WHOA That's Good Podcast - How to Forgive Yourself & Be Free From Shame | Korie Robertson & 'Auntie' Anne Beiler

Episode Date: July 26, 2023

Everyone has seen "Auntie Anne's" — and probably even tried one or two pretzels at some point — but today Korie is pleased to introduce you to the woman who created it all, Anne Beiler! Anne recalls her beginnings in the business world in the Amish community where she grew up and why she eventually started the first "Auntie Anne's" pretzel shop. Anne shares about her many years of darkness after she lost her daughter in a horrific accident, then suffered abuse at the hands of a trusted pastor. Anne encourages anyone going through a dark time that telling someone who is trustworthy about it is the first step to freedom and releasing the tight grip of shame and despair. Don't stay too long in the world of secrets! Anne asks us all to consider what it is that keeps us where we are, stuck in darkness and shame and once we've identified it, change it! God sees us in our struggle, He has a purpose and a plan for us, and He wants us to live in the light! A phrase she repeats to herself — and repeats for us is: Life is hard. God is good. Don't confuse the two! Anne's cookbook, "Come to the Table," is available now!  https://www.reliefband.com — Get 20% off plus FREE shipping with code WHOA! https://www.kiwico.com — Get 50% off your first month plus FREE shipping with code SADIEROB! https://athleticgreens.com/whoa — Get a FREE 1-year supply of Vitamin D & 5 FREE travel packs with your first purchase! https://www.stitchfix.com/whoa — Get 25% off when you keep everything in your Fix! - Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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So head over to reliefband.com. That's R-E-L-I-E-F-B-A-BAMD.com and use our promo code woe for 20% off plus free shipping. All right, hey there, welcome again to Woe, that's good, it's Wednesday and it's going to be a great day. I am so excited about our guest today, I cannot wait to introduce you to her. You are gonna know her name once I tell you a little bit about who she is and what she does, but she's a speaker, she's a writer, and she's an entrepreneur.

She is Ann Biler, and here's how you're gonna know her. Annie Yens, if you have ever smelled an Annie Yens pretzel, or tasted Annie's pretzel or tasted any ends pretzel you will never forget it. And um so she's already blessed my life in a lot of ways that I cannot wait to tell you about. But first of all she breathes my life with these pretzels

because they're really delicious so thank you for being here. Yeah thank you Cory. It's an honor to be on on your podcast. Thank you so much. Well yeah yeah, every time I'm in an airport and I just smell the pretzels, I have to like make a beeline. My favorite is the almonds. So I'm sure everyone has their favorite,

but that's my favorite. I love it. It's so good. So thank you for creating that. And I'm just excited to get into here more of your story today. So I'm met and not too long ago, we happened to be speaking at the same event. We were speaking at an event called Life Search that Anne is a part of and speaks at and

just does an incredible job. And I got to be a part of it a few times and we had a dinner and sat down and just had a conversation. And it was one of those conversations that you know is like just really life-giving and life-changing as well. And I'll let that conversation in that night. I could not stop thinking about some of your words. And I actually typed up a little text to our family

and just to our little swag famed family text and just said, hey, here's some things I learned about God tonight through our conversation with you. And so after that, I was like, she has to come on the podcast. And thanks for saying yes to this. Yes, ma'am, my pleasure. All right, we are going to start with the way we always start,

the way that's good podcast. And that's with asking the best piece of advice you've ever been given. Well, Corey, you know, that's a loaded question. As I look back over my many decades of life and life's experiences, when it comes to business, I knew nothing about business. And I grew up in an Amish farm and had no experience in any sort of business except with mom and daddy when we did farmers markets

as a kid. So that was kind of my extent of knowing anything about customer service and how to grow business. And it was, we just had one little farmers market. But so when we started anti-ans, again, I didn't know anything about business. There were three things we did not have when we started the company. We had no capital.

I had no formal education. And we had absolutely no business plan. So that's really kind of a disaster, a start for something disastrous. You really need those three things. It's what I found out much later. But I grew up in this on the farm that just really, a mom and daddy taught me how to work hard and how to love people and have faith.

And that was the three things that I did have. And so along the way, the early days of Antioence, you know, it's like God provided so many people that just came alongside me and encouraged me in many different ways, but the greatest piece of advice early on came from my pastor who very much supported us in our church at that time. And we always appreciated him coming by. We were local and went to a church a few minutes from our house. And so everything was in our small community. And he would come by maybe every other week or so and just to check on us and see how we're doing. And I'm flying by the seat of my pants, you know,

we started with the one store and then we ended up with to the first year and 12 of the following, 12 more the following year, 35 of the next year. It was about at that time he came by the office one day and he said, so how are you doing today? And you know, what we always say, standard answer for me, I should say, was always on doing great. How are you? It's the response.

