Who Shat On The Floor At My Wedding? And Other Crimes - S3 E33 Dance Floor Dropper - Part Three

Episode Date: July 29, 2026

It's time to put everything Detective Superintendent Nora Holford taught us into practice.Three witnesses. Three people who were there when the crime was committed, who saw things they will never be able to un-see. There's just one problem. No one has any idea who this poopetrator is or how to track them down. With nothing more than a description to go on, we're forced into our most innovative case solving strategy yet. And then out of nowhere, an anonymous tip comes through. One singular text message that changes everything.Part Four drops August 13th.Support us on Patreon http://patreon.com/whoshatontheflooratmyweddingCheck out Instagram @whoshatontheflooratmywedding for case evidence and BTSSound design by @avaud.ioSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Here's what went down on part one and toe of dance floor dropper. A serial defecator. Someone's obviously not shit on the dance floor. Who's been shitting in the middle of a dance floor? Who has done this? Who has done this? Of the Acapulco Club in Halifax, West Yorkshire. You could do many things, but that's a wild one in it. It's your case, isn't it?

It's got your names written all over it. Yeah, but it's also got your name on it as well. Yes, well, we're in the Sky Scylator. It's a complex web of professionals. I'm the overarching boss. You've got the detective section, which is Lauren, and you've got the intelligence research section, which is Karen. Simple.

Oh no, we're on the same level. I'm really happy with that. Well, you're the boss. You're the boss, Nora. I personally wouldn't accept it, but you're the boss. And you see this self-professed phantom shitter in the video. Wearing a balaclava. I think you are more who I am.

And just proudly claiming. I'm the phantom shitter. I'm the dance floor dropper. I'm the dance floor dropper. I'm the brown bandit. I'm the brown bandit. Do you reckon this is real? You truly believe this is not staged.

I believe this is a genuine person that wanted to do this. But whether the confession is genuine or not is the question. Oh no, it's actually happening. It's actually happening. Lauren, this is actually happening. We're going to meet this man. Oh, God. We're going to meet a man wearing a balaclava.

He looks about like six foot something. Also, the phantom shitter, he's ginger in that video. He's not. I didn't see that. that is ginger. Takes one to no one, Karen. Did you see any large ginger men on the dance floor that night? Possibly. There's always one large ginger man. There's always a large ginger man in the Acapulca. Oh my God, he's calling, Lauren. What? Right now. He's calling, literally right now. What should I do? Just answer it. Okay, okay, okay, okay. Oh, hi. Is that the dance floor dropper?

He's just hung up? What? Oh, I don't like this. Welcome to Dance Floor Dropper. Part 3. An iconic institution was soiled. A middle management detective team and intelligence hub have been deployed. A man in a balaclava is messing with us. What the hell? Why would this guy just call me and then hang up?

He's just ghosting me and I don't know what the hell's going on. I haven't done anything wrong. I've been really polite. I feel like he's messing with me and I don't know what his game is. I don't understand why he was so extremely. keen and then he just changed his mind. Why? Like I haven't been too much, I promise.

I've not been intense. Like, I've been playing this like a normal person. I don't 100% believe that, by the way. But yeah. Yeah, fair enough. What is going on? It's been two days now since I asked if we can meet and it's just nothing. Zero response.

All he's given us is a sinister butt dial. There's nothing worse than a sinister butt dial. I'm going to have to start ramping this up and getting more intense now. That phone call and hanging up, It's made me feel really nervous. Like, I feel like the next time he's going to call me and all I hear is heavy breathing and then he'll hang out.

I just feel like this is the start of something, a fairy tale that's going to turn very, very dark. The start of something I don't want to continue. Well, it's already beginning. It's kind of halfway through, so it's began and we're finishing it. Just where does this end? But we're not giving up. I'm going to message the Phantom Shitter right now again and say hi.

I give you permission to be intense. I think it's time to be intense. Okay, let's ramp this up. Let's ramp it up. While we wait for this guy's response, we need to speak to Marco. The man who came face to face with the self-professed dance floor dropper in an abandoned brickworks and lived to tell the story. Before we hear all about his meeting, we ask him to tell us a little bit about the club. It's like you're stepping into a bygone era.

It's like you stepping back into the 90s or even the 80s. The music, the decor, the vibes, the people. having fun, nobody's taking themselves too seriously. Everyone's just joyous and jovial. And in this day and age, it's such a breath of fresh air, because you don't really get that in clubs these days where it's all about VIP, who's looking the coolest, who's bringing the cool DJs here.

It's just the cheesiest music, the happiest music, to create the best vibes. And growing up, I'm so glad that place existed. Do you think Karen and I will fit in at the Acapulco? Anyone fits in. It's a place for everyone. There's a lot of young people there, don't get me wrong. Well, there's people of all ages.

Oh, fine, I've been concerned because I read one review that said, do not step foot in this establishment if you are over 20, and I'm double that. We are ready. Ready to do this properly for the first time in our careers. Ready to hunt down the perpetrator and drag him into the light. We are really excited to speak to you because, as you know, we are comedy detectives, we're taking on our biggest case yet, the case of the dance floor dropper, which you have a lot more experience about compared to us, because you've already investigated this yourself quite

thoroughly, may I add. We've both watched your amazing YouTube video. So we just want to know what you know and tell us basically from the top what went down when you went to Halifax to record and investigate this mystery. Yeah, I mean, I didn't even mean to investigate the Phantom Shitter or the dance floor dropper, as you call him. I mean, I was just investigating the Acapulco. It's in my hometown. I was making a trip back home and I thought, you know what? I'll dive into the Acapulco, highlight this historical artifact in my hometown.

But one thing that kept on coming up over and over again was this Phantom Shitter. I put a post in the local Facebook group and rather than just tell me about the club, and the majority of people just talked about all the instances of somebody taking a huge dump on the dance floor. So I thought, okay, this is huge. This is amazing. I want to dive deeper into this. And luckily, during my investigation into the Acapulco itself,

I actually was contacted by somebody who claimed to be the phantom shitter. So how did he get your number? This is what I don't understand, to be honest. I put my post out on a local Facebook group. It had gone pretty viral. I had like thousands of comments, thousands of likes and stuff like that. So I'm assuming maybe he knew somebody who knew me, somebody who knows who he is,

he was able to message them to find my contact details. Kind of strange. Wow. Oh, it was on Facebook, so maybe he saw that you have mutual friends. Yeah, it was the local 50 Shades of Halifax Facebook group. What? We need to get on that group. Do you think we're allowed in, even though we're clearly,

well, I'm clearly not from Halifax, based on my accent? I think I got kicked out at one point for posting too much about the phantom shitter, but... Did you? It wouldn't be the first Facebook group we've been kicked out of, to be honest. Did you ask him how he got you? your number or you just let that go? I was just more concerned about the fact that I'd actually been contacted by the person. Everyone was speculating who this person is, where it was from, what is interest.

