WHOA That's Good Podcast - Can Girls & Guys REALLY Just Be Friends? | Sadie Robertson Huff | Kaylea & Madison Coates

Episode Date: September 9, 2024

Kaylea and Madison Coates were friends — good friends — for years until they began dating and they have some great insights and wisdom to share for anyone who finds themselves in a similar situation. Kaylea shares the moment she knew they were crossing emotional boundaries when they were still just friends and explains what they did to course correct. Sadie asks them if guys and girls can REALLY be just friends and what their ministry life looks like now with their local coffee shop in West Monroe they own and run, and Kaylea's job as a youth pastor and worship leader in her church. Plus, they all discuss the importance of your spouse being a true teammate for you in your marriage.  This Episode of WHOA That's Good is Sponsored by: https://www.trymiracle.com/whoa — Get 40% off + 3 FREE towels with code WHOA at checkout! https://ariseforwomen.com — Get this 21-day video series from Covenant Eyes completely FREE! https://www.drinklmnt.com/whoa — Get a FREE LMNT Sample Pack with any purchase! - Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Get Uber One for students. With deals this good, everyone wants to be a student. Join for just $4.99 a month. Savings may vary. Eligibility and member terms apply. ["All You Need Now"] What's up friends? Happy Monday everybody.

I hope you're having a great start to your week, but I have a feeling it's about to get even better because I am so excited for the conversation we're about to have. I also just have to mention, we just came out of our conference by the time this episode is airing, but we have prerecorded this

because our team has taken a little rest, taking a little break during the week after conference. And so, prerecording this with two very amazing people that you might recognize. You recognize Kaylee for sure. We have Kaylee Coates back on the podcast with her husband, Madison Coates. And I'm so excited to have you both on the podcast.

Thank you for having us. This is so special and you look so cute, girl. Thank you, girl. Thank you. We had to share what happened because it was kind of funny. Yes. Because what, did Madison say something about your vest? Yeah, like I asked him about my outfit today

and he was like, he's like, yeah, it's good. But you know, like when your spouse says that, it's like, and I said, it's the vest. And he's like, yeah, I just don't know how I feel about the vest. And I said, well, Sadie would wear a vest. And then I walked in and- And I was wearing a vest, a black and white vest.

And then I was like, okay, I'll change. I'll let you have your vest moment. Plus I already recorded another podcast today in the vest. So I thought, you know, let's just let that have its one moment. But I said the same thing the other day when I bought the vest, I said, to be honest, I think this is going to be an outfit I'll look back on

and go that didn't age well, but right now it's cute. So I'm doing it. So sometimes you just got to jump in the moment, Madison. Right, you don't know if it's a summer outfit or a winter outfit. Yeah, but that's the beauty. It's September when this is airing, so you're in that fall mix. I'm in the in-between.

Yes, you're in the in-between. There's a word right here, right now, for someone. In the in-between, we're the best. But no, seriously, I'm so grateful to have y'all on the podcast. Madison, people don't know you yet on this podcast because Kayleigh's been on, shared a lot of her story. If you haven't listened to that one, go back.

Kayleigh's also who really got Elo worship started with me in a lot of ways. You and Steph have been there on the whole journey, which is so special to me. And so we can share a little of your story too, but Madison, tell us a little bit about who you are. Yeah, so I was raised in this area. I own a local business, we own a coffee shop.

I was in ministry for several years and we just decided that we wanted to have an impacted community. So that's the season of our life right now and trying to figure out how to navigate that. But yeah, we just love every minute of getting to serve the body, we serve the youth.

That's awesome. I have to say just because you really are stepping into this big podcast with all these lights and these cameras and stuff and you mentioned you've never really done something like this before. That is something that so many of our friends have stepped into doing, doing this podcast. And I have to say, I'll tell you all a story about Lydia

and this will encourage y'all. And for those listening, this was just such a cool story I heard yesterday. And I'll probably share this on the podcast a lot because it was just so significant to me because this past year, we really started having more friends on the podcast, which every friend of mine who comes in here is like,

ah, this feels so intimidating. And then we have such a good conversation. Well, Lydia shared her story. She shared about her college years and how wild they were. And then how, you know, during that time, she went to Passion and it was through Passion that God really impacted her and changed her life. So anyways, she tells that story.

Someone from South Dakota is listening to this podcast. Here's the story who's living a wild college life and goes, maybe I should go to passion because that's what this girl did. Wow. So goes to passion, gives her life to the Lord at passion, totally like changed the mood. No way.

Well, this story gets so crazy. So from listening to the podcast, Lydia shared that she started working at FCA. So the girl gets involved with FCA because she is a college athlete. And so gets involved with FCA. She then a college athlete. And so gets involved with FCA. She then just starts feeling called to like do missions. So finds out the FCA sending a group of people

to South Africa, which actually they were sending people to all over. She chose South Africa, goes to South Africa. Of all people, there was a group from Louisiana, which happens to be Lydia's FCA group. Lydia wasn't there, but they went to South Africa. They meet this girl through just like series of like telling stories.

