Who Knew It with Matt Stewart - 184 - Reuben Kaye, Mish Wittrup and Ben Russell

Episode Date: March 23, 2026

Who Knew It with Matt Stewart is a comedy game show podcast hosted by Australian comedian Matt Stewart. Episode 184 features comedians Reuben Kaye, Mish Wittrup and Ben Russell!This episode was recorded live at the Rhino Room, Adelaide!Support the show via http://patreon.com/dogoonpod and you can submit questions for the show!Check out Matt's new stand up special: https://youtu.be/ZgukEPerWZc?si=SW8PttGAB-ly_GF8And his last stand up special: https://youtu.be/cWStRpI-BhESee the podcast/Matt live: https://www.mattstewartcomedy.com/Check out Matt's podcast network: https://dogoonpod.com/Theme song by Evan Munro-Smith, Logo by Murray Summerville and edited by Connor Schmidt! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Welcome to Who Knew with Matt Stewart, the show where the guest right and wrong answers. I'm the titular Matt Stewart. Our first guest is touring the brand new solo cabaret comedy show Hard to swallow its first time to the show. Ruben. Kay, welcome, Rubin. Thank you for having me.

Do I have to say, do I do? You're great. You've absolutely nailed that. Right, see ya. You did wonderful, honey. It did so well. Now, second guest this week is the show's official villain. He's performing his new show,

born at the Melbourne International Comedy Festival. Ben Russell. Honestly, you've said that I've rebranded like two or three episodes again. Yeah, but everyone's still aware. Yeah. The villain in season one, you still remember in season four. Yeah, but now I'm a bad boy with the heart of gold. Oh.

Yeah, I know, but we know what you're capable of. Yeah, well, that's what makes people so excited. What are your other organs made of? What other special precious metals are your organs made of? I got a lot of lead in there. Titanium balls. Just titanium scrot. I got a white gold prostate.

It's valuable. The prostate is like chalk. For more the fucking. And our third guest's week is the show's hero touring her show. Not as good as I remember up the East Coast of Australia this year. It's Big Wet. I'm the hero? I think so.

Oh, fuck. Yes. I love that. The people's champ. Oh, God. I feel good. She was this morning. Yeah.

Thank you very much. So the way the show is. Showworks is ask a relatively obscure trivia question. Our contestants have to write a convincing fake answer. I then read their answers. Well, as everyone left, I guess which one is correct. The first question comes from Brad Null from Newport in Sydney, and the question is, what is the definition of the term Barbarhala?

Barbarhaula. Barbarhaulah. Can you spell that for us? B-A-R-B-E-R-H-A-U-L-E-R. Barbe-H-A-R-B-A-R. And while they're right in their answers, I'll explain how the scoring works. at one point if your fake answer is guessed by the other contest and another point if you correctly guess the answer and by the way I'm also playing as the house and I'll put into a moment fake answers

for each question with the help of the question writer we get a point for each one of those that our guests choose so each of us can see up to three points per round which seems fair but the probability actually favours me the house and the house always wins off if listen to previous episodes you'll know that is rarely the case especially when big wed is on and to even things out Anyway, the guests get triple points in the final round. Most of our questions coming around. Great Patreon supporters if you want to submit a question, sign up on any level of via. Patreon.com slash too on pod.

Linked in the show notes. All right, here is question number one. What is the definition of the term barbohaller? Here are your options. The child of divorce who sweeps up the hair to make dollies. Ew. Option two is ship the trash. That's foul.

That's absolutely foul. foul. That's fucked in the head. Wow. Okay. Option two is ship that transports live sheep. Option three. A barber's assistant whose job consists of such things is warming towels and sweeping hair. Option number four. The carriage exclusively used by hairdressers on Victorian era steam trains. Option five, a sailing device used to adjust the angle of the jib by moving the clue inboard or outboard or finally a person who carries rocks in their pocket as a form of protection

should they ever need a weapon. All right, Ben, Benji, what do you reckon? I'm going to go, okay, this is the, this is cool, this episode is the gut episode. The what, the gut ep? The gut up. I'm going with the gut every time. We're going to see how far the gut gets me. Yeah.

And I'm going to go with the nautical jib, the thing to adjust the jib. You go with the jib. Man, no soul. just those fucking sailors they know how to name shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They know how to name stuff. Yeah. Was that the second to last one?

Yeah, I clocked out on that one. And they name, they name every part of that shit. They just go up and go, uh, the squiggle, uh, the, the barbohorahaw. Oh, that's a, that's a, that's a, that's a, that's a, that's a, that's a, Tmo. Yeah. I guess they don't have anything else to do, really, do they? Yeah.

When you get stuck on, so you just name your, like name your chains. Yeah. Nothing doing six Except get wet and name shit Yeah Well there's other things What sort of stuff? Yeah, Ruben what do you mean?

Just, you know, um Eating, eating biscuits Yeah, for sure Weaving rope Oh, absolutely Anal Yeah, anal. A lot of pig fat Yeah

Yeah, yes That was a Rubin's remembering The three years of spent on a whole of ship I was the best kid to go Best kid to my life Amish, what do you reckon? Sorry.

Keep the Chris go away from Ruben. How dare you? I reckon it's, I don't reckon it's anything to do with hair. Fuck. I reckon it could be, if it's not jib, I think it's sheep ship. Sheep ship's good. The sheep ship ship. I'm going sheep ship ship.

Sheep ship. Although now I think that Ben probably right sheep ship ship. Bar Barbar hauler. Oh God, no, maybe not. Then that's a little bit too on the nose. Sounds like a great drag queen though. Yeah. New Zealand drag queen who does shows at the 86 on a Tuesday afternoon.

Okay. I'm going to say with... Fuck my drag. Ruben stay in your world for that shit. We'll go with the sheep ship. Fuck it. Bigwet's coming into this with a very different attitude today. Gotting it up.

Sorry? I'm just not that tense. I'm feeling really chill. Why? Are you? I'm usually coming with a real competitive energy. And I'm just really enjoying myself this morning. That's what people who don't win say.

Yeah, well, that's right. Just wait. You'll realize Ruben as the game goes on, you can't believe a word she says. Everything she says has an ulterior motive. She's Taylor Swift. She's a snake. Yeah, that's right.

That's exactly right. Yes, you do. Yes. Very good. Okay. Ruben, what do you think? You can pick the same as them or... How many options were there?

Six, there's a lot of options. So you've got a... You're padding a lot in this. So there's your three, there's a real one, and then me and the question writer have another two in there. Do you have a question writer? Well, it's the person that sends it in.

Oh, I see. I get you. He outsources. Brad Null. Fair, of course. Fans. No. Brad Null is just... Is Brad Nol just a pseudonym for Shannon Nol?

Good. Oh my God. Did you hire Shannon Nol to be your question writer? That would be... You don't have to pay that. much. She's not doing much. Shannon's having a chill one. Hey man, sorry, I'm outside the crazy horse.

I can't ride this week. Okay, one second. So there's the Barba hauler, the sheep hauler. There's the Nordic... The Child of divorce. The Child of divorce. You've got the Barba's assistant. Seems like a Ruben. 100% without a doubt. I'm not... This is why I'm a terrible liar.

And I know the minute you said it, I went bright red. Right red. I just can only, I can't, who wrote the question? Who is this? Brad Noel. So unless Brad Noel, it is a carbon copy of Rubin. There's no way that Ben wrote child of divorce.

I got paid 150 bucks to write these questions. You got to hear the name, you're going to find out where they're from, and then you get in their minds. I didn't think about that, you're right. Okay. Where are you from originally, Reuben? I am, I was born in, Melbourne at the Melbourne Victorian Hospital, which...

In a manger. Which is where... I should have said that. I was born in what is now QV. Oh, cool. Yeah. Beautiful. I had one foot out in the cab.

I get my nails done at the QV sometimes. Gorgeous. Anyway. Well, all right, fuck me. Let's keep going. Come on. What would be... It was a child of divorce.

Yeah, child of divorce. Shape, ship. uh, barbers assistant, uh, train carriage for, for hairdressers, uh, the ship one, as in the, um, sailing device or person carrying rocks in their pocket for a possible weapon. See, I'm actually torn between the assistant or the train carriage for barbers because you would have, barbers in those days had a lot of equipment like the chair and they would do dentistry, haircuts, doctors, surgeons. so you would actually, if you're doing a long train journey,

you might actually have a specific carriage for that. Your surgeon would be your barber. Yeah. Barber surgeon. Yeah. Fuck. What's what I'm going to do with that twirly, red and white and blue? Oh, is it?

Cool. I think I'm just for shits and giggles, because I'm also having a chill one. I'll go with the train carriage. Okay. We're also chill in here. It's really chill today. Yeah.

This might be the chillest episode. I'm thoroughly enjoying this vibe. All right. So this is right the answers. this is going to shock nobody the child of divorce was of Rubin Oh whoa! Get out of town! I don't know what you're talking about.

The barber's assistant was Ben Russell. Aye. I'm warming up. And the person with rocks in their pocket was Mish. What? So, Mish went for the ship to transport sheep. I'm afraid that was the house. Yeah, that's fair. Ruben went for the exclusive carriage on the train.

I'm afraid that was Brad Nol okay the house. Shannon does it again. But that does mean Ben is correct. Is that really dull answer about something that it can adjust the angle of a jib by moving the clue? Eat shit, idiots. Inboard or outboard. So round one, I mean, Ben scores one point and the house scores two points.

Okay. Okay. Okay. All right, baby. That is warm up. Question two comes from Dylan Old from Myrtleford And the question is Where is Mertlford?

It's near Bright, Victoria. Dave Quirk Country He just wants you to come up with a fake species of fish So you don't have to describe it or anything Just the name of a fish And while you're writing your answers Here's more info on barbehollers It's very dull

So I'll keep talking until you'll you finish your answers. This is from Nordic Ed. Nordic Ed. Now that's a straight man. I think it's... Nordic Ed. I think it's Nordic education,

but it's so much funny if it's just... Hello, I am Nordic Ed. It's great to be here. I love to show not. Nordic end is straight, but has only ever kissed his wife. He barely has a sexuality. He has genitals by default.

Yes. I prefer to be smoother. Absolutely. I love Nordicair. My gender is sweater. Oh my God. That's good stuff. Wow, it looks like everyone's got their answers.

I don't even have to... You don't even have to... I don't have to read any Nordicat's work. But just believe me, it was fucking really dull. Or I could just say, the Barber Haller... I was just named to the Barber brothers who introduced it for the first time in the 50s on the lightning ship. which they raced in the waters off San Diego.

Hell yeah, dude. So it's pretty exciting, actually. San Diego. You introduce a part, you get to name it. All right. The answer to question number two, which of these are real species of fish? Squeamish flyer.

Bombay duck. Spotted dickhead. Spotted dicket. Sunny wobbler. Christopher Lloyd. Rappfuncle or Nordic Ed. That one was a bit of fun. Sorry about that.

Nordic Ed. Screamish flyer. Bombay duck Bombay duck Spot a dickhead Sunny wobbler Christopher Lloyd Or rap funkel

So these ones I think it's the Bombay duck These ones are tough Because you like It's usually They always try and fuck you Right Yeah

Yeah But also there's always some scientists Who's going I'm gonna name this one The Christopher Lloyd Yeah Yeah You know

It's got frizzy Lookin' gills Or something Yeah It was like Some nerd A massive Batch of the Future

fan, but just like maybe really loved who famed Roger Rabbit. Oh, yes. Oh, deep cut. Yeah.

