Who Shat On The Floor At My Wedding? And Other Crimes - S1 - BONUS EPISODE - 'Drunk Women Solving Crime x Who shat on the floor at my wedding'

Episode Date: August 28, 2024

If you've always wondered what would happen if we joined forces with the lovely ladies behind 'Drunk Women Solving Crime' in front of a live audience, then wonder no more, because that's exactly what we did, and you can listen to the outcome in this special one-off collab episode.Tune in to hear us attempt to crack a rather unusal case with theories involving wolverines, mittens and of course class A Drugs.  Follow us on instagram to check out the behind the scenes pictures from the show. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

A fiery rivalry. A nemesis with benefits. A race to get to the bottom, but stay on top. Hear Canada's own bestselling romance author Lily Chu's newest audible original, Drop Dead. Starring Hamilton breakout star Philippa Tsu, paired with versatile funnyman John Cho of Star Trek and Harold and Kumar fame. Filled with huge laughs, big twists, and sizzling banter throughout, Chu's latest must-listen, once again set in her beloved Toronto, weaves together a scandalous mystery and slow-burn romance to heart-pounding effect. Unravel the secrets and watch the sparks fly. As fellow fearless reporters Nadine and Wes embark on a fast-paced adventure,

chasing down the truth and stumbling upon something far deeper than either could have imagined. From the queen of swoon-worthy moments herself, Lily Chu's hilarious and delightfully lustful Drop Dead should not be missed. Listen now. Go to audible.ca slash drop dead on Audible. Hello, I'm Taylor Glenn. And I'm Hannah George. And together we are Drunk Women Solving Crime. The podcast where we invite a guest and you to solve a true crime case. We use solve in the loosest possible sense of the word.

But Taylor, we've won awards. Good point. How many real detectives can say that? Probably only some of them. Exactly. Time to maybe solve another crime. ["Drunk Women Solving Crime"] Now it's time

for Drunk Women Solving Crime. Hello! Oh! Oh! I said don't be too erotic, but she didn't listen! Oh! You can't stop me. Don't want to. Actually carry on doing that because I have a bit of spinach in my teeth.

Okay, here we go. Oh! This is the whole show. Do you know, I was thinking of this the other day, that I, there's this thing going around where people are filming their mothers and saying, here's how a mom would have danced to this song in the 80s. And I realized that that is how I want to see the rest of my life out is dancing like that. And this sounds really naive, but I thought you had to look sexy

while you're dancing and there's nothing less sexy. I mean, I always do. I can't move in a sexy manner. I just can't. So I've just been ridiculous and I know that it looks really stupid because one time this guy came up to me in a club in New York and I thought he was going to hit on me and he went, that's it baby Just keep doing your own thing. And I was like, thanks. Yeah. That is fucking brutal. It was so brutal, man. It's one of the best things anybody's ever said, though. I was like, you know, respect. Wow.

Wow. Just keep doing your own thing. Didn't mean to open with any of that. Hello, welcome to Drunk Women Solving Crime. Give us a cheer if you're listening to the podcast. Give us a cheer if you're new to us. Ooh, that trepidatious sound. Well, welcome.

I won't explain the whole thing because there's no time. So we're going to introduce some guests. You ready for a guest? You've got two guests tonight. So please give it up for the stars of the hit podcast. Who shat on the floor at my wedding? It's Karen Whitehouse and Lauren Kilby. Hello, hello, hello! Bonjour!

How are you? Great. Lovely audience. Yes, they're alright aren't they? So Karen, it was your wedding? Yes, it was my wedding. And you'd shat? No? Did you shit on the floor at the wedding? No. No, you?

I actually wish I had shat on the floor at the wedding? No. No, you did not. No, you did not. I actually wish I had shat on the floor at the wedding. It would have been an ultimate twist. And I was at the wedding, but it definitely wasn't me. Okay, okay. Sounds like something someone who shat on the floor at the wedding would say. Yeah, no, I know. Yeah, I understand that.

It is quite suspicious. And I did take off my shoes at one point in the evening. Karen pointed out when she went through all the photos. And there was evidence that the feal matter was trodden in, so I was like, whoa. Oh! Yeah, they know. We are blowing this thing wide open.

So when we ask on this podcast, our first question is always, have you ever been the victim of a crime? And I feel like we need to hear a little bit more about this, so tell us. I think we need to unpick it. We need to, I need to get it out again because I am the bride at the wedding that we've all just heard about.

And do you know what? It was a really lovely day. I'm a film producer and I like to organise things. And I was a bit like, this wedding was like my pièce de résistance. And I really put a lot of effort into it. It was on this gorgeous boat, really sunny day, little jazz band on the top deck.

It was gorgeous. Lasagna. Lasagna. It is what people remember from a wedding, isn't it? It's the food. It's a great base for drinking. You should be a wedding planner and just be like, lasagna. or what? You should be a wedding planner and just be like lasagna. And you also had prawn cocktail as a starter. I remember you had an extra half portion of the

lasagna actually from when you requested it. Yeah, I did. I felt like you definitely need a big old shit. I know and then what did you have for dessert that's quite similar to faecal matter? Chocolate mousse. Yeah, so it's all a bit suspicious. Okay. Well it was, that sounds stunning. That sounds like the most idyllic wedding you've planned. It was idyllic. It started really idyllic. And then after the sort of sit down dinner and lovely speeches everyone was laughing

and it was all gorgeous. And I was quite nervous about doing my speech and I remember finishing my speech going, yes, it's time to have fun. I had to pop to the ladies and went down the stairs and lo and behold, as I walked through the doors, there was just this, what I like to call a perfect shaped turd. Are we talking like emoji?

It was emoji, it was solid, but just a really fantastic stool. A lovely like whip at the end, like a Mr. Whippy. But just pride of place. And of course, you know, it's a bathroom, that's where things like that happen, but it was so far away from any toilet bowl and it was so early on in the evening.

And it was quite a classy affair. Yeah, it sounds it. I would have let it go, obviously I'm not a mean person. I don't, it was, I would have let it go. Obviously I'm not a mean person. I don't want to like, you know, make an international successful podcast about someone's, you know, the lowest moment and ride on the fame of their misery.

