Who Knew It with Matt Stewart - 34 - Nick Mason, Ben Russell, Cass Paige and Dave Warneke

Episode Date: May 1, 2023

Who Knew It with Matt Stewart is a comedy game show podcast hosted by Australian comedian Matt Stewart. This episode was recorded live in Melbourne and features Nick Mason (the Weekly Planet), Cass Paige (Sanspants Radio), Ben Russell (Aunty Donna's Coffee Cafe) and Dave Warneke (Do Go On)!Get tickets to see the podcast/Matt live: https://www.mattstewartcomedy.com/Watch Matt's stand up special FREE on YouTube: https://youtu.be/cWStRpI-BhESupport the show via http://patreon.com/dogoonpod and you can submit questions for the show!Check out Matt's podcast network: https://dogoonpod.com/Theme song by Evan Munro-Smith and Logo by @muzdoodles! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Oh my God, can you believe it? It's the year 2024. It's Melbourne Comedy Festival and we've just moved venues. We're at the Grace Darling now. We had a great run at the Chinese Museum, selling out shows by the end, but now we need you to come over to the Grace Darling and shows are at 7.15. It's going to be so much fun. Love to see you there. Let's have a beer. Use discount code do go on the show's called dry dry at the melbourne international comedy festival then we're going to sydney and brisbane tickets to all that stuff's on sale now and you can find those tickets and details at mattstuartcomedy.com welcome to who knew it with matt stewart the show where the guests write the wrong answers. I'm the titular Matt Stewart and there were some audio issues on this week's live episode. The first few minutes of it got cut off, which was fine. It was before the guests were invited up onto the stage, but it wasn't before I invited Dave Warnick up on stage, who was my second banana slash scorekeeper so

the episode's about to start with Dave on stage bringing up our guests so yeah and there was a new sound person at Morris House so there are a few technical issues some of the sound quality is not as cherry ripe as we'd maybe like but it's all listenable and the episode was a lot of fun there's a bunch of off cuts maybe about 10 minutes worth uh some of it a bit saucy uh and i'll put that right at the end after the end of the show if you want to listen to ben russell mainly uh explain um some sex terms but uh anyway let's go to the live recording at morris house with dave warnicke on stage about to introduce the other guests enjoy great our first contestant this week is host of the weekly planet podcast please welcome the one

the only nick mason yeah All right, I'm going to sit. I'm going to sit. That felt good. Hello. That sounded good. Hi, guys. What do you want from me? We're going to do a quiz. Terrific. Great.

Nick, if you demanded to not be wired tonight, look at that wireless microphone. Yeah. Nothing tying you down. You could just go for a wander at any point. Feels good. You could do a for a wander at any point. Feels good. You could do a bit of crowd talk. Crowd talk?

I feel like the wire doesn't preclude you from doing the crowd. Any of us could do crowd talk at any moment. No, but you can get out there. You could stage dive. I could be the roving reporter. Yeah. Our second contestant this week is host of the Being Hot Is Hard podcast. Please welcome the one, the only, Cass Payne. Yay!

Thanks for having me. So good to have you here, Cass. They're precarious. The seats are precarious. We considered just regular chairs earlier, but then we're like, let's live on the edge. Our third and final contestant is from We Interrupt This Broadcast and Aunty Donna's Coffee Cafe. It's the one, the only Ben Russell.

Welcome, Ben. Thank you. Thank you so much for being here, Ben. A pleasure. A pleasure. Hello, everyone. My name is Ben. It's a pleasure to be here. A pleasure Hello everyone, my name is Ben It's a pleasure to be here

A pleasure Is everyone excited about Aunty Donna's Coffee Cafe? Yes In particular episode 4 which features Ben heavily Okay I have no idea That's what he was saying beforehand I didn't say that

He said you're the star of episode four. Yeah, I did say that. Who here has seen or heard, probably more likely, this podcast before? Yes, I have. I only just realised we haven't mic'd up the audience like we normally do, so people at home are going to be like, oof, that's rough. You're going to have to juice this afterwards in post-production. There is no one here.

Who hasn't heard the podcast before? Never seen an episode. Heard an episode. You're like, what is this? That's great. You sound a lot like me. Confused, but real cool.

Do we need to dub that in and post it? They wouldn't have heard that at home and say, I've never seen this, I don't know what... I don't know. That's what you sound like to me. That's what you sound like to him. Well, for you and anyone else listening at home who hasn't heard before,

this is the way the show works. I ask a relatively obscure trivia question and our contestants have to write a convincing fake answer. I then read their answers as well as the real one and they have to guess which one is correct. Okay, are we ready to play? Yeah. What phones are everyone rocking?

That's a great question. This is a Samsung Galaxy S9+. This is four to five years old at this point. Beautiful. Pretty good. What have you got there? A refur is four to five years old at this point. Beautiful. Pretty good. A refurbed iPhone 12 because I broke my last one. That's great. Last time I was on this show doing a live show,

I sat next to Mesa when he read out my passcode. How'd that go for you? It was really funny. I couldn't even be mad. Have you changed it since? It was really funny. I couldn't even be mad. Have you changed it since?

She's definitely changed her strategy of sitting next to me. Are you curiously silent on your choice of phone, Ben Russell? It's just nothing. It doesn't matter. Who is that? That's my director. It's a terrible photo. It's Craig Anderson. You wouldn't know him.

But it's one of the worst photos ever taken of him. I've still got it as my background. I just look at it and go maybe things aren't so bad. You're married, Ben. You have a beautiful wife. What are you doing? Why, is that weird?

I've been on for months now. All right, here is question number one. This one comes from a listener, Jim Bates from Sackets Harbour in New York. And Jim's question is, what does the word thunderplump mean? How are we spelling that? Plump. Plump. Thunderplump.

T-H-U-N-D-E-R. Classic Thunder. P-L-U-M-P. Classic Plump. That's Classic Plump. But you put them together you get something new and that's beautiful I think. In this case something old

but I guess everything's old compared to right now. For that to not be true you would have had to have made up a new word. But even then. The game would be very difficult to play.

So how the scoring works while they're writing their So how the scoring works, while they're writing their answers, how the scoring works... So you get one point if your fake answer is guessed by one of the other contestants, and another point if you correctly guess the answer. And by the way, I'm also playing as the house. Oh, they're coming around to the house.

Loving that. House always wins, I hear. Yeah, that's what I've heard. But not in this case. Especially in House MD. So I put in two of my own fake answers for each question. I get a point for each of those that our guests choose. We're sending these to Dave Warnicke, right?

Yes, Dave Warnicke. Unblock Dave. Just unmute. The answer's around. So each of us can score up to three points per round which seems fair

but the probability actually favours me. The house. Anyway, our questions come from our great Patreon supporters. Any Patreons in tonight? And again,

people at home they cheered wildly there there were so many of them probably a million at least a million yeah and if you want to get involved you can sign up

on any level via patreon.com linked in the show notes what if you've been banned from Patreon? what did you do Ben? what did you do? I literally don't know what you have to do to get banned from patreon too supportive can we make it happen today

but i've tried so many times all right looks like the answers are in so here is question number one what does the word thunder plump mean a rapid growth of small plants and scrub after an overnight rainstorm in the desert. Oh. Yeah, that is hot. That's the hottest thing I've ever heard. A swamp shrub from the eastern US and Canada that produces greenish white berries that are irritating at best and poisonous at worst. Better hope for the best I guess there, yeah.

A wrestler with no real wrestling ability whose main talent is being tall and heavy. That's still a talent. Yeah. A heavy and sudden shower of rain accompanied by thunder and lightning? The weight gained by a hibernating animal before winter?

Or when you have a tummy ache and only a fart will cure it? I'm thunder plumping. That's Ben's. I reckon it's Ben's. What are you talking about? You don't know me. Have you ever done that? You ever had a big tummy ache and you're like,

oh, I've got to... And then you do a big... Thunder plump. Rip a real hot one. And you go, I'm all right now. They hang up on Triple O. It's all good. You're fine.

