WHOA That's Good Podcast - How I Found Freedom After the Trauma of Abuse | Sadie Robertson Huff & Beth Moore

Episode Date: February 22, 2023

"Home was not safe." Author, evangelist, and president of Living Proof Ministries Beth Moore joins Sadie to talk about some very traumatic events in her life, how lost and unsafe she felt at home with her dad as a young girl, and how God's love and grace transformed EVERYTHING for her. Beth reminds anyone who has been abused or experienced trauma: You did not ruin your life. You are NOT rotten! There is NOTHING that you can do — or have had done TO you — that would make you unworthy of God's love and grace. Sadie shares her own story of a situation where she suddenly felt paralyzed, full of fear, and unsure of what to do. Beth talks about how through prayer, counseling, and her relationship with God, her abuse no longer forms her decisions — and how breaking the cycle of trauma is possible for anyone! Plus, Sadie asks Beth about her very famous hairbrush story. And how do you know if you've had a "calling"? Beth's book, "All My Knotted-Up Life," is available now! https://LOSisterConference.com - Get tickets for the 2023 LO Sister Conference, Sept. 8-9 in Monroe, LA - Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What's up friends! Welcome back to WoW That's Good Wednesday. Hope everybody is having a great week. I can promise you right now it is about to get better because I have a very special guest on the five guests today. She's actually a two time guest on the WoW That's Good podcast and this time we get to talk about her new book It's a Memoir. All my knotted up life. I'm telling you what, this came out yesterday by the time this interview comes out. And I have been diving in, loving

this book, and just so grateful that she wrote it. So welcome to the podcast, Miss Beth Moore. Sadie, I am absolutely thrilled to be with you. I thought it's Senior Adult Day on Sadie's podcast. And that this senior adult is very happy to be with you. I can tell you that. I'm very nervous. You're hilarious. Well, listen, I got to interview my grandma this week.

I get to interview you this week. It's in your week on the one that's got podcasts. It's that kind of week that kind of week I am absolutely thrilled. It's a blessing to me I'm so grateful so you know typically I asked guess the best piece of advice but you've done that on this podcast so I thought I would ask you a different question to start off the podcast with and this is actually just for you to tell a story that I think is so hilarious. It's your famous hairbrush story, but when it was like super famous,

I was looking up on YouTube. This was like 12 years ago. So some of my followers have never heard this. And I just think it's so great. So would you please tell us the hairbrush story? Sure, yeah. Yes, I will. And I gotta tell you, when it was recorded

and clipped and then put on YouTube, that was even way after it happened. So that's kind of a funny part of a horror movie, because if we went back to when it happened, like some of these people that may be listening might not have been born yet. So this was years and years ago, I wish I could think just off the top of my head exactly how many years ago would be but I'm going to guess at I'm going to say around 20 years ago. I was flying to I believe it was actual North Carolina. I was definitely flying to the east from Houston and I was going I had had a layover in Atlanta. You've done this route a number of times, no doubt, in my mind, say, you go from a big plane in Atlanta

to if you're going to a smaller town or a smaller place, then you're going all through the terminals, so you get to the smaller and smaller and smaller planes. So I'm in this little area where we could have had, we could have been on one of any of four small planes. So it's just one area, but we're all sitting in it. And this one's going to this little town, this one, this one, this one, all of them are really, really small planes. And so I'm sitting there in that part of the airport.

And you know, it's pretty packed with people because even though it's small planes, it's several flights. So we're pretty packed in that little room. And one of the things I remember best of all is that I was memorizing John chapter one. So this whole gorgeous, you know, in the beginning was the word,

the word was with God, the word was God. And oh, just the gorgeous, gorge gorgeous part about him. The Word was made flesh and dwelling among us and we'd be held as glory. So I'm very, very intent on what I'm doing. My face is very much in the scriptures. I keep looking down at it and then I try to say it looking up just in my, in my hand silently. And I'm sitting there in the airport waiting for my flight. And I see to the left side, I'm in one of those rows where there's several several seats here, several seats there. And in the in the peripheral vision, I can see that someone is being wheeled up at the end of my row. So several seats over the end of my row. I can see that someone's been wheeled up in a wheelchair and said there.

So, you know, I'm kind of glancing that direction, but I don't want to stare and I'm working on my scriptures and the way I see a lot of the scriptures coming in, this is because sometimes with our faces and the scriptures guys are going to, you know, actually, I'd like for you to live out some of those scriptures for this minute instead of memorizing those scriptures. So I am very attitted to what I'm doing. And in a couple of moments, probably just seconds later, I'm a real people person. So I love, I love looking around me and seeing what's going on. So I glanced down to my left and it was a man honestly.

Sadie, he looked 120. I don't, I don't know how to explain that, but he just and really, really, really sinned and his fingernails were really long. And his hair was, it was, you know, gray and kind of wispy and really, really long and just tangled clean. This guy was just, you know, it just was psych. It was just odd. It was just such an odd sight. And so, you know, I was like, well, don't stare. I mean, the nails three me off. And then the hair three me off. And I was like, you know, just do what you're doing.

