Who Knew It with Matt Stewart - 4 - Dave Warneke and Ting Lim

Episode Date: October 3, 2022

Who Knew It with Matt Stewart is a new comedy game show podcast hosted by Australian comedian Matt Stewart. The fourth episode was recorded live in Brisbane at Good Chat Comedy Club with guests: comedians Dave Warneke and Ting Lim!Check out Matt's stand up special FREE on YouTube: https://youtu.be/cWStRpI-BhESupport the show via http://patreon.com/dogoonpod and you can submit questions for the show!See the show live, get tickets via: https://www.mattstewartcomedy.com/Check out Dave and Matt's podcast network and get tickets to our live shows in Australia, the UK and streaming online: https://dogoonpod.com/Check out Ting's website: https://www.tinglim.com/Theme song by Evan Munro-Smith and Logo by @muzdoodles! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello, it's the titular Matt Stewart here just letting you know that me and Saranja Amana are at the Melbourne International Comedy Festival. We're on every night. Chinese Museum and then for the second half of the festival at the Grace Darling Hotel and we'd love to see you there. Use the discount code DOGOON and we'll see you at the shows. Also in Sydney and Brisbane, the comedy festivals in both those cities with our show Dry Dry. Would love to see you at all of those shows. Come to each one. Now on with the show. Hey mates, Matt here.

Just letting you know we're about to hear a live show from Good Chat Comedy Club in Brisbane. It was a lot of fun and I hope you enjoy it too. It's got a bit of an after dark sort of vibe about it, even though it was recorded in the middle of the afternoon. Anyway, here we go. Enjoy. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Hugh Newett with Matt Stewart at Good Chat Comedy Club. Please put your hands together and welcome to the stage your host for this afternoon's show. It's Mr. Matt Stewart. What do you think? New song? You pumped? Doesn't matter. Alright, here we go. Welcome to Who Knew It With Matt Stewart, the show where the guests write the wrong answers.

I'm the titular Matt Stewart. And the guests this week, please wake and make them welcome. It's Dave Warnicke and Ting Lim. Welcome Ting. Hello. Hometown hero. Can I put this up? You got one woo there. Just the one woo.

There's only one person from Brisbane in? I got nothing. You've just been travelling around, is that right, Ting? Yeah, I've been travelling around. Went to Hobart. Qantas lost my luggage. Boo. Dave, have you had any luggage lost? Who is it?

Hello. Maybe it's Qantas. Qantas. Generally, what was that? Yeah. I don't know. It'll be upstairs, someone at the pool table. Oh.

What? Someone upstairs at the pool table. I should also introduce that voice. That was Jake. He's our score checker and, yeah, score checker. Good afternoon. Welcome, Jake. Thank you.

There was just a slight pause there, Jake, where I thought, oh, my God, this whole crowd hates Jake. But then they did. Yeah, that would make sense if you've been here before. What did you do? Where do we start? Okay. Okay.

So if anyone here doesn't know how the show... Does anyone here know how the show works? No. For the people who don't know, possibly including Ting, how it works is I ask a question and you two have to write a convincing fake answer. Then I'll read both of your answers out as well as the real one and you have to guess which one you believe to be correct.

Okay, are we ready to play? Okay. Right, sounds good. So they're going to send their answers through to Jake and he's going to send them through to me. It's efficient that way. I mean... Jake was super keen to be involved and I said, all right.

All right. All right, so question number one. Okay. All the questions, I should say, are written by Patreon supporters of the Do Go On Podcast Network, which this is a part of. If you want to write a question, go to patreon.com slash dogoonpod

and sign up and whatnot. So question number one comes from John Wick. Okay. Okay. Nice. And in brackets he said, yes, that is my real name. Classic John Wick. John Wick's question is,

what is a chuck waller? What is a chuck waller? Okay. So you're just going to write down your answer for what a chuck waller is. And while they're writing down their answers, I'll explain how the scoring works. So you get one point if your fake answer is guessed by the other contestant, and another point if you correctly guessed the answer.

So each contestant can get two points per round. By the way, I'm also playing as the house. Boo! Boo! Boo the house! So I've put in two of my own fake answers for each question. Boo! Boo the house! So I've put in two of my own fake answers for each question, in this case with the help of John Wick, and I get a point for each one of those that our guests choose, so I can also score two points.

So that sounds pretty fair, each of us can score two points per round, but apparently, according to a mathematician who I was speaking to, probability is slightly higher of course it is boo anyway um so let's see if the questions have come in it looks like dave's answer has come through absolutely how are you feeling it's going so far jake i'm feeling it's going swimmingly uh the system is working it's working good i'm still waiting on on ting hello jake i'm not going to read it out but he gave me his phone number before and it's the The system is working? It's working good. I'm still waiting on Ting. It just came through. Hello. Jake, I'm not going to read it out, but he gave me his phone number before and it's the best phone number I've ever heard.

I was like, is that real? 0469696969. It was very nice. 6942007. Jake, stop giving out my number, okay? Alright, so here's question number one. That must be the backup dancers. Do you reckon it's going well up there?

Is that a good sign? I don't know. So the question is, what is a chuckwalla? Is it an old axe-like weapon? What you scream when you see your mum having sex? Is it a type of Mexican lizard? A device used to build sandcastles? Or is it a chumbawumba cover band?

And it's a chuckwah chuck wallah chuck wallah chuck wallah yeah what can you i believe i mean there's john wick spelt it for me phonetically and that still has not seemed to have helped um i believe it's a chuckwalla. Chuckwalla or chuckwalla? Chuckwalla. All right. So it's an old axe. Is it the scream you let out when you see your mum having sex?

Not what I said. All right. Can we delve a little deeper there? Yeah. What happened? I'm not giving anything away. Is it a Mexican lizard, a device used to build sandcastles or a Chumbawamba cover band?

