WHOA That's Good Podcast - Knowing When to Ask for Help with Your Anxiety | Sadie Robertson Huff & Tay Dome Lautner

Episode Date: December 21, 2022

Sadie welcomes newlywed, mental health advocate, and entrepreneur Tay Dome Lautner. Tay speaks candidly about her time working as a nurse in recent years, how she realized she'd become so anxious and depressed that she needed to stop, and how she turned that experience, and subsequent PTSD, into a passion for helping other people with their mental health by starting Lemons by Tay. Sadie and Tay both share the moments they realized they were in a bad place and needed help and how to summon courage to ASK for help. Tay encourages us to celebrate small victories in BIG ways, and Sadie challenges us to choose to find joy in whatever situation you're in and, when possible, make bad things good!  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What's up friends welcome back to whoa that's good Wednesday I hope you're having a great week well as always it's about to get better and I'm so excited that today I get to interview Tay Lochner y'all she is so incredible she has so many good things going just if you don't know some of the things that she has going on, she has a blog called Lemons by Tay. She also runs a nonprofit, the Lemons Foundation. She's a registered nurse. She is a mental health advocate.

She also has a YouTube channel with vlogs and all kinds of fun things. And she's also just an awesome human that just got to meet. So I'm super excited to have her on the podcast and I know you guys are gonna love her. So welcome to the podcast, Tay. Woo! Thank you for having me. Yes, so excited. Also one thing that I've already noticed about you that I absolutely love is you are a woo girl and I'm a woo girl. I'm always the one that's like woo and so you've done it like twice and I'm like yes. Oh my gosh. It's woo and e-ha. I've done some like friend too. I don't know.

That's a good way. I have not entered the e-ha zone yet, but I'm definitely a woo girl. That's awesome. Oh my gosh. I love it. Well, I got to kickstart the podcast the way that I always do.

And this is an intimidating question, but what is the best piece of advice that you've ever been given? It's a good question. I think probably my dad is like huge on perspective. He's like said that to me for years in like how we view relationships, how like people view things, just in relationships in life in the world, just to like have perspective of other people's views and their feelings

and whatnot. So I think I can literally just hear them saying perspective. Perspective. Perspective. When I say it. God said so good. And I love that the good advice is a word that you can hold on to because sometimes you have these good advice but you can't even recall them.

Because it's like so long or so good. Or you're like, there's a quote that I like, but I'm not sure how you say it. But perspective such a good one because I can just pop in your head at any time and be like, just perspective. We actually, in our office, we kind of do this. And it's pretty funny.

Where if someone will say something that's even like remotely negative about someone else, it'll be like oh she didn't get her stuff to do that blah blah. Then we're like well she probably and we'll paint this very dramatic perspective of probably all things going on her life and then at the end we'll all joke but oh that's it that makes sense that's so good but it is crazy how perspective can just shift everything. So I love that so much. One thing that's kind, that makes sense, that's so good. But it is crazy how perspective can just shift everything.

So I love that so much. One thing that's kind of fun is we've never met but we have a lot of mutual friends. So Aiden is a mutual friend of ours and he was actually on the podcast this year. So that's fun. And didn't he sing it you guys is wedding? He did, yeah, he he sang our first dance song and he actually sang a cover of

Heaven's Knife. Oh cool. That was like I always knew I wanted to walk down the aisle to that song and my husband actually had Aiden like record a cover of it and he had it playing when he proposed to me. Oh wow. That that was there in the night. We used the same like track for me to like walk down the aisle. So there was a lot of Aiden and I were wedding. That's awesome. Go Aiden. Actually, there's a lot of Aiden and are wedding too because I walked down the aisle to

touch of heaven that he wrote. And so when we met Aiden, we were like, actually walked down the aisle to your song. And so it's funny because we weren't even friends with it. We just chose that song. That's awesome. Well, he's super talented. Then we also have the Kennedys are going to be on the podcast in just a few weeks. Oh my gosh.

Shop fun. Yes. A lot of good people in your circle and thankful to know them. But tell me about your wedding, because what a fun season of life. And your pictures were just absolutely gorgeous. Thank you. Yeah, I was not that I was shocked how they turned out because our photographer and Nicole is just insane. She crushed it. But I was like, holy crap, like that.

They started telling me. But it was just, it was everything I could have hoped and dreamed for and more but originally Taylor and I Just wanted to aloe because we're just like we just like love each other Like we're just like it like intimate we just like like the two of us like That was when we got engaged we were like maybe we'll do that And I'm an only child and he only has one sister in both their parents who are like, no, you're not going back. So we're like, okay, fair enough. So we ended up throwing this like four day wedding,

which is literally a 180 and a little- That's awesome. But we just had like four nights, we even did like a night after our wedding just to like celebrate with everyone. That's cool. Yeah, we had like 90 of after our wedding just to like celebrate with everyone. That's cool. Yeah, we had like 90 if just our closest friends and family did it in wine country. We love wine and it's a very special place to us.