She was like, oh, are you from where Lydia doged her walkers from? Cause I listened to this podcast. Well, that's good. And she was on it and like put the pieces together. So she sends a video sharing this story to Lydia. Okay, that was the beginning of the summer. Then this past week, Lydia is leading FCA camp.

This girl from South Dakota is there. Tells her a whole testimony and then Lydia baptizes her. Wow. Yes. What in the world? It's insane. It's literally insane. So I got that video yesterday and saw that

and was just like, what? So this girl was in this podcast a year ago and just heard someone's story that was like, that's my story. And then just found Jesus in the same way. It's just like, okay, Jesus could work through Lydia in that way. Maybe he could work through me in that way.

Maybe he could use me. I think that's the beauty of bringing people like y'all in the podcast who are just living the day-to-day life. You own a coffee shop, you do ministry together, you are the youth pastor. And y'all do so many other things too. You do L.O. worship, you have all these other things, but like y'all are in the day to day,

like just the weeds of life so many times, the ins and the outs, we were talking about this, we'll talk about this later, like the cups for the coffee shop and the toilet overflowing, all that stuff. But the way y'all live your life is such a testimony of like just God's hand on a couple and how you honor God and how you serve the community. And that's why I'm like,

Yanya, come be on this podcast. We're gonna tell your story because people are gonna hear your story and be inspired. And so I hope that helps you feel like relaxed to do this because I remember Lydia being so nervous to do it the first time. And now she's on the podcast like three times. And like, she's also the one that talks

about the hard conversations on the podcast now. We were talking about that the other day, I'm like, Lydia, you are getting vulnerable, getting deep on the podcast. I know, because she's seen now, like the power of telling your story, which I think that's so cool. You know, in Revelation, what it talks about,

like the enemy will be defeated by the blood of the lamb and the power of our testimony. And testimonies are just so important. And so we're gonna talk about so many things, but just on the testimony of y'all's relationship, tell us a little bit about how y'all started dating. Cause this story makes me laugh and it brings me back cause Christian and I were kind of there.

Like we were seeing this all cause you and Bella were like very best friends. You still are, y'all are sister in laws. But like I was getting a front row seat at this little relationship starting. Yeah. I think maybe you alluded to something to Kaylee or Bella. It was the longest thing that happened so quickly or something along those lines.

That's so true, actually. Such a long timeline of how everything happened. That's so true. So we actually met, this is kind of crazy. So I was living in Sydney, Australia, doing some college. Madison was living in Dallas, working as an engineer. And we actually met on my Christmas break. So I was home for the holidays, and so was he.

And we have a mutual friend who I was getting dinner with, and he was like, hey, I'm bringing my friend Madison. And I thought it was a girl. And then he showed up. And then we started talking the whole night. It was like, we didn't even notice a friend. But then I had six more months in Australia. He went back to his job.

Well, we didn't even know this, but we both moved back to West Monroe one day apart. Wow. One day apart. Same weekend. The same weekend. That's crazy. So did y'all, but did y'all know that?

Did y'all talk to each other? No. Cause I thought she was going to move to Dallas. Yep. You were looking at VBU at the time. So were y'all talking during this time? Occasionally, you know, you'll comment on something on Instagram, something like that, but no real relationship.

Okay. But then that was like July. He moves back, he starts taking a job at our church. And then I had moved back in July, but I didn't know what my next step was. And so in September, I got asked to preach at the church's youth group. And so he was serving in youth ministry.

And so I was preaching, and then I just felt like the Lord's like, hey, if you don't know your next step, you need to serve while you're here. So I asked the youth pastor, can I like serve on the team? Which morph into an internship and then being an associate. So then we worked together.

And then we just became really good friends for three years. Yes, really good friends for three years. And that was kind of the blessing and the curse. So it was like the good thing and the bad thing. Cause y'all were in, lack of a better word for it, y'all were in the friend zone. Yes. Correct. Yes. Like y'all were in, lack of a better word for it, y'all were in the friend zone. Yes. Correct. Yes.

Like, y'all were very much friends, but I don't want to tell y'all a story for you, but did y'all have feelings for each other in the friend zone? I think, not think, there was that initial interest, but I can speak for myself that it was just kind of season that I wasn't ready for a relationship. I was going through a whole bunch of stuff.

And we just kind of settled into that, hey, we're just good friends. We actually went on a date. So we did go on a date when I first moved back. We went on a date and it was really good. I was very keen, very ready to jump into a relationship. Oh, this is the guy for me. I immediately was like, this is a guy I could marry.

We are so alike. We're good friends. We are in ministry. This makes sense. That was a loop. Yeah. This is living my life. Was really just head down at work, serving.

It wasn't really looking for a relationship, so he was interested, but then it was just like bad timing. So then after that date, I mean, we work at the same church, we're still rubbing shoulders. So I guess let's just be friends. Like, let's- We were the two young people on staff that just kind of naturally gravitated towards each other. Everybody would say stuff.

