WHOA That's Good Podcast - An Honest Conversation About Sex — What the Church Gets Wrong About Purity and Shame

Episode Date: February 20, 2023

Everyone talks about it, and yet it's not talked about enough! Sadie recalls the first time she learned about sex (after hearing the word "sexy" during an episode of SYTYCD!) and the many hours of follow-up questions she had for her mom, Korie. They discuss the beauty of sex, and they reject the lies in our culture that sex can be meaningless or destroy your purity. Sadie takes a closer look at all *those* analogies you might have heard in church, youth group, or even in Christian school. Wherever you are and whatever you've done in your past — or whatever has been done to you — Sadie and Korie encourage us that we are all made clean before God when we repent and trust in Him and accept His love and grace. God's design for sex is possible for ANYONE in a loving covenant marriage.  - Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

All right, what is up sisters and friends y'all? If you have seen the title of this episode then um you know we're already blushing uh I'm just gonna you know it can be an awkward conversation it can can be something that we shy away from talking about, especially in the church or just really anywhere, honestly. It's just an awkward thing to bring up. We were reminiscing on the first time I had the sex talk whenever I was probably like nine years old. And I think I brought you your worst nightmare as a kid

because I think most kids are like, oh, I don't really wanna hear about this. Let's just forget about this. And I wanted to know everything about it. Whenever I asked you, it was just one night we were watching Sathy Condance. And the judges kept going like, that was so sexy. And I was like, Mom, what sexy mean?

You're like, well, it comes from the root word sex. I was like, whoa, I did not see a sex. Okay, but we need a backtrack because I feel like I tried to tell you earlier than this. And you like just were like, no mom, I don't want to know. Yes, I did. You knew yourself pretty well. You were like at a young age, I don't even know how old you were,

but you came home and you said, like, you asked me something specific about it. And I was like, okay, well well do you want me to tell you I needed you know explain to you where babies come from and you were younger and you were like um I started to kind of like go into it and you were like I don't think I wanted it. I'm pretty sure I said I'm too young for this. Yeah yeah you did you know so this was you you were like eight or nine we were watching say you think you dance and you said what is sex what is sexy mean and so I was like all right this is an opportunity I've been waiting for is sexy mean? And so I was like, all right, this is an opportunity.

I've been waiting for like, just open that door so I can like tell you because that's, you know, a mom. You know you're gonna have that conversation at some point and you kind of just wanna get it over with, honestly. So, I just went straight in and you, you've been on our side very, is actually, I loved your response because your first response was literally to laugh.

You started laughing so hard, you rolled off the couch. I'm a nervous laugh, right? Actually, I loved your response because your first response was literally to laugh. You started laughing so hard, you rolled off the couch. I'm a nervous laver. I totally laughed and the weirdest to me is I could not stop laughing. And I'm pretty sure you said these words. I would never have thought of that.

It was like, I would have never thought of that. I was like, I've never in my wildest mind as she thought of that. Yes. I thought of where there was going from. That never crossed my mind. That as she thought of that. Yes. I thought of where there's going from. That never crossed my mind. That was not what she thought. And so it was just so funny, because most kids literally

just say nothing. They're just quiet. They're like, all right, got it, Mom? I don't even hear anything else, but you, on the other hand, laughed, fell off the couch, and then went on to ask me every question. On into the night, I remember we moved from the couch to the bed, and then went on to ask me every question on into the night. I remember we went like, move from the couch to the bed

and then you continued to ask questions until you finally said again, okay, I think I don't want to know anything else. I was like, hey, yay, we stopped here. This is good to know. But I actually really got to ask you all those questions and I'm glad that you told me that because I got to hear from my mom what sex is

and what guys designed for sex is and what God's designed for sex is and a lot of people don't have that conversation with their parents don't have that conversation with their pastor or with a mentor and it comes from a lot of other places to prep for this podcast we did a lot of prep all of these sticky notes are prep that we have just for God's biblical view point of sex, but it's appropriate to listen to a lot of different sermons as well. So I'm going to go ahead and throw out some of those that I don't listen to because they

were super, super helpful. I'll listen to Mike Todd's relationship series where he talks about sex and a container. I'll listen to Mingling of Souls by Matt Chandler, which is my favorite book on sex that Christian I read when we were engaged and just gave us the most beautiful picture of what got intended for the wedding night and for your marriage. So I highly recommend that. And I also listen to David Platt's Biblical viewpoint on sex.

And so some of these things I'm gonna share, even though I'm not gonna directly quote them, are from that. And if you wanna further this conversation and go look up some more things for yourself, those are some great things that I would recommend. But in Mike Todd's talk, he talked about how actually 80% of people found out about sex from their peers, television, or the internet, which is really a huge number of people.