We drive up there and go wine tasting all the time. That's cool. It's like our little spot, but I love that. It was a dream. I love the four day wedding. I think it's like, I mean, you know, this is the one time in your life to celebrate the love of your life, you know? And you also find out, I feel like the more you plan on wedding, the wedding is of course

for y'all, but it's also for everybody around y'all that are going to do life with you and then your marriage is the two of you obviously. And then, but then you get to know, man, all those people that were just at my wedding are for us and our marriage. And knowing that you have like a community around you a marriage is such a beautiful thing. And so I think it's so cool you'll have four days to like soak in and celebrate just the beauty of that,

the words celebrate. I think there's like one of the definitions of celebrate where it's like to pause and give honor and praise where honor and praise is due. And I think just that pausing, that stopping and life to celebrate the things that matter are so important. And so good for you all for taking a four day pause. I think that's awesome.

That's so good. Yeah, it was great because it didn't go by fast. Like so many people were like, you're going to blink, it's going to be over. And it was like really stress to be out because I like obviously throwing a wedding is a lot so I was like, yeah, I'm gonna be present. I wanna be present. And like by Saturday night, which was our last night, I was like, okay, this has definitely like gone on.

Like, I think I need a nap now. Like, it definitely, but it didn't go by quick. So I was really happy with how we did it. That's awesome. We did like, so the day before we did bridal luncheon and then we did the rehearsal dinner and then we did a worship night with all of our, like, close friends and family.

And it was, like, my favorite thing, because you're right. It wasn't, like, rushed. It was just, we were so in the moment. And then the wedding day, we did a first look. So it was really fun, because then we had, like, we got to hang out the whole day. But the ceremony, like, went by, like like that to me. I got so nervous and I mean I guess I am kind

of a nervous person like I get nervous for things like before I do things but my dad looked over at me he goes I've never seen you so nervous. I was like shaking and it wasn't like I was questioning anything. It was just we had so many people at our wedding. Like hindsight, a 90% wedding sounds amazing because I would probably wouldn't have been as nervous. But we is a big ol' Louisiana wedding. We literally had like 700 people. It was like everybody we've ever known and loved.

And like, so it was just the idea of like walking in front of all those people who I love, who were back to like, stare at me. I was like shaking. And so I think with my nerves, the ceremony was like walking in front of all those people who I love who are back to like stare at me I was like shaking and so I think with my nerves the stare money was like that I remember right after the ceremony I looked at Christian was like oh no I think I can't remember what just happened I think I just blew it out I think I just wiped out so thank god for being here yes yes thank god for that but it was so fun also I heard that Taylor's sister is the one that kind of set you all up,

which I love that because a sister is like, they, they're like, love you or they are like, no, don't date this person. So that's kind of cool that she chose you. So how did you all get to know each other? Yeah, we actually, ironically, when Taylor's family moved out here like years ago when he was 12, his family moved to the same town that I'm from,

which is like outside of LA, kind of randomly happened, but his sister and I are a year apart. We went to like opposing high schools. We always knew the other, but like, not like I would say hi to her if I saw her out somewhere, but I didn't really know her.

And then randomly, one of my closest friends Not like I would say hi to her if I saw her out somewhere, but I didn't really know her and then randomly one of my closest friends ended up going to the same college in Nashville that she went to they became friends And I went out there for my friends birthday met her at church and then came home and then like four months later She came home and I met her a second time at a girls night that my friend was throwing. And then after that she apparently called Taylor and was like, you have to throw a game night. I have a girl I'm bringing over.

Like you need to meet her. And so that was just kind of how. I love that so much. That's so sweet. You gotta love, see my stories opposite were my sister knew Christian before I did. They were friends for like two years I never met Christian and then and Christian lived like at the beach where we vacation

So Bella had been there met him I had and two years later I go down to the beach and meet Christian kind of on a whim I mean obviously it's not a whim when you think about God's intentionality, but it went in the grants It just on the surface level. And I remember as soon as I saw him, I was like, he is so cute, oh my God. And I like, I knew that I was like, Bella is not gonna like this because Bella was very much, like these are my friends, these are your friends.

And now me and Bella are best friends, but you know, she's my little sister. And so I like call her. I'm like, hey, like a met Christian tonight and he's DMed me and I just feel like you know, and she's like, no, you cannot date him. He is my friend. So Bella was, my sister was like, you cannot date him. And it's so funny now.

Bella is like, her and her husband are two of our best friends and she is like, honey loves her, our daughter. And Bella is like, you know, I really missed it with this one. I really thought this should not have happened, but this is the best thing. So sometimes your sister nails it and sometimes they miss it by that much. So it was pretty funny.

