WHOA That's Good Podcast - Finding Joy In Unimaginable Grief | Sadie Robertson Huff | Lauren Johnson

Episode Date: May 13, 2026

Lauren Johnson has always known she wanted to be a mom — so much so that even nursing school became part of her preparation. When she and her husband found out they were expecting, she felt ready. She knew the checklists, the rhythms, the “what to expect.” She even launched Choose Joy Nursing to walk other moms through pregnancy and postpartum. But nothing could have prepared her for what came next: a rare genetic disorder that led to the loss of their daughter, Lily Ann. In this conversation, Lauren shares with Sadie what it looks like to hold onto joy in the middle of devastating grief — and how she and her husband have reoriented their lives around eternity. Because heaven is better than our very best day here and that’s where Lily Ann is. This one will stay with you — in your heart, your faith, and the way you show up for the people you love. This Episode of WHOA That's Good is Sponsored By: https://preborn.com/sadie — Donate today. For just $28, you can help a mother in need meet her baby for the very first time. http://shop.taylordukeswellness.com/whoa — Get 15% off sitewide anytime + for the next 48 hours, you can also unlock 2 free gifts with any full-size protein purchase! https://helixsleep.com/sadie — Get 27% off sitewide and make sure you enter our show name after checkout so they know we sent you! - Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What's up everybody? Happy Well, that's Good Wednesday. I hope you're having a great week. But to everyone out there, it is about to get so much better. We have such an incredible guest on the podcast today. I've been following along her journey from afar for a long time, social media friends, if you will. And she sent me a casual DM. Like, I'd love to help some moms out if you ever want just even an ad on your podcast for what I do because she does this amazing thing called Choose Joy Nursing. And I was like, okay, yes, but more than that, can you come on the podcast and share your testimony who you are, help mom is out there. And so this podcast is definitely going to help moms, but it's really for everybody. We just believe in the power of testimonies and her testimony can speak to anyone no matter what season of life you're in. So we have Lauren Johnson all the way here in Monroe, Louisiana. Welcome to Monroe. Thank you. Thank you so much for having me. This is so fun. It's so cool. I'm truly so glad you're here. I told you this. I've loved following you. I've been so inspired by your life. been invested in your life.

Christian, I have prayed for you. And so to see you in here today, I was just like, hey, as if we've known each other forever. And I thought, oh, well, I guess this is the first time we've met. But just you are a joy. Like, you're such a joy to follow and to learn from. And I'm so thankful for how you've chosen to share your life on social media because you did not have to share some of the hard aspects of your life and all of it. But I just want to say thank you for it.

Before we get into all of it, can you just tell us a little bit about who you are, what you do, where you're from, all the things. Absolutely. Well, thank you so much for all the kind of words and prayers. We have felt them tremendously. That's why I felt like I knew you too, because it's like you just know when people are praying for you. It's just like there's an instant bond and connection. But yeah, so Lauren Johnson, I'm born and raised in Nashville, Tennessee. I've been there my whole life, which has actually ended up being such a blessing for all the connections and ways I've got to like love and serve families in Nashville. Grew up in the Baptist Church, volunteering in the church nursery. So, of course, I started babysitting.

at such a young age as like a mother's helper, always love babies, always loved helping moms. And then went to nursing school at Lipscomb University. So truly, never left. Love Lipscomb. It was such a great experience. And then got to be a nurse. I was a private nanny at first and then went to get hospital experience. I was like, this is so great of nannied forever. And I love it. And they wanted a nurse, but I also wanted to get that hospital experience. So worked in the hospital. And then got offered a sweet job at a high school, which was incredible, but missed the mother-baby aspect from the hospital. And so started helping moms at night.

Like when everyone was asleep, I was like, I'll come help you at night. Like, I'll bring you your baby to nurse or I'll give a bottle. Wow. And then the Lord really kept putting, like, I didn't have a name yet, but like you could make, this could be a job, like you can help women, like more than just one at a time.

And I, quite frankly, was like, no, thanks. one of the times plenty. Like it's a lot to like to show up and hold space for, you know, another person and meet them where they're at and like postpartum's hard as you know. Like so hard and so vulnerable. So vulnerable. So anyway, um, just felt like the Lord kept opening doors and having people speak it in me. People hold my hands, start an LLC, hold my hand, start a quick book account. I was like, okay, we're doing this. We're a starting company. Have you seen someone else do that, like a company like that, that you were inspired by? Yes, there are other companies in Nashville. So actually the,

I was just giving out their numbers. I was like, this person's great. They're all owned by great women. I was like, this person's great. This person's great. Here's a phone number. And what ended up happening is they'd all text me back and say, they're full. They're full.

They're full. So I was like, okay, the Lord's clearly telling me there's still room at the table. Wow. And I wanted to, in some ways, like I felt like making myself like a known Christian company. Like, we're going to pray over your babies. We're praying for you by name. Like, I'm writing these moms names down in my prayer journal. Wow.

I was like, that's how I'm, if I'm going to do this, I'm doing this like with him. I'm not doing this. alone and with like support he has put the right people in our um corner and in our business and has just really he has opened doors in ways that just blow my mind um but yeah so i own choose joy nursing we do in-home mother baby care and virtual sleep training services i'm totally signing up for asteris i didn't know it was virtual so i've been looking at all of the places you're at and i'm like i don't think they're probably going to open a monroe branch anytime soon but i am totally going to be your virtual girl.

I know. When you were in 30A, I'm like, we should have sent some nurses. I know. I'm changing. Yeah, now that I know, we're definitely locking in. Yeah, so we have virtual services and support moms all over the place. It's actually so cool. We even had one from a different country one time, so on different time zone and everything. And she was so wonderful. It's like, I want to take what serves me and leave. What doesn't? Because she actually, you know, their culture is different. And they wanted a bed share, which is not, I'm a registered nurse by degree. So, like, not what I'm trained in. Not what. So it's okay to each their own. I don't judge anybody for how they choose to sleep, but I don't know the safe way to do that.

