Who Knew It with Matt Stewart - 5 - Jess Perkins and Sammy Petersen

Episode Date: October 10, 2022

Who Knew It with Matt Stewart is a new comedy game show podcast hosted by Australian comedian Matt Stewart. The fifth episode features guests Jess Perkins and Sammy Peterson!Check out Matt's stand up special FREE on YouTube: https://youtu.be/cWStRpI-BhESupport the show via http://patreon.com/dogoonpod and you can submit questions for the show!See the show live, get tickets via: https://www.mattstewartcomedy.com/Check out Jess and Matt's podcast network and get tickets to his/their live shows in Australia and the UK: https://dogoonpod.com/Check out Sammy's website/popcast: https://confessionsoftheidiots.com/Theme song by Evan Munro-Smith and Logo by @muzdoodles! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello, it's the titular Matt Stewart here just letting you know that me and Saranja Amana are at the Melbourne International Comedy Festival. We're on every night. Chinese Museum and then for the second half of the festival at the Grace Darling Hotel and we'd love to see you there. Use the discount code DOGOON and we'll see you at the shows. Also in Sydney and Brisbane, the comedy festivals in both those cities with our show Dry Dry. Would love to see you at all of those shows. Come to each one. Now on with the show. As women, our life stages come with unique risk factors.

Like when our estrogen levels drop during menopause, causing the risk of heart disease to go up. Know your risks. Visit heartandstroke.ca. Welcome to Who Knew It with Matt Stewart, the show where the guests write the wrong answers. I'm the titular Matt Stewart, and this week I'm joined by friend and comedian Jess Perkins. Hello Matt, my friend and comedian. Welcome to the show. It's so good to have you here. Thank you, I was clapping for myself. It's great to be here. This is one of my favourite

podcasts. That's very nice. You're on the first ever and it is so good to have you back here on the fifth ever. Yeah, I said to you, I said, Matt, I'll only ever be on episodes with one and or five in the time. So I'll see you at episode 10? Yep. 15? Well, 11. 11?

12. 12? 13. Oh, yeah, okay. You're going to have a busy couple of months soon. But then I'll have a good break at the 20s. You'll be cruising after that. Yeah, okay, great, until 25.

Yeah. And then 35. Yeah, okay, that's a good way to do it. I'm also joined by comedian and friend Sam Peterson. Welcome, Sam. Friend is a stretch. Lovely. Thank you.

Lovely to be here. Wait, from which end is that a stretch? I never thought that I was your friend. You're certainly my friend. But I thought some of the messages that went around today, I was thinking maybe I'm neither of your friend with. Leave the attitude at the door. No, I can only talk to friends in that manner. We joke.

We jest. We jest amongst friends. Just the jest. Okay. So Jess knows how this show works. Sam, you may not. So let me explain to you and any new listeners. Oh, yes.

Wonderful. Perhaps the confessions of the idiots fandom. You know, they're probably all. Yeah, all three of. Perhaps the confessions of the idiots fandom, you know, they're probably all. Yeah, all three of them. And I'm right. That's gone up. Hello, mum. Stuff like that.

You can work on it a bit if you want to. We don't need to. Well, I mean, if your mum is listening for the first time. Cheers. This is how it works. It's pretty simple, really. I ask a question. You have to write a convincing fake answer.

Then I read your answers as well as the real one, and you have to guess which one you think is correct. Pretty straightforward stuff. Yeah, I don't think I want to do this. I'm pulling out now. Okay, there is a door. Oh, thank you. That sounds amazing.

Okay, so here's question number one. Are you ready? Yes. And this one comes from listener Thomas Doppelreiter from Graz in Austria. All the questions these days and from the beginning. All five episodes. Come from our great Patreon supporters. And if you want to get involved, you can go to DoGoOnPod.

No, what is it? Patreon.com slash DoGoOnPod. Oh, my God. Sam, if I could just get that clean. I'll be editing that in. Patreon.com forward slash do go on pod. Yeah, so if you get involved there on any level, you can submit questions.

And this one does come from Thomas, Doppelrider. And this one is, the Mariko Aoki phenomenon describes what? The Mariko Aoki phenomenon describes what? So you've just got to come up with a believable fake phenomenon. That is so vague, somewhere in the back of my head. I almost also messaged the group chat between you and Matt. Just to Matt. And it's fun because then the next time you go to message Matt,

you've just sent him a bunch of absolutely batshit stuff. It's a lot of fun. What was it, Mariko? Mariko Aoki. Aoki. So, yeah, so you've just got to come up with some sort of a phenomenon there. And, yeah, so this is how the scoring works while you're writing your answers. You get one point if your fake answer is guessed by the other contestant

and another point if you correctly guess the answer. So you've got two points up for grabs. And, by the way, I'm also playing as the house. Sorry? As? The house. Thank you. I've put in two of my own fake answers with the help of the question writer

for each question, and I get a point for each one of those that our guests choose. So each one of us can score up to two points per round, which makes it seem pretty fair, but apparently the probability slightly favours me. The house, and the house always wins. Although if you've been listening to previous episodes, you know that is not the case.

Really? Did somebody beat the house? Yeah, I think nearly every week. Really? Not the week I was on. Apart from that one. Okay. So did you do really badly on yours?

No. Look, I had fun. Yep. So there's that. You were pipped. Yeah, that's true. By the house. The house.

So what is the house? Is that the house? Is that just because I've been writing and everything, you might have already explained it, but this is the Patreon people who have decided. Basically I'm the house with the help of the Patreon question writers. Oh, my goodness. So, you know, it's a pretty powerful combination.

It feels incredible. And that's why we are the house with our powers combined. It's really good. I wonder if that is my ringtone. The house. A little bit of SMS. If I ever do get an SMS one day, fingers crossed. Never know.

I did a live episode last week with Dave Warnicke as a guest, and he really gets the crowd booing the house. Dave Warnicke does? He'd be the last person I imagine to get people booing. He really had the whole room up in Brisbane Against the house How did the house feel about it? The house come down?

I kind of liked it He's such a little troublemaker that Dave Warnicke Little stirrer He'll get you in the end won't he? He's fun I'm rarely the villain but being the villain It's good fun Just ask my friend Darth Vader

Can you do an impression Just ask my friend Darth Vader. Can you do an impression? Hello. I am Darth Vader. Do you want me to do an impression? No. Okay. No, sorry.

Matt's got to move on. If you get a point, we'll let you do an impression. Yeah, that's good. You can do an impression for every point you get. Thank you. I've got two. Thank you. So question number one is the Mariko Aoki phenomenon describes what? These are your five options.

The feeling that a family member has been replaced with an imposter. Ooh. I like that. A phenomenon in which a person suffers hallucinations and believes they are a woodland creature, typically a deer or badger. Typical Monday night for me, am I right? Having some fun. I'm a little deer.

The belief that you can play the tuber as well as someone who is classically trained even though you've never tried. Oh, wow. Okay. It describes the wonderful philosophy of live, life, love. Oh. Interesting. Or the sudden urge to defecate when you enter a bookstore.

Right. Oh, that's so specific. Yeah. Well, are you saying that because you're on the road? Are you trying to throw me off? Yes. Is this what happens on this game? Oh, it's a real game of bluff and then sometimes double bluff.

Double bluff. Do you need those options again? Yeah, I've forgotten the first one. Yeah, the first one, yeah. So we've got the feeling that a family member has been replaced with an imposter, a phenomenon in which a person suffers hallucinations and believes they are a woodland creature, typically a deer or badger. The belief that you can play the tuba as well as someone

who is classically trained. I want it to be that one. You've never tried. Yeah, and I feel like I have that. It doesn't look that hard. No, no. That all from neighbours could do it. Yeah.

And I'm not allowed to do impressions? That was amazing. No, we weren't doing impressions. We were having a go at the instrument. We were just passing a tuba around. Stop closing your eyes for long periods, Sam. So the fourth option was it describes wonderful philosophy of live, life, love.

Or finally, the sudden urge to defecate when you enter a bookstore? So five very believable and possible answers there. Who wants to have the first crack here? Well, I think I'm going to go with option one. Option one, feeling that a family member has been replaced by an imposter. Yes, because, you know, I famously was an imposter in my family and have fooled them for years and years. So, yeah, I feel like I can relate to this.

We'll remember your mum is listening today, Sam. Oh, goodness, goodness, goodness. That was Jessica's voice. That was me. I was doing an impression of Sam. You safely got out of it. She did the facial palsy and all. It was quite offensive.