I love that. That's an awesome story. Yeah, it is pretty funny now looking back. Well, it's so fun. Like, you're in such a fun season of life. And early marriage is just so awesome. And it just continues to get better. I was just telling my friends that

because they were saying they're kind of scared to have kids because their relationship is just so sweet and what if it changes and I said, you know, it does change but it only gets better. And I just, I remember when I married Christian, I was like, there's no way I can love you more, you know, because you're just so in love and then you do. And it's just such a beautiful thing. And I think that's why like thinking about the fact that God is love that just shows that there's just infinite

ways to grow in love. And so I'm so excited for y'all. That's awesome. Thank you. Yeah. We're excited. That's great. Well, I want to talk to you about Lumin's by day because I think you're doing so many cool things and it's really awesome. Just prepping for this podcast, reading so many of your blogs and watching so many of your videos, you're just a huge inspiration. And so tell me how that started and why you were inspired to start that. Yeah, so it's kind of like, I definitely feel like it was just my life like coming to one moment.

But I've always been big in mental health before I struggled with it on my own. I lost a good friend, he had bipolar. He took his life like five years ago. A lot of my family members have struggled with addiction. And I've always just kind of been surrounded by it, but never really experienced on my own. And then in the winter of 2019 I graduated nursing

school. And then I started working, I started working in surgery like outpatient and then that got shut down because of COVID in 2020. And then I was at home and I was like, okay, I'm gonna, I want to work. I just finished school. Like I have all this brain power that I just did. I want to put it, put it to you. So I was like, I'm only going to apply to this one hospital. If I get in, I'll work there. If not, then I'll just wait, wait, just COVID thing out. I ended up getting in, which was Taylor's worst nightmare.

He did not want me to go. I was working night shift. Yeah. Obviously he supported me because that's like what I wanted to do and he was so great to me through that. But the winter of 2020, the COVID had kind of like died down in the hospital and then like the winter it like shot up during flu season of that year and the first night I started on my own. We went out of ratios and normally I would be watching four patients but instead I had five and our charge nurse who is like the person that runs the unit essentially and who new grads like rely on to be like, Hey, can you help me put

this in or do this or whatever? She was off in the monitor room because we were on the telefloor, which is basically a cardiac floor. All the patients are on heart monitors. They all need that extra monitoring. And our monitor tech who sits in the room and looks at all the heart rhythms

and we'll call a code blue if someone's like tanking, they were sick. So our charge nurse had to go in there to watch the monitor. So here I am, like 23, 22 years old, taking care of five patients the first side of my own, like four would have been plenty. And I remember just like crying that first night

because when you go into one room you got to put the gown on You have your one mask on you have to put another mask over you have to put your goggles on the shield on booties on double glove and then you go in wow and then you go out and then you take it all off and then you reput it all back on to go into the next room Wow, so it was just like a constant like I think I maybe drink water twice that night. Wow. And I was just feeling so overwhelmed and just like just so yeah. What is happening, like what is going on. And that cycle went on for a bit. It went on for a couple of months and while even on like my nights off I would end up going in because we were so short staff because we were literally doubling our patient ratios. I would go in from like 12 a.m. to 3 a.m. just to take vitals for the

nurses because I knew what it was like to be short staffed. And so I was like so many people are like, said, boundaries don't go in on your day off. And I was like, I just can't like also, this is just an insane time we're in. And I was like, I can't because I know what it's like to be short staff and not have people to help. Yeah. So that was a few months of that. And then things kind of started dying down beginning of last year.

And it probably like, maybe like February time ish, Taylor and I were in the car and he was asked me, he was like, are you okay? And I was like, yeah, I'm just tired. I worked the past three nights. I was literally tired for months. That was just like, I was like, I'm just so tired. And he was like, was like no but like are you okay? And the conversation just ended and like I just kind of took it and was like oh I don't know like if I am that's a good question I don't know how to know if I'm not like this is just all kind of what I was processing and that's where the conversation ended. And I ended up working for another like five months.

And then I actually got COVID really bad. Last year, I was at a work for like a month and a half. Wow. Just at home, which was, I think really just God giving me a slap on the face and being like, dude, like you gotta take a minute. Like being like, dude, you got to take a minute. You need to chill, you need to sit, you need to look at yourself and look at what's going

on around you and you need a moment. So it was not fun in the moment, but I definitely needed a, I'm very bad at sitting. I need to always be doing something. So I really needed to like sit. And it was after that I decided to leave the hospital because I had really severe depression and anxiety from that which I didn't even know like the extent that it was. Yeah. I ended up learning that I have like PTSD from it and like like a lot of nurses do. But I didn't really realize the severity of it but when I left the hospital I knew that

I still wanted to help people. I'm a two on the end of the gram so I'm a helper. I love, I love. It just like makes me feel good like it fuels me so I was like I love, it just like makes me feel good, like it fuels me. So I was like, I want to do something like God's giving me this platform on social media. Like how can I use it to help people because the world is just like crumbling. People are dealing with things they've never dealt with before myself being one of them. So that's kind of the long story short. Wow. I started Lemons and I just was like, I'm gonna start this blog website.

