WHOA That's Good Podcast - A Messy Conversation About Sex & Marriage

Episode Date: August 12, 2024

Sadie and Christian are joined by Reeves and Lydia Walker to answer your questions about sex within marriage, such as: What IS the will of God for sex and relationships? How do you get free from the mindset that “sex is bad” when you're finally married? How can you avoid lust in your marriage? And why is confessing all the parts of your past to your future or current spouse a foundational step in experiencing true intimacy in your marriage? This Episode of WHOA That's Good is Sponsored by: Get 25% OFF your Abide premium subscription! But ONLY if you text WHOA to 22433. https://www.trymiracle.com/whoa — Get 40% off + 3 FREE towels with code WHOA at checkout! https://drinkag1.com/whoa — Get a FREE 1-year supply of Vitamin D3+K2 AND 5 free AG1 Travel Packs with your first subscription! - Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Unmissable show coming up? Good news. We've got access to pre-sale tickets so you don't miss it. Meeting with friends before the show? We can book your reservation. And when you get to the main event, skip to the good bit using the card member entrance. Let's go seize the night. That's the powerful backing of AmeriCM Express. Visit mx.ca slash ymex benefits vary by card other conditions apply What's up everybody happy Monday, I hope you are getting your week started off great This is going to be a pretty good conversation. I'm not gonna lie We're gonna laugh a lot in this conversation

and we can't believe we're even throwing this out there, but we have Reeves and Lydia back in the podcast and I brought Christian along and we are gonna be talking about sex. So, yeah, you know, I'm really not this person. Actually, last time when you guys were on the podcast and we brought up this topic, I remember we were at church a couple days later and a lady came up to me at church and was like, I just

can't handle it with y'all talking about sex. Because I just, I know y'all. And I was like, yeah, I know for real. We can't handle it either. But this is why we're talking about this, because it really is an important topic, and we get floods of DMs, I'm not even kidding, asking us to address some of these questions. And we typically don't, because not just that they're awkward, it's just that there are boundaries.

You don't just want to talk all about that, and that does a lot of private things. But at the same time, I think that so many of your DMs, I just want to say, are such great questions. And even though we're not gonna answer all of those questions, because like I said, I don't even think the context of answering some of those really deep questions about sex

is right in the format of a podcast, that we don't know your story, we don't know your situation, we're not sitting across the table from you, able to actually hear what your past is, what your present is, what your future is looking like, all of those things. And so what I do want to say though is, if you have a genuine question about sex or anything like that, that feels heavy on your heart, that you're actually really wondering what's right, what's wrong, then please go to a pastor,

go to a mentor, go to a friend, and have that conversation with them because these are questions that are worth being answered. These are questions that you don't want to leave unanswered. These are mostly questions that all of us have gone to somebody and asked in our own life. Actually, I think one of the most helpful things at the beginning of our marriage was having a pastor that we were able to call

and literally ask these questions to. And I know that might even feel awkward, but man, like pastors are equipped to do that. And so anyways, I just want to say, we're gonna laugh, we're gonna be goofy, we're gonna be who we are, and we're gonna answer to the best of our ability the things that we feel comfortable answering,

but your questions are worth being answered. So go seek out advice. So Reeves and Lydia, let's talk about why we're talking about this, because when y'all were on the podcast last time, it was actually after recording the podcast that Reeves was like, hey, I actually think something's important to bring up. Circle back to that and just kind of give people,

if they didn't listen to y'all's first podcast, why we brought up this topic in the first place. Yeah. Yeah, it is kind of funny because we were talking yesterday before this podcast and we were like, why did we end up getting there? Because the podcast that we were on a couple months ago was about followers, which is the L.O. Worship song, and then we ended up talking about sex and I was like, how did that happen? That's kind of weird. How did we go from this to that? Because the song has like it just doesn't make sense. It doesn't make sense. But um we started talking about our relationship

a little bit um and then I guess I don't even know exactly how we got there but we just started talking about our relationship and during the actual podcast like when we were recording it, we kind of, we were saying, you know, well. Y'all were saying about how y'all, if y'all would have started dating, the time y'all, maybe you wanted to start dating, then you weren't gonna be ready. We were saying that that time, we just said it very vague. We didn't go into it and we didn't actually say why.

So we had said, if the first time Reeves had come to me, if we had started dating, our relationship wouldn't have been what it actually turned into being months later. But we didn't say why that was the case. We just said that. And then after the podcast was done, Reeves said, we should have talked about the purity aspect of it.

And you were like, well, I wanted to ask, but I wasn't gonna make y'all talk about it if you didn't want to. And so then we started recording again and we just kind of got more open and real about that, I guess, and just the things that we used to struggle with. And then I said, I talked about how before Reeves and before our marriage, sex was never a good thing,

I guess, in my life and in my past relationships, just because it was outside of the will of the Lord. And then that turned into the podcast title, which was funny. Well, we sent y'all the podcast title idea and I can't even remember what it was now. What was it?

I didn't know sex could be so beautiful or something like that. And because Olivia, she called me and she, or she was like, I need to ask you a question. And she called me and she was like, hey, so we just want to get your thoughts on this before we, you know, put this out there. But we think we're going to title the podcast.

I didn't know sex could be beautiful. And I was like, oh, well, because it was only like the podcast, it was only like the last five minutes of the podcast. And two, it wasn't even going to be on the podcast. This was an afterthought that we said, well, let's just record it because this is part of y'all's story.

And then it was so powerful. And I think it was like the most powerful point. Everything else on the podcast was so good, but I was like, that was really good. And it's one of those moments where, you know, our podcasts are about an hour long, and everyone listens to the end. And I was like, I don't and it's one of those moments where you know our podcasts are about an hour long now Everyone listens to the end and I was like, I don't want people to miss the end Yeah, let's title it something that makes them go. I gotta listen to hear that part and I think Reeves you were like no

He got home and I told him and he was like, are you serious? Yeah, that's not usually like that Yeah, I don't know what, I don't know. I guess it just caught me off guard. I just was like, no, I don't really want to do that. Well, I would agree, yeah. You know. Yeah, it took me a minute to think about it.

Vulnerable, it is. But then we talked about it, and it was like, well, we did talk about that. And we want people to listen to it, and that is probably going to get people to listen to it. And it could be well we did talk about that and We want people to listen to it and that is probably gonna get people to listen to it And it could be impactful for them. They might need to hear something in that and so then I was like Well Reeves was like I would never say that and I said I did say that I would never say what the title is I would never say like I never knew sex can be so beautiful It doesn't sound like something I would say.

