WHOA That's Good Podcast - Answering Your DM’s w/ Jennie Allen: Toxic Relationships, Intrusive Thoughts, and End Times

Episode Date: August 26, 2020

This week, Sadie welcomes her friend, author and speaker, Jennie Allen. Listen in as they discuss your questions on how to deal with toxic relationships, intrusive thoughts, and anxiety over the end times. Be sure to join the LO Sister Book Club which kicks off September 1, 2020, as thousands of women study Jennie's Book,Get Out Of Your Head alongside of each other.  Check out losister.com to join or learn more. You can learn more about Jennie Allen and her ministry, IF:Gathering by visiting https://www.ifgathering.com  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What's up, well that's good fam. We are so excited for today. Today is going to be a little bit different than our typical answering DMs because we have a very special guest on the podcast today. She's actually been on the podcast before and we haven't had many come on twice. So this is super special. But before I totally introduce her, I want to kind of talk to you about something fun we're doing over on the LO sister twice. So this is super special. But before I totally introduce her, I want to kind of talk to you about something fun we're doing over on the Elosister app. So we're actually about to start our very first ever book club. We have thousands of girls who are joining this study together and we are actually going through Jenny Allen's book. So a little hint here, too, we have. Get out of your head on Elosister.

This is on the app. Don't forget you can go to elosister.com for more details and it's going to start September the first. So we want all of you to join. dive into this amazing book. It has so much truth. Before we even get to that, we are actually going to get to interview Ginny Allen herself with some of the questions that you have sent into the DM. So welcome Ginny again to the Boy That's Good Podcast. So welcome to the again to the one that's good podcast. Oh, this is so fun girl. I love hanging out with you. So fun. I love it. And I'm so excited for this moment because you know, I feel really special and honored just to even be your friend,

have your number go on trips with you to where I can ask you some of these hard life questions that I'm facing, right? Like, anytime I have a Bible question or a thought, like, I know I have access to call you and talk to you about it and that's such a gift in my life. And so I'm really excited now because now we're kind of opening that up to a lot of different girls and guys who have really sent in DMs to our Liberage and Old Oral WoW that's good podcast, Instagram page, and people have honestly asked some pretty tough questions.

You can really read through these DMs that people are really going through some stuff and seeking wisdom and advice. So we're just going to jump right in. One of the first questions that we got was, did your history of anxiety and fear ever impact your relationship with your husband or your boyfriend? If so, how did you overcome it? When is the right balance of talking about anxiety with your partner and not overwhelming them?

Oh, that's such a good question. And first of all, I just want to say to everybody listening, this word, this huge word, anxiety, I know it's super familiar to everybody right now. We are in the midst of a crazy season and we're all feeling that. So I think there's this universal anxiety right now that even people that don't typically feel it have felt just because what anxiety is is a fear of the unknown.

It's a fear of what could happen. Yeah. And so, there's ever been a definition for this moment. It's that we have a lot of unknowns and a lot of things we cannot control. And so, you know, of course, this is the enemy we're fighting right now. So, yay, for the person that asked this because we have to know how, well, first of all, we have to know that it is going to affect our relationships. 100%.

Yeah. It is. You think that your thoughts are invisible to people, but honestly, Well first of all, we have to know that it is going to affect our relationships 100%. It is. You think that your thoughts are invisible to people, but honestly, your thoughts probably wouldn't surprise people because it always comes out in some form or fashion. And what I found is if I use my words and say, hey, this is how I'm feeling today, what I garner in that comment is a lot of empathy. So the minute that I admit, now what's hard, hardest about that is so many of us don't

even know we're feeling that. So many of us don't even, we're uncomfortable, we're not having a good day, we're cranky, we're edgy, you know, but we don't ever call it what it is which is really we're worried about something We're anxious about something. Yeah, and so I think the first step we all have to take is just Diagnosing in ourselves and knowing you know what this is what I'm feeling. It's good I think where we can get in a mess with relationships is if we dump without Wanting to change or without wanting help. That's good And so that's where you know without wanting to change or without wanting help. That's good.

That's where, there's certainly times where I tell my husband, hey, I just need you to listen. Can we just sit down for 30 minutes? I don't want you to give me any advice. I just want you to listen. There are times for that, but you better set it up that way. I would say what you're doing is you're inviting input. That's why you tell somebody.

Is you're inviting relationship, you? Like that's why you tell somebody is you're you're inviting relationship. You're inviting their thoughts back into yours. And so we can't be so afraid of welcoming other people's thoughts that were just basically constantly venting. I think that's where relationships can get unhealthy.

It's good. If you think the answer is just dump all of your concerns on somebody else and don't, you know, ever allow them to speak into it and to help you and to get the help you need. That's going to be constant. It's never going to heal. You're just going to keep being hurt. You're going to keep dragging that person down.

But I would say the healthiest relationships I have are the friendships I can speak and say, Hey, this is where I am. And then I can say to them, what do you think? What do you think I need to do? What do you think I need to see that I'm not seeing? What do you think, you know, God thinks about this and invite them to bring truth into that situation? And yeah, I think we sometimes have too high of expectations

on people to just listen perfectly and to be the perfect empathetic listener. And it's like, you know what? We really have to help people do that well. So true. We have to say, this is what I need right now. And if it goes poorly, you kind of need to say, okay, so that was, thank you so much for listening.

