WHOA That's Good Podcast - How You Can Be More Intentional With Your Words | Sadie Robertson Huff & Heather Thompson Day

Episode Date: December 14, 2022

What do words mean? What does it mean when we say, "I'm a Christian"? Communications professor, author, and podcast host Heather Thompson Day joins Sadie to talk all things communication: how important it is in EVERY facet of our lives, why it's so important to define our terms when we're in conversation, and how we can live EACH day with purpose. Sadie and Heather share advice for anyone who knows they need to end a bad relationship. Plus, they dive in to intention with social media — what are you REALLY wanting? A relationship or adoration? And are you training yourself in narcissism? They also get into why Michael Jordan is a great example for how we should be living each day. Show up! You'll want to take notes for this one! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What's up fam welcome back to Whoa That's Good Wednesday. Hope everybody is having a great week. It is about to get better because we have an awesome guest today on the podcast. We have Heather Thompson Day. Let me just tell you a little bit about Heather. She has a podcast called Viral Jesus. She is an associate professor of communications at Andrews University. I mean, that is pretty cool right there. She also runs an online community called I'm that wife, which her Instagram on that page is hilarious. I was reading through it today and I was like, I am that wife. And she is the author of seven books, including her new book I have right here.

Here I will see you tomorrow. Heather is incredible. And I'll just tell you how she got on this pie gas if not for all the reasons she should have already been on this pie gas with her books and all the things that she does. But I actually happen to be on her pie gas whenever I was promoting who are you following and as we were having the conversation I was actually so impacted by her and I said you got to be on my podcast. And so here we are, circling back to that moment. Heather, thanks for saying yes to being on this podcast.

And seriously, you do so much good. And even just studying for this podcast was a joy to get to dive into all the things that you're doing. So well done and welcome. Thank you, Sadie. Happy to be here. Yes, you're awesome.

Well, we have to start the podcast like I start every podcast. And that is asking you, what is the best piece of advice that you've ever been given? Oh, so this was deeply impactful to me. I was sitting in a class and my professor of religion said, when it comes to marriage, if you get that one aspect of your life right, everything else can go wrong and none of it will matter. Wow. But when it comes to marriage, if you get that one aspect of your life right, everything else can go wrong and none of it will matter. Wow. But when it comes to marriage, if you get that one aspect of your life wrong, everything

else could go right and none of it will matter. And at that time, I was engaged to be married and I ended up calling off my wedding. Wow. Because of that quote. Oh my dear. So deeply impactful in my life. Wow. That is so good.

Like, I can attest just being married. It's so true when our marriage is thriving. Like, it really does not matter what else is going on in the world. Like, my job could be hard. This could be hard. Like, when our marriage is good, like, it's great. But if our marriage is rockier,

we're going through a hard time. It's like nothing else. Like, I can't focus on anything else, nothing else matters, even if it's like success in this, it's like it just pills and comparison to the importance of that relationship being steady. And so that is such good advice.

And then the fact that you heard that and took the action to go in there is just huge. So before we even get into anything else, we have to talk about this because this is like huge. Because so many people, you know, when you get engaged, they fear breaking something like that off, but it's so important that you get that thing right. And so I actually had it in to ask you, literally towards the end of this podcast, but I'll ask you now, like when you're in a relationship and you know it is not one that you need to say

and how do you have the courage to get out like you did because that's a really, that's no small thing. You know, this is a true story, I didn't. So I called off that wedding two months before the wedding, but here's the truth of what happened is my dad was going out of town and he said, I just, I have a bad feeling. I think you really need to pray about this.

And he had never said anything negative about my fiance that time before. And they left. I was still living at my parents' house. I was 22 and I went into my room and I prayed. And I said, God, this is the person I have chosen. If this is not the person that you've chosen for me, will you please end it because I don't think I can.

And that was my prayer. and I'm not kidding, within two minutes of saying that prayer, my phone rang, and it was my incredible fiance, and he was calling to break up with me. What? And we had not fought that day. I mean, we were kind of one of those couples that like break up to make up, to break up,

it feels so good to be in a relationship so wrong. We were kind of one of those couples, but we weren't even fighting that day. And so I just knew he's gonna call me back and try to get back together, So good to be in a relationship so wrong. We were kind of one of those couples, but we weren't even fighting that day. And so I just knew he's gonna call me back and try to get back together, but I knew that God was saying the same nitsis. And so I never, here's the truth too, that same night,

I'm crying in my bed 2 a.m. and I say, God, can you just have mercy on me? I have all these bridesmaids that have dresses that they're not wearing. And I'm crying at 2 a.m. in my phone rings again. And it's, I think it's my fiance calling to get back together with me. And I answer the phone and it's my husband, Seth Day, who wrote this book with me. And I had given him my number two years prior.

He never called me. He had a girlfriend. He calls me on the exact night I call off my engagement. And I have been with him ever since. That was a true story. What? This is the best start to any podcast I have ever had. This is crazy.