So most of you listening, you might have heard about sex from a friend, you might have heard about it from TV or the internet, and maybe that's why you have a skewed view of sex or confused view of sex, or really you're just not even sure what you think about sex other than it is what it is. And so what we want to do is we want to share with you the God's view of sex and the biblical viewpoint of it. And why we want to talk about this is because I don't think a lot of people even know what it is. I think a lot of people when I think about what the church has to say about sex

is don't have sex with our marriage. But that's not really helpful because that leads to asking question, well, why? You know, why do we not have sex before marriage? And if you don't take the time to know why, then you're just gonna do it because why not, you know. I was thinking when you were, you started this by saying kind of like this is something that no one was talking about. But in one way, yes, it is kind of one of those things that like you don't really want to talk about.

But in other way, it's like what everybody's talking about all the time. You know, if you, if you look at the internet or you look at TV or you look at anything like, talk, they're talking about sex. Everyone thinks about it all the time. You actually can't go through a day. There's this, this is something crazy. But I mean, if you're honest with yourself, you can't really go through a day where you don't see something that's like overly sexualized.

Whether it's like on the internet, on social media, in a magazine at a store that you see, in a song that you're listening to, especially if you're listening to any second of the music right now, you're gonna hear about sex. So actually, yes, you're right. It's always talked about and it's always out there. I just don't think it's talked about in such a way

that's really talking about what it's meant to be and what it was designed to be because that's become a controversial thing and the customers that they talk about. And I think a lot of people are wrapped up in, especially in the church, like, shaming of like, oh, we'll have already lost my purity. And so I can no longer look at God's infrastructure as an option for me. But I just want to go ahead and stay from the beginning.

I believe that's a lie because I think that some of us think, oh, we've lost our purity because, you know, maybe we're not a virgin anymore. Maybe you've already had sex with other people, but I believe under the blood of Christ, all can become pure again, and can God can restore that original idea and concept for sex in your life, whether you've had sex before or not.

And so, and you may have heard about sex from the church, and it may have been in a harmful way. There may be ways that the church misrepresented God's word. And I think that that does happen a lot and has happened. And so I know a lot of people have a lot of hurt because of that, because of things that were taught to them, or even if you grew up in Bible class or a Christian school, there may be things that were taught to you

that actually aren't really what God's word says. And so that is why we always wanna go back. Like we always wanna go straight back to God's word because you can listen to a sermon or you can read a book or you can do it, but unless it is directly just about God's word, then you really have to test and approve whether it's from God. Absolutely, and I do think that there have been

so many harmful things put out from the church when it comes to sex. And if that's brought shame to your life, I just wanna say that is not the message of Jesus, that is not the message of the cross, that is not God's intention for sex. And so if you've heard an analogy that was horrible, or actually a talk about some of those horrible analogies,

if you've heard things spoken over your life that alluded to anything other than the power of the blood of Jesus can heal you and restore you all things and it's not truth. And so we're going to go over just some of these things that we've written down. One of the things that I do want to talk about though the beauty of looking into God's perspective of sex is that it has been the same concept since Genesis 1 We abide by the same truth and I think that what's so powerful about the Bible is that the truths do not change like these things we talked about this in another podcast So the idea for sex and marriage is the same idea we're talking about now the same idea we're talking about before Jesus after Jesus So I do we're all saying is a good idea that sex is good.

And this is why it's good. And this is what God is designed for. On the other hand, culture's view of sex has changed a lot. It's continuing to change. And that's why I think that it's kind of scary that 80% of people find out about sex or peers, internet TV, because they're finding out about all new ideas, all new concepts. And it's just constantly changing. Constantly changing.

Like there's nothing to hold onto. No. Whenever something is just constantly changing. Yeah, when something changes like that, you don't know if that's a good thing. I mean, it has stood the test of time. Right. As opposed to God's, you have said, it stands the test of time, but this is a good thing, and that if there's blessing that comfort, there's beauty that comes from it, there's

a sacredness and intimacy that comes from it and It doesn't do harm. It doesn't get it brings life, you know, and so I do think that that is significant that we should know a couple statistics on this Artichard Red and it was titled continuous change on the world's views on sex and marriage So again just right there Continuous change on the way that we view sex marriage. This is just over the past 20 years, some statistics. It says that sex outside of marriage has gone from over the past 20 years, 53% of people feeling like,

you know, it's not acceptable to have sex at certain marriage. So now 73% of people feeling like, oh, it's okay to have sex outside of marriage. So we're at 73% of people saying, it's totally fine. What's the harm to have sex outside of marriage. So we're at 73% of people saying, it's really fine. What's the harm in having sex outside of the marriage? For teenagers, it's gone from 32% not acceptable

to 43% acceptable for teenagers to have sex and polygamy even. So they married a multiple different people has gone from 7% to now 20% accepted amongst people. So even that has gone up to the point where it's so much greater accepted than it was even 20 years ago. And if you think 20 years, that was 2003. That's not, not 2003.