I had actually been contacted by this person. Rather than thinking about how they get my number, I was like, this could be massive. And it was my first YouTube video that I'd done the best style. And I thought, if I could get this guy to do an interview, then this could be a great asset to the whole Acapulco story. I was just, you know, typical filmmaker, typical journalist, opportunist. Let's go. Next thing you know, I was face to face with him.

So can you just tell us how it went down? Well, I was a bit skeptical because I thought maybe someone was having a laugh, taking the piss a bit. So I rang Simon, who was the manager of the Acapulco, and I asked him about it, and I said, is this legit? I mean, everyone on Facebook's talked about it. Everyone in Halifax Towns mentioned it. It seems to be even an urban myth or something real.

So if anybody's going to know it's Simon, right? the owner of the Acapulco, he's been the owner for decades. And he pretty much cooperated and said, yeah, it's real. It actually happened. And they reported it to the police. So I thought, okay, let's meet this phantom shitter. So he sent me like a Google pin of this place on the outskirts of Halifax, like abandoned brickworks or something.

I'm not too sure what was even there, probably asbestos or something. Should have wore a hazmat suit, I think. Not just for his smell, but also for the chemicals present. but he told me to meet him there, so I went, and it was a bit surreal to be honest. I did think I might, I don't know, it might be a serial killer out to kill me, or something was going to go down,

or maybe some kids were going to come out with a camera and be like, ha, I got you. You thought the phantom shitter was real. But lo and behold, I got a whiff of something quite strong, and then all of a sudden, I'm face-to-face with a man in a ball of clava. What was the whiff? It was akin to it.

I don't know if you were being to Reading or Leeds Festival. but you know the toilet's there, that kind of rank. He was smelling like what he'd done on the dance floor? I don't know if he'd just farted, or he's got some erder twilight that's... A dodgy one. You know, it's like a toilet smell. I don't know if he was like really trying to get into character, or, you know, there's a lot of agriculture around there.

Maybe the wind was blowing off the farm, some manure blew down. But maybe my brain was playing tricks on me, but I'd definitely got a whiff or something. Are you having us on now? Because this is too perfect. Like, it's too surreal and too bizarre to be true. Like, it's just madness. I know.

Trust me, it's mental. And then when I got talking to him, I thought, okay, I'm going to be able to, like, interrogate him and, like, he'll start laughing or he'll crack up or something. But everything I asked him, he just had a story prepared for it all. And I guess it's real because no matter what I said, he was just busting it out from the working class beginnings. to his hopes and desires, his dreams, why he does it,

and all these kind of things. And I even asked him about the first time he ever did it, and he just reeled it off as if he was there, how many years ago it was. And I was just like, this guy must be the real McCoy. Oh, my God. Do you really think he did it? You believed him having been there in person?

Either it's him or either he's some dude with like an acting background who maybe is retired from acting. I mean, he kind of retired from acting because he wasn't that old. Maybe he's got an acting background. He thought, I'm going to have a bit of a laugh. You know, I do a bit of impromptu acting. Some people who claim to know who the phantom shitter is did comment on the video saying that that isn't the phantom shitter.

So maybe he isn't the OG. But like he said, it's more of a movement than one person. He wants to encourage more people to do it. So maybe it's not just one person. Maybe it's like V for Vendetta, where they're all wearing the mask. Maybe it's more than that. Maybe it's a whole social phenomenon. Oh, no.

I just feel so rehearsed. Yeah, I agree it did sound kind of performative. Kind of like he was creating his own legend in real time. I wonder what the intention or the reason for an actor wanting to do that. Maybe didn't make it on the big screen and wanted to see themselves on YouTube. I'm not sure. The downfall in this story for me is how he got your number because he's obviously linked to you.

You don't have your number on Facebook. Just the obvious question to check. Yeah, I actually have my number on Instagram and on Facebook. but I don't know if people even know to get to do that. I don't know if it's that obvious. But if he saw on Facebook, that means he was in that Facebook group. How many people are in that Facebook group? Do you know?

Oh, I don't know. Maybe like 20,000, maybe more. Oh, well, we just need to interrogate every single person in that group and we'll find him. That's it, unless he's got a burner account. But he's already come. He will talk to us, so I guess we don't need to make that unnecessary step of going through 20,000 people. You guys have talked. to him then, yeah?

I am in contact with him and we need a bit of your advice about how to best play it because he's starting to ignore me now and we really need to speak to him. I've kind of just been a bit sort of hands off, but now I need to kind of get him on board. Did you have any chats off the record? Did it where you got a bit of a sense of who he is and what makes him tick? I think he said he had a kid on the way or something like that. But no, I mean, he kind of spilled his whole heart in the video, you know, talking about how he wanted to kind of be, and Robin Hood kind of character and wanted to be this hero and his desires.

I mean, he talked about the first time he did it. He talked about eating a slap-up curry at Ziggy's in Halifax, but that's no longer open place. But I guess he's a huge fan of curry. Could you give us all of the facts about his physical appearance, like a police suspect report, height, hair colour, etc? He was massive, huge lad. He had a very calm demeanour.

He was ginger as well, I think. I saw some ginger bits coming through his belloclava. Don't lead the witness. I didn't notice that. Oh, maybe. Okay, maybe it's... What, like a beard? Yeah, like some sort of ginger, like fluff coming through the beard area.

Interesting. That would narrow it down, right? Because red-haired people quite rare in the ground steam of things. Yes, we are. So massive, how high would you say? What was his height? Oh, so I'm 6'3. So I'm quite tall.

But he was like... Six-six? also known as 1.98 meters. Jesus. He was towering over me, because I were filming him like this, and I were like looking up to him like, oh my God. So the least subtle person to try and sneak on a busy dance floor,

squat and then let one out? That's it. I mean, I'm 6'3 and I struggle to squat. He must keep in shape. We must, I don't know, do CrossFit or something. Who knows? I mean, he squatted down for me as well. He showed me, like, kind of what he does if you watch the video.

Was he in character the whole time that you're with him? I don't know if he was in character or if that's just who he is. I tried having a normal conversation with him as well about football or something. That was off camera. Part of him wanted to burst out laughing when I met him but because he was so deadpan and serious

I was like, I don't know, he might beat me up. He's massive. I've got to play this one right, you know? So we had a bit of a joke and stuff but he just seemed dead serious and dead proud and passionate of his craft. How did you leave it then? You just were like, thanks so much

and you both walked off in different directions. Did you go arm and arm chatting to your cars? Did he have a car? Like, what the fuck? No. That's such a weird interaction. It was getting dark in this weird place by the time we'd finish his interview and stuff.

