WHOA That's Good Podcast - I Was Good at Faking It. But God Wasn't Fooled | Sadie Robertson Huff & Lacy Abercrombie

Episode Date: May 14, 2025

If you've ever felt like you don't have a place where you belong, Sadie's guest today, Lacy Abercrombie, can empathize! Lacy shares her story of trauma, pain, hurt, secret sin, and never feeling like she belonged — and how a snowstorm ended up being the moment she finally got serious about the Lord. Out of the pain she’s experienced in the church and with Christians, Lacy created her character “Jezziebeth,” whom you’ve probably seen in a reel or on TikTok!Lacy says she pretended to be a Christian for years and was very good at it — but when asked if she loved the Lord, she had to be honest and say, “No.” And this was right before she went on stage at a women’s conference to deliver her comedic monologue! You'll love Lacy's honesty, authenticity, and humor in this incredible conversation. And don’t miss her encouragement for singles — and why she’ll never say no to a meal stop at Chili’s!  This Episode of WHOA! That's Good is Sponsored By: https://www.12vc.com/sister — Join the 12 Verse Challenge and help fund 12 Verses of Scripture a year for people who have little to no access to Scripture! https://drinkag1.com/whoa — Get a FREE bottle of AG D3K2, an AG1 Welcome Kit, AND 5 of the upgraded AG1 travel packs with your first order. https://drinklmnt.com/whoa — Get a free LMNT Sample Pack with any purchase! - Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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that you'll probably recognize because she's probably made you laugh on TikTok or Instagram or any women's conference that she's just up there crushing it and so we actually have our good friend Lacey Abercrombie here today. Thanks for being here. Hey. Thanks for having me. It's fun to be here. It is so fun that you're here. You've like been integrated in the Louisiana lifestyle. I had crawfish. And you're wearing camo. Well, yeah, I went to go find the bathroom and Liv was like, you're good.

People, you know your way around. You're in the game. I'm like, no, yeah, people really think I work here. I'm in Duck Dynasty. I am a duck. In Duck Dynasty. I'm a duck hunter. What do they call it?

You're a duck hunter. I don't see that in you. Except for your camo shirt that's very cute and cropped. I don't know. Okay, I will say I've never called a duck. Yeah, that's okay. Is that what you called a duck? To be honest, I've never actually called a duck either.

I'm bringing the duck. I'm like bringing the duck. I know, I've flown a duck call, but never to a duck. Did we ever tell you this story about the time we blew a duck call behind two mama just to see if she would notice when we were at LO conference? No. but never to a duck. Did we ever tell you this story about the time we blew a duck call behind two mama just to see if she would notice when we were at LO conference? No.

Well, we were just, well, they gave us some here for some reason. She has hearing aids. Oh, we were blowing, blowing, blowing. And then finally she turned around and she said, you think I wouldn't notice a bad duck call? We were correct. That is funny.

That is so funny. I love that so much. So yeah, you had crawfish. You do look so cute by the way, and that is your brand, right? Love your neighbor. Yeah, this is, yeah, love your neighbor. Cute. It's an important message, I like to wear it.

And do it. Duh. You gotta do both. I love it, that is so good. Well, I'm so excited to have you on the podcast. Like I mentioned, people probably recognize you from social media, or at a women's conference, or at a youth conference, or anything,

you've kind of been speaking around or hosting things. Yeah. But your story is incredible and we're going to get to all of those things. You have so much wisdom to share and your heart for the Lord is so radiant. But first, I have to ask you the question I ask everyone who comes on the podcast. What is the best piece of advice you've ever been given? Boom. This is such a hard question.

I know it really is. I feel like I've been given so much advice and wisdom from people who are older than me that have done it way better, that I could just go on and on and on. But I genuinely think the best piece of advice I've ever been given is to log off the internet. That's good, yes.

Because for some reason, people like us, when we have a platform where we think we can't log off the internet. And I remember like last year was the first time I logged off for a long time and you've logged off for a long time too. And I remember whenever I felt like I was supposed to log off because I was reading through Joshua and it kept saying consecrate yourself. And I was like, who me?

And then one of my friends lovingly was like, you know, you can log off the internet. And I was like, but what if, I'm like, how will people, what if they forget? And the Lord was like, um. So I logged off the internet and it was the best thing I've ever done and I highly recommend logging off the internet. If like anything that we're like holding in our hands

like this and we think that we can't let go of it, it's an idol. So it's like, log off the internet. I feel like that's a, everybody listening, just log off. It's so good. And coming from someone who, yeah, like you said, that's like your thing, you know? It's hard to give up some of sometimes that thing,

but if there's anything in your life where you feel like, if I got rid of that and who would I be, then it's- You gotta get rid of it. Yeah, then you gotta get rid of it. It's gonna be a little- Then you gotta readjust. Yeah. And I talk about it all the time.

And it's so cool, cause I don't know if you experienced this this but like you think when you get off it's gonna be like oh people are gonna forget or it's gonna mess up the algorithm and blah blah all the fears that you have all the fears and then you get back and you're like actually no nothing happened like yeah nothing changes but then you come back on you're like I kind of don't yeah you don't love it as much no it doesn't hold the same value but then when come back on, and you're like, I kind of don't. Yeah, you don't love it as much. I don't, no. It doesn't hold the same value. But then when you feel it creeping back up that level again,

it's time to let go off again. Isn't that weird? Isn't that weird? It comes back. Because I will delete it. I'll have such fresh perspective. I'm like, oh, I'm never gonna go back to that zone. And all of a sudden I look at my screen time

six months later, and I'm like, ooh. I'm back. Time to get back off. So that's so good. I love that. So, okay, I came to know about you because I thought you were making fun of me because I think people tagged me or something.

I do. And okay. It's rude. It's rude, but it's also funny because I stand by this. Some of the things that you say, even as a joke are really good, okay? So some of it I take as a compliment.

But, but no, and I know you're being silly, and this is why. So you have this character called Jezzy Beth, which I do want you to tell us all about, but this is a funny thing. So one of your Jezzy Beth videos was about like, Jezzy Beth was doing a message on like the Barbie movie and comparing it to, it was like gospel Barbie.

Well, at our LO conference, we did like Barbie theme. Well, that was the target, but you did it before I did the Barbie theme. And I saw the video before and still decided to go through with the Barbie because I was like, it's good, okay? It's still good. Okay, but you really aren't making fun of me. No.

And I could tell that once I saw the videos. But tell me about the character, Jezzy Beth, and how you really got started on the internet being known. Yeah, well, Jezzy Beth was birthed, so her name's Jezzy Beth, it's short for Jezabel Bathsheba, unfortunately obviously it's not making fun of me it's obviously not but if I can imagine them like editing this and bleeping out Jezebel but Jezebel Bathsheba and she she's a women's conference speaker that you love to hate and the only reason

that I created Jezzy Beth is because I was Jezzy Beth. It's fair. Yeah. I heard a giggle from back there. I know it's funny, but I was her. So I used to like just Jezzy Beth is theologically shallow. She has nothing, no weight behind what she says. And she's like very judgmental. So she's the girl who like pulls you aside in the lobby and she's like, Hey girl, I just, I noticed you're wearing a tank top and I just wonder if a cardigan would look cute with that outfit. Like it's just, she's very,

she's everything you don't want to be. And she's not loving and she's not kind. And she was birthed out of, people would ask me dating advice. I remember specifically one girl, she was like, I really have a crush, and his name was Manny. And I just pulled the book nearest to me

and put my finger in it, because you know how we preach with our Bible finger, and I started preaching a message on how to me and put my finger in it, because you know how we like preach with our Bible's finger, you know. And I started preaching a message on how he's a man, knee of God. And it just kind of became this thing, like I just have this voice that I can go into and it's like real breathy and you know,

and I've turned, you gotta have the keys going. You get the keys in the back. Like if the band could just come up, because if the pad isn't playing, then the spirit can't fall. And so all those things at once, like basically just took all the things that people think about and like put us in a box. I say us because I know now I do it too. Put us in a box and believe about us without knowing anything, because people would take like a snippet of a sermon or a snippet of you being on stage and they'll just completely take it out.

