Who Shat On The Floor At My Wedding? And Other Crimes - S3 E2 Fecal Fugitive - Part Two

Episode Date: August 13, 2025

The race to unmask the poopetrator ends here. In the finale of Fecal Fugitive, Detective LK and Assistant to the Detective KW follow the final leads to flush out the truth. One suspect is released from custody. Another faces the the cold, harsh reality of the evidence against them.In the final interrogation, the motive for the crime is revealed. And a family once torn apart by a fecal disaster is reunited through closure and understanding. Check out the special Fecal Fugitive bonus episode which is live NOW. Follow us on Instagram @whoshatontheflooratmywedding for case evidence and behind the scenes. Sound design: @juanthummler Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Here's what went down on fecal fugitive part one. The wedding I thought was spun and went without a hitch. I first noticed it. Probably the next morning went into the bathroom, and that's when I noticed it. I think it was a couple months later. My dad let me know in kind of a weird roundabout way that someone had shat all over the wall at the wedding. Who is your number one suspect? My best friend, when I told me.

her about this investigation and I told her what happened. Her first comment to me was, oh my God, was it me? I was going through old wedding pictures and I noticed she changed her outfit. So sorry, she went from a bridesmaid dress to what exactly? Political sweets? Yeah, to political sweatpants. What do you think political sweet pants? Unfortunately, I'm going to have to plead the fifth and in the US for refusing to answer cannot be used as evidence of guilt in a criminal case. Yeah, but we're not in America. We're not in America.

We don't care. And who was your second suspect? My sister's husband. My brother-in-law. Brother-in-law, Tom. He does not drink very often. He got pretty blasted. He passed out on some chairs, but then he got his second wind and participated until the end.

How many wedding beans did he eat that day? I assume a lot of wedding beans. How many wedding beans exactly do you think he would have consumed that day? Possibly two platefuls. Okay, so that's like 600. About 680, I think. Eight hours left on the clock. Eight hours remaining.

Eight hours. That's all that remains on the speed solving countdown to uncover the truth. The suspect list is down to two, and their motives are unlike anything we've encountered before. Suspect one, Tatiana, the bride's best friend, charming, loyal, and the only guest who changed into political sweatpants during the wedding. Was this a political statement, or did she soil her dress and need a quick escape? Suspect two, Tom, the bride's brother-in-law. Tom officiated the wedding, got drunk, devoured 680 wedding beans, passed out, then return like nothing happened. But did something happen?

Today we analyse the results of the anonymous survey monkey that was sent out to all wedding attendees and then hone in on our two suspects. This is a race against the clock. And as much as we wish it would, this case isn't going to crack itself. This is Fecal Fugitive, Part 2. It's the morning after we spoke to our shit-on-a-wall friends.

And while we were sleeping, they've been busy. Good that they've been busy because we've got very little time left to crack this case. Let's pick up where we left off last night. Attached is the ambush video of the key suspect, someone we're referring to as Tom. Tom, did you shit on the wall and around the toilet in the bathroom at my sister's wedding? No. So should I send this over to our amazing guy? Yeah, our deception expert.

Okay, I'm going to send it over to him now and see what he thinks. Okay, sent. 26 minutes pass. He's responded. Oh, unfortunately, I cannot work with this video as I need a baseline where he answers a control question first to establish him to know the truth. We forgot to ask the control question.

It's a bit like a lie detector. We need to ask him a basic question first so he knows what Tom looks like when he's telling the truth. So the results are enconclusive. The results are inconclusive because I didn't read the instructions. Cool. Next time, do read the instructions. I will definitely do that next time.

But what we know is he's definitely not guilty. We didn't need an eye deception expect to tell us that. We're going to have to ambush him again, basically. I think we're just going to now have to combine the eye deception video capture with a full interrogation. So we just need to interrogate, Tom. That's the clear next step. Probably what we should have done in the first place. Just learnings, Karen.

Learnings. Let's not dwell on the past. Let's focus on the future. That's going to come up in your next 360 review. But yeah. So next steps, shit on a wall. What do we need to do? Okay, what about crack case?

What about is the next step, crack case? We need to review the beans recipe. The beans recipe. Let's do that right now. Beans recipe, ingredients, one pound of bacon, 28 ounces cans of bushes baked beans drained, 12 ounces Heinz chili sauce, one large sweet onion chopped, half a cup, brown sugar.

Directions, cooked bacon. drain, crumble, in a large bulk my beans, chili sauce, onion, brown sugar and bacon pour in a nine-by-13 dish, bake at 300 degrees Fahrenheit oven for 45 minutes to one hour. I've just typed into chat jeopardy. What would happen to my body if I consumed the following meal?