Sam, I got away with that actually. It is a podcast. Yeah, I was thinking it felt like one or five was the most. But five is so specific. Was five defecating? Yeah, defecating in a bookstore specifically. Well, I mean, you know what it is, a specific phenomenon, the Mariko Aoki phenomenon.

Woodland creatures. I don't think it's the tuba one just because of how it's written. Yep. It feels written quite poorly. Poorly. I don't think it's poorly written. I didn't say that. I don't think it's live, laugh, love because I know Sam Peterson.

So I'm going to go number five. I'm going to go defecating in a bookshop. I love that. Would you describe me as a live, laugh, love kind of guy? Yep. Okay. Thank you. Let's just see how accurate you were there, Jess,

believing that Sam wrote the live life love one. You were correct. That was Sam. Got me a beauty. Had to wake up pretty early today to catch Jessica Perkins out. The poorly written Tuba one was me, the house. Oh, the house. I never said poorly written.

I thought it, but I never said that. The difference between you and me is I've got unlimited time to write this. So when it's poorly written, that just really reflects badly on me. It's really on you, that one. The one that, jeez, I'm very proud of myself. I didn't laugh through about the deer or badger. That was Jess. Oh, that's good.

That's really good. Yeah, woodland creature. So Sam or Jess gets a point here. Oh, that's exciting. And has Jess already got a point for guessing mine? No. Oh, okay. I'm going to add a point for you. No, I think everyone Jess gets a point here. Oh, that's exciting. And has Jess already got a point for guessing mine? No. Oh, okay. I'm going to add a point for you. No, I think everyone can get a you know, a thousand guys, everyone gets points

all the time. Let's just do it. I'm just glad you didn't sign off. This one was by Sam. Yeah, by Sam Peterson. I had to edit on the run there. So Sam, you selected everyone's been Replaced With An Imposter. That was written by the house.

So Jess was correct. It is the sudden urge to defecate when you enter a bookstore. It's very specific. And as a real bookworm, I would hate to have this. Which you are not. I love to read. Do you love to read? What's the latest book you read?

A book. Some people say that if a bookstore causes you to do a defecation, the defecation can be called a bookworm in itself if it's long and narrow. But I wouldn't say that. But that's what some people say. Can I say that? You can say that. I think it's quite good.

If you could edit your bit out and I'll do it. It's a little bit of a quip. Matt Stewart, classic, loves to talk poo. Are you a big poo guy these Stewart, classic, loves to talk poo. Yeah. Are you a big poo guy these days? No, not at all. This is the second episode in a row that a question has related to it, though. And I think we'll be taking a break from that for a while.

You've got a real brain going at the moment. I'm going to move away from poop. All right. So before we move on to round two, do you want a quick score update there? No, I'm good, actually. I think I'm really good with the score update at the moment. Sam's got none. We know that. You don't need to keep telling me. Oh, I'm sorry, actually. I think I'm really good with the score update at the moment. Sam's got none. We know that. You don't need to keep telling me.

Can't do his Darth Vader yet. And the house is also on one. I know what you're going to do. It's a bit of fun. I hope I get a point now. I remember the first time, so the first time Matt came on, my podcast, you came on the first ever episode. Did I really? Yeah, you did. And I wasn't very good and still

quite, not that good yet. Who was the guest? Stephen Curry. And yeah, I did it and I kept... That was the first episode. Yeah, and I kept going, like doing the confessions and on the podcast I read out different Reddit confessions and I did one and then I was like, and let's play the next game

and you just went, game? This isn't a game. I was like, you're so right. I, for some reason in my head, thought it was a game show all of a sudden. It was a quiz show all of a sudden. And the next game. It's the same as the game we just played. It's exactly the same.

This is a little bit delayed. I apologise for that. No, it was very funny. It was very funny. It was just so like me trying to make it a quiz show. You've got to call him out on his bullshit. I actually do. It's so wild.

I forget that I was with the Castle Zone, Stephen Curry. He's in Thor, Love and Thunder. I'll have you know. Yeah. With Soren Jayamana, the previous guest of this show. Is Soren in that? Yes. Oh, my goodness.

Who does Soren? Of course he is. Of course I am. I'm so sorry. He's a part of the play. He plays a stage hand. Yeah. You know the play bit?

They do flashbacks. Have you seen it? No. Okay, then don't worry about it. Yeah, don't worry about it. I played along like I had. Yeah, just watch it. All right.

Hey, that. You're like, who's he play? And it's like, oh, he's Thor. So it's clear you haven't seen it because you wouldn't be asking such a stupid question. I don't need to do this right now. All right, here's question number two. The next game.

Oh, yeah, the next game. Let's play another game. It's the same as the last one. I love these games. We've got a big board game ad right now. We're playing another game. So this one comes from David Malofsky from London and A Place to Hang Your Cape.

He's a big, that's his website. He's a big. I thought you just meant London, which is a place to hang your cape. I think that's true too. It is actually true. But he runs like it's a website for comic book stuff. Oh, wow. Appropriately, his question is a comic book related question.

Okay. Herbie Popnecker was a comic book character in the 1960s who gained superpowers from eating a specific type of food. What is the food and what superpowers does it grant him? What decade was this? 1960s. The 60s. What's a big food in the 60s?

Oh, 1960s food. Herbie. Popnecker. Popnecker. Yes. That's good stuff. While you're writing your answers, I'm going to tell the audience a little bit more information about the Mariko Aoki phenomenon.

And this comes from Men's Health magazine. At some point in the mid-1980s, the story goes, a Japanese woman named Mariko Aoki wrote a letter to a magazine confessing that she sometimes urgently felt the need to poop whenever she entered a bookstore. Aoki, as it turned out, wasn't alone. In the weeks that followed, many other people wrote in explaining that they too

felt the same urge in bookstores and libraries. And while the Mariko Aoki phenomenon hasn't been medically or scientifically proven, some doctors do say they have anecdotal evidence to support the connection between these quiet spaces and their ability to move your bowels. Beautifully written there. That is nice. By Men's Health magazine. Can I just check before I hit send on this one that we are essentially just sending you a type of food?

A type of food and the powers that gives you. Question is, Herbie Popnecker was a comic book character in the 1960s who gained superpowers from eating a specific type of food. What is the food and what superpowers does it grant him? I've just locked mine in. Okay. I've locked it in. Okay.

We've got the same case, Jess, and that's fun. Do we? Nah, it's different. Gotcha. I nearly turned mine around. This is a game of bluff and double bluff. I think I won that round. And Jess just stumbled right into a trap.

Getting very close to doing my Hugh Grant impression. It's going to be very good. Can you do any impressions? Yeah, you name one, I can do anything. Well, the tuba, which you were playing before, I thought was an impression because I didn't see the tuba because it was below the desk. Okay, can you do Kermit the Frag?

Very famous character, Kermit the Frag. Hello, I am Kermit the Frag Hello I am Kermit the Frag That was really good That's very good How about Elmo I am Elmo That's very good as well That is very good

I dipped my hat off to you So that's very good Matt's actually incredible Yeah Who's this No you haven't got a point No point no impression I was going to do an Elmo one, though.

You can't. All right. So I just can't do any impressions until. Have you won a point? No, I have not. Can we get a score update? Okay, quick score update. Jess is on one point.

Yep. House is on one point. That's interesting. Sam, if that's American Coy. That's how you say it. Zero points. That's interesting. Okay.

All right. Pretty close. But we're up to question two. Another chance for points. The question was, Herbie Popnecker, comic book character from the 60s, what is the food he ate and what superpowers does it grant him? Here are your five options.

Corn chowder gave him the power of flight. Lollipops gave him super strength and time travel. Oh, wow. Lollipops gave him super strength and time travel. Oh, wow. Lollipops gave him all that. Yeah. Holy shit. Herbie was, this is option three, Herbie was known for feeding his pet an abundance of spinach,

vomiting it up, then eating it again. This gave him the powers to run, jump and kick all manner of ass. You were typing for so long. That's not the end of it, is it? But not love. Could never love. Okay. Never gave him the power to love.

Nothing ever can, really. If you don't have it. Yeah. That's like a standard genie rule as well. They can never give you love, can they? No, you can never give you love. I know that comic book so well that I knew that up by heart. I think I would like to instill a rule in this game of I get a point

if I could guess which one was Sam's answer. I don't think that's fair, though, because that wasn't me, though. We haven't heard all of them. Matt, quick, go. Make time, kid. Option four. Unsent. Kiwi fruit, which turned him into a werewolf creature,

but only if he eats the skin. And finally, spam gives him the ability to become a spicy ham man. Spicing it up, ham style. That's got to be you. Okay, so you've got five options there. Do you need them again? Yeah, sure. So you've got corn chowder and the power of flight.