And you're like, OK, that's not even what I meant. or a snippet of you being on stage, and they'll just completely take it out, and you're like, okay, that's not even what I meant. And so that's where Jezzy Beth was born, and I just started taping inanimate objects to my face. When I told your dad that last night, he said, so why were you doing that? That was his one question.

I'm like, I'm telling you all about this weird character I play, and you're concerned about why I'm taping weird stuff to my face. He's like, I don't understand. I'm like, it's a fake mic. That part really got him. He was like, I don't understand. I'm like, it's a fake mic. That part really got him. He's like, I don't understand. I'm like, okay.

So that's kinda how Jezzy Beth was born. And so basically like two years ago, two February's ago, when I felt the Lord really convict, because unfortunately my platform started growing before my character was ready. And so I just started blowing up on the internet and I had no depth to me at all. And so Jezzy Beth was taking over and I was going viral

and I was like, this is a dream come true. I'm a Kardashian now, this is perfect. And Pride and all of the worst parts of having a platform got to my head and about two years ago is whenever the Lord just put me flat on my face and was like, why are you doing this? What is this for? And it was for me.

And so there was a big shift in my content, you'll see like two years ago, now they have gospel messages in them. And that's, Barbie it was for me. And so there was a big shift in my content, you'll see, like two years ago. Now they have gospel messages in them. And that's, Barbie was one of those. So that's why you actually thought it was good is because there's a message. Some of them are really good. When you talked about how all you girls on Instagram,

you say like, I ate this and all that. I was like, you ate first. You're like, you ate first, the apple. And you're like. I was like, dang, that was Eve ate first. Yeah, you're like, Eve ate first. The apple. And you're like. I was like, dang, that was actually really good. I would have definitely wanted to preach that. Well, it's funny, people will comment and be like, why is this actually good?

Yeah, no, it is good. So I love that your content shifted because you're still funny and you can tell that it's like, you can tell it's not your normal person because of the way that you're, like the outfit you're wearing and the hair that you have and the way you're talking and the keys are underneath you. And so it is kind of a joke,

but the content is actually really good and you can actually learn from it. So you're laughing and learning. Friends, I want to invite you to something that is truly so close to my heart and even more so lately, and that is scripture translation movement with the Illuminations 12 verse challenge. To be honest, and I've said this before, but I cannot imagine my life without the Bible and the reality is there are so many people in the world who don't have

that wisdom to turn to, don't have that comfort, don't have that hope that we have in Jesus. So I feel so blessed to have God's word within my reach every single day. But right now there are over 3,000 different people groups, which is about a billion people who don't have access to Scripture in their heart language. And that's why I've been partnered with Illuminations and am so proud to be partnered with them. They're an alliance of 11 Bible translation ministries working together to end Bible poverty in our generation, which is so wild. That used to seem absolutely impossible, but now it actually could be done by 2033. So how cool is that what God is doing around the

world? Here's what I want you to do though, because we have to be a part of this. We've got to take the 12 verse challenge. For $35 a month, you can actually help fund 12 verses of scripture every year to people who don't have access to it or little access to the Bible. Together, we've already helped fund the equivalent of four Gospels, Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John, for a people group that had never had the Word in their language before. And now we are going to do it again. I actually just got to go to Canada and meet with so many of these people who are on the ground doing this work, and they're literally risking their lives.

Like walking for days to different countries to deliver the word. They're actually been imprisoned because of them delivering the word to these unreached people group. And so they're given their everything. And I think y'all, that's the least we can do to join in the way that we can serve.

And maybe that is by giving $35 a month. So this is how we're gonna join the movement. Pull out your phone right now, click the link in the show notes, or go to 12Vc.com slash sister and commit to the 12 verse challenge. Again, that's the number one, the number two, vc.com slash sister.

We're going to be in this until everyone everywhere has access to God's word. Visit the number 12vc.com slash sister to join the movement today. I feel like it's so cool to see that God took this gift that you had and you, you know, before you had your character, you kind of blow up with it. You realize, okay, this is not fulfilling. But now he's like, okay, now that you've stewarded it, now that we've shaped it a little bit, we prune some things off, like, yeah, you still get to do it.

Still go make people laugh. Still go do the thing. What, what aspects of Jezzy Beth did you, because you said like, I was her. What aspects of her did you relate to so much? I think for many years of my life, you know, and it's like, it's a sad thing. Like, I actually grieve the years of my life

that I pretended. It was a sad thing. I actually grieve the years of my life that I pretended. It was a long time though, that I pretended to love the Lord. So I just thought that when it came to know Jesus for the first time, I wasn't discipled. So discipleship is key because otherwise, if we just accept Jesus and say yes, pray the prayer, but we don't know what to do after that. I didn't know what to do after that.

I just was like, okay, I'm gonna pray the prayer and that's kind of it. And then I just go back into my home that was full of chaos and disorder. Which I think that's so relatable to so many people. Yeah, and then you're like, well, I don't, so I'm just gonna keep, like, people already know I'm a Christian, so I just gotta keep being this Christian.

So I'd like go to youth group and I would memorize the lyrics of worship songs so that I could close my eyes during them, because everyone else was closing. I didn't understand that I was worshiping a risen savior. Like I just was like, I gotta do this thing. Well that bleeds into every part of your life, and it's so hard to unwire. And so it was like just, I was just,

it was so deeply woven in me to pretend. And so one of those ways, like I would post scriptures on my Facebook. I remember, I didn't even know what they meant. And I, you know that the Facebook memories come back to haunt us. Oh, they haunt us. I'm like, can we not? I'm like, 11 years ago? I know, I don't need to see it. I'm like, that is not who I am, in Jesus' name, even two years ago. I'm like, let's delete that. How do we scrub that? But I would post scriptures on Facebook that sounded good, because I'm like, okay, everybody else,

this is what I see people doing. Right. And I'm trying to do the right thing and play the part. And so, Jezzy Beth, I think there was just a stark realization. I think Jezzy Beth at first was born out of deep hurt. I was wounded from just church relationships and things that I had done at a church, and just who I had been at the church, I think it was birth. And I've only learned this recently.

This is in the last five months that I've learned that I think Jezzy Beth was actually born out of hurt. And when it started blowing, and I've only learned this recently. This is in the last like five months. That I've learned that I think Jezzy Beth was actually born out of hurt. And when it started blowing up and going viral, I was like, oh, people love this, people want this, people need this, without really considering, is this causing more pain to the church?

Am I building up the body? Like, is this something that's helpful? I didn't consider those things, because I just was like, I'm famous, so it doesn't really matter what's happening. You know what I'm saying? And didn't you kind of start to realize that people who were identifying with Jezi Beth and loving it were hurt by the church?