That long ago. Yeah. To see that significant of a shift in all those areas, that's huge. And there's a lot of other statistics on here too Just how much sex is changing and so again What we're talking about is a biblical viewpoint on sex and it has not changed. It's not going to change And this is what we believe is the best thing for our life I also want to say I think that a lot of people that come into the conversation like this when you walk into the church

And they're having to be talking about sex I think a lot of people can feel shame and guilt and they're like, oh well, I've already done this and so I don't think of this message really applies to me. There's also a statistic that said 95% of people have sex before they're married. And so I just want to say to you, I'm not assuming that you guys are all, you know, I've never had sex before. I'm actually assuming most you probably have if it's up to the statistics that 95% have. So I just wanna say that you are not exempt from the beauty of what this conversation is about to be

because you walked in sexual sin in your past or are currently walking through sexual sin. Today can be a day that everything changes that you begin to repent and walk towards the way that God has for you. And so I just want to say that because I think I don't want you to go this whole conversation and be like, shoot, I messed it up. You didn't mess it up. And even fellow learning that because,

triffily, the majority of people are in the same boat that you are. It's true. And that doesn't mean we should keep doing that. I think that the, I think, you know, Paul says it's like, therefore, like, therefore, like, should we keep on sitting so that Grace might bound by no means? Like, don't keep doing the same mistake. Don't keep doing it just because everybody has.

God has a better plan for us and that's what we want to talk about. So, with all that said, nice little intro. What is God's design for sex? So like I said, in Genesis, he kind of lays out this idea. We're going to start in Genesis 1, good in Genesis 2, and the mom is going to read in Ephesians 5 where it literally quotes the exact same verse in Genesis. So like I said, before Jesus, this is the plan after Jesus, this is the plan today, this

is still the plan. Why? Because it's a good plan. And so because of Genesis, because the plan came from the one who created us. That's the thing. It's like we want to follow God's plan because we trust him that he's knows what's best for our life because he is the creator of us. He set all this up. So of course, he has the the way that we should follow. And if you think about it, that is why my response

as a 10 year old or nine year old, however old I was was to say, I would have never thought about that. What a great creation. Sex is meant to compliment one another. What a great creation. I can't believe that was so well thought out. Like I would never have thought about that.

And I'm designed in such a way that that's gonna be what to do that one. And that's crazy. And this is where all I began, Genesis, 1, the very front page of your Bible, Genesis 1, verse 27 says, God created man in his own image and the image of God, he created him male and female, he created them and God blessed them and God said to them, be fruitful and multiply. I love my God says God's first command was to go have sex like he's like be fruitful and multiply feel the earth and

subdue it and so God you know makes man and his image and his image we are created and then God blesses man and then God says go be fruitful and multiply. Well then the second chapter in Genesis oh wait I just want to read this one part 2 in verse 31 it says so this is a little bit after a couple of verses after it says, and God saw everything that he made and behold, it was very good. And so right here, he's like, this is the plan I made and this is a really good thing. Everything that God created, he said was good. But after this one, he said, this is very good. And so I just want to say that's why the title of this is sex is good because I think a lot of people think either like sex is like Worldly and it's good and all of a stuff or sex is bad Right, but no sex was actually designed to be really really good

And so in the second chapter here's where it's hard to talk about marriage and everything so basically Man was made, but there was not a suitable helper for man And so God begins to make a suitable helper for Adam Who is the first man? He makes Eve and calls her woman and then it says therefore Verse 24 Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife or be joined to his wife and they shall become One flesh a love is first I go to this verse all the time. I think this is one of

the most beautiful gifts and sex in the context of marriage and the man and his wife were naked and they felt no shame. So I just love that because sex is not meant to be a shameful. It's not meant to fill guilty or something that needs to be hidden in the context of marriage. You can be naked and filled with shame. And I remember Christian and I, we pursued a pure engagement time

and time of dating and by the time that we were at our wedding night, we hadn't had sex with one another. Now we both had broken paths, but together we wanted to pursue God's plan. And on our wedding night, I just remember how it was so funny that like all this time, it's like, we're not gonna do this, we're not gonna do this. And then within an hour, we're sitting there eating cake together, feeling no shame. We're like, they can be like, what? This is crazy, you know?

And it's like just beautiful because it's God's design. It has just felt fully known, fully seen, fully loved. And that's how it was meant to be. And so that was the plan right here in Genesis 1 for marriage and for sex, and then go all the way to Ephesians for Paul's teaching, and what does Paul say? Yeah, I just wanted to point out that it says they shall become one flesh, and that's a theme of throughout scripture is about that oneness of God. And so yeah, we go to Ephesians 5, I think it was 31, and it says, therefore a man shall leave his father and mother

and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. So it's quoting Genesis. So this is like how many years later, we don't even know how many seven thousand years later. Long time. Long time later, and it but it's saying the same thing. And then it goes on to say, this mystery is profound. And I'm saying that are you refers to Christ in the church? So it goes, it's to, it actually

references Christ and the church is like the mystery of a man and a woman coming together as one. And it's that oneness and that oneness and other translations it says that this is a profound illustration. So this is an actual marriage between a man and a woman and sex between a man and woman. It is an illustration of Christ and that oneness that you come together in that. And so I was thinking about that as I was kind of reading this preparing for today and just thinking, well, no wonder the evil one wants to like harm. What's to make sex feel dirty are wrong, are shameful, are perverted. That would be the enemy pervert.

