Who Shat On The Floor At My Wedding? And Other Crimes - S3 E5 Human v. Bear - Part Two

Episode Date: September 10, 2025

In the trial of Human v. Bear, Karen and Detective LK face the intense challenge of becoming opposing lawyers. Will the bears 'zips' be the defence's downfall? Will the muffin top theory topple the prosecution? What will the jury decide?One thing is clear. A verdict will be reached. And there is a lot at stake.A brand new case opens on September 25th. Follow us on Instagram @whoshatontheflooratmywedding for case evidence and behind-the-scenes.
Sound design by @juanthummler Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Footy fans. Premier League and Champions League are underway and FanDuel has fresh ways to bet your favorite clubs, like the new two-up money line. Cash out your bet as a winner if your team goes up two goals at any time during the match. Download FanDil today and hit the pitch. Please play responsibly 19 plus and physically located in Ontario. Gambling problem, call 1-6-5-3-2,600. Visit Connix, Ontario.com. Previously on Human vs. Beer A zoo in eastern China is trying to reassure visitors that their sun bears are not people dressed in costumes. Very dubious bear. Does sandbears usually wave? Wave in order to get food, then they'll do that. It is not rare. So right now, gun to head.

100% no doubt that it is a real bear. I would say there's somebody wearing a suit. Definitely a man in a suit. The feet look quite human-like, no? I still think it's a bear. If somebody made a sun bear, we'd know about it. They wouldn't be keeping a sun bear quiet. My concern is that those are zips. Please reassure me that this is like a standard part of the skin of the bear, that those lines are normal.

This is not normal. So we've got the virtual court case and the date has been set for tomorrow morning. As speculation spirals, two sides prepare for battle. It's not great, is it? This is not good for you. The prosecution insists that it's a person in disguise. The defence swears it's just a misunderstood sun bear. We will reach a verdict tomorrow morning, regardless of what.

what happens. Interesting. Don't you have other better thing to do? No. Eight hours left on the clock. Eight hours remaining. It's morning. The calm before the storm.

Yesterday we assembled the three members of the jury, our parents. We can solve. two experts, Nick Williams from animated extras, Master of Bear Suits, and Dr Wong, perhaps the most qualified human on earth, to speak on behalf of the sun bear. Karen and I have temporarily paused our detective duties, and we now face the intense challenge of becoming lawyers, opposing lawyers. At this very moment, the jury should be suiting up for court, unless they've forgotten. Our final task is to brief Judge L. Rise, the only person capable of controlling the chaos that's brewing in the courtroom. Tension hangs thick in the air. Karen didn't even offer me

breakfast. That's how serious this is. The clock is ticking. By dusk, the truth will be exposed and someone's reputation might never recover. We need a lot of your help. We need to understand the setup of this virtual court case. Okay, yes, I thought you might. We're trying to figure out whether the China sun bear is a real bear or a person in a beer suit. Correct. Who's doing what?

I am defending the sand bear saying it is a real beer. So Karen, you're the prosecutor. Yep. I'm just going to write that down. I'm just going to write what I am down. Does that mean I am defence lawyer? You're the defence. So I'm just going to be really defensive.

Yeah, and take things really personally, everything. Karen says take it really like was that a personal attack be defensive it's pretty easy being a lawyer i think another thing if you really want to you know play the part you're going to need to refer to each other as my learned friend what i've never heard that it's a cool thing that sounds like a stitch up to me google it google it right now my learned friend my learned friend And shit, you're right. I'm not going to call Karen my friend in front of my mum. That's embarrassing.

You might have to, though. So how are we going to do this? Because often what you do is you'll have little opening statements, then we'll get into the evidence, and then the jury... Deliberates. ...renders of, you deliberates. So maybe we do opening statement, and then we kind of fight a little bit about the evidence,

and I'll get defensive, and you'll prosecute me and things like that. Yeah. So we're getting so defensive. She just shut her laptop. She doesn't want me to see her. No, that's pretty normal. You don't want prosecution, see, your evidence. And I'm going to do, like, a few objections.

Like, objection leading the witness. We don't have any witnesses, but objection leading the jury. That's the new one, I think. Is it? Yeah. I don't think you lead, I don't think you talk to the jury. So we have to ignore our parents. What do you mean?