Were hurt. Yeah. It was a lot of people who had, you know, walked away from the church, and a lot of people who weren't believers anymore. It was a stark realization, like I said, two years ago. That was whenever I was like, something has to change because it was like, when you have a platform,

it doesn't mean you have an anointing. Come on, girl. That sucks, you know? I mean, a lot of, and when I got my platform, I was not living out of anointing. I was not living, the Holy Spirit, I was not being indwelt by the Holy Spirit and moving by Him.

You know what I mean? I didn't even know how to do that properly. And so, but I was pretending. And so when I say that Jezi Beth came from me being her, it's because I knew all the things to say and I knew all the judgments to make. But I didn't know why I was making them or why I was saying them

or why my eyes were closed during worship. I didn't understand. I just wanted so badly to like look like all these other Christians and do what all these other, I'm like, they look so happy and fulfilled. Why am I not? Because there's a deep miss. That's so real. The way you just articulated that is so good. And honestly, I feel like it relates to so many people, because a lot of people are in that space with church where they know the right thing to say, they know the right way to act. And I've actually been studying this in the Bible because I was like, who in the Bible did that?

Well, first the Pharisees. I mean, Jesus calls them out so many times. There's one verse that got me. I was reading it the other day and it was, it's like the chapter where it says like seven woes to the Pharisees. But before it gets to that, he called, like before it gets to all the like bad stuff

and he's like, you hypocrites, you hypocrites. It's so interesting because Jesus says to the people, he says these Pharisees, he says something about how like they know the law of Moses and he said, listen to the things that they say, but don't live the way that they live. They don't practice what they preach. And I was like, ooh, isn't that crazy?

Cause like, I was like in my own life checking myself. Cause in the past, I feel like this is back in like my teenage years. I got a platform also before my character was formed. And there were certain aspects of the way that I knew what to say that was the right thing to say in the right space. But I couldn't live it in my life because I hadn't been transformed. And so I'm like in relationships that are not healthy, but relationship goals on the internet and you know all the different things. And I just was thinking about me when I read that and I was like, man, what would Jesus have said

about my life at that time? It would have been the same thing. It would have been like, yeah, she's saying good things. Listen to what she's saying because she's talking about the Bible and she's giving good advice. Don't live the way she's living. And like, that's so convicting. There's no fruit. Like, and at the end of the day, I mean, he says about the Pharisees, they got their reward, you know, like the applause of man was the reward. And you've been on stage before. Applause lasts for a second. And you get, and then you're faced with like who you really are. And eternity, we're faced with the Father Himself. Like we wanna, this is not about the crowd,

it's about your relationship with God. So I can totally relate to that. And then the other guy that I was like, oh, this is real, this is not, not to get too deep, too fast, but this is just real, is Judas. He totally acted like he had it all together those three years.

And he even, that verse, whenever it's like right after, you know, Mary sitting at the feet of Jesus, and then she pours out her oil, and Judas is like, we should give this money to the poor. It's like, oh, what a religious thing to say. What a spiritual thing to say. And it says, he didn't say this because he cared about the poor, because he was a hypocrite. Well, that was obviously written

hindsight 2020. That was not written at the time. That was written later when they found out who Jesus, Judas' character really was. Then fast forward to the next page, and it's, you know, Jesus washing the feet of Judas, knowing he was about to betray him. Then what does Judas do? He goes and betrays him. But it's so interesting to me, because even in that passage, it says that Jesus says,

you know, whoever I give this to is the one that's gonna betray me. And after he gave it to Judas, and he said, go do what you're gonna do. And it says none of the disciples knew what he was talking about. Because that's how much you can fake it. That not even your closest friends can know

that you're not living a true life, you know? And so I just think that the message you're preaching and sharing and being vulnerable about and honest about is a life a lot of people are living, not realizing the seriousness and the gravity of where that leads to. The weight that leads to. It's a scary place to be. And so 16 minutes into the podcast, I would just say from two people who pretended, acted it out. I mean, when Jesus actually called the Pharisees hypocrites, if you study that word, and I do not know Greek,

I do not know the meaning of words, but that one I do, it literally is translated to an actor on a stage. Like if you're being an actor on a stage, stop acting. Like come clean, tell somebody, get real. And I understand that you had a very get real moment that began to change everything. Literally faced in front of a mirror. But I want to hear how it shifted because clearly you're actually sold out for Jesus now. Clearly your relationship with the Lord is so real and so authentic. What changed?

Sorry. You know, there's, there's such a, sorry, when we're talking about Judas and, you know, the weight and the responsibility, um, I just, it's like, I just don't want people to listen to this and hear what we're saying and feel shame because it's not shame. Our hearts, and I know yours is the same, is that people are living half alive.

I grieve, I'm emotional because for half of my life, I lived half alive. And there's so much that I missed out on for so many years in my life. And I know nothing is wasted, but I also know that I lived in so much sin while telling a different story. And you, you know, you ask like, what shifted, what changed?

And for me, what's crazy is that I was invited to a women's conference, an event in Florida. And I remember when I got the email and I saw the lineup of speakers, I actually was like, I don't think they meant to say this to me because I was, I remember texting one of my best, best, best friends a few days before that and saying, I think I'm done like with ministry. I don't think I'm, I don't think I'm meant for it, which I really wasn't at the time. But I was just done because I wasn't getting opportunities and that was all it was about for me. You know, that's all it was about.

Because I was living for me. I was chasing me. And just I'm like, how do I get, how do I make myself more known? How do I elevate myself more? And I got this email and I was like, this is crazy. I said yes, didn't even pray or think. I was just like, absolutely, I'll be there. And I'll never forget, it was in February and there was this great like snow storm. And my flight got delayed three times and then canceled.

And there was no way for me to get to this conference. And I was like, well, I guess I'm just not supposed to go. And on the other side of my, I guess I'm just not supposed to go were the faithful prayers of that women's conference team, Kristen, Patricia, Chrissy, Amy, on their faces in prayer, meeting with the Holy Spirit,

specifically Kristen told me when I got there, she's like, the Holy Spirit told me you had to be here. And I was like, okay. You know, cause then I'm like, okay, cool. And I'm here. They ended up sending me a car service that drove in the ice snowstorm, four hours to Houston to fly out of Houston.

Like, cause they were like, we're stopping at nothing. And I think I look back and I'm like, God stops at nothing when he needs his children to do something or see something or realize something. And I've lived that. And so in that, I remember like driving to Houston and being like, like this is so, I'm like with a driver, I'm like, what is happening, you know?

And I get there and I was doing Jezzy Beth Live for the first time. So I'd never gone on stage and like done it, but it was an SNL style monologue. So it was just like this 25 minute, you know, and they'd given me a ton of content to go from. They have amazing sense of humor. That church is just, it was incredible.

And so I get up to like practice and I totally bomb it. And I was like, I don't want to do this because doing comedy to an empty room, mic checking, I'm like, this is humiliating. No one laughed. I'm like, I'm not doing this this. Because doing comedy to an empty room, mic checking, I'm like, this is humiliating, no one laughed, I'm like, I'm not doing this. And one of their women's team members, her name's Pat, she was like, why don't I just come, like what are you doing after this?

Like you're really stressed, why don't I just come wherever you're gonna be and we'll just go over it until you feel confident. And I just remember that was like my first glimpse of like the Lord is like really wanting me to do this. The Lord is really present. For her, she came to my really wanting me to do this. Lord is really present for her. She came to my hotel and stayed there till 1.30 in the morning.