680 beans. It's 1,000 to 2,500 calories. Beans are high in fibre. High fat content could also contribute to feelings of indigestion or heartburn. Frequent bathroom trips. You may experience It's either diarrhea or need to use the restroom more often as your body attempts to process the large quantity of food.

It's not looking great for Tom, is it? He ticks all the boxes in terms of the suspect's behaviour. One man, 680 beans. That's not a snack. That's a cry for help. Now let's see what the wedding guests have to say. Okay, the results are in for the survey monkey that went out to the entire wedding. Andrea and Jacob's wedding.

They're wedding guests. The first question was, what were you wearing at Jacob and Andrea's wedding? Be specific about underwear type clothing accessories and shoes, etc. Dress, watch, cowboy boots, a bra. We have someone that said, beautiful bridesmaid's dress, which had not been altered,

so was too long and I had to wear very high heels with it. Eventually I changed into comfortable clothes. My sweatsuit since the 2016 election was weeks away and I was so excited and flats. That's the best friend. It's very lengthy explanation, isn't it, for an online questioner? It's a bit lengthy. Tatiana has a lot to say for someone who just happened to change outfits

right around the time someone redecorated the wall with feces. Black bra, bikini cup, women's panties, black lace flats with no socks, knee length dress, bra, full brief, underwear and shoes, earrings. Okay, there's a lot of chat about like underwear shoes, white shirt, black shoes, matching nipple rings. Awesome. So nothing overly suspicious there. I mean, to be honest, as much as I'm really impressed by your detective brain, I don't think I was expecting to crack the case based on accessories they were wearing to the wedding. What time did you leave the wedding?

Again, pointless question because what's that? I guess people that were late are more likely to have done. done it. Yeah, that's, I mean, out of all the, the two questions you've currently put to me, definitely, what time you do leave the wedding is actually one that could help us narrow down the suspect. Fine, Karen, well then I'll tell you the answers. Never left. Late, but before the party was over. 11.30, I guess midnight, possibly midnight. I had a genetic obligation to stay and help clean everything up. You missed a spot. I live on the property but walked up to my home around 11. That's Tom.

then rejoined the party and chat everywhere and then came back and shat on the wall the pool of people that answered this questionnaire a lot of them were in the pool that stayed late so it is a very high chance that the answers that we're reading out now involve answers from the perpetrator I've got like goosebumps I think we've got 90% chance

of having the perpetrator in this group How many wedding beans did you eat during the wedding 18% of people at the wedding ate between 21 and 50 individual beans 27% of people ate between 51 and 200 individual beans 9% of people ate between 201 and 680 individual beans

and 9% ate more than 681 individual beans And that's Tom That's probably Tom The next question was Did you see fecal matter at the wedding And if so, where? And one answer stood out to us

Ask who changed clothes at the wedding. That is one of the wedding guests digitally pointing their finger at best friend Tatiana. This survey monkey, this online questionnaire is helping us to confirm that our very narrow down suspect pool of Tom and Tatiana, we are right on the money.

In the last episode, we put a generous offer on the table for Tatiana. We would be willing, as a limited one-time deal, to offer you the opportunity to provide a short written statement to defend your honour or confess to this fecal crime. Understanding the choice to change into political sweatpants is central to this investigation. We receive an email from Tatiana.

Do you want to read out the statement? Where is it? Subject line, denial of claim. Andrea's wedding exemplified everything Andrea is, way too much fun, beautiful and incredibly thoughtful. The bridal party and guests felt completely happy and at ease throughout the... Why is this relevant? Karaki Dance Party, yeah, sure, you had fun.

While someone was apparently too relaxed based on the crime that occurred, it was not the uptight Tatiana. Why did she talk... Yeah, I know, it's weird that she's in the third person. It keeps going to the third person. It's classic disassociation from the crime. They're completely removing themselves from the crime. It's like Karen, she would never have done anything like that.