And when he asked me that question, I just responded like, I'm doing okay. But Corey, I was maxed out and he looked at me. He came right up close to me and looked at me square in the eyeballs and he said, no, I really want to know how is Ann Biler doing today? Well, I just, in a puddle of tears, I couldn't even speak. I was still like, I said, I can't do one more store. That time we had about 40, 50 stores. And he said, if you stood before God today, would you be at 20 fold, 60 fold, or 100 fold Christian? Could you look at God and say, I've given it my best. Wow.

Wow. Just thinking about that moment is an emotional thing for me because that was my challenge that day. And he said to me and I just said Pastor, I really want to give it my best, but I cannot physically build one more story. I can't do it. And then he said, have you thought about using your gift? Now, I'm 52, 53 years old at that time and I said, um, my gift. And I said, no, I have no idea what my gift is. And he said, you don't know what your gift is. He said, I know what it is. And I said, really, I'm all

ears. Please tell me. And so he really just, you know, told me that I'm an encourager and you love to interact with people. And you can actually, you know, convince people, you negotiate, and I'm an encourager and you'll have to interact with people when you can actually convince people, you negotiate, and I'm like, wow, okay, I didn't know that about me, but I love talking to people. He said, your gift is to encourage people, and he said, I want to encourage you today to take your gift into every aspect of your company. And then do that well, and then delegate all of the all of the to-do's to your team. Just get other people to do, in other words, a delegate. So my greatest surprise was that he encouraged me to discover my gift,

and then to use my gift in the world of business. Like, wow, God, he's so good, right? I mean, he's given us what we need to do the tasks that he's called us to, but that changed everything for me. And I began to be able to start to delegate and ask the Lord, you know, just please show me how to use my gift and where to use it.

And it became much easier. My whole business life became easier because I was able to just interject and use my gift all the time. Wow, that's so good. I feel like there's like so much to unpack there. One, that you were like at 52, you felt like you still you had never really like identified your gift and I feel like there's so many young people, a lot of young people that listen to this podcast and they're like spinning their wheels,

like, God, what is it? What's the thing for me? And it might take time for you to really kind of understand and see your gift, but there is something special and unique that God put in you and he put in each of us to kind of give to the world. It's so true. And I made a mistake, I was 42.

I'm sorry about that. I was not 42. I was 42. I'm sorry about that. I was not 52. I was 42. But still, I mean, you know, that's kind of late in the game to find out what your gift is. You know, for me, I never even thought about. I mean, I always wanted to do the will of God.

I always wanted to, you know, please God, I grew up in that church environment. My mom and dad taught me well. But I never really thought about that God gave me a gift. The gift that he gave me is to give to the world. And it's kind of like God gave Jesus to the world to give us life. I believe that Jesus gives us to the world to give them life and to find him. And I think he does that through our gifts and talents and It makes life meaningful and purposeful yeah, and it gives you

It gives you a guide like yes. I suddenly found myself looking out Okay, how can I use my gift in my franchising department? How can I use it when I go visit my stores? How can I use it when I'm hiring people in the company? How can I use it when I am interviewing franchises to join the company? I use it everywhere I went. And as you discover your gift, then it grows. Like you grow it. You mature with your gift. And it just becomes very impactful.

That's good. There's something else I was thinking about as you were talking about that is, you know, sometimes I think as women, we try to do all of, do it all. And we put that on our plate. It's like, we have to be good at this, this, this, this, this, this, and all of it. And also be a good cook for our family or whatever.

Well, I realized cooking was not my gift. And so I gave that up long ago, but there is, like we do have to be able to give things up and say, like, I don't have to be good at everything, and I don't have to do everything. But like, what is the thing that God has called me to, and what is he put in me that is unique to me, that I can give, and then allow other people

to do the other things and have some other things, and don't hold the burden of doing it all. I think that's something that I hear in what you're saying. Yes, and I think that as we discover our gift, we can, I should say, I experienced then, I was able to release things that I wasn't very good at. You know, I'm sure my employees at that time with 50, 40, 50 stores, I'm sure I must have annoyed them, you know, feeling like I have to do everything like, yeah, at that time we may have had, I don't know, maybe 25 employees at corporate office or something, I don't remember

exactly, but, you know, I'm still feel like, you know, I can do this, I can do this better than anybody else, you know, what I'm saying. So when you just cover your gift, it's like it was easy for me to release the things that I wasn't good at. For example, numbers, don't please, please. Don't put me in an office behind a computer and get me to do spreadsheets. Spreadsheets. That's just, you know what I'm saying. So I was able to release the things that I didn't enjoy doing

to people that were actually experts and they really were good. They were very good at what they did. So it builds your company in a healthy way. Instead of you trying to hold on everything. And I've always said though, if you want to grow your company, there is no other way except to delegate.

So, and when you delegate, it's really a trust factor. You have to trust the people that you give the task to. Train them, teach them, show them for a period of time, but then let them do the job. So, it freed me up as an owner of a company to do what I love to do. What do you do? What do you do?