Lollipops, super strength and time travel Vomited up spinach The power to run, jump But not love, yep I don't need to read all that Read the whole thing I need to hear all of it Run, jump and kick I love that super powers are things that a lot of people can do

But not kick ass Run, jump and kick Oh, that's true Yeah, that's not guaranteed So is it also kick ass. Oh, that's true. Yeah. That's not guaranteed. So is it also running ass? Yes, it's running ass. It's kicking ass. Okay, yeah, okay.

It's kissing ass. All right. Jumping ass. But not loving ass. You can never love ass. Then you had kiwi fruit or the skin of the kiwi fruit and the powers of becoming a werewolf creature or spam, giving him the ability to become Spicy Ham.

Okay, so you've got five fantastic options there. Who went first last time? I did. Okay, let's suggest you've got first dibs here. I'm thinking like because it's the 60s. No, it's not. It's 2021. I'm having some fun.

2022, it's just like it was. Oh, this question, Sam. It's actually my go to answer is the thing though yeah sure sorry just want to clarify um for anybody listening sam and i are good friends i'm just i just have no idea and they're like god these two just cannot get along jinx that was fun that was a very good friends we're having a bit of fun. So, yeah, where are you thinking here? So I'm thinking like because I don't really know what corn chowder is, but it feels like something old.

I think it's a soup sort of thing. Yeah, it's like a thick soup. I only know it from The Simpsons where Mayor Quimby's brother or something says chowder. Chowder. Chowder. It's chowder. Say it right, Frenchie.

So, yeah, I'm trying to do a bit of a Matt Stewart and like actually figure things out rather than just going with my gut. Chowder Chowder It's chowder Say it right Frenchy So yeah I'm trying to do a bit of a Matt Stewart And like actually figure things out Rather than just going with my gut And then I also thought maybe spam Because I thought if it's a comic It might be like Aimed at kids

Trying to get them to eat stuff But then I don't think They're trying to get them to eat something I think they would be marketing it Something that children would eat Yeah Imagine as well that In this world Spam is like a healthy food.

Exactly, yeah. And if it wasn't spicy ham man or something, I'd be like maybe that. If you're thinking it's a food that you want kids to have, then I think you should look at the spinach option. True, that's true. Spinach filled with iron. Fed to the pet, I believe, wasn't it? Yes.

And then the pet vomits it? Yep. And then eats it again. Eats it again. Yeah, I'm going to go with lollipop. That's interesting. I'm going to lock in Spam. Spam.

Okay, you think spicy ham, man. I think so. I think spicy ham, man. Okay. And then I'm going to need a score update real quick. I feel like doing my impression tootswit. And Sam, can I just double check? You are trying to win this game?

Trying to win this game. That is correct. Let's lock that in as well. Okay. Just want to double check. You can also do the same. You can lock in the same answer. You can lock in the same answer.

Can I lock in? No, I'm going to keep. Yeah, yeah. Okay. Yeah, you can certainly both go for the same if you think. It's fine. I'm going to. If you wanted to get a point at any stage. If you thought the lollipop one was correct, you could go for that. I'm going to go. I'm going It's fine. I'm going to. If you wanted to get a point at any stage.

If you thought the lollipop one was correct, you could go for that. I'm going to go. I'm going to. Okay. I'm going to go chowder instead. I'm going to change it. I'm going to change it. I'm going to go chowder.

I'm going to lock in chowder. Now I'm going to need a point update real quick. Okay, great. All right. Well, you dodged a bullet there because spam man, that was the house. You don't say. That was the house. I find spam so funny because Spam Man, that was the house. You don't say. That was the house. I find Spam so funny.

Spam is good. Always have, always will. I had to look up what it meant. I'm like, what is Spam a portmanteau of? I didn't know it was spiced ham. Oh. I actually didn't know that either. Beautiful meat.

It's a real delicacy. I love the idea of a spicy ham man. I do too. I could just see him kicking ass. Kicking ass. Jumping ass. Running. Running ass.

Probably running ass. But probably not finding love. No, you never can. You never find love. It's hard. It's hard. Who can? Who actually can?

Is there any left out there? Oh, God, I hope so. Praying every night. Kiwi fruit and the werewolf creature. That was also the house. The house. That means the house are out now. No points and the werewolf creature. That was also the house. The house. That means the house are out now. No points for the house this round.

And what was the one, the spinach? The spinach one? Yeah. That was Sam Peterson. I don't know if you're asking like you've forgotten. You wrote that one. I can't remember that one. That was a lovely one.

You just blacked out. Yeah, blacked out. Once again, that means that one of you two has selected the correct answer. Okay. And it wasn't Sam because corn chowder was Jess's answer and Jess correctly guessed it. It was lollipops. So that means two points for Jess Perkins here.

Shouldn't have changed to chowder. That is a killer round. That's an amazing round. Are we going to get a score update soon? If you need it. Yeah, I need it. I mean, basically it's what it was before, but Jess has got two more points. What am I working with? You're still on zero. All right. House you need it. Yeah, I need it. I mean, basically it's what it was before, but Jess has got two more

points. I'm working with. You're still on zero. House is on one. Jess has rocketed up. Quick game's a good game. To first place outright on three points. But it's anybody's game. It is anybody's game. How many questions? Seven questions. All right. And we've done how many? Three?

We've done two. Two of them. Two. So that means we've got an eternity. You could still win ten points and win this game. This is quite and we've done how many? Three? We've done two. Two of them. That means we've got Feels like an eternity. It's not nice. You could still win 10 points and win this game by quite a margin. How are 10 points? What's the last round?

It's quite a few, is it? Well, no, it's five more rounds, two points each. No. Two times five. Let me just add this up. I've already done it for you. Then you're minus three.

No, no. I've already done it for you. I've told you the answer. It's 10. Can we take a break? I'm getting real stressed. All right. Here's question number three.

This one comes from Steve Kayser. I know it's pronounced Kayser because he wrote rhymes with laser. Unless laser is pronounced differently. It's Lyser. Lyser. Go see the Lyser show. And Steve is from Sydney, Ohio, which he calls God's Country slash shithole. And that's a real.

That's like our Sydney. No, a beautiful place. That's a beautiful place. That's a real yin and yang sort of. Isn't it? How you think about your own town. Isn't that, yeah, but that's us. That's humans.

Yeah, that's right. Couldn't have said it better myself. The dichotomy of self. Oh, my God. Self. Is that anything? Yeah. Obviously, we live in one of the most beautiful cities in the entire world, probably number one. Oh, my God. Self. Is that anything? Yeah. Obviously we live in one of the most beautiful cities in the entire world,

probably number one. Brisbane. Love it. But then sometimes I think, God, this is a piece of shit. Yeah. And you're allowed to feel that. You're allowed to feel that. You're allowed to feel the dichotomy of human.

Dichotomy of love. So question number three is what is the ape index? What is the ape index? So while you're writing your answers, I'll let the audience know a little bit more about Herbie Popnecker. And this comes from a website I found called wikipedia.org. Herbie Popnecker is a fictional comic book character who first appeared in Forbidden Worlds issue 73 in December of 1958. He was created by Richard E. Hughes and Ogden Whitney. Herbie is practically always shown with a lollipop,

and lollipops are the main subjects of several stories. Herbie can bop adversaries with his lollipops, immediately defeating him. And bops in inverted commas there, that's what he calls it. Herbie intimidates his adversaries by asking them rhetorically, quote, you want, I should bop you with this here lollipop, which almost always results in them backing down. You want.

That's how it was written. You want, I should hit you. I thought it was a typo, but then somewhere else it said he often drops words out of sentences. Yeah, right. I like this character. Which is a beautiful character trait, isn't it? It's fun.

It's easy to follow. Yeah. It's great. It makes sense. He derives some of his powers from genetics and some from magical lollipops he obtains from a salesman from a mysterious realm called the Unknown. Herbie can carry on detailed conversations with animals and sometimes even inanimate objects who all know him by name.

Quickly reach any location, including other galaxies, by walking through the sky. He can become invisible, cast spells, summon spirits from other dimensions, quickly dispatch all enemies with ease, and travel through time. Herbie is nearly omnipotent. Omnipotent? Omnipotent.

Omnipotent. Omnipotent. Omnipotent. Omnipotent. And more powerful than Satan. Oh. Okay, your answers are in by the looks of it. Fun character.

Okay. Yeah, imagine being like, he in by the looks of it. Okay. Yeah. Imagine being like, he's just a lollipop kid. Yeah. But he's also more powerful than Satan. That's incredible. So it wasn't the spinach one. It was the lollipop one.

