Who Knew It with Matt Stewart - 190 - Jess Perkins and Kirsty Webeck

Episode Date: May 4, 2026

Who Knew It with Matt Stewart is a comedy game show podcast hosted by Australian comedian Matt Stewart. Episode 190 features comedians Jess Perkins and Kirsty Webeck!Buy tickets for the 200th episode: https://tickets.oztix.com.au/outlet/event/7bb3026b-b8a8-40b8-8693-2cadee9f423cSupport the show via http://patreon.com/dogoonpod and you can submit questions for the show!Check out Matt's stand up special 'Best Man': https://youtu.be/ZgukEPerWZc?si=SW8PttGAB-ly_GF8And his stand up special 'Live at Stupid Old Studios': https://youtu.be/cWStRpI-BhESee the podcast/Matt live: https://www.mattstewartcomedy.com/Check out Matt's podcast network: https://dogoonpod.com/Theme song by Evan Munro-Smith, Logo by Murray Summerville and edited by Connor Schmidt! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Welcome to Who New with Matt Stewart, the show where the guest's right, the wrong answer. I'm the titular Matt's show. Our first guest is currently touring Australia and New Zealand with her show Lost for Words. It's Kirsty Webeck. Hello there. Hey, it's me. I was like, I'm on tour. You're probably more than halfway in terms of shows, but not in destinations.

You're still hitting so many spots. I've got so many spots left, which is cool. That's very fun. That's very exciting. But I've done the majority of my shows, like in runs. Like in Melbourne where, you know, I did 12 shows and fringe world and all that stuff. So I have been to Perth. I just want to say that because they get removed from the website and people get upset.

Oh, you're not coming to Perth again. No one cares about Perth. And I'm like, I spent $250,000 on flights to Perth. You obviously weren't there. I had to reach out to the Do Go On universe and ask them to dip into the Patreon. Retroactively for my appearances over the years and fund part of that. I'm a restaurant red, but she did ask. I had to be a backdoor pilot on the plane to get to there.

The equivalent of washing the dishes at a restaurant. Anyway. Heaps of shows, too. And you haven't been in New Zealand yet? I'm not, nope. I'm in New Zealand in August. Yeah, Al-Tarora. Al-Torrawa.

Yes. I really want to be able to nail that. And now that I've corrected you, I hope I'm correct as well. But I... Well, you were closer for sure. Yeah, well, my partner is from New Zealand. So I am a sexually transmitted Kiwi. That's how it works.

That's the technical term. Not anymore, by the way. Oh, no. No more transmissions. Our second guest this week has just launched her debut rom-com, two doors down. It's a radio play. It's Jess Perkins. Hello.

That's true. Which, uh, Kirsty helped write at least one character name. That's very true. Kirstie was the inspiration behind a very important character called Pamper Lam. Played by Danielle Walker. Played beautifully by Daniel Walker. It would have been played beautifully by Daniel Walker. So people can hear it in your pod feed, but they'll be able to see it probably next month on online as well with the, you know, the read through.

That's right. You can see the whole, it was like a table read and we sat around, we had a bloody good time. It was this table too. It was this very table we sit down now. It just feels like a special table now. It never used to. It never used to. I thought I felt a bit more romantic.

Yeah. Yeah. It's amorous in here. Yeah. I'll put a stop to that. But yeah, that's, man, it's so exciting. It's so cool he did it. I know.

So cool. It's, uh, it is awful. I'm still, because it, it's just come out. So I'm still exhausted. Right. It's getting so much love. It's getting a lot of love, which is so nice. People are really being very positive and very nice about it, which is warming my cold little

hard. And that is no mean feet. I know. Yeah, yeah. Ice cold. Doctors are worried. No, it's so nice. But yeah, so that's sort of the end of the first and maybe last season of Jess writes a rumcom. Who knows? I need to just walk away from it for a bit. Would you consider other genres? Yeah, that's one suggestion. You got to do an action one.

Action would be so fun because I do love an action movie. I hate horror movies, but so would it be funny for me to try and write one because then I have to watch horror movies? Comedy horror that could be fine. Yeah, it could be right. And you could watch those like really bad, like, B grade 80s ones that aren't scary at all. Yeah, that could be fun. But then you get like, obviously you get like the gist of them. And then you could get your guests to like watch like the worst horror movie they can find. And then just tell me about it.

Yeah. Yeah. I like that. I like to read plot summaries online of scary movies. Yeah. And go, oh, is that scary? Well, the way this show works is, who knew it, I ask a relatively obscure trivia question. Our contestants have to write a convincing fake answer.

I then read their answers well as a real one. and then I have to guess which one is correct. And P.S. This is a Canadian special. Surprise. Wow. Jess and I now, a little friend Dave. Our tiny little bud.

Tour in Canada this September for a run of live shows. And Patreon supporter Cara Jacobson suggested this week, why don't you do a who knew it Canadian special? Love it. Because we did a Patreon, Am I a Dead Woman Canadian Special? Which out of context is going to sound pretty insane. It sounds pretty insane when you do know what it is. It's essentially our version of it.

of celebrity heads. It's a bonus episode we do, but we call it Am I a Dead Woman? And the first question is always, am I a dead woman? It's really fun, Kirsty. We're a fun cool, goo. We're really fun. You guys are so cool.

It actually feels horrible being on the outer. I know, yeah, yeah. It's like bullying through exclusion. I wish I was in with those cats. They'd get up to all sorts of antics. We've got to get you on a future Dead Woman episode. Can't wait. You'd love it.

I'm going home today to rehearse. So, yeah, keep that in mind. I mean, they're all at least tangentially related to Canada. And the first question comes from legendary listener, Jim Bates, from Sackett's Harbor in New York. And his question is, what does screech in mean? What does screech in mean? Screech in. Mm-hmm.

Like, what do you mean by dash? Like the... Hyphen. Hyphen. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Thank you. So I'm not going to be this annoying for the whole episode.

No, no. I just really needed a visual. That is real. It's not screeching. Yeah, exactly. That's my question. That's my question. So, so,

S-C-R-E-C-H-hyphen in. Yes. Yeah. Anyway, while you're writing your answers, I'll explain how the scoring works. At one point, if your fake answer is guessed by the other contest, and another point, if you correctly guess the answer. By the way, I'm also playing as the house,

and I've put in two of my fake answers for each question with the help. It's a question, right, and we get a point for each one of those that I guess choose. So that means each of us conscript a two. points per round, which seems fair, but the probability actually favours me in the house. The house always wins off. You've listened to previous episodes, you'll know that it is not necessarily the case, and do we even things out. Does anybody understand what you're saying?

The cast has got triple points. I know, blah, blah, blah. I mean, hey, Kirstie, our questions come from my great Patreon supporters. If you want to submit a question, sign up on any level via patreon.com slash digger on pod, linked in the show notes. You don't, you could just send them to me. I mean, some people do just DM me on Instagram and I'll use them. sometimes, but the vast majority come from Patreon.

Yeah, because you said, hey, Kirsty, and I was just like, man, I think, like, I think you need to start looking for Patreon subscribers outside year circle. You know what I mean? Like, it's a bit, you know? All right, the answers are in for question one. What does screech in mean? Okay. A term used in the Grand Prix when cars turn a corner at high speeds on two wheels.

Oh. Option two. A method used by Saskatchewan ornithologist to attract snowy hours at night by imitating their calls. Option three. A casual unplanned visit, like a pop-in. Then you got an annual saved-by-the-bell festival held in Toronto. I hope not.

Screech was cancelled. Well, finally, in the way that he's dead. Yeah, I think it was pre-deat. Is he dead? Yeah, I think so. You can't get more cancelled than dead. Can't. Won't come back from that?

Hey? Where's his fucking reunion tour? I, yeah, well, I got to introduce you to a friend of mine who, who, uh, Well, he was a carpenter by day, but... He came back from bed. All right. And finally, a Newfoundland ceremony where visitors are made to take a shot of rum and kiss a frozen cod. Okay, Jess.

So you got the Grand Prix. Yes. You got the owl imitations. You got the unplanned visit. You got the Saved by the Bell Festival. And you've got the Newfoundland ceremony, shot of rum. Newfoundland ceremony. Newfoundland ceremony.

Canada is a weird place. It's a beautiful point I like to just go with my gut Yeah Lock in Lock in Who cares Well I don't like to logic my way through it

I don't want to think about it too much And then figure out the correct answer I just want to Yeah We're recording on a Monday No thinking's happening Absolutely not I take Monday to Friday off thinking

I genuinely It's chaos everywhere I forgot it was Monday Yeah It is isn't it shit It is It is Yeah just another manic month

Monday. And this will be coming out on Monday. Wow. Wow. Really, that makes you think so. This comes out today. You've put him this straight out. It's actually already been out for an hour.

To the listeners, yes, it is coming up today. Wait, what? Is this about astral projection again? We're off we go. We're on the move. We're on the moon. So Jess has got Newfoundland. Do either of you know how to pronounce it?

Because whenever I say it, I get messages. New Finland. Newfoundland. Yeah. I think it's more that. All right. Yeah. Thank you.

Yeah. I could still be offered a little bit, but it's less found. Right. Yeah, like Newfoundland. I think, because I think that's how they pronounce like the dogs. Yeah. Okay. Yeah.

Appreciate that. But someone will be in my DM soon going, it's not quite right. No, your listeners would never. Sorry, everyone. Sorry, if you're just respecting you like that. Oh, no, they will. But it sounds like you've got to also take into consideration the Australian accent and Curse's Lisp.

Yeah. It's not going to be exactly as you say it. No. And Newfoundland is famously riddled in S's. Very, very lispy. And I challenge any Canadian to come here and say woolamaloo. Yeah. So, okay, we've all got weird names.