What I really need right now is advice. Or what I really need right now is just for you to listen. Yep. And don't be too hard on that other person because all of us are a little bit of a mess. And I think healthy relationships are those that can communicate your own needs. And then also realize it may or may not extend past your boyfriend or husband's ability to deal with it. So certainly my husband has not been the end all be all there.

There have been times I've needed a pull in a counselor, a mentor, a friend, a girlfriend. You know sometimes it's like, you know what? he doesn't need to listen to the hour-long version, but I need to tell the hour-long version. So, you know what, I go hang out with a girlfriend. And so, I think it's just knowing your audience, you know? You know who you're talking to. Read the room. Yeah.

Don't be terribly disappointed in them if they don't quite hit the mark that your mom did when you were in seventh grade and you came home with your problems. That is so true. Funny story, this literally played out like two weeks ago in me and Christian. And I love how you said like, sometimes you just have to like, tell people, this is what I need right now. Like, I'm about to, or I'm about to like say what I'm gonna say

and like, I don't want this to turn to Vinnie. I actually want you to encourage me. I actually want you to challenge me. And when we don't set that up, it can go wrong. It may encourage you the other day. We were coming home and I find like whenever I get really busy, I have like a lot more anxious thoughts because whenever I'm not so busy, I feel like I can kind of fight those a little bit better.

I'm kind of more unnoticed and more, but when my life gets busy, like I kind of get lazy with my thoughts, right? And we were on our way home from another trip we have been driving to many places because Florence crazed right now with COVID and we're still trying to do a lot of things that we had scheduled through driving. We were getting home and I just had this moment

where I was like about to have a panic attack and I felt like this car was following me and I was like, total Christian, I'm like, I feel like this car is following me. I'm getting really freaked out about it and blah blah and I just need to tell you and he responds like oh no like okay then let's go to your parents house and I was like no I was like you're supposed to tell me I'm being crazy and the car's not following me and it was just funny because he was like trying to help me saying like oh well if you're scared anything it's following you go to

your parents house but I want to him to tell me like, you're being crazy. That's just anxiety talking. The car's not following you. Go home. You're fine. But it's funny. Like you have to give people the invitation to speak truth in your life.

And sometimes you have to tell them like, hey, like I want you to tell me when my fear is irrational. Like I want you to tell me and challenge me when I know it's crazy. And I think for me, like, saying stuff, it's not that I really think that. It's just that I need to just, like, get it out. I just need to tell somebody, this is what I'm thinking.

I know it's irrational. I need you to be with me and say, yeah, that's kind of crazy, but I still love you. And so it was funny, because that totally played out for us the other day. In a really funny way. The next question somebody sent in was, have you ever had to cut people out that you love

out of your life because they were toxic to you? How did you end that relationship and do it in a way that still honors them and can be done in love? Wow, this is such a tough one. I know. Yes, I have had to do that before. And I think we've got to be really careful to put someone in that category because, you

know, we really are called to love people in the midst of difficult circumstances. And so one of the grids I have for is this a relationship that I need to press through this conflict and really fight for, or is this a friendship that really probably needs to kind of fade away. The first question I ask is, how many times have I tried in love to speak the truth? How many times have I tried to reconcile? And how has that gone in the past? So have they been humble?

Have they wanted to change? Have they wanted to reconcile? And then on their side, have they been clear communicators about what is difficult for them? And I think there are people that you have done that with three, four, five, six times, and it's still not changing at all. All relationships are broken. All relationships are full of two centers. So you can't have this unrealistic expectation of somebody.

But if you just feel like, you know what, we are not getting anywhere, I also have another role. So that's the first thing is how many times have you confronted this? The second thing is, is this somebody that you need or is this somebody that needs you? If someone doesn't fall in one of those categories for me, I probably am not going to spend energy and time with them. I'm not saying they're not a worthy individual on earth and like, yeah, hopefully they have those people that need them and that with them. I'm not saying they're not a worthy individual on earth and hopefully they have those people

that need them and that they need. And there's just a lot of relationships that kind of fall in this peripheral. That's kind of, I would call it more than an acquaintance, but they're really not required in our lives. And they're really not somebody that you're really investing in or that. And I think when that level of person starts costing you a lot of energy, that's somebody that you're like, you know what, I'm just gonna kinda back up.

I'm not gonna call as much, I'm not gonna spend as much time with them. And then you get into, do you return their calls or what do you say to them? I am so direct, that is the way I'm wired. I say things, pretty matter faculty. And so, a lot of those people, we've had pretty direct conversations about our friendship and just been like, you know, a lot of those people, we've had pretty direct conversations

about our friendship and just been like, you know what? This isn't working anymore. And so that's really hard to do. Yeah. I prefer just kind of distancing a little, but then here's another situation where it gets complicated. Sometimes people think you're distancing from them

and you're not, you know? That's true. That's where I'm a fan of direct communication. I think you just say it. I agree. And then you tell your friends because, say, you, me, we're busy. Like we are traveling, we are doing the next thing. And so people can think that we don't value them anymore, we don't need them anymore.

And that's not true. And so I've just told my closest friends, the people in those two categories, hey, by the way, I'm going to go through seasons where I feel distant, that's not true. And so I've just told my closest friends, the people in those two categories, hey, by the way, I'm gonna go through seasons where I feel distant, that's not me quitting you. Yes. If anything were to happen, I'll be directing, I'll tell you. Yeah.

So I think I'm gonna side with on that one, direct communication. I just think it always is, because two, maybe they could grow from it, and you know what? There's a lot of immature people out there that are gonna punish you for that, that are just going to talk bad about you, they're gonna gossip. And you know what? There's a lot of immature people out there that are gonna punish you for that, that are just going to talk bad about you, they're gonna gossip and you know what?

