WHOA That's Good Podcast - How I Conquered Trauma & Became Unbreakable

Episode Date: September 1, 2021

Korie Robertson speaks with Demi-Leigh Tebow at the LO Sister Conference about keeping your relationships from becoming idols and getting to know your love language. Demi talks about being carjacked at gunpoint, how she broke free from the trauma of that harrowing experience, and how one girl's help that day inspired her fight against human trafficking. She also explains how Miss Universe created a platform for a greater purpose and the hard work that took place behind the scenes.   - Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What's up guys welcome back to the wow that's good podcast it's Wednesday but this is a little bit of a special podcast is not going to be like our typical ones because this past weekend we had our very first elos sister conference and it was amazing I'm wearing the t-shirt right now to prove it it It was so good, but there was one session in particular that I thought I really wanted everyone to hear because it was so good. It was literally, whoa, that's good. Wrap it into a session.

It was the morning session on Saturday when my mom interviewed Demi Tibo. And she just has so much good advice that I didn't want it to just stay at the conference. I thought you guys need to hear it too. So without further ado, here is my mom and Demi's conversation. I'm so grateful to be here with all of you.

I have cried at least four times. I was gonna say three, but I just cried again when Mary-Sacy mentioned, say, three. So four, I've cried four times, and I've had two bumps about six, at least since I've been here. So what a great way to spend a weekend with all of you. I'm grateful to be here. And I'm so excited to talk to you, Jimmy.

I'm so happy to be here. Can I just say something, Corey? Of course. So we were sitting, Corey's like, do you prefer which side to sit on? And I should have told you that side, because, yo, I just sat in wet paint this morning. So I have a little bit of a little sister with me for the next however many years. So I'm happy

about that. I thought that was part of the look. I think we'll just go with that. It's a stress. Yeah, perfect. There we go. Yeah, Linda Brennan, I was like, do you have a side? She was like, I don't care. I was like, neither do I. I said, um, well, we're so excited to be here. And I'm so excited to have this conversation. I love that I get to call you friend and to just to witness the life that you live on mission for Jesus. Demi just loves people so beautifully in person

and in a big, big ways and small, so I'm so thankful to be here. So first of all, I wanted to start off with a question that I think like we all want to know the answer to. Do you and Tim work out every day? I mean, he might. You know, I think Corey, we love living a healthy lifestyle. Tim has been on like keto diet for I think the last nine or ten years.

So it's been fun for me to like create healthy, sweet recipes and things like that. Because I think one of my love languages, the way that I like give love is acts of service. The way I receive love is words of affirmation though. So I've had to attempt like work on that a little bit. Yeah. Willie one day said he was like, he was, he said, no, my love like this,

the acts of service, I'm doing acts of service to you. And I was like, no, you're supposed to know my love language. I thought it was like, this is how I'm showing my love. Yeah, the way you give and receive is different. That's something I only learned, I think really when I make my husband, because I mean, I cared the way I love people and the way I make my friends feel special, but I just thought like, oh, I do that by doing

acts of service for them. And then when I make my husband, thankfully, his like receiving love language is acts of service. So that was a little bit easier. Perfect. Well, I love for you to talk a little bit because yesterday, one of the times I cried over this weekend was, I just loved how all of you girls were so vulnerable when Jenny asked you to stand up and share and I thought that was just such a beautiful moment and I noticed

several of you talked about waiting for that godly man and that godly husband. So like what would you do you have advice for people who are in that waiting season? Gosh, Corey, first of all, I just want to say that I was so encouraged by how courageous so many of you were to stand up and be so honest. That really takes a lot of courage. And I think the first step, I'm not a specialist or a psychologist, but I think the first step to making progress in something is to acknowledge that there is something that you want to work on, that there is something that you are longing for. And I think that's great, because if you are not able to pinpoint that, how can you work towards that, right?