Deep cut. I just went, oh, no, I just found this fish in some remote corner of whatever. No one else will know.

Yeah. Christopher Lloyd. Give my little nerd dick a hard on. Yeah, it's like the type of people that would name a boat. It can be any size. You know?

Yeah. Like any dick size is valid. Yeah. It's what you do. That means a lot. Yeah. It does not even what you do with it. It's not even what you do.

It'll make it bigger. You know. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, sorry, Matt. Could you please read them one more time? Squeamish Flyer, Bombay Duck, spotted dickhead, sunny wobbler, Christopher Lloyd or Rapfunkel. I'm going with Bombay Duck.

Bombay Duck for Mish. Is only one of them a real one? Only one of them is a real one. Oh, that's one of you stumbled upon her. Stumbled upon one, apparently. What do you think, Rubin? Can you read them up one more time? Squeamish Flyer, Bombay Duck, spotted dickhead,

Sunny Wobler. Christopher Lloyd, rap funkel. Just one more time. Screamish flyer. Bombay duck. I'm saying that weird. Bombay duck. Bombay duck.

One of the easiest words to say, Bombay. Yeah. I like some words. It's the simplest. Bombay duck. They sound like horse names. It sounds like you're reading a race for dying horses.

Sunny wobbler on the outside. Just real slow though. Christopher Lloyd. Yeah, it's very slow. And Christopher Lloyd. Christopher Lloyd coming up the back. That is a horse name for sure. And rap funkel.

That is a horse name. I've seen a man with a toe ring, call that out. I think rap funkel. Rap funcle. Gives oddity. Yeah. All right, Ben, what do you reckon? I'm going to go just for the sake of diversity.

I'm going to go spotted dickhead. Okay. I think that was rude. Because I'm an ally. I think that's really great for you to put your hand up for diversity. there, appreciate it. Yeah, you're so brave. Somebody's got to.

Yeah. All right, this is he wrote the answers. It's a really diverse lineup today on this podcast too. It's so diverse. Thank you. Squeamish Flyer. That was the house. Sunny Wobbler.

That was Ruben. Very fun to say. That's a good one. Yeah, see, I was trying to be under. I was trying to be, it's nice. It's like real. That was good.

Yeah. Thank you. It sounds like a, you know, like a special bomb move. I don't need more praise. Okay. Fucking hell. We got a new villain. So nice to have you, Ruben.

Mish was Christopher Lloyd. Oh, the Mish, very tricky. Because of exactly the reason you were to... Why did you chat about it and then not select it? Because we... Such a tease. You're edging me. Ruben went for Rapfunkle.

That was Ben. What? We've got such a connection. Ben. Ben went for... spotted dick hair, but that was Dylan the question order. Okay, hell. Game recognises game.

Meaning that Mish is correct. It is Bombay Duck. Hell yeah. A Bombay Duck is a real fish. That's a real fish. Bring it up on the screen. To me it feels... Get your people to bring it up. On screen.

Get your screen. Get your team. I can pull it up on my screen. No, do you have this screen here. Do you not pay for the extras? Why are you being such a sub, Matt? Get back. Yeah. Hang on.

I got to respect myself. Yeah, Matt, you don't have to answer to Rupert, but like... No, no, no, no. That's the... Oh, my God. Lengthy. Yeah. I'm running this game now.

All right. Quite the girth. That is... Look at our mouth. And you know that shit opens. Yeah. Yep. Yep.

You getting horny for fish again? Only when I few of you. I'm having fun. Bombay, because Mighty Ducks head coach was named Bombay, wasn't he? Bombay. Bombay.

What is with you in that word? I don't know. Because it's Bombay slash Mumbai and that's what you're getting connected. Maybe it could change to Mumbai, didn't it? Yeah. I think that's it. I'm actually.

You're on the right side. Yeah. Bombay would be sort of, yeah, sort of a transitionary to... Hang on. You call him a colonizer. You're the one who's got horn-rimmed glasses

and growing your mother. mustache. I'm a pervert. I'm a pervert. It's different. Big fucking difference, man. I don't have a plantation. I have allegations.

All right. After two rounds. That's good, yeah. Well, well done. A little ruffle. You should do comedy. Thank you as opposed to cabaret, which is very different.

After two rounds, Ruben's yet to score. Mish on one point. Ben's on two. the house is out in front on three points. Shit. Here's question three. This comes from William Bill Decker from Lancaster.

Straight or gay. William. Bill Decker. Oh. Yeah, see, that's where it got me too. William Bill Decker. Yeah. But Bill Decker also feels like a poor name.

I think, I think, I think gay for pay. Okay. Gay for pay. You want me to weigh it on this? Yeah, sure. I think he is as gay as the day is long. Can you take your wedding ring off and say that? So Bill's question is,

what is the nickname of American NFL quarterback Ryan Fitzpatrick? I love the nickname ones. What is the nickname of American NFL quarterback Ryan Fitzpatrick? Why you're writing your answers? Here's some more info about that fish. Its real name is the Harpidon Nehiras, or the Latin name, but commonly known as the Bombay Duck or Bamalo.

Uh, the species of lizard fish. Adults may reach a maximum length of 40 centimeters. How much, how much more can they take from us? How much more can the lizards take from us? They got the islands, they got the banks, and now they got the fish? It's unbelievable. Fish is like, don't copy. No, no, no, I'm thinking.

Uh, the small bumerlon fish, uh, did you call me? In Bombay, Bombay, fuck, now Mumbai. was traditionally dried in the sun becoming pungent with a strong salty taste fried and crumbled the fish preparation

called Bombay Bombay duck became a popular condiment in Anglo-Indian Cockery What do you think about right now? Me? Yeah, I'm thinking about the word

pungent. What are you thinking about? I'm thinking about the word salty. Yeah. Sometimes it's... Maybe the... Nope, stop. Dylan writes,

apparently the name comes from a mistranslation of the word DAC. meaning male as the dried fish would be transported on male trains from Bombay to Calcutta. What about the female trains? Stupid. They both go through tunnels. Doesn't matter.

All right, the answer is question number three. What is the nickname of an American NFL quarterback Ryan Fitzpatrick? Fitzcracker. Oh, hang one second. What was his name? Ryan Fitzpatrick. Oh, I got it very wrong. No, it doesn't matter.

No, I have to change it. No, you don't please don't change it. I really want to know what Ruben Roy. Okay. Well, do it at the end. Do it at the end. Do the one day. You've redacted.

But you have the, I'll grant you this. I think I reckon it works anyway. Okay. Ben's being a dom. Yes, Daddy. I give permission for that. Fitzcracker. The Amish Rifle.

Irish Friday. Fitsing bottom. Pretty winky. Old clam hands or sloppy con. Old clam. Old clam. Man, man. That says Ben Russell.

Yeah, that's Ben Russell. That is Ben Russell all over it. What about the bottom one? That's got you all over it. How? What did you? Were you coming? Were you just coming just there?

Ben, Ben, Ben, Ben, Ben, Ben, Ben, I can't even say it. I've gone, I've gone. I'm asking. Ruben's having a stroke. I can't be able to run it with my own action I feel being vulnerable right? Oh yeah, he was ass

I think I found out Ruben's tell Okay, there must be a CO2 I didn't ad for McCain pizza subs once when it was filmed on a real submarine and they didn't turn on the air conditioning in the decommission sub

so they're all their dress in uniforms and the guy who's like the safety officer was like hey just so you know if you get drowsy you're probably in a CO2 pocket and the minute they yelled action I woke up in the sub and they're like yeah you passed out you're in a CO2 pocket that's awesome

Jesus but also like I woke up and it was just a bunch of guys in Russian military uniforms in a sub Marine leaning over and for a split second I woke up was like, time traveler's wife. Ruben, it's your you'll go this stuff. You have to read

all of those out again. Fitscracker. Okay, honestly, I just think because they're so unimaginative. Oh no, actually keep going. Yeah, he's read one out. The Amish Rifle. Irish Friday. Fitsing Bottom. Pretty winky. All clam hands or sloppy con. Sloppy con.

Okay, I feel like you could say sportsmen are unimaginative and just call them Fitzcracker, very possible. I also think Irish Slap Hand. Irish Friday. Irish Friday could work. And then there was another one in there. There was one before Irish Friday. The Amish Rifle.

I don't think... Could you read them all out one more time? Yeah. What is an Irish Friday? But from back to front. Back to front. Sloppy con. All clam hands.

Pretty winky. Fitsing bottom. Irish Friday, Amish rifle, Fitzcracker. I just, actually, I just want to say the Irish Cracker. All right. I want to say Irish Cracker. It feels, it feels like, it doesn't feel like a comedian came up with it. So, you have, you have, you've merged two together.

Can I just double check it? I'm staying on. Irish Friday or Fitzcracker? Oh, no, I sink the Irish Cracker. I'd like to submit my own. None of the above. Irish Cracker or... No, Fitzcracker or Irish Friday. Oh, Irish Friday.

Okay, John, I'm going to change my answer up again. I'm a Virgo. Irish Friday. Irish Friday. Okay, great. Locked in. Ben, what do you think? I am going to go...

So what's the Winkle one? Pretty Winkly. Pretty winky. Pretty winky. Pretty winky or sloppy con. because sometimes it's they this is again one where they try and they try and get you yeah they're gonna try and get you they're gonna try and get you i will and by the way that mish is just staring and drooling one of those is hers i'm you i'm not then i'm not gonna say which one

what i'm that's the whole point of the show you got to save you say i mean i'm gonna do the con one you're gonna go sloppy con yeah i'll go sloppy con two sloppy cons Yeah. All right. Here's the right. Are you sure you want to go with that? Yeah. Well, then I want to change my answer, thanks.

No, should I have gone for sloppy con? No, not at all. Can I change my answer? What do you, yeah? Can you read them out for me again? But from the middle to the end and then at the start to the middle. Fitsing bottom, pretty winky, old clam hand, sloppy con, Fitscracker, Armish Rifle, Arif Friday.

I'll go with Slopi Con. Two sloppy con. Well, two sloppy cons. It does sound like a, it sounds like a deliom hand. John's in an Irish Friday. Come right up. That's my order. Too sorry,

and Irish Friday all day. That's our specials here at the otterbox. All right, here's the answer. Fitscracker, that was Bill, the question on okay,

the house. Pretty winky, that was Mish. So you were right that one of those was Mish. Yeah, well red.

Yeah, she got, she had such whimsy. She had fire in her eyes when she looked at me. Oh, clam hands was the house. Now, here's what gets real.

Ruben went for Irish Friday. That was Ben Russell. Stop, why, just my head. I'm in your head. No, move two feet down. Mish and Ben went for the slumpy con. That was Ruben. Now it's in your head, bitch.

And that means no one got the correct answer, which was the Amish rifle. Oh, I was so close to doing Amish Rifle. You could have the clean sweep. That's a good one that Amish Rifle knows. It's a goodie. Does that mean I get two points? You get two points.

You're on the board. They're your first points too. I'm not playing like a wet woman today. Am I? And other poems by Audrey Lord. I'm not playing like my regular big wet woman. Today. Maybe this is just big wets like having a chill one.

Maybe it's a big dry. Yeah. She's dried up. But I mean, you're saying too fortunately. Like Susan Saradon's going to read that poem in a Ken Burns documentary. How would it open? I'm not playing like a wet woman today. I'm playing like a dry man.