That is so obvious. So amazing. And all those things because he's going directly to after something that God set up to even illustrate what oneness and Christ looks like. It's so true because it gives you a full picture of a shadow, a picture of the way that God pursues us as like his bride and his church. It says that we are the bride of Christ. And I remember when Christian were getting married, it was so cool to like prepare for

our wedding day because, you know, I'm over there like preparing for all these things. He's over there preparing for all his things and it was just like so awesome. And then when I got to walk down the aisle and like, you know, I'm over there like preparing for all these things. He's over there preparing for all his things and it was just like so awesome. And then when I got to walk down the aisle and like, you know, everybody notices as soon as the bride walks in, everybody's like, oh yeah, she looks beautiful, but like what is the groom's reaction, right?

As he receives his bride. And that is like such a beautiful picture of Christ as like Christ awaits like the bride, his bride, as us as the church. And when it talks about wearing white and the purity of white, that's a white wearing white on your wedding day represents purity. And so again, like we're going to get to this later in the conversation that we can still be pure even though we've sinned and fallen short of the glory of God.

Because here's the thing Roman talks about this for all has sinned and fallen short of the glory of God. So whether you had premarile sex or whether it's something else that you sin with, we all are under the umbrella that we've all are really impure when it comes against the glory of God except for the power of the blood of Christ. And so this is such a beautiful picture of us getting to be the bride of Christ just like the wedding day represents just like marriage represents a covenant relationship. I mean, outside of a covenant with God, I mean, the other covenant you really have is with your spouse, you know? And so this gives you a picture of that and illustration of that. So, of course, why would the enemy come after this and pervert it and make it all crazy and

lustful and, you know, all the things that the enemy has made it? Because it takes away this beautiful illustration, this view of what our life with God looks like and what our life with Christ looks like. Matt Chandler talks about this and this is why Mingly is souls is one of my favorite books about sex. It's because he's basically talking about how sex is not just a physical act. It's not just meant to be physical. It's meant to be the mingling of two souls coming together. It's more than just a physical thing.

It's an emotional bond. It's a physical thing. It's an emotional bond, it's a spiritual bond. It is a physical bond as well, but it's so much greater than that. And that's why it is so powerful. And so outside of marriage, it can do a lot of damage because it is, you're not in covenant. So therefore, you could have sex and have this emotional and this physical and the spiritual bond, but then you have no promise for it to be kept. And so when they leave, it's like heart-wrenching. Yeah. Because your soul's are mingled now.

They're separated and it's hard. It's confusing. But I love one of the biggest lies that the enemy does tell us today. What you see on television and what you read in books and all the things, it's like that lie that it sex means nothing, that it's just like something you can do and forget about in the next day, it doesn't matter, it doesn't mean anything. And I think deep down, we all know that's not true, you know, but we want to pretend like that's true. We want to live like that. But deep down, we know that that's not true.

But I think it has, you know, it has consequences that are emotional consequences. And also has, there's physical consequences. Like, you could get pregnant out, you know, and be a single mom. There's transmitted diseases that come from sex with multiple partners, things like that that are actual real life consequences. So this isn't like something that's just like,

oh, there's no consequence to it. This is like, we're playing a game or whatever. And I think deep down, we all really know that. But that is a lie that I think the evil one really trusts the tell us. Yes. Because if it bonds you emotionally, physically and spiritually, then I think it has consequences for all of those things as well. I think it's damaging emotionally. I think it's damage, it can be damaging physically. And also, spiritually as well, you know. And so I do think that that is important to know. It's like, why is this God's design? Why does God say only one man, one woman?

Why? And here's the thing, like I always love to say this. Like God does not give you a ruler, a commander, ruin your life. He gives you commands to give you the fullness of life. And so if God ever gives a command that feels harsh or that feels a lot of different places, it feels negative. Then what God is doing is he's either trying to protect you or he's trying to call you to something better. So either God is trying to protect you from

something or he's trying to call you to something better for something. And so God's boundary lines are never to harm you. Obviously God's boundary lines are to protect you. And it's a beautiful thing to be under that. And I think as we just talked about you know the world's going to say oh well it's just for your satisfaction, it's just for your pleasure like do it you do you it's going to feel good it's going to be good all these all these things. What's the harm in just one night or whatnot? But, you know, we are a people that are created just to be satisfied. We are a people created for satisfaction. We're a people created for love. And we are a people created to be fully known and to be fully

loved. And so even when we engage and indulge in that satisfaction, we might find like a temporary moment of satisfaction or a temporary moment of feeling good. But in the end, it does not lead us to life. It does not lead us to feeling good, but to be fully known and to be fully loved, that is actually leads us to the fullness and the context and marriage. I love Song and Solomon. Paint's like a beautiful picture of marriage and the wedding night. And this is what the book means this old is all about and it's just so beautiful because you know when we look at like sex in our culture