Well, you know how? I don't know how many people listen to us, maybe new to this kind of terminology, but with that Holy Spirit is just tugging you to do something inside you, because His Spirit dwells at us. And He's just trying to get our attention to do something that we's just trying to get our attention to do something

that we're just trying to resist but I just have this overwhelming feeling, this overwhelming feeling that I am just drawn to this Oman. I mean in a way that I can't that I know is the Holy Spirit because I'm knowing my natural person is born like oh no, no I'm busy here. I'm busy here. I'm busy memorizing my scriptures. Well, I finally, I can't, I can't resist it. And I begin having this this mental dialogue. So a silent dialogue with the Lord, because, you know, I'm sensing him pressing me, go over to that man, go over to that man, go over to that man, not in words, but in an impression. I mean, I am certain of it. But I'm like, it's too awkward, and there's too many people in here,

and he's drawing attention because he looks so different than you might have expected, a man of that age to look. And so I was just like, inside my heart, I'm just arguing with the Holy Spirit. I'm just going like Lord You know, don't don't make me because I'm saying what what would a evangelical fake right then the Lord's gonna Have me go share the gospel with them. Right. Yeah, I mean I should have a gospel. So I'm you know, I'm starting to panic. There's a lot of people there I mean, I'm certainly share the gospel, but this was pretty

This one this was gonna, this one, this was going to be, this was going to make a scene. Right. So I'm saying it to the Holy Spirit. No, please don't, baby, please don't, baby, please don't, baby, please don't, you know, put us on the same plane and I'll do it. I'll do it. But I, I sensed the Holy Spirit. This, I, I gotta tell you something, Sadie, because I have such mixed feelings about that video being online like that, because I have gotten as much criticism over it as I have gotten encouragement. Yes.

And see, I wouldn't have realized it, because I was just used to a different way of talking, because I said, and then the Lord spoke to me me and I didn't mean out loud, I didn't see anything. I'll just try to say in such an impression of the heart and you try to interpret it with your own language and vocabulary. So it was like I was saying to the Lord, oh, you know, please don't make me witness to that man right now. Not not right here, and I felt a very strong inclination from the Lord that he was going like. If I was to put it in words, it was like, oh, I don't want you to witness to him. I want you to brush his hair. And I mean, we're, and yo, I don't know how to tell you that. I never on my own

would have just thought up, I'm going to go when someone says how why would you think that would be God because my face is in the scriptures. I'm trying my hardest that day to walk with the Lord and this thought is out of the blue. It's like, well, I walk over to him and I'll just try to narrow this down quickly, but I walk over to him. I haven't, oh, my heart is pounding out of my chest. That's why I have to walk down several people and I walk in front of him and I kind of kneel down toward him and I said, sir, oh, say, I went on the back on it. It's too crazy to say, sir, may I have your permission?

You're because I have your permission, you're, because I'm a good, I have good manners where I was, may I have your permission to brush your hair? And he's like, he leans for, he says, what? And I said, I'll say, wow, may I have permission to brush your hair? He says, almighty, if you want me to hear you,

you're gonna have to speak to me. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no He says, Almighty, if you want me to hear you, you're going to have to speak. No. Now, say, at this volume, sir, may I have your permission to brush your hair? I want you to know that whole room with dead silent. Oh my gosh.

Dead silent. Oh my gosh. He looked up at me and he was like, he was floored. And I was floored. I was floored He said if you want to and I'm thinking no, I don't want you But yes, I do want to but here this is such an embarrassing part of it because I was like but sir I I don't have a hair brush Because it was in my luggage and he says there's one in my bag

And so we had a small bag like I carry on in the back of the wheelchair Yeah, and so you know, I'm I unsympathed and I'm you know, I'm looking by his White undershirts, you know what I'm saying signing. Yeah, and now now I can feel the emotion in my throat Because this is part that begins me every single time and there's a brush and I stand up and I begin. That hair is completely clean, but he's been in a health crisis and he's been hospitalized in a small care hospital. He's going home, I learn later, but just no one has brushed his hair and it is nodded. I mean, it's just in knots.

And, you know, I was a mom of little girls at that point. It was like, I don't know how to do a lot of things, but I know how to get knots out of hair. And I just stood behind him and I started real, real low like this on the very ends of his hair. You know, your mother, and grandmother would do this with you, Sadie. And then go a little bit. And then brushing that man's hair, I don't know how long it took me. But I was so, my heart so overflowed with love. I just, I forgot anybody else was in the room. And, um, and after I finished, and it was just silky and beautiful. I put it back and I was long. It was long. I come back and I sit right at his feet and put my hands on his hands and I said, Sir, do you know Jesus? And he said, yes, I do. And it was so precious, Sadie, because

you know, he already knew Jesus. He didn't need me to witness Jesus to him. He needed his hair brush. He was going home, he was gonna see his wife for the first time in a long time. And he thought what a mess he looked like. So I'll never forget it. And listen, I've taken so much trash over that video, but I'll tell you what I've told the Lord,

really many times, and that's, but I'll tell you what I've told the Lord many, many times and that's, I would rather be criticized and not miss those opportunities than miss them. So Lord, as many hairbrush opportunities as you have for me, give up to me. So thank you. That's not told that in so long. Thank you.