You're supposed to present to them, but you can't ask them questions. You're going to try and do that, eh? What about rhetorical questions? because I did have a rhetorical question. Yeah, no, that's fine. Good point. That's fine. And then what do you want to do?

The jury, do they deliberate in front of everyone? Yes. Yeah, they have to. I'm just worried, Al, rise, because the jury, first of all, like, we probably need to discuss the conflict of interest here. The jury comprises of two of Karen's parents and one of mine. Well, first of all, there's a conflict of interest because it's our parents, and they're clearly biased.

second of all there's only one of my parents so I'm worried that Karen's parents are going to kind of like leave my mum out and just kind of like go off on their own and keep muting her when she tries to talk well I was thinking we should should I ask them if they have any conflicts from rendering an impartial verdict any conflicts and then I'll put them on the spot Karen's dad being a lawyer himself

he's taking this way too seriously we often want our experts to be quite serious but in this case he's pushing it quite far. And I'm just concerned that he's going to like challenge us on certain things that we do. I don't know who gets to choose this, but he's basically said, I'm the foreman of the jury. Like he's elected himself. Maybe I will take a vote.

The jurors will decide that, who the former is. To be fair, though, Karen, you do have the, you know, the harder of the arguments here about whether it's a human or a bear. And so, like, because it obvious seems like it's probably a bear, right? And so... You're not going to say it like that. You can't just say it's probably a beer. Case closed.

Well, it's not my decision, right? It's the jury's decision. I've got something to put to you to clear my conscience and to be very transparent, and I think it's important context you have. The day that the evidence pack was submitted to members of the jury, I received a text message from my dad. and I'm going to read it out to you just so you have the full information

he said although risking a charge of perverting the course of justice what result is in your commercial interests I think I can guess and then I respond to going I'm not at liberty to answer that question

okay well I might have to raise that I might have to raise that when we get into please raise it please I don't know if this is happen before, but there's a piece of evidence that I've submitted that I want to retract. Oh, okay. Yeah, what one? It's Exhibit L.

Why don't you want it? I don't want to say right now because Karen... Okay, yeah. You can apply to strike it from the record. We're in the court. And then you can say yes or no, basically. Yeah. But because we're quite old friends, you'll probably say yes.

Oh, well, I'll just, well, I'll wait to hear. I'll wait to hear. I'll have to hear from Karen on that one as well. So when did the jury get here? 10.30? Yeah, in 20 minutes. And my mum's not even awake yet because she's not read any of my messages. So I hope she actually wakes up. Can I ask, am I allowed to interrupt and get defensive or just like point out things

that are wrong when Karen's speaking? Are you going to say objection or something? Yeah, of course I am. Well, I just wondered whether you're about to say something like, shut up, Karen, or something like that. No. I probably won't do that. I'll say, like, objection leading the jury, for example.

Okay. Do you have any, like, quick pieces of advice for us as lawyers, how we can win? So it's a jury trial, right? So the jury's making the decision. So I think you want to go big. You want to really hand it up. Is it okay if I call a witness to the stand? A metaphorical witness.

Oh, I've never seen a metaphorical witness. How is that going to work? I'm just going to, like, say something that someone said. Oh, hearsay. It's not easy. We've got it recorded. We spoke to some pretty big professionals prior to this and I want to quote them.

I don't want to just like quote them. Yeah, metaphorically call them. Yep. That's okay? Okay. Yeah, go for it. Okay. I'm just making a note that you might do that.

I love that you're making loads of notes. The only note I've made is I am the prosecutor. I want to just raise the fact that one of the jury members is not awake, I don't think. Okay. My mum hasn't been told yet that your parents are dressing up for court and I'm worried that she's going to wake up at the last minute and just scramble downstairs knowing that this is a podcast so it's audio only.

And I've just sent her a message this morning just letting you know that we will be video recording the court case for some potential content later warning Karen's parents are dressing out for court. I have very sympathy. That was the only part of the jury that you're meant to arrange. And then I'll ask them if they have a verdict. Then what happens? The verdict is read.

Depending on the verdict, I may reinitiate court case part B. You might appeal. Appeal is the word, yes. Could appeal. Yeah, yeah. No, no, no. Initiate court case part B is the very valid way describing it. All right, perfect. Okay, let's have a break. We'll see you back on at 10.30 in seven minutes. During the break, Karen checks her emails.