We have confirmed that. That has been confirmed. You didn't just stumble upon the correct answer. No. It's interesting. Is it interesting? It is interesting. I'm not sure what it is actually.

Well, to me it was. This is Matt's podcast. This is Matt because sometimes you can do that. Is it interesting? It is interesting actually. I'm not sure that it is actually. Well, to me it was. This is Matt's podcast. This is Matt's podcast. Because Sam, if that happened, there would have been two options that were basically the same. But remember there was only one, the one that you wrote. Oh, okay. Which was ridiculous and quite frankly a piss take

of Matt's fantastic podcast. Yeah, you're borderline taking the piss here, Sam. Opinions. No, it's not pinions. Opinions. No, it's not pinions. Opinions. It's facts. It's opinions. Question number three is what is the ape index?

Here are your five options. A list of all the names of known primates in captivity. Oh. A large book that aids the ape to find its local haunts, stomping ground and groovy dancing spots. That one seems pretty good. Oh, that one seems pretty good. Are we playing golf rules?

By the way, I forgot to check. Are we doing golf rules? Are we doing golf rules? I think that one seems pretty good. We're doing standard sort of. Oh,? Golf rules? I think that one seems pretty good. We're doing standard sort of. Oh Jess, we might both

choose that one. Alright mate. More football rules or basketball rules. Okay yeah, higher score. Yeah cool, just checking,

just checking. Just in case I was missing something but I'm not. That's option number two. Option number three, a measurement of primate sizes.

Option four, the ratio of an individual's arm span relative to their height. God, they all sound pretty good. Why would that be the APE Index? I don't know. Or stands for American Pie Erection Index, measuring how many boners someone gets while watching the classic teen comedy. Oh, God, I can count it.

How many? 55. 55 on the APE Index. On the APE Index, isn't it? Wow. Bloody hell. Yep. Come over one night for a movie, guys.

Lots of fun. Well, I don't think I want to. Okay. Interesting. Each to their own. That's fine. But, yeah, maybe a different film if we can watch something else. It all happens in your free time.

I'll quickly give you the. Schindler's List. He'll give you the options again. A list of all the names of all known primates in captivity. I just don't see how that would be a useful thing. Yeah. Sorry, I'll let you the options again. A list of all the names of all known primates in captivity. I just don't see how that would be a useful thing. Yeah. Sorry, I'll let you read them first. That's a good point.

A large book that aids the ape to find its local haunts, stomping ground and groovy dancing spots. Yeah, actually that one, upon hearing that one again, that does make a bit of sense. It doesn't sound so ridiculous when you hear it again. It is fun that the stomping ground is singular, whereas local haunts and dancing spots are plural. Stomping ground.

Running out of time. A measurement of primate sizes. It's boring, but it's probably. It sounds legit. Yeah. Like the other one before. The ratio of an individual's arm span relative to their height. I don't.

Yeah, okay. Or American pie erection index. Arm span relative to your height. You are the height of your armspan. Right. It's the same. And that's the ape index. Why would we call the ape index?

And what's the ratio? You know what I mean? Like you lie against a wall like this and measure it and then go feet out. It's the same. Have a nap, wake up, measure again. Not only are naps involved. Yeah. It's a nap involved.

Have a quick nap. You don't know anything, Matt. That's why you don't do science. I guess the answers have to be kept pretty short, but if there was another paragraph there, it probably would have mentioned the nap. Am I wrong? We did that in year seven.

I think that means we go back to Sam. Back to you, Sam. You choose first. First crack here. Number think that means we go back to Sam. Back to you, Sam. You choose first. First crack here. Number two does sound really good and believable. Okay, that's the one about groovy dancing. That's the one about groovy dancing. Well, you can both go for the same.

You don't have to leave it for us. I'm going to go with number three. A measurement of primate sizes. Okay. Oh, okay. Like a little baby chimp or something. Yeah. It would be obviously smaller than like a full-grown gorilla.

Which would be six foot. And that's, of course, a measurement of primate size. And what do you want to go for, Jess? I guess then I would be going for, ah, fuck. What was the second one again? Second one was a large book that aids the ape. So the ape is reading it. I assume.

I guess in this case there's one ape or maybe this is just sort of like a. Just a tour guide. Saying the ape, but you're meaning all apes. All apes. To find its local haunts, stomping ground and groovy dancing spots. Yeah, okay. That was the second one. So it's either going to be then a list of all apes' names or something.

Yep. Sounds boring. In going to be then a list of all apes' names or something. Yep, sounds boring. In captivity. It sounds a bit, I don't know what purpose that serves. Or it's the height ratio. So you're ruling out the erection index. I am. Okay. I'm going to go with number one.

Why would it be a book of them? Yeah, go on. It's all of them in captivity. Yeah, all of them. All right. Well, no, that one's not the book. The book one was the one that aids the ape. Yeah, that's right.

You want to do that one? I don't want to do that one. Is that the one you want? The book one? No, I don't want to do the book one. Let's lock that in. Let's lock that one. Well, Jess, if you do want to lock it in, I can't.

No, I don't want to. And you're free to. I don't want to. But you can. I know. All right, let's go through the answers here. The American Pie Erection Index. That was written by the house.

Oh, that was so... How? I was so stoked with that, how that all came together. That's really good. The house is good. How that all came together. It was a beautiful moment. Did you high five yourself?

Yeah. Yeah, you should have. Is that how you do it? You look at one hand and go, right. Because then you can sort of pretend the other hand's coming from someone else. You'll stick your tongue out, concentrate. Then we had a large book that aids the ape. That was written by Sam.

Oh, okay. No one went for that one. You're very good at this. Thank you. We'll need a score update after this. Then we had a list of the names of all known primates in captivity. That was The House. That was written by Steve Kayser.

And it, you know. Like a laser. Like a laser. Steve, you're right. That was a good one. The laser got you. I fell for it, but it's dumb. It's not that dumb.

But so then it's the. Okay. I think I'm really getting the hang of this podcast. A measurement of primate sizes. Sam guessed that one. That was Jess. So the correct one was actually the ratio Of an individual's arm span Relative to their height

That's silly I don't understand What that means I guess it's because Like you know Orangutans and stuff Have longer arms Yeah

Right And the ratio So I'll explain this a bit You know what When you're writing the next one But if you've got An ape index of one That means your span

Is the same Yes If it's more than that Then your arms are longer How was it? Okay. Can you read it again how it was written? The second one or the first one?

Not the second one. The ratio of an individual's arm span. Of an individual's. Arm span relative to their height. Whole time I'm just thinking humans. That's how close-minded I am. Oh, you weren't thinking. Check your privilege.

Yeah, I wasn't thinking about the ape span. Apes have got longer arms. I'm thinking humans. Way longer. Yeah, I wasn't thinking about the ape span. Apes have got longer arms. I'm thinking humans. Way longer arms. No, but you are right. It is normally, it's used mainly for humans. But I'll explain that a little bit further because they say some people do have a longer span than their heart. Right.

And they've got an advantage in things like rock climbing and swimming and stuff. in things like rock climbing and swimming and stuff. So you'll find like people at the high end of certain sports will have an ape ratio, an ape index of more than one. It might be 1.1 or something like that. I just Googled it and the average person is one, so it's the same, which is what I thought. But, yeah, like it's talking about somebody who has an ape index of 1.06 and it's a picture of a man rock climbing.

So, yeah, you're absolutely right. So that means. That's wild. You know, because I love a swim. And when I see a tall person next to me, I'm always like, you've got to weigh more of an advantage. If I see a 50-metre person tall, you're going to be way faster than me. Yeah, they just sort of start and they're already touching the wall.

They're already touching the wall. It's really not very challenging. No. It's not a good workout. They've just got to do little twirls. Little twirls. Jeez, the water displacement would be huge as well. It would be.

It would be a nightmare. Yeah. Oh, God, my nightmares. Quick score check. Oh, yeah, great. Sam on zero. Okay. The house on two.

Okay. Scoring a point there. And Jess maintaining that lead on four points. That's awesome. Four points. Yeah. This is going really well for you. Thank you. Here is question on four points. That's awesome. Four points. Yeah. This is going really well for you. Thank you.

Here is question number four. It comes from Rachel Ball from London. Rachel asks the question, which of these is a real type of mushroom? So basically you've just got to give me a fake mushroom name. You give me a fake mushroom, I'll read out the list. You've got to guess what the real mushroom is. mushroom, I'll read out the list. You've got to guess what the real mushroom is.