So he just randomly calls you. He kept my note with my number that I had actually passed to my mom to pass to him which is horrible advice. Don't ever do that. But he kept it for two years. Wow. He randomly he said I felt like I should call you. And I'm sobbing in my bed.

I didn't know, it's not like the heavens parted and God was like, this is your husband. Of course. That didn't happen. But I knew God had sent me a friend in my loneliness. And he drove down the very next day and we went and sat at Lake Michigan and I just cried. And we talked.

And then he came back the next week and then the next week and then the next weekend. And here's the thing too about my expanse. I ended up having to get a restraining order against him. So in this particular situation, God absolutely friend does not always answer your prayers like that, but I do think in that situation, I think I could have been in very,

I was ignoring a lot of red flags. And I think God had to intervene. Yeah. Also, I might not be here today. And I think God had to intervene. Yeah. Also, I might not be here today. And so he did. And I'm grateful. That is incredible. I mean, even just a lesson and pray the bold prayers,

because I think so many of us, you said this before you got on the podcast, and I'll just repeat it. You said so many people have bought this book and put it by their nightstand, and they're scared to read it, because it's a challenging message. And I think so many, in the same sense, so many people know they need to pray those prayers, but they're scared to pray them because if I pray it, then what if God does take away the fiance? But even if he does, look at what he had for your case hours later, for some people,

you know, it's time later, but I think it's so cool that you were able to pray that prayer. And just in that initial willingness to surrender to God, God kind of went before you and did the hard work. And I think sometimes God does do that. Not all the time. Sometimes God makes you go through it. But even with the prodigal son, I love the story about how he's coming back to the father. And he was a long way off with the father, saw saw him and I just think about how kind that was of God for the Father to run after the sun because the hardest part of the journey would have been for the sun to have to knock on the door you know but yeah but God met him before that and so the fact that even your fiance broke out with you that would have

probably been the hardest part but thank God that happened and then your husband now calls you like I was the sweetest thing ever. It is. But you know from that story, I really believe that God wants to be involved in every aspect of our lives. Yeah. And that's something I now sit with my student,

I mean I can't even tell you, thousands of students. Wow. That I get to sit with now and say, like God wants you to pray about this Relationship and he will intervene. Wow God hears you that's cool. That's so cool. Oh my gosh I love so much and I just had to say I was in a relationship similar that you were in and how you said you know We break up to make up and I always said our relationship was kind of like the song like I hate you

I love you. I hate that, I love you, I all this stuff. And I'm like, if your relationship looks like that and you're dating, that's not a healthy thing, you know, that, and I think it's good to just realize that's not the way that relationships were intended to be. I love with Christian that I just love him, you know. It's not, I love you and we're gonna have all this drama.

It's, I just love you and it's a simple, powerful love. Yes, it's so cool. It's not, I was always looking for potential. And I remember my dad saying to me, stop looking at someone's potential. If nothing else ever changes, are you going to be happy 10 years from now? And that was very challenging to me

because I kept looking at all this wonderful potential that this person had. Well, yeah, I did the same thing. That's so crazy. This is such good advice. Somebody's listened to this and we are jumping on your toes right now. And that's okay.

You're two sisters who have been there. So tell me about the process of writing this with your husband because me and my husband are writing a book together right now. And it's been really awesome. It's been really sweet, but also challenging in some ways. I feel like in some ways when we sit down to write, it feels like marriage counseling, you know, because you can't give advice that you haven't kind of lived through and walk through. And so it's been good though, but what was the process like for you all writing this book? You know what, we are totally different personalities and

totally different lived experiences and so I was intending to write the book alone and I've been studying communication for over a decade and I communication is the vehicle by which we experience relationship. The quality of your communication has a direct link to the quality of your life. This is research, this isn't my platitudes. And so I was like, I have to tell people about how important their relationships are, because I think we're living in a culture that is very quick to block and mute. I think actually we're raising an entire generation,

unfortunately, that has only heard, I'm sorry, and read it in a text message. Well, what is the ramifications of that? If people aren't even looking me in the eyes when they say it, and I have to get a text about it. So I really want people to understand how important relationships are to how I now see my life. And so I'm telling all this to my husband, I'm excited. And he's like, Heather, it's not that easy. He's like, it's not that people don't want it. It's that we have experiences. It's gonna make me cry,

because I know it from his background what he's talking about, but experiences that make it very hard for me to put myself out there again. Experiences that make it very difficult for me to trust you, experiences where if you say something that triggers something from my past, I can't help it, I run.

He said, people, it's not that we don't know what to do, it's that we don't know how to do it. Right. And so as soon as he said that, I said, will you please write this book with me because it would be half a book if I only went through my life experiences. And I think there's so many people that would never relate to me and will only relate to Seth in this book. And so many people that wouldn't relate to Seth, but would relate to me.

