WHOA That's Good Podcast - A Part of My Story That’s Been Quiet Until Now | Sadie Robertson Huff & Bella Robertson Mayo

Episode Date: June 25, 2025

For the first time ever, Sadie’s sister, Bella Robertson Mayo, is getting real about her infertility journey. She opens up about the loneliness that’s come with it, the complicated feelings when friends announce pregnancies, and how she and her husband, Jacob, have been walking through years of unknowns together. Bella shares how this season has actually made their marriage stronger and how her faith in God has only grown deeper. She talks honestly about the grief that shows up often — and how scrolling through social media can sometimes feel like a punch to the gut. But even without all the answers yet, she’s found real strength in the Lord. This Episode of WHOA That's Good is Sponsored By: ⁠https://activeskinrepair.com⁠ — Get 20% off your order when you use code WHOA at checkout!⁠ https://covenanteyes.com/sadie⁠ — Visit the website to learn more and start your journey toward a healthier, stronger marriage today.⁠ https://sadiepens.com⁠ — Stock up on Mr. Pen Bible journaling supplies today! - Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Get to Toronto's main venues like Budweiser Stage and the new Rogers Stadium with Go Transit. Thanks to Go Transit's special online e-ticket fairs, a $10 one-day weekend pass offers unlimited travel on any weekend day or holiday, anywhere along the Go network. And the weekday group passes offer the same weekday travel flexibility across the network, starting at $30 for two people and up to $60 for a group of five. Buy your online GoPass ahead of the show at Gotransit.com slash tickets. No Frills delivers. Get groceries delivered to your door from No Frills with PC Express. Shop now at NoFrails.ca. What's up everybody? Happy Well That's Good Wednesday. I hope you're having a great day, but guys it is about to get so much better. I gotta stop singing the intro. It never works. It always misses. But I am so excited because we have everyone's favorite guest, Bella Ra-Meo.

Hello. Back on the pod. Is this close enough? Sorry. I started realizing it while you were talking. No, I think it's close enough. Is that good? Yeah. Sorry. It's her first time to be on the podcast. It is. Yo, this is, that was very amateur hour. Well, last time, first time to be on the podcast. It is. Yo, this is very amateur hour.

Well, last time, mama's on her phone went off. I was like, dude, have you act like you've been here before? Actually, same. OK, Bella, exciting news. You and Jake just opened General Vintage. Yes, we're so excited. So if anyone doesn't know, me and my husband have had a vintage clothing store online for about five years now.

We started it, we were dating, and now we're opening our first retail location in Monroe. So. It's crazy. So fun. So exciting. It's been so fun already. It's so cool.

Like. It is. Jacob is such a weird person, and yet somehow does really cool things. He's such a weird person and yet somehow does really cool things. He's such a weird person. And mom always says like, he is someone who you would never know cares so much about his style because he's always just wearing like whatever he wants to wear. And most of the time it's so casual. He never is like dressed up or anything.

But he loves clothes so much and vintage clothes is like his thing. So I don't know. Yeah it is really funny. But whenever like we go to weddings and stuff or out to dinner, you can see his like unique fashion because it actually is really cool and it's not like what everybody else is wearing. Like the time when we went to the Black Tie wedding and he was wearing a denim on denim Canadian tuxedo with a huge hat. Yes. He walked up, I was in the wedding so I wasn't seeing him get ready. He walked up I was like, hey what are you wearing?

Well everyone else is wearing tuxedos. I like it though, that's what makes him cool is he's confident in his style. Christian, when he gets dressed up, is still wearing Lulu lemon dress pants and his one shirt that doesn't really fit him anymore. They have their style. Yeah, they do. But no, y'all are crushing it with Journal Vintage.

It's so cool to see something that started started as just a scene like a passion project has now become like a full thing. Yeah, for sure. We had so much fun designing it too and it's turned out so cute and I love it. And now people who watch Duck Dynasty have been seeing his General Vintage stuff and Dad vintage shopping around with him, which I can only imagine was... I can't wait for you to see that probably Well, I'm so excited you came on the podcast and can we just be honest with the people about why you might be a little nervous Yes, so I'm a little nervous today because I am sharing a very deep part of my story that I Honestly haven't shared with very many people.

So obviously you know the story and my close friends and family know, but this is the first time I'm sharing about it publicly. So I'm very nervous about that. Yes, and that's fair. And I think that, you know, you talked about this, that you came on, well, that's good, years ago after you wrote your poetry book.

And that felt like super vulnerable because it's one thing to write something on a page and it be poetic and another thing to just share from the heart in a podcast setting. But I also feel like watching you walk through what you've walked through over the past years and keep it so private, I think there's been like a beauty to that but I also think there's like a time where,

you know, you do get asked about these things a lot. And it's like, this is a space to share your story so openly and in a safe space where, like if anybody asks from this point on, you can direct them here and say, this is my heart and this is my story. And I think it's very interesting timing because I think a lot of people wait till after they're

through something to share about it. And so it was a very big decision to choose to do this now and not wait until hopefully this season ends. So it's a very vulnerable place to be still in the season. I think that that's huge though Bella that you decided to share your story before it had that miracle, has that miracle ending. Because a lot of people do wait for that.

And the reality is there's so many people who are out there listening to this podcast who also have not had the breakthrough yet or the miracle happen yet. And it's that wrestle with how do you, how do you live in the middle? How do you live in the tension of that? I'm believing for something, but it hasn't happened yet.

