Who Knew It with Matt Stewart - 3 - Dave Warneke and Kirsty Webeck

Episode Date: September 26, 2022

Who Knew It with Matt Stewart is a new comedy game show podcast hosted by Australian comedian Matt Stewart. On the third episode the guests are comedians Dave Warneke and Kirsty Webeck!Check out Matt's stand up special FREE on YouTube: https://youtu.be/cWStRpI-BhESupport the show via http://patreon.com/dogoonpod and you can submit questions for the show!See the show live, get tickets via: https://www.mattstewartcomedy.com/Check out Dave and Matt's podcast network: https://dogoonpod.com/Check out Kirsty's website and sign up to her mailing list: https://www.kirstywebeck.com/Theme song by Evan Munro-Smith and Logo by @muzdoodles! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Oh my God, can you believe it? It's the year 2024. It's Melbourne Comedy Festival and we've just moved venues. We're at the Grace Darling now. We had a great run at the Chinese Museum, selling out shows by the end, but now we need you to come over to the Grace Darling and shows are at 7.15. It's going to be so much fun. Love to see you there. Let's have a beer. Use discount code do go on the show's called dry dry at the melbourne international comedy festival then we're going to sydney and brisbane tickets to all that stuff's on sale now and you can find those tickets and details at mattstuartcomedy.com welcome to who knew it with matt stewart the show where the guests write the wrong answers. I'm the titular Matt Stewart and this week I'm joined by friends and comedians Dave Warnicke and Kirstie Wiebeck. Hi Dave, hi Kirstie. Hello. Hello.

That's a sweet harmony. Oh great, thank you so much. Did we form a trio? I guess. We hadn't even rehearsed. You're not going to believe us now because that was so beautiful. This is not the seventh take, I swear. Totally off the cuff.

I love it. Welcome to the show, Dave, returning guest. And, you know, it hasn't taken you long. Thank you so much. Would you refer to me as the carryover champion? Yes, I would if you had won. I think I've been last. I think I've never won.

If you'd either won and or been on the last episode. So I don't think either. You didn't tick either of those boxes, unfortunately. Kirstie, first time contender, how are you feeling? Yeah, I'm feeling confident and great. Would you refer to me as the carryover champion? Yes, I would. You've lost this less times than me.

Never been on the show, but somehow the champion of them all. Of the two of you, you are closer to the carryover champion, Dave. So you might be wondering what the show is, Kirstie. It's your first time here and I haven't explained it to you. Yeah, yeah. I mean, yeah. The last thing I remember was being shoved into the booty car. Now we're here at the Stupid Old Studios.

Well, how the show works is I ask a question and you two have to write a convincing fake answer. Then I read the fake answers as well as the real answer and you have to guess which one you believe to be correct. Okay, are we ready to play? Sounds tricky, yes. If it sounds complicated, it makes more sense as we go along, I've found. Here is question one.

All the questions are written by Patreon supporters of the show. And if you want to sign up, you can get involved at patreon.com slash do go on pod. Question number one comes from Kira Jacobson in Footscray. The question is, what is the definition of Widdershins? What is the definition of Widdershins? What is the definition of Widdershins? Widdershins. How are we spelling Widdershins? W-I-double-D-E-R-S-H-I-N-S.

One word, Widdershins. Okay. Or Widdershins, maybe. This is so easy for me as an expert of Widdershins. Oh. The PhD in Widdershins. Oh. The PhD in Widdershins. You're the wrong guest to ask this question for. Not a PhD, Dave, just a double degree.

Sorry, sorry. So while they're writing their answers down, I'll explain to the listeners how the scoring works. Contestants get one point if the other contestant guesses their fake answer and another point if they correctly guess the answer. By the way, I'm also playing as the house. Boo. We boo the house, Kirsty.

Boo the house. Boo. We don't have to boo the house. I'm trying to turn the world against the house. I love how easy it was to lure me into it. I didn't even hesitate. That sentence doesn't mean anything to me, but I was like, boo, like with such passion.

So I'm also playing and I've put in two of my own fake answers for each question. I get a point for each one that our guests choose. So each of the contestants, as well as me, can score up to two points per round. So it seems pretty fair. So apparently a mathematician told me I've still got the probability as well as me can score up to two points per round. So it seems pretty fair. Though apparently a mathematician told me I've still got the probability in my favour.

But that's appropriate for the house. Of course, the house, you know, it's always in your favour. The house always wins. The answers are in. How did you write your answer so quickly? Well, of course, I know what a Widdershin is. Oh, I see. I just copied the definition on Witteshans.com.

Wait, you're not allowed to do that, Dave. Do I need to say in the rules that you can't Google the answers? Oh, my God, Dave. All right, I'm stopping. If we've got a cheater in our midst. In fairness, I run Witteshans.com. Oh, okay. That's your homepage.

It's going to be open your phone. As soon as I opened it, it came up and I went, well, I'll just copy and paste that. But next time I won't copy and paste. Okay. Appreciate that. Dave Witteshins. Now it all makes sense.

You've been pronouncing it wrong all these years. Dave Witteshins. The ornike is silent. And the Ittyshins is very loud. The Ittyshins is invisible. The ornike is silent. It's very complex, but English is one hell of a language. All right, here is question number one.

What is the definition of Widdershins? Here are your five options. Wood whittling injuries. To move anti-clockwise. A breed of short-haired German retrievers. An old English term for shin splints, or small tabs used to pull on Wellington boots. Dave, you had a little laugh in the middle there.

Which one of those did you find humorous? Yeah. What's so funny, Dave Witteson? Which Witteson made me laugh the most? Can you say them again? I can't even think of them. Because they're all, I feel like these are all very believable. We're off to a hot start here.

Hot start here, yep. Wood whittling injuries. Wood whittling. That made me laugh. Wood whittling. So specific. I don't even think I can say it. Wood whittling injuries.

I got Witticians from wood whittling. Well, when were you wood whittling? Was it on the weekend? It was on Wednesday. Woodwiddling injuries to move anti-clockwise, a breed of short-haired German retrievers, an old English term for shin splints or small tabs used to pull on Wellington boots. Who wants to have the first stab at this?

Yeah. Okay, yes. I'd going to dab at this. Yeah. Okay, yes. I'd like to. I'm going to go with the little tab to pull on your wellingtons. Pull on the wellies. Your wet issues to pull on your wellies on Wednesdays. Fantastic. After you've had your wood whittling injury.

Wood whittling. For me, it's between the dog and the shin splints. Okay. What's the definition of shin splint again? An old English term for shin splints. I love it. I'm going for it. I've got some Widdershins.

Widdershins. I've got some Widdershins. Pass the Widdershins, please. All right. Now, I will reveal who wrote which answer. Okay. Drum roll. Wood whittling injuries was written by Kira.

Kira? Oh. Kira. A real red herring from Kira from Footscray. So your wood whittling was a red herring from the word spin. A breed of short-haired German retrievers, which Dave almost went for, was Kirstie's. Oh, I'm a sneaky devil.

I know you love a dog. But it nearly got me. An old English term for shin splints, which Dave went for. That was one of mine. That's a point for the house. Oh, boo. Small tabs used to pull on Wellington boots, which Kirstie picked. That was a Dave.

Dave, you dog. One point a Dave. Dave, you dog. One point for Dave. I will not apologise. Dave, you small German retriever. But the correct answer was to move anti-clockwise. Witticians. Isn't that strange? How would you say that in a sentence?

I need to move Witticians? And I'll explain a bit while you're writing your next answer. But it's sort of, they'll say something like, it was a bit of an old-timey thing, but it was seen as bad luck to go the wrong way around a church. Oh, she's running Widdershins around the church. You can't do that. So you've got to run clockwise around the church.

I'll remember that next time I'm running around the church. Just doing a couple of laps. I needed you at nine o'clock this morning when I was running wildly anti-clockwise in the local church. It's extremely offensive. Yeah. I've offended everyone. Terrible.

Not least of all, our Lord and Savior. Wittesham. Wittesham. So that means after round one, the scores are Kirstie on zero, Dave on one, and the house on one as well. Is that pesky? Can we have a recount? I don't like how gleeful you were when you said Kirstie on zero. Unfortunately, Kirstie on zero.

That's much more respectful. Dave, unfortunately, on one. And the house also on one point. Here comes question number two. This one also comes from locally, from Rachel Johnson in Melbourne. Question two is, what happened in Australia on the 21st of May, 1977? So, obviously, it's something noteworthy. We don't want to hear that, you know, your auntie put the washing on the line.

What happened in Australia on the 21st of May 1977? Something noteworthy. And while you're writing your answers, here is some more info on Widdershins. This comes from the question writer, Kira, and also wikipedia.org, which is a great resource if you're looking for one online. And also wikipedia.org, which is a great resource if you're looking for one online. It was considered unlucky in Britain to travel in an anti-clockwise or not sunwise direction around a church. A number of folk myths make reference to this superstition.