That is so cool that you all did that together. And I love that when you came to him, that would be so me and Christian my excitement and passion and I got this message and it's so good and blood and then Christian be like okay so let's think about how does everybody and I'm like do we need to think about it okay yeah we need to think about it right and so I love that y'all even have that in your marriage and that y'all are creating this book together because it does bring two different perspectives out I'm sure just his side and your side deep in the book to a place that it wouldn't just be with just one.

That's what the Bible says, two are better than one. And it's like, you come together, like it really is true. So I want to talk to you about the fact that you study communication for so many years because even just saying that is like, it makes me want to sit with you all day and ask you a million questions. So what is that, what does that even look like?

How did you get into that and what does that look like to study that for so long? Yeah, so a lot of people don't understand what communication is. But essentially, I always say communication is relationship building. It is the study of how do I connect an organization to the target market that this organization is trying to reach? How do I connect people, for me, as a Christian, when I started realizing that there were theories

that could help me better connect to other people, I was so excited because I realized I could better connect my generation to the church and to God who is absolutely transformed and changed my life. Right. I don't think it's that people don't want theology. I think it's that we have really poor communication as Christians often. That is hindering the gospel that was supposed to set us free. Sure.

Right. And so here's one example. We don't win arguments. We win affection. I teach persuasion. A lot of times what we do, when we want to convince somebody of our point, right? All lives matter, black lives matter, guns, no guns.

Whatever point it is, whatever argument you're trying to make, you think, if I just give you all the stats and figures, you'll get it. That's not how we work. We actually don't care about sat some figures at all. We don't win arguments, we win affection. How should that change the way I communicate? How should that change the way I talk to you about God? What if you don't win an argument with somebody's head about who God is? What if you win their affection first? And now I'm able to even

receive what you're saying to me. There's so many things in Com Theory that I think would be so helpful. And I believe has been helpful to my students at least, and how to share the gospel. That is so good. And I think even just as a mom of a 19-month-old, it's interesting that even you say in that, I'm thinking about that in our situation with me, parenting her. I don't know, maybe you know this because you study stuff like this, but I've heard it said that whenever a child gets so upset,

they're so upset that they can't even, like their brain shuts off to be able to compute what you're saying. So basically the other day, I'm telling honey, sit down on your booty, sit down on your booty. If you do not sit down, like you are, like you, she was supposed to be in bootie if you do not sit down like you are like you like you She was supposed to be in time out. She would not sit out. She's so out of it crying so hard

That like she couldn't hear anything I was saying and I realized like okay She's not like getting it when I'm like saying like a direct like you have to do this But like if I say hey like here's the thing you try to do this and that was going to hurt you You know and I just start like loving on her and like being a little bit sweeter in the way that I'm kind of more winning her affection, but also disciplining her and at the same sense. It's like she's able to understand a little bit better. And so that's really interesting because I feel like Toddler teaches a lot about the nature of who we are. And so like, our instinct is to like, you know, resist. Like when someone's telling you like, you should believe this,

you should do this or whatever. But when you see somebody who loves you and they care for you and it's like this whole different way of receiving something. And so that is so cool. Just hearing that while I'm watching myself parent, you know, 19 month old, who doesn't know how to control her emotions. Yeah, that's so interesting

Gosh communication is such an interesting topic. I feel like you're right. I feel like we don't understand Probably half of it whenever you start to explain. I have a question that I'm curious about so my husband He would say he's not great at communication compared to me He's always like well you are a professional communicator, so he's not great at communication compared to me. He's always like, well, you are a professional communicator. So it's not fair. You say things better than I do or whatever, even in our humor or whatever. Because I'll be like, I wish you would have said it like this. He's like, well, sorry that I can't form my words perfectly or whatever.

And I shouldn't put the pressure on him to do that. But do you think that like, obviously some people are gifted in communication, but do you think that everyone can learn communication and grow in it? Whether you're extrovert, introvert, whether you have this personality or that personality? Are there actual things that you can learn in or do you think it's like, well, some people just are naturally that way? So the first day of class, what I have my students do is write their name using their opposite hand. And typically when they do that, it's very difficult. And they look at it and I'm like, show somebody. And it's like, awkward, I'm embarrassed. This looks stupid, right?

It actually makes me uncomfortable to show you that I wrote this. And I tell them, but if you were to go home every single day for the next 15 weeks and write for 20 minutes with that opposite hand by the end of the semester, you would be amodextrist. Well, it's a learned behavior. We understand now through neuroscience that it's plasticity of the brain. You can teach an old dog nutrients. We all, actually, the human brain is about two to three pounds,

I'm filled with useful, useless information about that. I love it. Three to four pounds, it's the size of a softball. And yet it has the capacity to learn something new every second, every minute, of every hour, of every day for the next 300 million years. I tell my students, never say you can't. Wow. And just say I'm not interested. That's so good. You know, that makes me think about, and I don't know if you want to talk about this, but I was on your Instagram, I was actually on your page with your best friend

and everything was just really funny and I'm reading all these memes and gifts. And then I see a picture of you and your grandpa and it's your wedding day and I'm like, this is so cute and it was just a different looking post in your feed so I stopped and I couldn't stop reading it. And I was like, oh my gosh,

like everybody in the world needs to see this post. It was so good. And it was along the lines if you can teach an old dog new tricks. And so, do you wanna share a little bit about that? Cause I think that is one of the most impactful things I've read on the topic on social media. It was really cool.