And so I'm super proud of you for sharing. And just wanna give a heads up to the audience because one of Bella's fears in sharing was that, my story's different than everybody else's story. I don't want someone to compare their story to my story. And I everybody else's story. You know, I don't want someone to compare their story to my story and I say it's hard for this reason, but they're like, well, mine's harder for that reason. And the truth is everybody's story is different.

Everybody's story is different. That's walking through life, walking through a 24 seven reality. But that doesn't mean that we still can't empathize with each other and the things that we walk through. And just because this is her story and yours might look a little bit differently, I just would ask the audience to have ears with empathy as you listen to Bella's story. And Bella is going to speak with empathy as she considers your story.

And I think at the end of the day, the beauty in sharing is that we can bring comfort and hope to each other in the midst of our stories because although timelines might be different or although the specific details in the story are obviously going to be different, at the core human level, hurt is hurt, pain is pain, time is time, waiting is waiting. We all can empathize with the feeling and the emotion that we walk through as we walk through hard things in life. And so I just want you to feel the freedom to share your story honestly and true to what you've experienced because sometimes I think when we come on a podcast, you want to tailor

it to all of the listeners. But the reality is we could never do that. But the beauty of what the Holy Spirit does is He allows you to share your story and somehow He takes that and divides it into the hearts of many in hope and in encouragement. And so I just feel like, I just want you to feel the full freedom in that. Yeah, so me and my husband, we always say like,

you know, there are people who have it way harder than us and there are people who have it way easier than us. And we fall kind of somewhere in between. And one of my good friends, we always talk about just how there's so many different stories when it comes to trying to have a child, and there's infertility, miscarriage, and so many other things.

And me and one of my good friends who has a totally different story than me, we were there for each other through this journey a lot, and we would always say like we want the same thing. And I think that there is a, there is this universal bond when it comes to wanting to have a child that we want the same thing and like no matter if someone maybe has tried for a lot less, less time than us or a lot more time than us, we can bond over that central fact that we want the same thing. And I think that that's something that can be really helpful when it comes to being there for friends through the situation. And of course, like you

said, I do want to be very sensitive about how there are people who have it way harder than us or have different stories than us. But I hope that we can find that commonality that we do. We are hoping for the same thing. Yep. That's great. I think that the hope is there. And there's one Bible verse I wanted to read before we jump into everything because I thought this was so encouraging because the other thing Bella mentioned being nervous about, she was like, because I haven't gotten to the miracle part of my story yet, I don't want this to be hopeless.

Like, I still want this to be a hopeful conversation. And I was reading Psalms this morning, Psalms 42, and it just struck me like the beauty in our ability to fully grieve a situation, and yet at the same time, fully hope and trust that God is God and God is good. And I got to the verse that I've read so many times but in Psalms 42.5 and it says, why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me? Question mark. Hope in God, for I shall again praise Him, my salvation and my God. So I read that and I just kind of pass on because I've read

it before. Then I get to the next page in verse 11 of the same chapter. It says the exact same thing. Why are you cast down on my soul and why are you in turmoil within me? Hope in God for I shall again praise Him, my salvation and my God. I'm like, okay, interesting. It says it twice in one chapter. I keep reading Psalms 43 verse 5. Why are you cast down on my soul and why are you in turmoil within me? Hope in God for I shall again praise Him, my salvation and my God. Now this is like a song and the person's like continuously saying the same thing like why are you cast down on my soul? Hope in God for my salvation will come. My salvation is in him." And I thought about how, okay,

why did he keep asking himself that? You know, that question, like, why are you sitting down and casting out your soul? Was he genuinely, like, wondering why he's so sad? Was he depressed for no reason? Was he wondering? And so I looked kind of back at the context of the timeline of when this writer was writing this, and it was very obvious what was the problem. They were in exile, Jerusalem was destroyed, everything was going bad. They had probably been deprived spiritually for so long, not able to worship in the temple.

So he wasn't actually wondering why would I be sad? It's obvious why I would be sad. There's a very sad situation in front of me. There's a very hard situation in front of me. There's a very depressing situation in front of me. But then he kept repeating to himself, hope in God, for I shall again praise Him. Therefore I've praised Him before, I've seen Him do it before, I'll see Him do it again. My salvation is in God." And I love how he keeps asking himself the question even though he knows why he's sad.

He's more so just saying to himself, I know how big my God is. I know how good you are. I know I'm going to praise you again because I know my salvation is in you. Okay, so you know how moms are basically walking first aid kits? Yeah, I feel like I've always got someone with a skin knee, a mystery rash, or sunburn, or someone who just wants a band-aid. And that's why I'm obsessed with Active Skin Repair. It is amazing skin health company that helps you heal with natural, non-toxic, medical-grade ingredients.

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Use the code WOE to get 20% off your first order. And when I look at your story, why I said to you, I don't think you should fear this being a hopeless conversation, you walk in hope. Like for all this time, I have seen you walk in hope. I have seen you grieve, I have seen you mad, I have seen you sad, I have seen you walk through all of the real pain that a human would feel

going through something like this. But also, I've seen you remind yourself of truth. And so I just wanna encourage you in that, and I'm very inspired by your walk with this but I want you to share what your journey has been because Yeah, you've never really shared it publicly. Yeah Our story well, so we've been married for almost four years Well when this comes out, it will be four years that we've been married

So about six months into our marriage We knew that we weren't quite ready to have kids, but we knew we would want to soon. And the birth control that I was on had like a disclaimer that there would possibly be side effects for six months or so after you could possibly not get pregnant for about six months after. So we were like,

this kind of feels like the right time to get off of it. It'll be about six months and then we can get pregnant for about six months after. So we were like, this kind of feels like the right time to get off of it. It'll be about six months and then we can get pregnant and that'll be about a year into our marriage. This will be perfect. So we made that change and got off the birth control and six months came around, nothing. Another six months came around, nothing. And it was so shocking.