As is tradition in the US, Andrea's family hosted a rehearsal dinner the night before the wedding. Andrea and her two adorable dogs, peanut and dido, wore matching, personalized Hello Kitty pajamas to the event. Setting the time that the wedding was going to be unpretentious and comfortable. For the actual wedding, Andrea wore a stunning lace gown. I wore a beautiful black evening gown that the bride had custom made for all her bridesmaids. I had foolishly not altered the gown, which had arrived four to five inches too long for my short stature. As such, I had to wear very uncomfortable high heels in the grass

for the entire ceremony and reception. My feet were in significant pain as the night progressed, but I could not take off my shoes because the dress was too long to walk in without them. So I changed into my political sweatsuit in the back bedroom. I wanted to be comfortable enough to continue partying with my back. best friend on her big day and I was incredibly excited that the election was only two weeks away at this point. Then I danced the night away without ever stepping foot near the scene of the crime. I have known Andrea since we were three years old and she has heard about and or witnessed

all of my many, many embarrassing moments. So if I had done it, I would have rehashed the incident in excruciating detail with her the following morning like I always do. But I did not since I am not guilty. I don't buy it. Would political sweats be in your normal bag to bring to your best friend's wedding? Like I get why you've got them. That's so cool and you're really excited about the election. But is that something that you would just bring? Is a sweatsuit alone appropriate attire for a wedding? Let alone a politically charged sweatsote. Although it was outdoors so you would want something warm. I mean, it's height of summer, but it still could have had a slight nip in the air. And the mosquitoes are out. And the mosquitoes are out. You need something thick. You need

thick cotton to block the mosquitoes. Maybe sweatpants are the way to go about it. Not satisfied with Tatiana's statement, Karen emails back to request more information. Just so we can tie up some loose ends with this investigation, we are wondering if we can trouble you with the answers to these last questions. Could you share a picture of what the political sweats look like? Why did you bring your political sweats to the wedding venue? Do you always travel with an emergency pair of political sweats wherever you go? How many times have you worn political or non-political sweats at weddings? Can you share proof?

Could you send us a full-length picture of the bridesmaid's dress you wore so we can verify the dress length slash heel issue? Thank you for your cooperation. Blah-la-la-la-la-la-th thanks Karen. 21 minutes later, we receive a response from Tatiana, with critical new evidence for this case. Tatiana confirms that she carries a pair of political sweatpants with her at all times and backs it up with photographic proof. Multiple images of her in the exact same sweats at various formal events. This was not a one-off.

This is repeated behaviour. She also includes a photo showing her bridesmaids' dress trailing dramatically along the ground, clearly too long to walk in. A credible alibi. Tatiana is starting to look less like a suspect and more like a woman who just loves her political sweatsuit. 32 minutes later, we receive a fresh new lead. An email from a guest who attended Andrea's wedding.

One image is attached. And the email reads, I thought you needed to see this, but don't say it came from me. The photo is timestamped 1152pm, moments before we expect the fecal crime would have occurred. It shows brother-in-law Tom, unconscious, sprawled across four chairs. Tom was clearly far more intoxicated than we'd previously imagined.

But there's something else. He is wearing braces. And that sparks our most compelling theory in this investigation yet. We'll come back to the braces theory later, but for now, one thing is certain. Tatiana is innocent, and all roads are leading to Tom. We have an interrogation coming up in half an hour, and it's an interrogation with a key suspect. And I don't know why we haven't done this before,

but I've just done a bit of research about how to actually interrogate someone. We have a chance here to do this properly, and I want to do this properly for the first time in our careers. Basically, we've done everything wrong before. I just don't know why we spent most of our time creating a sound montage of howling dogs and chains and torturous. sound effects and leaving Hank on his own in a room

when actually we could have just spent 20 minutes just Googling how experts interrogate suspects. It's fine because we're all learning and we're unqualified. Things are about to change. I can't believe we've not done it properly. That means we need to go back to Henk and do it again. As we speak, Tom is preparing for something we've called a friendly chap.

He's going to be joining us with his wife Kate, Andrea's sister. Tom is a suspect because, because the mosquitoes at Andrea's wedding drove a lot of the guests away, and they left the event very early in the evening. So there was only a very small group of people that were part of Andrea's inner circle that were left at the time the shit hit the wall, meaning that the perpetrator must have been in that inner circle. And Tom was there at that time.

So he is a suspect, first of all, just for it fits the crime timeline, the window, which the crime took place. So that's the first thing, narrowing down, obviously. We know Tom was there. That's dodging itself. Second one, obviously, there were many witness reports saying that Tom was extremely intoxicated. He doesn't drink that much usually, but he was really stressed from the pressure of officiating the wedding. And so after the wedding ceremony was over, he just absolutely like let his hair down. It was just a release of all the stress and anxiety. so he got absolutely obliterated. Yep.