Our pastor would say stuff to him. People, I mean, y'all are saying stuff to me. Like, what about Madison? Like, oh, we're just friends, or I kind of like him. He doesn't like me. And those comments don't always help. Yeah. Okay, so before we even go further in the story,

I do have a question because Christian and I are like really different, you know, but I see so much of us being alike too, but in ways that you don't see as obvious on the outside. Like when you said we're so much alike, when I look at y'all, I like y'all are so different. You know, like you're such an extrovert. Are you more introverted?

I feel like in some ways, like you have great conversations, stuff like that. You own a coffee shop, you gotta be personable, but you're a little bit more reserved than you are. And then like, you know, I don't know, before what job do you have, like engineering? Yeah. And then you're like pastor, you're the pastor.

On StrengthsFinder, ours are the opposite. Like my number top, like top five strengths are his lowest. His top are my lowest. There's 32. Her number one is communication and Wu. My 31 and 32 is communication and woo. He has context really high. That's 32.

I'm like, I don't need to know the context. I'm jumping in like, let's go. Context, that's so funny. I'm gonna say way though, like my communication, I even know context is one of them. So that shows us. Probably not on my radar. But like, what was it about him that made you say

we're so much alike? Because whenever I tell people how me and Christian are like, oh, that makes sense, but it's not what you see on paper. It's our values. That's exactly the same. When I met Madison, it's like, wow, we have the same heart for ministry.

The expression is different. The way we minister is different. But the same heart for the Lord being sold out, wanna go wherever he wants to go, do whatever he wants to do. And like our values, the way we think about family, the way we think about our friendships, the church. Like when we talk about the church,

we have very similar views. Yeah, I love that. That's the same for me and Christian. It's our values. I always say it's like our conviction level and our values for things that are so similar that that's what I was so attracted to and loved and connected with.

And I think people should hear that because some people are looking like for themselves, you know, and you don't necessarily want that. Like I remember there was this one guy I talked to that was actually so similar to me. And I was like, this is not gonna work. Like I don't actually want someone like me. I kind of love the fact that he's completely opposite.

And even our strengths are so different because it really is so helpful because in the areas I need help with, he's strong in the areas that he needs help with, I'm more strong in. So I love, I see that in God's relationship too. So I know you saw the vision. You were like, we're gonna- I can see where this is going.

You saw the vision and clearly you were right, since y'all are married. You didn't quite see it yet. When you were in like that friend zone, Kayleigh though, talk about that a little bit like, because I remember that actually been a pretty hard time. Yeah, because it was like we were, after we went on that date, we were friends for a while

and I was kind of like, okay, we're just friends. People would bring Madison up and I'd just be like, no, we're just friends, people would bring Madison up and I'd just be like, no, we're just friends. Well then after a year of that, and a year and a half of that, we're hanging out still just as much. Like we would go to dinner together on a Saturday night and just eat dinner.

I would like go to Jackson, Mississippi, which is like a couple hours away. We would go hang out, go shopping, and then come home and. We never held hands. There was nothing romantic about our relationship. We would talk about life, our struggles, our ministry life, things that we were facing. It was just a really deep friendship. And then I'm like, I think I want more here.

I could see myself marrying this person because one of my best friends told me before, like, marry the person that you could see yourself going to the grocery store with. Like, the everyday mundane things. I'm like, well, that's what we're doing. Like, we're going to the grocery store. We're just hanging out. And so I think there was like a point in those three years

where I was just kind of like frustrated with our friendship. Yeah, I remember you were like, I can't do this anymore. Like I can't, I think you actually invited her to Jackson or something and I remember we were like, don't go. I remember Christian was like, tell you because we were like, you need to like, he needs to like what, like feel like he can't have you, you know?

And so Christian was trying to tell you. Christian was giving me some advice. Christian was like, you need to go get another man and make him jealous, which, you know, Christian was just trying to help a friend out. He was like, yeah, he was like, I'll tell you what to do. And this is gonna really get him, which is just really funny looking back,

because with Reeves and Lydia on, Christian was kind of in the same boat, because Lydia like spilt out her feelings, so that's about Reeves, like how she didn't like him. And then we're telling Ree is like, because he's in love with her. So somehow we were in both of these stories, which I love so much.

But I just remember that time. Yes, it was hard. It was frustrating. We were like, okay, here's what maybe you should try to do or whatnot. But at the same time, like it's out of your control because it's up to you if you see that too. Okay, so this is a good time to bring up just a question

on just can guys and girls just be friends? Like, can you actually be best friends with the opposite sex and it not cause like problems, I guess, because you know how that's such a like question in the church, it's like, there's, everyone's like, boundaries, boundaries, boundaries, but then sometimes that can go too far. But then it's like, there's, everyone's like, boundaries, boundaries, boundaries, but then sometimes that can go too far. But then it's like, yes, you actually can get hurt

when you form a relationship with no boundaries in a guy and girl relationship. So what are y'all's thoughts on that hindsight? This time of year, it can be a major struggle to try to get the temperature in your bedroom just right. And without sleep, it can definitely have a big impact on your life and your health. If you're someone who wakes up during the night

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but we never went to each other's house at night alone. So that was that, but the side that you don't really see is the emotional boundaries. So I didn't really see or know, because I wasn't in that head space, the emotional boundaries that was being crossed in her mind. So I'm just tracking along, have my friend with me.