What do you reckon? What do you reckon? Ooh. Well, maybe Dave, you go first this time. Okay, all right. I'm thinking a chuckwalla. That feels like something you could kill someone with, doesn't it?

A chuckwalla. So I'm going to say a lizard. No, I'm going to say... I'm going to say it's a type of axe. Okay, Dave's looking in an old axe-like weapon. What about you, team? Actually, axe-like. But it's not an axe.

Otherwise it would be called an axe. Yeah. This is a chuckwalla. All right, you've convinced me. I'm looking in axe-like. Axe-like. I think it would be the thing that you build a sandcastle with.

Chuck Waller. That sounds like what you would sell to kids. You there, boy. Do you want a Chuck Waller? And some meth? That's what the kids love these days. Sandcastles and meth. The big two. The big two, if I've heard correctly. Is that right, Brisbane?

Is that right? Please, Chuck Waller. All right, so we're going to go through. This is who wrote the answers. The first one, a Chumbawamba cover band. That was written by John Wick, The House. John Wick, boo. Not John Wick, but The House, yeah.

Chuck Waller, the scream when you see your mum having sex, that was Ting. That's why Dave calls it something different. That's what Ting... Is that what you said? Yeah. Yeah. That's what I say. Oh, that's what you say?

Yeah. Ongoing. How often does this happen? Regularly. If it's happening regularly, you're trying to say it, Ting. Yeah. I mean, I feel like the people At the pool table

Are knocking more Than you are On your own mum's door Oh oh Pardon me Chuck Waller Chuck Waller Your heart's not even

In the screen anymore Oh Chuck Waller Dave your guess An old old axe-like weapon. That was the house. So, Jake, that's one point to the house. Ting, you guessed a device used to build sandcastles. That was Dave's answer. So, one point to Dave.

The correct answer is a type of Mexican lizard. Should have said it, the weapon. Should have said it. Still lost. I know. So does that mean another point for the house? Yeah. No, that means a point for you.

No, that's just... What? No, no, if no one gets the right answer, then no one gets that point. Okay, if you trick us, we don't, okay. No. I mean, I didn't trick you, that's just the answer. How defensive are you that you think it's a trick

when you don't guess the right answer? Oh, I was tricked. No, you just didn't get it, Dave. Yeah. It's a trick. So, Jake, that's one point to Dave, one point to the house. Could I get a quick score check, please?

That's one point to the house and one point to Dave. Thank you so much, Jake. Hey, Jake, I'm going to ask the next question now, then I'll tell you a little bit more about Chuck Wallers if you want to hear it. Yeah, fantastic. I'm thrilled. So here is question number two. Okay.

You ready? This one comes from Thomas Doppelreiter in Graz in Austria. The question is, the miracle of 1511 was a festival in Brussels, Belgium. What unusual activity did the... I know this. I know this. Do you want to be on my team?

You keep that to yourself, please. I know this. It was before the question was even finished. I love that kind of instinct, though. Board game night at your place would be a... Yeah, someone else's question, I know this. I know this. This is an easy one, you'll get this.

I love that kind of energy. Yeah, of course you'll get this. Everyone knows this, 1511. Yeah, it'd be embarrassing if you wouldn't get this one. Next. Alright, well, with that in mind... She knows this. Yeah, it'd be embarrassing if you wouldn't get this one. Alright, well, with that in mind... She knows this.

The miracle of 1511 was a festival in Brussels, Belgium. What unusual activity did the locals get up to? The miracle of 1511 was a festival in Brussels, Belgium. What unusual activity did the locals get up to? So while you're writing those answers, here's a bit more information on Chuck Wallers. And I reckon Jake will find this pretty fascinating. According to Britannica, which is a thing online,

chuckwallas are five species of stocky, slightly flattened lizards belonging to the subfamily Iguaninae, found on arid, rocky hills of southwestern North America. The common chuckwalla, which occurs in the southwestern United States, reaches 50 centimetres or 20 inches in length. But some of the species inhabiting islands in the Gulf of California get much larger. Okay. Okay.

Most chuckwalla species seek refuge in crevices. It's good to have a defence system ready. A combination of small spiny scales on the dorsal surface and the ability to inflate their bodies render them very difficult to remove once they've wedged themselves in. You know, there's animals that are like, oh, if you eat me, it's poisonous.

Or I've got a tail that'll stab you. These ones are like, oh, I'm going to get stuck. But I mean, once they're in the crevice, why do you need to get them out? Yeah, well, who's trying to get them out? The predator's trying to eat them. Oh, I was just imagining humans being like, that's my crevice.

Get out of there. You're like, ooh. Back here. All right. Okay, so the question is in 1511. A festival is put on known as the miracle of 1511. What unusual activity occurred? Do you still know this?

I don't want to disrupt this show. Thank you. Okay. Your friend is laughing. I don't want to disrupt this show. Thank you. Okay. Appreciate that. Your friend is laughing. I don't want to disrupt this show anymore. Yeah. All right. I'm so keen to find out what happened.

Like, so keen. Tell us. They removed one leg from every statue in the city. That would distract me. Oh, that's not an unusual activity. If you were expecting to hear some usual activities, you've come to the wrong place. They're all like, wow, that sounds unusual.

Yeah. That's the point. They can only do that for two years and then there's no more legs. What do they do? Yeah, they're like, all all right that didn't distract everyone enough take the other leg well this this was the specific this was a festival in 1511 it's a one-off festival i have no idea but it sounds like it was an option one they removed one leg from every

statue in the city option two the band singer became ill and without someone to replace them, the mayor took them to the stage speaking rather than singing the lyrics in what some people call the origin of rap music. Oh wow. Okay. Option three, they celebrated it being four days early from 9-11.