They keep calling me back. So does any of those stick out to you, Cass? I really like the idea of the fast-growing bush in the desert. I think that's really sweet. And you're going to lock it in? Oh, yep. My heart's never led me astray. I'm just going to go the rain shower.

Rain shower. That one out of nowhere, the Thunder Plum. Heavy and sudden shower? Yeah. I reckon that's real. It does have thunder in the title and thunder in the description. Yeah, and it's plump. It's plump, full of moisture. Yes! What do we have left, Matt? What's plump. It's plump, full of moisture. Yes!

What do we have left, Matt? What's left there? So you've got... Two scrub-based ones, I think. Yes. Or plants or scrubs or something. Do you want a scrub or... Do you want no scrub?

That's good stuff. I don't want... What do you mean? I don't want no scrub. Is that what you want? Is that what you want? I don't know. Dude, I don't know what you're talking about. I don't want no scrub. Is that what you want? Is that what you want? I don't know. Dude, I don't know what you're talking about.

So you've got, the other options are a tummy ache, only a fart will cure, hibernating. It's on that one. I'd pick that one. No, that's Ben. That's Ben's one. Ben's decided to be a silly Billy today. I don't, I think that that is the real one though. Interesting.

Yeah. I'm quite educated. But you're also a tricky dicky as well. That is true. I'm educated from the streets. I got streets mods. You've also got the

weight gain by hibernating animal before winter. I don't think it's that one. Got the wrestler with no real wrestling ability apart from being big and tall. They probably buy where the big men buy as well. Have you ever seen a wrestler? Oh, yeah. Yes.

Yeah. And then... The one... The shrub with poison-ish... Poisonous and poison-ish berries. Oh. I'm going to go with the wrestler one. Wrestler one.

But they have all sorts of funny Words and such Heel Wrestle Ring Undertaker You can lock in one of those ones You don't have to go for your own

I think be yourself Carve your own path Thank you I'm going to do that, I think, yes. You're the master and the commander. That's beautiful. And oceans are battlefields. All right, well, let's go through who wrote the answers. And, Mesa, this is going to shock and...

Appal you. Appal you, yes. When you have a tummy ache and only a fart will cure it. That was Ben Russell. I'm appalled quite frankly Yeah But I'm not shocked I'm not shocked The weight gained by a hibernating animal

Before winter That was Cass Page Swamp shrub that is irritating or poisonous That was Jim Sackets A.K.A. The House Wait his name's not Jim Sackets That's his place Is that his address? Jim Bates from Sackets. That's his place. Is that his address?

Jim Bates from Sackets. Yeah, do you have the full address? Yeah. So that's a point for the house. One point for the house. Okay, ooh. Wait, is that right? No.

No, you just gave... No, that was one that no one guessed. Okay, well, the thing is I've also given a point to everyone else. So it's a level playing field. I thought it'd be nice if everyone was on one. Okay. You are the scorekeeper. You can do it however you like.

Congratulations, everyone. Thank you so much. You're all on the ball. Real condescending. Can the audience... Is there a column for the audience? Can the audience get a point as well? The audience are also on one point.

Congratulations. There we go. For those listening at home, they just applauded. Themselves. Pretty gross, actually. Literally no one. One point for one audience member. The rapid growth of small plants

and scrub after an overnight rainstorm in the desert. Cass picked that one and that was written by Maso. That's the one I love. So another point for Maso. Yeah, I'm a poet. You tricked me.

You didn't realise until just then. That's right. A wrestler with no real wrestling ability. That was also Jim Sackets. Tricky Jim. He's tricky. So that's a point for the house. Meaning the correct answer is a heavy and sudden shower of rain

accompanied by thunder and lightning, which Ben Russell got right. Well done, Ben. Very nice. Yeah, I actually knew that. So eat shit, everyone. Either the foil or... No, the heel.

The heel. Yeah. You've got to love him, though. You've got to love him. Yeah, okay. Please continue. Here's question number two. This one comes from Shake Shrekantia.

Is Shake in tonight? Shake's in the front row, everybody. All the way from Hershey, Pennsylvania. Chocolate Town itself. Chocolate Town. Adding this guy into the podcast post, it's going to be very expensive. Yeah, I'm here.

You can use that. You can use that. You can use that. Interestingly, this question was also submitted by Ashley James from Altona Meadows in Victoria. Are you in tonight, Ashley? Amazing. Damn, that would have been a real nice meet-suit. Yeah, right?

The guy from Hershey came, but the guy from Altona Meadows didn't. Get the V-line. God, it's not that hard. Guy from Altona Meadows did it. Get the V line, God. It's not that hard. All right, I'm going to say this question comes from Shake. And it goes like this. Before being executed on the 10th of August 1966,

the year the Saints won their premiership, what were the last words of murderer James French? What were the famous last words of murderer James French before he was executed on the 10th of August 1966? How was he executed? Electric chair. Ooh. Ooh.

Or as I like to call it, the thunderplump. While you're writing your answers, let me tell the audience, and Dave if you want to listen, a little bit more about the thunderplump word. Gordon and Jim, thunderplump has its origins in the 19th century from the Scots dialect. Is that how you know it, Ben?

You've spent a bit of time in Scotland. I've spent some time in the Scots. Is that where you've heard about thunderplumping? No, I think it was one of those ones where a thunderplump was occurring and someone said, that's a thunderplump and everyone went my goodness i'm so impressed such a wise person and then we all suck that person off yeah i'm a thunder pump there's there's also a band called Thunderplump,

and they've got 74 monthly listeners, which is pretty good. I'm not sure why the audience laughed at that. There is no audience, that's why. Dave, how many monthly listeners does Weed Hornet, your band, have? Sadly, yet to make it onto Spotify, I'm sorry to say. Have you heard any of these Thunderplump songs? These are the two that stood out to me.

Sushi Ridden Dinner Date. Sort of a weird way to... Sushi Ridden. Ridden. And I don't really like drowning. Just a little bit, I guess. Yeah. That's a weed-horned cover. The only way you can hear them

on the platform. The answers are in. So here's question number two. Before being executed by electric chair on the 10th of August 1966, what were the last words of murderer James French? Hey fellas, how about this for a headline for tomorrow's

papers? French fries. If you came to see a French surrender, you're out of luck. I'm going down farting, or at least squirming. Shock me twice, because if I live, I will eat everyone in this room alive. Just like Dylan, chairs should have never gone electric. The real culprit is in this room with us.

Or 9-11 was an inside joke. What is it with this podcast and referencing 9-11? I think it's only you guys. It happens all the time. We've had some complaints You've had complaints Haven't you About this podcast

I have had complaints Yeah It's all a joke to you About mentioning 9-11 Have a little respect Alright Any standing out to you there I am the bad guy

In a lot of ways I like that I think it's the French fries one French fries I think there's probably Some witticism in there That a lot of these Sound like he was being Executed by an electric chair In a Marvel movie fries I think there's probably some witticism in there that a lot of these sound like he was being

executed by electric chair in a marvel movie but I think it might be the french fries one I reckon he's been working on that for weeks

if not months I reckon it's that one alright locked it in I'm also going to go that one because that person deserves the points

that they're going to get for being so funny. God, you are a tricky devil, Ben Russell. I mean, whoever wrote it, unless he said it, then you get the points. And you deserve them because you're always funny, Ben.

I didn't write that one. Okay. I'll let you guess which one I wrote. I think the murderer wrote it and I think he deserves that one. Okay. I'll let you guess which one I wrote. I think the murderer wrote it, and I think he deserves a couple of points, you know? Yeah. Dave, can you make another column for the murderer? Okay.

Murderer is on one. What did he get the chair for? I'll tell that story in a minute. It might shock and appall you. Cass, who do you think? i think it's french fries yes is that because we've pretty much given that away to be the case no i think i've i think i've heard of this before it's a beautiful question shake i really appreciate this did not stump anyone didn't get close to it or did it let's find out this is who wrote the answers

9-11 was an inside job That was Ben Russell Wow Me? No The real culprit is in the room with us That was Mace-o That sounded like a Mace-o-ism

Is that what you'd say before you got Yeah, it's wrong off the scent a little bit, I think. What would you have done? Like what kind of murder? Doesn't necessarily have to be a murder. A really crook murder is what I would have done. Just real crook. Real crook.