We both work at the church and everything, and I'm not even thinking that, because I'm not trucking along, have my friend with me. We both work at the church and everything, and I'm not even thinking that because I'm not feeling that. So I feel like a lot of it is to have the open communication of like, hey, this may not be affecting you, but this is affecting me. Yeah. And I told him that.

See, this is so good because I think from a guy's perspective, to be fair, I actually don't think that like sometimes you're like, oh, he knows, but I actually don't like sometimes I don't think he knows. Like I don't think he realizes. And so that's so cool that you did share that. But how did you go about that? So our college pastors at the time were encouraging me to like talk to Madison to kind of see where he was at. And so I just like remember one time we went for a walk around the church and I was like,

do you think that like our relationship is healthy? I don't know if you remember that. And I was like, do you feel like, you know, we need some emotional boundaries because I kind of feel like maybe this isn't healthy for us to be so close, like if we're not going to be in a relationship. And that kind of started, got the ball rolling,

got some wheels turning and stuff. In your head, yeah. But I think that girls and guys can be friends, but I don't know what that looks like, being best friends forever, because if you're best friends and you don't end up getting in a relationship and getting married,

then that person's probably going to marry someone else, and you don't end up getting in a relationship and getting married, then that person's probably gonna marry someone else and you can't continue being their best friend anymore if you're the opposite sex. That's not healthy. Yeah, I think that's the hard thing because it's, yes, I think guys and girls should be friends. I think sometimes we put too much of a weirdness on it that then it's like, okay, this is weird and it shouldn't be.

We just need to be able to be friends with each other. And that's like, whenever, this is weird and it shouldn't be. We just need to be able to be friends with each other. And that's like, whenever my grandma would tell stories about her high school, I remember they were just friends with so many guys and they'd go on dates with different people. And it wasn't weird. It was like, we're getting to know each other. So we have to get to know each other.

So let's hang out. Whereas for us in high school, if you go on one date with someone and if you were to go on to the movies with someone else the next weekend, that would be so wrong, you know? But like back in the day, they didn't put that like pressure on it, until you could be friends,

which I think that is a hard thing that we've created now, because that's why people like overthink going on a first date, when it's like you're not marrying the person, you gotta get to know them, you know? So there is that whole thing, but then on the other side of it, it's like, okay, you do want to marry your best friend.

Like that's the relationship that you want to build with someone that you're going to marry, that foundation, who you go to the gracious room with, who you want to tell all your things to, who you trust the most. And so if you form that with someone else of the opposite sex, and then eventually, if they get with someone else,

they start dating someone else, that can no longer be a thing because that's what they have to form with the other person. And then it hurts you on the other end or vice versa. You have to do it and it hurts them. So I think that's where it creates like an unhealthy thing. When you cross over to like, they're your best friend, they're the person you call when you're excited about things

or when you're sad about things. I think that's when it reaches that unhealthy boundary because that should be reserved for your future spouse. But you guys have a different story because it did form into that real relationship. So was it after y'all had that conversation that you started feeling different or what was that timeline?

That did create a little bit of separation in us. It was a little awkward at first, but then we kind of settled into just cordial. We were both still in each other's lives every single day. So we kind of had to. But not as close. But not as close. So I guess that disconnect did start to bring in like me being more open to the to bring in like,

me being more open to the idea or things like, what am I doing here? But at the same time, I was in a season where I just couldn't really be in a relationship. So a lot of it didn't cross my mind to make those moves because I was going through my own stuff, trying to figure my own stuff out instead of bringing someone else into it.

So at that point, which was probably ye two years into the friendship. Yeah, and this is like the year before we got together. And I had to guard my heart. The reason I'm having this conversation is like, you know, I'm hurting myself. I'm so invested. And then other people are asking me on dates

and I can't even give them the time of day because I'm like putting my life on hold for this friendship that's not even a relationship. Well, that's so relatable to so many people. To speak to the boundaries again of like, how do you have that healthy friendship relationship? If you're like relying on that person to give you what someone in a relationship is giving you,

that's like a sign of, hey, this boundary's being crossed. That's so true. That is so true because then you're stepping into a relationship and you're not in a relationship. You're expecting someone who doesn't need to give you anything. I'm wanting him to give me the affirmation of my boyfriend, but we're just friends.

So then I'm mad at him and our friendship. Yeah, I do remember that, yes. then I'm mad at him and our friendship. Yeah, I do remember that, yes. And I've seen that in so many other people's relationships as well. It's not just saying that to y'all. I'm like, as y'all are talking, I'm like, man, I can think of so many people that this is gonna be

so helpful for, because one, they can recognize, okay, I'm in that. And maybe if they do feel like I'm in that friend zone, how do I get out of it? Even if it's scary because you do risk ending the relationship, I feel like I'm in that friend zone, how do I get out of it? Even if it's scary because you do risk ending the relationship, I feel like you have to say something because it's got to end anyways at some point and you really are dragging out time, you know?