She has received an email from Nick, the man. man who specialises in animatronic suits in response to this demand that she made yesterday. Do you know anyone in the industry that's had a pretty juicy commission for a couple of sun bears recently? Do you think you could put a few feelers out? Oh my God, he's responded.

He's just said that there was an Indian production company that inquired about making a sun bear animatronic bear suit eight years ago. Holy shit. Fucking boom. inquired. It's intent, isn't it? It's intent, for sure.

Because didn't Nick say that he would know if one was being made? Like he knows. Well, yeah, and he says he knows. But they inquired about making. Is he saying it was made? We don't have proof. We don't have proof.

There's no actual proof that that Sun Bear costume was made. I think you've lost it. You've got really into this all of a sudden. You're like treating this It's like it's a real crime and a real case. Yeah, I'm competitive. But get away.

I've lost the page of my speech. Safe. Sorry, I'm just... Can you give me a bit more room? Karen, I haven't finished my speech. Yeah, well, I actually spent a bit more time. I actually did my homework. I don't like that our parents are coming to watch us perform.

My palms were really sweaty. Oh, is my pen. Can you go first? I don't want to go first. Do you know what? I prefer to just get it over and done with. I'm just going to finish mine while you're speaking. Okay, but I saw you try and look at mine.

You're not allowed to look at my arguments because I've actually done it. I don't care. I'm going to win. It's starting. It's happening. Oh, God. Okay. We're going to let him in.

Here goes nothing. I think we're ready as we'll ever be. All right. Do you want to let the members of the jury in? Yeah. It's happening now. All right. Here we are, hello.

Linda Kilby. Yes. Can you hear us? I can hear you. Lucia. Mum? Yeah? You need to put your camera on.

My camera, oh right. Okay, hang on. The video. That's it. Okay, I got it. I think. No. No, it's still not on.

Right. Oh, start video. Hang on. Now it's gone away again. There we are. Now I've done it, I think. Yes. Let me make some introductions. My name is Judge Al Rice and I'll be presiding over the case today.

Thank you very much for your time and attendance. I'm addressing really now Linda and the White Houses. As you may know, this is an inquiry into an event that occurred in eastern China in 2023. You may have seen footage of a bear, what looked like a bear, walking on its hind quarters at a zoo. And so the question that you're going to need to determine at the hearing today, is that a bear or is that a human in a bear suit? Understood?

Yeah, we do. Excellent. Okay, so you're going to hear from two people today. You will hear from the prosecution, which is Ms. Whitehouse, who will be seeking to persuade you that this is a human in a bear suit. and you will also hear from the defence, Ms Kilby, maybe put your hand up too. Who's going to suggest to you that it is a bear?

This will move in a few phases. We'll hear from prosecution and defence. You'll have an opportunity to ask some questions. Maybe I'll ask some questions. And then you're going to need to make a very important decision, which is obviously going to have major ramifications. So you'll need to think carefully for the five allotted minutes that we'll give you for that, what your decision is.

Does everyone understand that? Yeah, yeah. Just a few administrative matters before we kick off. I'm just going to ask each of you whether there's anything that might prevent you from rendering an impartial verdict, whether you have any conflicts of interest in this matter. And I'm going to start with Linda Kilby. Any conflicts of interest? No, except that the defence is my daughter.

Is that a conflict of interest? You tell me, do you think that's a conflict of interest? Well, no, I've never listened to her before, so I'm hardly likely to know, really. Well, I'm satisfied with that. And how about Lucia? Any conflicts for you? Well, I've never had any connections to bears, if that's what you're asking. But, you know, also, we end the same predicament.

It's our daughter who is for the prosecution. I mean, do you think the fact that your daughter is the prosecutor is going to make you lean that particular way? No, at all, no. Chris, the same for you, I assume. No, that's absolutely right. And no one's got anything to declare in particular. No one messaged either the prosecution or the defence. Chris, you specifically didn't send any texts to Karen referencing commercial interests?

No. There's been no money gone into my account, but I'd be open to that. We've long given up trying to influence, Karen. Objection. Objection. I have read a text message. that was sent from Chris to his daughter, the prosecutor, in terms of commercial interests.

