Who Knew It with Matt Stewart - 209 - Mish Wittrup, Damian Callinan and Maren May

Episode Date: September 14, 2026

Who Knew It with Matt Stewart is a comedy game show podcast hosted by Australian comedian Matt Stewart. This episode features guests Mish Wittrup, Damian Callinan and Maren May!Support the show via http://patreon.com/dogoonpod and you can submit questions for the show!Check out Matt's new stand up special 'Bad Boy': https://youtu.be/uwco3wBOFSA?si=NL524pxlJGiQsATtGive your feedback in this listener survey: https://forms.gle/WC7bKDCwgXmSQD1QAAnd his previous specials 'Best Man': https://youtu.be/ZgukEPerWZc?si=SW8PttGAB-ly_GF8And 'Live at Stupid Old Studios': https://youtu.be/cWStRpI-BhESee the podcast/Matt live: https://www.mattstewartcomedy.com/Check out Matt's podcast network: https://dogoonpod.com/Theme song by Evan Munro-Smith, Logo by Murray Summerville and edited by Connor Schmidt! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Matt here letting you know that my brand new special bad boy is out now on the humdinger channel. You can check it out for free right now. Well, you know, after this episode, why not? Have a little laugh. Hey, you deserve it. Then you can share it with your friends and share a laugh with them too. Maybe comment and subscribe and other such things. Feed that algorithm.

Cheers, mates. Welcome to Who New with Matt Stewart, the show where the guest write the wrong answers. I'm the titular Matt Stewart. our first guest is host of the Mish and Zach podcast. It's the people's champ Mish, the Big Wet Wittrup. Mish, the Big Wet Wittrup is here again. The novel, like, people are going to realize the more you have me on, people are going to realize I'm not that great at this.

No, no, no, no, no. The more you're on, the more the people love you, and the more you're there, champ. The more I come on, the wetter they get. Yeah, that's right. The droplets. Yeah, the droplets. Yeah, Mish's fan base are called The Droplets. Beautiful.

Our second guest this week has appeared on all TV shows. shows and films in Australia, including Skid House before the game of the merger, and is currently touring rural and regional Australia with his whole story show. It's Damien Callan. Goody. And also... I think... I'd feel like, I don't know.

Yeah. You got big wet. Can I have something? Yeah, it'll happen. It'll happen. Yeah, this episode. We've got to keep our eyes peeled, but it can happen to it. I think this is my third or fourth.

Yeah. Weird, I don't know any name yet. But anyway, we're going to get you one. Yeah. Well, you're in the past, you normally just, you've said, you know, you're, you're, you're, You only come on once a show gets going. You won't come on to 100 plus episodes. We've now crossed 200 and you've agreed to come back again.

Exactly. And I'll come on at 500. Okay. So there's a big gap. I just feel like usually two to 400 in any point. The big gap. The big gap. There it is.

The big gap. And the gaplets. Yeah. And the gaplets. That's so cute. That is so cute. Big wet, big gap and. The white ones are your band base.

And our third guys this week is German-Australian comedian, host of the Maron as a crush on podcast, Mar-in May. Hello. So good to have you back. So good to be back. Do I get one too? Oh, nickname, yeah. Just a German, I guess.

The German? The German? I have noticed that when I did this in the past, you've taken out the German questions. That's rude because I would be so good at them. I know. I think last week there was a German question. and yeah, I would have had to have scrapped it if you were coming on.

Sorry about that. It's all English language ones, which really plays in the hands of. Yeah, all right. Hardly, though, to be fair. Your English is about as good as mine to be perfect. Maybe big disadvantage. What's that in German? Yeah, yeah, that's the big disadvantage.

That's a really good question. Look, this happens a bit when people ask me a word on the spot, And I do always remember, Narteille. Yeah, a Grosa Nata. Okay. Cozanaata. That's me.

Let's all say it. Cozenata. Yeah, that was perfect, actually. Thank you. Nata. Well, that's far. You guys didn't even have a go. Sorry?

Well, so if it's Kosa Nata. Nachtai. Grosa Nata. Yeah, yeah, nailed it. So what does that mean? Bigger disadvantage. Yeah, perfect. Yeah.

Yeah. Got it. So the way the show works is asked, a relatively obscure trivia question. Our contestants have to write a convincing fake answer. I then read their answers. Well, as the real one, and I have to guess which one is correct.

And the first question comes from listener Oz Tilsen from Langford in British Columbia. The question is, what does Tullogany mean? What does Tullogany mean? Toulogany. Yes. I don't know how to, I didn't know.

I didn't look up how to pronounce it. But that's what it looks like. T-L-E-G-O-N-Y. While they're writing their answers, I'll explain how the scoring works for new listeners. You get one point if your fake answer is guessed by the other contestant, and another point if you correctly guess the answer. By the way, I'm also playing as the house,

and I've put in two of my own fake answers for each question with the help of the question writer, and we get a point for each one of those that our guests choose. So each of us conscript to three points per round, which seems fair, but the probability apparently favors the house. So to make things more even, the guests get triple points in the final round, while the house does not.

Most of our questions, by the way, come from our great Patreon supporters if you want to submit a question, sign up on any level via patreon.com slash do go on pod, which is linked in the show notes. Oh, and I should say also, if you've had a question submitted for a while, I haven't had one read out, uh, DM me on Patreon or wherever and, uh, I'll sort you out. All right. Uh, answering for question number one. What does Tologany mean? The original name for video Tillofony or telephony. That's option one. Option two. Memories becoming distorted after retelling. Option three, study of frogs.

Option four, the pseudo-scientific theory that offspring can inherit the traits of previous sexual partners. To communicate using only your hands and or feet. Or an obscure 20th century invention where you press your eyes, nose and ears up to the contraption to see, smell and hear the latest Hollywood films. All right, Mish. Just like to communicate with your hands and feet. And or feet. You could do both or one. or the other. See, not everyone wants to communicate with feet.

What? Yeah. I think it would be a better known word if, I mean, none of these, what I'm saying is. There's a reason I've never heard this word. No matter which one of these definitions is correct, they're all obscure things. Of course. Yes, thank you for that. Stop talking to me.

Is one of the correct? You just got big wedded. I'm going to go, it's one of two, I reckon, and I'm going to go with the memory one. Memory. What's the other one you're thinking about? The hands and or feet, but the feet threw me. What's the memory one again? Memory is becoming distorted after retelling.

Do you need to hear any again? Yeah, it's just happening to me when you retell the question. The original name for video telophony? memory is becoming distorted after retelling study of frogs pseudo-scientific theory that offspring can inherit the traits of previous sexual partners to communicate using only your hands and or feet or obscure 20th century invention like a yeah where you're going to press your whole head up against the contraption to see

hear and smell did you say hands and feet no I said the memory one oh I think it's that one but I'm going to go hands and feet hands and feet for funsies All right. Locked in. I think I'm going to go with the pseudo, was it pseudoscience? I feel like I've heard that word in Byron Bay or something. I'm going to go with that.

Well, let's see if you're right. Here's the answers. The obscure 20th century invention, that was the house. I looked at, I was riding out this morning and I knew it was nothing. You're having a hard day to me. It got longer and I'm like, this is getting first. further away from anything. Any work you did on this this morning, we are fully aware it's going to be fractured and weird.

Usually it flows out nonsense. But today it was hard. Yeah, it's a real sad day. Maybe the taps run dry. Finally, my bullshit. Big wet will help you. The original name for telephine, video telophony, that was Maron. Is that a word telephony?

I don't know. I had to type it. Yeah, I think so. Study of frogs is Damien. Well, is there anything in the word that gives you frogs, or is that you just went random? Well, the first letter made me think of tadpoles, so I just went frogs. And you took it for a walk. Yeah.

Yeah, I'd phone that one in. Literally, I suppose. You did message it that way. All right, Damien went forward to communicate using only your hands and or feet, and you really got big wedded here. because that was Mish. Mish put it up as her second choice. And I saw it happening in slow motion. Well done.