Yeah. Just help until she was like, until you feel confident, I will be here. We had a whole conference. She had a whole conference to run the next day. She was waking up hours later. And it was such an impactful thing for me because she did, she stayed till I felt confident.

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and notice the benefits for yourself. That's drinkag1.com slash woe. The next day I go and I'm hearing from all these amazing leaders like Lisa Harper, Christine Cain, Irene Rollins, Christy McClellan, Kristin Bonham, like all these amazing speakers. I'm just sitting there. I'm like, these are the, I mean, this is the Mount Rushmore of the Christian faith. These women have paved the way. Like they are amazing.

And I'm just sitting there kind of floored like, wow, and then I'm about to go up there and just make fun of all of them. And I was like, this is not gonna be fun. Well, my set, I was going on after, so Irene Rollins came up and she shared her story about alcoholism and how it almost ruined her family and her marriage and her life and her ministry.

And she was at the time seven years sober, she's now nine. And I was really struggling with alcohol at that time. And my dad was actually in the hospital fighting for his life because of alcoholism as well. And so my dad's a functioning alcoholic, my brother's a recovering alcoholic. And then I wasn't an alcoholic, I wasn't reaching for a bottle at 9 a.m.,

but I was drinking too much. I would go out and I would be getting drunk. And when I read Shared, I remember the feeling, the Holy Spirit, feeling that. But you don't know what it is, because you're not walking in it. But feeling like, I should probably tell somebody. Like, I'm not telling anybody.

That's embarrassing. Humiliating people will judge me. And I was supposed to be on the stage in 20 minutes. So they have this worship set after Irene shares. And I go up to Irene, I'm like, I'm just going to ask her to pray for my dad. Like, what's the harm in 20 minutes. So they have this worship set after I read in chairs. And I go up to her and I'm like, I'm just gonna ask her to pray for my dad. Like, what's the harm in that, you know?

So I kneel down to ask her and I'm like, hey, can you pray for my dad? He's in the hospital really struggling with alcohol. She's like, yeah, of course. And so I'm like kneeling, she's sitting in a chair and I'm kneeling beside her. And she lays her hand on my head and starts praying for me to be free.

And I was like, I mean, just lost it. I'm just sobbing. I remember snot like falling out of my nose. You were telling her about you. You were telling her you were bad. Oh, I wasn't asking her to pray for me. But the Holy Spirit, the thread woven of that whole weekend was just the Holy Spirit.

You just look back, you see, I'm like, all of these moments. My flight getting canceled to me getting there from Houston to all the things I'm like, and the last drink of alcohol I had taken was before I got on that plane. And now I'm two and a half years sober. So it's still the last drink of alcohol I've ever took. But when she started praying for me to be free,

I think she was praying for more than just freedom from alcohol, you know, in that moment. There was so much that I needed freedom from that I didn't know. And I'll never forget, I'm supposed to be on stage 15 minutes and I'm wearing the bright pink blazer and that like really, I'm wearing a pink flat brimmed hat. I look the part, you know what I mean? And I go into the bathroom and I don't say, when I say that I heard the Holy Spirit, I heard from the Holy Spirit, I don't say that lightly. It's terrifying. It's not something I'm just like, I just, it's not like I heard God say. It's such a... I was so scared out of my mind.

Like, I was in the grain of bathroom, and, you know, I was like, I gotta clean up my face because I gotta be on stage. Like, what a line, you know? And I'm in the bathroom and I'm patting my eyes and I'm looking at myself in the mirror and I'm like, this is the most sober I've ever been. I'm coming, like, I'm looking at myself

and I'm coming to the realization, like, I am a fraud. I'm coming, like I'm looking at myself and I'm coming to the realization like, I am a fraud, I'm a fraud. And so I heard the voice of the Lord say, do you love me? And my gut, I'm like, yeah, I'm at the conference, I'm doing the thing, I'm wearing the outfit, I'm about to go on the stage. Like, of course I do, this is what you do.

And again, it was like, it was like, it was actually terrifying. Do you love me? And I just fell to my face on the bathroom floor, you know, next to the little basket of mini deodorants and toothpicks. So real. And I just forehead to ground. I was like, no.

Because the evidence of loving the Lord is fruit. I'm just like, I don't think I do. And I don't even think I know how. I don't even think I know what that means. And then I just felt him ask like, will you love me? And I said, yes. And I don't think I understood in that moment what that meant and the responsibility and the weight and the obedience that's required of us, but I meant it and I still do. And so, went on the stage a few minutes later. That was the moment that changed everything for me.

And no one on the, I get on the stage and I'm making everybody laugh. No one knows that just a few minutes ago, I was in the bathroom just sobbing, crying out to the Lord, you know, and asking Him, you know, to really help me. I'm like, I don't even know what to do. And so that's what shifted for me was that moment in the bathroom,

but that what came after was the Holy Spirit had prompted the woman that's now my mentor, Amy, to FaceTime me like a couple days after the conference. She FaceTimed me and she's like, hey, I think we should read the Bible together. And I was like, I've never done that really. I know like Jeremiah 20 and 11, I know a little bit of Romans 12, maybe one,

but I'm like, I've never done that. And she's like, let's do it together. And she called me every day for a year. We read the whole Bible in a year, every day. To be like, hey, did you do your, and she'd send me a picture of hers and I'd send her a picture of mine back. She is the, she was the discipler

that she was the Paul to my Timothy. Literally, she was like, you have a calling on your life. Amy, she has, she does not want any kind of fame or fortune or platform, nothing. She was just like, I see that you have a call in your life. I know God wants to use you. Get up and let's go. And she just allowed me this safe place to confess my sin.

And I just, as my sin, as it came up to here, because once you're in doubt with the Holy Spirit, He convicts you of your sin as it comes. And I would be like, oh my gosh, I didn't even realize I need to say this out loud. She gave me a safe place to confess and challenged me hard stuff. But that changed, discipleship changes.

The Holy Spirit meeting you changes everything. And then the discipleship that comes after that, it is the greatest turning point of our lives. If someone is like, hey, I'll take you with me. That's what Jesus did. He showed them the way. He just walked with them. He's like, follow me and I'll show you how to do it.

I'm like, it changes your life. It changed my life. It literally changed my life. Wow, that is the most beautiful story. Honestly, I can relate to so much of what you just said. Like when I look back at my story, it's actually so similar. And some of the parts that people don't even know,

I don't even talk about all the time, but like that deeply, deeply changed me. And to speak to the tears earlier and the no shame, this is one of the most beautiful aspects of the moment with Judas and even with Peter, is that Peter and Judas were both about to go and deny Jesus, both of them. Jesus knew that and where their hearts were at. Jesus called it even before. Jesus knew that and where their hearts were at. Jesus called it even before. And He gets down and He washes their feet.

And so like, when you say there's no shame, there's really no shame. The Father loves you, like regardless of what you are doing or about to do, He loves you and is pursuing you and to the level of humility to get down on His knees and wash your feet and purify you and cleanse you and make you right before him. Like that's what Jesus is extending.

No matter what you're currently doing or about to do. And it's so beautiful because he offers the same thing to Peter that he offers to Judas, that he offers to John and James and all the other people there. And then two people do go on to deny him. Judas does what Judas does, Peter does what Peter does. But then in Peter's story, there's this moment of redemption

and it's the words of, do you love me? And Jesus totally redeems Peter denying him three times. And it's so interesting that that was your story because back, I think I was 19 years old, I was struggling, kind of some of the hypocritical lifestyle I was living, starting to catch up to me. And I had like gotten out of it, but I still felt guilty for it.