For example, Childe Rowland. Is that how you say that? No, that's an old author. Childe Rowland. Sure. Sure. Sure, I'm looking at it looks like yeah uh where the protagonist and his sister are transported to elf land and after his sister runs widditions around the church there's also a reference to this in dorothy sayer's novels the nine tailors quote he turned to his right knowing that it is unlucky to walk around a church Widdershins. It is also referenced in Cloud of Witness, quote, true, O King,

and as this isn't a church, there's no harm in going round it Widdershins. I really hope we can bring it back. I hope we can bring it back. In Robert Louis Stevenson's tale, The Song of the Morrow, an old crone on the beach dances Widdershins. Of course she would. She's an old crone. And, you know, don't mind a bit of Widdershin action.

Same. Kirstie's in just waiting on Dave here. Yeah, Dave, actually, I just lost consciousness waiting for you. I've submitted. I've hit send. Let the tape show. Whichever one is six paragraphs long, that's Dave's. What would your word limit be?

Would you just keep reading if I'd submitted it? And I'd be like, so what was that fourth one again? Just keep reading. I'm just gently snoring. Wake me up when it's over. All right. So the question is, question number two. What happened in Australia on the 21st of May 1977?

A giant Norwegian Christmas tree arrived in Port Melbourne. Despite being five months early, it attracted a crowd of thousands. Okay. I hate it. The birth of the first panda outside of China occurred at Sydney's Taronga Zoo. The eight-hour workday was legislated. Australia voted for Advance Australia Fair to be the national anthem Or Mick Flinger Donegan won the first disc golf championship in Australia

Flinger Donegan Flinger I'd love to marry into that family Kirstie Flinger Donegan You marry into the family, you become a flinger I literally just said Flingadong again. You married the family, you become a flinger. I literally just said Flingadong again. Flingadong again. Flingadong again.

All right. Flingadong again. I've lost it. We're so early in the plot and I'm beyond help. Do you need those again or are you? Really quickly, really quickly. Yes, please. This is so hard.

The giant Norwegian Christmas tree that arrived early, attracting a crowd of thousands. Birth of the first panda outside of China in Sydney. The eight-hour workday was legislated. Advanced Australia Fair was voted on to be the national anthem. Or Mick Flinger Donegan won the first disc golf championship in Australia. I love that. And what was the question again?

What happened in Australia on the 21st of May, 1977? Oh, okay. Where are we? Who am I? Just trying to think about. So I think Kirstie went first last time,

Dave. So maybe it's your turn here. I'm trying to think about when we changed that national anthem to that beautiful rousing song advanced australia fair gert gert incredible yeah i sometimes i think geez they only used gert once in the song and maybe they could have they could have found more they could have used it again. Yeah. Yeah. What is it? What does the line go again?

Oh, our home is girt by sea. Yes. But is that sea doing Widdershins around the country? Oh, my God. I think because it's in the Southern Hemisphere, maybe it is. The water goes the other way around. It's all going Widdershins. Dave, what are you thinking?

I'm going to lock it in. I'm going to back that Peter Dodds McCormack classic, Advanced Australia Fair. Oh, the extra knowledge there. Do I get a point for that? Was almost as rousing as the song itself. Also, he's Scottish, so very patriotic. Kirstie, do you have a stab here?

I will. I will because I think if I have an attempt at the answer, it will make for more interesting listening. No, I'm going to skip this round. I'll pass on this one. Do you know, yeah. It is multiple choice. You just say A, B, C, D or A, E.

No, I'm actually done. I'm done for the day, thanks. And you can, of course, pick the same answer. You don't have to pick a different one. Oh, well, okay. That's really thrown a curveball. But I would never copy Dave Warnke because he might have chosen that to throw me off the scent.

Absolutely. I'm a real game player. He's diabolical, Dave. Yeah, that's the low German retriever kind of move he'd make. Shorthead. Shorthead, of course. Thank you. Naturally.

Okay, I'm going to go with the panda baby. Panda baby. And exclusively because I love pandas. My favourite animal of all time. Oh, is it? Yes. They're adorable, aren't they? Fantastic selection.

I love a panda. And they just munch bamboo all day. It's so cute. Yes, like 16 hours a day or something. So cute. And they're just helpless. I love that. They're so silly.

I love watching movies of them like rolling around. Yeah, just roll around. They're always like rolling down hills. I love that. I think they're supposed to be meat eat i love that well this i think they're supposed to be meat eaters but they just can't catch anything they're just absolutely so then they have to eat bamboo and because it's so nutritionally deficient they just have to eat you know kilos of it per day just to stay alive wow and they're just eating it because it's just

there in its head yes oh yeah okay i suppose i'll eat 60 kilos of this. And is it the kind of thing that if it wasn't for human interference, they'd just die out now? Almost certainly. Wow. Just because they're so slack. I love that. Yeah, I'd be a panda, I think. That wasn't a question, Kirsty.

Walk it in. Can you please walk and see? Kirsty would be a panda. And I'd be advanced Australia fair. All right, so let's go through the answers here. A giant Norwegian Christmas tree arrived in Port Melbourne despite being five months

early. I had to add that in. There was a word missing there in the paragraph that Dave wrote. It makes much more sense. I meant to say five months late. Which I think would be much funnier. The fact that people turn up for a Christmas tree five months late. Yeah, I was trying to work backwards with the five months and I was like, this seems weird.

The problem is I don't read them out until I'm reading them. So when there was a misword there, I'm like, I have to think quick and pretty early. But of course, I can't say, don't you mean late? Yeah, and you've got a terrible poker face too because you did like a little chuckle where I was like, oh, he knows. Oh, did I? Oh, no. He knows.

Oh, no. Anyway, Dave wrote that one um what a very obscure dave but good on you thank you so much thank you for participating trying my hardest over here uh the eight hour work day was legislated that was written by kirsty i thought it was a very believable one thank you that's that's what i went for believable i Thank you. That's what I went for. Believable. I appreciate you. I think that's a good strategy. I went for insane. Yeah, the Norway Christmas tree. Great. That's my feedback.

Great. Me too. Flinger Donegan winning the first disc golf championship in Australia. That was written by me. Did you make that surname up or is it a real surname? Oh, the surname's real, I believe. Donegan. I think it's an Irish surname.

Oh, is Flinger the nickname? Flinger's the nickname. I thought the whole surname was Flinger Donegan. I just said it again. I just said Flinger Donegan. That's why I said to you, oh, you inherit the Flinger as well. You're going to be married to the family. I literally did.

The whole family gets the nickname Kirsty today you become a flinger in my mind's eye I was spelling it out and I'm like

flinger don again not even hyphenated I guess it's Norwegian probably from the same area as the Christmas tree absolutely that's

okay in my defense you weren't pausing a tiny bit. Okay. Like, what's the first name? Mick. Okay, so you've got to say Mick Flinger Donegan. Okay.

So I'm going to say it over about a three-week period. Week one, first name. Week two, that's when we move on to the nickname. Just for people like me who just cannot cope with the fact his name's Flinger Donegan. Flinger Donegan. But I'm also, I'm not a great enunciator. So that leaves two answers remaining, including the correct one. And that includes, so the two that you selected,

either the panda or the Advanced Australia Fair, the birth of the first panda, that was written by the house, Kirstie. I hate the house. Me too. Dave got the correct answer. It was when Australia voted for Advance Australia Fair. I'm sad to be wrong because, or right, because I wanted the panel to be right

and I wanted the house to be wrong. We should team up against the house, don't you think? I'm trying. I was teaming up against their house Isn't that what we were already doing? We should form an alliance Aren't we already in one? I'm doing my best

Alright that brings us to question number three And this one comes from Eli Fisher from Houston, Texas On the back of that great made up frisbee golfer Mick Flinger Donegan I thought we could go with a nickname question. And this one comes from Eli Fisher. And the question is,

what was the nickname of NBA basketball player Purvis Ellison? What was the nickname of him? No, Dave. Whatever you're thinking, no. Basketball player Purvis Ellison. Dave, whatever you're thinking, yes. Dave, no. Women to be teaming up against the house.

