Who Shat On The Floor At My Wedding? And Other Crimes - S3 E32 Dance Floor Dropper - Part Two

Episode Date: July 15, 2026

This is no ordinary investigation. We are tackling a case serious enough for the police to get involved.Karen doesn’t trust we can handle this on our own so we join forces with a retired police superintendent. Our unqualified detective agency is swiftly reorganised, a new hierarchy implemented, and we get a glimpse into how real professionals run investigations. For the first time we need to pretend that we know what we’re doing. And as the case gathers momentum, contact is finally made with a masked man claiming to be perp.Part Three drops July 30th.Support us on Patreon http://patreon.com/whoshatontheflooratmyweddingGo to our Instagram @whoshatontheflooratmywedding to vote on our pollSound design by @avaud.ioSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Previously on the case of the dance floor dropper. A lot of people just started exiting the dance floor. We realised somebody did a dump on the dance floor. Surely not, how, how, how? It's turtur on the dance floor. The thing unfolded to absolute chaos. It was very scary. Such a calculated attack.

It's turter on the dance floor. I've no idea why anybody would want to do that. And what a crazy thing to do. It's mad. Hey, hey, hey, hey, it's terter on the dance floor. to know the truth. I'm the fun of shitter. I'm a dance for a drop-er. Oh my God, that is really sinister. Why is he confessing? First question, is he doing for attention seeking? So I have got a professional detective that's going to give us some guidance about how to go about this. I'm

okay with it. Do you know our detective, by the way, Mike? You don't get superintendent very easily. It's only 600 in the country. You're talking serious person here. Oh no. We've got quite a big job Coming up, Lauren. Are you going to buckle under the pressure? That's the question. I need to process what's going to happen on this case. Should I send it? Contact has been made with the self-professed phantom shitter.

What? He's responded. The self-professed dance-law dropper has responded. He said, Hi, Karen. Thanks for reaching out. Yes, I am the brown bandit. Pooh emoji.

Oh my. I'd definitely be interested in meeting up to discuss me. my antics and how I managed to pull it off. Kind regards, the phantom shitter. Kind regards. He's so formal. Oh no, it's actually happening.

It's actually happening. Lauren, this is actually happening. We're going to meet this man. One man. Oh, God. Oh. I feel really weird. I don't like it.

We're going to meet a man wearing a balaclava. A stranger wearing a balaclava. He looks about like six foot something. Who appears to be in ten. intimidatingly tall. I want him to wear the velaclava as well. I know it's going to make it scarier for us, but I think it's funnier if he's in a balaclava.

Could this truly be the person who sat on the dance floor? It's time to meet our first witness. Gemma came forward with information after our assistant posted on Facebook. She saw the fecal matter with her own eyes. So Gemma, can you just tell us your recollection of what happened? I'd gone into Halifax on her a night out and I'd take her my friend

now my friend, she's not from England so she'd never been in a British nightclub before we were dancing and she'd had a couple of drinks and just letting herself go and then all of a sudden she's the one that noticed a massive, massive turd just one big turd on the dance floor and shouted at the top of her lungs

who has done this? Who has done this? Were you on the dance floor with her when that happened then? Yeah, there was quite a few of us, about seven or eight of us on the dance floor from my group as well as lots of other people. But the moment that my friend sort of noticed and shouted, everybody looked and just moved away. Everyone took two steps backwards away from the turd. So it was one solid turd? Just one.

Can you describe it? I know it's really grim, but can you describe it in as much detail as possible? I'd say it's probably about six inches long, lumpy. Oh no. Six inches, sorry, I'm not very good at measurements. That's like way bigger than a Mars bar, isn't it? Yeah, it's definitely like a Mars bar and a half. Just one continuous log.

1.5 Mars bars. So it sounds quite a dry, like difficult to pass shit. Yeah, it's not happened by accident, that, has it? Yeah, that is an incredible observation you've made there. That is intentional. And was it quite perfectly formed or was it kind of mushed around? It was perfectly formed. In fact, if it hadn't have stunk after Pam had noticed it,

then I would have said it was like a joke shop poo. Comedy joke shop poo? It looked exactly like a joke shop poo. Not like a curly one, like just one long one. Oh, memories. Did you see anything dodgy or do you have any suspects or notice anything strange from the other people on the dance floor? No, I can't say that I did.

Did you see any large ginger men on the dance floor that night? Oh, it's a long time ago, possibly. There's always one large ginger man. There's always a large ginger man in the Acapulca. Are you reckon? Is it true? Oh, yeah. Yeah. If you had to guess the year this happened and the month, what would you guess? Well, it was definitely April and I think it was 2012.

