Who Shat On The Floor At My Wedding? And Other Crimes - S3 E24 Mayonnaise Madness - Part One

Episode Date: April 22, 2026

Detective Lauren Kilby is no longer just a detective. She is now a victim. Three anonymous deliveries. Unsolicited and increasing in size. Containing a substance that she hates more than anything… Mayonnaise. Someone in her inner circle is behind this, testing her, messing with her. Seeing if she can finally crack a case for once. Then, a suspect from Season 1 resurfaces, and things get complicated. And very personal. Someone out there is watching. We don’t know who. We don’t know why, but we do know one thing: this maniac has messed with the wrong Detective.Part Two is out on May 7th.Support us on Patreon http://patreon.com/whoshatontheflooratmyweddingFollow us on Instagram @whoshatontheflooratmywedding for case evidence and behind-the-scenesSound design by @avaud.io Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This story begins in Amsterdam. On Saturday the 20th of April, 2024, the day before my birthday. I didn't know it yet, but I was about to become a victim. I'm at home, alone. Everything is normal until the doorbell rings. I open the door. A delivery driver stands there, holding a big, heavy box. No message and no note.

I carry it inside, unaware that I'm holding Exhibit A in my hands. The next morning it's my birthday. I'm excited to tuck into my gifts. I peel back the tape on the box and release the cardboard flaps. I'm expecting something thoughtful, heartfelt and expensive. What I find inside that box is the opposite of all of those things, except maybe expensive. It was a fine.

5-liter industrial tub of Hellman's mayonnaise. To a lot of people, that would be a useful, delicious and possibly funny present. But not to me. An unknown person had chosen the one substance I cannot stand

and sent it directly into my home where I sleep. 11 days later, on May 1st, a second package arrives, bigger and heavier. This time it was a 10-liter bucket of Lavo mayonnaise, a cheaper brand. I felt watched. Four months passed and I moved on with my life.

Then, in September, it happened again. I knew before opening it that something was wrong. This time it was a box, inside a box, containing 200 individual sachets of remia mayonnaise. That is a total of 19,000 millilitres of mayonnaise. But this isn't about mayonnaise anymore. This is about control, humiliation, fear. Whoever is executing this wants me unsettled and exposed.

What they don't know is that they have fucked with the wrong person. The tables are about to turn for this perpetrator, and when they do, there'll be nowhere left to hide. This is mayonnaise madness, part one. My house is no longer my home. It is a crime scene, and Karen and I are sitting in it. I'm presenting the evidence to her. Where is that bucket?

Yep. Oh my God. It's massive. It's monstrous, is what it is. It's a disgusting amount of a disgusting condiment. There seems to be a pattern. These deliveries are designed to escalate each time. 5 litres, then 10 litres, then 200 individual sachets.

It's 200 times 20 mills and it's got one of those little bits that you pop out and then you like take the sashay when you're ready. But we don't yet know what the pattern means. Forget the brands, this is about the size. Someone's messing with you stepping things up every single time. I do need to be honest with you at this point, listeners. I wasn't exactly perfect in my documentation of all of the years. evidence. I did keep everything, but for example, I don't know the exact date that I received the

third delivery. I don't know when I received this one, the third and final delivery. Well, I hope it's the final delivery. This is because you got a little bit loose with keeping track of evidence, is that? But I didn't, Karen, when I talked to you about this, you didn't tell me we would be investigating this. I mean, as detectives specialising in non-crime crimes and reverse theft, I think it would have been like something that just wins unspoken. Anyway, let's move on. We don't want to back her. But I do just want to say that it actually pisses me off

that someone is trying to get onto the podcast or doing this for attention. So I didn't want to immediately jump into an investigation because that's what this person wants. 100%. That's what the perpetrator wants. The one thing we do have is an order slip from the third delivery. It's the only one that came with any paperwork.

This gives us the exact price of the third item. Karen, this one had a price on it. This person spent 40 euros and 24 cents on the sachets and then 3.95 on delivery. The first two deliveries had zero paperwork, but our estimates place each around 40 to 50 euros plus shipping. Total cost for this crime, a minimum of 150 euros. This perpetrator isn't just persistent. They're financially committed. That's a hell of a lot on a weird prank

to try and wind someone up and then stay quiet for a year. So it must be someone quite wealthy. It must be someone rich. This is what I don't get. These are, as a prank, if you're going to be annoying, there are a lot of larger, cheaper items to send someone. But the cost is not the most concerning thing about these items. all three shipments were set to expire

almost immediately within months. Let me just check expiry. Aspiry because we could actually use this while you're staying here. We check the expiry date of the most recent delivery. Oh my God, it expires next month. It expires in two weeks. We're going to track down this perpetrator and we're going to make them eat the whole fucking thing.