You'll live, you'll live. It's okay, people can be mad at you. You can disappoint people, they can gossip about you, and you can be okay through that. You will live, I love that, that's so good, Dany. I agree, I'm 100% for dirt at communication. And like you said, it is so hard. And your stomach will wanna drop right before you go

into those conversations. It will drop right before you go into those conversations. But it's always so worth it. Even if the end of that conversation means you both kind of agree to say we're in different places and that's okay and we were friends for a time and for you in a different way now, a little bit further away,

but for you, that conversation, or it ends up resulting in something that y'all hadn't actually just needed to talk about and you mend a relationship. I think direct conversation can go one of two ways and both normally end up good. And if it doesn't, like you said, you will live. What I've realized is that when we spend too much time

on those relationships that just are toxic You don't realize how much that affects your relationships that are healthy like that's right You don't realize that like when you are so invested in a toxic relationship and it's taking so much energy and thought and her out of you That's what you're bringing into other relationships I remember I walked through that for a few years and my friend did too and we were like we were struggling with our friendship not because we were off it because of other people we were just allowing to just we were constantly giving more time to that than truly just a friendship that was right in front of us that was so from the Lord that was so encouraging that was

so awesome and so I think that you know in order to do a justice to yourself and the people around you that you love, it is important that you have this direct conversations that you need to have. And know when it's time to, like you said, not just leave somebody high and dry, but walk away in a noble way, right? Well, and I'm thinking of a great story, a friend of mine, that what she said to this group of friends that she kind of always felt like we're upset with her and disappointed in her and she just said, you know what?

I don't think I'm supposed to be in this group of friends because I think you all have higher expectations for each other than I can ever meet. And I care about you, but I'm just, I'm going to kind of go ahead in this different direction because I don't want to keep disappointing you. Wow. I thought that was a really strong, bold way to kind of draw a boundary of saying, hey, I don't want to keep disappointing you. I don't want to put you in that position, so I'm going to back up from this.

That is so good. Wow. I love that. I feel like that's going to help a lot of people right now because I can think about like three friends right now that I've been having this conversation with that that right there is really going to help. All right. Another girl said this and I think this is something so many people struggle with,

but she said, how can I overcome thinking poorly of myself? Such a big one. And with thoughts and the whole get out of your head thing, I feel like this is huge. Yeah, I gotta sit up for this one. First of all, what great questions? My gosh, I love every one of them. And I do think your team pick the right ones

because these are the ones I bet you're hearing all the time, Sadie, because I hear these all the time. These are the categories, right? So how we view ourselves, I'm just gonna take people through the process here because I think it's so helpful. The first thing you've gotta understand is how are you viewing yourself? I think again, we walk through life with these feelings of insecurity and insignificance

and we'd never give it a name. And we never say, this is what I'm feeling. We just have all these thoughts that run wild in our mind. My son the other day, his enemy is rejection. So when he feels rejection, even in a small way, he's 12 years old. So that happens a lot when you're 12. Yeah, in a rejection is a daily occurrence.

So when he feels any rejection, no matter how small it is, he reacts so dramatically. And so what we've been praying against is the spirit of rejection that he constantly feels and lives with. He was adopted and so that rejection is so deep and it came from such a young age. Yeah. And the reason I tell that story is I think we've got to realize that these passing thoughts

in our head are coming from pretty deep places. Yeah. That feeling of what you just said, that you don't value yourself, this person that wrote in the question. The first thing is that is in direct opposition from the truth. Yeah. That the Bible is clear about that God designed you and formed you and knows every hair on your head and he set you apart for purposes that he created and advanced for you to do.

So, the value and the worth and the dignity, not to mention, he sends Jesus Christ to die for you. So, your worth, your value, who you are, is so significant that the God of the universe would be broken-hearted at that, because it's so not true, it's a lie from the enemy. So we got to decide what lie is it. People don't just feel in general bad about themselves. They have a bad body image. Well, that can come from a perfectionistic father that was critical of you, that can come from being surrounded constantly by people that talk about their physical appearance.

So, I think just narrowing down what it is that haunts you. Now, what's interesting about the enemy, his favorite thing to do is whatever that thing is, to get my son to admit that he fills rejection. That's very hard for him to do, actually. That thing is you're actually so embarrassed about that thing that you never want to say it out loud. Wow. So you work harder to cover that thing up.

Even though that thing, whatever it is, is somewhat universal. So true. Rarely have I heard or have I said a lie or a fear or a sin that I didn't get head nods pretty quickly from other people. True. That's what the enemy though is so good at because what shame does is shame will have you say a general thing like I have a bad self-esteem where what you really feel is rejection from your father or rejection from your friendships or rejection from guys maybe a specific guy that was critical of you.

Well, that's a thing that's hard to say. You know, that's the thing that takes so much vulnerability. Now, why am I going so deep here? Because if we don't dig out the root of where that thing came from, and how is God supposed to heal it? Well, if we can't name it, if we don't know what it is, and I think most of us know what it is, but we're afraid to say it because shame has attached itself so tightly to it that we hide it so true And then the enemy has won this is with my story, you know

I struggled with doubt for so long I mean 18 months of a season of doubt where it grew and grew and grew and I was losing my faith Literally losing my faith and then I say it out loud and almost the moment I said it out loud There was this power that was released from it where I wasn't alone in the dark anymore with the devil or he could tell me whatever he wanted. So my prayer and my hope is that we're good friends to each other, that we ask the hard questions that we don't stop at, you don't feel good about yourself, but we really go why? Why?