Settle down. Yeah, cool. He should be executed for that. Yeah, nice. It was cool, though, what he did. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So it's a cool... Cool and crook. Yeah, nice. It was cool though what he did. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So it's a cool

Cool and crook. Yeah, cool. CC. Then we had Just like Dylan, chairs should never have gone electric. That was the house.

They're turning on me. I know how it feels. Shock me twice because I will live if I live I will eat everyone in this room alive that was Cass Page

that's quite good that feels like a Charles Manson thing yeah I think yeah oh okay I just think that's what I'd say

if I were about to go for my own crook crimes what would you be doing Cass? um oh something it has to be crook and cool oh I think it would be crook, cool and

I want to do a silly one I want to do a silly murder Yeah Keep it light Yeah, just, you know It's kind of I want the person who finds the body to be like Oh

No No Yeah Bring joy to the hearts. Yeah. I want to ruin the person's funeral so no one can talk about how they died without laughing. That's good.

Yeah, ruin their family's lives too. Can you murder me? I would be honoured. Thank you. This is great. This is like networking on stage. I like it. Getting things done. It's going to be so networking on stage I like it Getting things done

It's going to be so silly Anyway what's the real answer Matt? Are you going to die smiling? It's a real First we had the If you came to see A French surrender You're out of luck

That was Ashley Aka The House Meaning the correct answer is Hey fellas How about this For a headline For tomorrow's papers French fries

So one point Each meso Ben and Cass for tomorrow's papers. French fries. So one point sweet. Each Mesa, Ben and Cass. We won. That's what I was shaking your hands for. That's beautiful. We're doing really well. Cass really left Ben hanging there.

And the crowd found joy in that. And by the end we're going to combine all our points and we're going to overwhelm the house. Well, I think you're all beating me at the moment. Should we have a quick score check? Yeah, quick score check, sure. Currently on one point we have the audience. Well, I think you're all beating me at the moment. Should we have a quick score check? Yeah, quick score check, sure. Currently on one point, we have the audience. Currently on one point, we have

the murderer. Which also could be the audience, we don't know. On two points, it's the house. Great job, pal. Two points for Cass. Put that in front. On a joint lead right now, on three points, it's Ben and Nick.

Unpleasant handshake I liked it Real flat Very flat Yeah This next one I've realised Is a much better question When I don't have

Three nerds on the show So I'm hoping You don't all know this Are you having a Show with all nerds on? Second show Yeah another Cool dudes here so if you happen to know i'll still make up a fake answer please why would we give the real answer why would someone did that once okay oh it was in It was an English person

in England, though. Classic. English people in England. Yuck. So this one was written by Geraldine from Devon. Oh my God, from England.

And Geraldine's question is, what was the name of the Star Wars character portrayed by William Hootkins? is what was the name of the Star Wars character portrayed by William Hootkins? There's nerds and there's nerds, Matt. We're not a monolith, Matt.

Hootkins? What's his name? William Hootins. William Hootkins. Hootkins. Actually, it's pronounced Hootkins. Oh, sorry. Shut up, nerd.

Oh, I knew this for sure Dave loves Star Wars When he was a kid He had a Return of the Sith Hat or something You got a Darth Maul hat For my 9th birthday Whatever

He grew up in the culture Yeah I like Jar Jar While they're While they're writing Their answers I'll let the audience Know a little bit more about James French. According to Shake, I mean, you could just read this out,

but I may as well, because you're over there. Jane, do you remember it by heart? No, I did not. Okay. Mesa has called us Mike Camino's own, though. $5,000. It's wireless, Mike. We're going to get some use out of it.

So James French was serving a life sentence in the Oklahoma State Penitentiary in McAllister for killing a man named Frank Boone, a West Virginia motorist who had picked him up while hitchhiking in 1958. French had requested a death sentence for that charge, but the jury handed down a life sentence anyway against his wishes.

While serving his life sentence, French was placed with inmate Eddie Lee Shelton. On October 27, 1961, French attacks Shelton. Young Shelton. That doesn't make any sense. This is how the final episode goes. So French treated Shelton to a last meal. So it wasn't all bad.

He gave him a steak sandwich before strangling him to death. French immediately confessed, explaining that he murdered Shelton because Shelton was, quote, stupid and refused to shape up. See, this is your kind of murder. They're laughing and being shocked. Cass, this is what you could do. Strangle someone. So French...

French, he's just done a second murder and he again asked the judge to sentence him to death and he committed the murder to compel the state of Oklahoma to execute him and he specifically asked for the electric chair, and the judge obliged in his request. That's commitment to the bit. Yeah, how many years do you think he was planning this?

Yeah. Question number three. What was the name of the Star Wars character portrayed by William Hootkins? Hoot Skywalker? Hoot Skywalker And that's our Star Wars Dud Tootinroot Pargan Hornstop

Bounty Hunter Grievous Slimo I don't know why That says Ben to me Which one? Punch Horton whatever it was. Park and haunt stop? Yes. Okay.

Or it's real. I don't know. Then you had Bounty Hunter. Bounty Hunter Griebus Slimo. Jack Porkins or Scoodle Boop and Doop. Is this a trick? Are they all real? The Beautiful Mind of Lucas.

Hoot Skywalker, Dud Tootinroot, Pargan Hornstop, Bounty Hunter, Griebus Slimo, Jack Porkins or Scoodle Boopendoop? Was that Deck Porkins? Jack Porkins. Oh, it sounds like somebody said Jess Perkins. boop and doop. Was that Deck Paulkins? Jack Porkins. Okay. Oh, it's how somebody said Jess Perkins.

Jess Perkins. I didn't realise she was in Star Wars. If that's a real one and that's who Jess was named after. Really cool law. I'd like to

give my answer. You're a big Star Wars fan Am I right in saying that? I adore all things Star Wars Except for when there's a female lead In which case I will post about it online It's the right thing to do It's the right thing to do

It's pissing on mad No, I fucking hate Star Wars I think it's lame and stupid And it's for babies Lame and stupid for it's for babies lame and stupid for babies Jedi famous Jedi

famous Jedi for babies I used to like it when I was a kid but then I grew the fuck up you are being very controversial

tonight I'm loving it yeah saying I don't like Star Wars that's very controversial for all your

nerd okay I'm gonna go nine year old me with my Darth Maul hat. It's very offended by what you're saying. Wait, do any of you like Star Wars? I just assumed. Andor. Andor's pretty good.

Who said Andor? Andor's good. Yeah, who said Andor? I liked Andor. Andor is good. I saw the Andor. Ben's more into yes, Andor Ben's more into Yes Andor Because you like improv Ben

You're all the improv guy Shut up Sorry That's what kind of nerd you are Wait does anyone Lock down anything in No one's locked down anything Okay

What are we thinking Ben You go first I think it's Jack Porkins Jack Porkins For Mace-o I'm cool. No one's locked anything in. Okay, what are we thinking, Ben? You go first. I think it's Jack Porkins. Jack Porkins? For Mace, sir? I'm going to go Jack Porkins. Now, Cass, you can do anything you want.

Or you could copy the guy from the guy that has the nerd podcast. See, here's the thing. Jet, or possibly Jet Porkins is a real guy, but maybe that's the fake answer to throw people off the scent. Maybe it's a different guy. It might be also the Bounty Hunter one. I don't know. I was going to go with the Bounty Hunter one just because it sounds like Matt made a name around

Jess Perkins. So I'm going to go to the Bounty Hunter one. Bounty Hunter one, she cast. But Jeff Hawkins sounds very much like a Star Wars name. And should we ask

who the audience slash murderer want to lock in? Oh dear. Alright, well let's go through who wrote the answers. Scoodle Boop and Doop,

that was a house. As was Dud Tootinroot, that was the house. As was Dud Toot and Root, I was on a roll there. Toot and Root. These could

also be Tism Band members. Hoot Skywalker, that was Maso. Pargan Hornstop, that

was Cass. I thought that was quite believable. I never would have guessed the real one. Bounty Hunter Grievous Slimer, also very believable. That was Cass. I thought that was quite believable. I never would have guessed the real one. Bounty Hunter, Grievous Slimmer, also very believable.