And I was now getting like asked to speak places and I didn't really feel like I should because of like where I had been, because I'd never told anyone, I still hadn't confessed. So I just never felt like worthy of being able to like preach the gospel in front of people because I just knew what my past had looked like. And so by the grace of God, someone, actually my security guard on the tour I was on was like,

hey, my wife's a counselor. Would you take a call with her? I think she would just wanna encourage you. I know, so random. And he didn't know. He's a security guard. I'm not telling him what I'm going through. I'm just there.

And anyways, she calls me, I'll never forget. We were at Winter Jam. And so these are like big arena rooms and I had like 10 minutes to encourage people. And this is like my first thing I had done in like ministry. And so I'm like walking around the stage, mic check, and which I hate mic checks by the way, cause it feels so awkward.

And yeah. Sometimes I do a little freestyle rap. Maybe try that. Yeah, I don't do what I'm gonna like actually say anymore. Now I'm just like, check one, two, we good? How we doing? All right, thanks. Because it feels so awkward to act like you're preaching

or act like you're doing, you can't do it. So I agree with you on that. So anyways, I'm walking around the stage and on this phone with this lady that I don't know, and she's like, hey, I wanna take you to John 21. And she says, Jesus is sitting by the by fire with Peter and he says, do you love me? And she literally, I'm not kidding, challenged me with that.

And she said, do you love him? Yeah, literally. She's asking me this. That's why I went with your story. I was like, Whoa, this is so crazy. And I was like, yes. And then she's like, Hey, I just want you to see Sadie, like Peter and Jesus had to establish a relationship,

a true relationship before Peter ever went and did anything for Jesus or in ministry. And so she was like, before you like go into ministry, like you need to make sure that you really love him and your relationship is pure. So I call a mentor of mine, I was living in Nashville at the time, this mentor lived in Huntsville, Alabama.

It was about an hour and a half away. I was like, hey, I'm living in Nashville now, kind of struggling, honestly. And I would love, we actually had this wedding that I knew she was going to. And I was like, I would love to see you. I know you're going to that wedding. She was like, why don't you drive to Huntsville

and we'll ride to it together somewhere in Alabama. I can't remember. I was like, sure. So I drive down and we're in her car and this is so funny, but her air conditioning didn't work that day and it was hot. It was very hot and she never turned the radio on, which mattered because it was awkward. It was like silent and hot. All of a sudden I'm like starting to sweat probably because there's no heat and there's no air in the car and because there's no music and I'm feeling weird.

And I'm like, but all of a sudden I started to feel like I need to confess. Like I need to tell her that like the way I've been living. And I'm like, oh my gosh, I've never done this before. You know, no one knows this. So I start to confess and I'll never forget, she just reaches her hand over and holds my hand. It was so sweet. And I was like, this is like, it was so crazy and she said, you need inner healing prayer. And I felt embarrassed

but she was like, no, like you really do. Like you need inner healing prayer and like we're gonna get, you're gonna get past that. Like Jesus has forgiven you and we're gonna make sure you forgive yourself, which that was the hardest part. Yep. So anyways, I did. And for the next year and a half, every Saturday night, I drove to Huntsville

and I learned from her and we studied the Bible together. And I went to her church the next morning because her and her husband are pastors and I went to all, you know, two or three services. Can't remember what they had at the time. And I just learned. And that was truly some of the most pivotal, if not the most pivotal time.

I won't even say, that was the most pivotal time in my faith journey was the confession and then the discipleship. Yep. Okay, y'all, I've learned this the hard way. Hydration isn't just about drinking a lot of water, it's also about balance electrolytes. Because whenever I'm running around after my girls, trying to work out, or even just recovering from being sick, I need to put back everything that my body's losing.

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D R I N K L M N T dot com slash woe. I had no idea what God was going to bring me into after that. I never saw myself speaking at Passion. I never saw myself, like that was not the goal. That was not in mind. I couldn't have even dreamed that for myself. Of course. But thank God that He took me through that so that I would feel ready. And not that you ever really feel ready,

but you know he's in you and you trust him enough to know, okay, if you're gonna put me there and you're in me, then when I open my mouth, you're gonna give me the words to say. And there's an overflow. Like this word is active and alive and it's in me. And when I speak, it's gonna come out the way that you want it to be.

Because it's not about me, it's about the people in the room, it's about you, it's about so much more. And so your story is so relatable to me for so, so many reasons. And I just look at, I'm so grateful God has elevated your platform and like so grateful for the way that you are showing up to different things and speaking and hosting and because like your voice is so needed, your honesty is so refreshing, your humility is so refreshing and your humor is also

so refreshing. You actually remind me a lot of Lisa Harper because I was with her. You were talking about this Judas thing recently and I said, man like and the hypocritical thing I thought what would God have thought of me back in the day? And she said, he would have washed your feet, just like he washed Judas' feet. And it was like, man, like, sometimes, like, we're so much harder on ourselves than God is. Like, he gets down on our level.

He sits by the fire and cooks breakfast and says, do you love me? You know? Yeah. I want to ask because I know you have had a tough story. Your upbringing was tough, you know? I want you to share a little bit about that. And then I do want to get to asking you like,

where does your joy and your humor come from? You know? How'd you find that in the midst of your story? If you want to share a little bit. Yeah, so my story's a little wild, a little crazy. And it's by the grace of God that I am what I am and am here today. But whenever I was seven months old,

my parents got divorced. So before I could even speak, they were separated. I've never seen them in covenant. I've never seen them, you know, coherently at least as a baby, I guess. But my dad's a functioning alcoholic and has been my entire life. And so my dad just got divorced out of his fifth

marriage, my mom's in her fourth and the inconsistency and instability that comes with those decisions, you know, for your children, it's, it's very, very, very difficult to navigate. You know, growing up, like I went to a lot of elementary schools, I had a lot of step moms, step dads, step siblings who were all amazing, but it's just a lot, like moving from house to house.

I feel like I never had a real deep sense of belonging because I was always going new places, you know what I mean? And that was really hard. And it felt like my whole life was like meeting new people. I'm like, and now you're my mom, and now you're my dad. And so I didn't really ever feel like I had a place of belonging, and because of that, I think that I was exposed to pornography

when I was 10 years old. It was by complete accident, that's usually the story, but it changed my life. Once you see that, you feel that rush, it's hard to get away from that. So that entered me into an 11 year secret pornography problem. I didn't confess that until I was 21 out loud.

I never told a soul, I lived in secret sin. And what a grip that has. And so from 10 years old is when I moved in with my dad, after my mom having custody of us our whole lives. And I knew my dad, like we would have every other weekend we'd go to Blockbuster, I'd get Mary-Kate and Ashley movies all through Wazoo. And my dad was like, my dad like,

I just have so much compassion for him. Like I look back and I have so many sweet memories of him like brushing my hair, I would sit on the window still and he would like try to blow dry my hair, God bless him. I mean, it was so sweet. Like those are some of the fondest memories. He'd let me wear his like two XL t-shirts and I'm just this little tiny girl. Yeah, and those were the best moments.

And I know that my dad did everything he could to be the dad that he felt like he should be. But when you're arresting your own demons and my dad's mom passed away when he was 10 and then his dad was physically abusive to him, my dad had no way of knowing, you know? And so I just have so much compassion for him as well because everyone's being a parent for the first time,

you know what I mean? And so when we moved in with him, it was like I was already struggling with pornography and then I had this dad that I just didn't feel connected to emotionally. And when you're 10 and then the fifth grade, it's like, it's a big year. It's a big year to be a girl.

