that. Wish he killed us on the side of the road. Yeah, that's true.

All right, so this is the way the show works, Kelly. You'll probably want to listen up here. Yeah, I will, actually. So I'll ask a relatively obscure trivia question, our contestant. You're one of those, Kel. You have to write a convincing fake answer. I'll then read your answers as well as the real one, and a couple of fake ones of my own.

And then you have to guess which one's correct. So you're basically trying to trick Fabian into guessing your answer, but you're also trying to guess the correct answer. And ideally, if you can be entertaining along the way, that's a bonus. Can't say that. You know bloody email, did you? Put the mocker on now. But so we, I've tried to pick questions mainly from people who might be here tonight.

People have sent them in from South Australia. In previous live episodes, they've nearly never been there. And it hurts every time. But we'll try our luck again tonight. Well, I hope for your sake. Just, were there any French backpackers? Wee, we Okay

So, first question comes from Lobothal, South Australia I hope that's near here That's right near my joint So where are they Fuckers? You could carpool home Is Emily from Lobothal in?

Yeah It's happening All right Emily's question is In a viral video, a Polish man can be heard saying this phrase. It's a Polish phrase. And you've got, you just got to translate into English. Okay.

Ja. Well, that's probably more French. You got my head in France. Sorry, sorry. How do we get it into Polish? I'll invade you. I think I've got it, yep. Okay, good.

Jean-Pierdeau-Fatry. It's still very French. I got to invite you. hard. Yeah, Pyridol. Yeah, Pyridol, patricocos,

spackle clam, Bobber, Courage, Piradol, Jackie Bidal, Bobber. So you've got to translate that into English. So it's a, you know,

a sentence or two, you've just got to write what, there's a viral video and a Polish man was featured. What was he saying in that video? While you're writing those answers, I'll explain how the scoring works. Big round of applause for our score tonight. Amber.

Berkler. You're the first burkler of met, I reckon. Is Berkler Polish or where's Berkler from? It's Dutch. Dutch, pretty close. I think. They're in the same continent. They're definitely the same globe.

Yes, same globe even. Same hemisphere, they've got a lot in common. Yeah, so did you think that I kind of nailed that? It sounded pretty good to me. It sounded good, yeah, great. So Amber, this is how the scoring works. I didn't explain the game to the guests. I probably should explain the scoring to the scorer.

So they each get a point for each one they get correct. They also get a point for each one that the other contestant picks of theirs. So I also am playing as The House. and I've got two of my own answers in for each question so each of us conscript to two points per round which seems fair but the probability actually favours me the house which is why I've given you two triple points

in the final round to really probably swing things right back in your favour did you say behave oh yay it's trying to be supportive yeah I've never heard someone put less into a yay

than that. Oh, yay. It's coming from Mr. enthusiasm, I. To be honest, probably matching our energy. Yeah, I know. Okay.

Now, where did you message me? Oh, sorry, I haven't it sent here I guess. That's three mobile. Sorry, it's... You haven't won that yet, so that's probably why it's going a bit slow. All right, here are your options for question number one.

All right. How many sausage... Oh, well, let me repeat the... No, I don't need to repeat the... The question is, what does that Polish phrase mean in English? How many sausages are too many sausages? How many? I've been kicked in the head by a Shetland pony.

Our friendship has now been ended, Pony. Yeah, right. Classic friendship ending by hoof. Help, my car is fucked. I will now jump into the frozen pool from up here on the roof. Oh, no, ow. It's even more frozen than I expected. Damn you pool.

Or finally, holy shit, look what I'm. I met, a beaver, fuck. What a fucking brute. A beaver. Yeah, right. Okay, Fabian. There are your five options. Which one do you think is the correct answer?

Oh, well, I'm, I've got to be honest. I'm leaning towards the Shetland Pony one. It's just, yeah, I think the car, oh, the car's fucked. I think that sounds better in French. So, I'm probably. I'm going to go, yeah, I'm going to go the Shetland Pony one. All right, locked in. Yeah, thanks.

What do you think, Cal? I wouldn't mind the one where the prick jumps off the, into the pool. Into the pool. Well, no one said he was a prick, mate. Yeah. No editorialising, please. Sorry, we'll cut that out in post. You know, your name is a nightmare for, you know,

Victorians have, like, we don't say E's and A's right. We switch them. you're not, I want us call you Cal. Yeah, and lots do. Yeah, lots do from Victoria. I'll just point out where the fuck we are right now. Yeah. Yeah.

Sorry, so. You can fully have a go at me when we do this in Victoria right now. Sorry. This mob have my back. Sorry, Kel. Later, do you want to go out dancing? Yeah. Yeah, maybe we can play with some Lego.

Would you like to apply for a grant? I'd love to. Okay. Here's who wrote the answers. Help my car is fuck. That was Kel. Yeah, right. It's topical.

Yeah, I just do. It's not a good. How many sausages are too many sausages? How many? That was Fabian. Oh, it's good? Yeah, all I can think of with the word Polish was sausages. It's all like I think of.

So I was trying to come up with something else and all like I go, oh, sausages, ah, there's too many sausages. So that was actually more about what I was going through at the time. This game is a mirror. Fabian went for I've been kicked in the head by a Shetland pony. That was actually written by Emily, the question writer, aka the house. Well done, Emily.

You got me there. Very believable. Amber, that's one point for the house. And, well, let me tell you, it's two points for the house. because that prick jumping into the pool was also in a house. The correct answer is actually, holy shit, look what I met, a beaver. Fuck, what a fucking brute, a beaver.

