Who Knew It with Matt Stewart - 36 - Peter James, Meg Jäger and Ben Hunter

Episode Date: May 15, 2023

Who Knew It with Matt Stewart is a comedy game show podcast hosted by Australian comedian Matt Stewart. This episode was recorded live at the Brisbane Comedy Festival and features comedians Peter James, Meg Jager and Ben Hunter!Get tickets to see the podcast/Matt live: https://www.mattstewartcomedy.com/Watch Matt's stand up special FREE on YouTube: https://youtu.be/cWStRpI-BhESupport the show via http://patreon.com/dogoonpod and you can submit questions for the show!Check out Matt's podcast network: https://dogoonpod.com/Theme song by Evan Munro-Smith and Logo by @muzdoodles! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello, it's the titular Matt Stewart here just letting you know that me and Saranja Amana are at the Melbourne International Comedy Festival. We're on every night. Chinese Museum and then for the second half of the festival at the Grace Darling Hotel and we'd love to see you there. Use the discount code DOGOON and we'll see you at the shows. Also in Sydney and Brisbane, the comedy festivals in both those cities with our show Dry Dry. Would love to see you at all of those shows. Come to each one. Now on with the show. As women, our life stages come with unique risk factors.

Like when our estrogen levels drop during menopause, causing the risk of heart disease to go up. Know your risks. Visit heartandstroke.ca. Welcome to Who Knew It with Matt Stewart, the show where the guests write the wrong answers. I'm the titular Matt Stewart, and my sidekick slash scorekeeper tonight is a young Queensland comedian on the rise.

Please welcome Ben Hunter. Ben, it's so good to have you here. And it's a pleasure to be here. You're a Brisbane man. I'm a Brisbane boy for sure. Man is still up for the bat. Okay, well I think tonight you become a man. You really think so?

Crowd reacted weird to that. What did you think I was going to do to him? Oh. But, Ben, I mean, you just come from Comedy Zone and the Melbourne Comedy Festival. It's true. Some of the greats of comedy started there. Some of the absolute greats.

Let's rattle off some names, hey, see how many we can get through before you. Hannah Gadsey, Matt Stewart. They're the two before you. Hannah Gadsby, Matt Stewart. They're the two big ones. They're the big ones, yeah. Hey, Ben, our first guest this week is an award-winning comedian and one half of Shad and Pete Save the World. It's Peter James.

Welcome him. Hello. Hey, hello. How are you doing, everyone? Hey, hello. How you doing, everyone? Yeah, Matt's pulled no stops getting the big dogs in for the podcast this week. Hey.

Yeah, the festival said they were going to help me get some of the biggest names in Brisbane. And they did. It's good to be here. I did say you're an award-winning comedian. Is that true? It said so online. Yeah, no. Yeah, a few high school stuff.

Yeah. A few high school stuff, not grammar. Got him early. I'm the king of stings. Got to be wary when I'm around because I put together perfect sentences all the time. Yeah. Hey, Peek, should I introduce our second guest? Oh, yeah. yeah so funny this one our second guest is fresh from coming runner up at the melbourne international

comedy festival's raw comedy competition it's meg jagger one of the greats now meg uh raw comedy that's where a lot of the greats. Now, Meg, raw comedy. That's where a lot of the greats come from, isn't it? Let's go through some of the names. What have we got? Hannah Gadsby, Matt Stewart. Done. Wow, that's it. Second's pretty good as well, I think.

Well, second, oftentimes the person that comes second in the competition when they're starting out ends up having the bigger career anyway. Like Shannon Knoll. Like Shannon Knoll. That's true. And Matt Stewart. Did you win? No, I won, unfortunately, yeah.

My career's been cursed ever since. This one goes out to the people who don't know what's going on. This is how the show works. I'll ask a relatively obscure... Yeah, it doesn't feel nice, does it? It actually hurts your feelings when someone says something like that, doesn't it? That actually felt awful. Yeah.

Sorry about that. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to start it like this. Should we kiss? So the way the show works is ask a relatively obscure trivia question. That's a hard word to say. Yeah. I say it every week.

And our contestants have to write a convincing fake answer. I then read their answers as well as the real one, and I have to guess which one is correct. Okay. Are we ready to play? Yes. Here is question number one. Ben's the scorekeeper slash sidekick.

So if anyone has any questions about the show, just ask him. He knows. I'm all over it. And are you going to be right to score? Yeah, that's fine. Just increments of one? Yes. Should we go five?

I mean, that's up to you. Should we go a million? The ones I get right, can we do five and then if Meg gets one, could she just have one? Could my ones be five? I ones I get right, can we do five? And then if Meg gets one, can she just have one? Could my ones be five? I didn't get to go to Raw. I didn't make the final.

So it'd be good for me to have a little one. Yours? Yeah, yours could be five. Yeah, yeah, yours could be five. I'm just going mad with power. We all do at some point in our lives, don't we? That's true. Here's question number one. This one comes from Caroline Clancy from Brisbane.

Are you in tonight caroline it's a funny level of support to like to like send in a message and be like here you go matt there you are i'm not coming but i'm sure this will prove useful for you and your little show certainly won't be there. Yeah, no thanks. Caroline's question is, what does priapism mean? What does, and I'll say it in a different way now, more like it's pronounced, what does priapism mean? What does priapism mean? All right, priapism.

P-R-I-A-P-I-S-M. And while they're writing their answers, I'll explain to Ben and the audience how the scoring works. So you get one point or a million if your fake answer is guessed by the other contestant. And another point if you correctly guess the answer. And by the way, I'm also playing as the house. So I've put in two of my own fake answers for each question. I get a point for each one of those that our guests choose.

So each of us can score up to two points per round. It seems fair, but the probability actually favours me, the house. And the house always wins, although if you've listened to previous episodes, you'll know that is not nearly ever the case. Anyway, our questions come from our great Patreon supporters. If you want to submit a question, sign up on any level via patreon.com. So it's still going on pod, linked in the show notes. So if your computer computer smaller than mine?