So, y'all know I love being a grandmother and one of the most fun parts of it right now is getting to see honey become a big sister. She is so sweet to little Haven. Haven is basically like her little baby doll and it's so fun to see them kind of like learn how to play together even though obviously Haven doesn't really know how to play but honey thinks she's playing with her. It's so fun and exciting to watch our grandkids grow and just learn new things. I can't wait to see them grow into little people someday. That's one of the reasons I love KiwiCo.

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that honey can just read to haven. And also a wooden car that she can roll around and let her see her play. I think it's so fun to get to see honey just learn how to share and how to play with haven. Haven loves the rattles and the little balls and everything that came in this crate. KiwiCo offers crate that are appropriate for any age so I know that as my grand grow KiwiCo will be there to help them learn and develop in a fun way. Foster Brain Building Play with KiwiCo right now, get 50% off your first month, plus free

shipping at KiwiCo.com, promo code, Sadie Rob. 50% off your first month with free shipping at kiwico.com, promo code, Sadie Rob, KiwiCo.com, promo code, Sadie Rob. Keevyco.com promo code Sadie Rob. So one more question about Anianz and then I want to move on to hear more about your story since I love this for both women who work in business. I love all these questions about Anianz. But whenever you did, when you sold Anianz, whenever you decided you were going to move to a new phase of your life,

how many stores did you have and how did that happen? How did that decision happen? At that time, but I think that I was like, I was wore out like I just say that. But I was, I should say, I was a maxed out. And I knew, Corey, that in order for the company to go to the next level, which I knew some things that were coming down the pike that we had to do as a company. I was so people oriented. I wanted to, I loved being with people and I love to watch people develop in the company

and I love franchisees coming in from doing, like they didn't have anything and they come into Ant-Anne's and they do very well. I mean, that part of it was just, gave me such joy. But I also knew, I think as a business owner, it's really important to know, when it's time to leave your company or to have to know when it's the right time. And Jonas

and I both felt like there was something else that God wanted for us. And he just shared some things with us. God just showed us some things. And we prayed and really looked at the thought or thought about the idea of selling the company for three years. And so by the time we sold it, we had it in our minds, we knew what God wanted and we knew God had something else for us. And we felt like God gave us anti-ans for another purpose in life. And so it was after anti-ans that is when I started to write and to read, to write and to speak more.

But what really encouraged me at the very beginning that was, I was on the board of an organization at that time. And I saw an older gentleman at that time, he was 75. So now I say older because I'm sort of in that category. But I watched him, he was a founder of a counseling, which he was very good and had many employees. And I was on the board watching him try to let go and watching the employees try to let go of the founder. And I got in my car after that meeting, I told my husband, I can tell you right now,

I am not going to be anti-an when I'm 75. And he said, well, how are you going to be? And I'm like, I don't know, but I can't be 75 and walk around the office and really think I'm important and like I got a lot to give. And I don't know. I just feel like I can't do that. And so we came up with a number and he said, well, if you want to do that, you need to start planning it right now.

At that time, I was 55. And by the time I was 58, we had sold the companies. So you know, hindsight is 2020 and it really was the right decision for us at the time it was tough, it was difficult, it was my baby, you know, it was oh wow many tears and you know lots of struggle as we came up to the final decision but we just knew it was it was a good timing and then the new owner took over and really did take the company to another level, which and today, Anteans is still doing very well.

And I'm just, I'm grateful. That's amazing. That's awesome. Well, Anyans was actually birthed out of a difficult time in your life as far as I remember from your story. So you kind of take us back. You mentioned you were, grew up in an honest community. So you can take us back to a little bit of your life story

that brought you to where you are today. Yeah, growing up in the Amish culture, I really believe as a kid that, you know, God is good and, or no, I should say, life is good and God is harsh. And I always felt like keeping the tent commandments and pleasing God and pleasing, you know, my parents was really important. And that was my goal to please God and to honor my parents and hopefully one day get married

and, you know, have a great family. And, you know, so I went into life kind of in a naive, really believing that life is good because I hadn't, there was nothing that happened in my childhood. There was eight of us kids and on the farm and we had no major tragedies, so life is good, right? And Jonas and I got married and we were very young, which is what Amish people still to this say they do. He was Amish as well. He got married at the age of 19 and he was 21.

And happily married, I was like, I was ready to be married. I wanted to be a wife and have babies. And you know, life was good. And at that time, we had a really neat experience with Jesus. But we both were saved at the age of maybe 12, 13. I was 12. And so we had a relationship with God.

But as when we got married, we just, we really hungered for more. Just we were hungry for the things of God, not religion, but just have a relationship with Christ. And so we pursued that and we got involved in a very exciting church. We had two little girls and life was good. And you know, I thought that I had reached my peak spiritually, I guess I don't know, but we were ready to win the world for Christ. And in the middle of that really high spiritual high our 19-month old daughter was killed instantly on our little format. We live right next to my mom and dad and my sweet Angie. She would always walk up to mom's house and it was in the country so it was safe and my sister worked for my dad and she did a loaded and unloaded

sand with the bobcat and that morning, particular morning, she did not see dad and she did a loaded and unloaded sand with a bobcat. And that morning, particular morning, she did not see Angie and she accidentally ran over her and Angie was killed instantly. So that changed everything. Everything. And so, you know, the grief was, we're not really taught how to grieve or how to talk about death or grief, or at least packing the day. There was, I didn't read a book. I didn't go to grief counseling.

