Who Shat On The Floor At My Wedding? And Other Crimes - S3 E23 Who Shat Under The Silver Service Cloche?

Episode Date: April 8, 2026

A bachelor party at a beach house in Florida takes a sinister turn when someone leaves behind more than just memories. At 4.30am the groom-to-be entered the kitchen and discovered a silver service cloche covering something that nobody ordered. There’s only one way to find out what truly went down that night, and it may or may not follow standard police procedure…The next case opens April 23rd.Support us on Patreon http://patreon.com/whoshatontheflooratmyweddingFollow us on Instagram @whoshatontheflooratmywedding for case evidence and behind-the-scenesSound design by @avaud.io Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This story begins in Destin, Florida. On a beautiful day in October 2019, the air was warm and the ocean was calm. Paradise. Everything felt perfect, almost too perfect. A group of lads got together for a bachelor party to celebrate the groom to be. Drinks were flowing and vibes were good.

The night was alive with joy, excitement, and the simple magic of friendship. It was a kind of night that should have ended with an innocent hangover. Well, I can tell you how my husband recounts it, but... This is Shelby. Do you want my perspective or what he tells me or what? The truth.

I want to give you the truth. And it's her fiancé who is the bachelor in question. How would you describe your husband's friends overall that were there? Rowdy, absolutely unhinged. A lot of fun, but wild, all over. Wild. Before sunrise. the celebration would be destroyed by an unspeakable act. A crime so shocking and so confusing

that even now it still takes our breath away. And not in the romantic kind of way. Because somewhere in the blur of that bachelor party, something went terribly, terribly wrong. It's 4.30 in the morning. The last two men standing, the bachelor himself and his good friend, were finishing their last beer

on the terrace on the third floor of the beach house. Bro, I'm going to bed. I can't drink anymore. I'm going to bed. As they walked down the stairs ready to go to bed, they caught a whiff of something disturbing. What's that smell? Oh, oh.

They followed the scent into the kitchen where they were confronted with an alarming scene. What? What? Is that? No. Is that? Jesus, what is that on the ground?

What the? They started screaming and waking everyone else up. Men started entering the crime scene. Did you do this? All of them shocked at what they saw in front of their very eyes. No. The kitchen was a mess. Cutlery all over the floor.

The spatula. Cheese-its sprinkled everywhere. Right next to the cheez-its? A cooler in the middle of the kitchen. My Yeti cooler. I'm fucking mind-blown. Look at this. And beside the cooler, a plate.

Did you do this? Is this a joke? Is this a joke to you? And over the plate. Is that a silver? What's that silver restaurant thing? A silver service closh. And underneath that silver service closh...

What, it's not okay? It's not okay. Well, I think you know what's underneath. I mean, I've literally got in my head that this is a scene from the hangover, the movie, like at 3am. The image I've got in my head is that I wouldn't be surprised if there was a sort of random tiger in this house. because the state that people are in. We thought nothing could surprise us anymore. We were wrong.

I think we're going to have to grill your husband. Have we got your permission to, you know, go pretty heavy-handed? Yeah, yeah, go for it. I warned him about y'all's, like, demeanor and how, like, you will attack. And not to be alarmed, but it's just part of business. This is who's shet under the Silver Service Closh. Can I just say, I feel like Shelby has really roped you into this one? Oh, most definitely.

So this is Shelby's husband. To be clear, he does not A, know our podcast, B, want to know our podcast, or C, want to really talk to us at all. Are you feeling enthusiastic about chatting to us or a little bit nervous or both? How would you describe how you're feeling? Fine. But we need his witness statement. Shelby mentioned you might want us to just change your name just so to keep you anonymous for this one. Yeah, we'll just stay anonymous.

Cool. Do you have a preference of what you want to be called? I think Shelby won't want with Stephen. I'm not sure, though. But Stephen's fine. But do you like Stephen? Because don't let Shelby just make that decision for you if you've got another alias you want to go by. Just Stephen's fine. I don't care. I feel like you've got more of a sort of princely voice than a Stephen. I don't know. What do you reckon, Lauren? Yeah, I'm not... I don't know if Steven's right for you. What you're hearing right now is the opposite of reading the room. Something, Arthur, I think Arthur.

Something tells me that Arthur couldn't care less about his fake name and just wants the call to start as quickly as possible so that it can end as quickly as possible. Arthur. I think we've got an Arthur on our hands. Arthur? Okay. We have been filled in, Arthur, on an event which happened to you a little while back

at your bachelor party. Yes. And we would love to help you just to sort of, you know, get some sense house. Do you think you could just take us back to the day of your bachelor party and tell us what happened? It was me and, you know,

all of the friends and everything. And we went down to a beach house and we had it rented out for the long weekend. The day began with us just hanging out by the pool and then we watched football and obviously drinking was involved.