Yeah, so my grandfather did not go to my parents' wedding. I'm biracial. My mom is white. My dad is black. And when my grandparents found out that my mom was in a relationship, my dad was in Broadway. That's how they met. He was in Jesus Christ superstar and she was his waitress, actually, before the show. And he gave her tickets. Anyway, they met. He goes back to New York City. They're dating kind of long distance.

And so he'd been calling on the phone. And some of my grandparents knew that she was talking to somebody from New York. When they found out he was black though, they told her, your stuff's on the sidewalk. Like, you are absolutely not pursuing this relationship. And so she did, she left. At 18 years old, she went about a one way ticket

and moved to New York City, has been with my dad for, I don't know, over 30 years now at this point. But that same person who didn't go to my own parents, to his own daughter's wedding, walked me down the aisle in mind to my dad, who is a minister and married us. My grandfather was one of the greatest men I ever knew, carried my first book around in the back of his pants. And literally like every time he went to the diner and have coffee with it, he'd pull it out and just be like, Oh, my granddaughter wrote this book. I mean, just the greatest cheerleader of my life. And it is so hard for my brain to even compute that he's the same man who didn't go to his own daughter's wedding.

And so in that story, I'm just saying grace often belongs to people who didn't go to his own daughter's wedding. And so in that story, I'm just saying, grace often belongs to people who don't deserve it. That's why it's grace. And my parents, my grandparents obviously repented and changed. My parents were able to accept that apology and change. And it changed my life. Because I grew up with my grandpa

as another malfigure in my life. Of how I feel. That's why I can call off my wedding engagement because I know what real men look like. Yeah, that's powerful. Yeah, that is so powerful. When I read that, I was like, that is so powerful. I ran these three this because I love how

like the forgiveness of your parents played such a huge part in that as well. And like one, his heart had to change, but then they had to forgive. And that was just so huge. And I know in the book you talk about forgiveness and you talk about how, you know, some relationships aren't ideal, but you have to push through and be in relationship. And that's a lot of what the book is talking about.

So we already talked about the relationships, you know, you need to get out of it. And there's a time and a place to get out. Then there's also something to, you know, having that forgiveness and resilience to say to the next day. And so how do you fight? And how do you know like, okay, this really should be I need to get out of and this is a relationship I need to fight for.

Yeah, so here's the story I tell in the beginning of the book. I had a friend, one of my best friends actually, she sent me a screenshot of a conversation she was having with somebody, and she forgot to crop out what she had said right above. So she was trying to show me what the person responded, but I saw what she had said to pre-empt this conversation, and I was really offended that it seemed like she was almost digging for something negative about me. And I sent that screenshot to one of my best friends, same jewels who have known since their grade.

And I said, like, I should call her out, right? Like, this is wrong. She's talking about me. And my jewel was like, yeah, you can do that. You have grounds. And then she goes, or you could choose to look at this incident in the scheme of the 10 plus year friendship you have. And you could decide

is this an incident or is this a pattern? Because incidents, I think, Heather can be forgiven. Patterns absolutely should be broken, but which is this? And so I never said anything to this friend about how I felt when I saw it, and I've never had another incident. Well, that's great. So, this is my, I think, and this is never had another incident. Wow, that's great. Right? So this is my, I think, and this is a communication thing, but people will use words toxic.

We say everybody's toxic right now. And words mean things. Yeah. Right? Like there's toxic means that every time I take a drink of this water, every time I'm in this relationship, I'm being poisoned. Wow. Every time. I think often somebody, maybe there being poisoned. Wow. Every time.

I think often somebody, maybe there's poison in the well, one time, and the person has done the work, and they've excavated it, and they've taken their sorry, and they've tried to remove the poison. It's not there anymore. But every time I'm around, I say, well, they're toxic because of this one thing that they did, I think we have to be careful

because the only thing you will ever have in common with every single person around you is that neither of you will be perfect. Yeah, it's good. And in that, how do we not approach? I've been the bad friend, Sadie. Yeah. I've been the jealous friend.

I've been the bitter friend and I'm so grateful that I have friends like Jule and Scarlett who you mentioned earlier who will forgive me for that. Yeah, that's so good. That's so good. There's not patterns, but there has been incidents where I messed up. Gosh, that's so good. There's not patterns, but there has been incidents where I messed up. Gosh, that is so good. I love that concept and it's actually fresh.