It's always a good sign when one of the contestants is laughing at their own idea right off the bat. It's often me, to be honest. Because, you know, people say you're your own worst critic. Is that right? Not me. You're a big fan of what you do. I'm the biggest fan. You're a big fan of what you do.

You should be. I wake up, I look myself in the mirror, I say, fuck, you're funny. You got this. You are so good. Yeah. And you are. And then I roll around laughing. You ruffle.

I ruffle. She's always ruffling. I lameo. Oh. I put my ass back on. Oh, my. You have to, simply to leave that. What am I going to sit on?

Your pants. Do you want to hear a little bit? You've both already got your answers. Nah, let's just move on. Just move on? No, I'm kidding. I'm kidding. I mean, it's basically what you said, though.

So it's also the ape index, also known as the ape factor or gorilla index. It's slang used to describe a measure of the ratio of an individual's arm span relative to their height. A typical ratio is one as identified by the Roman writer, architect, and engineer Vitruvius prior to 15 BC. He noted that a well-made man has an arm span equal to his height. And this was exemplified in Leonardo da Vinci's drawing, The Vitruvian Man. But when you put your arms out, it doesn't look that big, does it? It doesn't. It always looks deceiving, doesn't it?

But I'm really tall. You are really tall. I look out at my arms and I'm like average height person. But then your arms are going through the door. But then I stand up and I tower over people and I go I'm very tall. You do tower over people when you walk into a room. Well, Jess, for listeners who don't know, Jess was the 50-metre person that Sam was referring to earlier.

I was having a little dig. I am not a good swimmer. You're a terrible, terrible swimmer. We'll hog up the whole lane. Yeah, you are in all the world records. Yeah. That's right. It's not fair.

A little ironic that you don't even know how to swim. Yeah. But you are a world record swimmer. That's why I have to do backstroke, otherwise my head is under the water and I drown. I've had to be saved so many times. And it takes eight lifeguards to flip me over. It's basically a puddle to you.

Yeah. But you can drown in a puddle. You can. Based on tax money. It's money, I'm HR. That's why you've got to put fences on pools. Yes. And puddles.

And I will say that as well. That's a PSA. As women, our life stages come with unique risk factors, like high blood pressure developed during pregnancy, which can put us two times more at risk of heart disease or stroke. Know your risks. Visit heartandstroke.ca. So here is question number four.

Which of these is a real type of mushroom? She's laughing. She's cracking up. So can she got a good one? Occasionally you get a question where none of them sound believable. Yeah. I think this might be one of those times. It's often a bird or a fish or a food.

So, yeah, it's going to be bad. Here are your five options. One of these is a real type of mushroom. You've got to guess which one it is. Fungalicious, Fungi Richie, Gary, Trouser Trumpet or Hairy Nuts Disco. One of those is real. One of those is real. Fungalicious, Fungi Richie, Gary, Trouser Trumpet or Hairy Nuts Disco.

I'm locking in Fungi Richie. It's probably Fungalicious but I love Guy Ritchie. Fungi Richie. What was the last one? Hairy Nuts Disco. Yeah, I'm going to look that one up. Good choice. Good quick decisive round.

Yeah, this has been a very, I love it. That game's a good game like you said before. Let's go. You said that. I just thought it was a good point. Was that me? Yeah. All right.

Let's go through the answers. Trouser Trumpet. That was written by the house. Oh, that was a house. Fungaliciouset That was written by the house Oh that was a house Fungalicious That was written by Sam I felt it Yeah

It felt right Gary That was written by Jess That's why I laughed That's funny Oh you like that one the most That's funny That is funny

And funny is funny Meaning that once again One of you is correct Oh my god Come on Let it be Fungi Richie Fungi Richie Was written by the house

Damn it Hairy Nuts Disco Is correct He got a point Oh, my God. Come on. Let it be Fungi Richie. Fungi Richie was written by the house. Damn it. Hairy Nuts Disco is correct. He got a point. We're going to check the scores in a second. Check the scores. Check the scores. Check the scores. Check the scores.

Check the scores. Okay. The scores have tightened up a little. After round number four, Sam on one point. One point. House on three points. And still out in front, Jess on four points. Oh, it's close.

It feels close. Can you say hello, Hugh Grant? Hello, Hugh Grant. Well, yeah, we should say one point. Matt, Matt. Matt. Well, no, we, yeah. I did it.

Like I'd already done my line. You've already done that. But, yeah, okay, you can set it up for context. You can set it up and then we'll do it boring again. Go on. Explain. This is so stupid. Well, no, people probably were already listening, I guess.

No one's just tuning in. No one's tuning in halfway through a podcast. It'd be so weird to jump in halfway. I didn't hear the start. I probably understand the context. So, yeah, you're right. You can just jump in. Okay, here we go.

Oh, hello, Hugh Grant. Aye, aye, aye, aye, aye, aye, aye, aye, aye, aye, aye, aye, aye, aye. Oh, that was, yeah. That. That was so good. Pretty good. I felt like he was in the room. It felt like if I do, if I get another one, can I do my other impression?

No. That's what I'm asking right now. Okay. But we already said when you get a point, you get to do an impression. Yeah. So I don't know why you're asking again. Yes. If I get another.

Oh, thank you. You can do it again. No, I'm going to do a different one. Yes. Yeah. Fantastic. That's fine. Matt, is that okay?

That's okay. Looking at Matt because he's the one who's podcasting. Okay. Well, you wouldn't know based on. Well, yeah. somebody's taken over. Here is question number five. And this one comes from Harry Worrell of Telford in the UK. Harry Worrell?

Harry Worrell from Telford. Are you allowed to do that? We'll be talking a bit on Do Go On, our other podcast, an award-winning podcast about how British people sound and it's all obijobblies. Is it exactly like that? Oh, it's oblijobblies. It depends on the region, but that's the Telphid accent.

Can I try it? What's his surname again? Worrell. Ari Worrell. Ari Worrell, you come back here. You've left your oblijobblies in the doorway, you know. It's easy to catch on. It is easy, isn't it?

It's good. I like it. Fun game. Beautiful language. So, Ari Worrell has written this question. In 1535, what controversial law is King Henry VIII of England said to have introduced? In 1535, what controversial law is King Henry VIII said to have introduced?

I put the of England there in case anyone was like, King Henry VIII of what? Is he some sort of a breakfast cereal mascot or what? I don't understand. We actually don't know. But no, this was the king. Are you taking calls? He was the king of England at the time.

Right. Reportedly. I mean, were any of us actually there? While you're writing your answers, here's a bit more information about the hairy nuts disco mushroom. According to firstnature.com, the hairy nuts disco is initially bright orange. As it grows, it becomes cup shaped and eventually flattens out and its upper surface turns a reddish brown. This fungus is most often found on rotting cases of

sweet chestnuts, but it can also occur on the cupules of various kinds of acorns, most notably of turkey oak. The common name refers to the spiny or hairy outer surfaces of the nut husks upon which the species is found. So, yeah, it gets its name from growing on hairy-looking nuts. I don't know where the disco part comes from, though. How did you come to the correct answer there, by the way? It's pretty ugly. Well, I don't know.

Just a feeling? Just a feeling I had, and I haven't gone with my feelings so far. What have you ugly. I don't know. Just a feeling? Just a feeling I had. And I haven't gone with my feelings so far. What have you gone with? Gone with love. Yes. Always lead with my nose with love. That always comes first.

So it let me down so many times before. Sorry, I just threw up in my mouth. You've just got roasted. Okay. Here is question number five. Are you ready? Hell yeah. In 1535, what controversial law is King Henry VIII said to have introduced?

He introduced a tax on beards, no post on Sundays, the law that you could not have sex with his wife or him unless you first kissed his rump. One drumstick. You look like you were listening for a bit and then at the end you just turned to Sam, shaking your head, which seems, I mean, maybe unwise. He just scored a point in that last round. I know.

I'm trying to help him win. So I was just saying, like, don't pick that one because that one was obviously fucking stupid. Yeah, maybe I was. He just scored a point in that last round. I know. I'm trying to help him win. So I was just saying, like, don't pick that one. Because that one was obviously fucking stupid. Yeah. Whoever wrote it. Whoever wrote it's an idiot. Okay. The fourth option, one drumstick from every household's Sunday roast

had to be donated to the royal family. Well, the ice cream wasn't even invented. Look it up. Freezers didn't exist. Or finally, getting sick of being upstaged by big, beautiful horses during public outings, he made wearing bright colours illegal for livestock and humans alike, unless you were the king.

This meant when he was out on the town, he always stood out and felt special. Okay, so you've got five options there. It's either the kissing of the rump one or the final one. Yeah. And I really feel strongly about the final one. I feel good about it. Because the other ones are very short. They got longer as they went along, didn't they? Which I like. I like longer ones.

