Who Shat On The Floor At My Wedding? And Other Crimes - S3 E22 Boob Bandit - Part Three

Episode Date: March 26, 2026

The final showdown with Dave. Detective Lauren Kilby goes full bad cop and takes zero prisoners. The clock is ticking and everything's on the line: friendship, ethics, survival, breasts and most importantly closure. Boob Bandit, IT'S TIME.The next case opens on 9th April.Support us on Patreon http://patreon.com/whoshatontheflooratmyweddingFollow us on Instagram @whoshatontheflooratmywedding for case evidence and behind-the-scenesSound design by @avaud.io Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

The moment has come. The big interrogation. We have a serious amount of evidence pointing towards one suspect. Arguably the most evidence we have ever had. Exhibit A. It may have shown Dave washing his hands and his face at one point in the night. Exhibit B. When he grabbed it, saw more of the hand,

and I kind of caught just a portion of the face. I could have swore it was Dave. And then I could hear it. Exhibit C. And I walk up and there is a certain person who is standing outside and just chomping away with their mouth closed and like kind of trying to hide it and putting his back towards me. And I was like, oh my gosh, hey, what are you doing out so late? So like walk inside and then the pot lid was off.

Exhibit day. I hear the lid go back on and I see Dave move back across to where his bed is and I can hear some chewing sounds. Exhibit A. He's extremely flexible. the smouldering fires lighting up a little bit of his body and just how he squats is different to how everyone else squats. Are you 100% sure it was Dave? A thousand percent it was Dave.

It is impossible for it to have been anyone else. Even Was, who's actually been a real detective before, thinks we've got him. When you have an amount of evidence that points you in the simplest direction, like if it walks like a duck and at quacks, it's a duck, right? In exactly nine minutes we will feast our eyes on Dave, the man who feasted his eyes on the breast. The boob bandit. We're about to challenge a man on a crime

that both Karen and I would commit in a heartbeat. God, if I was in that position, let's just say that, I would definitely have a sticky finger. Oh, I ate everyone's food. No concern there whatsoever. So I'm not judging him. I just think it's time now for him to own up. We don't want him to feel bad,

and we understand and we would do the same. But it's more like, come on, mate, your behaviour has been noted by people who respect you and you respect them and is it now time to go, you know what, at this point in my career as a survivalist, it's time for me to be more of a team player and not take from my team. Is that what you want from this?

Oh, I don't know. I don't know. Because what we don't want is for him to go, oh, sorry, yeah, I ate the breast and then to go and sticky finger somewhere else in a future thing. We want to teach him some lessons. We need to hold Dave accountable. However, since ethics lie at the heart of this crime, we need to speak

to someone who is good at ethics. And the best person for the job is Pepe, our horned screamer expert. What would you say about that if he had the confidence to actually admit he was wrong and ask for forgiveness? We all humans. We all are prone to my mistakes.

Somebody acknowledging that he or she did that, he would show a good deal of redemption, but redemption doesn't mean anything if you do it again. Yeah, on the one hand, it will be like a good sign of redemption to say, I'm sorry for what I did, but words need to come accompanied with actions to really show that you really, really are truly sorry for what you did. The question really is, can a leopard really change its spots? I'm so concerned. I'm so concerned, are involved in ethics.

Oh no, I don't know. I'm scared about this because, like, we want to teach him a lesson. However, we are not experts in morals, nature, nudity, horn screamers. Or boobs? Boobes. While we are, that's the only thing we're good at is boobs. We know boobs. But my concern is that we're going to come across like patronising idiots.

But how do we do that? Gosh, I feel like that. Well, I'm like that. You are. You're our dead today. Asking the person to try to be in the shoes of the people that were going through that. And perhaps putting that on this person, say, what do you think? It was right or not. This is putting Lauren in a territory I'm incredibly uncomfortable with. She's very good at bad cop and being slightly unhinged when she has to dance a tight rope between ethics and morality and trying to teach an elite, famous.

survivalist a lesson. I wouldn't describe that as her sweet spot or the sort of warehouse I think it's a good idea. I agree with Pepe. So I'm just going to be like, picture this. You're starving, you're wasting away. You haven't eaten in days. There's a group of six of you. There's a delicious horn screamer brewing in the pot overnight. Someone reaches into it and takes the breasts and you wake up starving. No one gives you food. How would you feel about that? Is that good? I think so. And then I can be like, how would you feel then?

Like that or something, like that. No? You wouldn't do that, I feel. Yeah, I would probably be more like direct asking something like that without being too... Accusing it, true. Aggressive. Or without raising my voice.