Yes. Yes, mate. It's smaller than mine. It's smaller than both, actually. It does make you look like a giant. I don't like how you're all hunched over. Can you give him that stool? What's that doing fuck all there for when it could be... It's just all wobbly.

I'm alright. I'm good. You're fine? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I appreciate you all looking out for him. I'm just happy to be here. Are you happy he's here? I'm not sure about this crowd so far.

Is it because we're in an arts theatre? You're expecting more? Don't worry. It's all going to come around in the end. Pete has a realisation in the final third of the show and it really will make you think.

Can you do that? Can you have a realisation? Yeah, what time do you want it? I'll set a timer. Yeah, great. Maybe about 10 to 8 if you could have a realisation. 10 to 8, alright, no worries. Yeah, that'd be fantastic. And if it's, you know, like something that changes your world and ideally everyone's perspective in the room. Yeah, too easy.

Yeah, great. I appreciate that very much. All right, here is question number one. What does priapism mean? Here are your five options. In the Egyptian times, priapism was the beginning stage of the pyramid building stage. Before they were called pyramids, they were primarily called triangular prisms. And so were the other four going to be sort of more realistic ones?

No. Are they all going to be like that? That's the correct one and I'll read the fake ones. There we go. Are they all going to be like that? That's the correct one and I'll read the fake ones. Option two, the condition where a human nose grows flattened, making them look similar to a platypus.

Option three, a disorder in which the penis maintains a prolonged rigid erection without appropriate stimulation. Oh, I've got that. It's not that one. You call that Pete's disease. Yeah, I was the first and last one to have that. Rigid erection seems like a... No, whatever that thing is that means. Tortilla.

Tortilla. Yeah. Sounds like a tortilla to me. It's making me hungry. Rigid erection. Sounds crispy. Hang on. Oh, yeah.

Well, I... Option four, to provide creative fodder for a live podcast that you don't intend to support financially or with your attendance. It might be that one. That is an apt answer. Or finally, a pism you've prepared earlier. Five very good and believable options there. Would you like to go first?

Wait, do I guess which one? Yeah, you can have a guess. I think it's the platypus one. Platypus, the human flat nose one? Yeah. Okay. Well, I was also going to say that, but I'd like to be a point of difference.

So I'd like to lock in Stiffy, if that's all right. Furmancer Stiffy, if that's all right. Could I lock in Stiffy? Firm answer, Stiffy. Yeah. Well, priapism could be the medical name, whereas Pete's disease is sort of more common usage. Yeah. Well, it's definitely more common use around these parts. For the listeners at home, he's pointing at his dick.

All right. Let's go through. And do we also have to guess who put answers in? Is that right? No, no, you'll just find out now. Okay. You can relax. Kick back.

Your job has been done for now. Thanks, Barry. Here's who wrote the answers. Oh, no. In the Egyptian times, priapism was the beginning stage of the pyramid building stage. That was Meg. Is that you?

I've had two beers. What do you do for work, Meg? I'm a history teacher. But that's why I read so well. You wrote it very well. It was really good. To provide creative fodder for a live podcast that you don't intend to support financially.

That was Peter. That was pretty clever. Good one, Peter. It was a callback. That's what that was. That one threw me off. Yeah, I'm a comedy teacher. We both went to our fields.

Skills in session. Notepads out. Pism you've prepared fields. School's in session. Notepad's out. Pism you've prepared earlier. That was the house. That was very funny. Oh, thanks so much. The condition where a human nose grows flattened, making them look similar to a platypus.

That was also the house. Really? Caroline, the question writer in particular, wrote that one. I thought that was fantastic work. Nice work, Caroline. Thanks for coming. So that's one point to the house there. And then that means the correct answer is The Big Stiffy.

The Big Stiffy. Yes. So a point for Pete. Five points. Sorry? Five points. No, you get it. Everyone's getting a million.

Okay. All right. So we're up to question number two. This one comes from Becca Buck from Kingston in Queensland, Australia. You're in tonight, Becca. Becca Buck. Becca. Becca Buck.

Let's go. Becca Buck. That is awesome. You sound like an arcade game in a pub. Go and play Becca Buck, you know. What do you do to the buck? Beck it, Beck it. It was right there in the title.

Becca, your question was, why were the 2022 New Year's Eve fireworks in Scarborough in the UK cancelled? Why were the 2022 New Year's Eve fireworks in Scarborough in the UK cancelled? While you're writing your answers, should we get a quick score update first? Yeah, sure thing. So currently on zero million points, we have Meg. And then there's a tie for first on a million each

between Pete and the house. Can I get that read one more time? Yeah, sure can. Why was the 2022 New Year's Eve fireworks cancelled in Scarborough in the UK? Let me tell you a bit more about priapism now, Ben. Do you want to hear about it? I'd love to. This comes from the National Library of Medicine.

I forgot what it was. I don't know. Actually, yeah. Yeah, go. It's about pyramids or something. Let's find out together. This is from the National Library of Medicine. Priapism is defined as a prolonged erection in the absence of sexual desire.

The name derives from the Greek god Priapus, who had an erect penis very much associated with sexual desire. They are, aren't they, erect penises? I never really connected those two together but i just waken up those are the two things it can be desire or just waking up yeah but i'm i'm i'm aroused by the the sun and the day life another day we made it let's get horny it is written that his parents this is that greek guy priapus uh was, were Zeus and Aphrodite. When Hera, the wife of Zeus, heard of the pregnancy,

she cursed the child such that when the boy was born with oversized genitals, he was rejected by Aphrodite. Different times. The boy was brought up by shepherds who noticed that wherever they took him, flowers would bloom and animals would copulate furiously. And thus he became the god of fertility. What a beautiful story.

So the newcomers, did you realize you're going to learn as well as laugh tonight? Probably more learning by the sound of it. A little more learning, but... Here's question number two. Answers are in. Why were the 2022 New Year's Eve fireworks at Scarborough cancelled? A swarm of hermit crabs got into the fireworks supply using the explosives as new shells.