That was Ben Russell. Cass went for. I mean, the correct answer is actually Jack Porkins. We did it, Ben. Which is wild. I'm on to your trick of getting Mace that I went to the nerd ones first, though. I knew it was happening, but I'm like, I've got to let people know about Jack or Jet Porkins.

Wait, is that a typo? Is it actually Jet Porkins? No, I think it's probably Jet Pork I'm like, I've got to let people know about Jack or Jet Porkins. Wait, is that a type or is it actually Jet Porkins? No, I think it's probably Jet Porkins. Okay, great. Fuck. I love it how Star Wars has like, uh, Grievous and, and, you know, Chlumpy and Poodle and then Luke. Luke's there. Greg.

I'm Greg Skywalker. Is there a Greg? I don't know, man. There's a Ben. Thank you. So, Dave, that is one point to Maceo and two points to Ben Russell. And, of course, one point for the audience and a murderer. Wait.

Is the murderer amongst us? Yeah. They're here right now. Our one audience member is a murderer. Holding the microphone out to hear them kill.

Hey, mate, what do you do for a job? I'm a murderer. Dave will reveal the murderer at the end of the show. You get a t-shirt,

so you don't admit it. Stay away from me. I will kill. Alright, question number four comes from Ashley Dickinson from Bradford in

West Yorkshire. And the question is, what is the title of the book adult author Chuck Tingle, self-published on July 10, 2016? So he writes like kind of surreal, bizarro porn books. So the weirder the better pretty much.

Or not, you know, up to you. Sorry, it's 2016. What sort of novel? Adult book. Sort of like a surreal adult novel. Self-published. Okay. And while you're writing your answers,

here's some more information on Jack Porkins. According to StarWars.com, Jack Porkins was a pilot and trader who abandoned his home world when the Empire moved in and developed a new military base there. The burly rebel pilot flew an X-Wing at the Battle of Yavin under the call sign Red 6.

Stop me if you know this. His X-Wing developed a mechanical problem early in the battle, leaving him struggling to manoeuvre. Now, I can see you're all hanging on the edge of your seats. Before Porkins, this is so sad, could fix the problem, one of the Death Star's turbo lasers zeroed in on the X-Wing and incinerated him. He died via incineration.

That's a pretty cheeky way to kill someone. Though he bravely lost his life during the Battle of Yavin, Red Six has long been defined by fans not for his skills but rather for his last name. I can't wait for the movie to come out. Yeah, poor man. About the prequel, about his journey. It's going to be so good, man.

It's going to be absolutely fabulous. Apparently, the Star Wars fans love this. Maybe you can confirm or deny. I don't know. Shut up, you do. Yeah, I do. In the pinnacle scene just before he dies

people often quote this apparently someone yells out cover me Porkins and they love it cover me Porkins there's t-shirts and merch

with the phrase you can buy Jack Porkins action figure on eBay right now yeah buy it right now 23 bucks I dare you to buy it right now. 23 bucks.

I dare you to buy it right now. Pull the string in the back and it says, cover me Porkins. Which is weird because he's not even a guy. It's 23 US. Oh, plus 1950 shipping.

You should buy it. Buy it right now. It'll probably be worth something. I'll put it in a bid. Put it in a bin. I'll bid, sorry, yes. Hey, while you're still writing your answers Let's go for a quick break And we're back

Okay Your answers are in So here's question number four What is the title of the book Okay, I've written this weird What is the title of the book Adult author Chuck Tingle self-published On July 10th, 2016

No, that's fine. It's written perfectly well. It was just reddened pretty awfully. Reddened? Here are your options. Haunted by a sexy ghost. Shit.

It just came. Donk. Ben just dropped a little load His iPhone It's a Google Pixel Oh now you want to talk about it Option two Firing a gun with my alien milf lover Poker butt go, pounded by a mole. When was this written?

2016. Okay. Is that prime Pokemon Go time frame? Yeah, I think it might be. Yeah, it might be, yeah. Caressed in the butt by Donald Trump after the results of the 2016 presidential election the round mound of rebound getting over my ex by getting under sir charles

or dinner at the cream pie palace dinner at the cream pie palace uh matt i'm sorry what is a cream pie palace dinner at the cream pie palace Matt I'm sorry what is a cream pie well I've wondered that myself actually

Matt's got all the information there Matt what is a cream pie it's more of an American thing so I assumed

you would know about it but it's they're just they used to use them in like the Marx Brothers

no I mean like in a porno sort of context if you could just explain that to me, because I don't know. Well, I don't want to seem like a virgin or anything, but I have no idea. Does anyone here know what a cream pie is in a porno context?

You'll know. I love pies. Especially cream pies. Or pies. So we're not going to fall for your trick again. Mace obviously is a big reader of this guy. So Ben, do you want to lock in your answer first? So I love the Donald Trump one because I love political satire.

Sounds deep. And I think that Donald Trump's no good. Pretty brave. Shaq, I'm so sorry that you were here for that. I know you guys really look up to ex-presidents, but yeah. We're a bit... Ben can be a bit irreverent sometimes. I can be frivolous and flippant.

No one is safe around Ben Russell. His satirical edge and his little piano. My witticisms. That's right. Okay, so... But I also like the Pokemon Go one. That sounds plausible. Yeah, I love that one.

Yeah, the two topical ones. Because I appreciate anything that gets you out of the house. This guy is also prolific. He does pump out the content, so... Pumping out the content in 2016. He thunder plumps it out. Yeah. So I'm going to have to go Pokemon Go, lock it in, Matthew.

Well, it was Pokebutt Go. Does that change? No. Is he pounded? Is he saying he's pounded? Pounded by them all, yeah. Okay, I think from what I know about Chuck Tingle, he loves to use pounded, I think.

I think that's... Unless you've done your research, Matt. Surely it'd be... You'd think it'd be gotta pound them all, though, to be... Gotta pound them all. Okay, bud. But again, like you said he's pumping these out

like you know there's no time to think about words you like proofreading yeah yeah I think it's that one as well spoofreading I think it's poke

oh sorry there was no joke I was just excited why can't we schedule this at the adults only time of 2.30pm I'm going to lock in

the poker butts or ponder butts or whatever yes poker butt ponder ball and what about you Cass

I liked haunted by a sexy ghost I liked that too it was simple and if it was in 2016 maybe this was when it was just getting started it was a simpler time

yeah alright well let's go through who wrote the answers when he was just getting started. It was a simpler time. Yeah. All right, well, let's go through who wrote the answers. Dinner at the Cream Pie Palace. Whoever wrote this will be able to explain what it means. Ben Russell. Ben Russell. The round mound of rebound. I'll come back to you, Ben.

I know you have to think about it. Getting Over My Ex by Getting Under Sir Charles. That was the house. Caressed in the Butt by Donald Trump after the results of the 2016 presidential election. That was MESO. That was MESO. Firing a Gun with My Alien Milf Lover.

That was Cass Page. That was a good one. Thank you. Doesn't make me want to know more. Who are you firing it at? That was Cass Page. That was a good one. Thank you. Doesn't make me want to know more. Who are you firing it at? Haunted by a Sexy Ghost, which Cass picked. That was written by Ashley, the question writer,

aka The House. Ashley. Meaning the correct answer is Poker Butt Go. Pounded by them all. Yeah, that's someone who's never seen Pokemon before. Here's question number five. What is the title of George Martin's 1994 autobiography? So he's most famous for being the Beatles' producer.

Oh, I thought you were talking about George. George RR Martin. Without the R's. His is called I'm Never Finishing That Last Book. You're never getting it. Ha ha, I'm rich now. I'm rich. What is the title of George Martin's 1994 autobiography and while you're writing your answers here's the plot synopsis if you haven't had enough

fun stuff here's the plot synopsis of poker but go pounded by a mole I think this is worse than what Ben said according to Goodreads the main character's name is Torbett and he'd like he'll never run out of ideas Chuck Tinkle I don't think when he's coming up with names like that Torbett. And he'll never run out of ideas, Chuck Tinkle, I don't think, when he's coming up with names like that. Torbett is worried. After witnessing a slew of dazed roaming men and women buried in their phones,

he's beginning to think that this might be the start of a terrifying zombie film. Upon further investigation, however, Torbett realises that they are all playing a hot new mobile game, Poker Butt Go. See, I think he might have revealed himself as a boomer there. Can I ask, is this synopsis, does this exist online or have you watched it and these are your own words?