One of the things that I learned through life is that hasn't been easy. It's to keep your breath in a regular way. Keep breathing. Don't let emotions to cloud you. But again, you know, keep your call. Sounds like we need you on the call because you're like philosophical and you've got high morals. Maybe we should just, should we just get Pepe to interrogate? Yeah, let's just loopatch him into the call.

I went too hard on my philosophical moral approach of pedics. No, I love it. No, we need to get more of that. I'm trying to like take some of that moral attitude into my interrogation strategies. But I don't know how to do that. That's a very bad idea. That's, I think, just avoid, don't try and be like Pepe.

You're not able to do that. I want to be a little bit like Pepe, just like 10% Pepe. Initiate Dave Interrogation Strategy. We're going to have to be nice at the start and we're going to have to flip on him. If he really continues to say he didn't do it, we're going to have to turn into bad cop. We have to. Karen, this is the first time that we're,

got where we're trying to get a confession out of someone where the crime isn't a hundred percent funny. Yeah, it's true. Why are you washing your hands, Dave? Anything fatty on them that needed a good scrub? Sorry, I don't know what I say to you. Is this so ridiculous? You could just hang up. I would hang up. Okay, but then finally, if he's still not buying it and he'll go, wasn't me, I was eating something else. I was biting my fingernails. I was chewing. Yeah, sure. I was trimming, I was chewing my hair, I don't know. Then I'm going to go, the only person we have not ruled out is you. So by process of elimination, you are the perpetrator.

And then just see what he says? It's quite aggressive. Yeah. Just feel like you hate all my ideas. I just think you don't understand how big a deal this is. I know, but this is best case scenario. You always say dream big. You always say dream big, Lauren.

And I try to dream and then you shut my dreams down. I'm not going to shut this dream down. Because it was a person with a very beautiful, flexible body, throwing a compliment. He knows it was you, even though... Actually, no, I'm going to start that one with. How long does it take you to fill up a pot?

I don't know how I'm going to deliver these lines, but... This is the highest stakes bad cop interrogation you've ever done. Hank doesn't count because he was a friend. This is a famous stranger, and you're trying to take him down. This isn't a laughing matter. This is the highest stakes interrogation you've got.

I'm not trying to take him down. Well, yeah, but that's what he could feel. And then I think we have to say how we want this to end, which is we would love to have a boob party to celebrate your confession. We're all going to sit around and eat a boob and you're going to confess. I think if Dave is willing to confront his fears, which is telling everyone that he did it, we should absolutely set that up

because that would be genuine closure for all of them I think if he confesses in front of them we could also donate something to charity for conservation or the horned screamer Kumungo Conservation Trust no we need to stop offering this honestly we're going to go bankrupt with the amount of bribes we're handing out

we're just spending all of our money on bribery yeah true it's not great we should always have an annual pot for bribery though I'm starving as well I really need to like get off we are going to need this. That's not like your hunger is not going to make us to a shoddy bit of prep. And I think we should actually just be honest on the court. I might just say, look, we're really not in the business of trying to like shame anyone or like point a finger. It's literally about just actually getting a positive outcome of getting closure for everyone.

And also getting just to be like it's okay to have a little moment where you falter. And it's about how you move on from here. And if we can be part of that journey, then amazing. Perfect. Be guilty. You know. Repeat that exact thing. get down and repeat it.

What did I say? Now I've forgotten what you said. Yeah. But it was really good. This could go many, many ways. I don't know how this is going to go. No, I don't know either. Oh God.

It is going to be confronting what we're about to do. Let's be confident. We're brave. We're strong. We're going to get this confession. These are the highest stakes we've dealt with. Not to frighten, but this is quite intense. Oh, he's here.

He's here. Oh my God, okay. Can I just have a breath? Can we just take a breath? Yeah, yeah, okay. Oh, God. Oh. Okay, let him in. Suspect, Dave. Primitive survival rating 9.9. Number of survival challenges seven. Number of tapouts, zero. Personality traits. Hardworking, competitive. Special skill, construction. Hey, how are you doing? Hi. Dave enters the call. He is sat in a heart. in the middle of the Costa Rican jungle.

There's an extreme hum of cicadas surrounding him. He looks uneasy. Karen nervously starts to try and build rapport to put him at ease. How is the retreat, by the way? You've just come back, haven't you, from doing what? It was in Costa Rica, right? Yeah, literally right here. I leave them.