Yes, everyone will say well, it doesn't matter. It's fun. It's good But then think about all the problems that we have with sex in our culture like the me too movement You know like how many women have been damaged and have been harm and men from dress abusive like how many women have been damaged and have been harmed and men from just abusive sex and sexual things and perversion and all these different things. We have like all these things in culture that actually show us the harm that this does when it's not done and handled properly. But song of song and paints this beautiful picture of this husband with his wife on their wedding night and it is so cool to read and if you read it

and you don't fully understand it, that's how I encourage you to listen alongside Matt Chandler on Millie of Souls if you listen online or read his book because he just like lays out exactly what it's talking about and he pursues his wife in a sexual way on their wedding night with tenderness, with love, with care. He sees her fully, he acknowledge everything about her, he loves her, he does not push, he does not, he's not quick, he is just, there's just such an ease to it and she is mutually giving it back and it's just this like beautiful, beautiful thing. Like that's the picture of what it looks like inside a marriage, it's not just like a quick, like physical satisfaction thing.

It's not a selfish thing. It's actually a really selfless thing. And sex has looked at as a selfish in our culture. It looks like it's just for me, but it married at selfless and it's beautiful and it's done with care, which makes you feel more love, which is actually what you really desire. And so, yes, like, will it bring temporary satisfaction if you have such an image? Yes, it will.

Like, will you get pleasure from it? Yes, you will. It will also do harm, yes. But in marriage, there is that satisfaction, that pleasure, but then there is fullness. And there is the thing that your soul really craves, which is to be deeply loved. Yeah.

I was thinking about as you were kind of describing that, like, what song of Solomon, how it describes sex, and how what it is really meant to be in a marriage. And, you know, I think a lot of people have experienced it in a whole different way than that. Like, you may have been hearing that and thinking like, I don't even know what that, I can't even imagine that because you've experienced sex in a way that's harmful, that's painful, that is abusive. You know, I know a lot of people experience childhood. I think it's like one in sticks, like one in four. It have experienced some kind of childhood sexual abuse.

And so I know that a lot of you are probably listening and you've experienced it in a way that's harmful, that's abusive. And so that just sounds so foreign to you that you're like, I can't even imagine that. I can't even imagine that, but I just wanna say to you that like, what some man has done to you or what you have been doing the choices you've made as an adult that you have done to yourself,

that does not mess up God's design for sex in your life. It does not, God's design for sex is good, and is for you and can be for you. Even if you've experienced the worst or the worst, this world has to offer in sex. I was just thinking about some people that I know and I know their stories and they have these difficult, difficult stories of childhood abuse, but they walk as adults with just like this beautiful purity and light and they're in a relationship where they have that sex that is good and pure and beautiful. And that is what what the enemy, you know, meant for harm.

God intends for good and he can still have that for you in your relationship, even if you've been hurt by sex in the past. You can walk, you can still walk in purity because of what God's design is for your life. Yes. This is like an every other thing I feel like in so many other sense. It's like we know that we have forgiveness. We know, oh, we messed up, but it's okay because like the grace of God is so good over my life. But in this one, it feels like, oh, well, if we've done it, we've done it. Like, it's over. Like, we've ruined it. It's like, we can't get it back, but I want to go in and now like you can. So let's talk about some of the harmful analogies of the church. So there have been some terrible

analogies. So now that the church has, it's about as sex goes. I think when we've tried to handle the sex talk for people not wanting to just say it the way it is, they try to paint an analogy about it. And sometimes it just goes go so south and so I just want to bring up the rose analogy if y'all've ever heard it There is a take-tock going around matchaeler did about the rose analogy that was so well handled that I love how he said it And basically this pastor Matt was at this church and this pastor came up and He held a rose and he was like look at at the rose, isn't it so beautiful? And he was talking about like a virgin,

basically, if you've never had sex, like how pure this rose is, like how beautiful this rose is. And he's like, now everybody like, pass it around the church. So like pass it all around the church. And then the rose came back to the pastor. And then he was like, who would want this now? Like look how damaged it is.

And like he was just like so rude about it. Like this is basically what you're offering your husband the time he gets to your wedding night or your wife at the time he gets to wedding night. If you've had sex outside of the marriage like your damage, you're no good. It's less beautiful, it's less pure,

it's less holy holy things. And Matt Chandler like with tears in his eyes was like Jesus would want the rose. Like yeah, like you've missed it dude. like Jesus would want the rose like yeah like you've missed it dude like Jesus would want the rose like how could you even say that and I just want to say like if you're if you believe in an analogy like that I am so genuinely sorry because and if you've ever said something like that that is taking away the power of the cross that's like saying oh the cross is powerful enough for ever they're sin but that are you kidding me the power of the cross. That's like saying, oh, the cross is powerful enough for every thing. But that are you kidding me? The power of the cross can redeem all