Marabon, woolen gabbar. Okay. Yeah. Maroochidore. Yeah. Northcote. Stuff like that. Yeah.

They'd say coat. North Coat. Yeah. Coeburn in Western Australia. You'd read it like Cockburn. Yeah. Which is a completely unrelated illness. Yeah, that's right.

Which you can get in Coburn. You can. Stop procrastinating. Okay. Let's lock in saved by the bell. I like the two different tactics here. Jess straight in. Kirsty,

I'm avoiding even talking about the options. Yeah, me forcing Jess's hand to be like, hurry up and lock one in. And then I panic, locked one in. But I'm doing the saved by the bell one basically because I want to come back at some point and be able to go, hey, what's this cancellation business? Okay, great. Yeah.

I'm keeping the dream alive. I'll go to that in the meantime. All right. Here's who wrote the answers. The one about Saskatchewan ornithologist, that was written by Jim, the question right? That was good.

It was good. It was that or the one I went for, so good stuff, Jim. Yeah. The casual unplanned visit, like a pop-in, that was Jess Perkins. Wow.

Screeching. Screeching. It's Canadian pop-in. It's good. It's a Canadian pop-in. It's cash. The Grand Prix screeching ties. That was Kirstie Gubeck.

Yeah, who forgot that we were doing a Canadian theme. Well, they probably have one, I'm sure. They have cars? They've got a Grand Prix in Canada, I reckon. Yeah. Yeah, thanks. Up on two wheels is fun. Yeah, thanks. I thought of that.

Yeah. I mean, I thought of the whole lot of it. I actually thought that bit. I thought that bit was me. That bit was me. That bit of the answer was me. The rest of it, you don't want to know where that came from. You know, I'm just a vessel.

A messenger. Now, Kirsty went for the Save by the Bell Festival. I'm afraid that was the house. As in you? As in me. Yeah, it definitely had undertones of Matt Stewart. Yeah, I think we're of the same age. So we both grew up with that show.

We did. We did. Funnily enough, it was this a big show on Australian TV. Yeah. It was, wasn't it? I don't reckon it would hold up. I think if we watched it today, we'd be like, cool. I believe there's a whole, like, social media presence of Zaks an asshole.

Like, they just show all these clips of the hero of the show. show, the cool guy. Yeah, the hunk. Zach Morris being, he's like a prick in every episode. Like he, yeah. Of course I would have made him that, though, because he was hot, wasn't he? He was like a preppy hot boy. Yeah.

Yeah. And that means Jess is correct. Ah. The shot of rum and kissing a cod. That's a screeching in Newfoundland. Canadians. They're cookie over there. I reckon, look, this is horrible so early in the show to be saying this, but I think Jess cheated.

I think she submitted that question through the Patreon. Oh my God. Because I don't have access to it. So just hand your phone over. I'm going to go through your phone quickly. I can't allow that. There's so many nudes. Of me?

Yeah. And you've got to get that rash looked at, mate. Please stop sending them. Yeah, it's not good. My phone automatically saves it. I can't delete them. I know you say it's not you and you're just a vessel for sexting. All right, so after one round,

Curse yet to school, Jess in the house on a point apiece. Here's question number two. This comes from a Jacques strap. Oh, my God. Oh, wow. They fucking got you. Wow.

They got you. They got me for a second as well, I'll be honest. Jacques strap of Cockburn? Of Shelbyville. Oh. I can't believe this. Jacques strap. Because I first went like, ooh, Jacques.

Yeah, me too. Right of it down. Yeah. I really got Mo Cislecked, and I guess it probably is a most Cisleck one. Yeah. I thought it was, I thought it was like Canadian, like, you know, French. Canadian, yes. I think I thought the same thing.

Well, I'm disappointed myself, but I'm more disappointed in you, Jacques. Yeah. We're not mad. No. Just disappointed. Pull your socks up, Jacques. Mr. Strap. Yeah.

If that's your real name. I'm going to pronounce it. Like, I think it should be Jacques. Strape. It doesn't even work then. So fuck you, Jean. Now,

thanks so much for supporting the show and get in that question. No, good on you. No, good on him. Jacques's question is, he just wants you to come up with a fake species of amphibian found in eastern Canada.

Okay. Just the name of the animal you don't have to describe it or anything like that. While you're writing your answers, here's more info on screechins. Wiki writes Newfoundland Screech is a rum sold in Newfoundland,

Newfoundland, with 40% alcohol by volume. The term screech is a colloquial term that has been used to describe almost any cheap, high alcohol spirit, including moonshine. The screech in as a ceremony performed on non-Newfoundlanders involving a shot of screech, a short

recitation, and the kissing of a cod. It is often performed either in homes or more commonly in town pubs. Jim adds, some screech in traditions vary in both the order of events as well as the requirements. Some ceremonies require that the screechee eat a piece of nuffy steak, a slice of bologna, or kiss a rubber puffin's rear end. Keen.

I love... Don't you love culture? I love culture. That sounds fantastic. Keene. Coon. The bologna or the rubber puffin? The puffin.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm not a monster. What? What? What? What? What? I'm sorry.

What? What? All right, the answers are in. For question number two, which of these are real species of amphibian found in eastern Canada? Spring paper. Three-toed eastern salamander. Hockey head toad. Prince George Green Toad or thick-lipped tree frog.

Oh my God, they're so good. Like slips tree frog with my high school nickname. And I won't say any more about it. I think, uh, read into. that what you will. Were you, was it, were you named after a real tree frog from Canada or are you thinking maybe one of the other ones? Nice segue, Matt.

You're the only person who can manage Jess and I. Barely. Barely. So, so thick-lipped tree frog. Yep. And then. Prince George Green Toad. hockey head, towed, three-toed Eastern Salamander or spring peeper.

Oh. I wonder what does a hockey head look like? Hmm. Because are you thinking that... Like a puck or like a stick. Yeah. It's like the stick is stuck on the forehead. Oh, right.

And it's going straight up in there. I'm imagining it even more like a hammerhead. Like it's like the bottom of the hockey stick is kind of the shape. Yeah. Oh, okay. Yeah, that's fun. Okay. I'm

Oh Take your time I've just Thanks mate I appreciate you I really appreciate your patience Jess I'm known for my patience

It's so good of you To be so patient With me Because I'm just gonna take Another 180 seconds I like the idea That you just take Just said a word for everything

Take your time Thank you so much Thank you so much Yeah like I refuse to see sarcasm From Jess Perkins I'm like Jess thank you so much

For always supporting me Jess is so nice. This is always so nice to me because it's hard for me to decide. And Jess is like, don't worry, mate. Take another three hours. And I'm like, oh, my parking will run out. Yeah. But okay, yeah.

I'll take 20 minutes. She's my final offer. This outfit is a bold choice. Yeah. And everyone you're saying that to is like, what are you talking about? Jess is a bitch. She's bullying you. She's a monster.

What was the Prince George one? Prince George, Green Toad. Okay. All right. I'm going to, I'm going to lock in the hockey head. Hockey head, all right. And because it's got no S's in it. That's how I decided.

Smart. Yeah. Intelligent, actually. You've ruled out salamander very quickly. He's good. So quick. So quick Matt missed it. Yeah.

Incredible. So listen back to that later. You'll love it. You'll love it. I won't do that. You should. I think a spring peeper is probably. a bird.

Okay. But it just stood out to me immediately, so I'm going to spring people. Yeah. Well, it's kind of cute. It's also maybe a bit pervy. Oh, that's true. Yeah. Yeah.

Oh, bless you. Comes out of hibernation and it is horny. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. I'm imagining like a little frog in a trench coat. Yeah. Oh, it's letting you peep. It's peeping and flashing.

Yeah, I don't know. I saw a little frog in a trench coat outside the bathroom window. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. There you go. Yeah. All right, here's all right, the answers. Thick-lipped tree frog, that was Jacques. That's good.

The Prince George Green Toad was Jess. The three-toed Eastern Salamander was Kirsty. So it means one of you is correct. Oh, no. So it went with hockey-head toad. I'm afraid that was the house. Oh, no. And that means spring paper is correct.

What? Oh my God. I mean, do I Google it? They're very cute little. It feels unsafe. Choosing spring peeper is exactly what a spring paper would do. Absolutely. My favourite time of year, time to peep.

Oh, it is quite cute. Yeah. Could I please have a look? It's just like a little orangey, browny kind of little frog. Oh, it is cute. Oh, that's really cute. It's got like a 70s vibe to it. Yes, colour-wise, absolutely.

Yeah. Seventies vibe is so fun. It's a real 70s palette. Okay, question three. I should say, I mean, the first two rounds were very similar, meaning the scores are now, Curse yet to score, but Jess and the house on two points of piece. Question three comes from Brett Flora from Lexington.

It's a bit of a longish question, or a bit of a run-up. The Wilco Company, a large chain of hardware stores in Canada, makes knock-off versions of popular board games. For example, they have a version of the popular face-flipping guessing game. Guess who called Who Am I? I guess it's like Am I a Dead Woman to Celebrity Head? Sure.

But what Brett wants to know is what is their knockoff version of the board game Trouble called? Uh-huh. So you just got to come up with a fake name for a board game. Do you remember Trouble? I do.

It's the Pop-O-Matic game. Yeah, the Pop-Omatic game. I was a big fan of it. I'll just before we do question three, I'll quickly let the listeners know and you two if you want to listen. I don't. I definitely don't.

Jacques writes the Spring. The spring peeper is a chorus frog native to eastern US and Canada, whose scientific name is pseudacrus crucifer. The crucifer in the name refers to the cross pattern they bear on their backs. They're known as spring peepers because they start their mating calls in the spring and they sound like a peeping bird noise. You were all over at Bob. Wow, that's rare.