Hey, you should go check out the new podcast I was on. What's it called? I'm calling it the title of the sex, I knew sex could be so beautiful. Oh, okay. Kind of weird. Well, when you say it like that. Kind of weird. Well, that is what he considered. It was like, no, actually, he didn't say that. And that's why I was like, you know, it's not even clickbait. You literally said that is what we talked about. We want people to listen to that part because that was really,

because those are the kind of things people don't say, you know? And I think the thing is, and we talked about this, why do we want to do a podcast on sex, even though it's awkward, is because the world talks about sex all the time. Like that is like, that is not awkward. You know, it's like, it's in every song,

it's in all these conversations, it's on every TV show. And then sometimes the church like, you know, stays away from talking about sex because, oh, it's awkward or it's this or that or whatever. And I'm like, I don't want people to just hear that in the context of the world. Like I actually want to be able to have like healthy, open conversations in the church. And y'all said something that not a lot of the world. Like I actually want to be able to have like healthy open conversations in the church.

And y'all said something that not a lot of people say. It's like what you did the first time is what most people do. You allude to it and then you don't say it. And then after you're like, hey, let's not be vague. Let's just say what it was because if we would have been dating months before, we probably wouldn't have, like,

purity wouldn't have been a main priority in our relationship. And thankfully we waited a little while to even date to where purity was a priority for both of y'all. And then you're able to go into having a dating relationship like that, engagement like that, and then walk into marriage like that. And so that's why I think we wanna talk about it

is because you guys hear it all the time anyways. And then y'all's questions were like, whoa There is like a lot of questions about this because after y'all were on the podcast and we titled it that that was one of the biggest episodes of the year so far and then we asked the question online like what kind of questions do you have about sex and the flood of questions made us realize wow people really do need some guidance around this. And again, not that we're like the ones to guide you. I think you should again, go see a pastor or counselor. Let someone walk with your story and your life, but we'll go ahead and talk about it. So let's first talk about, you mentioned like the will of God for your

life. What is like the will of God when it comes to sex and relationships? Because some people might be like, what is the difference in worldly and godly? And maybe they just think, oh, don't have sex with your married, but why? Because I think a big thing that the church could do better at is just explaining the picture that God actually created from the very beginning.

So anyone wanna tackle that? I can feel y'all looking at me. We are. Yeah, I mean, I think in a sense of, yeah, I think growing up, I think the church definitely harps on that idea of wait till marriage, but yeah, there's really not like a stipulation on like why or what the benefit of that is.

And yeah, like you said, culture pushes that so much. Movies push that so much. Songs push that so much. So it's like, yeah, it's these conflicting things of the church is saying this, but then the world is saying this. But then there's really, at least for me growing up, there was never much of, like, what the benefit of it is. It was like, oh, that's just, you know, a thing that you do. It was never like this, like, sacred picture that I kind of had growing up. And yeah, not to blame the church, but I do think that the

church can do a better job at, yeah, addressing those things rather than shying away from it, because it can't be uncomfortable. It can be awkward, it can be kind of weird to talk about it. But just from the standpoint of godly versus worldly, yeah, it's a sticky thing to kind of try to address because, like you said, the world tries to push it from this from the standpoint of like you can do all these things, but then there's no repercussions for it and There are repercussions for it whether you you know realize it or not whether it's Psychological or biological or or whatever like there are consequences for your actions, and that's something that the world Never addresses. Yeah, the world never addresses. The world never addresses like, hey, there will be consequences for you doing this.

There will be people in the future that will be hurt by these decisions that you're making, your own body, you're like outside of marriage, like you're defiling your own body. And yeah, those are just things that aren't really talked about. So for me, growing up when I had really wrestled with all that, it was never,

it was like, it's tough to think back on it because it was never like, oh, I, like I knew I shouldn't be doing those kinds of things, but it was like, there was no future thought of like, how would this offend somebody or my spouse, or like, how could this damage friendships or relationships or whatever, just because it felt so normal from like

a cultural standpoint. So for me, obviously, Godly versus worldly, you know, the Bible says wait till marriage, and you know, because of, like that's God's plan. That's how relationships flourish. People talk about soul ties and all those different things and whatever, but yeah, I mean, you're supposed to pursue a woman,

and then you have sex when you're married, and it's become such a normal thing to not do that, to not wait for that, you know, that you're almost weird and outcasted if you do choose to do that. And yeah, it makes headline articles if you choose to do that and abstain from that. It's crazy how shocking it is.

It's crazy how shocking it is. Like it's weird. But yeah, I think obviously Godly versus worldly, like, you know, the world wants to push that you can do it as many times as you want with as many people and there's no repercussions for it, there's no consequences for it. And yeah, it's just you do your thing

and that's just, it's gotten so common towards like it's the same thing as kissing somebody. It's like, oh yeah, we had sex. But it's like, that's a deeper thing than just you kissing somebody. I think it's become so normal that we view it like that. The Bible talks about like, you're becoming one with that person.

That's what I was gonna say. And it's like, God's intention was that you become one with one person, you know? And so that's why Adam and Eve, they came together as one, and they were fruitful and multiplied. They had kids and stuff. And also it talks about how like they were fruitful and multiplied, they had kids and stuff. And also it talks about how like they were naked and they felt no shame.

And I think that is like a picture of what God had for sex is that two people love each other so much, they would become one together, what God joined together, let no man separate. And then out of that being one with someone, they felt no shame, you know? And so I think opposite than that in the world, it's like you have sex with all these people

and you don't realize that you're attaching yourself to them in some way or to some capacity. And then there can be a lot of shame from that, you know? And there can be a lot of hurt from that, like you said, like not just like mentally, but physically and like all the different things. And I think like, when you think about sin in general, when it comes to like the Bible, I think sometimes when we say like,

oh, it's sinful or it's a sin, then people just think that you're being judgmental or God's being so judgmental and trying to like not let you have fun. Like what, we can't get drunk, we can't party, we can't have sex. Like it feels like, okay, fun sponge. Like, do you just not want us to have fun in life?

This is just like judgmental. But actually, like, if you really read the Bible, it's not out of like this heart to just judge and dictate, like don't have fun. It's all out of the context of love. Like, this is how much I love you. This is what I created you for. You shouldn't have to feel shame.

You shouldn't have to have a hangover the next day and have a headache because that was your idea of fun. You can actually have joy and laughter and fun and love and feel no shame and have freedom. And I feel like when you understand the context of God's designs under that umbrella of like, oh, he's looking out for me. Like, because the road, you know, to sin leads to death.

Like these things don't lead to good things, but the path, you know, of God, like it leads to life. You know, and I think that's really the umbrella you gotta look at it under. And I think, you know, people ask like, how do you get out of thinking, let me read it exactly. How do you get out of the mindset that sex is bad once you're married?