I live at the retreat center. Is it like health retreat, kind of cool, outdoor yoga stuff? Yeah, yeah, that's part of it. The mood on the call is tense. Dave's answers are a bit short. We're on a mission to try and get closure for you all about this incident that happened. It was in 2022. I think you might remember the one.

Yeah, I remember that one. So Karen tries a bit of sucking up. I definitely watched every single episode. And I think you really took a hit on this one because it's been the unluckiest, I think you've been in any challenge. I think you lost both of your partners by day three. So that was pretty quick. So you were on your own for a considerable route of time and you just did absolutely everything. I really felt for you. That challenge in the Amazon was by far the hardest one ever done. And the hardest part of that was that first week. It was just for all of us. It was just complete hell on earth. That's why half of the cast left in the first few days. Just the bugs 24-7 and the starvation. I'm sure we'll talk about that more. But I mean, Stephen's, tooth fell out.

By the end, it was insane. He pulled the tooth straight out of his face. And I was like, what the fuck are we doing here? We need to get out of this place. It was brutal. Small talk over. Let's get down to business. We are speaking to you today, Dave, about what we're calling the case of the boob

bandit. In your own words, can you tell us what happened? Listen closely to Dave's next answer. He's nervously fiddling with a bottle cap. It's making a rattling noise. A clear sign he is becoming more uncomfortable as he recounts the crime in question. Well, my memory is notoriously terrible, so I'll start with that. As I remember, we had shot, I believe Matt had shot, I should say, a commungal, like a horn screamer,

this loud, big, crazy-looking turkey bird. To get the most nutrients out of it, you boil him overnight in a pot. And we had it in the pot all night long boiling. If I remember correctly, it's also our drinking water. So we had to drink and eat out of the same pot. So we're boiling it all night in that pot. And then woke up the next morning. And remember we were trying to like, we were pulling out and sharing some of the meat.

And we had trouble locating one of the breast piece of the meat, which is steakrid, just the meat in general. Because we were out there and. for 60 days total and we were so insanely emaciated. Their eyes were sunken in, Stephen's tooth fell out. Everyone is just literally starving to death. So when we couldn't necessarily account for all of the pieces of meat in there, yeah, we were hungry. We don't want to lose things like that.

We're going to be real with you right now. We've spoken to Stephen, E.J., Matt, Amber, and was. And I'm not going to lie, there's some evidence and some witness statements. There points a little finger in your direction. I just would like to know, before we kind of run through,

is there anything you want to tell us? I didn't eat the kabungabrest. We were starving to death. If I remember properly, I might have eaten, and I think I said this at a time, I might have eaten a little piece of it. Oh, a little piece of it.

Had to drink the same water, starving to death, with the meat floating around in front of your face. I might have pulled out a little piece of meat and ate it. But did I sit there and ate a whole Camungo breast? No, absolutely not. Was I starving? And just like, blindingly hungry? Yes.

But everyone was too. You're like, brothers and sisters are sitting around you. And, you know, Stephen was even hungrier than I. Um, I think I said that the next morning, though. Like, did I eat a little piece of meat? Probably. Did I sit there and gouge on a whole chicken breast in front of everyone? Because everyone was right there.

Everyone came to my shelter. So everyone's right there. It's hard to hide things like that. Yes, it is hard to hide things like that. And people don't sleep. If everyone's sleeping, everyone's, like, laying there awake. I'm wondering if I like ate that little piece of meat that I mentioned and like maybe it like broke around broke apart the chicken breast and that's why I do I'm buying it I don't know Your memory is that you

Probably took a bit of it during the night and you let the others know saying hey I took a bit of this in the night But it wasn't as much as a whole breast A bit of meat. I don't remember like what part it was But yeah, I mentioned that I'd like eaten a little bit Yeah, but no one really remembers you mentioning it, Dave. Because we were like, where'd the chicken breast go? I was like, I don't know.

I ate a little bit of meat, but I didn't couch down on the whole giant breast, that's for sure. When the bird was pulled up out of the pot, how many breasts were gone? Like, what was the amount of meat that was actually missing from your perspective? Oh, God, I don't know. I admitted they didn't even notice it at first. You didn't notice it at first, or you didn't want to notice it at first? I don't remember who brought it up. Matt or someone like that. I don't know.

What do you think happened to the rest of the breast meat? I mean, when you cook something a long time, like, think of, like, slow cooking anything. It gets mush. It, like, turns into mush. Like, it falls off the bone. Mm-hmm. It's not like baking a chicken in the oven and you pull out, like, a beautiful, fully preserved drumstick. It all kind of just, like, falls off and slivers around in the pot. Oh, it just falls off, does it? Hmm.