If you don't know, if your friend is sharing something with you, or you want to be a good friend, the greatest question you can ask is why. That's so good. Just keep asking it. And when they say the answer to that, say, but why again? Yeah, keep digging. You know, just keep going because there's probably a deeper reason that that came from. And before you know it, that person will be crying.

I can tell you because I've done this to too many people. Yeah, they will start crying because at some point, you'll strike the thing they don't want to say. And when you strike it, they'll probably cry. And this is how we friend each other guys. Wow. We go to the deep, dark place where the devil is holding us hostage and we say it out loud.

Yep. So back to the view of ourselves. All of us have believed that lie. Just so that person listening knows, it is not just you. You're not alone. It is not just you. We have all believed that lie. Just so that person listening knows, it is not just you. You're not alone. It is not just you. We have all bought that lie in some form or fashion to where our significance has eroded from what God put in us as human beings on earth that he designed. So you're not alone. And that means you can say it out loud and that somebody else can help you process that because we need people beside us to fight

for us to help us believe the truth. That day that I shared my deep dark thing, I was with two friends and they began to speak truth over me. They faster, they prayed for me. They fought for me as much as any two people could fight for me. And that was the beginning of healing for me. It's amazing. And I think we've got to realize the enemies involved.

We can't just make this just about our thought life. Sure. And that's where my bad reviews have come in is this isn't just about your thought lives, y'all. This is about Jesus and Bible and the devil. Yeah. Because that's where the war is being fought. And second Corinthians 10 says that.

It says, don't fight the spirit with fleshly weapons. Fight spirit was spirit because we're at war with spirit. And so that lie that you believe that possibly was even planted by your father, the enemy has built that up and taken that to a place where it's grown and grown and grown and grown. And the best example I have of this is I grew up with a dad that was critical.

And I struggled with an eating disorder in college and then really until I was a young mom, I struggled with an eating disorder in college, and then really until I was a young mom, I struggled with it. And it was very consuming. I wanted out, and I didn't know how to get out, and I didn't know how to view myself rightly. And I remember one day specifically going to my dad,

and I'd written all of these, I really worked through it, and founded a lot of healing because of Jesus, and counseling and all that. On the other side of that, though, I really worked through it and found a lot of healing because of Jesus and counseling and all that. On the other side of that though, I take to my dad, you know, I want a strong relationship with him still. And so I take to him how it felt to be around him where I always felt like there were arrows pointed at me

and I didn't feel safe. Yeah. So I expected him to either one affirm this negative view I had of myself like yes, I was critical of you, which would be hard to hear because I kind of wanted to hope that he didn't mean all that you know yeah or he would say I didn't say any of that or I didn't mean any of that and then it would not validate anything I'd been through I was so scared to take it to him right but I knew it was obedience and I wanted to lift that anchor in my life I didn't want to stay with this heavy

thing in my life and so so I taken this letter and I read it to him at six pages long. And the thing I never could have dreamed. And some of you, your dads will never say this to you. But the thing I never could have dreamed is that he cried. Well, and he said, Jenny, it wasn't you. It was me. Well, and he owned his struggles and talked about his life growing up and how he was raised. And it just, it was a thing I never saw coming.

And I think even if your dad or somebody you love doesn't have the maturity to be able to say that, I love my dad so much for saying that and recognizing that, that's true. Like, because I don't think it's always as simple as just us in our heads alone thinking negative thoughts about ourselves. I think they came from somewhere. And wherever they they came from just remember that person was broken to and somebody was critical of them And maybe this isn't about you. Maybe this is about them. Well, a man. What a crazy beautiful story I know I hate to say beautiful because I know it's so hard to walk through that for so many years But beautiful redeeming story.

And now y'all, my dad is my biggest fan. Come on. He has grown so much in that. I think it broke his heart more than it broke mine. And yeah. And that reconciliation has just been better than I could have ever dreamed. And so I'm a lot of you out there. I bet you, I bet you say a lot lot of people are gonna go have an important conversation

Relative and for sure and I promise it'll go so well But I can promise you that God will use it and God will be enough for you even if it goes poorly So true so just to encourage everybody listening like actually think about that kind of like this is me saying to you Why like why and keep going a little bit deeper with the why you've been feeling, the way that you've been feeling, because you don't need to spend another day having those toxic thoughts about yourself or thinking you're the only one struggling with that.

So why? Why are you thinking those things about yourself? And if you can pinpoint that and be able to have the conversations that you need to have, like breakthroughs gonna happen. And it's gonna look different than Jenny's story and it's gonna look different than my story, but it's gonna be God and your story. I remember I had a similar thing happen to me

and it's funny because I struggled to with eating disorder in a way. My mind was something all kinds of crazy thoughts. And I kind of pinpointed it back to this guy I was dating and some of the things that he spoke over me. And this also doesn't always happen, but we were able to have a conversation a year and a half after we broke up. And he apologized and he said the same thing.

He was like, it was me, where I was at in that time. I was struggling so much with insecurity and I saw what God was doing in your life. And it was just my way of like bringing you down a little bit, you know? And it's crazy because like I would have not ever thought that he would have said that, right? And then I struggled for so long from being the reciprocate of all of those things, but see, and so that's what happens.