And I think that's the problem is that we talk about, it's like before marriage, you think sex is bad, but sex was never bad. It's always the design of sex that got created is always good. It's just outside of that design in marriage, it's wrong, it's hurtful. And so I think when we grow up thinking like,

sex is bad, sex is bad, sex is bad, then you get into marriage and you can't get over that idea that like you've always said it was bad. When you really have to say, no, the design that God created for sex in marriage is beautiful and it's good and it's always been good, but outside of that design, it's hurtful. Everything outside of what something is designed for is bad.

It's the same fire analogy. It's like fire that contains great, but if it has no confinement, then it'll burn down the forest. All context. It's all context for like, yeah, it's the same thing. It's like anything in its confinement for what it was created for is good.

You can look at that with technology or whatever. Anything that's built for this specific thing is intended for a good purpose, but then if you put that outside of what it was created for, then anything can become bad, so to speak, so. Thank you. Thank you. You know, I totally get the struggle

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So support this show and get 25% off by texting WO, that's W-H-O-A, to 22433. I don't want to skip ahead if this is coming, that's W-H-O-A to 22433. I don't want to skip ahead if this is coming, but that makes me think about just the trap I think a lot of people get into is like, especially in engaged relationships, is that, you know, we love each other, we know we're gonna get married, we even have a date on it. And like, so, you know, the temptation is just so strong, like we just were going to.

And I don't see why that's a problem. The thing that I heard, and I can't remember if I said this on the last podcast, that just changed my perspective about that. I wasn't necessarily struggling with that. I think it was a thought sometimes. But at some point I heard that with the way that God designed marriage and the purpose of sex and how that works with and how it's supposed to be within a covenant of marriage, then you going and having sex before you enter that covenant of marriage is not honoring what God designed for the covenant of marriage.

So if you're willing to do it with your engaged partner before you get married, then you're going to be willing to do it after because period, you don't have respect for the covenant of marriage and the way that God designed it. So what's the difference between if you're going to go outside of those bounds and like, like we just talked about, like the purpose for something that God has laid out, then why would you respect the purpose and guidelines that God has laid out for when you are married, if you're gonna just go and do that when you're engaged?

And that's really hard. I mean, I'm saying that, like I know that that's gonna be hard for a lot of people to hear. And I think that there's redemption for anybody that maybe is hearing that like, oh, we already have had sex and we know that it's wrong. And that kind of is the train of thought I was on. There is redemption for that.

But for you to be able to experience the healing that God wants to bring into that situation, you have to come to an understanding of like, okay, I need to be obedient to what God is saying about this. Maybe I need to change my perspective. Reread the question again. How did you get out of the mindset that sex is bad

once you got married? Which not everybody, like, that's even gonna sound weird to people because- No, for sure. Well, what I was gonna say was, but even with that question, there's two sides to the coin, right? There's the person who's never had sex,

who comes into marriage and thinks it's bad, feels wrong, and like doesn't know how to kind of handle that. But then on the flip side, there's the person who has wrestled with the shame from having sex. So when you do get in marriage and you do have sex, it's battling the shame of indulging in something that you had felt shame for for so long.

So it's the person who has never done it that's kind of like, this is awkward, how do I do this, this feels wrong. But then on the other person, it's the battling the shame feeling of like, one person attaches it to like, this is so wrong, you shouldn't do it versus the other person attaches shame and like maybe like humility or like humiliation from it. So it's, it's, it's, it's a too, you know, it's, it's, it's

it's multi-banded. Here's the thing that I think we have to say from the beginning too, that the whole podcast was titled, I Didn't Know Sex Could Be Beautiful, because it is beautiful. And so we're talking about some of the hard things to navigate based off of what the world has made it become. Not because it's not awesome and beautiful and wonderful and all the things, because it is,

and that's what God designed, that's what you get to step into. But there are some effects that sin has had and what Christians allude to is sin, whether you have had sex with multiple people and you feel ashamed from that or sin from your own self-righteousness thinking like, this is bad, this is wrong, blah, blah, blah,

and all the different things. Lydia, I don't want to skip over you before I go to the next question. What are you thinking on? I was gonna ask, could we kind of tie in the first question and that question back? Cause I feel like I could get a perspective on both of them too.

For sure. Could you read the first question again? I can't remember what the first question was. It was the one with the will of God that Christian answered. Okay, yeah, I just kinda came up with that. But I wanted to address that because again, people might click on this podcast and they're, they're like, they never heard about God's will for sex.

They're like, wait, what? Like why are Christians like so don't have sexual for marriage? Like why? Because it's so normal and it, you know, it's a natural response from your body. Like that's what you want to do. So why are we saying you shouldn't? Okay. Yeah. I kind of wanted to give a perspective. So why are we saying you shouldn't? Okay.

Yeah, I kind of wanted to give a perspective on like a female side of that too, I guess. Cause like everything Christian said, I agree with. And I just feel like so often in the world, like what we see, like you were saying, like on the movies we read, like watch, and the books we read, and just so many different things, especially like for me,

like I was telling y'all the other day, I was like 13 years old reading books I should not have been reading. And as a 13 year old, I had no idea that that was even necessarily wrong. I was just, I don't know. And that gave me such like a skewed idea of what sex should look like or what a relationship should look like. And then just different things like that. And so many times in those books and movies and TV shows that we're watching, you don't

see, like you never see the effects of it. Like there's so many, I always think about like Nicholas Sparks movies, like I love them, don't get me wrong. But like you see them like they're in a relationship and it's this great thing. But then a lot of times like then another person comes along and then they cheat on that relationship with this person and then there's so much sex involved and there's all this and then at the end it's like, oh, we're happily married

and we love each other and it's great, you know? But they don't show, like, the effects of all of that, like, baggage that was in there, too, you know? Like, they don't show how it feels to go from this to this and how it feels to have had that situation you were in. You know what I'm saying? And so like you only see the good. Like you see like, oh, like they got,

they wanted this person. They got what they wanted. They had sex like, okay, it was great. It was passionate. It was like, that's what it, that's good. Like that looks good, you know? And that's what we, you grow up seeing. And so, I mean, like you said then after Christian,

that's what I was thinking is the Bible says like when you have sex, you become one with someone. And so when you have sex, whether that's in marriage or outside of marriage, you are becoming one with a person. And it was never meant to be torn apart, you know? And so when you have sex with people, whoever, when you have sex with people and it is torn apart, like that wasn't how the Lord intended it to be. And it hurts and it does cause shame and that does stay with you.

Like for, I mean, there's so much redemption in it, but they're like, like Christian said, there are consequences to that. And I just think that the Lord, He didn't want us to have to face that pain. And that's not a pain that we had to endure, you know? And so when we do it, it's like in this moment, it seems good because that's what we've seen and that's what culture teaches. But then you don't see the after effects until it's your own life.