But wow. Yeah. There's a weird laugh that I just had. Revealing inner truths about myself here. And were there children allowed at the wedding? No. So you ruled that out right away. Revealing inner truths about myself here. Were there children allowed at the wedding? No. So you ruled that out right away.

No animals, no children. Unless you count. Yeah, I just, it was no accident. The first thing I thought was it was no accident. Too firm, too early, way too far away from the toilet bowl. And I think it was just the fact that those toilets, you know what it's like at weddings? Like women getting ready, looking in the mirrors, you're making sure their makeup's looking good.

There was just such a small chance of the window for someone to go in, and in the middle of the floor, just let rip. Let rip. Whoa. Yeah, because it would've been- How many staff on board? There were a few staff, but they had a separate toilet,

and so we really doubt that they would have gone in the guests. I mean, it's a possibility. We haven't ruled it out, but. And on the podcast, you act as the detective. I don't act, I am. I am the detective. I've become the detective. Karen and Helen begged me to,

we have differing versions of how this all played out. How I remember it is that they approached me and said we need you to help us crack this case. You were obviously born, you know, a detective. You're a natural detective even though you're not one and you don't have any credentials and I said okay I was actually quite bored and I didn't have a job at the time and I think they didn't have money to pay a genuine real detective. So yeah.

But we did have money to pay for an online detective course that we gave you for your birthday, which you, how many modules of that did you finish? I don't think we need to talk about that. Today, this is not about, it's not about this. We're really airing our dirty laundry. Yeah, this is getting, yeah.

I did get to module 1B. I passed the module that is how to flip the detective notebook which is quite an art. I don't think I ever had a notebook but I would have known what to do with it if I had one. And then I got onto the next part that was like how to treat your clients and I didn't appreciate that chapter so I didn't continue. Just like the real detectives. So what is what is your your take on it who do you who do you think shat on the floor? I realise that we're spoiling the entire podcast here. Yeah do we spoil it?

No don't spoil it. Okay we'll half spoil it. Nice. Nice! Or spoil it instead of spoil it. Okay, well the thing is, like, Karen's painting the picture of the day to be really beautiful and quaint, but let me tell you now, it was not. There were a lot of things that we uncovered that evening that I did not expect to uncover at the start of the podcast. So some very strange moments, some even in bathrooms, in toilets.

Okay. There was basically like a sexual moment in the bathroom very strange moments, some even in bathrooms, in toilets. There was basically like a sexual moment in the bathroom with the sexophonist. And another guy who, oh no, he's anonymous, we won't say his name. No, no, we changed his voice on the podcast to protect his identity. But anyway, they had like a, well, the sex oftenist actually went around the wedding

and started coming on to everyone. I didn't personally get hit on, but I think a lot of other women did. And then he kind of went through all the women, couldn't get anywhere, then started hitting on all the men. Right, why not? And he was successful with this guy. And they ended up in the bathroom

having a little sexual moment if you will. With the sex as well. Just because that is the least sexy instrument to me it's so 80s do you know what I mean? Oh it's so like as soon as they bust that out in a movie I'm just like oh. I don't think he did he have that with him in the bathroom? Have you heard that from the bathroom? Just a lone saxophone? I would follow that audible trail. Yeah but actually going back to the person who did step in the faeces, it wasn't me. I just removed my shoes because my feet were sore because your feet get sore at a wedding. They do. Do your feet get sore?

Yeah sorry can I ask how many? You should get new shoes. Were you wearing high heels or were you wearing flat shoes? because your feet get sore at a wedding? They do. Do your feet get sore? Yeah, see? Sorry, can I ask how many? See? How many do you get? Were you wearing high heels or were you wearing flat shoes? I was wearing flat shoes. But your feet...

I was wearing sketches. Yeah, yeah. The thing is like the wedding went on. Like it, I'm not saying it didn't. Wow. It didn't drag on, but it did go until three o'clock. There was an early drop off point at 9.30 just before the window of the crime,

where we call the tired and mature guests got off. Oh, of course, because you're on a fucking boat. You can't just, oh. Yes, correct. We're on a boat. You're trapped on this boat, on this vessel. And you've only got one and a half servings of lasagna to keep you going until three o'clock

on a fucking morning. It's torture. I thought it sounded classy, but I'm never going to a wedding on a boat. The only good thing about a wedding is knowing that you can leave at some point. We did get chips and mayo delivered at sort of midnight. Yeah. With that I've enticed you to be entrapped on my wedding boat. Yeah. Yeah. Chips. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, chips, yeah. Yeah, okay. That would have done it.

Okay, so it wasn't, could somebody have done the shit and then left? Like a father or a, you know, you're saying leave my dad out of it. Yeah, wow. You're saying the elderly- With a getaway boat. Yeah, the elderly guest left,

but it happened before the shit, okay. I tried to kind of pinpoint but we don't have any physical evidence. Like no one scooped up the face. I didn't have my DNA bag on me. Because I wasn't a detective yet at that point. I was a friend of Karen. No photos, there was no evidence.

There were six witness reports I think in total. And we kind of pinpoint, it was approximately 15 minutes after the early drop-off point Okay, did you have to put your fingers in it to say like a Jurassic Park? Hey, I just I don't know I'd want to know who it was I actually went to the obsessive detail of going through all of the photographers photos But even the photos that he didn't select because I wanted to timestamp them and I want to map out where each

suspect was Spent hours on it like really went in depth. So how's the divorce going? Your wife is she is around she's around she's here. Yeah, she's meant to come tonight, but she's not Was there more is there a little bit more to this? Oh sorry, the sexophonist, we zoomed in on a photo, well Karen did, she does all the research, I just sit back and wait for the information. But basically she zoomed in on a photo of the sexophonist and saw something on his shoe and zoomed into the shoe and we noticed that it could have potentially been the smear of feces and we submitted it to our forensic scientist, Jo Millington, world renowned blood spatter analysis

and she just doesn't know why she helps us or is involved in anything we do but she keeps doing it. I can be very persuasive. And she actually just told us it looked like a reflection of the light. That is so disappointing. Yeah. She keeps on calling us out for what she calls the bias in the case because we really want to find something

that'll lead us on. And she's like, yeah, this is another classic case of what you shouldn't do. But you know. And there is one man we cannot not talk about. There was a man that we discovered was in the bathroom, the ladies bathroom during the wedding for four and a half hours.