Listen to me. So while you're writing your answers, I'll let the listeners know a little bit more about Australia voting for its national anthem. A plebiscite to choose the national song was held as an optional question in the 1977 referendum. On the 23rd of May, the government announced the results. Advance Australia Fair received 43.29% of the vote, defeating the three alternatives,

Waltzing Matilda, which had 28.28% of the vote, The Song of Australia, 9.65%, and the existing national anthem, God Save the Queen, at 18.78%. It wasn't until the 19th of April, 1984, that it was adopted as the Australian national anthem by the Labor government of Bob Hawke. Most Australians don't know the lyrics to the second verse of the song, but according to Rachel, our question writer, it was originally a four verse song as dave said written by a scott scottishman scotsman uh when it was officially made the national anthem in 1984 it was changed and reduced to just two verses and a few words were changed as well the original had had uh terms like

royal uh britannia rules the waves and stuff like that. And it references Scottish people and Irish people. And they had a lot of, they filled in a lot of detail. I think he wrote what he had for breakfast that day was verse two. Britannia rules the waves sounds like terrible ye olde graffiti. Like on the back of a toilet wall. Britannia rules the world. Was here. Write a letter to this person for a good time.

Message in a bottle for a good time. All right. Here's question number three. It's fun to put a message in a bottle. You'll have a good time. You'll have a really good time. What was the nickname of NBA basketballer Purvis Ellison? Okay, here are your options.

Spud, Perfect, The Slippery Eel, Pistol Perv, or Never Nervous Purvis. Oh, that's good. So you have Purvis Spud Ellison, Perfect Purvis Ellison, Purvis The Slippery Eel Ellison, Purvis Pistol Perv Ellison, which is, fuck, that's good fun, And Never Nervous Purvis, Alison. What do you reckon? What about Fling-a-Dong Again? Lock it in.

Lock it in. Sorry, and or option six, Fling-a-Dong Again. Purvis Fling-a-Dong Again, Alison. Kirstie, what are you thinking? Any of those sticking out to you? Perfect Ellison. It's not quite good enough, is it? Perfect Purvis.

Perfect Purvis is like... Perfect isn't good enough? I think we've just got to the heart of Kirstie's psyche there. What a nightmare to be in a relationship with Kirstie. Here's your dinner. It's not good enough. It's perfect, but it's not quite there. I need better than perfect.

And then you just fling it on the floor like Donegan would. You frisbee it into the wall. Donegan style. Man, I wish he was a real person. Mick, fling it, Donegan. Oh, no I wish he was a real person. Mick Flinger Donegan. Oh, no. It's so good. That'll be my takeaway from this pod.

I love it. No, look, what I mean is perfect purvis is shit for a nickname. It's not catchy enough. Yeah, it's not catchy enough. Like, it would never catch on. Slippery eel on the other hand. Oh, yeah. Well, no one's catching that.

No one's catching it. And then what did we have? Spud. Spud is classic. It's one of my favourite footballers of all time that had that nickname. Okay. Is that an insight to the house? Well, it could be.

Maybe the house wrote that inspired by- Danny Crowley. Well, I like- Because he grew up on a potato farm. Oh, okay. What I like about Spud as well for perfect purpose. I'm just putting all the nicknames together for him. What I like about it though is that it's a bit of a red herring.

Like, because we've got a bit of alliteration happening with the perfect Purvis and whatever. And the slippery eel Ellison. And then what else did we have? Never Nervous Purvis. We've got a rhyme there. You've either got alliteration or rhymes for the rest. I like that one. And what's the other one?

Pistol Purve. Pistol Purve. Which is also fantastic. I'm a big fan of all these Spud's great Do Americans do the What do you call it when it's the ironic nickname? You know like

In Australia it's pretty big bluey for red Spud when you're a gun Or maybe he's just a You know he's from Idaho Which is big spud country yeah big spud country i talk about this on uh podcasts all the time but my favorite ever t-shirt which i've lost somewhere i've heard a lot about the hand-me-down t-shirt from my uncle and i don't really understand it but it's a cartoon of a potato on a banana lounge kicking back with

sunglass pink sunnies on and and it says Idaho Spuds Club. Aye. And I just, I want it back. So if any listeners have seen my shirt, it's been missing for about 10 years. Do you have to always resist a temptation to call it spud-a-ho? Oh, I never have before. You've changed his life.

Spud-a-ho. So what are you thinking here, Kirsten? You're leaning towards spud, are you? I am leaning towards spud, but then. Spud, perfect, slippery eel, pistol perv, or never nervous? I'm going to go with slippery eel. Slippery eel. I know it's controversial.

It's not very catchy, but there's a few red herrings in there. I also was thinking about Slippery Eel. I was thinking about it. Okay. Slippery Eel Ellison does have a bit of a ring to it. And you can also, in the context of a basketball game, it's slipping through the cracks. Hard to defend.

Hard to defend against. Yeah. But I also love Never Nervous Purvis because it's so long. Never nervous Purvis. Imagine you look it out. I'm free. Never nervous Purvis. Or the commentator.

Shaq passes to never nervous Purvis. Never nervous Purvis holds. Holds. Goes for the shot. It's a three. Never nervous Purvis has scored. And it doesn't make it any easier to be like NNP. Yeah.

NNP has the ball. That's right. NNP is just as cumbersome if not worse. Because it's so bad, it's so good, and it's being locked in right now. Never nervous Purvis. I'm going for it. If I were called Purvis, I would want that one to be mine. You're trying to spread that?

Yeah. Have you noticed that I never sweat? I'm never nervous, for example. Yeah. Yeah. Hi, my name's Purvis, but everyone calls me Never Nervous. If he has avoided the nickname Perv or Pistol Perv, he's done well, I think. You know? Yeah, oh, absolutely. You're steering everybody away from Perv.

Let's not worry about Perv. If he were in Australia, he'd be Perv 100%. Perv. Or yeah, he'd be Grav or... Grav or like Perv Hughes. Yeah, we do that thing where you extrapolate from the name. So, it'd be like Pervis. All right, we've all started calling him Perv.

Yeah. And then like within a few weeks, it'd be like Predator. People are like, oh, wow, you're a real hunter. No. There's two kinds of nicknames in Australia. There's that one that you have to write a thesis on how you got from your original name to there. Yes. Or there's the one that's just putting an O or a Y at the end of your name.

Yeah, you do though. It's a maximum effort on no effort at all. Yeah. Absolutely. At school, I was Stewie. You know, it's like, come on, guys. Do I not mean anything to you for you to have come up with a weird, cumbersome nickname?

I'm sure I've told you about this before, Matt. At the project when I worked there, my nickname in the office was Cheese because on the first day I worked there, someone came up and said, we know who you look like. And I was like, is it Steve Buscemi? And he went, yeah, it is. And another guy goes, he looks like Bechamel. What do you mean?

And someone goes, Bechamel, that's a cheese sauce. Let's call him cheese. See, that's a perfect example. First day I'm there and I thought this will never stick. Six years later, post-production was still calling me cheese. That's amazing. That is a Purvis example of this. That's a perfect Purvis example.

Pistol Purvis. Apparently, I read John Cleese's autobiography recently, and that was his dad's actual surname was Cheese, but he was sick of getting teased about it, so he changed the H to an L. Wow. I didn't know that. Yeah.

Well, that's a fun fact. I didn't know that Cheese was even a surname. No, no. But that's funny. You got the chance to change it, and you've changed it to a name that everyone's going to give even a surname. No, no. No. But it's funny, you got the chance to change it. And you've changed it to a name that everyone's going to give you the nickname cheese anyway, probably. Yes, change it away from that. He's like, I'll call myself cheddar.

Yeah, well, I'll call myself tasty cheddar. Nothing cheesy about that. All right. So here's who gave these answers. Spud, which I loved. And I loved how Kirsty played this because that was Kirsty's answer. Oh, let's think more about... Did you lock in your own answer?

Well, do you know what happened? I'm going to tell you something so funny. I started trying to coerce you into thinking Spud could be it. But then halfway through, I forgot what I was doing. And I almost locked it in. And then I remembered that I'd written it. You're so convincing. You're like, I reckon this is right.

I've written it myself. Brilliant. I was like, do you know what? It is spud. No. No, hang on. Brilliant. Fantastic.

Perfect Purvis Ellison was written by The House. No one picked that one. Boo, The House. Boo, Perfect. We've teamed up against The House. Yes. Perfect Purvis Ellison was written by The House. No one picked that one. Boo, The House. Boo, perfect. We've teamed up against The House. Yes. Pistol Perv was written by Dave. Couldn't shy away from The Perv.

Yeah, okay. The Slippery Eel was written by The House, Kirstie, which is what you went for. Oh, boo. I was meant to be teaming up against The House. I'm sorry. That was a fun one because Eli wrote eel as a suggestion. So when people write their answers, they can suggest some fake answers as well.

And I really punched up by putting slippery in it. Oh, yeah. So you and Eli were a team. That was a combination and we got you. Wow. The power of me and Eli together. You and Eli or is it Ely? Got him.

So that means that Dave again has got the correct answer with never nervous purpose. I think the key here is to lock into the stupidest one. Apparently. Because you two are giving such good answers, and often we're picking silly ones. Yes, such good answers. For example, hey, Norwegian Christmas tree, five months.