But I want to encourage you guys to be careful of making that something an idol, that relationship, that friendship. I think when we focus so much on what we want, it can very easily become our be all and end all and become all of our focus. When I think of a waiting season, Corey, I think of frustration, anxiety. We heard that last night so many times, I think of loneliness, feeling hopeless even. And I don't think that is how Jesus called us to live. I know that's not how we called us to live. I actually, friend of mine wrote a book recently,

and one of the topics was on Ruth and Naomi, her mother and the one. For those of you not familiar with Ruth's story and the Bible, go and read it because I think it's so applicable to specifically this topic, but I'll give you the short version. Basically, Ruth loses her husband. Naomi, her mother-in-law, loses her husband. And so long story short, they end up back in Naomi, her mother-in-law's hometown.

And that was good and well for Naomi because she went back to family, she was carried for, but Ruth on the other hand was now new in this new town, didn't really know people, she was a widow, she didn't know how to make provision for herself, but she didn't just sit in the house waiting. She got up, she went to a field and she went and collected the leftovers of whatever the harvest was in that field, whether that was to eat or to sell whatever her plan was. She got up and she did something. And that actually led her to meeting her husband, Boaz, who became the hero of the story, and he swept her off her feet, and it's a big happy ending.

And so many times, Cori, I think we read the Bible, and we read the Bible's stories, and we forget that they are Bible realities, that there are actual people that lived years, a couple thousand years ago, but it's actual stories that Jesus uses to show us how we are supposed to live our lives. And Ruth, to me, is such a great example that she wasn't just sitting in a season of singleness or a waiting season, but she made that waiting season a willing season. And that was really great to me. And I think that is so inspiring for anyone that feels like they're in a season.

Put yourself in a situation where you allow God, where you tell God, I'm willing, use me, here I am, put yourself in a position where you don't just focus on that one thing, but on being willing. That's so good. Thank you for sharing that. That's so leads me into my next question because I heard you say, and as you were talking about this, I know that you live this, I heard you say an interview one time and you were talking about Miss Universe and whenever you decided to do Miss Universe, you said the minute I decided

to do it, I started preparing. And it just struck me because I think there's two parts of that that struck me. The first of all was like just deciding to do something like that. I think that a lot of us have dreams or goals or maybe have things that we feel like God is prodding us to, but that inner voice can like say, no, you can't do it. Or that outer voice, you know, there's other people in our lives that might be pulling us down and saying that we can't do it. How do you kind of like decide to do something?

You feel prompted by God to do something and then actually go do it. It's, Corey, you know, Miss Universe was like such a once in a lifetime opportunity. First of all, for those of you that don't have passions, let me give you a quick two-second rundown. You end up winning your national title and I was Miss South Africa, I'm from South Africa by the way, if you haven't heard the the accent which is getting messed up because I'm now saying y'all and I love them to not plunge and hey can we go cut the grass and not the grass. We just want you to say y'all when you leave here. Perfect.

You know the first time I met him and we went on our first date, it was a double date. I told him, good bye, keep well. And he was like, what? Am I never going to see you again? But anyway, I'm thankful for the opportunity of Miss Universe, because in the long run kind of let me to being here where I am today. And look at that and I say, you know, that was something that I did, but that's not all that I am. And that's not all that my focus is based on. But Corey, in that moment

of preparation, I knew that Miss Universe was a stepping stone for something else. And I knew that I wanted to be able to use this platform for something bigger than myself, but I'll be very honest. I did not exactly know what that was. I knew that I had a desire for people, especially women. And I just remember always praying, like, Lord, just me like how you want to use this platform. And I think getting there was my first goal and I was like well I'll figure the rest out as I go. So how am I going to get there? Well I think I know that the Bible tells us serve God with all your heart, all your soul and all your might.