With me, my friend just had an incident moment where I had the incident. And it was such a good conversation because we never had to hiccup before. Great friends, love her. She loves me. Always trust each other's intention. Never had any drama. And recently, love her, she loves me, always trust each other's intention, never had any drama, and recently she felt like I wasn't, you know,

giving my all I guess in our friendship. She felt like I wasn't, I was just not kind of showing up for the way that she wanted me to show up and it kind of came from, it was a day that was meant for her and I was a little bit more distant and she was offended by that. And so she got upset and was this whole thing. But I was telling her, you know, I was actually the truth of this and I was embarrassed to say I was like I was actually just having a lot of pregnancy pains and I didn't want to say it to anybody.

So I was just hiding in the back and more just taking some time for myself because I was just trying to feel better. But my lack of being in the room looked like I was just uninterested in her day, not celebrating her, but in reality, I just was having pregnancy pains. I was just in the back. But I didn't tell her that. I didn't say like, oh, I'm not really feeling well. I just sat in the back.

And so anyways, a couple days ago by and she brings us up and one of the things she said was it was making me question our friendship. And I just have friend like I hope that that does not make you question our friendship and I said in all honesty I just didn't feel good. And I should have said that to you that I didn't feel good but I don't want in the future for something that's an incident like make you question like our whole friendship. And so of course I didn't say it like an incident because I didn't have the language for it until you shared that. But I think that that's so good because we've had no patterns of that in our relationship. So what would make it go from one moment to questioning everything. And so I do think that sometimes like because you know maybe we don't have the language of incident in pattern because we haven't thought about that

Like one thing becomes like a dramatic thing or a big thing like you said It's all toxic when it's really not it could be one moment and just choosing to trust the other person's intentions Is so huge and I just I think that's so good I love how you talk about in the book how life is like done so much better whenever you do it as a team and you use how life is like done so much better whenever you do it as a team and you use basketball as a reference which I love basketball and you talk about how like the bench is a gift like having a bench is like such a gift to go like be able to sit on the bench and you know what hit me when I read that was I used to be embarrassed whenever I was benched you know like if if my coach took me out

and put me on the bench, I'd be like, like, why am I sitting here? Like, I need to go back out and play, but in reality, like, I needed to sit there and rest for a minute. I needed to catch my breath. I needed to get water, but I looked at it as an embarrassment and not as like an encouragement thing,

as a time to rejuvenate myself. And I think in the same way, like, sometimes we see that in life, like, we think it's like an embarrassment, an embarrassing thing to have to like ask for help or need someone else. When a reality that's such a gift, and so, man, I just, I love everything you wrote on the idea of becoming more together in friendship, which leads me to the fact that you and your best friends started a whole platform together. And I think that's super cool. That you wrote a book with your husband, you have a platform with your best friend,

and you surround yourself in relationship. What is the importance of that? Do you do that intentionally, or is it an overflow of who you are? I think it's an overflow, and I'm also, I recognize, I'm really lucky. I mean, I still have my best friend from third grade. I just talked her on the phone for like two hours Saturday night. I have known Scarlett.

I actually dated her brother. That's how we met when I was 15. Really? Him and I broke up and it was, I almost felt bad for him at the wedding because it's like, I've been here. He was probably like, we broke up, get out of my life and I'm still here with his sister as her maid of honor.

We've been best friends since I was 15 years old. So I have, and then my sister, I have a lot of friends that I've had for many, many years. And that's the point, right, is you don't get to have relationships. That's fan decades without forgiving incidents. It's not possible. That's the reality of long-term relationship.

It's good, that's true, man, that's so good. I want to bring up one topic that you write about. I wrote it down so it wouldn't forget it. Oh, you would say I talk about weak ties and casual connections. And how they can be just as important as strong ties. Talk to me about that idea. Yeah. So this one also is one that I've gotten some pushback on where people are like, So this one also is one that I've gotten some push back on where people are like, but I find it to be very freeing because one of the number one things my students say to me, because I do this blog with my best friend, is they say, I want my scarlet, I want my best friend, I don't have a best friend. And what I tell them is the value is in relationship. Human beings are wired to exist in relationship.

So how do you start prioritizing what relationships you do have instead of looking for the one that perhaps you're missing? That's good. And so we know, you know from research, this isn't new, but for some reason when I call it weak ties, people are like, what do you mean it is quantity over quality? Well, we've known for years that people who are a part of church are healthier and happier and have longer lives. We've known that.

People that do crossfit. People that are part of dance team or community choir or bowling leagues, you have a healthier, happier life. And what that is is weak tie networks. I tell my students, if you walk from from the cafeteria to my class across campus and three different people say hi to you, even if they're not your best friends, but they say hi, you automatically feel safer and like you belong on this campus. Good. Yeah. And the good thing of that, Sadie, is we have to stop thinking that our lives don't matter and don't make a massive impact in the people that we're interacting with. When I go to my diner, this is absolutely true.