Exactly. That was rubbish. That was rock bottom. There's only up from here. Yeah, that's right. But Pistol Perf, we're back. Pistol Perf was good. So that means I think all first three rounds have gone the same way.

Dave's picked the correct answer. No. Is that right? No, I don't think I got it. And Percy's picked one of the houses. Did I get one in the first one? Each round has been, I believe, it's one point to the house, one point to Dave, no points to Kirstie.

No, I didn't get the first one because that was counterclockwise, wasn't it? Oh, that's right. Yeah. Do you think we could stop ruminating? The first one you picked the house and Kirstie picked yours. But it has been one point to Dave and the house each time. Yeah. Do you reckon we could stop fixating on the scores so much?

Do we need a score update at the end of every round? Yeah, well, I didn't actually, I didn't realise it was going to be scored, actually. In a lot of ways, the scores don't really matter here, Kirsty, though. Yeah. But in some ways they do. Can we just emphasise that? The only score that I care about today is the friends that we've made along the way.

And I'm on three. Is that right? I think so far in the games we've played so far, whoever scores the least has normally been the most entertaining. So, you know. So I'm on minus three. So I'm, yes. Okay. I get it.

So what I'm lacking in points I'm making up for in charisma. Everyone's a winner here. Yeah. And also I heard a vicious rumour that the winner is going to have a horrible accident in the stairwell after. Oh my God. Yeah. And I can only hope that the house is prepared for that. Sometimes nervous Warnocky.

I thought we were teaming up against the house. The house can't win. Well, they can if we're going to attack them in the stairwell. Bit of mob justice. We're up to question four. This is bringing us up to the halfway mark here. Okay. Siraj Peiris from Melbourne writes the following question.

Which of these is a real bird? So basically you've just got to make up a bird species. Melbourne writes the following question. Which of these is a real bird? So basically you've just got to make up a bird species. So just invent a bird species, whatever it is, and one of these will be real. While you're writing your answers, here's some more info about Never Nervous Purvis. Oh, please.

Purvis Ellison was a high sought after college player. He was even the first pick of the 1989 draft. Unfortunately, a series of injuries never allowed him to live up to his expectations. And he was given a second nickname of out of service purpose. No. He's like, no, no, no, we're happy with never nervous. I love that. And when he got made redundant from the local Woolies,

he was called self-service purpose. made redundant from the local Woolies. He was called self-service purpose. He's so good. He's like, I'd rather work in the deli. Self-service purpose. Hotel room service proofs delivering trays and we wish him well hopefully he's doing well out there yeah i love him

yeah i really hope he's he's all right yeah me too the pervv. Pistol perv. Pistol perv. Fantastic. The perv. All right. Here is question number four. Which of these is a real bird? Hawkeye owl? The really hot pheasant?

Quheezle-headed parrot? Quheezle. Fairy parrot wren? Or the white-bellied go-away bird? So you've got the hawk you got the hawk-eyed owl the really hot pheasant the queasel-headed parrot the fairy parrot wren or the white-bellied go-away bird it's funny some of the rounds have had all believable answers this is the first one where we've got maybe no believable answers but but one of these is a real bird. No, there's a few in here that are.

A few are real birds. Well, as far as I know, only one of these are. Unless one of you have stumbled upon something beautiful. And maybe you have. All right, Dave, I think this is your, you get first crack here. Okay, quiesal. I knew you were going to start there. I'm just obsessed with that word.

How do you spell queasel? Q-U-E-E-Z-L-E. Absolutely not. Queasel-headed parrot? Queasel-headed parrot, yes. I mean. Pop goes to queasel. It's not spelled that way.

Queasel. Queasel-headed parrot. spelled that way. Queasel. Queasel-headed parrot. Imagine David Attenborough saying that. That's going to be my new road rage insult. When someone cuts me off, I'm going to hang out the window. I go, you Queasel-headed parrot. Sorry, what? How do you spell that?

They'll be like, nah, it's not spelled that way. You'll confuse them long enough to slow down and start thinking about the road. Yeah, thinking about how to drive better. Absolutely. Which is all I want. So we had hawk-eyed owl. Hawk-eyed owl. Really hot pheasant.

Quizzle-headed parrot. Fairy parrot wren. Or the white-bellied go-away bird. Is go- away one word? Ah no It's two words Go away bird Go away bird

Flinger Donegan You needed to learn To pause between these words You didn't pause Go away is the nickname The white bellied First name Go away

Nickname Bird Surname. As all birds are. So if you marry into that family, you become a bird? You become a go away bird. If you marry into that family, you become a bird? I mean.

Ideally, you'd already be a bird, you creep. Yeah, there's some real issues here. I heard the water key over here. Oh, come on. You think it's weird to marry a bird? No. I've heard it all. I don't.

I actually genuinely think that, you know the fairy wren? Like the little blue ones? Yeah, yeah. Yeah. I reckon if I were a bird, I'd definitely hook up with one of those. That is a magnificent bird. Yeah. Dave and I fell in love with the common Irish magpie when we were in Dublin.

That is a beautiful bird. Their magpies are so hot and over there they seem as pests. But we were over there going, look at these fucking birds. Yeah. Not bad.

We were mesmerised. We're taking videos with it. We're loving it. She's a 10, but she's a magpie. Irish magpie? That's an 11. All right, Dave.

So you're thinking quiesal-headed headed parrot i can't get over it i know kirsty thinks i'm uh stupid for doing this but i'm gonna lock in queasel i don't think that at all um you're putting words into my mouth i will always respect your decisions dave thank you so much lock in queasel headed parrot and kirsty what are you thinking? I'm going to go with the white-bellied go away. I see you've both gone with the same strategy of going for the most ridiculous sounding one. And it was a line ball between those two, let's be honest. They were.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was really a coin toss. And Dave tossed that coin for me by choosing. I chose Quizzle. My hands were tied. All right. You had to go away. So here are the answer writers.

Hawkeye Owl was written by the house. That one nearly tricked me. Because I'm like, I've got to have a believable one. So my strategy is I put two in each time, often with the help of the question writers, but one is meant to be ridiculous and one is meant to be believable. Yeah. Because, you know, you want some silly answers,

but sometimes, you know, it's hard to know. It's hard to know which one people go for. So Hawkeye Owl was the believable one that the house wrote. Didn't get a sniff no no sniff uh the really hot pheasant that was written by dave inspired by that magpie in ireland that was hot enough that's that i did i almost waved and went with that no way yeah i did because yeah especially because it yeah like really hot that like really hot. That's so funny. Really hot pheasant. Yeah, just like. Like imagine if it was like phwoar at the beginning. Like P-H-W-R-A-R. Phwoarcent.

Phwoar, yeah. Really hot phwoarcent. The fairy. The fairy parrot wren that was written by Kirstie. I loved it Believable Very believable What do you think that's like a fairy wren but it's

Yeah It's got a parrot It's got a parrot Yeah it's definitely got a parrot beak Yep Very camp bird I think that goes with that saying A beautiful bird So are you thinking like it's got the like a rainbow colour of a parrot

Yeah absolutely In the size of a fairy wren Yep Holy shit. That's a hot bird. That's a really hot bird. That's why they don't exist because we wouldn't be able to handle them. Yeah, too hot.

Too hot. Too hot to live. So that leaves us with just your two guesses. One of those is correct. Here we go. The quiesal-headed parrot was written by the house, meaning the white-belliedied go away bird is correct Oh my gosh

She's back baby Well done The white bellied go away And also well done to the house Credit where credit is due The queasel So good It was just a gibberish word

Yeah Try and make it sound like a bird I love how much credit you're giving to the house For the most ridiculous word I've ever heard. Come on, queasel. You're like, well, that one was really believable. So good job, house. What?

Could I name my child that? Queasel. That's up for grabs. Queasel Warnocky. Queasel. I want to hear about you yelling out in road rage. You queasel-headed parrot. You'll see it on the news tonight.

Footage of me just going off on Punt Road on my way home. You queasel-headed parrot. But yeah, the white-bellied go-away bird. Brilliant. A brilliant find by Suraj. Hot bird. That is a hot bird. Oh, look at the hair on it.

I'm not telling that bird to go away. No. Let me tell you that. not telling that bird to go away No Let me tell you that No that bird can eat crackers in bed What are you doing for breakfast? How do you like your eggs? In the nest mate Okay

Leave them be Oh you're taken So sorry In the nest you sicko Alright question four And it would be Dave too Dave leave the eggs where they are, mate. Yeah, leave them there.

Sorry, everyone. You're too big for this. Pistol curve. Question five comes from Josh Curry in Preston in England. Great question. Love this question. In 1923, racehorse Sweet Kiss crossed the line first in a steeplechase at Elmont in New York, but officials weren't sure whether to award first place to her rider,

Frank Hayes. Why not? So Frank Hayes, on the top of Sweet Kiss, won a race in 1923 in New York, but after the race, officials weren't sure whether or not to give Frank Hayes first prize or not. Why not? What happened? And it's Sweet Kiss.