And I think that even means in the preparation. That even means when you are not victorious yet. That even means sometimes through your failures. And I realize, well, you know, and I have this one chance to compete at Miss Universe. I was Miss South Africa and I'm never going to be able to be Miss South Africa again. So I have this one opportunity to go and compete at Miss Universe and I want to make the best of this opportunity. If I don't win this thing, I want to be able to look back at it and say,

you know what, I did every single thing I knew I could to be as best prepared for this. And actually, quick story was to my native language is Afrikaans, it's like the sense from Dutch, German, and Latin. And it's very different to English, but I did grow up speaking English, but it was my second language, and it wasn't necessarily that sharp, again. So sitting here right now and talking and having a proper conversation,

I've come up a long way and it was an active choice that I had to make to work on that. So three months before I left to go and compete in Miss Universe and that year was held in Las Vegas. It was actually my first time ever in the United States and I get to Las Vegas and I'm like, okay. That's what we have here. Three months before I lived, I told all my friends and family, okay, you guys can only speak English to me from now on until I leave from his universe because I have to practice and

I have to be good at this. And I know that I want to be able to tell my story, and I think the best way to do that, there's only eight million people in the whole world that speak African, so African's is probably not gonna be my first choice, because not a lot of people gonna not understand me, right?

So I got a coach, I got someone to help me practice English. I only read English books and newspapers. My friends and family did not like me because now I may put them in this awkward situation. Have you ever tried expressing emotion in a second language? It's pretty hard. When I first met them, that's why I told them, keep well because I didn't know what else to really say. That's why I told him, keep well, because I didn't know what else to really say. So I think preparation is so important, Corey, to identify that dream, but to set a plan of action on how you're going to achieve that dream. And surround yourself with people that can help point you to that goal and to that dream

and help get you there. I love that. I love that. I love that she shares that because I think sometimes you can see someone who's like, oh, you won Miss Universe. It just happened for you. You're beautiful. You walked up on stage and like, here's the crown. But you don't see the hard work behind the scenes that

goes into it. And I know, as I've watched Sadie step into what God has called her to, I've seen her wake up early to study God's word. I've seen her order giant books on theology and from people that she's learning from, I've seen her call mentors and say, hey, I'm thinking about talking about this, what do you think? And so it's that time in the preparation

and the waiting period that pays off whenever the time comes, whenever you might be on the stage, or you're doing whatever God is calling you to do. I think that translate into your ministry as well and the work that you do right now. Was there like a moment that kind of led you to the work that you're doing right now? Yeah, and Corey, actually, I also just want to say,

we didn't always get to choose who speak about our lives, but we get to choose who speak into our life. And, you know, Sadie has such an amazing supportive team around her that helps her to be able to do the things that she is doing. And I think that is so important. So I really just wanna encourage, if you guys have a dream, surround yourself with the army of people that will love you, care for you. And sometimes that might even mean that they need to give you some form of constructive feedback that might not be nice hearing.

But if they love you and care for you, they will tell you. They will help guide you in the best way that they know possible. And they sure will point you back to Jesus every single time. So make sure you have those people. But it's a good case. To get back to your question, Cori, yeah, fast forward, four years, November will be four years that I'm here in the US, which is crazy, I can't believe time has flown so quickly.

Back in 2017, I was crowned with Miss South African about March that year, and about a couple months later, on a Wednesday afternoon, it was peak hour traffic, it was broad daylight, big avenue. I was all dressed up in like the cute little cocktail dress, my hair all done, makeup done, and I'm on my way to any event big avenue. I was all dressed up and like the cute little cocktail dress, my hair all done, makeup done and I'm on my way to any event as the official Miss South African. I'm so excited. I'm like in this new role and I drive myself with the brand new car that was just given to me as part of my price package and I stop at the red traffic light and in South Africa we actually drive

on the opposite side of the road so we drive on the opposite side of the road. So we sit in the opposite side of the car to what you guys are familiar with. And so I'm sitting at the red traffic light, and I was probably fixing my makeup or something in the next moment. I have five guys surrounding my vehicle. And I just try to keep calm and tell myself,

you know, to speak our traffic. Maybe they were trying to sell me something or maybe ask for money. I don't know, but I'm just not going to make eye contact and I'm focused on the traffic light. Please turn in green. And the traffic lights aren't turning green and the guys aren't leaving my car. And the next moment, the guy on my side of the vehicle knocks on the window and I tried to ignore it, but then he knocks again with a gun pointing to my head. And at that moment I was like, yep, I'm out, take everything you want, just please leave

me. A god out of the vehicle, I remember him grabbing my cell phone, you know, it's materialistic that can be replaced. In that moment, I remember two things. Don't go to the second destination, and the throat is lethal, is accessible. And I was like, okay, well, let me try and run, and I try to run, and I couldn't because he grabbed me, and he pulled me towards me and pushed me back into the vehicle, trying to push me over to the passenger side, said, get in, get in, you're going with something to that extent.