things can make all things new. And so it doesn't matter what you've done or how far you've gone. It doesn't matter who you've slept with or what your hidden sins are. When you bring that to the cross, when you come under the blood of Christ, when you confess that repent from that turn, the old is gone. The new has come. And we're going to read some verses just over your life that speak that truth. So if you've heard anything that is in opposition to what we're about to read, then it's an opposition to the word of God, which is the truth of God's word. And I just think this is so important because we have so many people walking around with so much guilt and with so much shame and sexual brokenness,

and they're taking that into their marriage because they think they have to because they like, oh, I've done this. I feel so sorry for it. And I'm like, no, walk into your marriage pure and holy because God's made you that way. Like me and Christian, like I said, we did not have perfect past, but we walked entire wedding night, pure before the Lord. We were excited, you know, because we have been made new. And so I just want us to believe that for ourself. Like I said, we already read Romans 323 for all have sin and pleasure with the glory of God. So we're all in this button no matter what you've done. I'm gonna read Isaiah 118, the mom, if you wanna go ahead and get Ephesians 17.

Other day, I actually heard a guy was telling his story and he and his wife and they talked about, they went through some really hard years and he had really gone astray and he talked about, the sexual sin was a big part of that and he said, I didn't even understand the scriptures about purity of heart or breath that are the purest spirit.

I didn't even think that was for me. That was not over. He thought that was not even available to me. And he's like, now I know because I have repented and confessed and turned and given my life truly to Jesus and allow his blood to cover me. I now understand what that switchers talk about. There is a purity of heart.

There is, I can't have that. I can't access that. That is not just for like someone else who has lived this pure lie. This is for all of us. Yeah, I'm gonna actually start a first shot just after she said that first shot, one nine says this.

So this is it right here. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and he is just to forgive us in our sins and to cleanse us of our unrighteousness. So if we confess, he's faithful. He's just to cleanse us of our sins and forgive us. Now, what can that do? What's the power of that? I want to read Isaiah 1. I love this so much. I've always loved this verse 18. And it says, come now, let us reason together. Says, Lord, though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be washed as white as snow. And I just love that.

That like your sins are scarlet. Your sins are real, but they are gonna be washed as white as snow. And I remember the first time I went on a ski trip after I got a really broken relationship. And I looked at the snow and I remember the first time I went on a ski trip after I got a really broken relationship and I looked at the snow and I just remember getting like emotional like whoa like I've been looking at myself as like damage I've been looking at myself as guilt and shame and that is how God sees me under repentance under redemption as white as that snow and then get this when the sun hits that snow it it glistens. It's like

the most sparkly people is like diamonds. And I'm like, oh my gosh, like, no, look at this. You just see me this pure. Like look at it glistening and glowing in the light. And I just thought about like, man, when Jesus, like the Son of God, because of what he's done for us, but when we're seen under the light of Jesus and the blood Jesus in the cross, we are glistening as white as snow. And so what a powerful thing to believe of yourself. And that's not far out. That's in the word of God. That's the truth, the word. And mom has some more verses to read as well. All right. Ephesians 1, 7. In him, we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses according to the

riches of his grace, which he lavished upon us in all wisdom and insight, making known to us the mystery of his will, according to his purpose, which he set forth in Christ. So it's just about that, yeah, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's Jesus's plan. It's got plan for us that Jesus would come for us, that he would offer us grace, and it's, it's his wisdom and his insight.

He knows it all. He knows everything. He knows what we've insight. He knows it all. He knows everything. He knows what we've done. He knows what we've been through. But he wanted to, he came for us. And he wanted to die for us so that he we would know the lavish love that he has for us. So good.

And if you want to turn to second Corinthians 517, one of my favorite verses. And I'm going to read Acts 2 verse 38, all this is so good Peter's talking and Peter says Repent and be baptized every one of you in the name of Jesus Christ for the forgiveness of your sins And you will receive the gift of the Holy Spirit And so I just love that so much because it's like hey if you repent of your sins and your bad times in the Christ Like your cleanse of all this you're gonna receive the gift of the Holy Spirit. And so there is nothing, no sin that is going to exempt you

from being cleansed when you come under the confession of the repentance and baptism to then be able to receive the fullness of Christ. And so once again, like, you're not too far gone to get back to the original design that God had for you. You know, you're not too far gone to get back to the original design that God had for you. You're not too far gone to get back to the fullness of the picture of sex and marriage that God has for you. Second Corinthians 5, 17 says, therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation.

The old has passed away, behold, the new has come. So yeah, that's just that idea that you can be made totally new, a new creation. That makes me want to dance. I love that verse. The oldest verse the way the new has come. Thank God for that. And when you believe that over yourself, it will change everything about who you are. That's how people show up and you're like, what happened to you? And I'm at Jesus. And that's why it should be. It should be like a shocking change in people's life. And so, you know, I think I'm gonna leave that for others as well. And that's just saying it's like, you gotta really hold it,

like we hold it within ourselves, and then we also hold other people to it too, and not allow people to become a new creation, and allow that forgiveness to take hold, forgiveness for yourself, and forgiveness for someone else. And I know that happens a lot in relationship. Oh, sure.