So I'm teaching safe sleep, meaning alone on your back in a crib or bassinet, but like alone on your back in a crib. And so that's why I teach. But she still took our resource, like all my education and our resources and what we teach and made it work for her so they weren't nursing all throughout the night. But they still got to bedshare however they did it. And I was like, that's amazing. And it was so sweet. So it's been a blessing to get to meet moms where they're at all over the world, apparently. That is so cool. I love how God put stuff in us as a little kid. And it's like, you're like, okay, well, I love being, you know, a mom. I love taking care babies. I love nursing. And then you think I'm going to have to choose what that's going to be at some point. But if God put all those things in you, it's amazing how he uses all of that and how this comes together and you're like, well, I would have never thought that I'd start this business. But then you look back and you're like, but of course I would.

Right. Oh, yes. The pictures of me as a kid, my birthday parties, I can't remember how old I was turning. I wanted it to be a full-blown baby. shower. My mom's like, are you sure? I was like, yes. I want there to be clothes brought to me for my baby dolls. So we did the monogram chocolate wrappers. We did the water, you know, the water balls with the rapper and the baby's names. Welcome Benjamin and Bailey or whatever my baby dolls name for Britney and Bailey. It was like I was obsessed with babies from a young age. Oh, pictures of me as a kid with bouncy balls in my shirt wanting to pretend to be pregnant. Hysterical. So looking back, we have laughed, but it's like, no, God's so intentional. Because I didn't think I wanted to be a business owner. I thought I wanted to be a nurse. And I remember saying I went to nursing school saying,

you know, I want to be a stay-at-home mom one day, but this will make me a better mom. Like, how often do you need your nursing skills as a mom? Wow. Like, that's why I went to nursing school. I was like, oh, I have so much more in mind. That is wild. Yeah, it has been so wild. So it's so cool to now see it come like full circle and get to love on babies, love on moms, use my education to empower women. That's so cool. It's amazing. Yeah.

Okay. So when did you start that? 2021. 2020, I was fully doing it full time, but started the company and like hiring nurses in 2021. That's awesome. And then were you married at the time? No.

How did you meet your husband? So met my husband through a mutual friend, which was also just the Lord is so intentional in all of it. Like I can see how he's gone before me in my business and my marriage with the birth of my daughter. like this pregnancy with everything. But anyway, so met him through a mutual friend. She had brought him up. We were on a mission trip in Uganda. And we're wide awake at 3 in the morning. You awake? Yep. You awake? Can't sleep. And she was like, I was like, okay, I want to talk about boys.

Is of course what I said. I'm like, who are your boyfriend single friends? And she was like, okay. So we get on Instagram. She starts showing me a single friend. We're like cute, cute, like, but he has this like long term on and off girlfriend. This one's pretty bad. like engaged probably. This one's single and I was like, oh, he's cute, but I was like, tell me more. Lived in Atlanta for work and was younger. And I was like, oh, he's probably trying to have fun. He's so cute. Was a football player in college. I was like, there's no, like, he's probably just trying to have fun. So blew him off. Like didn't even like even tell her I was interested. Anyway, well, then a whole year later, she brings them up again. And I was like, this,

was it that time that I said yet. I can't remember. Eventually, I was like, you know what? It's COVID. It's COVID. And let's just like see what we think. And I was like, like I was like you're it. Like I was like from the first day and I was like so he was just the cutest thing I'd ever seen. I was like and you're like a sweet gentleman like you're like a good like like anyway he was so precious and I was like he wasn't out trying to have fun. He was like just waiting patiently. That's so sweet. Yeah so she finally gave him my number like years later and he texted me and I felt like the rest is history. Wow that is the best story like that should be the new dating app is just looking at your friends and who they're

following and it's like okay because then you know like your friend knows them and they could vouch for him that was a good strategy yeah it was so good and i was back then i was telling even clients i'd be in their home as their night nurse i'm like y'all got any single friends like i was like i'm praying for a husband looking for a husband i'd get on the dating apps i had no shame i was like the lord can do anything anyway like he can introduce us anyhow so yeah i was open to anything and then i think the lord like also blessed that too like just whatever yeah i was going on dates i went on a blind date with somebody, which was fun, and it was sweet, but it was also, like, we were all in it for the right reason, so we knew, like, this was so sweet, and we'd love to be friends, but, like,

just not meant to be. Yeah. Or, like, didn't want to go on a second date. And so then it was just cool. That's sweet. I think that, you know, we have so many people ask about dating on here and how to date well and how you start dating. And I always say, like, I wish dating was more like that these days where you could just go

in a date and go, oh, it didn't work out, but it's not weird. It's okay. I think it still can be that way. I wish I agree. I agree. Actually, I live in Nashville. They go on dates all the time, and I love that because they're just figuring it out, like who they would. And it's a lot of just like recommendations or this person knows this person, y'all should go meet up.

And a lot of it doesn't work out, but it's okay. At least you met someone and like you can be a friend. And I think too, like there's so much in this day where it's like we just want to know, like, who's going to be your husband or what am I going to do in life. But your story already is like, well, I thought I wanted to be a nurse and just a nurse because I would be a better mom one day to be a stay-home mom. And I thought that, you know, I was going to, and it's like, you don't know. Like, I love that verse.

It's like the Lord can make, I mean, sorry, man can make its plans, but the Lord establishes their steps. Totally. We quote that on this podcast all the time, but it's so true because you see that in everybody's life. Absolutely. You can make some plans, but like you got to keep giving it to the Lord and he establishes those steps. That surrender. And that's why even about dating. It's like we really do have to put our pride aside and be okay with somebody not being into us.

I think we all want every guy to be into us, but then we get to pick and say no. That's so true. It's good for them to not be into you. Thank you, Lord, for closing that door. We don't need a date. I thought I was going to marry every boy I dated. So I'm grateful it didn't work out. You know, I'm like, oh, if the Lord put him in my life, he must be it.

And then I was so grateful the Lord closed those doors. I was so grateful to go on those dates. And like, I kept telling myself, this is practice. For whenever I do go on a date with my husband, I will be less awkward or I'll know what to say. That's so good. But I was like, this is good practice. And I do think it's so important to put our pride aside and surrender that to the Lord. Like, Lord, you speak through me.

You work here. Like, if this is something that you want me to pursue, make it clear. If it's something you don't want me to pursue, make it clear. It's great. It's okay for God tell you know. And it's okay for you to tell him no, in a kind way. I don't like the ghosting. Yeah, no, we don't need the ghosting.

No, just be clear. Clear. Clear is kind. Kind is clear. I love that. It's so true. I love it. Okay, I just want to take a second to talk about something that's really been on my heart.