I think a lot of people who will share their story with me, especially if they've been trying for like a year or so, I'm always like, I think it can be tempting to think like, oh a year, like we're three and a half years into this, like that is not that far. But I also think that that first year was like the most hard, I would say. Really those like last part of the year, because it was so confusing. It's something you think your whole life happens one way and then it doesn't. And so that was very shocking for me. I was just like, why is this not happening?

This is how it's supposed to happen. So we just, you know, kept going with life. We were like, we'll see what happens. And obviously now here we are, three and a half years later, and it's been a crazy journey. We've tried fertility treatments, we've had exploratory surgery, we've done a lot of things to hopefully try to find answers but we just haven't found any yet. I guess it would be marked unexplained infertility. At this point we still haven't figured out what's going on but we've done everything under the Sun. You know we've done drink all the crazy

drinks and teas and all the things and tried to eat super healthy and take our vitamins and things like that, but we just haven't found any answers. And I think in not finding answers, we found a lot of faith and a lot of strength in Christ. But anyway, it's just been a crazy journey. So I want to ask you because you haven't shared this really publicly and you do get asked a lot, when are you all gonna have kids? You know, by, you know, well-meaning people. Yeah. Family asks that all the time because they don't know. I mean, your

extended family doesn't know what you walk through, your close family does. And so you get asked all the time, people on Instagram, I'm gonna have kids soon and all that stuff. And I've seen that be like, sometimes really frustrating to you when people ask you that, even though they don't know, but still it's like a frustrating question. I just want to ask you, like, one, why have you wanted to keep it so private? I think that why we've wanted to keep it private is a multi-fold answer. I think that in some ways it's been like, well, you know, we don't want to share this

because what if it changes tomorrow, you know? So there's that element of like, we don't want to jump the gun, you know what I mean? And I think for a lot of people walking through infertility The first year or two you're kind of like is this that or is this not? I don't know like am I just reading too much into it? Is it gonna happen tomorrow in my you know what I mean? And so I think the first Year to it's kind of like, why would I share that? Like, this isn't really, you know, you kind of don't identify with that yet.

So it's kind of just a weird thing. So there's that element. And then there's also just the element that people are really cruel sometimes on social media. But then there's also the side of it that's like, it can feel cruel to ask the questions, are you pregnant? When are you going to get pregnant? Those can feel cruel as well. So I don't really think there's a right way to go about it, especially in terms of social media. But I do think that I have felt a lot of peace and a lot of like comfort in seeing other people share their stories. So I think that in some ways where I wasn't ready to share my story, I have learned that sharing your story is a bad thing and that I felt comfort in other people who have. So I think that now that I am ready, I do feel like this is the right thing to do because I know that it can help other people.

And I think that no one should share if they're not ready to, but I think if you are ready and you feel comfortable to share, I think that it can be such a powerful, great thing. But I also have seen a lot of people who share a lot and get kind of burned by it. Cause then of course when you,

it's kind of this thing of when you tell people this about your life, then they're constantly wondering, constantly asking, constantly, you know, giving you recommendations and advice on how to do whatever. So I think that that's a part of it that I have also wanted to avoid is all of the opinions and advice

because for the most part, I've read everything. I've researched it so much. So I'm like, in some ways I'm like, just don't tell me your, you know. Yeah. But. That is so interesting. You just said like three questions I had for you

because one of the parts I wanted to play in this conversation for our listener, and we talked about this is like, you know, there's so many people who are walking through this and there's so many people who are walking alongside someone in this. And I feel like the people walking alongside it sometimes are like,

I don't know if this is helpful or hurtful. Like, I don't know if I should ask or I shouldn't ask. I don't know where that kind of lies. And so should I send this advice? Should I not? So I wanna ask you some of those questions more in depth a little bit. One thing I do wanna know if you're comfortable sharing

because people are cruel. People do say things that are just insensitive. Can we talk about some of those insensitive phrases that you've heard that you would just encourage people like avoid saying this when it comes to someone who's walking through infertility. Some of them are not meant for TV but yeah some of them are like some people say some crazy things I'm like oh my goodness but um but I think like the classic is just like,

oh don't worry, don't stress, it'll happen. It's like when you think that that's comforting, sometimes it's not, cause it's like, do you not see what I'm going through? You know what I mean? So I think just the whole like, oh don't worry about it, is, can be very insensitive. So that's one of them. I feel like when people say to you, oh you're still so young. Oh yes,

well you're still so young, that's definitely one. And while you're still so young is can be sometimes can be insensitive. But then in some ways it's like I think, I think yeah you probably shouldn't say that to someone. But I do think if you're really close to someone, I think that that is a very, for me, I find comfort sometimes in just being like, I'm still so young. I've still got time. Nothing to stress about. Whereas that's something that I have come to terms with, but when other people tell it

to me, it can be very annoying. But in myself, I think that has been something people used to tell me all the time, and I would be like, oh my gosh, don't say that. But I think for myself, I have come to find comfort in that. There also is truth to that. Yes, but I don't think you should go around

telling people that. Yes. I think when you ask someone anybody, when are you gonna have kids? I think just come into that knowing that that could be a loaded question because I think some people come in they're like, well, when are you gonna have kids? Don't wait. It's about time. Yes. It's like those after comments. Yeah, it's like the I It's like, it's the like, it's like the,

I feel like a lot of people come to me and ask me when am I gonna have kids with the assumption that I just don't want to. So I think just knowing that like, a lot of people, it's probably that they do want to and maybe that they are not for some other reason than just they don't want to. I think that that's not always the reason And so maybe don't come into that

Yeah, assuming that they just don't want to because a lot of people come into it and ask me like Like well, what are you waiting for? It's like yeah God yeah literally God so that is that's one thing, because walking through this alongside of you has shaped the way I ask people and talk to people. And one thing I've done recently is kind of change language. Like when do you wanna have kids?