And it was kind of like, right then, I mean, it took me a while to pack up all my gear and everything. And he was just, I don't know, making small talk and stuff like that. And by the time I packed up my gear, it was getting dark and it was just a bit uncomfortable and a bit like, I'm studying with this massive guy in a ball of clava and I was just like, right then, yeah, thanks a lot for your time. Being great, thanks for coming.

I'm going this, I'll see you later. And he just went, all right, and just stayed. And I just walked and really looked back and I just walked away thinking, wow, it felt so surreal, you know. Okay, and you were the only person there with him at the time? Yeah. In hindsight, I should have brought someone, right? It's a bit silly, really.

No, we're going to have security when we meet him because I feel like we're quite punchable. Yeah. Speak for yourself. Did you change his voice in post or did he come with some sort of voice changing thing? Yeah, so I actually changed it in post, but his request. So that's interesting for you guys, actually. I could get you some actual audio of what he sounds like. That would be amazing.

What was his voice like? I guess sometimes hard to explain. voice, but... I think it was quite deep, obviously, with its height, it's usually the correlation. And he had just like a typical Halifax accent like me. He said he had obsessive-compulsive pooing disorder. That doesn't exist. So he was lying to you in that moment. So that's one thing about it's Acapulco thing that so many people have different stories at different times of it happening. Could it really all be this one guy? Or is it some kind of disorder that affects one in one hundred? And there's people out there.

Could be your brothers, your sisters, your cousins, your mum, your dad, your wife, your husband, who knows? What we've learned is a pooperator could come from anywhere. Describing Deita how he first appeared. I was filming and just like kind of filming around, walking around, filming the place. The place was kind of cool, kind of abandoned and all graffiti and everything. And as I'm filming or moving the camera around, you just, you know, no. It was like a horror film almost. I guess it was scary in that sense.

but he must have just come out of one of the abandoned warehouses. Did you hug him? How did you greet him? I was like, all right, mate. Because he was like, all right, and I was like, all right, mate. You're some moments where your brain's going, what the hell's going on? Oh my God, this is weird, what the hell? But your mouth is like an autopilot, and you're just being professional and normal

and making small talk, but your brain's like, what you're doing, what's going on? This is weird. Is he going to kill you? Did you know he was going to be wearing a belloclava? I had no idea. So did you scream when you saw him? I could have done. I mean, I was kind of shocked.

I would be terrified. Yeah, in that setting as well, my God. You probably prepared a question list for him. Was there anything that you, after you'd met him, left out, that you didn't ask him, that you were scared to ask? I did go there with the idea of being a bit more piss-taker. Being like, you know, you're a dirty bastard. Why are you doing this kind of stuff?

like you need to get your shit sorted out. But from the minute it takes me, and then actually meeting him and everything, the vibe wasn't a vibe where I could actually have that type of banter with him and like, you know, be like, what are you doing? Why are you doing this? Like, this is weird. You're strange.

Why are you taking your shits? It was more like serious and wasn't socially acceptable within a little dynamic for me to talk like that. So, yeah, I kept it quite civil and quite polite. Okay, interesting. I wonder if he's going to kind of dictate our, approach as well, because we'll probably have a very specific approach going in. Sounds like it might be a bit hard to go back cop on him.

It felt like the ball was in his car. It felt like he set the tone. And the feeling and the atmosphere, he was very cool, calm, collected, almost stoic in a way. We have to let him perform and feel like he's owning it the whole interaction until the last part, which is when we challenge him on the evidence we have where it was like, oh, interesting, because we went back on Marcos' documentary. It said you were targeting this towel. we've investigated that thoroughly, it hasn't happened yet.

Is there a reason for that? Yeah, we play really dumb and a little bit impressed by him because it feels like he wants to generate that kind of response. Maybe like, oh yeah, wow, that's really interesting, blah, blah, more sincere than what I'm doing now. Karen will do that part. And then we just flip and suddenly we're super smart. We've verified all this information and we just turn on him.

Yeah, I wonder how he'd respond in that situation because, yeah, I didn't do that. I was very much kind of sycophantic almost. Yeah, but you didn't have security with you, so... It might be the last thing we ever do, Lauren. I wonder if he'd bring his own security, if you said you're not bringing his secure. You might have a whole minion of the phantom shit of clan.

I didn't think he would turn up if he knows we've got security, let's be honest. No, we need to keep that very quiet. The security is going to have to be disguised as... Reading a newspaper on the bench with holes in the eye. I'd just be like, don't worry about that guy on the bench. That's just my dad. It's just Karen's dad reading your newspaper with holes in it. for his eyes to say through.

That's my fun uncle, Steve. Don't worry about him. He's only six foot nine and a body builder. He's built as fuck, but trust me, he's just my uncle. Maybe there's a way he could do it, like arrange to meet in cars, like a kind of, you know, when people, obviously not this, but when people go dogging, you know, that type of thing, you're all window down. Dogging?

So no one has to get out of the car. No one has to do anything. It's just, you know, you speak so he can speed off. As if we need to make this. even dodgyer. We're meeting a stranger wearing a balaclava, now we need to set up

the environment like it's dogging. Yeah, I'm going to say no to that. Wait, I don't understand what you're saying. What do you mean dogging? You know when people turn up in car parks? No? Well, they have sex with strangers, Lauren. Oh, yeah.

Does that happen? Yeah, in the UK, it's quite common. When you said dogging, oh, I thought you meant when a dog... Because you were talking... Oh, God, let's take this offline, whatever this is. No, no, you were talking about a car in dogging. I thought you meant when a dog puts its head out the window of the car.

Since when did you get so sweet and innocent? I'm very jet-lagged. That's why I'm being weird. Will you be offended, Marco? Because I really want to meet him in that abandoned brickworks area. But then we're kind of like stealing your creative idea. Oh, no. Are you going to be worried about that IP issue there?

No, no. I mean, it was his idea. Maybe it's his... Maybe it's suggested to meet you there. I really want to go there. Yeah. Again, it seems like it's his stomping ground. And then the security guards can just be maybe like laying some bricks,

like renovating the brick, the old abandoned brick house. Well, they're just bricklayers. We don't know who they are. Are you guys talking to him over text? Yes. I mean, I can reach out to him as well, see what he's saying, see if I can encourage him. Is anything you'd like me to message him saying? I think maybe you should send a voice note just to be like, hey,

just to explain a little bit more about us because we're, you know, you're a bit more verified because you were like linked. locally with the Halifax crew. So should I message him, asking how he is and stuff, and then say I've spoke to you guys, and should I mention the security and stuff? No. No.

Marco! Mention the dog in? Yeah. Mention the dog at the window with the hair flipping in its face. I don't think it's the right thing to get Marco to message him yet. I think that's sort of having our back pocket, because I think he'll just feel a bit more pressure, or a bit more worryingly more empowered if he's got too many people,

seeming like he's super, like, too important. We'll try one last attempt, and if he still blanks me, then maybe we need a bit of the Marco touch. We need to find out where his child goes to school. Yeah, well, he'll just send him a message. If you want to see Billy again, meet us at the abandoned brickworks at 6pm.