It's not a word, it's a read. Is that how you describe reading a book? You're watching it. I watch each word one at a time. But you're essentially doing a book cheat on this? Yes, this is a book cheat. A mini book cheat. Can we roll the theme?

Curious to see what all the fuss is about, Torbett plugs in and sets out to capture a nearby Pokebutt within his own balls. But when he arrives

at the location of this rare beast, Torbett suddenly realises that he might have bitten off more than he can chew. Now face to face with a handsome yellow Bigfoot named Pibaru, who sports a zigzag tail. Wait, is this, this is, this is original content. He's, but he's making his own Pokemon. Yeah.

Wow. Isn't that awesome? It's bold. That's, to me, that's tingle. Torbett realises the only way to catch this majestic creature is within the depths of his own butt.

So that's pretty, I think that sounds like a good book. Are you still taking requests for a book cheat? Yeah, well you sound like you've already read it, so. I've read it, so you don't have to, but you should. What would you score it out of five? I think five. Perfect book.

All right, so the answers are coming in now. Thick and fast. Here is question number five. What is the title of George Martin's 1994 autobiography? Hide Your Love Away. All You Need Is Ears. 1994, autobiography. Hide your love away. All you need is ears. In hindsight, the Beatles was a pretty shit name for a band and autobiography by George Martin.

I'm the reason the Beatles are famous. Beating it out of them. Bringing the music out of four blokes from Britain. Or piss farting with George Martin. One of these is a real title. Hide your love away. All you need is ears. In hindsight, The Beatles was a pretty shit name for a band

and an autobiography by George Martin. I'm the reason The Beatles are famous. Beating it out of them, bringing the music out of Four Blokes from Britain. Or Piss Fartin' by George Martin. I'm the reason the Beatles are famous. Beating it out of them, bringing the music out of Four Blokes from Britain or Piss Fartin' with George Martin. I think the Four Blokes one could be the real one, honestly. Is George Martin known for a sense of humour at all? He's a character for sure.

What about the one that says that it's an autobiography from George Martin? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Tidying a plain sight there, isn't it? Yeah, that's right. Now, hide and tight, Beatles is a terrible name for a band. It's a pun. I'm not saying that they're a terrible band.

I love the Beatles, but I just think that... Yeah, because, like, Beatles are not, like, known to be particularly musical or non-musical. No, it doesn't make sense. Right? If they were bad at music or good at music, you'd be like, oh, Beatles. If Beatles were synonymous with music, then I would be like, okay, I get it. Beatles are a musical instinct. And it was so long ago, the good names weren't taken yet.

I know. Could have had Maroon 5. One of the best names. That's very bad. And people would always wonder who the fifth guy was. Like, ooh. It fifth guy was. Yeah. Like, ooh. It was Pete Best.

Oh. Mystery solved. Apparently George Martin was the one who kicked out Pete Best. Hmm. Bit of fun there. Now, Cass, do you have an answer here for us? Oh, I kind of love All You Need Is Ears. Locking it in?

Yeah. All you need is ears ba ba ba ba ba what do you think Ben so what was the first one hide your love away I mean that's that's it

right locking that in yeah I quite like all You Need Is Ears Yeah We like that one Okay give me One more time

We can edit this out There's nobody here So nobody can be bored by this So Hide your love away All You Need Is Ears In hindsight The Beatles was a pretty

Shit band name And autobiography By George Martin See that one Says it's autobiography Yeah I'm the reason The Beatles are famous

Beating it out of them Bringing the music Out of four blokes From Britain Or piss farting With George Martin Also beating it out of them The bringing the music out of four blokes from Britain, or piss farting with George Martin. Also, beating it out of them, the other thing. What was the one before beating them out?

I'm the reason the Beatles are famous. Oh, Gary, I thought that was one title. Oh, okay. I think it might be beating it out of them. All right, locking that in for me, so. Or all you need is this, but I'm locking in that one, just for fun giggles. We love to have fun here, don't we?

We do love to have fun here. All right. Well, let's go through... I mean, unless the boss is trying to stop the cream pie talk or whatever. Why would the boss want to stop the cream pie talk? I'm talking about Matt. Maybe he doesn't like pie. Oh, I thought you were talking about...

Brett Bruce Springsteen. Yeah. No, he wouldn't. He's a regular working class guy. He loves cream pies, probably. Nothing more American than cream pies. So true. So here's who wrote the answers.

Piss Fartin' with George Martin. That was The House. As was I'm the Reason the Beatles Are Famous. Hide Your Love Away, which Ben said. That was Meso. Meso, you piece of, you're a real piece of work. In hindsight, the Beatles were a pretty shit band name, etc. That was Ben Russell.

That was me. If you couldn't guess by me telling you my thoughts about them. Beating it out of them, bringing the music out of four blokes from Britain, which Meso picked picked That was Cass Page Nice one Cass That's good Meaning the correct answer is

All you need is ears Isn't that the worst? That's so bad I did a bit of a spit take And I read it on the screen I couldn't believe it It doesn't All you need is ears

I think we figured out Who came up with the name The Beatles. You've got hundreds of iconic songs and that's the one. All you need is ears. That's good. So good. That's a weird thing for a book as well.

Yeah. Yeah, I am. Oh, surely. Anyway, a bit of fun. I'm sure there's Beatles fans listening to this going, it's actually a really clever title, actually. Let's say Beatles fans. What I'm saying, I mean, the Beatles are one of the greatest bands

ever made by God. Yeah, yeah. I'm just saying that their name, they could have done better on both accounts, the book and the band. At least they're consistent. That is true. Consistency is key. Especially in podcasting.

If you could go back in time and talk to the Beatles, you'd be like, listen, fellas, consistency is key here. Don't, yeah. Stay in your lane. Stay together so you can all get old and do like a Rob Thomas duet. Also, John Lennon, this is the day you're going to die, so watch out for that.

Don't trust any of your fans. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Here's question number six. It comes from Jenny from Melbourne. Are you in tonight, Jenny? Okay. Butt shake from Hershey, Pennsylvania, is it? Yes.

Jenny's question is, no, let's say Shake's question is, why was Christopher Baker arrested on Valentine's Day 2015? Why was Christopher Baker arrested on Valentine's Day in 2015? While you're writing those answers, let me tell you a little bit more about George Martin, according to Logan Husky, who wrote the

question. Can't remember if I said his name before, but Logan... Are you Logan? So, Logan... Your fans love you. I mean, he's in Brisbane. That's probably fair enough

well show his ear I'm going to check the door list before I choose the questions next time so here's a bit more about George Michael George Martin

that'd be weird if all of a sudden I'm talking about George Michael I'd love to talk about him so he's from Wham you better wake him up George Martin. That'd be weird if all of a sudden I'm talking about George Martin. I'd love to talk about him. So he's from Wham. You better wake him up before you go-go.

Is that right? So Sir George Henry Martin Seabier was an English record producer, arranger, composer, conductor and musician. He was commonly referred to as the fifth Beatle because of his extensive involvement in each of the Beatles' original albums. All music has described him as the world's most famous record producer.

So that's pretty fascinating stuff. And all I've got down here. So, um... But apparently he also sacked Pete Best. He was the guy. Yeah, right. Hmm. Hmm. Hmm. Isn't that... Oh, he'll live to regret that. Who?

Pete Best? George Martin. Yeah. The band could have been so much better if they had Pete Best, but I guess... I do love Ringo, though. I'm one of the few people that... I am a big Ringo stan. I'm a big Ringo stan as well.

Yeah, I fucking love that guy. Love Ringo. Yeah. Love everything about him. Love him so much. I think Octopus's Garden's a great fun song. Oh, it's a great song. He wrote that on a yacht.