Your body's changing, your hormones changing, you're crying for no reason. You're like, I don't understand what's going on. And then you find out why you're 10 and in the fifth grade, it's like, it's a big year. It's a big year to be a girl. Your body's changing, your hormones changing, you're crying for no reason. You're like, I don't understand what's going on. And then you find out why you're crying so much. And you're like, okay, no, I don't want to be a girl anymore. This is the worst. And I just remember like going to school in this town that I lived in and it was a very wealthy place.

And we grew up very like poor. I mean, we didn't have much. And our first like, my first like real encounter with the Lord was whenever I was younger, my mom married, her second husband was super involved in a church. And so we would say the Lord's prayer every night before, like before bed. So we'd all like hold hands, which is a little bit odd, but I was like, okay. And so, and that man actually would physically abuse my mom. And so my brothers and I had a really skewed,

we were like, is this who God is? And we'd go to this church and they would just, it was, they would scare you into accepting Jesus because they would preach so much about hell. And I'm like, well, I just, I know I don't, I don't know if I want to go to heaven, but I know I don't want to go to the fiery pits, you know? And so that was our first like encounter with the Lord.

And so that's kind of all I really knew about him. I knew my grandma really loved the Lord and there was scripture all over her house, but I didn't have a relationship with God. So at 10 years old, I don't know who I am. I don't really know the man I live with. I have my two brothers and it's just kind of, we're all ride or die.

We've been together our whole lives. And so I go into this school, it's very wealthy. I'm used to not wealth, and we did the Goodwill before it was popular to do the Goodwill. It was kind of stinky to do the Goodwill, and that's we would like Salvation Army Goodwill. And I go into, and I remember I was washing my hands in the bathroom, and this girl comes up next to me,

and we're looking in the mirror, and she's wearing this blue long sleeve Hollister shirt, you know the ones with the bird right there, and I just thought, and she had straight hair, and I'd with the bird right there, and I just thought when she had straight hair I'd never had a straightener, and I just thought wow she is so cool, and we're washing our hands and she looks at me and she says, your cheeks are kinda big.

What? I was like, I never, I'm like washing my hands and she like walks away and I'm like looking at myself and I'm like, what? What? Because I never really considered that my cheeks are big, and now I know they are, by the grace of God, they're perfect, you know?

And all my dimples, like it's great, you know? But at 10, we're not thinking, I wasn't thinking about my body. And so that comment spiraled me into thinking about what I ate all the time and bingeing and making myself throw up. And so that spiraled me into an eating disorder. So by the time I was 16, I mean, I was addicted to porn, I had an eating disorder.

I was self-harming as just an escape for myself. And then I had tried to take my own life three times and I'll never forget the third time, the final attempt, like driving home as if I was going to see like these buildings for the last time and I'm never going to see this again. And, um, obviously it didn't work. And whenever I came to my dad had sat me down

and I used to wear a bangle bracelet, like a big thick wooden bracelet to hide my self-harm marks. And my dad sat me down, it was by his bedside. And he just said, do you know why I keep this by my bed? And I said, no, it's an odd souvenir, you know? And he said to remind myself how much I failed as a father. And I was 16 and so broken and so desperate that it was like all I really wanted,

I think was just a hug maybe. But I think in my life up to that point, it had felt like everyone had always made my pain about them and it was about me. And I wanted somebody to make it about me. I think all my life, like just in all the things that we experienced, in all the trauma, I just wanted someone to like lock eyes with me and be like, I love you and I care for you. And I think that there was just so much pain and so much to like,

I had six brothers and three sisters step in half included at that time when I was 16. So like we would, they would have dinner would be ready and I would literally shuffle down the stairs, make my plate and shuffle back up and no one knew if I came or went. You know what I mean? And so I didn't really have, I didn't feel like I had much going for me anyways. But my dad told me that, he said, this is too much for me, you're too much for me,

I don't really know what to do. And I'm like, I look back and I'm like, I don't really know that I would have known what to do either as a parent with that. And so I understand now, but then at 16, when you're looking at the man who's supposed to love and protect you and care for you, and he's telling you, I don't know how to do that,

it's really painful, and it's marking. And so he asked me, he's like, I think you need to live with your grandma for a little while. And so I go live with my grandma, and I'm just thinking, this is a nightmare. Because I thought I was Avril Lavigne. I was very punk rock, angsty, angry teenager,

or really dark eyeliner, black nails. I was very punk rock, angsty, angry teenager, or really dark eyeliner, black nails. I was like, I'm really angry, and I'm going to go into Bible and biscuits. That's where I'm going to go. She's going to open the door, have her Jesus apron on, and be like, do you know the Lord is your Savior? And I'm going to be like, no, girl, get out of my way.

So praise God for Joyce Marie Seals, my grandma. My nanny is what we called her. And when I got there, she was so prayed up. Like she just, I actually believe that my nanny walked hand in hand with the Lord. I actually genuinely believe, like I don't think I've ever met anybody who was just so in tune with the Holy Spirit.

And I would give anything to study the Bible with her now, to just sit down across from her quiet time and just tell me everything that God is teaching you. And I would give anything to study the Bible with her now, to just sit down across from her, her quiet time and just like tell me everything that God is teaching you. But that day she didn't say anything to me. She was so prayed up. So for three days she just let me have my space. I'm like, that's unheard of.

She's like, you know what I mean? She just wants to come in and be like, you need Jesus. And so by the third day I was so bored, I had no laptop, no phone, nothing. I'm like, I would talk to a brick wall if one entered the door, you know? And so she comes in to bring me lunch and she like sits on the edge of the bed

and she's like, hey, I just have something I want you to read, no pressure. And she just slides it across the bed and she's like, read it if you want, you know? And I loved poetry, I loved reading, I loved writing. Like it was my favorite thing. So she walks out of the room, I pull it over, spoiler alert, it is the Bible. and it's open to Psalm 139.

And like I had just said before about, like I shuffle down to dinner and no one knows if I come or if I go. And then I'm reading Psalm 139 that says, where can I go to flee from your spirit? Where can I go to hide from your face? If I ascend into heaven, you're there. If I go to the depths, you're there.

You encircle me. The CSB says you encircle me. You place your hand on me. Your thoughts about me outnumber the grains of sand. When I wake up, you're still with me. You're everywhere I go because you care and you love me so much. You knitted me together in my mother's womb.

Every day of my life was planned out before I breathed a single breath. I was just like shocked. And I knew that I was just shocked. And I knew that it was for me. Wow. And it wasn't just a love, it wasn't just a love, anything I'd experienced.

It's like, this is talking about a love that is way beyond, I mean, David literally says it's too, I can't understand it. Wow. And I'm like, oh, this is for me. So I go across the hallway and my grandma had this horrible orange shaggy carpet, I will never forget it as long. I can't understand it. And I'm like, oh, this is for me. So I go across the hallway and my grandma had this horrible orange shaggy carpet. I will never forget it as long as I live.

And I'm looking at the carpet and I go across the hallway to her room and she's crying and her arms are open. And I always tell people, like, that's the first time I feel like I physically met Jesus. Like I hugged her and I was home. Like it was, she explains the gospel to me. I accept it.