Good on you, pop. I've had very little sleep. Do you think I should continue to not sleep much? Yes, yes. Just to be this powerful. I think you're going to feel, when I read out of the options for this question, you're going to feel like you haven't slept in weeks. Fabulous, great.

Because I just quickly browsed through them and I felt insane. Yeah. Great. Question three, what is the Wilco Company's version of the board game Trouble called? Here are your options. Nauty, naughty. Don't torment me. Uh-oh.

Strife or harumph. Okay. Okay, Jess. Wow. Those are really good. You're two from two so far. I don't say that. Okay.

Because this one's tough. There's nothing that's coming to me straight from the gut. Yeah, they were both gut instinct. Yeah. Can I have them again, please? Nauty, naughty. Don't torment me. Uh-oh.

Strife. Humph. I think that's how that would be. I want it to be strife, I think. Or uh-oh is very funny. Strife. But strife feels maybe not something Canadians would say. Oh.

Strife. A bit of strife. You're thinking of struth. I was thinking of struth. Lock in strife. No, I think I'm going to, because I think they want to keep it, you want to keep a board game name short and sweet, but punchy, right? So I don't think it's the second one, so I'm going to go naughty, naughty. Norty, naughty.

Okay. Kirsty, what do you think? All right, well, here's my thoughts. No, I'm not. Well, let's unpack each of them. Dear, Diring. It's me, Kirsty. These, actually, all these terms were taken from your teenage diary.

Nauty naughty. They sure were. I'm going to go with, oh-oh. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. It's cute. Locked in. Here's her at the answers.

Harumph, that was the house. That's good. Strife, that was Kirsty. Hey. That's good, though. Now, Jess went for naughty, naughty. I'm afraid that was Brett, the question writer. Okay, the house.

Curse went far Oh oh that was Jess You got me Meaning the correct answer Is don't torment me Terrible Terrible This is Wilco right

Okay let's dedicate the rest of the episode To drafting an email to Wilco About how they've got wrong Wilco Hello It's us It's Matt It's Matt

Jess and Kirsty here How are you I'm with you I'm with you I ruled that one out immediately because especially if it's a one-word board game. Yeah. And you're doing a rip-off.

Keep it punchy. You've got to keep it punchy. Like, don't turn it into a paragraph. Yeah. Strife's good. And there is a lot of like language crossover with Canada more so than like the US because they're Commonwealth. So it's possible that it might say strife, but I was like, oh, maybe not.

Strife's good though. I like that. Yeah. Thanks, Jess. That works. Always supporting me. I think. He's building you up.

about to tear me down again. I got to put you back together a little bit. False sensor security. Your shit. Oh, Jess. Rip your head off. Rip your head off.

It seems like the, maybe the game started off as a German game or maybe it was turned into a German game. And that's a more, it's called something like, don't be mad or something like that. Originally and then it was turned into trouble. That's why the Canadian knockoff version is a bit closer. Don't torment me, maybe.

Yeah, it sucks. It's really bad. Yeah, amazingly. That name is tormenting me ironically. Amazingly, the scores in that round are again, Jess one point, the house one point, Kirsty had to score. So it is Kirsty yet to score and Jess in the house on three points a piece,

but still truly anyone's game. This question comes... Is it though? Yeah, yeah, oh yeah. Oh. I've cracked it. Triple points in the final round. Oh, that's true.

You can't remember that. Okay, I'll remember that. Oh, and we could bring this thing. If you want to in the next two rounds, you can use a wild card where you put in two of your own fake answers if you want. I've tried that a few times. Okay. You don't have to, but if you want to.

It gives you double the chance to trick Jess, for instance. All right, question four. But you have to come up with two things. It's like, my brain's not going to do that. And what rounds can you do it in? Any of the next two. Do you need two left? Oh, well, the last rounds of movie around, and you don't want to write two movies.

Oh, my gosh, I feel, I feel sick. I can't, I've really slit today. Anyway, carry on. Still so much time to go. This question. Question four comes from Marissa Stroud from Stroud in Ontario. And the question is, what is the name of the small town located, approximately 25 kilometers northwest of Port Leamington, perhaps? It's on the shores of the Notre Dame, Notre Dame Bay.

Notre Dame Bay. Notre Dame. Go Notre Dame. So just a name of a small town? Just a name of a small town that's interesting enough for someone who sent in a question. I mean, every small town is interesting to me. Oh my God, that is such a beautiful point and well made. That's so nice.

Do you know what I mean? Those people are just as valid as our city dwellers. Yeah. Even though we have more money, more class. Yeah. We're better looking. Oh, yeah. Just because of all those factors.

Yeah. In that we're better and nearly every way. Every way. people are still people. And even though I was born and grew up in a couple of small towns, I've forgotten about them and I've moved on and I've got better. It's kind of like moving, like moving to a different country. They say around 15, if it's before 15, you'll probably, you'll adopt the new places accent. It was good, yeah, because I adopted the new places, bon vivance. That's right. If that's even a term. It is, and you know that because we're city people.

Yeah, joie de vivre. Yes, yes, you've got the city, Joie de Vives. Yeah. You have that. Yeah, I've got all those things. And they don't have that in the small towns. But they're beautiful in their own way, just on the inside, not on the outside.

Yeah, you know. While you're writing answers. Yeah, sorry, I was trying really hard. Yeah, I was right, there was all this noise. I'm sorry, I was having fun with my friend, man. Oh. Sorry, it's rare. Oh, sorry, I didn't realize this was it.

private catch-up between you two. I was trying to do the job. It's rare that we get along. So when it happens, you just have to let it. Yeah, yeah, you have to let it run. Dave's on here. Yeah.

He's always just like undermining us and our friendship. He's horrible. He whispers in my ear all the time. Just hates you. Yeah. Dave's toxic. Oh, really? He tells me,

I think Matt has a crush on you. That's why I keep you at arms. Okay. So I go, that's not appropriate. He's told me the same thing. That Matt has a crush on you? No, that Matt has a crush on you. Right.

Oh, okay. Matt, should we clear the air? Do you have a crush on me? Dave was really not meant to say it. Dave has breached your confidence one too many times. He's telling everyone. That's horrible. Okay, town, a town.

You do that and I'll tell Kirsty, this is what Brett wrote about that Wilco knockoff game. He said, I was going to list some other Wilco knockoff game names, but now I think I'll submit them as other questions. So instead, say something. something nice about Canada, Matt? Oh, okay. I should have pre-read that.

Have you ever been to... I've never been to Canada, but I'm so pumped to be going. I've never been to Canada. I've been desperate to go for many years because I have a lot of Canadian friends from when I lived overseas. Oh, sick. And they have all since also moved back home, and I'm desperate to go and see them. It's so far away, though.

So I kind of... I wanted to wait till I was at a point in my career where I could potentially get away with doing a few little shows. Yes. But, you know, who knows? knows when that day will come. So I should just plan a trip. Yeah, plan a trip and then just put on the shows. Yeah, just wherever I am.

Any Canadian listeners. I'll just pop into a cafe. You've got to tag Kersie and say, I'll come to your show in Canada. Yeah, please do Canadian listeners. For Canadian listeners, we're going to be in Toronto, Calgary, Montreal and Vancouver this September. We're so pumped. And hey, while you're still writing your answers, Jess, let's go for a quick break. All right, we're back. The answers are in.

The question four is, is what is the name of the small, located approximately 25Ks northwest of Port Leamington. This is in Canada, on the shores of Notre Dame Bay. And I think I've absolutely nailed that. Here are your options. Leading tickles. Bear moose, beaver moose, edging creek,

cuddles by the bay, or Port Pambalam. You can see why they might have sent some of these in. So it could be any of them. Could be any of them. It could be any of them. Kirsty's go, you'll go first. What are you thinking?

Oh, I mean, it's got to be Port Pambalant. No, don't. Don't lock that in. I'm hovering over the locket in button. You need a point. Do not throw it now. Port Pambalam. Cuddles by the bay.

Cuddles by the bay. I mean, that's the hotel, Cuddles by the Bay. We all know what's going on there. Bear moose, beaver, moose, or leading tickles. Edging Creek Bear moose Beaver Moose High school nickname

They all keep popping up My mom was cuddles by the creed Edging Tickles and Cuddles It's so fun Three different ones And then Port Pamble Lamb Bear Moose

Beaver Moose Moose They seem to be in categories Of their own Edging tickles and cuddles Yeah it's interesting Isn't it All a bit You know

And also Port I think maybe the house is a little bit horny. Can we just have cuddles by the bay? It sounds like the worst Airbnb you've ever stayed in. Oh, yeah. Cuddles by the bay. The manager is like, what time? Part of the services I come around and I cuddle.

There's a continental breakfast end of cuddle. You've got to lock in. Everyone gets one hour of cuddles. No, it's not optional. The time's up here, but you will be cuddled. You will be cuddled. I'd be canceling that booking so far. I'm sitting on the park bench.

Keep the money. It's my, I don't fucking care. Yeah. Yeah. It's snowing outside. I don't care. I really don't care. You're weird.

Yeah. No cuddles. Oh, that's okay. We, B.Y, oh, yeah. No, that's not an option. We'll cuddle each other. That's okay. Yeah.

Oh, no. No. I need to get involved. Yeah. I'll be in the middle. At most I need to be, at least I have to be watching the car. Yeah. Yeah.

You'll notice that there's an armchair in the corner of the room. We call that the cundle chair. That's the cuddled chair. So you're doing in cuddles? Is it an edging? Are you thinking bear moose? Leading tickles. Bear moose is funny.