As we know, the anxiety part of things we've established this in season one, Mike Berry always said that... If it's a very loose thesis, then it indicates somebody's anxious. So we've got the anxiety element that could have caused him to have diarrhoea. We also have the classic witness report saying he ate a huge amount of wedding beans. We all know what wedding beans do to one's digestion. And then the final point, like we don't need more, is that he was wearing braces on the day of the wedding.

Introducing the braces theory. As you can imagine, if you're anxious, you've got loose feces, you've eaten loads of wedding beans, you're really intoxicated, you're not really clear what's going on, but you suddenly run to the toilet, and then you kind of, because you're so drunk, forget that you're wearing braces. There's an extra layer of panic of fuck,

I've got an extra thing to do. take off in order for my poop to hit the right target, giving a greater chance of him missing the toilet. So there's a lot of factors that suggest that Tom would have been a perfect suspect for this and a lot of reason why he would have missed the toilet and have diarrhea and been so intoxicated he might not have even remembered that he did it because you can have alcoholic blackouts. He definitely could be the perpetrator. We need to approach this in the correct way to give the best chance of us getting confession in 30 minutes time. Proper interrogators, you have to create a space, a safe space for them to confess.

So you have to genuinely build trust. Light conversation, establish a connection and just we have to feel that they're genuinely feeling at ease before we go into anything further. We know, for example, they've just been camping. I know we joke about building rapport, but it's actually quite important. Okay. Bond over camping. So phase one is build trust and report. I'm so glad we managed to do this because you just came back from camping, didn't you?

Yep. Yep. How was it? Was it good? It was great. Very relaxing. I actually just came back from camping and I have to say, like, I don't know how you do it. It was absolutely baking hot. I can't cope in the heat. So respect to you. We have a pop-up camper, so with lots of fans and everything. And it wasn't so hot when we went. So it's like glamping a bit. Yeah.

Report and trust have been successfully established. It's time to move into phase two. So rationalising scenarios. So we have to approach our question list in a very clever order that helps to develop themes or scenarios that basically provide a foundation to justify why Tom would have shot all over the wall. We have to empathise and be like, oh my God, like you officiated your sister-in-law's wedding. That's a huge pressure.

how did you feel about that? Get him to open up about how stressed he was, how nervous he is at public speaking, for example, how he really felt, and just say, look, God, like, I personally am also really scared of public speaking. I would have drunk a lot to just get over that. Start building up, like, okay, it's totally justifiable that you drank way too much.

Then we're sort of, you know, we're in that subject matter, we're like, so what's your usual drinking habits, make him feel good because he doesn't, he's not a big drinker, and I'm like, well, that you're really healthy. This was a one-off. Like, it's completely not. So we're going to suck out to him and you're going to flirt with him in front of his wife.

Basically, yeah. You're going to be like, oh, I'd really admire your drinking techniques. Oh my God. Basically, you're just trying to find excuses to flirt with the suspects. I knew it'd come up. Intelligently flirting, I would call it. This is like one level up from just basic flirting. Phase two, rationalising scenarios, also known as intelligent flirting.

I will say, as you know, I am a victim of a similar fecal crime that happened at my wedding, which is why this appealed so much. I mean, really, at the end of the day, it's really not a big deal that it's not a big deal that someone's shat at the wedding because it's fucking funny. Everyone poos. It's just a natural process. And certainly at my wedding, there was a lot imbibes. There was a lot drunk. So I don't hold anything against anyone that would do this. And I have certainly shat myself before just to kind of plant a side.

seed of things have gone wrong in my life, fecally. There is a genuine, like, little sinister side to this as well that there is a point that we do really want to get closure for Andrea. So even though it's like fun and silly, whatever, we're on a mission. You were the efficient of the wedding, weren't you? Yep. I went through a whole clicking on a website and became an online minister or whatever and yeah, so that I officiated at their wedding. How did you feel being given that role to be the officians at the wedding. I was nervous. I was nervous like the week before because, you know, I had wanted to make it, you know, for Andrea, make it nice. And it was really short, but it was still something that I wanted them to appreciate and so that their day was special. So I was,

I was pretty nervous the week before. I just had to make sure I wrote a decent speech and then was there on time. And then I think I promised her that I would drink a little bit because I don't drink a lot. I had to promise her that I would drink at her wedding for some reason she wanted me to. Yeah, so that's basically just building up a foundation to rationalize that we need to make it seem completely okay that he shot on the wall. Then the next technique is, I mean, it's pretty basic, but we've never actually applied the basic techniques, is called minimization and maximization. So we need to throughout this, there's two things we do. The first one is minimizing and downplaying the seriousness of the crimes.