I'm like, yes, I definitely want this. This is amazing. And that's like when I came to know Jesus. like, and she, so then at that moment, literally I get saved and she's like, so I have to tell you something. I'm like, okay. And she's like, and I, my mom had had, I have two older brothers. My mom had already had two other babies. And she said, when your mom was pregnant with you, I placed my hands on her belly and I said,

Amy, this baby is your missionary. She is going to tell thousands of people about Jesus. Wow. And my mom loves telling that story. If you hear, she will tell you like, that's my missionary baby right there, you know? But when she saw me, I've only known the Lord for two minutes. So I'm like, let's not get ahead of ourselves, Nanny.

Like, let's relax. She was patient with the three days. She had to get it out. I have to tell you that I knew this in 1993, you know? And so just to see the fruit of her prayers, like, you know, she wasn't alive to see that fruit, but I just know like, oh gosh, I'm like, what a prophetic word, what a Holy Spirit.

Like it was just the most holy moment. And to live in her answered prayers now. She was warring in prayer for me. And so it's really, really sweet. So that's why I got saved. That is so cool. That is the most beautiful and amazing thing. And to think about her waiting those three days,

as a mom, you just wanna deal with it, you just wanna say something. And your grandma just was like, okay, well she's sweet. And then she's like, okay, like as a mom, you just wanna deal with it, you just wanna say something. And like your grandma just was like, okay, I'll wait, I'll wait. And then she's like, okay, now that you know, I've known this house so long, you were knit together in the womb. Like that is just so beautiful.

Gosh, friend, your story is amazing. And I wanted you to share your story because perspective, like, you know, I don't know how you see yourself in the mirror, but from an outsider, you are beautiful. Literally. You have the best dimples, your hair's rocking, the tan is always nice, the tattoos are cool. You have the coolest style. You are literally hilarious. You sing really good, even though half the time you're joking, but I'm like, okay, she's actually like really, really good and should actually do a record. Like you have all of these different things going for you. So when people see you and they see you preaching

and they hear just like how empathetic you are and how kind you are and how filled with wisdom you are, you never think someone like you has the backstory that you have. And that speaks to the power of the gospel. It speaks to the power of Jesus and by the grace of God, by the hand of God, by you being discipled and truly surrendering your life to Him, like you are who you are.

And like, I just want people to know that because it is so beautiful. Like I said before, I think I said this in the prayer, like the world does not need another perfect looking influencer. It's like they need someone to be human to say, hey, it's pretty rough. And actually, even after I gave my life to the Lord,

it was really rough. And then I was snotty faced on the bathroom floor in a green room with the mini deodorants, looking at myself going, you're about to go on stage and you don't feel like you can, because that's real. But yeah, Jesus is so real and like redefines everything, rebrands who we are as people. And it's like the coolest thing ever.

And so I am just like, so I just like rejoice that you are who you are and that you're doing what you're doing. So I got to be with you at Therefore Gathering, which was so fun. And you really are so funny. Where does your humor come from? Do you even know?

Trauma. I think, yeah. I'm pretty sure that like, I mean, there's like a study somewhere that shows that people who, I mean, you can't, you can't, I don't really think I can chalk it up to anything else. You have to laugh. Like you have to laugh. You have to laugh, like, you have to laugh. You have to be able to, like, make light.

Like, we were actually talking, your parents and I were talking about this last night. My dad is that person. Yeah, that's why we connected. And Cory was like, your mom was like, I mean, y'all gotta, y'all gotta go sit over there and chat, because this is the same thing. But it's like, you have to laugh, otherwise you'll cry.

So I'm like, I just, I think that I just, I think I used humor. I realized I could make people laugh. I was in theater, like all of like my middle school and high school, and I realized I could make people laugh. And I was like, wait a minute. And so I was like, it's kind of cool. And I love to make people laugh.

There's so much joy. I think people forget, I think like we have this idea that God is like up in heaven with a finger, like you are in trouble. And I just don't think that. And I see like in the gospels watching Jesus talk, I'm like, he was a little sassy. I think he was a little sassy.

He had some moments that he would say something and I'd be like, what? Yeah, like that would have been awkward to sit there and hear. I think that he was a little bit sassy. He was a little bit sarcastic. And I think that Jesus would want us. I mean, the joy of the Lord is my strength.

Like I don't know if I can't laugh, I can't do anything. And I love making people laugh. So I think it came from enduring so much as a young person that now as an adult, I'm like, I just wanna make people laugh. That doesn't mean you get to get away with not healing. You know, I'm in therapy and I love therapy

and I'm all about it. We love therapy. Everybody should go, I love therapy. And there's a deep healing that has to come. But also like, that doesn't mean healing has to come at an expense of joy. Yeah, they both can exist in there and they and they could when they coexist. It's so good. Yeah, it's fruitful. It's like the I love that about my dad. Sometimes I don't understand it about my dad I'm like, are you laughing? Did you really make that joke right now?

But also like it's helpful and we're walking through a really hard thing with my dad's parents right now. And the way that my dad has handled it, I've seen him cry, I've seen him laugh. And it's hard for me to see my grandparents in the state that they're in. So I wait till my dad's going and then I go with him because I'm like, how do you make them laugh right now? And he does.

And it's such a gift to be able to do that. So that's amazing. I know we're running short on time, but you're so amazing and people are gonna hang with us because I have to hear more. And I know you speak so powerfully into this season of singleness or the, I mean, one time my friend was on here and she said,

it's not a season, it's my life. So don't call it my season. She said, this is me right now. And so anyways, I don't know how you call it But can you speak a little bit and encourage people because I've prayed with you about this I've heard you talk on stage about this I would just like seeing you step into that and give so much truth So to the single ladies out there give them a little encouragement from what you found in your own journey

Well before I give the encouragement I just want to make sure that I honor you because something that is so important to me is that people know who Sadie is, offline, off camera. We had a moment in that green room and it actually, I do think it was a life altering moment for me in a green room with all of these amazing people you included. I want to make sure that I honor you because we were in that green room and I had felt so, Brenna had just spoken, I had felt the Holy Spirit convict me heavily and I was like, I have to go confess right now, otherwise I won't.

And so I go back to the green room and you were doing something at a different table. I go over to two of my friends who I'm like, I'm gonna confess to them. I don't know them super, super well, but I'm like, I think we can, in the, in the club we're all fam, like everybody, we gotta confess. So yeah, and so then you come over to us

and it was like, okay, I'm just gonna confess to everybody. I said, I need to confess in. I'll never forget you literally go, okay, let's do it. And I was like, I just, I wanna make sure that people know that you are, you are boots to the ground. Like you are a woman of great character. And that moment for me, you didn't just stop and say, let's do it.

You actually intentionally listened as I confessed my sin. And then you said, let's pray. And you didn't do a drive by prayer of like, I only got 30 seconds and I gotta go on to the next thing. It was like we were the only four people in that room. You stopped and each of you, Brenna and Lauren as well, you stopped and you prayed for a long time, a long time. You laid hands on me because you realized

the importance of those things. So I just wanna make sure that I honor you. And I want people to know that you're not just doing this on the internet or on the stage. You're doing this behind the scenes in the green room. You're doing this with your family. I know that that's who you actually are. So thank you for that moment in the green room with me. That was such a beautiful moment.