Like until you're the one living it. And you're the one who became one with this person and now they're not a part of your life anymore. And it's like, wait, like, this is hard. And like this was, and especially, because I even, I grew up in the church and I knew all of the things. And to a certain extent though, like culture had become, or to full extent, like culture had become

what I believed more than what I was being taught in church even. And so I even got to a point where I like culture had become what I believed more than what I was being taught in church even. And so I even got to a point where I thought sex was good, like even outside of marriage, like because I hadn't surrendered my life to the Lord, so it did feel good. Like it was what was right in that time to me, you know? And then I realized through that,

and especially looking back, I can see there was so much heartache and pain the whole time, even in the midst of when I thought it was good, you know? Even when I thought, like I convinced myself this is good, this is right. There was so much heartache and pain the whole time. There was underlying shame,

even if it wasn't at the surface, like it was still deep within me. And I know for sure, like when Reeves and I, we, I had a lot to, even when we started dating, I had to like rewire my brain almost to like how a godly relationship is meant to be without that aspect in it. Yeah.

You know? Like, and to learn how to be loved and to love without that aspect. And like, and that was just in our dating relationship. That was before marriage even. Like having that huge shift in mindset was so much because you're just taught that without that, there's something missing, I feel like.

And that's how I had felt. That was how I felt validated. That was how I felt. And then in a godly relationship to learn that is not what the Lord intended for me to feel or to be felt like I was needed for. I wasn't needed for that anymore. I was just desired because of who I am as a child of God,

not for what I could give. You know? It was just huge. I think that's what's so huge. When people say, is it worth the wait? I think it's like those kind of things are so worth it because you get to love each other without Giving each other something that is not really because sometimes I feel like oh if I just have sex

Then they'll stay or then they'll like me or they don't have to worry about them looking at other places Yes, but to like go, you know what? We're actually gonna fall in love with each other and that's gonna be strong enough That's gonna be even stronger than like a physical connection, that's gonna be like a soul connection because we actually love who each other is and then you trust that person so much more. And I think shame, like when we talk about shame,

it's not just like physical shame where you're like, you're naked and you don't feel shame, like you don't feel embarrassed. It's so much more than that because you can get to the place of like, like you said, having sex outside of marriage and thinking, this is good, this feels good.

You're not feeling shame, you're feeling confident, you're doing the whole thing. But it's like, it's more than that. It's, I trust this person. I love this person. I tell this person my insecurities. He, I know his insecurities. We were walking this out together, you know,

and people say like, oh, how could you get, what do they say like, if you haven't test drove a car, like how do you know that it's gonna work? It's like, because it's so much more than that. It's like when you have an emotional connection, you love each other so much, then like, that just is easy. Like, you know how to drive a car, you'll figure it out. Yeah.

Just trying to define marriage by how the sex is gonna be. Yeah. This is such a small. I just bought a new truck. I didn't need a test drive in. Because you know why you didn't need a test drive in? Because you knew every single thing about that truck. That's so true.

You literally researched every single thing there was to know about the truck. Four years, by the way. And you're like, this is my dream truck. This is my dream truck. And then you didn't even need a test drive that thing because you knew everything there was to know about that truck. You knew it was going to drive well. Even more, you didn't, you didn't, you started talking about that truck like over a year.

We can't say the name of the truck. Yeah. It's a private relationship. Dude, you didn't, you didn't just jump into that relationship with that truck. I'm making a metaphor. This is so funny. This is real. People always say this. You waited. You kept driving that, your last truck for a long time. I knew that you had like...

Everyone knew you wanted the other truck. Yeah. And how much better was it once you got that truck because you waited. How much better because you waited. We can definitely get lost in that analogy, but. That is so true. It's real though, because that's what people have said. That's what the world might want. How could you, you know, no. I wasn't making a joke, I was being serious. It's so real though. Well that's, yeah, it's just, you're defining,

you're just, you're not taking into account, like, anything else that God says about marriage, if you are gonna follow that philosophy. Like test drive the car, like, that's just, I mean, I'm not trying to be critical, but that's just like a really immature way to evaluate something that's permanent. It's for the rest of your life. Being a mom to a three year old and a one year old, I could use every minute of sleep I can get.

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and save over 40% off. Again, that's trymiracle.com slash woe to treat yourself. The thing too that I kind of wrestle with in a sense is like I still I think everybody has some sort of like moral compass right like you know whether it's like thou shall not murder like most people know that like that's not something that you should do and I think I'm thinking about it from the standpoint of whether it's sex or pornography. Like I can look back at my life throughout middle school, high school,

like years when I was so wrapped up in that, like there was always a sense of like shame in it, but the shame was never conviction. Like I can think about being in high school and all of my worldly buddies that were just crazy. Like we would always talk about pornography, but it was always like, you always felt gross and you always felt bad for like,

why am I so like, like, why is this such a huge, like, why am I so attracted to this? Like, why do I always want to go do this? But then like, this is just being completely vulnerable. I can't remember times in high school, this might be TMI, but I'm just gonna share it. Like, I would literally be doing homework, stop doing homework, go watch porn,

come back, finish homework, and I'd be like, I was like, what am I doing? Like, this is just terrible. Like, why am I doing this? Like, but I'm saying that to say, there was something in me that's like, I know I shouldn't be doing this, but it was the shame aspect of it,

and I felt dirty, I felt gross, whatever. But there was no, like, conviction from it. Like, the shame aspect that I felt dirty. I felt gross, whatever, but there was no like Conviction from it like the shame hadn't translated into conviction until after I really got Serious about my relationship with Jesus so I'm saying that to say Like you might be listening to this and you might be making these decisions and you're wondering like why do I feel? Somewhere deep in me that this is wrong. I shouldn't be doing this like When it feels natural, I'm just gonna push back,

that's the spirit, that's something in you that's contrary to what you were designed to do. Something in you knows there's something more for you, there's something better. Yeah, there's the physical body, there's your soul, there's your spirit, there's your spirit. There's something else inside of you that it's contradicting to what your flesh is wanting you to indulge in

because that's not what you were created to do. That's not what you were created to, just fully engulf yourself in. So if you listen to this and you're like, why do I feel like that? It's because that's not what you were created and designed to do. I'm glad you brought that up,

because someone says, how to avoid lust in your marriage. People always say marriage doesn't solve lust or pornography or anything. And I think this is really important because so much of what we're talking about as far as like not feeling shame in marriage, not struggling as much with lust in marriage,

not struggling with pornography, it all comes like, if you're able to, and if you're listening to this post-marriage and you're sitting there and you're struggling with this, then there's still redemption and hope. There is always redemption and hope to be found, because Jesus is always, you know, He rose from the grave, He's alive, okay?

So if He's alive and He will always be, then there's always a chance for hope and redemption. So like, hear me say that. But a lot of what we walked through, like we found freedom in this before we got married and got to a good place with this before we got married. And these were all things we talked about openly. I don't know about y'all, but I assume so.