I only remember because it was my birthday night out and my birthday is April. What time of night did it happen? Oh, it was definitely late on. I'm going to say it was like maybe one in the morning. Hey, so what was the chaos like when the fecal matter was discovered by your friend? I don't recall the music being stopped. I don't recall that, but I do recall the DJ clearly saying, can everyone get off the dance floor, please? At this point, we were already off the dance floor.

It kind of drops down. It's like you have to go down a step and it's kind of like a square, like a box type thing, dance floor. So everybody had stepped back up. There was a lot of pushing and shoving. Did you have a camera with you? Do you have any footage or any evidence that you took that night? I haven't. I think I did post a Facebook post about it. I don't know if it'll still be on there.

Can we be friends? We need to become friends and then we need to look at your wall. But that's such a good point. Did any of your other friends, do you think they would have taken photo from the night? Probably not, no. Gemma, do you know any locals that will be around that are ginger and very tall? I do know of one, yeah. What's his name? What's his address? Well, I'm not going to tell you that.

No, you should. We won't do anything with that information at all. What do you think the motive could have been? I've got no idea. I mean, I don't know, a day, maybe. So six inches is 15 centimetres. That's really, that's such a lot. That's half a roller size.

It is massive. It was a massive turd. They can have been that long jimmer. Honestly, I promise you it was, it was massive. So how do you think the turd got to the dance or do you think it was delicately placed there? Or do you think it was dropped from a height or do you think someone squatted down in shit? My guess would be it's a slut drop gone wrong. I'm sorry, Gemma, you can't slut drop.

You can't slut drop and put massive six inch long. A drop gone wrong. Maybe you can. What do you think the motive for this crime is? Head to our Instagram page at WhoShat on the floor at my wedding and vote in our poll. Was it a reckless dare? A calculated active revenge? A cry for attention?

Or was it simply a slut drop gone wrong? Activating expert database. Professional experts at the ready. Contacting detective superintendent Nora Holford. Things are going to be a little different around here. And that's because from this point forward on this case, I am no longer in charge. My demotion begins now. Bring in the boss.

So we agreed on your name last time we chatted and we agreed on the boss. Yep. So welcome, boss. Thank you. Good to speak to you both. I've got a very important person, not as important as you, that I'd like to introduce you to. This is, and I have to be a little bit sensitive here, and use inverted commas.

This is Detective Lauren Kilby. Hello. Hello, Detective. How you doing? I'm happy you didn't use days when you said that, inverted commas. You just called me a detective, a real detective. A real detective, yes.

Everybody can be a detective to a certain extent. I completely agree. I don't know if you've ever watched the film Ratatooie. No. But there's a line in that saying, anyone can cook. It's about a rat that learns how to cook, and the whole line is anyone can cook.

And I tell Lauren all the time, if Ratatoui can be a chef, then she can be a detective. Yes. It's all about believing in yourself. It is. It's so much in the mindset. I'm going to ask you a question now, and I'm going to ask you the same question at the end of this call. Do you feel that you are speaking to an equal when you speak to Detective Lauren Kilby? Um, yes.

I like there was a slight reticence there. That was a good response. And I'm going to ask you that again at the end of this. But wait, are you assuming that equal means like on a human level, or are you definitely saying from a detective standpoint, we are equals? Neither. It's more to do with. In narration to the context of what we're about to talk about, you will bring certain insights and skills to the conversation that I don't have,

and I will bring certain insights and skills to the conversation that you don't have. In that sense, we are equal, because we are both bringing things that the other doesn't have. Oh, we're such a good team. aren't we? We're going to be a great team. And this is the point. This is the whole point, no matter what context you're working, and no matter how new or how experienced you are, everybody brings something different to the party. And if everybody recognises that everybody brings something,

then you've got the makings of a fantastic and hugely powerful team that is far stronger than any of the individual elements. The only thing is some of the things we bring to the table might be slightly questionable. But it depends. It depends on each question. In what way? Legally, I'd say. But we're going to try our very best to be good detectives on this case because I want to impress you because I've never reported into anyone before. I've always been the boss of the detective agency. So I'm a little bit nervous because I feel like I need to prove myself, but I'm also excited.

That's good. And just before we continue, do you have any strong preferences on, obviously you're at the top? But in terms of the hierarchy below you and the org chart of our team, do you have any strong preferences? on that, like where Karen sits on it? No, I mean, I was kind of assuming it is what it is. Hmm. And what is it in your head? I thought the two of us were a detective team,

and Karen was kind of the producer, so trying to make sure that whatever products we produce actually makes a podcast. Okay, let me just nip in there. So I'm assistant detective, and I think the tricky thing is just put all cars on the table, because, you know, we're a team,

and transparency is key. Absolutely. I think we had a pie chart of how much work of the investigative sort of heavy lifting we do. It would probably be 90% assistant to the detective does that. And then Detective LK does about 10%. In terms of the graft behind each case, I think there's a, you know, I think she's got a great detective mind. A lot of good attributes.