When I go to my diner in my small town, her name is Shirley, the waitress there. And Shirley says, Heather, you haven't been here all week. I feel seen. Wow. And I feel like I belong. Yeah. Shirley, who is getting, I pay her to be nice to me.

Right? But she knows my name. It makes me feel like I belong and I keep coming back. It's good. How do we recognize just the power of social presence? Wow. That is so good. I love that so much.

I want everyone of my friends to hear that. I want everybody listening to hear that. We have so many college students listening to this. And what I have found to be a struggle for this generation and I think or that age group especially and I think it has to do with a lot of social media and a lot of relationship shows and everything is that like the desire for a husband is so strong which is a beautiful desire in and of itself but whenever it is so strong that they think like they have to get married and until they're married and what's their purpose and until they're married then nothing matters and all of this stuff.

And I think what it what it does is because they feel like, oh, I don't have a husband, they miss like everything that they actually do have around them. And I've actually told a few girls who have worked for me. I've had a couple girls who have moved here to work for me and we live in a small town. So when girls work for L.O. they have to move to West Monroe and I've heard three different people say, you know, I'm just scared. I'm never going to find a husband here. It's too small of a town and I always encourage them and I say, friend, I really hope you can surrender that fear to the Lord because that fear of not finding your husband will take you out of this job. It will take you out of this community. It would take it because I've seen it before. Because when you get so fixated on this one thing you don't have, you miss everything that you do have. And I have found that normally when you

surrender this idea to God and say, God, I desire this, but it's gonna come in your timing. Typically, that's really when the husband comes, you know? And that's what it was for me. It's like when I finally was like, came just thankful for where I'm at, I literally met Christian on the beach the next day on vacation, you know. And so again, that doesn't happen all the time, but I do think that sometimes we say, oh, we want a best friend and we don't have a best friend, we don't have anybody, we want a husband, we don't have anything, you know. But actually, there's so many people around you that love you and community is so strong and you can find that love from relationships in other ways.

And so I love that message. I think what you're saying is so good. Can I tag on what you just said? Because one of the things I put in this book and I intentionally put it in because of the exact conversation you're bringing up is biologically, we process romantic love and friendship love and familial love all the same way. So people, it is only like the hallmark romance industry that makes you believe

that if you don't have romantic love, you've never experienced love at all, that's not true. Biologically, the hormones that come and love are processed in your body the exact same way. So you can have a very fulfilling loving life Christian in community. Wow. I love that. That's so good. Guys, I'm so glad you said that. I'm so glad people are going to hear that. I think that's going to free so many people in this fear that they're missing out on this, you know, a huge thing in life and they've never felt love and, you know, not that again, that's not a good desire to have, but you can feel love. And so I just, that is awesome. That's so good. I mentioned social media and we talked about social media a lot on my podcast with you because we were talking about my book, but have you noticed just in teaching

communication a difference in the way we communicate since social media has began? What are your views on social media as far as good communication goes through it and bad communication and just give a little bit of advice and guidance when it comes to all things social media, which I think you crush because you do have a blog, you have a blog, you have a guys, you have Instagram. I mean, it seems like you're doing a pretty good job with social media. You know, I would just say as far as guidelines, this is just true of social media in general, social media.

The first word is social. Social media is meant to be social. It's about building relationship. And I think if we go back to using it as a tool to better connect with others, it's often become today like a form of me broadcasting where I'm not actually. And so what it, so the definition of narcissism is that we don't want love, we want adoration. Well, and so my fear for myself, I'm talking to Heather and if it fits, put it on to whoever's listening, my fear is that if I don't use social media as a tool to gain relationship and connection, I'm literally training myself in narcissistic

tendencies and behaviors because I'm not looking for relationship that I'm just looking for adoration. And I think that that's hard as a Christian. So there's so much to balance there, but I would just say also be aware that you, the closest to God, somebody else may ever get as you. Yep. And somebody is defining their idea of who God is based on what you post and what you say

and how you interact with others because you're the only Christian that they know. Yep. So unfortunately and fortunately, how do we take ownership and accountability of what it even means? Words mean things. Yeah. What does it even mean to say, I'm a Christian.

It's good. And how do we actually truly, Ephesians 4, Paul says, I urge you to live a calling worthy of the calling you have been called. And what does that look like? He says in all humility. It's good. Bearing with one another, making every effort to make the unity of the spirit

through the bond of peace. That's what it means to be a Christian. This is not an easy call today, where it is so much easier to say, I'm your counsel, your blocked, your mute. What does it mean to make every effort to keep the unity of the spirit through the bond of peace? That's what it means. Wow. How many of us are actually living out what it means to follow Christ? Words mean things.