And I just remembered those two things that I had just mentioned. And I remember that I need to get out of the situation. And the reason I knew those two things is because the Monday before, I actually attain that a safety driving course I mean, can't make this up you guys, you know? And a couple months before that I attended a woman empowerment workshop and they told me similar skills there And I was like, well, you know what, I'm either going to be shot. I can try and run away or I'm going to do nothing. And doing nothing and being shot wasn't my first option.

And I just, it's our plan. Yeah. Hopefully it's not yours either. So I said, well, I'm going to try and fight my way out of this. And I grabbed the steering wheel and I punched the guys hardest I possibly could. And I punched him in his throat and it bought me a split second window of opportunity to get out of that vehicle and to run away and I did in my six inch heels, by the way.

But you know, you guys might think that that was the most dramatic part of the story, but it's not. The most dramatic part of that story was that I ran up this big avenue with peak hour traffic, broad daylight, hoppers five in the afternoon, knocking on probably 30, 40, I'd even say 50 car windows. Keep watching my back, not knowing if they are running after me, not knowing what their plan is, not knowing if they're there for my car or for me.

So confused, not knowing where to go, and knocking on window after window windows that were open. When people could hear me say, please help me, I've been carjacked, please help me. And window after window would be getting rolled up. Hand after hand shoving me away, said, get away from my car, get away from my car. You guys, I was old, I didn't look like I just woke up. I was dressed up as Miss South Africa in my 16 shields and people could actually hear

what I was asking them, but they decided to do nothing. And that was the most dramatic part of the story. I did the only thing I knew in that moment and I kept running in the next moment, probably a traffic or two traffic lights down the road, a young girl with this old little car. I mean, like, it was a really old little car. I remember it had like really tiny little wheels, but that's the size of story. Kind of like pulled over the lane,

the four lanes and she said, are you okay? I said, no, I've just been project pleased. Can you help me? And I remember her leaning over, remember as the old car and like unlocking the little car knob, you know, like leaning over and unlocking it. And she said, get in, get in.

And I got in and she was able to help get me to people that I knew close by and get me to safety. And now I've fast forward Corey for years. I'm so honored to be in the fight against human trafficking alongside my husband. It's one of the greatest honors of my life. But that took a time to get there. You know, working through that trauma, going for counseling, surrounding myself with people that I could talk about the situation with, as time had gone by, I realized how much that young girl inspired me, although I knew her from nowhere, and she had no reason to help me, she did. And she really inspired me that, you know, I don't want to be one of the 3040 car windows that turn a blind eye or roll up my window, so I can't hear something I don't really

want to hear right now, even though it's a reality. She inspired me to not be one of those 3040 40, 50 car windows, but to be that one girl that leans over, unlocks the door, and lets someone into safety, whatever that might mean. And fast forward, I actually ended up starting a campaign in South Africa called Unbreakable, where I partnered with field experts and self-defense experts in re-hosted workshops all over South Africa to empower as many young women as possible because I realized how many women Had no idea what they would do in a situation like that And so I wanted to be able to do the one thing that I could to help as many women

prevent Any unwanted situation like that from happening in the best way I possibly could. And now, for sport, for years, I never want to speculate and say, hey, they were trying to traffic me, because I don't know, they could have just been there for my car. But it was very traumatic, and that situation made me to learning about something that I had no idea existed in the year 2017 or now 2020, but I don't know if you guys know this. There's an estimated 40.3 million people trapped in human trafficking around the world right now as we speak. And my husband and I just said not on our watch. Not as long as we can do something.