However, I think that's just one thing I would like you to bear in mind. Because in my head, it would be you're the head, the boss. And then it would be a simple org chart. one line and that would split like a family tree, Detective LK and assistant to the detective. So it would be sort of equals reporting into you? No, no, no. Yeah, I mean, that certainly works.

I mean, I wasn't aware that you had that role, but I'm assuming it's kind of like all the background research and setting things up and doing a load of. Yeah, yeah, groundwork. Yeah, correct. You're absolutely spot on. And in fact, Karen slipped up earlier. She said assistant detective.

She's actually assistant to the detective. So she is our assistant. So Nora, if you need anything, for her to do anything for you, you just have to ask and she will do it. She has to do it. Yeah. And I manage her in that sense. I think coming back to the organisation chart, I'm seeing it much more as in the teams I used to run is that, you know, I'm the overarching boss. But underneath me, I've got kind of the intelligence research hub that kind of go off and do a lot of digging around and go find out stuff that gives us useful background.

And then I've got the detectives that go out and interview people and be the witnesses or be they suspects or whatever. But they've got the kind of police powers. so they can arrest, whereas the intelligence team often do, you know, like you say, they can do it a significant amount of heavy lifting because they research, they dig, they find stuff. Oh, God. That actually, without which, we don't know what status to go and look under. You just called her intelligent, by the way, and she has not taken that lightly.

I didn't say intelligent. I said intelligence. I think what you're proposing here is marvellous. It's a change of name, and it's a change from assistant detective to intelligence. And I'm totally fine with that. Yes. Well, you're the boss. You're the boss, Nora. I personally wouldn't accept that, but you're the boss.

Your call. I think that would work. I think from what Karen said about what she does, that to me fits into that role. Intelligence team, I managed to be head of intelligence. She's definitely not head. She's not head of intelligence. No, no, no, I am.

Yeah, you are. Nora is. Okay, oh my God, this is quite a lot. So it's kind of like the intelligence teams do a huge amount of work to figure out what rock to look under. and that then means that when you're actually on the ground, the teams on the ground can be far more effective and far quicker to get to where they need to be going.

And it often is that, you know, 70 or 80% of the work gets done beforehand by the intelligence team. So actually pull stuff together so that the very limited time and resources that you've got that actually go out there can just be bang on the money. So to recap, you are the boss slash head of intelligence slash lead detective. Yeah.

Then it has one prong. splits in two to go to sub-lead detective or... No, co-detective. No, because that would be on... You'd be on the same... Yeah, no. I mean, just make it simple that you've got the detective section, which is Lauren, and you've got the intelligence research section,

which is kind of simple. Oh, no, we're on the same level. I'm really happy with that. I didn't start off this conversation, feeling that comfortable. I felt a little bit defensive, but now I feel really emboldened and I feel really happy with that. How do you feel, Lauren? I'm okay with it.

I have to be because it's our boss that has told us that this is the best way and we need to trust her that this is the best approach. It's also about empowering and acknowledging what you each bring to the party. Oh yeah. Yeah, I empower you, Karen, to be Intelligence Hub. What I think I might need a bit of guidance on is I sometimes, I'm very happy in my intelligence hub. And I do think I do quite a good job at that.

You do. But I like to sometimes stray into the detective realm. and I might step on a few toes, and I'm very willing to acknowledge that that is a bit of a flaw in this hierarchy, and I will watch out for it myself, but if you ever feel like you need to rein me in,

do it. I think I'm going to put that on the table that might be a weakness of mine. Yeah, it's not uncommon, actually. Intelligence operatives do I'm happy with those straining stuff. So just a little recap of what you've very loosely signed up for. And this is my recollection, my POV of what you signed up for, is twofold. One is to teach us how to be proper detectives.

Easy. Easy. Easy task. Yeah, I was going to say to do that in half an hour or a Friday morning that given that it's normally like a 10-week course plus a whole load of background experience is going to be interesting. But hey, we'll give it a go. We're not that far off.

So I think half an hour would actually just be what. we need to top us up to being full detectives. I'm quite close, to be honest. I'm sure. 30 minutes should cut it. And then the second thing is we've got our biggest case yet. Our whole detective and intelligence hub careers have culminated in this point. The case of the dance floor dropper or the case of the Brown Bandit.