Just share my thoughts and hope at least one person is affected by it because if one person is then I did my job. But yeah, that was kind of how I started. Wow. That's so that's such a powerful story. And first of all, thank you for what you did. Because I know that that was such a hard time. And I actually was in the hospital with COVID because I was so really pregnant. And I got COVID really bad in 2020. And it was, you know, very scary.

And I was in the hospital and the nurses that came in were all messed up. And it was like really scary. But also there was this one nurse that like made me feel so like safe in there and it meant so much to me. And so I know what that means like to have a nurse in that situation

like care for you and love you. And so thank you for doing that. And I think you said something there that I think is really powerful. You said everyone was saying like set boundaries but you were like I need to go help. And I think that said something there that I think is really powerful. You said everyone was saying like set boundaries, but you were like, I need to go help. And I think that boundaries are so important, obviously, but I do think that sometimes like in this, um,

we talk about boundaries so much that sometimes we talk about boundaries so much that our boundaries actually get in the way of us just doing the right thing. And I think it's really beautiful that you're like, no, this is not always gonna be the case, but in this season of my life, it's gonna be the case. And I think sometimes there are seasons in life that aren't gonna stretch you, that aren't gonna look like every other time of your life, where the boundaries that yes,

you would typically set or might need to set later. Right now, you need to show up for your friend, or right now, I need to say it later because I need to work harder right now, you know, you need to show up for your friend or right now I need to say it later because I need a work harder right now, you know And so I think that that's a really cool point to To even say that like you still went in at midnight even though yes You might have been really tired and yes overworked But you also saw that your friends and the other nurses like needed you So just shout out to that because I think that that

is a really cool thing to make note up. And I know that you talk about boundaries and healthy way too, but that's a really cool thing that not a lot of people can see. That there's a time and a place where you kind of just have to stretch yourself a little bit. But saying all that also and saying, that doesn't mean that all of that

didn't lead you to a place of real anxiety and depression. So, where do you feel like you are now with some of that anxiety and how have you walked out from the PTSD to where you are now? Do you still do with it? Are you working through it? What are some things that you found helpful in the process? Yeah, definitely. So, working through it, obviously, it's gotten a lot better just having this whole past year of being able to be out of the hospital and going through therapy and really just

like my, a big thing that I do is just like take time like to myself like I, I'll like have a conversation and then I'll be able to tell back to you in the morning. Like I have to sleep on it. I need to like my brain just needs to process. So, I've really just been taking a lot of time to like process why things have happened, like why they did, how they did, how it made me feel, and then like I'll like solely start to remember things. A big part of my PTSD was I dissociated a lot. And so I just like wasn't ever present. And now like looking back, that's exactly what Taylor was talking about, like, when he was like, are you okay? Like, I just wasn't myself.

And even, like, to this day, I struggle with the effects of that. Like, an example is, like, my brain, like, I just can't remember things sometimes. There's this restaurant that's by us. We've been there multiple times. I drive past it all the time. Like, I know the name. Like, I've been there. We know it. I could this restaurant that's by us. We've been there multiple times. I drive past it all the time. Like I know the name, like I've been there.

We know what I could tell you where it is, what it's by everything. Taylor texted me and he was like, hey, do you wanna go to this restaurant for dinner? And I'm looking at the name and I'm like, I know I've been here. I can't remember where it is, who I've been with. Like what, I could literally remember going. I was like, I know I've been there, but I can't remember where it is who I've been with like what I could I literally can't remember going

I was like I know I've been there, but I can't remember going there. Wow and like now now remembering I like oh We went with mom right we went with these friends with this we had a date there like but in that moment I was like That was the moment for me where I was like okay., this is getting a little scary. And I've like, I pride myself in my brain. Like I could tell you where Taylor's left sock is in the third drawer behind this white one, next to the blue one, like, that's just how my brain is. And it has been an adjustment for me to be dealing

with that kind of stuff. And it's gotten better now, like knowing and I'll like go to my therapist and be like, why, Rick, why is this happening? Why are we, why is my brain doing this? Like I don't understand and like just learning that that's just how, how your brain can be affected by trauma.