So God, you did tell it. And I would have never guessed you got criticism on that because when I heard it, I loved it so much because I've been in those situations before where I'm arguing with God. I'm like, I am not doing that. And it's like, I can't not. I can't do it.

And it's like, yes, it's hard to explain because it's not like an audible voice but it's so undeniably there. And it's so clear. So clear. So clear. So clear. So clear. So clear. So clear. So clear. So clear. So foreign to what you know you would do. It's like I would not go into this fan's hair.

And so honestly resonated so much with me and I loved it so much and honestly I wanted to tell that story too because you are such a good storyteller. And it is so fun to listen to your stories and that's why this genre that you've now introduced me to of memoirs and storytelling has just been so amazing to read because you tell your story in such a beautiful way. I wanted to read this part of the book though because I knew I was starting off with a really spiritual moment where you said not maybe everybody might not understand that. But I love this and you're talking about the first time you really since the Lord's Presence on calling you to do something. You're at that camp and you say it was right there at the sink as sense the Lord's presence on calling you to do something

you're at that camp and you say it was right there at the sink as sense the Lord's presence. I love this. You said I didn't see anything. I didn't hear anything. No thunder, no heat, no light, no still smell boys, no finger writing in the seam of the mirror facing me, which was hilarious. My toothbrush didn't levitate. The hair in my head didn't stand on its end. I didn't see a vision. I didn't manifest a certain spiritual gifting or as I recall say a word and you go on to say all I have to go on is a conviction of an 18-year-old to whom the sense of God's presence was intense enough to make her grip both sides of the sink until the moment pass. And I just love that so

much because I think that sometimes we think it has to be these big, huge moments with God where it does thunder and the lightning and it was written in the clouds because we hear these other stories that are so cool like that. But I just think it's really powerful that when you really felt the Lord calling you into what you would eventually continue to do for years and years later was really just a really simple moment of filling his presence. Truly, it couldn't have been simpler. And I have said a number of times, you know, if I were going to make up a scene, it certainly would not have been at a sink with a smell of chlorine from the toilet behind me. You know what I'm saying? And the shower dripping with the molded shower curtain,

it would have been a totally different situation. But one of the things I love that is, and I love that you're speaking to this because you are at the age and then speak to the age to even the years coming up behind you. We're so important for people to hear this that have a heart for God, but think that a calling is supposed to look a certain way

because you search Genesis to Revelation and you won't find it looking one particular way. It's take for instance, John 1, Jesus has two of John's disciples, and I'm talking about that, it followed John, the Baptist. They are following Jesus. He turns around. He says to them, you know, what is it that you're seeking?

Then some of them go get some, some of the others and bring them. So at times it was straight out, he went to them and said, you follow me. Other times it was like they just ended up following him. But that he had orchestrated that other times they brought that person to him. Yeah. It looks you can't find a certain way and a certain setting that it could become clear to you in.

And that's so important that we know that he reserves the right to be very individual with you in the way he calls you. I love that. That's so good. We definitely need to hear that for sure. That is something that I preach about all the time because I do feel like we put so much pressure on like what our calling's supposed to look like whenever I love how simple you say it. It's like it's not it's individual. You know, it's going to happen. It could happen at a sink. It could happen in an airport. You can have it anywhere where you just since the presence of God calling you to something. So I love that, and I love that you talk about that

in the book, and I wanna ask you, so you did choose to write MMR, you did choose to tell your story, and a lot of the things in here, are really hard parts of your story that you never shared before, and so why now and why in this way, what led you to wanna write it?

why now and why in this way what led you to want to write it. You know, I told the part of my testimony that I had been abused in childhood, all the way from the beginning from the very first book I ever wrote. Now, that book is not even available. It was something that wasublished, it was dumb, but it was important to me to say in writing the very first time anything would be out there. This is part of my story. And the reason it was is, say, I felt like that my testimony, the way that I came into the things of the faith and the way that Jesus became life and breath and healing to me couldn't be understood very well without that piece of it, that it was so big and I didn't tell any of the graphics. I was, I don't tell graphics in this book, but I do identify how it happened and

who it was and that it was within, was within someone within my family, which is devastating. When a protector becomes a perpetrator, the damage to that, the damage to a person's boundaries is just almost incalculable. But so I've told it all along. Also because, say, I made such foolish decisions in my adolescence and then my young womanhood that were so instilled in me by such messed up views of myself and my worth. And so many things that I wanted to be able to say I know what it's like to live in the bottom of a pit and you need to understand a little bit of how I got there and how how it all played out for me in such a devastating way and then the goodness of God in the midst of it. But I I wondered if there would come a time this was well thought. There were several years that would have moved into whether or not in my later years, I would want to share this part of my story. And the reason why