So I would just like to raise that to the judge, Al Rice. Okay. Are you raising it with me or the judge? I've been raised with me. Mr. Weinhouse, have you got anything to say about that? Well, I think probably it was one of those things where I had done an awful lot of research on bears. I just had a mental aberration, I think.

I wasn't quite sure what I was saying there. So I think it's reasonable to discard that as just being a bit of family humour. We really like jurors just going off and doing all their own research into the matter at hand, so that's perfect. So your first task as jury will be to elect a four-person. So I'm just going to give you an opportunity to discuss and vote on who your four-person should be.

I think as Chris is the only man on the jury, I think he could take that role if Linda's happy with that. Well, that's a bit sexist. I don't mind at all. Yes, Chris looks good there. He's smushed. Chris is a good-looking man. He looks impressive enough, doesn't need to be.

He does. I was thinking of disqualifying him for the text, but I'll, if that's what the jury wants. I'll just let him go through. Yeah, I think far be it from me to disqualify a good-looking man from being a four-person. All right, well, that's excellent. We have our jury. We have our four-man.

I'm going to pass over now to the prosecution, Ms White House, to present the prosecution's case. Ms. White House, over to you. Thank you, Your Honor. Your Honor, ladies and gentle man of the jury, we stand here virtually today, not merely to discuss a bear, but to unveil a bare-faced lie, a deception so ordered. audacious, so cunning, that it has pored its way into global headlines. That's right, I'm speaking about the so-called sun bear of Wang Jo Zoo, a creature that I put to you is not a bear at all, but a human in a bear suit.

Now I see a member of the jury shifting a little uncomfortably in your seat thinking, surely not, that's a bit of a stretch. No zoo would be so bold as to parade around a bloke or a lady wearing a bear costume and pretend to those lovely zoo visitors that that is a real bear. To those people, I say, cast your minds back to the year of 2013. What happened in 2013? I hear you say. Well, that's when a certain zoo also in China. attempted to convince a public, the intelligent public,

that a Tibetan Mastiff dog was in fact a lion. A deception unraveled only when this so-called lion barked. Fast forward to 2024, and we witnessed the Taisal Zoo transforming chow-chow dogs into panda bears. That's right, panda bears. And how did they do that? they dyed the dogs with black and white dye to make them look like pandas, but they weren't that convincing, and they also barked. So the public was quite naturally outraged. The media, interestingly,

had a field day, and yet rather than face disgrace, the zoo saw a remarkable twist of fate. What happened? Visitor attendance. Skyrocketed, didn't it? The fake pandas. that they put in that enclosure were an economic boom for the zoo. Old payday coming to that zoo from all of those pandas. Ladies and gentle ma'am of the jury, what does this tell us? It tells us there is clear motive and clear precedent for zoological trickery in China. And if turning a dog into a panda can increase revenue so significantly, just imagine the financial windfall of a man in a bear suit.

It's no surprise, then to hear that the Sun Bear scandal, since that erupted, the Wang Zhao Zoo has reported a record 30% increase in visitors. People are just flocking in, desperate to see this totally real bear. But okay, yeah, right, it's pretty convincing, right? You've seen the photos, actually, it's quite a good suit. So how did you get that suit? Well, as you know, film studios for many years have produced incredibly convincing animal. animatronic suits. As you can see, exhibit. Exhibit A. Exhibit. E. And D in the evidence pack. You can get blinking eyes, moving jaws, even internal cooling systems for long performances for the people

inside those suits that I might add, yeah, they're really expensive to make. But what's not so expensive is to rent them for a couple of days. Rent that suit, pretend to be a bear, get the zoo ticket sales to just skyrocket up and there you go. Your zoo is financially flying. I didn't want to bring this up to you because ladies and gentlemen of the jury, you're intelligent people I can see. I'm just going to ask you, do bears wave at people? Do they just go, hey mate, how are you doing? Oh yeah. How are you doing? Like you just go down the pub and you're just, you know, waving at someone you recognize? No, they don't stand up, raise a paw and offer a friendly human-like wave. But this supposed bear did exactly that.

We've lost the judge. Oh no, we haven't got a plan B if we lose the judge. Oh dear. Well, unless you two ladies become the jury and I become the judge. Oh, wow. Okay, Chris. All right. Like four months wasn't enough.