I love you. Billy has been taken. If you want to see your child again, you must. Yeah, meet you in the dogging car park at 6pm. If you want to see Billy again, bring your dog. Make sure its head is out of the winter

when it arrives. Make sure you're driving really fast so the dog's hair is blowing the one. He's whipping. What if it's a short-haired dog? You think he's safe for us to meet? Yeah, he came across more of like a gentle or a giant rather than violent or anything like that.

I mean, he was intimidated in Austria with the balaclava, but it didn't feel like criminal or anything like that. Although what he does probably could be classed as criminal. If we want to try and get his confession that it was false, we're going to need some sort of proof proving against what he has said previously. Completely agree. Well, what he did mention is that one of his next targets

was Wainhouse Tower. I made the documentary two years ago now, so maybe in that space of time, maybe he did hit his target of Wainhouse Tower. He had his sights set on doing it at the top of there. I love that we've got these proper historical landmarks, which will be owned by, like, the National Trust. Peace Hall is quite snooty, and I think their PR team.

They're not going to be that receptive to me reaching out to them saying, hey, just wondering if you got any reports of a human shitting all over your beautiful landmark, your historical landmark. Could you just confirm that over email in writing? Thanks so much so we can broadcast it to all of our followers. How do you genuinely feel? How would you feel if it happened again where someone was starting to shit in the middle of the dance floor creating quite a lot of a panic, but also just really destroying a bit of the reputation of a place? like the hacker. Is it destroying their reputation or is it playing into the mythology? I think,

I mean, as disgusting as it is, it's still fascinating and intriguing. And in this day and age of content and clickbait and all these type of things, it's a good way for the club to grab attention if you think about it. Even if they invented the story, clearly they haven't because there's so much witness statements and I've apparently met the phantom shit if it is him. You know, maybe it's a false flag. Maybe they've employed someone to come and do it. I don't know, because if I had a club, what a great way to create publicity. Maybe not the best publicity. It's not another inside job.

It's an inside job. I just heard one of those. Really? Well, it wasn't in the end, but, well, I still am not sure. There's a question mark. Oh, no, you think it could be an inside job? I don't think so, but I'm just saying that in terms of the fact that if it happened again, I wouldn't be sad, because ultimately it's not going to stop anyone from going. It's going to get people talking about it.

So for me, if somebody took a shit there, well, fair play. After our chat with Marco, Karen gets an update on her Freedom of Information Act to request. So, Chief Intelligence Herb officer doing pretty well. I managed to track down Marco, extracted some pretty key information there. So I think the old intelligence department is progressing the case. A little bit more than the detective section. What else am I going to do to crack the case? Oh my God.

I've got an email from my. freedom of information requests. Oh yeah, we're in the big money. Let's get the intelligence from the actual police. No big deal. I'm just getting all the facts and the dates when it's going to happen. Okay, FOI 2838183-83 slash 26. Good afternoon. Please see the attached document. Oh my God. I've got a document with information. Click. West Yorkshire Police with a nice logo, data information management. Our ref blah blah blah, dear sir, madam, blah, blah. Oh my God. A search has been conducted for incidents within the specified period at Acapulco nightclub Halifax, which contained dance or floor in the incident log text and related to a person defecating on the dance

floor. Oh, no information is held. Oh, right. Well, that's a really fancy form to say they've got nothing. Um, okay, cool. Well, better just keep, uh, going on the intelligence hubbing. Take a different direction. Not going to get knocked back. Still got this. Still got this. boss this is detective speaking not sure if you are okay with receiving voice notes but here is one just wanted to update you on the progress of our intelligence hub who just tried to do something good for the case but ultimately failed just wanted to run it up the chain you know just to keep you in the loop of how the team's progressing i'm not necessarily suggesting into motion um but if you did want to go down that route it could just be a tiny little bump down to something like junior intelligence hub assistant to the

intelligence hub. I'm not telling you what to do. I'm just giving you the information so you can make a decision how you go about dealing with that. Okay, that's all, thanks. Bye. Right, it's time to hear

from three people who are at the core of this story. Lauren, let's remember what the boss said. I think my biggest concern is that when you're interviewing people, particularly the sort of witnesses that you'll rush that account stage, don't.

Don't rush it. Don't rush the witness statements. Lauren, have you got the questions? What? No, you've got them. I gave them to you. Sort of shit out. Preparing to extract information from key witnesses.

Preparing to not rush the witness statements. Commencing witness statements. Introducing key witness and victim number one, the manager. Hi, I'm justine. I'm manager of the Acapulco nightclub in Halifax. I've been here for many, many years. too many years touch, I remember. It all blows into one.

So, Justin, were you working every night that the faecal matter was planted on the dance floor? Unfortunately, yes, I was working every night it happened. It's ingrained on my grain and the smells ingrained in my nostrils. Key witness and victim number two, the maintenance manager. Hi, I'm Danny. I've worked at the Acapulco for probably nearly 15 years now.

I do all the maintenance. I'm the maintenance manager. When people know that I do work in the Acapulco, they go, oh, is it true that? Somebody's shit on the dam's floor. And I'm like, yeah, it is. Key witness in victim number three, the owner. So my name's Simon Jackson, and I've had the Acapulco for the last 30 years. The famous Acker.

The famous Acker. Have you never been to Halifax? Neither of us have. So we're looking forward to it. I've never been Aalifax? No. No. Oh, you've not lived? No, we haven't.

They're all dialing in from the club. Simon is prepping the lights. Oh, they're coming on now. And activating the smoke machine. I'm making it look pretty now. For a bit of interrogation ambience. They're putting smoke on. This is epic.

So Simon, Danny, now Justin, you are the victim of quite a serious fecal crime. Can you tell us exactly what happened from the top? Well, it's quite a long story. but let's begin. So it started out one night. I think it was a Friday night the first time it happened. And we found some people screaming and moaning and slipping on the dance floor. I've never seen anything like this before ever in the whole time I've been here.

Back then, I would have been a glass collector. A lot of people just started exiting the dance floor. And, you know, as a glass collector, we was always on the floor, up and downstairs. And a friend of mine says, oh, someone's crapped on the dance floor. I was like, shut up. We didn't know who it was. It just was in the middle of dance floor.

It was trotted everywhere. Everybody were panicking. Everybody was slipping because it's like a steel dance floor. So it got quite slippy. It was all other people's clothes. And I'm laughing. It's not funny, but it kind of is now when you look back. So we kind of thought it has to be a girl.