I don't know if, like, moving it around caused the breast to fall apart or something. Yeah, no, last time I was in the kitchen, I stirred something and it disappeared, so that makes sense. That's my guess. I don't remember thinking much of it at the time. Yeah. So we mentioned it, and, you know, I said what I told you. I think I ate a little bit of it, but not, they ate a little bit of meat, but I didn't eat, like, a whole giant breast or anything like that in the sleep. If I did, I know I wouldn't get away with it because everybody's awake and laying there around you like a mini amphitheater.

Where we're going with this is we're not in the business of wanting to like name or shame or fingerpoint or anything. Like we are doing a group podcast because we want to basically make something fun out of this. So I just want to sort of say that we're going to go through some of the like witness statements and we would love to get your view on it. Everyone that we've spoken to, first of all, absolutely bloody loves you. But I think the main issue that we've got is that there hasn't been an acknowledgement in the group that some of the meat went missing. So that's what we just want to get to you at the end of today. Okay. And just so you know, Dave, my role in this group is bad cop.

So I might come across quite stern. Some people have called me aggressive. I just want you to know that that is my job. and it would be unfair to both you, me and Karen if I went easy on you. Dave, why do you think was heard chewing noises at around 1 o'clock in the morning,

estimated time, obviously no one has watches in the Amazon, when you were beside the pot? My God, he's a good memory. He remembers the time. Like I said, I did. I did eat a little bit, but I ate a little bit out of the pot, like a little bite or something. So you would have heard chewing noises from that.

And if I was trying to hide anything, I probably would have slipped it out, because you didn't need to check the water, check that it's boiling, that kind of thing. So like going and messing with the pot is not unusual. And that's primarily what I was doing. If I was trying to hide it, I could have slipped it out and walked outside to pee or like not chewed like a maniac

like I normally do. But anyway, that would explain that. So you're saying that was heard you having that little bite that you confessed to the group the next morning that you had? Right. Why do you think Matt was looking at some night camera footage from the night in question and saw you washing your hands and face that evening? Why were you washing your hands specifically? Did you have fatty fingers?

Maybe. I don't remember that. This was four years ago. I don't remember the time when I washed my hands and face. That's okay. The cameras don't lie, though. How long does it take for you to fill up a pot? Let's say that there's a delicious bird that's cooking overnight,

quite crammed in the pot, limited water. So it evaporates because that's what happens when you cook. I actually know that also. What happens when you put the, water in, how long does that process take? Just to replace the water as quick. You open it up and you pour it in. Sometimes you have to move the things around though to make it cook more evenly.

If it's really, especially if it's really crammed in there. Something's really crammed in there, the parts that are touching, like the bottom and the sides, can burn if you don't move things around a little bit. Maybe that's what I did. I don't remember. But I was putting water in the pot, which by itself doesn't take too well. So how long? I don't know, a couple minutes?

Then why did Woz see you beside the pot for five to ten minutes filling up the water? And before you say it wasn't me, he knows it was you because you have a very good body and you are very flexible and you were squatting in that really nice yoga squat thing that you do. I can also do, FYI, also quite flexible. So why do you think Was Saw you there for five to ten minutes? It seems like quite a long time if it only takes a couple of minutes to fill up the water. I think you've got to be exaggerating. Yeah, it doesn't take that long to fill up water.

And again, it would be pretty bold of me to sit there for five or ten minutes eating a giant like pound of meat in front of people like Waz, who you don't need to say that he recognized my body shape because Waz was literally like probably a foot and a half, two feet, away from me, as was who's on the other side. Matt, I don't know who was on the other side of me. But you can literally, like, move your arm and touch, like, three different people when you're in a shelter like that. But I think he must be exaggerating on the amount of time I was squatting down there. You remember the amount of time you were squatting, even though you seem to have

poor memory of the rest of it? I didn't say I remember the amount of time I was squatting. I said the amount of time that you normally would take to do a task like that. Do I remember the exact time of time I was squatting? No. I'm assuming it would have been a couple minutes. Okay, next question. Show me your hands. Put your hands up to the camera now. Why did E.J. see someone with delicate hands reaching into the pot?

I think Stephen and Amber had more delicate hands than me. I think Stephen and Amber's hands would be more delicate than mine. I did reach into the pot. Anyone who was refilling that water would have been reaching into the pot to move things around. but that's the thing that needs to be done more than one time during the night. So were there other people reaching them in the bar probably? What you're saying is that it would be crazy and unheard of to be in a shelter with multiple people around that do not sleep.