What? His name is Henk. That's Hank tall of English. It's a problematic name with my accent. It's become a bit of a joke, not, I don't find it very funny but, Keng. They do. Yeah they clearly do. Yep, now I understand. Yep. But essentially he is the man who spent, so there's many suspicious things about this man. First of all, he had a personal butler, his wife, who was bringing him drinks,

like rum and cokes down to the bathroom. She even brought him down chips and mayo when that was served. What? What is, what? And he is the man, the person who cleaned up the feces. Oh. Why?

Why? And then why is he hanging around in there? So his theory is that he just loves, he thinks bathrooms, you know like kitchens, everyone loves hanging out in a kitchen, they're like the social hub of a house. He was like, well they're just like, they're just like kitchens, bathrooms.

The women's toilets. Yeah, so he gets to see people coming in and out, say hi, catch up with everyone, it's like an efficient social setting of saying hi to everyone. Well no wonder he shat on the floor, he doesn't understand how that works at all. I'd hate to see his kitchen.

Yeah. He's dodgy as shit. Yeah. That is my official detective summary. Yes. And his wife was bringing him drinks down there. How are you enjoying your alone time in the ladies' room? No, everyone was hanging out with him.

We've got some evidence from down in that bathroom. They were all hanging out, having a laugh. Maybe they weren't enjoying the wedding that much, so they just wanted to be, I don't know. I don't know. Could have been. Wow, very barbed comments coming in this time. Yeah.

Wow, I mean, it's a hundred percent that guy. Yeah, it's definitely Henk. Yeah. It's Henk. How do you know Henk? Like, he must have been someone that you know. Yeah. I know about weddings.

Pretty, yeah. I think so, yeah. Hannah paid for everyone to attend hers, so she's not sure. There were a few last minute dropouts where I had to get some really desperate people. I definitely more acquaintances. But no, Hank was a-

Just for the second half. You were one of those. Just came for the second half. Go on, so who was Hank? Hank was a friend that we'd met in- He is a friend. He is your friend. Did I say was?

Yes. Wow. Hank, he is your friend. Did I say was? Yes. Wow. Henk, this is live, right? He recorded... Henk is a friend, very good friend still. We just worked together in advertising, but there's a very small social circle where we lived in Amsterdam at the time. So, yeah, but he has such a crazy justification of why he cleaned up the poop without...

What does he say? He used to work in a hospital and he'd played this absolute sob story There's such a crazy justification of why he cleaned up the poop without... What does he say? He used to work in a hospital and he played this absolute sob story of, you know, I used to help out with my parents who, you know, were like in the surgery department and he used to clear up all the horrible stuff that happened after the surgery. It was like, I just became indifferent. So he was like, if I could help your day become better, then I'll do that for you. And I was like, I'm not buying that for once.

Thank you, piece of shit. Yeah, I know. He's a tricky customer. I love that immediately a sob story. Wow. Well, I mean, I will say, listen to this podcast for more on that if you want more background. But one thing that we ask on this podcast is we always ask if you have the person, the perpetrator of the crime here with you right now, they come in, they've just taken a huge deuce down in the toilets over there, what would you say to them? If you had that? Thank you.

Wow. Didn't even need you to finish that sentence. Honestly, I just want to give them a massive hug and say thanks for the opportunity. Thanks for the memories. Yeah, good on you. That's really lovely actually. Yeah, isn't it? And if you're in this audience, please come forward.

We will be really nice. Thank you for sharing that. And are we ready to solve some true crime? Okay, now, we start this. Sorry, just getting everyone ready. We start this case Sorry. Just getting everyone ready. We start this case in Lapland. Ooh, fun snow.

Not a strip club, like I originally thought. Such a letdown. Oh, Santa. Yeah, baby, you do your own thing. We're in Lapland, however, it's not all Santa. It's not all snow. It's not all reindeer. It's 1944, which means only one thing. It's the second bloody world war, isn't it?

And we're in the company of a Finnish ski patrol, and they're under attack. They've been surrounded by Soviets. This is quite tense, isn't it? The ski patrol is led by Eimo Kuvinen, a 27- 27 year old soldier who needs to get his men to safety. I'm shaking. He has to cut tracks through the deep snow for the rest of the troops to glide across behind him. But it is hard, hard work and Amo has something in his pocket which he pulls out to help him. When I wrote that, that did not sound dodgy.

You sick bastards. What is it? What's Amogon in his pocket? Means to make fire. Oh, okay. He's going to melt the whole of Lapland. Yeah, a flamethrower. Do they exist? Yeah, I'm pretty sure they existed.

Just a small portable one. I feel like they definitely probably existed. I would say so. Classic equipment for going to Lapland. Okay, we've got small portable flamethrower. Lauren, any advance on that? So he's got something in his pocket. Yes.

And we're guessing what is in his pocket. That is the premise of the podcast, yes. You might have to come back to me, I need to have a think. How big was it? Do we know the shape? His pocket? Well, it was a man's pair of trousers, so probably very large. Was he wearing cargo pants?

It's a good question, he was probably wearing army pants. Mmm, kind of cargo. Yeah, like a kind of cargo, but he was probably in a ski suit, right, because he was skiing, so he probably was wearing a ski suit. Pfft. We can come back to you. Yeah, I'll have a think about it.

Yeah, I'm hoping it was a little jet pack to just help him, just propel him through that snow and then everybody's ready to go. Oh, I know. Dog food. Would you like to elaborate? Well, he's probably got some dogs with him. OK, and he needs to feed those dogs. So dog food. Final answer.

Yeah. Why did that sound weirdly sexual? He needs to feed those dogs. I love that he's got like 10 huskies. He's like, well, I've got a pocket full of dog food. So I think, guys, it was crystal meth. So it was a jet pack in chemical form. Yeah, or as it was sold to soldiers in the Second World War, pervitin. It was known.