Yeah, exactly. No, I need a bit of a promotion here. The power trip. Is this a setup or is it actually happening? Is this what you usually like to do on your Sunday mornings? I'm near the church here. so of course everybody's going to touch in Donagadie and here I am sitting in a Zoom call

trying to decide whether a bear's real or not. This is of world importance, this is. I just want to clarify that the defence is actually writing the defence argument as we speak. It's all about being aware of how the jury behaves. Yeah, you're not behaving very well. This is very unusual, I know, but have you any feedback so far? I'm saving mine for the jury deliberation. I do have feedback, Karen, but I've made notes here.

And I think that it's something I need to discuss with the jury and not with you. I'm back. Did you get bored? I'm back. Something happened with the Ministry of Justice Internet connection, I think. Oh, right, yeah. Hopefully everyone's been silent and not a word has been spoken in this proceeding without me. and attendance.

I mean, I think we've just got one final, it was the kind of closing line, so we can, you know, it's okay, it's okay. I mean, I think we all remember where I was. I just was about to urge the jury in the name of truth, justice and the integrity of actual bears out there. Just please find in favour of common sense, declare loudly and proudly that this so-called some bear is in fact just a bloke in a very, very good rented bear suit. I risk my case.

Objection. Okay. Yes, defence. Objection, forgetful behaviour. You forgot about the Zips. That is like the only thing that could win you this case. So you're just feeding me the argument. Well, I've got an argument against your Zips, so I need you to bring up the Zips.

Okay. Sustained. So are you going to bring up the Zips? The Zips, Ms. Winehouse? Yes, thank you for reminding me about this very important part of the case. So if we could please refer to, it's not even in the other... Exhibit B. We had a call with expert witness, Dr. Wong, who is the CEO of the Sun Bear Conservation

Centre, and I'd like to draw to your attention. The marks underneath the armpit of this bear, the two little symmetrical lines. It looks like a little... It looks like a potential zip. Let that percolate in your own understanding of bears and that they don't usually wear zipped jackets to just come to your own conclusion. What you're saying is they've never seen zips on a bear.

They've never seen zips on a bear. Symmetrical zips on either side where pockets would be. Footy fans, Premier League and Champions League are underway, and fan duel has fresh ways to bet your favourite clubs. Like the new two-up money line. Cash out your bet as a winner if you're team. team goes up two goals at any time during the match. We've also added 120 minute markets so you can bet into extra time and never miss

the late match magic. From kickoff to the final whistle, you can make a live same gay parlay your way. Download fan duel and hit the pitch today. Please play responsibly 19 plus and physically located in Ontario. Gambling problem call 1866-5-3-1-2600. Visit Connxontera.com. So I guess it's over to you, Ms. Kelby, to lay out the case for the defense. Honorable Judge.

fellow lawyer, my learned friend, and esteemed members of the jury. Today I stand before you to address an issue that has captured the attention of the world and raised serious questions regarding the integrity and transparency of the Hangzhou Zoo. The case at hand revolves around the claims made by certain parties that the bear in question featured prominently in exhibit A, B, C, D, E, E, F, G, H, I, J. Yeah, we get it. Oh, not J.

No, J, K, L, N. Objection, Your Honor. I'm looking at the donkeys in Exhibit D. Are you saying that they're the bears? I'd like to remove Exhibit D from my previous statement. Right, and, okay. and if I know it's arguably a panda or a dog but you're saying it could be a bear as well yes okay sustained okay carry on was in fact not a bear at all but a cleverly disguised human in an

animatronic bear suit I am here to prove that this claim is not only false but misleading and a direct attempt to undermine the zoo's credibility I ask that you keep an open mind today and simply allow the evidence to speak for itself I would like to draw your attention to the slide that is entitled Baggy Pants or Real Fur, Exhibit I, J and K. I have got five reasons why the sunbeer has baggy skin. Number one, mass fruiting. During mass fruiting, the sunbeer must gather as much food as possible to survive through the next period of time where food may not be easily accessible.