And we just thought, with somebody probably in a skirt, had an accident. So we cleaned it up, entered the dance floor, cleaned everybody else up. And it wasn't too bad. I just thought, it is what it is. We thought it was a one-off, you know, sometimes something might have had too much of drink and had a bit of an accident, accidents happened. Then a couple of weeks later, on a really busy night, we were at capacity, and we heard a little bit of screaming, and as we looked over the DJ's,

we could see three or four people on the floor, people trying to disperse from the area. And then it became apparent. We could see there was a colour on the dance floor. It looked like the same again. Only this time some people had fallen on it. They got it on the carpet. the infamous carpet and it became a mess. It was like a domino effect.

It was just one person stood in it, transferred it to their, the next person stood it. I always remember this. People sliding all over, banging into people who aren't even on the dance floor, getting covered in poo, and everybody would panicking and moving around very quickly. It was just sheer panic. It was very scary.

I'm sorry you had to go through that, Justin. Multiple times. And the smell. Once streaming sort of stopped, it was a smell what hit you, and it hit you just in the back of her throat where it just made you want to give. It ended up being, you know, me and a lover lad, cleaning it one night.

Because as a glass clutch, we used to have to clean the floor, pick the rubbish up, blah, blah, blah. So it was our job to clean it. Do you have any way of tracking down the exact dates and the year of when these incidents happened and how many in total? It would be around 10, maybe 12 years ago now.

There's a rough guess. So you're saying probably between 2013 or 2015? Yes, about then. I want to say anywhere between 2012, 2014. I think it happened. It has to be between six or eight times. I'm thinking eight in total. At the time, we did have a log and we kept all that.

But over the years, we thought we're never going to use this again. Sorry, just to be clear, you kept a log about the log. Very good. I didn't want to let that one slip through the net. Simon and Justin start telling us about the moment when they'd had enough and decided to take matters into their own hands. Do you know something, it really is quite a dangerous thing to do. It really is more than you would imagine the panic,

how people want to get away from that area. And obviously once 30 or 40 people have stomped in it and flattened it and spread it around everywhere, it becomes quite a panic thing. It's almost like somebody throwing an hand grenade in and everybody running for cover. It wasn't until the third time this has happened and we realised this is really deliberate. Somebody's setting out there to do us damage or cause stress and harm. We thought we were being targeted. We realised it was sabotage.

We contacted the police to see if they could do anything about it because we expected we would find them. The police really wasn't interested. They thought it was more of a joke and anything else. They started scanning the CCTV footage. It was just a case of it. of looking through CCTV week after week after week, finding where we started to panic, rewinding a little bit, looking for somebody.

To start narrowing down the suspect pole. There were certain people in the building at a certain time, and we were following those back, rewind in it. We also realised from dropping the turd to people moving was probably about another 30 seconds or so before people realised. It wasn't an immediate thing. Maybe even as long as a minute before people were shopping.

sampling it and realising that was the hard part to find out who was in the area a minute or two beforehand. Once we got to the back, the seventh time it happened, we had it down to the last two or three people. There's no way we can let this carry on. So we put a dormant undercover, we put a couple of members of staff under cover, who were placed around the club just keeping an eye out. An undercover operation. We had our glass collectors who were sort of looking out for the person as well. to catch the dance floor dropper. Right, we need to start looking for people

when you start seeing anything that doesn't seem normal. We start watching people, right? There's a handful of people we think it is. It was like doing something out of a film, how people were following, and if we thought they got spotted, they'd tell somebody else or they'd move away and somebody else would follow them for a bit.

This was proper. We could have made a film out of this, honestly. We were so smooth how we did it. But once we got it down to the final two or three, that's when we ran the police and we said, look, we believe if they're coming again, we'll catch them this week.

Are you interested in coming down and helping us? And they said, no. That's why we exist, Simon. So don't you worry. Ten years late, but it's never too late to join the party. Yeah, well, you've got the shit end of the stick now, aren't you? And then we hear the revelation that shakes this case to its very core. And then, obviously, it's not a girl.

It turned out to be a boy. Well, a man, not a boy, obviously. We followed them around, and yes, it basically went into the toilets, did it, carried it through and just dropped it on the downslore. What? We did actually catch him. They caught the perpetrator. And even when we caught them, no police wanted to be involved in it.

Oh my God, Simon. So you caught this person? Yeah. That is a bombshell I was not expecting to hear on this call. We didn't know that, and that's very exciting. So this is now a man hunt. But we didn't know whether these people were carrying it in a bag. I mean, this is crazy.

But the doorman, when they were. the customers were coming and we're having a little to see if they could smell anything because we didn't know how it was getting in and it turns out they're going into the toilets. You wouldn't expect somebody to be coming ready, pre-prepared to drop one at a moment's notice and that's what they were doing. If I could get my timing that would be great. Our detective uses strange investigative techniques for our fecal cases and she's also uses sniffing as one of her techniques. She's sniffed the floors. I'm good at smelling.

of some of our crime scenes before, just so you know, yeah, I'll probably sniff your floor when they come over. Yeah. You know what? You can have a little sniff at that. It's going to surprise you. I will. Did you physically see the person empty your bag onto the dance floor?

No. How did you know it was that particular person? It was in the hand. So there was no bag. Actually, it was generally around about 12-ish. So this is what I'm saying, the timing is phenomenal how they could, kind of conjure one up at that specific time.

And then they would just go in the toilet and carry it out. and drop it on the down slow, job done. And to be fair, reasonably, a good quality size one as well, I've got to say. But they purposely waited until a part of the night where you knew it would cause the maximum... Impact. Eruption, really. Impact, yeah. It's only afterwards when you look back and you're thinking,

how can somebody get the timing so good to within an hour, or within half an hour even? Because it was always happening around midnight on the nights. It's also like the Cinderella of fecal matter when the clock strikes 12. It's just, it's a very different fairy tale, this one. It's where fairy tales take a dark turn. So who was that undercover bar staff?

Do you remember who exactly it was that caught this person? Val or Valerie? And then what happened? When Val or Valerie saw the fecal matter, saw that taking place. I believe she saw him walking out of the toilet. A man walking out of the toilet. With a handful of poo. And he was walking towards a dance floor.

Approaching the dance. floor. At which point she got a dormant and the dormant brought him to the office with his hand full of poo. So when you actually caught the person, what did you actually see? What proof did you see with your own eyes that he was the perpetrator? Well, you know how people sometimes get caught red-handed? It wasn't red. He had brown hands. Caught brown-handed. Because he was carrying the face-ays from the toilet. Did he not wrap it in toilet paper? Well, we never found it, but we know he had a little bit on his hands. Plus, we saw him drop it, and he had slightly unusually big hands as well. So he could hold it and hide it in his hands a little bit easier than most people would.