You know, somebody speaks something and then they're struggling and now you're struggling and then you go years of struggle whenever really we just have to stop that thought, we have to ask you why. Like Jenny said, uproot those things, so that God's able to heal it. So good.

I want to ask two more things. I know we're asking real kind of heavy stuff, but the same time, when do you ever get to sit down with Jenny Allen and have an amazing conversation? Someone who knows the word of God has kids herself, loves this generation. Like this is a rare moment. So asking knows the word of God has kids herself, loves this generation. Like, this is a rare moment. So, asking all the hard questions because like you said, these are questions I get all the time. And sometimes I don't know what to say, honestly, because sometimes

I'm still battling them, you know. And so, I'm, this is like the things I'm asking people. But this one, particularly, I've gotten a lot. And this one is, it says, how do you deal with intrusive thoughts, specifically impure thoughts? And I think this is another one of those things that you kind of said, it's like, you know, the minute you say something,

you realize like you're not the only one, because somebody will head nod or be like, oh, I've struggled with that too. And recently, we have actually gotten a ton of DMs from girls about struggling with pornography and masturbation and impure thoughts. And it's one of those things where every one of them thinks they're the only one.

And I think it's because we talk about guys struggling with that a lot. We don't really talk about girls struggling with that. It's like a more shameful, again, the word shame, thing to admit that you struggle with. But the amount of DMs we get and the amount of people that comment, I'm like, I just first want everybody to know.

We get a lot. You're not the only one. That doesn't mean it's okay, you know, just like fear. Fear's still not, we still don't want to struggle with anxiety even though everybody pretty much shows the anxiety. We still want to fight that, but you're not alone. And so, Jenny, what are some of the advice that you get to people who are just struggling with those impure thoughts that just keep coming up or that addiction? And they feel like they're stuck. They're the only one.

Well, the first thing is the fact that they're asking out loud is so great. That shows two things. Number one, it shows that they don't have a comfortable relationship with that sin. They wanted to change, right? And that's huge. And then two, they're not in so much shame that they won't reach out. And so my thing with this is it is just like anything else. One of my best friends, this is her story,

and she talks about it all the time. In fact, she talked about, said the word masturbation from the if gathering stage two years ago. And it was so powerful. And you cannot believe the hundreds of messages we got and she got from girls saying exactly this. Thank you, thank you, thank you for saying it out loud because so many girls are struggling with it.

So that is a big fat lie that you're the only one. That is not true at all. So many girls, in fact, most girls in this generation are going to struggle with it. And the reason why is because we live in such a sexualized culture, right? So true. It is everywhere.

I don't even mean to see stuff and I see it online. So, you can't escape it. And so that's real. However, we can fight it. And we can fight it really well. And I know that in our house, we have really open conversations about absolutely everything in our house.

I would expect that for me. Caroline looks at me the other day and you know, we're just talking through all these kind of things every day. And so she's asking me like, what would you do if I told you Blink? And of course, immediately I'm like, well, tell me, you know, like, is this your round about way, you know, of telling me? I said, it really doesn't matter what you tell me, the same answer if it's, you know, I just named everything I hear from girls, right? Abortion, whatever. And I just name it all. I was like, whatever it is,

we just don't want you to be alone. Like, we want to go through it with you. Yeah. And so, certainly if you're in high school and middle school, I would tell a mentor, a parent, somebody that is older. If you just tell your peers, they do not know what to do with it. So true. And I can't promise you your parents or your mentor will either, but keep telling somebody until somebody doesn't overreact and can help you because there are a lot of people that have walked through this that are ahead of you. And so you want to find those people.

Also, yeah, if you're in college, same thing goes. You want to find somebody above you to share this with. The beauty is, I'm going to go on down in 2 Corinthians 10, because it says that we have divine weapons that have the power to destroy strongholds. So this has certainly become a stronghold in a lot of people's lives. This has become an addiction and a stronghold. And the way we fight strongholds and addictions are a little bit different than a negative thought. Although it's not that different.

We've got to be able to name it and fight it and bring people around it and all of that. But I do think that there are ways to fight this that are more drastic. And I think I go back to the verse that says, if your eyes cause a need to stumble, you know, cut off your eye. Now I'm not going to say, cut out your eye. Now I'm not gonna say, cut out your eye. So we're not gonna be, but I'm gonna say, we take it that seriously. Yeah, that's great.

We really protect ourselves. So you get the software that you need to protect your computer, you don't go see movies. I control my input so much. So my struggle was doubt, which was what the enemy used to just run rampant in my mind. And that grew if I always expose myself to cynical people. I had to cut out Twitter.

I had to cut out movies that were really dark. Those would affect me for days. And I had to cut out a lot of news and things that were secular because it just made me struggle with that and made me feel like I was dumb for believing all this. And so it kind of reinforced some of those lies. Same things go with anything you're addicted to. If it's alcohol, if it's unhealthy relationships, like you've just got to draw those boundaries and be really protective with those.

So good. But it's not fun and it's not sexy, right? Like nobody wants to say, okay, I'm struggling with alcohol and I'm never going to drink again because I might be an alcohol. Nobody wants to say that. that's a bummer. You know, you would be able to say, oh, I don't have that big of a struggle with it. I socially drink or.

Right. No, you might need to never have another drink of alcohol and you may need very strict software on your computer and your phone and, you know, it's okay. You know, that's what we do. That's what the cutting, the eye out that's causing you to stumble means is that you do radical things to protect yourself so that it doesn't enslave you.

