Who Shat On The Floor At My Wedding? And Other Crimes - Season 3 Trailer - When The Cops Say No, We Say Yes

Episode Date: July 22, 2025

WE’RE BACK! This season, ‘Detective’ Lauren Kilby and Assistant to the ‘Detective’, Karen Whitehouse, return to take on a fresh batch of ridiculous mysteries and listener-submitted non-crime crimes from around the world. Our case selection criteria is simple: “anything the cops laugh at is a case for us.” We give ourselves 24 hours to crack each case, and that’s because time is money but also because precision / professionalism are overrated. Follow @whoshatontheflooratmywedding for case evidence and behind-the-scenes. Episode 1 drops July 31, 2025.Sound design @juanthummler Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Every day the police are inundated with a high number of calls. 911, what's your emergency? Hi, I'd like to report a crime. I've got a crime to report. I have a claim to report. I'm the victim of a crime. But the cops are refusing to take on some of these cases. What's your emergency?

Someone shat on the wall at my wedding. Someone shat in my dishwasher. Someone shat on the floor at my sister's wedding, wrapped it in their wedding vows, and hid it behind a painting. Someone's broken into my home and cleaned it from top to bottom. A cooked lasagne suddenly appeared in front of my tent

and it's freaking me out. Somebody has been anonymously planting fluffy dinosaur toys of increasing size on my porch. Victims of non-crime crimes have had nowhere to turn. Until now. Hang on, I'll transfer you to someone who can help. Caller's phone rings. Karen.

Oh hey, who can I get? Get the phone. Hi there, it's assistant to the detective, Karen Whitehouse here, how can I help? This is Detective Lauren Kilby speaking, how may I help you? Who Shat, On the Floor at My Wedding and Other Crimes proudly presents

When the Cops Say No, We Say Yes. A brand new show hosted by two unqualified detectives. Me, Detective Lauren Kilby. And me, assistant to the detective Karen Whitehouse. This is the world's first speed-solving detective service. Each episode, we're going to take on a new non-crime crime submitted by one of our lovely listeners. We'll meet them, hear their story,

and present back our groundbreaking theories in an attempt to crack the case, all within 24 hours. Because at this underground detective agency, time is money. Part detective show, part game show, part panicky race. This is when the cops say no, we say yes. Here's a sneak peek into what's going to go down this season. After being out for a while, I came home

and when I walked in, I immediately felt that something was really wrong. And then I noticed that things looked different. Things were clean. I went in my bathroom and my whole bathroom had been cleaned and sitting on the toilet paper was this neatly folded rose made out of toilet paper. The wedding I thought was fun and went without a hitch but I think it was a couple months later my dad let me know in kind of a weird roundabout way

that someone had shat all over the wall at the wedding. I was unloading the dishwasher. Bearing in mind I'd already taken a few mugs out and used them. Only to discover when I took the saucepans out the bottom, two golf ball sized poos. We are not going undercover at a teenagers party. Why? It could be a very big deal. It could also be not a big deal. And just fine. Yeah, no, it might not be a big deal, but the chance of it being a

big deal is definitely an option there. The chance of someone calling the police is actually quite a reasonable course of action. And are we even going to get into the Louis Vuitton store because there's security at these kinds of places and we're wearing undercover microphones and we're wearing ties. That's not very luxury. Where are we going to actually do this? Can you just get in the car? That is so dodgy. Why? Absolutely not. Looks like we're doing a drug deal. It's because you've got tinted windows. Why can't you just have a normal car? I don't think I would get into a stranger's car. I'm pretty sure you're told not to do that.

I'm a bit worried that we've disagreed to a virtual date with a random man called Ian. We're giving Tom seven seconds to walk through the imaginary bathroom door, run to the toilet, take his braces off, quickly get his trousers down to his boxer shorts and sit down on the toilet. And we want to see if he can do that in seven seconds. Can we just do a bit of positive affirmations? Like what? We are good detectives.

We will solve this case. It's a mindset. Your hands are clenched. Say this, I am brave. I am brave. I am strong. I am strong. I will solve this case. I will solve it, I am brave. I am brave. I am strong. I am strong.

I will solve this case. I will solve it. We are brave. We are brave. We are strong. And we will solve this case. You are the weirdest bunch of women I know. You really are.

We're the weirdest women out of all of the murderers and criminals you've ever worked with. Yep. We're the weirdest. Yeah. We're worse than some murderers. Is your dad going to be offended if I ask him if he is sexually attracted to dinosaurs? We're the weirdest. Yeah. We're worse than some murderers. Is that crossing a line? Maybe.

Did you ever ask him, did you ever say, Dustin, did you shit on the floor at my bachelor party? I have never asked him that directly. Do you think I should? No. Is he wearing underwear, first of all? Are you wearing underwear? Yeah, I believe he put some on today.

Everyone is lying to us. Do you not understand? I have a lot to lose. This is so bizarre. I wouldn't be able to sleep at night, would you, if that was you? We are right on the money. Tom, is it possible that you shit on the wall at Andrea's wedding? Veronica, did you shit in your own dishwasher? We've hit a new low, Lauren.