He had really big hands. But we're fairly convinced that was just his method. So the doorman then was alerted, they grabbed him, as if somebody was carrying a weapon almost. We had to keep the hands at the side, more so that he'd touch anybody. I saw this person being walked towards the office. I went to the office, and the guy was there. with his hands full of poo. And then, because the police didn't want to know, we just had to let them go and bar them. How much time did you spend with this pooperator in the office?

Probably about 15 minutes, and it absolutely stank. It was horrible, and he'd obviously been doing it deliberately, been doing it over a few weeks. Why, obviously? It was just very, very strange, and it'd been in for the last few weeks, so it was one of the people who we'd been watching, so we knew he was one of the potential targets.

of our crackdown on who it could be. If you've barred someone from your club, that means you know their name and their face. Well, no, we couldn't get the name because obviously with the police not wanting to be involved, he didn't have to tell us his real name or anything. We couldn't do anything about it. All we could do at that time throw him out and bar him for life,

or as long as at least we can remember him. You know how you always say, like, this person is banned from the bar or the club? There's normally photos or some sort of description of that person, physical description. Well, you said it was fairly tall with big hands. Simon, this is very important, this question. If you had to say how tall he was, how tall was he? I would say he would be just under six foot.

So not six foot six. I would say it's tall. I can't remember the exact height because he was sat down most of the time that I saw him. He was quite tall. I'm six foot and he was taller than me. I'd probably say he would maybe six full, six, six foot seven, possibly even taller. He was huge. Is he a ginger?

A ginger? Yes, a ginger. Do you know something? I think it may have been ginger. Told you, Karen. He's not ginger, this guy. We've got a suspect that we're working on. And does he have unusually big hands?

Ginger's tend to. Is that a fact? Yes. Look how big that is. No way. are way bigger than yours and I'm blonde. Giant. Could you describe him in as much detail?

I want anything you even think is not relevant. His demeaner, his accent, facial features, height, weight, hair color, the whole shebang. It was ginger, like gingery hair. Are you 100% certain they were ginger? Yes. Suck it, Karen, suck it. Let's take this off line. He had huge hands.

Massive hands. I mean, not just this big, this big. I don't remember the huge hands because you're looking at these hands which are covered in poo and they were huge. How big were these hands? Like, are these the biggest hands you've ever seen in your life? Or are they just big compared to yours because you've got quite small hands? Probably not the biggest hands I've ever seen in my life. Were they the biggest hands you've ever seen in your entire life? I wouldn't say my biggest hands, but coming close, were huge. What kind of skin colour, eye colour, anything you remember? Well, he were ginger.

It was a white guy. That's all I can really remember at this stage. He was a white guy with big hands. What about facial here? I can't remember if he had facial hair or not. I mean, I was concentrating more on his hands rather than anything else, because I really didn't want his hands to be touching me or anything because both would him poo. And then what was his demeanour like? Yeah, he came across as a really, really nice guy, the kind of person who you'd like a girl to to use to her parents. No, it was absolutely horrible. I just wrote down, nice guy.

I just wrote nice. It wasn't particularly abusive, but it wasn't apologetic. Were you demanding an apology from him? We were demanding an apology, and we wanted to know who he was, but it wouldn't give us his details or anything, and you could only hold him for so long. Can you ask for ID? We could ask for ID, but he didn't have any ID on him.

What was his manner like? Was he really defensive? No. No. No. I wouldn't say it was anybody that was aggressive or nasty or anything like that. It was like, yeah, I'm caught. And that was it.

It was in the office for 20 minutes while we rang with the police. We just had to let him go. Did he explain why he did it? Never found anything out. Wow. Did you record that at May Tang? No. Is there any evidence or photographic evidence that you've got of this guy that you can share anywhere lurking around?

No. But I didn't know. Is it really a thing about ginger people having big hands? No. No. Because ginger people have a higher pain threshold. also, it could have been right. Correct, there's a lot of unique things about us, but the hands are not one.

What did he say in those 20 minutes while you were waiting to call the police and then release him? To be fair, it was just very, very quiet, very quiet person, not somebody that you would have expected, not particularly aggressive. But he definitely had a Halifax accent, like you could tell he came from around Halifax. Well, different from Yorkshire, yeah. I would have said Halifax area, yeah. Yeah. Have you actually found somebody really?

Yeah. You really have found somebody? We have, yeah. Well, we haven't really. We can't take credit for that. Well, we researched it. We stumbled across a self-professed phantom shitter at your nightclub.

I'm just wondering what kind of like event we can put on when we come to Halifax that enables people to be showing their hands. I think we need a tall person and big hand party. Like a hand modelling workshop where it's like mandatory for everyone in Halifax to come. We just need the person with the biggest hands in Halifax. It can't be that hard to find. It really can't. So you two could walk around and chat some guys up aiming at ginger people

and get him to buy your drinks and when you see him pull his wallet out or his phone out to pay, you would see how big hands are. Sorry, you're asking us to go and expose ourselves sexually. Like just target gingers only and then look at their hands. You know, like fit fetishers, you're basically making us into hand perves. Target who you want, but it's going to be a ginger who you're going to touch. We're going to pimp each other out in Halifax trying to find gingers with massive hands. I'm so ready for that, Sam.

Simon, why did you assume that it was a female who shaked initially? Well, we were going by probability, and we couldn't see that somebody could pull the trousers down and take a dump like that. So we thought originally it must be a girl and sort of pulled the knickers to one side and it fell out. Okay, well, let me tell you that there are many ways for people to shit and gender does not restrict you

and clothing type does not restrict you. And then also men wear quite baggy pants. They might not be wearing undies. They could just slip one out down the leg. I can give you many examples of how it's feasible for any gender to shit in your club. The DJs that are played in this consecutive period of time, was it the same DJ every night it happened

or did you mix it up a lot? Danny Kavana and probably at that time me. Yo? Yeah, I used to be a DJ. Nice. That's not what the customers said, no. Did you ever play on one of the nights that happened then? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And where's the DJ booth? Does it have a direct view of the dance floor? Direct view down on the floor and the mess and everything, yeah. Perfect angle. Do you know when he dropped the feces if he did it standing up or if he was bending down to release it? He was stood up. Interesting. That is contradicting our witness statement who said that he was bending to

down to tie his shoelaces. Really? And I have another question. What did the perpetrator do after he dropped the faeces on the previous times before you caught him? He was still seen on the CCTV for a couple of minutes afterwards. A couple of minutes? Yeah, we didn't much further than that. And I guess he'd probably want to see his work, wouldn't he?

He wants to see what's happened afterwards. Yes, I think there's a certain type of person who would want to witness that. but our particular suspect that we have left straight after. Really? How quick after? Straight after is all I have here. Maybe you've not got the right guy then. And to be fair, you're not going to get anybody self-confessing it.