The town didn't want to disturb a masturbating walrus. The town didn't want to disturb a masturbating walrus. Everyone in the town thought that someone else was going to organise the fireworks. And as a result, no one did. Because Simon and Garfunkel broke up. It's a little delayed reaction, but... Or due to a clerical error, they got the date wrong? Well, I hope it's not that one.

All the others are much funnier. All right, what are you thinking? Pete, you want to have a stab? I don't know why, but the wanking walrus is like kind of jumping out to me. The wanking walrus is jumping out at you. That's not the realisation. That's just... I am going to go to the walrus one, I think. All right.

Walrus for Pete. What about you, Meg? The one where they thought somebody else would organise it. Yep. Yeah. All right. Locking that in for Meg. All right. Here's who wrote the answers.

The Hermit Crabs, that was the house. Becca in particular. Becca Buck, great stuff there. Come on, sir. Okay. The one that Pete said wasn't very funny, that was me, the house. Biggest Simon and Garfunkel broke up. That was Meg.

That's true. They sang Scarborough Fair, remember? I do. P.U. Everyone in the town thought someone else was going to organise it. That was Pete. So another point to Pete there. Yeah.

And Pete was also correct. Yeah, no, they're really not supporting you, Pete. I think they're really... You should hear when Meg gets one right, though. They're going to Pete there. Yeah. And people are also correct. Yeah, no, they're really not supporting you, Pete. I think they're really – you should hear when Meg gets one right, though. They're going to erupt. They're just disappointed that you once again got the point. Two million? Yes, that is two million because you're also correct. It was that the town didn't want to disturb a masturbating walrus.

I've got a good ear for this sort of stuff. Yeah. I've also noticed both times I've just picked the funny sexual one and I think I'll just continue that going forward. A little pattern forming. Yeah, yeah, stiffy on a sea beast. If there's anything with a land direction, that's locked me in already.

I've put me down for it. I did put this one together thinking it was, you know, Queensland, bit of after dark stuff. But I didn't realise I'd be all nerds in the night. It's your mistake. That brings us up to question number three. What was the unusual name of the US pilot with the most downed planes during aerial combat in World War II? What was the unusual name of the US pilot with the most downed planes during aerial combat in World War II?

What was the unusual name of the US pilot with the most downed planes during aerial combat in World War II? While you're writing your answers, hey, Ben, let me tell you about this wanking walrus. According to all the... Yeah, sure. Why don't you want to do a score update first? Yeah, so still on zero million points, we do have Meg.

Pete now leading right in front with three million points and the house with one million points. So Pete taking a two million point lead. It's a big lead. A big lead. Did you hear someone tried to clap and no one joined in? Did you hear that? It is starting to feel like a big operation to bully me.

A lot of Meg Jaeger fans in tonight, Pete. Yeah. People have a German last name. What can I say? Okay. You're saying James is German? Or Jaeger, yep. Yours would be Yames.

Makes you think. What a world that would have been. If Hitler won, you'd be going around as Peter Yames. Is that what would have happened? All right, let's talk about this wanking walrus. Get us out of this hole. According to all that's interesting.com, when an arctic walrus named Thor showed up on Scarborough's harbour,

it caused quite a stir. So much of one, in fact, that the town cancelled its New Year's fireworks display, so not to disturb the animal. Small barrier was erected at the top of the... Pretty bit of cheeky stuff there. It's funny. It's interesting. Blistered way. Pretty bit of cheeky stuff there. It's funny.

It's interesting. They set up a barrier so that Thor had a bit of distance so the locals could observe the spectacle. Pretty wild, right? Go and have a look. See what he's up to. Look at it. It's a walrus.

See what he's up to. You think of him more as Tusky than Horny, but... Are the answers in here? Ben, I think they are. Yeah. So here's question number three. Anyway, it goes on to say that he had a wank. And then disappeared the next day he was gone.

Left in the night. They all do. There it is. Rats. Rats. Rats. I'm tempted. Can I give a half a mil or something? I think you can.

Do you think you can fail? Meg's on 500k. Nice. Any other week, that would have been the winning score. All-time scoring record leader. You were very unlucky to come up against us tonight. All right, here's question number three. What was the unusual name of the US pilot with the most downed planes during aerial combat in World War II?

Karen Kloaka? Peter Yames? That's crazy. We were just talking about that. Richard Bigfaloo. Dick Bong. That's got you all over it. Or Johnny Plane Crash.

That's got you all over it. So some strong contenders there, Meg. Any jumping out at you? Women weren't allowed to fly planes in World War II. Karen's a woman name, is it not? Yeah, can be. That might have been a joke in itself. They're calling this bloke a, you're a woman.

Yeah, I'll go with that one. You go with Karen Klawaka. Why not? Someone's got it. It's got to be me. What was the... Can you say the second or third again? Peter Yames and Richard Bigfaloo.

Yeah. Well, Richard's like Dick, and I've already said Dick for the first two, so let's just go three. I'll go Richard. Richard, Big for Lou for Pete. All right, locking that in. I should say, did I mention that this question came from Orla McGrath from Dublin?

Oh. Are you in tonight? All right, here's who wrote the answers. Johnny Plane Crash. That was the house. Peter Yane Crash, that was The House. Peter Yames, that was Peter James. Karen Klawaka, that was also The House. Good one.

I'm killing it tonight. A million points for The House there. Richard Big Falooz, which Pete picked, that was Meg Salooz. Can I just say it was meant to be pronounced Falooz, like phallus. Idiot. It's French. I thought it was because there was a racehorse called Bigfaloo. I thought it was.

No, I'm not that. I don't know sport. And that means the correct answer was Dick Bong. Dick Bong. Dick Bong. Dick Bong. Wow. Richard Dick Bong. That's my next boyfriend.

Dick Bong, Dick Bong. You're my Dick Bong. How old would he be now, do you reckon? Oh, super dead. Draps. He died in that very war, I'm afraid. Oh, Dick Bong. They all do. All the best ones'm afraid. Oh, Dick Bong. They all do.