Benjamin Franklin died alone. Much like Ben Russell will. All right. We're at the halfway mark. Hey! Oh my God. It has been a long hour. Question four.

Comes from Kerry John Jones from Swansea and the question's about his hometown. The question is, how did poet Dylan Thomas, masculine? No, the Dylan Thomas. Mascular Thomas. How did

Dylan Thomas describe his hometown of Swansea? So just like a you know a shortish description of his hometown while you're writing answers

here's a little more info about Ryan Fitzpatrick Conner Bill Fitzpatrick is known for his beard which he began growing out during his time with the Buffalo Bills in the 2010s

and that's where the nickname the Amish Rifle came from which is a bit of pejorative I think, a bit of fun other nicknames include Fitzmagic and Fitz Tragic. Fitzpatrick is also the only NFL player

to have a passing touchdown with eight different teams. Wild stat. All right, while he's still writing your answers, let's go for a quick break. All right, we're back. The answer in for question number four. How did poet Dylan Thomas describe his hometown of Swansea? I love that sound so much.

I think that's maybe my favourite sound to sound of summer. Yeah. really change the national anthem because of that. And I would go to more sports events if they had that. I'll be standing up for that for sure. Hats off. Hats off. Okay.

Question four. How did poet Dylan Thomas describe his hometown of Swansea? A town that never sleeps because it's dead. Option one. Option two. A pretty shitty city apart from it being the birthplace of Dylan Thomas. Option four. Like a second hand fart in the eye.

Option Option four An ugly, lovely town The Graveyard of Ambition Option five, A creeping thoroughfare Of churlish riders And broad free folk

With kind eyes Or finally, the Nairobi of the North. Jesus. Can I say that is an embarrassment of riches And I feel like The show has really begun.

Yeah, yeah, Now we start. Yeah. This is great. about a cookie and some coke. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That should be the rider, but also the quality of the questions.

That's a good rider, man. Cookie and a Coke. It'd be fucking great. Okay, who's going first? Ben, it's you first. Ben, let's go with you first. Hello. Are you jumping in for a co-hosting position?

Now I'm enjoying it. It's your turn now. Here at, who knew it with Matt Stewart and Ruben Gay? Can you please quickly, and with Vim and Vigor? Okay. Same. Re-give me those givings. A town that never sleeps because of the town.

Oh, dear. Too much. Baby spit up. I'm just happy that we're here together. A pretty shitty city, apart from being the birthplace of Dylan Thomas. Funny. Like a second-hand fart in the eye.

Good. An ugly, lovely town, the graveyard of ambition. Yep. A creeping thoroughfare of churlish riders and broad free folk with kind eyes. What a knave. Or the Nairobi of the North. Mm. I don't know what that means.

I am going to go. What was the second? Pretty shitty city. Third. Like a second I am fart on the eye. That one. All right. Ben's going fart.

Mish, what do you think? So I don't think he was a funny man. So I'm... Is he... How old we talk in here? We don't know. None of us read. Dylan Thomas.

No. He was, Dylan Thomas was born in 1914, died in 953. All right. I'm going to go with a lovely, ugly, ugly graveyard. Lovely, ugly, lovely town for Mish.

Ruben, what do you think? I think it's any of the last three, which were the lovely, the graveyard of ambition, the churlish writers and things. Yeah. He wrote under Milkwood. really florid with language, but I really love Nairobi of the North, but because Ben scorned

it, I think that's Ben doing a misdirect. Oh. So I actually think, um, I think I'm going to go with the middle of the two just for a point of difference because he's not necessarily like vitriolic. Right. So you're going to go the creeping thoroughfare of churlish riders and broad free folk with kind eyes. Yeah, I think he, I think, I think, I think, I don't know what I'm under milkwood. I just said that. Florida. God, just like a woman to say something a man said just after him and get credit for it.

Man-splaining Dylan Thomas. Mish, that's a really good point about Dylan Thomas who just made. Thank you so much. That's a great idea. Thank you. Thank you so much. Yeah. You should pay me more.

So locked in? Yeah, locked in. Here's are the answers. The Nairobi of the North. That was the house. Hey. Town that never sleeps because it's dead. That was Mish.

A pretty shitty city. That was Kerry John Jones, the question writer. Like a secondhand fart in the eye. Ben went for that. That was Ruben. Yeah. You're in sync. I've keyed in.

I'm there. We're inside. We're inside each other. When for the creeping thoroughfare. That was Ben. Yes. That's so beautiful. Thank you.

And that means Mish is correct. It is the graveyard of ambition. Wow. Ugly, lovely town. Oh, I didn't hear that it was. Three. lovely town. The three distributed equally.

Beautiful. That was one of the ones you had in your top three though. I know, but I didn't quite good. It's a one. Yeah, you're really enjoying yourself in here. And we...

Can we turn that one? Just the woman. It's shrill. It's shrill. Yeah. So Ben, Mish and Rubin each got a point in that round, meaning with just two rounds ago, the scores are tight now.

Mish on two. Rubin, on three apiece, but out in front of four points, it's Ben Russell. Yes. Question five. I'm going to take you down. Comes from...

And then I'm going to win. You're going to DAC him. Question five comes from... Dack attack. Tack attack. Question five. It's a great sting. Dack attack.

Tack attack. Question five comes from... She's got DAC. You should have a sound pad. Oh, yeah. That, I mean... Soundboard. Then we'd really officially get through the show, wouldn't we?

It's been rocketing a long as long as well. I think it's really picking up pace now, though. Two questions ago. This one comes from Amy White from Albuquerque in New Mexico, and the question is, what was the headline from the mirror from April the 8th, 2013? You just need a, you know, a... 2013.

A news headline that's a bit noteworthy for being strange or whatever. I wasn't born. You weren't even born yet. It's going to be hard. How do you even relate to a time that long ago? I don't know. You're turning 13 soon, though, aren't you? Fingers crossed.

All right. Not everyone makes it. That's true. So the question is, what was a headline from the mirror newspaper? 8th of April, 2013.

Do we know which mirror? From Albuquerque in 2013? The Daily mirror. The Daily mirror from Metropolis. Yeah. Yeah, that's what you're going with. Superman. Beware of any Superman themed.

It's the UK one, I think. Oh, the UK one. A bit type of that kind of thing. While you're writing her answers. here's some more info about Dylan Thomas's view of Swansea. Kerry John Jones writes, the quote, Ambition is critical by Thomas

is carved into the floor outside of Swansea Station to remind visitors and people moving to Swansea that without ambition and motive, they'll be stuck in the city forever. The movie Twin Town, starring Reese Siffons from Notting Hill, has a whole scene where Doug Ray Scott says he would have called Swansea a pretty shitty city because at least his poetry rhymed.

Swansea was on the dive for a number of years, years until recently where major developments have taken place to bring it into the 21st century. Swansea has changed so much. It was narrowly beaten by Coventry for the UK City of Culture 2021. City of Culture. We got pies and peas. The answers are in for question number five. What was the headline from the Mirror?

April 8th, 2013. Onlookers gobsmacked as designer hat floats out of store. Option two. Bruno Mars has the women of Venus all hot and bothered. Option three. Man buys poodles only to discover they are ferrets pumped with steroids. That is a Ben Russell or a Mishwitrop line. Option four.

Influences live stream robbery. Surprise when cops arrest them claiming, if the crime is lit, you must acquit. That's fun. Option five. A woman impregnation. by ghost at community town hall meeting. Or finally,

Kresch named after Prince Andrew opens in London. What was the name of, sorry, what year was this again? 2013, okay. They didn't know how bad that would end up looking. So Prince Andrew was a good man back there.

Was Bruno Mars around in? I can't look that up going. Was Bruno Mars around in 2013? Yeah, yeah, yeah, big time. Yeah, yeah, before the gambling. Okay. So he had money. Now everything is.

When I went to Vegas, big mistake, don't ever go. Everything's like, there was like a club called Brut. Everything has like someone's name attached to the title of it. So it's like, just franchised out. You've got, it's cult of personality there. So everyone's like, this is, you know, Gordon Ramsey is everywhere. Yeah. And Bruno Mars's name is on all these shitty clubs in Vegas.

So at one point there's a theater in Melbourne taught to me as we were just drinking after a show. And they were like, well, like we do seats named after people. Would you ever want something like that? I'm like, yeah, but like a toilet seat. I want like a little gold plaque in a theatre. It's like the Ruben K. Memorial cubicle. The toilet here is named after Jess Perkins. Fuck!

Yeah, she's got a little gold plaque on the blue. But that, I mean, that's not. It's one down. There's a theatre. There's plenty of toilets out there. But we've all had, in the heat of summer, in this un-air-conditioned place, we've all done a sweaty shoot in that toilet.

Anyway. A little Jess. Sorry, yeah. There's a lovely silence. That was community. All right. So, Mish, I think it's your turn first here. Can you read them for me again?

Onlookers gobsmacked as designer hat floats out of store. Bruno Mars has the women of Venus all hot and bothered. Man buys poodles only to discover they are ferrets pumped with steroids. But it's funny. Influences live stream robbery. Surprise when cops arrest them claiming, if the crime is lit, you must acquit. women or sorry woman

impregnated by ghosts at community town hall meeting or craish named after Prince Andrew opens in London

I'm gonna it's between two but I'm gonna go with the ghost one ghost fuck ghost impregnated classic ghost fuck right there

yeah Rubber what do you think a girl in my primary school told everyone that she was impregnated

by the ghost of Abba at camp whoa My first question was all four of them. How did that neednith? Yeah. And also, none of them were dead at the time. So I was like, so that you actually mean astrally projected.

Hell yeah. Yeah. I want to say, I want to say the influences feels right. In 2013? Yeah, they had influences back then. No, they didn't because I was, did they? Yeah, 2013. Wait, no.

They didn't. No. No. Then I think ferrets feels fun. Ferrets feels fun. But actually also can I say, I do enjoy the whimsy of designer hat floats out of store because it could just be like...

I just thought that was you. That was the gayest one. What? Miss. You know I'm fine with it. After you, after I gave you my cooking. You know I'm fine.

Yeah, that's fun. Yeah, I think I want to do designer hat. Flown a hat? Just for whimsy. Okay, it was between that and the ferrets. Between that and the ferrets, I would like to, can I put a foot in both camps? No, you have to. Well, you like me so much.

We've got such a great connection. Oh my God, you have, of course you can have whatever you love. I told you. Sunmat's back. Submats back. Those feet have seen some journeys or whatever. Great, can I, I think you actually need to be specific in a callback. Those feet, I don't see some journeys or whatever.

Yeah, you go, you understand what I'm... Yeah, I've got a hat that says jokes on it. I don't need to do them. Yeah, great. Fuck. So which one are you, if you want to put... Which one of you is your, you know, your pivot foot? Why are you trying to put me in an auto box?

That was... So you got the wording right there. And that's why it worked. I feel like we're going to be here all day. And I'm fine with it. Read where... I'm talking. Can we...

Fucking... Fucking... Can you just, so it's the, it's the designer hat. It's the ferrets. Yeah, I've taken the influences out. Yeah, Bruno Mars. Oh, the Bruno Mars was around in 2013. Pregnated by ghost.

And Andrew, Krasch. Krasch is fun. Krasch is really fun. He's such a good man. Impregnated by Krasch. No. No, no, you've mixed one. You've done it again.

Take a step backwards, Rubin. I think the trick in this is that there are too many options for you to cogently create a response here. What's the second last one? Woman impregnated by ghosts. Yes, that is very, I think it's very mirror. That's what I would do. Because I've only just realized what the mirror is.