And let me give you the reason why, because it's not actually that you're going to get massively punished by God, although there is a road to sin and death and a road to life and peace. And we want to avoid the road to sin and death, because it causes, even if we're going to be saved eternally, it causes sin and death and destruction in our lives. True. Any sin that we walk in. Doubt did for me. It caused fear of death and destruction in our lives. True. Any sin that we walk in. Doubt did for me.

It caused fear of death and anxiety and all these things grew. The road to sin and death will always lead that direction. It's because we want to be on the road to life and peace. I mean, that's the real thing. It's like rather than feeling like, you know what, this road, I just can't go down it.

I can't go down it. It's like, no, build a vision of a healthy marriage where you're not constantly distracted by lust outside of your marriage. Imagine that and fight for that. It's worth it. Good. That's so great. That's what kept me more pure. I certainly had my share of falling off the rails when it came to purity, but what helped me the most was actually a vision of peace and life and joy and walking with God Following His way in a better road than the road that I was on with impurity. That's so true. Oh my gosh That is so good. I'm so excited for people to listen to that even for me like that was so helpful

That was so helpful and I can say the same thing Christian I have talked about this since and Christians been open about his story before we met. One of the things we talked about is I said, what helped me with purity, even though same, kind of went off the rails every now and then. It wasn't perfect, but what helped me with that to keep purity in mind was I had this idea of what it would look like to just be with my husband

and that peace and that love and just get to share that. And when Christian, I taught, he was like, that's so cool. You thought about that. Like, you thought about me, you thought about our future kids. And he was sharing like, I never thought about that. Like, I didn't consider my wife. I didn't even think that because I was in high school, you know. And I think, you know, if you're in high school as an answer, you're in middle school,

or you're in college, like consider your wife, consider consider your husband consider your life and your relationship with God consider your peace of mind when you go to sleep at night with it's like anxiety and fear consider your peace of mind when you go to sleep at night if it's doubt like that's for me I cannot watch anything dark the movie no TV show I can't listen to anything dark like I'm so sensitive to what I'll watch or what I'll listen to because I know I'm exchanging it for a peace of mind. And so just consider those things, whatever you're putting in or whatever you're looking at, whatever you're listening to and how they're going to affect your future or your tonight

or your tomorrow morning because they will have an effect for sure. That was so good. This will ask question and this is also a big one. But again, something so many people are asking, it's not shocking that they're asking because we are living in the year 2020, and it is Craig Gray. But a lot of people have questions about the end times,

and this is how this girl phrases it saw read it like her. She said, I have anxiety and fear over the end times, and what is happening in her world right now. I know I shouldn't fear the end, but I do, exclamation point. And I think that that's so real for so many people. So many people haven't asked in questions. It feels like the end times.

This is the end times. What do I do? All the thoughts. And so I would love for you to just give some piece to people who are having those overwhelming thoughts about the end times and just the state of the world that we're in right now. Okay, well, first of all, I would would say I kind of feel excited by it all. I love it. I do.

I feel really excited. I want to be alive when the wild things start happening, right? Because we want our lives to count. And so I think the crazier gets the more like some of my friends and I are kind of like, okay, like game on. Let's go. So I think maybe we could just shift our view of it because it's really an honor if in our generation this begin to unfold.

So I think we need to not be afraid of it. I think we need to be prepared for it and we need to realize that it's not easy and what scripture tells us is this is gonna get worse and worse and worse and you know, I always look at my kids and I think is it going to get worse and worse and worse and y'all are gonna be, I always look at my kids and I think, is it going to get worse and worse and worse and y'all are gonna be the ones

that get to Esher and the kingdom, you know? And I know I'll get to too, because, I mean, I know I'll be part of it, but to be alive on earth when Jesus comes back to be alive on earth for the tribulation, like those kind of things, that's where I think everybody's thinking and talking. I think that would be an incredible honor and hard too, you know,

depending on where you fall on the rapture and that timeline. I always like to think we're going to get, I'm always a pre-rapture person, not because necessarily I don't see the evidence for it in scripture, but I'm like, might as well miss the tribulation. Like if I'm going to have to pick what to believe, I might go might as well. That's awesome. But no matter where you fall on that, that we're in the middle of the tribulation that we are about to start it or that it's coming and we'll be raptured first. I do think that things are certainly growing in their intensity. And we can't deny that. I remember Chris Kane told me we were talking about this. And I asked her, I was like, what's your gut? You know, with her prophetic gifts. And she said, well, I know when you're pregnant and your contractions get this close together, that it probably means

the baby's about to come. And I think we all, I think every generation, including the disciples, are supposed to live as if it's in our generation. I think that's actually our downfall if we don't consider that. So I don't think we're melodramatic to be like this could be coming to an end. And how do we live because of that? Because again, even the first generation of the church thought that way. So let's think that way.

You know, and then how does that make us live? But we shouldn't fear it. We should be excited for that. Because our God at that point is going to make things right. True. That's ultimately what's coming, he's going to make things right. He's going to take his home.

We're going to be with him. Now the other side, the flip side of that is who's coming and who's not. And what a great place for us to, in this conversation, Sadie, because there's nothing that matters more than giving Jesus the way to our generation. True. And in light of everything we've talked about, this is ultimately why we've got to be free, right? Yes. This is why we cannot be drained and unhealthy toxic relationships.