It was so sweet to me. I'm like, yeah, if it's not like you get in those settings and some green rooms, you know, it feels like green room, and then some it's like, no, like we are here and there are people out there and we're about to minister to, and like what a beautiful place to confess sin. And I actually heard Christian Stanfield said this one time

because I asked him like, how do you deal with the tension of like being human and making mistakes, but also leading worship like every Sunday? And like, how do you just keep going sometimes when you feel like you're living in it? And he said, confession. He's like, sometimes I'll walk off stage and be like, hey, can I confess this to you

before I lead the next song, you know? And so when you did that, I was like, let's go. This is so real. Like, I just loved it. And so thank you for saying that, but I equally loved that moment. It was it was very special and right after that I got to go on stage and talk about singleness and so I was confessing back there a few things

but one of the things was that I was like finding my value in what this person was thinking about me. It was a man and and I was like I just don't want to live like that. I don't want to I I don't wanna place my worth or value in that. And then I got to go on stage after that and talk about singleness and what a gift it is. And then I said on the stage, I was like, just so y'all know, I was backstage crying two minutes ago about this.

So like, let me just be frank, it is hard. But one of the things I deeply, deeply, deeply believe in my gut is that I think in the church, we think singleness is a disease that needs to be cured. But I actually think it's a gift that needs to be stewarded. And when you are like, all of my mom friends who are amazing, your mother as well, like you guys are incredible.

Like I look at your life and I'm like, I could never do that. And God would give me the grace if that's what he wanted me to do. But I'm like, wow, like the other day I'm FaceTiming one of my really good friends, Brenna, and I'm like telling her about this really hard thing and I'm crying and she has two children, like hanging on her that are just talking to do. But I'm like, wow, like the other day I'm FaceTiming one of my really good friends, Brenna, and I'm like telling her about this really hard thing and I'm crying and she has two children like hanging on her that are just talking

to and she's listening to me and I'm like, I could never do that. How do you do it? But what it is is like, you know, Paul talks about it, like it's better to be single because your attention is undivided. You have one devotion. I'm like, when you think about that, and this is not, I'm just not, I'm not even just saying this. Like when you think about, I get to spend hours with the Lord. When I get to like, when I get to open my Bible, no one gets to tell me when I get to start or stop. I can go for hours. Other people, you have a husband or you have children or you have both and you have things that you have to tend to.

Dishes need to be washed and people need to be fed and husbands need you got to help them put their outfit together because they don't they look a fool if you don't. Like there's just all these things that need to be done. And Paul was clear. He's like it is a gift because you have undivided, like a devotion. And I think that that really clicked in my brain. I was like, wait, so it's not that I don't want to be married. I do. I would love to be married. I would love to be a mom, of course. But I think the verse that people misconstrue and take out of context when they're talking

about singleness and relationships is delight yourself in the Lord and he'll give you the desire of your heart. Girl, if you want to get married, you're going to get married. You will have a husband. And I'm like, I don't see in scripture ever that it's promised that I'll have a husband. But I do see that the Lord will give me the desires in my heart when I delight in Him.

When I delight in Him, He becomes my delight, and then He gives me Himself. So it's like, He is, so at the end of it, it's like Jesus is the dream. He's the goal, He's the mission. So that's my encouragement. I'm like. That is so good, I'm so glad I asked you that

because it's so rich. I remember when Christian and I started getting serious, I was like, had already said I love you and I really meant it. And I was like, oh shoot, like we are walking towards marriage. I like pumped the brakes for a second. I was like, hey, I need three days

where I don't talk to you and I need to like pray. And he was scared to death. And he was like, I wish I could say I also prayed and fasted but I was like praying that you would not hear from the Lord that we were not supposed to get married. And I read that verse about your heart being divided. And I was like, Lord, I don't want my heart to be divided, but I also love this person.

And Paul did say, if you burn with passion, then you should get married. So I'm feeling that. I'm feeling like I want to get married because I love Him so much. But also like what does this mean God, you know, and how do I hold that? And it's so beautiful because I did feel the confidence to pursue, yes, getting married to Christian. But then like I have noticed and obviously zero regrets. My husband is amazing. I love my family. My kids are the most amazing thing in the whole world.

But you gotta get up early if you're gonna actually sit there and read. You gotta stay up late if you're gonna read. It's different. I remember the first, oh, I went through a time where I was not reading, not doing, because I can't, when do you do that? And then-

No, literally, when do you do it? You wake up early and try to wake up early after doing all you did the day before. I can't, when do you do that? And then, you're like, you can wake up early, I'm like, try to wake up early after doing all you did the day before, I can't, I'm too tired. And so I just remember wrestling with that and then seeing friends on Instagram who were single and they're like, spent two hours in the world, like my quiet time was so good, I'm like, oh, okay, okay, that's great, that's great.

And I put a lot of pressure on myself for a little while in that and I kinda just, yeah, it was hard. But it's so beautiful. I've gotten to like a really sweet place with it now. And I feel like God is so kind because He's like, no, the husband and the kids is a gift from the Lord. Obviously. And it is ministry.

And I realized this about for me with my relationship with the Lord. I was like, you know what's cool? Is that back in the day when I spent, you know, every Saturday driving an hour and a half to Huntsville and study and all that, that was so good and so beneficial. And when you look at it, that was the time I was like

doing the most in my relationship with the Lord. But where I'm at now versus where I was seven years ago when I was doing that, I love the Lord so much more. I really sure the Lord is so much deeper, so much greater, so much like, and so I think about it even with me and Christian, when we were dating, we talked on the phone every single day for hours.

We texted nonstop, we thought about each other every single second of the day, like that was our thing. But I love him so much more now than I did when we were dating, and it looks a little bit different. The pursuit looks a little bit different. And if I get an hour, oh, I'm gonna read, and I'm gonna pray, and I love it, and I'll receive all of it.

But a lot of times, it looks like the 20 minutes to work. You know, when I'm like, God, I'm meeting with God. You're also meeting with God when you're with your kids. When I'm with my kids. You're meeting with God. Always.

I love the videos that you post of your little. The 24-7 relationship. Yeah, and even at Therefore, I'm sitting behind Christians there, and I'm like, this is still ministry. This is beautiful. This is still meeting with God. Like when you're teaching your children,

when you're teaching your girls, when you and Christian are like your two sinners living under one household, learning how to love each other, that's also a ministry. That's also meeting with God that's honoring Him. And so both can be so beautiful and stretching. Both are a gift. And that's why I love that Paul doesn't say it's one or the other. Totally. This is the beauty of this and this is the beauty of that. And there's beauty in both. And a relationship with God doesn't just look like quiet time. Oh thank you Jesus. It looks

like a 24-7 thing. Hold on. And so, friend, you have given so much wisdom. When I think of a Woe That's Good episode, that is truly marked by the definition of Woe That's Good, it will be this one from here on out. Because everything you said was like, Whoa, that is really good. There's so much depth to it. And who you are is just amazing. The very last thing I wanna ask you, and I actually am sincerely curious, what do you get at Chili's that makes you love it so much? You're like, why do you like Chili's?

I need to know because I don't know what to get. Well, I think the most famous thing that I would recommend to anybody going if they're like, I don't know what to do, it would be a triple dipper because you get a little bit of everything. It's technically an appetizer, but you get a little bit of everything it's technically an appetizer but you get a little bit of everything the southwestern egg rolls the big mouth bites oh solid the honey to a chicken crispers that's like a solid lineup that

was like when I was in high school and used to go to these like that was the line is that is the line and chilies everyone's like why do you love chili so much and I'm like it's just it's it's classic it's American it's home it's it's perfect like the mug the mug that they give you the much? And I'm like, it's just it's it's classic. It's American. It's it's perfect. Like the mug, the mug that they give you, the diet. OK, I'm like, it feels like home. I love it. You're amazing. Thank you so much for going to the podcast. you