Right. Yeah, which I wish I hadn't, I wish I'd changed what I've written to be more like, I don't think it was far enough. Um, ferrets, ghost influences Bruno Mars hat, creche. So Prince Andrew floated out of a store. Bruno Mars impregnated a woman in court. Yeah, impregnated a hash.

Who was actually a ferret? The ferret fucked a hat. Yeah. Yeah. I, I just think I want ferrets. Okay. Because I think there's like steroids. I think the steroids really gets up on the steroids.

Back to ferrets. Yeah. The steroids who flirts. loaded out of the store. We've locked in ferrets. Okay. Finally. Ben, what do you think?

I've found a time. I'm going to gut this one. Yeah. Oh, yes. Got it. Give me him quickly. Give it them. Designer hat floats out of store.

Bruno Mars has women of Venus hot and bothered. Whispers. Poodles. What the fuck is going on in this room? Double poodle. No, wait. You're going poodle. No, you've said it.

It's a double poodle. It's a threesome. You mean the poo. Double ploddle. I'm going to go hat then. Double, okay, hat. Hat for Ben. Here's he wrote the answers. Krasch named after Prince Andrew was Rubin.

Yeah. You sick fuck. So evil. Influences, live streaming the robbery. That was Ami, the question writer. Okay,

the house. Bruno Mars, as the women of Venus, all hot and bothered, was Mish. I got confused with the Daily Mail. Yeah, but also,

did you mean, like, is in the Venus Williams, the Williams sisters? Yes. Serena and William. Yes. Right. Excuse me

I just did a play I just remember In 2013 Bruno Mars was big I knew I was doing a funny And I was just like Well what's something

That would be on the daily Mail using the last name Mars They're not creative So I was just like Make it sound as stupid as Like I tell all my female friends You're too clever for your own good Now Mish

Went for Oh fuck it From Mars Women impregnated by ghosts That was Ben Thank you Very that's very mirror Very mirror

Ben went for Onlookers gobsmacked a designer hat floating out of store. That was the house, I'm afraid. Ruben's in it now. And that means Rubin is correct. This man buys poodles. I knew it should have done poodle. I knew it.

You should have double poodled. I should have double poodle. I just want to say. You know what your internalized homophobia made you pull out. And Mitch said I wrote the gayest one. What? You said I wrote the gayest one. Well, it was about a flying hat.

That's gay. That's really. You faggot. Yeah. That's gay ass. What are you talking? Gay, what is gay as

hit harder than faggot? That's gay as. So, house gets a point. I don't have to ask permission to say gay as, do I.

You can say it. You're fine with it. Yeah, I'm actually fine with it. Ben's actually scored a point in every round so far. We're going to the final round. What do you mean?

Why has Ben scored a point here? He, I'm ghost. I guessed him. Mish guest him. Can I just say truly? I'm on Faiwah. Oh,

you picked Mish's thing. But Mish picked one of mine and then someone. one picked, who picked the real one? You, I mean, you sort of go. Yes, I did the real one. You had that all backwards, but you sort of got the idea. Generally right.

You got the gist. Yeah, you got the gist there. Can I just say, some people think that podcasts aren't entertaining. But if people were in this room right now, they'd have great times. This is great. We're up to the final question. Holy shit. Please.

They said we've never again. This is, please, when will we leave? This is a standard Ben Ross. length episode, to be honest. But they normally feel shorter, right? Because time flies when you're having fun. No, they're long, but they're very skinny. Yeah.

The final question. Can everyone else leave, please? But keep the cameras rolling. I am not leaving. This is great. The final question comes from Tien and Ennis from Ireland. Tien and Anis. Hang on.

You can't tell me this many. people listen to this podcast. I think it's quite popular. Yeah. People yell big wet out to me from their car. It's worldwide. I'm not even kidding you. It's really embarrassing.

Now they're going to radio at Auto Box. We call them worldwide. Do it worldwide. So the final question, this will be your longest one, Rubin. This is like a synopsis. So, you know, like three or four sentences, maybe. and the question is what is a brief synopsis

of the Japanese lot novel series written by Hiirikuma and illustrated by Itzuakato released in March of 2016 It's like a lot It's a bit of a bizarreo novel series What's it called? Well, I'll have a go if you like

Dido Hanbaki or umarakawa Orwa Mikeu Osamayo And it's a fantasy novel? I say it in an Irish accent. I'd say, yeah, it's all like a fantasy. Now do the eyes.

Did I not pronounce the eyes? G. No, Hannibako. So it's a fantasy series. Yeah, something like that. Okay. Is it?

Yeah. Actually, it's a fantasy series? Well, I don't know. What is fantasy made? Is that going to be like a real specific thing? I don't know. It's like, it's like it's not a, it's not a, you know, an office romance or something. You know what I mean?

it's there's um fantasy elements i would say at the very least and what else can you tell me about it sorry that's it that's it was it came out in 2016 and it was you know it's like a there's illustrations in it's like an almost like an anime or a what's the other what's the written one doesn't you know while your answer being written here's the full article about those ferret dogs from the mirror Yelena Manderberg writes, a man in Argentina found out the hard way the good things don't come cheap and cheap things aren't usually good

when he brought home, when he brought home what he thought were toy poodles, but turned out to be rodents blasted with hormones. In Catacama, Argentina, an unnamed man spent $150 on two animals and brought them home to his family. To his horror,

when he took them to their first vaccination appointment, the veterinarian informed him that they weren't poodles. They weren't even dogs. It turned out that the market store where the man bought these creatures was running a scam. They were breeding and selling white ferrets that were pumped full of hormones upon birth. It's pretty crook. And had their coats combed out in a way that made them seem extra fluffy. Ferrets have pointed noses and faces like most rodents,

but with so much fur, it was easy to pass them off as tiny dogs. Toy poodles are a popular breed all over the world, and the small they are the more expensive. These tiny animals are often the size of rodents and evidently that makes them easy to sell to unsuspecting individuals. This is a continuing scam in the giant La Salada market where another woman told authorities she was told she was buying a chihuahua dog

but similarly when she got home relatives informed her she ended up with a large ferret. Neither individual has filed official complaints though. Typically a toy poodle cost us. around a grand in the US, while a ferret can be obtained for just 75 bucks. Ferrets make excellent pets as well, so it may not have been a total loss.

These small furry rodents are extremely mischievous and playful and can even be trained just like a small dog. Ferret's got a smell, though. Oh, is that true? Everything has a smell. Because they're mustelids. What's a muster lid? It's like a ferret or like a weasel.

Oh. Skunk. Mustolids. Yeah, stoats. Mustolids. they are of the similar kind of ilk to skunks and they have very powerful scent. So while ferrets look great and have, and they can fit inside.

Look at them go. You, uh, and they don't need much coax and they do have a smell to them. Yeah, well, I think inside you does too. No. Well, I'm sorry, I was mistaken. Absolutely not. No, they've got a smell. to them and they love to, but they are so adorable.

I know this because I was like, I, when I was young, I wanted a ferret because they look like so much fun. They've got such great character. But they are, they're smelly boys. Now you know, poodles bark, uh, they like their dogs. Do you know what sounds ferrets make? Like a squeak? Yeah, they hiss.

Yeah. And make clucking noises. Yeah. Like a chicken. Is that what we're meant to believe? A bloody chicken, mate. Finally, keep in mind that reliable breeders are keen for dogs to go to good homes. Oh, they shouldn't do that to dogs.

Taking some time to check out the animal and think about it. If someone's trying to force a sale or you're in a marketplace and aren't sure, chances are you're being duped. All right, the answer in for the final question. What is the synopsis of the Japanese light novel series written by Hirakuma, Hirakuma and illustrated by Itzu Kato released in March of 2016. So you've got this one, that's five options, only one house option. But it is worth triple points. It's still truly anyone's game.

Option one, when unlucky student Kenji finds himself stuck in his locker, he discovers a tunnel to a secret club that is run by a genius talking bird named Professor Pigeon. Alongside a chaotic group of misfit students, Kenji must fix bizarre riffs in reality appearing around the school. But as the cracks grow larger, it becomes clear someone might be deliberately tearing the universe apart. All of these are going to be classic Isakai. You know what I mean?

What's Issaquay? Issaquay is a Japanese genre where the protagonist is a stranger in a strange land. It gets transported. Similar to in the ilk of spirited away and things of that ilk. It's a very common trope in Japanese. It's a classic fish out of water. Like sea change with Sigrid Thornton. Oh, great. Gotcha.

Love diver Dan. Love. Rest in peace. What? David Dan died, didn't he? No. David Wenham? No, he's still alive.

Oh, yeah, yeah. Yeah, spoiler alert. When did David? Diver Dan, spoiler alert, everybody. And is that why, and then Shaw McCaff came in to be the love interest, maybe? Yeah, I think so. So that's option one. Option two, a young girl's town is set to be flooded by the building of a new dam.

A day before, she is transported to a world of the town's history. Isakai. Where the past all comes together and she finds a day. dark secret concerning her family while she tries to return home before the town is put under deep waters forever. That's a great concept. Even if that's a fake answer written by these two fucktarts, someone should make that. Yeah. Option three, I think, I think obviously, I think we have pretty big Hollywood heavyweights listening in. And I think someone will get greenlit today. Yeah, great. Option three. The business is going well. Yeah, loads of stuff is getting

made. And they're invested in 2D animation. Yeah. A boy who is interested in vending machines is crushed to death by one. He then finds himself reincarnated in a fantasy world dungeon as a sentient vending machine. He can see and hear but is immobile with his speech being limited to stock Japanese vending machine phrases. He discovers he can dispense any item he is bought in his previous life and can convert such sales to points, thus sustaining his existence. That's option three, option four. the story of three Faye on the search for a man

who can break their family curse 500 years ago a curse was placed on their family ensuring every female member would be forever pregnant or giving birth the only man that can lift this curse is Drago

a wolf hybrid with a nasty history and a dark fantastical mind That's That's horny They're always pregnant or give giving birth. Yeah. God, just imagine the nipples.

The poor nipples just like cracked 24-7. Ow! Oh! They always need to pee. Yeah. Forgeous. Losing hair density. I am?

Final option. Lonely Yoshi's only school friend, Heraku, runs into the woods and comes back possessed by a possibly malevolent spirit. Yoshi has to work out how to live with this. and the growing attraction between them. A spirit hunter arrives in their quiet mountain town, and Yoshi has to decide to protect his only friend or save the town. Oh.

So there you five options. Ruben, it's your go. And I think the vending machine one is one of these two. I think that's just outrageous, and the pregnant one of these two. What's the dam? I want the dam. I think the dam is the most believable. But my problem here is I think Ben Russell is too smart for his own damn good,

knows the genre and hasn't gone outrageous. To be funny, I think he's desperate for points. He's on the ropes. I'm desperate. He knows it's tight between us. Yeah. You know, he wants my glory.

Where are I out in this game? I'll get to you. I think he's gone for a subterfuge. And the dam is a beautifully written one. Like, honestly, that's a gorgeous one. And I think that that's possibly him being. is up to future, but I don't know. Okay.

So I'm going to wait and see what those two think. And I think Mish is just happy to be here. Yes. Honestly, this has been lovely. I love this group of people. Well, I think, I mean, get ready to be shocked. Because Mish, I don't think has lost the game in our last five appearances. I will say, but no, in all fairness, I truly mean this.