All the best ones. Pour one out for Dick Bong. You would have loved who knew it with Matt Stewart, Dick Bong. We're thinking about you. We're thinking about you. What a shame. It's pretty funny, though, because his grave would say Dick Bong, wouldn't it?

Or would it be Richard Bong? Because I'd probably get a giggle anyway, but if you walk through a graveyard it'd be, it's a ghost if you're watching yourself. You go, everyone fucking laughs when they walk near my grave. I gave my life for this country, you know. That's all he is now. That's brutal. Life comes at you fast.

Yeah. Alright, question number four comes from Dane Helmuth. Wait, wait, wait. Points. Oh, sorry. Yes, points. I get a million because Pete thought mine was the right answer. Just so I know.

I know. I designed the very system. And you're still a dead fucking last year. So Meg's on one and a half mil. The house has two big ones. And Pete is on three Ms. Triple M. Triple M.

All right, sorry, Matt. Sorry, Matt. Continue. No, I appreciate that, Meg. You're right to hold us to account. If you don't, who will? Certainly not them. I think they're all napping out there.

This crowd's deader than Dick Bong. What a fucking relief. Christ, to hear that. It sounds like they need you to treat them rough. Yeah. So, question four comes from Dane Helmers from Dingley Village in Melbourne. What is that? That's in the Melbourne suburb.

Wow. You guys take yourself so seriously. Why is there not an AFL team named after it? There's a local team there called the Dingley Dingos. Fantastic. Is our culture just a joke to team called the Dingley Dingos. Fantastic. Is our culture just a joke to you? The Dingley Dingos. Alright,

so Dane from Dingley's question is, why is the Alaskan gold mining town named Chicken? So there's a gold mining town in Alaska called Chicken. Why'd it get that name? While you're writing your answers, do you want to know a bit more about Dick Bong?

I would love nothing more, Matt. Here's a bit more about Dick Bong. Yeah, go on. This comes from the National World War II Museum, and they would know. Known as the Ace of Aces for his rank as the top American flying ace during World War II, Major Dick Bong is credited... Oh, that's so good.

He knocked down a confirmed total of 40 enemy aircraft over the course of his career as a fighter pilot. Got given a lot of awards. Bong credited his success to his preferred method of flying as close to the enemy as possible, thus lessening the chance to miss the target. That's clever.

That's using your noggin. This risky tactic was one that Bong applied generously, including during one rescue mission in New Guinea. According to newspaper reports of the incident, Bong was flying overhead while three fellow pilots took a small rubber boat across a lake

to reach a pilot who had been missing in the jungle. As he circled above, Bong noticed a crocodile trailing behind his comrades in the boat. Dropping his plane low to glide along the water, Bong opened fire on the crocodile, blasting away the animal and saving the crew. He got a medal for that. Wasn't from Peter, I'll tell you that. Hey, while you're still writing your answers, let's go for a quick break.

So the answers are in for question number four. Why is the Alaskan gold mining town named Chicken? The town is centred around a boulder formation that looks like a big chicken egg. When the Alaskan gold rush began, travellers excavated predominantly frozen chickens due to a rogue rooster that was breeding with locals. Very few gold was discovered. Very few. Very few gold was discovered very few gold very few gold

how was the harvest this year boys very few gold I was hoping we'd have many gold but it's only few gold, I'm afraid, gentlemen. Anything funny to say about this? So that's option number two. Option number three, the town's founders wanted to name it after the Alaska state bird, the ptarmigan,

but they didn't know how to spell it, so went with chicken instead. Because they find heaps of gold nuggets, like chicken nuggets. That's why it's called chicken, because of the nuggets thing. And that's why it's called chicken, because of the nuggets thing. And that's why it's called that. So that's option four. Or finally, the town's founder put a blindfold on and picked up a shotgun. He said whatever his bullet hit, that's what the town would be named after. He opened fire and shot Gerald Johnson, who was the town's biggest coward.

So you've got the boulder egg. You've got the very few gold. You've got the couldn't spell ptarmigan. The one that is gold nuggets like chicken nuggets and that's why they called it chicken

because of the nuggets thing. That's why they called it that. Or because the town's founder killed a coward.

I'd like to lock in the killed a coward. Killed a coward for Pete, if that's all right. That is fine. Do you mind? Can I have that one? Thank you. What do you think of Meg? The can't spell one.

Can't spell for Meg. Anything drawing to you? Spelling is different to grammar, Matt. Well, I couldn't get that zinger out of my mouth, so. So you got owned by a history teacher. Spelling is different to grammar. What do you say if someone drops a plastic cup? You can't say taxi, can you?

Yes. Lime skirter. Lime skirter. Get up safe. a taxi, can you? Diddy? Ola. Lime skirter. Lime skirter. Get up safe. Mum. Because you're a high schooler. I think if we show support of each other,

maybe they'll do it as well. Yeah, yeah. I think we need to start forming a union. On the back half, let's really come together. Let's come together in 16 minutes and 9 seconds. Alright, here's who wrote those answers. The big chicken egg boulder,

that was the house. The one where very few gold was discovered, that was Meg. Oh, really? What a fucking moron. That's so dumb. That was such a dumb thing.

It's so dumb. Pete, I thought we were coming together to support each other. Pete hates women. Let it be known. No, Pete hates woman. She's in the crowd. No, yeah. The one about the nuggets, the chicken nuggets,

because of the nuggets thing, that's why they were called that. That was Pete. It's funny because, like, I'm getting laughs at the answers. Who would have known? You're getting laughs when they don't know you, right? Yeah, they don't know it was me. So it's a more likeable way to digest my comedy when I'm not involved. The one where the founder

put a blindfold on, that was the house. So a point there from the house. Pete picked that one. Meaning Meg picked the correct answer. Yes! The town's founders could not spell their local bird the ptarmigan.

They couldn't spell it so they went, oh what about chicken? Wow. They're just like me for real. You're making quite the spirited comeback here. What are we on? What's the point system? Well, we've got a tie for first on three million points apiece between Pete and the house.