And then we all went downtown to a bar and hung out there. At some point, one part of the group went back home, and then some of us got back later, but some people were starting to go to bed, and I want to say at this point, it's probably one in the morning. So some of us stayed up and hung out, and then it came down to me and two others, my best man, Vaughn, and then the other one was Rob, and we were just hanging out, and then Rob went to bed and it was just me and my best man awake. And we were up on the top balcony. And finally, we looked at the clock and it was about 4, 4.30 in the morning.

We're like, we're going to bed. I can't drink anymore. I'm going to bed. So then we go inside from the top balcony and it smelled weird. Did you fart? So then we go downstairs where the kitchen is. The smell starts to get worse. And I'm like, what has happened?

and we walk into the kitchen and there was cheez-its all over the floor and there was utensils on the floor and then I noticed that there was a smear of shit. Did somebody

step in it? And I didn't know if it was shit at the time. And then I noticed there was a cover like what you put on a big turkey. Just sitting on the ground and there was a cooler right next to it. And the cooler was right next to the plate, almost like the cooler was used as a seat. What?

And I lifted the lid up, and underneath it was a plate. I guess things got a little wild, and by the end of the night, somebody had shit on the floor. What? Somebody's shit in the kitchen! They are screaming, oh my God, there's a shit on the floor. This is the video that I got. This is it okay.

Seriously. Are you fucking shit? Look at this. Shit on the fucking catch it. Who shit? On the floor. And then in that background, my husband says, on a plate.

I just want to go to sleep, guys. This place is a dump anyway. You didn't have to take a dump on the floor. This is my last bachelor party ever. I don't care. I don't care. Don't get married. I'm not cleaning this up.

Who's going to clean this up? Stop yelling at me. So then we started yelling at everybody to wake them up. That's pretty much how we found him. Wow. So cheese it. Cutlery and a chili bin, which is what we call it in New Zealand, scattered around each other in a kitchen,

like some sort of weird installation art piece, if you will. More like a drunk fest, but yeah. Do those items hold any significance particularly to you, like cheese, it's, cutlery or chili bin? No. Because that could have been a message, but I don't know what the message would be. Neither do I.

And can you just describe what specific utensils we're talking about? out here. I'm just trying to recreate this scene in my head. A fork and knife, hand towels, like hot pads, just miscellaneous kitchen stuff. It seemed like they had just gotten knocked off the counter. How sure are you having looked at the scene that the cooler was used to support someone as they were doing a shit? It's about the only thing that made sense to me.

That cooler was next to the kitchen, but it was like up against a wall. And then for someone to just like drag it and pull it into the middle of the kitchen made no sense. And when you came in after the pub and went up to the balcony, did you notice that the kitchen was already like in a bit of a state? Or was the kitchen kind of fine when you were up? No, it was fine. How the person found the cover to put over the plate? Because I didn't even know there was one in the house. That is a very good point.

That's a very niche item. you kind of have to go searching in the backs of cupboards to get that clot. Right, and it's a large object. They have purposefully gone to find something that they can put over the poo to either have it as a presentation for when you discover it or because they're embarrassed and they can't be bothered cleaning it up. So they're like, oh, I'll just hide it and then maybe no one will see it and then everyone will check out.

I think that's more of the thought process they had at the time because, like I said, drinking had been involved a lot. And I don't think that person was in a clear mind. No, absolutely not. That person has a lot to say for themselves. And on that point, do you have any suspects? I had one suspect, but I quickly ruled him out because one of my buddies that was there, Alex,

was very intoxicated. Suspect one, Alex. Out of all the people that I immediately thought of that would do something like this, he would have not shocked me. However, he would own up to it. I know for a fact he did not do it. Because whoever did it, pooped on the plate, but also pooped on the floor,

and then stepped on it and smeared it. And then there was not a single other step of poop anywhere. The absence of fecal footprints around the smear tells us one thing. The perpetrator must have had extreme balance and composure to be able to hop on one foot away from the crime scene with the fecal foot in the air. I watched Alex get up and tell himself in a drunken state, all right Alex, you've got this. Everyone's going back out.

Let's go. And he then begins to stumble around and he can't even walk straight. And I go, Alex, we're not going back out. It's 4.30 in the morning. Go to a bed and go to sleep. Watching him walk around, barely able to even keep himself standing, I was able to easily rule him out. Your detective skills at 4.30 in the morning are absolutely inspirational to me.

You ruled out people successfully at 4.30 in the morning and you already had a theory that the person who did this had to have been able to walk straight so that they could hop on one leg. Right. With the poo covered foot suspended in the air and make their way to the toilet. Arthur, you are... You're a detective. Thank you. Can we just have a moment for imagining the culprit trying to sneakily hop away from this crime? That is quite an image.