Well, you are, because you have. But I don't think the guy on the documentary is the real shitter. What makes you say that? Why? How would he find a real shitter? I know he was looking for the real shitter. But the one on the documentary, he had small hands. How do you know that?

I've seen the video. Did you zoom in on his hands? I didn't zoom in, but you would have seen somebody with these size hands. Because I don't think the hand size isn't in that video, very clearly. No, but if you're watching for it, I don't think you've got the right guy. Your feeling is that you're 100% sure that the person in the documentary is not the actual phantom shitter, that it's a false confession. I'm 90% sure that that's not the same guy. Also, Simon, how sure can you be that there was only one phantom shitter?

Never thought about that. Maybe there was one that did it first, and then, like, in real murders and crime things, you get people who... Copycat. Copycat. Yeah, maybe we could have a copycat shitter. The only thing is, it's never happened since we caught that guy. The way that you're describing the person that you took into custody and the person that we have witnessed in this documentary sound very similar. They're both performative, they're both attention seekers, they like to show off, they like to be proud of their work.

They have calm demeanors, they're not very aggressive, but they are quite proud of what they've done. Very tall, very similar characteristics that we have here, but we're of course exploring every possible lead. I think we can't be sure that that person is the genuine dance floor dropper. Your description does fit quite well. I just can't imagine anybody wanting to put the hand up. Actually, I'll tell you what, here's one for you then, if it's the same guy as he ever been back in since. Yeah, good question.

How old do you think this guy was at the time when he brought him in? Gosh, I don't know. I would have said in his mid-20s. So it'd be 35-ish now. Could be. Because that fits as well. Is there anything, any reason why this guy would want to get back at the Acapulco? Like, is there anything that you think could have spurred him on to do this, or was it purely attention-seeking?

It could be many things. Maybe he was turned away one night. Maybe it was overcharged for a drink. Maybe somebody stuck his drink. Maybe the DJ won't play his record. Or maybe he just wanted to see what would happen. That's you. You're the DJ.

I know. This is why I'm thinking it's probably that one. Maybe he didn't find it like it was the Disneyland. I don't know. I've no idea. I've no idea why anybody would want to do that. Wow. that blew my mind.

It's turned from an open investigation into a manhunt now, which I'm really into. Oh, I've got one last question, some random questions. Someone said that there was once live snakes, like quite large snakes that were in the Aka-Falco, and it could have been a ship from the snake. No, we've had two or three live snakes in the building. Yeah, that's true.

Why? And do they do big shits? Well, they never did when they were here, to be fair. No, they were very well-behaved. Esmirelda, I think, was the first one that brought it in, and she was famous in Yorkshire, still around apparently now, but she'll now be in her 60s. She used to do it in her 20s. Oh no, do we have to get the animal communicator to channel the snake to see what it saw

that night. Yeah, maybe. We've done that before with a gecko. If you had to guess the motive, Justin, why do you think this pooper traitor did it? I think a motive would be to scare people, to cause panic, to upset people, or maybe just for a laugh. Was there anyone at the time that wanted to get back at the ACCA for anything? This might just be the full guy that they sent to do a job. I'm just wondering if there's a mastermind behind this operation. Do you think there's any other suspects that could have orchestrated this?

It could be. In a nightclub, when you refuse people, it can upset people. We've had rival nightclubs do nasty things to us since. They're not quite as nasty as this. Where they've got us in the papers for stuff, what we haven't done. Maybe it could be something like that. And this guy would be a fog. or being one of the few, I don't know.

All we know is once we caught the guy, that was him, and it stopped happening. So we assume we've definitely caught the one guy who'd done it. But there may have been more, and because they've caught the one guy, it stopped anybody else doing it. I was always under impression that it may have been a couple of people, but it must have been wrong because that stopped. When we caught the guy, it didn't happen again. So I assume that's when it stopped.

We've got to be one person then. Why did you think it would be more than one person? Just I thought there might be a copycat crime. Do you want me to change your lights? Because you've just gone all red. No, it's funny. I kind of like it. Yeah, it's fun.

As long as it makes you relaxed. It seems quite alarming. But yeah. I like somebody in an Amsterdam window. Yeah, exactly. We're in the red light district. Just where I want to be with you, Justin. So, yeah, I thought it might have been two people doing it.

it or multiple people doing it at one point. However, when we caught the person, they're danded, I support brown-handed. It never happened again, so I assume that it was just for one person. If we were to go undercover at the Acapulco Club, what advice do you have for us as two 39-year-old women to fit in and be a bit under the radar to go and ask some questions? I have five or six Jager bombs and then let Nature take its course, you'll be fine. How much is a Jaeger bomb? It's 75p before 11. 75p for a Jaeger bomb?

I can't believe it. Including Rib Bowl? Yeah. Do you sell reefs? That was my drink when I was from my clubbing days. Reefs? Reef's just been relaunch and yes, we do have that. Yes.

About 75p as well before 11. Do you know what, Justin, not to brag, but there was no one that has beaten me in my whole life of straw pedoing a reef. I am the queen of the straw pedo. Side note. does end up doing this when we go to the club and there is evidence of it. If you would like to see her aggressively straw pedoing a reef, whatever the hell that is, go to our Instagram page at Hooshat on the floor at my wedding.

No one else can beat me. So I challenge when we come over there, find your best straw pedoer and let's bring it on. Let's definitely do that. I'll take you on on the challenge. Will you? You think you can take me on? No. Yeah.

Bring it on. Do you know what? I have been out of practice, but I don't think you ever lose the skill sets. so I'm feeling really confident. It's like riding a bike. I reckon I could beat both of you. I've never even done it. I don't know what it does.

No, it's not your skill set. Trust me. I just think we should go and ask people and even in the street and being like, send the picture of the person, we'll do a reward. We should do a reward poster. People who can prove they've got the biggest hands in Halifax.

We'll do a competition, the biggest hand competition of Halifax. And then it'll be a reward. Yes. Submit a picture. and we'll need, it will seem so dodgy, we'll need your ID next to the picture. No, no, no, they do a measurement

and then we get the top, the 10 or 15 biggest hands to meet us at the town hall when we need to be far away from the ACCA because we don't want to draw attention to it and we assess all of their hands and Justin's there, undercover, reviewing the hands. Yeah. Justin, you might need to lend us one of your bounces

because I have real concerns about our safety doing this. Biggest hand competition is such a good idea. I think we've got a clear next step, Lauren, already, after this conversation with Justin. Just got to organise a biggest hand competition. Do you think we could put some posters up? No, we shouldn't put posters up in the Acapulcoaxe, because we don't want to distance ourselves.

Where's the best place to put up a poster for our biggest hand competition? Probably with social media. The 50 shades of Halifax site. Because we know that he's a member. We know that that guy, well, we know that the one who confessed on the video is a member. We don't know yet if he is the actual culprit. There's tens of thousands of people of that,

so it must be on the group. I feel like I'm getting a bit of reputation on Facebook for investigating these crimes. It might have to come from you, Lauren, but let's join that. I don't think it should come from either of us because it can be traced back to us. It needs to be...