You're not having a relaxed sleep. I've watched it. It looks very unrelaxing and I certainly wouldn't put myself in that situation at all ever. But you're saying it would be absolutely insane to be sitting there and be like chowing down on a breast in front of everyone while they can all hear you and see you. You wouldn't be inside the shelter. For example, you'd go outside the shelter or something

if you were going to do that. Yeah. Yeah, to like eat a whole, like, we're talking like a whole entire breast that's like probably a pound of meat. Yeah, that would be absolutely insane and expect not to be caught for it. So if you were hypothetically doing that,

you would probably remove yourself from the inside of the tent and go outside? Probably. But I wouldn't. I did eat her a little piece, but I told people that. What if I was to tell you that there is a witness statement that places you outside of the shelter at around two or three o'clock during the night in question, looking a little bit shifty and chewing? Um, we and the others would attest to this. We had to get up.

I think this was later in the challenge, yeah, because Amber and everyone were there. At that point in the challenge, we didn't have many minerals. This is a two-month-long challenge, mind you. I think this was past 40 days in, or at least around there. We didn't have many minerals in our body to keep up, to hold in water. So we had to get up and pee sometimes six times at night. We kept drinking these pots of water with fish and them before we went to sleep.

I don't know if we did that this night. Probably not. But we're basically chugging water and then we'd get up, not exaggerating, probably sometimes five or six times in the middle of the night just to go out and pee somewhere and then you had to chug more water. So to have me outside of the shelter, I would be sure I was outside of the shelter and probably many, many more times than that one time. Chewing? The shifty and chewing. I probably normally like shifty and chewing in ales all the time, as you can see, pretty badly. So me being, walking around outside and chewing something,

probably isn't that unusual. you're saying you were chewing your fingernails? I don't know what I was chewing. So what if I was to also then tell you that after you were caught chewing, looking shifty, the person who saw you doing that went into the shelter and saw that the pot lid was off, indicating that you have potentially taken, I mean, I don't need to explain what it's indicating. You can understand from my line of questioning what it's indicating. Why would I left the pot lid open?

Like I said, I probably went into the pot. Why would I have left it open even if I was eating? I don't know. I don't know. We're just trying to eat more water or something? I don't know. There goes that bottle cap again. Again, I don't know why I would have left the calf open in either way, but I probably did.

Do you think there's any chance that you could have been in a bit of a like, hazy state and consumed a whole breast? A boob haze. A boob haze. But then tricked your brain into thinking you had. and you'd only had a tiny little bit. You know, you're delusional because you're so tired and you're so hungry. Do you think that could have happened? No.

I would have remembered eating. You remember eating. You're starving to death. Like, you remember the bites you'd take. Should I have taken a couple bites of a piece of meat or something like that when I was reheating the water? Probably not, but I did admit to it the next day. Hard not to when you open a pot in a wonderful sense right up in your face. When you say a little bit, what do you mean exactly?

Because I need to calculate. I just need to work out, I'm going to have to go away and do some extreme calculations. Two boobs minus a bit. What is it? Probably like this much. Like, less than a chicken wing. Less than a chicken wing. Less than a chicken wing without bones.

Did you have bones? I don't know. I don't know. Did you have bones in the bite of random? of stew you took four years ago in the dark. Oh, but you just said you remember eating. You remember the bites you take. Which one is it, Dave?

Forget or remember. I need to go measure some chicken now. You get your hands on some breasts. Yeah. What we've acknowledged is you took a little bit of the boob. Some boob was taken in the night. I think we've got that admission, but I don't think everyone heard that you admitted that you took some in the night.

And I think to get closure, we're going to suggest a sharing party that everyone joins. A little sharing party where we just, we admit things, get things off our chest that perhaps might, you know, have been in people's minds for a little while. Would you be willing, Dave, to join us on a sharing party? Yeah, if we would. Would you be happy to confess that you stole a bit of the boob in the night? Well, I said a bit of like some of the meat. I don't know if it was a boob or not. But yeah, absolutely.

Sure. And are you able to say, I'm Dave and I'm the boob bandit? Um, I'll think on it. Maybe. I mean, I didn't eat the whole, I didn't eat a whole boob. I'm Dave and I'm the partial boob bandit. That's getting warmer. I'm Dave and I had an amuse-bush of a boob.