See, the trouble was, you said it in French, and it sounds different. It sounds more like I've jumped into a pool when you say French. Yeah. So I do apologize for it. Ah, well, that's all right. So, yeah, I don't know, Amber, do you want to give us a quick score update there? Just coloring these all up? It looks like two for the house.

Two for the house, okay. I mean, you can go through theirs if you like. Kel. Yep. Zero. Maybe zero. Yeah, right. Oh, no, they do have your back.

If you're used to me for that. Yeah, yeah. Oh, okay. They found no humor in us not winning. And you know what? Fair enough. Yes. What is this?

Kickavik night? It's like... Not yet. That's the after party. I want to go find a beaver. Let's go find beavers. I want to be that guy. Yeah, that's a, well, there's a whole subgenre of viral videos that Emily has brought my attention to.

Yeah, we're Polish guys excitedly yell at Beavis. We are talking about the animals. I should clear that up. Gee, Liz. All right, the second question, I'm doubting any of these are in tonight, but three separate people sent this through to me. And they're three of the regular question writers. Emmy White from Tallahassee in Florida, Jim Bates from Sacketts Harbor in New York, and Kayla Hodwitz from Llemoin, I'm guessing none of you are in, are you? No, okay.

They wrote the following question, which basically is you just have to come up with a fake species of insect. You don't have to describe it or anything. It's just the name. And I know you're good at that, Kel, because your Instagram bio does reference a blue-assed fly.

Yeah. I'll be looking out for that in the answers. Yeah. While you're writing, coming up with your fake insect, Here's some more info on that beaver. Yeah, Emily rides, welcome to the world of Bobba Kerwa. Matt, it's pronounced Bobba Kerver.

Okay. I think I kind of stumbled on that. Oh, single clap. I forgot to bring the audience mic, so that might not have gotten picked up, but I heard it. the way someone starts at applause and they bail on one clap is that's the funniest two claps you're like

I know no one's getting on board but one clap they didn't even have a chance to find out if anyone else was going to join in they're like no actually I also don't want to he's pretty old he should be able to read

that's because that is what you're about to clap oh he read it no actually he should be able to do that Emily continues. It all started with a video of a man swearing and chasing a beaver in 2012, which has now been played 8 million times. Emily welcomes us all to enjoy the journey into memes of Polish men reacting to animals. Thank you so much for the invite.

Yeah, I went down a rabbit hole, a beaver hole. No, no, rabbit hole. We'll stick with rabbit hole. I think we might stick with rabbit hole there. So I'm like, do the Polish even have beavers? They did, and then they, like, they killed them all. But a Polish website says that they, beavers started immigrating back from Lithuania. Which, I'm picturing when, you know, packing their bags.

That's why we've got no beavers here is we traded them all for Polish people. Yes. That's what we do, sort of like a trade scheme. It's just all our beavers we give to them, and that's just kind of, seems like fair currency. Yeah. Polish for beefers. We went, look. We'll keep all the other weird animals that we have here.

Beavers will fuck them off. Yeah, yeah, specifically to Poland. Very industrious to the beaver. I think they'd make great immigrants. Trump put a tariff. Yeah. Trump put a tariff on our beaver exports. Yeah.

He does, yeah. I know, Trump, there's always been a friend of the working, our beaver. But, make the beaver great again, Maddie? Yeah. I think there's a joke in, in amongst somewhere.

Yeah. I can pick that out at home. Yeah. I really did a couple of sentences that weren't really formed, but they had a few ingredients that could be turned in to a joke by those listening in.

Well, someone more skilled than us. Sometimes you're just going to, you know, let them, you know, have a bit of faith that they'll do it at home and they'll fill in the gaps. Yeah, that's good. Yeah.

Hey, good on you. Yeah. All right. The answers are in for question two. Which are these are real species of insect? Here are your options. Gluttonous bronzing dung beetle. Stinger songwriter Jack Jumper Antenog.

That's good. Triple-breasted African wrestling beetle. Ember Mist Walker or the common cockchafer. Chaefer. Cockchafer, common cockchafer. So in reverse order, there you go, common cockchafer, ember, mist walker, triple-breasted African wrestling beetle, Stinger songwriter Jack Jumperantinov or gluttonous bronzing dung beetle. Fuck, I reckon I've been beaten by at least all of them, at least once.

At least? Yeah, yeah, yeah, absolutely. Maybe more. Jesus. Which one do you think is the most realistic? Because only one of these, I believe, is real. Unless one of us stumbled upon something. Yeah, right.

Man, I'm not even sure if any of them are real. Oh, okay. Or if they're all real. Okay. Well, I can tell you one of them is real. Okay. Okay. I can make that really true.

Yeah, okay, all right. So I'm leaning towards the, well, a dung beetle is a type of beetle, so that's a possibility. Yes. But then the... Dilutness bronzing, too. That paints a picture, isn't it? Sounds like it paints itself in its own picture. Paint me like one of your dung girls.

So maybe that, but was it a cock chafer? Cock chafer. Cock chafer. Common cock chafer. You can't have any uncommon cocks around there being chafed up. It's not chaf, it's chaf. Yeah, I'm going to go that. All right, you're cock chafering?