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which is so powerful in that moment. And this month, Pre-Born's goal is to have 11,000 gospel conversations with women who are walking through this and we actually get to be a part of it, which is so cool. This really hits close to home. I have three daughters and they mean the whole world to me. And I can't imagine with those pregnancies, feeling alone, feeling scared, not knowing the truth. And so this is a community that's going to come around you, that's going to give you the good news of the gospel of Jesus and help you know that you can do this and you don't have to do it alone. And here's this baby that God's blessed you with. So just $28 provides one ultrasound and $140 helps five moms have that amazing moment of seeing their baby and hearing about truth and hope.

To donate, dial pound 250 and say the keyword baby. Again, that's pound 250, baby, or visit preborn.com slash sadie. Again, that's preborn.com slash sadie. Okay, so let's get into a little bit of your testimony over the past couple years. Because your husband get married, you've obviously always wanted to be a mom. Tell us a little bit about y'all's journey. Yeah, so we got married in 2022. And after wanting to be a mom, my entire life,

I remember it feeling so crazy that for the first in my life, I didn't want to have kids right away. Really? I felt like any other season, I would have been like ready to have kids and meet. Like, you get married and you have kids. And I was like, I just want to savor.

the season of being like the two of us. I want to be intentional about our marriage because once you have kids, of course you're still married and it's still good and it's a blessing and all these great things. But that changes the dynamic of your marriage forever. Um, until I was like, I really want to enjoy him. And I knew he'd be an incredible dad. I knew he'd be hands on. And I was like, I don't want to share him yet. Like I just want to and savor the season of just the two of us. Um, and looking back, once again, that was the Lord and his kindness, preparing our hearts, preparing our marriage for what we were about to walk through. But we were so intentional. We did weekly date nights, even though it was just the two of us all the time. I was like, no, we're having no TV, no phone, date nights with a book

with questions. Like, as silly as it may be, he would like roll his eyes. But then it always led to good conversation. And we'd always have like an intentional dinner together and like make a true date night of it. Not even like out on the town like cook steaks in and like just spend time together. And it was so good. And so then kind of start. praying about it and felt like, okay, we're feeling ready. We'll, you know, start trying. It can, you know, who knows how long it'll take. And thankfully, so grateful we got pregnant right away. And it was just like, wow, like just pure bliss, like so grateful, so humbled, so honored. Like I work in this industry. I know how hard it can be. And so then it was like,

okay, now it's really prep time. So get my marriage ready, get my home ready, get my business ready. Like I knew all these things because of seeing what how hard postpartum can be. And is, And a joy. It is such a joy. That's where I'm like, I want mom to experience that joy postpartum and let us take some of that strain away of that like overwhelming, anxious. Like if we prep well, that can help. It's really good. Yeah. And so it was so intentional in how we planned for this postpartum season and how we planned in our business. And once again, I'm like acting like I was preparing. The Lord was preparing. Like, let's be honest here. He was doing the work. And so he was preparing my business in like tangible ways. Like I offered somebody like bought her essentially out of her

corporate job, which what? Like we're this tiny company. Like only the Lord could open those kind of doors. And I remember taking this huge leap of faith. Like I kind of felt like how could I afford this? And it was like, well, if you don't, you know, pay yourself you can. And I was like, oh, like, of course, the Lord like puts on my heart. So I pray about it. Talk to my husband about it. He's like, yeah, we, you know, I feel like this is worth that leap of faith. such a leap of faith at that time of my life is the biggest okay god i trust you moment that i've ever had like that big other than of course giving my salvation like yeah believing in the lord but anyway and so he went before me in that way and we were preparing our business we had a

full-time employee now that was our first full-time employee so who could truly help manage the business so i could have a real maternity leave my goal is for 12 weeks of uninterrupted baby snuggles because the newborn season so fleeting so fast yeah like i i i i We have babies sleeping through the night sometimes at six weeks, but 12 weeks for sure. So I'm like, I only have 12 weeks with this tiny. I mean, of course, we have their lifetime to watch them grow. But I wanted like uninterrupted 12 weeks with my newborn. And so I was getting prepared.

And then birth came, was preparing for that. I mean, we were just so resourced and supported. And going to birth, not what I wanted, but the Lord still took care of it all. Like I wanted to go as natural. as possible or without medication, but had to be induced, which we were 42 weeks. I think this is so good for women to hear, though, because I was the same way with honey. I was like, I am going as long as I have to go natural, and I'm not at all this stuff. And then at 41 weeks, my doctor was measuring her, and he was like, hey, she's really big.

And I don't think this is wise. And I was, like, so stubborn. And my husband was like, Sadie, like, you got to listen to him. And so totally changed the plans and then ended up being like, so what was needed, you know? So I think it's so good for moms to know, though, going in, like, again, you can have all these plans, but then you really got to like do what the best. The Lord establishes your steps. Yeah. Yeah.

Yes. When that's what we felt like I was trying so long, just going to hold on. I was like, our bodies are made for this. Our bodies are made to do this. They were built to birth. Yes, yes. Exactly. And then when it got to 42, she was like, you can come in at 42 weeks at 1 a.m.

and be induced. so I was like, I will wait that long. Like, I was willing. I was like, I'll do it. So got induced and didn't know the gender. So finally give birth. I don't even know how many hours later, 30 hours later, end up getting the epidural, which, praise God, that was a blessing too after all that potosin.

Like, it was so worth it. I did the exact same thing. Yes, yes, yes. And so I give birth, have this sweet little girl. Her name is Lily Ann. We had our name checked out ahead of time, so we knew it was either going to be our boy name or our girl name. So Lily Ann was this, like, sweet, super meaning.