And this is a serial defecator who's been shitting in the middle of a dance floor of the Acapulco Club in Halifax, West Yorkshire. and because this is our biggest case yet, we want to do it properly and we need a bit of guidance on how to do this. The main objective is phase one, because I don't think you're off the hook just with this half an article, I will just dangle that, is witness statements, get a few tips on how we can properly take those, and then we'll talk about the phase two of our operation once we've got those. Of course. Amazing. So what we'd love is just to get an introduction, would you be able to just explain a bit of your background of who you are and some of the amazing

things you've done to date. I'm an experienced detective. I retired from police service after 32 years and retired as detective superintendent. As a detective superintendent, I probably had three separate distinctive roles. I was head of intelligence for the police force that I worked for for a significant number of years. I was sort of the boss of the special branch, DCI, so I've done that kind of terrorism side of things. Also as head of intelligence, you were the authorising officer for all the covert surveillance activities, so the use of the various surveillance techniques, be the actual surveillance teams following people, doing observation points, undercover officers. So all that side of things,

I'm hugely experienced at. At a separate time, because you kind of get moved over to different departments at different times. I was head of department of all the detectives that investigate, serious sexual offences, so rapes and really serious sexual assaults, child abuse, serious end of domestic violence, vulnerable adult abuse. So all that side of things where you've really vulnerable victims that need much more sensitive handling, but equally, the rules of evidence still apply. So it's a difficult balance of managing somebody that is so vulnerable, but still getting the evidence of the standard that the court requires. And I was an accredited senior investigating officers for murder and kidnap. I mean, kidnap's always interesting because

they're the rules of evidence to go out the window. You're there to basically recover safely, the hostage, the person who's been kidnapped. And that is paramount. It's all about saving life. And if evidence gets trashed in the process then so be it. So it's a very different mindset, which is really quite interesting when you're doing that work. So that's kind of broadly the different areas that I've done. That's just broadly how awesome you are. Cool. That's our sort of lives pale in my comparison. You're literally the coolest person I've ever met. That's amazing. Thank you. Yeah, that's not intimidating at all. I feel really comfortable reporting into you. You'll be fine. I'm genuinely terrified. I don't know how this has had.

I don't know how this moment right now is happening that you said yes to helping us idiots on this case. Partly because I'm intrigued. Partly, I know this kind of sounds odd, but my police career just kind of happened. Can I ask you what your proudest moment was in your career? It's a difficult one, really. The achievement I'm most proud of is that, actually, the DCI at the time, I was head of the child protection side of things, and they brought in legislation that required anybody who committed a sexual offence to be registered, a registered sex offender with the police and they brought all that legislation in.

And I was responsible for putting in some sort of structure so that we could actually monitor these people and do something about them. Even the sort of pretty rudimentary risk assessment talks that we had at the time flagged some of these offenders as being ones that as soon as they walk out the prison gates, they're going to re-offend. They really do keep you awake at night. And that's partly why the legislation got brought in, quite rightly, the government says, well, we've got to do something about these people,

and we think the police service should do it. And the police service is kind of going, yeah, but we lock these people up. We've never done anything about when they come back out again. That's not our problem. So it was a bit of a wake-up call for the service that we've kind of got to do more about protecting the community from these individuals. And I was lucky enough to have a really good relationships with my probation colleagues, and we all went together to a conference and heard from a Canadian speaker about

circles of support and accountability that they put in place in Canada, where the Eskimos, they've got a very strong community ethos and community rehabilitation. If somebody offends against the community, then the community works with that individual to rehabilitate them back into that community. And so when they've got offenders that sexually offended, then that would be disclosed to a circle of people within the community who would work with that individual to support them, so reintegrate them or so they come back from prison or whatever. but also hold them to account.

So if they start doing things at our precursors to their offending, they go, well, you're not allowed to do that and report them to the agencies and it'll get dealt with a much earlier time. And we thought this was fantastic. And I sold this to my bosses on the basis that, look, guys, we don't know what we're doing here, but this works.

It works in Canada and we could bring it into the UK. So we set up, we managed to get some funding from the police and probation, a few other people, and we set up a pilot, which is one of the first in the UK. That brew, it is now, across England and Wales in place in most areas, and it's hugely successful. It means these individuals feel that they have a chance to actually be rehabilitated, a chance to turn their

lives around, a chance to actually understand why they've ended in the first place and do something different so they don't do it again. And it's hugely powerful. I would describe that, wow, as a justice mic drop. There is incredible. That's just like, oh yeah, I've just made the whole country a safer place. No big deal. Maybe we need to do the equivalent but for fecal crimes, Lauren. Yeah. We can sort of reintegrate the fecal offenders. Yeah. Other pooperators into the community by flagging certain people to keep an eye on them, which is a great segue to the case of the dance floor dropper. Indeed, yes. We've kind of gone off on a huge tangent, so sorry about that. No, but I really appreciate that because it's so nice to like meet someone that's just really done

something incredible with their career. Really, hats off. That is so much to be proud of, as you know, but it's amazing to hear. And I feel like we're growing up with our team of experts with Joe Millington as well, who's also one of our absolute favorite people in the whole entire world. I know. And, you know, coming back to your questions, why on her, though, I get involved is I've got a huge amount of respect for Joe. I mean, you talk about somebody that I'm in or of. It's incredible what she can do. So you said yes, because you trust Joe Millington's judgment. Trust Joe. And if she's involved in something, then it can't be that. dodgy.