Yeah. And a couple of weeks ago, I think we were leaving for our honeymoon or something like that. I had gone, I was getting mass rest to travel through the airport and I opened, I have like a big jar, I'm gonna cause a bunch of masks and I opened it up and there were that like heavy duty and 95 set, we would wear in the hospital because I had literally taken them if I didn't end up using it because like they had been shortages and sometimes we wouldn't get another one if we were working multiple days in a row and I was like I'm gonna keep these Yeah in case I need them again and that was the first time I'd seen them

Wow a bit and literally I opened it and I look at the mass and I had chills shot down my body like a pit in my stomach and this was like last month, like you know, like it's just great, I mean, I have chills right now talking about it, it's just wild, like that, like you can leave something and you can get over it but it just takes like time and that's, that was like a little bit of a discouragement for me but also just takes like time and that's yeah that was like a little bit of a discouragement for me but also just kind of like discouraging but also like okay you gotta keep like you gotta keep

working towards this yeah discouragement but then it turned into motivation and that makes it yeah yeah well because sometimes when you see when you see it for what it is I always say because it's weird my friends and I were talking about our stories one time and so many of us had this similar moment where we looked in the mirror one day and we kind of saw ourselves for where we were at and we were like, whoa, like how do we get here? You know? And so I think sometimes when you see yourself or where you're at for the first time or like the chill shoot down your body or you're like, what? Like you realize, whoa, like I really need to get help. Like I'm not in a good place. And it just is kind of like a wake you up moment.

And I remember, so I used to struggle with anxiety so bad for years, had panic attacks and all kinds of crazy things. And I wrote a book called Live Fearless, like really tried to work through it, wrote about everything that I was walking through and still walking through and processing and everything. And then years after I even wrote that book, or I guess maybe within the year after I wrote that book, I was at a restaurant and I want part of my anxiety. I just kind of, I think it was really sparked from fame and everybody always looking at it as when we walked in a room and we had a few dangerous situations happen

And so I would just get really panicky over people and what they were gonna do to me and how they were gonna approach me or whatever And so if I would go out with friends to restaurants I would always make sure I set where I could like see the whole restaurant and like sure then I would feel okay Well this one day I was with this group of friends who didn't really know this about me like that I get really bad anxiety and I came in a little bit late and so I had to sit on the side where the restaurant was all behind me and I was like shaking and I just remember I was like grabbing my hands like this because I was always what I would do when I was anxious, grabbing my wrist and I was like just like really shaky and I looked at my friend I said can I switch seats with you and, just like really shaky. And I looked at my friend and I said,

can I switch seats with you? And she's like, really? And she didn't know. And I was like, yeah, I just, it makes me really anxious. And she goes, you're really afraid right now, aren't you? And I said, no, I really am. And she said, like, why?

I was like, well, it's just a long story. Like, I just need to switch sides with you. And she just said, like, well, it's just a long story. Like I just, I just need to switch sides with you. And she's, she just said like, you know, that's not okay. Like, you need a, you need to get help with that. And she's a pastor and she's awesome. And it was really actually helpful for her to say that because I think for a long time I just was like, I was like sitting in the safety of, oh well, if I just sit on the right side Then I'm gonna be okay But actually like me sitting on the right side wasn't helping me get through what I was going through

It was just kind of numbing it for a moment or making the time pass But I really needed to be caught out and say like hey, that's not okay That's not normal like I understand you've had things that have happened to you that would make you want to fill that way But you don't need to let the things that happen to you actually like change everything about who you are and like let it have authority over you, like let fear have authority over you. And so that was when I kind of started realizing, you know, this is a problem. And later on in life, whenever I got really bad anxious about stuff, a friend told me about Dr. Aiman, which I don't know, do you know Dr. Aiman?

Okay, so Dr. Aiman, he's been on the podcast talking to me and everybody of all of my listeners about going through trauma and all this stuff because I was like, after I went through his help, I was like, I want you to come on the podcast because this would help so many people and he did. So anyways, he helped me so, so, so, so much when it comes to dealing with trauma and fear and all the different things. And I am like walking in so much freedom now and I'm so thankful.

And my life is not marked by fear. It's not defined by fear. I don't feel that way anymore. I don't even think about where I'm sitting in a restaurant. And I'm just so thankful for that. And it wasn't Dr. Aiman that did that. I mean, Dr. Aiman helped me through that, but I really feel like it was the Lord and

taking his word to heart and really just starting to live and freedom and work past those things. But it was really cool because I met a girl a couple months ago who was in a really similar situation that I was and she has a lot of fame and a lot of followers and fills a lot of anxiety and I said to her, I said you know when I was in your position, I never thought I would be out of it. I thought my life would always be marked by fear. I thought I would always have anxiety. I thought that was just almost a part of who I was, you was. I didn't think I could get past some of those things.

And I said, but here I am five years later. And I am walking in so much freedom. And I can confidently say that you can get through this. And her eyes were just so filled with hope. It was like almost like shocked. Wow, because it was like, I've been there but look at where I'm at now. And I think to so many people that is what you're doing. It's saying like this is where I've been

This is where I am. This was one month ago But every day I'm taking steps towards getting better and your talks your blogs each day or each week are so encouraging I've just it's like a friend to a friend and so I want to ask you about that just idea of a friend because I think some people When you think about mental health or you think about starting a blog, you can think like, well, this is this is out of my, you know, this is out of my qualification. But how do you just jump in and say, you know what? I might not know it all, but I know enough to be your friend. What does that look like? Just to have the courage to start something like that. I really think faith is a big part of that.