Yes. It's going to be like Bruce Bogtrutter, but instead of chocolate cake, it's going to be tiny sachets of mayonnaise, but a lot of them. They can have some chips with it, but it'll be like, you've got to eat all of these fucking sachets before they go off. Yes. And deal with the weight that comes along with that, Biash.

They're going to pack on the pounds. They're going to pack on the pounds. Someone that you know that is in your inner circle is fucking with you, and it's for a really annoying motive, which is attention and fame trying to be on this podcast. And we're humouring that, but we're going to turn the tables on them. I just don't know what we can do to them that's going to. and make me feel good about this. What if we find out

who this person is? We don't tell them that we know. We get the address of someone very close to them and then we send that person a condiment that they hate like barbecue sauce. This started out as like a true crime case and it's turning into a revenge story.

But I think that's what this is. You hate more than anything going down the stairs to your storage unit and you're such a tidy person. So you would never in a million years put that in plain sight. No way. The only place it would go would be down to the storage unit which you hate doing. As much as you irritate the shit out of me a lot,

I would never want you to go through that. Because I know how much you bitch and moan and get very upset whenever I make you go and get props for the podcast down there. Thing is like, that's nice of you to say if that is the truth. It is the truth. Yeah, but I... What are you saying? I honestly, I'm concerned that this is you doing this.

I could totally do this, but I didn't know that you don't like mayonnaise. I would have picked something else. But not many people know that about me. I mean, it's certainly someone that wants attention, and I do like attention. Exactly. Yeah, no, I get that. Could I have done it, though, because it was a Dutch order.

Like, it would have been quite difficult to get a Dutch order, do you think? Don't you look at you pretending Like you don't know how to order internationally There's only one thing left to do Before we officially open this case Karen Yeah I'm promoting you

Fuck off Just for this case Only for this case To lead detective Have you ever heard the expression Give someone an inch And they take a mile Yes I have

Yeah But I will withdraw Your privileges At the end of this case So you'll have no mile to run. This case is officially open. Time is ticking. The 24 hours speed solving countdown to crack this case starts now. Countdown initiated. 24 hours left on the clock. 24 hours, also known as one day. Okay, so we've got 24 hours to solve this case. I'm together with you in Amsterdam. We know this is a Dutch

crime. So we are in the land of the perpetrator, most likely. Not definitely yet. But I feel a bit thrilled. I feel a bit buzzed that we are in sniffing distance. Cycle right away from the perpetrator. Let's just start there. You know, you get weird phobias of things. Yes. So there is such a thing as mayo phobia. And I just want to read it out to you. The fear of mayonnaise is called meophobia. It is an irrational fear of mayonnaise. Would you say that you have a fear of mayonnaise after what's happened to you? No. A fear of mayonnaise? Yeah. I think you should be saying you're meophobic. I'm not going to fucking say for the purpose of this podcast, Karen, that I'm meophobic. So you're mayo indifference. Okay, no, I'm not indifferent. I am a little bit

pissed off. So you're a tiny bit meophobic. I'm sure it's not you're one or the other. It will be a spectrum like everything is. Exactly, yeah. So yeah, I'm on the spectrum. Why are you so upset? Well, I don't know what you're trying to force things down. You're trying to say that I've got this fear. This is what Google says. It says humans are biologically wired to reject things that are slimy or sticky because it can be a reminder of spoiled food. There's something innate in our DNA that just says this is wrong. It's not like I'm opening the packets and like touching the slimy mayonnaise. It's got advice, Google, about how you can overcome meophobia. and the first one is for you to make your own mayonnaise.

What? Just so you can sort of really see the process, you can understand that it's actually made with very simple ingredients, so you won't dislike it so much. I don't help you. There is bullshit. So it's like, face your fears. I'm not going through the process of making mayonnaise.

I'm not doing that. For what? For what purpose? I'm not making... You know what? But you're trying to put me in a boxer. You're trying to say, have meophobic. I've got to make my mayonnaise to go over them.