Like, are y'all wanting to have kids? Because then people can say like, yes, we actually do wanna have kids, but it's actually been a hard journey. Or like, no, we're actually not planning on having kids for a while or not at all. And so it's actually been a hard journey or like, no, we're actually not planning on having kids for a while or not at all. And so it's like, kind of gives people the ability

to share if they want to, because then you could say, yes, I want to have kids. Well, y'all know I'm not afraid to have hard conversations, so let's have one. Pornography and explicit content is everywhere and it's hurting marriages more than we realize. It's sneaky, it's silent, and it can wreck the trust in a relationship in the blink of an eye. And that's why Covenant Eyes exists. Our victory software lets you put guardrails around your marriage and

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and you actually were talking to me about this the other day and I was like, man, that's so true. It's like, we so often, like you don't realize this, whenever you first get married, until you walk through something that you walk through. When we first get married, you like time everything out. You know, like you said, you're like, okay, well, I'm gonna get up work control, and then in six months,

we're gonna start trying, and then we'll get pregnant, and then a year later, we'll have, you know, it'll be a year into our marriage. And we all have done that, you know? It's like, okay, well I kinda went to whenever I'm like two years in, and it's like such a privilege thing to think that we can control our timeline. And I loved how you phrased that the other day.

Yeah, I think me and one of my good friends, we always say like, we feel when other people talk about things like that, it can feel so privileged to think that, oh well, I really wanna have my kids two years apart. It's like, how can you plan that? You know, for our story, it's like, how do you plan that, you know? And for some people, it works that way,

but I think just, it's kind of the old saying, Lord willing, like Jacob's grandma always says Lord willing will have dinner tonight You know what I mean, and it can seem a little silly but in the grand scheme things like truly Lord willing We can space our kids apart this much Lord willing will have a kid this year like it really is The Lord's will yeah, and so I think that that is something to be mindful about, especially, I mean, honestly, if you're just talking to your friends,

and I mean, I totally understand where you're coming from, but I do think if you have a friend who is walking through infertility, then maybe that's just something to be sensitive about, not, you know, coming into it with that, I guess, mindset. Yeah, that's really good. So you mentioned that y'all tried a lot of different things

and that people have recommended a lot of different things and sometimes that can be a little annoying. What I have seen in you is like, any things that people have recommended to you, I've actually seen you try, you know? So you've truly given it like all the shots. Do you mind sharing more specifics of what you did try for those listening?

And also, where do you fall in that wanting to hear what everyone else in the world has done and tried? For sure, okay. I'll share some of like the sillier things, like some of the more medical things I'll keep to myself. But we've done sort've drank chlorophyll, which is like a nasty green drink for a while. I've done these teas called Wisdom of the Womb.

That was an interesting era, because you and Jacob both did that, right? And I'm still into the teas. Yeah. And the teas, I did them so consistently, and I knew three people who got pregnant using the teas. So I tried them, I did it consistently for two months, and then now I just drink it just because I like the tea,

and if it helps, it helps. So I did the teas, did the beef organs, reproductive organs of a cow. Those thankfully were in pill form. They were not, you know, were that gross, but they did taste terrible. And oh, I actually have a funny story about this if I can share.

Please share. So I got these beef organs in and I had heard about them. I knew one person who had gotten pregnant taking them. So I was like, I'll give it a try. So I get them in and I read the back of the bottle and it says take six capsules a day. It's like great. So I start taking six capsules a day and it was disgusting but I was doing it and then probably like four days into it I was just like oh I'm gonna go read more about these online like I read a little bit about them but I didn't like

deep dive so I was like reading more about them online and I was on their website and I scrolled down to like frequently asked questions or something like that. And it said recommended use. And I clicked on that and it says, start with one every other day. After a week, add another one in one every day after two weeks at another one in and build up to six. Well, so then I was like, one every day. After two weeks, add another one in and build up to six. Well, so then I was like, oh my gosh, I've been taking six a day.

So what is gonna happen to me? So I emailed, I wrote a comment, I DMed them, like am I gonna be okay? Like I've been taking six of them and they messaged me back and said, you're gonna be okay, but it could have powerful effects. That's all they said.