And that's the thing where you're saying like, I had other guys ask me on dates and I was saying no to it and I was just kind of dragging out this time waiting on a friendship that he gave me no reason to believe is going to become anything else. And so as you were in that, Kaylee, what made you stay in that hope for Madison? Did you just feel like it was gonna happen?

Well, I guess staying in that hope for Madison was like, oh, I could just see this working. We're so close. I love him as a person. I don't ever think that I was in love with you before we started Dating I think maybe I wasn't guarding your heart Yeah, I think maybe I was like in love with this idea of what we could be but like, you know I just loved you as a person

but after that conversation when I kind of found out where you were at and just like Emotional boundaries and then we kind of shifted our relationship. I felt like I was doing better. I'm like, okay, maybe this isn't it. And I just kind of let go. And like, I still love you as a person. You're my friend, but you know, I'm gonna move on and you know, trust whatever God has for me. And then-

And you really kind of did. Yep, and then it's funny. It's like when you finally let go and you choose health and then that's when the relationship comes knocking on the door. Which is kind of like what Krisha was saying, like if you don't seem like you need him or a desperate foreman, you back off and let it go,

then it might make him want you more, but you weren't like trying to do that. That's what you need to do anyways with what God was already doing in your life. And then you were like, hold up, wait a minute. And so how did you come to her and have the conversation? So it was in May, right? I'm 21.

This is why it was, by the way, the longest quickest thing ever. Cause it was in May and then I think we were married by December. Seven months later. The number of perfection. It was fast. It was fast.

So starting in like February, I started interviewing to take a job in Texas. Well, it was at the beginning of May that I was offered the job, and that's whenever I just kind of started thinking, I was like, well, okay, cool, I'm moving to Dallas, but like, what about Kayleigh? And then I'm like, well, why, cool. I'm moving to Dallas, but like, what about Kayleigh? And then I'm like, well, why am I thinking,

what about Kayleigh? Okay, okay, what am I thinking about? And literally the guy, he's like, so I just need to know, like is it yes or no? And I told him, I was like, there's this girl. Wow, and you hadn't even told her this yet. No, this was. Oh my God, I felt like I was going to ruin dates.

This is like a movie. And I originally thought about telling her it was a Thursday night at Iron Cactus. And I told one of our pastors that, hey, I'm gonna tell Kayleigh just kinda how I feel, what I'm thinking. And he's like, okay, I'm gonna do it. Well, we pull up and he's outside being weird about it.

And it completely threw me off in my groove. So it messed it all up. But so the guy offered me the job. I told him, I there's this girl, I've gotta at least tell her how I feel. If she says okay, then I'm gonna call you back and we'll work something out. If not, I'm coming to Dallas.

Wow. So basically he's like, if she doesn't like me, I'm moving to Dallas. Yeah. And if she doesn't, I'm not going, if she does, I'm not going. Maybe she comes with me, maybe I'm not coming at all. Wow, that's crazy. That is like a movie, I'm not going to go. If she does it, I'm not going to go. Maybe she comes with me, maybe I'm not coming at all. Wow, that's crazy.

Wish that would work out. That is like a movie. I love it so much. It really was like a movie. It really was. And I remember you calling me that day, being like, I have a boyfriend, Madison, I'm dating. We're like, what?

Because it was like, for so long, and then you literally, like not gave up, but you surrendered it. Yeah. And then all of a sudden sudden you're like, we're dating. And I think to the point of y'all's friendship though, it was how long you built your friendship that made y'all be able to step into marriage so soon because y'all had such a foundation.

Like you were ready. It just was a matter of like y'all committing, you know, and being like, okay, we're all in. Then you got married and now here we are three years later, which is absolutely amazing. And that's something we said that night was like, so what do we do? Where do we go?

And it was, we didn't have anything that we really need to take slow, but we didn't really have to rush it. So it's like, we didn't have to figure out who each other were, we knew who each other were, but we knew that we had some navigations of figuring out this new season. Yeah, for sure.

One thing when I think about y'all's relationship is like y'all have had, y'all have a lot of faith. Like y'all have faith for big things. Like y'all do so many big things, but Madison to the point of like even on a job offer going, you know, I'm going to have the faith to say, if this girl works out, then I'm not gonna take this job, which the job was more sure than this relationship.

And sometimes in life, we have these offers that are more sure than the thing that we actually feel led to do. And that's where faith comes in. It's like, okay, I gotta have confidence, things I hope for, insurance, those things I cannot see, when that option seems a little easier, but this one seems right

I think in the same way now you guys own a coffee shop corner coffee, which we all love shoutouts a corner but like that was faith because that was not like your passion your Engineer doing all these other things what led y'all to start a coffee shop and you stepping out of a more sure job to do like a dream job? I know a lot of the times when we talk about pornography, the conversation is usually geared towards guys, but a study done nearly 10 years ago showed that one in three Christian women are struggling with it too.

