Who Shat On The Floor At My Wedding? And Other Crimes - S1 E3 Who shat on the floor at my wedding? 'Straight, straight, straight, lesbian'

Episode Date: December 10, 2020

Forensic psychologist Mike Berry gives the team some solid advice. They head to the red light district of Amsterdam and confront an ex lover who attended the wedding. Was this a crime of passion? Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Previously on Who Shat on the Floor at my wedding. The thing that threw me was that, apart from obviously someone shat on the floor in the wedding, was that the culprit had actually skidded in the last one that they'd dropped. And I remember the very first reaction that I had was, wow, this is early on for this kind of thing to happen. That was your first thought? You weren't shocked to see Fatal Mater on the floor, but you were like, ooh, the time's a bit off here.

One of the guests, Henk, spent most of the evening stood at the entrance of the ladies' toilets talking to everyone. And they brought around fries and mayonnaise, and he was sat in the ladies' eating frits. What the fuck was he doing in there? It's got to be cleaned. You can't leave the shit on the floor in the ladies eating frits. What the fuck was he doing in there? It's got to be cleaned. You can't leave the shit on the floor in the toilet all night. Luckily, Henk jumped in and basically volunteered to do it.

Welcome to Who Shat on the Floor at My Wedding, Episode 3. I'm Detective Lauren Kilby and I'm sitting here with my clients Helen McLaughlin and Karen Whitehouse. Good day to you. I'm here investigating a crime that occurred at my client's wedding two years ago, where someone, or something, shat on the floor. Today's episode is going to be interesting but very uncomfortable, so brace yourselves. We are going to find and confront an ex-lover of one of the brides who was at the wedding. Was this a crime of passion?

Let's find out. Here we are. The red light district of Amsterdam. This is a special interrogation today. We're leaving the interrogation chambers to go to our suspect's house because we want him to feel as comfortable as possible. Pretty good, thanks. Just got hit on.

Classic red light behaviour. Not for sale. Okay, so we are about to interview a man, a chap called Tobin. This chap is a special one because initially he wasn't high on our suspect list until we spoke to Professor Mike Berry and he asked us, were there any exes at the wedding? Were there any exes at the wedding? Hello, my name's Mike Barry. I'm a consultant clinical forensic psychologist. I've worked in prisons, secure units, maximum security, special hospitals. I've dealt with crimes from murder, serial killing, serial rapists, arsonists. I've worked with Dutch police, Interpol, and English and Welsh police on profiles in the past.

Wow. And what on earth enticed you to work with us as complete amateurs, given this amazing resume and experience? Absolutely no idea why I said yes. I've never been asked to do anything that's so stupid. That's why I find it bizarrely quite funny. I'm doing it because it is just so bizarre. What do you think about this case, Mike? What's the kind of the motive that screams out to you? I work from the couple outwards. And the first thing you always do is look at the nearest and dearest but this chap tobin is is um karen's ex um and he didn't know that karen batted both sides to use the local expression well i didn't even

know at that stage it was uh it was more that I fell in love with the woman. So he would be one of my strong suspects because he may be angry that Karen's changed from straight to gay. He may want to get back at either one of you or both of you. Does he still have feelings towards Karen? Is he angry at Helen? But the biggest thing here is that Karen saw Tobin, dated him, and then immediately after breaking up with Tobin, became a lesbian. I'm going to be looking for clues inside the house, as well as focusing on the interrogation at hand,

but I'm going to be checking his drawers when he's not looking, things like that, you know, classic, classic techniques. Can I ask, why are we in his house today? I mean, there's something about having a neutral space like our house that made it much, you know, nicer for us, but we're going to his house now. Is it one of his techniques to try and, you know, put us on our back foot?

No, we decided this. He did not have a say in the matter. We would never let suspect decide where they're getting interrogated. The police don't do that. I mean, I think he's going to be very much on the back foot, Helen, because we get to pace around and pick apart every one of

his belongings and sort of find a bit more of a deeper hidden meaning behind each one. And also he lives in the red light district so that says something in itself. It's pretty racy, all right. So Karen, how would you describe Tobin? Tobin is smartly dressed.

He's American. He's a really caring chap. He's outdoorsy. He loves playing sport. And he is very polite and will be horrified by this interview. I think he has no idea what's going to hit him.

Okay, well conveniently we're in front of Tobin's house right now, so let's go upstairs and kick off this interrogation. Tobin, we're coming for you. So you are quite into the towel. What three of us would come here and not bring this up?

Very highly on our... That's the opposite of damage. That's a new question, no? It was Leslie. Hello, Tobin. Do I have to introduce myself? Yes. Name and occupation, please. My name's Tobin. Do I have to introduce myself? Yes, name and occupation please. My name's Tobin, sometimes I go by Toby. I am a former video game advertising producer technology person.