Baggy's skin acts as pockets. allowing them to easily store fat under the surface of the skin expanding seamlessly as they get fatter. And that can be seen in Exhibit K, the bear rolls. Yes. Temperature regulation. Due to the absence of winter, the sun bear must be easily able to remove heat from their bodies. Having a larger surface area, i.e. lots of fat rolls, allows the sunbear to easily shed heat from the body. Number three. Protection. It is harder to malle the organs of a creature with a lot of skin.

Dr Wong, CEO of Sunbears globally, said that the bears loose saggy skin also serves as an important function in the wild by acting as armour from predators, protecting them from deeper bites and injuries. You know what? I'd like to call Dr Wong metaphorically as a witness to the bench. Is that allowed? Okay, let's metaphorically hear from Dr Wong. Dr Wong would like me to tell you that the sunbears mimic what they see in the tourists. And they do that in order to receive food.

So my learned friend earlier was pretty adamant when she said that sun bears like to, you know, they don't wave, they don't say, let's go down to the pub with our mates, let's wave at them all. But they do because they mimic the tourists that are throwing them food. So my learned friend doesn't know what she's talking about. Objection, you're on it. I called you my friend. Dr Wong did say, though, that they definitely waive because that's what the tourists do

and they mimic that in order to get snacks. I arrest that particular case, but not the full case. You have two minutes remaining. No, I do not. The Hangzhou Zoo is open from 7 o'clock in the morning to 5.30pm. That is 10 and a half hours. My learned friend made it seem very casual that humans just chuck on a bear suit

and go into an enclosure and stand for 10 and a half hours and an incredibly heavy bear suit. Now, members of the jury, do you think that is feasible? Yeah, but I mean, if the bear is from the judge's... Yeah, was that a rhetorical... It might have been a rhetorical.

Was that a rhetorical question for the defence? No. Yeah, I'm not sure that there's a question time for the defence. We didn't schedule that. Ten and a half hours is too long. Let's get straight to it. with Dr Wong who's still metaphorically on the bench. Dr Wong has said, and he, no offence everyone in the jury,

he is probably the most professional expert that we have physically or metaphorically in this courtroom today. And he has said without a shadow of a doubt that this is a real sun bear. Dr Wong has said it's absolutely standard for bears to be on the edge of the cliff as that is the closest location to the food being thrown from the tourists. I would like to draw your attention to Exhibit M where the Sun Bear is dangerously standing on the edge of that rock

And we've skipped over Exhibit L. Your Honour, I'd like to strike to remove Exhibit L from the record. Okay, on what basis do you want to remove Exhibit L from the record? I realised it wasn't a very good argument. Okay, sustained. I don't know if any of you, members of the jury or judge, Your Honour, have ever worn an animatronic bear suit? No. That's another rhetorical question of it, because there's no questions from the defence.

Okay, yeah, I noticed. Picture the peripheral vision while you were in a bear suit. You can't see very well. so do you know what if I couldn't see I probably wouldn't stand on the edge of a cliff I wouldn't stand on the edge of a cliff when I'm dehydrated starving and I'm not allowed to pee because I'm trying to trick the public so the fact that this sunbear is standing on the edge of a cliff trying to get its food trying to be as close as possible to the tourists proves that it is a real sunbear I rest my case no further points no further questions I think it's pretty obvious it's a

or Sambia case closed. Thank you. Thank you, defence. I mean, there may be some further questions because we're now moving into that segment of questions time for the jury. Do you have any questions for our prosecution or defence council? I've got a couple of technical questions that I make. Starting with Exhibit M.

You may. The defence mentioned rather sort of strongly the word cliff. Is there any evidence as to how high that ledge is? Jesus Christ. Yeah, because I see that you've kind of cropped, you've cropped the image. I haven't cropped the image. If it's two feet, for example, it's not terribly important. And a cliff is usually quite high.

Yes, I did use the C word. Thank you for that. I'm not familiar with the blueprints of the Sambia enclosure at the Hung Jiao Zoo. You should be given that's your main argument. tried to find it, couldn't find it. It's high enough so that the bear cannot escape. The ledge above it is so it can't escape with respect to the defence. What I'm talking about is the ledge below. How high is that? Because I think it's significant. I'd be happy to stand on a ledge if it was two feet above the ground, but I wouldn't if it was 40 or 50 feet. So I think

it's important. Anyway, I think you've answered the question. I have another question on exhibit B, everything there was focused, it seems to me, on the wave and the hand. I'm actually more interested as a juror in these zip arguments further down. Did you actually have any expanded pictures of those zips? Because, I mean, that seems to me to be much more significant than whether the bear's got its hand up or down or scratching its nose or whatever. We do not have any more higher resolution images of that. So it's an inferred potential zip rather than a confirmed zip. Okay.