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us both being in different areas of ministry at the church, I was in production more behind the scenes. She was over youth and I was trying all I could to be as all in, but we were just pulled in different directions. So we just knew that from the moment we got married that, hey, there's gonna be a shift eventually to have a healthy rhythm with our life.

Yeah, that's good. And we- Meaning you just both shouldn't be working in the same place kind of thing? Yeah. And not just we're working on the same team, because I think we can work together. We both were leading two different departments at church.

He was leading all of production, three locations. I'm leading the youth ministry, three locations. And so now we're like doing our jobs, leading departments, but then we're trying to help each other. And like, this is like, it's hard to also have boundaries with work when we're both leading departments and we're both- And if we feel something at church,

we're both feeling it. It wasn't just one of us. So if we're frustrated with something, we're both frustrated. If we're stressed out, we're both stressed out. So- Yeah, it just wasn't healthy for both of us. And also we were like newly married when we I mean it was we got married and six months later we bought this coffee shop.

So I mean like this was a wild season. We're figuring out how to be married. We're figuring out our jobs. It was so crazy. So what led to the coffee shop? We knew that we wanted to do something that was in the community. Cause I had some other ideas of things I can do that was just more of a, you know, just me have another job. But we wanted to do something in the community and we've always kind of talked about like,

what if we did a coffee shop? And she joked that her dad said when she was a teenager kid that one day I'll buy you Corner Coffee. Wow. And- That's crazy. That's impressive. It's just kind of a joke.

I didn't even know that. Which has been around for 20 years. So it's not, you know. Kaylee and I met at Corner Coffee to talk about Elo Worship like five years ago. It's a special place. Yeah, it really is. And so when we started having those conversations,

I guess she snuck in and kind of mentioned to one of the managers about like, would the owners ever want to sell this place? And she's like, no. Yeah, I just said, if this place ever goes for sale, put my name on the list. That's all I said. And that was like December, January, something like that.

And then we were at Youth one Sunday night and we were both off the next day. And we just were talking like, maybe it's just time for us to kind of find that next step. Maybe it's time for me to end the season here on staff at the church. And we just had the thoughts like, let's just go to corner tomorrow

and see if we wanted to, you know, ask them about it. Cause there's two options, buy a corner or start your own. And so when we walked in, this lady ran up to us and said, do y'all want to buy a coffee shop? And we were to look at each other like, yeah. We just looked at each other like, they came to us. And he was like, let's just go in the morning, just go by the place, dream about it.

And I was like, oh, I don't really want to do that. We go and then they offer it to us. But I think that's like when you're praying about something or believing something, like you're talking to the God who's also here at everyone else's prayers, like connecting the dots to like the whole body. So I think when someone else is like, I wanna give this up and you're praying for that,

that's when you walk into a moment. And what is it called? Like a chivalrous moment. It's like God's perfect timing when you're like, oh, I'm here dreaming about buying a coffee shop. You need me to buy a coffee shop. God's like, there you go. Those are the coolest life moments.

And the old owners were godly people and they were in the same season of praying. Like, how do we, cause they're older and they're trying to retire. Like, how do we get cause they're older and they're trying to retire. Like how do we get out of this with the right people? Yeah, cause other people I'd made offers and they didn't feel right in their spirit about them. But like they met us and immediately were like,

these are the people. Wow, how do y'all feel like, because I feel like y'all have taken corner and it's been such a a great gift to the community. Like you said, I want to do something for the community. Okay, so imagine for people listening, they might look at, okay, I am not in the space to buy a coffee shop,

but I work at a coffee shop. Maybe I am the space to buy a coffee shop. You went from like a job in ministry to a job in ministry. It's not in ministry, but it's ministry for the community. How do you do something like that with the intention for the glory of God and actually execute it? Like doing something like a copy shop.

Like what are those intentional things y'all do with corner that give glory to God? Cause you feel it. Like when you're there, it's such a thing for the community. But like, what does that look like for y'all? I think that part of the reason, not think, part of the reason that led me to get out of church is since I was so behind the scenes,

I was craving that without really knowing or putting words to it. Because I didn't have really much of the face-on-face interactions with the church people. So to have an avenue to where our ministry and our impact impacts people that are in the season of life where similar to youth, they're trying to figure themselves out.