Yeah. And what do you think? I also think it's that. Okay, a couple of cockchafer's up here tonight. They are wearing very tight jeans, so that's... It can't be the three-breasted African one because if that really existed, I'd have a picture of that on my wall, I reckon. Like, that's not real.

The total recall beetle. Yeah. And you're the animal bloke. Yeah, I know. We once did a gig and Fabian spotted a massive beetle. Yeah. And he went and picked it up and bit this shit out. It did.

It really did In the middle of the air What was that? I think it was broken eel or somewhere It was Cobar Cobar yeah And then fucking bit the shit out of me And that's not the only time

I've been bitten by some You went back in for another guy Yeah I did It fucking bit me again And it wasn't any of the ones listed Well how many tits did it have Yeah that's what I That's what I mean

I counted them I think you had 12 It was covered in Taucom power All right Here's the answer Glutner's bronzing dung beetles Fabian And it's no wonder you were leaning towards it.

Stinger songwriter Jack John Brantinov was Emmy, aka the House. Emmy wrote in the notes, The pun is bad, but I'm not sorry. And nor should they be, that's good. Triple-breasted African wrestling beetle. That was Kel. Yeah, it was great.

Didn't fool anyone. You knew I'd be a sucker for that one. As soon as you put her third breast on an African beetle, Fabian will pick this. I don't know why even in Hindsight, I'm looking to go, why I was I got three? Ember Mist Walker was Jim, another one of the question writers. And that means you're both correct.

It is the common cock chaper. Yes. Yes. Yeah. Now, you were both drawn to it. Were you aware of cock chafers? No. I am now.

Yeah. I feel like I had maybe heard that and just, well, it was process of elimination. Yeah. I thought the other ones all could have weren't. I just thought the other ones weren't a beetle. Yes. And I just thought, wow, I bet you the reason this person decided to send this in

is because they knew that that was one. Yes. And they would, oh, ha, ha, ha, ha, they'll pick that. Sounds just like cock, doesn't it? Yeah. Yeah. Almost identical. Yeah.

Oh, yeah. Even spelled the same. But, all right, so that's a point to each of our guests, Amber. But I'll give them the next question, which actually comes from one Amber Berkler. Wee. Now, can I say where you're from? What do you know?

From South Australia. I didn't want to docks you if you didn't want to be docks. And Amber's question is, do you remember sending this question? Question Amber. What slogan was used in a 2012 campaign to promote Old Spice Cologne? Okay, so you've just got to come with... Do you ever done any marketing? You know, you're creative writers, right?

So you've just got to come up with a slogan from 2012 for Old Spice Cologne. Old Spice. All right, yeah. While you're writing your answers. Oh, maybe first let's get a score update because I think things have got interesting. We have Kel on one, Fabian on one, and the house on two. Okay. So they're still not getting cheered, but I am getting booed.

I'm like, geez, brutal. They're not even getting a cheer, but at least you didn't get a boo. Yeah, no, we're all in the pit together, aren't we? Yeah, we are. We're in the muck. All right. Here's some more info about common cockchafer's. According to Jim, the cockchafer is more commonly known as the maybug, may beetle, or doodlebug.

According to Wildlife Trust, the common cockchafer is also known as the maybug. That's when they often emerge as adults during the month of May. They are large brown, but this is very dull, I will. I'm like, as I'm reading, I'm like, oh, I hope no one's expecting this to go somewhere. We're just learning. In some ways, that's going somewhere, you know, we're going to knowledge. They're large brown beetles, and they spend their first few years of their lives as larvae underground. and they mostly come out after the sun has been set

and can be seen flying around streetlights and lighted windows. The common cock chaffer is the UK's largest scarab beetle. Congratulations. And that includes dung beetles and chafers. So it could work with the dung before. With its rusty brown wing cases, pointed tail and fan-like antennae, it is unmistakable. Is anyone else feeling horny?

And so it's got tail in inverted commas, tail. It's what it calls it. But apparently it's a clumsy flyer and makes a buzzing sound. I don't know. It just feels like I could fix it. You know what I mean?

Yeah, that was a weird thing to say. I appreciate that. All right, the answers are in. Kelly, you've got first crack this time. You're ready to go? Yep. Hands on buzzets, there's no buzzers. All right, here we go.

What slogan was used in a 2012 campaign to promote old spice cologne? Smell you later. Want to be irresistible to everyone? Layed on thick. Option three. Believe in your smell. That's cool.

I think that needs to. Yay, at the end of her. Option four, smells like a high school gym, but sophisticated. Well, finally, if you're going to stink, at least stink of old spice. Okay, hell, what are you thinking there? Well, well, believe in your smelfth gets an honourable mention. Okay. for being very good.

Yeah. I mean, the right answer is the only one that's been professionally written. Oh no, I guess we're professionally right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And we don't know. Yeah, well, that's right. Yeah.

So I'm going to go for, what was the last one, Maddie? If you're going to stink, at least stink of Old Spice. Yeah, well, why not? I mean, I can think for some reasons, but... I think that would be a better slogan, Old Spice. Why not? Yeah, that's good. Yeah, what else are you going to put on?

Yeah, yeah. You're half witch. Yeah, got anything else laying around? I don't think so. Put this on. Do you stink a bit? Wack that on, you'll be right. Yeah.

All right, Fabian, what do you think? Well, could you go through them again? Smell you later. Not that one. Want to be irresistible to everyone, laid on thick. That's the one. That one. That's the one I wanted.