It's clear to me that's a zipper. Well, you can't say it's clear. And I would like to just, if I may, Your Honor. If you may, what do you propose to do, yeah? We've just heard from the animatronic bear suit industry. We asked our expert to reach out to the whole industry globally to see if there's been a request for a sun bear animatronic suit. Eight years ago, an Indian company did in fact request and put an order in

for an animatronic sunbears suit, which ties in. And the manufacturing process usually takes around two or three years. So there has been an order put in with no confirmation that this ever came to fruition. I have a couple of questions. Really, I'm just looking to make sure that we've considered every possibility here so that before the jury deliberates, they've got all the options. Ms. Whitehouse, question for you as prosecutor. Is it possible that this could be a woman?

and a bare suit? Yes. Overall, the reason we have been supposedly a bit sexist in this is that 99% of all performers in these animatronic suits are men. So we just rounded it up just to generalise based on industry standards. But yes, it could in fact be a woman. Could be a woman. It would be a woman in a bear suit. Okay.

Well, let's not lose sight of that. The other question I think for you, Ms. Kilby, You know, you say it behaves like a bear, but there are some more suspicious features like zips and the sort of bagginess. Is it possible that what we're looking at here is a bear in a bear suit? Or a bear in a human suit in a bear suit? I don't believe I have any evidence to rule that out. What about you, Ms. Whitehouse? Is that something that you've considered as prosecutor,

that what we have here is a bear in a bear suit? I don't think mathematically it could be a bear in a human suit in a bear suit. Size-wise, we would never get a bear in a human suit in a bear suit. Okay. Well, look, I'm just going to direct the jury that if you think this is a bear in a bear suit, I'm going to ask you to render a verdict of not guilty. So that is an option for you. Any issues with that for the prosecutional defense? No. I think it's time for the jury to deliberate now. So, jury, you've got to deliberate now. So, jury, you've got to. got five minutes. You don't need all of that if you've already made your mind up, but feel free to have a discussion in front of us. Could I ask the judge one question before we do that?

Sure. Are we judging this beyond reasonable doubt or on the balance of probabilities? I think this is going to be the balance of probabilities. Yeah, so it's not a crime, is it? It's a civil case, if anything. Sorry, then I have a question, Judge. What does that mean? So the jury just needs to determine whether it's more likely than not that this is a person in a bear suit. When we got a pre-trial jury pack, I did feel like the prosecution had done a lot more work than the defence. It was a much better presented case. However, the bad puns at the beginning of. the prosecution speech put me right off that.

Evidence aside, those ponds were bad. I'm glad you stopped at about two or three. On the other hand, the defence, which looked to be very poorly presented, did get better. And obviously the bit she was writing in court before she spoke helped enormously. And those are my comments. Thank you. You, Ms. Kilby, it's always reassuring to hear a juror, say, evidence aside.

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Ontario. Gambling problem, call 1-86-5-0-2,600. Visit Conaxeuntary.C.A. Okay, now, any thoughts from the White Houses? I really am stuck with the Sips. I'm convinced that it's a person in a bear suit. I really am. I mean, the Sips, I can't get them out of my head. So I've made up my mind beyond reasonable doubt that I think it's a human being in a bear suit. You're not being asked that yet. We just want to say what we think. To be honest, Judge, I tried to put out of my mind as Zip B

because it looks absolutely ridiculous to me with a bear waving. If you just take that at face value, I think we've got to prove that sort of beyond reasonable doubt. So I'm ignoring that way. But I do think the Zip thing is significant because I cannot see, it looks to me almost from the front. And I'm not an expert on fashion. It looks as though the bear's wearing almost a T-shirt.

I'd have to think about this far more if it is beyond reasonable doubt. And the balance of probabilities, I think this is a commercial exercise by the zoo, but I don't believe that that is a real bear. That's my view. From what I've heard of the two ladies, I think that would be the view of our jury.

