WHOA That's Good Podcast - Love Isn’t Blind: Don’t Fall for “Potential” | Sadie & Christian | Jonathan Pokluda
Episode Date: February 18, 2026Jonathan Pokluda (JP) joins Sadie and Christian for a wide-ranging conversation that goes everywhere—in the best way. They cover Christian’s beard (and his tendency to “smack”), dating red fla...gs, church hurt, “superstitious” prayers, awkward preaching moments, and the big question: is it wise to date someone battling a sin addiction like pornography? JP also shares about his involvement in a biblical matchmaking initiative called Qualified Date, where the goal isn’t just vibes—it’s lifelong marriage. The focus is on faith, community, and trusting God to connect you with someone truly qualified (yes, we’re redefining your “type”). Known for breaking down big, complicated ideas with clarity and honesty, JP brings both humor and depth. He also shares a powerful health update after a nightmarish 17-day hospital stay that left him unable to walk. It’s honest, hopeful, and the kind of conversation that might just change how you see dating, faith, and the people trying to set you up. This Episode of WHOA That's Good is Sponsored By: http://shop.taylordukeswellness.com/whoa — Get 15% off sitewide anytime + for the next 48 hours, you can also unlock 2 free gifts with any full-size protein purchase! https://helixsleep.com/sadie — Get 27% off sitewide and make sure you enter our show name after checkout so they know we sent you! https://preborn.com/sadie — Donate today. For just $28, you can help a mother in need meet her baby for the very first time. - Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
Transcript
Discussion (0)
What's up everybody? Happy Will that's good Wednesday. I hope you're having a great week, but per usual, it's about to get so much better. I am so excited about today's podcast. If you follow JP, Jonathan McCluda on Instagram, and you're like me every single Friday, I am hopping on over to his Instagram to see how he answers his Q&A. It's amazing. All of you guys who follow him know this. You can pretty much throw any question at him, and he's going to answer it true to his heart.
and true to the word, and I'm so thankful for that. And so today, we have the blessing of actually
having JP here in Louisiana to answer some of Instagram's finest questions. And Christian is
joining us as well. So JP, thanks for coming all this way. Thank you for having me on. And I love
that Willie's discipleship is taking root in your life. I see a little facial hair coming out.
He spoke. I was pricked to the heart. I said, what should I do? And he said, grow a beard.
Come on.
Here we are.
That is dramatic.
Listen, before we started this podcast,
JP was giving some bad advice telling Christian he should grow his heart all the way out.
I feel like he should go full-blown Duck Dynasty.
I don't know if that's possible, but what I'm doing now is...
What do you mean it's not possible?
What do you mean it's not possible?
It's very full.
It seems full.
I'm impressed.
Thank you.
I had no idea.
Well, here's the thing.
It's hunting season.
I wanted to grow it out for hunting season.
I've never done it.
before so why did guys do that though is it like does it attract the deer and like the well you're
more hidden you're more hidden so you know how like they do the black face paint yeah so instead of
having to do it all over your face you just have to be beard because you have the beard and it's just
you know it's you look more like a tree you yes well and you hunt when it's colder usually it's
colder weather during hank season so it kind of helps keep you warm which what jp just said
really proves the whole point you look more like a tree that's not that's not that's not very
Me that's for him.
Who doesn't want to make out with a tree?
That's so true.
There are some tree huggers in the world who might like that.
She has not been wanting to make out with me lately.
I've never been a tree hugger type.
But I will say, I have tried to do this before, but the last time I tried to do this,
you said I was on edge too often and made me Google if having beards raises testosterone.
I literally did.
There's no correlation.
Something's happening there.
She's like, shave your beard.
You're being mean.
I did.
I literally had to shave because she said.
I was being on ed.
You weren't, like, as funny and goofy.
I was like, you're taking yourself too seriously.
And this time...
This is full redemption. I know.
This time has been redeeming.
He has facial hair and he's still funny.
I didn't even reckon.
Like, we were in a dark room in fairness.
We were over in the museum and he walks up and I was like, who's this guy?
I know.
It's crazy.
Well, okay, we're here for it, babe.
Thank you, babe.
Okay, JP, we got a lot of questions sent in whenever we told everybody that you were going to be on the podcast
answering questions.
And so we'll get to those in just a second.
But some of the funnier, lighthearted questions.
You're starting with the lighthearted question?
Yes, we've got to ease into this thing.
I have a lighthearted question before we start that is not on here.
How often do you get J.P. Pocuda?
Do you ever get that?
All the time, yeah.
I almost just.
Hey, I'm here.
I knew you all said that.
That's why I said.
I asked Weston this morning, Weston's my son.
I said, hey, what would you think if I just, I'm thinking about, like, sometimes I really, since the Lord wants me to go back to Jonathan.
and just be Jonathan.
So I think I may make that shift.
Okay.
Hey, if you're going to make that shift,
because I did that for a while,
I would say J.P. Poclude, but I was like,
no, the Pee.
This is it.
Like, that just happened.
From here on out, it's Jonathan Pocluto.
I can encourage you because my dad, you know,
his name was Jess until I was about.
I had no idea.
Eight or so.
Like, and then he started going by Willie.
Your dad's name was Jess?
Jess.
Like, my mom's journals are all Jess.
She married Jess.
My great-grandma still calls him Jess.
No, so his name, birth-given name, was Willie Jess Robertson.
But he went by Jess since birth.
And so everyone knew him as Jess.
Again, like that to my mom married.
And then, yeah, until I was old enough to remember because I remember writing Jess, like, on my paper.
It was actually at ski school.
I remember.
I was at ski school.
And it said, what's your father's name?
And I put Jess and then I, like, slashed it out and put Willie because I was not used to the change.
And so anyways, yes, he was Jess.
And then when he started working for Duck Commander, there was Jace, Jess, Jepp,
because those were the brothers.
And it was so confusing and people would get them confused.
So he said, I'm going by Willie.
So today's the day.
I'm going from Willie.
I'm going on Willie.
Willie from here on now.
Today is the day.
So I'm saying it's possible.
People can know you for something your whole life.
And then you can just go, you know what?
I'm changing this thing.
That's good advice.
Jonathan Pekluda.
All right, easy.
What's your favorite worship song right now?
Oh, that's not easy at all.
Alter.
So Tiffany Hudson.
Is it called altar?
I think it is called altar.
Yeah, it's a great song.