Thank you. Thank you so much. I was just happy to fall in the gap. Let me just say this. That was too easy. That was way too. No, to be honest with you, I'm sorry. I just, I wanted to get one out because now it's on.

Yeah, now it's on. No, I just wanted to, I wanted to, I wanted to, do that so that I don't have to do it again. But you've also, you've revealed, you've revealed how far you'll go. Yeah. It's interesting. I mean, before we even went on an hour off, to sit in a broken chair and that's how I get treated. It's true. The first thing that haven't we walked in here is I sat on a broken chair that was like really low to the ground. I'm like, oh, I got the broken one. And in absolute, with a genuine sincerity, Damien goes, I can take that chair. You can have this one. Yeah, that's why you can't hear me as well.

And it was really, really lovely. Like, we ended up just having all normal chairs, which is a delight. Yeah. But, yeah, that is true. And I just, and then I just tore you apart and I apologise. Right. I'm not that sorry. Because it's all for fun, you know?

Now, Mish went for memories being distorted after retelling. That was Oz, the questioner writer, okay, the house. And that means, Maron is correct, is the pseudoscientific. theory that you very possibly would have heard in Byron. I've never even been to Barron Bay. What is that? I'm the German, the big disadvantage one. Ah, yes.

The big disadvantage. There's no Germans in Bahrain, I imagine. No, German hippies up there. No, they would be there. Yeah, they would love that. I'd be saying something, some, I forgot the word, sorry, have tried. Yeah, it's crazy. But apparently it goes,

goes way back to Aristotle and it was believed for quite a while that, you know, all your sexual partners up until giving birth, they all, a little bit of, a little bit of them got in. That's crazy. It's a hectic thing to believe, but, you know, good on them. I think it's fair enough, they believed in it, like hundreds and thousands of years ago. Hectic that people still do believe it. There are people out there. Cornynors, Oz, the Questurata, big in the red-pilled size.

of the internet if that means anything to you so am i that's my side yeah that's my side too yeah well so you probably yeah that's why maron had heard of telep yeah but when i'm there i shut the fuck up because it's none like you know what i mean you're more of an observer i'm an observer no one wants me to talk on that side of the internet i'm just a big dumb woman yeah i'm trad you say trad i think you understand this man i'm trad you're trad you're trad as you're trad as everyone knows it anyone who knows me shush whittraub the comedian yeah she's trad she's so trad she's trad yeah thanks for stepping out of the kitchen today. You're so very welcome.

I made you a sourdough. Oh. And my first born. You can have that too. Which you believe contains genes from all your previous lovers. Absolutely.

Absolutely. All right. Question two comes. Oh, it's also from Canada. From someone calling themselves, I'm assuming this is not a birth name, dog martyr, from Vancouver.

and dog's question is, well, really, dogs just asking you to come up with a name of a fake sea creature. Oh, usually it's bird. Yeah, it's often bird or mushroom or moth. This one, you've got the whole sea to think of. Of all the creatures, though,

these all could be possible because we don't know what's down there. They find weirder ones every year, don't they? Yeah. Looking and sounding. Can we just give a name? Or do we just go out? Just the name, yeah.

Thank you very much. I also want to come back for the moth round. I love that. Oh, yeah. Moths have some fantastic names. I know some good moth facts. Yeah, I'm studying them. I'm going to try and remember. Listener, let me know to get Maren on next time.

I've got a moth fact or vice versa. Might be more of an egg before the chicken tops and I over that one. So Mar and Mish and the household score points in the first round. I think Mish is enjoying her answer, which is always a good sign. When people are. I love her when they're guests are making themselves chuckle. That is fantastic. I can't wait for that.

While they're still writing their answers, I can tell you, Mish, a bit more about telegony. According to Britannica, it's a discredited theory that claims the traits of a previous mate can influence the offspring of a female with a subsequent mate. This idea, which dates back to Aristotle, suggests that a female's reproductive history could affect later offspring, even if the father was different.

For example, it was once believed that if a mare mated with a zebra and later with a stallion, the foal might show zebra-like stripes. All right, the answer to in for question number two, which of these is a real sea creature? Deli catfish, crumb of bread sponge, very slippery eel, gefortundun, flushing dickfish or torch-titted deep-sea cucumber? Torch-titted? Torch tited That's great Torch tittered Can we hear them all again?

Deli catfish Crum of bread Sponge Spunge Very slippery eel Gefortid Dom Said that differently each time That's okay Flushing Dickfish

I'll never say that wrong Or torch Titted deep sea cucumber I guess that's I mean I would like to think I haven't seen the real one But I'd like to think

that one has, called him the dark nipples. Little titties. All right, Damien, it's your go here. None of them. None of them exist. We know that. Mish, should we get any advice for me?

Sorry? Have you got any advice for me on this one? Pick mine is usually pretty good. I'm really confident I'm going to. Just because you've placed that there. I'm going to say very slippery heel. Very slippery heel. That's what I was going to go with.

It's beautiful. Okay, locked in I mean, of course Big Wet would go over that That's the wettest of the bunch Even though you'd assume they're all pretty wet They're all wet Are they though?

Ooh Ooh I love very slippery eel If I was naming sea creatures I would definitely do that But I like the bread one I'm going to go with the bread Rum of bread sponge

Yeah, that sounds like an insult By someone with a very loose Grasp on language angry but just bar just whatever's on the table crumb of bread sponge that's just making up Australian insult because we can't say to C word anymore No not at all

To me it sounds like something you'd find In a country hall As you're touring around Yeah yeah Yeah a slice of crumbed Crumb of bread sponge Yeah that's great Cumb of bread sponge

It's very popular And in a certain town or whatever Tulangia Yeah They were at the courage on CWA at the time at a memorial hall. They love her. Yeah, they love that. Crum of sponge.

What is they called? Yeah, the best in Australia. Yeah. All right, Mish, what do you think? Well, see, here's the problem. Those were the two I liked. And neither of them have picked one of mine. So.

So sorry. Well, unless you have. Yeah, I wouldn't take a word. Oh, my gosh. It doesn't matter now. I'm locked in. There's so much trick. I know.

That's how hard she plays. Yeah. Beyond lock-in, she's still mess her. the head. Wow. So I, because neither of them picked one of mine, and they both picked the ones that I wanted to pick, I'm pretty certain I'm not going to get any points in this round. Okay.

Which I don't like. I know. Can you read them to me again, please? Deli catfish, crumb of bread sponge, very slippery eel, gefforotidon, flushing duckfish, flushing dickfish or torch-titted deep-sea cucumber? I guess Delly catfish But I don't

No, you know what? Let's go for the titty cucumber Okay I'm only with the titty cucumber Because it's funny And yeah, if either of you want to change either of your answers You probably can, can't you? Probably can, yeah

You happy? Yeah, can I smell your wrist again? Crump! I'll change it. my inch. Oh my God. All right, here's the answers. Flushing dickfish was Mish.

That's pretty funny. Yeah, it is funny. Riding it is fun. It rolls off the tongue as well, better than the bread ones are. Geportodon. That was Damien. Am I getting anywhere near? Is that the German word from before?

Are you? Well, what is... No, I just made it up. It was only you made it sound German. Yeah, yeah. But then I was just like, well, I just forgot to write an English for a second bit. I thought it was a callback to the big disappointment.

Excuse me to disadvantage. It keeps getting worse. Do you want me to leave? Yeah, so sorry. That's why I was giving up to the German. Deli catfish was the house. So you dodged that at least Mish. But you dodged it and went for Maron's torch titter.

deep sea cucumber. It's very funny. It sounded beautiful. Yeah, I just want it to be real. I took inspiration from the burts, you know, because they're all tits and I'm like, that can be underwater tits. That's exciting.

Yeah, that's really exciting. They're really jiggly underwater as well. Damien went for very slippery eel. I'm afraid that was dog. Dog mada. Okay, the house. And that means Maren is also correct. It's the crumb of bread sponge.