And you know, I think getting into this fight, it felt very overwhelming because 40.3 million people, how am I going to make a dent in that? You know, what am I going to do to save 40.3 million people? That's a lot of people. But what makes it, I don't want to say worth while, but what keeps us going is knowing that even just one life is worth fighting for. And so, yeah, that's kind of what we're doing right now. And that's just a very significant way of how I think God turned a really big trial into a very great triumph for His glory. Absolutely. And yeah, I love that so much. Thank you for sharing. I just there's so much in that story that, you know,

was thinking of as you were telling it. And, you know, one of it is, I love Mr. Rogers. And have you ever heard, he says that whenever he was a kid and he was scared, and he spent a lot of time with a lot of fears when he was a kid, and he said his mom always said, look for the helpers. And I love that, as you share that story, you don't just tell the scary part.

You tell the story of the girl that helps that role done her window and let you in the car. And I think that's so powerful and how that inspired you to do what you're doing now. How, you know, also thinking about this, that was a traumatic experience. And I think a lot of us in this room, I'm sure have gone through experiences that are traumatic that might lead us to like live in fear or to rather than go do what you do right now say like okay well I'm not going to be in cities anymore I'm not going to drop by myself anymore and to live in a place of fear or the what ifs or what could have happened how did you kind of

come to the other side of that I know you mentioned counseling what brought you kind of to the other side of that fear. Corey, I remember that happening like 5.30 in the afternoon and the next morning at 6am, I was scheduled to do some radio interview for something completely different and I just remember telling the Miss South Africa team, like, please, I don't want the media knowing about this. Like, I just felt so weak and I felt like I did something to cause this to happen to me and I was questioning that I do something wrong and I was kind of putting the blame on myself. I mean come on you guys, that is not logic,

that is not a logical thing to do but you're trying to eliminate so many questions, so many things. I remember for weeks after that happened, I was too scared to wash my hair because I didn't want to close my eyes alone in my bathroom. It was just this crazy fear that I don't know, well, are they going to come back for me? My house keys was in my vehicle. That somehow went missing. So all these fears that just kept lingering and I felt like if I had to ask for help, it would mean that I am weak and that I can't figure this out by myself.

And I keep telling myself, well, you know, there's people that go through so much worse and they're sure Well, you know, there's people that go through so much worse and they're sure is Thankfully, I have a stepmom who is a clinical psychologist and I think she's one of the smartest people that I know She's one of those people that just know like something about everything and She encouraged me to to go for therapy and I did and it was so Healing to be able to talk about that situation, to talk through that situation and actually in therapy my therapist told me, you know what Demi, the more you speak about this, the more you kind of release that power that it has over you and the more that emotion attached to the story is kind of removed and it really becomes

somewhat of a story that you're telling. And that was very helpful, just something practical, Corey, that was very helpful to me. I think that's so good. Ginny talked about that last night. As each of you just shared and just like, spoke out what was hurting and the pain in your lives and you can have someone else speak truth into you.

I think is so powerful and like when you live in your head you can start thinking crazy things like did I cause this, did I do this? But whenever you speak it out someone can speak truth to you. So I think that's a really powerful thing for all of us to remember. And do you need to touch on it last night? So I love that you shared it as well. The other thing, I just love your name, unbreakable of your ministry and what you're doing. Whenever our kids were little, I always prayed

that for two things for them that they would be strong and kind. And one of my thoughts and strength, like kind of a visual that I always had in my mind was like of this tree that had like really deep roots that are so deep that like when the winds come and heart times come that like you might sway, you might bend, but you won't break because you have these deep roots that are rooted in Jesus and and God that is so much more powerful than anything that can come against us here on the surface.

And so I just love the name of breakable. Can you tell me kind of like what inspired that and where did that come from? Yeah, Corey, I had this vision of wanting to do something. I, when I did start speaking out about the incident that happened, I had so many young girls reaching out to me, so many moms reaching out to me saying, take me like, I want my daughter to know the things that you knew in order to handle

that situation in the best way possible. And I realized what a big need there was. And you guys, I thought, ooh, I have to start a foundation, I have to raise millions of dollars, I have to like, do all these crazy big things. And I was like, wait a minute I don't I've never done that before I don't know how to start or manage a foundation and then I thought to myself okay Well, you know, maybe maybe don't do it because you know, it's not gonna be significant It's not gonna be grand and I put so much pressure on myself

To have to do something significant and grant to be able to make a meaningful difference and that was false, that wasn't true. You know, doing someone once said, you know, if you tell God, here I am, use me with what I've got, with where I'm standing, he will use you. So you better be careful because he will use you. And he did use me in ways that I never imagined. And still is, he's still surprising me every single day. I kind of forgot the question.