And then elevation worship,
they have that version of it.
Just is on repeat.
anything by forest.
We play in our house nonstop.
That's awesome.
And then kind of hooked on these like,
I know this is old school,
people are like,
but the Shane and Shane Devo,
they do this like Devo every morning.
I listen to that every morning.
It like stirs my heart big time.
Same.
And so we're big fans of that.
Monica plays it for us every single morning
and we just kind of start a day with that.
Wow, that's awesome.
And shout out to that.
If you're not doing the worship initiative,
it's for free and it's amazing.
and we do it every day as well.
And actually today, on the way here,
I was listening to Shane and Shane music
because after the divo,
then I wanted to listen to old hymns
and they sing a lot of them.
So I love that.
All right, Christian, do you want to throw out a lighthearted one from...
Okay.
Most awkward moment you've ever had preaching.
I felt the stage once.
So they always, because I would hang my toes
over the edge of the stage.
I don't know why.
Like, first thing I do if I'm speaking somewhere
is I move the podium back
because I want to walk in front of it.
it. Like, I don't want anything between whoever's there, you know, and I. And so I'll
step at the very edge of the stage, and I fell off.
No.
It was tall. And I was in, and I think people thought it was an illustration. And I was like,
that was not an illustration. That just was a lack of coordination. And now I have to
climb back up. So, where was that? And then, and I've also, like, I have also gone out.
And this is like everybody's worst fear.
And it's happened to me one time.
And it's like, you know, it's so much my worst fear that I check every single time.
But I have gone out once with my fly down.
No.
Oh, no.
How did you figure that out?
Yeah.
Well, because I will check.
Like, I'll, like, hold, I'll, like, grab my belt and just make sure my flies up and my zipper's up.
And so then it's like, okay, let's pray.
Everybody closed their eyes.
that's smart
and I feel like the Lord is okay with it
like he was like yeah
you're fine
that's really smart
I have this reoccurring dream
nightmare that I go up on stage
and I like forget everything I'm gonna say
and it's weird
like I literally dream that often
I'll go up there and I'll be like
I don't know what to say
I don't have anything to say
thank God that has never happened
because scripture says
he would give you the worst say
over your mouth and he will give you the words
but I don't know
that's just a fear of mine
but that is something I actually hadn't thought about.
I guess guys hope to probably think about that more, though.
That's funny.
Okay, let's see.
Okay, Christian, I feel like this is something for you.
Is it wrong that I pray for God to help me find a parking spot or a lost item?
I think whenever we start to put these layers upon prayers of how do we do this,
like we can be very superstitious.
And we think if I ask a certain way, a certain number of times in certain places with
certain words in Jesus' name that I can unlock the will of God. That really puts us in the seat of God.
And it's superstition. It's not relationship. And so I want my children to ask me for whatever they want.
But when they ask me for what they want, I want them to seek what I want. And so God says, you know, who if they ask their father for a loaf of bread is going to receive a stone and who if they ask, you know, for a fish, is going to receive a snake.
What I see in the text is that we can ask God for whatever we want, but while we ask him for what we want, we should seek what he wants.
And so those things happen at the same time.
And then Jesus says, you know, we pray like someone who is hosting someone from out of town and they don't have any food to host them with, which in a culture of hospitality, that was a really big deal.
So you're like you're banging on your neighbor's door trying to get some bread.
And so there's this persistence there.
And we see that in the text.
But I don't think that the persistence is asking,
it's like if you ask 137 times God will answer.
But if you stop at 136, he won't.
I don't think that's what's happening there.
I believe God is desiring a relationship with us.
Like he wants us to know him.
And you can ask like prayer.
You can get in all kinds of weird places.
Like why do we pray if God knows what he's going to do
or if he's going to do what he wants to do?
Or why would we want to change God's mind if he knows,
better than us. And I love how C.S. Lewis handled this. He said, because he likes it. You know,
we ask God because he desires a relationship with us. And he wants to converse with us. He wants us to talk to
him. And so I think you can ask him for whatever you want, just ask him what he wants.
It's good. Yeah, because I saw that question. I was like, it's not wrong to pray to God
to help you find a parking spot, but it is wrong if that's the only time you're praying to God.
Yeah. And if you're like going to be. And if you're like going to be.
be if you're not going to trust him in the lack of spots, you know, it's like you have to,
you have to say, okay, and it's hard in this broken world to continue to trust him in the midst
of the disappointment. You know, it's so cool that you brought up that verse because we were
talking about that verse this week because we're walking through a situation where it's like confusing.
It's like, God, why would you do that? And Christian was like, it's confusing. And I know God's not
the God of confusion, but why is that verse if you ask him for this?
Yeah.
Was it fish you're not going to get back?
Yeah, me have you asking for fish.
And so it feels like, why do you give back something that feels so opposite of what I asked and desired?
But I love how you said you have to hold that tension of asking what you want,
but also then holding, but what do you want?
And there's so much to what God wants that just requires us to have faith that we're not going to understand.
And that's hard.
If you've been following me for a while now, then you know, um, um, all about habits that actually
fit into real life. And one thing I've been working on is making protein a priority, which has
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but I grew up in church and like church school for nine years. And so lots of church. My mom was Lutheran.
My dad was Catholic and was Baptist youth group, lots of different flavors of church.
And I have a really high view of God's sovereignty.
This is where I completely align with the reformed camp.
Like I believe God is completely sovereign.
He's in control.
But I realized that my high view of God's sovereignty was causing me to blame him for a lot of the enemy's work.
And we forget that 2 Corinthians chapter 4, verse 4 says that Satan is the god of this world, the lowercase G, god of this world.
He has a lot of authority and autonomy here.
Job is a case study on this.
And so it's hard to understand how that fits in God's sovereignty.
But the reality is we're in this middle place between Christmas.
I know a couple months ago we celebrated Christmas that God came here to be with us.
And he's in the second Christmas.
Jesus is coming back.
And we're in this middle ground that theologians call already not yet,
where we experience the full brokenness of Genesis 3.
What that means is for those who really pursue God with all their heart,
all kinds of terrible things happen to us.
And you're like, why, God?
Why?
And the only thing that I can come up with is there's going to be a plan of redemption so good that all of us.
Now, this is not, I'm going to, this is not me just trying to speak away hardships.
I have to believe this for myself.
As you guys know, I woke up one Wednesday and couldn't walk.