I wanna get to that for two things on this note. One, I think it is so important you stop right now and you believe this truth over yourself. So every verse we just read, I hope you take it personal. That's for you. That's for me to receive. If you are in a place where you can confess, confess. Repent means to turn. Do the opposite. Don't keep doing the same thing. Turn to Jesus. If you've been looking at the world's way of sex, turn to the biblical way of sex. Turn to God's view for your life. And those are gonna require change, right?

To repentance requires change. And that's when you're gonna see change happen, but you're not doing it by yourself. Now you have the Holy Spirit inside of you to help you with self-control, to help you with the discipline of all those things. So believe it for yourself, act upon it for yourself, but also believe it for other people. One, I

think it's important to believe it for yourself for this reason. Like I said, so when people go into marriage, hanging their head low, feeling like, oh, I'm not like, I'm not the like beautiful rose that God, you know, how many of me I'm not in the fullness of whatever, no, like now you know, you can be like you are restored and redeemed, you're a No, like now you know you can be. Like you are restorative redeem, you're a pure, you're lovely, you're beautiful. And so whether you are single right now and you're holding this for when you get married,

and you're dating, and you know, right now, maybe you've been having sexual relations with your boyfriend, like it's not to like to change, even your engagement change right now. Like come together on this and go into your marriage, walking in fullness, or maybe you're married and you've never had this, like mom said, right now, like believe it for yourself, make the changes that you need to make to go forward and peace and go forward in fullness.

Now also, on the other hand, you have to believe it for other people because I can only tell you how many friends I've walked through this with where they're in a relationship and one hasn't had sex, one has. One has a crazy pass, one doesn't. And for the person who didn't, it is really hard and hurtful that the other person did because I think a message in the church is like, well, you're doing that to your future spouse. And so then when you are the future spouse, you get into that relationship, you're like,

oh, you did all that to me, but that's not really true. I think that's true. Harmful message of the church. I don't think you're not doing it to your future spouse. No. That's between you and the Lord. The Lord, yes. And the Lord has offered that.

That's because you and the Lord, the Lord has covered that. And so you're not doing that to your future spouse. You're not doing good that you brought into this relationship. And so I do, I think that that is something that as a church that we do need to talk about because I do see people. And also people coming in to relationship where there have been so of tight about sex because I'm in so scared of sex because it was taught as something bad or something like dirty and some ways. And so they come into a marriage and they don't even know how to like be free in that

or receive it or enjoy sex. And so I do think having that this biblical view that like sex is good, naked and they felt no shit. Yeah, it's meant to be in marriage. And, but also that there is repentance and there's change and there is covering of whatever of your past has been by the blood of Jesus. And so I think it's like on a practical note

because I know that that is something that people deal with. You know, they're just like, oh, I save myself a marriage and now my boyfriend is out sex and I can't get that out of my mind. And that is a real, real thing, you know, that people experience and go through. So I think what I would say to that is one is like offer, understand, understand grace, offer forgiveness,

and also sometimes forgiveness comes over time. Like it's not, you actually, it's not really yours to forgive because they didn't do that to you, but there is something that in your mind that you have to say like, oh, I'm offering grace, just like Jesus offered grace, just like Jesus offered grace to me. Maybe my sin didn't look the exact same way,

but I've still sinned and I've fallen short of God's glory as well. So that might be a continuous, like whenever those thoughts come up, say, oh, no, no, no. God's grace covered that. And I'm not gonna hold him to something more than Jesus was gonna hold him to. And so it's like, maybe a continuous thing that you have to do in your mind. I know Dr. Aiman, who's been on your podcast quite a few times, he just talked about those

aunts, those automatic, negative thoughts. So like when those thoughts come up, capture them, say, is this true? Did they do this to me? Did they try to harm me because they had sex before they even knew me or whatever is in their past. And actually question that, does this really affect our marriage? No, it really doesn't. It does not have to affect your marriage.

Yeah, it can if you let it, but it does not have to affect your marriage. What would happen in the past is in the past and does not have to affect your marriage. Under the bike, is again, I think, if that's true, the old is gone, the newest gone, the new has come, the old has passed away, the new has come. The guy had to take that for myself and I had to take that for a Christian like, oh wait, why am I talking about the old, that's gone, that's passed away, like the new has come, like this is the new, this is the fullness, this is what we get to experience together, that no one else has on us in our marriage. Well, there are actual real scriptures that talk about to the measure that you judge someone else,

you will also be judged. And we know that that to be true, it's like the way that you're judging someone else. If you don't look within yourself and be like, oh, I would want someone to have grace for me if I don't do that to experience that. And that's what we should offer to other. And there's so many scriptures that kind of talk about that. Like not judging the other person, taking the

spec out of your out, take the plank out of your eye before you take the spec out of someone else's eye. And so I think those are those warnings to us as like believers to not think oh, we're better than. Oh yeah. And any way, shape or form. And so. This is like bust that whole thing. Yeah. Like, hey, if you think you're better because you didn't commit adultery, if you even looked at a woman lustfully, you've already committed adultery in your heart, it's like, okay, well then we're all like, we've all done it, you know? And so you have to, you know, receive that for yourself, or receive that for others. And I remember one thing practically that helped me.