Powerful effects? Exactly. Please explain. I mean, if powerful effects means pregnant, then like that's great. Does this mean twins or are you talking like? I was so stressed. It just, you know, messed up my cycle a little bit,

but it was okay. It just messed up the days of my cycle a little bit for like a month and then I was okay. But I was like, what in the world? I was so stressed. But when it comes to recommendations, you just have to take it as like, if I seem like I'm not really listening,

it's like, maybe I'll try that one day But I think I'm at the point in my journey where it's like I've tried so many things that so many people have been like This works. Yeah, it's like sometimes I'm not in a rush to try something new if I'm getting a little yeah You know antsy and one And they you know, I have a list of things people recommended to me But it's like don't expect me to go tomorrow to- You're taking it one at a time. Yes, don't expect me to go tomorrow to do the first thing you recommended,

because I've tried so many things, and so many of them haven't worked. Even medical things that I've tried that haven't worked. It's like, I'm so sure that this will happen when God wants it to happen, and that it's not up to me, that sometimes it's like great, thank you for that recommendation and if I wanna try it I may,

but don't expect me to go up tomorrow and rush it. I think that's good advice. And one thing I have seen to be true in you is you really haven't rushed it. You want it to happen, you wish it would happen, but you have kinda taken it step by step. And I've seen you even give yourself timelines. Okay, okay, if it hasn't happened by summer,

then I'll make another point more. If it hasn't happened by then, then I'll order the teas. You know, and I think your patience has probably, well, I think not only your patience, but the way you've dove into your faith and relationship with the Lord has kept you a little bit more steady and secure And like you just said I'm sure it's gonna happen like you literally said the word sure

Yeah, one of my favorite songs through this whole journey has been firm foundations. He won't mm-hmm Is it I think it's called that? And it's been one of my favorite songs. I was listening to it this morning. And I feel like the most comforting part of that song to me has been the line that says like, I'm standing strong on you. I'm going to make it through cause my house is built on you. And I feel like I've just like clunked that it's actually been my screensaver for like ever, but it's one of my favorite lines of any song. And it's, I'm assuming referencing the parable of the

two builders and how if you build your house on sand it'll fall but if you build your house on solid land then it'll say, I don't know how to describe it. But that song has been so powerful to me and I think that that's kind of the mindset I've tried to have walking through this whole situation is like, I'm sitting strong on you. Like I'm going to make it through because my house is built on you. Yeah. Not because the T's not because of this. And I've really, my friend has really challenged me to no matter what I try, no matter what I do, to know that it is all

because I'm standing strong in Him, all because my house is built on God, that if we see a miracle, that's why. You know, and so that has been probably, I would say, the anchor of the whole anchor of the whole story. And I think that even when people have suggested things to me, it has been like, maybe I'll try that, but like if we do get pregnant,

it will be because my house is built on God and because he is guiding me through life. And I think that my friend actually happened to get pregnant while she was drinking the teas. And she wouldn't ever tell anybody that. She told me that. And she was like, but that's not why. And she really, really inspired me and encouraged me

when she told me, cause she was like, that's not why. She was like, she recommended me. She was like, you should drink these teas. And then like a few months into it, she was like, I was drinking them. She was like, she recommended, she was like, you should drink these teas, and then like a few months into it, she was like, I was drinking them the month I got pregnant, but that doesn't really matter. And so I think that, and I'm not saying that to out her, but I think that she was so, I mean, inspiring to me

when she told me that, because I was like, I've tried so many things, and like, in places when I wasn't as confident or wasn't as faithful, I think that I would have maybe thought, oh my gosh, I got pregnant while I was drinking these teas, you know? But thankfully, I had her to kind of remind me that that's not what it's about, you know?

To reframe that. Because then when the miracle comes, it's not just like oh yeah I drank these teas everybody go drink these teas. It's like no like add a firm foundation of God through that whole thing. That song I love that song you know when you walk into our house I have that canvas and I wrote out the lyrics to that song. Yeah. Like the first week we moved in and I've always loved the line where it says like when everything around me is shaken and then it says I've never been

more glad. I first heard it being like that is so interesting that he would say when everything around me is shaken I've never been more glad that I put my hope in Jesus you know that it's not that you're glad things are shaken you're glad you put your faith in Jesus your hope hope in Jesus, and you can be glad in the midst of it. Like, I've genuinely seen you have so much joy. I've seen you grief, like I said, I've seen you mad, I've seen you all things, but also like, you still lived your life. You went to school, graduate, like, you've done so much, Bella, it's insane. You went to London. Mom really encouraged me. You. Mom told me when we first got on this journey, like she was like, why don't you bucket list?

And I was like, bucket list. She was like, why don't you just make a list of things you want to do and one that you probably won't do after you have kids. Like make a list of things. And I was like, okay. So I started making a list and me and Jacob just started crossing things off the list

and going to Oxford and starting there was like a huge thing on my list that I wanted to do. Going to grad school was a big thing on my list. And doing those things have really reminded me, like God really does like love me because he knows that like if I would have had a kid, maybe when I wanted to, I wouldn't have got to do this or I wouldn't have got to do that.

And not that it's about that if I would would have had a kid then I would have been, not have missed out, you know? But I've had these memories and these things that I wanted to accomplish and I've gotten to, because it didn't happen my way. This summer, one of my priorities is spending time in God's Word. There is just something about digging into the Bible while being out in nature, the weather

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Visit SadiePimms.com and be sure to check out my favorites. At SadiePimms.com to get all your Mr. Pim Bible journaling supplies, you will be so glad that you did. Now, I want to ask you, this is kind of a hard question, but I think that many, many, many people probably struggle with this aspect of it, whether they're on your side or the friend's side. So I remember when I told you I got pregnant with Haven,

and that was a really emotional moment, you know, which, Haven's too, you know? And so I remember getting pregnant this time and being like, oh my gosh, like how am I gonna tell Bella? Because I so wanted it to be you obviously that got pregnant next. And it was a surprise, which I felt like, God, why would you give me this baby

when it just happened, you know? And I know what my sister is walking through. So I was like, I don't know how to tell you this, but at the same time, I have seen it be hard for you when people you love feel awkward to tell you something that's such good news for them, but obviously juggling what you're walking through and the tension of that.