It was like, what?
Like, inexplicable.
Like, just woke up.
up normal day, couldn't walk.
I was in the hospital for 16 days.
And in those situations, we were like, why, God, why?
There has to be a redemption plan so wonderful that even us would look back and say it was all worth it.
And I'm talking in the midst of loss and hurt and cancer and just all of the terrible, horrific
things that we experience that God is going to do something so incredible that we would be like,
Yeah, it was, it makes sense now.
But in the broken world, the brokenness of the world, it doesn't make sense.
And I think in that, he says, my grace is sufficient, my power's made perfect in your weakness.
So we see God's power most perfectly displayed when we're limping, you know, when we're crying, when we're weak.
And so I think that's when we, you know, that's when we lean into him.
My favorite quote, not in the scriptures, if dependence is the goal, weakness is the advantage.
Like if what God wants from us is dependence,
then it's our weakness that actually pushes us toward dependence on him.
Wow.
So this is one of those podcast moments where,
and I've said this before,
and I always try to be transparent whenever it happens,
when I'm on a podcast that I'm hosting,
but I'm learning as we go,
because the words that you're saying are guests in the past,
and like, no, I really needed this.
And this is coming out in February,
but we are recording it up until Christmas.
And I was thinking about this morning
with the whole idea of Advent and waiting
and the already in the not yet.
Because within the past month for Christian and I,
we have walked through a whiplash of emotions
when it comes to our friends
because we have done four meal trains in a month,
two for friends who've had babies
and two for friends who've lost babies.
And it's been interesting,
but to think of the,
the whole idea of like Advent.
And right now I'm like, okay, we're celebrating a birth.
We're celebrating what God has already done by sending a son to the world and the form
of a baby.
And we're celebrating that at Christmas.
But then we're also like deeply longing for the return of a savior who is a risen king
who died a horrific death on a cross and then rose again.
And so there's so much grief in that too.
and heartache and you see the evil of the world and the mistreatment and the why and why did it have
to be that? Like I know like God, you're intentional in Jesus's story and even in your intentionality
and your sovereignty, he still had to endure like the worst thing possible. So you wrestle with
all that. But then it's like, but then he rose. So there is hope. And now we wait and we long
for and we hope for that he's coming back. And like even in that the whole story as you
break it down, it kind of speaks to this thing of like, there's celebration, but there's longing and
there's like true confusion at times, but then there's like answers and redemption. And, you know,
you have to read the scripture to understand that when he does come back, like the glory and
the holiness and that it will wipe away every tear. It will truly, it will redeem all things,
even the worst of the things you're experiencing on earth right now.
And I'm like clinging to that.
That Shane and Shane song that I was listening to this morning,
it's not Shane and Shane's song,
but they were singing because he lives.
And those words have been like so crucial to me right now.
And then when it talks about like him coming back and like standing in victory,
like victory over death,
like that just the longing for that and the anticipation for that has never felt so great, you know?
And so, yeah.
I think one thing that I've realized in my life lately,
and really why I even want to answer questions,
I'm sure I would love to hear your heart behind
why you answer the questions you answer it,
but I feel like God loves our questions.
And recently I've been asking God a lot of questions,
and even the hard ones,
and even the ones I don't necessarily get a direct answer to,
even the things that come from the study of it,
even the things that come from the conversations
or the worship of it, bring me closer to him
and help me to see his goodness
and his faithfulness in the midst of it.
And so questions are so good to be asked.
It's so good to long to answer some of these things.
And we're going to get to a lot of them today.
But also, if we don't answer your question,
this is a good time to say,
start asking God some questions
because the journey of finding the answers
is important in and of itself.
But on that note,
why did you start doing the Friday Q&A?
So I moved to Waco.
We lived in Dallas.
I was a part of a young adult ministry in Dallas,
pastor to church for two years in Dallas.
The Lord calls us to Waco,
and it was like there's no story behind the story.
Everything in Dallas was right and amazing,
and we didn't want to leave,
but we sense the Lord calling us to Waco.
I'm going to, as I'm driving down,
I'm going to delete Instagram,
and I'm just going to go pastor
this relatively small church in the country.
I'm thinking like, this is what God wants.
I just read a book and,
racing obscurity and I was like, this is what God wants for me. And I woke up on my first week on
Friday and I went to the office and the doors of the church were locked and no one was there. And
I was like, where is everybody? And I look in and there's an alarm and I don't know the alarm code.
And I realized, oh, we're closed on Fridays. And so this church that I went to be a part of it,
they were closed on Fridays. No one worked on Fridays. And I was like, what am I going to do on Fridays?
This is a new rhythm for me and rest, you know, would have been a good option. But
I was like, okay, what I did?
And Instagram had this new question feature.
Wow.
And I was like, I'll try that.
I was like, hey, it's that Friday, Q&A, Friday Q&A.
And I put up the question and then that just became Friday Q&A.
And so every Friday I've just answered questions.
And I've benefited so much from it because I get to see what everybody's asking.
Yeah.
And so it helps me stay close to the hearts of people and like what they're longing for.
Because I can just, you know, you see.
And when the questions are anonymous.
And so if you can ask a pastor, like anything like anonymous, it's like, whoa, some of them will really make you blush.
You're like, wow, I can't believe you ask that.
But okay.
But you answer a lot of those.
Yeah.
Yeah.
A lot of really vulnerable ones, yeah.
Yeah, for sure.
Which I'm grateful for.
Are y'all still closed on Friday?
Yes.
Yeah.
Nice.
So still doing the Friday Q&A.
All right.
Well, let's get to some of the tougher questions that people have asked.
It'd be interesting coming from a pastor, but someone said, what should I do if I'm hurt by my church?
or my pastor.
Church hurt such a common, I don't know how common it is, but it's, you know, if someone's
hurt by their church, they speak out of there.
A lot of times they walk with the limp and I would just say, you know, your church has
never hurt you.
Like that's important to know and understand.
It's people within the church.
The 501C3, the institution has not heard.
Maybe it was some elders, maybe it was a pastor, maybe it was someone that worked there,
or maybe it was a group of people there.
But, you know, to take a church of 300 people and to say I was hurt by all 300 of those people,
this is probably not the case.
I've never seen it.
Yeah.
So it's good to narrow down the church hurt to a person.
And then the scripture really calls us to resolve conflict.