They're in transition. So a lot of, we hire a lot of high school seniors in college age. So our ministry at church is the same demographic as our ministry in the public. So it kind of, they went hand in hand. Yeah. You know, we have people who work for us

who are not even believers. And like the way we treat them, we pray as like modeling Christ. And some of them have come to us and be like, we've never worked for anybody like you guys. And like, we've been able to show them the grace and the love of Jesus. And, you know, there's customers that we interact with

every day who would never walk through the doors of a church, but they're going to meet us. And like, our prayer is that they would meet Jesus in us, in our interactions, in our kindness. And I'm like, we've had customers of ours who've like, family members have died and like, we're getting to show up at their house and just love on them and just somehow be the hands

and feet of Jesus. And you can do that anywhere. Yeah, that's so true. And to like, I just think about even Maya, our friend who just had a baby and like, what if she went in the hospital and a soluble from corner coffee? Like you get to truly serve the community

through highs and lows of life. And you guys do that with such intentionality. And I think it goes back to the desire to buy a coffee shop, even being something to serve the community. It's that initial intention that you guys had on something. What do you think for any job you have, and what's your intention behind it? Because that's what's gonna carry through

if it has purpose or not, if it's meaning for it or not, if it's meaning for it or not, if it's impactful or not. Cause you can have a coffee shop and serve coffee and it's good. You have a coffee shop that serves coffee and actually walks with people in life. And it's like, man, you got something so special

and so different to the point of like backing up to y'all both working at church and it feeling stressful because both of your jobs carry so much weight and the lines are a little blurry when you're stressed, you're stressed, that thing. Now you guys have completely different jobs, but I have watched y'all balance them so well in the sense that I've seen you step in at corner

and serve that coffee shop so much in the most random jobs at corner that were needed. And I've seen you show up at youth time after time and serve Kayleigh and the vision of that. And I've just watched y'all hold each other's things like so, I guess like you just held it like together like y'all have truly been a team in it even though it's your thing, it's your thing.

It's not even like that. It's like y'all's thing. How do you, how have y'all done that? Like how have y'all done that well? I think having clear expectations of like, hey, a couple of weeks ago we were in a live revival or summer revival. And it's like, hey, we have Tuesday night

through Friday night, we're going to have all day accounted for knowing that it's a tough time for her at the church. So I have to show her grace on that. And then also, like this is the first week back to school or last week was first week back to school. It's a little bit busier in the mornings. So she needs to understand that there's gonna be mornings

that I'm not gonna be able to be there with her. So having those clear expectations of like, hey, this is what expected for us this season, not every single day. That way she's not sitting there wondering why, like, hey, why don't you spend the time with me this morning or this week or next week? I feel like y'all are such a good team in that.

They like, when the coffee shop opened and you were like all in it, but then like there's times where like it's revival and you're all in and like, you just carry each other's burdens really well. And I think like as a team, even Christian and I, Christian's job isn't to run L.O. That's my job, but I couldn't do it without him

holding up my shoulders and helping and doing all this stuff. And my job is not to crush it in the workouts and run a men's fitness ministry, I would fail. But like I can support him and like each day asking each other like, hey, how was your day? What are the stresses that you got going on? And just like communicating and helping one another, sharing those things and holding one another up.

Like it's such a gift, you know, to get to do life together, even though you're not doing it like together together. Cause you can not have the same job, but still like do something as a teammate. So, staying hydrated is a big deal. And unfortunately, lots of us have trouble

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We want to see each other succeed. We want to lift each other up. We want to help each other. If corner is struggling, I'm struggling too. If the youth is struggling, but we win together. We wanna see each other succeed. We wanna lift each other up. We wanna help each other. If corner is struggling, I'm struggling too. If the youth is struggling, he's struggling too. So how can we help each other win together?

It's not like these things are competing against each other. These are our things. Go ahead. We were talking about this earlier of friendships, the foundation of a relationship. And whenever you're a friend, you're gonna call your friend up, it's like, hey, I just need to vent,

or I just need to cry, I need to whatever. And it's like, we have grace for our friends that need that from us. But when we get home after a bad day, sometimes you have to be very intentional to not hold your spouse, hold that against your spouse. Of like, why are you coming in with a bad day, sometimes you have to be very intentional to not hold your spouse, hold that against your spouse. Of like, why are you coming in with a bad attitude? It feels more personal, you know?

It feels more personal. It's like, if they're mad, you're like, well, what did I, like, it's like, it feels like it's, it's like, no, we're in this together. I am your friend to sit here and to listen and stuff. And I think for Christian and I, one thing that helped us with that is like learning how to confess.

And like, I know it sounds funny, but like just confession and marriage of like when things are hard or when I've struggled or when it's this or that, or just like letting him see like the underlay of why I'm reacting a certain way. That has like opened up the door for us to truly be a team because now he understands like why I act the way that I act

or why I'm stressed way that I act. Why I'm stressed these days and I'm stressed. Like he, it's not just like, oh, he's like defensive towards my reaction of the day. It's like, oh, I understand your reaction, you know? And I feel like that is like so helpful whenever you understand like you're on the same team. And to the point of it, we went together, we lose together.

We were kind of laughing about speeches that Kayleigh and I had prepared. Like a speech I was gonna give to Christian then I back out of it. And you had a speech for Madison that you backed out of at one point. And whenever I was going to end the relationship with Christian, which is so funny

because he didn't even know this. He didn't even know I was trying to break up with him. So I think we were married and I was telling the story and he was like, you were breaking up with me? I was like, well, I was going to and then I backed out because what you said was so good. But I was telling the story and he was like, you were breaking up with me. I was like, well, I was going to, and then I backed out because what you said was so good. But I was thinking like this relationship just wasn't gonna work because I thought I'm too busy.