No, that's so good. That's so good. I was thinking about all of you who are sitting out here, it's like there's that quote from the Teresa that says about doing small things with great love. And you know, as we just, that's all we're called to, to just do small things with great love. And God will use that in ways that you can never imagine.

It's not about how big your platform and how many people are following you on Instagram, but it's about the words you speak, carry weight for those who are around you, those who love you, those who are listening to you. So I just wanna encourage, and if you have a dream that feels too big for you and it feels like, oh, like, well,

I mean, I've got 200 people listening to me on my Instagram, maybe, or I've got, I've got, you know, maybe one person comment that one person. Like you mentioned, it can make a difference. It makes a difference that one person. That's all that God's asking of us. So true, so so true, Corey. And you know, the word I'm breakable, when I pick that word I thought to myself well you know sitting in that vehicle being surrounded by these guys made me feel weak you know made me feel bruised a little bit

made me feel traumatized but I had such an amazing group of women that surrounded me, that just infolded me in love and grace and support and encouragement, that I felt unbreakable. Doesn't mean I didn't feel a little hurt or a little bruised or traumatized, but I knew with these women holding my hand, with these family members, friends holding my hand, we can be unbreakable. Doesn't mean it's gonna be perfect.

Doesn't mean it's always gonna look great. And you know what Jenny said last night about surrounding yourself, reaching out. I wanna encourage you to be that woman that reaches out. Be that girl that reaches out to another girl. Doesn't mean you have to run into a building on fire? I thought what I'm saying, but notice. You know, one of the stories I love so much about the

anti-human trafficking work we do is we just actually open up another safe home in Jacksonville and our goal is to get to as many places as possible so that we can house as many trafficking survivors as possible because there is such a tremendous need for that. But one of the stories that inspire me so much is one of our trafficking survivors today is a nurse in the same hospital that identified her as a trafficking victim. And you know, that's just because someone cared enough to notice, to ask, to reach out, to call someone, even though they might not have known what to do, call someone that does

know what to do. So I really just want to encourage you guys to notice, to pay attention. So good. Yeah, I was going to ask what would be your kind of last piece of advice for the girls here today? I feel like, you know, in the world today, on Instagram and social media, we're getting kind of like advice from lots of people and lots of sources, but I want to encourage you to look to those trusted sources, those people who are living like the life that Jesus calls us to

and Jimmy you're one of them. So I will listen to your advice and your voice all the time. You're one of those people that I definitely want to love to follow and just inspire advice. Is there anything else that you'd love to share with us? I think that being the one that notices is so good. Is there anything else you feel like God's putting on your heart to share? I mean, I feel like there's always just so little time, Cory. I don't know, I think we talked about Miss Universe and all these things. I just wanna encourage you guys

Paul wrote to the church in Corinth and he said, you know, don't chase perishable crowns, but chase imperishable crowns. And you know what he referenced actually? So the Church of Corinth, the people of Corinth, knew exactly what Paul was talking about because he was referencing the Ismian games and we just had the Olympics.

We all watched that and cheered for that and they get a gold medal back in that day. You know what the winners got? They got a wreath. Wreath, however you say that. The crown, they got a crown, okay. Made up of pine and celery leaves. And you guys talk about perishable, that does not last, you know.

So I just want to encourage you guys to focus on the things that will last for eternity. Focus on the things that will have heavenly rewards, not the perishable grounds, not the celery leaves or the pine leaves that won't last, not the cute outfits, the social media following, amount of comments you get, focus on rather what you're able to do with your platform because I truly believe each and every one of you have a Platform that you can use for something bigger than yourself to make a meaningful difference in even just one person's life Thank you so much. Thank you for being here. Thank you for having me. I'm so honored to be here. you