And so if you've ever seen this, there's a movie, it's called Hurt Locker, and it's about a guy who, you know, disarms bombs.
And I always picture this.
there's like this department store or supermarket or something where somebody goes bomb there's a bomb and you just see these people flooding out of this place as fast as they can they're they're running out of this place and then the music the really emotional dramatic music starts in the movie and the camera pans and you see this guy and he's just slowly walking toward that place and he's all decked out he's covered in his like swat gear and his helmet and his his toolbox and whatnot
And he's moving toward the bomb because he's equipped to diffuse the bomb.
When you have the Holy Spirit, you have what you need, what is necessary to diffuse some of the most challenging conflict.
And so being, working for a church for almost two decades now, I have mediated a billion dollar deals.
That's what a B between people who were, you know, in conflict, companies who were in conflict.
I've seen, you know, husbands who've had affairs wise who've had affairs.
They're in terrible conflict facing divorce, trying to fight over possessions.
You know, groups of people who hate each other because their dog barked at night or something terrible happened.
And so we resolve those conflict.
We're equipped to.
The scripture tells us how to.
And so what it tells us to do is that if someone hurts us to go and sit down with them,
And if they listen, because sometimes people will hear that and say, well, that would never work.
If it doesn't work, then you bring somebody with you.
This is Matthew 18, 15 through 17.
So chapter 18 versus 15 through 17.
If they don't listen, which often happens, they don't listen, you bring somebody else with you.
If you're a part of a new church, you may bring like your pastor at your new church to your pastor at your old church and say, can you help us?
because what's not, what the scripture really doesn't say we should do is, well, I don't like that person.
I've been hurt by that person.
I'm just going to move on.
Unless you can overlook a small offense, it does say to do that.
Like if you're like, oh, no, I'm actually not hurt by them or that hurt has healed.
I can move forward.
That's great.
But if you're moving on and you're carrying that with you, there's probably a conversation that you need to have.
And I want you to know that that God, God would never.
pointlessly hurt you. And so if maybe you are hurt by a member of the church, but that is not the
spirit of God, especially if it was a wrong, like something, something was done wrong against you.
Now the Proverbs does say faithful are the wounds of a friend, but an enemy multiplies kisses.
And so sometimes I will say something to you that, that you may be hurt by, but I needed to say it to
you. And it's like, hey, if you go to a friend, you know, is your sorority sister and you're like, hey,
you know, I watched you get drunk the other night. I know that's not who you want to be.
And so, and they're like, oh, you're judging me. You're so judgmental. Why would you do that?
Like, you make Jesus look bad. It's like, hey, those hurt people, hurt people. Those are
hurtful words, but you are faithful to bring about. You are faithful to wound a friend.
And so often, I will say this right here. Okay.
A lot of young people determine obedience based on the preconceived outcome,
meaning they would say, well, I would never talk to my sorority sister about alcohol
because, you know, I know that's going to make her not like God.
She may not like God and you may need to talk to her about alcohol.
You do not determine obedience by the preconceived outcome.
Sometimes God will supernaturally and miraculously work through your faithfulness
to bring about healing in ways you could have never imagined.
you are responsible for obedience.
You're not responsible for the outcome.
God's in charge of the outcome.
People say, I don't want to talk to my coworker about Jesus
because, you know, they'll judge me
or they'll think, you know, crazy.
And it's like, they might.
And you should.
Yeah.
And that's okay.
It's good.
That is so good.
Okay, if you're in a season of life
where you are just exhausted
before the day even starts, then same.
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I was thinking about I was just studying this because I'm writing about it in a book,
but it's about what was the phrasing?
Now I can't think of it.
But I was studying like confrontation and why people are like so afraid of confrontation and
it's this whole study.
But one specific actual study that was done showed that we way overestimate how negatively
people are going to react by our confrontation.
Most people actually receive it as something they're thankful for.
They actually said only like one out of, I can't remember how many, but it was a significant
number of the people that they did the study and they came and they, you know, confronted the
person with something they had been doing.
Only one, like retaliated and like true.
anger. But still, like, it was worth it because they needed to have the conversation. Um,
and so I thought that was just really good to actually see that, um, because I can think at times
that people have confronted me on things and it's embarrassing and it's hard and it's all those
things. Um, but later you're like, oh, thank you so much for doing that. That's a real friend.
That was a true friend and you know you can trust them. Like I, my sister is one of my closest people
to me because she's the most honest person. She's like brutally honest.
And I'm like, I'm so thankful for someone brutally honest in my life because I always know if I need a true answer, like I'm going to call her.
And so it's such a blessing to give someone a friend who you know will confront you when you're doing something you're not supposed to be doing.
And so I love that.
I'm excited about this question.
This is from a girl named Hannah.
I'm not going to say her last name.
Thank you.
But she asks for an important lesson.
So this is for you, an important lesson.
that you have learned from the Bible that you have not yet been able to teach in a sermon.
Okay.
Something comes to mind that I'm not sure perfectly matches with the criteria.
So I let you be the judge after I share this.
So in John chapter 21, this is one of my favorite stories.
This is the reinstatement of Peter.
And there's a lot of things happening here.
And if you've ever heard someone teach this, you probably have heard some of these observations.
And so, you know, the whole past.
message starts with so Peter who Jesus found fishing and he calls him to be a disciple he says you know
follow me through those down his nets he follows him and he becomes Pete he's Peter you know the disciple
the apostle and Jesus has died now and Peter betrayed him you know three times hey you were you were
no I wasn't yes you were and he says he cussed he said I'm telling you I wasn't and um and so now in
John 21 the whole chapter starts he's going
back to fishing. It says, you know, I'm going to go fishing, but it's actually, I'm going back to
fishing. It's a career change. It's like, hey, I'm, I'm not good for anything but fishing. So there's
a lot of shame in this passage. Yeah. And so Jesus shows up on the shore and he, he starts a fire.
And this fire, it's a Athrakea. It only two times we see, there's, there's over 300 mentions of
fire, Genesis, Revelation. Lots of fire in the Bible. There's only two times this fire shows up.
It's a coal burning fire. Here's why that.
that's significance is because this is the part that I just recently learned.
Smell is the sense that is most tied to memory because it goes straight to your amygdala
and your hippocampus, okay, in a way that touch, taste, you know, hearing, those don't.
But smell is the most closely tied to memory.