So how do you land on, I don't even know if it's a land, can you just share a little bit about walking through your friends and siblings getting pregnant, what that experience has been like for you, and maybe some advice to people kind of navigating that what's helped you. Yeah, this is such an interesting question because it, like so many people walk through this

and it's such a weird feeling to be so happy and also So Like let me start over sorry it's okay And you're not gonna offend me and you're not gonna offend me like yeah I know. Like, the tears are so honest to how hard that is. And everybody honestly expects that to be hard. Like, that was so hard for me knowing how hard it was gonna be for you to hear.

And there's no other way to say it. Like, even if you're happy for me, even if I'm happy about situation, And there's no other way to say it. Like, even if you're happy for me, even if I'm happy about situation, like that, that sucks in so many ways, you know, just the way that it, that life sometimes pans out and the way that God blesses in some scenarios and why he's choosing to teach lessons and other,

there's so much unexplained in that. And so it's okay for this to be a messy moment. Yeah. This is a really hard question and we've briefly talked about this, but it is a bit of a messy topic and I think that's because it is the most happy and confusing thing.

We're gonna get a little emotional, but it's like. It's like when someone else's joy is also a reminder. It's like when someone else's joy is also a reminder. It's just hard. It's okay. You don't have to say anything else. I think that what you just said, when someone else's joy is a reminder of your pain, it's a really, it's a really tricky place to be. It is, I'm trying to articulate it in such a way that it doesn't put words in your mouth.

No, you're fine. But I don't have words, so I need yours. I think, and I don't mean to say, I can't say I think, and I don't mean to say, cr- cr- cr- I can't say that word. Cruel. Like, it's not cruel in the sense of like, God's doing that to you, like a cruel thing. But it's so deeply painful because it's

forcing you to get to the most like, selfless place ever. Because it's like, of course you want it to be you. Of course you want the baby, of course. And not that me having a baby takes away from your ability to have a baby. Obviously, that's not how this works. But at the same time you have to

have a moment of like pure selflessness and why when I when I say that and I wanted to really grasp the depth of that is not me saying you need to be selfless it's not me saying you should be selfless it's saying you're you're almost forced to be in order to muster up the joy to be glad for someone. And man, like that is so hard. It is, yeah. And I think that there are a few things

that are hard with that. And I think that it's of course, that it brings to the surface what you don't have so that's one and then sorry guys you don't have to say you're sorry Bella the fact that you're sitting here and being willing to share and help people and walk through your own emotions is insanely brave. And I hate to ask you such a tough question, but I do feel like this is one of the hardest aspects of this.

And we talked about this the other day, like in your 20s, people around are just, they just keep getting pregnant. Just like, I mean, for the person who's single, people keep getting engaged, you know? And it's like, you're happy for that person, but you're grieving that you're not, you haven't met your person. And then it's like the fear of, will I ever get married?

The fear of, will I ever have a kid? Like it reminds you of the fears, it reminds you of the pain. And with social media, you know, you're constantly seeing pictures and announcements and excitement. And it's not bad for people to rejoice and announce and be excited.

But there also is, you know, space for the fact that other people haven't had that yet. Yeah, which I think that would be like the second thing, I guess, is just like the loneliness of like, when someone else gets pregnant, it's like, that's one more person, you know? And yeah, sometimes it just, I guess it can feel like you lost that person, you know?

Like it's one. What I've seen, what I've seen, and what I think you're going to say, is that you had friends walking through it with you, and then they get pregnant, and it's like they're no longer in what you're in. And you've had that happen several times. And so you've gotten to the place of loneliness.

Like, when is that going to be my story? And I mean, I remember even for a while, you distancing yourself a little bit from people who were in that season of pregnant or having babies because it was really hard and that's fair, you know? That is really hard and that's fair, you know? That is really hard. And so I think one, you should not apologize

for the tears at all, at all. You should not apologize for the tears. You should not be embarrassed for the tears. You should not feel bad for the tears. Every single person walking through what you're walking through is crying with you and you are giving them the hope that they're not alone in your close circle right now. That is what it feels like and that is so hard Bella. But

there's also you know know, on this podcast, so many people listening around the world that are like, oh my gosh, I'm not alone, you know? Like, I'm trying and my friends all got pregnant. And that doesn't mean there's something wrong with me. And that doesn't mean that God has forgotten me. And that doesn't mean that God doesn't love me. Like, God is with me, God is for me, God loves me,

God has a plan for me, I'm sure of that. Like all those things, true, and it's hard. All those things, true, and I cry about it. All those things, true, and when my sister gets pregnant or my best friend gets pregnant, yes, it reminds me of the pain I'm walking in. It makes me feel lonely. That is 100% understandable and expected, Bella.

Not to ask you a better question that might bring more hope to you and remind you of the goodness, but one thing that I have been extremely impressed by is you and Jacob's marriage through this. And me and Grisham have talked about this. We're like, he is a great husband and you're a great wife and y'all are a great team.

And I feel like it's bonded y'all in like a way y'all are a great team. And I feel like it's bonded y'all in a way y'all would not be bonded. Had this not happened, not that I ever wish this would happen to y'all, but y'all's friendship, y'all's closeness. And Jacob is, he's so, he's a way about walking through life that's a little bit similar to dad,

where he can laugh through pain. And I've seen him bring you a lot of joy through really hard times. And even whenever I told you I was pregnant and Jacob wasn't there, I was thinking, I'm really glad you're going home to Jacob because I just know how he's gonna love you and be with you.