Locked in. Yeah. Here's who wrote the answers. Smell you later. Do you remember writing this, Amber? I do not. Smells like a high school gym, but sophisticated.

That was Fabian. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, that's a good. Yeah. It deserves more. But yeah. Where was the spelling mistake?

Was it gym or sophisticated? It was high. Which I don't know. I don't want to like visually profile you, but that's the one I would have thought you'd get wrong. Oh, sometimes it's, it's obviously what autocorrect decided to do. Yeah. If you're going to stink, at least stink of old spice.

Kell went for that. I'm afraid that was the house. Ah, the house again. Fabian went for one to be irresistible to everyone. Layed on thick. That was Kell. Yeah. Oh, no.

And believe it or not, the real answer is believe in your smelph. Oh, piss off. Ah, how is that not still their thing then? Like, that's... I think it was only an American campaign. I don't think it made it out over here. Yeah, right. I think it could have done good work.

Yeah? Yeah. I wish I believed in my smelt. So, Amber, we've got a point for the house and a point for Kel there. As we hit the halfway mark, here's question four, comes from Karen Street from Aldinger Beach in South Australia Go on let him have it

let him have it Old dingh Oh my God She's written Aldinga Karen has written it phonetically too Aldinga

Yeah Not as good I think I punched it up Yeah Is Karen in? Well all it deserved then Karen's question is

What is the nickname of Major League Baseball Rich Hill. What is the nickname of Major League Baseball a Rich Hill? Rich Hill. All right.

Amber, do you want to give us a score update? Or, yeah? Yeah, so it's opening up a little bit. Okay. We've got Fabian on one. Give him something. Kel's made it with two now.

Doubling Fabian's score. But the hell's. house is on three. Whoa. I'm not winning any of them over. Not without Nghi, you know. The longer the show

goes, the less I believe in my smelf. Your answers are in. I mean, I can quickly let the... Oh no, I've got to actually fake something. Don't I forget that bit. Amber wrote that they wrote other slogans including smell better than yourself

and the man your man could smell like and also make a smell mitment which sucks which I guess is sucks on purpose but they also came up with Just Do It for Nike this combo so they're pretty epic and yeah

Michael Jordan actually sort of advertise that slogan I don't know if you know this fact about him but he he wore his high school shorts under his Chicago Bull shorts, which is

why I had to wear bigger baggy of shorts and that made big baggy shorts fashionable in basketball. Right. Yeah. Hey, while you're still writing your answers, let's go for a quick break. All right, answers are in. Here is question number four. What is the nickname of Major League

Baseballer, Rich Hill. Money Mountain. Beverly Beverly Oh, that's good that's good I love that wealthy mound

wealthy mound The big Aldinger Or Dick Mountain. See on some great options there. Dick Mountain. That was in the brainstorming session for Badging Mountain, though.

It's going to be big and brown. Oh, Dick Mountain. All right. Get into that ball pit. Fabian, what are you thinking? What? Sorry, I was just trying to think of a cool thing to say. There'd be nothing cooler than guessing the correct answer.

Yeah, it would be. It would be. You've got a couple of mountains, money mountain, Dick Mountain. You've got a wealthy mound. You've got Beverly and you've got the big Aldinger. The big Aldinger is, it's good. But I'm going to go with, oh, I want to go Beverly. but if his nickname's Beverly

Oh I can't be No, it won't be Beverly I'm gonna go Not Money Mountain That leaves the other one Wealthy Mountain or Dick Mountain I want to go Dick Mountain You want to go

I just want to say it This sounds good, yeah Dick Mountain Kel Do I also want to visit Dick Mountain frequent it regularly Mattie He comes over my place all the time

Ha ha ha ha ha That's weird That was weird That was weird I love your big Eldinger Why don't you start this engine What am I doing? I don't know

It's better when you say I'm French I want it to be the big I don't think it is. I feel like that was just your little callback. Yeah, it's almost as if I changed my answer at the last second. It's worth that. It was good. It's good.

I feel like I should give you a point just for that. You know what? You didn't say Beverly, did you? No, well, I'll have a crack at Beverly. Go to Beverly, all right. But what answer are you like? Bevo. All right, here is who wrote the answers.

Money Mountain, that was Fabian. Yeah. Wealthy man. That was Kel. You two were certainly in similar areas. Yeah. The big Aldinger was me. Truthfully, my answer was the big dinger.

I just added the Al. I'm like this. I really have to take the time. It's Friday night. So if anyone's playing degrade footy tomorrow, they want to call someone the big Al Dinger. I think we could get that happening. Yeah.

Kell went for Beverly. I'm afraid that was Karen. The question order. Okay, the house. But that means Fabian is correct. It is Dick Mountain. Whoa, yeah. Oh, man.

He's now my new favorite, whatever it is that he does. What does he do? Baseball. Yeah. Ah, Dick Mountain. I'm going to get a poster of him next to my three-boobed African Beatles. The two of them up on the wall together. Dick Mountain and the triple boob.

Apparently, he's the finish. Okay All right So point to Fabian And point to the house there As we move on On the penultimate question This also comes from Adelaide

Is Grace Brooks in? Yes It's happening tonight That's three from five Yeah That's good numbers Oh think so Yeah

Hey For South Australia it's not bad Yeah Grace's question is What Oh my God This plays right in your hands It's a French question.