And you're like, how do you get your ideas, Ringo? I looked down and there was an octopus and I said, wouldn't I be crazy if it was in a garden? That's what I'd like to be. And that's how I made up the song. It sounds like he hated the yacht, though. I think he must have had a bad time in the yacht. If he's like, oh, I want to be down there in the shade.

Yeah, well, maybe it was rough and he got seasick. Oh, I think I'm feeling poorly. I'd like to be on the water. In the shade. Oh, hey, I read that down. Maybe he spewed in the water and Octopus ate it and he was like, oh, I brought Tommy to the picnic.

Yeah. So he's like, I'm just going to take trains from now on. Hey, wouldn't it be crazy if this train had a face on it? Yeah, I wasn't listening. I was putting an answer. Yeah.

That controller's quite portly. Shake, you won't know this, but the English version of Thomas the Tank Engine had Ringo Starr as the narrator. Yeah. That might have sounded pretty baffling otherwise. Yeah. Whose was yours?

Jonathan Taylor Thomas or something like that? Yeah. Really? Dave, do you mind looking up who the American Ringo Starr is? Absolutely. I'm pretty sure I'm a K-2. While you're doing that, here's question number six. Why was Christopher Baker arrested on Valentine's Day 2015?

He released a rat at a restaurant in an effort to avoid paying the bill for his buffet for one. That's classic. He proposed to his girlfriend in the crowd at an NBA game. TV cameras picked up the moment and he was arrested soon after for bigamy when multiple women came forward believing they were his only wife. That's America, baby.

That doesn't make sense. He broke into a department store Not that this makes sense, Ben. None of this has made any sense. Doing this podcast in an empty room. He broke into a department store and stole a mannequin Not that this makes sense, Ben. None of this has made any sense. We're doing this podcast in an empty room. Yeah. He broke into a department store and stole a mannequin, which he later said under oath was his soulmate.

Counterfeiting licensed Hallmark cards with intent to sell. Held up a florist, a bakery, then a skywriting office in an attempt to craft the perfect proposal. Or attempted to deliver 500 love heart shaped chocolates to a local barista while also dressed as a love heart. The barista was not working that day and he got into a physical altercation

with the cafe manager. I know which one I want to be true. So he released a rat. He got done for bigamy. He stole a mannequin. What a day. What a day for this guy. What a day.

What a good, terrible day. Oh, boy. He had intent to sell counterfeit Hallmark cards. He held up Florist Bakery and Skywriting Office or dressed up as a love heart. I reckon it's released a rat. You want some cards? Hey, you like messages to loved ones?

Yeah, I like messages. Look at this. It's got the hologram saying it's me. Oh, my God. To my beautiful wolf. That'll be perfect for my wolf. I'm going to lock in the rat. I think it's Valentine's Day as a coincidence.

I think it's just a rat-based crime. All right, locking in the rat for Maceo. Oh, you know what? I'm going to go with my gut and do the love heart. Love heart dress-ups for Ben. And what about you, Cass? Mannequin. Mannequin?

It was Valentine's Day. I think you can find love anywhere. Sometimes holidays make people silly. I'm going to go with that one. I think that was right. Did you find out, Dave, who is there? There's been a bunch of people, but the first four seasons in the US

were narrated by George Carlin. Whoa. Wow. There you go. This fucking Thomas motherfucker here. And he's a motherfucking capitalist, man. Fucking guys, they work you to the goddamn bone. I love that.

That's why there's seven words you can't say on television. I used them all on Thomas. He found out the hard way, didn't he? Also, in the late 90s, he said... The fat cunt troller. Alec Baldwin. Oh. Okay.

Alec. There you go. Thomas. Goddamn Percy. I don't know. I don't know. That'll... Harold.

Well, other people could narrate the... Let's go a little something like this. No. No, no, let's not force it. No, no. All right, let's go through who wrote the answers. Held up a florist bakery in Skywriting Office. That was written by Cass Page.

Counterfeiting license hallmarked cars with intent to sell office. That was written by Cass Page. Counterfeiting license Hallmark cars with intent to sell it was Ben Russell. Nice. Really funny stuff. And then he did the act out. Yeah, that was really good.

Proposing to his girlfriend at an NBA game. That was the house. How did that not make sense? I think you're right but I couldn't figure out. I'm a roadie. Because, I mean,

he's just proposed. You can't charge someone with bigamy when they're not married yet. No, but multiple women came forward believing they were his only wife. Ah. Okay, I could have made it clear. Then that logic is on point.

Otherwise, very good. Yeah, I'm a fucking idiot. No, it bends all over the bigamy laws. No, they actually couldn't get him for that. Yeah, because I've actually gotten off... What was the worst impression of ever done? No, I think it was great. I don't think you sound like that at all.

Oh, my name's Ben. Yeah, you're right. I don't sound anything like that. You've still got impressions. You did an impression of my impression. Thank you. Thank you so much. Try to deliver

try to deliver 500 love-shaped, love-heart-shaped chocolates. That was written by Maiso. Ha ha! I've done it again. I thought it was good. Thank you. Broke into the department store.

It's taken from real events. From you? You were arrested? Yeah, I was crook. I was crook in a way now that I've thought about it. You couldn't go on your permanent record, but then you had to do a police check. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's on there. I had to do a police check. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's on there. I had to do a short course. It's the whole thing. He broke into a department store, stole a mannequin, which Cass chose. That was the house. Then that means the correct answer.

May so God, he released a rat into a restaurant. Yeah, I knew it would be rats. Nice. I knew it. That puts you ahead. What does that make the scores, Dave Warnke? They are very tight on two points.

We've got the audience and murderer. But if they're the same, that's four points. Add them together. Oh, they're doing great. Also on four points are the house and Cass. Then in second place, on six points, it's Ben Russell. Right in front on eight points at the moment, it's Nick Mason. Now I'm here to win.

Now I'm here to win. Who's up by two. That brings us to the final question. And as you all probably know, the final question is worth triple points. Triple points. Triple points. And this one comes from Dave Loring from Nippaluna in Hobart. Dave, you in?

And Dave's question is... Shake. He came to my show the other night. That's why I thought he might have been here, but fuck him. So... Dave's question is, what is the synopsis of the 1985 film The Stuff what is the synopsis of

the 1985 film The Stuff Dave this one will take a little longer to write so let me tell you all about this rat incident oh yeah have you ever been busted releasing a rat into a restaurant to get out of pain I do love a buffet

gosh I love a buffet. Gosh, I love a buffet. So I've read about this in Vice magazine, a great journalist outlet. Well said. Thank you. And they said, at the Borneo Bistro in Sunderland in England, a baker arrived drunk,

smuggled a live rat into the restaurant in his track pants and then at an opportune moment, dropped the rat on the floor and went, ah! One more time for the tape. Dropped the rat on the floor and went, ah! Rat! And immediately turned to the waiter and said, that's a rat.

I'm not paying £7.25 for a plate of buffet food when there is a rat on the floor. Was it something I said? What's his top price for a buffet, do you reckon, with a rat? Like £7.25, he's not paying that. But will you pay £4? How much to lose a rat? Like, if he bought that rat?

Yeah. I don't know, what does a rat go for on the open market? Can you look that up? I'm on eBay right now. Cost of a rat in England. Here we go. So his lawyer tried to defend him, Dave. Oh, let's get the cost first.

It's mostly extermination cost of a pet. What's the cost of a rat's life? Another question. If you choose to go to a breeder or a pet shop You will pay on average anywhere between 15 to 25 pounds He's operating at a loss here Unless he collects the rat Yeah That's probably what he does

Picks it up and does the same for dinner later on He's a rat catcher all along He's a rat catcher So his lawyer tried to defend him saying, Christopher on that day had been drinking heavily and unfortunately he decided to buy a rat for his daughter by the way of a present. Unfortunately, he then decided to go for a meal.

He sat down and ate his meal. When he had finished the meal, he took the rat out and said it bit him. It jumped to the floor. He panicked and left the restaurant. He's very remorseful. I love how he's like, all right, we've got these things. His lawyer's like, how do we piece this into a story?