Really? Yes, and it was literally meth. So before we find out if AMO manages to get away from the Soviets, it's exciting. Let's chat a little bit more about the use of crystal meth in the Second World War. Yes please. Are we gonna do crystal meth now just to show the audience how yes. Here we go. Got Walter White back there and he's absolutely raring to go. Guys first up who do you think decided they would develop a drug that would make their soldiers go faster which country do you think first bought this? Soviets.

The Soviets, okay. Wales? LAUGHTER Oh, it's lovely that Christmas. I love it. It's pretty more-ish, isn't it? LAUGHTER I'd like to apologise to our Welsh listeners. LAUGHTER

Oh, they can take it. I'm married, one of them, it's fine. LAUGHTER I just love the idea of a Welsh army. It's a really funny idea. On myth. Let's go boyo. It's just a rugby team really. Whose gun is that pistol? Bit of a Welsh joke that.

That's very good. Lauren what do we think? I'm just going to say something like Scotland, because I know that that will definitely beat Karen. Okay, okay. It's close enough to Karen's, but I know it's probably more likely. Okay, better than Karen. This is what you're going for. No, I appreciate that.

Thank you. Guys, it was Germany. Oh, that's the obvious choice. Yes. A company in Berlin called Temmler Pharmaceuticals developed it in 1938. Wow. The company claimed it cured depression. Temporarily, maybe.

And for a brief time, Germans could buy these energy pills over the counter. Did you guys know about this? I'm just really curious. A couple nods, but not many people. Again, I'm just going to point out that they are fucking up how they teach history to our children, because if you had opened with this, I would have been like, yeah, tell me more. Do you know what I mean? So, to bring it back to Hitler, if you don't mind, Hitler...

I'm sorry to steal his thunder. Yeah, I know, right. Very rude. So he was very anti-drug until he tried some. Oh! He absolutely loved it. In fact, in 1943, Hitler had a meeting with Mussolini and he wasn't feeling well, so his physician injected him with Ecodol, which is essentially oxycontin and cocaine.

Sounds nice, doesn't it? It's like a speedball. So he was injected with that. What the fuck? Is that when the war ended? That's how he really died. So he had the injection and then he almost immediately said give me another which not the best thing to do so he gave him a second dose. So what do you think happened in that meeting with Mussolini? Because it did go ahead.

Well I think the war ended. I think they probably had like a slow dance or something. Did Mussolini try some as well? Oh. I'm not sure Hitler was sharing. So any advance on that? Sharing is caring. Isn't he? Hitler apparently spoke- Especially for Nazis. He spoke for several hours without stopping. Oh my God.

It's bad enough he was evil, but he was also a drug borer. Unforgivable. I remember when I first went to like Edinburgh Festival, I was like, everyone is so friendly. Oh, I think I know what's happening here. Try living in Amsterdam. Oh yes. That sounds great.

Yeah, that's great. So yeah, he spoke for several hours without stopping. Mussolini had called the meeting to try and convince him to let Italy drop out of the war, but he didn't get a chance to ask. How history is written. But were they slow dancing? Like during his monologue or like how did that play out?

Can you show me how that would have worked? Maybe? I think- I'll play Miss Lini. I haven't played. I haven't played. That was my, I was like, do I do a Hitler impression? I've already done Welsh. I'm probably going to do Hitler.

I'm probably going to do Hitler. Yeah, no, it's too early, but- That is wild. It's like crazy. Really crazy. So in an already crazy war. Hitler yeah no it's too early but that is wild it's like crazy really crazy so in an already crazy war mind you and so as well as soldiers on the front line who were given pervitin the pervitin. Per. That's a different kind of drug. Yeah. Pervitin... Oh, hi.

I'd take Pervitin any time. And it was... Who else do you think was using Pervitin the most? Who was buying it over the counter? What sort of type of person? The Huskies. Oh my gosh. Probably soldiers.

But apart from the soldiers. Oh. Housewives. Yeah, I was thinking... Someone said housewives. I think housewives. The women. I was thinking- Someone said housewives, I think housewives.

The women. I was thinking that too, the women who are stuck at home, sort of like holding everything together, look at me putting soldiers down, the soldiers weren't doing anything. The women. Yeah. It was menopausal homemakers.

Yay! Specifically menopausal homemakers. Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Specifically menopausal. Yeah, specifically menopausal. So specific. So specific. I wonder if this is what I'm missing in my regime because I'm already, I'm eating the yams and they're just not doing that much.

I didn't know I had to up it to meth. I would love to see the graph of where we are now with men and porcelain housewives, just on the usage. I want to see when it sort of plummeted in usage. That's what I was hoping to hear. I got so much cleaning done today. I got so much cleaning done today. Yeah, so they were called courage pills.

Oh, really? I know. And they were given to every, well, so the men of Pau's were homemakers, were buying their own, thank you very much. But they were given to every soldier. And in Lapland, we're back to Lapland now, we're back, the Soviets are there. Amo decides he's gonna crack into his. This is the perfect time to take some speed right, he's got to make those tracks, he's got to get away, he's got to lead his troop out, he's the leader of the troop, he's got to do it. However he's wearing mittens. Now, what is it about the mittens that starts to become a problem? What is he just dropping it? Damn it! It's too cold to take them off.

I can't pinch it. Is it just literally like he's got a lobster claw and he can't hold onto the little pill? A little glove puppet. I want to get away from the zombies! I think he might be killed! He couldn't do the sort of motivational hand gestures he was hoping for like, rock on!

I can't even do like, rock on! I can't even do it. Rock on! Oh my gosh. Rock on in a mitten is amazing. Yeah, fuck you, man! Fuck you! He's swearing at me!

Again, it's always great to do visuals for an audio format. Come to a live show. Check out the stuff you miss. Oh dear. Lauren, any advance on rock on? I think that's probably the best explanation. But so we know that the mittens will mittens that don't have finger bits. Good question.

Yes, I think that he couldn't get to his fingers. That's so adorable that he was in mittens? Well mittens that don't have finger bits. Good question. Yes, I think that he couldn't get to his fingers. That's so adorable that it was a mittens. No. It is quite sweet isn't it? It's not very military is it? It doesn't feel very military. Very... Maybe they were camo, you don't know.