I try to say French in a French way. And I think I nailed it. Just try to do it in Polish. That seemed to say it really, really French. So the question is, what is a common prank pulled in France on the 1st of April each year? They've got a special 1st of April prank

that is very common over there. What is that prank on Francie? Oh, all right. No, write it in English While you're writing around There's more info about Dick Mountain Which is what I called Mount Panorama in the 90s Because Dick Johnson, honestly

The way he was That's really a reference for not many people Heavy sports rights When Hill was a starting picture For the Boston Red Sox A former teammate of his Brock Holt thought it would be hilarious

to switch up the name Rich Hill to Dick Mountain I think everyone's figured it out Dick instead of Richard Hill turns into mountain it's actually

pretty good stuff and much to Hill's dismay the monica stuck with him throughout his career over time he started to embrace it in 2018 he even had

D Mountain emblazoned on the back of his jersey but apparently he's held some sort of records According to Karen, he's one of only two baseballers, oh, sorry, just resetting the brain. According to Karen, Rich Hall is one of only two baseballers to have played for 14 MLB teams. The teams he's played for are Chicago Cubs, Baltimore Orioles, Boston Red Sox, Cleveland Indians, now Guardians,

Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim, New York Yankees, Oakland Athletics, Los Angeles Dodgers, Minnesota Twins, Tampa Bay Rays, Mets, Pittsburgh Pirates, San Diego Padres, and in July of 2025, he pitched two games for the Kansas City Royals before being released. He's played during each MLB season from 2005 to 2025 and was the oldest active MLB player in 2024 and 25. I've got a new nickname for him. Yes. Cust at arm.

Oh, yeah. How many did he pitch? Two games. Two games. and then he moves to another club. Geez, he works hard, doesn't he? Do the other clubs not know what he's like? Do you know what I mean?

They're not figuring it out, you know? Guess what, we're getting dick mound over here. Yeah, he's coming in. Your beauty, he's going to take care of two games. And, yeah, Karen Wright, despite having played for so many teams, he never won a World Series or a... Because he keeps moving gloves. It's weird how the ones are for he leaves them,

certainly a more... in the picture. It's like he fucks him over. Yeah, I don't know. Or is it, you know, American sports just and have a lot of loyalty, I don't know. I genuinely don't know, is that? I'll just be getting him in for the nickname.

Just like, imagine that, you could market that on a shirt. Yeah. Dick Mountain. Yeah. Sell them like hot cakes, two games, and he leaves. You sold the shirt, she bade your money back. Yeah, you're right. You know what I mean?

You're good of business, huh? You don't look like this. if you're not good at business. All right. Answers are in. It used to be how he started your sets, too. Yeah, it did. Have look at this guy.

I bet he looks like some kind of business man. What was funny about that is that I didn't. I didn't look like this. Answers are in for question number five. What is a common prank pulled in France on the 1st of April each year? they dress up as clownish versions of authority figures to mock them. It's option one. Option two, they fake cutting their fingers off with tiny guillotine.

Three, they cut small holes in married friends' contraception, and any couples who end up pregnant are called April Fools and their children are shunned by society. Option four, they're polite to everyone. Or finally, they stick pictures of fish on people's backs without them knowing and then they yell, April fish. Kell, what do you think? They're all very cheeky pranks.

There's a lot going on there. So you've got clowns, fake guilletines or guillotines. You've got Ruinning their dingers, their old dingers, condoms. You've got, be polite, or you've got April fish. The contraceptives one,

that's pretty brutal. Imagine finding that out. Hey, that's probably how I got my kids. Turns out, all my kids have come from a French practical joke. Any kids born in early January? Yeah, they're done. Yeah, that's it.

In France. Yeah, yeah. It's a long wait for the payoff too, isn't it? Yeah. Imagine that. Just waiting, looking over there. Ah, ha, ha, ha, I'll get him to. Ha! ha!

So are you locking that in? No. It's just brutal. Can you just, what was the clowns one? Dress up as clownish versions of authority figures to mock them. Yeah, and what was the guillotines one? They do, like, they pretend that their fingers are being cut off by little guillotines. You wouldn't want to mix that up with a contraception.

Well, there's no sure a way to contracept, I guess. We'll put a hole in the fring. Yeah, oh, wee, wee, oh, no more we, oh. I will have the dress up as clowns. I'll have that. Locked in. What do you think, Fabian? Well, that's the one I was going to pick.

You can still pick it. I know, but it doesn't seem as fun that way. Like, if you pick it and I pick something else, and then they get to be, oh, you dickhead picking that. Whereas if we both get it right, like... They're on our side, because they're so the Australians. They're just against him. Yeah, all right.

This one... This episode won't poll well in the Eastern States. Yeah, right. I would say, though, Fabian, it could have been a house answer, and you would then deliver all the points of the house. Yeah, that'd be so silly of me as well. Yeah, you're right. So we got the tiny guillotine.

We've got the dressing up as a clowns. You've got being polite, you've got April Fish, and you've got holes in the condoms. Yeah, right. April Fish is leaning out to me as a possibility. I'm going to, you know what? Let's go April Fish. Locked in.

Yeah, April Fish. April Fish. It's fun. I'm sure. It's fun. Have you ever seen those French Canadian prank shows? They're fun. It seems like one that might be on.

Yeah, April fish. It's either that or like a woman's got low cut top on. And Anna's making guys, you haven't seen. Oh, look down at the top of, yeah, they repeat. With the sound effects. Yeah. It's funny. Okay.