So you are quite into technology, you're aware of the latest technologies? So you are quite into technology. You're aware of the latest technologies. I am, yeah. Yeah, I think that's fair. What about AR, augmented reality? Do you like that? Sure, yes. Do you often not see the difference between reality and augmented reality?

Where is this going? Were you or were you not in a bathroom, you shat on the floor, you got out an augmented reality app, you were scanning the room, through the app it looked like you hadn't shat, you left the room and that was it. This is so ridiculous.

What was your favourite part of the wedding? I would say either the windmills. That was fun. Sunset was very nice. It was a particularly nice day. I remember that. Can you please explain your relationship to the brides? Let's start with Karen.

Karen and I are friends. Would you like to elaborate on that? No. What is a friend to you, Tobin? This is excruciating already what does friendship mean to you i suppose a friend is someone you could pick up the phone or just whatsapp them and and say hey i'm gonna have a wedding do you want to come and the friend on the other side would be like, yeah, I would. Short notice, but let's do it.

When you say short notice, how short was the notice? It was at least 48 hours. So you got the call up for a wedding 48 hours prior to the event. That's what happens when you get your call up to the show. You take those opportunities. You don't look at them twice. Karen and Helen, why was Tobin given such a late invite to the wedding? Were you suspicious of anything he might do if he was given a lot of notice?

No, you know what? I think we hadn't really seen much of each other. And I think we actually bumped into each other quite, maybe it was at Gay Pride, was it? Or it was quite recently before the actual wedding. And I thought thought why the hell have we not invited Tobin he should totally come and also we had a someone drop out yes that's what I was getting at someone dropped out and was it kind of a was it someone similar to Tobin so you were like oh we need to find a surfer from San Diego, it was the closest we could get. Have you ever dated one of the brides?

Date is an interesting verb, particularly when you're sitting next to said person's partner. I don't know if I can answer that correctly. I don't know if that's even possible. Have you ever kissed someone in this room? Yes. Have you ever spent a lot of time with someone in this room at a sexual level? Lauren. What does that mean? At a sexual level?

It means relationship. Have you had sexual relationships with that woman? Is that what you're asking? I mean, I think just to put everyone out of their complete misery here. I mean, yeah. I mean, we... Yeah, Tobin's gone in a dark place. Tobin, you knew we were going to say... Tobin, how could you think that the three of us would come here

and not bring this up? Didn't prepare. I had to prepare Helen earlier. I was like, are you okay to, you know, go through this? She's been fully briefed, so she's actually fine with it. So don't worry about Helen, if that's your concern. Are there tears in your eyes? Is this crying?

No, okay, let me just skip. I'll skip. Okay, so I'll answer my own question. I'll do it. Have you ever dated one of the brides? Yes, I have, Karen. Oh, cool. How did you feel about her turning to the other side

immediately after dating you? Wait, are you? Are you doing both sides? Are you doing me as well? Are you interviewing me? What fucking podcast is this? you and me? What fucking podcast is this? Do you ever feel that Karen was the one that got away?

The one that got away. It's funny, isn't it? I don't know if there's, there's funny. Funny is probably not the best word. I'd say funny. When describing these things. Okay. So it's a potential one that got away i mean we'll never know will we we won't indeed it's quite sad really isn't it right she quite quickly after dating you became a lesbian um it's quite important part of the story really. Becoming a lesbian. Straight after dating you. I don't know if someone, does one become a lesbian?

Yes. This one does. She was straight. Straight, straight, straight, straight, straight. Dating men. Lots of men, boys. Straight, straight, straight. Dates Tobin.

Lesbian. For life. Are you angry at Karen? No, not at all. Are you angry at Helen? No, no, no. Are you angry at me? Yes. Okay, cool. Research shows that some of the feelings that you might feel when your ex-partner or partner comes out as gay, and I'm just going to read these out to you, and I'm going to need you to select one of them the one that you felt the most when she decided that she was in love with a woman bitterness fear shock despair devastation hurt anger ecstatic joy which one none of the above that's not an option despair no. You got a tiny bit bitter. Satisfied. It's good when your friends are happy.

It's not like there's a finite amount of happiness in the world and you have to keep your own and smuggle it like Bitcoin. There's a ton of happiness. If people are happy, that's great. Okay. Tobin. Can I play you something? Yes.

Do you want to give context of what this is, Laurence? Not really. I suppose so, yeah. So earlier Helen mentioned that we had had a discussion with Professor Mike Berry, which is true. He had a few interesting points of view on potential suspects. Originally, you didn't rank very highly on our suspect list, even though we knew you had dated Karen,

but we knew it wasn't really, it wasn't a rich angle, as I like to say, in the industry. But after having spoken to an extremely professional expert, our opinion has changed. Sorry, I'm completely exonerated. The first person that I'm interested in is the chap we call Tobin, who is an ex-partner. No.