Like a camo mitten. Yeah, exactly. So you can't see my swearing. It's not true. So did he not have those cool ones that are kind of like cut just before the knuckle and then you've got that bit that you fold over? Oh, flip over buttons. Was that maybe a later invention? Oh, the famous camouflage mess and flap.

Military style. Exactly, yes. I don't think he had those. I don't think. I'm going to tell you why it was a problem, guys. It was a problem because, okay, so Amo was looking after the entire platoons meth rations. He had all of them. There's always one. No, I'll look after it.

But wearing the mittens made it very difficult for him to take just one. So he takes them all! Oh, come on, Amo. He does. He takes 30 pills of meth. Oh, no. Amo, no. He crossed Lapland, that's for sure. He is going like the clappers.

I'm sorry, though. Blaming that on the mittens. I mean, I'm calling it. Exactly, like stick your tongue out. I couldn't do it because of my mittens. Because the mittens aren't like glued on. The mittens can be removed. No, exactly. They were attached to his suit. I feel like people, there were also like

Soviets coming at him as well. You know, this was a high pressure situation where you either take 30 meth pills or you don't. So it's like a suicide pill, then? He wasn't suicidal, I think he just didn't really know what they were, maybe. Like, he didn't know quite what he was getting himself into. You were a theramid. But he took on the man.

He goes like the clappers. He absolutely... The rest of his squad are like, what the fuck has just happened? He is over there, we're here. But he does carve out the path for them. Nice work, Amo. Yes, they follow him. And they escape. They lose the Soviets. Yes! But one cannot simply take 30 pills of methamphetamine. What do you think happens next in Amo's journey?

What do you think happens next in Evo's journey? Drunk women solving crime A fiery rivalry. A nemesis with benefits. A race to get to the bottom, but stay on top. Hear Canada's own bestselling romance author Lily Chu's newest audible original, Drop Dead. Starring Hamilton breakout star Philippa Tse Sue, paired with versatile funnyman John Cho of Star Trek and Harold and Kumar fame. Filled with huge laughs, big twists and sizzling banter throughout, Chu's latest must-listen, once again set in her beloved Toronto, weaves together a scandalous mystery and slow-burn romance to heart-pounding effect, unravel the secrets and watch the sparks fly, as fellow fearless reporters Nadine and Wes embark on

a fast-paced adventure, chasing down the truth and stumbling upon something far deeper than either could have imagined. From the queen of swoon-worthy moments herself, Lily Ch Cho's hilarious and delightfully lustful Drop Dead should not be missed. Listen now. Go to audible.ca slash drop dead on Audible. Does he have a heart attack? At this point he does not die. He continues on his adventure. Well I think it's something to do with the men that he's leading.

Because they all didn't get 30 pills so I I think they were like, obviously, what? There's something going on with all just what's his name? Amo Amo. So I think something kicked off where they had to take over. OK, so they're going, this guy can't lead us anymore. Yes, he's too fast. He's just monologuing. Yeah, he probably just died. He definitely doesn't die though. You said he doesn't die.

He doesn't die. It's amazing he survived that really. I know. I mean, you kind of fancy him now. Very robust skier. His vision goes blurry and he blacks out. Okay. Okay.

Now his comrades did something to him whilst he's lost consciousness. Oh I know they drew on his face with a sharpie. A mess of penis. Yes? Do you know what? It's not but they do do something to him. What do they do? Save his life? That's sweet. Steal his mittens. Steal his mittens. Oh boy. I'm trying to decide if it's something nice or not. Do they throw water on him to try to revive him? And then it freezes and then he's just frozen in a block of ice higher than he's ever been in his life. So when he wakes up he's like... Frozen mask and a scream.

Yes. Well, they take his gun and ammunition off him. Oh, OK. Yeah, to save him from himself. Uh-huh. Yeah, so nice, actually. Nice. Finnish people, very nice.

Lovely. That is the takeaway from this, for sure. I think that's a lovely thing to do. However, he then regains consciousness and just carries on skiing. And he just, oh my gosh, he just can't stop. He just, he just carries on and he leaves, but now he doesn't have his gun with him,

which is kind of good. So he can't shoot himself, I suppose, in terms of doing it by accident, but it also means that he is gone now. So the platoon, they get to safety. They're okay, but he is gone now so the platoon they get to safety they're okay but he is just off into Lapland on 30 pills of meth. Also leaving a massive trail in the snow so he's got no weapon and he's leaving a trail to be found. Although it's probably going like that.

He doesn't regain his sight until the next day. Oh my gosh. Umo. And he's a hundred kilometers from where he started. Stop it. I know, he had blacked out and he had not stopped skiing. Is there a tour you can do of this where you like retrace his steps? The Christmas meth tour.

But you've got to take like 29 pills because 30 is dangerous. For the kids it's just candies so they can get a sense of it. The next day he's 100 kilometres away, he's entirely alone in the middle of Lapland. He wants to get to safety, he wants to get home, but he doesn't know which way to go. He spent the next night skiing towards what he thought was a lit cabin. Turned out it was the North Star. I think the drugs are still having a tiny effect.

I think he was still a bit high. Yeah, it's just up there. The cabin is right up there. He also fought a Wolverine. He had dog food, so that's why. Perfect. However, spoiler alert, it wasn't a Wolverine. He thought he...

Oh no. He thought... It was a menopausal housewife. With mittens. What do you think he was fighting that he thought was a menopausal housewife. With mittens. What do you think he was fighting that he thought was a wolverine? Oh, I would love it was just a kitten. I'll take you down. I reckon it was just a mound of snow in a funny shape. OK, a snowverine.

Yeah, those. I know what you mean. It was probably just like a cat. OK. Like a I know. I know what you mean. I think it was probably just like a cat. Okay. Like a friendly cat. A friendly cat? A friendly tabby cat. I don't know.

It was a tree branch. It was just a branch. Oh wow. Well you would get scratched up. I can see you get confused. Exactly. Exactly. But then, stroke of luck, he does come across a cabin. A real one get confused. Exactly, exactly. But then, stroke of luck, he does come across a cabin. A real one this time. So he lets himself in, there's no one there.