Are you doing the maths on it over there? The maths is confusing me, but that's okay. Option four, local barnyard animals were invited to the winter festival banquet as guests, not food, in brackets. Okay. You don't normally invite the food, though, do you? Finally, they built pornographic snowmen. That would be funny. So they removed a leg from every statue.

They invented rap music. They celebrated early 9-11. Barnyard animals were invited to the banquet. Or they built pornographic snowmen. Did you say September 7? No, I think it was the 1511. So I think it... Wait, isn't it 511?

I don't know why you're asking that question. Sorry, yeah, no, I said it. It was 1511. So it's actually celebrating being... Four days late. Six days late. Six days late. Everyone is like chiming in the seats

I said that wrong What it actually The option was celebrating being Six Days Late from 9-11 I misread that Which can happen There's a lot of pressure up here I'm sweating

I would so love to hear what you think, Ting. Do you want to go first this time? Yeah, you're up first, Ting. What are you thinking? The barnyard animals. Barnyard animals? Do you think they were important? Yeah.

And what do you reckon, Dave? So are you imagining that they're like barnyard animals are sitting at the table? Is that what you're thinking? Yeah. They're all propped up. Babe the movie, yeah. I haven't seen Babe the movie, yeah. I was watching the movie.

I haven't seen Babe the movie in a while now. What do you think happened in that film? I was pretty high when I watched it, but it was beautiful. There was a pig and a spider. But yeah. I don't know. I don't remember. It was high.

Made a beautiful web. Yeah, I remember. Charlotte was involved. It was a beautiful web. Yeah, Charlotte. Templeton was there Alright I think I'm going to go with The pornographic

Snow Is it just Did you say snowmen Or snow people No snowmen Okay I'm going to say Lock in snow

Man Alright So They removed one leg from every statue in the city. That was Dave's answer.

I think we should do it after this. I think it's a good idea. The band's singer became ill and

the mayor took the stage speaking rather than singing, inventing rap music. That was the house.

Boo. But very good. But very good. Ting, would you believe, wrote, celebrating being six days late from 9-11. Local barnyard animals are invited to the winter festival banquet as guests, not food. That was the house, Ting.

That's one point for the house there, Jake. And it was correct. They built pornographic snowmen. Did you know that? What was that? I can't answer. What? You can't answer.

It won't spoil anything now. You knew that? Were you just thinking, snowmen with dicks? Very hard not to say that. So that's right. That is correct. And I'll tell a little bit more about the story in a second but in the meantime let's go with question number three this one was written by locky graham from reservoir in victoria the question is afl hall of famer and geelong cats

player gary hocking was paid an undisclosed amount to legally change his name for one week. A change the AFL argued brought the game into disrepute. What did he change his name to? So, legally change his name by deed poll, Gary Hocking, the John Cats who are currently

winning the premiership, I believe. Yeah. It's actually a dud game, and I don't regret clashing with it, with this show. So here's a little bit more information about the miracle of 1511. According to wikipedia.org,

another online resource I found, the miracle of 1511, or in Dutch, de sneeuwpoppen van... Are you speaking backwards? No, I'm speaking Dutch, Dave. That's quite rude. De sneeuwpoppen van 1511. So it was a festival in Brussels

in which the locals built approximately 110 satirical snowmen. It is estimated that more than half of the snowmen portrayed pornographic or sexual characters. Examples of snowmen built included a snow nun that was seducing a man.

A snowman and a snowwoman. Oh, there you go, Dave. Having sex in front of the town fountain. Oh. Wow. Scandalous. Not the fountain. And maybe most disturbingly, a naked snowboy urinating into the mouth

of a drunken snowman. How anatomical were these snow people? Very satirical stuff. They're also... The non-sexy ones, there were snow unicorns, snow mermaids, a snow dentist. And also snow sex workers enticing people

into the city's red light district. Pretty cool. Alright, so... So here is question number three. Your answers are in here. AFL Hall of Famer and John Cats player Gary Hocking was paid an undisclosed amount of money to legally change his name to what?

Here are your five options. Hungry Jack. Whiskers. AFL sucks. I'm a feminist. Or Gary Gary beers, Gary Gary beers, Gary Gary, Gary Gary beers with the boys beers hockey. So five equally ridiculous options there hungry Jack whiskers AFL sucks I'm a feminist or Gary Gary beers Gary Gary beers Gary Gary Gary Gary beers with the boys beers popping so one of these is correct and it's the idea

there that Gary Gary beers to sponsored him to change his name. And I guess also the boys. Alright, David, it's your go. Who are you thinking here? I'm thinking... So he played for Geelong? Yes. Okay.

This is my thinking here. They're the cats. Whiskers. Maybe that's a nickname of his or something. So I'm thinking Gary, Gary Beers. You're locking in Gary, Gary Beers? No, locking Whiskers. Locking in Whiskers.

Does that little bit of info sway you or are you going your own way, Ting? Yeah, I don't know anything about AFL. I'll go with Gary Gary Boys. I just like the answer. Gary Gary Boys. Gary Gary Boys, that's a better name. That's a better name. So, we're locking in option six there, Ting.

Gary Gary Boys. All right, so, Hungry Jack. That was written by the house Gary, Gary Beers Gary, Gary Beers Gary, Gary, Gary Beers With the boys, Gary Hocking Was written by the house

I know, disappointing, isn't it? Come on So that's one point to the house There, Jake I'm a feminist So funny The AFL's like, this is ging.

So good. That language is disgusting. Not here. That was written by Ting. Love that. AFL sucks was written by Dave. And Dave was correct. Whiskers

is what he did. That is a true story For one week Gary Hocking's legal name Was the one word Whiskers And was it paid for by Whiskers the big cat company Yes that's right

I'll tell the story in a second Do you want to give us a quick Score check here Jake Absolutely So the house is on three Ting is on nil And Dave you're also on three. Congratulations.