We talked about this so openly before we even got engaged that by the time we got married, because people are saying to like, was it awkward on your wedding night? It wasn't awkward on our wedding night. It was awesome. It was like, oh man, so worth the wait. This is so beautiful. This is God's design. We had an amazing, that's all been amazing in marriage, but a lot of that was because we talked a lot about that before we got married. We dealt with a lot of that before we got married. That was hard to do.

That was uncomfortable at times. That was hard to hear from both ends, but it set us up really beautiful for marriage. And so I think like the more honest you can be before marriage, the better you're going, the better marriage you're gonna have. And the more open you can be before marriage, with confession, whether that's to your friends, to the person you're going, the better marriage you're gonna have. And the more open you can be before marriage with confession, whether that's to your friends, to the person you're going to marry, to counselor,

man, you're gonna be set up so much better for marriage. And so like, you don't struggle with it as much, or if you do, it's just open, it's not hidden. Because I think that's the biggest thing, like not hiding anything. Because hiding things, you will tend to continue to hide them and dig a deeper hole. But when it's open, it's just out there and you're going to struggle, but you confess

and you move on. You know, that's my take. Yeah. Yeah, you have to have people in your life that you can confess things to and, you know, repent of things with and even to seek advice. I mean, you know, because marriage is difficult. It's to seek advice, I mean, you know, because marriage is difficult, it's not easy,

especially when you throw kids into the mix. And yeah, if you don't have people that you can call that can relate to the season that you're in, or maybe that are older mentors that can speak into you, yeah, you are gonna wrestle with some of these deeper things more if you don't have anybody in your corner that you can ask advice from, or you can call and confess things to.

So yeah, even moving from dating to engagement, to marriage, to now having kids, you have to have people in your life that can speak into these seasons that you're in, or else, yeah, hidden things will say hidden if you don't have people that can relate to where you're at. I think they'll grow too.

Confession is key. They have their confession time with the guys and we have our confession time with the girls. And it is so important that you have people that you can be honest. Because the thing is, in marriage is like, same outside of marriage, you're living, so you're human and you're gonna mess up

and you're gonna fail and you're gonna mess up and you're gonna fail. And you're gonna have days where you're like, hey, this is just hard. And I remember when I went to the girls and was like, I have struggled with lust and it feels so ridiculous to say it, I'm embarrassed to say that and y'all helped me. And then I talked to Christian about that. He's like, do you know that I literally have an entire

podcast where I confess that and talk about that and lead people from that? Like, of course you can talk about that with me. And it's just been something that that didn't actually have a grip on me because the minute it started happening, I was like, I'm gonna tell my friends, I'm gonna bring it to light, I'm gonna talk to my husband.

And there was freedom in that, you know? And so I think that, yeah, confession is so important. And so I wanted to give y'all a chance to talk about that too. And then I have a follow-up question that I think is so important. And so I wanted to give you all a chance to talk about that too. And then I have a follow-up question that I think is really good. Yeah. I was just going to say, I think it's so important to with like,

when we're talking about this, I feel like so many people, the people listening to this, there's probably so many different stages of where you're at, you know? Like there's probably single people listening, married people listening, engaged people listening. Like there's all of that, I'm sure.

And I don't know what, like, we don't know what the relationship they're even in looks like. And so I would also, like, with what I'm about to say, like, because of how I was pursuing the Lord and Reeves was pursuing the Lord, like, that's why our relationship was how it was. But I'm very thankful even for in our dating relationship, he really was the one who was like, he led with that in the sense of we are gonna be completely open book and honest about everything pretty much

because I really struggled with that. And so again, for people who were listening who did mess up before and who have messed up, that was having sex before marriage, that it messed up a lot of me. Like it messed up a lot of me. It messed up a lot of how I addressed things. It was just the relationships were just wrong. And so they were handled wrong in every way.

And so then being in a relationship where that wasn't even a factor, it was like, I don't know how to handle things correctly because I was handling them all wrong before. And so I truly had to, like we had conversations where I was like, I feel like I have to relearn everything about a relationship when I'd been in plenty of relationships before.

I was like, I feel like I have to relearn how to do this the right way. And he really helped every step of the way. But he was the one who started off with being completely open book and vulnerable. And I'm so thankful now, I was talking to someone the other day, how our relationship truly did and has started

off open book. And I feel like that's so important in a marriage. And it just is so, because it's just not, you're not meant to carry things on your own. You truly are one. And so you should feel the comfortable space to be fully open with your person. And so we definitely, in our dating relationship, started off just like, okay, well, here's me, here's who I've been, here's who I am, and here's who I want to be for you.

And that was like both sides. We had multiple conversations, I'm sure y'all did too, where you just like sit down and it's like, here it is. And then, I mean, our whole dating relationship, it just started like that. And Reeves always had like, you could probably speak about it, but you kind of like. And then Reeves started singing,

cause all of me loves all of you. Where did that even come from? You said all of me, and it just made me start thinking of that song. You know, this is kind of funny, because this is going to be one of those like, probably whatever, but again, I'm just addressing things that people in the world say

and putting a truth behind it. People say like, you know, after you fight, like the sex is the best, you know, it's like, oh yeah, after a fight or whatever. But I really actually think the truth of that is that when there's vulnerability and honesty and openness, it leads to better intimacy because you're not trying to be intimate with someone that you're hiding something from.

And if you're hiding something from, like that will be felt, you know? And so I think when you're open, when you're honest, it does create a better intimacy because that person knows you fully and loves you. And so when you confess, sometimes you think this is gonna be bad and it might be hard.

You might have a genuinely hard conversation and it might lead to a fight or whatever, but those things lead to greater intimacy because they lead to you knowing that person more, trusting that person more, loving that person more. And so I just wanna make sure that we're painting the picture clearly that we're not just saying, oh, sex is bad.

Like that's the opposite message we're saying that we're actually saying it's so good. God created it so beautiful. And it's good when you are living fully free and when you're living fully known. And that's what makes it so incredible. Beautiful back to the title of our last podcast. Yeah. ["Dreams of a New Life"] Friends, sometimes life can just hit you hard.

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I was in a crazy party atmosphere and pornography became a thing when I was 10 years old. So if you imagine, I'm 27, so it's 17 years ago. However long that I was watching it multiple times a day. And so, like you talked about in the story that you said, it's a coping mechanism. So you have to identify it and understand. And I would encourage you, like, if this is something you struggle with. And I'm not just talking to guys.

This is girls too, because there's a statistic that somewhere around 80% of girls struggle with this. So If you look at a clinical studies like pornography the dopamine and the serotonin in your brain is So high that it's one it's equivalent to it's either like cocaine or methamphetamine So the addiction levels are as high as like that that might sound crazy. I I'm never going to do meth. Well, the chemical reaction in your brain is about the same when you're watching porn. Um, so I just say that at first to identify how serious this is and it should be serious to you.