full, like, lilies from, like, lilies of the field, like, consider how much he provides for them, how much more will he provide for you? And so, like, then that really ends up being, like, a life verse for her and us. And then Anne is a family name. And so, we just love the little Southern double name. And so anyway,

it was sweet Lily Ann. So she was born in July, and July 6th, and we were over the moon, thrilled, thought we were healthy as could be. And then literally got discharged at noon. And still, blissful as can be thinking this is our, this is my postpartum season. I'm getting to keep this,

like, I've always given babies back in the morning, right? I've always like been a nanny and given it back when at the end of the day. And I go home and so this is like our first child. And being like this night nurse in town. I'm like, it's my first baby, like, how sweet. And I feel like around eight something. My husband was like, she, well, he kept asking all these sweet questions. Like, is this normal? Is this normal? Is this normal? I was like, yes, baby. This normal is normal. And I'm a nurse. I'm like, everything's fine. They're fine. They're resilient. And then he ends up saying, like, I think she's cold. And I was like, now that's not normal. So I go over and touch her face. I'm like, oh, she's chilly, but our house is

usually cold. Then I stick my hand down her shirt and I'm like, oh, her core, like her torso is cold. So I immediately get a thermometer. I had them right there at the diaper changing station. And it said like 92 degrees. I was like, this cannot be right. This has to be broken. Well, I immediately get her skin to skin, because I know our bodies are incredible and God made us so intentionally and your breast can regulate your body's temperature. If you have twins, they can be different temperatures. Like the breast can truly increase their temperature

or decrease their temperature, like whatever's needed. This is why skin to skin is like so important because babies as soon as they're born aren't good at regulating their own tips, but moms can help them regulate. So immediately get her skin to skin and then go upstairs to look for another thermometer. I'm like, that one had to be broken.

So get her skin to skin. she hadn't been eating well and looking back there's so many things I'm like I wish I would have caught sooner but like it is what it is like we were just in this like I've postpartum yeah yeah hey like fog and hadn't slept for the 36 hours of birth and all that stuff um and I just thought oh she's a sleepy newborn like it's fine but anyway the cold I knew was not normal um so went got another thermometer took her temp and it still was like 93 and Wilson looked at me and said are you scared I said, yes. And he's like, we're leaving for that. We're going to the hospital. So we're driving. We're discharged at noon. We were checked into the hospital by 9 p.m.

Wow. And it just went downhill really, really fast. They started poking and prodding and trying to get, you know, all the lab results to figure out what was going on, just assuming it's a virus. And we're like, did you let people kiss her? And I was like, well, I've kissed her nonstop since she's been born. Like my husband has and, like, grandparents, like, maybe kissed her head. Like, maybe a cheek. like, I mean, I know better, but it's like, you're, it's a sweet baby. And so, right. And I was just

like sick to my stomach thinking we gave her something like, oh my goodness, like just so unwellened. Like, would not leave her bedside. They kept bringing me supplies to pomp and snacks. Like, I'm full on in my pad and diaper just gave birth. Like a couple stitches, 42 weeks. Yeah, a couple stitches, like the whole shabang. And I like would not leave her side. And I remember them being like, okay, mama, the nurses were so great. And they were like trying to help like support me, which I remember loving that about pediatric nurses, but why I didn't go that route. I was like I really like the well baby and the well mama,

like supporting postpartum moms, like sick babies were, I mean, I remember in nursing school having to step out of the NICU, just asking politely to be excused because I had to go get myself together. Like seeing baby sick, I was like this is not like how it's supposed to be.

Like I've always loved babies, but seeing them sick is just like a whole other level. And so some people that you have to, it has to be a calling. Like the Lord has to give you the strength for that. And so I always worked in the mother baby. I worked in ICU with adults, and that was night and day different. Yeah.

They had, like, lived their life and may, you know, anyway. Okay, if you're in a season of life where you are just exhausted before the day even starts, then same. And that is why good sleep is a non-negotiable for me, and that is why we are a helix sleep family. Christian and I took the helix sleep quiz and got matched with a mattress that's actually perfect for how we sleep. And y'all, the difference is real. I fall asleep so fast, stay asleep longer, and wake up feeling like I can actually tackle the day. We love our Helix mattress. We have a Helix Midnight Elite mattress now.

We just upgraded and it's so awesome. Helix makes it so easy to get the right mattress for you and they back it out with a risk-free trial. So you can be so confident that you made the right choice. We even got one for Honey, which is so great. So we are all in the Helix fam. It's great. If you ever have back pain, stiffness, headaches, all the things that come with not getting great sleep, then you need a good mattress and this is the one for you.

All helix mattresses are fiberglass-free. They offer several cooling options, and you really can't tell the difference on that. And you get a 120-night trial, which takes the pressure off. So the biggest thing for us is how much better our whole family sleeps. It's a huge impact on all of our daily lives, too. Of course, it is. Sleep is good for you. So go to helixleep.com slash Sadie for 27% off-site-wide.

This is an exclusive offer for our listeners of the Well That's Good podcast. That's Heelixleep.com slash Sadie for 27% off-site-wide. And make sure you enter our show's name after checkout so that. that they know, we sent you there. Hewatsleep.com slash Sadie. So we're in the IC, or sorry, not the IC, we're in the ER. And they're like, Mama, she's going to cry. Mom, like warning, Mama, mama.

And I was like, but I just knew, like, you just have this gut feeling. I was like, but she's not. Like, she was already pretty unresponsive. So they'd poke and prod and, like, it was awful and so traumatic. But we were sitting there and loving on her. And it was like, the Lord gives you the strength you need in that moment. We still haven't even told anybody. Like, we finally are like, oh, we should.

should text our parents. Like we like I had a friend who has my location and find my friends and she was like, are you okay? And I was like, no, please pray for us. Like that. I mean, that was it. Like, or I think I said we don't know. Like, of course, I'm assuming it's going to be okay. Like, for sure, we're going to get some medicine and go home. Like, we're going to be fine. That's what we thought. And so they roll us up to a regular room and I hold her all night, which they don't want you to sleep with a baby in the bed with you because there's safety rules and risk and what if you fall sleep and the baby rolls and fall. So I stay awake all night. Wilson takes a nap and I was like when you wake up like yes close your eyes when you wake up come over here

and watch me sleep like sit next to us. So he pulls up a chair and lets me sleep for a little bit. But that whole night I remember just praying over her singing kissing her over and over again feeling like this might be the only time I get with my baby. And I remember driving even that like driving to the ER I held her on my chest the whole time. I was like car seats the least of my worries right now. and I just said I was like wow I'm having to give my baby back like this whole time like I've thought this is my baby to keep in at the end of the day like our children are still the lords like they're really his and I was like I think I felt like I'm physically taking my baby back like I'm having to my baby back to the hospital and to the doctors but for in a spiritual level it was like I'm having

to surrender her over to the Lord like she's his she's really not mine she's just mine to like raise and love in this like season, however long he gives us, whether it's a full life in college and seeing her graduate or whether it's this, you know, just whatever it may be. And so, anyway, long story short, we end up finding out she has citrilanemia, which is a very rare genetic condition where she cannot break down protein, which we all need protein to live. And so we were naturally feeding her. She was nursing. she's getting protein well then that was causing ammonia to rise in her body which was what was causing her to get in that coma like state there was swelling in her brain and so the doctors we finally figured out praying and praying just like crying out to the lord for help and answers because even the we end up getting sent to the ICU so now we're in the pediatric ICU that next morning and there I'm just crying to the nurses like she's not okay like I know you can just tell like this isn't okay but this isn't okay. and they were like, we hear you, mama, we hear you, like your mama gut matters, which was so cool.