A moose-boots. Sure. I'm Dave and I might have had an amoge-bush of a boob. I'm Dave and I repent for any boob-related sins. We asked Dave if he has a message for the group about his boob activities that night. Yeah, guys, we could talk about this. If people thought I stole a whole boob. Nobody said a damn thing.

I will say that. This is news. When we first discovered that breast was missing, we made it so obvious that we know there's some meat missing. He found out about us talking about it. I think it was in Africa. I think that's when we ended up saying to him, do you ever know this Screamergate exists?

He's like, what's Screamergate? And we told him. I don't remember this story at all. I remember talking about it. briefly when we were eating it the next day and then I never heard a damn thing after that. When you're starving, it blinds you on all different sides. Like you get paranoid, you get crazy, you are yes, blinded with hunger as well and half of the tension that arrives is because people are just starving and crazy and let things build up. For me, the thing that I've learned

from chatting to everyone. What I think all of you need to be a bit more up front about in these survival situations is recognising actually, which they don't talk about enough on the show, to be honest, that there are different body types and that you are incredibly lean and you have zero body fat and a lot of others really do and it is not actually equal. And I think there should be a little bit more openness because you are in a survival situation, but there should be a more openness about actually there are some people that might need a bit more as well and I think that's the only thing that we wanted to leave on a serious note actually that just feel confident because everyone loves each other everyone has a massive respect for each other it's just saying hey actually

you know what I actually think I need a bit here and I think everyone would be really supportive of that it's so true I'm going to try that next time I'm eating it's very true especially bigger people and people with higher metabolisms like Stephen included oh my god he's in worse shape than I was What three words would you use to describe how you felt on this call? Surprised, humorous, defensive, I guess. What are you defensive about? On the accusations, what am I defensive about? Just being defensive doesn't mean you did something.

Okay. I think it does. I have never felt more awkward, more uncomfortable in my entire life. The thing is, when he wasn't for. confessing, he was so guilty. I haven't... You know when you're like, okay, we are the lie detector? I was like, bad body language, bad body language, bad body language.

I've never seen someone look more guilty. Excuses, I wrote down, like excuses for everything. A reason for everything. Biting his nails outside was the low point. I was like, come on, man. Like, it just... Yeah, it's interesting, isn't it, how when you really have caught someone that has done something, how defensive they get.

And once you've committed to that story, then you really keep going and it's like you dig your heels in, you just dig deeper and deeper and get yourself in more of a hole. Listen and a check and wang. It's just like a schoolboy in a clasping like, oh, we only had like a tiny bit. And it's like, well, you totally didn't. Because it was two sittings. We know that it was like the equivalent of two chicken breasts. He spent five to ten minutes, like burning his fingers, trying to get bits off the first

time and then it was like smacking his lips and he was like okay that's too loud so then i'm going to go in for a second bit and then go outside like just the time that he spent with being caught and eating it's he ate before one and a half breasts he ate one and a half breasts and he left half of it for the rest of his five team members when everyone was starving it's not okay and i think he does need to turn up to this sharing party and i think it will make their friendship stronger by putting this out in the open i think there is a possibility that was his witness statement was

correct with in terms of the amount of boob left. He thinks only like 0.75 breasts were taken. Somewhere in between is what is the reality of this. I think he took more than a chicken wing amount. Maybe he took just under a breast. That means

it was his witness statement is correct. We know too much boob was taken. Too much boob was taken. That's what we know. Let's see what our clinical forensic psychologist Mike Berry has to say about Dave's confession. Do you think he is guilty and do you think he's reducing or minimizing the crime a little bit? It's two separate issues. Whether he's guilty or not, I don't know. What you can argue is he's minimizing his behaviour. I find it fascinating. He said, I took a little bit. It's a bit like

speeding when you say, oh, I was speeding a little bit. You're doing like 50 miles and a 40 mile speed limit. I think what's happening is that he's diminishing the seriousness of what he's done. Even when you've challenged him on having been seen on camera and everything else, he minimizes everything that he's done, which would indicate that he is probably lying. The other thing he's taking the Mickey out of you too. What do you mean? How? He's anticipated what your questions are and it's pretty obvious where you're going,

which is the right thing to do. And you're trying to lead him to confess and he's just giving you tip bits to make you excited and then throws you off and gives you something else. I cannot believe it. So he's had the last laugh. He's having the last laugh.

Yeah, I think there's an element of him taking the Mickey. Yeah. He's teasing. That's the thing it came across quite clearly. That's why I say he's taking the Mickey out of you because he's teasing it. I don't appreciate that. I don't appreciate that either. I think it was a boob of an interrogation.