Good stuff. Were you aware of that as well? well? You've got the first two correct. I've heard that in Byron Bay is underwater, though, so it's hard to hear. Maybe that's what you heard as well, underwater. Yeah, absolutely. Maron, absolutely on a tear early with two questions down.

We move on to question three. This one comes from... Can I get a school? Ah, yes. Oh, you want me to give you a point? No, no, I just want to go to. I'd probably hear where I'm going. Okay.

Score update. After two rounds, we have... Damien yet to score. Mish on one, the house on two, but out in front on three points is Mar and May. Well, three. Three. How do I get the third one? You got the double points there because Mish picked yours and you got the correct one.

Oh, damn, yeah, all right. I can them sit back now, relax. Yeah, yeah, cruise from here. I've already put in my answer to question three. Question three comes from Greg Hartman from Walcott, Colorado. And the question is the Major League Baseball team in St. Louis. Missouri have been known as the Cardinals since the year 1900. But what were they known as in 1899?

They were still St. Louis, or St. Louis? St. Louis, but what was the, they weren't the Cardinals. They were something else. Wait, it's just the Cardinals is their name now? That's their name now, yeah. I knew that. Yeah, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, oh, yeah, yeah. 1890s.

Oh, yeah. While you're writing your answers, let the audience know a bit more about crumb of bread sponge. According to the Smithsonian, crumb of bread sponge typically occurs in bays and harbors and usually starts growing as a thin crust, but develops into lobes, fingers or branches. That description sounds disgusting. Dog writes that the sponge has a certain scent, which has been described as exploded gunpowder. Now, if anyone wants to see Damien in one of his hall shows, he's getting, wherever you live,

he might be coming to you. He's coming in the, in October, he's going to be near him South, Woodley, Leachville, Sanarned and they're all in Victoria and then Port Headland in W.A. at the local halls. It's such a great

idea for a tour. I love a local town hall. They're the best. And you feel like, they're so fun. They're so fun. And like you occasionally had to do, you know, line up, stand-up gigs and stuff there. But to turn it, into like, you know, match your show to the venue is real fun.

Yeah, it is. It's really fun. I've just been editing one of the podcasts today. And it was a place called Glenn Maggie in Gippsland that was like the town got flooded to make a weir. And the only thing that survived from the original town is the halls. And they've moved it twice to get it above the waterline. So it's got this incredible history.

And they have a, which was quite common in the 60s, they had what's called switch on balls when electricity came to the town. And so we actually... Yeah, like the dance ball. Yeah, yeah, so dance. But they would literally that night switch that go from, you know, the Tilly Lans to electricity. But they had an outside broadcast in 1967 when it happened.

And I got a copy of the, you know, 10 minutes of the moment when they flicked on the electricity with the local, you know, 3G announcers going, well, this is brought to you by Ted McPherson's Ford. on the main street of Morwell. All right, we're almost ready now for the switching on. I think the Dave Campbell's dance band are about to call us in. Everyone, get your partners for the fox trot and halfway through it.

We'll turn on the electricity. It's just like so magical. So on the night we recreated it and we turned all the power off and made people get up and do the fox trot. Was anyone there from the... Yeah, there was a couple of blokes who'd been there. And they were the guys who used to do that. They used to have to pump the gas to get the lights up because the lights would dim after a few hours

and you have to go in and push the pump to get the lights back out. So there was two guys who used to do that. That's incredible. That's so good. You have an incredible community radio voice, by the way. Thank you. It's brought to you by Damien Kellan.

It's so good. And the Gephurtedon. Can I also just say, I would like to say this for the record. I liked this question. Okay. Great. This one was fun. So yeah, Greg, if you're listening, you got the big wet seal of approval.

This might even be Greg's first question, maybe. Greg? It's coming in hot. I kissed a guy named Greg when I was 16 years old at Ivanhoe Park. Oh, man. I love all of these. I reckon I'll run through them once and then maybe we can get Damien to do his 60s voice, old soul voice, because I think a lot of these will work very well with that.

All right. Here is question number three. Major League Baseball team. in St. Louis or St. Louis have been known as a Cardinal since 1900, but what were they known as in 1899? The St. Louis Woff-Waffs.

The St. Louis Superbats. The St. Louis Perfectos. The St. Louis Barsters. The St. Louis Varmints or the St. Louis Fancies. Here they are, coming out to play. Don't they look resplendent? I like there's a British announcer.

Oh, back then, I think. Back then, they all had that Yeah, that mid-Atlantic voice. That's quite good. Marjorie. How comes the siloie wafas? We're fantastic a day. Magnificent yellow kits.

The Superbats. Perfectos. Bastards. Varmints or fancy. The bastards is funny. Marron, what do you reckon? I'm not going to say the bastardsids. That seems rude.

I just like saying the C word only. which is of course Titted cucumber that made no sense Don't worry about that I've got the answers as well Mara inspiring Whatever I've got is contagious

So you go wafwuffs Superbats perfectos Bastards Farments fancy They're all excellent Yeah they're really good They're all feel very 1899 Somehow

I'm going to go to perfectos Because I love sports Yes I'm also going to go for the perfectos. Oh, double perfectos. I'm going to say the fancies. Yes, so good. The fancies.

It's coming out now. Look at them with their frilled tunics. Spangly shoes. Yeah, these boys are light on their feet. All right. Here's the right the answers. the wuff wafs that was maran

very good my head also was more like woof woof but that's okay oh apologies how did you spell it um

w uff but then actually that would have given it away so thank you Matt that's too German that's big disadvantage is that that's how a German dog's bark

like German chappan yeah they're a lot more economic they're in a yeah they're just like not that excited they're sick of everyone's shit they're like woof

wasn't there wasn't there a German something like the Waffle Hauser or something. What's a, that's a, that's a, that's a waffle. The Luftwaffe. Luftwaffe. Yeah. You confused it.

Yeah. A waffle chain with a, with an air force. Yes. Waffles in the state. Yeah, yeah. The Superbats, that was Greg. Although I think I've realized it was a miss,

I thought it was a misspelling, but it wasn't. Greg had written the Superbars. The bastards, that was the house. The varamants. was Damien. I thought that might have been you. Yeah, Varmance.

Yeah, very Yosemite Sam. The Fancy's. Damien went for that. That was Mish. Oh, the fancies. Got you again, baby. You're in the puddle. Yeah, you're in the puddle.

My feet apparently wet. I'm the only person ever get tinier from a podcast. It smells like... You're rolling up your ankles. Just to... Now, Mish and Maron went for the perfectos. And you are both. Correct.

Did you know that? I think this is the first time I've ever known an answer. Really? I thought the fact that you normally wouldn't go with what someone else has already guessed. No, never. But I want the points. And Marin's doing really well. No, I knew that.

Maron's three from three for correct answers. Yeah, crazy. I knew that answer. That never happens on this podcast. Where would you have heard that? So a girl, this is where I know it from. A girl I went to high school with, her dad was a huge Cardinals fan. Oh.

And he had like a picture on. his wall that was really like a cartoony picture that I used to love when I was younger that had perfectos on it from that period. It was a single season they were called the perfecto. And I just remembered like I was, I don't know why I've always remembered because I just thought it was so funny when I was younger that there would be a baseball team called the perfecto. Yeah, I reckon it's so great. They went, yeah, I think they ended up with the worst of their three names.

They started out as the brown stockings, which I think is funny. Then perfectos and then Cardinals, which is all right. Yeah. I think the Cardinals is quite pretty. It is, yeah. And that's a bird, right? Yeah. And it's also like a priest.

Priests. Oh, yeah. Yeah. High-ranking priest. Top priests. The St. Louis priests. He's got a good hat. Yeah.

Yeah. I just thought men would call themselves the perfectos, so that added up. Yeah, 100%. Yeah. Perfectos. All right. Well, schools get interesting here. Damien's still yet to score.

House's still on two. But now out in the equal. lead on four apiece. It's Mission Mount Maron. All right. Question number four comes from Coley Varadhi from Beaverton in Oregon, I reckon. And this one is just basically you've got to come up with an interesting name of a human. But to be more specific, what is the name of the former director of the School of Arts and Sciences honors program at Rutgers University in New Jersey? But they just had a funny name. So someone sent in the question, someone being Coli Varadhi.