Oh, damn. Nice. It's neck and neck and also Ting. Yeah. I know nothing. That's fine. Look, so this is the fourth episode we've recorded and the funniest person always loses.

And I always win, so... Something for everyone. That is also not true. But anyway, somehow he doesn't either. Alright, so... Yeah, what a loser. Alright, question number four comes from Nick Francis from Hobart.

And he wrote the following question. Which of these is a real primate? So this is a bit of a... I do another podcast called Primates, and I promised to the primates listeners I'd squeeze in a primates question, and this is it. Which of these is a real primate? So basically you've just got to make up a species of non-human primate. Or human primate, I guess. So while you're doing that, I'll give you a little

bit more information about Gary Whiskers Hocking. This was written about in perthnow.com.au. It's another online resource, I found. There have been some strange happenings in the AFL over the years, but none stunned the footy world more than when Geelong announced in 1999 that star on-baller Gary Hocking had changed his name to Whiskers. Geelong, with liabilities of $7 million, agreed to the Whiskers deal with the cat food manufacturer in return for a believed $100,000. The AFL refused to allow the name Whiskers deal with the cat food manufacturer in return for, I believe, $100,000. The AFL refused to allow the name Whiskers

in the football record for the game against Richmond. Instead, he was listed as a number 32 with a brief explanation of the circumstances. Oh, well, we're not calling him Whiskers. We refuse to call him Whiskers. Let's just name it anyway. Hocking said at the time, I'm probably going to cop a little bit of flack for this.

It's just a light-hearted thing, and from a commercial point of view, to help out the club from a bit of strife. It's not going to change me. Changing my name? He was very defensive on that. That's very defensive. Yeah, very defensive.

I haven't started eating cat food. I don't know where those photos came from. They're fake They've been photoshopped My wife did not walk in on me with a cat She didn't I walked in on her with a cat You can see the confusion

Chuck Waller Chuck Waller meows Is that his whole name? Like just Whiskers That's right he just became Whiskers for a week. He'll do well in immigration. Hocking appeared as Whiskers on the team sheet, which was later auctioned to raise funds at a club function.

He changed his name back a week later. Cat's chief executive at the time, Brian Cook, said, later he said, it was one of those ideas which was way ahead of its time. Kat's chief executive at the time, Brian Cook, said, later he said, it was one of those ideas which was way ahead of its time. We're all doing it now. Way ahead of its time. That's so funny.

Apparently, Cook said the cat food brand laughed all the way to the bank with the publicity generated. Hocking even did interviews with the BBC and CNN. Oh, so your name's Whiskers now. What's that like? It hasn't changed me. I'll tell you that for nothing. I don't know what you've heard. I'm still the Gary Hocking you know and love.

It's estimated that the cat food company got around $4 million worth of media coverage out of the stunt. So they did very well. Alright, so the answers are in. Here is question number four. Which of these is a real primate? I know this one.

So sorry. I loved it. Generally, probably my favourite bit so far. So the question is, which of these is a real primate? Long-toed golden gibbon? The long-suck howler monkey? The long-suck howler monkey? I mean, there's so... Alright.

Homo mad cuntilingus? Sorry, I've actually mispronounced it. Homo Mad Cuntilicious? Fred Astaire Master Monkey? Or the Medidi Tiddy? So you've got the Long Toed Golden Gibbo, the Long Suck Howler Monkey, Homo Mad Cuntilicious fred astaire master monkey

or the medidi titty one of these is a genuine primate this is tricky isn't it it is very it's your go first i believe ting what do you want to lock in here um where are you leaning well the long-toed the long-toed golden gibbon? Yeah. That sounds like the most realistic real one. That's not always the way to go on this part. That's what's putting me off, actually. Yeah?

Yeah. Sometimes it is. Well, I mean, I'm zero. I'm at zero, so... I have the track record. Don't go with what I'm saying. Yeah, go with your instinct. Yeah.

Don't go with my instinct. So you're going long, long, toad. Golden Gibbon. Golden Gibbon, yeah. Okay. I'm thinking Medidi titties. Okay, talk us through your logic here. Just like what I hear.

Yeah, that sounds... That's funny, but it sounds real. Okay. That's what I'm going with. Alright, so... The long suck howler monkey, that was written by Dave. Yes. Yes, it was.

Now, work us through your process there, Dave. Yeah. So, it's a monkey process there, Dave. Yeah. So it's a monkey. It howls. Yep. And it also sucks for a long time. Yeah. And I'd love to see David and Brenda right there.

That would be great. The Fred Astaire master monkey. That's the house. But funny. This is going to make a few people sad. Homo Mad Cuntalicious was Ting. I know we all

wanted it to be real. We all wanted it to be real. The long-toed golden gibbon, that was the house. Meaning the medidi titty. What the fuck? Thank you.

Four points. I'm still at zero. So that means one point for the house, Jake. One point for Dave. I'll let you know, Ting. My secret is I'm really not trying to win. I'm trying. So...

Alright, next round. You go with my answer and I'll go with your answer. Yeah. Next round, he goes first. Yeah. This one comes from Emmy White of Albuquerque, New Mexico. Which I love. That's a real place.

I always thought it was a made-up thing from the Bugs Bunny cartoons, but apparently, unless Amy White's fucking with me, I think that is a... Is she here? Does anyone know? Is Albuquerque real? Yeah. She knows. Albuquerque is real.