I did, reason why I got more specific is because I've ministered for many years to people, men and women who and groups and sometimes small groups and sometimes with just a few, sometimes with women one-on-one. But I've administered to people who have been abused and there is no kind of abuse that is not destructive and devastating. Let me say that. But when it is in your home, in your home, then your home becomes a place if you're young and you don't most kids don't go tell it. There's too much shame involved and there's too afraid of what what would happen what would happen to my family if I told this. So your home becomes this whole shadow place that you try to keep hidden.

And I literally, I tell the story in the book of living, rot across the street from high school. And somebody's going to be able to understand this. Even if you don't have a background of abuse, it may be something else in your home. It may be that there's someone with a very serious kind of emotional problem or addiction. There may be a mental illness, which of course is never anyone's fault.

That is in your home that causes a number of dynamics to be different than you may feel like others are. But I would walk out the front door of my home. My high school would be right across the street. I mean, maybe 250 steps from my front door, but I would make a mental switch all the way over that I had to go from someone who felt such darkness and such shame and had so many secrets in a home of so many secrets that I would have to put all of that somehow to the side and walk through that

school and be somebody different. And it's just, I don't know, I think there's something in you that really, God, that God gives us created in his image that we want to be known for who we really are and that and to not, to not be able to ever say, this is what happened to me, and this is what happened to me in my home. And this was the impression that it left on me. I think that leaves something lacking. And in my older years, it's kind of like,

why at this point would I not take the opportunity to say, if you have been molested or sexually abused within your own family by your own flesh and blood and perhaps even by a parent, may I say to you, I understand. And may I say to you that there is nothing, nothing that would cause Christ to withdraw from you or for you to be too unclean for him. He loves you so much and he wants to take that shame off of you that does not belong on you and is not on you off of you and off the burden of your life. So it was important to me. It was time. It was time. Yeah. Well, first of all, just thank you

to me, it was time. It was time. Yeah, wow. Well, first of all, just thank you for doing that. And even for what you just said, because it makes me feel overwhelmed that I'm sure so many people are going to listen to this podcast and listen to what you just said. And that's going to start breaking chains off of people's lives. And it's crazy because even yesterday, my friends were texting about this podcast this morning. And they were like, it's going to be a chain breaking podcast. It's going to be a chain breaking moment. And I don't believe that. There's something you said in telling the story of the abuse and it stuck out to me because I've never been abused by a family member or in my own home.

But how did a situation that happened to me in life that I've shared in certain settings and never super publicly. But there was a moment where I was kind of on a date with this guy and things went south, okay? But there was a moment and I felt like I it was kind of an abusive situation and I should have said something but my mouth was like shut like I froze and you talk about that in the book that your mind was like screaming but your mouth was like shut silent and it made me think about what happened to me and I remember after that happened I went to a friend because I was so devastated and I was like I felt like paralyzed I didn't even get out of bed the next day it was like it was just

really tough and I just said I don't know what just happened to me and I shared and she said why didn't you say something why didn't you stop it and I said I don't know I just I couldn't and the way that she responded it she would have never intended for it but it made me feel like why didn't I say something and then I felt like so much shame for that and so a couple of months went by you know before I shared that with anybody else because I was like, well, I'm embarrassed that I didn't do the right thing. Like, I should have stopped it. I should have said something. It was my fault. It was my fault. Like, I should have done something. And I, and I, you know, have worked through that, but to the people who have experienced that, because if you and I are

two people who have had the similar moment of your mind is screaming but your mouth is frozen and they're dealing with that shame of, you know, I should have said something or whatever, or even just looking back at that and saying what happened there, you know, can you speak to that a little bit? Oh, because I think there's a lot of people listening who have had the same experience. Okay, I got to tell you, I am astonished right this moment that in all of these interviews, that you would be the one to press into this. I mean, I've talked about it a number of times, but I mean that you would bring up this particular thing, because let me tell you something.

I'm so proud of you for that kind of courage, but this is so important. And I just pray with all of my heart that God will minister through this, because I want our listeners and our viewers to really let this settle in, that we know at least one in four statistics are that those that own up to it, one in four women and one in six men have been abused in some way sexually in their growing up years. Now, if we take that statistic and we put it into now, I wanna say to somebody with all of my heart that what Sadie just described is classic. It is the

more common response. It is a shutdown and it's that way of feeling that you feel overpowered, which she used a word and I'm talking now to our our listeners and viewers. Sadie, you used a word that was so important when you said you felt paralyzed and that's exactly it. You feel like you can't move. I have heard this hundreds and hundreds of times. I have read it over and over again. I would venture to say to you, I'm not an expert, but I, by no means am an expert, but I am in conversations about this kind of thing on an ongoing basis, and I'm going to tell you that it is described more often than not. Wow.