Funny. They like entrapped perverts. It's funny. Yeah. That's actually my biggest fear. He used to being trapped like that. All right, here is, who are the answers. And I'm going to read, it's the one about the fake gear teams,

but if I could read it as written. No, please don't. It was Fabian, and it was written as they fake cutting their fingers off with tiny gelatines. I tried to write guillotine 37 times. I was hoping autocorrect was going to help me out, and it did, and I just went, ah, I just sent it. If you're all back to tape, you'll hear me pause. for a second.

The holes in the condoms, that was the house. Being polite to everyone, that was Kel. That was biting stuff. It's a bit savage, yeah. I apologize. But, you know.

Kel, you went for the clowns. That was the house. I reckon that is a true thing somewhere. Maybe. Yeah, well. There's something like that that they do somewhere. Yeah. Maybe in France?

Or on another day? No. That means Fabian is correct. It is April fish. What? I don't even believe that myself. Do they say it in English or? No, they'd say la virile, no, poisson la virile.

Something like that. I've only ever seen it written down. That's... Does anyone know how to say it? Oh, that was right. What? Is that a French? Is that a French person?

That feels. It feels strange. Yeah. You're quite good at it. I can't believe I picked that wrong. I'm still in shock. It's like, Fuck.

April fools. I'm waiting for you to pull out a big fish and just slap me in the face it. All right, final question. So we always finish with a movie synopsis question. So just gives a short movie synopsis of this obscure film. This question comes from Adelaide in South Australia. is Alan Cashion in tonight. Yes.

Alan's question is, what is the synopsis of the 2021 film Cop Secret? Cop Secret. Cop Secret. Robes Secret. So Amber, the score to the house there and a score to Fabian.

But you've got triple points as well. Do you want to give us a score update, Amber? Okay, we've got Cal. on two Fabian with three and the house is on five I thought we might have turned a corner there but

thank you so much Amber can I just say you're doing a tip top job round of applause for Amber But Amber, can I tell you a bit more about this French prank? Please do. This is according to French Moments.E.U. I mean, man, they're having fun with this. I reckon it's a French person writing it, and I love it.

Here we go. April Fool's Day is a big hit with French children, right alongside the Easter celebrations that come with springtime. I'm reading it in the tone I think they wrote it in. In France, April Fool's Day is a time for lighthearted mischief and no one is truly safe. Whether you're a child, a parent or even a teacher, you'd better stay alert

because being the victim of a silly prank or unexpected joke is almost a national sport on that day. Children take the lead, of course. It's their perfect excuse to let their imaginations run wild and play harmless tricks on everyone around them, parents, grandparents, teachers, neighbours, even the postman. Adults often join in the fun too, making it a day full of laughter surprises and shared giggles across generations. A clever pan, a little prank or a well-placed whoopee cushion.

Anything goes as long as it's in good humour. In France, on the first of... Sorry, France you say here, sorry. In France on the 1st of April, it has a very particular flavour. It's not just about... It's also about fish. Yes, really. The day is affectionately known as Les Poisson d'Avril, April fish. And the most iconic trick

involves secretly sticking a paper fish onto someone's back, then shouting Poisson d'avreel, before running off in delight. If you're in France, that day, you might want to keep an eye on your back. The exact origin of the tradition remains a bit of a mystery. Some say it dates back to 1564

when King Charles, the 1x, 9th, decided to change the start of the year from April 1 to the 1st of January. More on this below. People who clung to the old calendar became the target of jokes and were even given fake gifts, including, ellipsis, fish.

Others link the symbol of the fish, to Christian traditions, notably the it's used by early Christians in Roman times. Whatever the roots, the fish has stuck. And so is the tradition. Everyone must pay attention on 1st of April to avoid being victims of practical jokes

and general foolishness. It is the ideal day for children and grown-ups alike. They're padding, definitely. It's a great opportunity to tell funny jokes to those around them. Then they list basically the same kind of people, including family members, friends, teachers, neighbours, colleagues at work, etc. Believe it or not, the New Year in France once began on the 1st of April. They did say they were going to tell us more below.

Here we go. Hard to imagine now, isn't it? But back in the Middle Ages, that was the norm in many parts of Europe. Things changed rather abruptly in the mid-16th century. In January of 1563, King Charles, the 9th, a monarch not particularly known for his sense of humor, decided to tidy up the French calendar. His proclamation in Paris set out a clear goal. From now on, the year would begin on the 1st of January,

bringing France in line with other parts of Europe that had already adopted this idea. Now, here's where the story gets more colourful. As you can imagine, not everyone was thrilled with a new rule. Changing the calendar might sound trivial to us now, but at the time it caused real confusion. Think about it. It's like telling people that from now on Christmas would be in July. You'd raise more than a few eyebrows, wouldn't you?

So many people just, Elypsis, kept celebrating the new year around the same old date. First of April, either out of habit or quiet rebellion. Others eager to follow the King's orders and appear more modern, in inverted commas, began mocking those who clung to the old ways. And how did they do that? By playing tricks, of course. Leaving fake gifts, sending out invitations to non-existent parties,

and even offering presents that made no sense at all. It was all a bit ridiculous. And it stuck. One of, have you finished? Yeah. Okay, answers are in. It's like having massive ADHD playing this game. Because you just involve doing something

and then you're just back in the room. Yeah, I've got no idea what he was talking about. Yeah, I have no idea. I don't think he had any idea. Yeah, well, all I could feel is that everyone was bored and I felt like I wasn't responsible, but also I hadn't sent me answer in yet. So you can't, yeah, in a way you were irresponsible.