They're all funny. Kirstie's in her mind palace for the listeners. Sorry, everyone She's astraling I'm actually Yeah, I'm doing astral projection I'm trying to astral project Over to the bay

I'm currently hovering above All the town names I'm zooming along Do you zoom in astral projection Yeah It's up to you It's up to you But yeah

I think it's She's got the astral zoomies Oh not again She's up to her usual trip Oh Jess The astral zoomies Had a bit too much sugar She's got the astral zoosooies.

I would like to lock in leading tickles. Leading tickles. Locked in. Oh, I'm going for edging. Edging Creek. Edging Creek. Love it. Locked in.

All right. And I like how you're both keeping the strategy of locking in quick and locking and slow. I'm so, so I think it's just, I think it's an edgeing. I think it's a disorder. Yeah. At this stage. Mondayitis. Yeah, oh, am I right?

It's Monday somewhere. It's almost Monday somewhere. It's like, no, it's not. No, I think you're fine. It's always Monday somewhere. Have a, like a theme restaurant called T.J.M. Yeah. It's just like their theme is it's all.

Everyone's just a bit depressed. Yeah, yeah. And they close early. because it's like, come on. No one's really. It's always Monday somewhere. We close at 8.30, so eat your dinner and fuck off. No, there's no special.

Go home iron your shirt for work tomorrow. You're stuck in the rat race and it sucks. Get out of here. Here's all right. The answers. Poor Pamberland isn't going to surprise some. That was Jess Perkins. Oh, no.

What? I thought it was some wild coincidence. Bear moose, bea moose. Moose, that was the house. Funny stuff. Cuddles by the Bay, that was Marissa, aka the house. So you avoided the house for the first time both of you? I wonder if Marissa has an Airbnb somewhere.

And has also just like been weeping this whole time. They hate my idea. People love the cuddles. People really like it. That's a personal touch, literally. Literally. I wear mittens if they ask. It doesn't have to be an hour.

No. 10 minutes. It doesn't have to be an hour. It's preferred, but it doesn't have my preference, but it's up to the guess. Now, Jess went for Edge and Creek. That's Kirsty. Oh, well done. And Kirsty went for eating Tickles, which is correct.

Wow. All points for Webek. Wow. That's rising for us to clap, isn't it? Sorry about that, but that's good. Edging Creek, I was like, that's the obvious one. It's the only one that sounds like a town. Do you want to know how I got there?

Please. I was thinking because it's by the water. Yeah. And then I lived near an apartment complex. called Edgewater Towers, which I don't know why, but it plays on a loop in my head all the time. I just always think of Edgewater Towers. And because it's near the bay and then Port Lamington's near the bay, I was like, I'm going to use Edge and then edging.

Yep. I wanted to sound, I knew it was going to be a weird name. It had to be a little weird. Yeah, that's right. Yeah. I reckon maybe the weirdest of all of them is the real one. Leading tickles just sounds, doesn't sound like a place. No.

No. I don't think that's the weirdest one. I think Bear Beaver. Bear moose, beaver moose. Part of me was like, I'd believe that. You know,

there's a place with it. I think that's the problem with it. That's the big red flag. You'd believe that. Yeah. Yeah, Matt's like, North America. North America.

There is a town called monkey monkey monkey, monkey, monkey, horse, beaver monkey, monguees horse, monkey monkey monkey monkey. What? Well, that was why it inspired me. Matt's like I spent a lovely two weeks there last year. Gorgeous. Got a great Irish pub.

I love the culture. I love seeing different towns takes on Irish pubs. All right, well, that tidings of scores right up with two rounds to go. Kirsten on two, Jess in the House on three apiece. Whoa. Question five comes from Colin Campbell from Tucson, Arizona. And this is the question. What headline appeared on the Canadian National Post on the 22nd of June 2010?

It just said a headline in a Canadian national newspaper, the Canadian National Post in June 2010. Just the headline. This is unfair because I actually know this one. Oh. Well, you could use your wild card and put two in here if you wanted to. Now she's playing mind games. While you're writing, here's some more info about leading tickles.

Marissa writes, Leading Tiggles is a small town near Twilling Gate on the northern shore of Newfoundland. Oh, there it is again. Its population, as of 2021, was 296, many of whom seem to share the surname Chippet, Mayor, Deputy Mayor, Town Council, etc. This is down from 407 people in 2006. No report on what happened to roughly a quarter of the town's population,

but I'm sure they're all perfectly fine, and we should probably stop asking about it. The official Facebook page for the town of Leading Tickles, last updated in April of 2019, with a boil water advisory, is described as follows. Quote, this page, Be About Events,

that's taken place and many photos of leading tickles. That is awesome. I've never visited, this is still with Marissa, I've never visited, but they appear to have a robust fishing and tourism industry, especially in the spring and summer, when the icebergs carve and float past the town. Beautiful place, according to the photos on Google Images. Definitely don't worry about the unexplained population decrease. That's good writing from Marissa there. Well done. All right, the answer in. Here is question Number five, what headline appeared on the Canadian National Post on the 22nd of June 2010? London, Ontario, sues London, England for trademark violations.

Beaver breaks into Tim Hortons, causes $125,000 worth of damage. Woman hits Moose on way to visit Sister, who hit Moose. Okay, yeah, I'm locking that in. Curious Barson moves into family's basement. Or questions remain after decapitated head rolls down Main Street. and out of town. A head just left town. It just left town.

I guess it rolled into town and then out of town. Yeah. I don't even stop one. I mean, why is that so noteworthy tourists do that all the time? Yeah. Leading tickles. It rolled straight out of leading tickles. Yeah.

And then on to the next place. Edge and Creek. I'm picturing its face just being like, no, I'm not stopping here. I'll check the next time. Don't like the vibe. Yeah. Yeah, the vibe throw off. Okay, Jess.

What are you're actually? Yeah, I'm looking in the... The moose one, double moose. That's the best thing I've ever heard in my life. The double moose. A woman hits moose on way to visit sister who hit moose. Yeah. Yeah, okay.

That's incredible. I'm assuming moose are like pests over there. Oh, yeah. Like, I think everyone over there is like riding a moose to school. Yeah, yeah, yeah. In the same way we ride the kangaroo. Obviously, yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Most definitely. I... How often do you get around. Yeah. Yeah. Look, I... I would like to lock in the Tim Horton's beaver. Mm-hmm.

I love a beaver on the rampage. So funny. And that's a lot of damage for a little beaver to do. Yeah. What's you're getting into? It's got to be electrical. Yeah, he's got to chew through a while. Yeah.

But maybe it's donuts. Oh, imagine it's 125 grand worth of bits. Pushed over the coffee machine, spray painted the walls. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, much through some electrical. Built a dam. Built a dam that took quite, like they had to get a bulldozer in because the dam was so robust.

Maybe punched the manager's face and broke his veneers. Yes. It would have been in the veneers. They're very expensive. Yeah, not cheap. All right. Here's the right the answers. London, Ontario, Sue's London, England for trademark violations.

That was Colin the question order. Mad dog. The house. Absolute bandit. Questions remain after decapidated head rolls down Main Street and out of town. It was also the house. That one was full on. Yeah.

Matt, are you okay? Yeah, that one was a bit weird. Matt. To me, that really... You thought a decapitated head was a bit of fun? Just rolling through the town with it. It's still a decapitated head, man.

It's not a cartoon. Well, I think I was picturing it was more cartoon-y. But this is a real newspaper and a real story. Do you know what I'm thinking, Matt? I'm thinking somebody might need a cuddle by the bay. And I do not volunteer. Well, luckily, the manager does. Like someone's going, I'll do it.

Wait, whoa, whoa, whoa. Hey, this is my proprietary. Come on. I've got the permits. That'll do. I've got the permits. I've got the cuddle permits. Okay.

This is all above board. I have had a full comprehensive working with cuddles check. Okay, I've done my cuddle training. Got my cert three. The curious boss and moving into the family's basement, that was Kersy, where you back? It's an adorable story. It's not bad. I love that a lot of them are animal oriented.

Oh, yes. And I like that it's, a bison's gotten into the basement. Yeah. Because they're quite big. They're large. Yeah. Exactly.

How are you going to get it back up? Exactly. That's what I was going for. It's tricky. It lives here now. It lives here. Now, Kirsts went for Beaver Breaks and a Tim Hortons.

That was Just Perkins. Oh. Yes, the Beaver Perkins. You went for it and I did this. Luckily, you look at that way. I went. Oh, you couldn't believe I went for it? Yeah.

Oh, come. on thanks that feels super like i mean you went what's canadian tim hortons bea yeah 215 000 that's worth of damage the big three i did think the damage was outlandish but that's the point isn't it and that's why it would make the news exactly it's a lot of damage for a little beaver oh this reminds me uh the frog that i'd say i named hockey haired toad you both heard it as hockey-headed toad so i just left it that way oh okay oh it was Hockey hair is like a, what they'd turn for a mullet. Oh.

It's a picking a frog with a little mullet. That is really cute. Matt. Yeah, this is a bit of fun. And we both heard hockey-headed. Could you come back in your next life as a little, a little frog with a mullet? Yeah.

Oh my God, I would keep you so safe. Oh my gosh. I've been my little pet with a mullet. I've never thought about it before, but now that you've said that, I really want Matt to die before me. Me too. Oh, I've thought that before, though. I've thought I wanted to die soon, you know what I mean?

Yeah. Yeah, sometimes when he's... Whenever you're ready, man. When he's had a bit too much coffee and he's a lot, I'm like, oh, come on. Come on. Come on. Caffeine, push that hard over the edge. Take him out.