Even if we put it in the context where it was someone in a situation that's when they've had abuse in a church by a pastor or someone in ministry. It could be a young man that would say the same thing if a pastor somehow came onto him or abused him where he would say, but I felt paralyzed all over. The shock of it, the not knowing what to do, the fear of it, it not knowing what to do, the fear of it. It is, it's so, so common. So, man, do we really need you to get it off your mind that you have done something terrible

and that you caused it to happen because all you'd have had to do was speak up and say something that simply is not how this goes. There is that freezing and that not knowing how to handle it and that it is a differential of power. It feels that you have been overpowered and you are threatened and you freeze. And that is just going to be the case more often than non. So man, I pray somebody is set free by that. And I know that only it really opens the door to begin the healing. But it's got to start there where you have to know, you have to know, you are not the only one that people that when you've been through something like that and when you can describe a situation like that and you think if I had only, if I had only, if I had

only most people that have been in that situation reacted exactly the same way because it is just paralyzing, just paralyzing. So I can't believe we got to talk about this today, Sadie. I'm so thankful. I'm super thankful. When I read that, it was like, wow, because I don't talk about this a lot. And so it was actually really, that's

what I think your book's going to do to so many people. It's going to free them from saying, whoa, I've been there. I get that. I've experienced that. And then to see where you're at now, I go, and I have hope to come out of that. And then to see where you're right now, I go and I have hope, you know, to come out of that, you know, not that it won't always be something that you look back on and it's painful because it's hard and it's sad and that's terrible. But at the same time, that, you know, look at what God has done in your life, look at where God is

brought you and said, look at what he's done. Yes, I think that's really cool. Oh, I want to say, I want to say one thing because I think a very good question that comes into play here. I try to think what you know, I'm a teacher, so I try to think constantly what people in my class would want to ask right now. And I think somebody might want to say to you and me, if they were talking with us on this podcast, Okay, what then does healing look like? What does, because I'm never going to forget it in my bath. No, I haven't certainly I forgot mine. I can't imagine unless I for some reason don't have my right mind about me that even the year that last year of my life that that some of those scenes won't go through my head at times and that I won't, you know, of course, of course, remember what happened to me in my childhood and who brought that hurt

to me. But this is what I want to say to you. Don't think of that as like never thinking about it is healing. That's not it. Remember, the Lord is about renewing our mind. So it's about, I think a new way about it, not that I never think about it. We can't just like, I'm not gonna think about that

ever again, because then we're all wrapped up in the cycle of I'm trying not to think about it, so I'm thinking about it constantly. That's not it, but it's coming to a place where God brings us and really only God can. Now, I believe in really good professional trauma informed therapy. So please hear me say that. But I'm talking about when God gets way in there and begins breaking us loose of the things that have held us. Here is what you're after. To me, freedom is that it no

longer empowers me. That my abuse no longer empowers my decisions. It no longer informs my decisions. That there comes a time, said he after what you and I have both described, different situations, different, um, one situation of a day, the other with, with a family member in a home that should have been my protector in both of these situations, having been overpowered by something, it is then that the power of Christ overcomes it. So think about this with me. It means that years later, and I tell of something that happens years later

in a situation where after I had felt silenced and completely frozen, I was like, oh, I'm not silent anymore. I'm not that anymore. And I can say now, oh, no, I draw this line with you. I draw this line with you. It is no longer being where it makes the decisions for you because if we don't get healing,

then it makes those kinds of decisions, it informs decisions that will make all the way along the way, all of these relationships. And you'll find yourself, I'm speaking to someone right now who is single. You may have noticed, if you have a really unhealthy place in your heart, that you keep picking the same kind of guy,

or I'll say for guys listening, the same kind of girl over and over again, somebody really destructive and really is dark somehow. And you know, this is what breaks that chain. When we begin to let the Lord really get through to us and and and we're able to think you know what that no longer empowers me. God has brought me out of that and I'm no longer held by it. I'm so glad you said that I really am because when I think about me walking through the healing of that there were so many different layers to that right I think that. You can continue healing through different conversations you have through different moments of the Lord. And I did go to counseling and that was super helpful and helped the initial start of it for sure. And then even just later getting to share that

with my husband and him walking through that with me, that was super helpful and all of that. But one thing that was really powerful was I was studying something one day in scripture and it like just was like, whoa whoa and it really shifted the way I thought about that situation because I had described that situation one time to somebody as it felt like when you get the win knocked out of you you know it's such a shock and it's like oh well like I just lost my breath for a second there and you know like I

said I laid in bed all day the next day I just was like late know, and so I was about getting the win knocked out of you. While I was reading about Jesus, whenever he was being crucified, and it talks about how the way that he was crucified, what, what it was ultimately bringing him to in the way that he died is he couldn't catch his breath. It was like getting the win knocked out of him. It was like, yes, when I read that, it literally took that pain away and so many degrees of it because I was like, Jesus got the wind knocked out of him literally. And because he did that and because he died that death, but then resurrected days later, it gives me the hope that like I'm in that resurrection story.