And just on their tail on two and a half million is Meg. Number two, baby! Again! And it's down to a half a million point ball game. This has really gone out of the water. All right, we're up to question number five, which comes from Jim Bates from Sackett's Harbour in New York. And the question is,

what's the name of the punk rock song that was banned by the BBC in May of 2022? A song so offensive that it even made the BBC, those wild childs over there, they banned it. What was the name of the song? While you're writing your answers, here's some more info about chicken. According to the question writer Dane, chicken was settled by gold miners in the late 19th century due to the prevalence of ptarmigan, which is spelled with a p so sort of fair enough in a way uh there was a lot of ptarmigan in the area uh that name was suggested as the official name for the new community however the spelling could not be

agreed upon so they went with chicken to avoid. To avoid embarrassment. Bit of fun there, Ben? Oh, bit of fun. A lot of fun. I'm just trying to do my fucking job. I'm just trying to pretend that this shit is fun. That's the hardest part of the job. Pretending it's fun? Yeah.

No, you're doing a fantastic job over there, Ben. Thanks, Jerry. A big round of applause for Ben, everyone. Oh, thank you. Here's question number five. What's the name of the punk rock song that was banned by the BBC in May of 2022? Family Picnic at the Hillsborough Disaster?

Oh. I mean, fair enough. Gee, it's a nanny state over there, isn't it? Yeah. They'll ban anything. Brexit is for bellends. Flowers by Miley Cyrus. Apparently they're really big Liam Hemsworth fans. The song titled,

The BBC is reporting that poison won't kill you. Or Prince Andrew is a sweaty nonce. I think you can do the honors. Or Prince Andrew is a sweaty nonce. Oh. I think you can do the honours. I choose the Brexit one. Brexit is for bellends. For Meg. What about you, Pete?

I think it's the Prince Andrew one. Locking that in for Pete. Someone in the crowd just say, yes. But that might not be supporting. He goes, he's fucked it again. He's fucked it again. Stupid glasses idiot's fucked it again. I wear glasses too.

Yeah, but. Maybe he's just a Prince Andrew supporter. Someone's got to be. Certainly not his mother, am I right? Too soon. Too soon. Too soon. Oh, what happened? Alright, this is who wrote the answers.

Family picnic at the Hillsborough disaster. That was Pete. But the way it got like, oh, that's the intent. I thought it was supposed to be fucked because it got banned. So thanks for supporting me in that moment. Flowers by Miley Cyrus. That was Meg. Yeah, it was.

And I meant every word. Not a fan? Huge fan of Liam Hemsworth. All the Hemsworth brothers. One, two, whatever. The BBC is reporting the poison won't kill you. That was the house, as was Brexit is for bellends. Jim in particular.

So a point there for the house. Meaning the correct answer is Prince Andrew is a sweaty nonce. Thank you. Thank you. Good job, you guys. That one goes out for you. I want to split points with him. Do you actually?

Yeah, that's half a mil. Half a mil there, half a mil. Half a mil. What's your name? Mark. Mark, you're getting a column, brother. How about this, hey? You're getting a column.

Mark, C or K? K. K. That was super underrated. He said, cock. Yeah. Can he?

No, no. I want to split. I want all my points to go between those two men. Half a million. I'm happy to not, I don't want to step in.

No, I don't deserve it. I did the Hillsborough thing. You should have 50 grand or something. Oh, give me 500. Yeah, give me 500. And then split the rest for those guys. No. No, so you'll get...

So you have earned the million. Yeah. If this is all right with you. Yeah. I'm still a scorekeeper. So you get 50K. Yeah. And then the other 950,000 is split between these two gentlemen.

Are you calling this guy a cark? No. Do I get a column? Yeah, you'll get a column. I don't know. Ask him for a column. Column with a C or a K. It was a little desperate the way you asked for a column,

but I think you've earned it. What's your name? Dan. Dan. Nice to be included. No, take it away. No, you're getting fucked off. Yeah, no, good point.'s your name? Dan. Dan. Nice to be included. No, take it away. No, you're getting fucked off. Yeah, no, good point.

500, 500? 500, 500. All right, mate. Sorry, mate, but in your honour, the column will be titled Cark. I mean, that's a good compromise. I think everyone's happy with that. Cark. So that's...

Okay. All right, we're up to the final two questions. Here's question number six. This comes from Claire Norris from West Sacramento. And Claire's question is, what happened in New York City on September the 13th? It was fucking major news. I know this.

In 1922. I didn't even consider that. Really? Really. This has repeatedly got me in trouble on this show. I didn't say it, but I've really set it up for myself here. We have had complaints about too many 9-11 jokes before. Yeah, sure.

I don't think that'll happen tonight, though. What happened in New York City on September the 13th, 1922? While you're writing those answers, let me tell you more about the history of the BBC banning songs. They've done it to heaps of songs, some of them for really strange reasons, like according to Radio Fidelity, in the early 90s, they banned a bunch of songs because of the Gulf War, including songs like Love is a Battlefield by Pat Benatar

and Give Peace a Chance. And then they even banned atomic by Blondie because it had the word atomic in it, which can be a kind of bomb. Isn't that wild? There's lots of things that could be bombs. Exactly. This riff?

This riff, this riff. Stink. Cherry. You're not allowed to have a song called Cherry? Yeah. What about Cherry BBC? Why? Because

Forget it You're on your phone Maybe just fucking engage with the show The kink song Lola was banned Because they said Coca-Cola Can't stand this stuff Yeah Can't stand

It's poison for your brains. All right, here are the options for question number six. What happened in New York on September the 13th, 1922 that made news? A riot broke out when men continued wearing straw hats in autumn. Oh, fuck that. Say the others before I get too angry. President Calvin Coolidge declared New York-style pizza to be the world's superior style of pizza,

causing a major foreign affairs incident with Italy. God, they're funny, aren't they? The Italians. Yeah. What about them? They're just the... Well, it doesn't matter. There's one here.