And because I know that that's a real thing and that's a real struggle for a lot of people because you grew up with this expectation maybe. And then it comes and it's not the same. And I remember I was like, you know, offended by Christians past, just like he could have been offended by mine too for several other reasons. And I just remember being like offended and like, can't get past it and I can stop thinking about it. And then one day I literally hit me like a conviction, like a ton of bricks.

And I just remember thinking that the whole time I was taking this offense, I was like, he's my boyfriend, like he's my future husband, he's mine, he's mine, he's mine. And then I remember one day being like, you're not mine. Like, you're actually God's son. And when I stopped looking at Christian as my boyfriend, I started seeing him as God's son, I had a completely new perspective of Christian. I actually

saw him how God saw him. I saw him as the pure, the pureness as white as snow. I saw him as the new creation that he was. I saw him as just blameless before the Lord. Like the beauty of what Christ had done for him because of how much God loves him and sees him as forgiven. Just how he sees me. Like God sees me that way too. And like of all the things I've done, all the guilt I could hold of all the shame I could hold of all the brokenness and relationships I've had. Like God, God has this for me and God has this for him. And we are not each others. We are God's first. And so because we're creating the image God, because I am a daughter of God, because he is a son of God. And because we come into the blood of

Jesus in in relationship together, we get to live in the fullness and the purity that God has. It is such a gift. And that's what God has for all of you. And so if you look at anybody other than that design, you get messed up when you're thinking. That's so good. And I'm gonna do wanna say this to you, and that is like, you know, we are on earth, and we are like, there is not gonna be perfection

in the realm of sex for our time here on earth because there's so much distortion. There's so much enemy is on the prowl and he is seeking to destroy relationship. That's because that's what God's got's design. He's seeking to destroy God's design on every single level. So while you're on this earth, there's not going to be perfection that has it when it comes to this. There's always going to be things that are going to come into it that you're when it comes to this. There's always gonna be things that are gonna come into it, that you're gonna have to say, oh, I'm gonna forgive again, or I'm gonna make myself pure again. And that's why Jesus offers that.

It's not a one-time thing. It's not like one and done. It's a continuous act of like sanctification with Jesus and with the Spirit within us as we grow. Because there's not going to have this perfection that you're like like all of a sudden like, oh, it's all perfect. Because we aren't do live on a fallen world and we do live in this art. Absolutely. It's hernity we are going to be able to experience that. Absolutely. And so, you know, even whenever you do start walking

under the blood of Jesus, even when you do start walking and the covering of purity that Christ has for you, we are not going to be perfect. He is perfect. And because he is perfect and because his plan is good, when we abide by his following and we abide by his plan for our life, things are good. But that doesn't mean that everything is perfect because we do live in a following world. We live in a version we do have past. We do have real things that have heard us

or mental things that are gonna pop into our mind and all of these different things, triggers that are gonna get us, but it's continuously taking God at His word, continuously receiving the gift that God has for us and receiving the goodness and the originality that He met. And so I hope that this helps you guys understand a little bit more fully at what God designed

for sex and marriage. And I hope that it helps you get on a path to desire God's will for your life. Christian, I always say this and people say, you know, what boundaries does y'all have in dating? And we said, you know, we didn't really create like certain boundaries because we feel like when we created boundaries,

we just got to the boundary line, you know? It was like not a good thing for us, but we really just put the desire that we had for God's view on sex and marriage as like the desire for our relationship. And because we wanted that so badly, that's what we sought after, that's what we did. And so, I just encourage you, it doesn't have to look like, I don't do this, don't do this, I just, when you desire God over all things, that's actually how you're going to begin to make those better decisions for your life

because it's not about rules, it's about a relationship. And so hopefully this gets you on a good track of desiring God's will for your life, desiring God's plan for your future marriage, for your marriage now, for sex and intimacy and what that looks like. And hopefully also for those of you who have felt shame and guilt around this area today, you can receive the grace and the love of God and you can become that new creation that God has

promised you to be. And I believe small heart, I have experiences for me, I've experiences in my marriage. And I just am a huge advocate for God's way. And like I said from the very beginning, I love that it hasn't changed. I love the consistency of it because I think that there is just such power and volume behind consistent things. And so thanks for listening to our sex talk. I'm sure this is going to spark a lot more conversation. I'm sure there's going to be a lot more questions and we're happy to dive in as usual. We love when we get feedback on what you guys want to hear about and it challenges us to study the word a lot more for these Top-Based and their challenging topics, but they're good to talk about and I'm gonna have my mom here to add wisdom I was like this is gonna be really funny if you were gonna be like sex talk with her mom

That's awkward, but I hope you can see. It's not awkward to talk about a beautiful thing that God designed. And so we're thankful for y'all. We have a great week. I mean, this is helpful for you and your friends who have had questions, your relationship that you're in right now. And we love you guys.

We're so for y'all. you