When you are watching pornography, um, it's a coping mechanism. And so when you're dealing with stress or anxiety, trauma, bad memories, and then to be even more specific, like abusive relationship, any kind of wound like that, you're gonna run to your go to coping mechanisms every single time. And so I laid out the context of my history because whenever I started following Christ, I was at LSU whenever I was living this super crazy lifestyle and I moved to West Monroe and I started seeing a, I mean, I guess it was a psychologist and he had an addictive history and like drug addiction and that's what I was battling, alcohol, drugs, pornography. So I started having to bring all these things to light because I hadn had met Jesus and I was like,

okay, there's some serious, like I was still falling into these patterns of living. And so that's where I learned all these things that I think are imperative to know. Like if you're true, like really struggling with pornography and that's lust included, they're kind of hand in hand.

You have to know what you're dealing with. And so if you think that whenever you get married, the problem with pornography is gonna be solved because you can have sex, it's not true. And you may have heard that before, but I just wanna tell you from experience, it's not true. And the temptation doesn't just go away ever. And I'll be fully honest to say, like, I have to take every single day seriously.

And I don't know if you feel the same way. Like, I have to wake up and I can't be off guard. And that means that I don't have full access to internet. And I, like, just recently, I just felt under attack and we haven't even had TV because things, like one thing in your mind can lead to another and the things that you consume have a huge part into where your mind is gonna just kind of autopilot during the day.

And so I just wanted to go back into that because if you're struggling with that, it needs to be addressed, especially if you're in a relationship that's approaching marriage, because how do you think, if you, if the way that you deal with stress and anxiety or whatever is running to pornography, how do you think you're going to deal with stress and anxiety and a marriage? Because that's a whole new level of stress. Cause now you have somebody that is looking to you to lead. And if you have kids,

you have human beings that are relying on you to live. Like if you think whatever is going on, I'm not saying things aren't stressful before all that happens in your life, but I mean, you're gonna have to step it up even more. So you gotta, like, if you're listening to this and you're struggling with it, like start talking to somebody now, like start making changes in your life now, because I have to wake up every day and just say, you know what,

I'm going to seek after the Lord and God be with me and guard me from temptation because I know it's around every corner. And I don't know. I could, I mean, I could. Yeah, that's good. Yeah. Cause even if, even if you're listening to this and you know, pornography is not something that you really wrestle with. I always just say we have so much more autonomy of our lives than I think we realize.

And like, like you said, you can delete the internet. I do an ad for Covenant Lives on my podcast and this is not like an ad, but you can download this and it blocks you from searching specific things. And it's even the music you're listening to. So if I'm in the car and I'm listening to Future or Drake or whoever, and is talking about sex and committing adultery and cheating and all these bad things. And then I get home and then I open Snapchat because I'd Snapchat my friends. And it's, you know, the first, you open it up

and then the top thing from Cosmopolitan or whatever, it's, you know, top 10 sex positions or whatever. Then you go to Snapchat somebody of the opposite sex, it's like you're framing these thought patterns to like want to see something that is inappropriate. And even if you're not going home and watching pornography, it's those subliminal things of like,

oh, I just saw, I didn't click on it, but you saw it and then in the back of your mind and your subconscious, that puts some sort of thought in there that when you go to snapchat somebody, it's like you're thinking about this inappropriate thing. And then you get back in your car, then you're, oh, let me listen to more rap music. And it's sex, sex, sex, smoking weed or getting drunk.

And it's like, it's these, all these things that, it's a slippery slope. And then you look up, yeah. And then you are fully you know engulfed with pornography and you can't defeat that addiction and a lot of it at least for me started with things like snapjet it started with you know just seeing things that I shouldn't have seen. It's making me think of Matt Chandler's quote which is kind of brutal, but true, where he talks about, he's like, if you have a little cub,

a lion cub, he's like, you might think, oh, this is a cute little lion cub. He said, no, you go out, he said, if you're living with a lion cub in your house, you gotta go outside and you gotta kill that lion cub. Cause if you don't kill that lion cub, even though it sounds brutal, that lion cub is gonna become a full on lion

who's gonna be living in your house. And you're gonna be under attack of a lion you welcome in and like nurtured. And when you could have killed it at the beginning because it was always a threat, it just didn't present itself as a threat at first. And those are the things I think like Snapchat, like pornography, where it's just like a little lion cub.

You know, like it's not a big deal. It made me feel good. It's, you know, it's part of my life. But then you invite that lion cub to keep growing. It's gonna turn into a lion that can devour you. And I think that's an excellent analogy, but it sounds so intense because there is an intensity to the things that we're casually bringing into our life.

Cut off your hand, gouge out your eye. Like there's- Like Jesus was like no chill. No messing around. Because of what is at stake. And that's what you're saying. You're like, it's not, we're trying to be so serious and like be like, oh, womp, womp.

It's like, no, we're saying this because there's another person you genuinely love and care for. There are children that you're trying to raise. There's a future and a legacy you want to leave. There's dreams and passions in your heart. And these things will take you out. Like they'll take your marriage out.

They'll take your family out. And so that's why you can't just be like, oh, don't be so serious about things. Like, no, actually these are serious things that you wanna take seriously. Because if you do, and if you get a hand on it, man, you can have a great life, like a fruitful life that God intended you to live in.

But you gotta be intentional. You gotta throw the TV out sometimes. You gotta delete the internet. You gotta do whatever you need to do to get it under control. There is a question that I do want to talk about because I think this is really good and speaks to the fact, and we were talking about this the other day, like we are visual people. And we actually need to give our minds credit for the fact that we can visualize things and think so deeply about things. I mean, our minds are like incredibly powerful tools. And so that's why you got to be really careful what you talk about, what you think about,

what you listen to, what you watch. And somebody asked the question of, what's your take on discussing sex openly with your friends? And I want to make sure we have a clear distinction between like confessing things to your friends and then talking about sex openly with your friends. And this is why, you know, even for us through this podcast, we're like, okay, how do we do this?

And we all went to lunch before and talked about just kind of the boundary lines and stuff, because I really do not believe you should talk openly about your sex life with your friends. My take is like, that's a no. It's just weird. Because one, it's weird, but two, it opens up the door for so much comparison.

It also opens up the door for the fact that our minds are incredibly visual. And like we talked about, if somebody tells you something that they're like, oh, last night or whatever, then like, what you gonna be thinking about last night for them? And I'm like, I actually don't wanna think about that, thank you, and I don't need that visual.

And then also, there have been people who have just told me so openly about their sex life, and I didn't ask for it, but now all of a sudden, every time I see them, all I can think about is what they said. Chill, girl, chill. Well, I'm just saying, is that not true? I'm just joking.