Will we take it in turns looking after the little mullet to Matt? Yes, yes, he was so cute. Imagine you can just, like, put him on the couch while you're watching TV. He's just sitting there the little muller watching TV with you. So cute. You do realize that if anything happens to bat any time soon. You and I are prime suspects. We'll be like,

what, Your Honor? We just wanted to see him come back as a little mulleted friend. Can you imagine? I mean, it would be like, come on, Your Honor, as if we would have said on a podcast in a microphone we wanted him dead and then killed him. And then killed him to see him come back as a mulleted frog.

Do you see a mulleted frog anywhere, Your Honor? Yeah, come. Grow up, Your Honor. I saw him pops out of your pocket. Yeah. Is it like a pulsating under the shod. shit like rib it shut up Matt

I mean all right well I should say that all means that Jess is correct it is woman hits moose on her way to visit sister who hit moose

good stuff it's great honestly I would have probably gone for the bison in the basement that was fun to say but the double moot like the fact that it's she's hits a moose

on a way to see a sister who hit a moose that's fantastic that is and that means Jess gets all two points that round So going on the final round, the Scouts of Curseye on 2, House on 3, Jess, out in front of 5.

But this is worth triple points for you two. Wow. Final round, this is the movie synopsis question. It's so funny, I had this great, weird Canadian kids movie picked out. And I just, I searched my document to see if anyone else has suggested it. And so many people had, including the person who I, when I used it on episode 20 something, I'm like, damn it. I'm up to so many episodes. This is episode 190.

So I'm at the point where I'm forgetting ones that I've used before. But luckily, the search thing usually saves me. I think I've mucked at once. Anyway. That had happened to me from like episode 11, by the way. Yeah. I'd be like, what? Huh?

What do you mean? We already did a paper one? What? I've never heard of that before my life. I mean, that we spent 20 minutes talking about it. Yeah. I found, I did find another Canadian-related film. And this one was suggested by Brayden Douglas from Brisbane.

And the question is, what is, a brief synopsis you only need to write a couple of sentences what is a brief synopsis of the 1974 film sweet movie what is a brief synopsis of the 1974 film sweet movie while you're writing your answers i'm going to read the article titled woman hits moose on way to visit sister who hit moose it goes a little something like this two sisters from the northwestern bc community of Kitty Matt have both had close encounters with moose on the loose. A month ago, Yvonne Studley, 49, was badly imaged, was badly injured when she hit a moose with her vehicle. So last Friday, a sister decided to visit her in Vancouver General Hospital.

In the first accident, a month ago, Studley was on her way home from a business trip when a moose ran in front of the car. The animal went through the windshield and landed on her, breaking her wrist, arm and hand. Holy shit. Moose land, they're huge. Fracturing five of her ribs and causing bleeding in her brain. When Studley came out of her coma, Everett and her husband, Steve, decided to visit her. She and her husband were in two cars last Friday afternoon. Everett in the first car was going around a corner near 70 mile house, BC, when she saw

a brown blur. I knew right away it was a moose, she said. I slammed on the brakes with both my feet. It was like two explosions. She was staying in the hospital in nearby 100 mile house BC with mostly soft tissue injuries. The coincidence of hitting a moose just like her sister really threw me for a loop, she said. My first thought was, are the moose going out on a hunting season for my family? Moose are involved in about 8% of all wildlife vehicle collisions, according to the Wildlife Collision Prevention Program's website.

Moose will often try to avoid vehicles by running along a highway out of Jeff Knight's spokesman for BC's Ministry of Transportation. If it's safe to do so, it's best to pull over or slow down until the animal leaves the road. Everett was released from Hospital Saturday and Monday visited her sister who said she was getting better. You can never tell when a moose or some other wildlife will run out in front of you, she said. My sister almost died from this. If I'd had anyone as my passenger, they would have died. Oh, I probably should have pre-read that. It's a grimmer story than I realized.

What a man, still, everyone survived. Would you have changed your tone? Like, do you think you're a little bit too chipper? I might have been a little too chipper. Like you were too gleefully like. Yeah. If anyone else, if anyone had been a passenger, they would have died. Oh, apologies. But she didn't have one thing I should say she didn't have one.

All right. Answers her in for the final question. There's only four options for this. There's only one house option, but you two can get triple points. So it is still truly anyone's game. The question is, what is the synopsis for the 1974 film, Sweet Movie? When Chocolate Factory Owner William realized, as one of his lowly workers, Charles, is a genius with numbers.

He offers him a deal. Make the factory the most profitable in the area, and he will become partner. While the deal seems sweet, Charles quickly realizes it means recommending further exploitation of his fellow workers. Option one. Okay. Option two, John is notoriously unlucky in love until he starts visiting the new cinema in town each week. Has his luck finally changed, or is he just in a sweet movie?

Option 3. After winning the most virgin contest, Miss Canada is married to a rich milk tycoon, but she quickly flees the marriage to experience the world around her, full of sweetness and anarchy. Or finally, Gary Sweet and Meredith Movie, are time-travelling newlyweds who move to leading tickles, Newfoundland. After a few awkward scenarios with their new neighbours, they use their time travel powers to redo their first impressions and win over the town. folk. Well, they're doing actual projection. I think they might have been. Yeah.

They're actually projected. In the 70s, that's, yeah. Really cool. I think it was hard budget, so it looked very believable. Very hard budget. All right, Kirsty, what do you reckon? The only one I can't remember is the first one. Chocolate Factory?

Oh, yeah, chocolate factory. Chocolate Factory got unlucky in love, got the most virgin contest, and you've got the time-travelling newlyweds. Whose names were... Gary Sweet and Meredith movie. Okay. Gary would have been a young Gary Sweet too.

It's obviously the fourth one. It's pretty convincing for me. It's pretty convincing. I'm probably going to go for that one unless somebody else swoops and gets it worse. Yeah, yeah. I'm erring on the side of that one as well unless Jess beats me to it.

Gary Sweet, he would have been 17. Perfect, yeah. And they usually name films after the surnames of the... Yeah, exactly. Forest Gump, for example. Yes, that's right. Oh, that's true, yeah, no, Gary Sweet, that's the character name. Blue...

It could also be a legendary Australian actor. Oh, that's the coincidence. Australia's Bruce Willis, I always thought of him as a kid. That makes sense? Yep. And then there's a milk one where she wants to look at the world around. She marries a rich milk tycoon. Oh, that's the virgin one.

She won the Most Virgin contest. The Most Virgin contest. Inverted, commas, Most Virgin. Okay. You've said that so straight every time. Most virgin. How are you playing that so straight? Like, what does Most Virgin mean?

No, these words make any sense to me anymore. Am I missing? Like, are they something? she's the biggest virgin. I think so. But aren't, like, you're either a virgin or you're not. Like, how can you be more of a virgin? Yeah.

I mean, this is a question for you, Matt. This is a pretty dark old. How can you be more of a virgin? How could she be more of a virgin than Matt? Yeah. Well, it's simply impossible. I hate the last two. I like the first two.

Okay. Like, the most virgin thing is just like, I'm not, yeah, I'm not coping. I'm not tolerating. Correct. The first two, I mean, at least they make sense. Like the words together mean things. Right.

Okay. Time traveling newlyweds. What could that mean? Fuck, I know. Basic comprehension over here. Sorry I'm not going for the astral projection. storyline. I mean, maybe if you took out leading tickles, that just sounds too made up of a place name

for me. Yeah. Everything else about that one's pretty believable. Nowhere would be called that. Yeah, that's silly. It's so silly. Like call the place edging creek or something. Yeah, something that makes sense.

Yeah. Cutted by the bay. Yeah. Little smooch by the river. That sounds quite nice, actually. Yeah. I'm key. That does sound nice. A smooch.

Matt's keen. Most virgin. He's like, what's the smooch? I'd love to give it to try. I'll be there, spring peeping. Oh, what are he else up to? Well, that looks nice. That looks not.

What are you called? That's a tap, Matt. Could I have a go? Sweet little frog, Matt. I'm going, okay, I'm going to go, I'm going to lock in the first one. Okay. Just by a whisker. All right, locked in.

I tossed a coin in my brain. Yes. Yeah, fair enough. Thanks. Heads or tails. Can I have the second one again, the one, John? John is notoriously unlucky in love till he starts visiting the new cinema in town each week. Has his luck finally changed or is he just in a sweet movie?

Yeah, I'm going to go for that one. All right. Locked in. Here's who wrote the answers. This is going to shock everyone, especially the listeners, but especially Kirsty. The one about Gary Sweet and Meredith movie,

the time-traveling newlyweds who moved to leading Tiggles Newfoundland. That was Jess Perkins. What was it? I was so close to locking it in. Yeah, honestly, I forgot because I, like, blacked out. It just came out of me. Yeah, yeah.

You're a vessel. I'm a vessel for my art. Yeah. Yeah, would you say you were hovering above your body? Yes, yeah, I had an out-of-body experience. And I went, that hat with that t-shirt. I bullied myself. The one about, that Kirsty went for about William, the chocolate factory owner and Charles, the genius.

That, I'm afraid, was Brayden in the house. That is, Charlie and the chocolate factory. Brayden, you dirty dog. That's like a real gritty, gritty, reedy. Yeah. I know, I know. But you thought it was like a reboot, like a, yeah, I thought we're telling you. Satter or something.

Yeah. I changed a little bit. Braden had it written as like slave workers and stuff, which is maybe fun. I was trying to make it shorter, but then it ended up being longer anyway. Yeah, because when you were reading that, I was going to say, but then I thought it would give a clue, but I was like, weren't we doing like two sentences? Yeah. This feels like, as I was reading, I'm like, I'm really, I think it is written as, oh, no, three.

Yeah, I could have read like a whole novel in the time it took you to read that to me. But you are a very fast reader. I'm very quick. Just went for the Unlucky in Love, John. That was Kirsty Weback. Oh, good one. Thank you, mate. You absolutely know, it sounds like a sweet movie.