I thought about that as well, and I think that's probably why there was a lot of stuff randomly slung onto the floor. I'm thinking if this person hopped their way to the counter, knock some things over, and then found a way to hop their way to the bathroom, which the bathroom was pretty much right on the opposite side of the kitchen. The bathroom was located directly off the kitchen. Why did the perpetrator go to such effort to recreate a toilet using a plate and a cooler when a real functioning toilet was only two meters away? So after I ruled out Alex, we're yelling at everybody else, and everybody else is at the opposite end of the house.

And Rob, who was the most recent one awake with us, came into the kitchen and said, oh my God, how did that just happen? Are you fucking shit? Look at this! I've only been down here for like an hour and a half. I was like, not sure. You were the last one awake with us. Suspect two, Rob.

You could see the shock on his face that I could easily tell he didn't do it. Rob was ruled out because he looked shocked. Can you rule someone out based on a facial expression? And at that point, me and my best man are looking at each other in absolute confusion. And then Arthur tells us what happened next. So then we come back toward the kitchen and refine our friend Dustin. standing in front of the bathroom door, sobbing wet.

His boxers were wet, and his hair was a little wet. And I looked at him and I said, What are you doing? Suspect 3, Dustin. And he goes, I'm waiting to go to the bathroom. And I looked at the bathroom door that was closed and the light was on.

But I knew that nobody was in there because the only people that are awake are me, Vaughn and Dustin. I said, no one's in there. And he's like, well, the door's closed and lights on. I said, Dustin, nobody's in there. And I opened the door, and I noticed that the shower is still wet, and I noticed his boxers were wet.

It really all just tied together at that moment, but I know that in that moment and in that intoxicated level, he was never going to say anything. But it made perfect sense to me, but we still don't know for 100% truth. Shelby had already given us the heads up about suspect Dustin. He is super shy. Well, one, he was too drunk to even understand that he was suspect.

He to this day does not know he's suspect because he would be mortified. He's so introverted and shy and it would not be good to reveal that to him that we think it's him. But this is a recording now, so how's that going to play out? I don't know. I can't tell you for sure if he did it or not. but the whole shower scenario really makes one person the prime suspect. I will say that if it was Dustin,

he would be extremely embarrassed. Did you ever ask him? Did you ever say, Dustin? Did you shit on the floor at my bachelor party? I have never asked him that directly. Okay. Do you think I should? No. This case is officially open.

initiating lie detector machine. Suspect profile complete. Activating expert database. Professional experts at the ready. Contacting experts. Before we dive into this investigation, we have a little shout-out to make for Felicia, the winner of our latest Patreon

shout-out roulette game. Felicia has got a message for her movie club, Jessie, Casey and Beth. She's saying, now you have no excuse not to listen to this hilarious podcast. Thank you. I've been raving about for years. And she also wants to say that she misses Helen,

but maybe we cut that part. Yeah, I think so. Right, should we get on with this case? Yeah, let's do it. Before we go any further, we need to discuss the silver service closh that was placed over the fecal matter. Are you ready?

Okay. Yeah. This is the actual closh? Because for us, this is one of the most sinister. elements of this crime. This is the closest I could find online, but it's a very shiny, black. It looks metallic, but it's plastic

with a little knob on the top. It's like a proper room service closh. It's really shiny and it looks really high-end. So from a distance, if you didn't know what material is, you would think it's one of those stainless steel room service covers. If you would like to feast your eyes on this closh, go to our Instagram page at Who Shat on the floor at my wedding? It's such a funny thing to put over a shit on a plate.

It's a presentation. Like, it's such a weird object. And you're right, you would have had to go through all of the weird shelves. Unless it was something that they, I don't know, put over a plate of biscuits or something that's on the side. I don't think it was that kind of weekend. This is something that was probably in one of the big cupboards. At this party, there were no biscuits consumed. They weren't having a tea party.

I don't think there was sort of baking fresh scones in the day. They were certainly not frolicking. looking around the kitchen together baking and like throwing flour in each other's faces and being all cute in the kitchen. It means two things for me. One is that it's either someone that did this to be funny and create a scene or two, there's someone that's really drunk but actually got real sweet intentions that just wanted to cover it up in the nicest way possible and do a really nice little. Would we say that the intentions are sweet after shitting on a plate at a party in the kitchen. If I had to commit a fecal crime, this is the one I would go for. This is so up my

street. I would 100%. I knew I had to, it's the one that resonates with me the most because it's the funniest. I was a reasoned with you. All right, let's talk suspects. We've got Dustin, who's the guy that showered, who was always the main suspects. He's caught waiting outside the bathroom. After he supposedly cleaned himself up, waiting to go to the bathroom again, why would he want to go into the bathroom again. He thinks someone's in there because the lights on and the doors shut. Why would he want to go into the bathroom again? For what purpose? Maybe he needs to go to the toilet again. Again. So he's just shut everywhere and pissed everywhere. It's very unlikely that he would need to go to the toilet again. Why would the apparent culprit who has apparently

already relieved himself and used the bathroom to shower be waiting to use the bathroom again? We then have Rob, who was the guy that stayed up late, but was ruled out because he looked shocked when Arthur confronted him. Rob is someone that they were like, oh yeah, no, you can speak to him, you can go and have a little chat with him, sent out an email and he has not responded. He doesn't want to speak to us. He was the wants nothing to do with us. And I'm like, well, Dustin's not the obvious suspect here.