There's one here? What a silly bastard. Pete loves Italians. I'm dating one. Love her. She's the best. Yeah, what do you say to that? Probably something with your hands, I presume.

Hey, I don't want to speak like that about me. Hey, hey, hey. No, you're still allowed to and I'm going to do it until you're not. I'm going to do it until you're not. It's coming. It's coming fast. Yeah, they abandoned us in World War II. They deserve it.

You did! You do teach history. Guilty. Option three. The great American novel The Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald was first published. Kangaroos were released into upstate New York

for recreational hunting, but the kangaroos escaped released into upstate New York for recreational hunting, but the kangaroos escaped and terrorised nearby towns. Or 9-13, never forget. So some pretty strong answers there. Do you need to hear any again? Yeah, can you read out the first two again? So riot broke out when men continued wearing straw hats in autumn. Or there was the other one was...

Or President Calvin Coolidge declared New York-style pizza to be the world's superior style of pizza. That's right. Angering the Italians. Then you had Great Gatsby, Kangaroos being released, and 9-13. I want to believe it's the straw hat one. It does feel like it would. It does feel like it would.

But I also think both America and Italy would kick up a stink about something like that and that's why we really like them they're passionate we really like those guys i'll do the straw hat one locking that in for meg what do you think pete um i'm gonna go the kangaroo thing feels incredibly obscure, but obscure enough that it might be the thing. So I'm going to go the kangaroo one.

Kangaroos for Pete. All right, let's go through. Who wrote the answers? The Italian pizza one. That was the house. Nice work, house. The Great Gatsby being published. That was Meg.

I can read. It's also a movie. You could cheat. It's quite easy to cheat on that one. I can spell Leonardo DiCaprio. Spell it. Not now. It starts with an L.

He goes to a different school. Great paintings though. Time is going off. Time is going off. Six. Stand up, though. Oh, time is going off. Time is going off. Oh. Six. Stand up. Five, four. The realisation is that, you know,

oftentimes when you're a comedian, you'll be pursuing a laugh, but oftentimes the biggest laughs come in those moments that you're not showing desperation, you're just being your true authentic self. That's what I've learnt in this show. Did you learn that from me not getting any laughs being real desperate? Yeah, it was part of it I told you people laugh and learn

but more learning Is that how you won Raw? Desperation? Yeah, you don't want to know what I did Wrote some very funny jokes Inspiration. Yeah, you don't want to know what I did. Wrote some very funny jokes. I told you you wouldn't want to know. I should say Claire came up with that pizza one. I think I accidentally took credit for that.

And she also came up with the kangaroos one. Good job, house. So a point there for the house. Nice work, house. Meaning the correct answer is a riot broke out when men continued. Yes! Yeah, feels good. I was just wondering if you want to throw any points Cark's way.

It'd be an awesome thing. I'll throw half a mil at Cark. I don't think he likes women. He's only cheered for Pete. So don't think they haven't noticed. Cark, answer this honestly. Do you like women? No. I said not.

But it was so long time for you to not fuck that there. So it's like. If you're not careful saying things like that, Matt's going to give you a full million. You know. Cark. Cark, honestly, as a feminist, they're the kind of things that I think need to be said.

Until we treat women equally and tell them that we don't like them, are they ever going to be truly equal? Snaps to that, brother. Thank you. Someone's got to say it. So, you're half a mil to Kark? Dude, he's not getting half my fucking points. No, not yours.

Matt's might just be in a nice car. Kark, can I just get a quick, how do you really feel about women before I decide for sure? And just take half a second on this one. First up, have you ever met a woman? I like women. Whoa! Take them back.

Take them back. You're in debt, Kark. You're in debt you're 10 mil in the whole car that's not on negative 10 for car ben can i give my half a million a meg to yeah yeah great yeah great reparations yeah and that's what I call... I'm now starting to see things from Cark's point of view. I'm coming around. You're starting to prove some things. Mate, you were saying you can read before. Can you read a fucking room? Okay.

Yeah, I think there's points there for Ben. Make a new column. The score is how we get the points. New column. While you're organising that, Ben, let me read out the final question. And Ben, the way that it normally works is it's triple points for the final round. Is that right? So three million.

Can you tell me what I'm up to? Do you want to know what everyone else is? So Meg, you're on four million and the rest you can figure out for yourself. How's that for some suspense? We'll get a score update while you're writing your questions here. For question number seven, this comes from Adam Knight from Croydon in South London. And Adam's question is, what is the synopsis of the 1973 film No Sex Please, We're British?

Say again? What is the synopsis of the 1973 film No Sex Please, We're British? So you probably want to write a short paragraph here, maybe two, three, four sentences, something like that. While your answer's being written, let's hear the score update. Yeah, so we've got Meg on 4 million points. Pete on 3.5 million points.

You got used to saying Meg first. Now you're doing it in decreasing order. No, I'm just going in the order I have it written. If that's it. No, of course. I can go from, we'll go from bottom to top. On negative 10 million, it's Cark. You know, Cark.

But, all right. On negative 10 million, it's Cark. Then it's me on 1 million out of nowhere. Out of nowhere. I'm flirting with the idea of donating my million and helping Cark out of a bit of a hole. See you after the show, Cark. We'll see what we can do.

Pete's on three and a half million. Meg's on four million. And the house is on four and a half million. So this triple points. Triple points. Even Cark. I don't know. I actually think Cark, you're fucked.

I don't know what your expectations were coming into tonight, but it's not looking good. Hey, Ben, can I tell you a bit about this straw hat riot? Yeah. Sorry, sorry, mate. No, no, I'm loving what you're doing over there. I just thought in case you were interested. They've got a bit of writing to do, so.

You're looking at me with such funny eyes. I appreciate it. So this is according to the New York Public Library. In the early 1900s, straw hat season for men customarily began on May 15, known as Straw Hat Day. And it ended on September 15, which was Felt Hat Day. It was considered an etiquette violation to wear the wrong hat outside of these dates.