Karen, I'm really concerned that this interrogation strategy, which I think is amazing so far, I'm worried that it requires like sincerity. I know that's a big, it is, that's what I'm concerned about to. Okay, but how do I become sincere? I think probably staying very quiet at the beginning. There's a, you're... I'm not allowed to talk because I don't know how to be sincere. Implement minimisation technique.

So did you do the same thing as me? because it so painfully had to stay completely sober until my speech was over. And then that was the moment when I went, few, I'm just going to let my hair down and enjoy. But I was so stressed about drinking anything beforehand, because I'm such a control freak. And looking through the pictures, you can see the moment that that must have occurred

because he was wearing the vest. I believe it was maybe the first dance or so. And then next picture, vest is off. And only the braces are on a shirt and the braces. And the tie. Those things stayed on the entire night. but the vest must have come off when the drinking started for him. Return to rationalization technique.

What did you drink from then onwards? I think it was mostly from Chata, if not exclusively, from Chata, which is a very creamy, you know, kind of dessert drink, but I drank a lot of it. I don't know how much I drank, but I know that I constantly seems like I had a, Ramchata in my hand. Then I'd go dancing and eat and then back to dancing and Ramchata. And her grandma would hang out with her grandma a lot.

We had a lot of, I think I remember some great conversations. And then I think I took a nap next to her on the chairs. So, yeah. You took a nap next to Grandma on the chairs. He was laying across some chairs. From my experience, it was. Quite a night. I promised Andrea I'd drink, so I, I, yeah, I think before that it was like maybe twice in my life I had been drunk.

And so this was like the third time. So she was excited to see that, I think. I don't know why. Because I hate to go there, but what we understand is you are a very wonderful gentleman that was put under a lot of pressure. It's a really big thing to try and officiate a wedding for someone that you really love and get the balance right. understandably you were anxious, you drank a lot. Is it possible that you really blacked out and possibly forgot about a very important part of the evening? See, I don't personally think so, because I think that would be something I would remember.

But I'm not saying it wouldn't be me. I'm not, if I remember that, I would have admitted that a long time ago. I think it's the rum chatter wedding bean combo, which is my biggest concern about you, Tom. Yeah, I agree. I don't think there is a more potent combo for this kind of fecal crime because there's a spice, there's the lactose from the rum charter, there's like the beans which we know is very fibrous. That for me is why we're having to have quite a detailed conversation,

a detailed friendly chat, as we like to call it. I feel the friendly chat. For someone that basically doesn't drink, there are a lot of very gentle alcoholic options out there and you're going, I don't drink, so I've got very low tolerance, and I'm going for heavy liquor. Do you think that that is a wise thing to do as someone who doesn't consume alcohol to drink something like rum charter? At the time, I thought it was wonderful. Was run charter in the punch, or is it just like on its own?

Because there was punch as well, wasn't there? There was punch, yeah, but it was on its own. Did you drink the punch as well? Did the punch have alcohol in it? Yes. Oh, I was their signature. cocktail. Of course.

You know, I might have had some punch too. Oh, okay. So you thought that that was a refreshing non-alcoholic, delicious beverage, and you consume that? When did you start drinking the punch? I don't know. I just was thinking, yeah, I think I didn't like it. Yeah, I don't think you liked it either. I believe there was some kind of.

If that's two alcohol, I just don't like them. That's usually. Accidentally drink punch. thinking it was not alcoholic. And that is when phase three kicks in and you can become fucking bad cop and go to town on him. Okay, yeah, I get it now, yeah, I can do that.

Maximization is when you have to absolutely exaggerate the evidence that we have. So you have to dangle a mean bad cop carrot of we have some serious evidence that points to you and make him feel like, fuck. We need him to feel he doesn't know what we've got in our back pocket. So we need to be like, it's pretty obvious you did it, right?

You did it. I know a perpetrator when I see one. Phase three, bad cock. Tom, this concoction that you've consumed, it's really not looking good. And that combined with quite a lot of evidence that we have against you, it is not looking good for you.

I just want to be really, really honest with you now. I know we've had a nice chat up until his point. We're going to change things up a little bit. Sadly for you, that involves kind of having a real tough conversation with you right now about what happened during that wedding. Now, there is a photo that we've received, and all I can say is that it's incredibly incriminating. We'll get into the photo in a bit.

I'm sure you know which one we're referring to. I don't know. Before we do, is there anything you want to say to us before we continue? I guess I would say that I don't remember, but I feel like if I had to go anywhere, it would be up to our host, but like I said, I don't necessarily.