Like I'm in the story of the redemption. I'm in the story of glory to glory. I'm in the story of eternal life. And so I was like, man, like, you know, sometimes you do get the win knocked out of you. And it is so hard. But knowing that we have a savior who relates to getting the win knocked out of him and then giving us the hope that you actually can get back up because you're not getting back up with your breath, you're getting back up with the wind of his spirit. Like it changed everything for you. That is a word if I have ever heard it.

That is so profound. I've never thought of that particular of course about him not, you know, having struggling to breathe on the cross and suffocation of crucifixion but for all the times that we had the breath knocked out of us. And I love that you brought up that we we have we have the breath of the Holy Spirit because truly that's what that word means in Hebrew and in Greek both, that one of the definitions, one of the synonyms is in our English is breath that he greets it back into us and brings us back to life. And I just can't think of anything more important to know than that, that there's just nothing that has, I want to say this to you because some of you listening have thought these very words to yourself

these very words nothing has ruined you. We'll think to ourselves, I'm ruined now. I'm ruined now. And even the prophet Isaiah and Isaiah chapter 6, he got a glimpse of a vision of God, to see it on the throne, he went, I'm ruined now. I'm just ruined now. Of course God reaches out and touches him through the coal with the tongs on the altar. And says, I've made a tone of where there's nothing. Not even anything you did yourself say that it wasn't victimization because we're sadies in my life. our life, Sadie really differs is what would have happened from there. I made so many mistakes. You you did not go down that same path, but even those things that I was not victimized by, but I then brought on myself. Even that the cross is big enough. There's nothing you can do. You are not ruined by anything that has happened to you.

So good. I'm so glad you said that. I saw the most beautiful visual of this last week, which by the time this will come out, it will have been a few months ago. But I got to go to a prison last week for God behind bars and got to speak to these women and ask that people at the prison and say, can we do baptisms after? And they said, sure, we actually have a bad system tag. I said, amazing. This is gonna be great. So precious message, do a call for baptism. And we had 41 women get baptized. And baptized in women worshiping. And this one woman comes and she sits in the bad system of tank. And she looks up at me and she sits in the baths as we'll take and she looks up at me and she has tattoos all over her body but one tattoo in particular

it was in big letters right over her eyebrow and it said rotten and this it was just it was really an amazing sight because it said rotten on her physically but we knew you're about to get washed you know clean like you're a new creation when you come out of the water and the older woman standing beside me, she looked at her and she said, I don't believe that for a second. And she kind of looked at her retours in her eyes. And I said, no, I said, today you are pure. And she just started weeping. And it was the most beautiful thing because like it was showing that, yes,

she's made mistakes, you know, like there's mistakes in the natural, but in the spiritual she is white as snow, you know, like she made clean, she made a plea. She used to be known as rotten, but she is pure, like before the war and she is pure. It was so good to just as you're talking, like that is so true and I just got to witness that was my own eyes, like such a visual representation of what that looks like. Like you didn't ruin your life. You are not rotten. Like the Lord does not see you as that. He sees you as made new. And so I love that you share that. That's so powerful. I was thinking to myself,

you know, you can just see that words with that are just redeemed. Reveemed. Maybe she can get a change. Yeah. I just, I love what a beautiful story. I will think about that often because we do even if we've never had words tattooed on us, we still feel like they're obvious to everyone else. That's true. As I was growing up, I thought they can tell unclean, unclean, unclean.

They can look at me and tell. And that just, this is what Jesus breaks us out of. It's just, you are made clean. It's powerful. You share in the book this quote that really got me. And you're talking about the time of that really got me and you're talking about the time of your life when and you're adolescent years after all this had happened to you the four years of your family walking through just really

devastating hard times. And then you chose some you know decisions that didn't really represent who you were. And you said the only thing that terrified me more than getting caught was nobody caring enough to catch me. And that was such a powerful line. And I thought, you know, I feel like so many people feel this way. The majority of our listeners are college students. And I feel like a lot of college students, Alive Air, are choosing to make decisions that are probably not,

you know, with their raise to believe their morals are a little bit crazy right now. They probably don't want to get caught, but more than not getting cut, I think it's more the fear that they won't, and they're still gonna live the life that they're living right now, sensing that this is not who I am.

This is not, because I feel like, when I've talked to most people that are living a life like this, there's no peace in it, you know? It's like you're disturbed by the fact that this is not actually the way I wanna live my life. And so to that person who's in this lifestyle, who's living a wildlife, and you know, it's kind of that, what if nobody catches me doing this?