I didn't go for any counseling. And so what do you do? Family supported us, surrounded us for a few weeks and all that, you know, but I just really felt like I had to be strong for my sister, Phi, and for my four-year-old, Lwana, who happened to see the accident as well. And so I'm trying to be strong and feeling like I'm falling apart on the inside more and more and more.

And I just wasn't able to, Jonas, I drifted emotionally. We didn't hardly to talk anymore. So I decided to see my pastor who I thought was a good man. And I just poured out my heart and before I left his office that that fateful many morning he took advantage of me and walking out from his office I'm like, I don't know anything about abuse. I don't even know anything about adultery. I mean, I was pretty sheltered and I was shocked, but I thought, well, I know one thing,

I can't tell anyone what he just did. So Corey, what's really important about my story is that I don't place blame on God for Angie's death and I don't place blame on the pastor. He chose to do this to me. But for many years, I was angry and I blamed and I was mad at God and mad at Jonas and just I was so confused because I thought that life is good. because I thought that life is good. You know, I really just still believe that life should be good. And God is harsh. So what did I do that created all of this? You know, but what I know that day when I walked out of the office, I made a choice.

And what you choose today is the life that you will live tomorrow. And so choices are very important. God created us to make choices good or bad. It's really up to us, right? So what was done to me was a very bad choice by my pastor. But then I walked out the door and I made a choice that I would never tell anyone. And that one secret, Cory, took me into the dark world of abuse for seven years.

Nobody knew, I never told anyone, I stayed there because when you go into that world of secrets, that's the world where Satan lives, it's where he lives. He'll lure you in there, and then once you're there, he gives you the tools, and you can stay there for a very long time, and you can survive. And that's what I did I just survived. I mean I survived. I was down to skin and bones. I weighed 90 pounds

My I thought I was having heart attacks everyone's why I went to the doctor and It was just a very dark time That's so hard Yeah Yeah, I was just gonna say I remember when we had this conversation you first told me your story and I'm just so grateful for you sharing your story because I know that so many people have experience Yes, some of the things that you go through if not all the things you go through but some of the things you've gone through and I'm just so grateful because that is that bringing that

Light into the darkness like that actually is what overcomes the evil one and the Bible tells us that. Another thing that I remember saying to you that day because as you were telling me the story, I'm like, I'm looking at you and you're speaking and you've written books and you know, and your husband was there with us and at this meal and I said, but were you ever angry at God and you went on to tell me some more of your story and it's just so powerful so you could go ahead. I don't want to stop you. I just wanted to just bring that up just that, um, yeah, the inspiration that you are in telling your story, I think it's just so important and I know some of you people are going to really relate to this

and be blessed by you telling it. So thank you. to this and be blessed by you telling it. So thank you. Hey friends, say, Rob here. One thing that the Huffam loves to do is staying active. Not just being Christian, but honey is very active too and so is Calbo. Our whole family is pretty active. I assume Haven will be too. Stay active together is a top priority in our house and that's why we love AG1 by Athletic Greens. It's a daily part of the Hubfams life keeps us stay in active. Christian is always going to look out for great stuff to help him meet his health and fitness goals. So he gave AG1 a try and he immediately began to notice the boost in his energy levels

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experience because of our pain, we don't understand. But once you're there, it's really hard to know how to come back, you know what I mean? And I remember during that time those seven years were long and hard, and during that time we also had another baby. And so we have two daughters today, they're 52 and 47 and beautiful girls. And my greatest regret in life has been to be that I knew that I was not there for them emotionally. And you know, when we find ourselves being used and abused and into this crazy world or whatever it may be that you find yourself in and you, it's really hard to function as a wife and as a mother.

And so my encouragement would be just to like work through that as quickly as you can so that the regrets aren't as deep and long. My regrets were, you know, Angie was killed in 1975. No, I'm sorry, 1976. I was abused in January of 1977. And it wasn't until 2003 that I was finally able. It's really, it's crazy because Corey, that's not the way Jesus means for us to live.