We can get the girl that are intern to the assistant. She messaged the phantom shitter. Yeah, she did. When she shouldn't have. Yeah, but only on... Yeah, she's on Facebook. We need to get one of her friends. Yeah.

Someone that cannot be tried. race back to this in any way to post the biggest hands competition poster because there's so much at stake if she does post it. If the biggest oh, woes me if the biggest hand competition gets leaped by the wrong person on the 50

shades of Halifax Facebook group our case will be over. He'll be over before it started. We turn our attention back to Danny, the maintenance manager and he lets us in on his theory. Somebody told me it was a guy, I don't know, he might have it a five,

he's been thrown out. He wanted to come back in. They said, no, you're not coming back in, blah, blah, blah. He's took that away and gone, I'm going to show this place. He's come in. And for what I know, of what the stories were,

he went into the toilets, shit in a piece of paper, toilet paper, whatever, carried it to the dance floor, thrown it on, but he watched her, happened the last, whatever. Can I just clarify,

so you're saying that the perpetrator who shed on the dance floor was angry about not being let in to the club a previous wake-ind? I don't know, he might have had a fight. There was something that happened in the club, and he was thrown out that night, and he wanted to come back in,

and denied the access. So he's then gone, I know, I'm going to have revenge. That's what I heard. What better way to get revenge than sitting in the middle of the dance floor? Danny, you're going to ask you a bit of a controversial one here? Yeah.

Do you think it could have been an inside job? it could have been a staff member that maybe had an argument with a member of staff or a member of management. Are any of the staff particularly difficult? Back then, a few of us, yeah. I suppose a few of us we could have, you know, you could have almost pinned it to any of us if you wanted to go down that route, yeah. Even yourself, Danny? Yeah, maybe, yeah. Me and Justin, we fight a lot, we do.

We argue a lot. We don't see eye to eye all the time. Could be a reason for me to do it, yeah? Show me your hands. Do you think that you have big hands or small hands or medium hands? I'd say I have medium hands. Okay, you're rolled out. Oh yeah, I think we can rule Danny out

because I'm not sure you had shit to get revenge and then have to clean up that revenge shit. I'd rather clean my own crap up than somebody else's though. You're not helping yourself here, Danny. He was trying to fight your corner there. You just incriminated yourself and then reincriminated yourself. Yeah, yeah. And I have now become a plumber, so maybe I have a fetish.

it's called coprophilia. There we go. But sorry, yeah, Danny, you'll really like, you keep incriminating yourself. Like, every time we say, maybe don't say that, you say something different to make it look like you're the one who shat. So did you do it? Maybe I want to throw a spanner in the works. Did you shit on the dance floor in the Acapulco club? No.

We're going to track this person down. We've got a few great methods. One of those is launching a big hand competition around Halifax. Yeah, like obviously. I heard he had big hands. To me, that doesn't prove anything. You're saying the big hand competition is not a very good idea. Mm.

All right, then smart ass. What would you do? Not that. Not that. Come on then. Take some DNA or something. I don't know. Did you keep any of the feces?

You're the one who claimed it out. Where's the DNA? Give it to us and we will run some tests. Well, if I had this fetish, I wouldn't give it to you. incriminating yourself once again any opportunity any opportunity to throw yourself under the bus do you think it's the right thing

for us to try and track this person down or do you think it's better left in everyone's imaginations this mystery man let the legend live on in the imaginations of the locals of Halifax as much as I want to know who it is I do like a good film I like a good cliffhanger so I'm almost swaying more

towards him never been found and him still at large. Well, I think there's a very high chance of that, given that the only way of solving this case is to do a big hand competition. So you might get your wish. Have you got any tips on how we would fit in seamlessly to a night out in the ACA? Don't draw attention to yourselves. So Detective Lauren Kilby shouldn't wear a boob tube is what I'm hearing. No, not always, but...

Not always. Just on this occasion. But I'm just not wearing a bobechow. I don't know why Karen's so obsessed with me wearing a boot tube But I've got massive knockers And they're just going to drop to my knees And that's going to draw a lot of attention to me And I'm already ginger

Which the suspect is a ginger So you're getting a ginger t-shirt Yeah I know I've seen the ginger tithe shirt So I'm going to be wearing a ginger spice tuit Tirt my tits at my knees And a boob tube over the top of it And Karen's just going to be sinking

What do you call them? Torpedoes in the corner with Justin Straw. Straw-strapidies What do you want now? Oh my God Lauren, where are you? I need to speak to you. I'm at home.

Okay. Can you get on a recording right now? I've got the... Why are you being... What are you doing? I have just got the biggest, biggest bit of news and progression in this case. We've got evidence. We've got a new massive lead.

Get on the call right now. I've sent you the link. Yep. Karen, what the hell is going on? I've just got this text message, Lauren, from a number I don't know. And it says, I'm going to read it out. You don't know me. And I want to stay.

anonymous, but I have information you need to know. I saw the shitter that night at the Acapulco with my own eyes. I don't know his name, but I know what he looks like. I've got goosebumps and I found a photo of him. No. Here is a picture. No. Of the phantom shitter. Please don't contact me again. I can't and won't say any more. Are you joking? No, no, no. Let me show you a picture. Show me. I've actually got a pile of Richard. I've actually got a pile of erection on my leg, weirdly. Feeling a bit of sick? That's apparently him.

That's the man we're looking for. That's the guy that we need to track down. Oh my God. We have eyes on the phantom shitter. Well, we've got two potential phantom shitters, but... Okay, so the biggest hand competition needs to work. It needs to work. We need the biggest hand competition to find this person.

How else we're going to get his name? All hopes lie on the biggest hand competition, luring in all the suspects. that are ginger with big hands and are tall. Yeah. And only then, if we can lure them into one place with the desire of a great prize and the accolade of having the biggest hands,

only then can we actually meet this man and look him in his eyes. And ask him, did you shit on the dance floor? Coming up next. Is this the man that you caught shitting in the middle of the dance floor? We have an idea in when, not sure how you're going to feel about it.

Okay. We kind of need you to take a leap of faith and accept the job without really knowing what it is. They might say why you're doing that? It's fine. And I'd be like, why not? As a policing tactic, that would be way outside the rulebook. Halifax's biggest hand competition, are your hands absolutely massive? If the answer is yes, your moment has come.

The big hand competition has launched. Sounds like a weird fetish passed off as a competition. Uh-oh. We genuinely might catch the pooperator via a big-hand competition. Like, that is actually on the table here. Are we quite good?

We're quite good, eh? I think so. I think you were great. I think we're going to track him down. I'm not going to give up.