Have you ever experienced that? Yes. Is it true? It is true. So I know I'm the one hanging out on a limb here, being vulnerable. But it's like, I think that's why you shouldn't do that. Because I just think that it's not,

that it's supposed to be sacred. I agree. It's supposed to be between you and that person. Well, it's two things. It's bragging about it, but then it's also like saying, like you're not getting enough of this. And it's visuals both ways.

It's like, oh man, last night was crazy. Or it's like, or you could be like complaining about what you're not getting kind of thing. So it's like, just don't talk about it. It's both ways. I think, but I think it's honoring your spells. I agree. I think because it goes back to what culture,

culture 100% talks very openly about all sorts, everything about sex, you know, in detail. And so I think it goes back to that because if you're living in the world, I'm sure every worldly couple probably goes around and talks to their friends. Because I mean, I did. I know we, I did.

And I know the boyfriends I dated, I know they did. You talk about your sex life. And because it's like, you're not honoring one another. Like you said, it's not a God-honoring relationship. It's something to flex at some point. You're like, hey, look at what we did. It is, it is. It's like, it really is.

And so it's so different when it is a God-honoring relationship because it's like, this is so like, this is us. Like, I don't, this is for me and you. Like, this isn't something to brag about, to complain about, to anything. Like, this is our marriage, our life. Like, this is for us. And that's like a beautiful thing.

Like, it's not for other people's eyes or minds or ears. Like, and like you said at the beginning, I mean, there is a time where maybe you have questions like the ones on the paper that you do bring to someone that you trust from across the table, but it's not in like a comparison way or like a just conversation over coffee. Like it's a, if you actually have a need, like, yes,

bring it to someone that you trust, but it's different than just like, it's not like, it's not respecting your marriage. I feel like when you just are like, you know? Your mom hates it when you leave six half-full glasses on your nightstand. It's a good thing mom lives on the other side of the country. And it's an even better thing that you can get six IKEA 365 plus glasses for just $9.99. So go ahead, you can afford to hoard because IKEA is priced for student life. Shop everything you need for back to school at IKEA today.

Well, I think it kind of goes into like, it kind of goes, no, it's true. It kind of goes into like- I'm a meme of just that. Wee! It goes into like the modesty thing too, because, okay, this is like so counter-cultural, but like for me,

I remember genuinely 18 years old, me, okay, this was maybe a little bit before, maybe 17. Like I was really wrestling with wanting to, I actually like wanted to flaunt my body because I felt like if I did, I would get attention. And I thought if I did, I would have a lot more followers. And if I did, now I didn't do it because I have so many people in my life

who would literally have like shut my Instagram down, which I'm thankful for. By the time I was like, okay, if I did this, I could probably be like really popular, you know? And I remember like being so tempted to take pictures of myself, you know, honestly, but then I would be like, okay, I don't need to do this, like I feel like conviction or honestly it was maybe not even as much conviction

as like, what if I get caught and then I'll get in trouble and then like, what if it's blasted all over the internet and I really don't want that to happen? But then part of me would kind of like, you do because you feel like that's working for other people and you see the attention they get and it's like, cool. And so I think that like with our culture, that's like flaunt your body, brag about your sex life,

brag about how many people you've had sex with, like, cause that is cool. And that is this amazing thing. It's so counter-cultural to hide your body in a sense, not fully, I mean, modesty is so relative to what you believe modesty is. But like respect your body, respect your marriage, respect and honor those things. And I think you have to just look at it

in such a different way. Like my body, like why would I want that attention? What do I, why do I think I want that? Why do I want all these people that don't even know me to see my body unclothed? What does that give me? But then to think about opposite and be like, actually, I'm gonna honor and respect myself enough

that I don't need that kind of attention because that's actually not gonna get me what I really want. I actually desire to be respected. I desire to be loved. I desire for people to look at me in the eye and respect what I'm saying. And I also desire for like our marriage to be respected. I desire to be loved. I desire for people to look at me in the eye and respect what I'm saying. And I also desire for like our marriage to be intimate

and like for just us and for like you to see me and me to see you and no one else. And like, and so I think it's so tempting to want to just flaunt, to want to just give, but I think that's whenever we're doing our life for ourself, it's so selfish, you know? And selflessness, I think, is really when you get to discover the power of what love is all about.

You know? And so I just think if we would stop for just a second as people and say, like, why do I want to watch porn? Why do I want, like you said, you gotta get to the bottom of that. Why do I want to take pictures of myself and send them to people? Why do I want like you said, you gotta get to the bottom of that. Why do I want to take pictures of myself and send them to people? Why do I want to post inappropriate pictures?

What do I feel like I need? And am I actually going to get that by doing this? And you probably get down to the bottom of it and say, no. Like I gotta switch, I gotta switch gears. And so, I don't know, I think that when it comes to talking about it openly, yes, in trusted spaces where you genuinely are asking, and maybe it's confession, maybe it's asking advice, maybe it's like, hey guys,

do you think this is healthy? Like, yes, open it up, you need that kind of stuff. But also, there's a boundary, and you don't actually need everyone to know about that part of your life. It's meant to be sacred, it's meant to be special, it's meant to be intimate, and it's meant to be with one. And so, y'all, there's like so many things

we could talk about. There's so many questions we've gotten. I think though that to me, this is really helpful. I hope it's really helpful for y'all listening. It's one of those things where I am so grateful that you guys trust us enough to send in these questions and to ask us these hard questions. And I hope that you keep doing it.

Like, I hope you keep sending the questions and just know we will read them and we will consider how to answer them. But like Lydia said, because we don't know what stage of life you're in, this is not like, not all of the advice is like one thing fits all, but what does fit all

is God's design is for all people, you know? God's redemption is for all people. His love is for all people. His will is for all people. And so for all of that, dive into what God says about this. And if you're in that stage where you're like, I have lived this completely opposite, this is like so counter-cultural

to everything I've lived and believed. Just know we were all there too. Like we all were in the culture too, with the world too, doing all the things too, feeling all the pressure. But then something changed in us when we met Jesus and we realized there's actually something better for us. There's actually something more beautiful, more intimate, more lovely, more exciting, and quite honestly, more fun,

because it's actual fun. It's not fun attached to shame that you can have. And so I hope that you will consider that, that you'll pray into that, that you'll ask God to lead you in that. You'll read the Bible and understand what his original design was, and that you'll surround yourself with people

that will help you get that. And so we appreciate you all listening. Keep sending your questions, and that you'll surround yourself with people that will help you get that. And so we appreciate you all listening, keep sending your questions, and thank you, Reece and Lydia, for being the sex couple. And no, I'm kidding, I'm kidding. Thank you all for coming on and talking about the hard stuff, though. We appreciate it.