It's Rob. Rob is the one that was just ruled out because of the look on his face when he was confronted. Also, let's remember that Arthur and his best man were. upstairs on the veranda drinking beers with Rob. And then Rob left, because he was too drunk and he needed to go to bed. So we went downstairs towards the kitchen, towards the crime scene. And an hour and a half later, Vaughn and Arthur discovered the shit on a plate under a clutch.

So there was no other witness statement putting anyone in the scene of the crime at the right time other than Rob. He is the closest to the window of the crime in terms of his play. placement in the house. And also, Rob is the one in the video going all dramatic, going, oh my God. Look, that's Rob, isn't it? I'm fucking mind-blown. Look at this.

Somebody's shit in the fucking kitchen. Because it's the theory of methinks the lady does protest too much. Yeah. It's their official theory. This is Karen's favorite theory of all. time. The me thinks the lady doth protest too much theory. It's natural behaviour, I think, if you've done something, like I'm certainly guilty of this, if I've done something a bit dodgy, I will overcompensate.

When Rob showed up at the scene of the crime to fill the mess, he was performing, shocked, alarmed, outraged, almost as if he wanted to make sure that everyone saw just how innocent he looked. And if you're familiar with true crime, you know this isn't unusual. psychologists will tell you some perpetrators just can't resist going back they return to the scene of the crime sometimes it's guilt sometimes it's ego

sometimes it's just the thrill of getting away with it was Rob's reaction genuine or was it a performance to distract from the truth so I've chased twice and absolutely nothing zero responses it's just complete tumboid he just doesn't want to speak to us Rob won't talk to us. Dustin is off limits, which leaves us with only one option.

Karen, the thing about Yetis, I don't know if you're familiar with this particular tool used in camping, they are quite chunky. Like they are big, they're huge seats. Like you could actually sit two people on the top of a Yeti. It's quite a sizable chili bin. It's quite wide and quite deep. So yeah, actually, if it's a big seat, you'd have to have quite long legs, wouldn't you? If you needed your asshole to be clear of the seat

and still be able to be sat on it because you're really drunk and unstable. Is that feasible on your one to do that? I think it would be quite hard to properly clear that unless you're some sort of beast. You need really long thighs. Are you saying that we're searching for a suspect?

The only person that could have done this is someone with really long thighs. Yeah, because it's only the thigh that needs to be long. You can have shorter calf and lower legs. So sorry. You need massive femur bones. We're searching for a suspect that has a long enough femur bone. A huge long femur bone.

That doesn't sound right. Because the femur bone needs to be longer than the width or the depth of the chili bun. Right? Do you know what? This is actually a really, really great theory because I think I've got really long femur. I could easily pull that off. How do you know that? Because I know my body.

Yeah, but you know you've got long legs, but how do you know that your femur bone is long? I've got long thighs. I've got particularly long thighs. Oh, really? Yeah, I do. So I feel like I could pull this off, but I just actually, we can test it out with your Yeti, but I don't think you'd be able to do that because you're quite stumpy compared to me. Not in a bad way in a night. You're like nice stumpy, but you're not like gangling. It's a friendly to him. Yeah, no, no, no, it does. It's nice. It's kind. What I think we need to do is I need to find a bone expert someone, because we, let's be honest, our situation is we have got two main sorts. that we have no access to. I've tried really hard and that it's just not happening. But what if we get a bone expert that can calculate the length of these suspects femur bones and then we can work out who logistically could have used a chili bin,

this yeti, who had long enough femur bones to use it as a toilet? Let me just Google that. A femur bone specialist. No, no, no. There's something called a forensic osteologist. So we need a human forensic osteologist that can calculate using very little evidence, the femur bone lengths of Rob and Dustin. There's someone called Dr. Ives, who looks amazing. I mean, I guess you just need a photo, maybe photo in their heights or something, and she can do some general calculations.

Karen, this is ridiculous, but this... What else have we got? I'm actually really into it. She's quite like it. Should we trademark it? The femur bone theory. The femur bone theory. I feel like it's a bit against GDPR to like get their femur bones calculated without their consent.

That's it. I don't know. It just feels really intimate. It feels like I've intruded. It does feel invasive. Because I bet you they don't know their femur bone legs. But then we will be in possession of that knowledge. I don't think I want you to know.