What is the name of I think you're an older lady who worked at a university in New Jersey And while you're writing those answers He's a little more info about the Cardinals Greg writes The St. Louis Cardinals originally formed as the St. Louis Brownstockings

in 1882 playing in the American Association Then shortened the name to the Browns the following year They became the dominant team in the AA As manager Charles Kamiski Guided St. Louis to four pennants in a row from 85 to 1888. However, the AA folded in 1891 and the Browns transferred to the National League, where they continue to play to this day.

The 1890s began a rough patch for the Browns, so maybe it was an attempt at nominative determinism in 1899 when they changed their name to the perfectos. It sort of worked as they had their best season in many years, finishing fifth in the standings instead of last or second to last. The perfectos name and their success didn't last long, though, as they changed their name after just one season to the cover. Cardinals and their losing ways returned for a couple more decades. The team was outfitted in red striped stockings and red trimmed uniforms.

And when sports writer Willie McAil of the St. Louis Republic heard a lady fan remark, what a lovely shade of Cardinal. The new nickname was used in his column and struck a chord with St. Louis fans. Hey, well, he's still writing your answers. Let's go for a quick break. All right, we're back and your answers are in. Here's question number four. what is the name of the former director of the School of Arts and Sciences

honors program at Rutgers University in New Jersey? Go Rutgers. I saw a Rutgers game when I was over there years ago. And they stunk. My dad's from New Jersey. Oh, really? Yeah. They had a whole setup with like a horseman in like, as I remember it.

It was like 15 years ago in night's uniform and stuff. And every time they scored a touchdown, he'd like do something running up and down. But they didn't score one. Scuble. Oh, wow. The whole set up there and I was like, he was a sort of twill in the mascot, though. Yeah, he was the mascot.

Yeah, right. The feckless knight. That's what they should be called. The feckless nights. All right. Here are your options. Gregory Grubber. Pashed him.

Reperta funnel. Pashed him. Muffin Lord. Kim Kardashian. Bath Beth, Beth Brosnia or Art Fartington. Art Fartington. It's back to you, Mish. Oh, is it me?

Yeah, back to you, Nish. Okay, can we go through them again, sorry? We can. You've got Gregory Grubber, Ruperta Funnel, Muffin Lord, Kim Kardashian, Bath, Beth Brosnia or Art Fartington. So with questions like this, you go, well, someone would have had to have a reason to write this in. And all of those names, there's a. reason why someone would be like this is worth the question. I reckon they're all, I reckon they're

all, uh, worthy. I think I'm really stuck. It's between two as per, but I'm going to go with Muffin Lord. Muffin Lord. Yeah. And if one of you wrote that, I love that name. That's a great name. It's a great name. Uh, all right, Damien. Do you reckon he's a top? Sorry? Yeah. Very good. How good is that episode of Seinfeld where they only eat the tops of the muffin? Top of the muffin to you. Top of the muffin to you. Beth Bath Beth Brosnia Yeah I'm going to be that one

Yeah, that's Brosnia And beyond All right locked in And Maron I'm going to go with the Ard Farthington Because I'm immature That's funny

Sorry Well you I mean Trust your instincts You've got them all right so far Here's who wrote the answers Gregory Grubber That was the house That's based on a

I never met him but I heard people talking about it when I was in Tassie one time about this guy called Gregory Grub, and I became obsessed. There's a real man out there getting around as Gregory Grub. And you pashed him, right? And if I haven't, I will. Yeah, yeah, he's one of the many fathers of your eventual offering.

Yeah, you get it. Ruperta Funnel, that was Damien. Good stuff. That's funny. Perperta. Kim Kardashian was Mish. Art Fartington Maron

That was Coley Okay, the house First time you've been stumped all day Except I don't actually care They're about to get points Well, yes You've got that

You've got a picture in your mind Where everything's going on Because Damien went for Bathbeth Brosnia And that was Maron Meaning Mish is correct It is Muffin Lord Oh, I got points You got points

Oh, that's great Cool What was there job. They were the director of the School of Arts and Sciences Honors Program. That's a fabulous name. Yeah. I could just imagine some like New Jersey hippies or something like that naming their kid muffin. Yeah. And already your surname's Lord. Yeah. Whatever you give them is going to be pretty good. It's going to be pretty good. The penultimate question comes from Jared Subnusky from I reckon that's Sabnusky. You might be right.

Yeah. Szyndhs and Jared's from Canberra slash Gunnarwal, which I think might be the indigenous name for Canberra if anyone can correct me on that pronunciation. Jared writes, what is an interesting fact

about the Colombian giant tarantula? Oh. So there's a Colombian tarantula. Giant. Giant Colombian giant trantula. What's an interesting fact about it? while you're right, your answers. Here's some more info about muffin lord.

Coley writes, while technically not her birth name, Muffin Lord has been going by the name since she was a child. She once attempted to go by her birth name after career change, but did not feel like herself. She's quoted as saying, I'll die being called muffin. I'll die being called muffin. She's this little old lady.

It's so sweet. I love it. Old I being called muffin. So good. All right. The answer is number five. What is an interesting fact about the Colombian giant tarantula? Here are your options.

Two of its eyes are on its backside. They make small hats for themselves out of leaves. I love that. When feeling threatened, they let out a scream that is commonly confused as that of human scream. Oh my God. They have dance battles with each other. The winner's prize is getting to mate.

Sick. They keep tiny frogs as pets. Or while it's called the Colombian giant trancelor, it's actually smaller than the Colombian common trantula. Okay. All right, Damien. Back to you. So you got eyes on the backside, make themselves hats, has a human scream.

They do dance battles, keep frogs as pets. or actually smaller than the common tarantula? I'm determined to finish with no point. I think I'm going to go with human screen. Okay. And can I double check? You're choosing that because you don't think it's right. Well, there's a lot that I don't think are right.

That's one of them. I think they're all right. It feels like if you want to get zero points, don't change your strategy now. Yeah. Okay. You might. You're fun? Just put me to have a Misha's answer.

Look, I can't do that, but I'll do the screen one. Yeah. Okay. Maron? I kind of wish that they would make themselves hats and then have a dance battle. That would be incredible. What kind of hats? I'm picturing boda hats, you know, little woven straw hats somehow with leaves.

I think that's quite talented for a spider. True. They've got a lot of arms. He's coming out of their butt, so maybe they need eyes in the backside to make hats better. Yeah, true. I'm going to go with the dance battle. Dance battle, all right. I'm thinking mortarboards.

Oh, you know. One of their legs to throw them in the end. And they get a route. Yeah. Oh, they let's say graduation. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

But then a route is graduation. I like to think they do a final performance, like in step up. I believe. I can. No, that's honey. Also, do they have judges? Like, who decide? Anyway, my answer.

My answer is a little tarantula, Simon Cowell. So I think that the last one is the most obvious answer, right? Like, that would be, that would make the most sense. But I'm all for arseyes right now. Arsos. Assize. I think I'm going to go with arsize. Arsize.

Fun to say. Arsize. Locked in, ar size. All right. Here's a right. The answers. They make small hats for themselves out of leaves. That was a house.

I love that one. That's pretty funny. Yeah. I want to be a giant tarantula. I want one of their hats. They're actually smaller than the common trantula. Mish was close to giving Damien's first point. I was getting nervous.

Thank you. Thank you for night. Absolutely. Toying with him. But Damien instead went for the human scream. Which was Mish? Thank you. Hell yeah.

Thank you for this. You did say you couldn't change it. You were right. I quit it because, yeah. It didn't matter. Now, Mish went for eyes in its backside. That was Maron. Ah, ice.

Ars ice. I should have gone with that. That seems better. It's got ass ice. Ass ice. Now, Maron went for dance battles. I'm afraid that was the house. Damn, that's a good one.