If you're hearing what we're saying, and you're like, I have the worst conversation coming, like you're gonna, like it's, you're gonna get through it. I don't know, I was gonna try to say something. No, that's good. Cause like we had the, like some of the hardest conversations and like, and we still have hard conversations

like it's part of it, like I don't know, for somebody that's not married. Well, some people, I think, I've heard people kind of, I don't want to say brag, but kind of brag about how like, we never have fights. And I always think, it's probably not good. It's probably not being honest, you know? Cause I think that, you know,

some of those honest conversations like, hey, I'm struggling with less, or I've watched porn, or my past is coming back. That's hard to say to someone that you love, because the last thing you want to do is tell the person you love that you're struggling with those things. But it's out of those really hard conversations

that lead to you feeling the most loved. And when we were dating, I remember one thing that I had written on my list of like the guy I wanna marry was, I don't want him to tell me he loves me until he really means it. And I don't even know that I really knew what I meant by that when I wrote that on like my list of things, but I just remember a lot of different relationships

I was in, you know, we'd be like, I love you, I love you, but like we didn't even know each other, you know? And so that didn't really hold any depth. And I know I didn't love these people because when we break up, we'd move on very fast. And it was like, there wasn't like a depth there. And so when we got into a relationship and we were getting to know each other,

it was a few months in. And I remember the hardest conversation we ever had and probably to date was about the vulnerability of our past. And there were things that you did not wanna say that you said, and there were things that you did not want to say that you said, and there were things that I did not want to say that I said, and there were things that were just the ugliest parts

of our past that we were just like, hey, I just actually want you to know this about me because I want you to know where I'm coming from and what I've dealt with. And man, that night was so hard, and we were actually in Florida. We stayed up till like 4 a.m., which I know if you're sitting here,

you're like, boundaries, don't stay up past midnight. Okay, well, chill. We were having a good conversation. And we stayed up till four and we talked it all out. And we both cried and we hugged each other and that was it. And then the next day we flew to Louisiana because we were coming to visit my family.

And I remember that's when Christian told me for the first time that he loved me. And it was just like the best moment ever because I knew like, oh, you actually love me because you know the worst parts of my story and now you're gonna say that. And I was able to tell him I love him back. And like for us to be able to tell each other

we love each other after fully knowing each other was like the coolest feeling ever. It's something I never experienced with anyone else. I feel like we had a similar experience except for Reeves and I, we had, I remember it was one time we were in the car, it was a similar thing. Like it was, he was going home to drop me off or something and we stayed in the car until like 2 a.m.

And it was one of those conversations where it was like we were telling each other everything except for actually I didn't tell him everything that night. And I remember it was like really the same thing. Like it was a really hard conversation because we told each other so much. Like he told me his past, I told him my past. But there was still like one thing I was holding

on to. And I think, I actually think you did tell me you loved me before I had said that one thing. And I remember, like you're saying, like, I remember like when he told me he loved me, we were like at his house and on the couch and I just remember, like I don't even know that I said it back immediately because my first thought was like- That was the moment we had the conversation. My first thought was, you don't know me though.

Like you don't really know me like if you knew yes I was like if you knew this one thing I don't know that you'd be saying this right now and if you didn't hear that Rewanda and listen to the other game because it's like what go ahead go ahead but I just in that moment like he told me he loved me and I started crying and I literally I think I cried for like, literally hours before, like, and he just sat there with me. Yeah, we didn't have the conversation for a while because she was so upset.

I just didn't want, I just didn't, I didn't know how to like, say it, I guess. And I just was crying, because it was like one of those things, like you said, no one before, like I had never, this was something so, I didn't want to have to say it out loud. Like I was like, I've never had to have this conversation before, I didn't want to have to say it out loud. Like I was like, I've never had to have this conversation

before, I don't want to have it. And I just cried for hours and I was like, and I told him that before I actually said it. I was like, if you really knew me, like I don't know that you would love me. And he was like, yes, I would. Like I know I would. And then finally I like told him

what I was so scared to tell him. And I mean, like it was just like, literally he was like, I love you. I was so scared to tell him. And I mean, it was just like, literally, he was like, I love you, that doesn't change a thing. I love you. And it was just like huge to be, it goes back to what we were saying earlier, just to be fully known, to be fully known. And the person who the Lord has for you will fully know you

and will fully love you no matter what. And, and like you said, like those conversations are so hard, but you get through it and it makes you it makes you so much better. And it makes you so much stronger. And because you are fully known, like truly fully known. And so powerful. It's just so like I can think about people listening to this podcast, maybe going. But do you have to? You know maybe going, but do you have to? You know, why?

Like do I have to do that? And it's like, no, you don't have to. Like you don't have to tell them everything. You don't have to tell them about your past. But if you do, like the freedom you're gonna feel and the love you're gonna feel, and like, I don't know that you will fully be able to receive all the love that God has for you

and the person has for you, if you don't allow that person to love the worst of you. You know? And I think that's the true power of an intimacy and relationship is you see all of me, like all of me, the worst, the best, every season, and you keep choosing to love me. And to experience that on earth is a gift

that God allows us to experience on earth before we get to heaven and we're fully loved by God as a father and fully known as his child and all those things. But like, he lets us get a taste of that in marriage. He lets us get a taste of that in marriage, you know? He lets us get a taste of that, like, really receiving love and grace and like, I mean, waves of grace and love. And it's just, I think that that's when you get to see

a side of God that is just, it's such a gift. Yeah. I mean, yeah, I guess you can't, you don't have to, but if you don't, it's eventually going to come to the surface as a problem. If you're going to marry somebody and hold something from them for the entire length of the marriage. And we heard something in revival last night is a story.

The pastor's daughter had tonsillitis and knew that she needed to get her tonsils out, but she was scared that the surgery was going to hurt. And he said, well, do you want it to hurt now at the surgery, or do you want it to hurt forever? Because it's not going to go away. And so like, my thing is, is that, you know, like Matt Chandler says, if you're 99% known, then you're not known, you're unknown. And so if you do have, I want to say if you have somebody that you think you're going to marry and you tell them that thing and they don't show you that love after you are lovable

and that's not the person that's meant to love you forever. They're not the right person and you are lovable and there is someone out there that will love you despite what you've done or that thing that you had to share with them. So I just wanna say that to you. And cause they don't understand, they might not have the pastor understand the grace of God.

Cause I think like, yeah, your stories are gonna be different and you have to have the maturity level in Christ to know the same blood that washed me washes you. And if you're not met with that, I mean, now I'm not saying you're not gonna also be met with the genuine hurt and frustration that comes from sin and consequences of sin,

but ultimately met with I love you, and you know, there is therefore no condemnation for those who are in Christ. Like, you gotta get to that point, you know.