Good. God, that's so good. I have never thought about that when it comes to gaining love or admiration in the sense of you're literally training yourself in narcissism. That is such a convicting way of looking at it and so true. And man, that's what I always try. You know, even when people say, you know, are you famous or whatever, I always say famous of some not to others or they call them fans and I call them friends. And you know, I'm just like, you know, don't famous or whatever? I always say, famous is some, not to others, or they call them fans, and I call them friends. And, you know, I'm just like, you know, don't put that on me, you know, because that makes me

not feel human, you know, I wanna feel human. Like, you are not a fan, you are a friend. Like, you are, you know, it doesn't, famous, what does it even mean? Like, you just know me, and I hope to know you, you know, you just have a way more of a head start annoying some about me, but I'll start right now. And so I just think that sometimes like,

maybe the world is set up in some sense to give praise or too much glory to certain people. But I think that if you're in the position, like you do have a part to play in it, like you can choose to receive that. And the sense of like, look at me, I'm awesome, I'm great, I'm gonna receive it all. Or you can choose like deflect it to the glory of God

and say like, you know what, like that praise is for God, but like I can be your friend, you know? And so I do think that we have a part of receiving it and we have a part of giving it, like are we gonna try to receive love? are we going to try to receive love? Are we going to just try to receive likes? Are we going to give, you know, out this idea? We're awesome.

We're going to give out this idea of somebody, a God loves you, you know? And I do think it's cool and it's so true that you can be the connection to Jesus. Like some of you might be the only person that they follow that is a Christian. And that light could lead them to love a God. I've had so many people say, not that my podcast, you know, change your life, but that my podcast led them to knowing about who Jesus is

and that changed your life. And so, I just think that it's so powerful that we can use that as a tool. I saw a video of you talking about words, and you talked about your words, carry the power of life and death, your tongue holds that power, it talks about that in Proverbs.

Talk to me a little bit about that, because you've mentioned words a lot in this, just through your studies of communication and through the study of the Bible, what have you found with words that really is so impactful? It's funny that you asked that, because I'm very passionate about this very topic because

okay so for example um in Christianity we use words like righteousness. Nobody stops to ask what that word means. Yeah right what does righteous we will say like oh I want you to live a righteous life. What does that mean? That's good yeah. How do you define the terms and the word righteousness? It comes from the Hebrew word Sadaka and what it means is living in right relationship with God and each other. And again, that's the entire 10 commandments. First four, love to God, last six, dalsh, not kill, dalsh, not murder. That's all love each other, love each other, love each other, love each other. Love God, love man, that's the law. Righteousness is to live out the law. Love God, love each other. Right. But if

we're not defining the term, so this is, this is another thing in communication is 90% of the time when you say the word God, you have something entirely different in mind than me 90% of the time, even when we're from the same denomination. And Sadie, do we at least I, okay, I will only put this on me. I have argued with my non-believing friends, argue, tell two in the morning in my living room, how could you not believe in God? I never stopped to ask what that word means to them.

Wow. Say, God, they don't believe in. Is a God that I don't believe in either. Wow. Right? But because I never define the term, we don't realize that we're actually arguing about a meaning that both of us would agree on.

So in communication we call it bypassing. And so a sin is another one. What does, don't live a life of sin. What does sin mean? It comes from the word hamartia. And it means literally somebody with a bow and arrow to hit the mark. Wow. Living a life of sin arrow to hit the mark. Wow.

Living a life of sin means to miss your mark. Wow. What does that look like for me every day? So every day, my first prayer, when I wake up, open my eyes. I say, God, I give you this day and all that isn't it. Help me to walk into your light. All I'm saying is I'm surrendering my will to you. Help me to hit my mark.

It's good. So I tell my students sometimes they'll be like, I don't know what God wants me to do., help me to hit my mark. It's good. So I tell my students, sometimes they'll be like, I don't know what God wants me to do. He wants you to go to class. He wants you to hit your mark. What's in your hand right now, sweetheart? That's it. Talk to the person in the launch line, right?

Because when we don't look here, sin is believing your life has no meaning. Wow. It means that the mark could be here or here or here. I don't know, I don't care. That's a life of sin. Yeah. How do we start living every single day and saying,

I'm here with purpose. I'm not just a person on a plan. And this life matters. And I'm encountering, I'm getting to co-labor with God. I'm passing this person on purpose. Good. How does that change the way I relate to you now? That's how we start living with

righteousness, love to God, and love to each other, and also avoiding a life of sin. So there's so many different things like that in communication where I say, what does that word mean to you? What does that look like? God, I'm going to start studying my words. I love actually love studying words. Like I love looking up like, what's the meaning of this word? Or or if I'm preaching something I just like want to know the meaning or whatever and sometimes I'm so glad you do that I love that and sometimes I'll even redefinitions during my sermon then I'm like I feel like everybody actually knows what this means but I'm just gonna tell you because it's so much more powerful when you understand the fullness of it and so I I'm a word geek too so I love hearing this and like even you said I didn't I didn't know that sin was to miss the mark and honestly like that is

That is such a good way of saying it. I love how you said when people ask you like what does go on me to do? It's like he wants you to hit the mark like I love that like go to class show up your thing It's so small. God wants to do these big things and like no guys just asking you to like hit the mark that is so Good gosh. I love this conversation so much. You know, I got caught out for this a couple weeks ago on my podcast and it was funny that she called me out for it because my friends called me out for this all the time. They say I had this thinking face

and they're like, you're doing your thinking face. Like, what are you thinking about? And I have had to like intentionally tell myself I do not do the thinking face on this podcast because everything you're saying just provokes so much thought in me. I'm like, gosh, this is so good. I want to go study, I want to go learn.