No. We're the boobs. We're the boobs of this investigation. All right. Welcome everybody to the boob bandit closure party that has also been referred to by us as Sharing is Caring Digital Event. Thank you for joining. This is a safe space.

As Karen mentioned in her email, a breast was taken off a bird that night in 2022, but we can also benefit as humans by getting something off our chests. We're about to create, and I'd love to hold hands digitally here. We want to create a trust circle right now. And I am going to hold what is called a metaphorical trust wand, and I'm going to pass over to one of you to start, Dave, And I'm going to quite specifically ask you, is there anything that you would like to get off your chest about the breasts that potentially went missing from the horn screamer in 2022? Over to you, Dave.

And the fine chest you have, Dave, a fine chest. Well, in 2022, four years ago, what did I eat in one day four years ago? What I would like to get off my chest is that I had an amuse bush of a tiny bit of meat. I had an amouge bush of horn screamer meat. A what? A whoosh-mooge? What did you say? Okay, I had a little bit of horn screamer meat.

What I was testing the pot in 2022. A little piece. We're saying it's a fraction. I told you. knew this though. We were talking about it the next day. I said, I had a little bit. Amouche Bush can be very large. It can be very small. So there's all kinds of sizes. In this case, in Amooseboosh, is roughly the size, not the specific part, but the size of a chicken wing. That's kind of what's concerning to me. Am I right, Dave?

Maybe this big, this big, a little piece. No, no, no, let's not, this is all going to come out in the edit. Let's not. try and gaslight each other at this stage of the process. I would give anything to be back in the Amazon in that fine hunt they built, eating horn screamer with all these wonderful people again, no matter whose hands in the pot. I wouldn't have.

I love you. And I won't trade that experience for anything, but... Rough times. Any final. words? No flatter words. I think it might be something we never know, but we know an amuse bouch was taken. And the question is, how big was that amuse bouch really? He just doesn't want to take any accountability for his actions. No. Even if he truly believes he took a small bit,

which is not the case. Even saying sorry about that was too difficult. He couldn't say sorry about the amuse bouch. Did I fuck up by offering up the amuse bouch terminology? No. I don't think you factored up for him, but I think the Amos Bouch throw off the others. But also they just were not willing to hold them accountable. They were never going to do that. When they were in front of it, if you listened to the difference in how everyone spoke about the incident when they were on their own and the difference of when they were all together on that call.

Worlds apart. Worlds apart. They couldn't do it. They couldn't say because they didn't want to mess up with their dynamic if they did more challenges together. which is fine but I mean it's all going to come out in the edit that's what I love about the edit and a moose bouch

do you think anyone in a legal setting has ever used the term a moose bouch when confessing? Oh that's a good question and that's what we need Mr Truth to confirm what is the definition of a moose bush it's a delight for the mouth isn't it a little

a mouth amuser a tiny complimentary bite-sized hors d'oeuvre served before a meal to awaken the palate. And do you know why that's such a fucked up thing? Because it wasn't a moose booth for him. Do you remember when in the morning, the final little bits of meat that were remaining,

they took it in turns and it got given to Dave. So he was just genuinely taking the piss there. It was his little amuse bouch in the evening before his free meal. Introducing our criminal lawyer, Ben D. Truth. Oh, nice of you to put on a t-shirt. Oh, here we are you. Yeah, I forgot. I forgot about this. Thank you for that to me.

Do we want to ease in with a little compliment? I feel like you've lost weight. Yeah, I feel like you're more chiseled. Maybe it's just that you're not wearing a wig. This really nice of you to say. Yeah, no, I, yeah, probably is a bit of that. I don't think the wig does much for you, darling. Clearly not. Damn.

Can I just ask you from a legal perspective, am I flirting with you right now? This is like, we have a long history of this. Lauren and I. Good point. I hadn't picked up on that, but you probably were, yeah. I haven't actually... Don't sure what the legal definition of flirting is. I haven't had to look at that.

It's the first time I've actually been aware of flirting. Really? Good. Oh, that's good that you're aware of. It's probably time you start noticing your behaviour because I'm the only one that's picking up on it at the moment. That's the first step. Mr. Truth, we gave you a tiny bit of incoherent context

late last night over Facebook. Yeah. Just remind me, remind me of the company. We've got a problem because we know he did it. We interrogated him and the confession we got is the problem that we've got. Torture. Did you obtain it through torture? No, no, no, no. It was good. Completely legit. By the book.