That's funny that you said the hats and the dance because I wrote them back to back very quickly. Yeah. And I was obviously in the same mindset as you. Yeah. So you don't, Picture and spiders doing little sort of frivolous human things Is so fun

Great fun That's some good nonsense And that is kind of the truth Because they keep tiny our frogs's pets That's lovely And so freaking cute Here's a picture of one What?

Oh Oh my God That's cute They just have like a symbiotic relationship Where I love a frog The spider lets it the frog live in their little burrow thing and will protect it.

And the frog is there just to eat, um, eat little insects. It would otherwise eat the spider's eggs. So they have this sort of, I mean, pet, the frog would be like,

what the heck? Yeah. We're both doing our partner. I'm not a pet. Yeah. It's only the size of me that makes me look like a pet. I'm an equal, eat a partner.

So they have house meetings. I don't know. You're down on your intake of insects and. Yeah. Would they also keep a toad, is my question, or no toads? Oh, the toad might be, yeah, that would be an imbalance. Yeah, fair, fair. The frog just says, I'm just sick of picking up your hats.

They keep falling off. Yeah. That dance battle with your mates went so late last night. You know I had to get up early for work. This is your job. What are you doing? Yes, I'm trying to work, do my best work for you. Just don't know why

I don't get a hat Did I sleep at the same time You reckon or did they take shifts Oh Always won't eye on the prize I guess Do you reckon sometimes on a really boozy Friday At like 3am

They might do a kiss Oh yeah Yeah Like and then not talk about it the next day Or whatever But it's happened three times And it's like I wonder if we should talk about this

But it's never spoken about But three times across four months We're trying to keep work and pleasure separate, but it's hard. But it's hard. When we're both. When we're living together,

we're single. And if you can't find anyone at the pub to come on with it with. We made a deal with each other that if we are still single when we're 30. So going to the final question, the scores are. They're matching hats,

didn't they? I made you a hat. Oh, it's too fucking big. I'm a frog. It's very sticky, though. That's handy. Yeah.

That's tarantula's love language. Yeah. Gift giving. It doesn't really speak his feelings, but he shares with his millinery skills. That's quite nice. All right, final question comes from Eli Fisher from Houston, Texas. And we normally finish with the synopsis question, often for a movie. This time it's for an unaired TV pilot.

Ooh! What is the brief synopsis, two, three, four sentences maybe for the unaired TV pilot, heavens to Betsy Heavens to Betsy Isn't a name? Yeah So Betsy's a name Heavens to Betsy is like an old

American thing Sort of like Yeah it's like a soft It's probably just stopping From saying hell or something Heaven's to be What year? Do you have a year for us?

No year Okay Anyway while you're writing your answers Jared writes of these spider Frogs Scientists have observed a mutual relationship, a relationship that benefits both parties, between burrowing tarantulas and dotted humming frogs in the Amazonian rainforest. Basically, the tarantulas keep a little frog as a pet inside

their burrow. The frogs pay rent in inverted commas by eating small invertebrates like ants that would otherwise eat the tarantula's eggs. Apart from giving the frog a burrow to live in, the trantula also keeps the frog safe from other predators that would eat them like other spiders or snakes. Researchers have even observed the tarantulas defending their burrow and the frog from a snake 90 centimeters long. For reference, the tarantulas can have a leg span of up to 23 centimeters, whereas the frogs are approximately two centimeters long. 23 centimeter leg span. That's a big spider. Hey, while they're writing their answers, I'm about to head over to Canada. I'm going to be in Vancouver. Vancouver on the 12th, Calgary on the 13th and 14th, Montreal on the 18th and 19th and Toronto on the 20th of September.

That's a mix of do-go-on live podcasts as well as stand-up shows with me and Alcet Trombley Berchal and possibly special guest, Dave Warnocki, if he's feeling like it. So yeah, it should be a lot of fun. So anyone up in North America, Canada specifically, but, you know, who wouldn't want to travel up above that northern border from the States? Vancouver on the 12th, Calgary the 13th, 14th, Montreal the 18th and 19th and Toronto on the 20th of September. The answer is in for the final question. This is worth triple points. It would be an amazing comfort behind victory from Damien. I'll tell you that.

Still mathematically a chance. And there's only one house answer here. So you've got five options to choose from. For the question, which of these was the synopsis for the un-aired TV pilot, Heavens to Betsy? A cow, seemingly gifted from the heavens, must lead the local congregation in a battle to defend their small town and the values they hold. That's option one. Option two, ever since she was a child, small hotel manager, Betsy Broderick has been able to communicate with the dead. One evening, she has met with the ghost of Harold Harvey, a deceased millionaire who promises to make Betsy rich if she'll do one favor for him.

She must turn her hotel into a home for ghosts with unfinished business. Unfortunately for Betsy, she has already caught feelings for the handsome ghosts of Harold Harvey. I mean, I mean, well, yeah, I'll book a series, please. Don't even need to see the past. Option three, heavens to Betsy is the story of a boy whose name is Betsy. Neglected by his parents who were hoping for a girl and bullied at school for being a boy, he finds himself talking into a tin phone going into the abyss every night, talking to his only friend, Jesus.

One fateful Thursday night, a giant tarantula bites him during his regular tin call. Tin can call and Betsy finally gets answers to all of his questions. Hello, heaven to Betsy's. Fuck, that's so good. Option four, following the death of a singing partner, husband, Los Vegas headliner Betsy Baxter returns to her hometown, goes to work in a restaurant and receives occasional visits from her guardian angel. Well, finally, Betsy, a meteorologist and hobbyist crypto trader from Mobile, Alabama, it's in danger of losing her job after getting her weather predictions constantly wrong.

Despite being an atheist, in exasperation, she prays to God who surprisingly answers. God offers to give her accurate weather predictions if she agrees to helping him buy Bitcoin. to shore up dwindling heaven finances. Never got aired. I was so on board with that last one. None of them. That's crazy. None of them got aired.

Yeah, all of these were equally aired. All right, Marron, you're up first. I must say there was some beautiful alliterations in there. Oh, yeah. I think maybe people were. Yeah. They heard you like the alliteration, do you think? Yes, yeah, yeah.

Dangling a carrot. So you've got the cow. You've got the, uh, The hotel manager gets the hots for a ghost. You've got the neglected boy named Betsy. You've got the Vegas headliner who returns to a hometown. Or you've got the meteorologist, atheist meteorologist and hobbyist crypto trader. That's so good.

It's really hard because everyone knows you need Jesus to get the weather ride. If you got him on side, you're going to get it. Then you'll get it right all the time. He's up there where they make it. I'm going to go with... Satan's better for tides and stuff like that. He's underwater. It's really hard to hear the words there.

I'm going to go with the ghost and the horny lady, Betsy. Horny Betsy. Horny Betsy. Horny Betsy Broderick and Harold Harvey. Yeah. Yeah. I had a feeling you'd go for that one. Wait.

Maron May. No one, you like alliterative names. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's also made up. Uh, uh, Glenn McGraw. I don't, I hate. That was the Australian remake of Heaven Sabetzi. Uh, Grant, Penn McGraw.

Um, Maron and I are on the same points. Oh, great question. Yes. Do you don't want to ask about my school? Does that change? I've gone fine with that. Does that change to a strategy? Yeah, I'm having to think

Big Wed have a moment All right, then I'm going to go with the Las Vegas showgirl Las Vegas show girl All right Locked in Damien, what do you think? I have no memory of any of them Got the cow

Yeah You've got the boy named Betsy You've got the hotel manager Who gets horny for a ghost Boy named Betsy Boy named Betsy Yeah, I mean All right

Now that we're locked in I didn't want to double up. Yes. Yeah. Like I wanted to pick yours, but I couldn't pick yours because I didn't want to, then, like, makes the game more interesting. Yeah, yeah. That's good strategy.

Boy name Betsy. All right, here's who wrote the answers. The meteorologist and hobbyist crypto trader, that was Damien. That was really good. That was really. That was really. It was really. It was okay until the last bit, really.