What does he do in the cabin that was a bit stupid? I think he lit a fire and then let the Soviets know where he was. Okay, interesting. Oh, good answer. You're on the right lines, actually. Plays a game of solitaire. Okay.

Which is just stupid anyway, so. No offense to people who play solitaire. Sound really offensive then. I know, well the solitaire people are really gonna go fucking wild online after this. Or he played poker and it was with a branch. It was like, I'm killing you. Did he send smoke signals on purpose?

Like were there flares or something that he set off thinking, well, my men will find me, but not considering, well, the enemy might find me as well. Interesting, because he is still pretty high at this point. And you know, you were on the right tracks with lighting a fire. He does light a fire, but he does it in the middle of the wooden floor.

What's wrong with this idiot? Using the floor as the wood? I mean, I think he put some wood on the floor and then he set fire to it. Then he fell asleep as the cabin burned around him. And he woke each time the flames got too close, only to move slightly further away and go back to sleep. But so the cabin burns down. Amo at that point escapes.

Huh. And he's... I mean, what is there to escape from at that point? You're just walking through ashes. Yeah. I'm so lucky. So he's skiing along the following day and who or what do you think he runs into? Oh, my legs are just exhausted thinking about this.

Like, he's gonna be so sore. I think he actually came across a wolverine. I was gonna say it, Karen, I was gonna say that. It's our joint answer, Lauren. Wolverine. Okay, we've got two for wolverine. He comes across... I'll go snowverine. How did you say that? It was really good when you said it.

It was a snowverine. Yeah, you're right? It was really good when you said it. It was a snowverene. Yeah, you're right, it was better. You said he comes across as something, just something. Something or someone. Is it a Soviet? Correct! Ding ding ding ding ding! We'd all forgotten about the Soviets, hadn't we? But they just keep coming back.

The Soviets from earlier are in their camp and Amo just skis straight through. Ha ha ha ha ha. Hiya! Ha ha ha ha ha. It's like how we always have people on and sometimes they advise you to just act really crazy if somebody's threatening you and that feels like the wartime equivalent. That just like, pew, pew, pew, pew, pew, pew.

But you wouldn't have seen, they wouldn't have seen that in the mittens. No, that's true. Is that where the royal wave came from? Did she have mittens on? So she could, oh, oh, oh. Maybe that's why, she was stuck in some mittens. If you're listening, Queen Elizabeth, let us know.

Um... Oh! I don't know. I don't know. She could be. She could be. I don't watch the news anymore. So despite the fact Amo has been in sub-zero temperatures for days, he still manages to out-ski them. So they go after him, but he escapes again.

Later he comes across an abandoned German camp. There's no one there, but he skis over something that causes some trouble. What was it? A landmine? A landmine. Pills. More pills. More pills. I think it was just a crevice. Just a casual crevice. A casual crevice. Yeah, a casual crevice.

You know? The worst kind, the casual crevice. A little crevice. A little crevice. A little crevice. Okay, I'll tell you what it was. I mean, some trouble was probably playing it down a bit. It was a landmine.

He's had a shocker. He's had a hell of a few days. He's had a hell of a few days. He's had a hell of a few days. He's had a hell of a few days. He's had a hell of a few days. He's had a hell of a few days. He's had a hell of a few days.

He's had a hell of a few days. He's had a hell of a few days. He's had a hell of a few days. a bit. It was a landmine. He's had a shocker. He's had a hell of a few days. This is not not making me want to do, did I phrase that the right way? This is making me want to do crystal meth unfortunately. Because like he keeps getting away with it and I'm like, give it a whirl. If anything that's the whole point of this podcast. Everyone just do some crystal meth tonight. It's never gone wrong. But he's still got all that lovely crack inside him.

So he's kind of, despite the fact it blows his foot off. Oh, shut up. I know, he's still okay. He's still all right. He carries on skiing. But on one ski? Presumably on one ski now. He's flamingoing the whole way home. And this is how snowboards were invented.

This is just fine. So is he like sitting down on that one ski now, do you think? Because that would be impossible to actually continue skiing. You're quite right, maybe. I've tried it and you need to, I didn't blow off my foot,

but I have tried skiing with one foot and you need to kind of like sit down on the ski. Okay. Don't. That's what you do need to, I didn't blow off my foot, but I have tried skiing with one foot and you need to kind of like sit down on the ski. Okay. I don't. That's what you do need to do. Let's take this offline. Okay, yeah. No, no, that's not for now, don't worry about it.

Something I've been thinking about is not important now. I feel like you've had this argument before. It's not the first time. They're really stuck, it's struck a nerve with you, didn't it? You got really upset. Okay, let's continue. Yeah.

Thank you. So the meth however was wearing off at this point. Three days later. Yes. And when meth wears off, what happens? Your teeth fall out? Smiling like he's, hi guys. I scraped the Soviets. So we've got no teeth. Well you feel very anxious, paranoid. Shaking, vomiting, nauseous. Have you done something?

No I've never done it. I've never tried it, no. Okay. While skiing. Never. He's just going to be exhausted and he hasn't eaten anything. He's starving. This is when the appetite starts to come back.

So, he gnaws on some pine buds and also caught... But he thought it was a wolverine, to be fair. He did also catch something with his bare hands and ate it. What was that? Oh, a wolverine. I hope it was just a burger or something. Yeah, maybe just a bird. A bird.

Ding, ding, ding, ding. It was, it was a bird. It was a Siberian Jay. Oh. Oh. What's wrong? This guy is disgusting. He needs to get a grip.

Siberian Jay sounds like something you'd call like the guy in the office. Like, you know, Siberian Jay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's his turn to buy the cake. He's got it on the back of a hoodie, Siberian Jay. So guys, we're getting to the end of his adventure now. Shortly afterwards, he made it to Finnish territory and he was found and rushed to hospital.

Oh, how far do you think he'd skied on this adventure? Old hold. How many days again? Four. It's about four. I reckon he crossed the entire United Kingdom, but in Lapland. Does that make sense? Yeah, that makes sense, but how big is that?