Sorry, Frank Hayes was the... Jockey. The jockey. That's right. So while you were writing those answers, and that's back in 1923, I don't know if that helps or not, while you're writing your answers, here's a bit more information on the white-bellied go-away bird. According to wikipedia.org, this species averages 51 centimetres, or 20 inches, in length.

Its long, pointed grey and black tail with a white median band is characteristic of the species. It has a white underwing patch, visible in flight. The adult has a grey head and leading to a dark gray to blackish pointed crest with an approximate length of six centimeters the belly and undertale coverts are white giving the bird the first part of its name white bellied oh the bill is black in male pea green in the female becoming yellowish during the breeding season. Now that's freaking hot. Females also tend to be larger, weighing 225 to 250 grams, whereas males only weigh 170 to 225 grams.

I've added in a bit of extra info here because I thought it might have taken you longer to write these ones. Typical calls are a nasal ha, ha, ha. Like bleating of sheep. Is that how a sheep bleats? Ha, ha, ha. Maybe more than that. What? Is that sheep bleating? Ha, ha, ha.

Guess the animal with Matt Stewart. Baby goat? A duck? He was right. About everything. That is... Guess the animal. I think there's two good games there.

One, guess the animal with Matt Stewart because I think you'd be really good at it. Yeah, you would. The other one would be three people all reading the description of a bird call and having a go and seeing who was the most accurate. Yeah, that'd be fun. Go down the line, then you play and you go,

no, Kirstie was the best at that. I would be too. I'm very good at bird sounds. It's typical calls are a nasal ha, ha, ha, like a bleeding of a sheep. Not dissimilar. If I heard that on a PA system, I'd evacuate a building. I'd be like, oh, we we got to get to the car park. But the other thing it does, and this is where it gets the rest of its name,

it lets out a single or repeated, go away. This distinctive call is where it gets the rest of its name. So it's a white-bellied go-away bird because it says go away. That is incredible. It flies from tree to tree in loose, straggling groups calling loudly, go away. That is incredible. It flies from tree to tree in loose, straggling groups calling loudly, go away, go away. That's good fun.

That is fun. That's great fun. Where I come from, that's good fun. No denying. Go away. That's me when I'm trying to go to the bathroom and my dog is trying to get in the room with me Which is every time

Yeah, I'm like, go away, go away That must be why I got the answer right Because I identify with that species of bird Have you ever thought about trying to scare your pup away By just going, ha, ha, ha Oh, you mean like a sheep Like a sheep, doing a sheep impression Yeah, so that she immediately evacuates the building.

And her bowels. Especially her bowels. Hey, I don't mean to get bogged down in this, but there wasn't a great deal of fanfare for me getting on the board. I should do a quick score update. It was the one time he'd ignored the scores. I know, I know. So an update on quick score update. It was the one time he'd ignored the scores. I know. I know.

So an update on the scoreboard. Kirsty with one point. Woo! Oh, yeah! Dave with three. I'm here, man. And leaving the house out in front on four points. Both of you together?

No, no, Dave's on three. Oh, and you're on four? Yeah. Oh, boo. Weren't we teaming up against him? Yes, but if you add No, no, Dave's on three. Oh, and you're on four? Yeah. Oh, boo. Weren't we teaming up against him? Yes, but if you add our scores together, we're the same as the house. That's right. Which you can do, I guess.

Thank you. Sucked in. We'll try and beat the house cumulatively. My mood changed so rapidly then. I was like, oh, sucked in. All right, here is question number five. Oh, the horse. In 1923, racehorse Sweet Kiss crossed the line first in a steeplechase event at Elmont, New York.

But officials weren't sure whether to award first place to her rider, Frank Hayes. Why not? Is it he died during the race? He was actually a woman dressed as a man and women weren't allowed to race horses back then he was 0.2 kilograms over the weight limit he started riding one horse september rain and finished the race on top of sweet kiss or he cheated as it turned out sweet kiss wasn't a real horse it was a camel it was a go away bird he's riding a 250 gram bird it wasn't a real horse it was four orphans dressed

and obviously you've got one horse you got four orph four orphans. Orphans, they're always going to be that horse. So, he died during the race, was actually a woman dressed as a man, was 0.2 kilos over the weight limit, started riding one horse, September rain, finished the race on top of Sweet Kiss, or he cheated as it turned out Sweet Kiss wasn't a real horse. A real horse. So I think, Kirstie, we might be back to you for first dibs here. Oh, no.

I really wanted to be guided by the banter. All right. I'm going to knock out the it wasn't a real horse. Okay. Interesting. Mostly because Matt keeps going hee-heee, when he's reading it out. Like old poker face Stuart strikes again. I'm not a great, yeah, I don't have the best poker face. It's very funny though.

I love it. I'm trying to picture what that means, you know. Yeah. Was it mechanical? Yeah. It was a car. It's impossible. Was it a car?

How did it get into the gates and then get through the whole race without anyone noticing? Imagine that it crosses the line and they inspect it and they're like, do you know what? We've had our team of experts come down onto the field and we're pretty sure that's a motorbike. Horses don't normally have an exhaust pipe, do they? Or do they? I forget.

We've had our vet examine the exhaust pipe. She's never seen one like that before. We've had our vet examine the exhaust pipe. She's never seen one like that before. We've had our bed examined the exhaust pipe. None of the other horses have exhaust pipes. So either it's the only real horse or it's not a real horse. I didn't even know that horses did steeplechases. Isn't that the Olympic event where they have to jump over like hurdles and then there's pools of water?

Are these horses like going through challenges? I think this is an old timey one. Maybe it's more of an English thing. Yeah. But yeah, I mean, I think it sounds like it would be, you know, they talk about horse racing as being pretty rough on the horses sometimes. Although I've noticed there's a big campaign going on at the moment from racing in Australia where they're doing, I'm hearing ads on the radio going, geez, we treat our horses well. Our horses are living in luxury.

They wouldn't have it any other way. Just ask them. Unfortunately, our horses don't speak. But if they could, they would say something like this i love racing i'm only happy when i'm racing do you enjoy your conditions no hang on hang on what did he say so you've ruled out one there's four other yeah okay just really quickly i won't i won't um you know i won't uh get stuck in the weeds for too long on this, but the reason I'm ruling out number five is because it's not a superior thing to a horse. Like if it were a donkey race and then it was like it wasn't a real donkey,

I'd be like, oh, well, they would have upgraded to a horse. But you're not going to like trick everyone and ride a cow. Yeah, or a cheetah. Yeah, or a cheetah. I oh yeah or a cheetah yeah i mean yeah yeah sure okay on our other show on dave and my other show uh do go on i once told the story of a a horse being swapped in for another horse and that they painted it to match the colors and stuff it was a real shambles they painted it with house paint and it sweated it off and it was all found out but you know that's swapping a horse for another horse and even they

didn't get away with that but yeah let alone not a real horse anyway that's good fun so you're ruling that one out um i'm ruling that one out and so then what have we got during the race uh was a woman dressed as a man was over the weight limit or switched horses mid-race okay i reckon it's either slightly over the weight limit or a woman dressed as a man just because that's badass and i'd love to think it was that woman dressed as a man dressed as a horse it was actually a woman dressed as a man dressed as a horse. It was a Shakespearean race. It was a pantomime race. Okay, I'm going to go with just, I'm allocating just one extra point to it.

I'm going to go with it was a woman dressed as a man. Woman dressed as a horse. Dressed as a horse. Dressed as a badger. Okay, so not a real horse. Is that your line? Dave, what are you thinking? I am thinking that he died.

He died, great. He died during the race. The 20s, you know. Everyone was dying back then. The horse would keep going. Yeah. All right, I love that. That's would keep going. Yeah. All right. I love that.

That's brutal, though. Like, if you die, they're like, well, not the real winner. Like, you should still get to win. Absolutely. Especially if you've managed to die while your thighs are gripping the body of a large mammal. Like, that's impressive. That rigor mortis setting in? Well, I just thought that, like, you'd get all loosey-goosey, like, at the moment that you died.

But to think that somebody's still clenching as they leave this mortal coil. But maybe that's part of it. He died, fell off and the horse just kept going. Does that count? Yeah, okay. Well, I'll... Anyway. We should be...

Should we have our own detective show? We should. Let's get into it. I think you two could get to the bottom of things. Solve exclusively horse-related mysteries. I think between the two get to the bottom of things Can we solve exclusively horse related mysteries? I think between the two of you You've got nearly every question right They've been doing a bit of the heavy lifting there

But Brutal I beg your pardon I mean recent history obviously Disagrees with that Alright so He cheated as it turned out He wasn't a real horse

That was written by the house So you laughed at your own little thing Well it was not mine But I just I just Cheaters, it turned out he wasn't a real horse. That was written by the house. So you laughed at your own little thing. Well, it was not mine, but I just hadn't fully considered how ridiculous that was until I was reading it out. It's so funny. I knew you'd written it. You get that little glint in your eyes. No, I don't think I...