No, I don't know. I thought the last bit tied it all together. loved it, but it was absolutely unhinged. It felt like something that could, nay, should be made. Yeah. That's really, I know, I'd probably watch a dog at the moment. So you can note that along the salvo. Yeah, sick.

Now, the cow one, gifted from the heavens. That was Eli, the question right. Okay. I like that too. I do like the car. Damien went for the boy named Betsy. That was Maron. That one included a giant tarantula,

well Damien so you really are committed to... I've forgotten that bit. Oh, you have committed to getting no points, haven't you? Well, more than I even thought. Yeah. I enjoyed that one the most. That was good fun. I did feel like it was written by English as the second language.

Yeah. And Lauren's been far less in brackets. Tocically competitive. Yes. So. I don't fully know what the synopsis is, but that's... Well, I thought it was fantastic. I meant that as a compliment.

written in English as a second language. Oh, thank you. I thought you were being mean. No, no, no, no. No, I was being the opposite of me. I was being really kind. Oh, that's good. Yeah, no, no, thank you.

Anyone who can write a sentence of English and it wasn't their first language is so impressive to me. Oh, that's... And you wrote like four sentences. Yeah, yeah, and I struggled for all of them. Maron went for the small hotel manager, Betsy Broderick, who fell for Harold Harvey.

That was Mish. Oh, my God. That's why. And even after locked in, Mish came and said, the only reason I didn't go for that one is because I didn't want to double up. But the truth is she couldn't because it was hers. Just diabolical stuff. No, that wasn't just to be nasty.

It's because, are you all right? Yeah. Yeah, it's feeling a little bit humid in here, isn't it? No, it's because once on this podcast, someone picked mine, and it would have won me the game, but then they changed like a minute. immediately after we went locked in. They're like, oh, hold on, can I change it?

And then it lost me the game. So I wanted to get him really quick before anybody said. Oh, actually, now that I think about it, I like the, you know, blah, blah, blah. Is that, is that like, I don't know. I'm a toxic competitor. You go to the halls. You ever go to the lawn bowls? It feels like Mish did one of those bowls right to the back, you know, like as a safety bowl.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right. So that just leaves us with the correct answer, which is the Las Vegas. headliner, whose partner dies, and Mish got that correct. That's incredible. Thank you.

Thank you. Wow, wow, wow. Oh, I love the last round. I love that last round. They're all my favourite.

Equally, yeah. I don't want it to end. Let's do it open-ended, which means it never ends, right? Oh, I think that's really nice. Yeah, this isn't the final scores. This is just the final scores for now.

Yeah. Oh, that's beautiful. Before, we give you the final score, the final score for now. Dolly Parton actually played the titular Betsy and wrote and recorded the theme song. Apparently six episodes of the series were filmed, however, none were broadcast on network television. Hey. Just, like, try to retool it for another show the next year. Just never got off the ground.

Anyway, before I give you the scores, where can people find you, Mish? This will be coming out soon. It'll be coming out soon. Yeah, great. Follow me on Instagram, I guess, at Mish Whitrop. And then I have a podcast, The Mission Zach podcast. We release episodes every Tuesday and Thursday. You can find us also on Instagram at Mish and Zach.

It's a podcast I do with my friend, Zachary Rewa. People are keen for a rematch between you and Zach. I don't want to be in this room with him again. I think I'd have a panic attack. I just don't think I could do it. You think I'm bad. He puts his sunglasses on. So he knows how to get in my head.

Yeah, yeah. This is why people love it because you two are. It's really, he's mirroring back the energy you. Well, yeah, his goal isn't to win. goal is to destroy me. I'd be more than happy to do another episode with Maron. I'm a really nice person. I'm sure.

I didn't do this. Your listeners created this. They created a monster. They created a monster. I have these droplets all over the world. They're poured into the big game. They created this. And they love it.

Damon, what about you? You've got the whole stories to her. And that's sort of an ongoing concern. Yeah, it'll be less next year because I'm touring my new show Spoons nationally next year. Through all the festivals? Festivals and

regional performing arts centers Yeah, all the like. But you can listen to the Hall Stories podcast if you want to hear about carpet bowlsery stumping and neat stuff like that. And your website, damoncaran.com.com. Yeah.

And Mara, what about you? Instagram, please. Thank you. I'm just, I'm doing, I'm trying to do reels. Oh, see. And it's so hard because you, you know, you never know. You never know how it is receiving. So people should go to your Instagram, go to your reels and just like one after the other.

No, do you know, bang, bang, bang, bang. Leave a comment. Oh, like and comment and subscribe. Say that, that one's shit. Oh, yeah. Don't say that. It's all. Say something nice.

It's all feeding the algorithm. Yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah, never mind. Instagram would be perfect. Awesome. All right. So here's the final scores in fourth position.

Come on, on Damien. The white ribbon. You just get the white ribbons at school for fourth position on zero points. It's Damien Callan. You did it. Clean cheek. Clean cheek.

That's got to be my... Perfect. Clean sheet, Calhant. No, clean cheek could be your neck of her name. Yeah. I like that. In third place on four points, it's the house. It was really daylight.

third, but in second place on nine points is Marron May. Hell yeah. Good points. But out in front on 12 points, it's Big Wet, Mish Whitrop. Oh, God, that feels good. I'm so sorry. Well played. I feel like I'm just an Oz kicker who's just come out and play against the Dockers.

Yeah, you've accidentally stumbled, stayed over on the, the half-time game. I did an episode of this once with two people who had never played before and didn't really understand and I ended on 20 points. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I smashed them good.

Yeah. I've always loved this format and even without joy, it works. Well, again, again, if you go back to when I first started doing this podcast, I just really loved the game. I was just having fun with my friends. And then about three episodes in,

people started going, I reckon that Mish is competitive. And then they gave me a name and then he put me in a room with Zach and then I tried to kill each other and ever since then now, I'm a big bitch. Trump's biography is pretty much the same trajectory. No. The dumpiest of all.

Horrible reputation to have. I'll never come back on this podcast again. Oh, no. Not if I've got a bad rep. No, no, the rep is good. I think you're just playing a heel-face kind of dynamic with Damien. That's all. Yeah, okay, fine.

It's fine. Well, I mean, he ended on zero points Why the fuck I could I listen to him anyway? Very heish. Fine. All right, cheers. I appreciate Kowman. That's what he goes for.

Cheers for cheating. Who knew with Matt Stewart? Please give us five to a review. Tell your friends if you think you know anyone who might enjoy it. And now that you know it, I've been Matt's show it. Goodbye. Do you remember how to, you mean, you can keep talking, but just saying. You're telling us about how you're voting one nation.

You're on the record. Yeah. I've actually got a big crush on, you've got a big crush on Pauline. And I've done since the 90s. Yeah. Yeah. Recently contremated. Yeah.

Hello. Whoa. Whoa. Is that to run for One Nation you have to consummate? Well, is that part of it? I've already registered my comedy festival show name of I got a wristy off Pauline and I thought, I'll ask her if she'll do it and she did. That's fabulous.

for a vote. That's the time to ask. She'd have a tight grip. Yeah. Don't you reckon? Yeah. Well, if she's having to do a lot of it. Yeah.

It was during a doorstop, too. She was still, she was talking to the media. Shaking hands, kissing babies, jerking off comedy. Jerking off comedians and actors who are going to see me on behind a screen. That's really nice.

It's beautiful. That is really nice. All right. Right, well, let's get cracking. The way, hang on, what do I say? I don't know. It's up to you, really. That's why I'm not coming on to a 500.

Should we try? Are you all right? I'm just waiting for clean space so I can do it. Matt, would you rather not do the pod and just talk about your feelings? That'd be really nice, actually. We don't have to do if you just needed some friends. Is that true? Well, you have a fucking breakdown.

That's fine. People, I get messages sometimes, people go, I guess my questions were crap. No. I went, no, I just, there's so many questions in there. I'd say that all they are crap. Oh, I mean, they're crap. Yeah.

Do you get some crap ones? Oh, I'm sure. Just an example. Yeah. With the name. Anonymous, but give us an example of a crap. I think in the early days there'd be questions like, what band had the number one song in this year?