So Peter, for the rest of his life, when he smells a coal burning fire, which in the first century, those are everywhere, every time he smells that fire, he's thinking about the time he betrayed Jesus.
Like that's the memory. Like, he looked at Jesus as they locked eyes and they led Jesus astray to kill him, his best friend, to kill his best friend.
So that's what that smell is going to be attached to. Every time he smells a fire, he's like, oh, yeah, I did that. I betrayed Jesus.
Well, Jesus replaces that memory by creating the same fire, Arthur Achaea, it's only two times in the scripture.
He sits there on the shore and he reinstates Peter and he calls them back to being his disciple.
All of which I knew, but I didn't know the science behind that, oh, God in the flesh is saying, now the resurrected Lord is saying, hey, I'm going to replace this bad memory with a new memory and I'm moving you forward.
And I just think about like God is constantly pushing us and moving us toward his purpose for us as we rely on him, as we cling to him, as we move toward him in the loss, in the in the letdown, in the disappointment, in the discouragement, in those seasons of singleness, those seasons where we feel like we've been forgotten, those seasons where it feels like God's not there, if we cling to him, he is moving us forward. He's moving us to his purpose in our life.
So that's what immediately comes to mind with that question.
That is great.
I love that because that's my favorite story.
And I've always loved the idea of the fire and the fire.
But I didn't know that.
I didn't know that.
That is so cool.
One thing that's been like speaking to me a lot lately is that Jesus was human.
And obviously we know that.
But when you really think about that, the gift that is that our God became flesh to really understand.
Like, I mean, you know, he understands.
Like, he gets it.
He empathizes with us.
Tempted in every way.
Tempted in every way.
And our sorrow and our weakness and our joy and all of it.
And I had this mirror in kids' room.
And an artist drew, like, Jesus on the mirror.
And it's been such a blessing because as I rock her to sleep,
I literally am confronted with Jesus' face every night.
And it's kind of like helped me pray in a different way
because I'm just like, okay, Jesus, here we are.
and I've just asked more questions.
And recently I've been asking him these questions because I'm like, okay, you get it.
Like you get it on a real level, on a friend level, because you were human.
But yet you were perfect.
And so how did you get past this feeling?
How did you get past this moment when you felt this or that or whatever?
I asked him recently, like, how did you get past the feeling to be misunderstood?
How did you handle that, you know?
And just a simple question, not simple.
I mean, they're hard to wrestle with, but simple in the sense that we all face them.
And just like listening for the response and thinking about things he went through.
Because I was thinking about this the other day, like, Jesus, I mean, even to give Peter that, like, he is human.
So he was human, so, like, he knows what memory is like and how that memory could bring shame.
And every time he smells that and, like, what it's like to smell and what it's like to taste.
Like, isn't that crazy to think about?
Even we were thinking about how Jesus went through dying on the cross and how horrible that is.
when I'm like, you went through probably so many horrible things in your life for 33 years.
Like, what was your childhood?
You know, like all those things just asking him how he got through things,
yet did it perfectly, has been a really cool shift in my prayer life.
Yeah.
Just insert this for like new mamas, young mamas.
I think there's a lot of time where you feel a lot of shame because you're sleep deprived
and you're going.
You're like, oh, my quiet time is not what it used to be.
and what should this look like?
And I would just say you're doing the best you can
as you're changing those diapers,
just pray over that baby, you know?
And I think decorations, like there's something to just throw scriptures up
where you can, you know, put them over the changing table,
put them, put scriptures by where you eat,
or you make a bottle or whatever that is,
and just read them and reflect upon them.
And that may be some of the richest quiet time.
you get to the end of your life and you look back and you're like, man, that was a really sweet time
with Jesus, but it was Jesus on the go. It wasn't the sit down. Okay, I'm going to, I only slept two
hours last night, but now I'm going to get up another 30 minutes earlier than I need to so that I can
try to check this box by reading a chapter in the scripture. And it's like, I would just say,
hey, give yourself a break there. I'm a Bible guy. Hear me. Yeah. It's like, the Bible's important,
but give yourself a break in, in this season and just do that as you go. Somebody needs to hear that.
I affirm, recommend, shout out, call out, everything you just said. I'm like, if you're a mom,
go back and listen to that one more time. My postpartum time, it is not looking like quiet.
There's no quiet time. There's no time to be quiet. Especially with three kids now.
And you're so sleep depriving. It's so crazy. But also in that, in my sitting and reading the Bible
like I have in other seasons and times, not like I have, but my time with the Lord
It is rich.
And it is, it is on the go.
It is when I see that mirror at the end of the day.
It is, you know, just the prayers with the girls or conversations we even have.
Or I listen to my divo, you know, on the go, literally in my car.
On the go.
Sometimes, and maybe if you're really early postpartum, you're not doing your makeup.
But for me, whenever I do my makeup, that's kind of my time to, like, listen to worship.
Or it's like one little moment to myself.
And so, yes, on the go.
And Jesus is, I mean, he's so relational.
It's 24-7.
God is a relational God.
It's not just about those certain moments.
And there are people you follow on social media,
and they're, like, crushing it still with their quiet time in the newborn season.
And that is great.
But that's not everybody.
And that doesn't mean your relationship with God is hindered or worse.
So I love that.
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Yeah, I was on this podcast recently and this guy kept, we were talking about discipline and like being disciplined
and what you do.
And I was, I was truthful.
I was like, look, I'm, I mean, I'm honestly
one of the most disciplined people that I know,
but I'm like, but I've also seen in my life that maybe discipline,
but also like, maybe just more so scheduled.
But I was like, discipline for me has almost sometimes
been more negative than a positive.
Yeah.
Because I was like, because being discipline is great.
But if you almost idolize the discipline,
then it actually becomes unfruitful.
So for me, whether it's like, like you said, discipline is, is this specific schedule of a thing.
It's like, well, the moment I don't do that, then I feel like I have failed.
So I was like, I think being disciplined is great.
But it's almost like if that doesn't come to be, then you've failed.
You haven't done a good job.
Yeah, so like, it doesn't always also equal.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah, well, it's like, I think sometimes we, like, obedience equals discipline in a sense.
And it's like, that's not always true.
It's like you said, praying on the goats.
If I don't have this morning that looks like the way it's going to.
It's not superstitious, like you said, it's not like, oh, I have to do this so that God's proud of me.
So I was trying to speak to people freedom of like.
Discipline's a great thing.