I don't say that it couldn't have been able. Okay, Tom, I'm going to be one last chance. Do you have anything you'd like to say to us? I don't remember. I don't remember. I would admit if I had done it, I would so admit it. I don't remember if it was me. I don't want to say that it wasn't me, but I don't think it would be me. But I don't have any memory of that part of that evening. But you do have memory loss from the night. Yeah, I guess, I guess I do. Yeah. Yeah, I'll have to admit to that. again just to remind you that the best outcome of this situation is that you did it because you're a really wonderful human and the alternative is that someone else did this that might not have been so nice as you and that's just from my experience you want to know as Andrea that there wasn't some kind of malintent with the poop so again safe space it's fine I've had memory loss we've all done stuff it's fine I've had memory loss we've all done stuff it's fine

Just remind her that it's a good thing for Andrea if it would be someone that she loves. Just a gentle reminder. Just a gentle, relaxing reminder. Andrea was not really involved at all in the cleanup. So I think really kind of along with Andrea, Bruce is a real victim here. Good point. Because he had to do the inevitable cleanup. Yeah, I think he kind of deserves an answer.

So Kate, yeah. What would it mean to you to get closure for Bruce and Andrea? How would that feel? I'd be happy for them, really. Like I said, I think they were thinking about it for years before I even realized. Right. This has been weighing on them, I guess, for nine years. Well, not necessarily Bruce. He just cleaned it up and went on his way. But Andrea keeps bringing it up. And so, I mean, every vacation we.

Yeah, two together gets brought up. Yeah, like I said, yeah, I would have admitted it if I remembered it. Right. If this can heal some of Andrea's heart, I just, I think that would be really special. Tom? Mm-hmm. Is it possible that you shat on the wall at Andrea's wedding? Um, yes, it is possible.

But I don't remember that. And can I just say we truly believe you when you say you do not remember that. We do not think that you're hiding something from, we really, really don't. We make a lot of assumptions on this podcast for better or for worse, but we had a chat before this and we really truly believe that you are telling us the truth as you know it. But for another case, we spoke to a alcohol and drug expert witness for another fecal case regarding someone who shat in a dishwasher. We were.

He actually gave way worse, straight into an appliance. And, yeah, he gave us a lot of insight into that, and he really taught us a lot about alcoholic blackouts. But yeah, he said that it's genuine memory loss after that. Like, you truly don't believe that you did anything during that time because it is blocked out from your memory. So it basically doesn't attach itself to your long-term memory. It just happens in the short term, so you're aware when you're doing it,

but it doesn't transfer into your long-term memories. So just to inform you on the science behind it. So Tom, I don't know if you're aware of this. Actually, you are because you've filled it out. But we sent the survey monkey to all the wedding guests. Yep, I remember that. 27% of the wedding think that you are the person who shat on the wall. What do you think?

It's a little lower actually than I thought. But I knew that people would have thought that, well, like I said, when they hadn't told me for years, I knew that they must have thought I did it because we're pretty close family. So when I found out that people were wondering, I was like, I think they think it's me. In my mind, I could see how it could have been me. But I just don't know how I wouldn't have remembered something like that.

It seems like a big event. Tom, what I will say is we've got other suspects on the same level as you. And they're not coming forward. So what do you think that says about you facing us confidently and genuinely right now versus someone that doesn't want to speak to us. I could see where it could have been me too. I understand that. Or I could be like, oh yeah, that, yeah, that was me.

Yeah, it's a potent combination, wedding beans and rumchata. I don't know that I've had that combination since. I'm not sure you should. Well, just to reassure you, we've probably got another two minutes of the uncomfortable questioning, and then we're going to go to something a little bit more fun and a bit more uplifting. So we're almost there and you're a hero. and I was about to say we love you.

It's just naturally is what I felt like saying in the moment. But... Kieran. What? Sorry, flirting. Yeah, stop flirting. Phase 3.5, the photo. And then I think you just go to the section which is called photo attack. I just want him to describe it because he's going to melt.

We're going to bring up the photo. What is... Oh. As articulately as possible. Describe in so much... detail, what is happening in this photo? Well, it looks like we got three or four wedding chairs. And it looks like I decided, I must have been more comfortable on my belly than back.