It's like, It's not a lot of room for creativity from the guests. Or they're kind of, you know, indefinite. You know, like what's something that's larger than a brick. Yeah, yeah. That's great. I mean, now that there's too much room for you guys to work. I used to run an open-ended trivia night.

Yeah, yeah. Good stuff. Monday nights. Open-ended. Does it never end? It's not. It's not going. Even answering the first question,

And often we'd be last drinks. Oh, really? That sounds like more fun than normal trivia, to be honest. A little bit. Did anyone have a good imagination? Anyone ever get questions like that wrong? What's bigger than a brick? Oh, nah.

If I didn't like someone, I'd just turn on them and just go, no. No, even if they were right. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Well, I think that. And of course, like everything you say, I believed it was real for a split second. And then I remembered who was saying it. Yeah, you believed that?

Oh, split second. But I think this one would be really good. I think you should get that going. I did have a character in one of my shows who ran Open Ninja Trivia. It's so good. You could manifest them into reality. Oh my God, the answers are in and I've got to now I've got to do something with them. You're really falling apart today, man.

I am. It's bad. I'm about to record a bunch of these before we go away. While you're doing that, I got a perfume sample called lemon pie. And it smells like crust. Oh, I don't like it. Oh, not good crust. Can we smell it?

Yeah, I'm close enough to have a cup. You don't want skin crust. See what I mean? It smells like crust. It smells like baked crust. No, it's okay. Are you sure it's not the delicious crusty tarts? No, no, it's definitely my body.

It's like, I don't. really want to smell like a baked good. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah. It's the same, like, candles and stuff that smell like baked goods. I actually love that. You don't. I think it's a great smell.

I think it's good. Well, you can have this if you want. Thank you. You do rub that on us. Yeah, yeah, please. Could you rub your wrist on us later? Yeah. Before we go.

So we can get that smell. Only because you asked, yes. I mean, you're in the smell. Only the, you're stinky breast, not the other one. Not to feel close to me. No, surely not. The only essential oil that I burn at home is Velo. Yeah.

of yellow pastry. Yeah. Spanacopeter. Yeah. I bought a really good incense the other day that was called sexo and love and sexo, which I don't know what. No, Amor and Sexo. Smells like Amor and Sexo.

I don't know. So Amor also love and love and sex. What language is sexo? People have to be like, what does sex smell like? I'm like, what is sex? Isn't that what is love? What is love? It's an off brand version of sex, both of.

But sex, though, that's not a language. No, sexo is not a point. Sexo. Yeah, that's just someone trying to get around copyright or something. There's copyright on sex. Yeah, yeah. They have the billion men's own everything.

I own sex. Give it back. The people want their sex back. Oh, come on, guys. I'm so sad all the time. It's funny because if that is true and I do get pregnant and I have a baby, no matter what happens, no matter how many people I've slept with that, baby's just going to be a dumb c-c-a-b-b-ha-ha-ha.

You know what I mean? So, like, that's all very well a good, but I'm not a good example of whether that's true. Because no, it certainly won't have stripes. Sorry? Won't have striped. Well, no, I haven't fucked a zebra. Yes. And you maintain that, don't you?

Yes. But that would be, um, small wet, dumb-c-c-c-a-small-wet, that's beautiful. I just wanted to say that. Small-wet, tread. Trad dunk. Well, that's how I would raise her. Yeah. Yeah.

Absolutely. She'll know her place. Yeah. All right. The answers are in for question number two. Connor's got a bit of work to do on the bleeper this week already. Connor, can I just say this can stay on the record as well. The amount of shit I've said in this studio on this podcast to friends that have been in the room and we're like, oh, don't worry, it'll get cut.

Without realizing that Matt doesn't do his own edits, he hires someone to do it, this guy. and Connor, who knows so much about my personal life? He might be creating a, you know, a folio. Yes, truly. He could get me arrested. Connor, that would be really inappropriate. Connor, don't do that. You can't do that, mate.

Delete all the offcuts. Yeah. I'm sorry, I didn't know that we can't say the C word, but it would be really good if the bleep was like just Connor instead of that. I would do that if I was corner saying bleep. Do you bleep out the seat word in your pod? I think so. Yeah, just because of feedback from some Americans years ago,

it's a much more full-on word to their ears. Because that's interesting. I'm writing a song at the moment for next year's show, I think. For the American market. For just a little bit of fun. And it's a fun song. But it's called, this is just genuine advice from my comedian friends. It's called everyone I've met named Nathan is a dumb.

Bleep. Or is it? Bleep. Sorry, so everyone I've met named Nathan is a... And it's a fun show, and it's true, because everyone I've ever met named Nathan is a... But I think I have to change it because I don't think I can keep saying the word coming to my song.

Oh. And I say it a lot. You can't keep saying it? Yeah, no, I think it's a great word. I was really bummed out about... But anyway... It's the only reason... I think it's still hits with the bleep.

Yeah. I think it's just as fun. The bleeps make it more fun because you're like, that could have been anything. That's true. I like that you're more worried about that than offending all the Nathan's in the world. I'm not worried about that because they're all awful.

Think about everyone you know named Nathan. And even you can love someone named Nathan. You can be friends with someone named Nathan, but you know that they're also a... Bloop. Okay. I think it's solid. Except Nate Valvo, but he's got to be, but you know what I mean?

And he's a Naith. Yeah. So that's... Everyone who goes by Nate is also a... Bloop. Okay. What about the Nathaniel? Is that a subset?

pretentious. Leap. No, he's fault. He didn't give, he didn't give himself, though, unless he just added it on. I think there's, there should be a verse for Nathan, you know, for the years.

Oh, yeah, great. Yeah. Fantastic. I'm looking forward to hearing this song. Great sizzle. Great sizzle. From what you said earlier, we know. Yeah.

No, well, no, he ended up, no, he ended up, he did law, but then ended up owning a florist. Like hated law. finished law and then went fuck this I'm going to own a florist and now he owns a florist somewhere in the burbs that's the last I've heard of Greg you killed him yeah she deflowered him I deflowered him man I still want to call I know your name is marron but when I read it my brain says marron yeah it's what I call the big disadvantage when I see it I see woof woof

Do you correct people if they call you, Marin? No. Has never corrected me, but I find myself doing it only on this show when I'm reading it off the screen. I did do it once and then I got fucking tired of it. No, I thought. If people were calling you Mart, would you correct them? No, probably not. As long as I know they're talking to me.

I get Mitch a lot, like MIT, C.H. Yeah, I mean, like in German, I would also say it differently. So, like, I did some, yeah. Right. But anyway. Weirdly, I get Nathan. Oh, yeah, Nathan Energy.

Not even close. Maybe Nathan Energy, yeah. You just, yeah, you seem like a Nathaniel. Or Nathaniel, almost. Almost in Nathaniel. What a thrill to know an answer. I mean, yeah. That's pretty obscure.

That felt pretty obscure. Like, my rule of thumb is if I don't know it, most people, most guests won't. This friend's dad had like a shrine to the Cardinals. Like it was crazy. And my favorite picture was this very like cartoony old school one that had a big flag that said perfectos on that. So good. I think it's a great name for a team.

They should keep doing merch with that as like an alternative strip or something. Yeah. But they should only wear brown stockings. Yes. Brown stuffing. Nothing up. You wear a helmet. Sure.

Because I think back then it was like you just, they wore what was available. and then the name would often come from that. Because that's what the Cardinals are named, just because it was a red colour that they thought. Melbourne were called the Fuchsies. Yes, it's right. There was some of those early Aussie rules names are so good. There was also the, the, um, Eston had a name like the...

They were the same old. The same old, yeah. Love that. That's more moderate, right? Perfectos, that's a bit too much. The same old is like, yeah. You know what you get. Yeah, exactly.

Drug chase. That's right. get him. Are they what, Geelong? Were they the, pivotonians. Pivotonians. Because Geelong was considered the geographic pivot of Victoria. Who's your team?