This is why we have to bite our anxiety and not live in our minds in an unhealthy way. This is why we have to be able to name our sin and fight it. I mean, we've really covered like a lot of parts of life where the enemy gets us and gets unhealthy. And the ultimate reason why we don't want to be bound, we don't want to be stuck in these places, that we don't want to be in bondage. The ultimate reason is because we've got a job to do. It's like we will be made.

If you believe in Jesus Christ, you're not working for your salvation, you're not working for him to be pleased with you. You're working because you want to spend your life well for the glory of God because this life is so short. It's great. So that is the most motivating reason to be free and delivery and to be pure and to pursue holiness is because I don't want to waste my life.

I want it to count. I want people to see my God through me. I want people to be able to go into the kingdom because I was showing them hope in that road to life and peace rather than the road to sin and death. So that's the ultimate motivation. And I think, I don't know, I truly get giddy and giggly about it. I'm like, let's go.

Like, something in me is like, let's go to war, let's go fight. We are. And whatever generation it comes in, it matters. It's true. And we are ushering our generation into the kingdom. Even if the end times is 10 generations from now, it will in, it matters. It's true. And we are ushering our generation into the kingdom. Even if the end times is 10 generations from now,

it will come. So true. And the work we do in our generation will matter for eternity. Amen. Somebody quote that, that is so good. You remind me so much of a security guard I have one time. A favorite security guard, ever.

His name is Eric. He has been with me on so many tours and every time we go on tour, he meets with the whole tour. And he always tells everybody the same thing every time. He said, just remember, if there's ever a situation happening, if I'm running one direction, you run the other. Because he says, I'm going to be running towards the problem. And I think of you when I hear that, because you're like, just remember, whatever happens, I'll be running towards the fight.

Like you're in it, you're excited by it. And it helps my faith, that's a believer. I'm like, yes, I should be too. Like I need to have that confidence and that courage to be excited about those times. And yes, what better thing than to be here when Jesus comes back? Like that would be an honor, like you said.

And so I hope that encourages so many of you out there. I know we've talked about some stuff that I think all of you need to hear. I'm not even gonna say it was hard, it was heavy, because it's what we're going through. Like it's real. Yeah. And so I hope you guys are so encouraged.

Yomanya, listen to this again. Take some notes, ask yourself the why. And like she said, even practically, think about your future, draw yourself visions, actually take what we're saying, and apply it to your life, because I believe if you do, there's so much wisdom in that,

and you're gonna come out as so much stronger in your faith, so much stronger as a person and your relationships, and you'll truly be set free by the power of God that he has of your life. And so, Jenny, I'm excited. I cannot wait for people to listen to this. So thank you so much for all of your wisdom and just being sober with us. Hey, and I want to say one more thing. I want to say those of you that are listening. So this little book club that Sadie's doing, it's war, right? Like this is what you dream of for your community Sadie. Yeah, and that's why I'm here That's why I said yes because I'm like let's go fight for these people that love God and want to follow him and

And I think you need people that will fight for you so you guys go join that like yeah, and I'm not talking about for my book I'm talking about that community because it's gonna be right now. It's this book But it's going to be ongoing community for you to have people speaking truth over you and fighting for you. Hey, man, seriously, join it. I mean, like Jenny said, it's not just about her book or our app. It's about y'all and having a community. Like, where we get these questions, we get them from the DMs, but we are talking about these things on LO sister.

Like, girls and their community groups are discussing the things that they're walking through and helping one another out Just like Jenny said go find a friend. Here's a good place to start I obviously want you to have in person friends too, but it's a great place like she said to open the conversation Ask an initial question. We have so many women and girls that we trust pouring into you with answers and wisdom and the Biblical truth and so go join the book club Don't forget elocister. And so go join the book club. Don't forget elocister.com or go to the app store

and get the elocister app. Hey, hey guys, welcome back to the Whoa That's Good podcast. We have a very special guest with us today. Formerly known as Sadie Robertson. Now she's Sadie Rob Huff. Thanks for joining us today, Sadie. Wow, thanks, Chris. You're having me on your podcast.

Well, that's good. That's such a great concept. Yeah, it's crazy. I was doing this Q&A one time in my mother-in-law, said, well, that's good. And I said, I should totally start a podcast. Wow. Wow.

Our stores are so similar. That's crazy. It's really blown up. It's awesome. check it out. He said, make sure you want our package today. It says, say, our friends, they're wanting to ask you some questions. Okay.

Be careful who you trust, salt and sugar look the same. Oh, that's good, that is good advice. That is really good advice. Yeah, salt and sugar do you like the same, but I'm telling you, if you put salt in my tea, it would be disgusting. Yeah. But you put sugar in my tea.

Yeah. I love that. Actually, that's a really good advice. Be careful who you trust. And it also takes a sermon. But sometimes you don't know about the bad, everything about somebody. So give it time. You know, sometimes it's not like as prominent as salt being in your tea.

Sometimes it takes a few steps to realize that somebody might not be a trustworthy person. But when you find out, put the drink down for lack of a better term, walk away, be kind, be honorable, but know who the people are that you can tell you things to and who the people are. You might just want to be a friend too, but not have to give your heart to you. Well, that's really good. Yeah. I think so too.