Yes. I just kind of like woke up and was like, I think I'm gonna do this. Like this is what I wanna do. And I definitely feel like God speaks to me when I sleep and I wake up and I have all these ideas. I'm like, okay great, that's how I started my nonprofit. I had never had an intention of starting a nonprofit. Like, didn't know anything about it.

And I woke up one day and I was like, uh, baby, I think I'm going to start a nonprofit. He was like, what? I was like, yeah, I don't know. But I think I need to do it. He was like, okay, great. And here we are now. So that's definitely just like a lot of faith in that.

But also just knowing that I've always been one to like share, not share my opinions, but just share, share my thoughts and share like what, what I'm going through because I know that like if I'm going through something there's definitely someone else that is going through something similar or can take away something from that. But I was just kind of how I got started. I was definitely nervous in the beginning for a shirt that that I was going to say, like the correct things that I was like not gonna come across a certain way but I was just talking to someone yesterday I have like I've been I've been wanting to share

this whole mask story that happened on social media but for some reason like just like right now I've been worried about not what people are gonna think of me but I don't like want people to be like oh like pity her she's just doing this to like say relevant or like to do whatever like and that's been like that's probably been the hardest thing for me because I never like I never want to come across that way and I think that's that's probably like my my biggest fear but the person I was talking to, they were like, no, just do it.

Hater's gonna hate, more people are gonna like take away from that and be like, hey, this person is still struggling with, it's okay that I am too. Yeah. So I just keep telling myself that, and my friends and family are so supportive. And when I see my friends repost like the lemons might say Instagram page on their stories,

like I'll just be like clicking through and I'll see someone repost and I'm like, oh my gosh, it's so cool. It just makes me so excited. And like just like the affirmation I've received from my friends and family and people just like followers of the account too. It's cool.

It's just like really like pushing me to keep going, which is really awesome. That's awesome. Well, I think that's that's so real though. I mean, everybody fills that way. It's like, okay, well, if I post this, what do people think this or what do people think that? And we can get so in our head about what we post. And I think the biggest thing is just asking yourself, like, why am I posting this? And if your heart is pure in it, then posting it. And if people think whatever, then let them them think but like your heart be pure and what you're doing and your heart is so pure and what you're doing. I love that God speaks to you in the night and you wake up and just go with it and I

think God does that to me too and hey that's what a lot of life is when you see people starting this crazy things a lot of it is just God just spurring their heart to do it and they're willing to say yes and you got to have that willingness to say yes. I mean if you think about the stories of the Bible, like it's sometimes just so easy to read those stories and lose the gravity and the magnitude of what was actually happening, like when you think about Moses,

and he's about to put like his staff in the water because the Lord said, put it in the water and expect the seed of it apart. It's like you read that and you're like, oh cool, the seed parted. It's like, no, literally a human had to believe. That one, he did this. God was going to actually part the seed

that had never happened before. It's like Joshua, he's like, walk down this wall of Jericho seven times and see what happens. Like, that's a human, expecting an entire wall around a city to fall because the Lord said, do it. And so you think about that Like that's a human expecting an entire wall around a city to fall because the Lord said do it. And so you think about that that's who God is, that's who God still is. So God's going to ask you to do stuff that you might look and say this is impossible,

but remembering you served the God of the impossible. So I just love that. You took that on. You're doing such a good job with it. I saw one of your recent posts was about grief in the holidays and I know the holidays is right around the corner, your podcast is coming out right before the holidays. So give some advice to the people out there who have struggled with this because I know holidays are super fun for some people and then for others it's one of the hardest seasons.

Yeah, you definitely think, like, since driving into all this mental health stuff, holidays, even if you're not necessarily experiencing, like, the loss of a human, grief can be like, your kids being with, like, their spouse's family for the first time. It could be, like, a family member being out of town or not coming. It could even be, like, if you have a rough relationship with your parents or with the sibling or with the family member and like you're having to be in the same room as them, there's definitely just like there's so many aspects of that. So that was just something that we wanted to touch on. Just a couple different ways of how like

it's such a big word, but intergenerational trauma. And like, grief, it's such a heightened time. And that's, I think that's why, like, this time of year, it's so stressful too. But I think just knowing that if people are feeling, like, more anxious and more stressed around the holidays, like, that that's valid, like, they are expected. Like, there's a lot of you

that is expected from, and I know like not really, I don't have a lot of family like here, so it's just kind of like my parents, but I've like growing up like you're expected to be at things. I know people whose families are huge and you're expected to show up for multiple days and converse and like they maybe don't like do the same things their family does or there's like

Past trauma's there. So it's definitely a heightened time But I would just encourage people like to know like feelings that you're feeling are Valid and to just like note them and to continue to Just like work through it and figure out like to continue to just like work through it and figure out like what you need without setting too hard of a boundary like we talked about like make sure the boundaries that you set are what's healthy for you you know. That's so good. I love that you said note them. One thing Dr. Aiman told me was like keep a fear journal which I don't do but I feel like sometimes I should do and it's like just write it down

because sometimes when you write it down and you see it for what it is, you can be like, okay, well this is not truth, you know. Sometimes your emotions will tell you something is true that it's just such a lie, you know, and when you write it down and you see it for what it is, you're like, that is so far off from what I actually believe or what is actually going on. And that shifts your perspective back to the original piece of advice to say, okay, this is what I feel in the moment, but this is not what's actually going on here. So I love that. One thing I've seen you write about is the idea of having an outlet, which I think is such a practical thing.