Activating expert D2B. Professional experts at the ready, contacting human osteologist Dr. Ives. Hi, is that Judge Ives? It is speaking. I am a human osteologist, so that can mean that my skills are applicable to bio-archology, so archaeological remains, or forensic anthropology, which is forensic remains. So I've got full training in that, but currently I am a forensic science lecturer in a UK university. you specialize in bones

yes we have decided that in order to create a toilet and position your bottom over a plate you would need to be a certain height or have a certain femur bone length otherwise that would not be possible and you would simply shit yourself

I understand I've done a few calculations So in order to assist with this very important investigation, I was sent a little bit of information. So we've got some details on our potential suspects. Rob, Alex and Dustin. And we have photos of each of these and their heights. So we've got Rob who was or is, sorry, I'm assuming he's not. He's alive, yeah.

Good. Rob is 5'10. So he's the tall list of. the three Alex, a little bit smaller, five foot eight, and then dust in between five foot five and five foot six. And then I've done some fancy pants calculations for you to see if we can have a little kind of range for their female heights. This is usually the point when we, in sound design, we'll put in a drum roll. Okay. For the results reveal. So imagine there is a really dramatic drum roll about to happen.

Okay, so our results are as follows. For Rob, I did the calculations and got an average measurement from those of 48.52 centimeters. Alex's measurement was 46.59 centimeters. And Dustin's was 43.46 centimeters. Wow, that's a big difference between Dustin's. and Rob. The problem is Dustin is the lead suspect in many ways, and

if this calculation rules him out, we've got quite the case on our hand. So George, in your expert opinion, what do you think we should do with these numbers? Can you reveal the measurement of the

cool box? No. No, because I forgot to get it this morning from the basement, and we don't know if it's that model anyway. I know, I know, I've got it, I've got it. So, oh, I do. The problem is, I am five, 11 and a half. We've got no one that's that height. But I am quite close to Rob. I'm a bit taller than Rob. Yeah. So I could be a good version of Rob to do a reconstruction. But you don't know if your fame and watches his fame. Look, as a test, I just, I need to see if my

bum would hang off a chili. Yeah, just to know. It's just to know. And then we'll at least know. But what do we need George for then? The problem with that is there are slightly different calculations for males and females. Like a females ratio of femur to stature will be slightly different. That's the only other thing you've got to keep in mind. I'm going to tell you the specifications of the one that I believe it is. You want the width of it? Yeah.

I understand, Karen. I'm looking for the specs as we speak. The width is 53.6. Okay. No, that's the length. So the, that's, no. No, this is width, depth. No, because the depth is what we want is using it as a seat.

So that's the shortest measurement. Not necessarily. We don't know for sure that that person placed the chili bin in the correct way. It's the most likely way of using it as a toilet seat. I mean, we'll, let's explore those. There's no, like, industry standard for how to use a chili bin as a toilet seat. We don't need to get this irate, but I would say the width is they're saying is 40. for unless Dustin has a bottom that is very more than three centimetres wide, then there's no

chance that he could have done this. I think that's unlikely because you've got to factor in that the end of your femur has to be extended beyond the front as well because it's going to be the depth of your calf as well. So if you think about your lower leg and then that attaches to the end of your femur, Yeah. And so that amount of your femur would also be over the edge of the front. Yeah. Do you see what I mean?

Yeah, exactly. And that's definitely in itself more than three centimetres. Unless your legs were extended. What, yes, true. You could place yourself at any given position. But we must remember this is essential information that based on like the state of the kitchen and also obviously the crime itself, this person was incredibly intoxicated. If you were, had placed it like the, again, we shouldn't be saying wrong way because there's no right or wrong.

Length ways. Like, exactly. Length ways. Then that would help prop your long legs up and you can have them kind of gliding naturally off the edge. And then you can position yourself a bit further and that's how the fecal incident could occur. How tall are you? Why? How tall are you?

I don't know. What do you mean you don't know? You've been really mean about my height this weekend. No, I haven't. You seem shorter than I thought. than usual. Yeah. I think I'm 167.

167. Oh, oh, Dustin is 166. So. Oh, God. Does that mean I'm shorter than usual as well? So basically what is the obvious next? Not for a female. No.

Oh, yeah, true. What is obviously the next step? I'm very much the height of Rob and you are very much the height of Dustin. So we've got the two extremes. And we've got the Yeti in the basement. We've got the Yeti in the basement. So we need to just basically do some reconstructions. Is that with both?

George on the phone or is that instead of... I don't think George needs to witness that. We'll record the whole thing actually. That's going to be quite a cinematic masterpiece, I would say. In terms of bottoms, I don't... Because it's beyond your sort of expertise, isn't it, when you talk about the flashy parts of the body? Yeah. I try to avoid squishy bits.