You now need to know how long that is in kilometres. Anyone? You've just shot yourself in the foot there because you've got to know that fact. I'll say 300 kilometres. I'll say 400. 500. Oh. OK.

Price is right. Do you know, I don't have any kilometres. It was 250 miles. That was 500 kilometres. Perfect. Perfect. His weight dropped to 94 pounds. Oh.

I know. The math skiing diet. Get on it. Again, making me want to do it. And he's just been eating what pine needles so yeah I mean obviously you're going to lose weight if you're eating that. Under Siberian G. Yeah. Yeah true. Don't forget the J. So his heart rate was 200 beats per minute when they met. Oh wow. That's not healthy. That's funny because that's like a bird. Like that's how fast the heart goes.

So he's got this far? Yeah. I went to the Natural History Museum when I was back home. Philadelphia. It's great. Carry on. Fun fact. I have a heart.

So do you think he survives? Does he come back from that? Yes, I think he's annoying enough to have survived that whole fucking thing. Yes. I just have to put the faith that he got to wear mittens again. So yes. Nice. Okay.

Oh, it'd be such a shame if he loses his life now after all that. But then it is 1944 so actually I changed my answer he does die. He survives! He went on to have a family and he lived in the right part of the age of 71. Oh, emo. Wow. I know. What a guy. In fact, his son, Micah, not that Micah. I could be high, I could be speed. Anyway, I could find what that means.

He later recalled, Micah later recalled, how his father didn't like to discuss his time in the war. What happened in the war, Papa? It's all nothing, actually. Yeah, nothing really, Ebony. Don't worry about it. Don't ask. However, obviously, we know about Emo's story now. So how do you think the story broke? Like, it broke in 1978 is when we first heard about this story.

It wasn't immediately after the war. It's not something that's come out recently. Well, that's the year I was born. So I'm guessing there was a big global celebration. And people were just sharing stories of other important times. Potentially Oprah. Oh, okay. Oprah. I think... You get a Wolverine! You get a Wolverine!

I think someone found his foot and it was frozen. Oh! And then they were like, who did this belong to? You know when you find like woolly mamas that were like, you know those woolly mamas that you come across that are like frozen? I do, I do. And there was a mitten on the foot, which didn't make sense because it was a hand mitten, not a sock mitten, not a foot mitten.

A foot mitten? Yeah, which is a sock. So I got immediately submitted to a museum. Is that the year he died and they found a diary? Had he written it down? Oh interesting. No. Actually I say no. Yes it was that he'd written it down. It wasn't that he died. A magazine in Finland was holding a competition for stories and Amo just wrote down his experience and it won. Second place. Oh.

No. What the fuck won first place? Yeah, that's outrageous. That's the next podcast. I know. Wow. Yeah. That's brutal.

I know. Raiding is tough. Did he get feedback on his story if he only came second? Like what could you have done differently to get you to the first place? Oh my god. Actually the Soviets coming back into it. Lose this intro. Tedious repetition.

I can maybe change the font. I would be slightly upset if I were one of his children. Like tell us about the war and he's like like, no, wait, I could win something. All right then. So that is the end of our story. And across the wall, 35 million doses of meth were sent to the front lines. I'm sure Amo would have taken all of them if he could.

Of course he would. So let's hear it for Amo. Amo. Amo. Amo! Amo! I am knackered after that. Can I just say that was an absolute cracker of a case. Well done. Thank you. Lovely.

Do you know, we've got one more case to crack. We need a listener crime. So, has anybody here been the victim of a crime? Ooh, the ominous lady. Oh, front row baby, come on up, give her a hand. CHEERING Hello, what is your name? My name's Helen.

That's the name of my wife. Oh. I don't know what that means. Oh. She really likes Helen's. Watch out. Sorry Helen, I hope you feel safe. Sorry Helen. I retract all of that. This is a tape space.

Take it away. 30th of August, 1998, my second day of high school. Was it an accident or attempted murder? Oh! We're going in big. Wow. I was coming out of school at the end of the day, going down the steps, didn't really know anyone, waiting for my sister, and I got hit by a car. Oh, shit! Oh, God. Yeah, I got... I don't know, was I pushed into the road?

Like mean girls? Did I? I don't know. I didn't know anybody in my second day of high school. What do you feel like happened? Was it a hit and run or did they stop? No, no, she stopped. She was lovely. She was really lovely. Was it murder or was it? She was really lovely.

The driver of the car. The driver of the car was lovely. She was really nice. She apologised. It wasn't her fault. Because I don't know if I got pushed or I felt, I don't know. Did it happen so quickly that it's hard to even remember? Yeah, and I don't remember it.

Right, oh really? I wake up having an x-ray of my head. No, that's so scary. Do you remember what shoes you were wearing? I remember the whole outfit. I had dulces, platforms. Classic, love dulces. Marks and Spencer's trousers

that got cut off, my mum was not happy. What was the fastening on the Dulce's numbers? There were like three laces and there were like three crosses. What's a Dulce? Oh, it says shoe sharp. Nineties shoe sharp. Right. Yeah.

Platforms. Yeah, I think they're red level platforms. This is all very essential. Essential, thanks for the questions. Well, actually, I think she could have tripped over her Dulce's laces. It's not your moment. It's actually Helen's moment. Yeah, OK. Fair, I think she could have tripped over her doll since Lacey. It's not your moment, it's actually Helen's moment. Yeah, okay.

Let Helen have her time. No, but by platforms do you mean they were quite high? Yeah. I mean those can be tricky. I don't want a victim blamed. Probably. Were there no witnesses? There was about 600 students at that college in high school.

Did you ask any of them? No, because I didn't know any of them. Were there no witnesses? There was about 600 students at that college in high school. Did you ask any of them? No, because I didn't know any of them. I was off school for like three weeks in a brand new form, and I didn't know anybody, really. Oh, no. Because everyone had all made their friends when I got back. No.