It would have been better if we'd all tricked Matt into thinking it wasn't real. It doesn't sound real. Albuquerque, New Mexico. Sounds too good to be true. Question number five. What happened during the filming of the ultimate Slip N' Slides pilot episode that stopped and halted the filming of

the series the ultimate slip and slide something happened at the pilot which halted filming so while you're writing your answers down i'm going to talk a little bit more about the medidi tidi i'm listening and it's like that's probably I couldn't it's other name is even more

ridiculous believe it or not according to animalia.bio an online resource the medidi titty is a titty

I think a lot of you probably a lot of you probably figured that out already it was hidden in plain sight that fact

but so titties are a kind of new world monkeys thank you A lot of you probably figured that out already. It was hidden in plain sight, that fact. So titties are a kind of New World monkeys. Thank you. And this one in particular was discovered in Western Bolivia's Medidi National Park in 2004. So it's only very recently been discovered. It is also known as the goldenpalace.com monkey. also known as the goldenpalace.com

monkey. This is just pure coincidence that this one came up straight after the other branding renaming because, yeah, I didn't know that when I wrote this question and reading more about it. Apparently goldenpalace.com is an

online casino which paid $650,000 to have the species named after them, with benefits going towards the non-profit organisation that maintains the park where the titty was discovered. Dave, have you ever found a titty? Sorry, what? Virgin.

She knew the answer. Now, Ting, what you need to know about me is I'm not a virgin This reminds me a lot of Gary Hocking I tell you what, I'm not a virgin and I've fucked a lot of cats Alright, I'll say it No, no, wait, wait, no, no I don't know if this episode will get released.

For a hundred grand, I will change my name to Virgin. I'll do it. Hello? Richard Branson. Oh, I see what you've done. That man is a big nerd and probably has never boned in his life. Richard Branson, you dork. Is that what you were getting at?

Yeah. That slick-backed billionaire. No one's going to have sex with him. Too busy in those balloons and stuff. You can't bone in a balloon. Believe me, I've tried. Let's go on. moon believe me i've tried let's go as women our life stages come with unique risk factors like high blood pressure developed during pregnancy which can put us two times more

at risk of heart disease or stroke know your risks visit heartandstroke.ca hold on all right question number, question number five Question number five is What happened during the filming of the ultimate slip and slides pilot that stopped the making of the series? Here are your five options A teenage contestant was caught trying

to cheat by adding soap to his team's slip and slide No matter how hard they tried they couldn't slip and slide. No matter how hard they tried, they couldn't slip nor slide. Seven people were hospitalised with gravel rash. That's all part of the one. Option three,

it was shut down due to the spread of explosive diarrhoea. Option four, water level restrictions. Or finally, a contestant sued after an ant got into his swimsuit and bit his penis and left testicle, leading to permanent swelling. The case was settled out of court

when the two parties agreed to make a new reality show about the incident titled Looks Like We're Gonna Need A Bigger Pair Of Pants. Permanent swelling and he sued them. Somebody would kill for that. Not me though Alright, do you need those options again? Yeah, I think real quick, sorry Alright, so we had the teenage contestant cheating

by adding soap We had the fact that they couldn't slip nor slide and ended up in hospital Explosive diarrhoea Water restrictions. Or the guy with the swollen cock and ball. Imagine, it was only the left. So he's got a huge dick and left ball.

And a normal sized right ball. He sued them to pay to make the right ball bigger. Let's get that out back in here. Oh, wow. Am I going first? Yeah. Do you want to talk us through what you're thinking? Okay. I mean, explosive diarrhea is very funny to imagine

on a slip and slide when there's like probably a hundred cameras set up to capture it from every angle. Giant penis is also funny. Soap. I'm just going through it it I'm literally thinking out loud here they couldn't slip or slide okay and what was the other one water restricts it sounds like an American show to me doesn't it do they care about stuff like that I don don't think so. I'm going to say explosive diarrhea.

They don't care about having enough water. No. No. They're like, just more water. Okay. I'm going to say poo. Diarrhea. That's what Americans care about. You're locking in poo?

Yeah. Double poo? Double poo. Double poo. All in on poo. Alright. All in. Okay, so let's go through the answers here.

Teenage contestant was caught trying to cheat by adding soap to his team's slip and slide. That was the house. Boo. No matter how hard they tried, they couldn't slip nor slide. That was Dave. Yes, that's true. Love the phrasing there. Water restrictions.

That was Ting. Contestant suing after having a really big swollen cock. That was the house. Meaning the correct answer was it was shut down due to the spread of explosive diarrhea. Yeah! I got one point. Cop that house.

Cop it, house. Yeah. So, Jake, that's one point to Dave and one point to Ting. Yeah! Do you want to give us a score check, Jake, while we're here? Absolutely, may I? The house is on four. Yeah.

Dave is on five. And Ting is on one. Yeah, thank you. So Dave out in the lead now. Yeah. It was like the thing I said before. The funnier you are, the less you... To be fair, he just got called virgin that's true so that's okay

you can win yeah okay he's a virgin not something that ever i'm not ting i told you i'm not by choice i am not a virgin by choice it's not by choice it is certainly not by choice i got married and still fucking nothing. I'm not a virgin, though. Okay. Didn't just admit it. And seeing that, it's probably something your mum's never been accused of either, right?

Yeah, no. I mean, because she's got a kid. I mean, because she's got a kid. How could she be a virgin? Artificial insemination. You're right. You guys had me. Geez, they're good, aren't they?

It's nice to have a bit of back and forth with them there, though. Alright. Is this anything? It's good. I've had artwork made and everything for this show. It's too late to fail all right question number six second last question this comes from Julia J from New South Wales I thought that might have got a boo but I thought I was told you got don't you hate people from south of the border up here? No. Okay, great.

I don't. You do? Only during State of Origin, is that? Yeah, Queensland. State of Origin. I was once, my sister lives up here, and I was once staying at her place, and she used to live in like an apartment block, balconies all

over it, and one night when the State of Origin was on, and Queensland were doing well as they always do, and you could just hear after every try, people went out onto their balconies and screamed, Queenslander! So you could just hear it popping off from all levels in the sky. It was wild. What is wrong with you people? It was electric. It was wild. What is wrong with you people?