What would you suggest that we would now do with the information that we have? Like, would we present that to Dustin and Rob and say, we got you when we work it out? Or are we, like, what are the hell are we supposed to do now? I don't know what other evidence you have. We don't have evidence. We've got video evidence of the fecal matter,

which is not pleasant. That's why we didn't send it to you. It's actually disgusting. We need to know if it is possible to sit with your legs out straight, lengthways on a call box, and with your bum over the edge sufficiently to, you know, to poo. My assumption is that, that that isn't going to be very easy. On that basis, more likely to discount Dustin.

But I think based on the height and factoring in the knee and the drunkenness and how you would sit on a cool box if you were to use it as a toilet seat, which I think, as you say, I think is probably the shortest measurement. Then I think the taller people are more likely based on that. And that is exactly what I thought. Do you know what I'm really upset about with this case is the person who is in the video shouting. My theory is, we think the lady doth protest too much. And he is the tallest, the guy that was Rob. I mean, I'm not a psychologist, so I can't get too involved in this. But I, yeah, I'd agree. The victims was really, really sure it was Dustin, which we proved that can't be the case and we will prove with our reconstruction. But it was like, oh no, Rob could never have done it, the tall guy who was shouting, pretend.

testing too much. But Rob, we've reached out and he's just absolutely ignoring us. Do you have x-rays framed in your house? No. I don't. Is that the kind of art you like? No, but I do have a crocodile skull. Second question, is Halloween your favourite holiday? No. Oh. I know. It's surprising, isn't it? Yeah. Amongst my fellow osteologists, it does tend to be a fairly popular holiday.

But I get really quite annoyed at inaccurate skeletons. It's triggering for you. Yeah, I spend the whole time like, well, that doesn't make any sense. Okay, Karen, let's go to the basement. Definitely got your keys. Yep. Let me get the chili bin. Yeah.

Oh, it's a great toilet seat. This is perfect for me to shit. Hold on. It is unstable, though. If I was drunk, you have to really lean forward. I'm testing it. I've got this pretty much same femur measurements as Rob, and it is a perfect.

My knees just, I couldn't go any further than this. This would be a clean drop. It would be a clean drop. Karen, and therefore Rob can successfully use the Yeti as a toilet seat. This is with the femur running across the shortest part of the Yeti. Now try with the jelly bin the other way round. Yeah. But I'll have to do it like that.

Absolutely no way. Really? You wouldn't have walls to touch. Do I touch the walls? Stop touching the walls. That isn't not the ways to do that way. But it is definitely not possible with the femur bone running along the widest part of the yet in the way. I mean, still though, I never would have thought in a million years

to sort this out when I was drunk. Like, it's quite something. Now you've got to try. Yes, we filmed this and yes, you can see it too. On our Instagram page at WhoShat on the floor at my wedding. Now you try because you're the same measurements of of Dustin. Okay, yeah, so I've got a similar female link to Dustin.

No, this is not easy. My feet aren't touching the floor, if I do this properly fully back. But you, it looks like your bum holes just about... I'm clearing it, for sure. Don't so please with yourself. But I'm really shaky, like, my feet don't touch the floor. My feet are not touching the floor.

It is not possible for me or Dustin to use this Yeti as a toilet seat because our feet don't touch the floor. ground. Well it's not stable. And then if I had to go this way, oh no there's no way. No, there's absolutely no way. Karen, because I think that's really hard. Of course it was never going to be that way. The other way to do it would be like that. No, it's not. Yes it is. Get off, I'll show you the other way of doing it. No, no, I'll show you the other way of doing it. You just straddle? That's the best way. Karen is now straddling the Yeti with her legs

kind of on the side now and she's leaning forward. It's definitely the best way. That's actually quite good, yeah. Because they're great, and I'll show you the... If you really are, I'm so, you're like, oh, you're like, okay, let me just... You can hold on, and you can... It's a real supportive crouch.

I get a supportive crouch. So actually, with this very... Any one, FEMA could do this. Femma bones have nothing to do with it. Which is. a waste of everyone's life. FEMA has nothing to do with this theory. But if I was really drunk in usability,

this support claw here, the support claws really helps. Yeah. And it's just this forward position, the weight. Like I can really like, go around like this, like, whoa, I'm really drunk, oh, I head, room's spinning, but I'm safe. So now Dustin is still with our feet. We haven't been able to rule anyone out

with this experiment back. What a waste of time. What a waste of George's time, Dr. George? Again, I think this is all about the journey, not the destination. Okay, let's put that back. We'll turn it. How about you help we carry something for once? Okay, so we've basically just done the scientific experiment, and we got very excited because we thought we could actually rule out Dustin,

who was the prime suspect, but actually, if we take the straddle approach, it actually means we're back to square one, and Rob and Dustin are equally, as suspicious anyone could have used that chili bin as a toilet. Yeah, literally anyone, even a child. Even a child. So that's really helpful. But I do think to sit on a chili bin like a horse and shit is fucking weird and a really unnatural thing to do is possible.