And so important, yeah, but it was cool to hear from, like, the medical side of things, too. They were like, that matters. And so they take another round of ABGs, and then they come back terrible. So they were like, we're going to have to intubate. And, of course, I knew what that meant. Did you know? They rolled, yeah, well, and I could tell, I mean, I knew even overnight when I was holding her on my chest and praying over her and kissing on her, the way she was breathing, I knew she, I kept asking them. They're like, she's okay, she's okay, but I was like, she won't be able to do this forever.

Eventually, her little body's going to tuck her out. Wow. And she's going to code. Like, I just knew she couldn't breathe. Yes, because I did know. And so they start rolling in the code cart and the intubation cart, and all the doctors start coming in, and they pulled me and Wilson aside to kind of tell us what's going on. And I was like, I know, I know. I knew they needed to do what they need to do quickly.

So I was like, y'all don't have to keep explaining. We'll get out of here because I know that's what they're going to ask us to do a step out of the room. And so I was like, do what you need to do. And I remember thinking like, please don't have to code her, like chest compressions on her little heart. Like she's two days old, maybe. Like I was just, anyway. But I was like, okay, Lord will be done. If this has been, whatever.

Anyway, so we leave. We're like crying audibly, like out loud in this coy pond at Vanderbilt Children's Hospital. And texting our parents saying it's not good. You need to come. She might not make it. And then I have this like wild hair where I'm like, I ask Wilson. I was like, do you mind if I post asking for prayers? Because I feel like we're the only six people, the two sets of parents and me and him praying

for this sweet baby. I was like, I just want more people to pray for her. And so he was like, yes, please. So I immediately just post like, please join us in praying for Lillian. We don't know what's going on. And we're just begging God for answers and for her safety and for her life. And to talk about feeling prayers tangibly. Like, we felt, I mean, it was as soon as I posted it, like, this overwhelming piece that

surpassed all understanding. We, I mean, it was incredible. It was humbling, and it was an honor. It was insane. Like, we felt the prayer. Well, then the doctor calls at the same time he gets a call from the Tennessee State Department of Health that they got her heel prick, her newborn screen back, that she had a genetic condition.

So, like, they get the answers all. It all comes in at the same time. Like so like the Lord, you know, like that wasn't just like science doing their thing. Like the Lord just orchestrated it beautifully and perfectly for us to get the answers we needed. So then we could start the intervention is to actually help her. So anyway, we, it would be, it's, you know, going to be a lifelong disease. The only other potential solution was like a liver transplant, which we're like putting a newborn baby through a liver transplant, It didn't feel right to us in that moment either.

And that's so a lifelong diagnosis. And so we're like, we will deal with whatever it is. The Lord gives us we want to honor her life and like just the way, like we don't want to put her through that yet. So just do whatever we can to help her and support her and keep her comfortable too. That was a big thing. I was like, I don't want her to be in pain. They were like, she's not in pain because of the coma. I was like, when she wakes up, like, I was just like, please don't let this newborn baby suffer.

So after a month in the hospital, we end up choosing to go home on hospice. just really feeling the Lord had told me to save I felt him tell me to savor to savor her and I was like yes and amen like I'm gonna soak up every detail of her little body and bring your pictures and posted all the

details it was so sweet and just kiss and love on her we finally got to hold I mean in a hospital you can only do so much holding and snuggling like they're in a hospital bed and they're getting vital signs every few hours and labs all the time and so we finally felt like you know what like hospice is the safest way I think

hospices, and they did not bring it up to me. That was something the hospital is never going to be or I shouldn't say never. I just knew because I was a nurse to ask about it, but her comfort was one of my biggest goals in honoring her life and giving her dignity in this life and like this side of heaven. And so we ended up mentioning it to the doctors and they pulled up a chair and sat down with us and we're like, oh, that's a different conversation, but we would be honored to have that with you. And so we talked about it and just decided, like, we want to have a safe plan to get her home, but we want to get her home. We want to kiss on her and love on her and let her just be in this, like, safety of her home without neon lights above her, without the pokes and the prods and the constant vital signs. And it was so much blood work.

I mean, she was so pale all the time. And, like, constant fluids, no fluid, swollen, not swollen. Like, it was just, you know, the constant back and forth. And so we get our sweet baby home on hospice and just kiss her and love on her and have no idea. We literally were like we have no idea how much time we're going to have with her, but we want to honor her life, however, days, weeks, years. We met a sweet family online, of course, who had a five-year-old with this. He was five when he got his liver transplant.

So I was like, that's amazing. So we were going to manage it with diet, her formula, her medications all weighed. They taught us how to weigh everything. She did an NG tube when she came home. So that's in her nose. Because of all the brain trauma and swelling, she never really learned the suck, swallow, youth thing. And we tried.

We did all the feeding therapy, but she had no interest in taking a bottle. She could suck on a passie, and once we got old enough. So she ends up, like, literally, the Lord was so kind and, like, just, I feel like really blessed our obedience. And I don't, like, I don't feel, it's not about me. It's all him. Like, we don't feel worthy, but we're so incredibly grateful that he gave us this, like, time with her.

So she ends up, like, growing and, like, healing. Like, it's so beautiful. Like healing is best she could this side of heaven. I mean, we start rolling. We start sleeping through the night. Like we're doing big girl things. Like she knew who mommy and daddy was. She was blowing raspberries and touching our face and just doing all the sweet.

Like, I love you. Like, it was so sweet. So she was just the best. And loved the Instagram. Like I was telling everybody, which I don't even know why. I felt like the Lord just gave me the strength and, like, wanted me to share her story. I'm like, why am I sharing all this vulnerable? like I'm crying with a baby on my chest who's on hospice.