It's the kind of movie that I reckon Jess could flesh out. I think so as well. Yeah, yeah. And we could tour around the country. Yes. Of Canada. Oh, yeah. I want to be Pam Blam.

Well, it's up to the casting director, isn't it? Yeah. I'm so. Who's Matt the most virgin, unfortunately. The studio medal. Yeah, they will medal. They take the text, my art, and they really, they change it up. You lose control.

They destroy it. Yeah. This means the correct one is the one you both hated, I'm afraid. It is the most virgin winner slash Miss Canada getting married to a rich milk tycoon. And it's, yeah, it's apparently quite an odd, horny film, maybe. I can't tell you any more. Apparently there's two parts of the movie. The second one's like is like some sort of truck driver

with a paper mashay head of Carl Marx. I think it's art. Yeah, okay. That makes more sense when you say that. I think it might be art. That's an art movie. Yeah, it's an art movie. It's received mixed reviews from critics.

Rotten Tomatoes has it with a 50% approval rating based on 22 reviews with an average rating of 5.4 out of 10. I think that's because some people didn't get it. Yeah. Yeah, I'd get it. Yeah. Oh, yeah. I'd be on it like that in that heartbeat.

Like anything sort of artsy. Yeah. Yeah. Like anything that's like an allegory. It's a photo. Yeah. I love an allegory. I love allegory.

It's like I won't watch anything unless it's riddled in allegory. Yes. Yes. It's got to be just sopping an allegory. And I think that I don't know. From their photo. You guys said the new Marvel? Not allegorical enough for me.

It's just a woman in like liquid chocolate or all the photos show. Yeah, that looks full on. Oh, yeah, that looks. I'm okay not watching that one. It's like a... Yeah, I'll skip it. I'll just look up what the allegories are later. I'll go over a list of the allegories and that's as far as I'm willing to invest.

I'll read a BuzzFeed article about it and that's about it. I think it's... All the allegories listed in this movie. It was like a co-production between a bunch of different countries including from France, Canada and West Germany Oh, so that's why it's weird There were more people responsible for it Yeah

All right, well I can give you the final scores now, I believe It'd be good if you did But before I do that You two, what are you up to? Jess again, you've got this whole movie out Yeah, yeah, I guess so Yeah, a radio play

But, you know, the whole season of Jess Writes at romcom is out there. And we talk about rom-coms. We've both been on episodes? Yep. We've both starred in it. I've had some fantastic guest stars. You can hear the origin of Pamberlame. You can hear the origin of Pamelaam.

You can hear Kirsty trying to do math and end up in intensive care. Very funny. I mean, yeah, the whole season's really fun. But the rom-com is out there. And yeah, the video will go up in the next couple of weeks, I reckon. And if I can say one thing about the rom-com really, quickly riddled in allegory. Oh, yes.

Sopping. Absolutely sopping in allegory. Yes. You can't bathe in it, can't you? People say like it's a little bit, it's sweet, it's, it's funny, it's self-referential, like it's self-aware, it's a satire, but it is sopping an allegory. Sopping. Yeah.

And a lot of people missing the subtext. Yeah, that's right. It's about, is it about Gaza? It's about Gaza. Yeah. Now, Kirsty, what about you? Where are you going to be? What about me?

I'm, I'm going to be everywhere. I'm going to be everywhere. I'm touring my show, Lost For Words. It's going all around the country. It'll be back in Melbourne and Canber where it's already been. It'll be there for encores. You know, everywhere. Sydney, Adelaide, Lancaster, Brisbane, Sunshine Coast.

You're going on. New Zealand to come. New Zealand as well. So it's on my website, Kirstywebeck.com. And also, my friend Yvonne and I, we have a show called The Big Animal Quiz, which is like a family-friendly, live comedy panel quiz show. We were back-to-back at the comedy festival. Yes, we were side by side.

Yeah. And on top of each other. And we, yeah, so we did it at the comedy festival. We've been doing it for a few years as a live show. We recently recorded six episodes that you can watch on YouTube for free. I think three of them are out at the moment. So that's our YouTube channel, the Big Animal Queers. And Jess is on one of those that's out, I believe.

Jess is on one of the ones that's out. Dave is also on one. So we wanted to incorporate the do-go-on world, but like not. Not the darts. Just the good bits. The good looking bits. The good looking bits. The good look, the hot bits.

Incidentally, we tried to get Matt on, but I realised I only had early slots available and I wouldn't even bother asking him. May I can you be in St Kilda at 9am? No. No. Can I say yours and I before? The week before, the whole week. We've also got an Instagram account for that one as well.

So you can look me up at Kirsty Webeck on all the social media platforms, or you can look up the Big Animal Quiz. on YouTube and Instagram, and we're going to be touring that show, live shows around the country. Awesome. Family friendly. We'll be in Canada. We'll be in Canada as well.

Yes. In September coming over with us. Do go on has generously booked us flights through their Patreon. You're going to do a Moose special. A Moose special and a Beaver special. But that one's Adults only. But it is family friendly. But people come in groups of adults as well.

Have a look at it on the YouTube channel. It's so hard to explain. to people, but adults love it and children love it. It's a rare comedy show that is kids friendly that isn't, that adults aren't going, all right, I'll sit through this. Yeah, totally, totally. We could just say, like, Rove was sitting by himself one of the weeks, just kissing himself. Yeah, it is.

It's really funny, because it's all comedians up on the panel, so no one has to participate unless they want to. But we get the kids involved because, of course, they want to be involved. But then, you know, both of those shows we did during Comedy Festival, we had, like, about 20 kids at each of them. And then the whole, like the rest of the 130 people were all, either the parents of those kids or the groups of adults, like who have been before and loved it.

So it's good fun and we're, yeah, we're going to be touring it moving forward. So we're really excited about that. And I just wanted to say, I think it's really good that you can do comedy without using any of this sort of vulgar language. Yeah. Because I think, you know, there's too much smut these days.

There's a lot of smart. And I think you prove that you don't have to. You don't have to. You and Jerry Sondfeld. It's just a chalbis. We can make it if we try. All right. Final scores.

Holy shit, it tightened up in that last round. In last place on four points is the house. But in equal first place on five points a piece, it's Kirsty and Jess. Wow. That's a nice ending. I like that. That's so nice. I mean, Jess could.

I could. I couldn't today. Couldn't today. Not today. I'm burnt out. Can barely three. I've been working two days a week for like six months, okay? I'm exhausted.

Look at her. She looks like the wreck of the hesperous. That's exactly what she looks like. Yes. And we all understood that reference. That's the wreck of the hesprice. Hang around. I think there's going to be a lengthy outtakes or whatever at the end of this episode.

So listen in after the credits or whatever. But thanks so much for tuning in. To Who knew with Matt Stewart? Now that you know it, I've been Matt's show it. Goodbye. Sick. Well, this is fun. There was, you know, there was almost a third. Mish was going to be on two.

Oh, my God. She ended up getting offered paid work. Oh, interesting. Oh, wow. I still apologise. I'm like, I think that's... I don't think it's okay. But it's not okay.

But I actually also, I would argue it's for the best because that would have been too powerful. Yes. It would have been too powerful. Yeah. Did you tell her who the other panelists were, though? Yeah, yeah. I think that would have made her throw in the opportunity to pay her rent. Oh, yeah.

Yeah. Did you think about paying her? No. Never crossed my mind. Never crossed my mind. I had this idea. I don't know if you think it's good and I know you haven't introduced us yet and I'm so sorry for immediately derailing this. But in my defence, you did by mentioning Mish.

Yeah. On my way over here, I thought that, do you have a Patreon for this? Yeah, yeah. Well, all together with the do go on. Okay. Okay. Well, that's great. Okay.

Well, that's even better. That's even better. Yeah. Which I have starred on all of them. Start. Start. Start. Start.

starred. Not guessed it, but starred. I've stolen the show, I think we could all say. So I was thinking on my way over here, I don't know how I got onto it, but I do want to raise it with you. I was thinking that there should be a portion of the Patreon money

that is allocated to parking fines. There is. No, but for your guests as well. Yeah, we haven't opened up to guess, but we do do it for ourselves. We have regular guests. It's not that we all get, the three of us get one.

each a year. One per year. One per year that we can pay all the company cards. That is so, I should have known that you already. Okay, so you know. Let us know. Okay, look, like hopefully none of your other guests are listening to this. Yeah, yeah.

This will be deep in the secret section. Great. I think you should open that up only to Mish and I. Yeah, okay. Yeah, that feels right. Well, the two stars. Exactly right. The two stars.

Yeah, others are just guesting. Yeah. You guys are starring. Guest starring. Yeah, we are. We're the Heather Lockley's on. on Melrose Place. Yeah, correct.

But I do go on universe. Yeah, the backdoor pilot. Okay. I mean, if, if you're up for that. Yeah. I don't. Well, man. I don't know.

I'd have to limber up a little. You asked if that's right? I wouldn't say it's wrong. But it's maybe not for everyone. I mean, no one's ever called me a backdoor pilot for a floor. Yeah, but I'm open to it. I thought it wasn't Melrose Place. Like, didn't it have a backdoor pilot?

Pilot on 902 or something? No. I don't know. No. I'm thinking to something else. I don't know what a backdoor pilot is. It's me. I might be.

Picture me. Maybe it's not the term. That's it. I'm imagining you in a pilot's outfit though. Yes. And that's, but no pants. Like it's a sexy one.