It was electric. It was great. I loved it. I remember the first time I sat on the bus and the maroons won and everyone just got really drunk and started singing a song and it was my first time on the bus. Everyone was like, let's say Queenslander 4170 or some poster code and I was like, oh, this is sweet.

Is this what bus travel is all about? Yeah! It was really cool, I liked it actually Lovely, I love your culture up here That's the culture Alright so question number six It's a music question, what was the lead single from American country singer Ray Stevens' 1984 album He Thinks He's Ray Stevens?

Sorry, could you repeat that? What was the lead single from American country singer Ray Stevens' 1984 album He Thinks He's Ray Stevens? So you just have to come up with a country music title by a man called Ray Stevens. Country music title by a man called Ray Stevens. And while you're writing those answers, here is some more information on the ultimate slip and slide. Hosted by Bobby Moynihan and Ron Funches,

ultimate slip and slide is described as a fresh take on Wham-O's iconic 1960s outdoor game that takes the spirit of the classic backyard slide and transforms it into a real-life water park full of gigantic slippery rides with the chance to take home some big cash prizes. Up to 40 crew members fell violently ill on set. A source with knowledge of the production said an outbreak of, quote,

awful explosive diarrho diarrhea led to people collapsing on set and being forced to run to porta potties ew sagely noted that explosive diarrhea is quote not what you want at the best of times and very much not what you want on a set involving slip and slides i think that that is that is wise and that's what you that's what you want on a set involving slip and slides. I think that is wise. And that's what you get when you read EW. A bit of insight. It's pretty slippery though, isn't it?

Oh, yeah, true. What you don't want to be is like some outbreak of really firm poo. Yeah, that's awful. But I don't know if you can have that as an outbreak. Oh, no, we've all got really firm poos. Explosive firm poos. Shunelo bullets. Just go hit my strap.

Oh, that's awful. So here's question number six. What was the lead single from American country singer Ray Stevens' 1984 album He Thinks He's Ray Stevens? Okay, so you've got five options. Are you ready? I think, Ting, you get first dibs at this one. All right. Shooting for the Stars with my Smith and Wesson.

Eating my baby because it's all I have kissing you goodbye bracket get your tongue out of my mouth who is Ray Stevens Oh I'm Ray Stevens I think I'm Ray Stevens? Oh, I'm Ray Stevens. I think I'm Ray Stevens. No, you got the wrong guy. I might have memory loss. Who's Ray Stevens? Or, giddy up and boogie down. Open bracket, boot scooting with my baby. Another open bracket. Another open bracket.

Another open bracket, my baby is a horse. Close bracket, close bracket. Another open bracket. Another open bracket. My baby is a horse. Close bracket, close bracket. So you've got five answers. One of these was a real song. Released as a single. Shooting for the stars with my Smith and Wesson. Eating my baby.

Because it's all I have kissing you goodbye get your tongue out of my mouth who is Ray Stevens? Oh I'm Ray Stevens I think I'm Ray Stevens no you got the wrong guy, I might have memory loss who's Ray Stevens? or giddy up and boogie down

boot scooting with my baby, my baby is a horse so you got five good, solid options there, Ting. Wow. Yeah. It doesn't... It's tricky. I mean, like, someone wouldn't eat a baby and make a song about it. I mean, country people are pretty fucked up.

I mean, like, what was the other ones? Which one did you know? The first one? What was the first one? Sorry. I can't see it. What's the first one? Shooting at the Sky. Shooting for the Stars with my

Smith and Wesson. Shooting for the Stars. I don't think you really got the play on words there at all. Shooting for the stars is like going big. But he's also literally shooting a gun. Shooting it with his gun.

But you thought he was just shooting... Yeah. Shooting at the stars. Okay. Yeah. I told you, they're pretty fucked up people. Then you had eaten my baby

because it's all I have. Kissing you goodbye. Get your tongue out of my mouth. Who is Ray Stevens? Oh, I am Ray Stevens. Who's Ray Stevens? Or giddy up and boogie down, boot scooting with my baby. My baby's a horse.

I think the first one. First one? Yeah. Shooting for the stars with my Smith and Wesson. Lock that in for Ting. Someone scoffed at you guessing that. Yeah. You've scoffed?

I was laughing at how you were typing. Oh. Okay, yeah. He scoffed at your typing. I'm getting heckled based on how I'm using my laptop. There's no way you're getting 180 words per minute with that technique. I've got a beer in one hand, a mock in the other. It's not that. It's simple.

Matt, you know, I could have just been typing for you this whole time as a shared dog. I'm sorry, I didn't try. Could you do that? Just put it there, initial after the one they guess. Yeah. Fuck. Second last question, we figure that out.

And it's me being generous saying we figured it out. Alright, Dave, what are you thinking? I'm thinking, get your tongue out of my mouth. No? Okay, you want to stay in my mouth oh do you know that do you know the work of Ray Stevens no you got a vibe for it and he's not writing about tongues you think that that's the least ridiculous one what Out of all the answers. What would you have locked in, honestly? Calm. Did you say calm?

Yeah. Were you daydreaming? You just snapped out of a daydream. The baby one. Which one would you lock in? Calm. Okay. I don't know what game you're playing. Which one would you lock in? Come. Okay. I don't know what game you're playing.

It sounds like fun, to be honest. Dave wouldn't be able to play that game. I can come. I'm doubling down then, Matt. I'm going to go with the get your tongue out of my mouth. Alright. So let's go through the answers here. Eating my baby, because it's all I have.