So maybe I was, yeah. Just to cut a long story short, they reckon that the prank was that fish was allowed in Lent or something like that for Christians. And then something like the people who are still celebrating New Year's on April, they were joking like, oh, yeah, that's, yeah, New Year's when we give fish. Here's a fish. Because it's New Year's, you fool.

Yeah, right. She wrote it better. All right, the answers are in for the final question. Got him good, he'll be stinging from that. What is the synopsis of the 2021 film Cop Secret? Here are options. Small town cop Brandon discovers his local police chief is corrupt and has been using the local strip club as a cover

for his illicit dealings. Unfortunately, the only way Brandon can reveal the truth is by revealing he himself has been a visitor to the strip club against his strict religious upbringing. It's option one, option two. Brian, an inner city beat cop has a secret. He's not a real cop. He's a horse.

He's a horse who is dressed as a cop. Who used to be a race horse who threw a race and the mafia is after him. So what better place to hide than as a cop? That's option two Option three It's a thick mountain of horses It's jump size I think that was his race horse name

Busy is a cop Who doesn't Put his old bussy in Bussey is a cop Who doesn't play by the rules But gets the job done In crime riddled Reykjavik After a series of bank robberies and shootouts

He has partnered with a pansexual model Slashop named Hoarder as they fight an old modeling foe named Ricky Ferrari as they work together Busy discovers he may see more in hordeur than just a professional relationship

partnership option four prepare for action comedy and romance this April as retired traffic cop Grant Rockhard goes deep under cover to solve the mystery

of the Bastille Day murders Sacrableur Or finally, Tammy flirts with constable Philip To get out of a fine But discovers that what was once just faux flirting To get out of a ticket Is something far more serious And she begins to purposefully be pulled over

To see him, much to the chagrin of her husband Okay, Fabian You've got a small town cop Who's at the strip club You've got the horse who's pretending to be a cop. Yep. You've got the Reykjavik cop

who falls for the model cop. Yep. You've got Grant Rock Hard. And you've got the Tammy who gets pulled over so she pulled, pulled over to pull off. Yeah. Doesn't say that, but that could be like...

Yeah. Yeah, that sounds... This summer, Tammy's been pulled over. Yeah, yeah, no. Say it. No, don't say it again. I'm going to go with, I think I want to go with the small town Stripper Cop one. Okay.

Yeah, Stripper Cop one, please. Locked in for Fabian. Yes. Triple points if you get it, correct. Kel, what do you think? I don't want to see any of these. Any of them. I really want to see some of them.

How does this horse pull it off? Yeah, actually, the horse was. Sammy pull it off. The horse was... Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Is that locked in? Yeah. No, wait. Hang on. Let me say who wrote the answers before you give anything away. Yeah, I won't give any one. Yeah, okay.

Oh, did you write it? I'm not saying that. Oh, you wrote it. I'm not saying, I didn't say that. Here's who wrote the answers. The one about Tammy who gets pulled over on purpose. That was Alan, the question right, aka the house. Hey!

That's good. The one with Grant Rock Hard. That was Kel. And so you said you kept drifting into what I was saying, which was all French stuff and I think it might have seeped in. Yeah, yeah. I just went, I'm just calling back to...

Yeah. Didn't work though. Fabian went for the stripper cop. That was also Alan. Wee. So another point for the house there, Amber. Kel went for the horse cop and that was Fabian. Yeah.

So I'll explain how he pulled it off. He simply had a moustache with one of those funny noses on, right? That and a police badge, nothing else. That's all he had. That's all he had. He wasn't even pretending to be a horse cop. He was just a full human cop he was pretending to be. Yeah, yeah, no, no, yeah.

What do you mean? Yeah, like, no, he was legitimately, yeah, he was like, oh, pull over, Tammy, oh, whatever. Oh, no, no, whatever. Was it in your mind animated? No, no, live action. Yeah. Hang on, Kel's got a call.

Sorry, I got to. Oh, yeah, good-day Steve. Yeah, I'll put him on. Yeah. It's Steven Spielberg. Yeah, no, we can genetically organize the child of Macaiby Deba to play the cop.

Say hello first. Just say hello. Somehow you missy old Macaiby Deva out loud. You couldn't spell Macaibaldi Diva, but you have climbed that statue. I have climbed the statue of Macaibu Diva. I will tell you, listeners in here tonight will know that I'm absolutely flinging rocks from a glass house. Making fun of your spelling and pronouncing it. Yeah, I can't spell.

I was going to write moustache in my answer, but I couldn't spell it. I was going to write the start. That is a rough word. It's a rough word. I couldn't do it. So that means the correct answer was with, You know, the pansexual model cop and the badie called Ricky Ferrari, et cetera.

That one certainly sounds like it would get funding. Yes, that's the real thing. I think I watched that on SBS twice. Yes. It's an Icelandic buddy cop parody film. Yeah. And it's got 85% approval rating from critics on Rotten Tomatoes.

Yeah. But nearly no positive reviews. Very confusing. Anyway, so that's it. That's triple points of Fabian, a point of the house. And I'll come to you for a score check in one second. And I just quickly, a review from Lawrence Boyce says, this warm-hearted cop spoof is an uneven but riotously entertaining ride.

All right, final score check, please. Amber. They're easily done here. Cops, poof. Say spoof again, you'll get them. What's wrong with spoof? Woo! Okay.