How can you, without somebody else calling you out, come to the revelation yourself of, I just need to get out of this. Yes. Oh, oh my goodness, yes. And I love that we're addressing this because this was me. This was me. So many foolish decisions. And there were opportunities like I tell a story in there when I realized that my father knew what kind of trouble I was getting into and did nothing to stop it.

In fact, it appeared that he just really enjoyed it. And I hate to put it that way, but I just need to be blunt about that. My mother on the other hand, I wanna speak to this because somebody knows what I'm talking about. And it might not have been your mother, it might not have been a sister, it might not have been anyone who all, at all who said it to you, but you might have felt it.

It might have been a friend, but I can remember. So my mother reacts the opposite way, because I'm showing all sorts of signs. No one's asking me what happened to me, but I'm showing all sorts of signs of trauma, making very, very bad decisions. And my, my mom who loved me very much, but she was just, she just didn't know what to do with me. She said to me one day after finding me in a situation that was

very unfortunate. She said to me, you're going to be pregnant by the time you're 16 years old. And Sadie, I remember I was so astonished and I don't recall how I answered her, but you know how I wanted to answer her. I wanted to say to her, what then why don't you help me? Yeah. I was in a cycle that I could not get out of. And so I hope so much somebody's listening today that goes, Beth, that is me. You know, I don't know why I keep making these same decisions. I have a heart for God. Well, let me say something to you. Something is bruised or broken or wounded. is bruised or broken or wounded. Something, there's something, there may be something in you that says, if I don't do this, this is all I have to offer.

If I don't do this, nobody will want me. Nobody will desire me. This is all I'm worth. And so that step began, so let me say to you, man, I care, I care. And not only do I care, I have been there. I have made those kind of decisions. And I want to tell you that you may think to yourself, I may as well keep this up because

this is all I'm ever going to be like. That is not true. That is not true. I'm going to say this to somebody, and I'm gonna let you guys look it up and see the story for yourself, but this is gorgeous, gorgeous scene. In John chapter four, where Jesus meets

with a Samaritan woman who is at all of these relationships, and she just, in my thought, she just keeps having picking, getting in, maybe she's not picking at all thought she just keeps having picking or getting in right She's not picking at all. She's getting picked for her But she's in a situation where in one bad relationship after another and what is so crazy is that after Jesus Has that encounter with her it says that she drops that water jar that she'd come for water She drops that water jar, that she'd come for water.

She drops the water jar, she runs back into town and she said, come and meet a man who told, who knew everything I'd ever done. Let me tell you, this is why no one else is like Jesus because I want you to imagine with me, especially if you have my kind of background and whoever I'm talking to today, your background is not worse than mine, what? You may think, well, you don't, but you don't have any idea about, oh, let

me tell you something. I have been there. And I'm saying what kind of savior is this that you would be able to say that he knew everything you had ever done and that somehow in your encounter with him he gave you dignity instead of taking it from you She returns it kills me. She returns back to town She's been exposed in every way But because she was exposed by the light Himself by the light of Jesus Christ himself, that light was healing.

It gave her dignity. I want you to know you've got dignity in Jesus today. I don't care what kind of trap you've been in. And just ask him, Lord, I can, just, would you redeem what's already too late, what's already back there? But now would you take me today? And would you walk with me?

Would you help me, Lord, to make the kinds of decisions that will build me up in my spirit instead of tear me down, that show that I am worthy, Lord, to be loved in who I am and not what I can perform for someone sexually or for something I could drink or consume or or have transform me into a more destructive person. Lord, heal me and let that journey start today. Wow. Come on. This is like this is church right here. I'm so thankful that you're going there. I'm so thankful you're speaking directly to the person because you keep saying, I'm speaking to the person. I'm like, you are speaking to the person. And there's someone listening right now

and you know this is for you. And it is for you. And so take it personally. I love how we started this by saying God works so individually. And I know that God is doing that right now through so many people listening to this podcast. There's an individual encounter, exactly what you've been needing to hear.

And so receive it. Gosh, you're so much. I have to just stop for a second and remind everybody once again to go get this book because there's so much I want to say. And we're already 45 minutes in. So I'll begin to ask you just a few last things, but go get the book. There's so much in here. If this isn't speaking to you, You got 280 pages to speak to you So so grateful for that

Um, I want to talk about marriage for a second. You've been married for how long 45 years? 44 years 44 years We're taping this. I am About two weeks away from celebrating 44 years with Keith Moore That is awesome. I'm looking about two weeks away from celebrating 44 years with Keith Moore. So, what's the man? Well, congratulations.