That was written by Dave. Fantastic. I'm really hungry. Who is Ray Stevens? Oh, I'm Ray Stevens. I think I'm Ray Stevens. No, you got the wrong guy. I might have memory loss.

Who's Ray Stevens? That was Ting. Giddy up and boogie down, boot scooting with my baby. My baby's a horse. That was The House. It doesn't look so stupid now, does it? So one of you is correct. Unfortunately, it's not Ting.

It's not Shooting for the Stars with my Smith and Wesson. That was written by the house. The correct answer is kissing you goodbye. Get your tongue out of my mouth. What can I say? I know my country. I know. Also, I knew the other one probably wasn't when Matt got super defensive about,

I can't believe you don't get the meaning of shooting at the stars. I should have... You got really defensive. Yeah. That's actually really clever, Dave. I don't think I ever said really clever. Well, it felt like it.

I'm still the same man. All right. Matt Stewart. So, Jake, that is one point for Dave and one point for the house. Do you reckon you could give us a quick score check there, please? Absolutely. It would be my pleasure. The house is on five.

Ting is on one. And Dave is on six. Woo! All six. Alright, so going into the last round, Dave is leading. I believe in you, Ting. Thank you. Do we get extra points for the last question?

Yeah, well, I've done that once before when someone requested it and I'm putting in a request. Really? So you're five points behind points behind you get two points up for grabs so I'm just gonna lose if I win what if you say would say what does that mean we need it trip points what about each question each one's worth a thousand yes I don't think we need to quite go that far. Okay. I might be overkill. I reckon we go triple points final round.

And that happens only when requested, which has happened twice in four episodes. Comedians don't like to lose. All right, so that means you could get a maximum of six points now, leveling Dave. So you could go out joint champions here. Is that true? Yeah.

Is that right? Triple points. She can get a maximum of two. Yeah, but there's three. So that's six points maximum. Does she be out? Okay. But she already has one.

So that's seven. So it's seven. I see now what you're doing. Thank you so much. You can level Dave, and then we'll find that point you got earlier. We'll chuck it on the file. Repeat it.

I think this showed me... You asked him the score like five minutes ago. Like, the point. Feels like longer. All right. Okay. Here is question number seven, the final question. We always finish with a film synopsis

question. Okay. And the final question comes from Dave Bedard in New Hampshire. That's obviously not a real place. And Dave Bedard's question is what is the synopsis for the 2010 film Rubber? What is the synopsis

for the 2010 film Rubber. What is the synopsis for the 2010 film Rubber? So you've just got to give us a brief synopsis here, short paragraph, maybe two, maybe three sentences, whatever you like. And while you're writing that out, I'm going to give a little bit more information about Ray Stevens. Ray, is that you

that's so stupid why would that be Ray imagine if it was Ray that would have been actually really cool would have been hard to even finish the show if Ray was here

surely we'd go Ray do you mind and he'd say alright for old, for old time's sake. Now, to sing it properly, you're going to have to put your tongue in my mouth. So here's some more info on Ray. He was born on the 24th of January 1939. His real name is... I can't believe he has a stage name Ray Stevens

when his real name is Harold Ray Ragsdale. Why would you change that? Fuck, that's a good name. He's an American country pop and novelty singer-songwriter known for his Grammy-winning recordings Everything is Beautiful and Misty, as well as hits such as Guitarzan, and The Streak. I looked up the streak, Dave. Do you remember when Barney Gumbel in the Simpsons flashback episode streaked through the graduation? And there's this quick bit that says,

there goes the streak. That's Ray Stevens. What? Whoa. Do you believe that? What are the odds? Quite high. Or low.

He's received multiple gold albums and worked as a producer, music arranger and television host. He's also an inductee into the Nashville Songwriters Hall of Fame, the Georgia Music Hall of Fame, the Christian Music Hall of Fame and the Country Music Hall of Fame and Museum. And Museum. I have to give a bit more info because

this is obviously the longest one I have to write out. Some of his other songs he's recorded include Bagpipes, That's My Bag. Which is awesome. But this one is made, I love a long country title. And this one's made... I love a long country title. And this one's great. A lot going on here.

If 10% is good enough for Jesus, open bracket, it ought to be good enough for Uncle Sam. I guess that's like a... What? I don't... What is... What's 10... What is Jesus getting 10% of?

It doesn't matter. Question without notice there. The answers are in. We'll have to leave that until next week. Okay. So the question, the final question for the show,

what is the synopsis for the 2010 film Rubber? You've got five options here. A homicidal car tyre discovering it has destructive psionic power sets its sights on a desert town

once a mysterious woman becomes its obsession. That's option number one. I didn't see the second bit coming. Anyway, option number two. A guy... raced even. Now, what are the odds of that? A guy, Ray Stephen meets a girl at the slip and slide TV show They both contracted

explosive diarrhea and ended up in the same hospital One night a rubber magically appears and they made sweet love while Ray Stevens sang. The end. I'm not going to lie, I would see that film. Even though they've given away the whole movie. Including the end.

That's the big bit. So that's the second option. Third option. Jimmy gets more than he bargained for when it turns out the condom provided by his one night stand has an insatiable hunger for cock. Does it just start eating you? What is it?

That's all it says. I haven't seen this film. Yet. Saving it for a special occasion. Next one. A rubber ducky comes to life and seeks revenge for all the times it was taken into the bath.

You see this duck hates water but it loves violence. Or finally, due to a misunderstanding due to a misunderstanding a genie gives sentience to a giant

inflatable rubber ducky a coming of age film the duck goes on to have the night of its life well two very

different ducks there yeah that's a lot of ducks are we sure that one of those isn't rubber and rubber too

alright so you got the car tyre you got the one that has a those isn't rubber and rubber too? Alright, so you've got the car tyre. You've got the one that has a lot of Ray Stevens and diarrhea. You've got the one with the condom that has an insatiable hunger for cock. And then you have the two rubber ducky ones. One that's really violent and the other one where he has the night of his life. So, five good options. I think we're back to you

Dave for the final question. Don't put this on me. So I think you need to score then at least if you get one point here which is three points, you win. But if you get no points and Ting gets maximum points, Ting wins.