Like, you really are trying to label me for the podcast. You're becoming extremely tense, and I think you're actually more disturbed by this than you think. Judging by the way you're acting right now. And it's okay. This is a safe space. You look so scared. Okay, sure.

Yeah, I don't like it. And I don't like that it's happened over the space of the last year. And that potentially a lot of people in my friend group have known about this and have kept it from me. Yeah, people know. I don't like that. Multiple people know and they're laughing at you. They're all laughing at my back and saying she can't actually correct the case.

She's a shit detective. Look, she couldn't find out her shirt on the floor. She can't work out who sent her mayonnaise. Do you know, remember any conversations or any instances when you went out for lunch or dinner with friends where mayonnaise became a thing and you were like, I don't like mayonnaise. Or you like, you know, talked about it. Is there anything where someone could have overheard a story? I'm trying to say, like, I guess I've talked. I've got my hate list

What do you mean your hate list I've got a hate list and I have read that out numerous times and I think mayonnaise is on there Oh my God, read it out Hold on

Co-working Spaces When people say nice to e-meat you Glitter Motorbike Reves Loud Dogs and mayonnaise. When have you said this list? I don't know it's millions of times to everyone.

You had to get your phone up to get that. Yeah, but it's called hate list. Yeah, so I would just search in my notes, hate list. If any of these points come up, I would say that's on my hate list. So this is a hate crime. This is a hate crime. This is a hate crime. So what are we going to do?

We've got 24 hours to crack this case. You're the lead detective on this, so what the hell do you want to do, Karen? First of all, I found this guy on LinkedIn. I reckon we've got to try and get in touch with the owner of that company and ask them some questions about who sent it, basically. There's no details of the person that sent this. There's no phone number. There's no email.

All we've got is the order number, and we know the company that sent it. We'll have all the information. The only slight thing that's getting in our way is GDP. Yeah. I found the company, let me just have a look. It's a really small company, a Dutch company.

There's a office number that we can call. That's got to be our first strategy, right, to get in touch with the owner of the company that sent you the most recent packets of mayonnaise. And say, can you tell me who ordered this? Well, why not? Can you risk the safety and security of your whole company and risk going to jail?

No, but we're not going to ask overtly for the name. What are you think is going to give us, like, an area that this person lives? I mean, we could do... Or like, their first name, or the first letter of their first name. Well, you know, when you're like, if we go through the whole alphabet, little, you know, A, B, C, D, D, E, F, I don't have to do the full alphabet, do I? I know what the alphabet is. And then if we ask him really nicely the owner of this company

to maybe, like, make it all cough or a noise when we get to the first letter of perpetrator's name, that's not doing anything illegal, I don't think. Yeah, what are the laws around there? A GDPR crisis would be him saying, it was Karen Whitehouse that sent this but if he coughed at a K and coughed at a W in my legal understanding

that's totally fine GDPR wise Yeah but what is your legal understanding So that is our strategy Call the owner of the company To try and get him to sneeze To give us random bits of information Sneeze so he's got a sneeze now You can't force yourself to sneeze

Unless you look at the sun if you're a baby I can fake sneeze really well But yeah you're right Well, we don't know if he can. We don't know. Oh, by the way, can we just cheat? Sneeze or a cough. You get so obsessed about the small details.

You're like, oh, okay, can you sneeze? And he's going to go, this is not a professional conversation to be having in our detective agency. I'm shutting it down. I'm shutting it down. Let me just call this first company. Are you calling it right now? That is definitely the weirdest call I had today.

I'm a little bit worried about privacy of customers. You know, anything that I throw out could probably. probably not be aired if it's customer names, etc. No, no, gosh, no, we don't want any customer names. We're being very aware of GDPR. Yeah, I'll help you out, no problem. There was a slight white lie there, but I was right in the fact that we're not going to request the full names. But we might request a very slight part of one name.

You basically put yourself across as like a professional in GDPR who really values privacy. I think that's good or bad. It could go either way. What else does this company deliver? Well, you're my assistant now, so why don't you check it out? Fuck so. It sells like food products, health and beauty products, baby and child products, log in to see price.

This person's a member of this. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. That's why I think we need to also, the second part of the strategy is we need to get a mayonnaise expert that works in horroca or has a cafe or something that deals with like big tubs of mayonnaise and multiple, like, this is obviously a horroca business. So we need the intel of like, would you need a subscription? Can you stop playing Horica? What about our global listeners?