That's because it's a horny pilot who's behind you. Yeah. Coming into land. Coming into land. Right behind you. Oh. Matt's just Ruin'

Shut up, shut up Shut up Shut up Shut up I had no idea At the last time I had no idea That the last time

I had sex Was going to be The last The last Yeah but I'm done too Yeah Yeah Yeah I'm done

I'm out Yeah I'm good now Actually I went and I All here is Matt Do you A captain voice And I'll go

I'm done I think Thank you. Clos on, please. Clothes on. Might just read my book for a bit. Yeah. As scheduled.

We are everything. I'm glad you were on sex for both of us. Yeah, yeah. It wasn't just one. Yeah, yeah. Well, I mean, you know, join the list. It's an extensive list. Hey, and all the list is out there as well.

It's just a shriveling up. Shriffling up. Well, at least Jess and I can sit our partners down together and explain what happened. I think they'd both appreciate that. We'll just play them this and they'll go, oh, we get it. Oh, we get it. That's so fine. Let's run sex for them as well.

They can never be happy without us. All right. Let's do you want to start? We'll start a show. Oh, yeah, yeah, let's do that. That all makes sense. You'll have to listen to the post credits. I'm so sorry for it doing...

A little sizzle. I'm so sorry for it. Yeah, it's sizzle now. I did a callback to something that won't be set up. Which is much like how my stand-up shows run. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I do, yeah, I've got, so I've got, yeah, New Zealand's coming up in August, and then I've got basically the whole rest of the country,

including Melbourne and Canberra where I've already been. I'm doing encores. Whoa. That's what Perth is talking about when they're upset. Yeah, they're like, no encore in Perth. Oh, okay. Great. And I'm like, well, if my mates that do go on pod, hook me up with the airfares again.

If I go back, they'll, you know, I can't ever go back because I owe Perth money. That's probably the reason. Yes, that's right. I don't know if I've ever made a profit going to Perth in any way. It's hard. It's very hard. I mean, I think Perth for me was the place that I kept going back to for years and years when it wasn't profitable, hoping one day it would become profitable.

But saying that, it's still, it's so expensive. So big brag incoming, but we did three shows. we sold almost all of the tickets and still it was barely profitable. Because that's a $150,000 a flight. Yeah, yeah. But the accommodation and the flights and everything, it's just, and the room hire and everything, it is so hard. And then I'm looking at other people over there,

freaking out that, you know, they're selling 10 tickets a night. And I'm like, mate, like, I remember and it's horrible. Because especially in Perth, you're bleeding money. Yeah. Yeah. And it's like at one point you've got to go, do I just plow through and hope? I hope that in a few years' time I'll be selling a few hundred tickets and making a couple of hundred bucks.

Yeah. Or do I pull the pin? That's the dream. Isn't that the dream? Well, just move there, you know, then you don't have to fly. I think that's a good idea. I think we've just, we've cracked the case. Yeah.

Wide open, haven't we? I think that's why a few, like, a few have gone back, Dave Callan, Rove. Yep. Xavier Michael Edie's. Yeah. They've all figured it out. They've all figured it out. Just living there.

Just go back. Can we keep this one. tight today because I've got packing to do. Yeah. Yeah, I didn't watch that. Yeah, because I don't like them either. And I think it's like, just to, you know, get too earnest, I think it's PTSD because I was really into them when I was a little kid.

And like, my brain clearly wasn't processing them. And then when I was older, I was like, oh, I'm really scared of those. And then I was like, I wonder if that's because my dad and I stayed up until like 11 p.m. When I was six years old and over the course of a few. few weeks watch the whole nightmare on Elm Street franchise. Anyway, good night. Yeah, night. Sleep well.

Completely, like, completely unaffected at the time. But now, like, can't be anywhere near a knife or scissors. Yeah. You're worried about what you do with them. Yeah, yeah, the inspo from Freddie. What would be? I mean, and you could have a carryover character. Pam Blam goes nuts.

Pam Blame could be in every genre. we're right. She would be. Yeah. Someone suggested, after we recorded it, someone was like, that would work really well for a live show. So it could be something we bring back and just do live. Yeah, because it's the kind of thing.

People repeat watch rom-coms. Yeah. And they'll be, you know, it'll end up being a thing where they'll, you know, they'll throw a coffee at you when the new brister comes to town. Yeah, yeah. I mean, I was even thinking I'd write new rom-coms, but you're right. Let's make it a cult classic. Yeah, yeah.

Oh, my God. That would be so funny. Like how Cinnamon Nova plays at. Yeah, the room. The room. Yes. And people throw spoons. And he has to do that.

Yeah. That Tim Curry movie. Rocky Horror. Yeah. No, there's certain things of people. And I think, yeah, with Nail and I as a similar thing. Yeah. Let's make it a cold classic.

It ends up on Broadway. Like three years from now, we're like, what the hell? The trajectory was wild. It went from Jess doing like a monthly residency. She lives in New York now. Crazy. She's not replied to any of our messages. She's cut us all off.

You 100% could do this same one live, I reckon, later this year. I mean, I'd be keen. Yeah. Yeah, I would be as well. Yeah, yeah, I reckon it be really funny. It would be fun. It would be sick. Was it, did you think, like, obviously you didn't have an audience when you were doing the table read, but did it, was it very funny?

Like, did you guys see. We were laughing a lot, yeah. So the point that, like, you couldn't even edit around it. Did you even, were thinking, like, let's try and do it straight? No, I knew. I'd leave some in, but I cut a lot out. There's a lot of us. When I first said Pam Belam, I was like, okay, you guys obviously didn't read the script

ahead of time because they all really lost it. I was like, thanks for preparing, guys. I think it's, I mean, it is funnier audibly that it is on the page. Yeah, absolutely, absolutely. Yeah. Pamelaam so good. Gets me every time. Anyway, we should start doing this show.

Let's do it. Although I'm much prefer to sue one of yours right now. Can we just do a recap of your show instead? Why not? We've got 30 episodes to look back on. Let's do a re-listen podcast of Jess writes a rom-com. Hifened sounds so highfalutin, which makes sense because you're from our nation's capital. Thanks for saying that, Matt.

That means a lot. And I, you know, I was schooled in regional and suburban Victoria, you know. So I called it a dash, which is I feel shame about. You should. You're always looking down your own. No, you know, it's me. Well, we're superior. That's what they say.

That's what's on the license plates in Canberra, the superior city. I've heard that and I agree. Yeah, I think it's probably true. What is on the, what is on the Canberra license plates? The nation's capital or something like that, probably. Something does. I think it is the nation's capital now, but there was. I think the Victorian one sort of sucks now.

It's changed so many times. Yeah, we had a couple of good ones. It was the garden stay when I was a kid. And then a place to be. And then on the move? Oh, yes. On the move's weird. It's like, no, I'm staying put.

Yeah. I've already come here. It was a nightmare moving. Are you doing up? The car is moving? Because yeah, duh. But that doesn't everywhere. Yeah.

Yeah. And it was the education state at one point. Yeah, that one sucks. I reckon everyone, every state has education. Yeah. I think place to be or garden state are nice. Yeah. Even though garden state, I didn't realize at the time was ripped off an American state.

Oh. Or movie. Or both. well i think the number plate became before the movie yeah i think the movie was based on on our number plate Zach brough big fan of victorian number plates we have a lot of gardens it surely we'd be a bit more the park state yeah we've got a lot of parks but then often they'll call a park a garden

yeah and a park state on a car people would be like get on the move so it's right about two of those it's how it is right the wrong it is the titular about while you were saying that i think i experienced astral projection for the first time. Whoa.

And what did you get up to? I was on the move. Well, she's on the move, all right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Can you be a guest on my pod, please, Kirstie? And also, if you wouldn't mind subscribing for $50 a month. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And writing some questions and just doing some,

would you mind being the general dog's body, actually? Like, we've got a few errands to be run, letters to be posted. The general dog's body. Could you be the general one assistant? I know a lot. General isn't like an army general. No, no, no, no, no, just, like broadly. With a small G, like miscellaneous. General dog's body is pretty fun, no.

Because miscellaneous is harder on the list. And that is. And then you've made to say it twice. Yeah, cool. Thanks, babe. Sorry about that. Awesome. Yeah, I mean, speech impediments are pretty funny, aren't they? If you're not living day to day with them.

Yeah, I think so. I mean, wait, is that a genuine question? Yeah, big time. Yeah, absolutely, hilarious. Yeah, really funny. Yeah. And when you're not trying to speak. speak for a living.

Yeah. Sorry, Matt. When you got an S in your name. And your sisters have S's in their names as well. And sisters has two S's in it. Yeah. Well, three, I think. Not to educate the educator.

I mean, six when I'm saying it. She's good. Oh, quick. Done it again. God damn it. Wiki writes, Newfoundland. Screech is an old... Sorry, Connor.

I will start that again. Weirites, Newfoundland. Now you're doing really, really well. Connor, this time for real. I should quit very quickly look up. Is screech cancelled? Yes, please. Yeah, I think he was cancelled.

I think he did some not great things. Isn't it awesome how hard it is to keep track of? Oh, yeah. Like, whenever I'm writing like stand-up bits, because I've been burned so many times in the past. If I want to reference someone, I'm always like, I feel like... Because you got all those jokes about Ralph Harris, Michael Jackson, Russell Brand.

You loved Russell Brandt, too. Biggest fan. So disappointing. His real name's Dustin Diamond, which is fantastic. That is fantastic. Imagine having Diamond is he seen it. So good. That'd be great.

I mean, it's no Webeck, but it's up there. It's pretty good. Yeah, it's almost as sort of glamorous as Vivek. There's a woman I see on TikTok a lot. she's a writer and like beauty influencer and several different things and her married she got married last year I think her surname is diamond and her first name is Gemma so she's Gem Diamond incredible incredible isn't that amazing yeah that's awesome every time she comes up in my feet I'm just like there you are gem diamond oh beautiful I'm not finding anything obvious he did a sex tape

we've all been there yeah we've all done that that's not the wrong of that But I think maybe hit troubles, personal troubles. Yeah. And I don't, I don't allow that. No, that's true. Jess hates people having troubles. There might be, I just can't, and I'm just trying to quickly Google, there might be other things. How did he die then?