And so, talk to us about what that looks like in your life and how people can incorporate that in their own. Yeah, I mean, my outlet for so many years was dance. I dance growing up my entire life and now that I don't do it anymore, I've realized how much of an outlet that was for me and how useful that was because I feel like sometimes now I'm like not really now but like shortly after dancing being done with high school, I was like I don't really know how to process my emotions correctly. Like dance was just like where I thought through everything, how I moved through everything,

and that was such a big outlet for me. So definitely like transitioning into like adulthood. Those dance has been a, even still a learning thing for me trying to figure out what an outlet is, but I just think it's so important that we find an outlet, whether it be like talking with someone, whether it be walking, reading the book, going to get a facial, going to get a massage, like something that we're able to just kind of like take a moment, like not and turn our brain off, but like think through things and just kind of like, I think of it, like, I'll go to sound baths, which is literally you just lay there and listen

to these cool, like, different frequencies of these circle things, I think we know what they're called, but you just lay there for an hour, and like, it's crazy to watch, like, the first, like, 10 minutes, my brain, like, can't stop, and then, like, 20 minutes in. I'm like, you just reach like such like a meditative just like calm state. And I think finding an outlet that you're able to just kind of reach like a state of like calmness and just like levelness. It's cool.

I think is really important. That's cool. I love that. I think it's true. Like someone actually said to me before, find something that makes your brain turn off. And for me, that has been tennis. Like, me and my husband played tennis a lot.

And when I played tennis, I did not think about anything. I'm just playing the game. And it makes me feel so good after because it's just like a brain break. And I remember actually after I had COVID and was out of the hospital and this was maybe even the second time I can't remember. I don't know I've had COVID three times but it was one of the times and I was like me and Krisham were it was just kind of a hard day. I'm like recovering. Honey was young at this point so this definitely wasn't the first time and we put it down for a nap and Christian goes What do you need and I said I need to make cookies and I need to dance and he was like what?

I was like that's just all I want to do right now and we make cookies and we did our first like dance real where we called it Dance with the parents. It was our first one we did and people like loved it And it was so funny because it was funny But we actually were having a hard day and I was just like I just need to make cookies and dance and then we ended up doing that for a while That the whole like first year of honey's life. We did so many dance videos and it really came from days But I was like I need a dance like and it was the thing that Christian I could just turn our brain off and laugh. And he's such a bad dancer that it was always entertainment to me.

So it is true. Like you gotta have those things in life where you're just like, you know, this is fun for me. This makes my brain turn off, but like I'm gonna do it and incorporate those in your daily life. Christian's so good at like having his outlets and he's so good at incorporating them in his life.

And I learned that from him because sometimes I'm like, Oh, well, I'm just too busy to do that. And it's like, no, you're not too busy to, you know, work on your mental health. Like you say a lot like it's, it's always something you should prioritize. You're not too busy to, to slow down for a second and make sure that you're the healthiest version of you that you can be because now even just being a wife and a mom for me, I'm like, I'm not just being healthy for myself, I'm being healthy for them. And so it is so important you have those things.

One thing I love you talking about too is celebrating little victories. All these things are just so practical and so good. And so talk to us about that too because I think that's a fun way for people to start just incorporating some joy in their life. Yeah, I'm, I mean, as we said, I'm a woo girl. So I love celebrating. I just love celebrating. It's just like a moment to like,

it's just a moment to be happy and to celebrate and just be joy as no matter what's kind of happening. So Taylor and I definitely like try to incorporate that if like, I don't know, if I did something in a certain amount of time or if I like responded to all the emails I needed to do, I'll be like, I did it. Just like little, just little things that will like incorporate or a big thing like when I was still working as a nurse like after if I worked three days we'd be like okay let's go out to dinner now like we get to celebrate and done for the week.