Like, why am I posting this? But it was really for the Lord to get the glory and for him to get the credit for her life. So shared her whole story the whole time. And then she, I mean, she was literally killing it thriving. We started then talking about, like, do we want to pursue a liver? Like, is this what the Lord has for her? And we kept praying about it, praying about it. And we even said yes to the hepatic team, which is the liver team.

And then we had an appointment on April 8th with her genetics team to talk about it. And Lillianne went to be with Jesus on April 6th. Wow. I might have said her birthday. It was in April. Her birthday was in July if I said that wrong. Okay. Okay, I did.

Okay, good. So then April, so exactly nine months old. Wow. So she was born July 6th, passed away to be with Jesus on April 6th. Wow. Yeah, just exactly a year ago when we're recording this. Wow. That's so wild.

I didn't realize it was so close to the date. I mean, you are. such a warrior friend. I mean, watching, as you were going through the story, I was thinking about, I remember the first night that y'all posted praying for her because I think Grace had re-shared it. Yes. And I was like, Christian, look at this. And we were praying. And then I remember your updates of your bringing her home and reading your captions to Christian and being like, this is so wild. And then, like, showing me your videos that you posted. And I was so in awe and so inspired by you as the mom that you were, the trust you had in the Lord and how, you know,

and I always say, we're like, they're yours first. You love them more than we do. Absolutely. But then when you're put in the situation to like have to really believe that and trust that, that God, you really do love them more and they're yours first and, you know, you give life and you take life and, you know, the number of our days and all that sense of, it hits different when you're in that position. It's so scary and it's so hard. And it tests your faith so much. And so just watching you, I'm like, wow, like everything she's saying, I'm so inspired by the things she's doing, but I also know that's so hard and that's so scary. And so, I mean, it was just, it was, I just remember that whole journey and, like, being so, so amazed and then

crying the tears with y'all whenever she passed, but then even after she passed, like, seeing y'all posts about the funeral and the way that you've continued to honor her and testified. And now, like, you know obviously you've mentioned like being pregnant again like just following your whole journey you've just testified to the goodness of god even in the worst of moment i'm in a season of life where complicated wellness routines is just not going to work so i have been focusing on the easiest wins things that fit into my day without making life harder one of the biggest things for me has been getting enough protein it is so simple but it really does change how i feel changes my energy focus everything and i am loving taylor duke's wellness protein it fits into what i'm already doing

instead of adding something complicated or new to my plate, I just add one scoop into my ice coffee, smoothie, literally just water sometimes, which is so easy. What makes this protein different is it's made from 100% grass-fed bone broth, but you'd really never know that because it doesn't taste like that at all. It tastes smooth. It's collagen rich and it's made with ingredients that I feel good about me and Christian having, but not only us, our kids having, which is really the biggest win. I actually made Honey and Haven a smoothie yesterday with the chocolate protein, and Honey said this is the best smoothie ever mom and that's such a win as a mom to find something they love that's good for them. I love that I can trust this brand. Taylor Dukes is a functional

medicine nurse practitioner and a Christian mom. Everything about her brand is focused on being intentional, not the pressure to be perfect. TdewW has their best offer right now. You can use my link shop.Tayloruks Wellness.com slash woe to save 15% off sitewide anytime. Plus for the next 48 hours, everybody get this. You can also unlock two. gifts with any full-sized protein purchase, check it out at shop.Talredukeswellness.com slash woe. So I want to ask you about your faith. How do you have such a solid foundation of faith?

And is that something that, like, are you surprised by how strong your faith has been through this? I feel like that's what really makes me want to cry is, I just feel like it's the Lord and his kindness. Like, he is who he says he is. And he is with you in those hard moments as you've experienced. like in the most scary times in those hospital walls when you're crying and begging God for your child's life like over their hospital bed or in your home like we were literally layering cc wine ins like

come jesus come like i wanted jesus to come for all of us i'm like please like it is time lord it is time as far as like i don't even feel like i can take credit for my faith yes i'm so grateful my my parents traced me in church um so grateful that we have like this like love for the lord like passed down to us i feel like even um anyway it became our own as we got older and we've both all, you know, pursued the Lord's in our own ways as we've grown up. But yeah, I think I did a Holy Spirit study with some girlfriends a while back and took pieces of some Alex Seeley sermons and some other people's sermons and put them all together and started just reading about the Holy Spirit.

And I felt like in so many ways that was preparing my heart because the way that Jesus was here and we so believe that he died for our sins. And because of that sacrifice, like we get to be with him. him in heaven. Like we fully believe in the promise of heaven. And that's what we cling to. Like that is, I feel like why we have been able to keep going and be so strong is like, we know she is good. She's not suffering. She's not going to be poked or prodded. She doesn't have to go through a liver transplant. She doesn't have to, she won't want for anything. She's in the glory of God. I just couldn't. The color she's getting to see. Like in his kindness, I was

worshiping and praying and journaling one morning out by my friends at my friends Lake House in Michigan. was just singing this like song about um Nicole duckworth um Jesus be everything like Jesus be everything Jesus be everything and I hear and like see Lily Ann's big shiny face saying he is he is mommy he is and I lost it like just wept and was like oh she's so good like she's in his glory she's so good um and so that's really like he and his kindness is giving us this faith and giving us this strength and giving us this joy. Joy. Like, how do we feel joy?

Like, we have lost our only child. Like, yes, we're so grateful to be pregnant again. And so grateful that God gave us peace and the resources we did do IVF this time. And we're so grateful for the opportunity and to get to, like, test these sweet embryos and to know that this baby's safe because we wanted to keep any child, like, from suffering the way Lillian did. and we're so grateful, but like ultimately we're living for heaven. If Jesus comes before this baby's born, I will still be so grateful. Like, it is enough. Like, if he didn't do any half of the things he did, it would have been enough.

If he didn't do, if he didn't spare her life in that first time, I mean, when they intubated her the first time, like, that would have been enough. Like, it, but yet he went abundantly. He gave us abundantly more than we could think or ask. And it, yeah, I think that has good, like that in itself, the way he's shown up for us, the way that people have prayed for us, the way that people have prayed for us, the way that people, I mean, people's small groups I went to even in are like supporting us, feeding us, clothing us. So powerful. It was incredible. And it still is incredible. We still feel surrounded. We still feel covered in prayer. We feel the Holy Spirit empowering us and equipping us. And so, yeah, I just, I really give God all the glory.