I was actually going with the defence because I... Oh, okay. Sorry, I didn't realize I'd come across like that. Just simply because I didn't like the bad problems of the prosecution. But I could be persuaded, I mean, really, I mean, I could easily vote with you if it brings this case to a close. If it's not a unanimous view, I think we have to tell the judge that. So I think we need to either form a unanimous view or a split verdict, basically. That's correct, doesn't it, Judge?

Correct. I would prefer a unanimous verdict. Okay, that's agree with the prosecution. So we have one. objection jury I'm with the prosecution as well quite flippant quite flippant behaviour there

from mum judge I'd like to just make sure that you're doing your job and ensuring that the jury's doing their job because I'm concerned my mum just wants to get off the call and make some toast that's a perfectly reasonable position for you'd be taking at this sort of time so not sustained that objection

may I make one final statement before you come to your decision specifically directed to Linda. Linda, I apologise for the puns. I do agree with you that they were awful and I promise never to bring puns into my opening, middle or closing statements in any future virtual court trial.

Objection, sucking up to the jury? Yeah, no, sustained. That was sucking up to the jury. We'll strike that from the record. So I'm going to ask, do we have a unanimous first? verdict. Linda, you've got to give us a decision, I think. I mean, I would go with Lauren, except that there's two others who are going with the prosecution.

So I'm going to jump over to the prosecution side because they're going to win anyway. And it will bring a close and a decision for the case. I'm doing it for the better good, Lauren, and still love you. Does it feel that way? What's the verdict? The verdict was guilty. Guilty of what? Who? Guilty of being a human in a beard, too.

Thank you very much, everyone, for your time and consideration for this case of vital importance. It's lovely to meet you all. Okay, well, I might sign off then. All rise. All rise, thank you. Thank you very much. Thank you very much. Thank you, members of the jury.

Bye. Nice to speak to you. adjourned. That was an outrage. My grievances are that you took up literally like five times the amount of time I took for my argument. Who cares about the length of time I took? That was an unfair trial.

You literally handed that whole verdict to me on a platter. Your parents sided with you and then my mum felt like it would be the easy way out. My parents sided me only because you handed me the zip on a platter. I actually am fuming because that is not the outcome of this trial that we wanted. You know it's a real bear. My worst point is I feel like have really gone

down on your mum's estimation. Like the bear puns. She hated those. I felt unworthy to be your podcast partner at that moment. Okay, I'm mainly concerned that your parents bullied my mum into siding with them. She just jumped on the bandwagon of your parents. My mum

felt bullied and cornered by your parents, Karen. But Karen, you know it's a real bear. You actually do know that, right? I think it's a real bear, yeah. Because what I didn't actually include in the evidence pack is I do have the link to the footage. When it goes to sit down, like there's literally no, no human spine can bend in that way. Why don't we show that? Because it would have helped your case. We've got to wrap it up. So you are on my team now, and we are the defence and we are saying that it is, without a shadow of a doubt, a real bear. Which really just goes to show that the media really had a fucking field day.

And they also had access to that footage. They, like, edited it out. So it only was the dodgy moment when the bearer stood on his hind legs. That's the only thing that hit the news, not the reality. So it just goes to show that when you emit key pieces of information, a story can go in a completely different direction. And we're talking about, like, two-tenths of a second. or something. The end part of that clip that someone took on their phone, that's the difference.

Those two tenths of a second, the difference between truth and deception. Two minutes remaining. 24 hours is almost at a complete end. Yeah. Two minutes to go and we need to wrap this shit up. Dear Al, rise. My learned friend and I move the motion to suppress the original verdict due to many factors and COI, brackets, conflicts of interest.

And can confirm that the bear is in fact, without a doubt, real. I currently see a White House, hereby change my argument. Yeah. So you're basically saying if you look at the evidence that you withheld from the jury, it shows clearly that the bear is real. I didn't put it in the evidence package that didn't serve my purpose. You actually withheld the evidence from yourself through lack of research and effort. 10

Doesn't matter how we got there but we got there I ultimately won The court case is null and void Just cracked a case Seven God it feels good Six

On our own in a really convoluted unnecessary way And that the media's already confirmed is real Like the case has already been cracked We've verified it I won the glory in the courtroom And you win the glory forever

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