Yes. Okay, hospitality. This company has four pages of mayonnaise. Products. This is triggering my myophobia. Are they allowed to say if that person has a middle name? We can also get in touch with our criminal lawyer for season one. To help us breach GDPR without going to jail.

Enter Ben. D truth. So 15 litres of mayo. Wow, okay. How generous. Well, it would have been generous if it was like 15 liters of a delicious substance that I like, like hot sauce or something. Yep, true.

But mayonnaise is not a condiment that I prefer. In fact, I find it a little bit offensive the way it's used. It's overused, in my opinion. Yeah. Anyway, you can all think what you want about mayonnaise. I'm not trying to say that we should all jump on the mayonnaise bandwagon of hating it. and all of this goes off imminently. So it can't even be used.

If you like mayonnaise, you can't even use it. So these are like pretty expensive gifts. No, but I think the first one, Helmans, that was potentially 70 euros. It's changed in price online since I last check. So you're saying you could have made a profit if you literally got it. It went up in value. Yeah, why do you still have it?

You could have shifted it. Probably just sell it. It's like the new cryptocurrency. Yeah, maybe it's gone up. Yeah, that's a good question. And have you checked? Has that gone up in value? No, I know. Mayonnaise generally depreciates in value. I've checked.

The closer it gets to the expiry do. Actually, we should go and donate that to a kebab shop when we solve this. Totally. They'll love expired mayonnaise. Could we get in trouble for that if we caused a bit of a food poisoning outbreak by giving... Legally? Yeah. No. The reason we're talking to you today is to get your legal input.

First, we want to know if it's a crime. I'm really getting shades of reverse theft with this one. So yes, I think it is a crime. So there's another level of this that detective slash victim hasn't informed you about. So I don't know if you're aware of this, but she has a hate list that she has on her phone in her notes. So people are aware that that's on her hate list. So this, for me, is it a hate crime? So we've got reverse theft slash hate crime.

So if the detective hates it, and it happens, is it a hate crime? That seems right to me. I guess it is a hate crime. I'm pretty sure that's what a hate crime is. Pretty sure. Didn't you go to university to study to not be pretty sure, to be confident and certain?

Well, university, I'm not sure I could call it a university per se. I had definitely got an education in the law, for sure. And so that's why I'm pretty sure that's a hate crime. Maybe you just forgot that part of the semester that they talked. about hate crimes, which is okay. Actually, now that I think about it, I'm very sure it is a hate crime. Yeah, that's what we're looking for. Yeah.

Happy to confirm that. Brilliant. That's confirmed. We're under a bit of time pressure and we're a bit stressed. I, as the assistants, do all the grunt work, as you know, slash all the work. You've been promoted to lead detective for this case. I've actually temporarily been promoted to lead detective. That's not a big deal.

Don't worry about it. How do you feel, Karen? How are you enjoying this? Do you know what? I'm actually being quite. reasonable, I would say is the word. Reasonable and supportive. I'm creating a safe environment for us to both really grow and learn.

That's so nice of you. That's really good. And I can see she's so relaxed, like looking at the victim now, she does seem very relaxed and at ease as being number two in this. The thing is that Karen is like sleeping at my house for the next six days while we crack various crimes. So I'm just going to be careful what I say because it's only day two. And I feel quite threatened at night when I wake up and know that she's like

meters away from me, sleeping, you know, really to just attack at any moment. Do you think we're getting off topic here? I think we're getting off topic. I've tracked through LinkedIn, the owner of two of the companies. My ideal was to try and get hold of the company owners and find out who sent it. And if we can get the information from that, which I know is legally questionable. Let's part the questionable nature of that request for now. I got hold of the first, they said, I want nothing to do with you.

And I've been trying to reach out to see if you would be happy to be interviewed for our podcast. No, thank you. I'm not interested. Just hung up. The second was like, yeah, sure. Like, we'll have a recording with you, which is happening in an hour. We're speaking to someone who will know the order number will be able to track down the full name, all of the details about our perpetrator. Perfect.

Passport number. But... but won't be able to give that information to us willingly. Right, okay. Are we talking about what I think we're talking about? I think we're talking about what you think we're thinking about talking about. Waterboarding. Digital waterboarding.

Digital waterboarding. Let's remember this isn't in person. So yeah, any form of torture that can be done online, obviously we're open to. digital torture. Yeah, so you want to do like a kind of YouTube of water rushing at the camera and you just sort of play that.