Do you need them again, Jess? Or are you ready to lock something in? Just very quickly, you had the tax on beards, no post on Sundays, kissing his rump, donating a drumstick, or horses and people couldn't wear bright colours. Why does tax on beards ring a bell for some reason? It's probably not that. I'm going to also say bright colours.

Nah, I'm going to say tax on beards. Tax on beards for Jess. Tax on beards. Fantastic. I love that. I love seeing how your mind works. I'm not going to tell you. Sam, what are you thinking?

Dangerous place. I'm thinking I think the long one at the end. Long one at the end about the horses? About the horses. That was fun. And we all know that King Henry VIII was all about fun. All about fun. Fun guy.

About the mushroom. Thank you, yes. Yes, thank fun. All about fun. Fun guy. Like the mushroom. Thank you, yes. Yes, thank you. All right. Good night. Put my headphones down. No night. No night.

I'm a little mad. Here are the answers. The one drumstick from every household won. That was written by the house. The house. No post on Sundays. That was written by Jess. Was that no, like, mail?

No post like that? Yeah, it's from Harry Potter. Oh, okay. Love that. Thank you. And a lot of that was based on the life of King Henry VIII. That's right. That's what people don't know.

Also British. That's right. And I think because I was going, and it made me think of Harry Potter. The one about not being able to have sex with him or his wife unless you first kissed his rump, that was the correct one. No, it wasn't. That was Sam's.

That was Sam's. I was surprised then. I got pretty good just then. So once again, one of you has picked the correct answer. This is good. But it wasn't Sam. It was Jess. He introduced attacks on beards.

Wow. The one about livestock not being able to wear bright colours is written by the house. Oh, the house. I try and have one of the house ones being believable and one being so ridiculous that it's unlikely anyone would pick it. But I've found that people keep picking some of them. I love it.

I wanted that to be real. That one, Matt, just for a bit of feedback, was well written. Okay, that was very well written. That sounds like that could have been copy and pasted from like Wikipedia.org. I see. Or sounds like that could have been copy and pasted from like Wikipedia.org. I see. Or other websites. None of them cut and pasted.

They're all put in into words. That's beautiful. Put in into words. By me. You put them into words. It was, yeah. Different beards. That was, well, there's some doubt if that was a true thing or not,

but that is what they say. Wow. So we've only got two questions left. But that means one point there went to the house, one point went to Jess. Do you want another score update? Yeah, I'd love a score update. That would be amazing.

See if I can do my other impressions. Still very tight. Sam on one point. No extra points there for Sam. The house on four points and Jess on five points out in front. This is huge for you. I actually win quite often. Really?

Yeah. You've been on it once before? Huh? Been on this once before? Yeah. Win quite often. I didn't win that time. Did you win the last time?

Oh, you can tell me. Could have all. Basically won. Matt and I play this game every night. Yeah. Every night before bed. Doesn't have to be a podcast. Always the same question.

And actually, really, Matt isn't really playing. I'm just sending him nonsense every night. I think he's blocked me. I award points. Yeah. Okay, Jess, yeah, two points for that one. No, no. He sure is harsh with himself as well.

And I always win. Crushing, crushing, crushing. All right, question number six comes from Jim Bates from Sackett's Harbour in New York. And the question is, what was the nickname of Yankees catcher Bill Dickey? I love these nickname ones. So I've got, for the patrons who suggest topics,

I've written up about 20 different categories. They can use one of them as nicknames. One of them is a date in history. One of them is about mushrooms. That's not true, but it could be. Could be. One's like a word definition, that sort of thing. But, yeah, I love the nickname of one.

So you've got to give him a nickname. What was the nickname of Yankees catcher Bill Dickey? And while you're writing those answers, here's some more information on King Henry VIII's beard tax. According to historicuk.com, there's a bit of a mystery about the beard tax imposed by Henry VIII, and it's not just the mystery of why the heck anyone would want to put a tax on facial hair. After all, there have been many instances of odd taxes. Over the century, there have, for example, been taxes on windows, wallpaper, salt, and in ancient Rome, urine.

and in ancient Rome, urine. At certain points in history, it's been impossible to light yourself to bed with a candle in the house you built of bricks without paying a tax or two. That's specific. The real mystery of Henry's beard tax though is whether it actually existed. Henry VIII has always been a rich source of material

for urban legends. The evidence for it is scant, but the idea of it is so appealing that it regularly turns up on various internet sites. The fact that he's still the source of urban legends in the 21st century would doubtless have pleased Henry's ego. Doubtless. Doubtless.

No doubt in my mind. No doubt. However, the National Archives claims no knowledge of such attacks, so it is not necessarily. I heard that as such a tax. Like an attack. That's right. Nice.

What? No. What is your name? What is your name? I don't know where I am. Give me your badge number. Write you up. Let's get to this one.

I'm excited. I love nicknames. I'm excited to see what you write because I feel like it'll be something real fun. Do you think so? It'll be like a curveball. We won't really know the baseball term. Oh, that's a bit of a baseball term, yeah. Thank you.

And, yeah, you won't know what one it is really. Okay. Because you're not going to go with something silly. Because I'm an accomplished writer. You're an accomplished writer, broadcaster. Okay, so here are your options. Here we go. For the question, what was the nickname of Yankees catcher Bill Dickey?

Yeah. The Sticky Bandit, the Man Nobody Knows, the Wicked Witch, Slippery Dickey or Big Hard Cock? All right, is that one? All right, is that one? Matt, do you feel insulted that, like, you're trying to facilitate a fun game? It is a fun game.

We're all having fun. Somebody comes in and plays and they're just not taking it. Early days, you're figuring out which kind of your friends can handle the responsibility which ones can't who to invite back every five episodes yeah or episodes that end in a one or five um we'll start with the one so we'll start with the five let's see if you go through all this see if you get to that okay uh not if sam's invited back let me tell you no i'm having a great time with okay can i those again? And I don't know which one of those he said. I'm not looking. No, who knows?

Who knows? That's the thing. Who knows? So what was the nickname of Yankees catcher Bill Dickey? The Sticky Bandit? The Man Nobody Knows? That sucks. The Wicked Witch?

Slippery Dickey? Or Big Hard Cock? I like Slippery Dickey. I do like that. So what was his name again? Is his name Dickie? Bill Dickie. Yeah, they've got to do something.

Big Hard Cock makes sense. It does because Dickie. It does make sense to Dickie. But, you know, the man nobody knows, if that's it, I'm going to be so upset. Sounds like a James Bond villain or something. Yeah, it's too long. Yeah, to call that out.

But I'm also, you know, I'm looking at that through an Australian lens where we like to shorten everything. Yeah, you know, Slippery Dicky, Big Hard Cock, The Wicked Witch. These are all fly. All plausible. I'm going either Wicked Witch or Sticky Bandit. I mean, the man nobody knows is only one word longer

than most of the other ones. The man nobody knows. It feels longer. It does feel longer. I think because of no. It feels longer. It does feel longer. I think because of no body, it feels longer. Yes, that's true. No body. I think because he's a catcher, I'm going to say either Sticky Bandit or maybe Wicked Witch. I'm going to say Sticky Bandit.

I'm going to also go for Sticky Bandit. You sure you don't want to change? I'm going to go Big Hard Cock. You sure you don't? I'm going to go Sticky Bandit. Go for the one you like, the slippery one. I'm going to go for the slippery one. Are you locking in the slippery one? I'm locking in the slippery one. Go for the one you like, the slippery one. I'm going to go for the slippery one. Are you locking in the slippery one?

I'm locking in the slippery one. Are you playing this game? It feels like Jess is your puppet master today. Another great nickname. Another great nickname. Jess the Puppet Master Perkins. Oh, my God. That's fantastic.

That's actually really good. That is really good. Do you want to go as your nickname? I'd love that as my nickname. What's my nickname? Little Cock Boy. That's fun. I'll take it. That's fun. I like that. No bad a nickname. What's my nickname? Little Cockboy. That's fine. I'll take it.

That's fine. I like that. No bad nickname. So Sam, you've mentioned nearly every answer. Can you lock one of them in? I'm going to go with all of them. All of the above. I'm going to go with the bandit. Sticky bandit. You've changed. Are you sure? Yeah. I'm going to lock that one in. Feels good. I feel like I've

written three different ones in and had to change them. So that's final. I'm going to look at him. You sure? Yep. Can I change mine? Yes. No, I'm kidding.