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Terms and conditions apply. Visit BMO.com slash VI Porter to learn more. Honestly, I would say that one of the best things I've come out of this whole situation has just been like our marriage which I Think that can somebody just like and I don't want to be I Hope I'm not unrelatable to some people who this is so hard in Their marriage because I know that that can be the case for some people people but I do feel like for us it has just been a place where we're both going through the

exact same thing at the exact same time. Whereas like you like we just talked about you have friends who are in the place and then they move on or another friend is in the place and then they move on. But this is like, we are in this together. When I win, you win. When I lose, you lose. So it's kind of like, it's been, it's just been the best. Like, I think we talk about it a lot, but when you lose a parent or you lose somebody, it can be super sad, but it's, you, but it's my parent or it's your parent

or when you go through most of the hard things in life. If you, you know, whatever it is, I feel like it can be hard for you, hard for me. You're there with me, but it's really hard for me or whatever. But this is like, this is both of us. This is us together. This is our shared story, you know? So I think that has been extremely beneficial in just like uniting us together. And then also, as you mentioned, Jacob has a very beautiful way of going through life

laughing at hard things. And he's also like, most people don't see this, but he's very, he can be very serious and also very, um, comforting. Yeah. Comforting. Comforting, yeah. So one of the great things is that he is able to laugh and like I mentioned before, we just laugh through like drinking the teas and all the things. Like we've had a lot of things that were just like only we could laugh about this and other people would be like, are you all crazy? Like this sounds terrible, but we're like, it is what it is.

You know what I mean? Jacob also does have the attitude of it is what it is taking a day by time a day at a time and so he's been the best and honestly this has been like the bucket listing too this has just been one of these four years have been the best of my life, and I think if it wasn't for Jacob, these could have been the worst, but they really have been the best. And I think that we've gone on all these trips, we've traveled, we've done so many different things together,

and we've had so much fun. And every single time we go somewhere and do something crazy, we're like, you know, if we had kids, we wouldn't be here, you know here you know and so um so I think yeah it's been the best I think that so cool he's made this really be the best time of my life. Wow okay as a friend though who is walking through someone very close to them who they know is walking through infertility how do you be a good friend? You know, how do you do you ask how you're doing? Do you avoid it?

Like what's a good friend look like? Yeah. Well, I think we've talked about this before, but obviously there's not a right and wrong. I think that some days you're just in the mood to talk about it and some days you're not. So I think there some days you're just in the mood to talk about it and some days you're not. So I think there is that. But then I also think that just being there and asking I think is good. And at least for me, I want to be asked because I feel like, you know, if I have a friend

who's pregnant, everyone's constantly talking about the pregnancy. It's like that's always being talked about. Whereas this, it's like everyone doesn't want to talk about it, but then it's like, well, that's my life, you know? And I think too with like, if you're engaged, everyone's like everyone doesn't want to talk about it, but then it's like, well, that's my life, you know? And I think too with like, if you're engaged, everyone's talking about your wedding, it's like, this is my life, and this is what I'm going through.

And sometimes it can be like, let's just not talk about that and sweep that under the rug or whatever, where I'm like, no, like... You can't sweep it under the rug. Yeah, it's my life. So like, this is what I'm going through, and if no one ever asked me about it or no one ever talks about it, then it does of the road. Yeah, it's my life. So like, this is what I'm going through and if no one ever asks me about it

or no one ever talks about it, then it does isolate me more or make me feel more lonely. So I do think it is good to talk about. Obviously I think that, you know, being sensitive and not, you know, I think not asking in front of like a ton of people, like that's one thing I don't like is when someone brings it up and we front of a ton of people, that's one thing I don't like is when someone brings it up and we're in a group of people and I'm like,

I feel like if someone doesn't know, then I have to explain or then it's just awkward. Whereas obviously in a friend group or just when you're just with someone and not even, I think not addressing it in a sad, awkward way. That's what I was gonna say, I've seen you. I hate when people are like, how are you?

And I'm like, I'm good, you know? Like, why, like what are you asking? You know, but I think if people are just like, hey, what's the update? Or, and sometimes when people say what's the update, I'm like, girl, there ain't no update. Or sometimes I'll be like, have y'all tried anything new lately?

You know, like. But I think even what's the update is fine. Like, people ask me all the time, What's the Update? I'm like, same place I've been. But sometimes it's like, oh I tried this or something. What's the Update can be awkward sometimes because it's like, I mean if I was, what am I going to say? Oh, it changed. So it is awkward in some ways. I've done that with other friends and even maybe you a little bit at the beginning before we talk more deeply about it I'm like I didn't want to ask you because what if you were pregnant and then you didn't want to tell me in it

but then I felt like Even if you were and I asked you could lie and fake it or you could be like I'm pregnant That would be great. And I'm fine with that. I'm like, yeah at the point that I am I'm like, I don't need the whole surprise thing. I don't need anything, I don't need anything crazy. Like, I just need the news, you know? I don't have to do anything crazy. I don't need to like, you know,

order a onesie that says anything on it. Like, it's just, it is the news and that's it, you know? So I do think in some ways it's like, I don't care if you ask me about it. I wanna tell you, if that's the news, then I'll tell you if that's the news and I'll tell you you know and if I want to tell you I'll tell you but I do think that there is that thing of like when people are constantly asking you about it in a really sad way it's like yes it just makes it seem like it's like always a sad thing and you're like I don't want

to always be like this sad story it's just like a part of my story and it's very real and I feel like you've said is just like a part of my story and it's very real. And I feel like you've said the same thing when people have told you that they're pregnant. It's like, and I've told people this, some of our friends have asked me before they told you, hey, like how do you think I should tell Bella? I said, I think you should just tell Bella

because Bella's gonna be happy for you. And yeah, it's gonna be hard. But at the same time, like don't go be weird with her, act different than the way you tell me because then that's not fair to you as their friend you know and I feel like it's the same thing with like how you doing it's like it doesn't always how are you doing yes and I think when you tell someone that you're pregnant that is going through infertility I think there's a few things I think have been really like helpful I guess.