An immersive soundscape. Quickly share my screen and go... Exactly. Yeah. But Karen has got another idea which I think is actually quite good and I'm pretty happy that you've stepped up and come up with this.

I just don't want to overcomplicate this and I hope you all sort of take the same kind of attitude because we all know that there's a thing called GDPR and there's a bit of a rule about privacy. And when I spoke to this owner of the company, he loosely referred to, you know, well, I wouldn't be able to say any of the sub-names of customers. And I'm like, cool, we're not asking for that. But so where's the line of what is information about a customer? Because if we, for example, I think it's genius, sorry to pat myself on the back for this one. But if we said, right, okay, first letter of the first name of the perpetrator,

if we go through the alphabet and then we suggest to the owner that he maybe coughs a little bit when we get to the right letter. So we get a hint of, you know, does the name start with B or S? It will really help us narrow down the suspect pool. Would that be problematic from a GDPR point of view or do you think we're completely safe? I think you are completely safe doing that. I mean, because if you think about it, how are they going to prove it? how is the person who's had their personal information disclosed

going to prove that that was disclosed? The guy can say, I just had a really bad cough, you know? And then exactly a second later. And then, you know, you'll figure it out. Actually, you know what's even better and less confusing because I know Karen's just said she wants this to be simple. What if we don't put them in reverse? And so we just say, look, you don't need to tell me the names of these people.

Just tell me a story. Use whatever fake names come to mind in your characters. So tell me a story about the hospitality industry. Tell me a story about how was mayonnaise invented? Do you know who invented mayonnaise? And the guy can just be like, oh, I think it was, you know, Deborah Jeffries. And you can be like, I knew it. I knew it.

And Deborah Jeffries obviously a good friend of yours. And it might be Deborah. that might be the one who did the mayonnaise. And so you'd just get him to say the information that way. Can you tell us a story about someone in particular, a named person who invented mayonnaise? Do you think that's clear enough if I keep raising my eyebrows and staring at them in a weird way,

that they'll understand what we're asking? I think those eyes were a little bit too wild. I think he'll think, like, his life's in danger at that point. I would do, like, try a wink or something. You know, just a little more, just a little more, Hey, all right, don't give me that name. Just tell me, who invented mayonnaise? But my issue with the winking is that Karen is kind of known to flirt with people.

Oh, that's going to happen, eh? Yeah. So I'm just worried that she will start flirting with the owner of this company, and then maybe it will be this weird kind of thing where I'm third wheel and I'm on the call. So did you tell them it was going to be you're going to want to know who the sender was? I actually said the opposite. I said, don't worry. No, we're very aware of GDPR.

We're going to have to sort of just say, look, there's been a slight shift in strategy that we certainly still are aware of GDPR more so now after our... You've perceived legal advice. But it's more about, you know, extracting some hints, some very subtle GDPR friendly hints about who this person is. Without breaching GDPR. Yeah. The thing is, you usually throw me under the bus to do the intro for these random calls with strangers that we've never met. So I just, yeah, I feel like I'm going to just wing it and it's probably going to go wrong. If you're going to put that pressure on me, I just want to know that we're all in this together and you can't.

Yeah, we're always in it together. It's fine. I don't want to be rude or anything, but I just feel like you're not like prepping us as best as you can legally. And I've had to do my own research. And I found out that you are allowed to process data to save somebody's life. So I'm wondering how we can flip this to be a life saving moment. Okay, that's interesting. Is it life-saving to figure out potentially, right? I mean, do you know what's going on with this mayonnaise? It could be someone trying to send. Like, could it be a death threat?

It absolutely could be a death threat or it could drive me to death. And therefore, to process this data would be to save my life. I think the safest thing to do is for you to say to him, someone might die. look, this is a matter of life or death. Actually, I like that. If you say this is a matter of life or death and you don't elaborate on what you mean, it gives you a bit of cover

because you can just say, oh, it was a turn of phrase, you know, if anyone mentions it after. But he might think, ah, I'm aware of that exception to the GDPR principles and so I'm comfortable releasing that information. I could also then say that it's, what I meant was it's a matter of life. but I did include that or death as part of the turn of phrase

that we're all aware of. Exactly. But in my case, I was referring to life, a matter of life. It's obvious to us, perhaps, we're talking about the victim. It's a matter of life or death, but he might, as we're complete strangers, speaking for the first time, it might seem like a bit of a threat. It's a matter of life or death. Oh.