Let's get his daughter involved. That'll win sympathy. But is he remorseful that he released the rat or is he just remorseful that he got caught? I think that's it. It's probably that last one, yeah. I'm disappointed more than anything in Christopher Baker. Borneo Bistro restaurateur Kevin Smith did not take it well.

Kevin Smith from Clark's. Yeah, he also runs a Borneo Bistro. Yeah, right. And this is what he said. He was furious. He said, of Chris Baker, he is the scum of the earth. He could have destroyed the reputation I've built up over seven years. People like him deserve the death penalty.

Do they bring it back just for him? He said, as far as I'm concerned, he shouldn't be in our society. He is no use to anybody and he's caused nothing but grief. That is brutal. Unfortunately for Christopher Baker, CCTV caught the whole incident and he was found guilty. And sentenced to death. And I say good.

Unfortunately, Maceo, justice was not done on this occasion and he was spared the death penalty, receiving only a slap on the wrist a 60 pound 30 lashes yes also a slap on the back with a pretty full-on whip so he was so he was he was fine 60 pounds but also 7.25 for his meal. So you didn't get away with it, mate. You are the scum of the earth and you're no good for nobody. If you're listening, Christopher.

No, I love you. Thanks. Appreciate all the listeners. Thanks for the laugh. Especially the ones who show up. Here is the final question. What is the synopsis of the 1985 film The Stuff? Two newly single mothers get locked in a grocery store

whilst trying to steal coupons. They stumble upon a wormhole in the freezer section and travel to a universe in which women are the breadwinners and try to find a way to stay there whilst bringing their real kids over. What does that have to do with stuff? Family stuff. Probably family stuff. Boxing coach Nicky Silvermine is losing his mind.

He thinks everyone he encounters is going to be the next big thing, telling them, you've got the stuff, kid. He convinces many people who are unsuited to the fight game to enter the ring with deadly results. Wow. A man is released from prison on parole and is convinced to transport a truckload of stolen goods, the stuff, across state lines for a mob boss

in exchange for enough money to take care of his estranged daughter. Middle-aged hoarder Robert Dean lives alone in his cramped apartment surrounded by his stuff. Friendless. Hey, that's the name of the movie. Friendless and with the city council ready to evict things look hopeless. One day he hears voices inside the stuff that beckons him in. Robert is pulled into the stuff and must confront objects from his past

and the trauma that caused his hoarding to escape and reclaim his space from the stuff. That's got a lot of stuff in it. A lot of stuff. A lot of stuff. Big front row after the movie The Stuff. A lot of stuff. A lot of stuff.

Stuffed full of it. A strange alien organism found oozing out of the ground is sold as a delicious snack. Consumers become addicted to it, transforming them into zombie-like creatures who waste away from the inside out. Are you eating the stuff or is it eating you? I think they're eating the stuff.

I like that one. Based on what you've said there, I think they're eating the stuff. I'm playing this game wrong. I just give points to the one that I like. Well, finally, Brian's the nerdiest guy in his school and desperate to date Becky, the head cheerleader who doesn't even know

he exists. When he helps the school's resident bad boy Rex escape detention, Rex offers him a cool over and helps him shed his nerdy ways. Armed with a new cool over, like a makeover.

For coolness. It's pretty high IQ stuff. Armed with a newfound, albeit completely fake, sense of cool, can Brian win Becky over and prove he's got the stuff? That's the name of the movie! So there are

your six options. So who's leading at the moment? Maceo Maceo Out of probably two What do you want to go with Maceo? Okay First one

First one is about the single mothers Going through the wormhole It has nothing to do with stuff But maybe it's something to do with stuff Go on It doesn't say stuff once in the blurb it's a metaphor it's like um mermaids it's at a move this no fried green tomatoes I will punch you in your sisterhood of the traveling pants that's a metaphor I miss it when we were talking about cream pies

Then you have the boxing coach He lost his mind Making people box till death Yeah, it's the stuff Man's released on parole Convinced to transport a truckload of stolen goods Okay, that's stuff Then you have middle-aged hoarder Robert Dean

Whose stuff starts talking to him Beckoning him Okay, that's stuff. Yep. Then you have middle-aged hoarder Robert Dean, whose stuff starts talking to him, beckoning him. Oh, okay, that's a front-runner. Okay. That said the stuff the most. Yeah. Then you have the strange alien organism found oozing out of the ground. Okay, that's got to ooze. I like that one.

That one's the one I like the most. And then Brian's the nerdiest guy in school. He gets a cool over. I hate that one. Then he has the stuff. I'm going to go with the ooze one because I like thinking about and saying ooze. You copy me. Yeah, I copy you.

Stupid. I'm going to go ooze as well because I like it, but not because I copied me like Meso did. All right. Well, that leaves just you, Cass. I was going to go with the ooze as well. I like ooze. You can't copy me. I can't copy Ben. I could copy Meso, but I'm not going to go with the ooze as well. I like ooze. You can't copy me. I can't copy Ben. I could copy

Maso, but I'm not going to. Don't, because he copied me. Oh. What was the other one about the thing? Hang on. The one about the hoarder? No, the transport. Transport across... Yeah, I'll go with that. My second favourite stuff in this. Which one are you going to go for, Warnocky?

I'm going to go for the right one. Okay. I wonder what about the audience. Do the audience want to get involved in this one?ke? I'm going to go for the right one Okay I wonder what about the audience Does the audience want to get involved in this one? Oh wait, so that's not the right one If it helps It is the right one You know it? Yeah

You've seen the stuff? Yes Or have I? Would you like to change your vote? Now that you know that That's what the stuff is? No, I'll live with my stuff up. Oh!

All right, audience, do you want to go with A? B? All right, just lock them in for the real one as well. All right. I saw what you... Which one did Cass go for? Cass went for... I barely went for the wrong one, which is the man in the truck.

The man in the truck the man in the truck so let's go through who wrote the answers the single mothers who get locked in a grocery store go through a wormhole that was Cass Page it was a stuff metaphor

yeah it was a stuff metaphor they go to a uniform a universe where they have more stuff and the whole at the start of the film they're trying to get

some more stuff with the coupons if I could give notes I don't think you said stuff enough okay I'll remember that for next time then we had a boxing coach who lost his mind that was the house then we had the man

released from prison transporting stolen goods uh which cast went for that was meso damn it you just you just made him win yeah then we had the middle-aged hoarder robert dean living alone where the stuff would talk to him that was Ben Russell see I said stuff the most that was a lot of stuff yeah yeah yeah I thought that was good stuff as well then

Brian having the cool over that was written by the house in particular Dave Loring no that wasn't him who isn't here today

so whatever and that means the correct answer is the oozing alien organism have you seen this movie I have seen this movie it's called the stuff

and the stuff actually was eating them I tried to throw you off the scent by saying no actually they were eating the stuff the stuff was eating them

we gotta get this wrapped up so quickly while Dave is doing the scores we really did not schedule in 15 minutes of cream pie chat.

Well, then, we all know we should never ask Ben to explain what a cream pie is, because he will. He'll tell you. And he will do too long. The Stuff has a 73% approval rating on Rotten Tomatoes, though Roger Ebert wasn't a fan, writing, The Stuff is a 73% approval rating on Rotten Tomatoes, though Roger Ebert wasn't a fan writing, The Stuff is a wildly ambitious movie that fails because it forgets to attend to its bottom line.

Before you can make a clever, funny, satirical horror film, first you have to make a horror film. He's got the stuff. He's got the stuff. Well, he did when he was alive. Now, Dave... What? He's got the stuff He's got the stuff Well he did when he was alive Now Dave What? Dave

Let's go through the scores From lowest to highest Well in lowest position tonight On four points It's The House Boo Boo Boo

But The House is tied With Cass also on four Yay Then from there We go up to Ben Russell On nine points with Cass also on four. Yay! Then from there, we go up to Ben Russell on nine points. Ooh! Boo! But in second place on a combined ten points,

five for the audience, five for the murderer, which was that guy all along. It's the audience-less murderer on ten! But winning the day, he absolutely cream-pied it tonight big round of applause for everyone you've seen tight check out all their podcasts are all fantastic Nick Mason Ben Russell Cass page Dave Warnicky I've been Matt Stewart and now that you know it I've been Matt Stewart goodbye you know that's like a that's like a take off of

of um that show you like about detective guy Sherlock Holmes Holmes my mind went to diagnosis murder. That's why his

house, like Holmes. Dick Van Dyke. What a guy. And Barry Van Dyke and also Shane Van Dyke. All the Van Dykes in one camera.