When someone tells me it's just like not telling it to me in a sad way like I need to talk to you and then like it makes it really upsetting. And then also like tell like telling me like either just me and them together or like with a few people like I think the most kind of like overwhelming is like when it's in a big group of people because it's like I feel like everyone's looking at me right now you know what I mean and that can be kind of awkward and I do feel like that is one thing about this podcast too that's directing is just a feeling of like everyone looking at me and feeling it's

a certain type of way whereas like when someone tells me that they're pregnant in front of like a group of people I just feel like everyone's like, what is she thinking? You know what I mean? And so I think, you know, being with someone, just one-on-one, if it's your close friend, and then also, or like in just a small group of people, and then also making it seem like the happy news that it is. So. Yeah. I'm just laughing thinking about,

thinking about someone else. I'm just laughing thinking about, I'm just laughing thinking about, I'm just laughing thinking about, I'm just laughing thinking about, I'm just laughing thinking about, making it seem like the happy news that it is. So. Yeah. I'm just laughing thinking about, thinking about so many conversations me and you have had throughout this whole thing. And there is just an aspect of it, even if it's your best friend, like Bella is my best friend and my sister.

And there is just an aspect of it that's gotta be awkward sometimes. But don't let the awkwardness push you apart or not say it or not ask because fumble your way through it together. Yes, and I think all of our friends, we have a friend group, a close friend group, and we talk about everything,

but sometimes it can be like, we won't talk about Bella until we get to a place where we can talk about Bella. You know what I mean? Like in the Bible study or something like that where it's like, I want, these are my close friends. I wanna share my- I want it to be like a safe space, yeah. And I wanna tell what's going on in my life

and when I can't then it feels- I'm not gonna ask you in front of our whole family. Yeah. You know, there's time and a place a place yeah but it also can feel just awkward when it's like no one talks about it that's the awkwardness that's the tension of not knowing all the time what's the best and what's not and you learn and I think I've told you this and like hey just tell me you know like just like if I say this wrong if I do this wrong you know I do this wrong, you know, like just have that openness. Okay, now if you feel comfortable, what's next steps for y'all?

Do you have next steps? What does that look like going forward? Yeah, I think obviously we're taking it day by day, but I think we're looking at different, you know, things for the future, other treatments and stuff like that. And I think that kind of what treatments we're looking at is, I'm going to keep private, but I do think that we are going to go seek more answers and hopefully find a diagnosis or hopefully get pregnant. I think that we're taking it day by day, but also I think we're starting to look at getting more answers. I think that a're taking it day by day, but also I think we're starting to look at getting more answers. I think that a lot of people probably relate to this, but when you have unexplained immortality, it can be very just frustrating because you're like, why is this happening to me and how do I fix it?

Whereas some people I have friends who've like, you know, gone to the doctor, been diagnosed with PCOS. They take a medication, they get pregnant the next month and I'm like that is the part of unexplained infertility that can be extremely frustrating is like I Can't fix what I don't know what's wrong. You know, I mean if it's a hormonal imbalance Like I could take that hormone and then Get pregnant Whereas my situation, it's like, well, I don't know. I could try a few things, but we really just don't know. So that is one of the things that we're looking forward

to hopefully getting some answers on. And we could get to the end of it, and it's still unexplained to a lot of people that happens with where it just remains unexplained. And then I think if it does remain unexplained, I'll just have to trust lot of people that happens with where it just remains unexplained. And then I think if it does remain unexplained, I'll just have to trust God and know that this is His plan for my life. But I do think that, yeah, we're going to try and look for answers, but I don't really know exactly how that'll happen or what's exactly next.

But we are still looking for the answers to that. Wow, it's so cool, Vella, because you live this and it's true and you just said it, but the infertility, unexplained infertility is a part of your story, but it is not your story, it's not your whole story. That is not what four years have been defined by. And it could have been, you know,

and a lot of people are living in that, like defining their story, defining their whole season, defining their whole year, based off of a really hard thing that they're walking through. And I think it's so encouraging to hear you say like, hey, keep living life outside of the one thing that's really hard. And you've done that so beautifully.

I'm so proud of you because I know how nervous you were to do this podcast. You almost backed out yesterday, fair. And because it's hard to share your story, it's hard to share the real stuff, and I'm really thankful you didn't wait until the baby comes to share. I'm really thankful you're sharing in the midst of it, and I'm really thankful you didn't wait until the baby comes to share. I'm really thankful you're sharing in the midst of it.

And I'm believing with you. Now you have a whole lot of people believing with you. Praying for you. Is there anything else you want to say? Yeah, I was going to say, too, I think that that was another reason why I didn't really want to share yet or before this point I didn't want to share and I think that was because I didn't want my life or my story to be defined by this one situation. Like I said these four years have been the best of my life being married

and I've done so many amazing things and very very little bit of that has been defined by this situation. And, of course, um, if we keep living this journey and we keep this going on for another few years, then, you know, maybe it will be more defining of, you know, but like right at this point, it's like, I am grieving what I thought my life would have been, but I'm also so happy with the past four years and I wouldn't trade it. It's great, B. I love you. Love you too. Oh, yeah