He wants us to be free, but it wasn't, it was all those years that I struggled with regret, with depression, with anger, with so much guilt and shame. I couldn't hardly get out from under it. It just covered me. But in the year 2003, I had an encounter with Christ. I love the Lord and I served Him. And Jonas and I, our marriage was restored in 1982. So it was, so as many years, I still regretted and felt guilt and shame for many, many years. And even though Jonas and I were doing okay, you know, our marriage was restored. We were able to talk and God blessed us at Antianne started after that. I mean, it was our whole world just changed. But inside of me, I still carried the guilt

and shame because why? Because I could not still, I could not believe that I did this to my family, to my sweet daughters in my husband. And in 2003, I had encountered with Christ. I was just feeling the burden of all of the years of the guilt and the shame. And I was just talking to the Lord about, I cannot believe I'm still feeling this way. I was going down into this really, really dark hole in my, because I knew what Deep Russia was. I had experienced so much of it. And in my talk with the Lord at that morning, I was going down into this dark hole again. I said, Lord, I can't go back to that dark hole.

You've brought me up out of the slimy pit. You've lifted me up. I'm not going back there, but I don't know how to move forward right now. And he spoke to me, Corey, and he said, Anne, I have done everything there is to do for you. There is nothing left for me to do. Will you forgive yourself? And wow, in that moment, I had never thought about, you know, I knew God forgave me, I knew Jonas forgave me, I knew my kids were, you know, on the path to recovery and forgiving their mom and my friends and

But how do you forgive yourself when when you have impacted so many lives in a very negative way and And the reason I'm tear up about this today Cori is not because I'm guilty and ashamed anymore I'm just amazed what God really wants to do for us I'm just amazed what God really wants to do for us. But we carry this ball and chain around feeling like because I did wrong, I have to punish myself. And that's what I did. But that morning, as I said, when he asked me to give myself, I said, wow, yes.

I mean, I just fell to the floor, it wept, wept. I couldn't stop crying. It was like the waves of the sea just kept rolling over me. The waves of grace, like they just kept just constantly overcoming my whole being. And when I was done with that, I knew, Cory, that I was clean. And from that day to this day, there is no shame. And from that day to this day, there is no shame and there is no guilt. Why? Because not only did Jesus forgive us of our sins, which is amazing because we're forgiven we go to heaven, but he carried my shame. So if I didn't accept his forgiveness and forgive myself, that means I'm saying he

didn't do enough for me. I still have to carry my guilt and shame because I feel like I have to punish myself. But no, that's really just a trick of the enemy because he knows he can keep you down when you feel guilty and shame feel, but Jesus came to set us free. And the way we stay free in Christ is to bring all of our deeds into the light. When you feel like you have done wrong, and when you feel like someone's wronged you, or we always experience it. And what most of us do is we just hold it inside, or we get so angry, or we go get drunk, or we go have sex, or we go do drugs, or we get so angry or we go get drunk or we go have sex or we go do drugs or we do all these things. When Jesus said, just bring all of your deeds into the light, just give them to me, tell somebody.

And that's what set me free is when I was able to tell Jonas, 70 years later I finally told him what my life was about. And that's when I felt the beginning of a life of freedom. And Jonas then, in turn, never made me feel guilty. He loved me, forgave me. And we set out on this very long journey of restoring and of healing, inner healing, and then even as our marriage, we just begin to. It was a long journey. But God is faithful when we're open and honest and transparent. And we use the James 5-16 model. It simply says, confess your faults, your sins, your struggles.

What is it that you hate about yourself? Tell somebody. You know, we internalize everything, but God wants us to be open and honest with each other so that we can be free and so that we can understand that, Corey, when you and I talked, you know, you told me some things about your story and your life. And I'm like, wow, it just makes me connect with you and appreciate you. If I don't know you, then it's kind of like I'm judging you. Like, I don't know. I don't know why she's acting's kind of like I'm judging you. Like I don't know. I don't know why she's acting that way or what she, you know, but once we fellowship in our pain and our suffering and we're honest, we get to know each other and then it's more like, wow, Corey, I can't, how did you do that? And you, you just appreciate and respect people in much

deeper way rather than just keeping all to ourselves inwardly we die a little bit more every day. Yeah and I think it's whenever you do you do have this honest real conversation with people that you realize that like we're all going through things we've all had we've all felt those same feelings we've all felt the same feelings of shame and of not being enough and of hurting people and all the things and then whenever you just speak those out loud someone else can just say, oh yeah, me too, I was there too, I feel that too. And I think one of the things I keep here and you saying is just that honesty and that first of all that honesty with God that he can take, he can take your pain, he's big enough, he's big enough to hear your questions, your anger, your fears, your all the things and he's big enough to hear them and hold them and

and and free you of them. Yes, absolutely. So many of us, I think, and I've been there's been times in my life when you're you know, you're scared to just be honest before God. Like he doesn't know everything already, but you feel like you have to like come with these like perfect prayers or perfect like the thoughts need to all be good because like, oh, I'm a Christian. I'm a believer. So I have to come with all the right things, but he really just wants all of you and the real you and all of you and you just surrender to him. And it's in that just being honest with him that he can, he can heal and restore.