I think you definitely have to be careful with who you trust. And when I first saw that, I thought of the verse and the gospels where it says that they believed in Jesus because of the signs. And it said he did not trust himself to them. Yeah. So just so profound that like even Jesus,

like, you know, if you're wondering, if you can't trust someone, Jesus didn't trust people when he was on earth. Yeah. So then, you know, give yourself that freedom if someone gives you bad vibes or whatever. They give you this bad feeling. You're so millennial. You don't necessarily have to. You're on my podcast right now. You don't necessarily have to trust them. But you know,

use wisdom and you do want to give people the benefit of the doubt most of the time. It's good. Yeah, don't cross me. It's better to ask for forgiveness than permission. Horrible. Yeah, I don't like that. I mean, if it's not detrimental to anything, yes. But it gives that your motive. It should be your motive. But there are times you're like, okay, never mind.

Bad vibes. I'm in never mind. Bad of hot. I'm in the wrong, I'm realizing, I am in the hot seat. Yes, don't do that as your permission. Yeah. Cause then you won't have to ask for forgiveness. There you go, yeah, thank you. Thank you. Okay.

I feel like this is the problem. There is somebody in this drain right now. Her name is Steph, she's my friend. I keep looking at her, she knows I do that. Like I do stuff and then I'm like, it's better to ask for forgiveness. And that's her. So I feel like I would not be truthful to the people watching myself as or my friend to say I have not done that. That's so true. But I also think it can be like a sneaky kind of thing. Oh yeah. You know, like in our marriage, like I'm not gonna like. No. Yeah.

That was my first time. Yeah, bad advice. Bad advice. But yes, bad advice. Also, for those listening, my guest today is my wife. This person is asking. You're a guest. This is not your podcast.

This is my podcast that we are one. This is our podcast. Who's one asking the questions? I have the questions. Thank you. I'm sure this is a question about life, maybe not necessarily running what it is about life because it is life.

Life's a marathon, not a sprint. Yes. Life is a marathon, life, well, unless you would know. Life is a marathon. These are hard because you start to think super deep about them. I do. But then you have to bring it back to actually the question.

You're like, okay, actually, yes. Life is a marathon, not a sprint, and the grand scheme of things. Yes, we are like vapor, it's vast, but we also have to take life as a marathon and like take breaks every now and then go slow, speed up, sometimes then you can't just go for speed ahead or like you will literally crash.

Yeah, yeah, it's definitely worth it. Not a sprint. Yeah. For sure. I think you're gonna like this one. I've seen some clips of you just from some different things. Falling down as an accident, staying down as a choice. I feel like sometimes I see you fall.

You just kind of, you can be kind of clumsy sometimes. Listen, huh? Oh my gosh. Ha ha. You get a great quote. I saw the video of you speaking at the Global Leadership Conference last week. Really good.

But you said something about falling down in public. Can you tell our guests that I've friends that? You're just such a great interviewer. I was talking about falling down and I read the same one time and it said, for those who fall down in public, they get it twice as fast. And it's true.

I mean, think about physically falling when you fall in every one of these games. You get up quick. You get up quick. You get up quick. And I'm carrying your whole knee is bleeding. It's carrying your bruise left to right.

You get up and you're like, I didn't hurt. I'm fine. I'm really fine, really. And it's the same when you fall emotionally or spiritually at times. Like if you fall in public, it's important that you get up. And a lot of times when it is public you'll get up twice as fast even though it's embarrassing and it's hard, it kind of helps

you recover a little bit faster. But yeah, love that. Falling down is an accident, staying down in the choice. Yeah. I think it's really good. And I talked about that the other day. I think unforgiveness can have something to do with keeping us down a lot of times and I talked about how like I was starting to like getting the win knocked out of you and how somebody says something to me one time where I just physically felt the win get knocked out of me, even though nobody touched me. Like I didn't get punched, but I felt like, oh, it took my breath away.

When that person says something so hurtful and I feel like I've kind of face planted, right? You're on the ground. And it's in those moments where you have a choice, you can stand the ground and you can wallow in it and you can get bitter and you can live your life in that same place, or you can get back up. And that getting back up has to do with forgiving the person that spoke that over you, and letting out that bitterness in your heart, and letting out the seeds

that they planted in your heart so it doesn't keep you on the ground. And you just got to move on. I mean, you just got to keep going because again, life is a marathon. Not a sprint, but it's definitely some sort of running, right? You got to keep going. You know, you can't just sit on the sidelines and watch it go by what you can. But that's not a way to live the only life you've been given. Yeah. That's awesome.

You should have my job. It's crazy. That's awesome. Okay. All right. Last question just because it's a treat we have you in the house today. Always say what you are thinking. No, there's wisdom and not speaking. The Bible talks about be slow to speak. Quick to listen. What does it say? You sort of speak quick to listen and sort of become angry. Yeah. So yeah, I don't think it's wise to always say what you're thinking. For sure. Yeah.

And the Bible talks about our tongue. Yeah. It holds a power life and death. So for sure. Well, it was a treat having you here today. Thank you for being here. You are awesome. And we love you.

Thanks guys. Thank you so much for listening to the WoW That's Good Podcast. I have so much been doing this, I hope you'll have fun listening. And don't forget to follow me on Instagram at legitsadyrob and follow the podcast at WoW That's Good Podcast. I don't know where it's a live original dot com to see when I'm in a city near you or visit live original blog on our online store which carries my exclusive words by city rob line.

Also, be sure to subscribe to my podcast and leave comments so we can hear what you're original blog on our online store which carries my exclusive words by city rob line. Also be sure to subscribe to my podcast and leave comments so we can hear what you're loving. Also, when you give a special shout out to my audio engineer Marcus DePolla, the whole team at United Talent Agency and my live original team, you guys are awesome and hey, so we're all of you too. Thanks so much for listening. you