To mark the end of summer, men would swap out their straw hats in mid-September. Stockbrokers in an early display of bro culture would playfully smash each other's straw hats, often on the stock market floor on September 15. This celebratory ritual of destruction of straw hats evolved beyond the Wall Street set and men who dared to breach the seasonal hat dates became subject to ridicule

or having their hats snatched off in disapproval. In 1922, a few days even before the end of straw hat season, gangs of teen and pre-teen boys began harassing boda-donning men and stealing or smashing their hats and sometimes skulls. Hey, they wore the wrong hat. So these attacks and skirmishes went on for eight days

with mobs of hundreds in the streets. Newspaper accounts relay the mayhem. And this is a quote from the New York Times in 1922. Gangs of young hoodlums ran right in various parts of the city last night smashing unseasonable straw hats and trampling them in the street a favorite practice of the gangsters was to arm themselves with sticks some with nails at the same time.

Boys indulged in a straw hat smashing orgy throughout the city last night. Went up a notch. A dozen or more were arrested and seven were spanked by their parents in the police station by order of the lieutenant at the desk. Police ordered spankings. Spankings for like hitting people with a nail stick. That feels about right. Many men fought back and many youths were brought to night court in front of a magistrate who was named Peter Hatting.

What are the odds of that? He handed down fines and some short jail stays saying, it is against the law to smash a man's hat. And he has a right to wear it in a January snowstorm if he wishes. And, I mean, if we can't agree on that, then what hope do we have? You know, you've got to be able to. Yeah, can any of the fellas were deliberately getting around with big sticks because they liked to be spanked by the police?

Yeah. Oh, no, I did it again, officer. Oh, God. Oh, yeah, I know my punishment. All right. Oh, you unhappy about the hats I'm wearing? Hats. Sorry, what?

Anyway, here's my butt. Here's my butt? Here's my butt. Anyway, here's my butt. I'm working on new catchphrases. Maybe that could be my sign-off tonight. I'll make a note of that. What did I say?

Anyway, here's my butt. I don't know if it'll work. We'll see. Anyway, here's my butt. I don't know if it'll work. We'll see. Anyway, here's... This is only moments away too, so here's my butt. Yeah, better write it down. God, you'd hate to ruin the show. Oh, no, that's good.

I think that would be a really good finish to the show. That's... When you come to an arts festival, you've got to provide art. And I think we've been doing that here tonight. Here's the final question for the show. Remembering triple points on offer. What is the synopsis of the 1973 film No Sex Please, We're British? When the moral fabric of a nation starts decaying,

there's only one woman for the job, Mary Whitehouse. This biopic follows the famous Killjoy on her quest to clean up British film and television, with surprisingly sexy results. Could not be more my thing. Five university students in share housing in London make a pact at the beginning of the semester to not sleep with each other

as it would make the living situation insufferable. There's also one gronk bitch in the house and they don't want her to feel left out or have to pork her out of politeness. But as the semester progresses and cheap beer is sculled, sexual tensions rise and British accents become unfortunately more prominent. Can they survive the lease without bumping uglies? Their degrees depend on it.

It's happened to me. Yeah. We weren't supposed to write an autobiography, Meg. I just say I wasn't the gronk bitch. I was written about somebody else. I haven't had a gronk for a long time. Let's bring gronk back. That was very funny.

And pork as well. It's been back for a while. A mistake. He wouldn't know he's a vegetarian. Yeah. What about this option? A mistaken address causes a newlywed couple's apartment to fill up with mail order Swiss porn.

Right before a visit by the wife's father, a bank president who happens to be the husband's new employer. I really like that. Based on a Broadway play. A young American nymphomaniac moves to London after hearing rumours of wild sex parties taking place in the House of Commons amongst various notable political figures. sex parties taking place in the House of Commons amongst various notable political figures.

She spends the better part of a decade climbing her way through the political ranks in hopes to attend one of these wild and frivolous political orgies, but is shocked to discover the parties are not sexual in nature at all, and instead are organised with the promise of hunting members of public for sport. with the promise of hunting members of public for sport. Or finally, due to a mix-up, elderly couple Henry and Elizabeth Wollstonecroft are given the wrong directions to a picnic area. What a shift. Ending up at a popular dogging hotspot instead. Things only go downhill from there as they attempt to escape

their new horny friends in this laugh out loud, ahead of its time, black comedy. Man, I would watch all of these. So do you need any... I can quickly go through them here. We had the biopic... Just read them all again. Had the biopic about the famous Killjoy with sexy results.

We had the university students who decided not to pork until they drank too much and the gronk was in there as well. We had the house filling with Swiss porn when the bank president arrived. We had the American nympho who went to London but it ended up being killing people for sport. Or the elderly couple accidentally going to a dogging hotspot. Only one of these is a real film. Thanks for the explanation there, mate.

You go first. It's all on the line here as well. That's why you can tell that they're taking it a lot more seriously all of a sudden. What's the one with the bank president? That's where the house gets filled with mail order Swiss porn. Yeah, that's funny. You really are sitting back now, aren't you? Barely moving my lips, brother.

Yeah, I'll go that one. All right, locked in for Pete. What do you think, Meg? The American Nympho one, that's an Angus Gordon joke that I feel like you would have copied. And so for that reason, I'll have to go with the dogging joke. Wow. That is...

I hate how she's gotten that right there. Yeah, I really hate... Check Instagram. It is beautiful. Well done. Fuck, that was severe. I haven't seen that, but it's good to know we're on a similar wavelength. I really respect his comedy.

All right, let's go through who wrote the answers. That ripoff of Angus Gordon, that was... Who would have seen that one coming? I know, I've liked it and shared it to my own story. Interesting. Then we had the biopic about that killjoy. That was Adam, aka The House. The one about porking and the gronks, that was Meg.

What? Who'd have seen that? Thank you for bringing both of those words. Back to popular culture. You're welcome. The elderly couple who went dogging, that was also Adam, aka The House. Meaning the correct answer was a mistaken address causes a newlywed couple's apartment to fill up with mail order Swiss porn. Pete, you are correct.