But do you know what Joe Millington called our podcast? Yes, you tell me. Yeah, great. Okay. And you also know that we wasted a day of her time and her assistance time investigating a really important hair, piece of DNA evidence that we thought was going to solve our last case because all of our suspects had short grey hair.

We're like, we've got this, we extracted it. We did a proper forensic assessment she taught us. She was on Zoom. All the paper was down. We had all the kits on. And we're like, we found a hair. She was like, okay, put it on the sticky tape, and we sent it to her lab. And we're like, this is going to tell us who actually is the perpetrator of this crime.

She said, it's a cat hair. And we accidentally let a cat into the forensic examination space. We, yeah, we let her spend a day working out that it's a cat hair. But we've grown since then. We've really grown and we're actually quite good now. Yes, she's probably a real lesson in actually kind of seeing management and what having a sterile environment. actually means. That contamination, we've all got times when we've done stuff.

Oh, we've all been there, haven't we, Nora? We've all been there in the detective world, haven't we? Yeah, we've all had that moment where we've thought it was a real hair, but it was a cat here. That's fine. I do think we're doing a good service here, though. We're letting other people learn from our serious mistakes, and if that's what our job is, our legacy, then... Absolutely. So be it. So be it.

Maybe we should do a little stats, Lauren, about what our credentials are and then introduce the boss. Yeah, we'll get on and we'll be a little bit. like I've been a fake non-detective for five years. I started the private investigator course, got to how to flip the detective notebook, then couldn't be bothered doing the rest. Okay, so Lauren, did you want to ask your last detective buddy question before we go on to the dance floor dropper?

No, let's not ask that. I'm also a little bit embarrassed about that question now, so I'm going to skip that. I'm just going to quickly read it out. No, no, no. This is what Lauren wanted to add. No, no, I'm going to. This is what she wrote,

since you and I are kind of detective buddies, do you feel we should come up with a name for our duo like Starsky and Hutch, Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson, maybe we could go against the grain and do a combo of all our names, something like No, La Car? That's what Lauren wrote. That's what she wanted to ask you. Let's swiftly move on now.

Yeah. You don't need to answer that, Nora. No, I think we'll skate over that one. I can't. Okay, boss. Our case, the case of the dance floor dropper. Yep. Our objective is to find out who shat on the dance floor of the Acapulco Nightclub.

We don't know much information. All we know is that it happened around 13 or 14 years ago, so from 2012 for a period of six months. It created an absolute frenzy whenever it happened to the point where they did actually get the real police involved because it would cause the crowd to panic. There was like this rush to get out and it was quite a scary thing to actually manage when it happened. They didn't prosecute. I don't know anything more. we are going to speak to the owner, but he actually said in a text message to me

that they did narrow it down to two or three suspects at the time. I don't know how they did that. That wasn't the police. I think that was the nightclub that narrowed it down. Yeah. So we haven't got any other information other than that. Other than, there was this guy that did a documentary about Halifax. First of all, I was like, well, this is obviously completely false confession.

It's just someone that wants attention, and I don't know anyone would really proudly want to own up it. When you watch the documentary, it's very performative. It feels like he's kind of rehearsed all these lines, all these things he's calling himself. It does feel like he's creating drama for the sake of it, but it also could very well be a real confession. But I was nervous because, I mean, we're two women going to meet a stranger. I think he would love to go on a podcast. And I think that's the problem. It's like, are we just dealing with someone that we're like giving him what he wants with giving more exposure or more attention, which is fine by us as long as we get a confession?

But that is the main thing of, are we going to get him saying, yes, I did it? How on earth do we find out if that's false confession versus not is one of our main big challenges? Yeah, it is difficult. Lie detector test? Lie detectors are, they make great film sort of stuff, but actually in reality, they are incredibly unreliable. Because there are all sorts of things that affect the parameters. they measure. I'm not a great fan. The thing is, you're doing a podcast, from that point of view, it probably would play really well. It's just you need to be quite skeptical of the results.

Especially when we can press one button, which is the bad body language button, which is manually operated by whoever's doing it. Yeah, exactly. It's intelligence, not evidence. So it may help you to clarify something, but you can only ever use it as intelligence and you need to to assess whether in the circumstance that you use it, you can rely on it or not. Whereas if you know you push that button, for example, then you know you can't rely on it because you know you've affected the result directly.