Is that right? But what about the fucking house? Yeah. Is the house playing for triple points? Yeah, we'll know. No, no, no. Honestly, our adjudicator has spoken. Yeah.

I appreciate that. The judge has spoken. We're all playing for triple points here. So whatever you do, don't pick a house option. Don't pick a house option. Rubber. What is rubber? Yeah.

It's like a bouncy substance. Is that how you describe it? Bouncy? Oh, it's flubber. That's great. That's right. Sorry. Just in case the mic didn't pick that up,

someone said that's flubber And that's very funny Oh, this is so tricky I think the first one really made me laugh A car tyre Read it out again A homicidal car tyre Discovering it has destructive psionic power

Sets its sights on a desert town Once a mysterious woman becomes its obsession. Fuck, I'd watch all these movies so much. Is that so bad it's good? Maybe not the diary one. I'm getting a nod from you. Lock it in, car tyre. Car tyre for Dave, Jake, that's

option one. Ting, what are you thinking? The duck. Okay. I know there are two options. So one duck, well, comes to life. The other one gains sentience. What is that? So one of them is a revenge-seeking duck and the other one is coming of age.

Coming of age. Which is hard to fully understand what that means for a duck that doesn't have an age. I guess its age is today. Revenge duck. Revenge duck. I like revenge duck. That's a beautiful duck selection there.

Okay, so let's go through the options here. Due to a misunderstanding, a genie gives sentience to a giant inflatable rubber ducky. Coming of age film, the duck goes on to have the night of its life. That was the house. So you dodged that one. Well done. Jimmy gets more than he bargained for. When it turns out the condom provided by his one night stand has an insatiable hunger for cock.

That was also the house. So the house. No points for the house in this final round. Yeah! Suck it, house! Whatever happens, the house cannot win. Yes! So it's down to two contestants here.

Ting and Dave. The only two contestants. Who else is there? A guy... This is going to shock people again. A guy, Ray Stephen, meets a girl. They both have a lot of shit on their sides. The end.

That was Ting. Ting, the one Ting picked, a rubber ducky comes to life and seeks revenge. That was written by Dave. Sorry. Meaning the correct answer is a homicidal car tyre, discovering it has destructive psionic power, sets its sights on a desert town,

once a mysterious woman becomes its obsession. I tried to pick the worst one. A tyre tries to kill a woman with psionic powers. So that means Jake Dave gets the maximum six. Ting in the house get nought. How many points? I'll get a final score from you in a second. But before that, just a quick review of the film rubber from Tom long

in the Detroit news he gave the film a B saying rubber will undoubtedly be the best film about a round-hollow serial killer so that you know that's our race Detroit, you know, that's Motown, that's Car City. Car City's actually a car dealership in Moorabbin, but... Keep your eyes open for a bargain. Car City. You wouldn't know that, but... You have Car City up here? That would go off in Melbourne.

Yeah. All right, so can we get a final score check, Jake, please? Absolutely. So the house is on a total of five. Five points. Even after I've lost. Ting is on a total of one.

And the virgin. Sorry. Did you get the paperwork through your tape? That is slander. One short of a baker's dozen, which is a traditional dozen, at 12. Thank you. I think it's always important to put numbers through the prism of the baker's dozen, even when they are the traditional dozen. All right. Well done, Dave. Congratulations. Baker's Dozen. Even when they are the traditional dozen. Alright.

Well done, Dave. Congratulations. As the winner, do you want to tell us where people can find you? Find me having sex, because I do it all the time. All the time. All the time. Chuck Waller! Chuck Waller!

Chuck Waller! You can find me on the Book Cheat Podcast and the Do Go On Podcast. And we're doing Stand Up here later. Ting, where can people find you? Brisbane. Thanks. You can find me on my socials, Ting Lim Comedy,

on Instagram and Facebook. And usually I'm here or at Sit Down Comedy Club. And you're also, for people listening at home, you're also in the middle of a nationwide tour? Yeah, yeah, the multicultural gala. So I'm doing Toowoomba. I know! I try to zhuzh it up, the national thing.

I don't know. Have you come to Melbourne yet? Melbourne? No, we're going to be in Melbourne at some point, but I'm not sure yet. But I'm going to be doing Outback Queensland. And, yeah, that's me. Thank you.

You can find them online. It's a great resource. Yeah. Have you heard of the internet? So thanks so much for joining us. This is a brand new show. Please, if you enjoyed, tell your friends and give us a review for joining us. This is a brand new show. Please, if you enjoyed, tell your friends and give us a review if you want.

Five stars, ideally. Yeah. And if you wanted to, it'd be really funny and you'd really mess me up if you gave me five stars and then wrote down something like, Rubber will undoubtedly be the best film about a round-hollow serial killer released this year. I don't really have a sign-off for the show yet.

Maybe I can just... Can I put this on you Ting just say I'll say I'll thank you and then you do some sort of sign off for this show and say goodnight

or whatever okay thanks so much for joining us big round of applause for Dave and Ting and Jake and Good Chat Comedy

for having us we really appreciate our favourite comedy venue in Brisbane and Ting as we always say here a good what's the show called how do you who knew it Good chat, comedy for having us. We really appreciate our favourite comedy venue in Brisbane. And Ting, as we always say here at Good... What's the show called? How do you... Who Knew It.

Who Knew It with Matt Stewart. As we always say here. Yeah, Matt Stewart should remember the show name. Thank you. Hang around for a beer at the desk.