I love, I love your conversations as you kind of talk. And I can hear your relationship with God because of that honesty just saying like God, what why why is it like this? And then he speaks back to you and says hey and And he comes back honest to you to say like hey quit. I've done it all like I've already done it You have to you just have to accept it and then that honesty with Jonas your husband Yeah, how how how was it? How did you gather up the courage to just come out of the beast? Oh my goodness, it is so hot in Louisiana,

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And you'll get 25% off when you keep everything in your fix. That's StitchFix.com slash Wo for 25% off today. StitchFix.com slash WHOA. You know, all those years, Corey, that's seven years. slash W-H-O-A. You know, all those years, Corey, the seven years, I prayed and I asked God to help me, deliver me, please help me, you know. And it was during those years that I got, that's why I got mad at God because he didn't deliver me. He didn't answer my prayer.

You know, I kept going deeper and deeper and deeper. I could not get away from this abuse. And so God wants us to be responsible. He wants us to make good choices. Right? And so I'm praying and begging for God to deliver me and help me. And he kept me. And all during those years, he never moved. He was with me, but I felt like he was so far away. Why? Because my own guilt and shame. So Jesus, Father, Son of Holy Spirit, are always right there, but we don't pay any attention. We think they're gone because we're in such deep pain and in this dark place. But one morning, as I'm struggling and trying to get through my pain and one more time,

I'm just praying, God, please deliver me. And he just really encouraged me one morning, very in a very tangible way, to get up off your knees and go tell Jonas. Wow, I thought keeping the secret was, I felt like that was the spiritual thing to do, like keeping silent. Because if I tell Jonas,

then number one He would divorce me and number two What's he gonna think about me? I just So if he doesn't know then I'll get through this somehow, but that is such a trick of the enemy And so I get up that off my knees that morning and my palms are sweating and I'm I'm arguing with God Lord I can't do this. I can't. I don't know how. I don't know what to say. I don't know. The Holy Spirit inside of me just convinced me, kept pushing me forward and I get my little blue pickup truck and I drove to the body shop where he was

repairing cars and walked into the office and just with two little sentences. I just told him what my life was about in two sentences. I didn't hold his hand, I didn't give him a hug, but I looked in his eyes when I said it. And Corey, I could, the look in his eyes, I had to turn around and leave. I didn't even let him respond because I, I knew, I knew it was over. Because it was such a shock for him. And I was at that time devastated because I want to go. Oh my goodness.

Yeah, he's going to divorce me and I go home and I laid over my bed and I just wept, wept, wept. I'm like, okay, now I understand this is not just my problem. This is my family's problem. And Jesus, in that moment, he spoke to me again. He said, and he who is forgiven much, loves much. I've forgiven you. And you will love much one day. And the gift that God has given me, in not just my marriage, he's toward an amazing husband that were married almost 55 years.

Wow. Praise God. Hard to believe, but it's miraculous. God wants to be involved in your life. He has life in store for you. The darkness and the struggles and the anger and the stuff that we try to do to hide all these things. You know, I will tell you though, if you're in a really bad marriage, I want to encourage you to

make sure that whoever you talk to about anything, maybe you can't talk to your husband right away or but you have to have someone that you absolutely feel safe with, someone that you can trust, not someone that will actually tell you what to do. You just need to unload to a very trusted friend. And that's the beginning of coming out of the dark world, going into the light. And then you begin to walk in that truth and in that light. And I'm telling you, God wants to do a whole lot more for you than what you can even imagine. The life that I'm living today, it's not about things,

it's not about houses, lands, cars, stuff. I mean, honestly, Corey, it's not about that. But the joy, and the peace, you know, it gets bigger and bigger. It's not like you have peace. Okay, because I'm going to say, I'm Christian, I'm not a piece because I love Jesus. No, no, no, no. This is alive. This is real. The peace that it gives us is way beyond. And the world that you find yourself in, the truth and the light that you walk in is way beyond anything that you could ever imagine. And that's where I live today. I is unbelievable. That's so beautiful. And then it get to meet people like you, Corey. It's so beautiful. And then it gets to meet people like you, Corey. It's so beautiful.

It's such a blessing. I was thinking about, as you're saying that, about the, you know, it is also a lifelong process. I know as we talked, we talked about counseling and how important counseling has been in our life. And later in our life, and we're like, oh, we've done that sooner, you know, but, but it is. It's not just one step. Yes, there's so many townsmen God frees you of things and teaches you new things and still I'm learning new things day after day and trying to step it into what the life that God has for me. And sometimes that takes paths of a person speaking into your life or a counselor, are going away for a week to a place that you can really

just actually spend time with God. And it looks different throughout your lifetime. So yeah, stick with it and keep going in it. You know, I want to encourage people who, if you're somewhere in this journey, just keep going, actually heard someone the other day was talking about Prayer and and he was saying like well you can you know, you can pray to God to build a table But God he doesn't really build the table, you know, you have to build the table like you gonna ask him for wisdom and Guidance and and the tools and you know the steps to take but like you have to build the table and

I thought that was such a good example of how he works in our life, because sometimes, and I've been there, like, God, do this for me. Like, take it all away. Like, this is, this is hard. It's too much. I don't really know what to do. So just do it. Just miraculously let someone come into my life.