He would be worried in the sense that he may be angry that Karen's changed from straight to gay, questions his own sexuality. No! No! No! So I have to put him as a high quality suspect at the moment. Nay. No.

No. So here's the tricky part. When I was in high school I was at a party, and a very pretty girl named Leslie came out, and she didn't say anything and just sort of glanced at me and walked away quickly. And I was like, that's weird.

And then I went into the bathroom, and it was god-awful. Like, it was the worst smell you could ever imagine. And so I was like, wow. And I plugged my nose, and I went to the bathroom. And then as I was leaving, I realized that there was this next person who was now waiting in line. Thinking it was you. And so then, and luckily it was a friend of mine, I explained that, hey, I didn't do this.

It was actually someone else. They didn't really believe me. It was Leslie. But then I thought, maybe It was actually someone else. They didn't really believe me. It was Leslie. But then I thought, maybe there was somebody before Leslie. When did you first learn about the shit on the floor? It was definitely after the wedding. I was not aware of it during the wedding.

How many times did you go downstairs to the toilet area during the wedding? I would guess... I would guess two to four times. In total? In total. I remember there was a steep staircase that went downstairs, and then I don't remember what was on the wall, but maybe some nautical wallpaper?

You believe what you want to believe, don't you, Tobin? It sounds very chintzy this is the bathroom of your dreams tobin sounds beautiful decorated with seashells nautical wallpaper i mean i saw it with my own eyes just so you understand the story how this all came about is um i walked downstairs and uh walked in straight away the door was already open straight in front of me comedy turd like a turd emoji and hank one of our guests was on the floor hunched cleaning it up and i i was i just couldn't process that this had happened so i just went into the cubicle did my business went out and i don't think i think i didn't think i even said thank you hank for cleaning this up because i was just so

why did he clean it up? Well, we've got lots of questions for Hank Tobin. That's a good question. He was clearly being a hero. It's kind of a heroic... Sorry, but Hank also spent four hours in the ladies' bathroom and had food and drinks delivered to the cubicle. Well, to the area.

So I'm not sure that he can just be labelled a hero. I would have let it go if it was clearly an accident. But because I saw it with my own eyes, I know how far away. It was on the opposite side of the cubicle from the toilet bowl. OK. So I'm like, it wasn't like, oh, God, I can't get my trousers down in time and, you know, miss the toilet, which, you know, some people have done in the past.

But it was just as far away as possible. So I was like, well, also, it was an enclosed crime scene. So we know it's someone that we either hired professionally or we know so, so well that that's the mystery. I mean, you'd have to find out. I mean, it'd be like killing you if you didn't know who it was. Did you? Okay, so it is a mystery. I did have one friend who said,

do you not think that you should feel sorry for the person who did it and not actually do this podcast because they might be there really upset or embarrassed that you're trying to work out who it was. And I was like, well, I'm not quite sure why you have such sympathy for the perpetrator of the crime, really. I mean, it was a crime. I think, is it a crime?

Yes, it's a crime. We wouldn't be like oh that poor murderer you know if we were to turn this into a more of a legal framework what are the damages i mean it's psychological damage mainly isn't it okay so it's pain and suffering yeah but for me it's more like the opposite of damage because i've got like this new career. So, so for me, it's fine. It's like,

I mean, when you build a brand, you know, it takes millions and millions of euros to build a good solid brand. And if you equate our wedding to a good quality brand, because we, you know, we, we invested quite heavily in that day and it was part of us.

It was Helen and Karen, the brand. So really. what brand were we aspiring to be and what did we end up being after having a brand but I mean really it's tarnished our image if we really look at it if we're going to go down the legal route I mean you know yeah maybe we do want compensation out of this if we find the culprit because you know if you know there are people there are potential employers of mine at that wedding. If they're like, well, Karen's the kind of person that has a wedding where people shit on the floor.

You know, what do you think that does to my future employment? Not good. So, yeah, I do think we should probably get some compensation for this. I want you to really maintain eye contact with me, Tobin. Did you or did you not shit on the floor at our wedding? I did not. Just one final question. Did you bring, have you the underwear that you wore on the day of the wedding

in a plastic bag for us to take away? No. Okay. No, I know. Do you want to get that now? How would you do that? What for? We're asking everyone.

Everywhere. That's a new question yeah coming up next on who's shat on the floor at my wedding what's a lesbian wedding like the same as any other wedding you fucking goon i'm going to pass the mic over to Detective Lauren Kilby for what is arguably the most intense moment of her career to date, assessing a true crime scene for the very first time. Here we are.