But discipline also can be, can do more harm than good at the same time if it's your god.
If that becomes the idol.
Yeah.
I think about it like this.
and I've said this before, but this is helpful to me.
Like, when I think back to my singleness, man, there's all the time in the world to study
the word and read books.
Yeah, you don't know.
You don't realize at the time.
You're like, oh, my goodness.
But I'm like, whoa.
And, you know, when I said I was busy at times then, I'm like, oh, I didn't really
understand what it would be like to be busy with kids.
Like, that's just a different thing.
I could have found some time than I really can't right now find time.
I'm breastfeeding through the night.
like waking up early for school and there's like so many things.
I'm like, actually there is no time.
But back when I was single, man, I studied so much.
I read so many books.
I would drive to different pastor's house and ask some questions for hours.
And I'm so grateful for the people who opened their doors and let me sit on their rocking chairs to just ask questions and learn about God.
So I was super intentional in my time.
Okay, now fast forward, what, seven years later?
and married, I have three kids.
I don't have the quiet time I used to have,
but my relationship with the Lord is so much stronger than it was seven years ago.
It's grown.
It's beautiful.
I love God.
He loves me.
I know that I'm confident in all those things.
The word is in my heart.
I don't question our relationship just because our time looks different together.
And it's the same as me and Christian.
When we first got married, went on so many dates and fun trips and this and that and the other.
And right now, I mean, we're not going on dates.
now because life is crazy, but I love him so much more now than I did seven years ago.
And we're so much closer and better friends and deeper trust and have more fun.
And so I think that directly goes to show you don't have to necessarily have all of these like
moments that are like romanticized as your quiet time or your date nights.
Whenever it's a season that just you can't squeeze that in, that doesn't necessarily mean
the relationship is off.
You say there's like a tree firmly planted by streams of water, Psalm 1.
And so if you take a picture of a tree and then you come back a week later and you take a
picture of the tree, those two pictures are going to look almost identical.
But if you take a picture of tree and then you come back five years later or 10 years later
and you take a picture of the same tree, you're going to see like, whoa, massive change.
And so there's big change happening slowly.
Yeah.
And, you know, our relationship with the Lord is like this too.
is like we just have to make sure we're faced the right direction and you're making these these small
deposits that that ebb and flow in seasons it's like i can show you somebody who's uh newly engaged
or maybe even newly married and they're they're leaning over the the table for two at the restaurant
you know gazing each other's eyes and just laughing and you're like okay uh they're they love
each other but i can show you an 80 year old couple uh who's been married for 50
55 years.
And, you know, one of them is losing their memory or they have to have some sort of medical
care or attention.
And I said, who loves each other more?
You might be tempted.
It may look like the newly married couple loves each other more.
It's great.
But it's the feelings, the emotions, you know.
It's great.
What happened with that 80-year-old couple is some of those feelings and emotions have evolved to
something much deeper with way deeper.
roots where it's like, hey, we are truly right or die. You know, we're in this for the long haul.
Everybody wants that, but they don't necessarily, you know, they just, you have to realize
there were lots of off ramps they didn't take to get there. Same is true for God. Like as we're in
this, on this spiritual journey, there will be just countless off ramps where the enemies
trying to take us out or discourage us or cause us to despair. But as you keep moving,
you know, being faced the right direction, as you keep.
holding fast to the truth that you know,
then you realize that's where those roots go even deeper,
even deeper, even deeper, even deeper,
so that you can stand the test of time,
you can stand the storms.
You're in it to win it.
It's great.
It's really good.
In those times, I've been thinking a lot about Peter saying,
like, where else will we go?
It's like, where else will we go?
You alone have the words of eternal life.
So that is something I go back to a lot
whenever life throws you curb balls
and you just want to go the opposite way.
why would you do that, God?
How could you be faithful?
How could you be good?
Well, where else would I go?
You have eternal life.
You are hope.
You are good in the midst of this.
So that's great.
Okay, of course, so many people have dating questions.
And so before we get to the end,
because our time is starting to wrap,
which is crazy because we could truly go on and on and on.
There are so many more questions.
So many more questions.
But let's go.
So we have three dating questions.
We'll start here.
what are some healthy boundaries for dating in college?
Yeah, really healthy boundaries are just, man, don't, don't be alone.
I mean, I'm not trying to be a Pharisee here.
This is not, I can't chapter and verse that.
But if you're looking for you, like, hey, I really want healthy boundaries.
Like, stay in groups.
I mean, every single time I'm counseling someone who is distraught because they cross lines,
they didn't want to cross.
It's they were, hey, we were laying down watching a rom-com.
He knows just the two of us.
We went to his apartment.
The other healthy boundaries, I would say, avoid alcohol like the plague in college, in dating.
I'm not a never, never, ever, ever, you know, drink guy.
I am a never, ever, ever drink underage guy.
And I would not at all.
I would just be really wise in dating, like as a, meaning you're not married.
It's just not going to go well for you.
so much of ministries pattern recognition.
And I just see these same choices leading to the same outcomes over and over and over and over again.
And so if you're like, hey, I don't want relationship trauma.
I don't want this to go well.
I don't want to make decisions that I'm going to regret.
Then I would say, man, stay in groups.
Like college is an amazing time to hang out with groups of people and make memories and look back on.
And you're just like, man, those are, we.
went on that mission trip. We served in this way. We had this church deal. We laughed until we cried.
My stomach hurt the next day. I laughed so hard. All of that happens in groups of people.
And you can really, you know, you can observe someone well and get to know them well in the way that
they interact with other people to know if this is going to be a suitable spouse for me.
So that's what I would, that's the easiest like boundary. That's great. On the note of dating though,
do you have a dating app?
It's a matchmaking service that I'm a part of.
Wait, do you really?
Yeah.
Yeah, it's like legit.
I read about it.
It's really cool.
You're listening over there?
In the spirit of like, in the spirit of ministry is pattern recognition.
There's a lot of amazing young women and a lot of dudes that are total bonhands.
I know I was showing you my bias.
But they're just like not taking initiative.
And I was like, man, what is?