So I decided to lay across. It looks like I'm probably just kind of almost collapsed across it. Have my right hands kind of stuck behind me under, kind of a little bit underneath. My left looks like it's holding myself up somehow. as I'm, I don't know, or it's just dangling there. But I look to be in a pretty good sleep there. There's probably a deep sleep. It's just an audience seeming to be pointing and laughing,

and it's pretty dark outside, so it's probably pretty late in the night. You seem quite shocked when you saw this photo. Do you not remember this? Well, I've seen the photo before, but it's been a while, and I guess I didn't realize how it was. in that picture. Phase four is what I'm calling the reconstruction. Our objective is prove our braces theory

that when under time pressure, taking braces off massively increases the chance of missing the toilet, covering a span of shit going all across the bin, wall and toilet seat. You need to see how his body moves when he removes clothes? We're going to ask him to strip for us. Are we going to get Kate to hold the laptop so we can see him do this and actually strip? Are we going to ask him to strip in the back?

bathroom. Yeah. The crumb soon. Yeah, basically down to his plans. So his wife's going to take the laptop in and we're going to be in the bathroom with them digitally and he's going to strip for us. Do you know what? I know it's really like not okay, but I think we should just ask for it and if they feel okay with it or run with it. Yeah, I agree. I think we should ask for the maximum amount of things that we want. We won't ask him to actually go to the toilet, but just one level below that, which is prepare to go to the toilet in the bathroom. And then if they say no, then we can keep coming back down and eventually we'll get to something. What if he just likes being commander and he hasn't gone? Yeah, because we don't know what undies he's wearing. He certainly didn't put on his undies today going, this is going to be

recorded for who shot on the floor at my wedding and other crimes. When the cops say no, we say yes. Phase four, the reconstruction. We're about to move into the final phase of this, which is phase four. I don't think you realize there was phase one, two and three, but we've just completed them. Phase four is called the Reconstruction. And there's a reason why we've asked you to wear the outfit that you wore to Andrew's wedding right now. Could you just remind the listeners what you're wearing exactly? It's just some dress pants and dress shoes, just a white dress shirt with an orange tie and then best and then some braces. And I know I took the best off pretty early in the night.

So I was mostly wearing just a white shirt. An orange tie and some braces. So right now, I'm glad you've taken your vest off. I was about to ask you to do that. That sounds creepy like I'm asking you to strip, take it off. Now you're in the outfit that you would have been after that photo we just assessed lying on the wedding stools. So what I would like to do, if you're comfortable with it, you can have a safe word. We would like to take this call to a bathroom.

Tom has roughly agreed to phase four. He's removed his headphones while he prepares for the reconstruction. Kate, this is a question for you. I'm glad he's not hearing this. Is he wearing underwear, first of all? Are you wearing underwear? Yeah, I believe he puts him on today. I'm so glad.

He typically, he has a tendency to wear underwear. We're giving Tom seven seconds to walk through the imaginary bathroom door, run to the toilet, take his braces off, quickly get his trousers down to his box of shorts, and sit down on the toilet, and we want to see if he can do that in seven. seconds. Do you feel comfortable

taking your pants off? I think he's thinking about it's a possibility. That is fine to think about it. That is fine to think about it. We're trying to see if I can disrobe really quickly, like, but to see that. Oh, I can disrobe really quickly, yeah.

No, no, I mean, we're hoping that we can. You want to see that. Yeah. Time you, actually. We've hit a new low, Lauren. It's also, Kate, it's okay to say no. I believe he's checking the quality of the underwear like he's wearing right now. I'm going to find some shorts.

Okay, hold on. He usually wears like boxer briefs. He is just quickly slipping into a more appropriate pair of like shorts. Sorry, is he slipping into something a little bit more comfortable for us? Okay, you have seven seconds. You have to get from the door, which is right here, across the room to take your braces down, take your pants down, And then sit on the chair, on the toilet. Yeah.

Translation is complete. Okay, so you can just tell me, and I'll tap him when it's time to go. Okay, ready? Three, two, one. Go. Time's up. Time's up. Whoa, he's already done.

He's fast, yeah. He is fast. Did you turn? as you were taking your braces off. Yeah. This reconstruction, to be honest, is confirmed my worst sort of fear of what I was possibly hoping for slash nervous about discovering is the swivel. And that is a key part of this investigation because what Tom's just proved is in a rush,

when you've got braces, you've got an extra level of things to take off. And you've got a very tight space. You have to swivel whilst you're taking things off. And it matches the trajectory of Bruce's map of the fecal matter, which covered a trajectory of movement, which you only get when you have to do a sort of panicky maneuver in a small space. Again, I'm on your side. I don't want it to be Tom, but I'm just saying that the swivel theory was something we've discussed before.