Yes. That feels really good. That feels amazing. While you're quickly adding up the scores, I'll just... I'm in the mainframe. I'll just quickly tell you, no one really liked that movie I was talking about. It got 41% approval rating. Anyway, let's get

a score update and finish this show. Well, now, understanding that this was the triple points round. That's correct. Each point was then... Instead of 1 million points, it was three million points. In last place, it is still Cark, but you owe nothing. You owe nothing, Cark.

Out of debt. Out of debt, Cark. What a redemption story. Million points for Ben. Good on you, mate. Good on you, me. I've still got that mil. Third place with four million points

is Meg and it's still an incredible effort which I mean of all the real competitors is last just

always the runner up never the prize besides me and Kark who weren't playing you are last second place with

six and a half million points was Pete meaning the winner with six and a half million points, was Pete, meaning the winner with seven and a half million points is unfortunately The House. Ben, I loved your work so much tonight. Can I give you two million points? Yeah, sure. Can we get just another quick score update? So now the scores will read. Ben, three million points. Yeah, sure. Can we get just another quick score update? So now the scores

will read. Ben, three million points. Meg, four million points. The House, five and a half million points. Pete now takes first place with six and a half million points. That was really We have a winner. That was really kind. I thought I was

dropping myself below Meg, but I didn't even do that right. You word, you selfish c***. You just want to win Roar again. They won't let me. Thanks so much for joining us. Where can people find you, Pete? Yeah, I'm doing my Brisbane Comedy Festival show, Shad and Pete Save the World, on May 26th,

if you'd like to come along. Pete, listeners at home, where can they find you? A l***y, l***y, l***y hill. Unit 4. to come along. Listeners at home, where can they find you? A......................................................... ... ... ... ... ...

... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...

... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...

... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...

... ... ... ... ... Unit four. I'm putting this out tomorrow. There'll be no time to bleep.

Whatever. If you really... I know it's just going to be Kark turning up. And I can find him. I'll definitely... No, you're more than welcome. We're going to...

We're going to spare him room we don't have a bed because we moved in pretty recently but there's like a swag or whatever if you want to anyway he looks a bit like a swag man i reckon yeah but yeah my instagram is uh diapedes because i have diabetes and my name's peter it's actually quite clever um dia underscore peds if you can't figure it out then go to the hospital what about you meg find me on instagram it's my name meg yeager m-e-g-j-a-g-e-r thank you and how about you ben uh you can find me on instagram as well uh my name is uh ben multiple sclerosis i have um No. No. It's just... It's not bad.

I'm allowed to say it. My aunt's got it. Um... No. My Instagram is It's just Ben Hunter without the vowels So it's B-N-H-N-T-R I've got a show the same night as Pete's

So what do we do? Good Chuck Comedy May 26th at 9pm If anyone wants to come along to that He's very funny You'd have a great time But also go to Pete's show too But I've got to tell you

This guy is going gonna be a star this guy this guy is something special this Peter James guy 11 he didn't 11 what the fuck

it's true I picked him up from there tonight I also have an address I can read oh can I also say I'm doing some

Sydney Comedy Festival shows as well I have to pee so bad see you Meg cheers for our guests tonight cheers everyone Oh, can I also say I'm doing some Sydney Comedy Festival shows as well. I have to pee so bad. See you, Meg. Cheers for our guests tonight. Cheers, Meg. Cheers, everyone, for tuning in to Who Knew It?

Matt Stewart. Anyway, here's my butt. Yeah! I just think that's a black mark on Queensland's name, but... Sucks to suck! Sucks to suck. Now that you've said that, I'll let it this out. No-one else will hear this apart from no-one in here is talking about tonight. But, um...

If they're not written down here, I find words very difficult. I even find a lot of the ones written down here pretty tricky. I love the Brisbane Comedy Festival and I just love all the fantastic acts that come along and share their stories with us. And there's nice venues stories with us and and you know

it's such a and there's nice venues and it's good fuck sorry do you reckon

the gun on Dick Bong's thing is just like a quarter of garden hose yeah just fires bullets through that

so do you want one? And a big round of applause for me Oh I was Very supportive friends Very supportive friends It's like an audible pat on the head On the head Not on the back

You've not had a tremendous amount of success in social interactions have you you can paddle oh you're giving it a crack though yeah yeah right what's sorry what a joke what's your name i've got negative 20 million points to give Nah, never mind Ben's a very visual counter Okay Shoes off Counting the toes He's surprisingly got many million toes Oh, I don't like what you've done there

Am I going to sit here and put a sock back on I really I felt bad about showing my foot to everyone I've got to tell you You know how sometimes When you listen to a podcast and a visual thing happens You go god I wish I was there No you don't

You really don't What a wonderful audio medium this would be. Just putting a Michael Jackson loafer back on a barefoot. That's fucking disgusting, you grump. Stop dangling it. Sorry, guys. Oh, look at how... It's such a hairy ankle.

Let's kick back and count up. All right. I've done the maths. Okay. Sorry about this. No, no. That was All right. I've done the maths. Okay. Sorry about this. No, no. That was fucking disgusting. I blame you. That was fine.

What you did was fine. I thought the commentary was a little bit untasteful. The word is distasteful. And distasteful as well. We're finding many gold. No, if you're not all going to do it, don't fucking start. Don't worry about it. No, don't. If you're not all going to do it, don't fucking start. Don't worry about it.

No one's some. I want just Cark fucking clapping. It's all you or no one. Honestly, Cark's got very firmly folded arms right now. Is it because I'm here? Let's see those toes, Cark. Come on, get him a joint. Join me, C Cark Come on, get him a Join me, Cark Come on, brother

If you get your toes out right now You're out of debt Oh yeah, do it Come on Yeah Toes are out All is forgiven That was beautiful, Cark All is forgiven.

That was beautiful, Kark. Thank you for being so vulnerable with us, Kark. You are so brave.