Can I change? No, I'm just kidding as well. I was kidding as well. All right. So the options are the answers are Big Hard Cock, Jess May Surprise You. That was written by Sam. God, you're good. I'm very clever.

Really hiding in plain sight your answers. Yeah, very good stuff. Slippery Dicky was written by Sam. God, you're good. I'm very clever. Really hiding in plain sight, your answers. Highbrow. Yeah, very good stuff. Slippery Dickie was written by Jess. I nearly made you change. I felt so bad. I was joking. It's not fair to play with me like that.

Well, I thought it was quite clear that I was telling you to choose the one I'd written. The Wicked Witch. That was written by The House. Oh, okay, okay. Yeah, it's pretty good. As was The Sticky Bandit. Damn.

The right answer is The Man Nobody Knows. Oh, no. I hate that. I hate that so much. What a horrendous nickname. Yeah. It's very unfamiliar, isn't it, though? Yeah.

It's not a fun nickname. Yeah, the crowd aren't calling out, let's go, The Man That Nobody Knows. The Man That Nobody Knows all cares about. That was the other bit. And here's the thing, right? I can't even figure out how that's go, the man that nobody knows or cares about. That was the other bit. And here's the thing, right? I can't even figure out how that's a nickname or a compliment. Like John Eales' nickname was Nobody because nobody's perfect.

Right. That's good. That's a good nickname. I like that. Yeah. But this. Saying nobody knows you. Yeah, that's not as good.

It's not nice. It's not good. I'm keen to actually listen to your explanation. All right, great. Wow, that's a big change in the scores. Yeah, can we check them? It's going to take some time to tally those up. That means that the house scores two points there.

Fuck you, house. Meaning that Sam is on one point, Jess is on five points, but jumping into the lead on six points is the house. That's not going to be me. Honestly. I thought the sticky bandit, that's the Home Alone bad guys nickname. Oh, is it really? That's pretty funny nickname for a catcher, sticky bandit.

Yeah, sticky bandit. We're the sticky bandits. Sticky bandits. And he's going around with masking tape around his hands, picking up things. They were also the wet Bandits at one point. They had a rebrand. You've got to, after Sticky, you've got to have a rebrand

to the Wet Bandits. Sounds very cool. You simply masked. It sounds cool, though. That is pretty cool. I thought Sticky Bandit. Yeah. Okay.

But, yeah, no, I can see. What about Slippery Dicky? Because then I figured he was. Ironic nickname. Yeah, or he dropped a lot. Oh, good point. He wasn't a very good catcher. That's true, yeah.

I didn't say that he was good or not. He was just a Yankees catcher. That's a good point. To have gone to the Yankees, you'd surely have to have some sort of talent. Sure. I would say that. But maybe he choked on the big stage. Yeah, maybe he got addicted to pills.

Can happen. Maybe he sweated a lot. Maybe he sweated a lot. Ran around with a big jug of water. And his catcher's mitt just kept slipping off. Yeah. There's so many possibilities. There's too many.

So that brings us to the final question. Finally. Of the show. This is huge. This is huge. Thank God. Hey, stop. No, you stop.

Honestly, Matt. I'm not going to stop. I'm looking at Matt because I want him to finish and have a good time. We always finish with the film synopsis question. Yes. Finish and have a good time. We always finish with the film synopsis question. Yes.

And this one is about the 1988 film Sorority Babes in the Slime Bowl Bowlerama. So you've just got to write a brief synopsis of the 1988 film Sorority Babes in the Slime Bowl Bowlerama. Easy peasy. Here we go. Jess? What? I'm writing.

What was the film called again? It was called Sorority Babes in the Slime Bowl Bowlerama. Wow. It's just another catchy short sort of name. All right, while your answer is being written, here is some more information on Bill Dickey, aka the man nobody knows. He was a legend of the game, an 11-time All-Star and a seven-time World Series champion.

Matt, I forgot the name of the movie again. It is called Sorority Babes in the Slime Bowl Bowlerama. Thank you. Diggie was an 11-time All-Star and seven-time World Series champion who was inducted into the Hall of Fame in 1954. According to the Yankees fan blog, 161st and River, he earned the nickname due to his aloofness and boring personality. Oh, that sucks.

That's so sad. It's also a bit sad. Can I also have the name of the movie again, please? Sorority Babes in the Slime Bowl Bowlerama. Bowlerama, thank you. According to BronxPinstripes.com, Hall of Fame pitcher Bob Feller was quoted as saying, Bill Dickey is the best catcher I ever saw.

He was as good as anyone behind the plate and better with the bat. There are others I'd include right behind Dickey, but he was the best all-round catcher of them all. High praise there. Baseball legend or fellow legend Yogi Berra was quoted as saying, I owe everything I did in baseball to Bill Dickey. So much so that Berra switched his number to number eight, which was Dickey's number, as a tribute to his mentor. The Yankees retired the number for both players on Old Timers Day,

July 22, 1972. No, I've just looked at him. I think I did really well that time. I'm proud of you. You asked for it three times. I'm imagining that's going to, the full title. It was very long. It was long going to, the full title will appear. It was long.

I imagine the full title will appear in yours. It was a bit nonsense. And that's okay. That's all right. With Botherama? Yeah, that's nonsense. That's nonsense. Nonsense words.

Slimeball's fine. Babes, we get that. Babes. A few babes right here in the podcast. Three babes. Is Matt still hosting? That's not the six words. He stopped recording.

Okay, that's interesting. I'm having a lovely time today. Are you? Yep. Okay. I don't know if I'm coming back. Can you tell the listeners the truth, please? Are you having a good time?

I'm having a really good time. I'm loving it. And you two are good friends? Is that true? We're actually really good friends. Yep. She sent me a lovely birthday message the other day. It's very interesting dynamic you two have.

Yeah. It's a lot of sexual chemistry, to be honest. It's unbridled. I think it's will they, won't they? Yeah. And the answer is no, they won't. Or they will they. Or they want to.

Or they want to. Will they? Will they? Because as we all know, men and women can't be friends. They could never be friends. It's not going to work. They must want to fuck. That was the whole premise of the TV show Friends, wasn't it?

That's true, actually, yeah. No, no. Joey and Phoebe are friends. Oh, yeah. In real life, IRL? No. No. Absolutely not.

They fucked. Actors can't be friends. They wanted to love. All right, so here is the final question. What's the synopsis of the 1988 film Sorority Babes in the slime ball ballerama? See, it's a hard title. It is a hard title.

Difficult. Here are your five options. The film follows the babes of the sorority before an alien invasion by the Slime Bowl Bola-ramas. Well, then whatever. Well, then you must see it. Sorry. I'm not good at reading.

Let me go again. It's okay. Just put picture around the word. Helps me. Put picture around the word. Helps me. Put picture around the word. Put a picture around the word. Helps me to figure out what the word is. Sorry, Matt.

Go on. Do go on. Okay. I'm just going to read it as written. Okay. Okay. As written? Yeah.

Synopsis, man. That's how you do it. Yes, synopsis. We get what a synopsis is. Read it as written. Maybe read a book. This film follows the babes of the sorority before an alien invasion by the slimeball balleramas.

All right. Terrifies the babes into dancing to dance their lives. Dancing to what, their lives? To dance their lives. Dancing to dance their lives, I think. But who would know? Who would know? Sent that very quickly.

Who would know? Yeah. To dance, to dance, to dance their lives. Well, it's still my chance to make it. Okay, that's option number one. That's option number one. Could be that. Don't know the other options yet. Okay, that's option number one. That's option number one. Could be that. Don't know the other options yet.

Okay, so we've got one good option so far. Do you need that? No, it's all good. I've got it. Locked and loaded. That's easy. That one. Got it.

When some sorority babes need to make quick cash to save an orphanage, they realise their best chance is to take on a group of local bully slimeballs in a bowl-off. Oh, there weren't aliens. Not in that version. Why are they rushing to make money for an orphanage? They're rushing. They don't have much time.

It's a telethon. We simply all blow up, maybe. Is that maybe the orphanage is going to blow up? Hurry! Terrifying. I've only got the information in front of me. We have to make all this money or they'll kill all the orphans. And it starts at three. We've only got the information in front of me. We have to make all this money. It'll kill all the orphans. And it starts at three.

We've only got three seconds. Maybe they need to buy the land because developers sweep it in. I don't know. Why is it up to sorority girls? Not like some sort of government or council. Anyway, yep, that's good. Good option number two. I feel like if you're going to pick apart the logic of the film

Sorority Babes in the Sun Bowl Bollorama, you're going to be on the right path because one of these will be faultless. That's right. Here we go. So you've picked apart the first two by the sounds of it. Yep. Option three, the girls of Delta Beta Nu find themselves kidnapped by an alien species of human-sized slugs.