And sometimes he does work that way. And he, and not saying that he doesn't, but I think a lot of times he's like, here, I need you to, I need you to go pick up the wood. And I need you to go find the hammer. And I need you to do these things to build the table. And he gives you the ability and the strength and the courage and all those things to do that. Absolutely.

So faith without works is dead. And then the Bible says, work out your own work, out your own salvation in fear and truth. You work it out. And I love him first in Proverbs 6, 5. It says, set yourself free, like a gazelle from the hand of the hunter, and like a bird from the snare of the fowler.

So, setting myself free, I'm just my own experience, has been, my setting myself free was a will, a choice that I had the will and I made choices day after day after day when I was weary, when I didn't feel like going to the counselor again, when I didn't want to talk to Jonas about something again and again, but you keep setting yourself free. You do the work.

It's a struggle. I mean, if you picture a gazelle from the hand of the hunter and the bird from the Sonar of the, I mean, it's a struggle to, you know, to set yourself free. We are free in Christ for heaven. We're free in Him. But to live life fully here, we just need to be responsible, take responsibility. I had to take responsibility for the choice I made that day many many years ago. I can talk about it today. And you know, there's still some things in my life that I struggle with about that. But I know, I know that God has set me free. And I say, I share my story. And as I continue to be open and honest, even with you on your show right now, it's, it keeps setting you free. So faith without works is dead. You cannot

sit on your recliner watch TV 24 7 and eat cookies all day long and expect God to just come down and magically, magically make everything better free. That's not the biblical way. There is a plan that he has for us and we have to be determined and clear about what God wants it. We have to know his word. We have to be determined and clear about what God wants. We have to know His Word. We have to understand what His principles are and to walk in His ways. I mentioned earlier that any ends was kind of born out of this tragedy. How did that happen?

Yes. So out of our pain, I always say, out of our pain, our purpose was born. And during this dark time, and when I finally came out with my secret, Jonas was devastated, and he went to see a marriage counselor and talked to him about it, and then he encouraged me to go with him to see a counselor, so immediately, somehow he had the,

I'd never been to a counselor before, I was so mad that he wanted me to go to a counselor. I'm like, I don't want to talk about this. I mean, I told you and I'm done now, right? But we went to see a counselor and even in that court, God just worked in such a beautiful way because Jonas has always been an inventor. He always figures. He's a, he figures everything out like he can fix a hairdryer, he can build a house and anything between. So he just figures it out. Well, when this happened to us, he was like, between. So he just figures it out. Well, when this happened to us, he was like, you just asked Lord, Lord, how, how could this happen to us? Why did this happen to me and my family?

It was, it was just puzzled him. And he set out to try to understand human behavior. What makes us act these ways. So he ended up going to marriage, he ended up doing, taking marriage courses back in the day, counseling courses and correspondence course. And it became a layman's counselor through emergent ministries in Akron, Ohio, studied for about five years. And he was so passionate about this. And he told me one day, I'm going to do this for the rest of my life.

And I'm not going to charge a penny for anyone. I'm just going to do it. Well, so he started counseling as a free service to the Amish and Men and the people is what we're, that's our culture and other people as well, but that was his heart. And they came day after day after day and he started counseling three, four days a week

and didn't really make any money. So that's why I went to work so that I could support him. He saved me. Jesus and Jonas saved me. You know, you need people to lift you up and encourage you and hold your hand and say, you can do this. And so I went to work to support him

so he could do marriage counseling and he did marriage counseling for 25 years and anti-ans was started through that and we were able then to build a community center and throughout the years thousands and thousands of people, he counseled along with his staff of about 15 people and it was a free service and it was just an incredible out of our pain. Our purpose was born. So what is your, what are you feeling to eat? What is your greatest struggle? You know, it's hard to believe that right now in your struggle that God actually has a plan. But I'm telling you, it's true. He has a plan. Follow him. Just follow his plan. Get out of your

darkness and begin to change your life. Walk in the light. I mean, there was small things that God asked me to do. Don't go anywhere by yourself. He said to me, always take somebody along because I didn't trust me in the environment that I've been in for seven years. I didn't trust myself. So I told Jonas, you go with me everywhere I go. So I didn't go anywhere unless he went along.

And the other thing was he told me stop watching TV Stop watching days it was days of our lives couple of shows I just you know, I live for them and God was very clear. There's a two things that asked me to do so there you know When God wants to set you free you to the work you make that choice and you begin to walk towards freedom What is it that's keeping you where you are? Yeah. And I knew when God spoke those things to me. I knew I had to do that. So we have to change our ways. I'm sure. Sometimes it takes, it takes to sacrifice. And you know, you look at like the biblical model, the Old Testament, there was actual sacrifice. And I think we think, don't

think about that anymore because, you know, that's the old law and it's different from now But so God calls us to sacrifice. We really are called to lay down our whole lives for him And so that takes actual steps of obedience that you know We don't want to take because everybody else is doing it and this looks really comfortable and this you know is Feeling some whole that I have inside of me but actually God says no like you have there's some sacrifice involved in coming to me you have to count the calls and there's some things involved in coming to me and there's a hard to do. It's still that's still the call of Christ follow he says take up your cross and follow him.