Yeah? Oh, I'm still friends with people I've made friends since. But none of them could have pushed you. I mean, they're there. Lovely. Oh, no. Yeah. there, lovely. Oh no. Yeah. Wait, sorry, did you go back to the scene of the crime,

like not to act like a detective, but I am one, so. I went to school there for six years. Okay, and did you go and study the pavement, just to check if there any like. Well no, because afterwards they put. Can I just say, that's a real one B question. Thank you, exactly, exactly. I don't know, they dug all the road

and put safety ramps in. They did? Yeah, there's speed bumps. Oh my gosh, you were the reason for safety innovation. You caused change. Yeah, well done. Was it worth getting your headaches ready? Well, not really, because I break my jaw.

Oh my God! Did you? On the left side, and I've got a big scar under my chin. It's kind of gone now because it was, you know, 28 years ago. CCTV? No, not in 1998, in a village. When did that happen? When did that start? You should know. Oh no, that's module 1C.

History of surveillance. I mean, second day of high school, it's hard to rack up that many enemies. It was also my one birthday as well. Aww, Mac! What happened to your birthday? That is so selfish. I'm sorry but that is just so rude. Apologize to her right now. The year before Princess Diana died on her birthday as well. Oh my god! Oh! Which was like arguably worse, like nervous. I'm really embarrassing her now.

Crazy. Oh my god. I think you asked the best question there. I think it might have been the platforms. Those can be really, you're so confident in them until you're not. And there's no in between. It's like you're sexy and you're walking or you're down. I was at your packet of cheese and onion crisps as well. I remember that.

You were eating crisps? Yeah. Or you were distracted by the chips? Maybe. I get distracted by shiny things all the time. But normally actually on this podcast we do have a penchant for blaming the mother. So... Did you push her? But normally actually on this podcast we do have a penchant for blaming the mother. So did you push her?

I was nowhere near her. Who's your alibi? Oh you poor thing. What awful news to get. I'm so glad you were okay. I mean my god that could have been a lot worse. I got to be fed with a baby food in a tube for a while. Really? Delicious. I'm not saying it was easy, Helen, I'm just saying.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Here you are. Jesus Christ. I was only 12, 13. My God, that is... Do you know what, I thought it was more traumatic in the sense that you came up and you were like, 30th of August, you know, 1998.

And now I know you remember because it was your mom's birthday. When people come up with the date, I'm like are we bringing up a real trauma? Yeah, it's quite really. My sister's friend Lynn ran all the way home to tell my mom and she had an asthma attack. Oh no.

Lynn had an asthma attack. Oh Lynn, don't send the asthmatic. There's news we must get. I'll go, I'll go, don't worry. Unless you give her crystal meth. Yeah. Crystal meth could have fixed this whole situation. I can't even see it. Oh.

Well, I hope it never happens to you again, but if it does... No, it hasn't, it's been fine. Oh, good. Well, oh my God, thank you so much for sharing that with us. Yeah. Incredible. And for your trouble, a's fit five. Oh good. Well, oh my god, thank you so much for sharing that with us. Incredible. And for your trouble, a lovely bottle of Carver. Let's give it up! It's my birthday.

It's my birthday. Your birthday today! It's my birthday. It's your birthday, it's your birthday, a birthday bottle of Carver. Fantastic. Yay, you're up! Thanks Helen. Well we've just got just enough time to say, you guys, tell us where we can find you.

Where can we find Who Shat on the Floor at my wedding? And what else have you got coming out? Well, we... LAUGHTER We've managed to squeeze out another Susan, so... LAUGHTER So, yeah, we actually had to... We didn't really think our podcast through, so we had to change

the name very slightly because it was called Who Shout on the Floor at My Wedding, which kind of, you know, does what it says on the tin. Sure. So it is now Who Shout, I can hardly say it, Who Shout on the Floor at My Wedding and Other Crimes. A seamless rebrand. A seamless rebrand. Yeah, and everyone told us that we had to shorten the name.

They kept telling us, right, shorten the name, shorten the name. So we rebelled and then now it doesn't fit on Spotify, so it kind of goes on like three lines. We were like, yeah, we showed you our rebellious, wild, cannot be tamed nature. I love that you pushed against that. That's brilliant. And other stories. Now it sounds like a children's anthology.

I know. And then season two is called Even Longer. Who Shet on the Floor at My Wedding proudly presents, not just presents, proudly presents the case of the tiny suitcase. And it's basically a, I don't know if we can call it a crime because we kind of specialize in what we call non-crime crimes. So it's like a weird definition. It's kind of crime, kind of isn't, but yeah,

it's a case of what we're calling reverse theft. And that doesn't mean much to anyone because we've invented it as a new crime category. It's genre defining. And it's basically this woman lives in the middle of nowhere in Sweden and literally middle of nowhere. And she comes home one night to find really, really sinister objects planted on her veranda. It was a tiny three-piece corduroy suit.

No, no, I don't like it. How tiny? Are we talking like Kermit the Frog? No, no. I mean, I think if you were a ventriloquist and you had a doll, you could probably... It would be a bit baggy, but it could fit the doll. Okay. Or it would be probably like a 10 to 12 year old child or a very tiny man. Wow. Yes.

And then 18 months later, another item appeared out of the blue when she'd been away. And because people would have to drive 30 minutes to this place to drop these weird objects. And it was a suitcase filled with really concerning items. So we basically tracked down who this anti-thief is and go through a weird undercover operation set in Sweden at a midsummer party with hidden microphones which is kind of legal not illegal but anyway we

did anyway. Love it. This sounds amazing. Oh my god. Holy shit okay well I mean listen to that listen to Who Shat on the Floor at my wedding and then listen to the really long named one afterwards. Give it up for Who Shat on the Floor at my wedding! Thanks guys. Give it up for who's out on the floor at my wedding!

Drunk Women Solving Crime is produced by Amanda Redman with music by The Lion and the Wolf. If you have a petty crime you need us to solve, you can get in touch on X where we are Drunk Women Pod or on Instagram and Facebook, it's Drunk Women Solving Crime. Don't forget to rate and review us on your podcast app and check out our website for information on our live shows and more at www.drunkwomensolvingcrime.com. And you can support us on Patreon by going to patreon.com forward slash drunk women solving crime. Thanks so much for listening. See you next time. Noice. Very noice. Drunk women solving crime. A fiery rivalry. A nemesis with benefits.

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