Thank you for that. Well, I can interview someone who's been married 44 years and not asked for some marriage advice. So, I got to ask for some marriage advice. I said, I just got to say, I love that you talk about the hard things in marriage in the book too. And I think it's a huge inspiration that,

you know, y'all share some of the hard things you walk through and who you are 44 years in committed and you even talk about your parents like 50th year wedding anniversary and how, you know, y'all's family just, you'll seem like a family who commits and is very inspiring. And so give me three years into marriage, some marriage advice for just committing and staying the course. Do you know I very rarely think that a word, a minutes advice is very, very game-changing. And that is that we have been willing to fall back in love over and over again. And so, you know, at all the times that we go,

could you have 30 seconds, could you just say, well, I like, I don't know, I don't know that that life transforming things come that quick, but this is an exception because I do believe that if somebody just said, especially if both people in that couple, man and woman, come before the Lord and just go, just make me willing because the heart, we just go through a lot, a lot of times a long time to spend with a person. And we're, the heart, you know, we just go through a lot. A lot of times a long time to spend with a person and we're, we change, you know, in, in all sorts of ways. So it's like, do us, do us all have this person?

And you know, it's, and for us who are in Christ and want to be faithful to our, our spouse and want to be faithful to the Lord. It's like, I need to love this one. I need to love this one. I think Keith and I both came to a place where we go, whoever this is right now, this is not someone I love at all. And it's like, you know what,

I came to a point, say, and I sort of refer to this in the book where it's like, I'll live with them. I'll stay with them, but I am never going to love him again. It makes you vulnerable. But it's after a while, you know, it's like, no, Lord, give it to us again. And I just think, I think that we'd be surprised to know how stone, cold, cold, hard, a heart can get and still heat up again. Wow, that is so good. That is so powerful.

Such an encouraging word. I know so many people out there and Mary couples listening to this together and maybe you're going through a tough season of life and you can't see how you're going to get to the next. I think that's the best encouragement you can get right there. That's so good. I don't know if you know this, that I'm actually pregnant with baby number two,

and we are. I'm so happy for you. I was good to ask you about your sweet family. I'm so happy to know that. Thank you. So we are expecting another little girl. So I'll have two girls, and I know you got to raise two girls,

and I'm super excited. I'm excited. I'm so excited for sisters, and I know you get to raise two girls. And I'm super excited. I'm so excited for sisters and one thing I want to ask because I know a lot of people are also in this boat of things of working mom and that kind of guilt of like I want to work and deal things that God's called me to do, but I also have two kids and how do I do both?

And how do I do both well? So I had to pick your brand about that before we go because I'm about to step into that season of having two little girls and why can you do what you've done is very inspiring to me because I'm like, okay, you can do it. Yes. Yes. And Sadie, the thing about it is, of course, we can't do everything. So we got to let that go.

None of us can do a thousand things to the glory of God. But we can do a thousand things to the glory of God, but we can do a few and so those things were so important to me and it means that you're making some decisions that That you're not going to do other things so that you can do these things and by that I mean It's not like nothing took a beating in my life when I when I said this is what I want to do I want to be faithful a beating in my life when I said, this is what I want to do. I want to be faithful to God in my home, and I want to be faithful to God in the ministry

that he's called me, both in my home and outside my home. But what it meant was that I had for many, many, many, many years over and much of it now, but I just, I had basically no social life. And I'm not recommending that. I'm just telling you, and it was a loss. It was a loss. I had some friends that didn't make it through because it was like, well, there's no way of getting in there.

There's just, you know, she's just locked into that. But what I can tell you is I just kept thinking over and over at the end of my life What will be the things that I will have wish More than anything else I would have poured my life into and I would I would have said I you know, I would want my grandkids to know their real-life grandmother and not somebody that that to know their real-life grandmother and not somebody that authored a book. I'd want my family to go. She was, that was our mom, that was my wife, that was my aunt,

and I'd want to have fulfilled my calling in ministry outside my home, and I've... So I choose those things, and so it meant letting go of a number of other things and getting it when you when I can I still love to meet up with a friend when I can but that was the part of my life that really took a beating and like I didn't I didn't get to have a hobby of any kind but I can tell you this my, those two little girls that you were talking about and thinking about, you're two little girls. They are my very, very best friends. That's awesome. That's what happens when they're all grown up.

That's awesome. They are my very best friends. So I pray that for you, say, say, you've blessed me so much. I want to tell you something before we get off of here, young lady. Yes. I have had a lot of interviews about this book and every single one of them has been reaching to me and such a wonderful opportunity, but I'm going to tell you, young woman of God, you ministered in a way through these themes and this material that I have not gotten to take part of in all of these interviews.

Wow. My, I honor you and you are doing the real thing and you keep doing it. Thank you. You are very welcome. That makes me tear you out. That means so much. I care about this so much and I truly woke up today saying, God, thank you for trusting me with this story.

Because I have been so minister to through reading it and through getting to prepare for this. So thank you so much. Oh, my pleasure, Sadie. My pleasure. God bless you and what you've been called to do. And I listen, I am cheering you on. You've got the spirit all over you. you