I believe that was a Josh Curry, but I did love it anyway. And the Switching Horses Mid-Race from September Rain to Sweet Kiss, that was written by Dave. Thank you. It was actually well-written, but inconceivable. How did he do it? How did he do it? He's like Albert off one jockey and just jumped aboard his horse.

That's so good. He was just over the weight limit that was kirsty's which was very believable oh yes because you nearly locked that in again gosh you're good am i tricky gosh and also um can we just have one quick moment to pump up my tires since i'm flailing um what about how good i am at riding believable ones oh yeah very good believable riding ones if we could just have one moment to give me compliments on the back of the compliment I gave myself. I'll compliment you, but I'll also say I'll never trust you again.

Very reasonable. So, again, one of the two of your guesses is correct. Frank, being actually a woman dressed as a man, was written by the house. Oh, I hate the house. So the correct answer was he died during the race. He died. Dave.

Frankie. Whoa. Oh, Frankie. It's so rough to not award him. Yeah, it's rude. I've got a big chunk of an article about it I'll read out while you're writing your next answers. Question number six. All right.

Did you want to score update again, Kirsty? Did I score update? No, no. No, we're good. I'll just quickly curse on one, Dave on four, House on five. No, I said no. Anyone's going to. Can you edit that bit out?

So question six comes from Michelle Leinberger from Boston, Massachusetts, I believe is how that's said. Absolutely. Nicknamed the angry man of jazz, upright bassist, pianist, composer and band leader Charles Mingus authored a pamphlet instructing readers on how to do what? A pamphlet. A pamphlet. So I guess this is a while back. Basically, a musician, the angry man of jazz, Charles Mingus, authored a pamphlet instructing readers on how to do what.

And while you're writing those answers, here's some more information on Frank Hayes and Sweet Kiss. I love... What did you go for? September Rain. Was that a play on November Rain? I'm not sure where that came from. Yeah. If I named a horse, I'd for? September Rain. Was that a play on November Rain? I'm not sure where that came from.

Yeah. If I named a horse, I'd call it September Rain. And in that reality, Axl Rose was inspired by that story. Yeah. Yeah. And wrote November Rain. Matt, I hate myself for asking this. No, I don't. Can you just say it one more time?

Nicknamed the angry man of jazz, upright bassist, pianist, composer, and band leader Charles Mingus authored a pamphlet instructing readers on how to do what. Yeah, great. Thanks. While you're writing those answers, here's some more information on Frank Hayes and Sweet Kiss. According to Spectrum.comcom after training horses for several

years hayes was attempting to ride in only his second race the lightly experienced jockey was probably quite nervous as opposed to our mate purpose i never nervous purpose quite put quite nervous purpose over here he was nervous and intimidated probably especially since this was taking place at the historic Belmont Park. His horse, Sweet Kiss, had never raced there before. To add to the chaos of the two-mile steeplechase event, Hayes needed to drop some serious weight in a hurry, trimming down from 142 pounds to 130 pounds to make weight for his ride. So, Kirsten was right on that right path with the weight thing.

As history tells it, Sweet Kiss and Hayes secured a good spot early in the journey and raced with the front runners for most of the event. As they swung around the far turn the final time, Hayes seemed relaxed on his mount. But Sweet Kiss swerved out noticeably before the last of a dozen jumps. It was reported that some people thought Hayes was showboating as he rode with only one hand and slumped over his mount as they crossed the wire for the win. Oh my gosh, he had one of the other hands on his heart or something, clutching his chest. The connections and track officials came to greet Hayes and Sweet Kiss. And as they approached the winning duo, the jockey slid off the back of the horse and into the dirt. Showboating again. Hayes had apparently died

sometime during the running of the race most probably of a heart attack yet his body remained in the saddle throughout a series of jumps and a close finish. After the discovery of Hayes' death track officials were reportedly perplexed about how to rule on the order of finish, and they only had a few minutes to make a decision. All post-race formalities were waived, and the race was declared official without the customary weigh-in. Sweet Kiss and Hayes had won their first race together, but unfortunately, only one of the pair made it to the winner's circle. To this day, Frank... Which one? Don't ban the horse.

They weekended, burned it, Frank, for the winner's circle. You killed a man. You're going to jail. So, to this day, Frank Hayes is the only jockey to have ever won a race while deceased. It's a fun fact, or is that a grim fact, maybe? That's fun and grim as for sweet kiss the horse never raced again mostly because no jockey wanted to experience the same fate as hayes and the poor horse was forever known as the sweet kiss of death oh yeah great name for our podcast

sweet kiss of death with dave vornicky and kirsty weebeck new episodes coming out next week Sorry Matt Is it okay if we plug it? Yeah Of course You'll put a link in the show notes So

Yeah What a wild story So They weren't sure Whether to award him the win or not But in the end they did Which I think is nice Yeah

So It was He won in his final race. He was buried a few days later in his racing silks. Oh, they didn't even bother changing him. Do you reckon? No, they would have taken them off and given him a zhuzh. Oh, he got some freshies.

Yeah, they would have packed his ass and all the normal stuff. All the stuff for the open coffin. Give it a zhuzh, I think is the technical term. Yeah, I think that ass and all the normal stuff. All the stuff for the open coffin. Give it to Majoosh, I think he's the technical tech. Yeah, I think that would be good. That's what they do. Do your best work, Undertaker. Give Majoosh. Give Majoosh.

All right, so here's question number six. Nicknamed the angry man of jazz, upright bassist, pianist, composer and band leader, Charles Mingus, which is a fantastic name amazing authored a pamphlet instructing readers on how to do what how to restring a bass when you don't have any bass strings how to make a castle out of feathers how to be a good audience how to train a cat to use the toilet, or how to cook a mean pumpkin soup. What is a castle of feathers? How to make a castle out of feathers.

They're all hilarious. How to restring a bass when you don't have any bass strings, how to make a castle out of feathers, how to be a good audience, how to train a cat to use the toilet,, how to make a castle out of feathers, how to be a good audience, how to train a cat to use the toilet or how to cook a mean pumpkin soup. I mean, I'd read all of those pamphlets. I want to know all the answers.

The beauty of a pamphlet as well is you can master one of these things in what, a couple of pages? Yeah. Pamphlets are never more than a couple of pages or something, right? Yeah. I mean, when does it become a book, you know? Yeah, that's right. Three pages? Four? I mean, when does it become a book, you know? Yeah, that's right. Three pages?

Four? I mean, what is a book? That's a beautiful question. Dave, do you want to have a first stab at this one? Oh, okay, okay. So, we've got the base, the feathers, the cat. Good audience. How to be a good audience.

The pumpkin suit. How to be a good audience. Gosh, I think we've all met a few people We wish had read that pamphlet I'm gonna make that pamphlet For comedy audiences Stop pre-empting the punchline Alright what do you reckon Dave?

Any of those standing out? You narrowed down at all? Not really this time Can you reckon, Dave? Any of those standing out? You narrowed it down at all? Not really this time. Can you rule any out? Kirstie did well ruling a few out last time. I reckon there's a clue in his nickname. Oh, what would Charles Mingus' nickname be? Oh, wasn't there one?

Oh, no, sorry. The question was so long, I couldn't even get back to the start of it He's angry The angry man of jazz The angry man of jazz Is that man training your cat to use the toilet? Yeah, the angry man of jazz

Is he like, I'm sick of cats whizzing everywhere I'm angry He's a pamphlet about it Or is he the kind of guy who knows how to make a castle out of feathers? Or a mean pumpkin soup? He's angry. Yeah, it's a mean pumpkin soup. Yeah, it's a mean pumpkin soup from an angry man.

How mean is it, man? Yeah. Actually, I think you've actually steered me well here. I'm going to say the how to be a good audience. I think he's a performer. He's a band leader. He's leading the band here. Now he wants to lead the audience.

Right. He's like, you're not giving them what we need. So this is how. And he's just sort of, yeah. He retires. So I'm an audience leader, actually. Yeah. Very good.

Locked in for Dave. How to be a good audience. Kirsty, what are you thinking? I'm erring on the side of that as well. Kirstie, if we're right, we'll really catch up on the house here. We'll really catch up on the house. But it is a risk because if we're wrong, the house gets two points. Potentially.

Oh, no, that's the other way. Otherwise, you've both guessed one of your answers. Unless Kirstie's doing the smart thing again of trying to convince me to lock in an answer I've already locked in. Is there anybody that you can trust in the room? Dave, you've made an excellent choice. Kirstie's really committing to the bit. Nah, that would be a weird thing to do.