But the most natural way to use this cooler as a toilet seat does require longer femur bones. So I reckon Rob is slightly more likely to have done it. It's a bit like when was explaining this in Boob Bandit, you've just got to look at the most likely scenario here. If it walks like a duck and it looks like a duck and it quacks. It's a duck, right? Rob's the duck.

I think we found our duck. And when we finally got our duck to agree to an interrogation... He literally doesn't want to speak to us. He was a no-show. He's not going to join, is he? It is definitely not looking good. If you don't turn up to your interrogation, that shows guilt.

I'm telling you I've got a really strong feeling about this one. In the absence of Rob's confession, we need someone professing. to verify his guilt, introducing our lawyer Ben D. Truth. Could you guess what is under the silver service closh on that plate? No. Before you guess, just have a think about what we do for our podcast. Oh, no, it's feces, isn't it?

It is. So you're probably wondering again why we're bringing this to you at 9 in the evening. I've stopped. I've just stopped wondering about these sorts of things. We have two suspects. We have zero confessions. What we do have is one genius theory that has ruled out one of the suspects. Have rolled out one of them. Okay. It's basically an exercise of probability and we found out the most probable person to have used that Yeti cooler as a toilet and therefore our question to you is, based on probability, can we convict this person? Have you heard of the burden of proof in a criminal case?

What you have to prove when you're prosecuting someone? No, no. Feel like we might have talked about this. You've got to prove beyond a reasonable doubt that they did it. So that's kind of a bit of a probability game, right? Yeah. You've got to prove with quite a high degree of probability. that they are the ones who did it.

But probability seems subjective, no? Why don't I tell you what the theory is, then you tell me if it's probable or not? You're basically just being our probability judge. You're a beyond reasonable doubt assessor right now. Yeah, so that's, we typically call that a judge. Yeah, that's the one. Yeah, but we don't know.

I don't think I still, yeah, maybe you are the judge for this one. Maybe you are. Do you want to be the judge? I like that, though. I'm going to start using that in court. May it please the probability assessor. Can I just ask you a question first? Do you want to know what the femur bone is? It's the bone that goes from the knee to the hip joint.

I know you didn't do PE like I did. You did law when we were at uni together. Yeah. I've still picked up the femur bone on my travels. So you say there were eight people in the house. Yeah, but they are not suspect. for other reasons. You can't sort of arbitrarily pick two suspects, rule one of them out and say the other

one's guilty. Yeah. Which feels like it could be maybe what's happened with your theme of theory. There's one very, very important thing. And this would be the last thing I would throw into the jury as the final piece of evidence. I'd say, where is Rob? Oh, he was supposed to be at court today.

he agreed to come to court. He hasn't shown up to give his witness statement. It is a principle of criminal law that if you're accused, you don't have to give evidence and that cannot be used against you that you decide to up to give evidence. Are you sure? I'm definitely sure about that, yeah.

So, I don't know why you're suddenly defending you. It feels like you're not on our side or something. No, I'm not defending Rob. I'm not on your side. I'm the judge. but let's think about Rob so what's the percentage? 79.

Or the probability that he did it. 95. I'm thinking 1 in 8. Oh. 1 out of 8? Well, because there were 8 people in there. So you're saying that none of our evidence is relevant? Well, doesn't seem that relevant, does it?

I mean... Be a slap. Maybe it's slightly bigger than 1 in 8 Because I do think the protesting point is a good one. And maybe it's even as high as 50%. But that's not going to get you the conviction, I think. What I'm hearing, just to nudge it to, all we need is 51. I think that's enough for us.

That is true, actually. I agree with Karen. We only need 51. That's probability for us. Probability equals 51. Which is not enough for a crime. But it is probably enough for a civil charge, you know. A civil charge.

Exactly, a civil claim. That's balance of probabilities. All you need is 51% for that. Oh, this is a civil claim. We forgot to tell you that at the start. Oh, you're in luck. I actually do feel a little bit guilty that we've not told you about the other suspect, Dustin.

He was found in the middle of the night just after the crime was discovered. Wet. Okay. Sopping wet. Wet boxes, wet here, he'd just had a shower. Why is this not your suspect? I think you're probably at 51% on this guy, aren't you?

Okay, so forget everything we just said about Rob. Are you giving us 51% on Dustin now? Because that's also fine. I think I'll be prepared to be. Yeah, I think you can get there on Dustin. But I'm telling you that the fame, it's really hard to use a Yeti cooler with mine and Dustin's Famer Bone.

Do you not care about that or something? It feels like you're really just disregarding our Famer Bone theory. Well, how do you know that this person sat on the Yeti? The Yeti was in another. Rome. It was dragged into the kitchen. Oh, the Yeti had been moved. The Yeti had been dragged into position. And it was beside the plate.