Ben, just quickly, if you were going to play Dave and my game, we often enjoy this, how would you go playing Dick Barry Shane? So you've got to Dick one of them would you go playing Dick Barry Shane

so you've got to Dick one of them you've got to Barry one of them and you've got to Shane one of them I'd probably Dick Dick

Barry Barry and then Shane Shane oh my god that's classic classic combo that's the only correct answer I like that he gave him

a meal and then made sure he didn't you know didn't lose it in the murder yeah I've heard you just it all comes out of you when you get killed so what a kind that is kind that's one

of the best things about dying is that you do get to shit yourself oh thank god i'm just going slogan it just says murder it all comes out of you all just slips out so everyone dies doing what they love that's right yeah shitting themselves yeah where do you draw

the line at yourself when in terms of shitting yourself so I bet you'd think this would be an off air conversation but I think the way this podcast's going

I think we should we should air this out now keep it in keep it in so I don't know if you think this so if you could you in theory podcast going i think we should we should air this out now keep it in keep it in so i don't know if you think this so if you could you in theory shit yourself on a toilet if it was a surprise or do you need to have something that you're shitting into or onto i'd like to take this one yeah

so i believe in order to shit yourself the shit needs to have traveled a very little distance and still be sort of connected or attached to your person. I believe that's the legal... OK, so just say... Your Honour. So if you happen to... Just say you've had a really lovely shower because you've not been feeling great,

and you come out and you're still naked and you shit yourself. Does it count? That's a great question. Let's take it to the audience. Absolutely not. Doesn't count? We all get freebies when we're sick.

Good to know. If you don't ever want to shit yourself, don't put pants on. Basically, yeah. You found a very clever loophole. What if I'm wearing a fashionable pair of drop crotch trousers? Yeah, is that a long enough distance? There's a foot distance.

No, they would have to be arseless chaps. Okay, all right. You're still covered for your normal garb. Terrific. Or just like a skirt or a sarong. You can't... I think you're you're able to just shit without

shitting yourself in that I think that would count no no no because it would just as long as you don't touch cloth that's right I've always assumed

that arseless chaps still have a line down the middle no completely arseless really yeah we're supposed to wear

pants underneath it's like you are meant to well I've got to make some calls underneath. It's like... You are meant to. Well, I've got to make some calls. I'm so glad there's no audience here. We can be our true selves, our true crook selves.

Alright, so we're back. That's a little podcast magic. Yeah. Peek behind the curtain. Yeah. So we don't actually take a break when we say we're going to take a break. Isn't that crazy?

Sometimes we do more work. This will all be edited out. This is the break. No, this isn't the break. We're back from the break. You've broken the break? It never happened. Who even are we?

I've been going sober for like three weeks, so I honestly don't know. Give up on Ben Russell. He's been sober for three weeks, folks. Legit. It sucks. Now, Ben, while Dave's getting the scores together, what is a cream pie?

I'm so glad, and I'm going to get into real big detail, because a cream pie is when... Use all the skills you've learned. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I want you to imagine that you are in love with someone. Second City, Chicago. You can do this. No, I do.

Ben's actually, he's probably the best improviser in Australia. So it's really interesting to see how this goes. I'm king of improv. So like you love someone, okay? And you've decided together that you want to have a baby. That's really nice. Where's this going after that? So you maybe light some candles,

you maybe read some Chuck Tingle. Oh, yeah, oh, yeah. And, you know, you do a little bit of foreplay. I don't know. You might kiss. You maybe do a little bit of licking. Maybe, you know, touch each other's bits a bit. Maybe use your mouth. Maybe use other things, you know, charades and bits a bit maybe use your mouth maybe use other things you

know charades and whatnot that's the crayon pie no no no no then you get to the fucking okay and you fuck and fuck you fuck first you fuck it's so fucking you know what i mean you fuck really like a huge amount one of the biggest sounds cool one of the biggest fucks you've ever done okay i want you to picture that in your mind is everyone picturing a big fuck and you know this can be done between any i'm just using like this circumstance you're gonna make a baby in this circuit but you can cream pie anyone baby's optional baby's option yeah babies are optional you can cream pie a butt you can cream pie a pussy group my mouth i'm having some regret about opening the floor i knew you would but i gave you a chance i dropped it you know what i mean but you brought it back

okay so you're about to you're about to spooge. You're about to blow Is that a medical term? That's a medical term. You're about to blow your freaking load. Oh wait, no, that's a Star Wars character, spooge. You're about to explode.

Your peen's about to explode. Okay? Look at me. Keep eye contact with me. And in that moment, you don't pull out. So question five. Okay? Give the man time, Matt, for God's sakes. And you spurge in, and that itself is a cream pie.

Now, I believe it's a cream pie because it mimics... One second. I believe it's called a cream pie because you're like, hey, a cream pie is a pie, but it's like, looked like it's got cream in it. And the, you know,

the anus or the puss or the mouth or the nose or the ear or any orifice you can cream pie. They didn't grow into anything until the nose. You can cream pie anything, okay? Anyone could cream pie anyone at any time.

Not now, Ben, please. I've got a quiz to do. Here is question number five. And so when it's a cream pie, it looks like there's cream there. But the cream is the semen. Or the karma of some description. I don't know. You know, it could be, as I said, I don't want to.

Like a baker's delight cream pie? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or like a Brumby's or something? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't want to sort of exclude anyone from a cream pie. You know, a cream pie is a human right. That is so true, isn't it? Yeah. If we don't have that, is so true, isn't it? If we don't have that, what do we have, you know? If we don't have that,

we're just animals in a lot of ways. Well, animals cream pie. What? That's great. I'm hearing so much about this question five. You did this, by the way, and I purposely made it awful to teach you a lesson. I feel like I've learnt something there.

It's mainly about cream pies, though. I'm really sorry, I zoned out for a few minutes there, Ben. I was just buying a Jack Porkins digital trading card on eBay. It will be coming in 7 to 10 business days. So I missed that. Can you repeat what you were just saying? Yeah, sure. So, okay.

Grow up, audience. Grow up. Honestly, I'm not going to talk about cream pies ever again. Okay? You spoiled it. I was going to talk about cream pies a lot more. I had a bunch, but I'll never do it ever again.

That would have been nice, but... Yeah, but you've ruined it. Now we're never going to hear my thoughts about cream pies. Yeah. That's true. We didn't even get to the opinion piece of it. I know. I was going to do a whole op-ed about it.

Yeah, cream pies and me. And what I think in today's society. Spoiler alert, I think they're cool. If you end up buying a rat as well, that'd actually be really sick. I genuinely have bought this trader card. It cost me $179 Canadian dollars.

$1.79. That audience was licensed by Bobtown. I'd applaud for Bobtown. Yeah, I would too. If he was here, I'd be applauding him right now. I'd applaud for Bob Franklin too. Me too. I'd stand and applaud for Bob Franklin.

Any Bob walked in right now. Bob Dole. Bob Newhart Dull Bob Newhart Bob Hoskin I think everyone I listed was dead Bob Hawke Bob the Builder Probably dead Cancelled Is Bob Newhart dead as well?

I hope not Do you want me to look it up? Alright so we're up to the final question. Are the answers all in, Dave? The answers are in. And Bob Newhart is... He is... Alive!

Yay! Yes! He's not three! Who is that again? Oh, good. What a legend. That's so great. That is great news.

Bob Newhart. Yeah. I have seen the Bob Newhart show That's so great. That's great news. Yeah. I have seen the Bob Newhart show, so I probably should have known in retrospect. As women, our life stages

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