They must compete in an alien bowling competition. If they win, they get to go home. If they lose, they die. Sounds about as ridiculous as the bloody first one. It makes a little more sense. I don't think so. I think nobody. Because the words make sense.

Yeah. The words are right. Oh, right. It's not dance where save should be. I'm agreeing with you. Yeah, yeah. A group of college sorority members steal a trophy from a bowling alley. Unbeknownst to them, it contains a devilish imp who makes their lives a living hell.

Ooh, I like that. A limp. Or finally, sorority Delta Beta Theta plans to get a nerd elected to student body council in order to distract that dastardly dean from their poor grades in time to allow them to make the end of semester party across town. Wow, that sounds like a romp. To save the orphanage. I don't need to hear them again.

Okay. You're done. I'm locking in number four. Number four for Jess. It's not the orphanage one. What was the fourth? Now, Sam. Yep.

Something you might have noticed through the game is that Jess picks the right answer a lot more than you do. I have noticed that. And you've got the opportunity to follow her here. Just, I mean, you won't catch any ground on her if you do that. Do you think I could still win? I mean. Not looking likely.

It's unlikely. Sometimes, twice of the four episodes so far, someone has asked for bonus points in the last round. Yeah, do you want bonus points? Do you want to do triple points? Can I choose Jess's one and choose bonus points? And if I get it right, I can do my impression. Okay, but if we have the same answer.

Yeah, you're not going to be able to leapfrog her. And it's right. We both get triple points. And so I've absolutely wiped the floor with you. I want to go with number three. Number three? And you're going for triple points? Yep.

All right. Okay, number three. That's? And you're going for triple points? Yep. All right. Okay, number three. That's the one about Delta Beta Nu. The second alien one. Yep. I'm taking alien one. I wanted to be an alien. All right, fantastic.

Yeah, I wanted to be an alien. Yeah, I like aliens too. I love how two of the answers are alien based. I love that too. Let's go through them. Firstly, Sorority Delta Beta Theta plans to get a nerd elected to the student body council in order to distract the Dursley Dean from their poor grades.

It's like a mutual party, yeah. That was written by the house. Oh, the house. That was by one that was trying to be a bit ridiculous. But as I'm writing, I'm like, how do you make these movies sound too ridiculous? It's hard. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You can sort of picture that being a real film. Yeah. We should make it. I've seen it. You've seen it. I've seen it. So the Bola Ramas in this case is the race of aliens. Yes.

Slime ball Bola Ramas. Yes. And the babes had to dancing to dance their lives. That's right. That one was written by Sam. Oh. You are very good. Thank you.

As a filmmaker yourself. I know. I'd like to take it up professionally. That's funny. Like when I can see a typo, I normally try and edit on the run, but I just couldn't figure it out. Yeah, it's hard. Once you said it was clearly meant to be to save the love.

Dance is good. Dance is good. Dance to dance your lives. Lock it in. Dance to dance my lives. I'd have that notatio. When some sorority babes need to make quick cash to save an orphanage, they realise their best chance is to take on a group of local bully

slimeballs in a bowl off. That was also the house. Oh, the house. It means the house can't get a point here. Sam, you guessed Jess's. Jess, you got the correct one. That means six points to Bop in the final round, sweeping her to a huge victory.

The final score, Sam on one point, House on six points. But way out in front on 11 points, it's Jess Perkins. Congratulations, Jess. That's huge. Thank you. That's amazing. Thank you, Sam. Jess, the puppet master Perkins.

You may kiss my rump. Only if you want to have sex with her or her wife. That's right. Yeah. Do you want to have sex with me or my wife? Yes, please. All right, then. Kissy kissy.

What a fantastic game. That was good. Went down to the wire. That was please. All right, then. Kissy kissy. What a fantastic game. That was good. Went down to the wire. House goes down again. I'm really making a mockery of the phrase, the house always wins. Yeah, it's embarrassing. Feels embarrassing. Do you want to hear a quick review of the film?

Absolutely. This comes from Felix Vasquez Jr. from Cinema Crazed. He wrote in 2010, so many years after it came out, he wrote, it's trash, there's no arguing that came out, he wrote, it's trash. There's no arguing that. But in the end, it's entertaining trash and one I can enjoy if I want to remember horror comedies that were much more prone to creativity and originality and not just completely reliant on shocking us into submission with cynicism.

That's all one sentence. He sounds really fun. I like it. Sounds like something I would write. I'd love to catch up with him at the pub. Just hang out. Just hang out. He sounds really fun. I like it. Sounds like something I would write. I'd love to catch up with him at the pub. Just hang out. Just get his opinions. Sorority babes in the slime ball,

Bola Rama is a guilty pleasure and one I intend to indulge in for years to come. He's wanking. He's wanking. That's why mine, that's why I stuffed up. That was what made him feel guilty, you think, is the wanking? Because he's obviously not, it's not a guilty pleasure if he's telling the internet about it. Yeah, but also to be like it's a guilty pleasure

and one I'm going to revisit. One I really enjoy. Probably fortnightly. Is it a hot film? Is it sexy? I haven't caught it yet. Yeah. We should watch it.

But, you know. No, separately. Any film with babes. Because we're desperate to wank. Tonight. An 80s movie with babes in the title. Yeah. I imagine it's pretty sexy.

I think it's definitely at least going to be boobs. Oh, yes. I'm going to watch it. I'm going to watch it. It's got boobs. Okay, fantastic. Awesome. Jess.

Nice. As the winner, maybe do you want to plug anything? Where can people find you? People can find me at Jess Perkins on Instagram and who cares about Twitter and also on the Do Go On podcast, which this podcast is part of the wonderful Do Go On network. That's right. At the moment the Do Go On podcast is in the middle of block. Yes.

Which is our most requested, most voted for topics of the year. We're counting down the top nine this year and we'll be a few weeks in, I think, by the time this comes out. Maybe one week in. And it's going very well. And where can people find you? I am Confessions of the Idiots on Instagram, TikTok, podcasts. It is a podcast. We're about to record an episode now, the three of us.

About to record an episode now. But you record about three, four years in advance. Always, always. I'm always at least six weeks ahead. Our episode will come up, what, in 2025? That's right. Yeah, late 2025. What's your spreadsheet game like?

Do you keep everything in a spreadsheet? I've got no spreadsheet. It's all just up here? All up here. Are you joking? No, like, are you fucking kidding? No, it's all up here. It's all up in my mind.

That's crazy. When they're saying all up here, they're pointing at their butts. It's all up here. Are you serious? Our butts are famously above our heads. Do you want me to up here, they're pointing at their butts. It's all up there. Are you serious? Our butts are famously above our heads. Do you need me to show you how to use a spreadsheet? No. Okay.

Actually, okay. Maybe that'd be good. But conventionally, it's on all the podcast apps. Hot tip. Go back, listen to episode one. Fantastic stuff. It's my favorite podcast. With the first game that ever played.

It's such a great podcast. It's my favorite podcast. It's such a good podcast. It's so favourite podcast. It's such a good podcast. It's so much fun. Not your favourite. And you know what? On road trips. It's one of my favourite podcasts.

Wow, that's huge. On road trips, my partner, whose name we don't know. Abloh. Always asks to put on confessions. And I'm like, I'm on podcast. Do you want to listen to me? And he says, no, I want to listen to Confessions of the Idiot. Would you want to listen to you sitting next to her?

Absolutely not, no. And if people want to see this pod live, you can see it in Melbourne at the Retreat Hotel this week on the 17th. It's free. Somehow, I don't know, Joel Doucher from Sands Pants has organised that. I get paid per head, I believe. So come for free and then I get paid. We win-win.

Bring 500 friends. Bring all your friends. Matt is in a lot of debt. I'm in a whole lot of trouble. Then we're coming to Perth on October the 29th at Oasis Comedy Club. And then we're going to be in the UK. Me and Dave Warnicke are doing a podcast tour with this podcast and Book Cheat and also doing some stand-up.

And, you know, details for all that stuff will be in the show notes. Well, thanks, everyone, for joining us. This has been Who Knew It with Matt Stewart. Now that you know it, I guess I'm Matt Stewart. Goodbye. Jesus. Are we sure about that one? That's what I like.

I think that's good. That's great. I like it. It's so good. It's great. Rolls off the tongue easy. It's funny. It's funny.

And it'll stay funny. It always. I Rolls off the tongue easy. It's funny. It's funny. And it'll stay funny. It always. I can't imagine that getting old.