I came into this with a very different kind of vibe. And I've just been enjoying myself today. She comes from behind. You have a lot in common. How dare you? I like all. positions, many different angles. Okay, so Ruben's got a soft lock on the dam.

A soft lock on the dam, but I'm waiting. Okay. Can you just give me the gist of them? Yeah, so you got Kenji Fines, genius talking bird, Professor Pigeon. You've got the one with the dam. You've got the vending machine. Guy loves vending machines and becomes one.

Yeah, so we've got two options here. We can go like, It is a manga, isn't it? Manga, that's what I was trying to think of. Mungas can either go like that spirited away kind of, which is damn. I'm getting very good, like, spirited away vibes. Or they've got like fucked up vibes. Like, I'm pregnant all the time.

I'm tempted to do pregnancy. Well, you really should talk to your partner. Because there's two different types. I'm fine with it. Get me pregnant, Ben Russell. It's the name of my podcast. Get me pregnant, Ben Russell. You just have a series of Australian comedians come on

and they discuss whether or not they'd let Ben Russell get them pregnant. I think people would listen. I think they would listen. What's the horny one? Okay. Ben Russell. I don't know.

Is it, are any of them that one? No, the one, the Yoshi with the forest and the spirited. Yeah. With a friend Hiroku. Fuck. Comes back, possessed. by a possibly malevolent spirit. And yeah, it does get a little horny.

There's an attraction. Jeez, I mean, you're... Feels pretty... Nothing wrong with a bit of attraction. Yeah, I know, but it doesn't sound that horny to me. Do you think that's something wrong... It's not against a law to be attracted. Yeah.

It's not against a lot to be attracted. Mitch is fine with it. I'm absolutely fine with it. I don't think you understand. I've thought about it and it's okay. Let's explore that, Ben. Let's explore it. I give you permission.

And that's all we needed. Yeah. That's all I wanted to do. Thank you. Fuck. So you go, and then the other one we haven't talked about is the story of the three, Faye, on the search for a man who can break the family curse of permanent pregnancy. Okay, how does he break the curse of permanent?

Is he made out of... Oh, oh. I'm so sorry. Fucking hell. I don't feel good about that. I don't know me dearest. Yeah. They wouldn't, so it tastes...

Nope, stop it. I'm leaving. This has to go. Too much. too much. Vending machine is... Can you cut that end of that part out? Just bleep it.

Just bleep it. It'll be funny. Bleep it. Jane, just come in over the top and say, you say it in your voice. That's good.

Ruben's in the clear. That's funny. And it's like, Connor, that was really inappropriate. Yeah, and then accredited at the end of your full name and address.

The first one was about the professor pigeon. I don't even remember that. one. So Kenji goes down a secret tunnel to a club. Yep. So you got Professor Pigeon, you got the building a dam, you got vending machine, you got the pregnancy curse, or you've got the budding attraction.

And what's the name of the book? It's a long Japanese name. Okay. Which translates to something that would, like, if I translated it, it would make this a lot easier. I'm going to go vending machine. Vending machine? Yeah, just for, but that's tough. I'm torn between those.

Pregnancy vending and... And damn. So a soft lock for Ben. We'll go vendo, dam. We'll do a soft lock each and then we'll go around and lock in. Mish, what do you think? Okay. I thought that the vending machine one was.

Ben, but now that he's selected that, I think the pregnancy one is Ben. Okay. That's a good, that's a good assertion. Now, what are you thinking? Do you think I'm some kind of pervert? Because you'd be right. And I don't know. I don't want to, I don't want to double up on the last question.

I don't think it's fair. And you're, yeah, well, you're trying to come from behind. Yeah. Often. Wow. Bigwets at top. She's not This is a soppy con

Big word bottom The auto box is sloppy The auto box is dripping Why do we stop? Why do we do this? Oh fuck Fuck Soft lock

Soft lock it I was soft locking the last one Soft lock last What's the last one? Last one The Budding The budding romance

Between Yoshi and Herakoo All right. Now, hard lock, Rubin. Okay, I can't. Hard lock Rubin. Thank you, Santa. I left the cookies and cream out for you. These two have changed my viewpoint because, again, I thought the vending machine or prego was Beno.

So I still think that pregnancy, I think Mish is right. Pregnancy is Ben. Sick, twisted, pervert, self-confessed, self-identifying. Brave. Brave, even, in today's climate. John Hughes is an idol of mine. Can't they say about Ben, he takes after Russell Brand. Oh, yeah.

Feel that material. Well, based on his reaction to this, can I soft lock pregnant? Okay, yes. Yeah, thanks. Okay, hang on. Can I ask, are we picking which one was made up

or which one is real? Which one is real? Oh, that last one. The, um, pigeon professor, damn, or the last one are the three that I think are real. that I think are real.

I'm switching back. I'm so sorry. Wait, what? You're going back to the fighting romance? No, no, let Rubin. I'm fucking around too much. Go, Rubin. Rubin, we want a hard lock.

I'm going to go, my instinct here is damn because I'm really interested in that story and I think it sounds beautiful. And I can see the animation in my head. Awesome. All right. Locked in. Ben, what are you locking in?

Hard lock. I'm going to hard lock pregnancy. Hard lock pregnancy. For Ben. If you wrote pregnancy, that was very well played. I'm going vending machine. I'm going vending machine. Here's.

Hard lock. All right. Here's who wrote the answers. I reckon you wrote vending machine, your little c-uh. Anyway, go ahead. Professor Pigeon was the house. You all avoided that. Yeah, I don't think it even really came up in discussions.

And then we had, geez, Mish soft-locked it. uh, Yoshin Heraku's budding relationship. That was Ruben. Hmm. I might have cheated on this one, by the way. Oh. I don't know because that's actually,

that's actually the plot of, or the one you wrote. Yeah. Oh, that's fine. I do that all the time. The best kind of lie is dressed up as truth. Yeah, yeah.

Let us, let us not forget. Can I say, it's called the summer Hi, Hi, Hikaru died and it is so good. I'm addicted to it. Rubin, let's not forget the time.

I did a boy named Sue with Zach away. Historic. That really, that got tongues wagging. Oh yeah. That was really when big wet. That's infamous. That's when big wet. That's when big wet moment.

I fucked Zach hard in the podcast with a question. Yeah. It's really quick confirmed. Okay, fantastic. Good. All right. And people found that interesting? They loved it.

Okay. Ruben went for the building of the dam. I'm going to get fucked. It was Ben Russell. It was Ben Russell. It was so beautiful. beautifully, Dan. Thank you.

I'm happy to have fallen into your snare. I'll do it again. Very good. Oh, fuck. Well, well, well. I was like, oh, maybe I might be a good idea for some. I can't tell you how erotically charged I am right now. Now, I'm going to an edging session after this.

I'm going to think about this for so long. Now, Ben made a late change to pregnancy. that is Mish, big wet. That was the wettest of the wet. That was sopping. I felt like the listeners deserve a bit of wet. They wanted a bit of wet. They wanted a bit of wet.

The true slopy calm. I deviate. I deviated with, uh, with, wait, did I get it right? And that means Mish also got to write his vending machines. Did I? Came from behind. You still would have won. You still would have won.

There's no way. Maybe. I'll quickly add up the scores. I think you and I've tied, though. In the meantime, this is what's worth triple points that final round. Yeah. So the real title or the English translation is, Reborn as a Vending Machine, I now wandered the dungeon.

I should have hardlocked that bad boy. That is catchy. And it's received positive reviews. Theron Martin of Anime News Network reviewed the first volume, saying, quote, this novel's bizarre concept is what will catch people's attention, but the writing is good enough to keep it. All right.

Final score check. That's a four that reads like a three. In equal third place on four points a piece, it's Rubin and the house. Yes. What? In equal first place on eight points of piece, it's Ben and Mitch. Yes. This is rigged.

I can't believe I've still got it. I'm the guest. One good move. One good move and she's fucking like. I could see all your moves as you were doing too. That's my favorite part. That's the like the best part for me. is I just know that you know what I'm doing

and I'm so nervous by it. Fuck, that's fucking hot. That, like, the soft locks would have been entirely different result. I think Ben would have run away with him. Ruben would have been second. But Mish just plagued you too, like fiddles. My only consolation is no one's going to see this.

Before we go, so you're all doing shows around Australia coming up, Ben. I'm doing. So for the Melbourne Comedy Festival, I got a busy month ahead of me. I got Ben Russell, my encore, 2004 director's choice show. One of the best shows I've ever seen, truly. For the first week of the festival, at the Greek. Get him to the Greek.

You have a lot in common with Russell. I can actually see, because I'm only doing two weeks at the festival this year. So I can actually see stuff. So I finally, I've never seen a Ben Russell show. Here's the fun fact, though, about that one as well. You can see Ben's and mine at the same day. Oh, great. So you can see Ben at the same venue.

I'm on the second half too. And I'm also doing it at the very same time, I'm doing an early show. Sorry, I interrupted you. He has other shows. I'm doing an early show called Bon at 6 at the Greek. Is that a new one? Yeah, it's a new one with the synthesizes. That's the music show.

You have some music show. And then I'm doing something good, which is not my improv show. Oh, my God. Busy Saturdays. And then I'm also directing a show. It's a play called JKS written by Tom Ballard. Oh. Yeah, yeah.

Hell, that's a busy. Busy boy, Ben. There you go. Comedians auditioning. for musicals on one of those. I love that Tom Ballard's making like this extra arm of the playwright. Yeah.

I'm really excited. I love that. Yeah, it's really good. Yeah. It's about, it's like set in a green room at a comedy night. And like a Rodney Rood-esque character dies.

Like, not at there, but there's news of his death, which is the green room. And it's, you know, it's Tom Ballad, so it's spicy as fuck. And it's super fun. It's really nice. It's like 12 angry men, but only five, four people.

And if you want to listen to us to go to one of your shows, that's the one? Go to Bon. Okay. But go to them all. What are you? Don't be a coward. Yeah, that's a good point. Mish, what about you?

I'm doing my first full run. So I'm doing all four weeks of the Melbourne International Comedy Festival. With my show Not as good as I remember, which is at the Greek, 720. It's about you finding a diary? Yeah, so I, um, recently like, this is the premise of the show but I recently lost everything I'm fine, I'm privileged, it's fine,

but I lost everything, but I found the diary I kept from the ages of 11 to 13 and I forgot I had it, it's 71 entries and it's kind of taking the audience through that diary. Nice.

And yeah, a bit of terrifying. Terrifying. It is honestly, like, was more traumatic than the horrific breakup I went through. So yeah, and then that's going to Sydney and to bring up. Rizzie as well and Brizzy's nearly sold out so people have to jump on that as soon as they can.

But I really, really truly love this show. It's like I really enjoy doing it and I'd really want people to come see it. Because in previous years you didn't really believe it. You weren't into it. Well, no, I think no, genuinely, genuine answer is I don't think I had as much confidence in what I was doing. This is my fifth one and I feel really good. You've hit you, you're hitting your stride. Yeah.

The difficult second album's out of the way. Yeah. That's a tricky fifth show. No, for me the third one was. the one that was like, I had, I felt like I'd run out of ideas. I remember my second show. I was my least favorite show that I've ever done. Yeah?

No, the third one for me. Falunx? No, that was one of my favorites. Third for me. Pilot was the second one. Pilot. I liked, um, the one you did at Campari. It was Philanxed.