Just like finding the little things even I'm like I don't I don't this isn't I don't think this is a thing but I call myself like toxic optimism like I like so like sometimes say there's like come down like you need to stop I'm so like I was give people the benefit of the doubt I'm always like just so optimistic and I'm always like oh well this happened But this could have happened. Yeah, just my personality all the time like our dog She has something wrong their eye right now, and I've taken the vet after this I'm like well it could be both eyes like

Where my brain goes. I don't know why, but I just think that's how, like, how I started like celebrating the little victories. Like, that's definitely like, just like keeps you going and keeps you motivated and it's an excuse so like smile and have a little joyous time. I love that so much. I'm kind of the same way. If someone happens, I'm immediately like, well,

but look at how good this can be. You're like turning into a message like too soon and like all this stuff. And recently when things of they were, it was really hard and I took her to the next day, and I said, I am not gonna make this a good thing. I was like, I am not. And of course, like a week later,

I was like, now that I've been thinking about it, look at it. Let me paint this new picture, but I think that's a good thing. I mean, I think it's just choosing to see the joy and that what's talked about fixing your eyes on Jesus, fixing your eyes and the author and the perfect of your faith. And so I think it's more than just optimism.

I think it's probably faith. You know, I think it's probably just saying, you know, I'm choosing to see that there's something good in this. And so I love that so much. And celebrating Little Vittries is so important because we can be so hard on ourself. Like there are so many things that we can look at and be like, I wish we did better this. So we should have done that. But mama always says like, get rid of the shut-ups, like just do it, you know? And I love that so much.

She always says, get rid of the sheds. And it's so, it really is like so true because we can say that all day long, but to say, you know what? Actually, we did this and that was good. We need to celebrate. And so many people, you just let life fly by without celebrating these little things in your life. We celebrate the big things, but that's just maybe a birthday every year where there's so many more things to celebrate. So I love that. So just closing, thinking about lemons by tea and all this stuff you're doing, when you

think five years down the road, and I know I hate when people say, what are you going to be doing five years on the road? So I'm not asking that. But when you think five years down the road, just the things that you're starting things that you're doing and even as a married couple, what do you hope? You see, I guess what impact do you hope you'll leave on people in the next years to come with the things that you're doing? Yeah, yeah, that's definitely I've been asked not that, but a question like that a lot recently, just because going into like this new year, this is the first time that like, I've really just had time to myself to like focus on,

which is funny, because now I'm like, married and not just myself. But it's just the point of my life where I'm like, I can really just focus on like my career and lemons and just like, I literally want to bring into the mid. That's just... There's so many things I want to do, but I just want to like, reach as many people as possible

and love as many people as possible, because that's just a big way of how I choose to live out my faith is by loving everyone. That's just such a big thing for me, because I definitely think a lot, it's so cliche, but like there's like that enough love in the world. Like we need to love each other. Well, well, well, but that's just like, I just wanna like, to love people.

I wanna be intentional with people. I wanna love people and I want people to feel heard. It's awesome. And seeing and just help people. So I just wanna, I wanna reach the masses. You know, we will have scholarships on the line or I wanna do events and just help people. So I just want to, I want to reach the masses. You know, people have scholarships on the line or I want to do that. So just like, just like, love people and reach people and just like, I'm just like waiting.

I just feel like I'm waiting for God to be like, this is what you're going to do. I'm just like, I'm like, ready for it. I'm just like anxiously waiting. So I'm, well, it seems like you're working in the waiting because you're doing a lot and I love that so much because everything you just said reminds me so much of what I said when I first got started.

I didn't know like what it was going to look like, but I knew like what impact I wanted to make. I always said, you know, I just want to be a sister and a friend of those who don't have a sister and a friend. And however that looks is whatever I'm going to do. And you know, it started with like an in-person gathering and then it was like a sister and a friend. And however that looks is whatever I'm gonna do. And you know, it started with like, an in-person gathering, then it was like a blog and then it was a book and then it was a podcast

and then it was a conference and a tour and all these things and like, then once I was like, oh, this is what I'm doing. Like, I've just done that over the past few years and like what God has done and growing it has absolutely blown my mind because it really just came from a heart of like, I just wanna be a sister and a friend of those

that don't have one, I wanna love people well, I wanna show God that God, I wanna show people that God made them as an original person that they can be confident and not compare themselves to love the right, like how all of these heart missions, but not like actual ideas of what that was gonna look like. And I think that's so good, cause I think some people they go in

and they don't have the heart and they say, you know, I just want it to be a stage. I want it to be a platform. I want it to be this many followers. I want it to be that. And when you chase after that, and not chase after the mission, I feel like that's whenever you fail,

and you always fall short. But in saying, this is what I want to do and to reach as many people as possible. I want to love people well. I want to show people that, you know, you can live a better life than the one that you might be living right now. You can only win with that.

Because tomorrow it's two people and the next day it's three than you're winning. I love what you're doing. We are cheering you on here at L.O. I'm cheering you on just as a friend and excited for what you're doing. I think it's so helpful to so many people. When I see people putting out anything that's encouraging, that's rooted in faith and that's helping people with mental health, I'm like, yes, thank you. And so thanks for what you're doing.

You're awesome. Thanks for being on the piecast. It was so much fun to talk to you and just super excited to see where life takes you. Thank you, that was so fun!