Wild. He is who he says he is. I'm just amazed. I'm sitting here in awe and kind of to the point of like, speechless, which is a terrible place to be on a podcast. And so sometimes I'm like, I wish I wasn't the host of this one. I wish I was listening because if I was listening to this podcast right now, one, I would just have to pull over the car and, like, cry and, like, literally start to journal. As moms, you do have to surrender your kid to the Lord, whether your kid has ever been sick or hasn't. Whether your kid has a genetic thing, or it's perfectly healthy and well. Right.

Like, they are his first. Absolutely. And heaven is all of our home. And that's where, and it's not good, too. it's wonderful in the fullness and it is holy because God is holy and there is no sickness and no crying and it's where we're all headed and praise God for that. And this world is where there is sickness and there is pain and there is all those things. And so it's just getting your heart in the right place because it's so easy as a mom to just

your kids to be your whole world because you love them so much. You've never loved anything more. You know, you love your husband, you love your family, you love your child. child. And so it's just like you have to posture your heart and your love for the Lord first. And if you're not intentional about it, you realize real quickly where your, where your heart's at. And so I think it's really cool that you said that about your faith because I've experienced the same thing where I think a lot of times we think like we have to have the faith to give to God. But God gives you the faith. Like the Holy Spirit is your advocate and he gives you faith in those moments. And it's crazy to the

details of you going through the Holy Spirit Bible study of Alex Seeley's because again, real time, Alex Seeley was on the podcast, which I don't know when it all come out, but yesterday. And so they ran into each other in the hotel. So just God's kindness and the details of even me meeting you and being inspired by you in so many ways this week of all weeks. Alex Seeley being here this week of all weeks. I'm just like, God, you continue to show up day by day and be like our provider. Talk about the name of Lily. If he cares for the lilies, like how much more? More.

I know. And it had to literally like become our like the verse that God is through that season. We're like, if he will provide, he provides for the lilies, he dresses them with beauty and splendor. How much more does he love you and me? And is he going to provide for it? And we watched him provide physically, emotionally, spiritually, and providing himself and financially. Like her medical bills, like, we weren't stressed about that because we knew he had it. It was covering all of it.

It's wild. So wild. And yeah, and that's what we say all the time. Heaven is better. Heaven is better than our best days. Like, heaven is better. Heaven is our goal. Heaven is what we're living for.

There's nothing this side. I like, there's nothing this side of heaven that I'm more excited about than heaven. That's great. And so I'm so excited for her as sad as we are to not have her here on this side of our earth. And to get to see her, like physically be a big sister. Like we're so happy for her. Like she is in the goodness of God and in his glory. and it's like a joy as a parent.

Like, what more could you want for your child? Like, yes, you want to love them, but you want them to walk with Jesus, right? Isn't that your prayer for your children to walk with Jesus? I've like, like, Kit will walk with Jesus. Like, she knows Jesus. Like, she's going to wave for the first time and talk for Jesus. Literally, and her name is to bear Christ.

Like, that's what Kit means. Oh, that's so good. That's literally what it means. So I was just like, wow. I know. And I kept speaking that, again, like the names of your children, it matters. You can speak that. It goes so much with the life.

they're going to live and it's crazy. It's so crazy. It is. It's so good. I want to talk about before the podcast, I know we're getting to the end, but what you do for moms is so important. And there are so many moms out there who are in the early days and struggling. Like, I mean, so many people ask me, do you, can you talk more about postpartum and always link, you know, the postpartum ones that I've done in the past? But what an awesome opportunity of someone like you on here who's walked with so many moms. Can you give some encouraging? and then also just lead people to the right place for all the things that you do for the help.

Yeah, you're so sweet. Okay, so first and foremost, like God made you for your child. So you are enough just the way you are right now. Like you don't have to be any, strive any harder, do anything more. Like God made you for your child and your child for you. And your child doesn't know any different, you know? Like you, that's all they know. So I want to encourage you to be confident in that

and other moms to be confident in that because I'm, also just like a firm believer and been educated and trained in nervous system regulation. And like we are co-regulating with one another when you're sitting here, right? Like if you were anxious or like an airplane, if somebody's anxious sitting next to you, you feel that. Even though you're calm, but you feel that they're anxious. You're like, okay, it's okay. Right, an elevator, somebody's scared. You kind of feel it.

You're like, it's okay. And so for your sweet babies, like when you're an anxious mom or when you're nervous all the time or when you're worried all the time, it's like they feel that. For them it might, they can't put the word anxiety to it, but they might have more, you know, GI issues or reflux or who knows. I'm not saying it's all because of anxiety, but they feel that nonetheless. But they also feel your peace and they feel your joy. And so I really want to encourage moms to take the time. People are always like, well, when and how? Like, baby, you know, but if you're calm and you can sit and get in the word of Christ, like, it is sweeter than the drippings of a

honeycomb. Like, it is so good and it will give you so much life to spend time with the Lord, to like surrender your child over to the Lord. Like we've talked about over and over again in this podcast. They're his ultimately. And so I want to encourage moms to like be confident and who God created you to be as a mom to dig into the Lord and the Holy Spirit and to pray and to cry out to him. Like you aren't meant to parent alone. The Holy Spirit is our counselor, our comfort or our help. Like that's where like even for me and everything I've walked through like I've seen the Holy Spirit counsel me. Like I'm pro counseling. Done. Do all the thing. Like all for it. We all need it. But like the Holy Spirit has been counseling me. Like it has been so cool. And so like know that you don't

have to parent alone. You don't have to do this alone. You don't have, when your sweet baby's crying, yes, you, God made you for your child, but the Holy Spirit can also comfort them. It's great. It's so good. And so, okay, as far as resources, though. So anyway, one, I want to encourage moms. Like, I know, I could go on and on. It's a little separate podcast about moms. I'm like, yes, yes. No, every mom's going to be like, can she keep talking please? You're so sweet. You had to follow her on Instagram. But no, genuinely, I always say it to moms. I'm always like, you are the best for the job because you're the mom. And I want people to feel confident in that. Because for me, like, I was a super anxious mom with honey, and I saw that affect her.

And then I remember, I actually, I'll be vulnerable. I remember the pediatrician saying to me, like, she's affected by your anxiety. And I was so frustrated by it because I was like, oh, like, how dare you? You know, like, you know. But I'm actually really impressive. I know. But it's true. But it's true.