That was Philanx was a fun just, first one, first Ben Russell I ever saw. That was a fuck around. That was a fuck around. I don't think I knew you then. I didn't even know you then. I just went with, I think, Zach. Oh, thanks for watching. Yeah, you're so welcome.

No, but I was just like, oh, he's really funny. Who would have thought that today we'd be sitting here, tolerating each other? The world's a crazy place. It's crazy out there. All we need is love, you know what I mean? And Ruben, your show is going everywhere. Yeah, I'm a slut. Ruben worldwide.

I'm everywhere. I am doing my new show Hard to Swallow, and that is at the Athenaym from the 9th to the 17th, maybe 19th. I don't know, check the website. And then we're also doing two K-holes at the Athenaym, which is a queer punk protest party for the end of the world, like a line-up show of my favourite people in the comedy festival. I saw it in the Perth Fringe World, and it was very good.

Yeah, that's a public endorsement. Yeah. Melbourne, till the 19th, 7th to the 19th. I know, my dates. And then I'm coming to Sydney Comedy Festival at the Enmore. We're coming to Brisbane Comedy Festival at the Tivoli. We're going everywhere. Like iconic venues.

Yeah, really lucky. We're going to Adelaide. No, we've just come from Adelaide. We're playing the Hindley, because that's how time works in a podcast. The Heinley Street Music Hall. So it's, yeah, real iconic venues. I think I'm the only out gay comedian

to play the Athename in 30 years. I'm kidding, that's not a real stat. That's not a real stat. There's Jim Owen. Yeah, me, Akmal and Jim Owen, just us fags. All right. Next Riad Comedy Festival. Fingers crossed.

They're fine with it. So, Rubin, at the end of the show, Connor clips out a lot of the nonsense throughout and puts at the end. So it's a half hour ep? I think there's going to be a long of a post-credits show as the show this week. So people like nonsense. Hey, thanks so much for listening, everyone. Give us a five-star review.

Tell your friends if you think you know anyone who might enjoy it. And cheers to tuning to who knew with Matt Stewart. Now that you know it, I'll be a Matt's job. Goodbye. You toast are creamy, yeah. I haven't told that. before. Stiff peace.

I told that last night there. Someone's been whipped it to stiff piece. Ready to make a meringue. I'm fucking tired. I like the energy in this room already. This is going to be great.

I'm taking a different approach this time. Oh, okay. Sorry, yeah. I thought I'd give it a crack. I thought I'd give it a crack. Rubin, you don't understand how accurate that is. Mitch takes this show very seriously.

I win it all the time. Is this a competition? No, it doesn't have to be. I just turn it into one. I don't mean, it is. You look sleepy boy. They're going down. You're great.

You're not allowed to touch me. Sorry. That's a salt. I'm playing the Athenaeim. Oh, okay. Well, all right, I'm at the Greek, so you can calm down. What's his name? Forgotten the guy who runs in.

Stavros. Are you vaping indoors? You lost all common decency. Yes. Yeah, he's a regular short. PIN. Is that why you have that bruise? Yes, that's right.

Just to make sure nobody gets offended, I'll just dip. Are you putting in a... I'll dip, baby. Do you know that there's a shop in Essendon called Vap Culture? Ooh.

I hate that. Yeah, do you enjoy being a part of that culture? Bam would be involved in that shop. Do you ever smoke? It's a costume. Do you ever smoke? Only if they don't use enough lube.

Oh, fucking hell. You've got like a roller decks, you weird little cats. Yeah, it's called being a comedian, Mish, heard of it? No, no. I'm a storyteller. Oh, that's what all women say when they're not funny. You're like a queer power point. You're like a queer Rodney danger feel.

You guys are being so mean to me. I think as soon as Ruben heard, this is a competitive podcast. Well, I don't know, I came in here and told I wasn't good at comedy, so this is fun. You believed us, and that's the greatest sin a woman can communicate. That's so true. If anything, it was a gift to test me. And that's Christianity in a nutshell. Blessed be.

Oh, are we going to have another project moment? Oh, let's, let's, let's, no, because people watch the project. Oh, my God. I saw someone's trial show and they have a whole joke about it in their trial show. Do they? What is it? They don't say your name though. And I was like, I think you can.

That's the biggest crime. Yeah, that's the big, who is it? Names. Rowan Tamba? Oh, lovely. Yeah, because he wrote on the project. Yeah, that's what the joke's about. Well, say my name.

That's what I said. That's what you should say. Yeah, I said, I said, well, downtown squareby say their name. Say my name. I genuinely said I think Ruben would want you to say his name.

Yeah, 100%. What's the bit? Is it good? I don't remember. Oh, that's fine. Yeah,

no, no, it's about how he's a Christian and he's also a comedian. So he was very split. That's his fault. That's what his, like his,

like, that's his fault. It's really lovely. I like Rowan. No, but Christians are gay. Yeah, gay. Christians are gay. Also, Martha's...

You spend all your life on your knees in front of a man. Yeah, I know, it's crazy. In a loincloth. No offense, but nobody's gayer than Christians. Oh, yeah, they're pretty fucking gay. But fucking for Christ. Yeah. I believe is the tagline.

Do how many Christians have fucked an ass and never said anything to anybody about it? I'll ever read. I'll never blow it to tell. I should say, guys, about 50% of my audience is, because Christian. So one person. Bumping it up. Have you ever had sex with a super religious person? Have you ever sex with a homophobe?

Yes. That's so fun. Yeah, 100%. Most of the people I have sex with the homophobeysm. Mainly because I masturbate a lot. Yeah. I had sex one time. I had sex with a guy in Brisbane who just before we,

he came into our group to start a fight. And I butched up and went, hey, let's go have a chat. I put on my man voice. Does this sound good? Yeah, that was good. Sorry, that got me. I was like, yeah, go on.

As we're chatting. Can you tell the story in your straight voice, please? As we're fucking chatting, he's like, look at the size of you, bro. Look at the size of you. And I'm like, yeah, well, you're not too bad either, bro. What do you do? He's like, I just like, you know, just getting the feel and something. And then he starts making out.

And then I go, do you want to come back to my place? He goes, yeah, just to watch a movie though, bro. Just to watch a movie. What movie do you want to watch? American Psycho. No. Yeah, 100%. I'm like, oh, that's a red flag.

I'm hard. And then we're a lot of crazy And then we're a lot of crazy And then we get to literally the shower scene Which is 30 seconds into the start of the film And he's on me Whoa And then he stops for a second before we start fucking

And he goes, I'm not gay No, even better He's got a tag for it. He goes, so you know, I'm not gay. I just coach rugby. Okay. And I was like, oh, I've come. That's so good.

By the way, so you can you just hold back? That's going in the show. Thank you. And now it's the tag by the show. That's great. That's so good. This has been a hectic start. We've been recording.

Yeah, which of any of that can go in or no? Oh, I can go in. That's what I said. How about this? I applaud you for doing that. I had a guy asked me to send him my feet picks. And I sent him. my feet picks and do you know what he said?

His one response was, ooh, they've seen some things. Oh. Oh. Oh. It's like, yeah, I tour a lot. I do tour like 10 months of the year.

I'm in heels a lot. I already shared a zoomed up pick of my feet and one of the comments was, yeah, reliable. Yeah. Good. Very good. No,

I want to see the feet. No, it's because you've got like young, young baby chains. I genuinely, sorry, we'll get into this. Thank you.

I just can't believe. I've got my dad's withered hands and you've got like quite young. Look at how much collagen is on the front of those compared to mine. Yeah, that's true. Don't claw them up. Just let them, let them stay. They're little.

Rubin, do you know what this show is at all? I don't know who you are or what I am. I've played the Sydney Opera House and now I'm in, I don't know how you got a basement in an attic. But now I'm here with these too. Well, you need to send me answers to questions. It's like a... Miss, how would you explain this?

So he's going to say something like, what is the name of the man who... It's a rip-up of Fowlderdash. He invented the chair and then you make up a name. He reads out all of the names, including the real one, and you have to guess which one's the real one. Oh, I see. Great. The only problem is that means my phone has to be not on airplane mode.

Oh, yeah. And I'm very distracted. I'm already getting like calls and messages. Okay. That's just because I mean. Yeah, Andy's going off on your phone. He actually is. Yeah, just because I sent him a joke.

Oh, yeah. And he responded with that's, you can't say that online. Is that you? No, that's old. Can you go on do not just. You've had that since. What about do not disturb? Yeah, I can do it all.

I can do it. I can do it all. I can do it all. You're never going to get to ask a question. I know it does feel a bit like that. Yeah. I never had, yeah, I was going to say, I lost control. I never had it.

I'm gonna pick up my glasses after this show. Do you know that? Wow. Really? Yeah, you don't have your glasses on. I love you with your glasses. I haven't had glasses for like a year because I lost them and I just have been doing this. Yeah, you look good with glasses on.

Yeah. I really like you. Yeah. For the first time I'm getting reading glasses and they're big and they're like, they're like upman. Yeah. Is good. Are you doing that specifically or do you need that for like the type of prescription? No, they're not thick.

They're like. like thick rimmed black. Oh, that's your stylistic. And then my normal ones that I'll wear are like a tortoiseshell. Yes. Uh, crossbar. Yeah, you look so cute when you have those as a little vintage ones. Thanks.

Yeah. And the mustache? You bring that back. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my own. We met the mustache on the tortoiseshell, please. Asking for a friend.

Okay. Because I, and now I can grow up. That's crazy. Oh. Because I did just have hair like yours. This is going. I loved it. I love it, but I can't be bothered the upkeep.

You've got a shower, you've got to shampoo, like, so much more. So much more. Once a week. Long hair, it becomes like every two or three days. Because also you have to show my hair. Every time you should work out or whatever. But also, like, for me, for the show, I've got to find a version of this hair that works for the show that I can do myself. Because when I've got someone in, like for the opera, I pulled in someone and for the recital center, I had someone.

I had someone do it and it was gorgeous and perfect and I looked like Marlena Dietrich meets like non-binary 2000s but I can't do that on my own. My shoulders don't go to the back of my head anymore. So I just look like a bit of a raggedy and mess when I'm on stage. That's not very funny. We haven't even started technically.

Have we started recording? We have started recording what I talked about. The show itself hasn't started. No, we recorded before that. Do a lot of stuff. Conn's going to have a great time. Doing a podcast. A call after.

Is this Andy? No, that's Tristan, my costume maker. Oh, Tristan. Shout out of Tristan. Tristan's amazing. Probably listening. I first... We're very big in the costume industry.

I open the lot of Tristan. You try out to see if it was gay? Tristan is a gay name. Tristan is a gay name. No, I don't think so at all. Tristan is... Whether Tristan knows it or not, it's a gay name. I don't think Tristan's a gay name.

I think Tristan's a gay name. Okay. Show me a Tristan. It's all at the top. It's all at the top. It's all at the top of the mouth. I'm going to Google Tristan and we'll see who comes up. He thinks it's that teeth head, teeth forward.

Tristan. Yeah, it's very assid, sibling. Tristan. All right. I've looked up Tristan. You know. So the Tristan that I'm talking about. And the first picture of a Tristan that came up is that.

Tristan Rogers. What is your algorithm? Everything, everything on your phone is just daddy question mark. Tristan Thompson? Daddy. Yeah. But not gay. It's an NBA player.

Yeah, all right, yeah. You man who's allergic to sleeves? Gay. Tristan? Gay. Well, yeah. Apparently, Tristan means sad, sorrowful. Okay.