Does that make sense? It makes a lot of sense. It makes so much sense. But we're the opposite of sceptical when it comes to it. We hang entire cases on the results that come out of that machine, even if we've pressed the bad body language button. So the next step is next Tuesday, we have three witness statements that we're collecting.

One is the owner of the nightclub. Yep. Simon Jackson. The second one is the manager of the nightclub. And both of those were around at the time of the crime. And then the third one is the handyman who was basically, I think, involved in clearing it up and would have got up close with the little fecal matter in question. So they're the key witness statements we need to get.

We've got a list of questions that we've kind of prepped. I think we've got to treat these people still as potential. suspects that would have a potential motive to do this. I don't know. If have you got any other tips about how to approach the witness statements? All interviews, be they for witnesses or for suspects, should follow the peace model. Now, it's really good because the first step of this is planning and preparation. And this is about actually deciding on your approach, deciding on your questions and stuff like that, which is great, because that's exactly what you've just set out that you've done.

We do that. Yeah, we do that. And then the next point. bit is kind of engage and explain. So this is where you start by establishing reports. This is about making the person feel friendly towards you and comfortable. And almost like, although you don't explicitly say it, please do tell me everything you can trust me. We won't bend what you tell us into something that it's clearly not.

Which is kind of obvious you want to do that with a witness because obviously you want them to support your case and you want to find out all that they've got to tell you. but you also do that with a suspect because if you kind of say to a suspect it's despicable what we think you've done well they're hardly going to start talking to you are they so you need to kind of say to them

look you know this interview is about getting your side of the story when you sit your witnesses down explain to them clearly what the purpose is and the process that you're going to follow and then settle them down and that leads into the next bit which is the account clarifying challenge and it's important you don't jump the gun here.

The main point is to get that witnesses or suspects account of what happened to let them tell the story in their own way and in their own timeframe. Even if early doors you start to suspect that the witness isn't being completely honest with you, leave the challenge bit until the end. Give them as much opportunity to tell them the story in their way and tell what they remember or what they don't remember. So your clarifying questions need to be open questions. Does that make sense what I'm saying so far?

Absolutely. And it's making me feel of it smug because Lauren and I bickered about my interrogation techniques of the day. And that's exactly what I was just saying. You're like, prove it. Prove it. I'm like, here's the boss. She's been doing it for 32 years. Yeah.

So when you do building the rapport, Karen will say things like, you know, I've also shit my pants. You know, it's nothing to be embarrassed about. Everyone shits. Yeah. If it was a fecal crime, for example. I think that's good. That's just one example of how Karen might build rapport, just so you're aware. It's however you do it.

Building rapport has to be true to your own character. Yeah, that does fit her, yeah. And it then comes across as genuine. It's that genuineness that somebody that you're talking to will subconsciously pick up on and kind of go, oh no, this person's being genuine with me. I can trust them. And that's what you're trying to link is. It's quite a subconscious level thing.

I find that phase quite difficult at being, like, sincere and genuine. So normally I do like Karen, just so you're aware of our, obviously I can't be skilled at everything, every phase. Of course. I don't do well in that phase, but that's okay. Yeah, Lauren, I think you're doing yourself down because you don't have to be what you're not comfortable with. It is about being yourself and being comfortable with being yourself. Yeah. And it is about getting the other person to like you, but you have to do it in a way that is true to you.

And it's quite a skill. Certainly on the detective courses, they spend a lot of time on the interview. sections actually working on how to build report properly. When she flips into bad cop, that's when she becomes sincere and genuine, and it's a beautiful thing to behold, honestly. Yeah, exactly. So for the challenge section, like, there's no better person. This is where you've got to play to your each of your strengths.

So if you're working as a team and carrying you're better at building report, then I can't do that, use that strength. Yeah, and flirting as well sometimes in that part. Yeah, you just have to settle people down, how to make them feel, comfortable that you are about to question them closely about something. That next step of allowing somebody to actually be given the time to tell their story in their way. Okay.

Then once you've got that, there's going to be gaps. So then you go into, right, so this bit, I just want to dig into that a bit more. Can you tell me what colour it was or whatever it is that they've left out, but it's got to be open questions. You can't say something that they can say yes and no to. It's got to be what colour was it or what else did you notice? Did you see the guy with the black shoes? You can't do that at that stage.

Did you shit on the floor? No. But you can do that later in the challenge phase. That's the challenge phase, but... That's when you can be direct, yeah. Yeah. Understood. Challenge phase is...

Bad cop. And when you go to the challenge phase, can you just tell, have you got a good gut feeling of when someone is lying? Do you just know? Yes, to certain extent. Again, you can't rely on it 100%. But yes, you do. I have used that when I've been talking to people and I've gone, you're lying to me.