Yeah. Okay. He was being very, very slippery. And the issue we've got is that he downplayed the amount of breasts that he's, he ate, but he ate way more than that, because we've got all the witness statements. You know what? I'd go so far as to say you don't need a confession on this one. Because if you think about it, it's beyond reasonable doubt, isn't it, that this guy did it? I'm not the judge for this one, but there's no evidence that anyone else was having any of the bird, was there?

So he's guilty, isn't he? He's guilty. He's guilty for the whole thing. That's all we need. This is all we need. 100% guilty, surely. I wouldn't even think you need that confession, but he actually confessed as well. And what is, an amuse bouch is not like a metric unit of measurement, is it?

Or is it, I don't know. It's pretty clear he had more than he's admitting he had. Yeah. Isn't it? It's very clear to us, yeah. He's not going to just have an amuse bush, is he? Also, you don't need to go wash your face after an amuse bush, do you? No, you don't.

No, case closed. It's the washing face, which is the most. You think it's case closed? I think so. It's pretty incriminating. But the thing is, Mr. Truth, it's not as satisfying. We wanted the full slam dunk and we wanted this confession. It's just, I think, for us, is there anything legally that we can do to increase our satisfaction of this confession?

Interesting question. if this was in court, you know, you've got enough to prove that he had the whole thing. So what you're telling us, this is my main question, we can legally offset a downplayed confession and upscale it with the incriminating witness statements that we've got. Correct, yeah. You're turning to the jury and you're saying, look, what do we know? We know that 1.5 breast disappeared.

We've got three witness statements. They all say that this guy was there. is the only one that anyone saw eating it and he's confessed to eating some, not all but some, you know, that's enough. You got him. Does that feel satisfying?

It feels better, yeah, I feel, do you know what? I just thought to myself to say, I love the law. Yes, I think about that all the time. You don't love the law, Karen. You break it constantly. You don't follow the law.

Sometimes people hurt the ones they love, you know. Well, what a profound way of summing up what we're talking about on this call. So multi-layered this podcast. It's like a work of art. It requires a repeat listen for sure. Like, you probably get it the third lesson. It's so deep. You thought this was about, you know, someone eating some chicken, some breast.

It was actually about the law and the love of it. What type of crime is this? Because it's a crime about ethics. What is the name of that crime? Well, most crimes are about ethics in some way. But I think it's theft, isn't it? That you... Yeah, but it's more like non-ethical theft.

I mean, there's not a lot of ethical theft. Okay, yeah. Good point. What sort of crime in the real world would you equate having an amuse bouch of stealing something. Is there another, like, serious crime that it would be a good example of, like, I don't know, is it arson if you're like, well, I only lit a small match and... Yeah, and a moose-bush size.

Yeah, that's a good question. I, like, I set fire to a house, but it was like a doll's house. Yeah, exactly. But then the doll's house... Still arson, isn't it? made the whole fire catch on that actual house. True. So your intention was never to set the whole big house that the doll's house was in on fire,

but that's what happened. Well, you're only admitting. It's like your guy, right? So he's just admitting to having a tiny bit, but he actually had it all. It'd be like someone standing in the charred remains of an entire burnt house saying, I only burned the doll house. And you're like, look around you. The whole house has burned down.

that's basically it. It's time to officially close this case, our journey into the world of breasts. And one thing we've learned, dear listeners, is that confessions are slippery things. You can get a confession, but what happens when it's only in a moose-bush size and not the full three-course meal?

Where does that leave the victims? Do they get their closure? Because redemption doesn't happen in a digital intention, irrigation room or on a podcast. It happens later in those moments when no one is watching. When you are starving, when temptation returns. In this case, redemption requires three things. Accountability. Owning what you did. We just want you to tell us that you did it. We're not even mad. Just cowboy up. And say it. Forgiveness. If Dave decided to apologize for taking the extra food multiple times. I would say, well, you know what, I forgive you,

man. And a change of behavior. And the thing about this story is that forgiveness is in no short supply. It's hard for me to stay angry at anybody. I don't believe in holding grudges, especially. Somebody I love forgiveness is something that everybody should do more, honestly. He's one of my best friends in the world. He made some, you know, he did something dope. And no matter what, what he did, he would never, ever tarnish that love I have for him and that gratefulness. I could forgive him in a minute. And all I would ask for him is a hug. It's all I would want from the feller.

Because I look at that guy with a lot of love, he's like my little brother, and we bond it very strongly out there. No love lost, even if he is the boo bandit. Which means that redemption, and how this story truly ends, is now up to. Dave.