Tristan and his older. What's that one? Okay. Okay. Tristan, the guy I, makes my costumes. He loves, like, overt Adidasan sportswear, and he has a long, long, long mullet with a spiky front and, like, four heavy stretcher rings.

I was like, what an interesting aesthetic for a gay man. And he went, yes, I do like to prefer my aesthetic to be kebab shop sex pest. I love that. I was like, well, you're the guy for me. I love that. Tristan. What's a straight man name? Greg.

Ruben. Come down. Ruben is a big of stress. Calm down. Greg, Greg is. Greg is. Or the American Craig. Craig.

Craig. Craig. Craig. Craig. Wayne. Wayne. Wayne. Yeah, Wayne is.

Darren. Darren. Dan is a pretty straight. great name. Ben, that's why I changed my name to in prime-ist or when I wanted to fit in. Oh, yeah.

Because I was Ruben. Yeah. And I wanted to change my own to Ben because I thought it was the name that was making me. But the good thing about Ben is that you can easily get out by just whacking a Benny on there. Yeah. Or a Benji or a Benjie. Benjee, Benjian, even, I would say.

I love Benjamin. I love that name. Benj is also great for a trans when you transition. Yeah. No, I'm going to be Benji. Non-binary. Very sure. I thought about it.

Yeah. I would die. That would be what a twist. Should we get it to the show properly? Yeah, sorry, man. So, Rubin, I don't know what... Are we cans on this part? Because sometimes we're cans on, sometimes you can't have a choice.

I'm cans on, but... What do you mean? Because you got cans. Oh, yeah. Oh, that was about my boobies. Your boobies. Titties. Okay, yeah.

Yeah, because I wouldn't... My hair's really oily, actually, so covering it would probably be good. This is right. Am I meant to be on a... Do I know you? Do I have to be friends? I don't know. Well, you could.

We could do Instagram or Or WhatsApp or... What about the blowers? Hey. Hey, picked? How do you? Yeah, Ben, you're straight. I've never said that.

See, that's a fair about that point. I've known you for a while. You've never once said you were straight. I've never said that I was straight. For a straight guy, I've sucked and been fucked too many times. you knew this Rupin's genuinely curious now I'm not curious

I'm just very erect and I might cry I might cry I'm married now Rubin I'm sorry Even a tied up cow needs grass Who said that line before Is my Israeli cousin

From what you know of me Would you say I'm straight? No I'd say that you're curious Okay I would say I would say anyone who wears Camo with pink flowers

is her foot in boat camps. Okay, I hear you. Yeah. I just message you on Instagram if that makes it easy to find. I'm not really looking for new followers. No new mates. Matt Stewart.

That's your name. All right. Matt from next to you. I love that you're giving me a capital, but you haven't given yourself a capital? Believe in yourself. You're worth it. Well, I think that was just my computer automatically did that to you.

And automatically did that to me. Do you want me to message you on Instagram since you're... I've got both tabs open, so... Oh, versatile. Same. I have to go. The thing... Now I'm becoming from the photo.

I'm really enjoying myself right now. Oh, this is the best morning of my life. Sorry, go. This is the worst one of mine. Oh, no. Look, Ben, what do you think? You're right in the middle. What do you think I mean?

I think you're, I think you're just fine. What? The morning. I think the mornings, I've been at the animal hospital. Yeah, okay, you've had a rough morning as well. So my guard is down. Okay. Is this a new, new episode of Farmer wants a wife?

I think by the end of this, we're all going to kiss. I imagine that you're like the captain starlight of all the sick dying animals. I cheer him up. I give my, the real, the real medical marvel is laughter, as we all know. Yeah, that's true. We're the bravest people. Not penicillin. No, no, no.

Not the invention of the iron lund. Antibiotics got nothing on me. Yeah. Were you always born with such a magnetic stage presence? I'm feeling fragile, Rubin. And you have, um, you've really, um. Swipped in. You've swooped in and I reckon you've sensed weakness.

That's what he does. And now I'm feeding. Yeah. And you're just absolutely like a vulture on a carcass. I've got very little meat left on these bones. I call him the croupier because he turns him and he burns it. Don't copy my answers. I'm not allowed to look at them.

I'm not allowed to know what you said. No. And that means that you won't. Of course. Now Dylan's question is... He's typing this from a cave. Dylan is also a straight name. Dylan is a...

Dylan is a straight name. But Dylan can be like a transitionary name as well, though. It can be. Yeah. Also, there's... I think there are Dylan's that are the exception that prove the rule. Please explain. Would you accept?

Because you've got... Pause this gap because I should be able to do... Just been in six. Uh, 365 days of being a girl, Dylan, trans woman. Dylan Mulvaney. That's it. Thank you so much. Dylan Mulvaney, amazing trans woman.

You've got Dylan Adler, um, comedian. Yep. Japanese, Jewish, American gymnast. Yeah. But I think that they are exceptions that prove the rule. And in all other places, Dylan is like that 90s guy with frosted tips. Oh, Dylan Lewis. Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, Dylan Lewis. That's straight. We can't claim. Dylan. Allcott. Yes. Very, although in Rocky Horror, so again, you know.

All right, so this. Not my best work. I like San Diego. Yeah? Why? I had some family living there for a bit. Cool. So I just enjoyed my time there.

That's cool, do you? Do you tell that story at cocktail parties? I've never said that to anyone before in my life. That is the first time I've ever shared that I quite like San Diego. You're quite brave to do it on the microphone. I know it's crazy. That camera's on you. I know I'm aware.

I'll tell you what I told the guy that told me that he once drowned a dog. Never tell anyone that story ever did. Kurt Newton never did. Please. It's on the wrong finger because I've lost so much weight. Bill's questions. $200. Ben and Ruben are flirting.

Ven, am I okay? How much? You're all stuck in the middle too, Mish. How's that feeling? I'm thoroughly enjoying myself. This is the three-sit we wanted. Yes, this is right. And I'm over in the cup chair.

There's four people in the room. This is a threesome we wanted. A chance for no one to get left out. And we choose someone to get left out. Inclusivity is a lot. I'm going to Can you just repeat that again? What's the nickname of NFL quarterback Ryan Fitzpatrick?

And just one small with feeling. What is the nickname of American NFL quarterback Ryan Fitzpatrick? That was great. That was the take? That was the tape. Okay, great. Connor used that one. Okay.

Who's operating this camera, by the way? They're automatically switching based on voice. It's like a rich guy. in a tower. It's Kerry Packer. DAC attack. That should be your drag name. That should be your burlesque.

If you do Boiless, because your trick is to pull your pants down. Auto DAC. Can I do boylesk? I thought only ladies can do. Anyone can do. There's many subsets. There's like Burlesque.

There's boyish. For boys, there's a gorelesque if you want to get really gory. There's Neo-Burlis. There's so many ways to take your clothes off. Let's rehearse. I'm okay. I'm all right. I don't want to do, I don't want to do burlesque.

No offense to the burlesque dancers out there. You do great. You do great, but you do God's work. Yeah. I think in many ways I've seen you on stage. I would rate what you do in many ways. As burlesque. Burlesque and burlesque adjacent.

It's, it's sometimes. Cabaret. Yeah. Yeah. He's a new show is, isn't it? You're doing musical comedy now. I don't do musical comedy. That's a slur.

Hey, don't be mean. Why do you think it's a different? What? Musical comedy to cabaret. It's just all about branding. Technically, it's not. Yeah. Yeah.

They're just trying to slip in into our safe spaces. To our lane. Do you kind of do you say you do musical comedy? Well, no, but. So I've always thought that the way I write. That's bad improv. Actually, it's how improv's being done now.

Yes and is over. No, but is the new style. Okay. Andy Ballack was my first improv teacher. Oh, that explains it. Yeah. I'm no good at it. I always said that you want to write the songs.

And the songs should be good songs and then I'm funny in between the songs. And that's why I like to thought, oh yeah, that's for me. That's the vibeer that I want to do. But this most recent show, the new show, is a mix of that. Some of the songs are quite funny.

Some of them are just song songs in between. The reason Matt says this is because my show has, I've got, because I love synthesizers because I'm a 40-year-old white dude. Yeah. And so I've been making music. So it's that kind of,

I put a, like, different my beats, I guess. It's like lo-fi beats to watch a little man to. Yeah, that's what my show is. That's nice. Do you know that the Moog synthesizer was in part designed by Wendy Carlos, a trans woman? Well, it's pronounced Moog. And Wendy Cala is it actually?

Yeah. I didn't know that. Yeah. She did the score for Tron and the shining. Yeah, yeah, yeah. All that. Like an icon with her. So the guy who was designing it, sent it to her to like sign off on.

And she was like, changed it. this, do this, change this. So we have that, I mean, have electronic music in a way because of her. Very cool. I've had a song in every, of my, in my last three shows, but I, I wouldn't call them musical in any way. It's more so just me kind of talking to a beat. Yeah. I think the more people can, but they're funny. I swear to God. Do you know what I swear? Some of the members of the Kelly gang, I think he's, Ned's brother, they like to, he had like a best friend and they like to dress up. Yep.

In ladies' clothes. Yeah. Just for fun. Just for fun. Just for fun. Captain Moonlight. Big gay Bush Ranger with a boyfriend. Yeah.

Well, I can imagine if you've never worn a dress and you put one on, you'd be like, fuck, this is really comfy. Yeah. Yeah. You know, like. And also, like, think about the fabrics that men in those days had to wear. You think, like, your calico, your denim, your cottons. And then suddenly you put on something, and it's all constricted in hot Australian weather. And then suddenly you put on like a flowy dress.

Yeah. Even because they're not doing the flory. corsetry and stuff. They're just putting on the slip. Imagine how like gorgeous that would feel. Oh, absolutely. It's beautiful. I feel like freedom.

You said that with yearning. That's how I imagine. It's feel. You may come now. Yes, you may. Why is your phone case say otterbox? Because that's the brand? It feels like a slant.

term for vagina. That's what I call my vagina. That's my otterbox. Yeah, that's my otter box. Don't say that on this podcast because they will pick up on that. I said Big Wet one time and now they all call me Big Wet.

I was going to say, why are we called Big Wet and her otterbox? You're like a riverbank for long and a roofies. That's a horrible name for a vagina. He's a lot. I cannot stress this enough. Yes, that's very funny. Yes, it may stay in the podcast.

It is not appropriate to message. me about my otterbox. Okay. Oh, you can. Yeah, I can. Let's be clear. We're friends. I'm also talking,

I'm going to call my butthole the otter box. The otter box. It's also like a gay sauna. What is an, sorry, can I ask a, can I ask a gay question? Yeah. What is an order?

Better than anyone I know. Can I ask a gay question? What is that? Yeah. What is your gay question? What is an otter? I'm an otter. You're an otter.

I'm an otter. What are you? I'm a pirate. I'm a slim, what are you? I'm a pirate. I'm a slim, furry person. Oh, I love that. So a cub is like young, big and furry-ish, but it could be a complicated combination of any of those.

Bear, older, furrier. Okay, so the cub and bear, it's just age. Yeah, they're just transitional phases. Then there's twink, twunk, jock. What's a twunk? Twink is a twunk that is twanked. Yeah.

So, oh, so a twink that has been twink so much they've become a twunk? Yeah. Okay. Like you'd also be like, like a twink and a hunk.

Yeah. Like a musly twink. Oh, I have so much to learn. Slim and hairless. Yeah. Okay. I thought a twunk was like an aged

twink that had aged out. What? Can I say a twink that had aged out? I think it's contextual because different people have different. Yeah. Could you be a twink at 60? Yeah.