The same olds. Same olds. Unless they appoint James Heard as coach. If he is the coach, then I broke for another team. Oh really? You don't want James Heard to be the coach? Absolutely not. Why?

Has he come in? Could that be the... No, probably by now. The favourite is Mark McVeigh. Why don't we want James Heard, Badman? Oh, yes. Yeah, well, he caused all the problems, the drug problems. Oh, was that a heard thing?

That was a hurt thing. I'm not an AFL person. He lost the job then. He was the price brilliant player they had, but then he was... Well, yeah, he's the reason that my whole family went for it. So I'm a Geelong person. But James Heard. Pivotonian.

Pivotonian. Because, and I was told this story. I told it last time I was on this freaking podcast. But I'm from Tazzy originally. When we moved to Melbourne, my mum took me to a whole bunch of like me and my sister to a bunch of like Melbourne things so he wouldn't feel like too backwards

because we're from Tazzy. So I was like nine and I saw a Geelong game but it's when like Gary Ablett, butahawking. Who's the other Gary? Gary Abla put a hocking. Anyway. Seneath?

Anyway, whatever. It was when they were playing. I thought they were amazing. But it was so good. And Billy Brownless was playing them too. Anyway. And so I went for Geelong because I thought Gary Ablett was so amazing.

And then a few weeks later, my mum liked James Hurd. And so that's when the rest of the family said. Oh, he seems like a nice boy. Yeah, she was just like, I like that one. We're going to support this team. Yeah, it turned out he had a god complex. But that's fine.

The Maybloods. Don't they all really? It seems like they all seem to be that way. The May blooms. Who was that? Hawthorne with the Mayblooms. Right. Well, St. Kelder was...

That's cute. That were the Seagulls for a little while. Fitzroy with the guerrillas, yeah. Which is pretty fun. I reckon they should be a team called the Wombats. Maybe more in rugby. league, you know, because they're just like Nuggets. Yeah, I've heard some regional

rugby league teams called the Wombats. But not an NFL one. Interesting. The Warrielda Wombats. Yeah, that works. That you can do that. You can't do that in Germany, like just pick a random name. It has to mean something. What does your name mean?

Muffins, no, I'm the ocean. It has to be like an actual name. You can't just go with muffin. Yeah, right. Really? Just a noun. You can't just like when so when Gwyneth Paltrow named because I reckon Gweth Paltrow started it because she named her daughter Apple which at the time sent ripples through the world

whereas now that's fine. Yeah, true. I mean they're all fine. Name your kid whatever you want to name them. But like Apple is not that weird anymore. But I remember when Gwenneth Paltrow and Chris Martin named their daughter Apple, everyone lost their tits. And like in Germany, they must have just been like, what the fuck? They'll be like, woof, no.

I remember when Apple got name because my cousin ironing board was furious because she'd had the most best noun name. Oh, damn it. Is that like hyphenated ironboard? Yeah, yeah. Thanks for asking. What's a normal? Correct people.

Normal, quote unquote normal, or an acceptable noun name. Oh, there must be. Cherry? Apple. Cherry's classic. Peach? No. No?

Brick. Matt. Brick. Brick's a common name in these states, isn't it? Yeah, yeah, Brick. Yeah. There'll be heaps. Barney, Rubble.

Screaming. Oh, yeah. Rubble. Rubble. Fipping around. Look around the room. Clock. Is that someone on?

Switch. Switch. Yeah. Switch. Switch is sick. Switch is actually a fucking sick name. My little dumb. Bleep.

Switch. Switch. Switch. I thought you call you. I thought you called you. I thought you'd call him chode. Chode. Beautiful name, Chode.

Little baby chode. Named him after all your fathers. I found a dictionary article, Dictionary.com article, noun names. Liberty, sincere. Bleep. Sincere was, there was a guy named sincere on there.

So the abstract nouns. Yeah. Like, precious. I had my first love. My first love. My first wife's cousins were called precious and treasure. Really? Yeah.

Is that true? That is actually true. My parents got, my parents, this is a true story. My parents met and got pregnant very, very quickly and married a few weeks after that. So I believe they were married three months into meeting. But they had no money. they were in Santa Cruz in California and they were like well we have to get married where do we get married so they got married in a caravan park that they were staying in at the time and they

needed a witness so that they could get married immediately and so the person that they had as their witness was their neighbor at the time which is a woman who smoked a hell of a lot of weed and she had legally changed her name to rainbow eyes oh my god so my pet the witness at my parents wedding's name was rainbow eyes wow yeah yeah that's fun that's beautiful they've got a Subsection here called Outdoor Nouns. Lily, Forest, Lake, Flint, Brook, chasm. Flint. Flint.

River, Daisy, Rose, Dahlia, ferns. Abyss. Fjord. Cliff? Oh, that's a good. I never really thought. Flint. I know exactly who Flint is.

You know what I mean? Crag. You're going to have to write another song about Flint. Flint. Yeah. I'd like to meet a flint. That's more of a niche one. Yeah.

That's more like a. a documentary on my journey in finding a Flint to see if he is exactly what I have built in my head. Algae. Oh, beautiful name. Boy or girl. Algae. Bog.

Oh. Pete. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, true. Pete Bog. Pete Bog. That's a name you can set your watch too.

Fogg. I've never heard that before. Fogg. Fogg. A good name. I love it when you meet someone who's love language is gift giving. I love getting shit. So good.

Like, you can piss about about, oh, no, what I really like is quality time. No, buy me presents. That's really quite nice. Just a message out there for any dumpy. Bleep listening. Was that the term? Hey, I love my little dumpy. Bleep.

Bleep. That's even better. What was it? Oh, this was last week. Oh, last week is a joke that I, all the men I've ever been with because Charlie Claussen, who was on last side said, his dog has really bad taste in men when it comes to other dogs because she only ever goes for dumpy little.

And I'm like, well, we've got a lot in common me in that dog. What were you saying today? I thought you were saying dump. Dumb. I said dumb. Oh, dumb. Yeah. I added the peeve.

Yeah. You can relate to them quite well as Spots boys. Yeah. I'm like, no. No, I should stop speaking of the men like that. Go on. No, maybe the next one. you might find the next one to be.

What's the opposite of dumpy? What was... Sveld. Svelte. Sveld. Yeah. You might find a svelt Nathan. Oh, no, I'd run the other direction.

You are not for me. Go on. You're a lawn bowls guy? Yeah. It sort of goes hand in hand with a town hall. Well, there's indoor bowls is massive in those. Carpet balls? Well, carpet bowls.

They're also like almost full-sized indoor bowls. Really? If you'll go under the door, under the stage. Oh. There'll be a box of henssela. My granddad, you said when we'd go around to his place, he'd have the carpet balls out. He's a big lawn bowls guy.

And I loved it. I always, whenever I drive past, why don't I go past? I'm like, I want to be there. But I just never do it. This is a true story. The very first hall stories I did was a place called Harston. It's a tiny little place near Shepernan. And I was talking to this guy.

He'd been the hall president. it for 29 years. And I said, Bruce, how did you become president? Bruce. How'd you become president? He said, oh, Damien, I was actually on the carpet polls or indoor bowls committee. And we needed someone to get on the hall committee because there's such a bad lane on the floor. It was actually ruining the games.

So I said, you go along to the meeting and see if you can get on the committee. Anyway, I left the meeting as president. And I've been president ever since in the halls, on the floor is still fucked. Oh, that's great. That's a good who knew it, question. Yeah, how did he end up as the president? That is very good. And the reason it's your fact is they got a guy to go under it,

and there was such a low clearance. This guy who was a Reese Dumpur got on to do it, and a King Brown snake slivered in and passed him, and he gave up being a Reese Dumpur that day. He's like, yeah, I'm done. Reese Dumpur, isn't that the kind of guys, you? Yeah, he's tough. I'm pretty sure he's in love with me.

Reese Dumpur. Sounds like one of your exes' name. He does, yeah. Every second Nathan is a re-snopper. Yeah. 100%. Yeah.