And I think like the gaming world, the social media world, all of the,
this has hurt us and I see this growing problem. And I'm like, okay, if I want to see God do a work in our
country, where would he start? And I think it's like the, like the family, like before boy meets
girl. And I'm like, man, if we can help people, if we can help facilitate healthy marriages, then I think
this is the surest way to make an impact on our country. So there were some app developers that I
teamed up with. It's like, I don't want another dating app. I don't want this to be TinderHinge,
Bumble, you know, even upward, I want to, or eHarmony or even the Christian ones, it's like,
I want to see, I want to like, what about a matchmaking service? And there wasn't this like hybrid of
an app and a matchmaking service. And so that's what they created. I get to be a part of it.
And to be kind of the faith advisor aspect of it. And so it's qualified date.com. And they just did
100 matches, which is really fun. And it's cool. It's still.
You see the challenges in the landscape.
And like this is something I'm passionate about is healthy relationship starting.
That's so cool.
That's really cool.
Well, we just watched Married at First Site.
And I thought it was actually really cool because there's a lot of success in that show.
I've followed some of the couples now and they have kids.
But it's, I was like, this is so cool because they had people who intentionally got to know all these people and then match them based off of the qualities.
Yes.
And then they had pastors there too and marriage counselors to help them in their first.
couple weeks and like this is a much better idea than like obviously like so many other of the
dating shows or all that Christian that's the whole premise of the of the service that is so cool
I love that so qualified that's what so song of Solomon won four is like their friends and family
praise their love more than wine more than the party more than the celebration it's like everyone
came around and said this makes sense so qualified date dot com it's not a dating app it's a matchmaking
service and we're trying to, and we prioritize the things of faith.
That is so cool.
And so, you know.
Y'all would be getting a lot of, a lot of people started out.
I'm curious to go check it out, but I don't want to click on my phone because I'm
happily married.
Okay, well, we can look at it together.
I'll just tell you about it.
Okay, cool.
Oh, that's so awesome.
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Okay, is it wrong to date someone who says they believe in God but doesn't live it out?
Yeah, Jesus said you'll know them by their fruits.
Like here's my soapbox on this is be a strong follower of Jesus Christ to find a strong follower of Jesus Christ.
Like it really is that simple.
Charmers deceitful, beauty is fleeting, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.
Proverbs 31.30.
I know you have all these preferences.
is like you want them to be tall, short, you know, look a certain way, have these certain hobbies.
Both guys and girls goes both ways.
I'm just telling you, you know, I just was in the hospital for 16 days.
And, you know, be vulnerable.
Can I be vulnerable?
I don't know.
Y'all can edit it out later if you want.
But it's like, it's like, I'm in there.
And, you know, I like, I haven't had a bowel movement in days.
And like, and so I go to the bathroom.
and Monica's in the other room praying for a bowel movement.
And I'm just like, I'm in that bathroom and I'm thinking, like, I nailed this.
Like, Lord, you're so, and I did it, I did so many things wrong, but, but your grace has overwhelmed
the situation that my amazing wife and, and I walk out of the bathroom and she's like, you know,
any luck?
And I give her the thumbs up and she falls to her knees and begins to praise God.
And I'm like, nobody, no 22 year old knows this is what marriage.
Like this is what marriage is
Wow
Like you think it's the date
And the like oh you know
The roses and the whatever
You think it's that
But it really is these moments
And you don't want
And to the guys I say
You don't want a trophy wife
You want someone to go to war with
And and to the ladies
It's like I know you want the six figure doctor
Who's you know tall dark and handsome or whatever
It's like no you want somebody
Who's going to make you love God more
Yeah.
And because we're going to die soon and we're going to be with God forever and ever, never, never, never.
And marriage simply becomes this metaphor of how Christ love the church.
And is there marriage in heaven?
No.
Other than we're all, the church is married to the bridegroom of Jesus Christ.
Like that's the only marriage in heaven is us, the church, being married to Christ.
And marriage is teaching us about that relationship.
So that's where you want to get it right.
And Hollywood, like, has duped us, man.
Like we've totally been lied to.
And people are getting married later.
They're getting married less.
And marriages aren't lasting.
And I just want to raise my hand and say, we've got to do something different.
And so don't learn what to look for in marriage from Hollywood who has the highest divorce rates of anywhere on the planet.
Say that.
It's like you're right.
Like arranged marriages.
That's the biblical way.
Those tend to have the lowest divorce rates.
There's certainly all kinds of issues with that.
in like Hinduism and in other places where there, for sure, can be hidden abuse and things of that
nature.
But what the arranged marriage in according to the scripture is when your friends, families and
the church are saying, hey, this makes sense.
And you're not like, oh, but do I like him?
You know?
And I'm not saying people are like, oh, you don't, so I don't have to like him.
I'm like, listen, there's a place for your preferences.
There's a place for chemistry.
There's a place for physical attraction.
It's just not first place.
Yeah.
That's so good.
That is so good.
That is really awesome.
I love that.
I feel like there's something you said that I was like, oh, oh, I was going to say the hospital,
because we were in the hospital at the same time.
Oh, yeah.
I forgot.
I forgot.
And Christian, I was so embarrassed.
I was not, but that's the thing, but I wasn't.
Like I should have been so embarrassed, but I wasn't because I felt so loved, truly.
And I was like, this should be so much more embarrassing than it is.
And I hear friends sometimes, like, people will be talking and they're like, oh my gosh,
I did this in front of my husband.
It was so embarrassing.
And they would talk about how embarrassed they were and that they didn't talk about it.
I'm like, I don't feel that in front of Christian because it's like I really feel like
we are one in the sense of life.
It happened to me.
It's happening to you.
Like, I don't feel that.
And so it was funny because-
I make you feel so safe.
You do.
And I know you're saying, you're joking, but it's true.
But I was like, I literally had to get up a million times and take my little Ivy thing all over to
bathroom and all right.
He was like helping me so much and I felt so love.
So that was crazy.
I had to go get you diapers.
Yep, he did.
Mm-hmm.
That happened.
And I'm embarrassed on the podcast, but I wasn't embarrassed in the moment.
I loved you more then.
I'm excited about this next question.
We're going to wrap up soon, but it kind of plays out to the last one we just asked.
It does.
How do I know the difference?
And this is a dating question.
How do we know the difference between red flags and just imperfections?
I think sometimes it's like
Oh well he's but it's actually
No it's a red flag
What's just a preference?
Yeah like what do you convince yourself of that's an imperfection
But it's actually a red flag
Yeah I want to be careful how I answer this
Because there are a few nuanced exceptions
To what I'm about to say
But almost everyone that has made a really terrible
Relationship decision
Like everyone around them was jumping up and down
Waving their arms
Saying hey this is the key's not good for you
He's not good for you.