I know you're lying to me. I mean, there are ways of checking it. Certainly, partly through the rapport building stage, it's good practice to ask them open questions that you know the answer to. And then you can see how they come across when they're just recalling things that they know, but they don't necessarily know that you know. And then later on, even in the clarifying stage, you're starting to dig a bit more, you will get the sense whether they're making something up or lying by a mission or whatever.

And certainly in the challenge phase, you'll start to get quite a different response to questions that they're being honest about the ones that do not. So that's how you do it. Given that the police were involved in this case 10 years ago, what are our rights in terms of freedom of information of finding out any police information that they got? Because I would mainly, I don't trust our witnesses will remember the exact dates that it happened. And I know the police will have that,

because they just seem a bit foggy because it's so long ago. Is there any way that we can request information that will actually be released, or is that just a no-go? It's not a no-go. They might not release it, but the only way to do it is do that for a freedom information request to disclose. Who shut on it? The dates and times of incidents are reported at this nightclub involving deposition

of fecal matter on the dance floor. Are we going to have to tell them that it's going to be used in a podcast, or do we just admit that? No, I mean, a freedom information was journalists do it all the time. Oh, great. So, boss, do you think we should get Karen onto requesting the Freedom of Information Act information for this case? I think it could be good. Karen, if you could please get started on that.

This is where you see the real dynamic. Your face is a picture, Karen. I like it when the boss tells me what to do, but I don't like it so much. You don't actually have the power to tell me what to do, but I'll do it for you, boss. Thank you. Really sucking up. I think it's a month to respond or something, so you just need to stick with it, which is going to be challenging for your time scales.

Yeah, that's why I'd get started quite soon on that, Aaron. You are bossy, Lauren, aren't you? I know. She knows how to press my buttons, but no problem. We're really happy to do that for you, Lauren. Thank you. Look, it's making us be a better team. Yeah, we are. We're trying to perform in front of boss. It's all good. It's all good. So once you've challenged them and clarified any inconsistencies or lies, and this is the point where you say, you know, we've got other witnesses that say this, this, and it, are you telling me the truth? So you can be quite direct at this point. So it sounds like that plays into your strengths, Lauren.

Yeah. Yeah. And then at the end, you conclude the interview in a way that is respectful to the interviewer. And that's particularly important if you've been really quite direct and challenging because you've got to kind of say to them, look, it's important. We dig into this and sorry if I've made you feel a bit uncomfortable, but we needed to really dig into what you're telling us and verify it and summarize the key points and thank them for the help that they've given you for your case, no matter how unhelpful they'd be.

And then the last bit you do, once you've come away, you sit down and you evaluate the interview. But you also evaluate your own performance, really. How well did you get across? How well do you think you got the best out of that particular person? And what could you do better next time? Oh, we never do that. We haven't done that. We haven't done that. We haven't done that.

I always give myself a 10 out of 10, but that's just in my head. Do you think you're a bit of good cop or a better bad cop? I was always better at the challenge bit. Oh, like me. two peas in a pod I knew you were going to say that so we're going to get all our evidence together witness statements I'll do my chief intelligence

hub work I will try and get freedom of information act chief you just added chafe to it yeah chief intelligence officer and then we're going to come back and then we'd love to check in with you to report back what our approaches our investigative strategy

we're going to plan an undercover operation we're going to go undercover clubbing oh amazing And so we're going to need you to advise us on our clubbing outfits. Yep. Fabulous. One question for you right now after this chat. Out of 10, 10 being we will absolutely solve this case.

Zero, we have no chance in hell of solving the case. How likely do you think it is that we're going to solve this case? I think it's a six or a seven. It isn't just about how capable you are, but also you're effectively investigating a cold case because it's happened such a long time ago and that's always more challenging like you say the witnesses won't remember things as clearly

and a lot of the avenues that forensically you could do with long goals, there's nothing that you can do down that line so some of the reason why it's not a 10 is because of the circumstances you find yourself in. What is your biggest concern after knowing us now and kind of clarifying the team dynamics and what our skills and weaknesses are? What is your biggest concern when we go to investigate in person?

I think my biggest concern is that when you're interviewing people, particularly the sort of witnesses that is kind of, however it happens to be third or three witnesses, a lot of what they tell you would be the same as to what other people have told you and that you'll rush that account stage, don't give it its same due time and interest and attention as you would have done to the first witness. And we do rush that in past, that's something we could learn.

So I would spot on in my, where am I concerned needed to be? I'm quite impressed that your concern isn't anything like you're worried we're going to commit crimes while we're trying to investigate a crime like commit bribery or trespassing. Which we do as well. And also I'm also surprised you're not concerned that we're going clubbing in a club that really the average age is, you know, illegal, probably 16 plus. A 17 year olds. And we're 39. We're almost 40. That's the nature of undercover policing.