Oh, someone's going to die if you don't give us this information. And then he'll call the police and then we'll actually have a real criminal case on our hands. I'd just say you're safe before you make that remark you know hi you're safe but honestly this is a matter of life or death because eddick would you ever follow a sentence with but you're safe but always is very reassuring you want to have a few pleasantries before you get into that you know hi what's your name straight into you're safe but to know the other slight issue with this whole thing is that he's not an english native speaker so we're really really reliant on him understanding us.

What language does he speak? Dutch, but he's pretty good at English. Right. This is a bit of a stretch for us to follow this sort of strategy of questioning. Are you saying we need to translate, this is a matter of life or death? And definitely, because that will scare him less if all of a sudden he starts hearing a kind of recorded message by saying, don't worry. But this is a matter of life or death. He will 100% think that it's some sort of public service announcement.

It's not going to be it. If we just put it into Google Translate, to have a really, really automated computer voice. I think, you know what, I feel really confident. I feel very clear on what we need to do. Let's summarise and recap. So start the call. Hi, how are you?

What have you been up to today? Oh, God, it's nice weather this morning. I'm just priming you with some pleasantries. And then you say, anyway, as I mentioned in my email, I'm completely aware about the GDPR and aware that you can't give us the information of the people who sent these messages. But who invented mayonnaise and then see if they get winked, see if they give you that information. It can go one of two ways.

We'll get some real brilliant hints and we will dance smoothly around the issues of GDPR and we won't end up in jail, we'll find the perpetrator and make them confess. The alternative is we slightly get it wrong and we make a tiny GDPR breach. What would happen to us in that situation? Like what's the level of risk here that we're taking? I think it would be not your, it's not your breach, is it? It's him. You'd just say, oh, can't believe they told me that personal information.

That's not at all what I wanted. And I'm not complicit in this at all. You know, you would definitely just deny. So if we're the person that asks for it and he's the person that gives it, we're not at fault. No. He would go to jail, though. But you guys are kind of comfortable with that, right? Yeah.

So we would just say he misunderstood the question. That's right. You'd just say, for example, no, no, no, I genuinely wanted to know who invented mayonnaise. It sounds very moral. as far as I'm concerned, very moral what you're proposing to do. If we do end up getting fined for violating GDPR, I've read that the fines can go up to 20 million euros, which is quite a lot of money that we don't necessarily have available to us,

now or ever, probably. He's not going to like this. I don't get the feeling that he's going to find this very funny. We're asking him to like skirt around GDPR. I really don't get the feeling this is going to go well. Yeah, I don't think it's going to go well. well. But you guys are going to give it your best shot. Good luck, detective and assistant. If something goes wrong or we need to change the tone or like basically peel it back,

what is our safe word? Condiment. No, that could get very confusing. We could do an audio check. We can say, can I just check if it's recording? And then say something like multi-track connected. Multi-track connected. Multi-track connected is the safe word. if it's going horribly wrong and we have to just go back to pleasantries. I wonder if it... Oh, he's here. Oh, shit. Okay, wait.

Oh, God. Let's wait. Yes. Can you hear me? So, start the call. Hi, how are you? Hello. What are you doing, Michael?

Good. Good morning. Good morning. We feel very grateful to have you on board today. We were going to say it's Michael, the mayonnaise merchant. That's it. MMM. Yes, thank you so much for coming along.

You said you've had a bit of a stressful day. Hopefully we'll be able to lighten the mood slightly. You want to have a few pleasantries before you get into that. Oh, God, nice weather this morning. It's pretty grim weather out there, so it's not the nicest day for recording, but at least we're inside. And you didn't have to battle rain on your bike this morning, hopefully. No, no, no.

No. Could you just sort of repeat what you understand this case to be about? I have no clue. The only thing that I know, so far that we're running an internet shop, we sell groceries online, we ship it all over the world, and I was called by one of the lead detectives. Somebody received some mayonnaise, and I was part of this investigation. So that's all I know, and I'm here to assist. Thank you very much for your assistance. Someone has been sending me unsolicited buckets of mayonnaise. So someone has access to my address and has sent me that. And it was actually sent the day before my birthday.