You know I know it's easier for us to say that easy for us to say that we're Christians, but it's more than that. It's being a follower of Christ. A good friend of mine, Alicia Sholeh, has really, she talks a lot about, she's got any book coming out called The Night Is Normal and where she just talks about, as Christians, we so want to think that, oh, life should be good. Like you talked about, life should be good because we're a Christian and like,

we shouldn't experience all these hard and bad emotions and all the, we should be free from all the bad things that this earth offers, but no, like, even look at Jesus' life, he experienced, you know, anger and frustration and all of the same, the hard feelings that we so try to avoid and especially within the faith like, oh, we're supposed to be full of joy and peace and patience and all these things and that, that's true and the spirit does give us that, but we are in this world and we are going to experience the hard things as well. What do you feel

like God has taught you? What's kind of the, the lesson you feel like God has taught you in all of this? Oh, wow. I know there's a lot. I think what I've learned, yeah, many things, but today where I'm at with the lessons I've learned in life is that, you know, life is hard, but what I know, what I've learned learned is that life is hard. God is good. I am not confused about that So what I've learned is that when painful things happen. I just had a nephew of 50 years old family of three and perfect health. I mean he was a great guy dropped over dead of a heart attack

You know My mind always goes my thoughts always go to life is hard. God is good. Don't confuse the two. So when bad things happen, I land on that piece of truth, that truth, that rock. Just Jesus said, in this world, you will have, not oh, you might some ever now and again, some of you, no, he said, in this light, you will have not oh you might some I renowned again some of you No, he said in this light you shall have tribulation But I don't know where we get this idea that it should be good

So that is really one lesson that I have learned and it's it settles me it gives me peace So when my nephew passed away, I'm like, okay, God life is hard. I mean the family left behind I mean all of those things but you are good and Cori if we can know that truth if we know that God is good then we'll not be confused. We can ask why and we can wonder and we can be sad and we can grieve and we can be angry all those things. Life is hard. God is good. Don't confuse the two. And the other thing I've learned is like in our pain, in my pain, is where I learned compassion. I can't even imagine what I would be like

without these experiences in life that have kept me at the foot of the cross. Yeah. Always reaching out for his help. I need him. I need him. I'm never above the, I need you, Jesus. Yeah. I'm always there. Again, when you've experienced darkness and great pain,

and you've experienced the deliverance, the transformation, which in my case took a long time, but the transformation that takes time, you just learn to trust in the process, you learn to trust in Jesus, and you learn to walk with him and talk to him. And he's always there for you. His presence really is all you need. And if you can in your darkest times, stop, be quiet, and listen, you will feel his presence.

Yeah, there's nothing, nothing greater than that. And I've learned that no matter how dark, how hard, how confused it might be, how confusing life could become, how the things that I wish I could have that I can't have, that's sometimes if I stop and know he's with me and expect his presence, I can feel His presence. Then that's all I need. The Lord is my shepherd, David said, I shall not want. That's a lifelong journey of learning for me. I shall not want for anything except Him. That's so good.

Thank you, Anne. Your life is just, I cannot think of a more powerful example of the words that, how the way God uses our life and all of our pain to become purpose, the way He has just used your life and has just bless you and your faithfulness to Him. And through all the pain and through all the struggle, just put you in a place and a position where you are helping and just spread the love of Jesus to thousands and thousands and millions and millions. And I'm so thankful for that, thankful for your life and thank you for those words.

Life is hard, God is good, I will never forget that. I think that is just such we do. We miss up that theology and when we miss that up it can mess up everything in our life honestly. Absolutely. That reminder that life is going to be hard. There's evil in this world, evil one is in this world and there is going to be there is going to be pain and hardship but in all of that and through all of that God is good and he is with us in all of it. Thank you so much. Please tell us the name of your books

because I know people are gonna wanna confine you and read more about your story and get more of your wisdom. What are the titles of your books? Yeah, the titles are the latest when I wrote was Overcome and Lead. The one before that was the Secret Lies Within and the other one, the very first one I wrote was

the twist of faith. And then I just, I'm just promoting a cookbook right now that we just are starting to release. So look for my cookbook as well. Get on, just go into my website. And if you want to order it from us, we'll send you a sign copy. If not, you can find them on Amazon.

Nice. How can they find you? What's your website? Just in by our www.antianbiler. Nice. How can they find you? What's your website? Just in biowww.antian bio. Perfect. Thank you so much. It's just for such a blessing. I love you and I love getting to have this time with you today.

Thank you. Love you, Corey. It's a great. I just enjoyed my time with you as well. And I'll see you soon. Yes, you soon. you