What about... Yeah, so you're going good audience. Your other options, restring a base, castle of feathers, training a cat to use the toilet, or a mean pumpkin soup. Cook it, that is. How to cook a mean pumpkin soup. How to cook a mean pumpkin soup. I'm going to lock that one in.

I've just got a gut feeling about it. Yeah. I love a pumpkin soup. But mean. I love a pumpkin. A pumpkin soup. Oh, I don't want to know what that is i do not want to know i am never going over to matt's for dinner it's a mean one yeah it's oh that's quite a disrespectful one i don't care how mean it is buddy it'll body shame you and then

be disgusting a really mean pumpkin soup. I didn't even hear the cum part in it until just now. Yeah, you said cumkin. Sorry, mate, you're done. You're done. That's it. You're done. How did you miss the cum bit?

That was the whole bit. Were you just like, oh, I said pumpkin. Oh, said it a bit funny. He's pumpkin. Cumpin. Righto, mate. All right. So, how to restring a bass when you don't have any bass strings.

That was written by the house. Boo. Boo. How to make a castle out of feathers. Also written by the house. Boo. So funny. We knew. It's all the house.

The house can't get any points this round. The house sinks. Yes. Sucked in. We teamed up against the house finally. So which one do you want to hear next? Be a good audience. That was what Dave guessed.

That was Kirsty's. So one point for Kirsty. I really feel like I betrayed you. You did really spin it around there. You did try. You're like, oh, that's what I want. She doubled down. You'd already locked it around there. You did try it. You're like, oh, that's what I want. She was still trying to. She doubled down.

You'd already locked it in. I'm so sneaky. I didn't realize I was so sneaky. How to cook a mean pumpkin soup, which, Kirstie, I guess that was Dave's. We got each other. We stabbed each other in the back. Meaning the correct answer is how to train your cat to use the toilet He was angry about cats whizzing everywhere

Stop pissing in my band room Wow So good I'm looking forward to telling you the story But that means that the scores are now Kirstie on two points Dave on five points And the house on five points

And there's one question left Only one to go It's time for me to have a comeback Or some kumpkin soup points oh and there's one question left only one to go it's time for me to have a comeback awesome pumpkin soup that's so fucked some mean pumpkin soup so we're up to question number seven the final question of the game and this comes from alexander jones in new ze And the question is, what is the synopsis for the 1992 film Careful? Single word, title, Careful. What is the synopsis for the 1992 film Careful?

All right, while you're writing those answers out, here's some more information on Mingus' cat toilet training pamphlet, which was written about in the New York Times earlier this year. Sometimes at Charles Mingus' cat toilet training pamphlet, which was written about in the New York Times earlier this year. Sometimes at Charles Mingus' apartment, you would have to wait outside the bathroom as the cat finished using the toilet. The legendary jazz composer and bassist had grown tired of coming home to an overflowing litter box, so he devised a solution. And in 1954, he wrote it up on a single sheet of paper and began handing out copies it soon became a pamphlet which i guess is maybe two pieces of paper it took mingus three or four

weeks to toilet train his cat named nightlife his method in a nutshell and this is fantastic for listeners at home you don't need the pamphlet because i'm going to give you a step-by-step uh instruction now his method in a nutshell was to fill a shallow cardboard box with torn up newspaper instead of litter, which can clog the pipes. He placed the box far from the bathroom to start, then began inching it closer. Do it gradually, he wrote.

You've got to get them thinking. You've got to get them thinking Step two was to start trimming down the brim of the box as he moved it Eventually he affixed it atop the toilet with a string Don't bug the cat now, he wrote Don't rush him The third step was to cut a plum-sized hole in the box The cat came to expect the hole

At this point, you will realise that you have won, he wrote was to cut a plum-sized hole in the box. The cat came to expect the hole. At this point, you will realise that you have won, he wrote. Mingus then slipped the remaining cardboard under the toilet seat. Eventually, with a magician's flair, he disposed of it completely so that the cat was just using the toilet. Don't be surprised if you hear the toilet flush in the middle of the night. A cat will learn how to do it, spurred on by his instinct to cover up, he wrote. So there you go.

If you want to get your cat using the toilet, just use those three easy steps. You've got to get it to think. Well, this is why I yell mathematical formulas at my cat all day. I'm like, Fergie, what's two times 36 divided by four? I'm just trying to get her to think so she doesn't win the pot playing again. You've got to make them think.

You've got to make them think. Is that like the first rule of cat ownership? Yeah. Do you think of it as cat ownership, Kirstie, or are you more like member of the family type owner? Yeah, probably member of the family type owner, but just whatever she wants. Whatever she wants to be known as. I'm so scared of her that whatever her approach to our relationship is, I'll go with that. Yep.

Someone was telling me recently that cats don't know that people are people. They think that you're cats. Is that true? Well, yeah, potentially or, yeah, there's something there. They thought that was maybe that's why they bring you half-dead mice and stuff. Yeah, because they're trying to teach you how to hunt. Yeah. And they're like, this loser cannot hunt.

They're bringing the mouse in and they're saying, this loser cannot hunt. They're bringing the mouse in and they're saying, you've got to make them think. Yeah, you've got to make them think. But little does she know that I've just been to Woolies and hunted for a box of Weet-Bix and I'm actually fine. You've hunted and gathered all at once. Yeah, all at once. Things have been streamlined.

Cats, catch up. All right, here is the final question. Are you ready? Yeah, I'm ready for my huge comeback. What is the synopsis for the 1992 film Careful? A convoy of trucks carrying gallons of nitroglycerine must cautiously make their way across rocky mountain terrain or cause death and destruction to those living in the valley below.

A group of hikers lose their way in Yellowstone Park. The only way out is to work out who to trust and more importantly, make sure to be careful. Oh, that's the title? Yes. Okay. A silent film about a town whose residents are under the constant threat of avalanches,

which can be triggered by any loud noise, so much so that they even suppress their emotions as much as possible. Why live there? It feels like that's a great opportunity to move. Or has the filmmaker just gone, I don't have a budget for a sound tech. Let's write a film around. They can't make noise even though they want to.

All right. Audio guy hasn't shown up on day one. New film. Let's write a film around They can't make noise Even though they want to Alright Audio guy hasn't shown up On day one New film A little girl is terrified Of the boogeyman Who lives under her bed

Only to discover That the boogeyman Is terrified of her Careful The house right there The house right there Mid time I've heard there's a

Boogeyman Or boogeymen in the house. Or finally, a seven-year-old boy finds a magic crystal ball in the school's janitor closet. He is granted three wishes, but every wish comes with unexpected results. Do you want them one more time? Yes, please. Jeez, that's a good variety of...

They're five very different films. I'd find all of them in an instant yeah I'd watch them all yeah big time I like you're so much more modest I'm funding them

you're just watching them in my head I'm some Hollywood heavyweight Matt's green lining left hand side and I'm just somebody who will enjoy

a bucket of popcorn at the cinema on Sunday night that sounds pretty good honestly you've humbled me there. And I think, obviously, that's what I should have said. Why am I funding films?

I'd fund them. We get it, Matt. You're wealthy. Yes, you're a big wig. I've got Hollywood cash. All right. So the first, join me to read them all in full. Please.

A convoy of trucks carrying gallons of nitroglycerin must cautiously make their way across rocky mountain terrain or cause death and destruction to those living in the valley below. A group of hikers lose their way in Yellowstone Park. The only way out is to work out who to trust and more importantly, to be careful. A silent film about a town whose residents are under the constant threat of avalanches which can be triggered by any loud noise so much so they

even suppress their emotions as much as possible a little girl is terrified of the boogeyman who lives under her bed only to discover that the boogeyman is terrified of her the boogeyman is terrified of her. The boogeyman is the house. All right, mate, we're all scared of the house. The boogeyman is coming from inside the house. I'm terrified that the house is under my bed. Finally, a seven-year-old boy finds a magic crystal ball in the school janitor's closet. He is granted three wishes, but every wish comes with unexpected results. Okay. Who's going first for the final question?

Well, because you've each gone first three times each. Who wants to go first? Anyone feeling like jumping in? Look, no matter what I do, Kirstie will try and convince me to lock yours in. Yeah, you might as well lock yours in first. Save us all the charade. Although it doesn't necessarily save us.

It does not stop the charade. Which is so funny. The charade although it doesn't necessarily it does not stop the charade which is so funny whatever kirsty is leaning towards is the one she wrote so you're all you're probably saving it would be better for you for kirsty to go first you go okay i'm putting a line through that one kirsty what are you feeling what are you feeling yeah you can talk about together i'm really leaning towards uh numbers one through to five. Oh, really? Okay.