Yeah, it's the nature of the job. isn't it, Nora? Boss. I cannot wait for you to be our chief fashion officer and approving our looks for the clubbing. Yeah, Karen wants me to wear a boob tube, but I have quite large breasts and I am kind of refusing to do that.

So, yeah, don't approve any boob tubes on my side, please. But again, it goes back to you've got to be comfortable in what you're wearing. Yeah, I've got to be comfortable, Karen, in what I wear. And then the last question we've got is, out of 10, how likely do you think it is We're going to become good friends during and after this investigation. I think certainly the way this conversation has gone, I think there's a good chance, very good chance.

Okay, freedom of information acts. Chief of Intelligence Officer. It's not Chief. The Intelligence Hub in action. Intelligence Hubbing. Get in the facts so we can solve the case. Because I'm head of intelligence. And intelligence is what solves the cases.

Intelligence Hub. How do we do this? Click police. Search for the department. West Yorkshire, please click that. Here, oh, got an email address. I am looking for information on a case that was investigated by the West Yorkshire Police about 10 years ago. Crime involves someone sitting on the dance spot the Acapulco club in Halifax.

Please could we receive the following information. One, the dates and times when the perpetrator defecated on the dance floor. Any records of witness statements gathered at the time. Any copies of interviews with suspects or witnesses. The names of any suspects. And any CCTV footage or photographic evidence. of the instance. Thank you. We're blah blah blah. Karen Whitehouse. Chief Intelligence. Officer, Chief Intelligence Hub, the Intelligence Hub of Who Shout on the Floor at My Wedding and other crimes.

Do we maybe think this new role has gone straight to Karen's head? They've responded. We've got a case file, F-O-I-238-8183-16. Thank you for your request of information which has been logged today. Your request will now be considered and you will receive a response within the statutory time scale of 20 working days as defined by the Act. Kind regards. Data and information sharing officer disclosure unit. Oh, it's happening. Information will be revealed. There's only one thing left to do before we wrap up this part of the investigation.

We need to respond to the dance floor dropper. Yeah, and that is to set a date to meet the man hiding behind the balaclava. This masked stranger. Okay, so I'm going to say, thank you for your response. Are you available on Thursday the 29th of January to meet in person? Question mark. Should I send it? Yep, send it.

Do we really want to do this? I'm getting cold feet. We're in too deep now. Well, if we've got the security there, if we can control where the meeting is, then I think we are safe. I'm just going to send it. I don't want to think it.

Just send it. Yeah, no, it's fine. It's gone. Yes, now we wait. I can't even see if he's read it because he hasn't enabled the WhatsApp ticks where you can see it's been read. Oh.

Oh my God, he's calling, Lauren. What? Right now. Calling. Literally right now. What should I do? Answer it. Answer it. I have no idea what to say. Just answer it. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Oh, hi. Is that the dance floor dropper? He's just hung up? What? Oh, I don't like this. That's not, no, this doesn't feel right. It's like he's turned the tables on us. Like this, that's really sinister. Is that sinister? I think that's sinister. Or did he butt dial us? Yeah, it's either sinister.

It's either sinister or it's a baddial. Yeah, or friendly and cute. Okay, cool. Coming up next. Lo and behold, I got a whiff of something quite strong and then all of a sudden I'm face to face with a man in a balaclava. Once we got it down to the final two or three,

that's when we're around the police and we said, look, we believe if they're coming again, we'll catch them this week. Are you interested in coming down and helping us? And they said, no. He's then gone, I know, I'm going to have revenge. That's what I heard. What better way to get revenge than sitting in the middle of the dance floor?

We thought we were being targeted. This is really deliberate. Somebody's sitting out there to do us damage. We realised it was sabotage. I believe she saw him walking out of the toilet with a handful of poop and he was walking towards a dance floor. Could be your brothers, your sisters, your cousins, your mum, your dad, your wife, your husband. Who knows?

What we've learned is a pooper traitor could come from anywhere. Oh my God. That is a bombshell. I was not expecting to hear on this call. And then we just flip and suddenly we're super smart. We've verified all this information and we just turn on him. Yeah, I wonder how he'd respond in that situation. Might be the last thing we ever do, Lauren.

But I don't think the guy the documentary is the real shitter. I don't think you've got the right guy. Is it destroying their reputation or is it playing into the mythology? Oh no, you think it could be an inside job. It's too surreal and too bizarre to be true. Like, it's madness. Well, you know how people sometimes get caught red-handed. It wasn't red.

He had brown hands. Did you shit on the dance floor in the Acapulco club?