It's just not gonna work. Like I'm going on tour. I'm not gonna be able to be a good girlfriend to him. I'm not gonna be able to show up to his things that I would like to. And it was just self sabotaging. And I'm thinking, I just gotta end it. So I call him and I go on the spill of like,

hey, like this is just going to be such a busy time. Like I'm going on tour and I'm not going to be able to show up for you. And I'm like going through it. And before I get to the punch, he's like, hold on. I just want to tell you, he's like, don't apologize for what God's doing in your life. Because I kept saying to him, I'm so sorry. I'm so busy. I'm so sorry.

I'm going on tour. He's like, don't apologize for what God's doing in your life, that's amazing. He's like, hey, if it's a win for you, and if it's a win for the kingdom, then it will always be a win for me. And I'm like, hold up. I'm keeping you around.

I know, I'm like, that's amazing, okay, forget what I was about to say. And I'm like, it's just gonna be a busy season, but we're gonna get through it together. And then I'm like in it, you know? And I mean, that has held so true in our relationship. I said that in our vows to one another when we got married that if it's a win for you, if it's a win for the kingdom,

it will be a win for me. But sometimes in life, in order for it to be a win for the person, you gotta help make that happen. Cause like they need a teammate, you need a teammate. I was thinking this other day when this guy asked Christian and I both what our dreams are in life. And I of course have like 10 million dreams

and I couldn't even nail it down to one. And Christian's like, I haven't really thought about that a ton, but I want to be a faithful husband and a faithful dad. And I think Christian, like that is so him to his core. And sometimes people ask him like, what are you doing? And he has the four-eight minute. He's passionate about that.

He loves that. He does a great job with that. But at his core, he really does want to see me succeed in the things that God's put in my heart. He really does want to raise our family in those things. And so him doing that well, it helps me win, helps us win together. I think that's where in life you find as a spouse,

like how to truly be a teammate. And I love that at where in life you find as a spouse, like how to truly be a teammate. And I love that at the beginning of your relationship, y'all looked at each other and y'all's schedules and lives and said, this isn't gonna work, you know? Because I think so many times people just try to plow through that. And oh, this is what we know. And y'all were like, no, this is not gonna work in the long run. And you took a leap of faith and look where you guys are now. Has corner coffee exceeded your expectations at where y'all are at? Yes

it's been I think the there are you know stressful days and all that but it's a lot more fun than we thought. Just because we get to be creative we get to meet people and I love that when we first got married, I couldn't go anywhere without someone knowing Kayleigh because it's West Monroe and she went to West Monroe High School, I didn't. Went to Homecoming Queen. She was Homecoming Queen.

I was literally thinking that. We always have to mention that. I can't bring that up again. We have to mention that, bring your crown next time. Yeah, but now it's like, it really has made me feel like I'm more involved in the community, even more than being at a larger church in the community,

because we go somewhere and I'll see just as many people I know from the coffee shop, as Kayleigh will. So it's really helped, not my value in the community, but just feeling like I'm in the community more. Yeah, we know more people from other churches too. Like we have like, I don't want to say this on the podcast, like older couples who come to quarter every day. It's very diverse.

And like, they are the sweetest people and they go to like a smaller Baptist church and like they are at the coffee shop. They hug us, they love us. We'll see them out at other places. And like, we would have never met them. Yeah. And less corner, you have never met them. Yeah. In less corner, you know?

And I see so many Bible studies happening there and just like people meeting each other. And it really is like you guys have created a space that is just, it's gonna be bigger than y'all. You know, it's a coffee shop and what it is, but it's so much more than that, which is so cool. Which I love. You guys really are an amazing couple.

You walk in faith in so many ways. And I'm so thankful for y'all being on the podcast. It initially started with like, hey, let's talk about friends in the church. Like, can you be friends with the opposite sex? And what does that look like? And cause I remember the whole friends zone thing for y'all. We'll never forget it.

I always kind of have like a thought when I'm like, I want them to be on top of this, but I knew it was going to be so much more because you guys have done so many things in your life and we could keep talking about all the other things. But thank y'all for coming on. Thank you for braving a podcast studio and sharing your story

because it was such a beautiful story. I think people are going to learn so much from it. And I'm thinking about the person at the other end of this podcast thinking like, that is so where I'm at. Like either you're in the friend zone and you need to have the conversation or, you know, you're, you have a sure opportunity for a job,

but something's leading you another way. Like maybe this is just your encouragement to have a little faith and make sure that, you know, the move that you're making next is the one God has for you and know that even if it doesn't seem as sure, if it's God, it'll be so much better. And I love how the girl worked out, the coffee shop worked out.

If you listen to the Lord and being led by Him, it's gonna work out, friends. So thank you guys so much for coming on and sharing. Thank you for having us, Sadie. you