Like, why else would a Yeti be in the middle of the kitchen? I love we'd drip feeding really key information to Mr. Truth. The shower in the night, it does not make you a perpetrator. I shower in the night as well. It doesn't mean I shat in a kitchen moments before. It really doesn't, I don't think. We need to get one of them without talking to either of them, so tell us how we're going to do that. The problem is, though, I'm still like,

50-50 on these guys. I don't know who's nudging ahead with the 1%. We need 1%. What we do know about Dustin is that he was seen about 20 minutes after the crime was discovered lining up to go to the bathroom again, which would indicate that he potentially hasn't just released. That's quite important evidence as well, isn't it?

We're not really presenting the facts. Why is he queuing to use the bathroom again? because he's obviously just showered and he's also maybe shit everywhere why would he need to go to the bathroom weekend? Because the time window would be like half an hour from the time of shitting or like maybe an hour max so you wouldn't...

Yeah. Really important there was also pee around the plate so does that drop him to 49 and therefore increase Rob to 51? Yeah, I think it probably does actually. Yeah. It just shows how the fine line between guilt and innocence is it can be split by

It's quite an interesting process, though. It's an interesting technique this like, give the judge a bit of evidence and be like, now, have we won? No? Okay. How about this more evidence? Have we won? No. What about this key piece of relevant evidence then?

Is that which of? That's why I was asking what is beyond reasonable doubt? Like, is it 51? What is the balance of probability? What does that equal in terms of numbers? That's 51. Yeah. Bad is 51%.

Well, then we've just got it. I think so. Sorry, I don't even know who we're convicting anymore. I'm so lost. It's Rob, it's Rob. I think it's Rob because of the fact he still needed to go to the toilet half an hour after the crime. Yeah.

Seems quite unlikely. Karen, that it was something you discovered. I think, to be honest, I've nailed this case. He thinks the lady death protest too much, T.M., which Mr. Druth has said absolutely stands up in court. You may have cracked this, but it's the most convoluted process I've ever witnessed in my life. I'd never want to go through this journey ever again, to be honest. I don't want to do any more fagal crimes after this.

No. We need to up our classiness. This hearing is a bit of a representation of the journey you've been on, like a little bit kind of all over the show. Yeah. Even though it's beyond reasonable doubt by 1%, it's still not. I wouldn't say it's the strongest numbers we've had.

We're not going to chest bump after this. Yeah, we're not going to chest bump next time we see each other in person. I mean, the reality is there's, It's like a 49% chance you've sent the wrong person to jail. It's better than season one, that's all I can say. It's marginally better than season one, which is not great. As long as you just get a little bit better every day, that's all you can really ask us. But we're not.

We've gone backwards on this case. I actually think we've gone backwards. Especially after Boo Bandit, it was so perfectly closed off. We'll never get that with fecal cases because people don't want to say that they shat somewhere on a plate. Do you know what? Whatever happens, I'm still really unnerved, and there will be unanswered questions about why the fuck he put that silver service closh over it. Sometimes you come across a crime scene that makes you question everything you believe.

We'll never know the sort of mental attributes that led to that decision and the motivation. We won't know. A crime scene is so impossible and so confusing that the more you think about it, the less sense it makes. To be honest, I don't care how. did it, I want to know why. Why? They put a silver service closh

on the top of a plate of feces. That's the big unsettling question for me and it still doesn't sit right with me because there's humour in that and that makes me feel really uneasy because someone had their wits about them enough to do something funny.

Someone is messing with someone else and us actually. But hidden somewhere in the mess, there is a version of events that feels the most likely. But maybe that's like a reflection on the world of true crime that you never really, even if

you convict someone and you can say they're guilty, you never really know their full motives and what was going through their mind at the moment of doing it. There's no way of proving any of that. Our version of events is formed not from certainty, but from our gut,

from what feels right. It just comes down to a jury and some evidence, not even the full picture. But the truth is, we don't know. Maybe we never will. Which raises an uncomfortable question. If this is how we reached a verdict, how different is that from the real world? How many people just like Rob have been judged on probability instead of truth? Eventually one day I think I'm going to go, all right man, what happened that night? So can I put a reminder in my calendar for 10 years time and then

you'll hear from us and you're like, we think it's that time, Arthur? Yeah, yeah, yeah. like, no, please never contact me again. That is the last time I want to ever speak to you, understood if that is the case. The pessimists among you will say, you wasted our time. That's 49 minutes plus ads of my life I will never get back. But the optimists will say,

you know what? 1%. It's good enough for me. I can accept that. What would you like to say to that person? Honestly, I would be like, all right, I got to know. Just tell me if it was you.

and if he finally fesses up I'm going to basically just be like look at this point I'm not even mad what's the point in being mad at this point and Rob if you're listening right now and we think you might be know this we are watching

but I gotta know what the fuck was going through your head we're always watching why don't you do yourself a favour pick up the phone and let's have a little chat we want you to look us in the eye and tell us the truth We dear you.