I think that's what that guy's trying to be in America. The guy that's drinking his son's blood. Yeah. Yeah. Who's this? What? This guy's like age. I'm age hacking.

I'm biohacking. No, you're 60 and a millionaire. Yeah, okay. And he's like, but I have a biological age of 28. It sounds like every 40 year old on Grindr. I've never seen a young soul. I've never seen a dude that looks like he's going to die more than that. That does not look healthy.

No. Yeah. He looks like he just drank from the wrong cup in the search of the luck. He chose poorly. Yeah, yeah, he chose poorly. All right, question three We're doing a podcast You're still here

Oh, I'm still sitting in the chair This is a long episode Yeah You're a big part of it And you are I can already see you going Come on Like the back end you always do this

I have a threshold Can you tell me more about your threshold? This has been a very fun 45 minutes But chop chop now Oh my God Dude Oh, fuck

Oh, pretty good save. A tissue? That's my cook. No, you can have it if you want. I forgot I heard that. What is it? Like a little chocky chip? I haven't had anything food today.

They eat it. Yeah, I just had a really big... Do you want me to get you a drink from the Auntie Donner office? Oh yeah, what have we got? Just some fizzies and stuff. Oh, yeah, is there a Coke no sugar? Yeah. Can I get a Coke zero?

Yeah, I mean, we're in the middle of a podcast. Yeah, yeah, you can go. I can go. No, no, I can go. But is that bad? No, it's fine. All right, don't let them... Can I get one, too?

You want me to go in there and just take a whole bunch of coats? Yeah. Okay. They love me in there. Yeah. They pay 150 bucks. Oh, okay. Thank you so much.

Okay, now she's gone. Should we start pressing record? Yeah, now we get into. Okay, ask the first question. Question number one. Cookies always taste better when there's someone else's. Okay. Yeah, that worked out really well.

But now I kind of, I understand colonialism. That cookie was... It was cookie Nullius. Cookinolius is also a lovely name for a girl. Cookie Nullius sounds like a cookie shop that you'd find in like Hawthorne. Hi, welcome to Cookie Nullius. Cookie Noloural. No one was here before us.

Oh my God, that's so funny. This is barely a cookie. This is essentially a cake with a slightly firm outside. It was just such a good cookie, Miss. We've got to four questions while you were gone, so we're almost done. You're welcome. Thank you, so much. You should thank me if I do something nice.

Thank you. I'm just a little baby. I hate that so much. Visceral reaction. Hate that. Thank you, little bit. You're so strong. Yeah, that's awful.

Why are you still enjoying that? Why am I hating that? Can I have some of my cookie? I'm trying to be as repulsive as possible. That's been like a long-term thing for you. Yeah, it's a long con. It's a long sloppie con. It's a slopping.

I'm a sloppy con. Can you do a Welsh accent? That's a hard one, is it? Welsh is quite different. It's quite hard to do. You've got to go like, it's like a Jamaican accent, but on a roller coaster. So you go up and down like this.

You go up and down like this. I'd like to apologize to all Welsh people watching that. And by that, I mean, both of them. No, if you see, if you, my, my, my name is Lloyd Langford. You're starting to go into Indian. You start to do Somerset, no matter what I do.

No matter what you're good at that one. No matter what you do, all, all roads lead to Somerset. They do. There's, don't, don't, go out in the morse tonight, master. There'll be an evil moon. Very good. Thank you.

I'm not an accent person, so I'm very impressed by people who can do accents. You did okay there, I thought. They call me the man of a thousand voices. Yeah, you got good voice. You do good voice. Name a voice. Sorry? Name a voice.

Perterbed. Oh, what is on? It's good voice. He's giving good voice. I was, I was sorry, I was writing a joke, sorry. Okay. That's my show. What did it feel like?

What was it about? It was real good. Yeah, I just wrote down all loads lead to Rome. Oh, yeah. That was all. That's very good. That's a laugh. I completely disassociated.

Pre-or. That's what I'll be. If you went into your notes app and selected any random page of jokes and then scrolled up and I said, stop. Would you read out the joke that's written there? All right, go into an old one. So from my few years ago and just start scrolling through

And then I'll say stop Stop Here's my business card It's just a QR code to Lifeline Very good My pronouns are guasha Keeping it tight Oh this is my

My asshole looks like Bert Newton's mouth After the stroke Fuck There you go Fucking hell Okay Glad we played that little game

I've heard the third one I think the third one I think the third one's you know Question six What did Bert being his asshole look like? That's so upsetting. Great. Thank you so much.

And have they all made the show this year? Some of those are going back into the show this year, but I have to cut like six minutes from my show. It's 20 minutes over. The Bert six. The Bert six. What do you mean? That's not a classic?

That's going to be on a... All right. I've got to keep all that in for, I'm not gay, I just coach rugby. The laugh on that goes for like a minute. Yeah, it's good. If people aren't enjoying this, they should be in the room. It's lovely in here. The energy is fabulous.

Come on in, the water's warm. Oh, McConaughey. Oh, yeah. If you do any voice. He can. Yeah. On the man of a thousand voices. Do Morgan Freeman.

And they do, Frey. That's very. I'm out, shit and came out smelling sweet on the other side. Nice. Do Johnny Cash. I'm Johnny Cash. That's very good. Now, what's the difference between a Johnny Cash and an Elvis?

Oh, this is Elvis. Can you do a, here's a difficult one. Can you do a Merrill Streep? No, I can't do a Merrill Strip. I wish that I could. So not every voice. Can you do a believable woman? I can do you.

No. I can do a Catherine Hepburn. Oh, that's cool. Can I say you've done well there to not go into kind of a Parkinson's voice as well because so many people go in, they suddenly in the full Parkinson's. You've gone into full,

bringing up baby. Yeah. Adam's rib, if you will. Listen to here. The African Queen. That's not Catherine. Rosalin Russell. Yeah.

Get bad gay. Bad, bad gay. That's not gay ass. I can also do, what's your face? White Lotus lady. Oh, Jennifer Coolidge. His gates are trying to kill me.

Yeah. Oh, that's good. Asthmatic Jennifer Coolidge. Yeah. That's fun. What? Can you do Parker Posey though? I love her.

Piper, no. You sound like a groan tube. Let's gossip. That's cool. I would watch a whole show of you as the grown tube. Have you seen Gabby Bolt do a groan tube? No. Very good.

Oh, I do enjoy it. Have you seen it? No. Gabby Bolt does a great bit where she's a grown tube doing a, what's the church that Justin Miva was a part of? It's so funny. Hill song. Yeah.

Does a grown tube doing Hill song and it's so funny. How was Gabby Bolt not named her show Bolt Gun? I don't know. I think it's, I think it's, I think it's, I think it's, like a cow with a bullsoe. It's called tall poppy this year. Yeah, it's a good title. Good title. Gabby Bolt's wonderful. Shout out to Gabby Bolt.

Shout out to Gabby Bolt. Shout out to Gabby Bolt. Shout out to Gabby Bolt. I figure that sometimes, because I don't get to, like, actually hang out or play with comedians, it's quite a solitary thing. I find in this podcast, whenever I make a joke to you or to the camera or whatever, I do it. And then I instantly go, anyone else because I'm not, there's no audience, which is very weird for me. Normally, there's so many more people to do it to.

So suddenly I'm like, and approval? Yep. Anything? Anything? Well, you'll get that on delay, hopefully. Hopefully someone listening. Oh, I see. Yeah, I see.

Yeah, that'll be nice. Yeah. They'll be like, Rubin, that was, you were the start of that. That was really great. You deserve more. I'm fine. You'll, like, you ever get that? You run a podcast.

And people go, I thought that was really funny. You got, you should deserve more in the room. No, no, no, no. But people used to write it about my podcast and they loved that. I like your podcast. Thanks. I really, the one thing I couldn't handle was doing everything that wasn't the thing. Yeah.

And that's most of podcasting. Yeah, I don't understand. With my podcast, I don't do anything other than show up. See, I want that. I would have loved that. It's good. It was so much of all the other stuff. And I had a producer on board doing a lot of it as well.

So I can't even imagine what it is just doing it off your own stain. Yeah. I'm such a, I just want to do the thing. And I'm good at doing the thing. Don't maybe do the things that aren't the thing. You should try doing a weekly sketch podcast that you have to produce and write yourself. Do you ever miss doing it? That's too much.

Yeah. I mean, I miss doing it. I hate the use of this word when it's not necessary, but it really is. That was iconic that podcast. I'd never. The Grub podcast was a sketch with Greg and Ann.

Oh, I want to watch that. It was like early days as well. Very early days. Yeah. Like pre-Preeddo taking off. Yeah. And it was fun.

I miss it doing it with them, but I don't miss everything else. Everything else. It just became too much for a three of it. Yeah, the three of you was delicious. That was so good. I think also there's something. Because we're all kind of useless in our own special little ways.

Yeah. Do you also find that there's something for the mindset of us where you're, oh, it's in a routine now. I dislike routine more than anything else. So it sucks all the joy of the, of doing the thing out of it. Because I'm like,

no, no, now I have to go into all of these other steps. And I have to keep on doing these other steps so they become the focus. I actually think, like the actual doing of the podcast. Is that what you mean? Yeah.

No, no, though, like doing the podcast is doing the thing. Like being in the room. Fantastic. It's the setting up, the booking, the editing, the scripting, the doing the captions, doing all the social media stuff, doing all that stuff. I'm like, that all comes off my bat. I'm not good at any of that stuff. And I don't have the finances to pay the people who are good at that stuff to do it all. No, everything I do for the podcast, I genuinely enjoy doing. Like, Zach and I watch movies or like telly or whatever and we reveal it. Yeah, but you're doing it with someone as well. That's nice. Yeah, and I really, really like Zach, which is really helpful.

Yeah. He's a goodie. Yeah, he's a goodie. Yeah, he's a baddie. Huh? I'm certainly not going to say Well, on record I've said way too much already in this episode. There's some allegations about Ben Russell.

Oh, you heard some. Yeah. Sorry. That's okay. Hey, you're doing your burst. And also,

just mean like pacing is everything. Yeah, just say it with a big loud voice. Yeah. Okay. We'll just wait until you're ready. And you have nothing. This has been the burpest.

I've never heard a burp on Mark before. Well, I haven't got them. Cokes. Oh, you did. We're all here for you, by the way. Like, it's a supportive room.

It doesn't matter that you didn't buy in your T-shirt. Cam James is on the other week. He's like, it's so funny that you can't do the one main thing you need to do on this show. Read? Well, I'm trying my best. It's true. I think this is the first episode you haven't fucked one of my questions up. There's still time.

There's still time. All right. Option number three. Oh, I see. Hang around after this. That's what's happening after you press top recording. That's what's happening when I leave here and I go to the edging session. Is that a real thing you're doing?

Fuck it. Turn this off. I want to hear what this is. What is an edging session? So the guy ties me down, blindfolds me and then just edges me and doesn't let me come. Fuck I am so vanilla. An hour to 90 minutes depending. And I beg until I really.

big to come. And then by the end, like, the best part is because I'm a very, like, sex is at the front of my brain all the time because I don't like doing other stuff. By the end of it, the last thing I want is for like any sexual context. I'm so worn out by it. That's fantastic. That's great. It's like therapy.

It is. I think he has a degree. I really. Can I add anything that makes me sound stupid.