The reconstruction wasn't great because I think it kind of went down that route. Yeah. So that's it, Tom, isn't it? No further questions, Your Honor. Yeah. What I would like to know is what beauty can we find in this fecal dilemma? Is there anything personally for you and Tom and your relationship that actually could bring you closer or bring anything positive about this whole journey we've been on?

He's always been a really close member of my family, but the fact that they could accuse him and 27% of the wedding party could single him out. and that actually is kind of touching, that they feel enough love and comfort with him that they would, you know, feel comfortable doing that. Also, he has a great sense of humor, so I'm pretty happy with the choice that I made 25 years ago to marry him. Those are several linings.

This has become a celebration of who Tom is. everything that makes Tom like Tom. I don't feel very celebrated. We always want to celebrate the perpetrator. It's not just about Andrea, the victim of this crime. It's actually, you know, there's a whole other side to this. It's the story of the person who shout on the wall. Like, what were they going through in that day?

Why were they so anxious? You know, were they officiating the wedding, for example, creating anxiety? Just, you know, celebration. There's a seven-stage process of acceptance for becoming a perpetrator, so we'll send you those. It's very normal to go through different stages and emotions. You're past denial now, I think. Yeah. So congratulations for that.

You've come a long way, and it's taken bravery and courage. How do you think your next conversation with Andrea is going to go? Like, what are you guys going to talk about? Just specifically. She's going to need to buy me something nice, I think. It's probably what's going to have to happen. A reward. You want a reward for potentially shutting on the wall at her wedding.

Yeah, that's not what I was expecting. I thought you were going to give her a bunch of flowers and say, sorry, I might have shot on the wall. But I'll definitely get Bruce something for just in case. And I'll probably apologize to Andrea, if that, because obviously this has been winging on her for a while. I haven't been thinking about it for years as much as she has. But yeah, then I'll ask her to buy me.

You think like a formal apology, you're going to do like a presentation or like a slideshow or? Yeah, it'll be a slideshow. Yeah. Or plays can I come. I'm really going to. Yeah, we'll fly out. We'll come over for that. Given that you're going to, you know, give a little gift to Bruce, it just shows how one small

act of pooping actually has a butterfly effect to spread joy around the world and make the world a better place for Bruce, which is all that anyone cares about. That is true. I don't think we need to do phase five, Lauren. These people have been through enough. Yeah, I don't think phase five. Just so you know, we are removing a phase. So we are actually quite nice.

If you did do this, Tom, do you know what? I think the message is? It's one of compassion because you've proven to me that sometimes some of the supposedly toughest things that happen in life can happen for the most pure reasons by the. the best of people. And I think that's the message that I want to put out there is that never come to the conclusion, the wrong conclusion, or judge any action, whether it's fecal dilemmas or not, because there could be someone like Tom behind it, and that is okay. What do you think about that?

I drank that night for, you know, for Andrea. It wasn't like I was, I'd come to every party and just get a pastel drunk in their chairs. So that night I did it because I was asked to because I guess they think I'm pretty funny when I'm drunk. But yeah, so if I did do it, it was just a cause from all of the events that happened or everything coming together. Oh, wait, sorry, you're saying she was asking for it.

No, no, no, no. I completely misunderstood. So you're saying the only reason, if you did do this, the only reason you did it was because she made you drink. I can blame her. No, no, no, no. You're not the nice guy we thought you were, Tom. No, no, I would do anything for this family.

And I guess that might be including shit on their walls. Do you know what? This has genuinely been the best interrogation I've ever, ever experienced. And thank you both. Like, it has been a joy and a delight. Thank you. Thank you so much. Have a great one.

Bye. Imagine right now that you're on the phone to the person that's shat on the wall at your wedding. What would you like to say to that person? I just want to know why. Why? I guess the only message I could say is it'd be nice if you were to set something that surprises with us.

That's about the only thing. 13 minutes remaining. After the interrogation, we received an email from Tom. He attached a photo of a greeting card that he has written for Bruce, Andrea and Kate's father, the hero who bravely cleaned up the fecal matter. On the left side, there's a drawing of a toilet, and it says, I'm so sorry. On the right side, Bruce.

Lauren and Karen talked to me this morning and I now realize that the incident back on September 4th, 2016 could have been me. I apologize for the mess I may have caused and I hope you didn't have too much pain for all of these years. Love you and thanks for everything.

This case is officially closed. A non-crime crime has been committed against you you may be entitled to pro bono detective services. Report your crime. on our website, who chat on the floor at my wedding.com or DM us on Instagram at who shout on the floor at my wedding.