And they were like, and they justified it in their minds.
They're like, well, you know, they just don't understand it.
And every now and then, you know, people are like, hey, my parents don't like him because he's a Christian.
Because my family.
And I'm like, that's different.
Yeah.
So that one very nuanced example is different.
But a lot of times it's like, but I love him.
And they're like, hey, I just, we see some things.
We have concerns.
Love is blind.
Like it literally is blinding.
It's like taking a compass, you know, and you're trying to figure out which way's north.
and you put a magnet beside it, once you really have strong feelings for someone, you will make all kinds of compromises.
So there's about 16 proverbs that say essentially in summary, wisdom comes from the council of many.
You know, make plans with many advisors, plans with many advisors, they succeed.
But when we operate in isolation, we bring destruction into our lives.
And so what does it look like to live in community, to do life with, if I'm a female, to do life with other females?
I'm a male to do life with other males.
And then when I like someone of the opposite sex to ask them,
hey, what do you get, what do you guys see that I may not see?
Like, is this a good idea?
And nobody's perfect, right?
And so if you're, if your imperfections are,
if your imperfections are, you know, he scrapes the toast or he takes too long to order his food,
like, that's not sin.
Like, okay, like get over it.
Like that's, that's okay, smacks.
That's okay. He smacks. Oh, man, mouth noises.
He got on to me that when we were together.
I told you that. I was slurping on my dream.
He was riding in the car.
I'd go, bro, what's you doing over there, man?
I can't breathe.
Like, that's what he tried to tell me.
You know what, though?
He's like, yeah.
He was like, I can't breathe.
My whole child had I was chastised on pan.
He was going to take a lucky girl to deal with you smoking.
I'm the lucky girl.
Well, I had empathy for you because Bella knew him before I did.
And Bella told me one time.
like it's so sad.
Like when we go to dinner with a Christian, he's like embarrassed about how he eats because
he can't breathe very well while he's eating something.
He eats later.
And so when we went on our first date and he didn't.
Now I'm sad.
No, I know.
No, but this is so sweet because when we got on our first date, he did not not eat.
He was eating and he was smacking.
But I was like, I'm so thankful he feels comfortable to eat in front of me.
So I've always had empathy.
But it's so funny.
You almost dumped me that night.
When he told me that you said that, I was like, I was like, what is going on?
You got a good friend.
That's the honest friend we were talking about.
No, that was how I started.
I was slurping.
And you asked me, you said, you said, do you have good friends?
And I was like, yeah, man, I have awesome friends.
I was like, a deeper question.
And then you were like, you're slurping really loud.
I was like, you got any good friends that are telling you that whatever you're doing over there on that drink is like not okay, man.
I have a good friend because I still bring it up, even though I do empathize with you.
Lastly, JP, a lot of people ask this.
And of course, I want, we ask this, but.
I would you say red flags are sin.
That's a red flag.
So like when it's the sin pattern?
Like on Friday Q&A, legit, they'll be like, hey, he's a really strong Christian,
but he does crystal meth.
I'm like he's not a really strong Christian.
Okay.
Like stop, you know, like he smokes a lot of weed, but we go to church.
I'm like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
Okay, so it's just like if it's a sin, like a sin pattern, that's a red flag.
Okay, actually, I know we're out of time, but we're going to keep going because I have
to ask this because we.
One of the biggest questions you do get asked is about pornography every week.
And I just have to bring it up.
A lot of people say, I've seen a lot of people ask you, if they struggle with porn, is it okay to still be in relationship?
What does that look like?
And obviously it's different if you're married or if you're dating.
But can you speak to that for a minute?
Yeah.
Okay.
So when you're talking about struggling with porn, you know, Jesus says in Matthew 5, you look at someone lustfully, you've already committed adultery.
What you're really saying, like, you just have to reframe it in the way that Jesus would is like, if he is regularly sleep,
with other women.
Is it okay that I'm dating him?
And we would say, no.
And it feels really cruel,
but I would say, man, let him get well.
Like, as someone who has struggled with porn,
like I've been completely enslaved to it.
And when I became a Christian,
I didn't even know it was wrong.
You know, I thought, hey, this is just what you do.
And so it's like, you want to let him get well.
Now, this is different than like a, he, that's not, doesn't mark his life, but in a weak moment, you know, when something bad happened, he coped or he looked at, he saw it.
Like, it's like, that's, okay, if he has guys in his life, he's confessed to, they're praying over him.
Like, he's made, he's waging war with that is very different than, okay, this is a weekly occurrence in his life.
weekly occurrence in his life that's and i know it goes both ways one and four viewers of pornography
or a female so i know it's a it's a struggle for both male men and women i would say if that's
where you're at you're going to you know go through a recovery ministry like have love jesus so much
that you say i don't care who knows i want to get well and and pursue healing a relationship is
really going to slow down the healing that's not loving it's not loving to slow down
someone's healing.
Say, hey, you get well.
Let's pursue Christ for a season.
And we'll see what God's up to.
And you may be one of those things you look back on.
You're like, man, I'm so glad I did that.
But yeah, would not be in a relationship if you are regularly, you know, viewing, seeking
out pornography.
That's not healthy.
Yeah.
Thank you for bringing that down.
And then lastly, a lot of people asked, how is your health?
Because you shared a little about being in the hospital for 16 days.
and waking up and experiencing what you're experiencing, but give us the update.
Yeah, pray for your friend.
You know, I can function normally, for the most part, I can walk and whatnot.
One leg is numb, like it has a weird temperature sensation.
Anything that if this leg gets hot, it feels cold, and if it gets cold, it feels painful, so bizarre.
And then this other leg is weak.
And so that's a really nuanced diagnosis called Brown-Sacard syndrome.
And it typically is not healed quickly.
And so this is something that maybe I'll have for the rest of my life.
I don't know.
But whoever's listening, I'll take your prayers right now.
And maybe we'll get to celebrate a miracle.
And I certainly believe God can.
And if he hasn't, I'm trying to figure out what he wants to teach and show me in that.
Thanks for asking.
Well, absolutely.
Definitely everyone be praying for JP.
And JP, thank you to really thank you so much.
You are a blessing to this generation, this time and history.
I really mean that.
And so thank you for this.
Man, likewise to both of you.
I love you guys.
Thanks for having me on.