And I love when I talk to people that make me want to go learn more. And one about the Bible, about communication, about everything. So this has been so encouraging. I want to ask you just about the book. You know, this is your seventh book. That's a lot of books to write.

And sometimes, you know, even think about writing one book as intimidating, but to write seven is very intimidating, but I love that God just continues to give you a message to start writing the seventh book. What was it about the book that you were like, this is what I feel like people need to hear, and this is why I'm writing another book right now.

I mean, maybe it's just as simple as look at the title, look at the message, but was there something in you that you're like, no, people really need to hear this? Yeah. Um, I was watching save the last dance. The Michael Jordan documentary. That's where the title came from. So before the bulls became the bulls, um, playing against, or they finally make it to the playoffs, they're playing Orlando Magic and they lose. And there's the scene and save the last and save the dance. What is it?

The last dance. The last dance, that's the old movie. No, the last dance. The last dance. We're Michael Jordan. They're all, everybody's walking off the court because it's the end of the season and they lost. Go home.

And the trainer turns to Michael Jordan and says, hey, just let me know when I'll see you, meaning like, let me know what month do you want to come back to start training? And Jordan turns to him and says, I'll see you tomorrow. It's good. And so I was thinking, man, the reason Michael Jordan is Michael Jordan is

because when everybody else went home, he didn't see it as a finite game. Yeah. He saw as an infinite season. Well, where you keep coming back, and I lost this game He saw as an infinite season. Wow. Where you keep coming back. And I lost this game, but there's next season. Yeah. Right. And so I was thinking, man, what if we lived our lives that way? Wow. That is so good. I love that so much. I just read a quote from Michael Jordan recently. You're talking about all the shots he missed and all

the. Oh, my gosh. It's so good. He was so much, all the time, like 26 times, the game shot was on him and 26 time he failed, and all these different things and he said, but it's because of how much I've failed that's made me succeed. And I was like, that is so good. And it's so true, like showing up tomorrow, it takes courage to do that,

it takes humility to do that sometimes when you have a day of loss, but showing out tomorrow is really what gets you to even the next day and the next season and the next thing and stronger. And I can say that like, it's so weird how life is, how, and I think this is why I love that verse. Like, your mercies are new every morning

because one day can truly be like a terrible day. But like, if you hang on to tomorrow, there is so much hope for tomorrow. I was just telling a friend that recently because they're just going through a lot and it just seems like the future is far, you know what I mean? Like the future is getting out of what they're in. I said, I know it doesn't seem like there's a way out of this, but like there truly is hope for tomorrow. Like just hang on, like, and especially a person of prayer, you never know how God's going to intervene tomorrow. Just like your story, you didn't know that God was going to

intervene hours later with Seth calling you like, yes. And so I just love that. You just heard it so one time, like the scariest place to be is like, you know, place without hope. It didn't so true. Just always hanging on that hope and this book is filled with that and just ways to actually get you there so well done I love it last question I want to ask you is you have a podcast viral Jesus yeah we're the title come from that what's your heart beat behind that because I think it's just such a such a great concept yeah so some of it just came from, I ended up going viral like 13 times in a single year. I went in one year from 1,800 followers to like 60,000 on my Twitter.

And I was like, how do we make Jesus go viral? Like how do I use this, how do I use this new platform that I have all of a sudden To share the gospel that has literally transformed my entire life down to the person that I am married to right And so we just try to train Christians on how to make Jesus go viral how to live out your face because words mean things I love it so much. Well, you're such a huge inspiration. I'm sure everyone listening. It has learned so much I've learned so much sitting here at this end of the table and just so thankful for your ministry who you are, how well spoken you are, and I mean I feel like being your student would be the greatest thing because you're such a good teacher and so thank you for teaching us today. Like I said if you are following her, if you're

not following her, go check out all of her things. She is Heather Thompson, day Instagram. She has, I'm just gonna read it so I don't miss anything. I'm that wife, which is an online community, and an Instagram account, like I said, it's very funny. Viral Jesus and a new book out code. I'll see you tomorrow with her husband. And so thank you for all that you do. Super inspired by you.

And thank you for being on the podcast. My honor and thanks for having me. you