I mean, you'd watch them all. I'd watch them all. As long as I fund them. Luckily, my mate Matt's funding them, so I'll be able to make that through reality. I'm leaning towards – I've got a 50-50 split going on in my little mind here. I've got a 50-50 split going on in my little mind here. And I'm leaning towards either the truck with the nitroglycerin. That sounds like a fun Steven Seagal movie, yes.

Yeah, although also I don't know if nitroglycerin is a real thing. And also maybe that's common knowledge. And if I lock that one in, I'm going to look like a real goose. And also the even suppressing their emotions one. Great. Fantastic. Yeah, I've got a 50-50 split going on with those. Do you want to talk it out?

I liked both of those options. Yeah. You think you'd pick them between those two as well? No. Or you got any others you're throwing in? What was number two again? Number two was a group of hikers lose the line yes no gosh it's so tricky this time yeah there are I think those two are the ones but they're also the movies that I'd like most to watch so I'm not sure if there's actually what we should be what should be

picking so it was like what was the one that had careful in it though because i love doing that in a movie a group a group of hikers lose their way in yellowstone park yes that's the only one with careful in it isn't it and then there was boogeyman i watched the the film nope recently and they say it so much in the film that's that's why it's a great one for people who love hearing the name of the film in the film if that's your kink like that's gonna be your film. That's a great one for people who love hearing the name of the film in the film. If that's your kink, like that's going to be your film. Normally there's a bigger build-up to it though because, you know, if it was careful, it would be like, just remember we've all got to be and then they turn the camera.

Careful. Careful. Is that the name? Did the other two mention it? Boogeyman. No. No careful. It was more implied, I think. And what other two mention it? Boogeyman. No. No careful. And what was the last one?

It was more implied, I think. And what was the last one? Seven-year-old boy finds a magic crystal ball. Obviously, he has to be careful which wishes he makes. The girl needs to be careful of this boogeyman, but the boogeyman is equally being careful of her. Right, of course. Yeah, yeah.

The house, I mean, the boogeyman. In the silent film, they've got to be careful of making any loud noises or emotions. And then we've got the people in Yellowstone Park obviously have to be careful. And then the convoy of trucks, they're being careful. Yeah. All right, Dave. This is make or break. It's scores tied here.

I don't know why I'm so stressed because I can't make it come back. I'll tell you what. Make your choice, but make sure you're careful. Careful. Be careful, Dave. What do you think, Kirstie? I'm going to lock in Truck Convoy. Truck Convoy.

Truck Convoy for Kirstie. Locked in. And that's the film that Dave would like to watch. Yes, I'd love to watch that well luckily I'm funding it Matt's throwing the big bucks at it so you'll be fine I've got the big

the big dogs Steven Seagal I heard a story I don't know if this is true or not but I just saw someone tweet it as a throwaway but there's this story that

someone knocked on Seagal's door for a meeting or something and he was weeping. And he goes, I've just read the most beautiful script ever. And the person goes, oh, whose script is it? And he goes, mine. That's me every year after I've written my comedy festival show.

I've just read the funniest show ever. Whose was it? Mine. Please buy tickets at this link. I've just read the funniest show ever Whose was it? Mine Please buy tickets at this link I've been at the studio the other day I was editing the first episode of this show And I was pissed at myself laughing Someone walked in and said

Oh what are you listening to? I said oh my podcast That's so funny Oh no To be fair I wasn't laughing at something I'd said I think Saran had just said something funny That's so funny Oh no To be fair I wasn't laughing at something I'd said I think Saran had just said something funny That's all Alright Dave it's down to you

This is the last one to lock in This is This is so tricky I feel it's nitroglycerin or it's avalanche And I'm thinking was Kirstie trying to get me to lock in avalanche Was she bluffing you? She double bluffing you? Was she bluffing you? I'm ining you? Was she bluffing me?

I'm in his head now. You are in my head. I'm the boogeyman under Dave's bed. Let's roll that dice. I want to see this Avalanche. Silent film. Love it. Avalanche.

Because we're not in the, we're in the Stupid Old Studios green room, which isn't Sam treated. So when you said that, I feel like there was a bit of an echo. It almost felt like you might have kicked off a little avalanche there. I'm pretty sure you did. All right, let's go through the answers. Firstly, was Kirsty right about the little girl being terrified of the boogeyman being written by the house? Yes, she was.

Well done. If I know anything, it's the brain of the house. I believe both of the house answers here were written by Alexander Jones. I think sometimes people write them so well that I'm like, it's a bit unfair that they've had so long to write these brilliant movie synopsis, so I have to make them sound a bit crapper. So that's what I did to some of Alexander's work, and I apologise because Alexander, you're you're like well he's butchered

me there but I think it's unfair if he comes in with it it's like well we're picking that because that sounds like you know what I mean anyway whatever I'm over explaining um a seven-year-old boy finds a magic crystal ball that was written by Dave I'd love to watch that film that's right careful what you wish for that's what I was thinking that was good stuff yeah I love that one too and Matt's funding it so I can't wait to see it on the big screen soon. Enjoy it. Like the janitor's closet. Why is there a crystal ball in there? A group of hikers losing their way in Yellowstone Park. That was written by Kirstie.

You haven't convinced me. It's 50-50 here, is it? Yeah, and I think you both said straight off the bat, these were the two you were split up between, weren't they? These both appealed to us. And you were correct. So, a convoy of trucks carrying gallons of nitroglycerine was written by Alexander in the house,

meaning the silent film is correct. Thank you, mate. But that means the house doesn't win, right? The house didn't win. We teamed up against the house. That means the final scores are Kirstie on two. Well done. Well done.

Dave on six and the house on six. It's a draw. No, it's not. Isn't it? No, it's not. No, why not? It's six plus two for Dave. Yes, that's right.

Yes. Dave and Kirstie have beaten the house. Team DK. DK in the house. We beat the house. Eight points to to 6 Well done Yes So next time you're on

You'll be the carryover champ Thank you We both will be You and Nostradamus At the top of the episode I'm stoked A quick little bit of info About the film Careful

As suggested by Alexander Jones According to wikipedia.org Careful was directed by Guy Madden It was his third feature film And his first colour film It was shot on 16mm on a budget Of only 1.1 million see that's That's why I can fund it

It's because it's only 1.1 million 1.1 million is pocket change to Matt Stewart So those five films all I need is Five and a half mil alright I'll go get My wallet Easy It premiered at the New York Film Festival So those five films, all I need is five and a half mil. All right, I'll go get my wallet. Easy. It premiered at the New York Film Festival,

and although it was not a commercial success elsewhere, it single-handedly saved a struggling arthouse cinema in Missoula, Montana, where sellout crowds had filled their house twice every night for two weeks. Wow, and it saved the cinema. Yeah, Some, I guess, smallish place in Montana. It saved the cinema. Isn't that fun? Wow. All right.

So, yeah. Final score check. Dave and Kirsty as a team on eight. The house on six. Yes. Cop that house. To the Victor goes the spoils. Oh, you queasel headed parrots uh so kirsty thanks so much for joining us is there

anything you've got coming up where can people find you if they would like to and i assume they would like to oh yeah i assume they'd love to i'm a delight i am on all social media platforms at Kirstie Wiebeck. I have a little mailing list as well on my website, kirstiewiebeck.com forward slash shows and that little mailing list. There's no spam, but very soon there'll be an announcement about my new national tour if you are in Australia. But yeah, otherwise see you on TikTok, Twitter, Instagram, whatever. Exciting. Yeah. Have you released the name of your show yet? Australia uh but yeah otherwise see you on TikTok Twitter Instagram whatever exciting yeah have you

got a have you released the name of your show yet I'm still trying to figure mine out at the moment well yeah I haven't released it yet I I literally locked in yesterday just whisper it in the microphone because I can hear it through my headphones but I won't tell anyone that's awesome Dave where can people find you? They can find me every week on the Do Go On podcast with you, Matt. What a great podcast that is. Kirsty was on an episode not too long ago. I love that podcast.

One of the best episodes ever. And I also do the Book Cheat podcast where I've read the book so you don't have to tell you about a classic episode, a classic book, I should say, and recent episodes. Imagine the podcast is now now it just keeps going over remember episode one and he was shortening it down so eventually it's just

two minute long episodes what I meant to say was you've both been on episodes recently so thank you very much for that so if you want to hear my pleasure hear more of our voices

you can check out yeah book cheat and all the podcast apps awesome I'll try and link to all that stuff in the show notes. Thanks so much for listening, everyone. This is our new show.

It'd be great if you could help get the word out there. Please give us a five-star review and tell your friends if you think you know anyone who might enjoy it. And I mean, let's be honest, that's pretty much everybody. Everybody. I don't have a sign-off yet. I thought I'd try this one out. This has been Who Knew It with Matt Stewart.

And now that you know it, I guess I'm Matt Stewart. Loves it.