He was 44. This is his lung cancer. I can tell you that much. Oh, no, I'm 43. Dund dun. You had a recent birthday? Well. You reckon you were 40.

too last time I saw you a week ago. I'm a liar. I could be lying actually. Do you remember when you were little and adults around you would be like, oh, I'm either 51 or? Yeah, yeah. And you'd be like, come on. You're like, because you're like counting down to your birthday, which is 270 days away.

I'm three and three quarters. Yeah, yeah. And you're like, as if you'd forget, but now, like, how often are you like, I'm 41? And then you're like, wait up. And then sometimes I have to do the literal. like my birth year and then I'm like it's 42 or 43. Yeah. And then I'm like, no, it's 43.

Mate, remember when you came on Jess writes a wrongcom and you forgot, you couldn't figure out how old you were a certain year? And then it just turned into this recurring bit of you ending up in intensive care. It was the whole episode with me blacking out because I was trying to work out. Hang on. What year was on, you're 12? Why? It was concerning.

It was concerning. Yeah, I messaged your partner and said, keep an eye on it. Yeah, yeah. She's not well. She's not right. She's in good spirits, but. She's not right.

She's not right. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I went to cross the road from theory bar. There was this new club or bar called something, it was like a record themed thing. And it was orange.

Like, it felt like I'm like, I went there with my folks at the end of comedy festival. We get it. You still party. And I'm like, is this what the 70s was like? Because it was so overwhelming how it was all orange and a bit of brown. And it's felt so 70s to me. Yeah.

And I was like, oh, it's so cool. Can we just pick? I asked the bartender because I'm annoying, I guess. Can we just pick a record and we can play him? He's like, no, no. Why would you think that is the case? I'm like, they're all on display and like, you, they're right there. So at every table, there's a.

record player and everyone could just help themselves. There weren't two record players out in the open. But yeah, he was like, no. And he was like, no, they're all like op shop dollop in one. You won't want to hear any of those. Wow. Okay, I'll just have a drink then. Thank you.

Yeah, yeah. It's great. It's great to, I love the orange. And it's near the car park near Morris. I think I walked past it the other night too. It looks cool. It looks like pretty much straight over the road. It's really popular.

Oh, right. Well, there you go. Well, I say that because it, like it was pumping. when I walked past. There were people spilling onto the street. We were the only ones in there, but it was like earlier in the day. It was straight after the live to go on.

I think you might have cleared it out. Can I put a record on? Can I put a record on? Is this bar spring paper themed? What's wrong with you? This bar's got all the same colors as the spring paper. Come on. It was like, yeah.

Like, that was, I think they were glad to have the first customers of the day, but not that glad. Would have been even more glad of someone else. Yeah, when you arrive, they were like, yes, we're on. And then when you spoke, they were like, oh. At one point in the night, Matt was like, what's this little room? And they're like, that's a bathroom. Can I go in there?

What is this thing? It's a tap. What is that mean? Yeah. Water's coming out. Is that right? Can I have any of that? Can I have any of that?

Okay, question three. While you're writing around, I think we had double troubles. kids, which is, you know, not a bit of a brag, I guess. Yeah, okay, rich family. Your family were doing really well. Yeah. Once both parents were teaching, because mum stopped teaching for a while, you know, I think we're pretty flush.

Nineties teachers got paid down. Mucho grande cash. I think we can all agree. Teachers, nurses should be paid more. Oh, mate. You can all agree, right? Even more. I would love it.

I'd love it. if Elle got paid more. Yeah, that would be nice. Yeah. But I do think that in the 90s, on a teacher's salary, you could have quite a nice house, a very nice home. 100%. Wow. You could have four children.

Yes. You could. You could. You could feed them. Yeah. Yep. You could. Crazy.

I also, I appreciate the irony as well of me saying it would be great if Ella's and nurse got paid more money while I am starring on an unpaid podcast on my Monday. Yeah. Imagine getting quite an even more. You need to do some more shifts, Elle. The bills are stacking up. Anyway, I'm off to do a podcast with my mates. I work one day a week and I'm still like, I do so much.

I'm so busy. I can't possibly cook dinner tonight. I'm exhausted. That's why you needed a break from your second day of the week's job. I was working two days a week. I'm burnt out. That actually makes me feel sick. Thank you.

When we go to Canada, we'll be basically working every day. If you can't, you know, like, go to the air, and be in Canada. I, by the way, when you announced that you were going to Canada on your Facebook page, I commented that my invitation

must have gotten missed in the mail. Yeah, real problem with the show they post lately. Silence. It absolutely bombed on the comment section. I don't recall, do go on engaging with it in any way. Dude, we keep leaving you on red

and you keep commenting. I really think everyone should go back. You're right. This is a me problem. Thanks so much for saying that, Jess. You're always so kind. me. You've always got my back.

I'm so jealous. You're going to have the best time. Well, we'll see. I mean, if you can peel off for a few days on your own. Oh, I will. Yeah. I came here to get away from the Aussie accent, and it's just been following me around. And Dave's munching pies everywhere. Drag it's around to get a pie.

Oh, it looks like neither have you used your wildcard this round. Is that fair to say? It's very perceptive. Yeah. Whoa, black Betty, Bambalam. Oh, black Betty. Bambalam. Bambalam.

Bambalam. Bam, bam, brown roberti. Bamboleam. Bam, balet. Bam, boom, robertie. Bamblelein. Oh, black, baby. Bambleleam.

Oh, black pretty. Bambalam. How funny is the Russell brand flipping through the Bible. I didn't even I saw Jill shared it But I didn't actually Oh man I watched

I'm like Is this I'm like it's too funny To be real It's like Live on TV He goes Oh is that

The journalist Is that the Bible You took to you With With you in court And said It is It is actually

He said Can I ask you What parts of the Bible Stood out to you Or whatever And he was Yes of course And then he flips

through it for about two minutes. And he's going, where is it? Isaiah, Isaiah writes. Where is it? Flipping backwards and forwards. So embarrassing. He writes, no, where? And he never finds anything.

Was it live? Well, I guess it was live. If it wasn't live, then the editors were not doing him any favors. Not should they. Well, they've released this. full thing later. Fuck, it's so funny. But I assume it was just a live news show, but yeah, it was incredible.

And I don't always do well with full cringy stuff, but for some reason, it just got funnier and funnier. And I guess he's not a guy you're feeling too much sympathy for. Exactly. I'd say I'm feeling none. Okay. Oh. Too much?

Well, I still, you know. Well, when none is too much. Oh my God. Too much, not enough. Did I write an answer? Yes. Where am I? Hey, sorry, can you explain how this podcast works again?

Have we started? Have we started? Yeah, actually, my parking's already almost up. So should we get started? Yeah. Should we move the cars and then we'll start. I'm not sure anything I just wrote made sense. Okay.

But I've recently written a rom-com radio play. Yes. And I've exhausted my riding abilities. I was wondering if this was going to have you in a hot form. No. But also you wrote a whole thing. It's hard to go time the elevator pitch. That's true.

Yeah, being that close to something for a while, like, you can go two ways afterwards. You can be either match fit or match shit. Yeah, I match shit. If it's ever a question in your mind is just match fit or match shit, it's always match shit. Always err on the side of match shit. I think some people say even Matt shit is better than most.

Are you saying Matt? I was saying I was trying to make a little joke there that my worst is better than most but you know, no one bought it. No, no one found the concept funny. My Matt. Because it was so believable.

My match. Match shit is better than Matt's shit. You know what I mean? Like even at my worst, I'm better than you. Yeah. I just hit the microphone. I haven't hit the microphone. Luckily with the headphone.

Yeah. Oh, okay. And like I've actually been able to navigate it. I've done a twice. I've seen it. Have you ever like, have you ever toothed yourself like with a stand-up mic? Oh yeah.

Like when you've come out and like you rip it off the mic stand. I've done it twice and both times like I thought I'd knocked a tooth out. It's so painful. And then the other time like I had blood on my lip and everything. And you've just. The second time was when I was shooting a special. Perfect. Great timing.

So the first time I walked out, I tripped over a lead and came like, whip-wop-pap-pah-pac across the stage. And then I had to go and restart because we were shooting a special. Yeah. And then when I came out, I ripped the mic out of the mics stand and straight into the... And that's the moment you're really trying to show everyone that I got this. Exactly. Exactly.

I'm in central. Yeah. I know what I'm doing. Cool as a cucumber. Yeah. And the noise is louder though because you're doing it into the motion. Totally. Yeah.

100%. Well, the second time I had to just keep going because I was like, they're really going to lose faith. It's a pratfall. That's something I do every time. Yeah. Got you laughing. Got you deeply concerned.

And that's how I like my audience to be at the top of the show. I like it was a whistle in your teeth the rest of the show. Yeah, there's like, there's no front teeth at all. completely complete. I spit them out onto the stage and then did the show. Yeah. That would actually be sad. That'd be badass.

It'd be cool, wouldn't have that much of an impact on the speech impediment either too. Might cure you. I actually think it would because half the problem is the tongue peeking out underneath the front teeth. If there's no front teeth, it's to peek out. Get rid of them. Do you reckon I should anyway? I think so. Okay.

I think it'd be a very cool look. Do you think I'd start a trend? Yeah. Yeah. Absolutely. Okay. Jess never lies to me, you see. No.

I don't think she can. She's always got my best interest at heart, so.