So the house doesn't get triple points there. No, just single point at the house, thank you. All right, Kel has finished up with two points. Three. Well, you just got three, so you've just overtaken me at the end. This is the only time I think of ever beat you at anything, which is not the same I have yet, but I feel like I'm on. No, I think you have.

Unless Amber's moving off the match. The traditional lowest, the highest. Yeah. Might be mixing things up. We'll find out. No, well, by the very rules, you get three for the last one. He got it right and I didn't. Yes?

Yeah, he's got three and I've got. Well, you know who I reckon can put this out of any doubt? No, no, we don't need him. I've figured it out. Well, if you don't mind, Amber's on stage specifically to do this role. If you wouldn't mind letting the only woman on stage speak a word. Sorry, Kelly, you might not know this, but I'm actually a feminist. No, you're a good ally, mate.

We have the house with six. And Fabian with six. Whoa. Holy moly. Holy moly. Equal champion, Fabian. Whoa. Fabian, the house, sake it out.

Big round of course for Fabian. A big round of applause for Cal. Cal, where quickly, where can people find you? They turn around, right? Where can people find details or if you're coming to their town? Yep, on my website, kelbalnaves.com, or my socials, which are Kel Balnaves, in French. Fabian, what about you? Yeah, you can, at Fabian Clark on Instagram or the other ones.

Or maybe I'll just put pictures of what I'm doing on the back of a car and I try to leave. A little French tourist to it That's pretty much what we do I'll have him on the back of my car Just massive horse dick mow Yeah Amber do you have anything you want to plug No you can find me in South Australia

Yeah The beautiful state Before we go Thanks for listening And as I always say Cheers to tuning into Who Knew with Matt Schild Now that you know it I've been Matt Schill

Bigger of it round of applause for all our guests This is the kind of audience that won't give you anything unless it's being recorded. So you're going to hear on perk up for me. So I'm going to start the show, right? And then when I do you cheer and then we'll keep it going. But yeah, you're going to have to, you have a phone. Please tell me have a phone.

You didn't tell me that. I've got a quartered, like, road tree one. Do you want that? You're going to have to text me answers. All right. Well, that's going to cost me 25 cents ago, isn't it? I'm on prepaid here, you bullshit artist. All right.

I'm contributing to Telstra. Great. Well, there was, you know, I hadn't told you, but the prize tonight is a three mobile voucher. So you might be video calling in 2006 by the end of the night. Will I work on my flip phone? Oh, yeah, shit, yeah. All right, you ready?

Let's begin. You ready? Do you want me to text back my answer? Yes. For the most part, I will say that you can audibly respond. It's just the answers. Okay. Yeah, specifically.

All right, here we go. Understood. Have I lost control of this? Yeah. It's happened before we began. Okay. And don't worry, I am already connected to my hotspot. I'm doing something else right now.

I'm going to dial up internet at the Rhino room here. Don't worry about that. Here we go. Cut this bit out. This, but yeah, from your memories. Ideally, enough beers tonight. You know, have one each colour of Coopers. I've found that that will give you a...

You know, it adds up to a blackout. If you mix them all together. I call it a traffic light. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You got purple ones over here. You go red, yellow, green. Odd order. Yeah, sparkling ale, stout, pale ale.

You know they've now got blue, orange. You've already said that. Purple. Doesn't matter. All right. But none of this is in the show. I'm the titular Matt Stewart. My co-host slash score tonight is Amber.

I did. I checked the tricky surname. But forgot to ask Amber. How do you say that? Connor, please edit that out. Connor's the editor. Don't worry about it. And did you know this, Kel?

The Chicago Bulls were formed in 1966, the same year the Saints won their one-only Premiership. A couple of... Well, I... They're playing right now. Oh, really? It's bad. Is it bad? No.

Well, that is bad. I won't say anything, but I'm just going to have a little look. Maybe my next answer might have. It's not too bad If they just believe in them smell They just need to make a smell mitment They just need to make a smell mitment I'll touch the sign in the room

It's about smell mitment It's at the moment they stink We're playing for picks Not too late to tank So Hey while you're still writing your answers let's go for a quick break. I'm just joking.

Well, I'm not joking. He's loading up, K.O. Put the volume down. They haven't written their answers, and I'm like, I've got nothing left written down. So I go, oh, here? Oh, no. Okay.

That didn't. And neither did, you know, the explanation definitely paid dividends, though, didn't it? Don't want to leave anyone behind. Keep you in the loop. What are you up to? How you feel being up here? Is this, because you would already bought a ticket before I asked you to do this,

which I will, of course, refund. But are you kind of wishing you were sitting at the chair over there? Are you happy up here? It's very bright up here. No, no, it's all right. I'm all right. I think you're killing it. So far, you've got all the numbers right.

Absolutely smashing it. Yeah, yeah. Cheers out. Honestly, Amber, your tone there would be a great lesson for that yay guy from the point. Yeah. You really sound like you wanted to be here and that made me feel good.

Yay. That's good. No, I've got, I quite liked my answer. I'm not saying that my answers, I think, if anything, I think Old Spice might come calling after this. Yeah, there's a spelling mistake I'll fix, but yeah, it is pretty good. Yeah, good.

Good. It is pretty good though. Are you a Cologne type of guy? What are you? Just have a look at me, mate. I know. Don't tell me, Link's Africa. Yes.

Yeah, I just spray that in the dreadlocks. That's what I do.