It is, yeah. She was. Nobody wants to tell a mom that. Yeah. You know? Yeah. And it was hard to hear, but it was true. We don't want to tell moms that.

And I was like, yep. it's true and and actually but I want to encourage moms in this that did affect honey whenever she was little but at this point I've I changed and you can change because the holy spirit has truly helped transform the way that I um respond to things even like little things or whatever and um now she's changed like so I say it to say just because maybe you look down to your child's before and you oh I blew it you didn't blow it you I mean like no you God can transform anyone anytime and you just had to keep welcoming him into your heart and I see such a difference in me now as you know having a third child that I did my first but there's so much grace for the

journey you grow so much and I think that hopefully it's going to help honey even see in her life that she can overcome things and growing things that she's struggling with we're all going to struggle and so I love that you're saying this it's so important and I did struggle with that yes and even to your point you said like it's never too late you're impacting your kids no matter where they are, no matter how old they are. My parents were incredible and I adored them and they adored me and loved me so well. But I was, like, my dad got significantly healthier and, like, always loved the Lord, but, like, started doing his work and really getting healthy in his adult years. Not that he was in a bad place before, but he just, like, it impacted. It was so, and it still

impacted me. So it's never too late to, like, be leaning into the Holy Spirit and the Lord and asking for help and getting mentors. And I felt like it changed the way that I dated and who I had. married because he was so healthy. I was like, wait, I want somebody like this. Not like, anyway, it was, it's so good. So yeah, it's never. Same thing. It's never too late.

Absolutely. Okay, but then resources for moms. So we have a free app, which is incredible. Like, I think, I still am tickled that we have an app. How do we have an app? So choose joy nursing on whatever platform like Android iPhone, there's, or iPads, there's an app called Choose Joy Nursing. It's free to download.

It has blogs and little videos like buckling in a car seat or there's feeding. videos. There's all these videos in there. Some are free, some are locked for subscribers. If you choose to subscribe, that has a nurse AI feature. So you can chat in the middle of the night. Like, it has, I have trained that AI pot with all of my 55 pages of handbooks that I, are like manuals. I give my nurses. When I train nurses now, because my nurses aren't just, yes, they're trained to be a registered nurse. Like that's something schooling and hospital experience teaches them. But then we train them and how we want to co-regulate with moms, pray for moms, love on babies, like what's important to us, like how we meet moms where they're at.

how we support them in sleep training naturally and safely and nervous system informed. So everything I train my nurses is what we used to train that bot, the AI feature. So that's really cool. So you can ask the AI bot questions anytime, morning and middle of the night when you're, you know, like help. So cool. It's a great resource. So yeah, an incredible resource for mom. Even if you're doing the free version, you can log babies, wet, dirties, feeds, care checks, all that's on there for free.

You can just log, at least right now it is. I'm like, I don't know when the Sawyer. they've talked about locking it but right now I like love that it's just available for everybody and then the so we have the app um we also have a baby one-on-one course which is incredible because it's going to be like I've had second and third time moms be like I need a refresher I forget about the newborn stage it's all things postpartum recovery mental health nervous system nutrition but then baby swaddling diaper changes when to feed how often to feed how to set up healthy sleep habits from the start wow I'm a big like healthy sleep habits

like start early versus trying to help them like yes it's never too late as we've said she's like I'm gonna help you later with your eight-month-old and it's still great I can tell you got this we got this oh totally totally but I'm like when you start super early it becomes so natural that it's never like you never they we've had babies and never have to cry because it's just what comes natural to them and so that's incredible so yeah we have the app we have the course online that you can just watch at your own leisure whenever you want that's more geared towards like really pregnancy or right before a newborn, no matter what baby it is for you. But it does talk about sleep training and all that good stuff in there.

And then Instagram, you can follow us at Choose Joy Nursing. And we do have like live-in services. So those people will fly nurses. Like if we're not in your city, they can fly nurses to them. We've had people do that. But Nashville is our home base. We have 30 nurses in Nashville that work with us. It's such a gift.

It's so incredible. And they're so kind and like love these moms and love these babies. And it's so sweet. And we teach like baby 101 classes in person in Nashville. And we do overnight care. We do, we have a lactation consultant to help with because obviously feeding is so important. It's incredible. It's like such a gift, such an honor. Yeah, we've had, we even had a doctor reach out and be like, hey, since they're all nurses, can they take care of our post-surgical? Like somebody had a mommy maker. Can they take care of our patient? I was like, well, let me ask them. Some of them have ICU and plastics backgrounds before baby or vice versa. They were baby. and switch. So now we've started serving moms in the like surgical space in Nashville. So yeah, just registered nurses getting to love on moms and love on these sweet babies and

really trained in like showing up and supporting mom. Like really anybody can hold a sweet baby. And we absolutely love snuggling the sweet babies and loving on them. But more importantly, we really want to show up for mom. So she can be the best parent and best co-regulated for her child. That's so cool. I love it. You know, our like tagline is to be a sister and a friend of those who don't have one. And that is like the ultimate sister and friend, like showing up in such a vulnerable state and just like loving you where you're at and helping you be the best mom you can be. And that's like so important because I remember just, you know, we have help with our kids because I'm working and Christian's working and all the stuff. And it's always like been meant so much to me when she's like, I want to help you be the best mom like you can be. You know, they're not taking that place in your life.

Obviously, even if they're helping in the night, it's like they don't replace you. They're just helping assist you to be the best mom you can be. Yes, empowering, yes, equipping you. I love that. And that's why I've always like, I was always the nanny back in the day and the childcare provider. And I always wanted to empower that mom. I want her to come home and the dishes and the laundry be done and the kids be happy so that she can just play and love on them. And get to be the best version of herself.

Best sister and a friend ever. Well, I'm so excited for everyone listening to this because y'all have asked me so many questions. And I'm like, I can only give you my personal experience. And that's not even the best advice sometimes. So I'm thankful for a platform now that y'all can go follow. Choose Join Nursing. Also, download the app. I will be downloading the app as soon as we got this podcast

and follow Lauren's journey along too. She's an incredible influencer worth following, leading people to Jesus. Thank you so much for coming up in the podcast. Yes, thank you for having me. It's so, so sweet. And just an honor to be here.