I thought it was a present, but it wasn't because I don't like mayonnaise. Sorry, I know you're selling that as part of your products on your store, but I actually hate mayonnaise. And I think you've got some much better condiments that I would personally order rather than the buckets of mayonnaise that you also sell. Okay. Do you like mayonnaise? Well, I'm Dutchy, you know.

All the Dutchies, they love mayonnaise, yes. It's an insult to say you hate mayonnaise to a Dutch person, so we're sorry about that. The final item, which was sent from you, personally, Michael, I would say you're partly to blame for this crime because you created a company at which this was ordered from is 200 individual sachets of 20 milliliter mayonnaise. Exhibit C right here.

And as you can imagine is quite upsetting. because not only do I dislike mayonnaise as a condiment, I don't like someone, A, knowing my address, and B, spending up to 200 euros to mess with me. We basically just spoken to a friend who's a criminal lawyer because we're very understanding about privacy and how we're about to sort of go through this. What we would love, so we're really quite desperate

in times of trying to help find who this friend of ours is, who knows detective. We've come up with some interesting sort of very, compliant ways of helping us to try and find out who this person is without giving any personal information away. If we give you the order number, if you are able to access and actually see the person who sent it to Lauren, you don't have to tell us, obviously, but just so we know that whilst we're on this very call with you right now, you actually know the name of the perpetrator and that you'll just, you will have this smug one up and shit because we're

desperately trying to find that name and you have the key. So we've got a few ideas. Yeah, before we launch into that. And then you say, who invented mayonnaise? Wink, see if they give you that information. Who, in your opinion, invented mayonnaise? I don't know. I have no idea. Karen Winks.

I don't know. I'm just a businessman selling stuff online. I have no clue. Okay, but if you had to guess the first name of the person who invented mayonnaise, what do you think that person's name would be? The mayonnaise, Mayo, Mayo. Karen winks at Michael again.

Wow. What a question. Jeez. The winks are not working. Where does the mayonnaise come from? I have no clue. He must think Karen has a nervous twitch. I have absolutely no clue.

Okay, that didn't work. Let's go back to the order form. have some data here. I cannot actually see who placed the order. I can just see the person that I was shipped to. That's me. Yes. You cannot access the name or the email address or any information about the person that ordered the mayonnaise. No. No. The order was placed through Adison and we shipped it when the orders come in and the only thing that we see when an order comes in for Amazon is the person that we need to ship it to. Nothing else. Really? I don't have access to credit card details, order details, nothing else. Just only shipping

address. Ah, well, Crickare would have been so good. The only thing that I can see is placed with a Dutch Amazon account. On the delivery slip, there's a like encrypted email and a phone number, which is not detectives, the recipient's number. But what is that? The phone number is not It's not the recipient's phone number. No. And have you tried calling it? No. Slight oversight on our part.

There's a phone number on the order form. We had clocked it, but we assumed it belonged to the distribution company. It never crossed our minds that the perpetrator would be stupid enough to put their own phone number on the order form. Well, yeah, I would say call the number. See what happens. Do you want me to call the number? That would be amazing to see. say, what should he say?

I can just check that we received an order. Yeah, because if you just say AMS distribution, they're not going to remember, if they always order through Amazon, which these three products were ordered through Amazon, they're probably not used to it being the same distributor. And then if they ask what it is, you can say it's, you can say it's my nose.

Do we want him to check what the rating on the order was? Like, calling for customer feedback. Okay, yeah. Oh my God. Put us on mute. Definitely not your phone number. That is not my phone number. No.

When we put it on speaker right away? Speaking right away, yep. So we have no clue who's going to pick up this phone call then? No clue. Are we about to find out the perpetrator though? Is this the right way to resolve this? I think so. Why not?

Yeah, why not? The key to cracking this case has been sitting in our hands all along. The phone number of the perpetrator. But this perp is not aware of their mistake, which puts us in a very powerful, Coming up next on mayonnaise madness. Do you guys hear that? Yeah.

Do you know who that is? Yes, I know who that is, but that is not... Why is he doing? He's not... That is weird. I can't believe this. Who is it? My God tells me it's an admirer.

This is a twist. Him spending a minimum of a hundred euros on me, someone who he's not close with, doesn't add up. So there is someone else involved. So this is someone with a fat fetish. Someone wanted to fat you up like a cycling thing. Are you telling us everything that you know?

There is something that we know, and we know that you are lying to us. We know that this person is real, and you know who they are. Who told you? Do you know the name of the person who did it? Who sent the mayonnaise to Lawrence House?